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“Ngisog” & God’s Powerful Reminder

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I have been praying to God for 3 days on how to write this, because just like the article before this, I will be touching on a very personal and sensitive topic. It is not my intent to ask for sympathy or validation as to why I am writing this. In fact, I waited for how many days to make sure that I am writing this not out of anger or retaliation.

The answer came – testify, but do it through the Spirit’s leading, so other families may also be ministered to, especially those who are going through and those who will go through the same ordeal. 

I will be writing this article in 3 languages – Bikol (the rant), Filipino (the processing), and English (the reminder). You may skip to “The Processing” and not read the first part because it’s a very long portion.

During “angry writing,” I use the vernacular (Bikol) because I need to focus on writing it out, helping me to process my anger before it goes out. Whereas, if I use English, I know there’s a high chance my writing will be offensive. 😀

Compared to “angry speaking,” I use English because I am not a fluent speaker. Using English gives me control and self-restraint when I am angry because I need to find the right words. And it’s the same when I use the vernacular when I am angry, they will be hurtful words because it is the language that I use often. 

That is why I think it is better to learn another language, because when you are angry, you can use that foreign language. And you won’t offend people because they won’t understand what you’re saying. lol There is also a high chance that, out of your anger, you use a different phrase because you can’t remember its exact translation. So, instead of “I hate you,” you might say “Je t’aime.” 

I think you’d get a hug and a kiss after. If that’s the case, I would love to be angry every day. lol I’m kidding. If my corny jokes make you laugh uncontrollably, that means you are my person. 😀 

Going back to why I wrote this article, I entitled it with one local word, “ngisog.” It’s a local term that means “angry.” And this will be the central theme that I’ll be working on based on these Bible verses:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” – James 1:19-20

Before we continue, I pray that the Holy Spirit will guard your heart after reading because no family is perfect, no marriage is perfect, and no relationship is perfect, because no person is perfect. I am not perfect, I still sin, and I still have a great need to repent and seek God’s mercy and forgiveness.

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” – Philippians 3:12-14

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” – Romans 3:23

I am not sharing this, too, to shame anyone or bring embarrassment to my family. But to share God’s reminder that we must work together peacefully.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:18

The Rant (Minsan Lang Naman)

Kun kilala na niyo ako sin awat, dire talaga ako madali mangisog…Halaba an ako pasensya pero dahil dire man kita perpekto nan maski sin-o na tawo, pag nasasagad, nangarangas…Saro man saako personalidad na dire ako mainistorya pag may mga tiripon…Pero dire man ako an tipo san tawo na pag may naimod na dire dianis pareho sin pagabuso o may-on sin nakukulugan an boot, saro ako sa mga masita suon…Dire sa nakiaram ako pero kay inpapanghawakan ko ini na Bible verse:

“Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute.” – Psalm 82:3

Pareho na lang kun may kadanon ka, dire ko kaya maimod na an kadanon inmumuslak…Kay maski nano na mali san tawo, may tama na paagi sin pagsuhito para mahimo na niya sa otro an tama…Sabi ngani nira, minsan dire an mismo na pangisog an nakakulog san boot kundi an tono san imo pagsurumaton…

“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” – James 1:26

Dire man ako pabor san papatrabahuon mo an kadanon na papakuskuson mo an pavement maski naguuran nyan an pandong sa ulo an plastic lang, huluson, tapos may-on sin sip-on…Dire rason dapat na di kaya bantayan an kadanon didi sa sulod kay kaipuhan sin halaba na pasensya nyan pagputitok…Kaya dire ako nangalas kun nakay sige an absent kay malain an pamati altho aram ko daghan pa iba niya na rason…Para saako, para mahimo sin saro na tawo sin mayad an kaniya trabahuon, ihatag mo kaniya an mga pangaipuhan para mahimo niya sin mayad an trabaho niya…

Saro pa, maski sin-o na tawo masusumo kun an snack mo pirmi biscuit… 😀 Kay heavy labor baga, pira man lang na gastos kun an ipamirindal mo pan para may kusog san lawas…Para saako, atamanon ta man an mga tawo na nag-aataman saato…Dire nato pag-isugan an mga tawo na nagdadanon saato sa mga bagay na dire na nato kaya mahimo…Dire dahil kay inseswelduhan, magtrabaho, bayadan, tapos na…

Maski an dire paghatag sin salary increase (nagtugot na an financier) kada taon is a form of oppression lalo pa na sige man an taas san barakalon dahil sa inflation…Dire ngani ini oppression sa mata san batas, pero sa mata san Dios oo…Lalo na kun naiimod man an gub-at nyan kadaghan san intatrabaho niya kada adlaw…Nyan inhihimo man niya intero na insusugo mo kaniya na dire siya nagdadabog o nagsisimbag saimo…

Importante man gihapon na makaigwa sin relasyon that goes beyond a leader and a subordinate sa mga inkakaputan na tawo dire dahil friendly kita, kundi para maintindihan nato sin mayad an personalidad nira, an paagi san pagtrabaho nira, nyan problema sa balay na intero ini makaapekto san kaniya performance sa trabaho…Dire lang talaga ako nakiaram kay sabi ngani sa simbahan, there can never be 2 queens in 1 kingdom…Nyan aram ko kun gaano kapagal an people management…

Wara ako sin kontrol sa mga bagay na ini nyan posible sa iba trivial lang ini na mga bagay…Pwede palagpason kumbaga…Pwede ko ngani talaga dire ini pag-intindihon kay dahil dire man ako an nagpapasweldo nyan dire ako an nagkakapot san kwarta pangpa-sweldo…Limitado an kaya ko na danon na mahatag sa kadanon para madanunan siya kaupod na doon an mga libre na bulong kay kun maski nahapdos, inkakaya niya magsulod…

O mahatagan sin diyo na kwarta lalo na kun nagipit kay dahil single mom siya, pero dire pirmi kay para may-on pa gihapon sin boundaries na dire abusuhon an imo pagdanon…Nyan kun nano na mga pagkaon na mahatag ko, intatagan ko…Dire ako nagi-expect na magpasalamat saako…Kay an ako lang na tuyo, an makadanon kay dahil naiimod ko an pangaipo maski dire saako sabihon…

Nag-uli ako didi sa sadire ko na kagustuhan…An asawa ko yadto sa Pasig kay may naimod ako na mga bagay na kaipuhan sin danon didi sa niyan pareho sin kaso sa ingod na kaupod ako sa mga akusado…Dire ako nasanay mag-ayo sin danon kay dahil may mga tawo na pag maayo ka sin danon, maski saday-saday na bagay, magub-at sa boot nira an pagkooperar saimo…

Kaso naabot sa punto na kaipuhan ko talaga sin danon lalo na sa mga bagay bagay na kaipuhan at least 2 an tawo an mahimo…Niyan kun pagalon ka na, susurumatunan ka pa sin dire dianis, bulyawan ka, o kun dire, dire ka simbagon, nyan murusutan ka maski matanos man an pakisuyo mo, kaso urgent an concern, masasagad ka talaga na makasabi ka sin dire man dianis dahil napuno ka na…An sala mo lang kay nag-ayo ka sin danon na kun tutuuson saday man lang ngani na pabor…

