The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
If you are single, I have an advice: do not marry.
1. Do not marry if your heart is not in the right place.
And if you will ask me where the right place is, it’s with God. Your heart should be after God’s heart first. Only then will you know how to love your spouse the way that God would want you to love him or her. You cannot give the love that your significant other deserves if you haven’t experienced God’s love in your life, and your heart is not aligned with His.
2. Do not marry if your spouse is not your top priority next to God.
This is where cleaving comes in. You and your spouse were called to be married to build a family of your own – the two of you and your future kids. God will come first, your spouse next, then your biological family, your career, and lastly, your ministry. Do not marry if you cannot be with your spouse through thick and thin.
3. Do not marry if you wish to pursue only your goals.
Talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend about your plans for the future. Make sure that they are aligned with one another, and both of you are going towards the right direction or trying to pursue similar goals in life. AND also, talk it out what both of you plan to do in case one of you changed his or her plans when you’re already married. It is very important for couples to talk about this early on in the relationship. Some marriages fail because they were unable to prepare for this particular scenario.
4. Do not marry if you can’t let go of some of your habits as a single person.
Both of you have to adjust when you finally get married. And this includes letting go of habits such as confiding to your best friend who is from the opposite sex every time you and your spouse are having marital problems. This is to avoid emotional infidelity. Also, prioritize your spouse first before your friends or any other person. If you have only 1 day in a week as your rest day, choose to spend it with your spouse. If your spouse is understanding enough, he or she will allow you to meet with friends and relatives every now and then. Let go of any addiction before getting married, it will ruin your marriage.
5. Do not marry if you haven’t asked your significant other about having or not having kids.
This is very crucial. Sometimes plans when it comes to having kids change after getting married. Talk it out with your partner what both of you are going to do should 5 years after your wedding, one of you doesn’t want to have kids anymore.
6. And lastly, do not marry if you are not genuinely in love with your partner.
What is love? My answer is 1 Corinthians 13. And marry for the right reasons. What are these? Get married because you adore the person so much and can’t live without him or her. Marry the person if you love him or her enough that being with her or him is like being home. Don’t marry if you’re looking for a trophy wife or trophy husband. And don’t marry someone to move on from an old flame. Choose to marry because that is what God has called you to do and you want God to be the center of your marriage. Because when God is included in your marriage, even if it goes through the fiery furnace, it will withstand the burning flames because you both know how it is to love one another just as God has loved you. And it takes three to make a marriage work – God, you, and your spouse.
If you are not yet married, I hope these nuggets of wisdom will help you avoid the pitfalls that trapped so many couples and sadly, they weren’t able to save their marriages. If you are also struggling in your marriage, I pray that God will give you the wisdom, peace, and discernment to make the right decisions. And if your marriage already failed, I pray that you will heal, learn from the experience, and be able to make a new start this time aligned according to God’s will and plans for our lives.
And this is why I couldn’t emphasize enough how important item #1 is. Everything will go back and will have to start with God. This is the only way to make your relationship fireproof until death parts you both – God at the center between the husband and the wife. 🙏
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12
“Hi, I’m Yellow Tin Tuna, I mean Yellow Tin Human.” And there she goes again. 😄
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, when the funds are low and the debts are high, and you want to smile but you have to sigh, when care is pressing you down a bit – rest if you must, but don’t you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns. As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow – you may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man; Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup; and he learned too late when the night came down, how close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out – the silver tint of the clouds of doubt, and when you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems afar; so stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit – it’s when things seem worst, you must not quit.
I was looking for the Filipino-English dictionary in our book shelf and found this magazine instead from Kuya’s stuff when he was still studying at the Philippine Military Academy. Dito ko una nabasa ang poem na “Don’t Quit.”
My brother is one of my accountability partners na tiga-sabi sa akin ng “don’t quit.” Sya rin actually nag-introduce ng faith sa akin. Dahil napagod na sya kaka-advise kapag nagte-text ako sa kanya ng madaling araw back in 2012 dahil sa mga problema ko. 🤣 Nah, kami kasi magkasunod sa magkakapatid kahit pa 5 years ang agwat naming dalawa kaya mas close ako sa Kuya ko. But I also love my sisters just the same and I get to talk to them always, too. ❤️
My brother has been serving the country as a military officer since 2006. And I must say na napakalaki ng influence nya sa akin pagdating hindi lang sa faith kundi pati in life in general. And if ever matuloy ang plan ko to have an IUI (via sperm donor from a fertility clinic) and ma-diagnose ako with breast cancer later in life and ‘di ko sya ma-survive, I will ask my brother and my sis-in-law to adopt my child.
