Tag Archives: prayer

An Easter Like No Other

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This year’s Holy Week reflection was nothing I have ever experienced and done before. It was a moment of deep contemplation and fervent prayers. 🙏

It was also a week of immense joy, but insurmountable sadness. I am so happy that my husband passed the nursing licensure exam in the country where he applied to work as a nurse, but I am also sad that this also means my husband and I are separating.

The decision wasn’t easy. This is one of those moments in your life wherein you can’t sleep at night and your stomach churns every time you think about it. And yet you know that there is no other easy way to go about it but to go through it courageously, mustering all the strength you’ve got.

I am overjoyed that my husband finally gets to fulfill his dream of working abroad. God answered my husband’s prayer, and I am just completely in awe having witnessed how God orchestrated things in a manner that I can attest to as something sort of a miracle.

My husband and I are both at peace with our decision, and I only have 2 requests from him if he plans to come back to me. First, he should be a born-again Christian (went through an altar call, water baptism, baptism of the Holy Spirit, and connected to a Bible study group) in Victory church. And second, he must be ready to stay with me in my hometown for good. And starting today, these are going to be non-negotiables for me.

Even if this happens how many decades from now, I will gladly take him back. But if not, then I trust God that He has other better plans for me and my husband. We will keep the communication lines open, but what I can only offer to my husband now is friendship as a sister in Christ unless he’s able to satisfy both of the requests I mentioned above. I have my own valid reasons for asking these requests, which I will no longer explain further.

I was actually having second thoughts if I should still share this here because it is too personal. But after praying to God about it, His instruction was to share it since it is a major part of my life’s journey. Thus, it’s also a part of this blog’s journey where I testify about God’s saving grace and faithfulness in every season of my life.

Again, my husband and I are both at peace though the acceptance didn’t come right away. We both struggled and haggled – God saw the pain. But, I am grateful that God still gave us both an opportunity to settle everything peacefully. He has prepared greater things for me and my husband to conquer and accomplish, albeit separately. On my end, I have a lot of pending tasks and opportunities to explore when I get back home – advocacies, farm projects, graduate study, and other work opportunities, just to name a few.

I can’t think of any other goodbye that’s better than this. And yet it is also that kind of goodbye that still remains hopeful for the things to come. I accept all of these as part of God’s sanctification for us to grow spiritually because my husband and I are still both a work in progress. It isn’t a coincidence that this took place during Holy Week 2024.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you (us), will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6

Easter Sunday now has an even deeper meaning to me. The message of the Cross and Christ’s resurrection has never been more accurate and appropriate to what my husband and I are going through right now – sacrifice, freedom, transformation, new beginnings, and lastly, hope.

It is a testament to God’s profound love for the church that He is willing to sacrifice His own Son on the Cross so He can show that no power here on Earth, not even death, can separate us from the love of God. So in the end, we can all confidently say what Jesus said on the Cross, “Father, if You are willing, take this cup of suffering from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22: 42-44).

And so Christ has risen. And so shall we. 🙏♥️

“The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” – 2 Peter 3:9

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in You.” – Psalm 33:20-22

A Positive Future Up Ahead

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After my “huhuhu waaah-ing 😭” last night because I remembered and missed Mom when I requested a copy of her death certificate online, I didn’t expect God would comfort me right away. And it was something that I can never ever dismiss – the comfort was tangible. 🙂

My husband came home to my puffy eyes last night and gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead. And when I told him I missed my Mom, he told me he received a token from a coworker because he was one of the godfathers of his coworker’s kid. He urged me to open it. But he was more excited, so he opened it himself. lol And tadaaaa, we found these inside the pouch – a box of uplifting quotations with Bible verses and hand cream. 😍

Thanks, Rod and wifey!

Oh my dear Father, what did I do to deserve this kind of love from You? Even if I failed You so many times, Your faithful love remained. 😭🙏 God already knows I will be crying over Mom last night. To pacify me, here came His surprise. Indeed, there is just no coincidence when it comes to faith.

