The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
Commuting via public transportation is, by far, my best mode of transportation. As an introvert, I love observing people. I get to create stories just by watching them. With the training I got from Special Education, I can sense if a person, for example, is impatient, nervous, or experiencing suppressed agitation based on subtle gestures like fidgeting with a pen.
When I notice these signs, I take it as a cue to lighten up the mood or environment by joking or making the person feel more at ease. In most cases, words may pacify the person but sometimes, a quick touch or pat on the back will do. But I only do this when I know the person well enough. There are others who cringe at the slightest bit of touch, especially if they have a history of physical abuse and trauma.
Stories are all around when you commute via public transportation. May it be from a plantita carrying plants to a child seated in front of you who can’t stop staring at you. Or that teenage couple flirting with one another oblivious of the people around them, and a whole lot more.
A couple of months back, when I rode the shuttle to Sorsogon City to buy my bus ticket going to Manila, I got to observe a new set of stories. And I can’t help but smile. If only I can read their thoughts. I normally don’t engage in conversations with strangers. But, if they initiate talking to me first, I do entertain them.
Just like the pedicab drivers who I happened to have a little chit-chat about their families, what’s new in town, etc. I love these conversations because I get to ask them a lot of questions, and I get to learn a lot from them.
L-R The pedicab driver, my sister, and me. Our legs, I mean. lol 😆
I found out from one pedicab driver that he’s a cousin of one of our former house helpers whom I haven’t seen since I was 10 years old. I grew so fond of her since I am the youngest in the family and when my siblings studied in Manila, I was left all alone at home and our house help sort of became my best friend.
Then I also met another pedicab driver who has a visual impairment because he is cross-eyed. And I tried to figure out how he maneuvered his pedicab without getting into any kind of road accident. When I gave him the fare, I told him to keep the change. I smiled when he started wiping his pedicab with the money I gave him. He smiled at me and told me the money I gave him was a “buena mano.”
It is customary in the province that the money paid by their first customer is said to bring good luck. So what they would do is they will wipe the things they are selling using the money from their first customer to attract good luck or “buena mano.”
You are most probably wondering now why I prefer pedicabs instead of tricycles. I prefer pedicabs because they allow me to slow down time in between errands. I tend to be like Flash when doing errands – I target finishing everything as fast as I can so I can go home. lol
But this is actually what I love as an introvert. I seldom go out of the house, but when I do crave social interaction, I got to give my best to people – my best smile, my best attitude, and my best service. Once my introvert battery though is depleted, it’ll take me about a week to recharge.
That one week of recharging is where I am in my most creative state. Everything that I heard and saw from these brief moments of social interaction, I get to process every single, nitty-gritty detail about them. I call this creative process as a retrospective way of giving everything that transpired an intrinsic value.
So no, I don’t follow the norms when they say that when you are an introvert, you have to change and become more like an extrovert when you go outside. Leave us be. 😀✌️
We were created to be this way because, without artists, life will be too logical. Though life without logic will be too emotional. Just like how the arts and sciences were made to coexist, the same goes for introverts and extroverts. Let us be. ♥️
Isa rin sa mga pinagpe-pray ko na gusto kong gawin aside sa hospice project sa farm ay maging isang volunteer teacher kapag retired na (kung will ni God umabot until this age). Andami mong gustong gawin, Tin. Kaya ka nagkakasakit e. 😁
My eldest sister also plans on setting up a foundation or school inside the farm later on since marami ang professional teachers sa family although I did not pursue a career in teaching because writing is my first love. ♥️
Oathtaking of Secondary Education Professional Teachers
It looks like naaayon naman sya sa possible na maging growth trajectory ng bukid namin later on as one of the town’s “agrihoods.” I encountered the term “agrihood” just last week and I shared it to my siblings and told them na ang mga future plans namin para sa bukid ay so far on track naman sa mga developments and environmental changes within the local community. I am also praying we will be able to collaborate with my Aunt and her family who own the farm next to us for future projects para mas diverse ang ma-cater na market and communities. Hopefully, I’ll be able to write an article about agrihoods once I gathered enough data.
I can’t share the business plan I made here though due to privacy concerns. Unless I want my siblings to obliterate me from this planet. lol But, I am grateful that when I first proposed the business plan to them a few years back (mga 100 slides lang naman sa PPT 😅), they all agreed to the mission and the vision, which is all that matters to me.
We all know that plans change depending on God’s will kaya ang mga minutest details, most likely magbabago at magbabago. In everything, let God’s will be done always. For now, I’ll be sharing volunteering opportunities lang muna dahil isa ito sa mga hilig kong gawin bilang isang advocate who supports different causes. 🙏
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters…” – Colossians 3:23
Para sa mga nagnanais na maging isang Gurong Pahinungod, kindly refer to this poster shared by the UP System Ugnayan ng Pahinungod and the UP Office of Alumni Relations.
“MAGTURO. MAGLINGKOD. MAGING GURONG PAHINUNGÓD!
Open to UP alumni and graduating students (this second semester) of any course from any UP constituent unit!
Teaching experience is NOT required — as long as you have the heart for service, you can be a Gurong Pahinungód (GP)!
The GP program is a program of the UP Ugnayan ng Pahinungód, the volunteer service arm of the University of the Philippines. We deploy UP graduates to underserved and marginalized communities as volunteer teachers. Learn more about the program at bit.ly/aboutgurongpahinungod
Register at bit.ly/becomeaUPGP to receive the Zoom link for the orientation. Check the photo for the orientation schedule.”
Source: UP System Ugnayan ng Pahinungod Facebook Page
Circa 2020: Flexing the UP face mask, an initiative of a UP alumnus to support the UP Diliman campus jeepney drivers during the peak of the Covid-19 pandemic. ✊
God sure knows when to reinforce my calling (a long-term goal and possibly a retirement project) lest I get distracted and focus on other things. I stumbled upon this article from The Gospel Coalition a couple of days ago, and this is exactly what I needed for the hospice project I am planning to propose to my siblings. I thought I’d share it here as well to help those who are going through a similar situation. 🙏
I recently lost a dear friend to cancer. She’d struggled with treatments and recurrence for years, and when her doctor finally said the heavy word “hospice,” she and her family were neither surprised nor despairing. As Christians, they drew comfort from the assurance she’d be with the Lord after she took her last breath (Rom. 14:8; 2 Cor. 4:17–18).