O di ba, ganun ako kalayo magplano. Tapos sasabihin ni God, nagsayang ka lang ng energy Tin dahil hindi ‘yan ang plano ko for you. lol Saklap. 😆 But seriously, if ever that happens, my bro and sister-in-law will be my first choice para sa magiging adoptive parents ng aking anak. My sis-in-law will make a very good Mom (she adopted not less than 5 street cats and still counting 😁). She is a flight attendant at Cebu Pacific, and I call her “the Gal Gadot of the Philippines” because she really looks like her – the Asian version. 😍
Taken during Kuya’s NAG graduation in 2010 kung tama pagkakaalala ko.Friends, madali lang pala magpaandar ng eroplano. Parang nagda-drive ka lang ng kotse……sa panaginip. With the Phil Navy Cessna PlaneBawal po pala mag-drive ng eroplano nang naka-skirt.Bakit kaya? 🤔Ang Pamaypay. Bow.Miss you, Mom. ❤️
Kasama din pala sa mga nagpe-perform during the flying exhibition sa Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival ang mga piloto ng Naval Air Wing (formerly Naval Air Group) of the Philippine Navy represented by the top officer of their class.
Circa 2013: 18th Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival w/ Victory GT Toyota (UP Diliman) churchmates @ ClarkAir Base.
Speaking of hot air balloon festivals, Bicol will also be having its very own hot air balloon event on May3-5, 2024, which will be held at the old Legazpi airport as part of the Bicol Loco Festival. I hope my 3rd sister will join me to watch this event and hopefully Dad, too, if he is fit enough to travel. And I’m praying for a clear and picturesque view of the ever beautiful and ever perfect Mt. Mayon as the backdrop. 😍
At dahil kailangan ko maghanap ng old photos for this post, I had to reactivate (and deactivate again lol) my personal Fb account, and I found myself reminiscing. Sakto sa #flashbackFriday feels kaya minabuti ko nang mag-screenshot ng ibang photos just in case may mangyari sa Meta, at least may kopya pa din sa WordPress.
Nakaka-miss balikan ang mga happy memories and fun times with friends, former coworkers and classmates, and relatives. Ah yes, it was a past lived well. But God is calling me now to make more meaningful memories with new faces in new places – I am very much looking forward to it. And yet not my will, but His will be done always. ❤️
But wait, introvert nga pala ako. Introvert nga ba talaga ako? 🤔🤣
P.S. Para akong Camaro ngayon na nagre-rev sa garahe, naka-standby lang. Pero kapag binuksan na ang pinto ng garahe, kakaripas na until I’m out of sight. 😂 So baka ang mga susunod kong blog posts ay mga 1 sentence na lang kasi sobrang busy na. lol
My next post actually is for the breast cancer community because I am currently consolidating data regarding the medical assistance provided by different government agencies lalo na para sa mga indigents. Ang hirap mag-copy and paste every time na my nagtatanong kaya naisipan ko dito ko na lang sa blog i-post then share na lang ang link sa mga nagtatanong. Dahil sa kaka-share ko sa breast cancer support groups e napagkamalan tuloy akong resource person kaya andaming nagtatanong. 😅
But I am very happy to help. ♥️ Dahil ito lang ang maitutulong ko sa kanila because time is what I have now – oras para mag-research at oras para sagutin ang kanilang mga katanungan. Kagaya kay Nanay. I am praying na sana nakatulong sa kanya ang info. 🙏 Gusto ko rin sana sya samahan personally para tulungan sya kaso busy na din ako tulungan husband ko now para sa pag-alis nya.
Panawagan ko lang sa mga ahensya ng gobyerno na sana may Filipino version din ang mga instructions sa mga websites nila dahil ang hirap lang kaya mag-translate from English-Filipino. Waaaaah 😭 Sunggo much na ako. Tissue, please.
Ang haba na pala ng postscript ko. lol K. Tnx. Bye.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” – Galatians 6:9-10
Adulting is hard not because we are not up to the responsibilities that accompany it. Rather, the decisions that we have to make can weigh us down, especially if these decisions can alter how we live our lives and all other decisions that we will be making in the future.
Circumstances brought me here to Manila to do a lot of contemplating on what to do next. And one of them is about breast cancer. Yes, I plan to have an executive checkup here in Manila after my husband leaves for abroad. I already inquired in one of the hospitals in our province, unfortunately, they don’t offer executive checkups yet.
If my breast ultrasound (included in the executive checkup) comes out clear, I still plan on consulting with Mom’s oncologist when I get back to Bicol to ask if I should still have a mammogram since I’m only 38 years old. The recommended age for having a mammogram is 40 years old and above.
But given our family’s history of breast cancer, I would like to know what my options are. To be honest though, I feel awkward consulting with male doctors. 😁 I don’t know why in my previous consultations and even when I was hospitalized because of dengue, all the doctors who attended to me were all females though I never requested it.
Please don’t get me wrong because I am no sexist. It’s just that I feel like I can’t bare my heart out to a male doctor. lol Now, that gives you an idea already that I don’t have guy friends. To all the male doctors out there, I send you greetings of peace. ✌️😁 With female doctors, I tend to be very talkative especially when I’m nervous.
