Tag Archives: relationships

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Narcissism and Scapegoats: Do They Have A Place In A Christian Home?

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Are there dynamics around you that you just find it difficult to explain? These are relational conflicts that seem to be dysfunctional, and yet you couldn’t really figure out what they are or what’s causing them. I thought I’d shed light on a very popular topic now on social media when it comes to mental health – narcissism. And I just recently found out about the term “scapegoat.”

The information below is all AI-generated since I am not an expert on this topic. This article will be an exception since I promised this blog would be AI-free, though I have nothing against AI. I just want to continue developing my creativity and originality in all of my work. That’s why I don’t rely on AI when writing.

I reviewed AI’s references, and they came from reliable sources. I hope the information below will help raise awareness about narcissism and scapegoats.

Family of four happily interacting at picnic table while one girl sits alone looking down
“Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” (Isaiah 49:23)

Narcissists choose a scapegoat primarily to protect their own fragile self-image, manage deep-seated shame, and maintain control over their environment. By projecting their negative traits, mistakes, and insecurities onto a designated “scapegoat,” they avoid taking responsibility for their own actions. [1, 2, 3, 4]

Here are the primary reasons why narcissists utilize a scapegoat, according to experts and survivors:

1. Externalizing Shame and Inadequacy [1]

  • Projection: Narcissists cannot process shame or guilt, so they project these feelings onto someone else. The scapegoat becomes a “human dumping ground” for the narcissist’s self-loathing.
  • Preventing Collapse: The scapegoat protects the narcissist from “narcissistic collapse”—a total loss of their false, perfect self-image when faced with their actual faults. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

2. Maintaining Control and Superiority

  • Shifting Blame: When things go wrong, the narcissist blames the scapegoat to avoid being exposed as wrong or flawed.
  • Creating a “Bad” Object: By ensuring one person is seen as the “bad” one, the narcissist feels more powerful, moral, and superior.
  • The “Golden Child” Contrast: Narcissists often use a twin-system of a “golden child” (who represents their perfect, admired self) and a “scapegoat” (who represents all the negative traits they refuse to acknowledge). [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

3. Targeting Threatening Qualities

Contrary to popular belief, the scapegoat is often chosen because they possess qualities the narcissist subconsciously fears or envies. These targets are typically: [1, 2]

  • Empathetic and Emotional: Making them vulnerable to manipulation.
  • Independent and Assertive: People who are not easily controlled.
  • Truth-Tellers: The scapegoat often sees through the narcissist’s façade, making them a threat to the illusion.
  • Highly Competent: Intelligence or talent is perceived as a threat to the narcissist’s superiority. [1, 2]

4. Psychological Laziness and Weakness [1]

  • Avoiding Self-Reflection: It is easier for a narcissist to blame another person than to do the difficult work of self-examination.
  • Needing Negative Supply: When they cannot get positive attention (admiration), they seek negative supply (the satisfaction of controlling and punishing someone). [1, 2]

If you are being scapegoated, it is rarely a reflection of your true character, but rather a reflection of the narcissist’s desperate need to control their own dysfunction, often beginning with their [family system]. [1, 2]

Delving Deeper On Narcissism And Scapegoats

In a narcissistic family system, the “scapegoat” is often the member who gets blamed for problems, criticized unfairly, or positioned as the cause of tension. That role isn’t about reality—it’s about maintaining the family’s emotional balance. So the question isn’t really what the scapegoat can “fix” in the family. It’s what they can do to protect themselves and regain agency.

Here are practical, grounded strategies:

1. Recognize the pattern (without internalizing it).
In narcissistic dynamics, roles are rigid: the “golden child,” the “scapegoat,” the “enabler,” etc. The scapegoat often becomes the emotional outlet for unresolved conflict. Understanding that the role is systemic—not personal—helps reduce self-blame.

2. Set boundaries where possible.
Boundaries can be emotional (“I won’t engage in insults”), behavioral (“I will leave if yelling starts”), or informational (limiting what you share). In unhealthy systems, boundaries may be resisted, so consistency matters more than persuasion.

3. Reduce emotional reactivity.
Narcissistic dynamics often thrive on conflict. Techniques like the “gray rock” approach—responding calmly, briefly, and without emotional escalation—can reduce fuel for drama. This isn’t about suppressing yourself; it’s about protecting your energy.

4. Avoid trying to “prove” your worth to the system.
Scapegoats often over-function—trying harder, achieving more, explaining more—to win fairness. But in a narcissistic system, fairness isn’t the goal; control is. Shifting from “How do I fix this?” to “How do I protect myself?” is crucial.

5. Build external support.
Because the family system may distort reality, outside validation is important. Trusted friends, partners, mentors, support groups, or therapists can help ground your perception. Many scapegoats benefit from trauma-informed therapy, especially approaches that address family systems and complex emotional trauma.

6. Consider distance if needed.
Sometimes limited contact or no contact becomes the healthiest option—especially if there is ongoing emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Distance can reduce re-triggering and allow identity development outside the family role.

7. Work on identity outside the family narrative.
Scapegoats are often told who they are for years. Rebuilding self-concept through hobbies, education, career, community, and values-based living helps counteract internalized messages.

