The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
I always watch Pastor Patrick’s preaching a week late, but I feel like the message is timely for me. There’s a part of me that regretted not being able to say “I love you” out loud to my Mom before she passed away.
We are never the type who are vocal with our “I love yous” though I never fail to say it when I text them. And last Sunday’s preaching reminded me to say these three words to people dear to me often but say it as if I really mean it. Because again, our days are numbered and we never know when will be our last day here in this world.
If you’re reading this, I want to say my heartfelt gratitude to you for being a part of this blog’s journey and my life’s journey. As a sister in Christ, I LOVE YOU. May we never depart from the One who made love possible – GOD is love. 🙂♥️🙏
More about regrets, saying “I love you,” and restoration in Pastor Patrick’s message below:
“We love because God loved us first.” 1 John 4:19
“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, when the funds are low and the debts are high, and you want to smile but you have to sigh, when care is pressing you down a bit – rest if you must, but don’t you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns. As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow – you may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man; Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup; and he learned too late when the night came down, how close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out – the silver tint of the clouds of doubt, and when you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems afar; so stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit – it’s when things seem worst, you must not quit.
I was looking for the Filipino-English dictionary in our book shelf and found this magazine instead from Kuya’s stuff when he was still studying at the Philippine Military Academy. Dito ko una nabasa ang poem na “Don’t Quit.”
My brother is one of my accountability partners na tiga-sabi sa akin ng “don’t quit.” Sya rin actually nag-introduce ng faith sa akin. Dahil napagod na sya kaka-advise kapag nagte-text ako sa kanya ng madaling araw back in 2012 dahil sa mga problema ko. 🤣 Nah, kami kasi magkasunod sa magkakapatid kahit pa 5 years ang agwat naming dalawa kaya mas close ako sa Kuya ko. But I also love my sisters just the same and I get to talk to them always, too. ❤️
My brother has been serving the country as a military officer since 2006. And I must say na napakalaki ng influence nya sa akin pagdating hindi lang sa faith kundi pati in life in general. And if ever matuloy ang plan ko to have an IUI (via sperm donor from a fertility clinic) and ma-diagnose ako with breast cancer later in life and ‘di ko sya ma-survive, I will ask my brother and my sis-in-law to adopt my child.
O di ba, ganun ako kalayo magplano. Tapos sasabihin ni God, nagsayang ka lang ng energy Tin dahil hindi ‘yan ang plano ko for you. lol Saklap. 😆 But seriously, if ever that happens, my bro and sister-in-law will be my first choice para sa magiging adoptive parents ng aking anak. My sis-in-law will make a very good Mom (she adopted not less than 5 street cats and still counting 😁). She is a flight attendant at Cebu Pacific, and I call her “the Gal Gadot of the Philippines” because she really looks like her – the Asian version. 😍
Taken during Kuya’s NAG graduation in 2010 kung tama pagkakaalala ko.Friends, madali lang pala magpaandar ng eroplano. Parang nagda-drive ka lang ng kotse……sa panaginip. With the Phil Navy Cessna PlaneBawal po pala mag-drive ng eroplano nang naka-skirt.Bakit kaya? 🤔Ang Pamaypay. Bow.Miss you, Mom. ❤️
Kasama din pala sa mga nagpe-perform during the flying exhibition sa Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival ang mga piloto ng Naval Air Wing (formerly Naval Air Group) of the Philippine Navy represented by the top officer of their class.
Circa 2013: 18th Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival w/ Victory GT Toyota (UP Diliman) churchmates @ ClarkAir Base.
Speaking of hot air balloon festivals, Bicol will also be having its very own hot air balloon event on May3-5, 2024, which will be held at the old Legazpi airport as part of the Bicol Loco Festival. I hope my 3rd sister will join me to watch this event and hopefully Dad, too, if he is fit enough to travel. And I’m praying for a clear and picturesque view of the ever beautiful and ever perfect Mt. Mayon as the backdrop. 😍
At dahil kailangan ko maghanap ng old photos for this post, I had to reactivate (and deactivate again lol) my personal Fb account, and I found myself reminiscing. Sakto sa #flashbackFriday feels kaya minabuti ko nang mag-screenshot ng ibang photos just in case may mangyari sa Meta, at least may kopya pa din sa WordPress.
Nakaka-miss balikan ang mga happy memories and fun times with friends, former coworkers and classmates, and relatives. Ah yes, it was a past lived well. But God is calling me now to make more meaningful memories with new faces in new places – I am very much looking forward to it. And yet not my will, but His will be done always. ❤️
But wait, introvert nga pala ako. Introvert nga ba talaga ako? 🤔🤣
P.S. Para akong Camaro ngayon na nagre-rev sa garahe, naka-standby lang. Pero kapag binuksan na ang pinto ng garahe, kakaripas na until I’m out of sight. 😂 So baka ang mga susunod kong blog posts ay mga 1 sentence na lang kasi sobrang busy na. lol
My next post actually is for the breast cancer community because I am currently consolidating data regarding the medical assistance provided by different government agencies lalo na para sa mga indigents. Ang hirap mag-copy and paste every time na my nagtatanong kaya naisipan ko dito ko na lang sa blog i-post then share na lang ang link sa mga nagtatanong. Dahil sa kaka-share ko sa breast cancer support groups e napagkamalan tuloy akong resource person kaya andaming nagtatanong. 😅
But I am very happy to help. ♥️ Dahil ito lang ang maitutulong ko sa kanila because time is what I have now – oras para mag-research at oras para sagutin ang kanilang mga katanungan. Kagaya kay Nanay. I am praying na sana nakatulong sa kanya ang info. 🙏 Gusto ko rin sana sya samahan personally para tulungan sya kaso busy na din ako tulungan husband ko now para sa pag-alis nya.
