Tag Archives: cancer

Sa Gitna Ng Malalim Na Pag-iisip

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Disclaimer: Mahaba-haba itong post na ito at hindi ko alam kung kailan ulit ako makakapost. 🙂

Nabanggit ko sa nakaraang blog post na magso-social media hibernation ako as part of my personal prayer and fasting, but I thought mas maigi sigurong sumabay na lang ako sa mid-year prayer and fasting sa church, which will most likely fall in July siguro.

Because the pain I mentioned in that article is, I think, my cue already to schedule a doctor’s appointment asap. Though I have no other symptoms, it may have been just part of my PMS since I just had my period yesterday.

But just so I have peace of mind, I am planning on getting a medical checkup tomorrow. Kaya nitong nakaraang linggo, panay research na ako ng anything related to breast cancer from PhilHealth’s Z Benefit package, the YAKAP program, palliative care, at marami pang iba.

As someone with OC tendencies, I have a knack for organizing stuff. I love details, and details love me back. Unlike Math. It just doesn’t love me back. Hays.

Sa sobrang dami nga lang nitong mga nahanap ko, hindi ko na tuloy alam kung ano ang uunahin kong gawin. lol Seriously though, ito na ‘yung sinasabi ng mga breast cancer patients and all patients in general na sobrang exhausting and draining, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually ang magkasakit. Andami mong aasikasuhin at iisipin. Siyempre, magastos din at goal ko na huwag magagalaw ang savings at huwag manghingi o manghiram ng pera.

So now, I am putting ChatGPT to the test again, kung kaya niyang i-synthesize lahat ng info na makukuha niya sa mga screenshots na ito na plan kong i-upload lahat sa isang prompt lang. Para mas comprehensive ang guide pero simplified and coherent version. Magagawa kaya ito ni ChatGPT? 😀

Acceptance As A Pathway To Peace

By the way, kasama na sa ginawa ko ang last love letter to my family na isi-send ko sa husband ko and sa family ko. It included steps on what to do kapag terminal stage na or palliative care here at home pati ‘yung sa insurances, medical and burial assistance, cremation, etc.

I also added a DNR (do not resuscitate) request if ever i-rush pa nila ako sa hospital, and that I prefer a 1-day wake and prayer vigil only. Yep, I am a nonconformist – I don’t follow cultural norms and traditions all the time. I also and always question the status quo, but I am very compliant naman with God’s laws. 😀

Ganyan ako mag-ayos ng mga bagay-bagay because I just love to plan. Pero syempre ni-remind na naman ako ni Lord na many are the plans of man, but it is God’s purpose that will prevail. I already planned everything kasi ayoko maging burden sa lahat ng aspeto sa loved ones ko when I get sick. Sobrang stressful on their end kapag wala kang habilin, and itong ginawa ko will make decision-making easier for them. Actually, for execution na lang talaga sya.

Right now I am doing a lot of mind conditioning for myself and si husband ay inuunti-unti ko na din. Kasama na din sa ni-research ko kung paano kapag hindi tanggap ng loved one mo ang terminal diagnosis mo, kasi siyempre dadaan din sila sa stages of grief at bawat tao may kanya-kanyang way and timeline to cope with a terminal diagnosis and eventually loss of a loved one.

ChatGPT Does It Like No Other

Now, let’s move to the fun part ng article kasi ayoko ito maging super heavy. Speaking of ChatGPT, ‘di ba nga ni-try ko ipa-edit ang 2×2 ID photo ko na gawin niyang bald dito sa article na ito kasi gusto ko lang makita how I’d look without any hair on and nag-malfunction siya. So, ni-try ko ulit kasi syempre favorite natin ang persuasion. Bumigay din si ChatGPT, and I was stunned by the result.

Kasi sabi ko lang sa prompt, eh breast cancer warrior ang babae, kaya dapat ang aura ay confident na sort of mala-women empowerment. Ayun, sinamahan na niya ng quotation sa gilid. O ‘di ba, winner talaga.

Parang gusto ko na magpagupit ng ganito next week. lol Ang galing na talaga ng AI mang-convince. 😀

Mission accomplished na sana, kaso napansin ko na sa unang photo na na-generate niya, ang laki ng ulo ko (mayabang daw ako sa tingin ni ChatGPT). Sabi ko kay ChatGPT, “Witchikels, sakit na breast cancer lang po ang meron itong babae, hindi po kasama ang hydrocephalus.” huhuhu

Naubos ang image creation limit ko (up to 5 only sa free version ng ChatGPT) dahil pinapabago ko ang poses pati ang details sa background at sa outfit. Para lang ma-achieve itong “Crazy Rich Asian” na datingan ng photo na ito. Pero kapag ako talaga ‘yan, “Crazy Asian” lang. lol

Sabi ko, i-adjust niya ang size ng ulo ng babae para mag-match sa body build niya. In fairness, nakuha naman ni ChatGPT ang tamang edits, and the photos above are the best results. At dahil natuwa ako sa resulta, na-curious ako kung ano kaya kung pagawin ko naman ang tousled crop look.

Hindi ko muna pinagamit ang 2×2 ID photo ko at baka magka-hydrocephalus naman tayo. Sinabi ko lang na Asian woman, and I included my basic facial features, i.e., heart-shaped face, chubby cheeks, dark brown hair, etc. At ang resulta ay maeenganyo ka talaga gayahin ang mga suggested looks ni ChatGPT. Galing, noh?

Kaya next prompt ko kay ChatGPT eh i-apply na niya sa picture ko ang hairstyle na ito. And voila, the AI-generated images look so posh, hindi na pinalaki ulo ko. Humble na daw kasi uli tayo. I styled this look and mga poses at nakuha naman ni ChatGPT ‘yung bet kong concept.

The top has to be pink, kasi ‘yun ang universal awareness color ng breast cancer. Although this will not be the first time kasi noong high school ako, I sported this short hairdo – part of my rebellious teen era, which I am not proud of, by the way.

Siyempre, dahil nag-e-enjoy tayo kay ChatGPT, umiral na naman ang creative side, kaya simula sa crew cut hairstyle na napunta sa tousled crop hanggang sa nilagyan ng headband, tapos ang ending ay fashion styling. At siyempre, background si Mt. Mayon. Slay ba, mga ‘teh? 😀

Bet na bet ko itong may headband na scarf. Although ‘di nga masyado nakuha ni ChatGPT eksakto ang sa prompt ko kasi ang instruction ko sa kanya na nasa left side ng leeg ang knot ng scarf para sa mas edgy look. But I still love this look.
❤ Chinitang Bicolanang Fashionista ❤

‘Yung ganitong aura-han actually keribels siya kapag nasa UP Diliman ka. I wouldn’t think twice about wearing this while inside the Diliman campus; normal lang doon makakita ng mga extreme—nakapambahay na getup like bagong gising at nakasuot lang ng shorts, t-shirt, and tsinelas kasi late na sa klase at meron ding may nakatakong ng almost 1 foot na. Seryosooooo?!?!

Siyempre joke lang ‘yung 1 foot, basta mga very unique choices. We celebrate freedom of expression and creativity sa unibersidad, basta siyempre hindi offensive sa ibang tao. Kumbaga may limit pa din naman.

I would love to wear this here in Bicol sana, but most likely, I’ll be getting a lot of stares. Baka matawag pa tayong Disney Princess na galing sa Maynila. Or worse, nepo baby. Nepopotamus po siguro, pwede naman. Pero maganda rin mag-social experiment. Malay natin the mindset has shifted already, given na madami na gumagamit ng internet and social media.

I’ve already been seeing a lot of photos of brave women who shared their post-chemo and surgery pictures nila, because of breast cancer. I joined breast cancer support groups, by the way, on Facebook in 2023 after Mom passed away because of breast cancer. And one of these beautiful breast cancer warriors is Ms. Cams.

Her photos are BEAUTIFUL. She has a very pretty face (Coleen Garcia look-alike), but there is something about her aura that exudes confidence and a quiet strength, which makes her even more beautiful. And if ever ganito rin ang pagdaanan ko, gusto ko rin ng ganitong photos. Though for me, dahil nurturer ako, and I am ready to go na talaga, parang gusto ko alagaan si cancer, and I will just let it grow. lol

Waiting On God’s Will And Instructions

Seriously, death is only terrifying when we are not yet ready to go. And we will only be ready to go when there is peace in our hearts because of the following truths:

  • we have been saved by the Cross
  • we know that this world is only temporary
  • we believe we will see and will be reunited with our loved ones again, together with God, in the new Heaven and new Earth
  • we have faith that life in eternity is waaaaaay better.

I have this quiet resolve that whatever the diagnosis, whether I have stage 1 or stage 4 cancer, whether I have months or years to live, my perspective about death will never change – it is nothing to be feared, and it is an answered prayer. Why answered prayer? Who wouldn’t want to be with God in a place where everything is perfect? 😀

But then again, this is my wish. But what if God has another plan? Kasi meron ding desire sa puso ko na, if ever I have cancer and God wants me to survive it, I really want to be a volunteer patient assistant/coordinator/navigator. Nga lang, volunteering will require a lot of resources, time, and manpower. Kaya ang prayer ko kay God na bigyan Nya sana ako ng different sources of income that will give me more autonomy when managing my time, so I can still volunteer on the side.

May isa kasing incident noong 2023 sa isang Facebook group ng mga breast cancer warriors na hanggang ngayon hinding-hindi ko nakakalimutan. I shared an infographic from the Philippine Society of Medical Oncology about how to get treated kapag na-diagnose ng breast cancer, at may isang matandang babae who PMed me kung pwede ko daw syang samahan kasi 68 years old na sya and walang available to assist her.

I really would love to say yes, kaso at that time, I am still grieving over my Mom, and from Batangas sya tapos nasa Pasig City ako. Tsaka marami pa akong hindi alam about navigating through a breast cancer treatment as a patient. Pero naawa talaga ako sa kanya, ang sakit sa puso na I had to decline her request.

Marami pa akong need matutunan, like, paano ba ang sistema gaya ng pagpila kung ia-avail niya ang mga free treatments na ino-offer sa ating mga pampublikong ospital. Kaya sa tingin ko, kung mag-positive ako sa breast cancer and kahit ayawan ko ang medical treatment dahil siyempre stubborn ako, pero doon at doon din ako nili-lead ni God, I have no other choice but to obey in the end.

Sabi ko sa asawa ko na dito ko preferred sa Bicol magpa-checkup o magpagamot if ever. Tingin ko, lalo akong mase-stress sa traffic sa Manila, plus the metropolitan pollution might aggravate my allergic rhinitis at bababa ang immune system ko lalo.