“…for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask Him.” – Matthew 6:9

These are very simple gifts. And yet to me, they spoke volumes. They were exactly what I needed at the right time. I mean, out of all the million items that could be given away as a token, why exactly them, right?

My husband told me it looked like these gifts were all intended for me. Now, I have a new hand cream because I’m about to use up the hand and body lotion I’m using now. I’ve been doing some cleaning and washing here at home lately (please refer to my previous articles) and once again, God already knew what I needed beforehand – some pampering for ze hands. This is actually how God’s character as a Father is displayed revealing His never-ending care and provisions for His children.

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” – Matthew 6:26-27

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him.” – Matthew 7:11

I never asked for these gifts. And yet God knows how to cheer me up and gave me exactly what I needed – materially and spiritually. He has always been like this to me ever since I became a born-again Christian. Maybe because God also knows how I feel deeply about everything – depression is another generational curse in the family.

This was how God saved me and how I was born again 11 years ago in the same month (you may read my testimony here and also here). Yes, I’m celebrating my 11th year this month as a born-again Christian. God’s timing and reminder are just so perfect, aren’t they?

It’s as if He was reminding me that “I sacrificed My Son for you on the Cross so you can be saved 11 years ago. So now Tin, stop moping around and stay focused on the task I laid out for you.” 😀 Ah yes, being born again is still the best milestone by far – nothing compares. ♥️

But wait, there’s more. When I opened the box, this was the message I saw – again, this was exactly the reminder that I needed last night. 😭

God is our Great Comforter, indeed. I can post a lot of Bible verses here that will show how He is close to the brokenhearted and how those who mourn will be comforted when they seek His Name.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the LORD comes to the rescue each time.” – Psalms 34:18-19

“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

And yet the one I will post below speaks most to me and on what He wanted me to do:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

As they say, you will never feel what other people are feeling if you’ve never been in their shoes. When God allows us to experience pain and loss, it’s not to punish us or make us miserable. It is so that we can share His greatness with others and how in the midst of our pain God moved in amazing ways. This is how we testify to the world that He is real and that those who believe in Him may die but will never perish (eternal inheritance).

Every single time, God never failed to remind me that He is always with us and will always be with us because He is the Alpha and the Omega – the beginning and the end. Everything may seem bleak and dark to most of us now, but as what God has promised, there is a “positive future” ahead of us, and He is already leading us there. We need not be afraid because we are not alone. ❤️🙏

A preparation for the Great Work up ahead. 🙏

P.S. What happened last night wasn’t a coincidence, and I know I am not writing this article a few days before Holy Week for no reason. When God moves, we can expect that it will be miraculous and marvelous. What God requires from us though in return is our authentic faith – one that honors Him in our highs and in our lows just like what this blog of mine is all about. 🙏

From My YouVersion Bible App Daily Prayer & Devotion

When The Pain Lingers

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I requested a copy of Mom’s death certificate online today and once again, tears just started streaming down my face as I wrote her death day. It’s been 7 months since Mom passed away, and yet grief still lingers – the pain lingers. Indeed, what they say is true. The pain will never go away. You just learn to move on with your life, but the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. And yes, things will just never be the same.

For today’s blog post, I wanted to write a letter to my Mom just to lessen the pain a little bit. ❤️

“Dear Mommy,

I miss you terribly. I miss your text messages and our long conversations over the phone (not less than 2 hours) just talking about anything. I miss watching movies with you and how we would analyze and make a movie critique even when the movie was not yet finished and make assumptions about how it will end.

I ate pistachios today – your favorite. They were supposed to be a “pasalubong” for you from a relative abroad. Your favorite imported soaps are also still in your cabinet, and I don’t know if I will use them because their scent reminds me of you and makes me miss you even more.

Do you still remember when I was still sleeping with you and Dad until I was 6 years old and how I’d tuck my hand under your armpit and I’d fall asleep right after? I still do that now, but with my husband. lol You probably must’ve thought how weird is this kind of behavior from your youngest child. And yet, you still let me do it.

I hope you were at peace when God took you from us – it was my only prayer while you were at the hospital. Losing you is a tragedy that doesn’t seem to have an ending. We may not agree on certain things, but I want you to know that I am deeply sorry if there were times when I hurt your feelings.