Sin-o an dapat na mag-call out sin irog sadi na behavior kay dahil Kristyano kami intero, intero kilala an Dios, intero nagsisimba, and hopefully intero nagbabasa san Bible?…Nyan makakamundo lang na bagan gustuhon na pirmi may kahiran na an goal pirmi may kalatigaran, bagan mao an nakahatag sin energy baga…Kay ‘pag peaceful an environment, bagan nade-depress…Dapat ada nag-abogado na lang kuta ha… 😀 Kaya dire ka talaga lugod gaganahan magdanon kay mapagal na kun ikaw na nagdanon, ikaw pa an maparaot…

Mapagalon sa totoo lang i-work out an teamwork kun irog sadi an pagurupudan niye..Intero man kamo napapagal, nano kay kaipuhan pa mag-sungit…Kun dire kaya an iba na tasks, pagiristoryahan an pagbarahin san mga himuon…Madali man lang ako kaistorya kun i-assign saako an iba na tasks kay kun dire ko kaya, sasabihon ko man…Mas gusto ko ngani na insasabihan ako kun nano dapat talaga an himuon ko, kay basta aram ko siya himuon, willing ako to do it…Pero wara na kuta mabati na malain na mga surumaton…

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” – Proverbs 22:24-25

Sa luwas dianison an paimod, mao man kunta pag kaupod an pamilya, kay di man an mga sa luwas an maakudihir saimo pag nangaipuhan ka sin danon kundi an mga kapamilya nimo… Love your own, protect your own ika ngani nira….

An mga irog sadi na simple na mga dire pagkauruyon kaya ko ini palagpason…Pero an pinakamakulog saako an nangyari kan Mommy san 2023…Na imbes na magkasararo alang alang sa nag-aagaw buhay na siya, makakamundo na kami san asawa ko na nag-volunteer lang magdanon, mao pa an nasahutan na nangupit san kwarta na panggastos sa mga pangaipo ni Mommy na dire namo yuon hihimuon in the first place kay dire yuon saamo importante na kwarta kay an Dios an naghahatag suon nyan may sadire kami na ipon…

Insahutan ka na tulos dahil lang dire nag-tally an computation kay syempre pagalon ka na kaasikaso sa Mommy niyo sa pag-alaga kaniya sa ospital, minsan nakakalimutan mo diin mo nabutang an iba na resibo kay dahil nagkakaradali nan daghanon ka inhihimo at the same time…Kami san asawa ko an imod namo sa kwarta na conduits lang san blessing kami para ihatag man sa iba as danon kun may sobra…

Nyan nagi-effort ka na makiistorya kuta sin mahinahon para maayos an mga dire pagkauruyunan, naghapot ka sin mayad kun nano an update, inupudan mo san due si Mommy niyo na operahan…Pero an hinimo, binayaan ka sa OR na di mo aram kun nano an next na mangyayari after san procedure kay dire man ikaw an nakaistorya san doktor, nyan kun pwede na kamo mag-uli sin asawa mo…Kay dahil nagkadali kamo paghatod san kwarta kay an rason na dire maaram kun diin ma-cash out sin GCash o ma-withdraw…

Maski są kasagsagan san bagyo, an asawa ko an naghinguha na mag-drive na muntik na kami maaksidente kay zero visibility kay makusugon an uran…Pero dahil kaipuhan, hinimo namo maski bayaan namo didi an mga alaga nyan maski sa butnga kami sin kun nano namo na inhihimo…Makulugon sa boot na pag-abot mo sa hospital, ikaw pa an may sala kay awaton mo dinara an kwarta…Naghuhulat ka sin update man lang nano an mangyayari, an insabi san doktor, inkakaistorya mo, dire ka intitingugan…Nano an choice ko sa sitwasyon na yadto? 

Nag-decide na lang ako na mag-uli kami san asawa ko…Pag-uli namo san asawa ko, nagtawag na si Mommy nagbabaon an bp during san procedure and may possibility na mag-cardiac arrest…Katapusan na san biyahe namo inpapabalik kami sa Sor Ci…1 hour sobra an biyahe, may bagyo…

Diyo lang ini na mga halimbawa na sasabihon ko didi, daghan pa an mga irog sadi na pangyayari…Pero sabi san Dios, Siya na lang an dapat makaaram tutal naiimod man Niya intero…Kaipuhan ko lang ma-share an iba para lang sa konteksto sadi na article ko…

Nagsabi ako san ako suhestyon kun pano ini maresolba na mga challenges niyan didi pareho na lang sin pag-assign sin mga trabahuon sa kada adlaw sa kada tawo didi sa balay para intero may ambag sa mga responsibilidad nyan dire naguguguan an saro lang na tawo…Kay pag irog sadi na paragalon na, kadiyo lang na problema, nasarabog na nyan kun manlain-lain na na mga maraot na surumaton an naruluwas…Importantehon saako an open communication because it paves the way for transparency, accountability, and eventually reconciliation na fair para sa intero…

I told the truth, and I apologized because I know I also fell short in some instances, but I never got an apology in return. And it would’ve been okay. But sadly, I was the one who was pointed out as wrong; I am the one who is always wrong because I am expected to always adjust to other people’s tantrums and mood swings. And I was told that I am the one who needs therapy, without even getting to know the root cause of it all. My prayer to God is that I really would be proven wrong, because who am I to judge, anyway? I am also a sinner.

The Processing

Siguro kailangan ko nga talaga ng therapy dahil masyado akong soft, masyadong sensitive, at masyadong mahina. At alam ng Dios ‘yun. Kaya matapos pumanaw si Mommy, kinailangan ko lumayo muna sa lahat. Dumating din ang tamang pagkakataon dahil nabigyan ng opportunity ang asawa ko na mag-trabaho abroad. Hindi ako sang-ayon dito sa totoo lang dahil flawed din ang asawa ko, kaya ipinasa-Dios ko na lang ang lahat sakaling mauwi ito sa tuluyang hiwalayan namin bilang mag-asawa. 

Ito ‘yung panahon na nanirahan ako sa isang apartment sa Sorsogon City ng 2024. Ginawa ko ito para pahilumin ang mga sugat at hindi ako tuluyang kainin ng galit. Ilang buwan lang akong nanirahan doon. By mid 2024, kinailangan ko bumalik ulit dito sa Bulan dahil si Daddy ay na-diagnose ng CKD at 15% na lang ng kidneys nya ang gumagana at hindi conducive ‘yung apartment para sa bago kong online work dahil maingay kapag umaga. 

Umaasa ako na sana may nagbago…Pero wala din, ganun pa din…Masakit makita ang Daddy mo na nangangailangan na ng tutok na pag-aalaga sa edad na 85 years old…Na ‘di ko basta-basta maibigay dahil kailangan ko na ulit maghanap ng trabaho at hindi ako ang humahawak ng pension nya at ako pa sumasalo ng ibang gawain dito sa pag-alaga ng mga manok, pagong, mga pusa, at iba pang tasks kapag absent ang yaya…Ang masaklap kasi binilangan ka ng contribution mo dito sa bahay, na in the first place, wala dapat ako dito at nandoon ako sa Maynila para pagsilbihan ang asawa ko…

Pero sa gitna ng pagdadalamhati, sinabihan na naman ako ni God na, “Tin, hindi mo trabaho ang baguhin ang ibang tao at ang mga sitwasyon. Trabaho ko ‘yun. Kaso timeline ko ang masusunod, hindi yung sayo.” 😀 At ngayon, may konting idea ako kung saan nanggaling ang resentment ni Mommy and her depression, too. Na umabot sa punto na sinabihan nya ako ng “Tatanda din kayo. Ikaw na ang umunawa kasi ikaw ang mas nakakaintindi.” 