Mas madali rin sa akin mag-commute via public transportation dito sa Bicol since plano kong mag-isa ko lang lalakarin ang lahat kasi gusto ko talagang matutunan kung paano ang pasikot-sikot ng sistema. At para malaman kung ano pa ang puwedeng ma-improve sa sistema to make it easier and more convenient sa mga kapwa pasyente.

Sa kaka-research ko, ang dami kong nahalungkat, pati ‘yung uso daw na mga kabitan sa medical field. Anyare algorithm at nasama ito sa research ko. Paki-explain please. Or else, off with your head, too. lol

Caring For The Community

Hindi ako most likely makakapasa as indigent, pero ang gusto kong tulungan kasi ay galing sa group nila. Hindi sa akin prob ang pumila nang mahaba kasi siyempre graduate ako ng University of Pila. Like ‘yung dito sa SMMG Medical Plaza sa Bulan na pipila sana ako ng mga 3am para kumuha ng slot para sa ultrasound ni Dad at every Saturday lang schedule nila.

Kaso, pag-research ko sa Fb, gabi pa lang na mga 10pm, pumipila na sila, tapos 35 lang daw ang slots, tapos 4am pa lang, puno na. I was shookt mga ‘teh. As in shakening shakening like that.

And yet, I am very GRATEFUL. Why?

May 35 na mga taga-Bulan ang nabibigyan ng serbisyong medikal gaya ng ultrasound bawat linggo. 35 na pasyente na ang nakatipid sa pamasahe para pumunta sa karatig na bayan at doon magpa-ultrasound. 35 na pasyente ang hindi bumyahe nang malayo o gumastos para sa pagkain nila.

Samantalang 10 years ago, marami ang deprived ng mga serbisyong pangkalusugang ito na, sadly, nakakadagdag sa mortality rate sa town. Kaya hindi na kami pumila, para ibigay na lang ang slot para sa mas nangangailangan na taga-Bulan. Dad can still travel pa naman at may sasakyan para comfortable ang byahe nya.

And another reason to be grateful is that may cardiologist na din sa Bulan, si Dr. Clarisse (Hi, Dra.!), Dad’s new cardio. She’s the first cardiologist, if I am not mistaken, in Bulan. We don’t have to go to Sorsogon City para sa follow-up checkup ni Dad every 3 months since kailangan ng close monitoring ang heart condition ni Daddy dahil 86 years old na sya and may Stage 5 CKD din.

Kaya hanga talaga ako sa mga doctors to the barrios and other health practitioners na mas pinili na manilbihan sa mga komunidad na malalayo sa kabihasnan. Hindi biro ang calling na ito, and it requires a lot of sacrifices. Sila na ang lumalapit sa mga komunidad para hindi na bumyahe nang malayo ang mga pasyente.

Parang ito ang counterpart ng Gurong Pahinungod, ang volunteer teaching program ng UP (w/ monthly stipend naman) na gusto ko rin sanang salihan, but I am only one, ang dami kong gustong gawin, and yet I cannot do everything. 😀

An Advocacy In The Making

Going back to BC cancer support groups, naghanap din ako kung merong breast cancer support groups sa Bicol sa Facebook. So far, Albay lang ang meron. Gusto ko gumawa din for Bulan or sa Sorsogon Province. Para mas madali ang breast cancer education para ma-raise ang awareness and ma-break ‘yung social stigma nila about having the illness or the medical treatments, in particular ‘yung chemotherapy kasi takot malagasan ng buhok or ‘yung mastectomy.

Isa sa nakikita ko na challenge ng mga galing dito sa Sorsogon ay ang transportation. Puwede magamit ang old Innova namin panghatid-sundo sana para sa lahat ng mga breast cancer patients sa Sorsogon if sa Sorsogon, Legazpi, or Naga pupunta. Need ko lang ng volunteer driver, kasi ayoko mag-drive when there are so many things running in my head tas sa pang-gas hanap pako ng magdo-donate, although may nakikita na akong prospect. 😀

Kausapin lang namin ang doktor namin kung puwede pare-pareho ang schedule ng appointments namin. Puwede kaya ‘yun? Sabihin ko, maggi-girl bonding kami sa ospital. Siyempre, maganda rin sana may free food and accommodation, especially if ang iba mag-u-undergo na ng treatments and traveling long distances nang tuloy-tuloy, e hindi advisable.

At kung indigents ang tutulungan, kahit basic needs salat sila, kaya hindi talaga nila priority ang pagpapagamot. Actually, if ma-diagnose ako with breast cancer, mag-a-agree lang ako to get medical treatments para ang libreng gamot na makuha ko, ibibigay ko sa breast cancer warrior who has young kids and ayaw na ayaw pa niyang mamaalam sa mundo because nafi-feel niya na madami pang pinapagawa sa kanya si Lord.

Altho sa accommodation, meron na akong nakikita din na host na possible can help us out. Kung nasa Manila ako, mabilis sana mag-organize ng ganito kasi ang mga friends ko doon, lalo na noong mga young professionals pa kami and single, ‘yung tipong kahit last-minute na invite para sa isang volunteering event, e go kaagad ang mga ‘yan.

‘Yung mga biglaang PM na “Hey girl, you free this weekend? Tara, volunteer tayo. No worries sa transpo and supplies, konting add na lang sa ganito ganyan.” 😀

Nga lang, feeling ko kami ‘yung mga grupo ng mga pasyente na maiingay kapag nasa ospital na. Kapag nakarinig kayo ng malalakas tumawa, alam na this. Siyempre, good vibes dapat, lalo na kung ang ibang pasyente e sobrang bigat talaga ng pinagdadaanan.

‘Yung tipong gusto ko silang biruin ng “Manay, huwag kang matatakot. Gusto mo sabayan kita papunta sa kabila. Pero syempre hatid lang kita. Kontratahin ko muna si Lord na bigyan ako ng return ticket. Kasi madami pa akong ia-assist sa Earth kaya need kong bumalik.”

Tapos bigla akong sinakal ni ate, noh, sabay sabing ayaw pa niyang mamaalam. Kaya ‘wag din basta-basta magbiro. Piliin ang tamang oras at tamang salita.

When God Plants A Dream

Pero honestly, ito talaga ang rason kaya nagkaroon ako ng hospice dream. I want patients to die with dignity because not all of us are privileged enough to die comfortably and surrounded by loved ones. Kahit man lang sa huling sandali, we give them the peace and comfort that they need lalo na kung hindi naman kayang mapunuan ang need na iyon sa bahay nila.

Right now, priority ko muna ang makapagpa-checkup, and I will let God lead me from there. Kaya ngayon, siyempre “ging-ot is life” muna ang motto natin. Panay gulay-gulay ang kinakain ko, kasama na ang 1 glass a day ng ni-blender na fresh malunggay leaves na may halong kalamansi, carrots, and cucumber. Being healthy means eating as much fiber and getting as many nutrients as you can.

Gaya nitong pinya sa aming bakuran. Benta ko sa inyo ng 300 pesos. Syempre, infleshun is realz. So yaaas, buy na plith. May kasama namang flying kick, este flying kiss ‘yarn. Joke lang, pang-garden-to-table lang po itong mga pinya namin.

Na hindi ko pa alam ang tawag. Sabi ko sa ate ko, ‘“Di ba Mariposa ito?” Sagot nya, “Ha? Butterfly kaya ‘yang mariposa.” Sagot ko, “Ay lam ko na, Hermosa tawag dito.” ‘Di na nya napigilan tumawa kasi apelyido daw ‘yun. Kaya to the rescue na si Daddy, Formosa pala tawag dito sa pinya namin sa bakuran. Maliliit pero super tamis.

Maganda din itong gawing smoothie. Parang kasing smoothie-fied ng mukha ko. Itong Oppo Kopong Kopong ko kasi pinagmumukha akong 20 years old sa filter nya. Buti pa si ChatGPT e pinagmumukha talaga akong 40 years old.

I-normalize natin ang bacon neckline of pambahay clothes because why not.

Wala po akong makeup dyan or anything. Kasi noong pumunta ako sa Watsons, nagpa-assist ako sa sales lady. Sabi ko, “Miss, anong compact powder kaya bagay sa akin kasi ang dami kong tan lines. Iba kulay ng mukha ko, iba din sa leeg, iba din sa braso, iba din sa kamay, tas iba sa binti, at iba din sa paa. Alin susundin natin?”

Tumawa na lang si Ate pero feeling ko gusto niya akong sagutin ng “Ma’am, bumili ka na lang po ng Johnson’s Baby Powder.”

Ayun, Johnson’s Baby Powder na nga lang talaga binili ko kasi naawa naman ako kay Ate sales lady. Hirap na hirap kasi siya pabalik-balik kakahanap ng magma-match sa zebra stripes ko. Mamaya hindi ko rin magamit kasi ayoko magmukhang nag-chinchansu.

Ayun lang po. End of the story na tayo kasi ang haba na nito. 99.9% na-convinced pala ako ni ChatGPT doon sa tousled crop look, kaya i-te-test ko one of these days ang predictive ability ni AI, na even without any 3D facial recognition involved, ang resulta ng tunay kong haircut ay tulad ng suggestion niya.

Kung hindi tugma ang resulta sa expectation, eh talagang hihingi na ako kay Lord ng sign kung will ba talaga Niya that I survive or exit na sa Earth.

Sabi ko kay Lord dapat ‘yung sign na ipapadala Niya ay kapag ang UP Diliman ay naging UP Liwanagan. ‘Yun, sure talaga ako na sign ‘yun na gusto pa Niya akong maghasik ng katatawanan sa mundong ito.

Siyempre joke lang ulit. Iba ang calling sa akin ni Lord na ihasik at ito ‘yun:

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for He has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.” – Luke 4: 18-19

I ordered this last week and got it yesterday.
The random Bible verse listed under the container was God’s clearest sign.

Please pray for me and all those who are sick, and for God’s will to be done always. ❤ And don’t forget to smile and laugh always. 😀

P.S. May nahanap pala akong bagong playlist ng mga worship songs na papakinggan at Filipino Christian artists sila. Please do subscribe to their channel to show your support. Ang gogondo ng mga kanta nila. ❤

https://www.youtube.com/@TindigWorship

P.P.S.