But it looks like my Mom’s oncologist will be an exception because of 2 things. First, I trust him because I already witnessed how he and the other doctors helped Mom manage her illness even though she’s in a very critical condition already. And second, I read this article on why credentials matter when choosing a doctor. He’s got strong credentials, so I’m assuming he’s the best of the best. Or maybe I’m just biased. lol Nah, he is the best in town – there’s no need for second-guessing here. 👍 These two factors are very important because basically, my life will depend on him.
I have a lot of questions that I’ve been meaning to ask him once we meet. One of them is if it’s a better alternative to have a double mastectomy just like what Angelina Jolie did to minimize the possibility of having breast cancer later on. But here’s my problem. What if I still want to have kids?
A double/bilateral mastectomy would mean I will no longer be able to breastfeed. After seeing the testimonies of other patients in the breast cancer support groups, I have decided not to push through with breast reconstruction surgery (skin grafting/implant), if ever, to lessen the chances of a recurrence or getting an infection. Although I read one case wherein after a bilateral mastectomy, the patient still had a recurrence on her chest wall this time.
I guess breast cancer cases really vary depending on whether the type of breast cancer is aggressive or not. I am hoping Dad’s genes are more dominant than my Mom’s, and my siblings and I will be spared from having breast cancer later on. Then I suddenly remembered that my Dad’s aunt (the sister of his dad) passed away because of breast cancer, too.
Yes, it will be a miracle if I die later on because of old age or any other sickness. But nothing is impossible with God. And if we also do our part to live a healthy lifestyle and have our regular checkups, then I believe dying of old age is still achievable.
Right now, all my siblings (1 brother and 3 sisters) are doing okay, by God’s grace, and they are between the ages of 40-50 already. But the thing is, we all haven’t had any breast cancer screenings lately.
I’m on a mission now to convince them to accompany me when we visit the doctor so they can have their checkups, too. I don’t know if my siblings are up to it because on my end, I am not afraid of whatever the findings are. Because when I do trust the doctor, even if I’m about to die, I will be at peace. My only request is to make my dying as painless as possible. Oh, and also, I want to die pretty.
I’m sure the doctor will tell me, “Tin, maybe what you need is a makeup artist and not a doctor.” 😅 Seriously though, nothing is more difficult than making decisions wherein your life is at stake. It’s as if you are given choices that will still eventually lead to you dying. What you’re actually given are options to die sooner or later.
So, how do I take this? It really depends on what God’s will is. Because right now, I am ready to go any time. I am at peace with everything because I already achieved some of my dreams, I did what I’ve always wanted to do in life, my siblings are doing okay, Dad has lived in full circle, and my husband has a bright future ahead of him – I am already content.
But as always, not our will but let God’s will be done always. We only do what is required of us, then we let God do the rest. Right now, I am contemplating whether having a child will still be my priority or if living cancer-free will take center stage from here onwards.
I still would want a child though even if I have it through IUI (as suggested by our ob-gyn 6 years ago but hubby was not yet ready). The thing is, my pregnancy will increase the estrogen levels in my body, and estrogen is what cancer cells feed on. However, if having a kid is not meant to be, then just like what Heart Evangelista said, “maybe we’re really not meant to have it all.”
When it comes to living a life with a flat chest because of bilateral mastectomy, the matriarchs in our family survived breast cancer and still got to live meaningful lives until they became seniors. For our generation, only God knows our fate. 🙂
Decisions, decisions. Make them wise, make them count. This I claim, and this I pray. 🙏
Let’s backtrack to a ’90s song (I’m a ’90s kid) that became a dance hit because I am feeling sentimental this Saturday. 😌
“Teach us (Lord) to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12
I requested a copy of Mom’s death certificate online today and once again, tears just started streaming down my face as I wrote her death day. It’s been 7 months since Mom passed away, and yet grief still lingers – the pain lingers. Indeed, what they say is true. The pain will never go away. You just learn to move on with your life, but the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. And yes, things will just never be the same.
For today’s blog post, I wanted to write a letter to my Mom just to lessen the pain a little bit. ❤️
“Dear Mommy,
I miss you terribly. I miss your text messages and our long conversations over the phone (not less than 2 hours) just talking about anything. I miss watching movies with you and how we would analyze and make a movie critique even when the movie was not yet finished and make assumptions about how it will end.
I ate pistachios today – your favorite. They were supposed to be a “pasalubong” for youfroma relative abroad. Your favorite imported soaps are also still in your cabinet, and I don’t know if I will use them because their scent reminds me of you and makes me miss you even more.
Do you still remember when I was still sleeping with you and Dad until I was 6 years old and how I’d tuck my hand under your armpitand I’d fall asleep right after? I still do that now, but with my husband. lolYou probably must’ve thought how weird is this kind of behavior from your youngest child. And yet, you still let me do it.
I hope you were at peace when God took you from us – it was my only prayer while you were at the hospital. Losing you is a tragedy that doesn’t seem to have an ending. We may not agree on certain things, but I want you to know that I am deeply sorry if there were times when I hurt your feelings.
It was never my intention to hurt you, and all I ever wanted was to love you like how you wanted to be loved. You will always be the best Mom for me. And it is because of you that’s why I am who I am today.