Ni-try ko Mommy pero napagod ako ng husto. Hindi ako tatagal ng ganito ng ilang taon dahil magiging tulad mo ako na pinanghawakan ang galit sa puso hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang sandali. I am so sorry, Mom. Pero may tamang panahon na sarili ko din naman isipin ko, at ito na ‘yun. At ‘yun din ang message na nakuha ko – don’t sit at a table where you are not wanted.

Asawa ko ang nagpapadala sa akin ng allowance ngayon, kahit pa mag-isa lang siya sa Maynila, kumakayod para sa aming dalawa dahil hindi na siya bumalik abroad. Hindi ako makahanap ng trabaho ulit dahil sa dami ng kailangan asikasuhin dito sa bahay, kaya madalas din ako sa kwarto para magpahinga. Kaya ngayon magpapatuloy na ulit ako sa paghanap ng trabaho dahil dasurv naman siguro ng sarili ko na sya naman pagtuunan ko ng pansin ngayon. 

Ako ang tipo ng tao na hindi nagtatanim ng galit. Kausapin mo ako pagkatapos ng away, papansinin kita. Kapag hindi, hindi rin. Napagod na rin siguro ako na ako lagi nagi-initiate kahit pareho naman may kasalanan. Kung nag-attempt ako na kausapin ka, at nilunok ko ang pride ko, at hindi ka kumibo, isa lang pahiwatig nun sa akin, hindi na ako makikipagusap saiyo at hindi ko pipilitin ang mga taong ayaw akong kausapin. 

Hindi ako actually pabor sa silent treatment dahil dinanas ko yun kay Mommy ng dalawang taon dahil hindi ko tinapos ang master’s degree ko at ikinagalit nya ‘yun ng sobra. Alam ko epekto nito bilang recipient of that attitude. Pero inintindi ko si Mommy noon na her anger was valid as a parent. Hinayaan ko na panahon ang maghilom ng sugat. At kahit masakit na hindi ka kinikibo ng mahal mo sa buhay, umuuwi pa din ako dito sa bahay tuwing bakasyon and endured it all para lang hindi maputol ang relational ties ko sa kanila.

The Reminder

All the previous trauma and unhealed parts of me came back, and I was feeling very low over the past few days. After the heated argument (where I sinned again because I cursed and said extremely hurtful words out of anger), I thought I’d go out of town just to take a breather from everything. I decided to go to SM City Sorsogon because I also have errands to do there.

When the Bulan Trans Co shuttle was about to leave, one guy at the front stood up, and he did what I wasn’t totally expecting to happen. This never happened for the entire duration that I stayed in Sorsogon City in 2024, though I took the Bulan Trans Co shuttle often.

He started preaching.

At that moment, I felt like I was about to burst into tears. Lord, Your conviction really does hit the core. You know exactly what I need at exactly the right time. And it has to be a pastor – I cannot question the authority. 

God knows there is a possibility anger, bitterness, resentment, and retaliation will get the best of me. He knows I might go through a major depression again, and this time I might not get out of it anymore. 

The pastor talked about everything that I needed to hear, and at the end of his preaching, he introduced himself as Pastor Raul from the Pentecostal Church. He and his wife are missionaries from Negros, and were sent to build a church here in Bulan. They were able to buy a property in Brgy. Somagongsong, and there’s an old house there, which they are using now as their temporary church.

The second part included the offering. I know, some of you might think, what if he is a scammer using the Word of God to get money from people? That’s how I would think of them before I was a born-again Christian. 

But this time, the conviction is different. It doesn’t matter – I got to hear the rebuke, the reminder, and God’s saving grace. I prayed that my offering would help them spread God’s Word because what they are doing is not easy, and it is very risky. 

Every Nation (the mother church of Victory Philippines) is also a missionary-sending church. The church sends missionaries abroad, although Victory is also planting churches locally. I am very glad that other local churches also never stop building churches all over the Philippines.

And the denomination doesn’t matter. What is important is that Jesus Christ is the center of the church, and they are helping more people come to know who God is through the Cross. 

After this encounter with God through Pastor Raul during my trip to Sorsogon City, I felt like the Holy Spirit convicted me with the following Bible verses. 

“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32

“And whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea.” – Mark 9:42

“Therefore, just as the tares are gathered up and burned with fire, so shall it be at the end of the age. “The Son of Man will send forth His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all stumbling blocks, and those who commit lawlessness, and will cast them into the furnace of fire; in that place there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” – Matthew 13:40-42

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:21

“A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” – Proverbs 15:4

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” – Psalm 141:3

“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” – Deuteronomy 30:19

“Correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth.” – 2 Timothy 2:25

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” – Galatians 6:1

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

“…to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.” – Titus 3:2

To end this article, here’s my prayer that I believe will help us all navigate through complicated relationships, making sure we are aligned with what God wanted us to do through the midst of it all, because everyone is a work in progress. ❤

Dear Lord,

I humbly come before You to seek repentance for all of my sins. Please help me to forgive others the way You have forgiven me. I may be like weeping Jeremiah now, but I beg You, Lord, to spare Your people from moral decay.

May our hearts not be calloused and devoid of love because of the work of evil around and in us. Spare us from the corruption of this world. Please continue to mold us to be the salt and light of the world always.

And yet, please remind me, too, if my self-righteousness has gone too far. Help me, Lord, to defeat the attacks of the enemy, removing all lies and deception that blind us from the Truth.

May we not fail to keep on being kind to people. Even if the world dictates that kindness is a weakness because it forces us to relinquish control and risk our authority being taken for granted.

Remind us, Father, that before we are bosses, managers, supervisors, and leaders, we are human first. I pray, Father, that we may grow fearful, not of what we will face in the future, but as a sign of our reverence for You.

It pains me to see Your people suffering, and even if I suffer, too, I will rejoice because I get to share the same kind of suffering with them. And because I am secure in the fact that we will also share in this profound joy, once You come back to reign heaven and earth for all eternity.

Please give us the courage to walk away when necessary, the peace to accept things as they are, and the strength to keep moving forward. Knowing all too well that You are always in control, and that You are working, always working.

I pray for parents that they will be given the wisdom to guide their children towards responsibly creating a safe atmosphere of open communication without raising voices or resorting to bickering. And that everyone will be given a voice.

Father, please heal our unhealed traumas because of generational curses. I pray, Lord, that as Brother Bo Sanchez said, may we not give an inheritance of these generational curses to the generations after us by being emblems of what God’s love is ourselves.

May we also not laugh at the misfortune of others, but instead weep with them and comfort them. May we refrain from having any form of pride, arrogance, and superiority complex just because we are blessed with a lot of things, sharing these blessings instead with those in need.

Teach us, oh Lord, that we should never be against one another, being able to see that these are all the enemy’s attacks to cause division within a family and even in spiritual families.

Because when you are cut off from the flock, you are isolated, an easy prey. I pray for unfailing unity in the body of Christ despite the trials and persecution. May we learn to work cooperatively and collectively despite our differences, putting others before ourselves.

May You guide our hearts to never be tempted to compete with other people, especially those who are in the body of Christ, keeping in mind that we have been blessed with different spiritual gifts. And may we also appreciate those who silently work behind the scenes, so that together we can give You the utmost glory.