I also found these scholarly journals and research on the role of spirituality in the healing and recovery of patients with breast cancer. I am praying that more research will be conducted on this topic here in the Philippines, including Filipina breast cancer survivors as respondents. I volunteer as a respondent, if ever, and pwede rin akong mag-research assistant. Basta, wala lang computation. lol

“What Does It Mean To Die With Dignity”

“A Systematic Review of Spiritually Based Interventions and Psychoneuroimmunological Outcomes in Breast Cancer Survivorship”

“Spirituality’s Impact on Cancer Treatment Outcomes”

“Exploring The Role of Faith in Survival of Breast Cancer”

“Effectiveness of Spiritual-Based Interventions in Enhancing Quality of Life Among Breast Cancer Patients: A Systematic Review”

“Integrating Prayer and Faith in Complementary Alternative Medicine Into Treating Breast Cancer: Lived Experiences”

“Effect of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and Spiritual-Religious Intervention on Improving Coping Responses and Quality of Life Among Women Surviving from Breast Cancer”

“The role of spirituality in improving psychosocial well-being in women with breast cancer: a qualitative study”

“The Role of Spirituality and Religion in Improving Quality of Life and Coping Mechanisms in Cancer Patients”

More Music Videos For The Souls In Battle:

Just Sharing – My Unusual Energy Of Other-Worldliness:

I slowly integrated Torti, our twenty-something-year-old male turtle, into our garden. It looks like he is nestled in quite comfortably.
This is one of the baby fruit bats that have been falling off the house’s roof vent as the heat index here in our town reaches 48 degrees Celsius. The effects of (super) El Niño on our wildlife will be critical. I pray for these creatures that they will survive.
This dragonfly has entered my bedroom, probably to cool itself down from the scorching heat outside. It breaks my heart that these little creatures will be the first to go when the effects of climate change worsen in the coming years. 😦
Tarantula in the house – only in the prabens. 😀

Alignment and Surrender: When God Moves

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There was one time that I asked God, “Lord, why is it that I feel like I experienced so many things in just 40 years, things that I think I should experience for the entire 80 years or a lifetime?”

I never got a direct answer. Though I had my assumptions: 1) I am not to live long in this world, or 2) They are all part of God’s alignment towards His greater purpose.

Or it could be both. 😀

Lately, I’ve been contemplating the brevity of life after experiencing a radiating pain between my left armpit and breast that comes and goes. The first thing that came to my mind was: “Could this be breast cancer?”

I am now 40 years old, which means a yearly mammogram is recommended, given our family’s breast cancer history. My maternal grandma had a lumpectomy and lived with no recurrence until she was 94 years old.

My Mom had a mastectomy when she was also in her 40s, but had a recurrence, and we lost her at age 76 in 2023 due to stage 4 or metastatic breast cancer. Neither of them pushed through with chemotherapy at the onset of their diagnosis.

I just forgot to ask Mom’s oncologist (one of the best in Bicol), Dr. Louis Mervyn Leones, what type of breast cancer Mom had. TNBC (Triple-Negative Breast Cancer) is the most aggressive type of breast cancer with a high recurrence rate.

On my father’s side, we also had a grandma (my paternal grandpa’s sister) who passed on due to breast cancer. I am the only one among my sisters and me who’ve never undergone a mammogram, although I had an executive checkup in 2024, which included a breast ultrasound. And the results turned out negative, I was all clear.

When Health Becomes A Priority

I had that executive checkup because I’ve been getting UTIs frequently, sometimes every other month. And I am on antibiotics often, which is not good, by the way, as far as developing antibiotic resistance is concerned.

My allergic rhinitis also worsened, and I kept on getting nosebleeds often to the point that I was prescribed by my ENT doctor a maintenance medicine, and other medications to lessen the inflammation. Although one of her suggestions is a change in the environment, if I have the option to do so. That means living somewhere else since something in the condo might be triggering my allergies.

While the antihistamine she prescribed relieved me from the symptoms, such as a clogged nose, especially during the night, one of its side effects is brain fog. Dealing with this side effect is challenging for me because I do a lot of creative thinking in my work as a writer and a marketing professional.

After doing my research, I also found out that prolonged use of the medication is not advisable, as this can increase depression and agitation. So by 2022, after my husband resigned from work, we decided to come to Bulan and live here for good.

It also came in timely because in June 2023, Mom was confined and passed on in August of that year. This allowed me to help my siblings take care of her while she was at the hospital. Things didn’t pan out the way my husband and I planned, so my husband decided to work abroad, which didn’t work out, either.

But he’s now back in the country and working in Manila. I chose to stay here for 2 reasons: Manila might not be a healthy place for me to live in anymore, and Dad and my sister will need extra help here at home, as we are also going through a lot of transitions.

How God Leads In Preparing

Going back to the pain, I also thought it could be perimenopausal symptoms or back pain. But I also thought that maybe God is reminding me to have that yearly mammogram. Yes, Lord, I haven’t forgotten, but thank You for reminding me always.

I am planning on having it sometime in the last quarter of this year, after consulting with an ob-gyn, because we are very busy right now. And I am also in the process of preparing funding sources just in case the results aren’t favorable.

Although praise God, He’s given me lots of options already. I am also in the process of creating systems for the tasks here at home. In case I decide to get treatments, it will be easy to delegate the tasks that I’ll be leaving to my siblings or our house help.

If the results of the mammogram turned out positive, it would also affect the kind of employment opportunities that I should take on. I am currently organizing everything depending on what the result will be, so to speak.

Although, to be really honest, I am 90% decided to go for palliative care because I refuse to go through any medical treatments. I think I got influenced by Dr. Emanuel, although I am not going to wait until I am 75 years old. lol

If ever I meet with an oncologist, it’s only for the purpose of managing the symptoms, particularly in terms of pain management. Unless my doctor is very good at persuading, but persuading just happens to be my strength also. So, let’s see who will persuade whom. lol 😀

This is actually one of the reasons behind a dream to build a hospice at the farm, God willing. It is to provide patients with another option should they decline continuing medical treatments and opt for palliative or hospice care instead.

I already asked ChatGPT to create a feasibility study and a business plan, and it’s got potential and looks promising. This is a huge undertaking, though, and would most likely involve partnering with an institution to make this happen.

This is what Mom would’ve wanted, a choice that we couldn’t give to her because she’s already very sick at that time, and taking her out of the hospital will increase the possibility of her dying sooner. She might not even last 24 hours after we leave the hospital. We were able to care for her (intensive care since she’s on a ventilator already) for 2 months at the hospital after finding out the doctor’s diagnosis.

Sabi ng isa sa mga nurses na nag-attend kay Mommy, si Mommy daw ang pinakamatagal na pasyente na na-confine sa buong history ng ospital noong time na andoon kami. And that is the irony, because Mom actually hated hospitals, and she had a white coat syndrome. 😀

When God Meets Us Where We Are

Going back to my predicament, I’m still not dismissing the idea that maybe God has another plan for me, and He wants me to get treated because the experience is part of His will for my life. What I have mentioned above are all my plans and wishes.

And I can be very stubborn sometimes (or most of the time) na kung pwede lang mag-Bikol si God, malamang sa malamang ang sasabihin Nya sa akin: “Tin, minsan gud talaga dianison ka man taphudon.” hakhak 😆

I remembered one time when Mom told one of her doctors that her children have very strong personalities. I was in the room when she said that, and I couldn’t help but laugh because it’s very true.

Ah, yes, those moments with Mom at the hospital were all an eye-opener for me. In fact, when her oncologist told us about the diagnosis and prognosis, I thought I’d tell it to her in the way that I know best – through writing.

Since today is Friday, I just reminisced about everything that happened in the last 40 years of my life. I was born in Bulan and lived here until I was 16 years old. Then, from 2002 until 2022, I lived in Manila before coming back and living here in Bicol again.

Looking back, I am extremely grateful to God for all of the opportunities He opened for me, all the awesome people I have met, and all the wisdom I have learned from the experiences, good and bad.

I have zero regrets, and in fact, I always tell God that 40 years old is already a good age to die. Because God provided me with everything I have needed and wanted, I accomplished everything that I set my heart out to do, and I am already content.

I also don’t have kids, and my husband is back on track in his career and thriving by God’s grace. I feel like I am ready to go any time.

But just like what Lagertha said in the video I shared in this article: “But who knows what [God] has in store for us, Ragnar. Who knows what [God] has in store for us.”

As what was written in Ecclesiastes 3, “there is a time for everything.” When I was in Manila, it was a time of so many experiences, a lot of moving around. This time, I think God is asking me to slow down, settle down.

I don’t know if this is a journey that is about to end, or if this is the start of yet another journey. Or it is time to be on an eternal journey with Him.

All I know is that when God moves and asks us to move, too, go to a new place, or give up some things, we have to obey even if we don’t understand why and even if it makes us uncomfortable or it becomes unsettling.

Because in the end, in our surrender, God is worthy of it all. He will always be worthy. ❤

Here are some Bible verses to help us get through difficult seasons that we are experiencing in our lives, in our society, and in our world now:

Strength and Courage

  • Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
  • Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” 

Peace and Comfort

  • Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
  • Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Healing and Renewal

  • Jeremiah 30:17: “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord.”
  • Isaiah 40:31: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” 

Trust and Refuge

  • Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
  • Psalm 46:1: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” – Psalm 32:8

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.” – 2 Corinthians 4:8

P.S. I asked ChatGPT to recreate a photo of mine and change my hair to bald because I wanted to see what I look like without any hair. ChatGPT just sort of malfunctioned and kept coming up with a notification that it can’t process my request at the moment. lol So, I thought I’d just look up that very memorable moment of the UP Pep Squad when they won their 3rd championship at the UAAP Cheerdance Competition. I wasn’t able to watch it live because this happened in 2012, and I was doing my master’s thesis back in UP Diliman during this time, which I wasn’t able to finish because life got in the way. Madaling pumasok sa UP Diliman, mahirap lang talaga lumabas. 😀 But I was born-again in 2013 (my biggest milestone in life), and I was able to get my teaching license in 2016 because of the units I earned in my graduate study.