It was never my intention to hurt you, and all I ever wanted was to love you like how you wanted to be loved. You will always be the best Mom for me. And it is because of you that’s why I am who I am today.

Oh Mom, how do you make this pain more tolerable? I wish I had your wit and your wisdom. You seem to have an answer and a solution to everything. Everyone in the family confided with you when it came to their problems and sought your advice.

I was also hoping you’d still get to see your grandkids, my future children (if God wills it I still bear a child). But, I guess that will no longer happen. Losing you is very painful, and I am not sure when will I be grieving. The only consolation I have now is that you’re no longer suffering from pain.

Help me to be brave like you, Mom. And yet I know you will tell me to trust God because He is the only one who sees everything and that He is always in control.

Thank you for everything, Mommy. I will cherish all the memories we’ve had with you – the good and the bad. I may sometimes wish that I’d be with you sooner, and yet I know I still have to look forward to what lies ahead if God will tell me to stay a little longer.

I love you always, and no one can ever replace you in my heart because there is only one person who carried me in her womb and brought me into this world – you.

Always your youngest child,

Nen”

“God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, no crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”- Revelation 21:4

KonsultaMD + Singlife & Sun Life: Are They Worth It?

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This year, God is telling me to prioritize my health above anything else. And once again, God never fails to provide when you ask.

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

My KonsultaMD activation came just in time for the celebration of International Women’s Day yesterday. Ah yes, thank You, Lord, for this wonderful gift. 🙏

And yes, it’s really a blessing because I got 3 months’ worth of free access including 1 video and unlimited voice consultations with a general practitioner/specialist. Super awesome, right? I can’t wait to ask the doctor every question I could think of like, “Doc, as a man of Science, do you think the air there in Nibiru is toxic to humans?” Or how salty is salty? Or why is cancer called “cancer”? Can’t we call it “Scorpio” or “Capricorn”? Or how about “Taurus”? 😂

Most likely the doctor will red-tag me as the worst patient ever in human history. lol And the next time I consult with the doctor, he/she is going to tell me to stop pestering him/her with all this nonsense. But I already prepared an answer for that, too: “Oh I am terribly sorry, Doc. I thought you’re an AI Doctor.” 😆

Okay now, let’s skip the jokes lest the doctors who get to read this block me on the app forever. Going back to KonsultaMD, if you’re wondering how I got the free access, it’s included in the new Singlife health insurance I purchased through the GCash app. For the past weeks, I’ve been researching and comparing the differences between HMOs (Health Maintenance Organizations), health insurance, and VUL (Variable Universal Life) insurance. We all know that getting sick can be quite expensive, and we don’t want to spend all our life savings on hospital bills and medications.

I was doing my research on insurance the past weeks, thus, the WordPress hibernation. Another reason for my absence is that I have to limit my digital footprint as part of my preparations for yet another task. So this means I’ll be setting the visibility of this blog to “private” after a few weeks. But I’ll change it to “public” again when the time is right (because I just love my WordPress community). I was also busy “scrounging” the internet for any free medical services that I could find so I can share them with the breast cancer support groups on Facebook.

The number of breast cancer warriors who do not have the means to get their medical checkups is still increasing. My heart bleeds for these women. Sometimes I can’t help but cry because some of them are too sick and have been suffering from severe pain for a long time already because they don’t even have enough money for their basic needs.

But how do I help them? I feel like I only have 5 barley loaves and fishes and there are thousands to feed (Matthew 14:17-19). Day and night, every time I see a post asking for help where to get free medical consultations, lab tests, medicines, etc., I would pray to God to give me the resources to help them.

And God answered – I came across these free events and lectures (thanks, Doc Emmeline!) on social media. I am also praying for opportunities to accompany some of the women in the group especially those who are alone, are too weak to go to nearby hospitals, are too scared, are at a total loss for what to do and where to start, or don’t have enough money to pay for transportation expenses.