And lastly, may this experience be a powerful testimony and a strong reminder to me, most especially, that You are greater, and that there is always hope through our brokeness no matter how shattered and no matter how pained.

This, I pray, in Jesus’ Mighty Name, AMEN. 

“But there is no peace for the wicked,” says the LORD.” – Isaiah 48:22

“Before a downfall, the heart is haughty.” – Proverbs 18:12

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God — having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” – 2 Timothy 3:1-5

P.S. I am planning to go back to Manila by April, though I have my apprehensions because Manila is not a place that I feel God is calling me to stay for good. I am also praying for the souls I will be leaving here, Dad’s and the little souls, that they would get the TLC that they deserve (na dire pagparapahulaton kuta bag-o asikasuhon) at hindi sila mapabayaan. God is in control, and I will rest in this fact. Feeling ko tuloy isa din ako sa mga Israelites na ni-exile at nagpa-wander wander sa iba’t ibang lupain dala ng mga unfavorable circumstances sa paligid nila. Saan ba ako lulugar, Lord? Where do you want me to go, where do you want me to stay? It looks like it will always just be me and my fair warrior, Finley, na magiging kasama ko madalas kung palipat-lipat ako kung saan saan. Start na ng training nya paglabas-labas ng bahay at pag-commute kasi mahilig si Meowmy nya mag-commute. 😀 And I think I left my heart in Mayon (sino ba hindi mabibighani kay Mayon) simula nang nag-ATV kami doon last May, kasi bakit ba ramdam na ramdam nya pinagdadaanan ko at nag-ashfall sya kanina nang malakas habang sinusulat ko itong article na ito. Always praying for every Albayano who will be affected. ❤

Naging Dora The Explorer by force para makapag-isip isip ng mag-isa. lol
Ang ganda na ng Sabang Park sa Bulan. The cottage is free, malinis ang paligid, at Php5.00 lang ang entrance fee. Thank you, LGU Bulan. ❤
Selfie with the boats.
Need namin makalanghap ng sariwang hanging dagat dahil pareho kami may allergic rhinitis ni Finley. 😀
Settled in comfortably during his quick, first gala with Meowmy. 🙂
My Finley Bear enjoying his new playpen at home, all thanks to his Dad. ❤

P.P.S. As an introvert, I fit the category of writers who are recluses. Though I do have a very warm personality during social interactions. I even talk to plants and animals, and I prefer talking to them because it’s less stressful. lol So when I am not outdoors, and I am in my room and not working, it is not because I am harboring anger, playing victim (we are victors in Christ Jesus), or being a drama queen. I am actually enjoying my solitude doing the things I love, which include writing, reading articles online (mostly about faith), playing with Finley, resting, and praying. I think I deserve to be who I am without having to explain myself as to why and how I do things. ❤

My thoughts exactly. lol

Christmas Is BACK! | A Revival

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Was there a time in your life when you opted to break a family tradition? It could be because you decided it is for the best that you remove it, or you had to stall following that tradition for the time being.

We had to do the latter and skipped putting up the Christmas tree and decorations from 2023 until 2024. For 2023, it was the first Christmas without Mom, as she passed away in August of that year. We also did not set up the Christmas tree last year because our town was one of the areas here in Bicol hit by Tropical Storm Kristine, leaving extensive damage in the entire region.

By the way, we always celebrated Christmas and New Year here at home ever since I was a kid because Mom was never fond of traveling, we wanted to avoid all the Christmas rush, and she was a true-blue homebody like me. It then became a family tradition to decorate the house during the holidays, which eventually became a family bonding activity, too, that my siblings and I always look forward to every year.

Christmas 2025
The Christmas tree has stood witness to stories of all kinds. But the most memorable is definitely the one where there was a Savior born in a manger. ❤

It’s a good thing we were able to finish a lot of errands (so we can focus on decorating the house unhurried), from getting the palay seeds for the next planting season, following up on some legal matters, to having Dad’s yearly blood work, including a visit to the ophthalmologist just to name a few. For the last errand, it was a last-minute decision to have his eyes checked at Chacon General Hospital & Eye Clinic because he was complaining of eye irritation.

Thanks, Kuya, for capturing this shot. 🙂

After we’re done with his eye checkup, we bought him a new cane because his old one was already brittle. I think I entered a time machine, though, when I went inside Metro Health Clinic to buy his cane. Because when I looked at the receipt that the pharmacy gave me, it was dated October 21, when it’s supposed to be December 6. lol It got me thinking, what happened last October 21? Only to realize that October 21 was the birthday of this blog. 😀

And speaking of receipts, the serial number in Dr. Chacon’s receipt also has the number of Jesus Christ – 888. Though I advise with caution those who will study Biblical numerology because there’s a tendency that it might lead you to divination, which the Bible strictly prohibits. Going back to 888, there are Biblical references that attribute it to a new creation, new beginnings, and the resurrection.

I always believe that things happen for a reason and not because of coincidence. The number 888, the resurrection, and the title of this article, which is about revival, all fall perfectly in place. Speaking of revival, aside from the “revival” of the Christmas decorations, we are also reviving Mom and Dad’s old phonograph, which they bought during the 1970s. I’ve never tried playing this when I was young; that’s why I was so overjoyed to finally have the privilege to play it now, and it still works! For how long, that we really don’t know. And the sound quality is not that excellent anymore.

There’s something about raw music that brings nostalgia at its best. Even the crackling noise of the speaker becomes part of the music. There’s something wrong with the speed adjuster of the turntable, though, so the music doesn’t sound like the original anymore. 😀

I am also reviving Mom’s old phone because there was a bug in the recent iOS update, and my phone’s screen just froze. So, I will be using Mom’s Nokia in the meantime while I am waiting for the new update. I missed this phone, though. I feel like I am having a mental declutter when I use it because it only has the basic features of a phone, just in time to do social media fasting in preparation for the holidays.

Speaking of social media, there are two Facebook pages that I recently followed on Facebook, which I find particularly interesting. They are Jam’s Germs and Bible Creation. Jam’s Germs is all about the microscopic world, and I don’t know how it got included in my Facebook algorithm. Maybe I was a tardigrade in my past life? lol One weird fact about me is that I never held a microscope in my entire life, and I was somehow wishing a couple of months back to have a glimpse of what it’s like to work in a lab if you’re a scientist.

It looks like God granted my wish. Through this Facebook page, I got to take a peek at the fascinating world of microorganisms and how they seem to be so otherworldly. As if they don’t coexist with us. By the way, I was also wondering how scientists flirt with their partners if they are both scientists. I can imagine their convo going something like: “Hey, love, let’s create a new cell – my cells and yours combined.” 😀

Okay, enough with the tardigrades, and let’s go now to the other Facebook page I mentioned earlier, before scientists start hating me. lol The name of the Facebook page is Bible Creation, and I am not sure who runs the page. But the authors did a very good job in combining science and faith through storytelling.