The hair is a woman’s crowning glory. But these pretty cheerleaders made a bold and bald move, going against society’s dictates of what “beautiful” meant – and the glory was given back, as champions. 🙂

Read more about it here: “The bald and beautiful UP Pep and the rest of the UAAP cheerdance nation”

SY 2011-2012: Hanapin ang sobrang naiiba at nakakaiyak na grade – the one and only. Gaaah, why does Math hate me so much??? Partida, nag-removal exam na ako nyan ha. lol Saklap much lungs. 😀

P.P.S. Since it’s the weekend, you might want to read some of the articles below just to give you an idea of some of the things that transpired during the last couple of decades in my life. I might go on social media hibernation because I plan on having a prayer and fasting just to seek God’s leading on everything that’s going on. To give you a heads up, though, most of these articles run on 1,000 words and above. 😀

BEST LIFE MOMENTS

I Have Made A Friend – In Jail
Serious Talks: Insurgencies and Helping Hands
Benguet: The Trip Up North
Ideas, Answers and Waiting
Transformational Leadership with God, Nature, and People in Mind: Not Your Ordinary Hike @ Mount Purro Nature Reserve
Isko Operations 2013 (Typhoon Maring)
All About Davao City: Dissecting Its Educational System and Its Culture
Victory QC Community Outreach Ministry
Practicing Humility: Start Early
What You Need To Know About Sigma Females And INTJs
Hope for the Young Generation
The Old: Loved But Never Forgotten
The 3 Not-So-Ordinary Kids I Met
Art Exhibit: Donation For A Good Cause
“F” for Food & Fashion Fusion

CAREER HIGHLIGHTS

The Warrior at Home: VIKINGS’ Independence Day Treat
Be Serenaded by The Italian Flavors of DON HENRICO’s Must –Try Pizzas, Pastas & More: BELLISSIMO!
Feasting on a Cantonese Banquet: Crystal Jade Dining IN’s Mid-Autumn Festival Celebration

BECAUSE HEALTH IS WEALTH

KonsultaMD + Singlife & Sun Life: Are They Worth It?
“Angel Companions”

ALL ABOUT HOSPICE CARE

Not Just An Advocacy, But A Higher Calling
Hospice Care 101 | Making Peace With Death
What To Expect When A Loved One Enters Hospice (from The Gospel Coalition)

So I Woke Up

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There really is something about September that makes you want to wake up only when it has already ended. There’s just too much happening at the same time. Kind of chaotic, too, but in a good way. 😃

First, I had to transfer apartments, but still in the area. My sincerest gratitude to my landlords for assisting me with everything I needed though I am a total stranger.

Another good thing is that it turned out to be in my favor – the space is way bigger than my previous apartment, so I now have a designated office area. Again, just in time for online work requirements, too. Ah yes, ain’t God so awesome?

And the new apartment came with a bonus, too. The previous tenant posted printed copies of Psalm 23 on some of the walls – a beautiful reminder that God is always with us. 🙏
I pray this home will be a temporary sanctuary for those who are looking for spiritual and physical healing, peace, and comfort. 🙏
Pink theme for this month in celebration of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and in memory of Mom’s fight against breast cancer. 💗

Oh, but wait, there’s more. God indeed prepared this place ahead of time for His purpose. My Dad had a health concern that prompted him to visit a doctor in our hometown and was advised to undergo several lab tests and see a specialist here in the city. He was able to rest in the apartment along with my sister in-between the tests and consultations. Then, he’ll be coming back for his follow-up checkup on the 26th.

And after a year, we’re back. And nope, that’s not my Dad beside me in this photo.
I don’t know what’s with SMMGH, it’s now becoming a family favorite. 🤔

Although the diagnosis wasn’t good, I trust God that He has already prepared what we will be needing. The apartment is also just one ride away from Sorsogon Provincial Hospital and nearby hospitals. I am now actually getting more comfortable with hospital visits, I might consider living in a hospital next. Who’s with me? Anyone?

Be careful with what you wish for, Tin, or you might actually get it. 😅

And then a post from Bayanihan Knitted Knockers Philippines popped up in my Facebook newsfeed out of the blue. Ah yes, it was God’s reminder of one of the reasons why He brought me here to Sorsogon City along with the other advocacies/endeavors that He has placed in my heart. I know that it is not a coincidence that He reminded me of it during this month, which happens to be the Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

YouVersion Bible Daily Devotional

No, Lord, I haven’t forgotten at all.

And I am continuously working on them, although I think God has worked these plans out already. It’s just a matter of obeying Him when He finally instructs to execute these plans according to His perfect time. 🙏

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

This song gave me the LSS, it’s stuck in my ears for a couple of weeks now. I think God has a message for us all through this song. I already got mine. 🙂
The comeback of the Platypus Tin and the Platypus smile. You might say, “Oh, but I thought you were Yellow Tin Tuna?” Uhm, I’m actually anything in the Kingdom Animalia. So, maybe in my next post I’ll be Jellyfish Tin. I wonder how I’d look like. But I’ll give you a clue – how someone looks when they’re jealous. 😆

P.S. This is not related to the article, but I find it too cute not to share here. Below is the link to a video of an adorable little girl, and her cuteness overload will surely warm your heart. Gah, why so pretttttyyyyy, baby girl? Paglilihian kita. 🥰♥️😍

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/zh11Un1HeysFtPb7/

P.P.S. The Kasanggayahan Festival is also starting on October 14. It’s going to be my first time attending this event, and I am just so happy that the apartment is just a block away from the Sorsogon Capitol grounds where most of the city’s special events are being held. ❤

https://sorsogon.gov.ph/kasanggayahan-festival-2024/

All My “Firsts” In Sorsogon City

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How do I begin this overwhelmingly beautiful and positive experience of my being here in Sorsogon City? I think when I made a joke that I left my heart in Sorsogon in this article, God meant it would be here in Sorsogon City. lol Nah, I love Bulan (my hometown) too and I love the entire province actually, which is Sorsogon. But I also love the entire Bicol Region. Sige na nga, I love the Philippines na. hahaha Bumigay din. 😆

I mentioned in my previous articles that I felt the Spirit’s leading and God’s calling for me to live here in Sorsogon City though my ancestral home is in Bulan, a coastal town 2 hours away from the city. When I told Dad, he disapproved at first because he was concerned about my safety, and I think this is a normal reaction from every parent no matter how old their children get. But I assured him I would still visit my hometown every week and stay there for a few days to spend time with him and my 3rd sister.

Brought something with me that reminds me of home – Aglaonema. This is the first plant that Mom told me to propagate back in Manila because it’s a prolific grower. Hopefully maparami ko sila dito sa apartment. 🙏

My husband, by the way, is working overseas, and I am very grateful and happy that he is adjusting quite well though he had some challenges and setbacks when he arrived last April. I had the same experience, and I must say that separation anxiety is the most difficult to overcome.

But by God’s grace, He provided everything that we needed. And when I say everything, I really mean ALL. My husband and I agreed I help him prepare holistically for his new life abroad by providing him with a home (not just a house) in Manila while he’s processing his work documents and visa, but he’ll also help me get established here in Sorsogon City. We missed each other a lot, but God has always been there to comfort and assure us both that we are on the right paths albeit heading towards opposite directions. 

God ushered me towards the right people.

By the way, I am sure you’re all wondering if there were times when I ever felt afraid of living in a foreign place surrounded by people that I barely knew. I guess I would have to thank my experience in the Anthropology classes I took as an elective during my undergraduate and graduate studies at UP Diliman. The general education curriculum of UP allows students to choose an elective course from any college or department. 

I chose Anthropology because some of my college friends told me na nagpapaulan daw kasi ng uno na grade ang mga prof. lol And it is actually true because the requirements aren’t easy. Aside from the regular quizzes, class recitations, exams, and research papers, the class is divided into several groups for community immersion/fieldwork, which is the final requirement to pass the course. Just in case you’re thinking that community immersions might be similar to field trips, well, they are field trips, but the entire experience goes a little deeper. 

They are not your regular educational tours where you do a lot of sightseeing and visit several places during the entire trip. For community immersion, social awareness is the main objective. You get to study the local community, its people, and the culture not as a foreigner or as a tourist, but you actually become part of the community. 

And I believe God has been preparing me for this transition without me realizing it because I remembered now that my undergraduate thesis is all about regionalism and the country life. When my thesis adviser and I were discussing what are the topics that interest me a lot, I told her that I would like to write something about where I came from. Not literally where I came from because we were studying literary theories used by American writers to depict the American society in their novels, essays, and short stories written during the Medieval Ages until the 20th Century. But more on the concept of grassroots and how it influences our lives and defines our roles and purpose in society. 

And speaking of community, I must say that I didn’t totally expect that I would blend in quite comfortably with the neighborhood – I love the people here. My landlords, for one, have been very accommodating in helping me get settled in and in patiently answering all of my queries (I had A LOT 😁). The neighbors are a composition of students, young (and old like me) professionals, and young families, and I am very grateful na walang pasaway sa kanila (sana). 😀 I always include each one of them in my prayers though I don’t know them well enough yet. 🙏

My first lugaw here in Sorsogon City at Vince Lugawan syempre kasi harap lang ng Victory Sorsogon.
Na-try ko din sa wakas ang Baluko. Delicioso. 😋🤌

God brought me to a place where everything I need is there. 

Every time I am in a new place, the first thing I check is if it has all of the necessities i.e. has sufficient water supply; near the supermarket, banks, and restaurants; accessible via the main thoroughfare; located on elevated grounds; situated in a safe neighborhood; etc. At may pa-bonus pa si Lord. I did mention in my previous article that the apartment is located just a block away from Victory Sorsogon and just recently, I discovered that it’s also a couple of blocks away from Sorsogon City’s Rompeolas and the boulevard. 

Seascapes on one side.
Mountainscapes on the other side.
Fishing communities.
These are mangroves on my right. I would like to commend the LGU for their continued efforts in preserving mangroves in coastal communities.

And guess what, the pastor of Victory Sorsogon is a praying doctor. 😊 I first mentioned about the praying doctor in this article, and I believe it is not a coincidence that I am now attending church services led by a praying doctor. He is an EENT doctor, and Sunday services are held inside his clinic, which is converted into an assembly hall on Sundays. I was also grateful I got connected to a Bible study group led by Pastor Allan’s wife, Tita Jean, and comprised of women whom I admire considerably given the wisdom that they share since most of them are older than me. 

Victory Sorsogon is one of my neighbors. 😉 Church services are held every 9:00 AM & 11:00 AM during Sundays.
A doctor during weekdays, a pastor during weekends. 🙂
Pastor/Doctor Allan of Victory Sorsogon
Thank you, Tita Jean and Ate Mutya, for welcoming me to your Victory Group. 🙏♥️😊
Thank you, men’s VG, for sharing your food with us, ze ladies. 👍👍

One of our Bible study group members is also currently battling cancer at a very young age. And we are planning to visit her at the BRTTH this Saturday. While it grieves me to find out that she’s critically ill, I believe this is already the start of the task that God has called me to do here in Sorsogon City. My Victory Group leader, Tita Jean, also told me the same thing. Being a breast cancer or cancer advocate is actually one of the reasons why I decided to live here.