And yet, although my friend embarked on her hospice journey with full acceptance, none of her family was prepared for the tumult of emotions her final days incited. They trembled and choked back tears when she bolted upright in agitation. When she no longer responded to their voices, they nursed the ache of loss. Throughout, they struggled to reconcile the grim realities of death with the mother, sister, and wife they so cherished.
Families with loved ones in hospice all too frequently weather such storms. As the wages of our sin (Rom. 6:23), death is by nature harrowing, even when anticipated. We weren’t meant for death, and those of us who encounter it often struggle with lingering grief, confusion, and regret afterward, especially when it steals away someone we dearly love.
With a million and a half people in the U.S. receiving hospice care annually, many families will walk this troubling road, suffering doubts and heartache along the way. How do we shepherd caregivers and families as they aim to love the dying? How do we walk with them through the valley of the shadow of death, reminding them all the while of the Good Shepherd whose love covers them when the light dwindles (Ps. 23:4)?
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗛𝗼𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗜𝘀
Misunderstandings about hospice abound and contribute to the pain families bear. Many people equate hospice with “giving up” on a loved one. Others confuse it with physician-assisted suicide and euthanasia. Still more have an accurate idea of hospice but can’t bring themselves to say goodbye to someone they can’t fathom living without.
To clarify, hospice care seeks to minimize pain and suffering at the end of life among those with terminal illnesses. A multidisciplinary team, usually comprised of physicians, nurses, social workers, chaplains, and health aides, provides medical care as well as spiritual and social support with a focus on symptom control and quality of life, rather than on cure. Although we often associate hospice with cancer, the most common qualifying diagnoses are severe dementia, emphysema, and heart failure.
For people with a life expectancy of months, hospice services often begin as regular home visits from nurses, social workers, and home health aides to ensure patients are stable and comfortable. As the illness advances, support increases, and eventually the dying require continuous care at the bedside and frequent doses of medications to ameliorate pain, anxiety, and air hunger. In the home, this care often falls to loved ones, which can be emotionally traumatic. In such circumstances, a hospice house, where staff nurses monitor patients 24/7, may be a better alternative.
People can only receive hospice services if they have a life expectancy of six months or less. Such patients, after consultations with doctors they trust, accept that further interventions for a cure would be futile (e.g., a cancer has metastasized to other organs and treatment options have run out). In hospice, medical care continues, but that care shifts to focus on lessening symptoms rather than eradicating the disease.
Studies suggest that rather than indicating caregivers have “given up” on patients, this shift in care can actually increase the life expectancy of terminally ill patients for up to three months. In our highly technological medical system, accepting the inevitability of death has a clear, measurable benefit.
It also has a biblical precedent. Although Scripture directs us to honor life (Ex. 20:13), it also reminds us our times are in God’s hand (Ps. 31:15). Like the grass of the field, we wither and fade (Isa. 40:7–8); until Christ returns all of us will succumb to death (Rom. 5:12). When we deny our mortality and chase after treatments that don’t promise cure, we dismiss God’s grace in Christ and the power of his resurrection. Christ has transformed death, swallowing it up in victory (1 Cor. 15:54) such that, as the Heidelberg Catechism aptly states, it’s no longer “a payment for our sins, but only a dying to sins and an entering into eternal life.”
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗛𝗼𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗜𝘀𝗻’𝘁
While hospice reflects biblical teaching, the same can’t be said for euthanasia or physician-assisted suicide (PAS). Families facing hospice for a loved one may confuse these practices, especially given the terminology of “Medical Aid in Dying,” or MAiD, now adopted in Canada and used in the U.S. with increasing frequency. While in hospice, death occurs secondary to an underlying illness, in MAiD, terminally ill patients seek medical means to deliberately end their lives.
In euthanasia, for example, a healthcare provider administers a lethal dose of medication––often an injection––on a patient’s request. Similarly, in PAS, doctors prescribe a dose of pills for a patient to take on his or her own. In both cases, the “aid in dying” isn’t symptom support but rather a lethal dose of medication.
As the legalization of PAS has steadily increased in the U.S. over the past 20 years, it’s crucial to understand its distinction from hospice. In hospice, the aim is to alleviate suffering from futile or excessively burdensome measures. People can “graduate” from hospice; if a patient unexpectedly improves and is no longer deemed terminal, clinicians rejoice and hospice services are discontinued. PAS, by contrast, involves the active taking of another life with the explicit goal to end it, and it violates God’s Word (Ex. 20:13).
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁
The knowledge that hospice care aligns with biblical teachings can provide solace to families. Yet even with this consolation, watching a loved one die can be crushing. Many families embark on this journey with confidence, only to find the unsettling details of dying overwhelm them.
The following common changes may occur when death is near, which may trouble those at the bedside:
As a dying person’s organs shut down, 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗶𝗱 to remove excess acid from the bloodstream. As such breathlessness worsens anxiety and fatigue, nurses will administer a narcotic (usually morphine) or a sedative to help slow the breathing. Intestines shut down as death nears. 𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗶𝘁𝗲, and although loved ones may worry about starvation, forcing them to eat or drink leads to vomiting or abdominal cramping. In the setting of dehydration close to death, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗱𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸. Hospice care workers provide moist mouth swabs to counteract the discomfort. 𝗔𝗴𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗿𝗶𝘂𝗺, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 are common near death and can be especially upsetting to witness. In the mildest cases, patients will see people from their past, which may alarm onlookers. In the most distressing, the dying will suddenly panic or lash out at others with cruel insults. Clinicians give medications to calm patients and avoid such outbursts, but when they do occur, delirious patients’ words can deeply hurt those they love. In such moments, we can reassure families that death affects the mind as well as the body and that their loved ones are unaware of their actions. Agitation near death reflects the disease, not the patient’s true thoughts and feelings. People 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 as death nears. However, in the days to hours before death, some suddenly awaken and carry on clear, coherent conversations. Called “𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗶𝘁𝘆,” this phenomenon is poorly understood but well documented and can confuse loved ones who mistake the sudden clarity for clinical improvement. A good approach is to treat these moments as gifts from the Lord, offering loved ones a final glimpse of the person they’ve treasured. Even when the dying are unresponsive, evidence suggests 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿, with their brains responding to sounds as distinctly as do awake, healthy individuals. This can provide families with enormous comfort, as it means their loved one may still hear and understand their words. Encourage families to speak to their loved one, to read Scripture, to pray aloud, and to sing hymns and favorite songs. Such connection can provide much-needed closure and solace to the living, and minister lovingly to the dying. In the last 24 hours, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗵, especially in the hands and feet. This is normal and signals the circulatory system shutting down. The last few hours of life are often marked by 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗿𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. People will breathe deeply and rapidly for several breaths, then not breathe at all for up to two minutes. Secretions pooling in the airways also create an unsettling rattling sound with each breath. Additionally, relaxation of the vocal cords can produce a sound similar to moaning, even in the absence of discomfort. While these changes are upsetting to witness, at this point patients are unaware of their surroundings and unlikely to experience suffering. 𝗛𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝗘𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀
In addition to the troubling realities outlined above, families of hospice patients may wrestle with questions about the faith and salvation of their loved one. If a loved one isn’t a believer, relatives may urge nurses to withhold sedatives, clinging to hope for a deathbed conversion. If a loved one has proclaimed faith, moments of agitation may raise doubts about the sincerity of that profession.