8. Grieve the reality.
One of the hardest parts is accepting that the family may not change. Grieving unmet needs (protection, fairness, acknowledgment) is not weakness—it’s psychological integration.

Strategies for Surviving Narcissism

Planning for independence from a narcissistic family isn’t just about moving out. It’s about building stability in three areas: money, support, and identity. The goal is to reduce reliance—emotionally and practically—so you can make decisions freely.

Here’s a structured way to approach it:

1. Stabilize Your Finances First

Independence is much easier when you’re not financially vulnerable.

  • Create a basic budget (income, essentials, savings).
  • Build an emergency fund—even a small one (start with 1–3 months of expenses if possible).
  • Open a bank account that only you control (if you don’t already have one).
  • Avoid shared financial commitments where possible.
  • If needed, look for side income, remote work, freelance work, or skill-based gigs.

If money is tight, independence may need to be gradual rather than immediate.

2. Secure Practical Logistics

Start thinking ahead about the basics:

  • Where you could realistically live (roommates, relatives, rentals).
  • Required documents (ID, passport, birth certificate, school/work records).
  • Transportation access.
  • Phone plan in your own name.
  • Health insurance coverage.

Having control over documents is especially important. Keep them in a secure place accessible only to you.

3. Build Emotional and Social Support Outside the Family

Narcissistic systems often isolate scapegoats. Independence becomes harder without outside anchors.

  • Strengthen friendships that feel respectful and stable.
  • Consider therapy or support groups.
  • Build connections through work, school, volunteering, or hobbies.
  • Identify at least one person who understands your situation and can be a reality check.

You’re essentially replacing the family system with healthier support structures.

4. Develop Skills That Increase Self-Sufficiency

Independence is easier when you feel competent in daily life.

  • Cooking simple meals.
  • Managing a household budget.
  • Basic maintenance tasks.
  • Time management.
  • Conflict communication skills.

These reduce dependence and increase confidence.

5. Plan the Transition Strategically

If leaving immediately isn’t safe or feasible:

  • Avoid announcing plans too early if that would increase conflict.
  • Quietly prepare.
  • Set a timeline (even if flexible).
  • Gradually move belongings out if possible.
  • Have a backup plan in case tensions escalate.

Safety comes first—especially if there’s emotional manipulation, financial control, or threats involved.

6. Strengthen Psychological Boundaries

Even before physically leaving:

  • Stop explaining yourself excessively.
  • Reduce arguments that go nowhere.
  • Practice neutral responses.
  • Limit sharing personal goals with people who undermine you.

This reduces emotional entanglement.

7. Prepare for Guilt and Pushback

When scapegoats become independent, families often react strongly. That can include guilt-tripping, sudden “niceness,” blame, or attempts to pull you back into the role.

Expect it. Don’t interpret it as proof you’re wrong. It’s often a system reacting to change.

8. After Moving Out: Continue Building Autonomy

Independence isn’t only physical distance. Keep:

  • Financial boundaries.
  • Limited or structured contact if necessary.
  • Ongoing support outside the family.
  • Personal goals that define your life—not the family narrative.

If you feel you are being “scapegoated” by a narcissistic parent, a narcissistic sibling, or, as the articles have said, the entire system, I am praying this article helped you in one way or another with practical tips on how to survive and heal from any form of trauma you experienced from the abuse. Seek professional help once you recognize the need.

More importantly, have faith that God sees everything, and He will give you the right people, the right resources, as well as the right opportunity to get out of any unfavorable situation you are in right now. He will expose the truth in His perfect time, and you will be vindicated.

Here’s a video from Dr. David Jeremiah to give us a better understanding of the role of narcissism during the end times:

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/18fz5wAmEr/

“Are we living in the last days? In this powerful Bible teaching, Dr. David Jeremiah breaks down 2 Timothy 3 and reveals why people are becoming more selfish, unloving, and morally broken.

This message explains: • The biblical signs of the end times • Why society feels like it’s getting worse • How sin affects every person and culture • The collapse of families and rise of narcissism • How Christians can live as light in a dark world.

You’ll also hear a powerful real-life redemption story that proves no one is beyond God’s grace. End Times Warning: 2 Timothy 3 Explained | Why People Are Getting Worse (Bible Prophecy)”

P.S. Here’s one article that I am personally recommending: “When The Scapegoat Is Labelled As Crazy: The Weaponization of CPTSD in Narcissistic Family Systems.”

P.P.S. I am currently conducting research on individuals with passive-aggressive behavior because conflict resolution is very challenging with these people without them resorting to outbursts.

A Prayer Against Narcissism And Deliverance From Narcissistic Abuse

Dear Lord,

We humbly come before You in all our brokenness and our weaknesses. May this shadow of pain, fear, shame, and suffering be lifted from our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. We release any form of emotional bondage that has tied us to the darkness of our past and even the present. Help us, Lord, to cling to You as our only source of hope despite the struggle.

Change us, purify us, sanctify us, oh Lord, believing that You are the only one who can make changes that we have prayed for ourselves and for the systems that we have been praying over. You are a witness to how societies have changed because of what goes on in all family dynamics. May You break the curse of any generational trauma that has been handed on from one generation after another that prevents us from experiencing complete freedom in You.