Should my cancer cells become aggressive and progressive later on no matter how healthy my lifestyle is, it will be easier for me to undergo several treatments if needed i.e. chemotherapy, radiation, etc. here in the city. After Mom passed away last year because of stage 4 breast cancer, I’ve been doing a lot of research and have been joining cancer support groups on Facebook to find out more about the plight of every cancer patient. 

I can then share everything I have learned from these groups to other cancer patients who are still not aware where and how to seek for help in terms of financial assistance, availing free medications, consultations, and laboratory tests, etc. while praying for them at the same time. And it looks like the Bible verse below will be my battlecry with the ultimate goal of helping more souls to be saved. 🙏

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” – Genesis 50:20

By the way, when it comes to knowing the community really well, I prefer to walk than drive around in the same way that I prefer to commute via public transportation than use a private car. I get to observe the places and the people more intimately this way. It’s like I get to share the space with them both as an observer and as a participant. Nasanay din ako sa UP Diliman na kapag nagmamadali ka at kulang na ang oras mo para antayin ang UP Ikot/Toki jeepney to get to the next class, which will be held in a building how many kilometers away from your previous class, you need to sprint so you won’t be late. lol Walking then became a habit albeit a good one.

God took me out of a season and welcomed me into a new season. 

I mentioned in yet another article that one of the reasons why I came here to live in Sorsogon City is to heal holistically. And nope, I haven’t forgotten at all that I am still due this August for a repeat blood test. I am obeying the doctor’s orders this time. lol It will be the second laboratory test that I’ll be having here in the city. The first lab test was when I got infected by COVID-19 while taking care of Mom at one of the hospitals here last year. 

But I got to know several cancer advocacies because of Mom’s battle against cancer, which I believe are all part of God’s plans. It was Him all along. I was just merely being used as a vessel that will take part in whatever it is that God is doing in the communities starting from the community of cancer patients. When I also reactivated my personal account on Facebook a couple of weeks ago to retrieve an old photo, the first story that popped up was a Facebook post of a former high school classmate whose hobby is knitting and crocheting. Again, this is not a coincidence. This is already God’s answer to another advocacy that I would like to join (or start) here in Sorsogon City, which, by God’s grace, will extend all throughout the province of Sorsogon and other nearby provinces, cities, and municipalities.

True enough, my eczema flareups subsided even though I am no longer taking Coaltria (a doctor-prescribed medication for my severe allergic rhinitis back in 2019) since I got here and even after prolonged sun exposure while strolling along Sorsogon City’s boulevard to get my regular dose of vitamin D and “vitamin sea.” If my repeat blood test comes out negative and my hematuria clears up, then there really is something about this place that miraculously healed me even without any medical intervention. 🙏

Definitely a memorable first stroll along the boulevard. ♥️
Meanwhile, this is me here in the apartment on most days.
Let’s try the Platypus pose again while waiting for the interview to start.
Oh shucks, online na pala interviewer ko. Nakita kaya nya ang Platypus pose ko? 🤔😬😩😂

And I think you’re also dying to know how old I really am though some of you already know my age. My answer is that I have the heart of an 8-year-old girl, the body of a 38-year-old lady, and the soul of an 80-year-old woman. Will this answer suffice? 😅

Stay tuned for more of my “firsts” here in the city as I continue my new season and a new journey here. ❤

P.S.

I took this shot when this sweet little girl started making lambing most likely wondering why one of her meowmies e palaging nawawala ng ilang araw tapos biglang babalik. lol Isama ko na lang daw sya kaso bawal ang pets dito. 😁

Gimme, gimme some belly lovin’ rub, Meowmy.

P.P.S.

Every time nagko-commute ako sakay ng tricycle, ilang beses na akong sinabihan ng mga tricycle drivers dito na may kakilala sila na kahawig ko daw. Inaantay ko na lang talaga na may magsabi sa akin na kamukha ko si Mayor Alice Guo (I am chinita and I have long hair, too). Kasi ang isasagot ko ay yes, dito po ako tumatago ngayon sa Sorsogon City. lol 😆

Give me a thumbs up if you still find me funny. lol Chubby cheeks now signing off. 😎

What To Expect When A Loved One Enters Hospice (from The Gospel Coalition)

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God sure knows when to reinforce my calling (a long-term goal and possibly a retirement project) lest I get distracted and focus on other things. I stumbled upon this article from The Gospel Coalition a couple of days ago, and this is exactly what I needed for the hospice project I am planning to propose to my siblings. I thought I’d share it here as well to help those who are going through a similar situation. 🙏

Original Article Link: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/expect-loved-one-hospice/

“What To Expect When A Loved One Enters Hospice”

By Kathryn Butler

I recently lost a dear friend to cancer. She’d struggled with treatments and recurrence for years, and when her doctor finally said the heavy word “hospice,” she and her family were neither surprised nor despairing. As Christians, they drew comfort from the assurance she’d be with the Lord after she took her last breath (Rom. 14:8; 2 Cor. 4:17–18).

And yet, although my friend embarked on her hospice journey with full acceptance, none of her family was prepared for the tumult of emotions her final days incited. They trembled and choked back tears when she bolted upright in agitation. When she no longer responded to their voices, they nursed the ache of loss. Throughout, they struggled to reconcile the grim realities of death with the mother, sister, and wife they so cherished.

Families with loved ones in hospice all too frequently weather such storms. As the wages of our sin (Rom. 6:23), death is by nature harrowing, even when anticipated. We weren’t meant for death, and those of us who encounter it often struggle with lingering grief, confusion, and regret afterward, especially when it steals away someone we dearly love.

With a million and a half people in the U.S. receiving hospice care annually, many families will walk this troubling road, suffering doubts and heartache along the way. How do we shepherd caregivers and families as they aim to love the dying? How do we walk with them through the valley of the shadow of death, reminding them all the while of the Good Shepherd whose love covers them when the light dwindles (Ps. 23:4)?

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗛𝗼𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗜𝘀

Misunderstandings about hospice abound and contribute to the pain families bear. Many people equate hospice with “giving up” on a loved one. Others confuse it with physician-assisted suicide and euthanasia. Still more have an accurate idea of hospice but can’t bring themselves to say goodbye to someone they can’t fathom living without.

To clarify, hospice care seeks to minimize pain and suffering at the end of life among those with terminal illnesses. A multidisciplinary team, usually comprised of physicians, nurses, social workers, chaplains, and health aides, provides medical care as well as spiritual and social support with a focus on symptom control and quality of life, rather than on cure. Although we often associate hospice with cancer, the most common qualifying diagnoses are severe dementia, emphysema, and heart failure.

For people with a life expectancy of months, hospice services often begin as regular home visits from nurses, social workers, and home health aides to ensure patients are stable and comfortable. As the illness advances, support increases, and eventually the dying require continuous care at the bedside and frequent doses of medications to ameliorate pain, anxiety, and air hunger. In the home, this care often falls to loved ones, which can be emotionally traumatic. In such circumstances, a hospice house, where staff nurses monitor patients 24/7, may be a better alternative.

People can only receive hospice services if they have a life expectancy of six months or less. Such patients, after consultations with doctors they trust, accept that further interventions for a cure would be futile (e.g., a cancer has metastasized to other organs and treatment options have run out). In hospice, medical care continues, but that care shifts to focus on lessening symptoms rather than eradicating the disease.

Studies suggest that rather than indicating caregivers have “given up” on patients, this shift in care can actually increase the life expectancy of terminally ill patients for up to three months. In our highly technological medical system, accepting the inevitability of death has a clear, measurable benefit.

It also has a biblical precedent. Although Scripture directs us to honor life (Ex. 20:13), it also reminds us our times are in God’s hand (Ps. 31:15). Like the grass of the field, we wither and fade (Isa. 40:7–8); until Christ returns all of us will succumb to death (Rom. 5:12). When we deny our mortality and chase after treatments that don’t promise cure, we dismiss God’s grace in Christ and the power of his resurrection. Christ has transformed death, swallowing it up in victory (1 Cor. 15:54) such that, as the Heidelberg Catechism aptly states, it’s no longer “a payment for our sins, but only a dying to sins and an entering into eternal life.”

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗛𝗼𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗜𝘀𝗻’𝘁

While hospice reflects biblical teaching, the same can’t be said for euthanasia or physician-assisted suicide (PAS). Families facing hospice for a loved one may confuse these practices, especially given the terminology of “Medical Aid in Dying,” or MAiD, now adopted in Canada and used in the U.S. with increasing frequency. While in hospice, death occurs secondary to an underlying illness, in MAiD, terminally ill patients seek medical means to deliberately end their lives.

In euthanasia, for example, a healthcare provider administers a lethal dose of medication––often an injection––on a patient’s request. Similarly, in PAS, doctors prescribe a dose of pills for a patient to take on his or her own. In both cases, the “aid in dying” isn’t symptom support but rather a lethal dose of medication.

As the legalization of PAS has steadily increased in the U.S. over the past 20 years, it’s crucial to understand its distinction from hospice. In hospice, the aim is to alleviate suffering from futile or excessively burdensome measures. People can “graduate” from hospice; if a patient unexpectedly improves and is no longer deemed terminal, clinicians rejoice and hospice services are discontinued. PAS, by contrast, involves the active taking of another life with the explicit goal to end it, and it violates God’s Word (Ex. 20:13).

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁

The knowledge that hospice care aligns with biblical teachings can provide solace to families. Yet even with this consolation, watching a loved one die can be crushing. Many families embark on this journey with confidence, only to find the unsettling details of dying overwhelm them.