Sadly, I would have to cut this storytelling of mine short because it is time for me to get my much-needed rest for the day. And Mom will surely haunt me tonight for posting these photos and sharing about our family tradition. lol

I just want to share the message that family traditions don’t have to die, too, when a loved one passes away. In fact, it should be the other way around. We keep these traditions in memory of them. ❤

During Christmas Day, I always find this necklace inside a sock that Mom would hang on our main door’s knob. She would always tease me that Santa had left a gift. But she will take the necklace back the next day. lol That went on until I became a teenager, and then I could wear it any time. This is to make sure I wouldn’t lose this necklace. 😀
This will always be one of my fondest memories of Christmas Day – the necklace with the blue pendant inside a sock hanging on a doorknob (now, a door handle). ❤

I believe the following Bible verses are the perfect ending to this article about revival:

A Time for Everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.”

P.S. We miss you, Mommy. We know you’re happy because the house is well decorated again for the holidays. 😀 ❤

P.P.S. Our house, by the way, is about 50 years old already, and the Christmas decorations, including the Christmas tree, are around 20-30 years old, too. Some of the decorations were already brittle they had to be glued so we could still use them. lol

I decorated our condo’s terrace door with these curtain lights in 2020 when we couldn’t come to Bulan due to COVID-19.
These curtain lights now found their way to Bulan and blended perfectly with the Christmas stockings. Thank you, Kuya and Heather, for this photo and for helping me and Ate Boden decorate. 🙂 ❤

These photos may look beautiful, but we are actually dealing with a lot of wear and tear issues already with the house, which we plan to open to the public in the future, God willing, as a bed and breakfast. We’ve had visitors (even strangers) in the past who would take a photo of our house because they find it beautiful. So we thought, why not share the joy this house brings to the world? 😀

This house is Mom and Dad’s greatest achievement as a couple, slowly built over the past 40 years. They both designed this house with the help of an architect, and we have seen how the house transformed from being bare to becoming a masterpiece and a work of art. My siblings also contributed to the transformation, mostly with the interior design.

This house holds many memories and stories to tell, but it could someday come to ruin. But if it is still standing right now, it is because of its foundation – God. 🙂

Officially A Teen: Happy 13th Birthday, The Journeyman’s Moments!

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This blog turned 13 last October 21 – it’s officially a “teen.” 😄 To celebrate this milestone, I thought about writing a letter instead because I need to write this quick.

We have had no internet connection for 2 weeks now, despite following up with Converge. I’m currently using my cellular network’s data just so I could post this – thank you, Globe. Still, God is good all the time. 🙏😊

To my dearly beloved The Journeyman’s Moments,

You were born in 2012 out of a need to clear my name from a painful past. I never thought that you would become an online journal for my spiritual journey.

I also wasn’t expecting that I’d be able to post here regularly. And yet, the weekly posts turned to monthly posts, and eventually, to posting every year.

You bear witness to my every rise and fall, to my every tear and laughter – a testament of God’s saving grace day in and day out, year in and year out.

As my experiences grew, you grew with it. When I became wiser, your words became better. I changed, you changed, too.

You are more than an online journal for me. Because you are my constant reminder of a life lived in full despite the changing seasons.

When I need a good laugh, I come back to the old memories here. When I need encouragement, your words give me renewed hope and comfort.

But I guess the most important reason as to why you’re one of God’s greatest gifts is that because of you, a deeper sense of accountability was instilled in me over every single word I post here.

You are my testimony on how living by faith does not happen by mere words alone, but by living it out and letting it be known through you for the whole world to see.

My dear, we still have so many stories to tell – I have more than a hundred drafts. lol You know what that means, we have a lot of work to do for as long as God is still working in us. 🥰

You are me, and I am you. Thanks be to WordPress – our memories will be preserved for future generations to laugh with, to cry with, and to be inspired by.

So, with internet or not, we will find a way to make our stories seen and heard – God will make a way. 😁

Always your creator made by another Creator,

Christine ❤️

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10

Do You Think Creatives Are Night Owls?

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To answer the question, I think we have to ask every creative in the entire universe if this is a truth or a fallacy. 😃

But if true, I will most likely be a creative night owl. My creative hours usually start from 10 PM until the wee hours of the morning. That’s why working on a night shift isn’t much of an adjustment for me.

This is me making sure I don’t wake up the cats at 2 AM when I have my lunch break. lol

The Life of the Night Owl

I must say though that I still have to prepare my body to stay awake during these hours because if my mind is still very active past my bedtime (12 NN), I can go on without proper sleep for how many consecutive days even without help from caffeine and still function like a normal being.

Most of us in the family are light sleepers. I did my research on this and the medical term for it is “Short Sleeper.” I do feel a bit sleepy, especially around 4 or 5 AM or when I am having my monthly PMS. I just feel a little light-headed, but I still have the same energy to do things at work and around the house.

Can Melatonin Help?

I’m just concerned about the long-term effects on my body if I don’t get enough sleep, so I thought taking melatonin pills might help. I did a little bit of research on melatonin because I am turning 40 this year, so I am watching out for perimenopausal symptoms (I have none so far) and anything that could alter my hormones and activate the sleeping cancer cells in my body (breast cancer genes are dominant on both sides of my parents).

I read that taking melatonin pills is relatively safe although I’d still have to ask my doctor when I have my yearly executive checkup to make sure it is okay for me to take them. They do help me get my uninterrupted 8-hour slumber during the day though, especially when everyone’s up and about, and the ‘normal universe’ is all wide awake.

Prepping The Bedroom

Preparing the bedroom so your circadian rhythm won’t be interrupted is very beneficial, too. Blackout window curtains are a big help, and also make sure that your room is cool enough and soundproof. I bought a pair of earplugs from Shopee, and they really do the job of blocking all the noise, even the loudest ones. A white noise inside your room (like an electric fan running) can also drown out the noise outside.

This small room, by the way, used to be the maids’ quarters back when we were kids and when we had two stay-in yayas. 😀 I just converted it into my WFH office/sleeping area (thanks to my Ate and our stay-out yaya for helping me) because this is the only room in the house that is soundproof and stays cool throughout the day even when the midday sun is blazing hot. I don’t want to use an air conditioning unit because I have allergic rhinitis, and the cold, dry air aggravates the symptoms.

The After-Work Routine

It took about 2 weeks for me to fully adjust to being awake for the entire night until 7 AM. After the end of my shift at work, I go out of the house and get a dose of Vitamin D from the sun, walk around the house and the garden, feed our pets, pick Blue Ternate flowers for my morning tea, eat breakfast, and do some errands and other household chores.

By the way, speaking of strolling in the garden, remember this Gumamela plant I talked about in this post? Well, here’s the bud I mentioned in that article. It bloomed exactly during Dad’s 85th birthday 2 weeks ago. 🙏😍

I teased Dad that I thought it was Mom greeting him with a “Happy birthday.” Because true enough, the day after Dad’s birthday, the flower wilted already.

Is this you, Mom? 🌻🥰
It’s always a pretty sight to see the morning dew on Mom’s flowers and plants. ❤️

This Is How I Exercise At Home As An Introvert

Waking up Her Royal Fluffyness. 😹
Feeding Them Pets: Say “Hi” to the new members of the Ginete Pet Tribe – Whitey and Ten-Ten from the avian family. 🐥🐓 Torti is their new neighbor because I had to transfer him temporarily in the poultry cage while I find the time to make his prototype turtle cage because vermins just love stealing his food.
Checking the fence of the chicken’s forage area for any damage from the rats. The madre de cacao fence posts have new leaves already – no need to replace them later on as they become new trees.
Helping my sister and our stay-out yaya monitor the growth of our plants in Mom’s garden. This is the root crop area – a new garden project of me and my sister. 🙏 And that’s my white shadow right beside me. 😹
And then your yaya will just tell you that you have a bleeding arm because you’ve been too busy doing stuff around the house and you barely noticed the scratches. 😅

This is what I love about working at night – I get to enjoy the night sky full of stars and the crisp, cool evening air during my break time and while quietly strolling in our garden, but still get to witness the break of dawn and see the rays of sun slowly creeping through the windows.