Panawagan ko lang sa mga ahensya ng gobyerno na sana may Filipino version din ang mga instructions sa mga websites nila dahil ang hirap lang kaya mag-translate from English-Filipino. Waaaaah 😭 Sunggo much na ako. Tissue, please.
Ang haba na pala ng postscript ko. lol K. Tnx. Bye.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” – Galatians 6:9-10
Because today is Friday, let me share with you a little throwback to how I started playing the guitar. My Mom and my brother both know how to play the guitar. But it’s my brother who influenced me when he was in high school and I was in grade school.
This will explain why I also like to play songs by Oasis, Nirvana, Gin Blossoms, Def Leppard, Firehouse, and the like. 😀 I’m actually a combination of all of my siblings’ music interests. My eldest sister loves Enya and my second and third sister love country music. And also a little bit of Mom and Dad’s favorite music like The Beatles and Carpenters.
Do I like classical music? Yes, I do. But I only listen to them when I’m writing and studying. Instrumental music helps me concentrate because I tend to get distracted by the lyrics of pop songs. And when this happens, you’ll catch me daydreaming. 😅 I learned mostly by ear, though my brother taught me the basic guitar chords and how to pluck “When You Say Nothing At All.”
Music Through The Ages
If you play a musical instrument, then you’re most likely familiar with songbooks. We still have Mom’s songbooks actually, and they’re older than us. lol But they will all be remnants of the past since everything is digital now.
I got to seriously learn how to play the guitar only when I was in college. My brother was studying at the Philippine Military Academy (PMA) back then, and he left his guitar in our apartment. He bought me my own guitar as a graduation gift because every time he comes home, his guitar is out of tune because I used it to practice. lol Sorry, brother bear. 😂
Choosing A Guitar
I have 2 guitars back home. One has nylon strings and the other has metal strings. If you’re a beginner, I would suggest trying the nylon strings first because they’re less painful. You also have to practice consistently so calluses will develop at the tip of your fingers and they will help lessen the pain.
But if you like a clearer sound, go for metal strings though they are pretty painful, especially if you’re just starting to learn how to play the guitar. Metal strings sound more defined, especially when you strum. But for plucking, I prefer the guitar with nylon strings. You may use a capo so you don’t have to strain your voice to reach the notes, especially if they’re too high or too low for you.
Do I Need A Guitar Pick?
For guitar picks, I use them depending on my mood like if I prefer a low and mellow tune and to concentrate on my singing, I just strum using my fingers. But, if I want to concentrate on the guitar chords and less singing, I use a guitar pick. Every guitar pick creates a different kind of strumming sound depending on how thick it is.
Let Your Fingers Glide
If you’re a beginner searching for songs to play using a guitar, go for songs that only have four chords all throughout the song such as “Leaving On A Jetplane.” As for strumming, start with just one stroke starting from the upper strings down to the lower strings. Then when your hand is comfortable, you can start gliding your finger up and down over the strings. I normally use my point finger to strum.
Just a tip for beginners, try to relax your hand, especially the wrist, when you’re strumming. The more tense your fingers, the harder it is for you to strum continuously. I also discovered a trick when transitioning from one chord to the other. Just continue strumming even when you haven’t pressed all the strings that you need to press yet. It’ll sound just like a variation of that chord you’re playing. I think there’s not much difference in how it sounds, but music majors can definitely tell that you missed a string. 😀
How To Tune Your Guitar
By the way, I also tune the guitar by ear. If you’re not confident with your tuning skills, you can download a guitar tuner app. Just make sure to turn the string knobs slightly when tuning to avoid breaking the string. It’s kind of scary when a string breaks because if it’s a metal string, it just flies off and can leave a cut on your face. I already experienced this with a nylon string.
So what I would do when I feel like the string is already tight enough but I still have to tighten it a bit more is that after I turned the knob, I press all the strings together to allow them to stretch a bit and then that’s when I begin to strum again.
GUITAR W/ NYLON STRINGS: I am not a very good singer, and also not a pro guitarist. This video was also a product of the Covid-19quarantine and the very first time that I recorded a video of my very awkward self singing. So…please be kind to me. lol 😅
GUITAR W/ METAL STRINGS: This was taken in 2017.