The following common changes may occur when death is near, which may trouble those at the bedside:

As a dying person’s organs shut down, 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗶𝗱 to remove excess acid from the bloodstream. As such breathlessness worsens anxiety and fatigue, nurses will administer a narcotic (usually morphine) or a sedative to help slow the breathing.
Intestines shut down as death nears. 𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗲, and although loved ones may worry about starvation, forcing them to eat or drink leads to vomiting or abdominal cramping.
In the setting of dehydration close to death, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗱𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸. Hospice care workers provide moist mouth swabs to counteract the discomfort.
𝗔𝗴𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗿𝗶𝘂𝗺, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 are common near death and can be especially upsetting to witness. In the mildest cases, patients will see people from their past, which may alarm onlookers. In the most distressing, the dying will suddenly panic or lash out at others with cruel insults. Clinicians give medications to calm patients and avoid such outbursts, but when they do occur, delirious patients’ words can deeply hurt those they love. In such moments, we can reassure families that death affects the mind as well as the body and that their loved ones are unaware of their actions. Agitation near death reflects the disease, not the patient’s true thoughts and feelings.
People 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 as death nears. However, in the days to hours before death, some suddenly awaken and carry on clear, coherent conversations. Called “𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗶𝘁𝘆,” this phenomenon is poorly understood but well documented and can confuse loved ones who mistake the sudden clarity for clinical improvement. A good approach is to treat these moments as gifts from the Lord, offering loved ones a final glimpse of the person they’ve treasured.
Even when the dying are unresponsive, evidence suggests 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿, with their brains responding to sounds as distinctly as do awake, healthy individuals. This can provide families with enormous comfort, as it means their loved one may still hear and understand their words. Encourage families to speak to their loved one, to read Scripture, to pray aloud, and to sing hymns and favorite songs. Such connection can provide much-needed closure and solace to the living, and minister lovingly to the dying.
In the last 24 hours, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗵, especially in the hands and feet. This is normal and signals the circulatory system shutting down.
The last few hours of life are often marked by 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. People will breathe deeply and rapidly for several breaths, then not breathe at all for up to two minutes. Secretions pooling in the airways also create an unsettling rattling sound with each breath. Additionally, relaxation of the vocal cords can produce a sound similar to moaning, even in the absence of discomfort. While these changes are upsetting to witness, at this point patients are unaware of their surroundings and unlikely to experience suffering.
𝗛𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝗘𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀

In addition to the troubling realities outlined above, families of hospice patients may wrestle with questions about the faith and salvation of their loved one. If a loved one isn’t a believer, relatives may urge nurses to withhold sedatives, clinging to hope for a deathbed conversion. If a loved one has proclaimed faith, moments of agitation may raise doubts about the sincerity of that profession.

While their heartache is understandable, to withhold medication and incur unnecessary suffering is neither loving nor compassionate. As solace, we can point families to the thief on the cross (Luke 23:39–43), whom Jesus invited into his kingdom as he was dying. We can reassure them that the Holy Spirit can work in someone’s heart regardless of their capacity for language or cognition, and the Lord can bring all he wills to himself (Eph. 1:3–7). The good news of the gospel declares that salvation depends not on us but on God’s grace––and he can turn every heart he wills from stone into flesh (Ezek. 36:26).

Above all, when families walk alongside a loved one in hospice, they show him or her, as well as surrounding caregivers, the character of Christ.

To abide with another through death is to love in the sacrificial, soul-weary way our pierced Savior loved us first (Matt. 26:38; John 13:34–35; 1 John 4:19). It’s to weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15) and to bear another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2). It’s to offer a loved one a tangible reminder––perhaps with a hymn heard through the shadows, perhaps with a gentle touch––that God’s love endures forever (Ps. 107:1) and that, in Christ, nothing––not even death––can pry his beloved away from his grasp (Rom. 8:38–39).

Decisions.

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Adulting is hard not because we are not up to the responsibilities that accompany it. Rather, the decisions that we have to make can weigh us down, especially if these decisions can alter how we live our lives and all other decisions that we will be making in the future.

Circumstances brought me here to Manila to do a lot of contemplating on what to do next. And one of them is about breast cancer. Yes, I plan to have an executive checkup here in Manila after my husband leaves for abroad. I already inquired in one of the hospitals in our province, unfortunately, they don’t offer executive checkups yet.

If my breast ultrasound (included in the executive checkup) comes out clear, I still plan on consulting with Mom’s oncologist when I get back to Bicol to ask if I should still have a mammogram since I’m only 38 years old. The recommended age for having a mammogram is 40 years old and above.

But given our family’s history of breast cancer, I would like to know what my options are. To be honest though, I feel awkward consulting with male doctors. 😁 I don’t know why in my previous consultations and even when I was hospitalized because of dengue, all the doctors who attended to me were all females though I never requested it.

Please don’t get me wrong because I am no sexist. It’s just that I feel like I can’t bare my heart out to a male doctor. lol Now, that gives you an idea already that I don’t have guy friends. To all the male doctors out there, I send you greetings of peace. ✌️😁 With female doctors, I tend to be very talkative especially when I’m nervous.

But it looks like my Mom’s oncologist will be an exception because of 2 things. First, I trust him because I already witnessed how he and the other doctors helped Mom manage her illness even though she’s in a very critical condition already. And second, I read this article on why credentials matter when choosing a doctor. He’s got strong credentials, so I’m assuming he’s the best of the best. Or maybe I’m just biased. lol Nah, he is the best in town – there’s no need for second-guessing here. 👍 These two factors are very important because basically, my life will depend on him.

I have a lot of questions that I’ve been meaning to ask him once we meet. One of them is if it’s a better alternative to have a double mastectomy just like what Angelina Jolie did to minimize the possibility of having breast cancer later on. But here’s my problem. What if I still want to have kids?

A double/bilateral mastectomy would mean I will no longer be able to breastfeed. After seeing the testimonies of other patients in the breast cancer support groups, I have decided not to push through with breast reconstruction surgery (skin grafting/implant), if ever, to lessen the chances of a recurrence or getting an infection. Although I read one case wherein after a bilateral mastectomy, the patient still had a recurrence on her chest wall this time.

I guess breast cancer cases really vary depending on whether the type of breast cancer is aggressive or not. I am hoping Dad’s genes are more dominant than my Mom’s, and my siblings and I will be spared from having breast cancer later on. Then I suddenly remembered that my Dad’s aunt (the sister of his dad) passed away because of breast cancer, too.

Yes, it will be a miracle if I die later on because of old age or any other sickness. But nothing is impossible with God. And if we also do our part to live a healthy lifestyle and have our regular checkups, then I believe dying of old age is still achievable.

Right now, all my siblings (1 brother and 3 sisters) are doing okay, by God’s grace, and they are between the ages of 40-50 already. But the thing is, we all haven’t had any breast cancer screenings lately.

I’m on a mission now to convince them to accompany me when we visit the doctor so they can have their checkups, too. I don’t know if my siblings are up to it because on my end, I am not afraid of whatever the findings are. Because when I do trust the doctor, even if I’m about to die, I will be at peace. My only request is to make my dying as painless as possible. Oh, and also, I want to die pretty.

I’m sure the doctor will tell me, “Tin, maybe what you need is a makeup artist and not a doctor.” 😅 Seriously though, nothing is more difficult than making decisions wherein your life is at stake. It’s as if you are given choices that will still eventually lead to you dying. What you’re actually given are options to die sooner or later.

So, how do I take this? It really depends on what God’s will is. Because right now, I am ready to go any time. I am at peace with everything because I already achieved some of my dreams, I did what I’ve always wanted to do in life, my siblings are doing okay, Dad has lived in full circle, and my husband has a bright future ahead of him – I am already content.

But as always, not our will but let God’s will be done always. We only do what is required of us, then we let God do the rest. Right now, I am contemplating whether having a child will still be my priority or if living cancer-free will take center stage from here onwards.

I still would want a child though even if I have it through IUI (as suggested by our ob-gyn 6 years ago but hubby was not yet ready). The thing is, my pregnancy will increase the estrogen levels in my body, and estrogen is what cancer cells feed on. However, if having a kid is not meant to be, then just like what Heart Evangelista said, “maybe we’re really not meant to have it all.”

When it comes to living a life with a flat chest because of bilateral mastectomy, the matriarchs in our family survived breast cancer and still got to live meaningful lives until they became seniors. For our generation, only God knows our fate. 🙂

Decisions, decisions. Make them wise, make them count. This I claim, and this I pray. 🙏

Let’s backtrack to a ’90s song (I’m a ’90s kid) that became a dance hit because I am feeling sentimental this Saturday. 😌

“Teach us (Lord) to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12

When The Pain Lingers

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I requested a copy of Mom’s death certificate online today and once again, tears just started streaming down my face as I wrote her death day. It’s been 7 months since Mom passed away, and yet grief still lingers – the pain lingers. Indeed, what they say is true. The pain will never go away. You just learn to move on with your life, but the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. And yes, things will just never be the same.

For today’s blog post, I wanted to write a letter to my Mom just to lessen the pain a little bit. ❤️

“Dear Mommy,

I miss you terribly. I miss your text messages and our long conversations over the phone (not less than 2 hours) just talking about anything. I miss watching movies with you and how we would analyze and make a movie critique even when the movie was not yet finished and make assumptions about how it will end.

I ate pistachios today – your favorite. They were supposed to be a “pasalubong” for you from a relative abroad. Your favorite imported soaps are also still in your cabinet, and I don’t know if I will use them because their scent reminds me of you and makes me miss you even more.

Do you still remember when I was still sleeping with you and Dad until I was 6 years old and how I’d tuck my hand under your armpit and I’d fall asleep right after? I still do that now, but with my husband. lol You probably must’ve thought how weird is this kind of behavior from your youngest child. And yet, you still let me do it.

I hope you were at peace when God took you from us – it was my only prayer while you were at the hospital. Losing you is a tragedy that doesn’t seem to have an ending. We may not agree on certain things, but I want you to know that I am deeply sorry if there were times when I hurt your feelings.

It was never my intention to hurt you, and all I ever wanted was to love you like how you wanted to be loved. You will always be the best Mom for me. And it is because of you that’s why I am who I am today.

Oh Mom, how do you make this pain more tolerable? I wish I had your wit and your wisdom. You seem to have an answer and a solution to everything. Everyone in the family confided with you when it came to their problems and sought your advice.

I was also hoping you’d still get to see your grandkids, my future children (if God wills it I still bear a child). But, I guess that will no longer happen. Losing you is very painful, and I am not sure when will I be grieving. The only consolation I have now is that you’re no longer suffering from pain.

Help me to be brave like you, Mom. And yet I know you will tell me to trust God because He is the only one who sees everything and that He is always in control.

Thank you for everything, Mommy. I will cherish all the memories we’ve had with you – the good and the bad. I may sometimes wish that I’d be with you sooner, and yet I know I still have to look forward to what lies ahead if God will tell me to stay a little longer.

I love you always, and no one can ever replace you in my heart because there is only one person who carried me in her womb and brought me into this world – you.