While their heartache is understandable, to withhold medication and incur unnecessary suffering is neither loving nor compassionate. As solace, we can point families to the thief on the cross (Luke 23:39–43), whom Jesus invited into his kingdom as he was dying. We can reassure them that the Holy Spirit can work in someone’s heart regardless of their capacity for language or cognition, and the Lord can bring all he wills to himself (Eph. 1:3–7). The good news of the gospel declares that salvation depends not on us but on God’s grace––and he can turn every heart he wills from stone into flesh (Ezek. 36:26).
Above all, when families walk alongside a loved one in hospice, they show him or her, as well as surrounding caregivers, the character of Christ.
To abide with another through death is to love in the sacrificial, soul-weary way our pierced Savior loved us first (Matt. 26:38; John 13:34–35; 1 John 4:19). It’s to weep with those who weep (Rom. 12:15) and to bear another’s burdens (Gal. 6:2). It’s to offer a loved one a tangible reminder––perhaps with a hymn heard through the shadows, perhaps with a gentle touch––that God’s love endures forever (Ps. 107:1) and that, in Christ, nothing––not even death––can pry his beloved away from his grasp (Rom. 8:38–39).
For me, goodbyes are always sad. That’s why tonight, I can write the saddest lines.
Today marks my first day being separated from ze husband. While packing his things inside his luggage, I offered to make him a pretty ribbon as a marker for his luggage just like what I did with mine. But he gently declined my offer telling me that his luggage was fine just the way it is. I guess my unicorn luggage is too pretty for him. 😅
One is going out of the country, the other is going out of town.
Nope, I am not afraid to live alone. I was single for 2 years and lived alone in our old apartment in Quezon City before I met my husband. I was passionately serving God and the church during that time I haven’t given singleness much a thought. I was, in fact, enjoying it.
But as we all know it, God called me to be a wife. Eight years later, here I am living alone again as the wife of an OFW. It’s only for 2 years though. But a lot can happen in 2 years. Adjusting also doesn’t come easy as I’ve gotten used to having my husband around for 8 years.
What I am afraid of now is that I’d get too comfortable living alone given that I’m an introvert and have an affinity for solitude. I’m very comfortable being alone, but I also crave human connections every now and then.
I do love to hang out with a few closest friends and stay up late talking about shared interests. But my default social circle, whenever I am transferring homes, is the church, so connecting with Victory Sorsogon is one of my priorities when I get back home.
I still have to wait for 2 weeks though before I can pack my bags and head home. I was scheduled to have my executive checkup on the 21st and 22nd of April. I just want to make sure I am 100% healthy before I go back to my multitasking, unicorn self. 🦄
When It’s Hard To Understand, Just Trust God
I am never the type who asks the “why me” question to God when I don’t understand the circumstances around me. God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-8). Neither does God expect us to understand the circumstances around us, but He wants us to trust Him completely despite the uncertainty. And yet I can’t help but wonder why God called my husband to work in the Middle East as a nurse when wars are rampant there. Why there?
Just the day before my husband’s flight this morning, Iran initiated missile attacks against Israel. All the flights in the Middle East were canceled and flight operations were suspended, but they also resumed a couple of hours later. My heart sank after hearing the news. I couldn’t sleep well for the past few nights. Why now, Lord? But then, God reminded me about Queen Esther in the Bible and how God chose her for “such a time as this.”
Our Daily Bread Daily Devo
In between our sobs and hugs, I told my husband that we have to stand firm in our calling even if we have to make sacrifices, just like what Queen Esther did. We go where God calls us to go, and we serve those whom He has called us to serve. We may choose not to respond right away because of fear. And we can think that we were able to avoid the responsibility entirely. But the truth is, we are only delaying the calling. The calling will remain until it gets fulfilled sooner or later.
Thus, there is only one response that God requires from us – we obey. Obedience is of paramount importance to God. He measures our faith and our loyalty to Him when we follow Him even if it means our lives are at stake. Not every calling is the same, but every calling will define where we stand with God. Are we with Him or are we against Him?
YouVersion Bible Daily Devo
Different Places, But The Same God
I felt like God wanted me to see our situation now from a bigger perspective. The Middle East is comprised of deserts. Our farm, on the other hand, is comprised of wilderness. Right now, the wilderness and the desert are unfamiliar territories to me and my husband and yet God called us to step out of our comfort zones to serve in these places.
We don’t know what is waiting for us in the desert and in the wilderness. There can be abundance and growth, but there can also be lack and drought. There can be cooperation, or there can be resistance. There can be war, and there can be peace. But one thing is for sure, God is opening doors that He wants me and my husband to enter.
YouVersion Bible Daily Devo
Getting Ready For The New Season
I am beyond grateful that the provisions, guidance, and protection from God are overflowing during this season. Last Sunday, I received another job invitation aside from the ones I received in the previous months. These positions are a bit different from my previous writing jobs.
Job Invite #1
Job Invite #2
These are supervisory roles, too. And yet if God wills it I accept one of these jobs, I know God has prepared and will prepare me well to take on bigger responsibilities alongside my farm duties. All of these opportunities came just in time – I am planning to go back to the workforce, and my previous work experience as a brand journalist and my background in agribusiness will allow me to deliver what the company needs for its business.
Speaking of going back to the workforce, this is also why I need to prioritize my health before starting any job. God is giving me plenty of options to choose from to keep my health in check, and these options are getting better. One of them is the SPOT-MAS offered by The Medical City. I just need to ask my Mom’s oncologist about the difference between the SPOT-MAS and the BRCA 1/2 mutational testing.