I am not a pro when it comes to playing the guitar. But I’ve been playing since 2002, and I keep on practicing whenever I have the time. Playing the guitar is one of my hobbies to relieve stress. And as always, music heals the soul. If I can learn this skill, I know you can, too. 👍
Here’s one of my favorite songs that I love to play on my guitar. Enjoy! ❤️
P.S. There was one time when my grandma heard me singing while washing the dishes, and she told me that I have a nice voice (I really am not sure about this 😅). But she also added that I should sing worship songs, too. I was still in grade school back then. And three decades later, here I am singing and playing mostly worship songs on my guitar. Praise be to God for this gift to play music. 😊🙏
“…speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:19
To the Physics majors out there, I want to know what dynamics are we witnessing here aside from the obvious, which is the law of gravity? Kindly enlighten me what’s the logic behind a 6-foot bench but you somehow slept with your head hanging out? 🤔
Animal behaviorists might actually have a better explanation for this. Because it’s like buying a King size bed only to sleep on the edge of it. You might be better off selling the bed and sleep on the couch instead. 😅
Kung wala ng ibang rason, hanapan pa rin natin ng explanation. It’s like coming up with a problem out of a solution. lol Hay, Christine. Kaya hindi nakakapagtaka kung bakit binigyan ka ng 4 na grade sa Math 1. May solusyon na kasi, hinanapan pa ng problema. 🤣
Seriously, my inability to solve Math problems coherently has something to do with an abnormality in my brain and how it was structured or wired. Studies showed that this deficiency is hereditary, but I’m not blaming my ancestors. I hope were clear on that.
So yes, I really am serious about asking Elon Musk to be the sperm donor once I decide to get an IUI since he’s an advocate of populating this world with intelligent people. I’m very confident writing this here because it will never happen (him being the sperm donor). lol
I learned about this learning disability when I took my master’s degree in Special Education (I did not finish this because I got married). There’s a part of myself that was seeking for answers. And somehow, I got some of the answers through SpEd. They call it “dyscalculia.”
I interchange numbers when I write them down. I can correctly read them aloud, but when I start writing them, the numbers become all jumbled. So it takes a lot of concentration for me to remember their sequence. I also can’t do a mental calculation even if it’s just basic arithmetic.
I solve equations or count using my fingers (if there’s no calculator) or by writing the equation down. It usually takes me a long time to solve even just one Mathematical problem. Mine was only a self-diagnosis so I really can’t tell the severity of my case. There is no cure for dyscalculia, but the most effective way to minimize the effects of this condition later in life is through early intervention during a child’s developmental period. But thank God for Microsoft Excel and SPSS. 🙏
My brain has a learning deficit when it comes to Math and somehow compensated for it by focusing more on language development. I grew up having this fascination over highfalutin words I can remember them right away even after encountering them for the first time and can use them in the proper context (sometimes inappropriately 😅).
But the thing is, we were trained in my department back in college to write not to impress but to express – keep your vocabulary as simple as possible. Use layman’s terms, so to speak, especially if you’re into persuasive writing like me. Nothing convinces an audience more but by using the language of the masses. So if you’re going to look at my grades in school per subject, it would be 98% in English, 94% in Science, 89% in History & Filipino, and 77% in Math. lol
By the way, itong aso na ito ay alaga ng Tito ko who passed away two years ago (my Mom’s youngest brother). This dog kind of adopted himself na maging pet namin kapag andun kami sa bukid. Syempre nasasama kasi sya during lunch time.
But this dog is very intelligent and very loyal. He makes a very good farm dog and guard dog, too. Mukhang na-train ng Tita ko dahil kasama nya palagi kapag nagu-uling ng mga “bagul” (coconut shells) after mag-kopra doon sa bukid namin.
Makulit din syang dog. Andami nyang pakwela na tunay nga namang matatawa ka na lang. Like itong isa na nagpanggap syang pilay daw sya. Tapos biglang tumayo sabay tingin sa akin.
And the Best Dog Actor Award goes to…BAMBA! That’s his name. 😊
This year’s Holy Week reflection was nothing I have ever experienced and done before. It was a moment of deep contemplation and fervent prayers. 🙏
It was also a week of immense joy, but insurmountable sadness. I am so happy that my husband passed the nursing licensure exam in the country where he applied to work as a nurse, but I am also sad that this also means my husband and I are separating.
The decision wasn’t easy. This is one of those moments in your life wherein you can’t sleep at night and your stomach churns every time you think about it. And yet you know that there is no other easy way to go about it but to go through it courageously, mustering all the strength you’ve got.
I am overjoyed that my husband finally gets to fulfill his dream of working abroad. God answered my husband’s prayer, and I am just completely in awe having witnessed how God orchestrated things in a manner that I can attest to as something sort of a miracle.
My husband and I are both at peace with our decision, and I only have 2 requests from him if he plans to come back to me. First, he should be a born-again Christian (went through an altar call, water baptism, baptism of the Holy Spirit, and connected to a Bible study group) in Victory church. And second, he must be ready to stay with me in my hometown for good. And starting today, these are going to be non-negotiables for me.
Even if this happens how many decades from now, I will gladly take him back. But if not, then I trust God that He has other better plans for me and my husband. We will keep the communication lines open, but what I can only offer to my husband now is friendship as a sister in Christ unless he’s able to satisfy both of the requests I mentioned above. I have my own valid reasons for asking these requests, which I will no longer explain further.
I was actually having second thoughts if I should still share this here because it is too personal. But after praying to God about it, His instruction was to share it since it is a major part of my life’s journey. Thus, it’s also a part of this blog’s journey where I testify about God’s saving grace and faithfulness in every season of my life.
Again, my husband and I are both at peace though the acceptance didn’t come right away. We both struggled and haggled – God saw the pain. But, I am grateful that God still gave us both an opportunity to settle everything peacefully. He has prepared greater things for me and my husband to conquer and accomplish, albeit separately. On my end, I have a lot of pending tasks and opportunities to explore when I get back home – advocacies, farm projects, graduate study, and other work opportunities, just to name a few.