🎶 ‘Cause you’re a sky full of stars. 🎶
A quiet, evening walk – just me and my shadow. 😃
Timmy, The Black Sentinel: This is my shadow, actually. Because when I’m out in the garden at night, he would follow me around on alert mode sort of like wondering what must be wrong for my Fur Mom to be up and about when everyone’s asleep. lol
Why is the sun called “Mr. Sun?” Why not “Mrs. Sun?” lol 🌞

The only downside about working at night is scheduling your errands because some shops and offices won’t open until 9 AM, and I should be asleep by 11 AM. I’d have to thank my favorite delivery service here in our town because I get to delegate some tasks to them such as going to the market, buying prescription medicines, and ordering from our restos if I am already too tired to do these errands myself. Thank you, Moonride Delivery – I give you five stars for your awesome service. ⭐️

By the way, as an introvert, I enjoy working from home and being at home all the time. Today is my rest day, but I am still here at home writing and doing something “creative.” lol So yes, you’ll see me in my pambahay clothes often. And they are usually tattered and stained most of the time. Not because I am too stressed to care, but because I love wearing  pambahay clothes like that.

I guess I will never be the embodiment of pasosyal and I have nothing against those who are because it’s a matter of personal preferences and choices. 🙂 But of course, if I have to dress up for the sake of looking decent, you can count on me to play the part. Just inform me ahead of time because it will take me about a week to plan my wardrobe for the occasion. lol

Because we need to look human in our meetings. 😁

It’s 5:50 AM as of writing, and it’s Sunday, so it’s my turn to cook our breakfast and then watch the online church service afterwards before heading on to Slumberland. Until my next post, beloved readers. ❤️

My Sunday Prayer

“But I will sing of Your strength, in the morning I will sing of Your love; for You are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. You are my strength, I sing praise to You; You, God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.” – Psalms 59: 15-17

The Wonders of TLC

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I am often fascinated by how every living thing responds to an extra dose of TLC. It is so fascinating and fulfilling to watch how even a little bit of TLC can revive let’s say a plant that is unwell to actually seeing them bloom for the first time more like beating the odds.

This is a young Gumamela cutting washed away by the flood and got covered up by other piles of debris, which explains why some of the leaves are all curled up. And now, the new leaves are healthier, and I am also seeing tiny buds of flowers forming.

It’s the same for people. I would like to give a shoutout of appreciation to my 3rd sister for taking care of Dad. While I also assist in any way I could, it’s been my sister who provided most of the caregiving to Dad. And no, it wasn’t easy at all.

When Your Dad Isn’t Up To It

Dad wasn’t feeling all too well as of late. One time, I thought I should comb his hair for him. It’s already getting long after skipping visits to the barbershop since he couldn’t walk and stand properly on his own for some weeks now. So to uplift his spirits, I made him an offer.

Me: “Dad, would you want me to give you a haircut?”

Of course, I was so surprised that it was met with the most violent reaction.

Dad: “NOOOOOOOOOO.”

So I asked him again.

Me: “But why not, Dad? Don’t you trust me?”

Then there went his chuckle. So I added.

Me: “I will make you the most gwapo Lolo with your new haircut.”

And his chuckles became even louder.

Ah yes, Dad. This is payback time. It is now my turn to exasperate you. Please refer to this article, if you haven’t read it yet, to find out how it all started. lol

Okay, before you assume I am giving you a very lousy writeup with my corniest jokes, let’s go back to TLC. 😃

Giving TLC As A Profession

Did you know that when I was applying for college admission, I chose BS Nursing? But I didn’t have a lot of mentoring and tutorial opportunities back then when I was a grade school and high school student, so I flunked most of my Math tests since I was extremely bad with numbers.

In other words, I failed to qualify for most of the universities’ requirement to get in under their BS Nursing program except for one university, UST. But since UP Diliman is the first choice because of its low matriculation fees, I had to forego taking up BS Nursing in USTe. I ended up taking Literature instead, which somehow turned out to be a good choice also since it’s another favorite subject of mine.

Empaths And How They See The World

I guess, nobody was patient enough to teach an inquisitive child who asks a lot of “whys.” Like “Why can’t the Pythagorean theorem use the letters E, F, and G instead?” lol Or that type of kid you’d want to avoid because he keeps asking you questions like “Why is the sky blue?” Or why the leaves turn yellow and why not purple. 😅

I have learned by experience that the answer to these questions, by default, is to mention God as the ultimate creator whose creative powers in making this universe can never be questioned because He is the ultimate authority over mankind. But of course, if you don’t want to stifle the child’s imagination, you can always search Google for the right answer to make sure your answers will be coming from credible sources.

Being inquisitive is actually a good sign of your child’s capability to make sense of everything around him (can possibly lead to increased social awareness as an adult). That is why his curiousity is unstoppable. And this is also why I love talking to toddlers and preschoolers because they ask the most absurd, but actually very practical questions that we don’t even have the answers yet up to now. I learn a lot from them in a way. So don’t wonder if you hear me baby talk sometimes. lol 😄

A Possible Task In The Future

Going back to TLC, I am having this desire, albeit not too strongly, to get a short course on caregiving or what Nursing Assistants take. But given all the things I wanted to do and am currently doing, I don’t know how I’m going to fit it in my schedule. I guess I’ll leave it all up to God once again with these Bible verses in mind:

“Many are the plans of man , but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21

“Commit your works to the Lord [submit and trust them to Him], and your plans will succeed [if you respond to His will and guidance].” – Proverbs 16:3

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

P.S. I’ll edit this later because this is an early morning (11am is early), I-just-woke-up-because-I-slept-late-and-I’ll-be-busy-later thoughts. 😁

What I’d love to do if my schedule is free – learn how to plant and grow rootcrops back home for the summer season and see how they will respond to TLC. This is the antidote to endless curiousity – keep on learning. 😉

P.S. Too much TLC though can’t be too good either. Like when I saw this plump feline of ours because we overfed her, I told her, [Darling, it’s about time you lose some weight or I’ll now call you “Fatto Catto.”]

I’m sure our cat will answer, “That is not my problem, that is your BIG problem.” 😹

Catzilla on my bed playing with my guitar picks.

Or this lizard I have here in the apartment. He would gobble up the morsels of steamed rice I’d put on the table though they’re still hot. So when I took a photo of him up close, I’m not really sure if his mouth was partly open because of the hot food or he’s just smiling and telling me “Hi, Mama! I missed you and your kanin.” 😆

Smile though ze mouth is aching? Like a 3rd-degree burn from hot kanin maybe? Defnitely not TLC, Tin.
I didn’t see him for 2 days now, so I am a bit worried. I think he needs to be rushed to the ER already.

More About The City and The Province of Sorsogon: The Land of Kasanggayahan

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It looks like the #everyFridayblogpost is making a comeback. 😉 I am praying I can commit to the schedule though. Meanwhile, here’s a continuation of my “firsts” in Sorsogon City.