Oh Mom, how do you make this pain more tolerable? I wish I had your wit and your wisdom. You seem to have an answer and a solution to everything. Everyone in the family confided with you when it came to their problems and sought your advice.
I was also hoping you’d still get to see your grandkids, my future children (if God wills it I still bear a child). But, I guess that will no longer happen. Losing you is very painful, and I am not sure when will I be grieving. The only consolation I have now is that you’re no longer suffering from pain.
Help me to be brave like you, Mom. And yet I know you will tell me to trust God because He is the only one who sees everythingand that He is always in control.
Thank you for everything, Mommy. I will cherish all the memories we’ve had with you – the good and the bad. I may sometimes wish that I’d be with you sooner, and yet I know I still have to look forward to what lies ahead if God will tell me to stay a little longer.
I love you always, and no one can ever replace you in my heart because there is only one person who carried me in her womb and brought me into this world– you.
Always your youngest child,
Nen”
“God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, no crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”- Revelation 21:4
Just one more article before I hibernate here. I thought I should write this in case my recent blog posts gave you the impression that I was born rich. 😀 I’d like to change that assumption by saying that it’s actually the opposite. I grew up in a family that emphasizes frugality and the wise use of money above everything else. Next to it is generosity, which is actually the family legacy started by my great-grandparents. I am writing this post to honor them. ❤️
Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen | Sketch: Rev. Julian BertumenMy late grandma’s accounting of farm expenses back in the 1980s, which is what I’m doing now. But Dad will be the last generation who will be doing this because our generation will be using Microsoft Excel. It’s way easier. 😅
My great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents possessed properties by inheritance and purchased some but shared a decent portion of the harvest from everything that grows there with neighbors and friends. I am praying my siblings and I will be able to pass this legacy to the next generation because this, I believe, is the main purpose that God has given us these lands.
My great grandfather, Reverend Julian Bertumen, or Lolo Daddy as we call him, was born in Bacacay, Albay. He was a Freemason or a member of the Freemasonry before he became a Reverend of the Protestant church. His involvement in the church started in Albay before he transferred to Bulan, my hometown.
Together with my great-grandmother, Eugenia Bertumen or Mamay Gurang, they were able to possess properties not because they earned so much money from their work, but because they lived frugal lives. This was passed on to my grandmother and then to my Mom. I remembered how our late grandma had this set of clothes that she always wore going to church.
Left Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen
Both she and my grandpa only had the basic things needed at home. They lived in a small but very homey nipa hut at the farm. I spent a lot of time with them when I was a toddler every time my parents couldn’t find a babysitter.
A page from my grandma’s journal.I believe my grandma also prayed the way I am praying now that future generations will rekindle that deep connection with nature.A family that is called to be farmers and caretakers of the land one generation after the other. 🙏
My grandma had a very warm personality. She greeted people with her beautiful smile. I think I got most of my grandma’s genes because I discovered from her old belongings that she and I are alike in a lot of things. Like this old Gospel song that I found along with old letters written by her. So now I know where my fascination for Worship songs that speak to the soul came from. 😍
I also found this old photo taken during a church event in Albay in 1940. I think our ancestral roots are closely attached to this place, and I have a strong feeling God wanted each generation of our family to be connected to Albay in one way or the other.
My Mom lived there for quite some time and so did my grandparents and great-grandparents. This must explain why I feel certain emotions when I see Mt. Mayon. Am I an old soul from Albay? 😀 Maybe I’m a reincarnation of Magayon from the folklore. 🤔 Hmm, this means I’ll be dealing with Pangaronon and Pagtuga, too? lol Ugh, enough of the romantic tragedy already. 😩
I’m definitely keeping this very precious and priceless box of memories. ❤️
Does this mean though that I am going to live in Albay, too? Or maybe one of my siblings. Now, I cannot answer because it is only God who leads me where I should go. But the perfect rainbow I saw was in Albay, too. And along with it was God’s promise that He would bring me back to this land (Genesis 28:15). There are just no coincidences in Christianity. 😉
I also have this desire to look for the relatives of my grandma’s best friend who lived in Daraga. I want to know more about her, too. Our Mama must have loved her so much because she gave her best friend the old house where my grandma and grandpa used to live before they relocated to Bulan. Ah yes, that’s how generous my grandparents were. 🥰
“The Parable of the Sower” in Bikol dialect.1973 PBS Pamphlet
I believe my siblings and I are in this season where God is aligning us to the family’s calling, which spans from generation to generation. This also includes the people that we meet who will also play a role in what He will ask us to do in the coming years.
Found this in my grandma’s old stuff, too. It looks like I will be updating this also.
I am sensing that God is asking us to allow Him to realign us with His calling and purpose for our lives. This might involve drastic changes and sacrifices, but we must take comfort in the fact that the things that we can no longer control and what God allows to happen are for our own good.
I believe that this year will be all about renewed purposes for most of us. This year is about seeking His will more than anything. Thus, it is my prayer that more brave souls will surrender to and accept Jesus as their Savior, so they can also see the glory that God is about to bring to His kingdom. 🙏
“Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” – 1 Timothy 6:6-10
“Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good.