I can’t think of any other goodbye that’s better than this. And yet it is also that kind of goodbye that still remains hopeful for the things to come. I accept all of these as part of God’s sanctification for us to grow spiritually because my husband and I are still both a work in progress. It isn’t a coincidence that this took place during Holy Week 2024.
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you (us), will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6
Easter Sunday now has an even deeper meaning to me. The message of the Cross and Christ’s resurrection has never been more accurate and appropriate to what my husband and I are going through right now – sacrifice, freedom, transformation, new beginnings, and lastly, hope.
It is a testament to God’s profound love for the church that He is willing to sacrifice His own Son on the Cross so He can show that no power here on Earth, not even death, can separate us from the love of God. So in the end, we can all confidently say what Jesus said on the Cross, “Father, if You are willing, take this cup of suffering from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22: 42-44).
And so Christ has risen. And so shall we. 🙏♥️
“The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” – 2 Peter 3:9
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
“We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in You.” – Psalm 33:20-22
God is good all the time. I stumbled upon this advocacy for breast cancer warriors who’ve had a mastectomy – handmade breast prostheses. And I must say that this is one advocacy that is truly worth sharing here in my blog. I would like to encourage those who get to read this to support and share the project with your friends, families, and coworkers. ❤️
For international volunteers and donors who would like to support this advocacy by Knitted Knockers, you may visit this website:
To Filipino volunteers and breast cancer warriors who would like to get a pair of knitted breast prostheses for FREE, you may coordinate with the Bayanihan Knitted Knockers thru their Facebook page:
I also would like to dedicate this blog post to all the volunteers who support this cause and made this campaign a success. To the founders who started the initiative to help breast cancer warriors cope with the struggles and challenges of losing an essential part of themselves as a woman, the impact of this project is just beyond tremendous – a very big THANK YOU to all of you. 🙏❤️
Here are some of the testimonies from the recipients themselves:
God Is Good All The Time Talaga
Nakakatuwa lang si Lord. Dahil kagabi lang I felt like ni-shake, rattle, and roll na naman ang mundo ko. But God replaced it with peace and wisdom reminding me of His promises and the “positive” future that awaits when I obey Him.
I mentioned in my previous articles about this desire of mine to do volunteer work for the breast cancer community when I get back to Bicol. I don’t know how and where to start actually though I have an initial plan (please refer to this article). Pero as usual, umiral naman “imposter syndrome” ko and my complaint to God was that the task is too daunting. I lack a lot of resources from finances, logistics, to manpower. Sagot lang Nya is that “Christine, just wait.”
A Community of Warriors
And then came Knitted Knockers. This advocacy started in the US, and later on, ipinagpatuloy ng mga founders ng Bayanihan Knitted Knockers dito sa Pinas with the intent na matulungan ang mga Pinay na sumailalim ng mastectomy. Ang mga handwoven na breast prostheses ay technically mga fillers na nilalagay sa bra para maging pantay pa din ang mga dibdib o hindi maging flat ang mga dibdib.
Sa time ng mastectomy and lumpectomy ng Mommy and Lola ko (around ’90s), wala pang ganito. So, my Tita from the US bought my Mom a silicone pad (thanks Mommy Jud) altho lately na lang kaso mainit sya and hindi suitable para gamitin nang pangmatagalan lalo na dito sa Pinas. And nai-irritate ang pinagtahian lalo na sa case ni Mom na keloidal sya (like me) kaya nagkaroon ng keloid ang mismong tahi.
Akala natin maliit at simpleng item lang itong knitted breast prostheses pero malaki pala ang tulong na naibibigay para sa pag-boost ng self-esteem and confidence ng mga kababaihan na sumailalim ng mastectomy. Kaya nababawasan ang depression kahit paano dahil isa sa challenges ng mga breast cancer warriors after a surgery ay ang self-image at kung paano mag-iiba ang tingin sa kanila ng mga tao once they go out. The knitted breast prostheses somehow made the transition and adjustment process less traumatic and less painful to these women helping them cope with mental health issues better.
Volunteer For A Good Cause
So ito na ang ibinigay ni Lord na opportunity. It’s as if sinabi Nya na “Tin, I am now opening a door for you to volunteer.” Sagot ko sana ay, “May say ba ako, Lord, kung ayaw kong gawin?” lol Feeling ko isasagot sa akin ni Lord ay, “Ano ba talaga, Tin? Sabi mo gusto mo mag-volunteer tapos tinatanong mo ako kung ano ba ang nasa future mo, heto na ‘yun, I am giving you a glimpse how and where to start.” 😂 Sayang lang at hindi ako marunong mag-knit. But I really would love to learn. Kaso andami ko nang pending tasks pagbalik ng Bicol, baka maging hanggang drawing lang talaga itong pag-knit. Sana hindi. 🙏
I guess ito din ang isa sa mga purposes ni Lord kaya ako pinapunta ng Maynila dahil pinakuha Nya sa akin lahat ng mga training materials sa mga previous volunteer projects na sinalihan ko. Gaya nitong ginamit namin sa training as volunteers ng Victory QC (now Victory Katipunan) Community Outreach Ministry. I am not sure kung patuloy pa din ang proyekto na ito.
But I am grateful and privileged enough na nakapag-attend ako ng training dahil ang isa sa mga bumuo ng ministry na ito used to be the Dean (if I’m not mistaken) of the College of Social Work and Community Development in UP Diliman. I learned from one of the best mentors when it comes to doing community service and ang kagandahan, it was backed by Biblical foundations.