But first, I’d like to share a little bit of info about the Province of Sorsogon also known as “The Land of Kasanggayahan.” “Kasanggayahan” means prosperity, and the entire province celebrates its foundation through the Kasanggayahan Festival. It is almost a month-long celebration held from October 14 – October 28. If you’d like to know more about the activities lined up for this year’s Kasanggayahan Festival, you may check out the Facebook page of the Sorsogon Provincial Tourism, Culture, and Arts Office.

A Journey of Faith

I am documenting this new season being in a new place surrounded by new faces because I want to look back on the experience someday and see the goodness of the Lord and how He has kept His promises though I was doubtful and fearful to obey at first. My coming to live here in Sor Ci isn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision.

It was already a calling from God, which He already revealed in 2019 through this perfect rainbow (my first) that my husband and I saw in Albay en route to Manila. And along with the perfect rainbow, this was the Bible verse that God has communicated to me:

“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15

The Continuation

So, what are my other “firsts” in the city? I am going to start with “ukay-ukay.” lol This part of the city has lots of “ukay-ukay” shops, and it is so tempting to hoard because most of the clothes they sell are still of excellent quality. One of my favorite “ukayans” is the one located along Peralta St. near Victory Sorsogon. 

Fabulous ukay finds. 👌
First time ko mamalengke sa Sorsogon City public market, and it is surprisingly clean.
When craving for something cold, konting lakad lang, solb na. 😃 This is located in front of Sorsogon East Central School.
First bakeshop na binilhan ko, and next on my list is to try Al Sinugba Grill House.

The next stop is not a “first” per se, but it’s the first time that I tried out the “tusok-tusok” stalls at Sorsogon City’s Rompeolas and Boulevard by myself. “Isaw manok” is my favorite, but it looks like I have a new favorite – “bopis,” which is grilled cow’s lungs. Mahilig kasi ang mga Bicolano sa salitang “baga” kaya pati baga ng baka o baboy kasama sa mga iniihaw na tusok-tusok. Iyo baga. 😅✌️ 

These food stalls open during the afternoon only.
Tambayan everywhere.
“Bopis”
They also have the tastiest Calamares.
This is another ihaw-ihaw stall.
Bought Betamax and Isaw Manok. 😋
Ito ang tunay kong na-miss. 🥰
Hindi po ako naglilihi pero sadyang nag-crave lang. 😅
Chasing sunsets whenever I can.
At dito lang ako sa Sor Ci nakakita ng ganitong nut na tinitinda kasama ng mga mani. I forgot what’s it called. Balikan ko nga si Kuya taga-tinda nang makabili ulit. 😃 His stall is located across DIY along De Vera Street.

The Bikol Sorsogon dialect though is so different from Bikol Bulan, which is the language that we commonly use in my hometown. The phrase “that’s right” or “iyo baga” in Bikol Sorsogon is “mao baga” in our local dialect. Ang “kanin” magkaiba din ang tawag sa amin sa Bulan at dito sa Sorsogon. Tuloy tinitigan lang ako ng tindera nang pagsabi ko, “Te, duwa tabi na kinunot nyan duwa na luto.” Gaaaaah, dirilot na ako kay hamo-hamo baga istorya ko sin Bikol. 😆 Help, please? English or Filipino na lang kaya. lol

And of course, last but not least will be my favorite – my first volunteering event at The Lewis College here in Sorsogon City organized by Every Nation Campus – Sorsogon through Victory Sorsogon. ♥️

“Every Nation Campus is the global campus ministry of Every Nation. We are a global community of students who believe that changing the world starts when we change the campus. We are committed to empowering the next generation for LIFE by teaching and imparting Leadership, Integrity, Faith, and Excellence.” – ENC Philippines

If you are a student who wants to be part of this movement, you may visit ENC’s website for more details on how to join. If you are also a young professional, you can also take part in what ENC is doing in the lives of the students by being a LIFE Coach. 

Every Nation Campus – Sorsogon during the first day of classes @ The Lewis College.
LIFE Coaches and Mentors
The photo before kami dinumog ng mga estudyante. 😃
I wasn’t expecting to see Bumble Bee on campus grounds. Sadly, he didn’t transform to an Autobot while we were there. Sigh.
I may have not pursued a career as a licensed secondary education teacher, but the calling to be a teacher (and forever a student) of life remains. 🙂
The bookmark that changed my life – I’m passing it on to the next generation. 🙏
LIFE Group session led by Pastor/Doc Allan, Kuya Cois, Ma’am Mutya, and assisted by Ate Jhin, Ate Grace, and yours truly.
Thank You, Lord, for the lives of the hardworking admin team behind Victory Sorsogon and Every Nation Campus – Sorsogon. 🙏
I am praying for the perfect time to study these courses, so I can share them to the two awesome ladies assigned to me to pray for who are BS Entrepreneurship freshies. 🙏
Some of the skills that the next generation needs so they will be well-equipped to address society’s future challenges.
First communion @ Victory Sorsogon.

Indeed, when God asks us to do something and we obey willingly, He follows it through and provides us with everything we need. And even if we don’t know why we have to do it and how we’re going to do it, God will reveal His provisions and purpose later on. But always, they will all be for His glory and His kingdom. 🙏🙂

YouVersion Bible App Daily Devo
YouVersion Bible App Daily Devo

“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Seek God’s will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:6

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6:33

P.S. I am not sure if this is what will really happen, but it looks like students who will be discipled through Every Nation Campus – Sorsogon might be some of the volunteers I was praying for in some articles I wrote last year. Nothing is impossible with God, they say. And did I hear myself say, Amen? 😊

P.P.S. And all of these started because of Mom – we will be remembering and cherishing precious memories of her on her 1st death anniversary on Tuesday. 🙏

Breast Cancer Advocate

Regrets, Lost Opportunities, & Restoration | “I LOVE YOU”

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I always watch Pastor Patrick’s preaching a week late, but I feel like the message is timely for me. There’s a part of me that regretted not being able to say “I love you” out loud to my Mom before she passed away.

We are never the type who are vocal with our “I love yous” though I never fail to say it when I text them. And last Sunday’s preaching reminded me to say these three words to people dear to me often but say it as if I really mean it. Because again, our days are numbered and we never know when will be our last day here in this world.

If you’re reading this, I want to say my heartfelt gratitude to you for being a part of this blog’s journey and my life’s journey. As a sister in Christ, I LOVE YOU. May we never depart from the One who made love possible – GOD is love. 🙂♥️🙏

More about regrets, saying “I love you,” and restoration in Pastor Patrick’s message below:

“We love because God loved us first.” 1 John 4:19

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5

Decisions.

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Adulting is hard not because we are not up to the responsibilities that accompany it. Rather, the decisions that we have to make can weigh us down, especially if these decisions can alter how we live our lives and all other decisions that we will be making in the future.

Circumstances brought me here to Manila to do a lot of contemplating on what to do next. And one of them is about breast cancer. Yes, I plan to have an executive checkup here in Manila after my husband leaves for abroad. I already inquired in one of the hospitals in our province, unfortunately, they don’t offer executive checkups yet.

If my breast ultrasound (included in the executive checkup) comes out clear, I still plan on consulting with Mom’s oncologist when I get back to Bicol to ask if I should still have a mammogram since I’m only 38 years old. The recommended age for having a mammogram is 40 years old and above.