They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life.” – 1 Timothy 6:17-19
New Year’s Eve 123123 was by far the most “chill” celebration I’ve had. No stressful planning, no hassle, and everything just went smoothly. Though we terribly miss being with our families during the holidays.
Hubby and I never had any plans on how to celebrate New Year’s Eve except that we will watch the fireworks display in BGC. Our day yesterday started with good news because the result of my repeated urinalysis looked like nothing was off the charts this time.
The doctors are on a holiday break though so I will schedule my consultation with an Internal Medicine doctor possibly on the second week of January.
Lovely piano music courtesy of a patient @ St. Luke’s BGC. 🥰
Then after lunch, hubby and I decided to attend the 5PM service at Victory Fort. I was surprised (but so happy) that I was able to book a Grab ride right away, so we arrived a couple of minutes early.
Victory Fort 5PM Service
Then after the service, we decided to walk just a couple of blocks from Victory Fort to an Indian restaurant called “New Bombay.”
Cozy and very colorful interiors. 👍
I love their huge plates. 😍
When we got to the restaurant, we were the only customers there so it’s like an exclusive dining experience for me and hubby at first. But a couple of minutes later, other guests started arriving.
The menu is about 5 pages long. This means more options and, thus, more reasons to come back to try them all. 😁
I will give this restaurant 5 stars for its great-tasting food, affordability, store accessibility, and excellent customer service. If you’re looking for authentic Indian cuisine in BGC, this is the place to be.
We love Indian food!
They also offer generous servings, and the strawberry yogurt is the perfect drink to pair with the meals. My husband and I tried Mutton Biryani, and I highly recommend this dish. The mutton is so tender, and I like how the spices aren’t too overpowering.
Chola Chat – Samosa
Mutton Biryani(good for 2 pax)
They have a lot of dishes to choose from, and there are also options for vegetarians. We ordered dishes that were somewhat heavy on carbs, so we were just too full to finish everything. lol
Chola Pesawari
Seafood Soup
Then we headed to the concert venue and when we got there, the place was literally jampacked. Hubby and I decided to go to the designated Family Zone instead to avoid the crowd because I’m actually claustrophobic.
On our way to the Family Zone, we ordered Starbucks drinks and oh boy, it took my hubby about an hour to get our order. Long lines were everywhere inside the Family Zone. All the tables were occupied, too, and I was fortunate enough to find a spot on a ledge under the tree. But I think it’s the perfect spot because I got to observe a lot of people. 😃
❤️❤️❤️
Then at around 11:30PM, we started walking towards the Fireworks Viewing Area just a couple of blocks away from the concert grounds.
This BGC catcasually sat down beside me while waiting for the fireworks display. 😃
There were fewer people here, but it’s the perfect spot to watch the fireworks display, which lasted for 10 minutes.
After the concert ended at around 12:50AM, hubby and I chose to stay a little longer while waiting to book a Grab ride going home. We were unsuccessful, so we thought we’ll just walk a couple more blocks and check out what other transportation options we had.
By the way, I prefer walking around because I get to familiarize myself with the neighborhood and observe a lot of scenarios for my next stories. If we brought a car, I also don’t want my husband driving during times like this when heavy traffic’s unpredictable because it’ll get on his nerves and ruin his mood, and he’ll be too tired. I think all guys can relate. 😃
All the beautiful colors and textures are in one frame.
We also passed by a high-end club in BGC and a couple was having an argument. Then another guy looked like he’s already drunk and was about to jump off the second-floor balcony. I was like, “Oh please no, Lord. I don’t want to start my 2024 witnessing a horrible incident.” His friends grabbed him though, so yes, always bring your friends with you if you plan to really get drunk at a party.
Then when we got to the main thoroughfare, my husband was able to hail a cab and by 3AM, we’re already home. My sister’s condo in Pasig is near BGC, so going home isn’t a problem because you’ll have lots of options to choose from.
It was a calm ending for 2023 – simple and yet at peace. I felt God’s assurance reminding me that when He is in control, we have nothing to worry in 2024. I am forever grateful for everything God has blessed me and my family with last year. I pray you are, too. A blessed 2024, everyone! 🥰 🎆❤️🙏
Thank You so much, Lord, for guiding me and my husband always despite our flaws and imperfections. 🙏
“Behold, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19
This year is a year of many “firsts” for me. Holiday plans changed because I had to go to the ER yesterday because of lower abdominal pain though this is the only symptom I have for now. Only to find out it’s another UTI, which is becoming a recurring infection lately.
I did mention in a previous article that we plan to travel to Bicol on the 26th to celebrate New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with my family. Unfortunately, I was advised by Dr. Jacqueline last night to follow up with an Internal Medicine doctor a week from now after I’m done taking the antibiotics. So, plans are canceled.
She explained to me that a recurring infection means my body might not be responding to the prescribed antibiotics so they will need to conduct a culture test to see what is causing the infection and change the treatment plan.