Always your youngest child,

Nen”

“God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, no crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”- Revelation 21:4

Pasig City’s EMERGENCY GO BAG

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This is the surprise I was telling you about in one of my previous articles. I am one happy girl because I’ve only been here in Manila for a couple of months and I wasn’t planning on staying long pero nakahabol pa sa isang napakagandang sorpresa galing sa aming butihin and beloved city mayor na si Mayor Vico Sotto. 😍

Ano nga ba itong pa-sorpresa ni Mayor Vico? Well, it’s none other than…the EMERGENCY GO BAG! Yay! Super taba ng puso ko lalo na’t ni-distribute nila sa mga taga-Pasig noong February – buwan ng mga puso. Dagdag naman ito sa naguumapaw na pogi points ni Mayor pero syempre hindi na ako dadagdag sa statistics ng mga may super crush kay Mayor Vico. ‘Yung akin kasi ay crush lang. 😂

To Mayor Vico and the rest of the Pasig LGU team, we are forever grateful sainyo for taking good care of every Pasigueño sa pamamagitan ng mga magaganda ninyong proyekto and initiatives. ♥️ Tunay ngang umaagos ang pag-asa sa Pasig. At syempre salamat ng marami sa Maykapal who continuously provides everything that I need. 🙏

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6:33

Sakto dahil ang Emergency Go Bag na binili ko ay nasira na at pinaglaruan at kinalmot ng bunso naming muning. Kaya it’s best to place your Emergency Go Bags somewhere that is out of reach ng mga bata and pets, but still easy to get during emergencies.

Check out my video below to see what’s inside Pasig City’s Emergency Go Bag and you can also use it as a guide when preparing for your Bug Out Bag (BOB):

Nagpaganda pa talaga ako para lang sa cover photo ng video na ‘yan. Syempre nakakahiya naman kay Mayor Vico kung mapanood nya ito at ang dungis dungis ko. 😆 Nah, I just tried the new makeup I bought from Nichido. I am already starting to shift to paraben-free cosmetics and other organic skincare and beauty products at kasama sya sa lifestyle modification na ginagawa ko towards healthy living para makaiwas sa cancer.

Human Nature Organic Hair Serum, Nichido Ultra Stay Matte Lipstick (para kissable lips lagi lol), Nichido Contour Stick, Utrolig (sort of a wonder ointment given by my sister from Norway), Mink Peek-Ini (to whiten the bikini area para hindi magulat ob-gyn ko ‘pag nagpa-executive checkup ako lol)
Mga hindi pa paraben-free na skincare and beauty products that I use now, and some of them bigay lang din ng loved ones. Thank you, dear family! ♥️
Ang hirap pala maglagay ng winged eyeliner sa mga tulad ko na may hooded lids. First time ko gawin ito because I don’t wear makeup often. Kaso na-tempt ako i-try ang tattoo eyeliner ng Maybelline in preparation for the summer sweat. Tbh, ang pimple ko talaga ang nagdala. 🤣

I am also grateful na ang talipapa malapit sa condo ay may tinda every day na lettuce. Binawasan ko ang proportion of my white rice consumption kasi batang kanin ako dati dahil sagana sa bigas sa bahay galing sa tanim naming palay. 😁 Aside sa lettuce and other veggies, I also added chick peas, eggs, olives, and mushrooms sa usual na sources ko ng protein sa diet like chicken, fish, and pork meat. Hindi sa akin problema kumain ng gulay kasi fave snacks ko ay gulay gaya ng steamed okra, raw carrots, and pickles. Yep, I know I’m weird. lol

Right now curious ako sa isang native Bicolano dish na “kurakding.” Baka may nakakaalam sainyo saan pwede makahanap nito because I want to document how it is grown, harvested, and prepared para gawing ulam na gulay. Plan ko kasi i-propagate sa bukid namin as an alternative source ng protein. Kung need umakyat ng bundok para makita how to harvest them, do count me in. 💪

Ito ang best friend ko ngayon – no need to pat dry the lettuce using paper towels.

As much as possible, I stick to this diet with salad twice a day. Hindi rin ako palainom ng milk dati, but right now I take 1 glass a day altho hindi sya nonfat. I also drink 1 Yakult per day or any probiotic drink. Ang medyo ‘di lang ako consistent sa ngayon ay ang sa physical activity because well, what am I supposed to do in a 45-sqm space (altho I do love small houses because they’re easier to clean)? lol Hindi naman pwedeng linis lang ako ng linis kahit wala nang lilinisin. 😆

In fairness, konti lang sa nail polish ko ang nag-chip kahit 2 weeks na nakalipas ng panay hugas, laba, at linis. 👍😀
Ito ang sagot sa matagal mag-chip na nail polish (given by my Mom-in-law). 🥰 Hindi nga lang sya paraben-free. 🙁

Bawi na lang ako pagkauwi ng Bicol sa physical activity. I do a couple of dance routines but still, my movement here is limited. I am happy though that I am able to maintain my weight sa 58kg. So far, ‘nung ni-calculate ko sa BMI calculator sa website ng NIH (National Institutes of Health), nasa normal range pa din sya given my height and age na din.

Pero malapit na sya sa pagiging overweight. I don’t want to lose weight because I look older kapag payat ako. Mas bagay sa akin ang may laman ng konti, and I also need to prepare my body just in case I get sick or I need to undergo any kind of treatment. So, you’ll definitely see more of my heart-shaped face with matching Jobee (chubby) cheeks. Bawal pisilin, please.

Mukha daw akong Geisha sabi ng asawa ko. So ano ba talaga ako – Koreana o Haponesa? Of course, Bicolana. 😍

Actually, I think I am aging backwards. lol I still have to find out if this is a good thing or a bad thing. 🤔 Anyway, here’s something upbeat to chase your Monday blues away at mag-aaral pa ako para sa online class maya-maya. Ciao! 🥰

KonsultaMD + Singlife & Sun Life: Are They Worth It?

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This year, God is telling me to prioritize my health above anything else. And once again, God never fails to provide when you ask.

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

My KonsultaMD activation came just in time for the celebration of International Women’s Day yesterday. Ah yes, thank You, Lord, for this wonderful gift. 🙏

And yes, it’s really a blessing because I got 3 months’ worth of free access including 1 video and unlimited voice consultations with a general practitioner/specialist. Super awesome, right? I can’t wait to ask the doctor every question I could think of like, “Doc, as a man of Science, do you think the air there in Nibiru is toxic to humans?” Or how salty is salty? Or why is cancer called “cancer”? Can’t we call it “Scorpio” or “Capricorn”? Or how about “Taurus”? 😂

Most likely the doctor will red-tag me as the worst patient ever in human history. lol And the next time I consult with the doctor, he/she is going to tell me to stop pestering him/her with all this nonsense. But I already prepared an answer for that, too: “Oh I am terribly sorry, Doc. I thought you’re an AI Doctor.” 😆

Okay now, let’s skip the jokes lest the doctors who get to read this block me on the app forever. Going back to KonsultaMD, if you’re wondering how I got the free access, it’s included in the new Singlife health insurance I purchased through the GCash app. For the past weeks, I’ve been researching and comparing the differences between HMOs (Health Maintenance Organizations), health insurance, and VUL (Variable Universal Life) insurance. We all know that getting sick can be quite expensive, and we don’t want to spend all our life savings on hospital bills and medications.

I was doing my research on insurance the past weeks, thus, the WordPress hibernation. Another reason for my absence is that I have to limit my digital footprint as part of my preparations for yet another task. So this means I’ll be setting the visibility of this blog to “private” after a few weeks. But I’ll change it to “public” again when the time is right (because I just love my WordPress community). I was also busy “scrounging” the internet for any free medical services that I could find so I can share them with the breast cancer support groups on Facebook.

The number of breast cancer warriors who do not have the means to get their medical checkups is still increasing. My heart bleeds for these women. Sometimes I can’t help but cry because some of them are too sick and have been suffering from severe pain for a long time already because they don’t even have enough money for their basic needs.

But how do I help them? I feel like I only have 5 barley loaves and fishes and there are thousands to feed (Matthew 14:17-19). Day and night, every time I see a post asking for help where to get free medical consultations, lab tests, medicines, etc., I would pray to God to give me the resources to help them.

And God answered – I came across these free events and lectures (thanks, Doc Emmeline!) on social media. I am also praying for opportunities to accompany some of the women in the group especially those who are alone, are too weak to go to nearby hospitals, are too scared, are at a total loss for what to do and where to start, or don’t have enough money to pay for transportation expenses.

Unfortunately, this will have to wait because I’m currently busy helping my husband prepare for his exam this coming Monday. I am praying he will pass the exam so he can achieve his dream of working abroad. I am so happy to see how God is working in my husband’s life right now. It also motivates me to trust God even more. After sending him off, I hope I can devote some of my time doing volunteer work for breast cancer warriors back home.

Why Singlife?

I discovered Singlife through Globe’s GCash app back in 2020 when the Covid-19 pandemic started. I wasn’t able to activate the free health insurance though which covered illnesses like Covid-19 and dengue because I didn’t need it at that time. But after what happened to Mom, I thought that now was the perfect time to explore what Singlife has to offer.

I chose Singlife because it’s a low-risk investment, and yet offers higher coverage compared to HMOs (up to 100-120k only). But it is best to use the HMOs during medical emergencies. A lot of my friends tried to convince me to get a Sun Life insurance a few years ago (and until now), but I told them I’ll hold off getting one for now.

I guess these are the advantages of delayed gratification – you get to wait for a service or product to improve after some time, maximize the benefits later on, and get your money’s worth because there are now better options. My other reason for not getting Sun Life insurance is that my husband and I do not have kids. We don’t have beneficiaries in other words.

I am also apprehensive about getting one after what happened to previous insurance companies that went bankrupt, and policyholders weren’t able to get their invested funds back. Now that the US is heading toward another economic recession, I am unsure how these insurance companies will protect their policyholders’ funds that were invested in stocks and other volatile investments given the global economic outlook in the coming years.

Sun Life’s VUL insurances are a bit of a high-risk investment for me. Though I am considering getting their Business Owner Insurance Package later on God willing. I’m assuming this is one of their new insurance plans so this means conducting due diligence on my end and assessing how our family’s business could benefit from this insurance package. I’m considering it as another option that will add an extra layer of protection (buffer funds) to help sustain the business and recover in case of an economic collapse. Agripreneurs, by the way, can insure their businesses through the Philippine Crop Insurance Corporation under the Department of Agriculture.

As for Singlife, it offers more flexibility when it comes to monthly premiums. I tried the 100-in-1 Medical Plan, and I am looking into buying another plan (Cash for Medical Costs), which offers a higher monthly premium to increase my insurance coverage. But I’ll wait until the free KonsultaMD subscription of my first Singlife plan ends so it won’t overlap with the new plan.