May Your grace be sufficient enough for us each day as we continue to fight our battles silently and yet courageously. May Your ears not fall deaf to our pleas for help, Lord, even as we wait for You to move on our behalf, in the Mighty Name of Jesus, AMEN.

OTHER SOURCES:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202202/8-types-of-children-scapegoated-by-narcissistic-families

https://www.amandarobinspsychotherapy.com.au/articles/scapegoat-vs-golden-child-raised-by-narcissists

https://psychcentral.com/health/scapegoat-child

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/202310/how-to-break-free-from-a-trauma-bond#:~:text=Journaling%2C%20talking%20to%20a%20trusted,attached%20to%20the%20trauma%20bond.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding

https://www.thehotline.org/resources/trauma-bonds-what-are-they-and-how-can-we-overcome-them/#:~:text=It%20is%20no%20wonder%20that,time%20imagining%20life%20without%20them.&text=The%20danger%20of%20traumatic%20bonding,others%20may%20be%20less%20noticeable.

https://crossroadsantigua.org/7-stages-of-trauma-bonding/#:~:text=Gaslighting%20is%20a%20more%20sinister,likely%20to%20challenge%20the%20abuser.

End-of-Week Praise Report

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If there is one thing I appreciate about conflicts, it is that they oftentimes expose a part of ourselves that requires improvement, other than solving the issue at hand. It is as if God is using these conflicts so we can talk about Him more and refine ourselves in the process.

Conflicts and confrontations are a part of our lives, whether we’re at home, at work, in school, or anywhere else where we have to deal with different kinds of people. And while conflicts sometimes don’t get resolved the way we wanted them to be, it is my prayer that we get to uphold what Scripture says about conflict resolution:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:18

God views relationships as sacred. I believe most of what the Bible talks about is centered on how to live with the people around us, which is reflective of His commandments.

So, when there is a debate about God, instead of us viewing it as an attack against Christianity or our faith, I think it’s best to see it as God creating an opportunity for people to know Him more. If you’ll ask, but what if the name of the Lord is being used in vain during the controversy? That is how most of us would see it. 

But what if for God, it’s the other way around? What if God is using it so more “seeds” will be planted because more people are now curious as to who God really is, His nature, how He moves in people’s lives, and how He uses every person, every situation for His glory and for His kingdom. We just can’t see the bigger picture and how one controversy plays out in His much bigger plan. 

Because again, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.” – Isaiah 55:8

How people will receive God is not our goal. It is our only duty to share the Word of God, and how people will receive it will be between them and God. I think we can liken it to the Parable of the Sower. We are the sowers, and there will be different types of soil, and only God knows which of the seeds will grow and become fruitful. 

So, this is my praise report for this week – a realization. 😀 Nothing grand, nothing highfalutin, just a simple “Eureka!” moment. And because it’s the weekend, here are some of the movies I’ve watched on Netflix that I think should make it to your “must-watch” list. Don’t worry, I won’t be making a critical analysis of the movies here.

The first movie is an adaptation of the love story of Ruth and Boaz in the Bible. We all know the story – how love started with sparks and tragedy.

And the second one is A House of Dynamite, which is about the US government’s response to a nuclear attack. The writer did a very good job in creating the storyline by presenting it in 3 different angles or POVs. And yep, no spoiler alert, as promised. 😀

Note: There are some profanities in the movie.

P.S.

I really think I left my heart in Mt. Mayon when I touched its soil during our ATV trail adventure last year. Because I keep receiving NDRRMC emergency alerts, though Bulan is 113 kms away from Daraga.

Out of curiosity, I asked my sister and Dad if they are receiving these emergency alerts, too, and they said no. Okay, so it’s just me. Why me, Mt. Mayon? 🤔

I hope I am not the reincarnation of Daragang Magayon (Christians don’t believe in reincarnation, just mentioned it for literary purposes only 😀 ). Because if I am, then most definitely I am going to change the narrative to a happy ending because I hate romantic tragedies.

Kaya puro 3 ang grades ko sa mga major subjects ko noong undergrad (I was a literature major) kasi tinutulugan ko sa klase ‘yang mga romantic tragedies. lol

But, thankfully, my reality isn’t as tragic, and I am praying it won’t be. I have faith in that. 🙏 I am also a feminist, so yes, it will be a woman warrior who wins this time.

A couple of weeks ago, I also noticed my device’s location was in Daraga and sometimes in Legazpi. That went on for a couple of weeks, though it is now set in Bulan. But I still receive the NDRRMC emergency alerts until now, which I actually appreciate because I don’t have to research Mt. Mayon’s status on a daily basis. This way I receive consistent updates, so I can include the communities near Mt. Mayon in my prayers.

Bagan sige an rimongdimong san ako kalag sa Albay. Pag-uli na baya tabi. Kaya pala lutang ako noong mga nakaraang araw. 😂

Speaking of 113, a thought just came to my mind, and I wondered if now is the right time to take L113. If you’re wondering what it is, here’s a brief overview:

I’ve had a lot of Victory Bible study group leaders, by the way, since I’ve been attending different Victory churches depending on the season I’m in and where God is calling me to be. Some of my VG leaders before were encouraging me to attend one, and I hesitated because I felt like I wasn’t qualified yet at that time.