So, while waiting for my lab test results, we decided to walk around BGC. I actually love taking a stroll in the area. The crowd here is a mix of people from all walks of life.
It’s an ideal place for couples and families to hang out because of the great ambiance with plenty of shops and dining options to choose from and comfy places to just sit and relax.
While seated on a bench, a young man approached me. I didn’t know why he didn’t approach the other people beside me. It’s either I look gullible or I look too kind. So that means I succeeded in deceiving him because I am neither of the two. lol I’m kidding. 😅
He started his sales pitch, and I wasn’t totally convinced but I bought one box of pastillas that costs Php250. I think it’s a bit expensive, but I admire his tenacity and boldness to approach strangers even though there’s a 99.9% probability he will be rejected. He is a true-blue entrepreneur, and I really want to imitate entrepreneurs like him.
I pray that the little amount I gave him will help him one way or the other. I didn’t want to pass up this chance, because what if that stranger was actually God testing my heart if I’d be Mrs. Scrooge this holiday season? 😉
I’m not used to spending the holidays away from our families. But I believe this is all part of God’s plans. I read in the FB profile of one of the doctors that I am following on social media to gift yourself an executive check-up on your birthday.
I was having second thoughts about doing this because my birthday happens to be just 2 days away from Christmas. If ever test results turned out bad, that would somehow ruin 2 special occasions – my birthday and Christmas. 😃
But here I am having myself checked and tested because God willed it. He taught me last night that it’s about how we take every bad news that matters. It’s up to us if we let it affect our mood and control our emotions or take it with a positive mindset and focus on what needs to be done and still choose to be joyful and grateful.
Now I understand why some of the breast cancer warriors shared their sentiments about the holidays that they don’t feel like celebrating because of their fight against cancer. Some of them were concerned about what they’re allowed to eat this holiday season, while some were worried about where to have their treatments done because clinics are closed during the holidays.
I somehow feel them in a way and I think God is teaching me that if I really desire to understand what every breast cancer warrior is going through, I have to go through the process myself. Only then can I truly understand their deepest needs and thus, offer them the emotional and spiritual support they need.
This, I believe, is connected to the desire that God planted in my heart to put up a hospice facility in His perfect time if it is really part of His plans. I’ll discuss this in my next article because I need to cut this short as we will be watching a Netflix movie in the comfort of the condo munching on our simple Noche Buena of pasta, pizza, and mojos. 😃
I would like to dedicate this article to those who don’t feel like celebrating the holidays because of grief and sadness – me included because this is our first Christmas without Mom. It is okay to feel these emotions, but still choose to be grateful and joyful. What matters to God most is the condition of our hearts because it displays the attitude of worship that we have for Him despite the gravity of unfavorable circumstances around us.
So, my beautiful sisters and brothers in Christ, I wish thee and your family a blessed Christmas whatever it is that we are all going through right now. God loves us, and He is with us always through Jesus Christ, our Savior – this is the Good News and what Christmas is all about. 🙏❤️😊
P.S. Hopefully health issues will be cleared before I go back to my hometown. But if not, then it’ll be a change of healing environment for me with the help of Bicolano medical practitioners. 🙂
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” – Romans 12:12
She would’ve turned 77 today, September 7, 2023. It’s been a week since my Mom passed away last August 27, 2023, just a day after I wrote the article before this. It was a peaceful death because she slipped away in her sleep. She’s finally in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.
It was painful for us, though. But then again, this is life. Death is inevitable. We will all face death one way or the other, sooner or later.
This is the first death in my family, and God has prepared us quite well for it. Though I must say it wasn’t a smooth and easy process. Because there is just no easy way to cope with grief, sadness, and loss.
God prepared our hearts in a way that we were able to face these emotions head-on without breaking apart. He gave us everything that we need, showed us the way we should go, and gave us wisdom on things that truly matter.
I am just grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mom, even though it was very difficult. We couldn’t get another regular Private Duty Nurse (PDN) though we already got one, all thanks to Tita Len. We needed 2 PDNs who will be taking turns watching over Mom every 12 hours. So I took the challenge to learn everything when it comes to providing care to Mom who’s bedridden and had several contraptions attached to her.
Thank You, Ma’am Leah
This is the part where I get to give special thanks to a nurse assistant at the hospital where Mom stayed. Ma’am Leah offered to be Mom’s PDN during the days when she’s able. She taught me a lot of things when it comes to patient care from changing diapers, sterilizing everything, positioning under pads, turning and bathing a bedridden patient, changing wound dressings, changing the NGT tube, and a whole lot more.
I also enjoyed talking to her, and Mom would “shush” us now and then for talking too loud (so sorry, Mom). And every time Ma’am Leah gets carried away by our convo, she would start talking in the vernacular and I just keep on smiling even though I can’t understand most of what she’s saying. lol
We’re both Bicolanas, but she’s from Bacon, Sorsogon. Their language is like Bikol Albay. I came from Bulan and our dialect is already a combination of Bikol Sorsogon and Bisaya or what we call “Bisakol.”