The Medical City
Philippine Genome Center
If you’ve been reading my blog posts for a while now, you would know by now that I love asking a lot of questions out of my need to learn more so I can make better and informed decisions. And I realized just recently, too, that if you ask way too many questions, sometimes you get a good laugh as an answer. 😅
When I was talking to Healthway Medical’s patient care coordinator about their executive checkup package, I asked how long will it take to finish all the tests. He answered na 7-8 hours daw. I was like, “Whuuuuut? That’s like an entire shift already. ‘Di kaya sa ospital na ang ending ko nyan sa tagal ng mga tests. Mage-extract lang ng dugo, 1 hour ang inabot. Hinimatay na pasyente dahil sa blood loss.” 😂
He laughed so hard when I told him that. I know he was just joking. The tests will only take about an hour or 2. I already got these tests before except for the treadmill stress test, so I already have an idea how they’re done. I was just curious if every clinic has its own protocol when conducting the tests.
I must commend him though for being very accommodating and patient enough in answering all of my questions. And he sure is the right person for the job because he knows how to pacify an anxious patient. I will test this again when he assists me during my executive checkup on Sunday. 😁
Praying for good results. 🙏
Yes, tonight I can write the saddest lines. But I chose not to. Because I am not Pablo Neruda. Obviously. lol How to state the obvious without being obvious? 😄
Seriously, I will remain hopeful for what is yet to come and remain faithful to what is yet to be fulfilled. For now, we continue to rise above the challenges and overcome our fears of the unknown as we answer God’s calling – even if it entails sacrifices, many or few. 🙏
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15
“The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34
“The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and his faithfulness;..” – 1 Samuel 26:23
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” – James 1:12
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, when the funds are low and the debts are high, and you want to smile but you have to sigh, when care is pressing you down a bit – rest if you must, but don’t you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns. As everyone of us sometimes learns. And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow – you may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man; Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup; and he learned too late when the night came down, how close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out – the silver tint of the clouds of doubt, and when you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems afar; so stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit – it’s when things seem worst, you must not quit.
I was looking for the Filipino-English dictionary in our book shelf and found this magazine instead from Kuya’s stuff when he was still studying at the Philippine Military Academy. Dito ko una nabasa ang poem na “Don’t Quit.”
My brother is one of my accountability partners na tiga-sabi sa akin ng “don’t quit.” Sya rin actually nag-introduce ng faith sa akin. Dahil napagod na sya kaka-advise kapag nagte-text ako sa kanya ng madaling araw back in 2012 dahil sa mga problema ko. 🤣 Nah, kami kasi magkasunod sa magkakapatid kahit pa 5 years ang agwat naming dalawa kaya mas close ako sa Kuya ko. But I also love my sisters just the same and I get to talk to them always, too. ❤️
My brother has been serving the country as a military officer since 2006. And I must say na napakalaki ng influence nya sa akin pagdating hindi lang sa faith kundi pati in life in general. And if ever matuloy ang plan ko to have an IUI (via sperm donor from a fertility clinic) and ma-diagnose ako with breast cancer later in life and ‘di ko sya ma-survive, I will ask my brother and my sis-in-law to adopt my child.
O di ba, ganun ako kalayo magplano. Tapos sasabihin ni God, nagsayang ka lang ng energy Tin dahil hindi ‘yan ang plano ko for you. lol Saklap. 😆 But seriously, if ever that happens, my bro and sister-in-law will be my first choice para sa magiging adoptive parents ng aking anak. My sis-in-law will make a very good Mom (she adopted not less than 5 street cats and still counting 😁). She is a flight attendant at Cebu Pacific, and I call her “the Gal Gadot of the Philippines” because she really looks like her – the Asian version. 😍
Taken during Kuya’s NAG graduation in 2010 kung tama pagkakaalala ko.Friends, madali lang pala magpaandar ng eroplano. Parang nagda-drive ka lang ng kotse……sa panaginip. With the Phil Navy Cessna PlaneBawal po pala mag-drive ng eroplano nang naka-skirt.Bakit kaya? 🤔Ang Pamaypay. Bow.Miss you, Mom. ❤️
Kasama din pala sa mga nagpe-perform during the flying exhibition sa Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival ang mga piloto ng Naval Air Wing (formerly Naval Air Group) of the Philippine Navy represented by the top officer of their class.
Circa 2013: 18th Philippine International Hot Air Balloon Festival w/ Victory GT Toyota (UP Diliman) churchmates @ ClarkAir Base.
Speaking of hot air balloon festivals, Bicol will also be having its very own hot air balloon event on May3-5, 2024, which will be held at the old Legazpi airport as part of the Bicol Loco Festival. I hope my 3rd sister will join me to watch this event and hopefully Dad, too, if he is fit enough to travel. And I’m praying for a clear and picturesque view of the ever beautiful and ever perfect Mt. Mayon as the backdrop. 😍
At dahil kailangan ko maghanap ng old photos for this post, I had to reactivate (and deactivate again lol) my personal Fb account, and I found myself reminiscing. Sakto sa #flashbackFriday feels kaya minabuti ko nang mag-screenshot ng ibang photos just in case may mangyari sa Meta, at least may kopya pa din sa WordPress.
Nakaka-miss balikan ang mga happy memories and fun times with friends, former coworkers and classmates, and relatives. Ah yes, it was a past lived well. But God is calling me now to make more meaningful memories with new faces in new places – I am very much looking forward to it. And yet not my will, but His will be done always. ❤️
But wait, introvert nga pala ako. Introvert nga ba talaga ako? 🤔🤣
P.S. Para akong Camaro ngayon na nagre-rev sa garahe, naka-standby lang. Pero kapag binuksan na ang pinto ng garahe, kakaripas na until I’m out of sight. 😂 So baka ang mga susunod kong blog posts ay mga 1 sentence na lang kasi sobrang busy na. lol
My next post actually is for the breast cancer community because I am currently consolidating data regarding the medical assistance provided by different government agencies lalo na para sa mga indigents. Ang hirap mag-copy and paste every time na my nagtatanong kaya naisipan ko dito ko na lang sa blog i-post then share na lang ang link sa mga nagtatanong. Dahil sa kaka-share ko sa breast cancer support groups e napagkamalan tuloy akong resource person kaya andaming nagtatanong. 😅
But I am very happy to help. ♥️ Dahil ito lang ang maitutulong ko sa kanila because time is what I have now – oras para mag-research at oras para sagutin ang kanilang mga katanungan. Kagaya kay Nanay. I am praying na sana nakatulong sa kanya ang info. 🙏 Gusto ko rin sana sya samahan personally para tulungan sya kaso busy na din ako tulungan husband ko now para sa pag-alis nya.