I’ve been praying to God if this is now the perfect time to go through L113, and I plan to attend one in Victory BGC, if God wills it, when I go back to Manila. Victory Naga also offers L113, but it’s too far from our town. 

Speaking of church ministry, if you’re single and connected to one, you might relate to the following memes:

Before courtship…

When you finally got her…

P.P.S.

Here’s something cat-lovin’ and fun-lovin’ to jumpstart your weekend vibe. 😉

If you haven’t followed “The Kiffness” on Facebook yet, you are missing out on extraordinary music. Check out one of his videos below:

https://www.facebook.com/reel/868120825632377

Finley: “Meowmy, why’d you lock me up?”
Me: “Darling, what is this drama all about? The door is wide open.”

Let’s pretend I did not see you laughing out loud (because I can’t), but I know you did. Happy Weekend! ❤

Flat noses rule. 😹
Weekend vibe, Finley style, or your style, too. Belly rubs, anyone? 😻

This Sunday’s Nuggets of Wisdom (2/1/2026)

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YouVersion Bible App Daily Devotional

It is often very easy to be caught up in the ways of the world that we fail to see the change, and yet other people can notice that we are slowly drifting apart from our faith because the world now governs our choices, even in our relationships with others. I stumbled upon one quotation on Facebook that says, “People will not remember you for your achievements, but for how you made them feel.” My prayer is that pride won’t take root in any of us, especially when we are surrounded by the comforts and conveniences this world offers, and we are at the peak of our successes. May we not depart from the reminder that it was God who made it all happen; we are merely receiving His grace.

CTTO

I was also never given the opportunity to raise my own family, but the set of rules above would’ve been among the templates for our moral compass, along with the Bible. 🙂

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up”. – Deuteronomy 6:6-7

P.S.



I am praying I won’t end up as someone na hindi marunong mag-regulate ng emotions at ibe-blame ang ibang tao as their triggers at sa mga responses nila. And yes, I know kung ano ang pakiramdam na walking on eggshells ka. Na hindi mo alam kung may nagawa ka bang masama o may nasabi kang hindi maganda bakit bigla na lang naging ganito ang treatment sa’yo ng tao. And kailangan mo pag-isipan ng maigi ang mga sasabihin mo kasi hindi mo alam ano ang makaka-trigger ng galit nila. And yes, it is also best to live with someone for at least a year, doon mo talaga mate-test ang totoong character ng isang tao. So if I retreat, that is because I am avoiding conversations that will affect my peace of mind and not because I am being dramatic. I also avoid conversations na puro gossip at buhay ng ibang tao ang pinaguusapan, and I have very low tolerance for energy vampires, those who complain often without any proposed solutions, and those who make an argument out of everything. And yes, Bipolar Disorder runs in families. Btw, until now hindi ko pa din ma-pronounce ng maayos surname ni Dok. Minsan nagiging Dr. Kangaroo. Peace, Dok. Sana hindi nya ito mabasa. lol Pero andami kong natutunan kay Doc Kilimanguru kaya really thankful na nag-pop up sya sa newsfeed ko. 😀

P.P.S.

To quote the late Emman Atienza, “Be a little kind to everyone.” Sabi naman ni Jesus, “love one another as I have loved you” and “love your enemies.” Worth it ba isakripisyo ang mental health para lang mahalin ang mga taong mahirap mahalin? Napakahirap na every day lagi kang fight or flight mode noh. Hindi mo alam kung kakayanin ba ng katawan mo ang cortisol na niri-release nya dahil palagi kang defensive. Napakahirap talaga, Lord. Pramis. Pero huhugot at huhugot pa din ng lakas from You hangga’t kaya. And if you have survived something like this for how many years or most of your life, that is definitely God’s saving grace through Jesus Christ when you accepted Him as your Lord and Savior. Because honestly, we just couldn’t survive on our own. ❤

Flash It Back This Friday

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I reactivated my personal Facebook account for just a couple of minutes to search for old photos of my 2nd sister and brother when I stumbled upon these old photos of mine. I thought I should also post these photos here just in case I decide not to reactivate my Fb account for good.

I am also feeling oh-so-shameless now to post them publicly because I seldom post anything like this. lol In fact, this is the first and probably the last time I’ll be posing in front of a professional photographer, given my introverted nature. Actually, I think I am more of an otrovert.

Do otroverts look like this? 😂

Just for context, here’s the story behind these photos.

I was working on my master’s thesis in 2013 when a couple of my friends from graduate studies suggested we have our graduation photos taken already, as we were targeting to finish it in just two semesters. Sadly, only 1 of us was able to graduate on time. lol My reason, though, was a shift in priorities.

The Creative Shot was part of the graduation pictorial along with the Toga and UP Sablay Shots. Since I had no prior experience in modeling, I asked the photographer if he could be creative enough on my behalf. 😂

Before we started, he asked me if I’m a “rakista.” I told him that I am not. I guess the fedora gave away my love for singing and the guitar, since there are some musicians who wear fedoras, which became their signature style onstage. Or he’s just too good at reading people’s personalities based on their fashion style or aura.