There was one time she said something like “badush” and I was like, “Was she trying to tell me that she’s gay?” Because “badush” is a colloquial term in Manila that means gay. Only to find out later that she meant “badus,” a Bikol Albay word that means “pregnant.” 😀
Second Bicol Home – Daraga, Albay
My Mom’s the only one in the family who’s very fluent in Bikol Albay since my maternal grandparents used to live there for a couple of years when they were young. My Mom also studied in Daraga, Albay during high school (United Institute, Inc.) and college (Bicol University).
My maternal grandparents used to have a house in Daraga, Albay but my grandma decided to give the house and lot to her best friend before relocating here in Bulan, Sorsogon. Yes, my grandma was one of the most generous people I know. Miss you, Mama.
I really would’ve wanted Mom to breathe her last here at home, but it was no longer an option for us. She needed lots of intensive care after going in and out of the ICU twice (1 week for each stay) during the entire 2 months she was at the hospital. She also had a “white coat syndrome,” and this is one of the reasons why she delayed her yearly medical checkup. Seeing her with 5 contraptions attached to her was also just too painful to bear.
Back To My Second Love, Volunteering
So, what to do now with all the intensive caregiving skills I’ve learned from Ma’am Leah? My Dad’s 83 years old already, but he’s still ambulatory. The next thing that popped into my head was my second love – volunteer work. I’ve been volunteering since my college days at UP Diliman as a relief operations volunteer, and then as a family support volunteer in our church. I also joined Minkah Ministries Inc. about 8 years ago because of the volunteering opportunities they offer.
While I was with the organization, I was privileged enough to do volunteer work for the street children and the elderly. I was looking forward to doing volunteer work for cancer patients at the UP PGH’s pediatric ward since it’s also part of Minka’s missionary work. Unfortunately, my schedule didn’t allow it since it fell on a weekday, and I have work.
Fast forward to now, I realized that God intended it to be. I really felt the “tugging” to do volunteer work for cancer patients 8 years ago, but I just didn’t have the opportunity or maybe it was just not the right time.
God gave me a glimpse this year of how caregiving to critically ill patients is done through my Mom. God knew I wasn’t equipped 8 years ago. Though I must say I still have a lot to learn now if I am going to be a regular volunteer for cancer patients here in Bicol.
This was how we communicated with Mom since she’s intubated. And I’m glad that she approved (Mom had high standards) of my caregiving skills all thanks to Ma’am Leah. Konting swabe pa daw. 👍👍😃
Next Faith Goal: Philippine Cancer Society Inc., Bicol Chapter
I did my research and tried searching for organizations that offer seminars and trainings on doing volunteer work for cancer patients. I did find the Philippine Cancer Society Inc., but unfortunately, they do not have a local chapter here in Legazpi City or Sorsogon City.
These are the cities closest to our hometown, and I don’t mind the long travel time as long as the schedule for volunteering falls on a weekend because I am oftentimes a 100% multitasker during the weekdays, I barely have time to breathe. Seriously serious.
But then again, what happened to Mom was a reminder to me and my siblings to pause when the body says it needs rest. I did mention in my previous articles that cancer genes are dominant on my Mom’s side. Only time will tell who among me and my siblings carry the “dreaded” genes.
Agritourism Project As A Retreat Place
This is one of the reasons why I’ve been experimenting with several farm-to-table projects at home that we can incorporate later on into our farm (I’ll share more about this in another article).
I want to make sure I am eating healthy, and the best way to do that is to grow my food. My siblings and I also have plans to pursue an agritourism project, and one of its objectives is to support the local food movement.
This is very timely given our current dilemma on inflation and the increasing prices of basic commodities including vegetables, rice, and meat products. Another objective of our farm project is to become a retreat place for holistic wellness.
Building A HospiceFacility
Then an idea popped into my mind. Since part of our mission and vision for the farm is to be a retreat place, why not include a hospice facility in it? This is what I would’ve wanted for Mom and I know, too, that this is what Mom would’ve wanted knowing how much she enjoyed gardening and being surrounded by nature. It’s not a coincidence that she’s named Eden. 🙂
We lacked the knowledge, training, and manpower to provide Mom what she needed most during her final moments. We weren’t beside her when she passed away, and she was in a hospital room surrounded by strangers, all of whom she barely knew.
We weren’t able to give Mom the ideal final moments I was praying for. But I know God doesn’t want it to end here. I want to make up for these “lost moments” with Mom by helping other families who are going through what we went through.
And the hospice care can be the answer to this. My initial plan is to come up with a 5-bedroom-capacity hospice facility situated inside our farm. We are targeting a farm resort concept, so this will be an ideal setup for terminally ill patients. The rooms must also be big enough for loved ones to stay over and be with the patient until his/her last moments.
Praying for the Completion of Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center
Who knows, the Philippine Cancer Society (Sorsogon Chapter) might also be founded alongside the hospice facility if God wills it. 😉 I am also very much looking forward to the Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center that is currently being constructed in Sorsogon City.