Panawagan ko lang sa mga ahensya ng gobyerno na sana may Filipino version din ang mga instructions sa mga websites nila dahil ang hirap lang kaya mag-translate from English-Filipino. Waaaaah 😭 Sunggo much na ako. Tissue, please.
Ang haba na pala ng postscript ko. lol K. Tnx. Bye.
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” – Galatians 6:9-10
God is good all the time. I stumbled upon this advocacy for breast cancer warriors who’ve had a mastectomy – handmade breast prostheses. And I must say that this is one advocacy that is truly worth sharing here in my blog. I would like to encourage those who get to read this to support and share the project with your friends, families, and coworkers. ❤️
For international volunteers and donors who would like to support this advocacy by Knitted Knockers, you may visit this website:
To Filipino volunteers and breast cancer warriors who would like to get a pair of knitted breast prostheses for FREE, you may coordinate with the Bayanihan Knitted Knockers thru their Facebook page:
I also would like to dedicate this blog post to all the volunteers who support this cause and made this campaign a success. To the founders who started the initiative to help breast cancer warriors cope with the struggles and challenges of losing an essential part of themselves as a woman, the impact of this project is just beyond tremendous – a very big THANK YOU to all of you. 🙏❤️
Here are some of the testimonies from the recipients themselves:
God Is Good All The Time Talaga
Nakakatuwa lang si Lord. Dahil kagabi lang I felt like ni-shake, rattle, and roll na naman ang mundo ko. But God replaced it with peace and wisdom reminding me of His promises and the “positive” future that awaits when I obey Him.
I mentioned in my previous articles about this desire of mine to do volunteer work for the breast cancer community when I get back to Bicol. I don’t know how and where to start actually though I have an initial plan (please refer to this article). Pero as usual, umiral naman “imposter syndrome” ko and my complaint to God was that the task is too daunting. I lack a lot of resources from finances, logistics, to manpower. Sagot lang Nya is that “Christine, just wait.”
A Community of Warriors
And then came Knitted Knockers. This advocacy started in the US, and later on, ipinagpatuloy ng mga founders ng Bayanihan Knitted Knockers dito sa Pinas with the intent na matulungan ang mga Pinay na sumailalim ng mastectomy. Ang mga handwoven na breast prostheses ay technically mga fillers na nilalagay sa bra para maging pantay pa din ang mga dibdib o hindi maging flat ang mga dibdib.
Sa time ng mastectomy and lumpectomy ng Mommy and Lola ko (around ’90s), wala pang ganito. So, my Tita from the US bought my Mom a silicone pad (thanks Mommy Jud) altho lately na lang kaso mainit sya and hindi suitable para gamitin nang pangmatagalan lalo na dito sa Pinas. And nai-irritate ang pinagtahian lalo na sa case ni Mom na keloidal sya (like me) kaya nagkaroon ng keloid ang mismong tahi.
Akala natin maliit at simpleng item lang itong knitted breast prostheses pero malaki pala ang tulong na naibibigay para sa pag-boost ng self-esteem and confidence ng mga kababaihan na sumailalim ng mastectomy. Kaya nababawasan ang depression kahit paano dahil isa sa challenges ng mga breast cancer warriors after a surgery ay ang self-image at kung paano mag-iiba ang tingin sa kanila ng mga tao once they go out. The knitted breast prostheses somehow made the transition and adjustment process less traumatic and less painful to these women helping them cope with mental health issues better.
Volunteer For A Good Cause
So ito na ang ibinigay ni Lord na opportunity. It’s as if sinabi Nya na “Tin, I am now opening a door for you to volunteer.” Sagot ko sana ay, “May say ba ako, Lord, kung ayaw kong gawin?” lol Feeling ko isasagot sa akin ni Lord ay, “Ano ba talaga, Tin? Sabi mo gusto mo mag-volunteer tapos tinatanong mo ako kung ano ba ang nasa future mo, heto na ‘yun, I am giving you a glimpse how and where to start.” 😂 Sayang lang at hindi ako marunong mag-knit. But I really would love to learn. Kaso andami ko nang pending tasks pagbalik ng Bicol, baka maging hanggang drawing lang talaga itong pag-knit. Sana hindi. 🙏
I guess ito din ang isa sa mga purposes ni Lord kaya ako pinapunta ng Maynila dahil pinakuha Nya sa akin lahat ng mga training materials sa mga previous volunteer projects na sinalihan ko. Gaya nitong ginamit namin sa training as volunteers ng Victory QC (now Victory Katipunan) Community Outreach Ministry. I am not sure kung patuloy pa din ang proyekto na ito.
But I am grateful and privileged enough na nakapag-attend ako ng training dahil ang isa sa mga bumuo ng ministry na ito used to be the Dean (if I’m not mistaken) of the College of Social Work and Community Development in UP Diliman. I learned from one of the best mentors when it comes to doing community service and ang kagandahan, it was backed by Biblical foundations.
Extending The Project To Bicol
What I am praying for now is how I can bring the initiative of Bayanihan Knitted Knockers sa Bicol, like sort of create a Bicol chapter ng organization (kung wala pa) kahit magsimula sa kaunting volunteers lang muna. Dahil ang mga handwoven breast prostheses ay ipinapamigay ng LIBRE pero sagot pa din ng recipient ang shipping fee. Kung manggagaling pa ng Maynila, may kamahalan din ang babayaran na shipping fee ng breast cancer warriors from Bicol.
And kung Maynila lang ang pagkukunan ng knitted breast prostheses, baka masyadong matagalan ang delivery given the limited number of volunteer knitters they have. I am sure may marunong din mag-knit at mag-crochet sa Bicol. I plan to ask and coordinate with the founders of the Bayanihan Knitted Knockers here in Manila re the following:
– can we set up a Bicol chapter
– how long does it take to complete a pair of knitted breast prostheses (altho tingin ko depende na ito sa kung gaano ka-experienced ang isang volunteer knitter)
– are there specific requirements for the type of yarn, designs, foam used, proof of surgery (recipient), etc.
Based on their answers, doon ko malalaman what I will be needing for the Bicol chapter such as:
– number of volunteers (knitters and packers) depending sa magiging bulk ng orders and knitting/packing time
– targeted number of recipients (ilang cities and municipalities meron sa buong Bicol Region and ilan ang hospitals kada city/town)
– coordinate with oncologists/surgeons per hospital kung ilan ang pasyente nila na nag-undergo at maga-undergo ng mastectomy para sa referrals ng mga prospective recipients (this will be a very huge favor to ask from them soooo, mate-test ang superpower of persuasion ko dito or kaibiganin ko secretaries nila at i-bribe ng mamon para lumambot ang puso 😂)
Giving Everyone Equal Opportunity
Nakita ko kasi na konti pa lang din ang nakakaalam about Bayanihan Knitted Knockers kaya kung ia-advertise sa social media, ang mari-reach na mga breast cancer warriors ay konti lang. So, traditional way ng pag-advertise ang need gawin para mas marami ang makaalam at matulungan. And regardless kung ano status sa buhay, basta gusto mag-avail, dapat makatanggap.