By the way, this dress belonged to the photography team and is included in the set of costumes for the pictorial. I chose this dress because blue violet is my favorite color, and it was also the right fit. I was weighing 49 kgs only back then, compared to my 60 kgs now. lol But the fedora (borrowed from my bro), accessories, and shoes were all mine. I was supposed to bring the guitar with me, but it’s too bulky. Though it looked like I pulled off the “rakista” look even without the guitar.

I would like to commend the photographer because he’s just very skilled in capturing the right angles. He also captured the “rakista” vibe in me just by guiding me on how to pose. Since I have a flat nose, the serious look isn’t my best bet. So, I wasn’t really confident doing these poses because I knew I wouldn’t be looking my best. And they really aren’t the best in my honest opinion. lol

But I guess the photos turned out okay, all thanks to Kuya photographer’s superb skills in composing every photo. He even climbed on a chair to get a good overhead shot. I just edited these photos using Adobe Lightroom because I was aiming for a “morena” skin complemented by my flat nose to pull off the “dalagang Pilipina” look. 😉

Personality wise, this is my other side. Beneath the “smiling always” demeanor, I also have a temper, which I call “The Kraken.” I tend to be on the extreme ends of the spectrum – I am either too kind or too harsh. I still have to find the right balance, so while I’m in the process of doing that, I don’t socialize often because there’s a high chance I’ll offend people if I won’t be able to control myself.

But praise God for the gift of salvation and faith, I think I am making progress on self control albeit slow and small. A progress is still a progress, right? As they say, celebrate even your small wins. 🙂🙏

What’s another side of you that people don’t get to see often?

P.S.

If you’re wondering why I was digging old photos on Facebook, my 2nd sister and brother are the November celebrants in the family. I was looking for something nostalgic to add to my birthday greetings for them. 😊

I’ll also take this time to share one of my brother’s greatest milestones, which is being one of the 189 officers who finished the Command and General Staff Course (Class 76) of the Armed Forces of the Philippines representing Philippine Navy’s Naval Air Warfare Force. And he finished it as an Honor Graduate, too. 😻

Congratulations, Kuya Commander Abe! 🫡
With his very own Gal Gadot, my very pretty sis-in-law, Heather. 😻

Ah, yes, that is my brother, one of my accountability partners, and the one who planted the seed for my being born again. Together with my sister-in-law, they are living proof of God’s profound love and faithfulness.

May God’s favors and protection be upon you always, our brother bear, as you conquer new heights in your career.

Soli Deo gloria! 🙏🥰

P.P.S.

You can check out the other poses I did for the Creative Shot through this link: https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2024/04/09/when-they-say-glam-up/. 😊

Bible Verse of the Day: A Prayer For Family Feuds

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Dear Father God,

I pray that every family will stay resilient enough to withstand every challenge and temptation brought forth by the enemy intended to steal, kill, and destroy God’s beautiful promises. May every family rise up and declare God’s goodness and faithfulness amidst persecution and trials. And may God’s glory be proclaimed in every season and how His protection, His provision, and His saving grace deliver those who call upon His Name for help.

This is my prayer in Jesus’ Name, Amen. 🙏

Do Not Marry

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If you are single, I have an advice: do not marry.

1. Do not marry if your heart is not in the right place.

And if you will ask me where the right place is, it’s with God. Your heart should be after God’s heart first. Only then will you know how to love your spouse the way that God would want you to love him or her. You cannot give the love that your significant other deserves if you haven’t experienced God’s love in your life, and your heart is not aligned with His.

2. Do not marry if your spouse is not your top priority next to God.

This is where cleaving comes in. You and your spouse were called to be married to build a family of your own – the two of you and your future kids. God will come first, your spouse next, then your biological family, your career, and lastly, your ministry. Do not marry if you cannot be with your spouse through thick and thin.

3. Do not marry if you wish to pursue only your goals.

Talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend about your plans for the future. Make sure that they are aligned with one another, and both of you are going towards the right direction or trying to pursue similar goals in life. AND also, talk it out what both of you plan to do in case one of you changed his or her plans when you’re already married. It is very important for couples to talk about this early on in the relationship. Some marriages fail because they were unable to prepare for this particular scenario.

4. Do not marry if you can’t let go of some of your habits as a single person.

Both of you have to adjust when you finally get married. And this includes letting go of habits such as confiding to your best friend who is from the opposite sex every time you and your spouse are having marital problems. This is to avoid emotional infidelity. Also, prioritize your spouse first before your friends or any other person. If you have only 1 day in a week as your rest day, choose to spend it with your spouse. If your spouse is understanding enough, he or she will allow you to meet with friends and relatives every now and then. Let go of any addiction before getting married, it will ruin your marriage.

5. Do not marry if you haven’t asked your significant other about having or not having kids.

This is very crucial. Sometimes plans when it comes to having kids change after getting married. Talk it out with your partner what both of you are going to do should 5 years after your wedding, one of you doesn’t want to have kids anymore.