Unfortunately, this will have to wait because I’m currently busy helping my husband prepare for his exam this coming Monday. I am praying he will pass the exam so he can achieve his dream of working abroad. I am so happy to see how God is working in my husband’s life right now. It also motivates me to trust God even more. After sending him off, I hope I can devote some of my time doing volunteer work for breast cancer warriors back home.

Why Singlife?

I discovered Singlife through Globe’s GCash app back in 2020 when the Covid-19 pandemic started. I wasn’t able to activate the free health insurance though which covered illnesses like Covid-19 and dengue because I didn’t need it at that time. But after what happened to Mom, I thought that now was the perfect time to explore what Singlife has to offer.

I chose Singlife because it’s a low-risk investment, and yet offers higher coverage compared to HMOs (up to 100-120k only). But it is best to use the HMOs during medical emergencies. A lot of my friends tried to convince me to get a Sun Life insurance a few years ago (and until now), but I told them I’ll hold off getting one for now.

I guess these are the advantages of delayed gratification – you get to wait for a service or product to improve after some time, maximize the benefits later on, and get your money’s worth because there are now better options. My other reason for not getting Sun Life insurance is that my husband and I do not have kids. We don’t have beneficiaries in other words.

I am also apprehensive about getting one after what happened to previous insurance companies that went bankrupt, and policyholders weren’t able to get their invested funds back. Now that the US is heading toward another economic recession, I am unsure how these insurance companies will protect their policyholders’ funds that were invested in stocks and other volatile investments given the global economic outlook in the coming years.

Sun Life’s VUL insurances are a bit of a high-risk investment for me. Though I am considering getting their Business Owner Insurance Package later on God willing. I’m assuming this is one of their new insurance plans so this means conducting due diligence on my end and assessing how our family’s business could benefit from this insurance package. I’m considering it as another option that will add an extra layer of protection (buffer funds) to help sustain the business and recover in case of an economic collapse. Agripreneurs, by the way, can insure their businesses through the Philippine Crop Insurance Corporation under the Department of Agriculture.

As for Singlife, it offers more flexibility when it comes to monthly premiums. I tried the 100-in-1 Medical Plan, and I am looking into buying another plan (Cash for Medical Costs), which offers a higher monthly premium to increase my insurance coverage. But I’ll wait until the free KonsultaMD subscription of my first Singlife plan ends so it won’t overlap with the new plan.

My only prayer now is to find a way to share these unlimited consultations with some of the women in the BC support groups. How I wish I was allowed to schedule a doctor’s appointment on their behalf using my account. So my next task is to explore these opportunities and continue to look for more of them. As they say, when a door won’t open after you knocked, break it down. I’m kidding. We just keep on looking for more doors to open.

I am planning to share all about Singlife on social media because I believe this will help reduce the number of patients trying to avail the free medical services offered by public hospitals. Those who can afford to pay the monthly premiums offered by Singlife can choose a plan that fits their budget. The benefit of having one is that policyholders get to skip long lines and long waiting times to schedule laboratory tests and initial medical consultations (thru KonsultaMD) aside from the cash benefit that they can claim upon diagnosis of an illness and during hospitalization.

I am praying though that more doctors will sign up at KonsultaMD. We can expect more inquiries coming in and possibly more health insurance applications and medical consultations once I share this on social media. I also noticed there is 0-1 doctor only listed under some specializations. I hope there are still more doctors who can accommodate consultations via KonsultaMD in their schedules. Don’t worry Docs, we will try to ask (nonsensical) questions sparingly. ✌️

When it comes to the KonsultaMD app’s overall interface, it is very user-friendly. It is also easy to access and switch from one app feature to the other. And I love the portion of the app where they have a list of comprehensive medical checkup packages (prices included) classified according to gender, age, and illness. I find this very helpful because I plan to have my executive checkup soon though I am feeling well right now, and it’s next on my to-do list after I send off ze hubby. In summary, our best option to safeguard our assets, investments, and life savings when we get sick is to maximize what we can benefit from our HMO, health insurance, and PhilHealth.