Pagdating sa pag-round up ng volunteers, Bulan and Sorsogon City ang target ko since mag-uuwian ako from both places. Sa church sa city ang main target ko to get volunteers para habang nagni-knit o pack, diretso fellowship. Because why not? 😅
Kung madami ang orders, I plan to hire more knitters and mas preferred ko actually na bayaran ang gagawa pero syempre need mag-conduct ng financial planning kung kakayanin ba ng budget. We can’t solely rely on donations, but it would be a very big help. Ika nga nila, libre mangarap pero kailangan din maging praktikal.
Ang headquarters ay most likely sa hometown ko kasi ang vision ko sana ay doon iganap ang monthly meetings (once a month) sa farm namin. Pwede naman sa bahay kasi napagusapan actually naming magkakapatid na gawing bed and breakfast ang bahay in the far future since marami ang natutuwa at nagpapa-picture dito. Hindi lang nila alam ang daming multo. Isa na pala ako doon a.k.a. “the whitelady.” 😀
Ni-disenyo mismo ng Dad and Mom. ❤️ They love to build things together. Ito actually ang fave pastime nila – ang magplano at gumawa ng proyekto. | photo taken by my 3rd sister 📸
Tapos kapag nasa bukid na, unli buko doon at sabayan ng pancit bato para sa meryenda. Pero ang catch dito ay kung sino ang gusto ng unli buko, dapat sya ang magsusungkit ng buko. 🤣 We call buko as “silot” in Bulan. And this is how we harvest coconuts:
Only a skilled “paralukad” can harvest the coconuts dahil delikado sya actually at mahirap gawin lalo na kapag ganito na katatangkad ng mga punong niyog.
Kung game ang mga volunteers sa panunungkit, then unli buko it is. lol I am just kidding. Of course, unli buko talaga at magpapabaon din ako para sa pamilya nila tsaka kung ano mahagilap o ma-forage nila doon sa bukid (aawayin na ako neto ng Daddy at kapatid ko 🤣). Dahil maliit na bagay lang ito actually and the volunteers will get to experience this once a month only. This is how I plan to repay them for all the volunteer (hard) work they do.
A Collective Effort Towards Social Change And Fellowship
Noong time ng Lola at Lolo ko, sa bukid namin madalas ginagawa ang spiritual retreat ng Protestant church na usually ginaganap sa buwan ng Marso o Abril kung tama pagkakaalala ko. I am praying my siblings are also open to the idea once kami na ang magma-manage. But this time, gusto ko sana na it will be open to any church kasi ang target natin is to foster unity within the body of Christ.
My 3rd sister suggested maglagay ng chapel doon sa hill na maliit (na for sure ay hindi nyo naman makikitasa sobrang layo 😆).
Isa kasi ito sa mga most memorable childhood experiences ko when it comes to fellowship. Yaong nagpe-praise and worship kayo na panay mga boses at gitara lang ang maririnig (no loud musical instruments) kasi walang kuryente doon. And even if magkaroon pa, I still prefer na ganito pa din ang praise and worship during spiritual retreats – it’s more solemn at ramdam mo ang connection with nature and with God. And then after ng preaching at intercessory prayers, kainan a la picnic style (potluck kami lagi) tapos bonding na and just relax for the rest of the afternoon.
Maganda mag-senti dito sa pond. ‘Wag lang masobrahan sa pag-sway at baka tumilapon ka diretso sa pond – lagpas tao din sya. 😅The farm during dusk.
My visions are very ambitious, I know. 😀 But I am praying na ito ang will ng Panginoon at sana matuwa ang Dios kapag maisakatuparan ito. In everything, to God be the glory always. 🙏
For this article and what the organizers, volunteers, and supporters of Knitted Knockers and Bayanihan Knitted Knockers are doing, I believe the Bible verses below are fitting:
“In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” – Matthew 5:16
“You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21
“Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:6
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.” – Proverbs 16:3
P.S. I believe this will be an ongoing initiative dahil kada taon meron at merong nada-diagnose ng breast cancer at naga-undergo ng mastectomy sa buong bansa. Pwede sa provinces madalang pero meron pa din. Kaya sa mga makabasa nito sa ibang lugar sa Pilipinas, sana maenganyo din kayo to start the same campaign sainyong mga lugar. 👍
Ang knitted breast prostheses ay hindi lang personal item. It is a powerful representation and symbolizes kung gaano nakipaglaban ang isang breast cancer warrior sa sakit na kanser. Thus, walang makakatumbas sa kanyang sentimental value. ❤️
*featured image courtesy of Bayanihan Knitted Knockers
If only I was wiser, but wisdom came a bit late. Or maybe this is all part of God’s plans, too. But at least I got all the answers that I needed – there’s clarity and so, there’s closure. *big sigh of relief*
My heart is still Yours, Lord. ♥️ And I know Your love for me will never change because You’re the only One who remained faithful in every season. 🙏
P.S. Hay Lord, bakit kasi binigyan Mo pa ako ng pusong mamon. Sana ‘yung kasing tigas na lang ng turo-talinga. 😆
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
In a world where criticisms are casually thrown around without any regard for how they could affect a person, I learned that you don’t owe the world an apology for being you – crazy, broke, dumb, weird, or ugly. How did I manage to live in a society that constantly puts us in a box based on stereotypes? It’s my introverted personality that helped me survive the harsh realities of this world because I have learned how to detach.
Here In This World, But Not Really Here
I create my own world. This blog is part of it. When I first put up this blog in October 2012, I was aware that putting myself out there will invite both supporters and detractors. And there is a high chance that I’ll have more of the latter than the former. It then became my mantra when posting on social media to allow the audience to “take it or leave it.” If the engagement is negative, do not entertain it. They are entitled to their own opinions, and we only tap the mindsets of those who are open to different perspectives.
Social media has its advantages. But we all know how notorious it can be for setting trends that become the norm. Sadly, some of these trends are detrimental to this generation’s mental health. Self-image then became the most common victim.