6. And lastly, do not marry if you are not genuinely in love with your partner.

What is love? My answer is 1 Corinthians 13. And marry for the right reasons. What are these? Get married because you adore the person so much and can’t live without him or her. Marry the person if you love him or her enough that being with her or him is like being home. Don’t marry if you’re looking for a trophy wife or trophy husband. And don’t marry someone to move on from an old flame. Choose to marry because that is what God has called you to do and you want God to be the center of your marriage. Because when God is included in your marriage, even if it goes through the fiery furnace, it will withstand the burning flames because you both know how it is to love one another just as God has loved you. And it takes three to make a marriage work – God, you, and your spouse.

If you are not yet married, I hope these nuggets of wisdom will help you avoid the pitfalls that trapped so many couples and sadly, they weren’t able to save their marriages. If you are also struggling in your marriage, I pray that God will give you the wisdom, peace, and discernment to make the right decisions. And if your marriage already failed, I pray that you will heal, learn from the experience, and be able to make a new start this time aligned according to God’s will and plans for our lives.

And this is why I couldn’t emphasize enough how important item #1 is. Everything will go back and will have to start with God. This is the only way to make your relationship fireproof until death parts you both – God at the center between the husband and the wife. 🙏


“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

“Hi, I’m Yellow Tin Tuna, I mean Yellow Tin Human.” And there she goes again. 😄

What You Need To Know About Sigma Females And INTJs

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I’ll be very busy this week preparing for my trip back to Bicol next week, so I might not be able to post a new article here on my blog for a while. I thought I’d share with you a couple of articles about “Sigma Females” and the “INTJs.” These two personality types closely define who I am. And hopefully, too, these articles will help you understand why I’m a unicorn, the mythical creature. 🦄😅

If you’re dating a woman or are interested in dating a girl, try to find out if she is in either or both of these categories. Because our types are rare (the rarest actually according to research) BUT not easy to handle. Study her first, and ask yourself if she’s worth pursuing. This might just save you from a painful heartbreak later on. 👍

Identifying An INTJ

“INTJ: Personality Type, Characteristics And More”

“The Philosophy of Why INTJs are So Attractive (And How to Leverage It)”

About INTJ – ‘The Mastermind’

“INTJ Personality Type: The Architect”

“Dating an INTJ Female”

“How To Spot An INTJ Female”

I discovered I’m an INTJ during the volunteers’ training I attended in church back in 2014. The organizers included the personality test to identify what are our strengths and weaknesses that could either help or impede in performing our duties as volunteers.

I’m not surprised I scored 90% in introversion. 😅
For the NTJ parts of the test, I have almost median scores. I am assuming I might also be an INFJ or an ISTP depending on the circumstances I’m in.

Who Is A Sigma Female?

“The SIGMA FEMALE | 0.1% The Rarest Female on Earth”

“Sigma Female Personality Traits Explained”

“Sigma Woman: An Independent and Mysterious Personality”

Myers-Briggs Personality Test

“Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI): A Beginner’s Guide”

“Myers-Briggs Definition”

“Myers-Briggs Official Website”

“Myers-Briggs Type Indicator in Medical Education: A Narrative Review and Analysis”

“How good is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for predicting leadership-related behaviors?”

While these articles can help you understand Sigma females and INTJs a bit more, I would still recommend being friends with someone for a long time before pursuing a romantic relationship with him or her. It’s best to know a person based on how you two get along – that is, great chemistry. And if God is at the center of it, the bond will be unbreakable. ♥️

Here’s a great article on Christian dating: “The Golden Rule In Christian Dating.”

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

Is There A Happy Goodbye?

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For me, goodbyes are always sad. That’s why tonight, I can write the saddest lines.

Today marks my first day being separated from ze husband. While packing his things inside his luggage, I offered to make him a pretty ribbon as a marker for his luggage just like what I did with mine. But he gently declined my offer telling me that his luggage was fine just the way it is. I guess my unicorn luggage is too pretty for him. 😅

One is going out of the country, the other is going out of town.

Nope, I am not afraid to live alone. I was single for 2 years and lived alone in our old apartment in Quezon City before I met my husband. I was passionately serving God and the church during that time I haven’t given singleness much a thought. I was, in fact, enjoying it.

But as we all know it, God called me to be a wife. Eight years later, here I am living alone again as the wife of an OFW. It’s only for 2 years though. But a lot can happen in 2 years. Adjusting also doesn’t come easy as I’ve gotten used to having my husband around for 8 years.

What I am afraid of now is that I’d get too comfortable living alone given that I’m an introvert and have an affinity for solitude. I’m very comfortable being alone, but I also crave human connections every now and then.

I do love to hang out with a few closest friends and stay up late talking about shared interests. But my default social circle, whenever I am transferring homes, is the church, so connecting with Victory Sorsogon is one of my priorities when I get back home.

I still have to wait for 2 weeks though before I can pack my bags and head home. I was scheduled to have my executive checkup on the 21st and 22nd of April. I just want to make sure I am 100% healthy before I go back to my multitasking, unicorn self. 🦄

When It’s Hard To Understand, Just Trust God

I am never the type who asks the “why me” question to God when I don’t understand the circumstances around me. God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-8). Neither does God expect us to understand the circumstances around us, but He wants us to trust Him completely despite the uncertainty. And yet I can’t help but wonder why God called my husband to work in the Middle East as a nurse when wars are rampant there. Why there?