And yes, we also never stop looking for opportunities to offer help in any way we can, especially to those who are in dire need of medical assistance. I agree with Prof. Samar Aoun, one of the speakers at the recently held webinar hosted by the European Association for Palliative Care, when she emphasized the need for reflective practice by addressing social needs (identifying the circumstances surrounding the need) and not just look into the pathological lens when it comes to understanding and dealing with patients.

To end this article, here’s my favorite quotation by Edward Everett Hale that hopefully will encourage us all to keep on doing what is good and what is best for everyone:

“I am only one, but I am one; I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do I ought to do, and what I ought to do, by God’s grace, I will do.”

P.S. God’s surprises never end here. Stay tuned for my next post. 🙂

Hospice Care 101 | Making Peace With Death

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I often wondered what is it with death that we are so afraid of. Maybe we’re not really afraid about dying per se, but more of how we are going to die. The topic of death has always been considered morbid and taboo. And yet all the more that we should talk about it because acceptance is always the pathway to peace.

When God placed a desire in my heart about hospices after my Mom passed away last year due to stage 4 breast cancer and the possibility of providing hospice care on our farm in the future, I asked Him to give me the means to make it happen. And it looks like I got my confirmation because He sent me a whole lot of resources and instructions to prepare for it. Or maybe this was the work of Facebook’s algorithm since I’ve been doing research on hospice care which is why I was getting similar recommendations on my newsfeed. 😀

By the way, I don’t have a personal Facebook account because I deactivated it. I have 1 dummy account though where I only have 1 friend and she’s my spiritual Mom/coach/mentor. I mainly use Facebook to stay updated with news and current events.

Here are some of the organizations I found if you need information on hospice care:

The Philippine Society of Hospice and Palliative Medicine – https://www.pshpm.org/

Asia Pacific Hospice Palliative Care Network – https://aphn.org/

The European Association for Palliative Care is also conducting a free webinar on February 21, 2024 at 5pm (Manila Time) entitled “Public Health Approaches to Bereavement Support.” Here’s the link to register: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/9717054994060/WN_A7NsLepPSIO2sn28NnZx9Q?fbclid=IwAR1KbkSVq0tRwg3MVTQXfmXUrVVvXab0TXiicyzBcL2F6NZzY8jvdd4qMyU#/registration.

I also chanced upon the website of the National Institute on Aging, which is one of the institutes of the National Institutes of Health in the U.S. It’s a privilege to be able to subscribe to their weekly newsletters and receive free caregiving tips and resources, which are all very informative.

I cannot tell though if the fulfillment of these plans will happen in my lifetime, but this might inspire others to follow suit if they also receive the same calling. But first, let’s define hospice care.

What Is Hospice Care?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defined it as “a program designed to provide palliative care and emotional support to the terminally ill in a home or homelike setting so that quality of life is maintained and family members may be active participants in care. It is also a facility that provides such a program.”

The hospice project proposal and draft for another project are currently at 30% and 20% progress rates, respectively. I still have a lot of work to do. But, all in God’s perfect time. And I cannot work on a project without listening to worship songs. It’s a must. 😉

What To Do During The Terminal Stage Of An Illness?

It is part of my preparations to always assume the worst-case scenario. This helps me prepare holistically. However, I would suggest limiting these worst-case assumptions to a minimum because they can trigger anxiety, and we don’t want that. So let’s say I am diagnosed with a terminal illness, how am I going to take it?

1. Seek For Expert Opinion Re Treatments

I’ll ask my doctor how long I have like if I opt to go through all the treatments, will I have a couple of years and if I don’t, do I have a couple of months only to live? I will also ask what is my quality of life after receiving the treatments. Will I be able to live a normal life again?

If the answer will depend on how my body will respond to the treatments, then it’s a “go.” If my body won’t be able to survive the treatments, then I’m choosing palliative care and pain management instead.

2. Plan My Next Move

I did ask God what more can I do if I only had a couple of months or years to live. Because I felt like I could only do so much in just a short span of time. And yet God’s answer was that what we might consider as small efforts now may actually have a lasting and significant impact later on.