Extending The Project To Bicol
What I am praying for now is how I can bring the initiative of Bayanihan Knitted Knockers sa Bicol, like sort of create a Bicol chapter ng organization (kung wala pa) kahit magsimula sa kaunting volunteers lang muna. Dahil ang mga handwoven breast prostheses ay ipinapamigay ng LIBRE pero sagot pa din ng recipient ang shipping fee. Kung manggagaling pa ng Maynila, may kamahalan din ang babayaran na shipping fee ng breast cancer warriors from Bicol.
And kung Maynila lang ang pagkukunan ng knitted breast prostheses, baka masyadong matagalan ang delivery given the limited number of volunteer knitters they have. I am sure may marunong din mag-knit at mag-crochet sa Bicol. I plan to ask and coordinate with the founders of the Bayanihan Knitted Knockers here in Manila re the following:
– can we set up a Bicol chapter
– how long does it take to complete a pair of knitted breast prostheses (altho tingin ko depende na ito sa kung gaano ka-experienced ang isang volunteer knitter)
– are there specific requirements for the type of yarn, designs, foam used, proof of surgery (recipient), etc.
Based on their answers, doon ko malalaman what I will be needing for the Bicol chapter such as:
– number of volunteers (knitters and packers) depending sa magiging bulk ng orders and knitting/packing time
– targeted number of recipients (ilang cities and municipalities meron sa buong Bicol Region and ilan ang hospitals kada city/town)
– coordinate with oncologists/surgeons per hospital kung ilan ang pasyente nila na nag-undergo at maga-undergo ng mastectomy para sa referrals ng mga prospective recipients (this will be a very huge favor to ask from them soooo, mate-test ang superpower of persuasion ko dito or kaibiganin ko secretaries nila at i-bribe ng mamon para lumambot ang puso 😂)
Giving Everyone Equal Opportunity
Nakita ko kasi na konti pa lang din ang nakakaalam about Bayanihan Knitted Knockers kaya kung ia-advertise sa social media, ang mari-reach na mga breast cancer warriors ay konti lang. So, traditional way ng pag-advertise ang need gawin para mas marami ang makaalam at matulungan. And regardless kung ano status sa buhay, basta gusto mag-avail, dapat makatanggap.
Pagdating sa pag-round up ng volunteers, Bulan and Sorsogon City ang target ko since mag-uuwian ako from both places. Sa church sa city ang main target ko to get volunteers para habang nagni-knit o pack, diretso fellowship. Because why not? 😅
Kung madami ang orders, I plan to hire more knitters and mas preferred ko actually na bayaran ang gagawa pero syempre need mag-conduct ng financial planning kung kakayanin ba ng budget. We can’t solely rely on donations, but it would be a very big help. Ika nga nila, libre mangarap pero kailangan din maging praktikal.
Ang headquarters ay most likely sa hometown ko kasi ang vision ko sana ay doon iganap ang monthly meetings (once a month) sa farm namin. Pwede naman sa bahay kasi napagusapan actually naming magkakapatid na gawing bed and breakfast ang bahay in the far future since marami ang natutuwa at nagpapa-picture dito. Hindi lang nila alam ang daming multo. Isa na pala ako doon a.k.a. “the whitelady.” 😀
Ni-disenyo mismo ng Dad and Mom. ❤️ They love to build things together. Ito actually ang fave pastime nila – ang magplano at gumawa ng proyekto. | photo taken by my 3rd sister 📸
Tapos kapag nasa bukid na, unli buko doon at sabayan ng pancit bato para sa meryenda. Pero ang catch dito ay kung sino ang gusto ng unli buko, dapat sya ang magsusungkit ng buko. 🤣 We call buko as “silot” in Bulan. And this is how we harvest coconuts:
Only a skilled “paralukad” can harvest the coconuts dahil delikado sya actually at mahirap gawin lalo na kapag ganito na katatangkad ng mga punong niyog.
Kung game ang mga volunteers sa panunungkit, then unli buko it is. lol I am just kidding. Of course, unli buko talaga at magpapabaon din ako para sa pamilya nila tsaka kung ano mahagilap o ma-forage nila doon sa bukid (aawayin na ako neto ng Daddy at kapatid ko 🤣). Dahil maliit na bagay lang ito actually and the volunteers will get to experience this once a month only. This is how I plan to repay them for all the volunteer (hard) work they do.
A Collective Effort Towards Social Change And Fellowship
Noong time ng Lola at Lolo ko, sa bukid namin madalas ginagawa ang spiritual retreat ng Protestant church na usually ginaganap sa buwan ng Marso o Abril kung tama pagkakaalala ko. I am praying my siblings are also open to the idea once kami na ang magma-manage. But this time, gusto ko sana na it will be open to any church kasi ang target natin is to foster unity within the body of Christ.
My 3rd sister suggested maglagay ng chapel doon sa hill na maliit (na for sure ay hindi nyo naman makikitasa sobrang layo 😆).
Isa kasi ito sa mga most memorable childhood experiences ko when it comes to fellowship. Yaong nagpe-praise and worship kayo na panay mga boses at gitara lang ang maririnig (no loud musical instruments) kasi walang kuryente doon. And even if magkaroon pa, I still prefer na ganito pa din ang praise and worship during spiritual retreats – it’s more solemn at ramdam mo ang connection with nature and with God. And then after ng preaching at intercessory prayers, kainan a la picnic style (potluck kami lagi) tapos bonding na and just relax for the rest of the afternoon.