My only prayer now is to find a way to share these unlimited consultations with some of the women in the BC support groups. How I wish I was allowed to schedule a doctor’s appointment on their behalf using my account. So my next task is to explore these opportunities and continue to look for more of them. As they say, when a door won’t open after you knocked, break it down. I’m kidding. We just keep on looking for more doors to open.

I am planning to share all about Singlife on social media because I believe this will help reduce the number of patients trying to avail the free medical services offered by public hospitals. Those who can afford to pay the monthly premiums offered by Singlife can choose a plan that fits their budget. The benefit of having one is that policyholders get to skip long lines and long waiting times to schedule laboratory tests and initial medical consultations (thru KonsultaMD) aside from the cash benefit that they can claim upon diagnosis of an illness and during hospitalization.

I am praying though that more doctors will sign up at KonsultaMD. We can expect more inquiries coming in and possibly more health insurance applications and medical consultations once I share this on social media. I also noticed there is 0-1 doctor only listed under some specializations. I hope there are still more doctors who can accommodate consultations via KonsultaMD in their schedules. Don’t worry Docs, we will try to ask (nonsensical) questions sparingly. ✌️

When it comes to the KonsultaMD app’s overall interface, it is very user-friendly. It is also easy to access and switch from one app feature to the other. And I love the portion of the app where they have a list of comprehensive medical checkup packages (prices included) classified according to gender, age, and illness. I find this very helpful because I plan to have my executive checkup soon though I am feeling well right now, and it’s next on my to-do list after I send off ze hubby. In summary, our best option to safeguard our assets, investments, and life savings when we get sick is to maximize what we can benefit from our HMO, health insurance, and PhilHealth.

And yes, we also never stop looking for opportunities to offer help in any way we can, especially to those who are in dire need of medical assistance. I agree with Prof. Samar Aoun, one of the speakers at the recently held webinar hosted by the European Association for Palliative Care, when she emphasized the need for reflective practice by addressing social needs (identifying the circumstances surrounding the need) and not just look into the pathological lens when it comes to understanding and dealing with patients.

To end this article, here’s my favorite quotation by Edward Everett Hale that hopefully will encourage us all to keep on doing what is good and what is best for everyone:

“I am only one, but I am one; I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do I ought to do, and what I ought to do, by God’s grace, I will do.”

P.S. God’s surprises never end here. Stay tuned for my next post. 🙂

Hospice Care 101 | Making Peace With Death

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I often wondered what is it with death that we are so afraid of. Maybe we’re not really afraid about dying per se, but more of how we are going to die. The topic of death has always been considered morbid and taboo. And yet all the more that we should talk about it because acceptance is always the pathway to peace.

When God placed a desire in my heart about hospices after my Mom passed away last year due to stage 4 breast cancer and the possibility of providing hospice care on our farm in the future, I asked Him to give me the means to make it happen. And it looks like I got my confirmation because He sent me a whole lot of resources and instructions to prepare for it. Or maybe this was the work of Facebook’s algorithm since I’ve been doing research on hospice care which is why I was getting similar recommendations on my newsfeed. 😀

By the way, I don’t have a personal Facebook account because I deactivated it. I have 1 dummy account though where I only have 1 friend and she’s my spiritual Mom/coach/mentor. I mainly use Facebook to stay updated with news and current events.

Here are some of the organizations I found if you need information on hospice care:

The Philippine Society of Hospice and Palliative Medicine – https://www.pshpm.org/

Asia Pacific Hospice Palliative Care Network – https://aphn.org/

The European Association for Palliative Care is also conducting a free webinar on February 21, 2024 at 5pm (Manila Time) entitled “Public Health Approaches to Bereavement Support.” Here’s the link to register: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/9717054994060/WN_A7NsLepPSIO2sn28NnZx9Q?fbclid=IwAR1KbkSVq0tRwg3MVTQXfmXUrVVvXab0TXiicyzBcL2F6NZzY8jvdd4qMyU#/registration.

I also chanced upon the website of the National Institute on Aging, which is one of the institutes of the National Institutes of Health in the U.S. It’s a privilege to be able to subscribe to their weekly newsletters and receive free caregiving tips and resources, which are all very informative.

I cannot tell though if the fulfillment of these plans will happen in my lifetime, but this might inspire others to follow suit if they also receive the same calling. But first, let’s define hospice care.

What Is Hospice Care?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defined it as “a program designed to provide palliative care and emotional support to the terminally ill in a home or homelike setting so that quality of life is maintained and family members may be active participants in care. It is also a facility that provides such a program.”

The hospice project proposal and draft for another project are currently at 30% and 20% progress rates, respectively. I still have a lot of work to do. But, all in God’s perfect time. And I cannot work on a project without listening to worship songs. It’s a must. 😉

What To Do During The Terminal Stage Of An Illness?

It is part of my preparations to always assume the worst-case scenario. This helps me prepare holistically. However, I would suggest limiting these worst-case assumptions to a minimum because they can trigger anxiety, and we don’t want that. So let’s say I am diagnosed with a terminal illness, how am I going to take it?

1. Seek For Expert Opinion Re Treatments

I’ll ask my doctor how long I have like if I opt to go through all the treatments, will I have a couple of years and if I don’t, do I have a couple of months only to live? I will also ask what is my quality of life after receiving the treatments. Will I be able to live a normal life again?

If the answer will depend on how my body will respond to the treatments, then it’s a “go.” If my body won’t be able to survive the treatments, then I’m choosing palliative care and pain management instead.

2. Plan My Next Move

I did ask God what more can I do if I only had a couple of months or years to live. Because I felt like I could only do so much in just a short span of time. And yet God’s answer was that what we might consider as small efforts now may actually have a lasting and significant impact later on.

One example is meeting another patient who is already on the verge of ending his/her life, but by talking to him/her, hope in God is restored and this person is now helping others as a result. Or it could be a student who will be inspired by my testimony, and decades from now, that kid will become the President of this country who fears God and will genuinely serve his people. It’s like God was saying that there are plenty of opportunities to touch other people’s lives that don’t really require that much effort and too much time.

3. Prepare For The Actual Battle

We never go to a battle unprepared. And we don’t prepare ourselves only, but those around us, too. It is also important to be surrounded by people who can pray for you and encourage you to keep on fighting. The church is the right community for this.

Equipping warriors with the Armor of God in every battle (Ephesians 6:11-13). JEHOVAH NISSI. 🗡️🛡️

Breast cancer support groups, in a way, provide emotional and psychological help and other information based on every patient’s journey. But, we can’t totally rely on them because most of the people in these groups are going through treatments or have a family member who is ill. When one member dies, it can pull the morale of the rest of the members down.

Because when this happens, I know the next questions that will pop into their minds are these, “Lord, am I next? When will my time come?” Questions like these, if they are what occupy the patient’s mind often, will result in depression. And in the webinars I attended, when depression hits, it affects every treatment plan, especially if the patient doesn’t want to eat and take their medications or continue the treatments.

So I actually came up with this mantra to combat depression – we do not mourn the living, we mourn the dead. We can’t be sad all the time and cry over how difficult life is as a sick person. We don’t lose heart, but we keep moving forward. As long as we still breathe, we move forward. We call this in UP as “Padayon.” ✊

4. Pray And Let God Take Control

Once I start with my treatments, I will leave the results to God. Whether I get healed or my condition worsens, I will accept what God’s will is for me. If ever I decide to push through with palliative care, then I will let nature run its own course just like the stance of Ezekiel Emanuel, an oncologist, to refuse all treatments after the age of 75. You may read more about it in the following articles:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/doctors-argument-living-longer

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11619519/amp/White-House-oncologist-Obamacare-architect-wants-die-75.html

Can We Ever Get Used To Seeing People Die?

I once asked my second sister who works as a nurse in a nursing home in Norway how she ever got used to seeing patients die. How do you care for someone without getting emotionally attached and not be sad when he/she passes away?

My sister answered that you will never get used to it. You somehow just learn to accept it. I guess we can learn from doctors, too, and how they approach every patient’s case objectively. However, this isn’t always the case like what our pastor shared in church about how one doctor cried because the patient, a member of the congregation, was all good to undergo surgery but suddenly died the next day. And they weren’t expecting it at all.

This is why I have so much respect for doctors. What they do is really not easy. Also, not all patients are the same. There are those who will use 15 minutes of the doctor’s time venting out his/her sob story but still fail to answer directly the doctor’s question of what their concern is. 😁✌️ Then there are those who are sometimes too stubborn to obey doctor’s orders (is that you, Christine? lol). And there are those who blame the doctors when results turn out differently than what they’re expecting (this is definitely not me). But, we all love and care for these patients just the same.

That is why I keep on praying to God that doctors will be given the best support system that they could ever have may it be in the form of trusted friends, a spiritual family, loving parents and siblings, a supportive partner, or awesome kids (even if they can get too rowdy sometimes). And this is also what I was hoping the hospice facility would be able to provide – whatever the dying patient wishes, it will be granted (as long as it is reasonable).

Look To Jesus For Salvation Amid Suffering

Each one of us will go through different ways of dying. Each of these deaths will have its own struggles and pain – except for those who died instantly. We will all go through these struggles before our last breath. And yet we should not be afraid.

Instead, we look up to Jesus and how He conquered death. And yet even His death did not happen in His own timeline. Only God knows when we leave this world. What really matters is what we do with this one life that we have here on Earth.

If we’ve been born again, then we only have one purpose and that is to use our lives for God’s plans and His glory. We are a living testimony of God’s grace through every pain, every sorrow, and every suffering that we encounter in this life. The book of Revelation already gave us a glimpse of what those who endured suffering will get in the end – the promise of eternal life. This is a wonderful place to look forward to because in it there will be no more pain, no more sickness, and no more death. ❤️

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:1-4

P.S. Here are some videos that I felt like God wanted me to watch as part of our preparation for the hospice project. Again, providing hospice care may or may not materialize in our lifetime, but maybe those who get to read this article might benefit from watching these videos. These videos can be emotionally heavy for some so I suggest being ready with your comfort food, favorite hobby, or a trip someplace else after watching these videos to release all the negative emotions. And don’t forget your rolls of tissue. *sniff*

“5 Things You Should Know When Someone Is Actively Dying”
“How Doctors Tell Patients They’re Dying | Being Mortal | Frontline”
“Before I Die: A Day With Terminally Ill Patients | Death Land #2”
“Inside The Children’s ICU | Episode 4: Facing Death”
“The Last Hours With Our Daughter”
“Brain Cancer: Dying To Live, Living To Die In 4:42 Minutes”