One example is meeting another patient who is already on the verge of ending his/her life, but by talking to him/her, hope in God is restored and this person is now helping others as a result. Or it could be a student who will be inspired by my testimony, and decades from now, that kid will become the President of this country who fears God and will genuinely serve his people. It’s like God was saying that there are plenty of opportunities to touch other people’s lives that don’t really require that much effort and too much time.

3. Prepare For The Actual Battle

We never go to a battle unprepared. And we don’t prepare ourselves only, but those around us, too. It is also important to be surrounded by people who can pray for you and encourage you to keep on fighting. The church is the right community for this.

Equipping warriors with the Armor of God in every battle (Ephesians 6:11-13). JEHOVAH NISSI. 🗡️🛡️

Breast cancer support groups, in a way, provide emotional and psychological help and other information based on every patient’s journey. But, we can’t totally rely on them because most of the people in these groups are going through treatments or have a family member who is ill. When one member dies, it can pull the morale of the rest of the members down.

Because when this happens, I know the next questions that will pop into their minds are these, “Lord, am I next? When will my time come?” Questions like these, if they are what occupy the patient’s mind often, will result in depression. And in the webinars I attended, when depression hits, it affects every treatment plan, especially if the patient doesn’t want to eat and take their medications or continue the treatments.

So I actually came up with this mantra to combat depression – we do not mourn the living, we mourn the dead. We can’t be sad all the time and cry over how difficult life is as a sick person. We don’t lose heart, but we keep moving forward. As long as we still breathe, we move forward. We call this in UP as “Padayon.” ✊

4. Pray And Let God Take Control

Once I start with my treatments, I will leave the results to God. Whether I get healed or my condition worsens, I will accept what God’s will is for me. If ever I decide to push through with palliative care, then I will let nature run its own course just like the stance of Ezekiel Emanuel, an oncologist, to refuse all treatments after the age of 75. You may read more about it in the following articles:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/doctors-argument-living-longer

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11619519/amp/White-House-oncologist-Obamacare-architect-wants-die-75.html

Can We Ever Get Used To Seeing People Die?

I once asked my second sister who works as a nurse in a nursing home in Norway how she ever got used to seeing patients die. How do you care for someone without getting emotionally attached and not be sad when he/she passes away?

My sister answered that you will never get used to it. You somehow just learn to accept it. I guess we can learn from doctors, too, and how they approach every patient’s case objectively. However, this isn’t always the case like what our pastor shared in church about how one doctor cried because the patient, a member of the congregation, was all good to undergo surgery but suddenly died the next day. And they weren’t expecting it at all.

This is why I have so much respect for doctors. What they do is really not easy. Also, not all patients are the same. There are those who will use 15 minutes of the doctor’s time venting out his/her sob story but still fail to answer directly the doctor’s question of what their concern is. 😁✌️ Then there are those who are sometimes too stubborn to obey doctor’s orders (is that you, Christine? lol). And there are those who blame the doctors when results turn out differently than what they’re expecting (this is definitely not me). But, we all love and care for these patients just the same.

That is why I keep on praying to God that doctors will be given the best support system that they could ever have may it be in the form of trusted friends, a spiritual family, loving parents and siblings, a supportive partner, or awesome kids (even if they can get too rowdy sometimes). And this is also what I was hoping the hospice facility would be able to provide – whatever the dying patient wishes, it will be granted (as long as it is reasonable).

Look To Jesus For Salvation Amid Suffering

Each one of us will go through different ways of dying. Each of these deaths will have its own struggles and pain – except for those who died instantly. We will all go through these struggles before our last breath. And yet we should not be afraid.

Instead, we look up to Jesus and how He conquered death. And yet even His death did not happen in His own timeline. Only God knows when we leave this world. What really matters is what we do with this one life that we have here on Earth.