But given our family’s history of breast cancer, I would like to know what my options are. To be honest though, I feel awkward consulting with male doctors. 😁 I don’t know why in my previous consultations and even when I was hospitalized because of dengue, all the doctors who attended to me were all females though I never requested it.

Please don’t get me wrong because I am no sexist. It’s just that I feel like I can’t bare my heart out to a male doctor. lol Now, that gives you an idea already that I don’t have guy friends. To all the male doctors out there, I send you greetings of peace. ✌️😁 With female doctors, I tend to be very talkative especially when I’m nervous.

But it looks like my Mom’s oncologist will be an exception because of 2 things. First, I trust him because I already witnessed how he and the other doctors helped Mom manage her illness even though she’s in a very critical condition already. And second, I read this article on why credentials matter when choosing a doctor. He’s got strong credentials, so I’m assuming he’s the best of the best. Or maybe I’m just biased. lol Nah, he is the best in town – there’s no need for second-guessing here. 👍 These two factors are very important because basically, my life will depend on him.

I have a lot of questions that I’ve been meaning to ask him once we meet. One of them is if it’s a better alternative to have a double mastectomy just like what Angelina Jolie did to minimize the possibility of having breast cancer later on. But here’s my problem. What if I still want to have kids?

A double/bilateral mastectomy would mean I will no longer be able to breastfeed. After seeing the testimonies of other patients in the breast cancer support groups, I have decided not to push through with breast reconstruction surgery (skin grafting/implant), if ever, to lessen the chances of a recurrence or getting an infection. Although I read one case wherein after a bilateral mastectomy, the patient still had a recurrence on her chest wall this time.

I guess breast cancer cases really vary depending on whether the type of breast cancer is aggressive or not. I am hoping Dad’s genes are more dominant than my Mom’s, and my siblings and I will be spared from having breast cancer later on. Then I suddenly remembered that my Dad’s aunt (the sister of his dad) passed away because of breast cancer, too.

Yes, it will be a miracle if I die later on because of old age or any other sickness. But nothing is impossible with God. And if we also do our part to live a healthy lifestyle and have our regular checkups, then I believe dying of old age is still achievable.

Right now, all my siblings (1 brother and 3 sisters) are doing okay, by God’s grace, and they are between the ages of 40-50 already. But the thing is, we all haven’t had any breast cancer screenings lately.

I’m on a mission now to convince them to accompany me when we visit the doctor so they can have their checkups, too. I don’t know if my siblings are up to it because on my end, I am not afraid of whatever the findings are. Because when I do trust the doctor, even if I’m about to die, I will be at peace. My only request is to make my dying as painless as possible. Oh, and also, I want to die pretty.

I’m sure the doctor will tell me, “Tin, maybe what you need is a makeup artist and not a doctor.” 😅 Seriously though, nothing is more difficult than making decisions wherein your life is at stake. It’s as if you are given choices that will still eventually lead to you dying. What you’re actually given are options to die sooner or later.

So, how do I take this? It really depends on what God’s will is. Because right now, I am ready to go any time. I am at peace with everything because I already achieved some of my dreams, I did what I’ve always wanted to do in life, my siblings are doing okay, Dad has lived in full circle, and my husband has a bright future ahead of him – I am already content.

But as always, not our will but let God’s will be done always. We only do what is required of us, then we let God do the rest. Right now, I am contemplating whether having a child will still be my priority or if living cancer-free will take center stage from here onwards.

I still would want a child though even if I have it through IUI (as suggested by our ob-gyn 6 years ago but hubby was not yet ready). The thing is, my pregnancy will increase the estrogen levels in my body, and estrogen is what cancer cells feed on. However, if having a kid is not meant to be, then just like what Heart Evangelista said, “maybe we’re really not meant to have it all.”

When it comes to living a life with a flat chest because of bilateral mastectomy, the matriarchs in our family survived breast cancer and still got to live meaningful lives until they became seniors. For our generation, only God knows our fate. 🙂

Decisions, decisions. Make them wise, make them count. This I claim, and this I pray. 🙏

Let’s backtrack to a ’90s song (I’m a ’90s kid) that became a dance hit because I am feeling sentimental this Saturday. 😌

“Teach us (Lord) to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12

How Will My 2024 Turn Out?

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I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.

“How will my 2024 turn out?” 

It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.

This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.

I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.

Separate Lives

No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.

Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.

This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.

My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.

To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.

The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.

The most memorable rainbow for me. ❤

The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:

“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13

“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15

Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.

He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.

All About Marriages

However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?

Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.

Because my husband is not all that. 🙂

I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.

Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.

I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.

A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.

I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.

This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.

So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.

Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.

“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15

So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂

I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.

Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.

Where Is Home?

Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.

These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.

I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.

My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.

I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.

So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀

This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).

Trusting God Always

I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.

I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.

Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.

One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️

It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.

Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.

Where God Leads, I Follow

About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.

But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”

It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉

To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.

Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.

I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm. I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.

And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏

Chop, Chop Those Tresses A La Quarantine Style

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I believe I’m not the only woman right now who’s faced with the dilemma of getting their hair trimmed and done since all the salons are closed. I have wavy hair, and I usually have it rebonded.

After some moments of deep contemplation (it’s a major life decision. lol), I finally decided to have my haircut from the comfort of our own home (thanks to my husband) because of the following reasons:

1. Use less hair products, save more.

I used to consume two bottles of shampoo and conditioner for my long hair in a month. But now, I use just one. I prefer hair products that contain natural ingredients because my hair’s been treated. They cost a bit more, however, than the regular shampoo and conditioner sold in the supermarkets.

2. You can save time and effort in managing your hair.

It became my habit to tie my hair in a bun without combing. Let’s just say I am too impatient to brush tangled hair, and it’s a bit painful too especially if you’re just going to brush them off without untangling the strands first.

There was one time where I got too impatient I brushed my hair intensely. The result? A huge chunk came off. Was it painful? I didn’t notice because I was so furious. 😂

3. I wanted to look my age.

Yes, I look like a high school student with my long tresses. Though looking young can be a compliment, it’s a disadvantage sometimes, let’s say, when you’re at work. If you want to achieve a professional look, a short hairstyle always does the trick.

The last time I cut my hair up until above the shoulders was back in high school. A shorter hair makes me look more matured, and I now look like someone in her 30s (I think). I still need your opinion on this one though. 😃

4. Less mane, less contact with COVID-19.

There are several instances that will make it easy for you to catch the virus if your hair falls everywhere. Like when you’re buying groceries and doing other errands, for example.

If your hair is long and untied, there’s a high chance your reflex is to tuck it behind your ear or brush it off your face. And this is what we all have to keep in mind while the COVID-19 situation is still ongoing – avoid touching your face at all times.

5. It feels light.

Ah yes, this is probably one of the best reasons why I chop my hair off down to half of its length if its long. It feels airy without that sticky feeling on your nape. My hair also tends to be greasy after a day.

No matter what our reasons are for keeping our hair short or long, it really isn’t the crowning glory. Go on and experiment with different lengths and styles. It’ll grow long anyway in a matter of months.

But what’s more important is how confident you are regardless if you sport a short hairdo or a long one. Beauty from within always wins the hearts more than what pleases the eye. ❤️

“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.” – 1 Peter 3:3

“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. – 1 Peter 3:4

Beautiful in God’s eyes always,

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P.S. Having a gentle and quiet spirit is what I’m currently working on. Let’s just say I came from a generation that breeds alpha females in the society. 😉