For one, who set the standards that “white” and “skinny” are beautiful? Or that a “glass skin” is better than having coarse skin? To be really honest, a majority of these trends are all centered on commercialism. It’s like creating a computer virus every year so people would upgrade their antivirus software every year, too. 😃✌️
Saludo Sa Hindi Nakikiuso
I am not against commercialism or technology. Though as we all know, too much of everything is harmful. So how do you know when is too much too much? We will know when we see a pattern, a habit. A pattern is like an addiction. And a habit becomes bad when it becomes disruptive. This habit can include placing too much emphasis on something that we have convinced our minds that we can’t live without even though in reality, we can live without it.
We then become insecure if we don’t have this something. Insecurities are always associated with self-image. And self-image, nowadays, is centered on the idea that once we don’t live up to society’s standards, then we are worthless. Thus, we become an outcast. But, here’s my challenge. Why is everyone afraid of being an outcast and being set apart from this world?
Outcasts See Better Behind The Brokenness
Because I am not. I am a nerd, an antisocial, a hypocrite, a lunatic, a good-for-nothing woman – believe me, I’ve been called all the worst names you can imagine. Some people just really have a knack for emphasizing what you lack, but forgive them – this is their flaw, too. And yet here I am, loving myself even more. I’m still living a normal life – at peace and content.
This is also the reason why I prefer Bible study groups and fellowships to reunions. Because what we usually talk about during reunions is all about bragging, accomplishments, and other people’s lives. But seldom will we talk about how we’re helping one family member who is a drug addict, or how a rebellious student left the family and what we can do to bring him/her back, or how we should pray over one friend who is abusive behind closed doors.
Social media crafted this image that people must be accomplished in their professions, have the latest collection of designer bags, and post picture-perfect family portraits from their latest out-of-the-country trips. There is nothing wrong with all of these. But is that all there is to life?
While fellowships in the church are also not perfect, shared experiences are usually a combination of accomplishments (praise reports) and failures (prayer requests). You see people for who they truly are – in their highs and in their lows. It is, thus, the intention of the church to build people up (through God’s way) and not tear them down.
Fellowships are primarily grounded on creating a safe environment where you can be yourself and share your struggles without being judged. Though we have to keep in mind that our Bible study group leaders, pastors, and the entire congregation are flawed individuals, too. And yet this is how we grow spiritually together – through our flaws.
The Church Is Not Perfect
Because this is what the church is for – it is a place for broken individuals. And it is this brokenness that we all have in common that leads us to our ultimate goal – receive God’s gift of salvation so He can make us whole. It is not the temporary things and people in our lives that will complete us. They will only satisfy us for a moment. But the void in our hearts can only be filled by God. And this is why the church exists.
Actually the more that I get older, the more that I become like King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes. It’s that moment of realization where having less is better and the simpler, the happier. Our lack of something actually opens our minds to have a better appreciation and understanding of everything and to value what we have and not take it for granted.
For example, there were times when I would count the few coins remaining in my purse just to make sure I still had enough for fare to be able to get home. And this is the only money I have left. But I will still share it here. Why?
Because the experience taught me humility. Did it make me less of a person? No, but in God’s sight, I earned His favor. Should I be ashamed if I overhaul clothes every 10 years or if I eat “tuyo” every week because that is all that I can afford to eat?
No, because this season of lack means I need to rely on God, which then means my faith in Him is being stretched to the limits and I am taught to endure. Endurance refines our character so we can be ready for whatever bigger hurdle we might go through in life later on. This is actually how we should train a generation to be resilient – in lack and not in comfort.
A Better Approach Towards Life
I am not promoting a poverty mentality but I am also not supporting prosperity gospel in case you’ve heard of it. Live just right. Dream big. But, let us not lose ourselves trying to compete and attain worldly success and accumulate possessions to impress people who will get on with their lives and will soon forget us once we’re in our graves. And more importantly, may we never sell our souls to the world.
How sure are we that the wealth we’ve amassed will be put to good use by those who will take over once we’re gone? What if they will become one-day millionaires only because they’ve squandered every cent you’ve painstakingly worked hard for on worthless things? Leaving a legacy behind is not just about leaving a tangible inheritance. It’s more about imparting the best moral values that will mold the next generation’s character. Because it is a good character that overlooks flaws and celebrates what is real – an asset that never gets old through time. And which makes us pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.
Embrace Your Flaws, They Make You Unique
Speaking of physical flaws, I actually grew up being teased for having a flat and fat nose. It became a favorite joke during family reunions because most of our relatives have this very special nose, too. My aunts and uncles said we got it from our maternal grandpa. But we do love him for it and for a whole lot of other things. And I remembered how my Mom would defend us by saying that it doesn’t matter because all her kids are intelligent, anyway. haha Way to go, Mom! 💪 But really, how intelligent is intelligent? My IQ is only 120, am I included? lol Nakay polpolon man gihapon sa Math. 🤣
Yes, I am well aware of my flaws since I was young. But even until now, I never felt the urge to change a single part of myself. The beauty and skincare products I use now are just part of my skincare routine and also to look and dress the part during special occasions or meetings wherein I need to wear makeup. My only goal is to take care of what I already have and stay healthy.
The reason why I chose portrait sketching and I felt drawn to this kind of art is because I get to see all the intricate details of a person’s face. That’s why I require high-resolution photos of people I sketch because I zoom in on the details making sure I copy every single one of them from warts, pimples, wrinkles, dimples to freckles.
A Divergent And Always Will Be
I admire people who are very comfortable in their own skin and despite having flaws, still have this sense of confidence that radiates through them. These are the people who don’t care what other people think and say. Thus, they are the ones who are truly carefree. They embrace their imperfections and change only that part of themselves that does not honor God, and this is why they stand out from the rest.
They are the ones who are actually “more visible” to me than those who I always see on social media. Because they’ve invested in their character more than their physical attributes in such a way that their personalities made them a people magnet for just being authentic, humble, and real. And no, they don’t apologize for being genuinely them.
We weren’t created to please people or impress them. We were created to marvel at God’s beautiful creation and that is ourselves – appreciate what we’ve been given because God already gave us everything that we need. And God gave us these things to bring Him glory and not to please the world. ♥️
“I praise You (Lord) because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30
[But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’] – 1 Samuel 16:7
“Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important. It promises a reward in both this life and the next.” – 1 Timothy 4:8
My sister who’s in Bicol sent us these beautiful and lovely photos of the bougainvilleas I bought last year as part of our beautification/landscaping project on the farm. 😍 I am so happy that they survived and are thriving well because they’re almost dying when I left.