I am just grateful for all of these endless opportunities that God has opened because of what happened to Mom. Because these are exactly the opportunities that my siblings and I will be needing in the future.
May God’s Will Be Done Always
These are all huge undertakings (if my Dad and siblings approve), and if Mom’s still alive and I told her about these plans, she’s probably going to tell me that I have very grand and ambitious plans.
To which I would’ve most likely replied with one of my favorite quotations by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will.”
And I’ll also include my life verse which is “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).” These are all my plans, and yet again “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).”
If these plans are all God’s plans as well, then I still have how many decades to make them happen. They can happen in our farm or somewhere else, only God knows. 🙂
We weren’t able to give Mom what she wanted, but God intended it for the greater good of more families and not just one. May God give me the wisdom, the right people, and the provisions to be able to pursue all of these endeavors in honor of my Mom.
I thought it best to share everything here in my blog so her memory lives on just in case I suffer from memory loss in the future. lol I can only pray though that the IoT (Internet of Things) is here to stay, but either way, she will always be within us.
Happy Birthday, Mom
We miss you terribly, Mommy Moo. Thank you for all the love, and you will always be in our hearts. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy! ❤
P.S. In case you’re wondering, “Mommy Moo (pronounced with a British accent)” is my term of endearment to my Mom. I replaced “Maggie” with “Mommy” in the Netflix movie “The Princess Switch.” 🙂
I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.
Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂
So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).
And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.
I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤
My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.
So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?
I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.
In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.
I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.
I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.
God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.
And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.
No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.
It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?
My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.
I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.
My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?
“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/
This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.
The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.
So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀
I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.
It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.
A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.
And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.
My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.
I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.
In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26
P.S.
We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).
And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤
When I was young, I don’t know what came over me when I asked my Mom how come I was the only one among her five children who wasn’t named after them, our grandmas, and our grandpas.
My eldest sister has my maternal and paternal grandmas’ names in her 1st and 3rd names. My second sister has my Mom’s name for her second name.
My third sister has the combination of my Mom and Dad’s names for her 1st name and our great grandma’s name for her second name. My brother has the names of my Dad, my maternal grandpa, and my paternal grandpa for his 1st, 2nd, and 3rd names consecutively.
Me? Well, my parents told me they ran out of relatives’ names to name me after. Poor me, right?
Who Am I?
So, how did the young me respond? I was sullen and bitter. Well, what could you expect? That was pretty harsh for a grade-schooler to take. And the great revelation never stopped there, of course.
They told me I was adopted, which explains why my brother (born before me) and I have a 5-year gap. What’s worse, they told me I was thrown by an “unknown mother” over the fence in our backyard.
You see, we have two adopted cats back home who went through exactly the same situation. Maybe that explains why I felt closer to our adopted cats than my siblings. We can relate with each other and it’s like I am more bonded and have a deeper connection with them.
So you know how this picture went. The teary-eyed baffled me was looking for a defender. And of course, I looked pleadingly at my parents and siblings. They were all laughing. Ahhhh, cruel, cruel family. Tsk, tsk.
Okay, before you start to believe everything I am sharing, this is the part where they reassured me that it wasn’t the case. And they provided more ‘substantial evidence’ to prove their point.😁
The Real Deal
My Mom went on to explain that I was born in December, which is Christmastime, so they retained the word “Christ” in my name. My second name was lifted from the Hawaiian “lei,” which is a garland of flowers presented upon arrival or leaving as a symbol of affection.
But explaining that to a child still won’t have that much bearing – I still felt left out. I found it easier to accept that I was adopted. Why? Because it wouldn’t change anything. I am grateful that my parents now gave me a better life and such a wonderful family. Not a day passes by without me thanking God for this greatest blessing.
A Better Chance At Life
And I’d still thank my biological Mom (if ever) for making the most difficult and painful decision of giving away a child. A child whom she carried for 9 months in her womb, went through all the hassle of labor and childbirth, then left her baby to people she doesn’t know but she believes can give her child a better future.
Because she made the right decision, and that makes her deserving of the honor given to any parent who wants nothing more but the best for her children, and more importantly, for giving me a chance at life. But no, I wasn’t adopted. So let’s cut this here.
A New Identity In Christ
Going back to the name game, am I still resentful about my name? When I became a born-again Christian, that all changed.
If my siblings tease me now, I have the greatest answer as a defense:
“I am a daughter of GOD, because I have CHRIST in my name (and in my life), and He is the Great Father who owns all the heavens and all the earth. Therefore, I will inherit all the heavens and all the earth. Beat that. Ha!” 😂
“Therefore, God elevated Him to the place of highest honor and gave Him the name above all other names…” – Philippians 2:9
Yes, CHRISTine is thy name. And indeed, as ABBA sang it, “the winner takes it ALL.” CHRIST has won it all for us. 😉
Truly a sister in Christ and God’s daughter,
P.S. If you’re a parent or a parent-to-be, do prepare an answer when your kid asks your choice for his/her name. 😃
The Journeyman's Moments 