Just the day before my husband’s flight this morning, Iran initiated missile attacks against Israel. All the flights in the Middle East were canceled and flight operations were suspended, but they also resumed a couple of hours later. My heart sank after hearing the news. I couldn’t sleep well for the past few nights. Why now, Lord? But then, God reminded me about Queen Esther in the Bible and how God chose her for “such a time as this.”

Our Daily Bread Daily Devo

In between our sobs and hugs, I told my husband that we have to stand firm in our calling even if we have to make sacrifices, just like what Queen Esther did. We go where God calls us to go, and we serve those whom He has called us to serve. We may choose not to respond right away because of fear. And we can think that we were able to avoid the responsibility entirely. But the truth is, we are only delaying the calling. The calling will remain until it gets fulfilled sooner or later.

Thus, there is only one response that God requires from us – we obey. Obedience is of paramount importance to God. He measures our faith and our loyalty to Him when we follow Him even if it means our lives are at stake. Not every calling is the same, but every calling will define where we stand with God. Are we with Him or are we against Him?

YouVersion Bible Daily Devo

Different Places, But The Same God

I felt like God wanted me to see our situation now from a bigger perspective. The Middle East is comprised of deserts. Our farm, on the other hand, is comprised of wilderness. Right now, the wilderness and the desert are unfamiliar territories to me and my husband and yet God called us to step out of our comfort zones to serve in these places.

We don’t know what is waiting for us in the desert and in the wilderness. There can be abundance and growth, but there can also be lack and drought. There can be cooperation, or there can be resistance. There can be war, and there can be peace. But one thing is for sure, God is opening doors that He wants me and my husband to enter.

YouVersion Bible Daily Devo

Getting Ready For The New Season

I am beyond grateful that the provisions, guidance, and protection from God are overflowing during this season. Last Sunday, I received another job invitation aside from the ones I received in the previous months. These positions are a bit different from my previous writing jobs.

Job Invite #1
Job Invite #2

These are supervisory roles, too. And yet if God wills it I accept one of these jobs, I know God has prepared and will prepare me well to take on bigger responsibilities alongside my farm duties. All of these opportunities came just in time – I am planning to go back to the workforce, and my previous work experience as a brand journalist and my background in agribusiness will allow me to deliver what the company needs for its business.

Speaking of going back to the workforce, this is also why I need to prioritize my health before starting any job. God is giving me plenty of options to choose from to keep my health in check, and these options are getting better. One of them is the SPOT-MAS offered by The Medical City. I just need to ask my Mom’s oncologist about the difference between the SPOT-MAS and the BRCA 1/2 mutational testing.

The Medical City
Philippine Genome Center

If you’ve been reading my blog posts for a while now, you would know by now that I love asking a lot of questions out of my need to learn more so I can make better and informed decisions. And I realized just recently, too, that if you ask way too many questions, sometimes you get a good laugh as an answer. 😅

When I was talking to Healthway Medical’s patient care coordinator about their executive checkup package, I asked how long will it take to finish all the tests. He answered na 7-8 hours daw. I was like, “Whuuuuut? That’s like an entire shift already. ‘Di kaya sa ospital na ang ending ko nyan sa tagal ng mga tests. Mage-extract lang ng dugo, 1 hour ang inabot. Hinimatay na pasyente dahil sa blood loss.” 😂

He laughed so hard when I told him that. I know he was just joking. The tests will only take about an hour or 2. I already got these tests before except for the treadmill stress test, so I already have an idea how they’re done. I was just curious if every clinic has its own protocol when conducting the tests.

I must commend him though for being very accommodating and patient enough in answering all of my questions. And he sure is the right person for the job because he knows how to pacify an anxious patient. I will test this again when he assists me during my executive checkup on Sunday. 😁

Praying for good results. 🙏

Yes, tonight I can write the saddest lines. But I chose not to. Because I am not Pablo Neruda. Obviously. lol How to state the obvious without being obvious? 😄

Seriously, I will remain hopeful for what is yet to come and remain faithful to what is yet to be fulfilled. For now, we continue to rise above the challenges and overcome our fears of the unknown as we answer God’s calling – even if it entails sacrifices, many or few. 🙏

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.” – 1 Peter 5:7

“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15

“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34

“The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and his faithfulness;..” – 1 Samuel 26:23

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” – James 1:12

“Don’t Quit” By Edgar Albert Guest

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“DON’T QUIT”

by Edgar Albert Guest

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
when the funds are low and the debts are high,
and you want to smile but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit – rest if you must, but don’t you quit. 
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow – you may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup;
and he learned too late when the night came down,
how close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out – the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and when you never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems afar;
so stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit – it’s when things seem worst, you must not quit.

I was looking for the Filipino-English dictionary in our book shelf and found this magazine instead from Kuya’s stuff when he was still studying at the Philippine Military Academy. Dito ko una nabasa ang poem na “Don’t Quit.”