These bougies didn’t have flowers when I bought them. I just trusted the seller that she’s going to give me the right ones. 😃And I was surprised that she included a red one. My eldest sister prefers to have this on the farm.
I had to repot them, transfer them to a new location, prune them, and replant the cuttings hoping they will still survive. They haven’t bloomed for a couple of months when I was still there. One of them also had yellow spots on its leaves.
The first location where I placed them is a “dead spot” in our garden. I call it a “dead spot” because it’s in the middle of our backyard, but any plant that we try to grow there just dies. I think we need to conduct a soil analysis in that particular area because even the plants that are very prolific growers become sick.
My guess is that the soil might be contaminated by a toxic chemical that slowly kills the plants. I am just overjoyed to see that the bougies have all recovered. It looks like my sister and the new house help are also doing an excellent job of keeping these plants healthy (thank you, ladies 🥰). And I think Mom is still taking good care of her garden. 😍
Thank God the leaves have finally recovered. 🙏I plan to transplant them somewhere in the garden when I get back. But this time I am planting them directly on the soil. I just need to find the perfect spot so I can propagate them.
And of course, my sister included a photo of my first baby girl – Peekah. That’s her favorite sleeping position with her tail all curled up to cover her little girl. 😂
I miss you, my Peekahm.
I’ll see you soon my babies and my loves. You just have to wait for me a little bit more. And the biophilia in me also can’t wait to commune with nature for my regular dose of soul therapy. Ah yes, more patience, Tin. Just a little more patience. 🙏
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might.” – Ephesians 6:10
Just the right worship song to prep the soul for Holy Week.Do what your soul tells you to do.🙏
Adulting is hard not because we are not up to the responsibilities that accompany it. Rather, the decisions that we have to make can weigh us down, especially if these decisions can alter how we live our lives and all other decisions that we will be making in the future.
Circumstances brought me here to Manila to do a lot of contemplating on what to do next. And one of them is about breast cancer. Yes, I plan to have an executive checkup here in Manila after my husband leaves for abroad. I already inquired in one of the hospitals in our province, unfortunately, they don’t offer executive checkups yet.
If my breast ultrasound (included in the executive checkup) comes out clear, I still plan on consulting with Mom’s oncologist when I get back to Bicol to ask if I should still have a mammogram since I’m only 38 years old. The recommended age for having a mammogram is 40 years old and above.
But given our family’s history of breast cancer, I would like to know what my options are. To be honest though, I feel awkward consulting with male doctors. 😁 I don’t know why in my previous consultations and even when I was hospitalized because of dengue, all the doctors who attended to me were all females though I never requested it.
Please don’t get me wrong because I am no sexist. It’s just that I feel like I can’t bare my heart out to a male doctor. lol Now, that gives you an idea already that I don’t have guy friends. To all the male doctors out there, I send you greetings of peace. ✌️😁 With female doctors, I tend to be very talkative especially when I’m nervous.
But it looks like my Mom’s oncologist will be an exception because of 2 things. First, I trust him because I already witnessed how he and the other doctors helped Mom manage her illness even though she’s in a very critical condition already. And second, I read this article on why credentials matter when choosing a doctor. He’s got strong credentials, so I’m assuming he’s the best of the best. Or maybe I’m just biased. lol Nah, he is the best in town – there’s no need for second-guessing here. 👍 These two factors are very important because basically, my life will depend on him.
I have a lot of questions that I’ve been meaning to ask him once we meet. One of them is if it’s a better alternative to have a double mastectomy just like what Angelina Jolie did to minimize the possibility of having breast cancer later on. But here’s my problem. What if I still want to have kids?
A double/bilateral mastectomy would mean I will no longer be able to breastfeed. After seeing the testimonies of other patients in the breast cancer support groups, I have decided not to push through with breast reconstruction surgery (skin grafting/implant), if ever, to lessen the chances of a recurrence or getting an infection. Although I read one case wherein after a bilateral mastectomy, the patient still had a recurrence on her chest wall this time.
I guess breast cancer cases really vary depending on whether the type of breast cancer is aggressive or not. I am hoping Dad’s genes are more dominant than my Mom’s, and my siblings and I will be spared from having breast cancer later on. Then I suddenly remembered that my Dad’s aunt (the sister of his dad) passed away because of breast cancer, too.
Yes, it will be a miracle if I die later on because of old age or any other sickness. But nothing is impossible with God. And if we also do our part to live a healthy lifestyle and have our regular checkups, then I believe dying of old age is still achievable.
Right now, all my siblings (1 brother and 3 sisters) are doing okay, by God’s grace, and they are between the ages of 40-50 already. But the thing is, we all haven’t had any breast cancer screenings lately.
I’m on a mission now to convince them to accompany me when we visit the doctor so they can have their checkups, too. I don’t know if my siblings are up to it because on my end, I am not afraid of whatever the findings are. Because when I do trust the doctor, even if I’m about to die, I will be at peace. My only request is to make my dying as painless as possible. Oh, and also, I want to die pretty.
I’m sure the doctor will tell me, “Tin, maybe what you need is a makeup artist and not a doctor.” 😅 Seriously though, nothing is more difficult than making decisions wherein your life is at stake. It’s as if you are given choices that will still eventually lead to you dying. What you’re actually given are options to die sooner or later.
So, how do I take this? It really depends on what God’s will is. Because right now, I am ready to go any time. I am at peace with everything because I already achieved some of my dreams, I did what I’ve always wanted to do in life, my siblings are doing okay, Dad has lived in full circle, and my husband has a bright future ahead of him – I am already content.
But as always, not our will but let God’s will be done always. We only do what is required of us, then we let God do the rest. Right now, I am contemplating whether having a child will still be my priority or if living cancer-free will take center stage from here onwards.
I still would want a child though even if I have it through IUI (as suggested by our ob-gyn 6 years ago but hubby was not yet ready). The thing is, my pregnancy will increase the estrogen levels in my body, and estrogen is what cancer cells feed on. However, if having a kid is not meant to be, then just like what Heart Evangelista said, “maybe we’re really not meant to have it all.”
When it comes to living a life with a flat chest because of bilateral mastectomy, the matriarchs in our family survived breast cancer and still got to live meaningful lives until they became seniors. For our generation, only God knows our fate. 🙂
Decisions, decisions. Make them wise, make them count. This I claim, and this I pray. 🙏
Let’s backtrack to a ’90s song (I’m a ’90s kid) that became a dance hit because I am feeling sentimental this Saturday. 😌
“Teach us (Lord) to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12
The Journeyman's Moments 