Maganda mag-senti dito sa pond. ‘Wag lang masobrahan sa pag-sway at baka tumilapon ka diretso sa pond – lagpas tao din sya. 😅The farm during dusk.
My visions are very ambitious, I know. 😀 But I am praying na ito ang will ng Panginoon at sana matuwa ang Dios kapag maisakatuparan ito. In everything, to God be the glory always. 🙏
For this article and what the organizers, volunteers, and supporters of Knitted Knockers and Bayanihan Knitted Knockers are doing, I believe the Bible verses below are fitting:
“In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” – Matthew 5:16
“You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21
“Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:6
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.” – Proverbs 16:3
P.S. I believe this will be an ongoing initiative dahil kada taon meron at merong nada-diagnose ng breast cancer at naga-undergo ng mastectomy sa buong bansa. Pwede sa provinces madalang pero meron pa din. Kaya sa mga makabasa nito sa ibang lugar sa Pilipinas, sana maenganyo din kayo to start the same campaign sainyong mga lugar. 👍
Ang knitted breast prostheses ay hindi lang personal item. It is a powerful representation and symbolizes kung gaano nakipaglaban ang isang breast cancer warrior sa sakit na kanser. Thus, walang makakatumbas sa kanyang sentimental value. ❤️
*featured image courtesy of Bayanihan Knitted Knockers
If only I was wiser, but wisdom came a bit late. Or maybe this is all part of God’s plans, too. But at least I got all the answers that I needed – there’s clarity and so, there’s closure. *big sigh of relief*
My heart is still Yours, Lord. ♥️ And I know Your love for me will never change because You’re the only One who remained faithful in every season. 🙏
P.S. Hay Lord, bakit kasi binigyan Mo pa ako ng pusong mamon. Sana ‘yung kasing tigas na lang ng turo-talinga. 😆
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
In a world where criticisms are casually thrown around without any regard for how they could affect a person, I learned that you don’t owe the world an apology for being you – crazy, broke, dumb, weird, or ugly. How did I manage to live in a society that constantly puts us in a box based on stereotypes? It’s my introverted personality that helped me survive the harsh realities of this world because I have learned how to detach.
Here In This World, But Not Really Here
I create my own world. This blog is part of it. When I first put up this blog in October 2012, I was aware that putting myself out there will invite both supporters and detractors. And there is a high chance that I’ll have more of the latter than the former. It then became my mantra when posting on social media to allow the audience to “take it or leave it.” If the engagement is negative, do not entertain it. They are entitled to their own opinions, and we only tap the mindsets of those who are open to different perspectives.
Social media has its advantages. But we all know how notorious it can be for setting trends that become the norm. Sadly, some of these trends are detrimental to this generation’s mental health. Self-image then became the most common victim.
For one, who set the standards that “white” and “skinny” are beautiful? Or that a “glass skin” is better than having coarse skin? To be really honest, a majority of these trends are all centered on commercialism. It’s like creating a computer virus every year so people would upgrade their antivirus software every year, too. 😃✌️
Saludo Sa Hindi Nakikiuso
I am not against commercialism or technology. Though as we all know, too much of everything is harmful. So how do you know when is too much too much? We will know when we see a pattern, a habit. A pattern is like an addiction. And a habit becomes bad when it becomes disruptive. This habit can include placing too much emphasis on something that we have convinced our minds that we can’t live without even though in reality, we can live without it.
We then become insecure if we don’t have this something. Insecurities are always associated with self-image. And self-image, nowadays, is centered on the idea that once we don’t live up to society’s standards, then we are worthless. Thus, we become an outcast. But, here’s my challenge. Why is everyone afraid of being an outcast and being set apart from this world?
Outcasts See Better Behind The Brokenness
Because I am not. I am a nerd, an antisocial, a hypocrite, a lunatic, a good-for-nothing woman – believe me, I’ve been called all the worst names you can imagine. Some people just really have a knack for emphasizing what you lack, but forgive them – this is their flaw, too. And yet here I am, loving myself even more. I’m still living a normal life – at peace and content.
This is also the reason why I prefer Bible study groups and fellowships to reunions. Because what we usually talk about during reunions is all about bragging, accomplishments, and other people’s lives. But seldom will we talk about how we’re helping one family member who is a drug addict, or how a rebellious student left the family and what we can do to bring him/her back, or how we should pray over one friend who is abusive behind closed doors.
Social media crafted this image that people must be accomplished in their professions, have the latest collection of designer bags, and post picture-perfect family portraits from their latest out-of-the-country trips. There is nothing wrong with all of these. But is that all there is to life?
While fellowships in the church are also not perfect, shared experiences are usually a combination of accomplishments (praise reports) and failures (prayer requests). You see people for who they truly are – in their highs and in their lows. It is, thus, the intention of the church to build people up (through God’s way) and not tear them down.
Fellowships are primarily grounded on creating a safe environment where you can be yourself and share your struggles without being judged. Though we have to keep in mind that our Bible study group leaders, pastors, and the entire congregation are flawed individuals, too. And yet this is how we grow spiritually together – through our flaws.