My brother is one of my accountability partners na tiga-sabi sa akin ng “don’t quit.” Sya rin actually nag-introduce ng faith sa akin. Dahil napagod na sya kaka-advise kapag nagte-text ako sa kanya ng madaling araw back in 2012 dahil sa mga problema ko. 🤣 Nah, kami kasi magkasunod sa magkakapatid kahit pa 5 years ang agwat naming dalawa kaya mas close ako sa Kuya ko. But I also love my sisters just the same and I get to talk to them always, too. ❤️

My brother has been serving the country as a military officer since 2006. And I must say na napakalaki ng influence nya sa akin pagdating hindi lang sa faith kundi pati in life in general. And if ever matuloy ang plan ko to have an IUI (via sperm donor from a fertility clinic) and ma-diagnose ako with breast cancer later in life and ‘di ko sya ma-survive, I will ask my brother and my sis-in-law to adopt my child.

O di ba, ganun ako kalayo magplano. Tapos sasabihin ni God, nagsayang ka lang ng energy Tin dahil hindi ‘yan ang plano ko for you. lol Saklap. 😆 But seriously, if ever that happens, my bro and sister-in-law will be my first choice para sa magiging adoptive parents ng aking anak. My sis-in-law will make a very good Mom (she adopted not less than 5 street cats and still counting 😁). She is a flight attendant at Cebu Pacific, and I call her “the Gal Gadot of the Philippines” because she really looks like her – the Asian version. 😍

Taken during Kuya’s NAG graduation in 2010 kung tama pagkakaalala ko.
Friends, madali lang pala magpaandar ng eroplano. Parang nagda-drive ka lang ng kotse……sa panaginip.
With the Phil Navy Cessna Plane
Bawal po pala mag-drive ng eroplano nang naka-skirt. Bakit kaya? 🤔
Ang Pamaypay. Bow. Miss you, Mom. ❤️

Kasama din pala sa mga nagpe-perform during the flying exhibition sa Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival ang mga piloto ng Naval Air Wing (formerly Naval Air Group) of the Philippine Navy represented by the top officer of their class.

Circa 2013: 18th Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival w/ Victory GT Toyota (UP Diliman) churchmates @ Clark Air Base.

Speaking of hot air balloon festivals, Bicol will also be having its very own hot air balloon event on May 3-5, 2024, which will be held at the old Legazpi airport as part of the Bicol Loco Festival. I hope my 3rd sister will join me to watch this event and hopefully Dad, too, if he is fit enough to travel. And I’m praying for a clear and picturesque view of the ever beautiful and ever perfect Mt. Mayon as the backdrop. 😍

At dahil kailangan ko maghanap ng old photos for this post, I had to reactivate (and deactivate again lol) my personal Fb account, and I found myself reminiscing. Sakto sa #flashbackFriday feels kaya minabuti ko nang mag-screenshot ng ibang photos just in case may mangyari sa Meta, at least may kopya pa din sa WordPress.

Nakaka-miss balikan ang mga happy memories and fun times with friends, former coworkers and classmates, and relatives. Ah yes, it was a past lived well. But God is calling me now to make more meaningful memories with new faces in new places – I am very much looking forward to it. And yet not my will, but His will be done always. ❤️

But wait, introvert nga pala ako. Introvert nga ba talaga ako? 🤔🤣

P.S. Para akong Camaro ngayon na nagre-rev sa garahe, naka-standby lang. Pero kapag binuksan na ang pinto ng garahe, kakaripas na until I’m out of sight. 😂 So baka ang mga susunod kong blog posts ay mga 1 sentence na lang kasi sobrang busy na. lol

My next post actually is for the breast cancer community because I am currently consolidating data regarding the medical assistance provided by different government agencies lalo na para sa mga indigents. Ang hirap mag-copy and paste every time na my nagtatanong kaya naisipan ko dito ko na lang sa blog i-post then share na lang ang link sa mga nagtatanong. Dahil sa kaka-share ko sa breast cancer support groups e napagkamalan tuloy akong resource person kaya andaming nagtatanong. 😅

But I am very happy to help. ♥️ Dahil ito lang ang maitutulong ko sa kanila because time is what I have now – oras para mag-research at oras para sagutin ang kanilang mga katanungan. Kagaya kay Nanay. I am praying na sana nakatulong sa kanya ang info. 🙏 Gusto ko rin sana sya samahan personally para tulungan sya kaso busy na din ako tulungan husband ko now para sa pag-alis nya.

Panawagan ko lang sa mga ahensya ng gobyerno na sana may Filipino version din ang mga instructions sa mga websites nila dahil ang hirap lang kaya mag-translate from English-Filipino. Waaaaah 😭 Sunggo much na ako. Tissue, please.

Ang haba na pala ng postscript ko. lol K. Tnx. Bye.

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” – Galatians 6:9-10

The Name I Love

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Here’s a special poem for Valentine’s Day to warm the heart wherever you may be. Happy Valentine’s Day! 🌹❤️🥰

THE NAME I LOVE

by Christine Lailani

I may not have it all,
But there’s one thing I’m grateful for.
At first I find it hard to trust,
And just difficult to believe.
It is irresistibly sweet
And reminds me whose I really am.
It’s the way You made me feel,
Which will always hold true.
And that it will never end in vain
For I am truly and only Yours.
There’s just no other way to put it nicely.
So when I responded to the call,
It was revealed for me to see.
The name that I truly love
Was heaven sent through an angel.
An encounter that made me eager
To love You like I always should.

❤️❤️❤️

“To Make You Feel My Love”

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13