The Church Is Not Perfect
Because this is what the church is for – it is a place for broken individuals. And it is this brokenness that we all have in common that leads us to our ultimate goal – receive God’s gift of salvation so He can make us whole. It is not the temporary things and people in our lives that will complete us. They will only satisfy us for a moment. But the void in our hearts can only be filled by God. And this is why the church exists.
Actually the more that I get older, the more that I become like King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes. It’s that moment of realization where having less is better and the simpler, the happier. Our lack of something actually opens our minds to have a better appreciation and understanding of everything and to value what we have and not take it for granted.
For example, there were times when I would count the few coins remaining in my purse just to make sure I still had enough for fare to be able to get home. And this is the only money I have left. But I will still share it here. Why?
Because the experience taught me humility. Did it make me less of a person? No, but in God’s sight, I earned His favor. Should I be ashamed if I overhaul clothes every 10 years or if I eat “tuyo” every week because that is all that I can afford to eat?
No, because this season of lack means I need to rely on God, which then means my faith in Him is being stretched to the limits and I am taught to endure. Endurance refines our character so we can be ready for whatever bigger hurdle we might go through in life later on. This is actually how we should train a generation to be resilient – in lack and not in comfort.
A Better Approach Towards Life
I am not promoting a poverty mentality but I am also not supporting prosperity gospel in case you’ve heard of it. Live just right. Dream big. But, let us not lose ourselves trying to compete and attain worldly success and accumulate possessions to impress people who will get on with their lives and will soon forget us once we’re in our graves. And more importantly, may we never sell our souls to the world.
How sure are we that the wealth we’ve amassed will be put to good use by those who will take over once we’re gone? What if they will become one-day millionaires only because they’ve squandered every cent you’ve painstakingly worked hard for on worthless things? Leaving a legacy behind is not just about leaving a tangible inheritance. It’s more about imparting the best moral values that will mold the next generation’s character. Because it is a good character that overlooks flaws and celebrates what is real – an asset that never gets old through time. And which makes us pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.
Embrace Your Flaws, They Make You Unique
Speaking of physical flaws, I actually grew up being teased for having a flat and fat nose. It became a favorite joke during family reunions because most of our relatives have this very special nose, too. My aunts and uncles said we got it from our maternal grandpa. But we do love him for it and for a whole lot of other things. And I remembered how my Mom would defend us by saying that it doesn’t matter because all her kids are intelligent, anyway. haha Way to go, Mom! 💪 But really, how intelligent is intelligent? My IQ is only 120, am I included? lol Nakay polpolon man gihapon sa Math. 🤣
Yes, I am well aware of my flaws since I was young. But even until now, I never felt the urge to change a single part of myself. The beauty and skincare products I use now are just part of my skincare routine and also to look and dress the part during special occasions or meetings wherein I need to wear makeup. My only goal is to take care of what I already have and stay healthy.
The reason why I chose portrait sketching and I felt drawn to this kind of art is because I get to see all the intricate details of a person’s face. That’s why I require high-resolution photos of people I sketch because I zoom in on the details making sure I copy every single one of them from warts, pimples, wrinkles, dimples to freckles.
A Divergent And Always Will Be
I admire people who are very comfortable in their own skin and despite having flaws, still have this sense of confidence that radiates through them. These are the people who don’t care what other people think and say. Thus, they are the ones who are truly carefree. They embrace their imperfections and change only that part of themselves that does not honor God, and this is why they stand out from the rest.
They are the ones who are actually “more visible” to me than those who I always see on social media. Because they’ve invested in their character more than their physical attributes in such a way that their personalities made them a people magnet for just being authentic, humble, and real. And no, they don’t apologize for being genuinely them.
We weren’t created to please people or impress them. We were created to marvel at God’s beautiful creation and that is ourselves – appreciate what we’ve been given because God already gave us everything that we need. And God gave us these things to bring Him glory and not to please the world. ♥️
“I praise You (Lord) because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30
[But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’] – 1 Samuel 16:7
“Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important. It promises a reward in both this life and the next.” – 1 Timothy 4:8
My sister who’s in Bicol sent us these beautiful and lovely photos of the bougainvilleas I bought last year as part of our beautification/landscaping project on the farm. 😍 I am so happy that they survived and are thriving well because they’re almost dying when I left.
These bougies didn’t have flowers when I bought them. I just trusted the seller that she’s going to give me the right ones. 😃And I was surprised that she included a red one. My eldest sister prefers to have this on the farm.
I had to repot them, transfer them to a new location, prune them, and replant the cuttings hoping they will still survive. They haven’t bloomed for a couple of months when I was still there. One of them also had yellow spots on its leaves.
The first location where I placed them is a “dead spot” in our garden. I call it a “dead spot” because it’s in the middle of our backyard, but any plant that we try to grow there just dies. I think we need to conduct a soil analysis in that particular area because even the plants that are very prolific growers become sick.
My guess is that the soil might be contaminated by a toxic chemical that slowly kills the plants. I am just overjoyed to see that the bougies have all recovered. It looks like my sister and the new house help are also doing an excellent job of keeping these plants healthy (thank you, ladies 🥰). And I think Mom is still taking good care of her garden. 😍
Thank God the leaves have finally recovered. 🙏I plan to transplant them somewhere in the garden when I get back. But this time I am planting them directly on the soil. I just need to find the perfect spot so I can propagate them.
And of course, my sister included a photo of my first baby girl – Peekah. That’s her favorite sleeping position with her tail all curled up to cover her little girl. 😂
I miss you, my Peekahm.
I’ll see you soon my babies and my loves. You just have to wait for me a little bit more. And the biophilia in me also can’t wait to commune with nature for my regular dose of soul therapy. Ah yes, more patience, Tin. Just a little more patience. 🙏
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might.” – Ephesians 6:10
Just the right worship song to prep the soul for Holy Week.Do what your soul tells you to do.🙏
Adulting is hard not because we are not up to the responsibilities that accompany it. Rather, the decisions that we have to make can weigh us down, especially if these decisions can alter how we live our lives and all other decisions that we will be making in the future.
Circumstances brought me here to Manila to do a lot of contemplating on what to do next. And one of them is about breast cancer. Yes, I plan to have an executive checkup here in Manila after my husband leaves for abroad. I already inquired in one of the hospitals in our province, unfortunately, they don’t offer executive checkups yet.
If my breast ultrasound (included in the executive checkup) comes out clear, I still plan on consulting with Mom’s oncologist when I get back to Bicol to ask if I should still have a mammogram since I’m only 38 years old. The recommended age for having a mammogram is 40 years old and above.
But given our family’s history of breast cancer, I would like to know what my options are. To be honest though, I feel awkward consulting with male doctors. 😁 I don’t know why in my previous consultations and even when I was hospitalized because of dengue, all the doctors who attended to me were all females though I never requested it.
Please don’t get me wrong because I am no sexist. It’s just that I feel like I can’t bare my heart out to a male doctor. lol Now, that gives you an idea already that I don’t have guy friends. To all the male doctors out there, I send you greetings of peace. ✌️😁 With female doctors, I tend to be very talkative especially when I’m nervous.
But it looks like my Mom’s oncologist will be an exception because of 2 things. First, I trust him because I already witnessed how he and the other doctors helped Mom manage her illness even though she’s in a very critical condition already. And second, I read this article on why credentials matter when choosing a doctor. He’s got strong credentials, so I’m assuming he’s the best of the best. Or maybe I’m just biased. lol Nah, he is the best in town – there’s no need for second-guessing here. 👍 These two factors are very important because basically, my life will depend on him.
I have a lot of questions that I’ve been meaning to ask him once we meet. One of them is if it’s a better alternative to have a double mastectomy just like what Angelina Jolie did to minimize the possibility of having breast cancer later on. But here’s my problem. What if I still want to have kids?
A double/bilateral mastectomy would mean I will no longer be able to breastfeed. After seeing the testimonies of other patients in the breast cancer support groups, I have decided not to push through with breast reconstruction surgery (skin grafting/implant), if ever, to lessen the chances of a recurrence or getting an infection. Although I read one case wherein after a bilateral mastectomy, the patient still had a recurrence on her chest wall this time.
I guess breast cancer cases really vary depending on whether the type of breast cancer is aggressive or not. I am hoping Dad’s genes are more dominant than my Mom’s, and my siblings and I will be spared from having breast cancer later on. Then I suddenly remembered that my Dad’s aunt (the sister of his dad) passed away because of breast cancer, too.
Yes, it will be a miracle if I die later on because of old age or any other sickness. But nothing is impossible with God. And if we also do our part to live a healthy lifestyle and have our regular checkups, then I believe dying of old age is still achievable.
Right now, all my siblings (1 brother and 3 sisters) are doing okay, by God’s grace, and they are between the ages of 40-50 already. But the thing is, we all haven’t had any breast cancer screenings lately.
I’m on a mission now to convince them to accompany me when we visit the doctor so they can have their checkups, too. I don’t know if my siblings are up to it because on my end, I am not afraid of whatever the findings are. Because when I do trust the doctor, even if I’m about to die, I will be at peace. My only request is to make my dying as painless as possible. Oh, and also, I want to die pretty.
I’m sure the doctor will tell me, “Tin, maybe what you need is a makeup artist and not a doctor.” 😅 Seriously though, nothing is more difficult than making decisions wherein your life is at stake. It’s as if you are given choices that will still eventually lead to you dying. What you’re actually given are options to die sooner or later.
So, how do I take this? It really depends on what God’s will is. Because right now, I am ready to go any time. I am at peace with everything because I already achieved some of my dreams, I did what I’ve always wanted to do in life, my siblings are doing okay, Dad has lived in full circle, and my husband has a bright future ahead of him – I am already content.
But as always, not our will but let God’s will be done always. We only do what is required of us, then we let God do the rest. Right now, I am contemplating whether having a child will still be my priority or if living cancer-free will take center stage from here onwards.
I still would want a child though even if I have it through IUI (as suggested by our ob-gyn 6 years ago but hubby was not yet ready). The thing is, my pregnancy will increase the estrogen levels in my body, and estrogen is what cancer cells feed on. However, if having a kid is not meant to be, then just like what Heart Evangelista said, “maybe we’re really not meant to have it all.”
When it comes to living a life with a flat chest because of bilateral mastectomy, the matriarchs in our family survived breast cancer and still got to live meaningful lives until they became seniors. For our generation, only God knows our fate. 🙂
Decisions, decisions. Make them wise, make them count. This I claim, and this I pray. 🙏
Let’s backtrack to a ’90s song (I’m a ’90s kid) that became a dance hit because I am feeling sentimental this Saturday. 😌
“Teach us (Lord) to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12
The Journeyman's Moments 