If we’ve been born again, then we only have one purpose and that is to use our lives for God’s plans and His glory. We are a living testimony of God’s grace through every pain, every sorrow, and every suffering that we encounter in this life. The book of Revelation already gave us a glimpse of what those who endured suffering will get in the end – the promise of eternal life. This is a wonderful place to look forward to because in it there will be no more pain, no more sickness, and no more death. ❤️

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:1-4

P.S. Here are some videos that I felt like God wanted me to watch as part of our preparation for the hospice project. Again, providing hospice care may or may not materialize in our lifetime, but maybe those who get to read this article might benefit from watching these videos. These videos can be emotionally heavy for some so I suggest being ready with your comfort food, favorite hobby, or a trip someplace else after watching these videos to release all the negative emotions. And don’t forget your rolls of tissue. *sniff*

“5 Things You Should Know When Someone Is Actively Dying”
“How Doctors Tell Patients They’re Dying | Being Mortal | Frontline”
“Before I Die: A Day With Terminally Ill Patients | Death Land #2”
“Inside The Children’s ICU | Episode 4: Facing Death”
“The Last Hours With Our Daughter”
“Brain Cancer: Dying To Live, Living To Die In 4:42 Minutes”

Reconciliation Is Earned

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This is the greatest lesson I’ve learned, so far. Thanks be to God for finding every opportunity to teach me this because I tend to be too stubborn sometimes. 😉 I got the message now, Lord, and I am obeying. 🙏

We are just too blessed to have a God who just never, ever gives up on us and will do everything so we won’t be completely destroyed. That is how much He loves us and how precious we are to Him. ❤️

Lifted from my OUR DAILY BREAD devotional app. 🙏

Embarking On A Solo Journey

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I find it a little unusual that I am about to embark on a new journey with a new set of challenges and yet I have reached that point where I am at peace with everything. In fact, I’m very much looking forward to this new journey I already listed out so many plans though I know that God can change them any minute according to His will. And yet I am not a bit worried. I believe there’s only one explanation for this – God’s grace. 🙏🙂

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

My husband and I have agreed that whether he decides to work abroad or work here in Manila, I will go back to Bicol and live there. In other words, our decision to live separately whether he’s working here or abroad still remains. I told him I just can’t see my purpose here in Manila, and God is calling me to serve there in Bicol. God gave us the opportunity to stay in my hometown during the last quarter of 2022 until 2023 to find out if the provincial life is for him or not, see the situation at the farm, assess what needs to be done, and to also take care of Mom.

What 2022 And 2023 Were All About

The good thing about going back home in 2022 was that we got to see for ourselves that the farm indeed requires a lot of work and our initial plan to have a poultry farm project might have to wait. Our current challenge is the electricity installation which takes quite a long time before the application can be approved since the area is far from the town proper. Without electricity, it’ll be hard to find a farm caretaker who will live on the farm. And without a farm caretaker, we can’t start farm projects that have high-value products.

So, while waiting for the electricity to be installed, I told my husband that I would help him invest his earnings from his work abroad should he decide later on to retire early. And also, he will have a fallback because the future is very unpredictable. We don’t know if the next day there will be a WWIII and economic recession, which will most likely result in retrenchment, repatriation of overseas workers, migration issues, etc.

I’m currently studying recession-proof investment opportunities that won’t incur huge financial losses should the market demand decline given the country’s economic outlook for this year onwards. If God wills it that the investment commences according to the projected timeline, the profit will be added to his savings so he can use it to reinvest for business expansion or to try other investment vehicles. I told him this was my way of returning all the favors he did to help me when we were taking care of Mom at the hospital i.e. driving me to the hospital and back home, buying the meds while I stayed in the hospital room with Mom, massaging Mom because she chose him over me (😀), etc.

What Is It About Bicol As My Favorite Earthly Home

Why go back to Bicol if the farm projects were put on hold? God actually made me realize there are plenty of opportunities that I can explore in our community. I also have this urge to serve and give back to the community since this is our indoctrination in UP as an “Iskolar ng Bayan.” I also have plans to pursue a master’s degree again, but in agribusiness this time if God wills it. I was eyeing Bicol University Graduate School and already inquired back in 2021 if they held online classes for their MS Agribusiness course since face-to-face classes weren’t allowed back then.

Unfortunately, I still have to attend a couple of in-person classes if ever I get in and the campus is in Guinobatan, Albay. I did find another option offered by Bicol University Open University which is their Master in Management course. But, I still prefer a degree that is related to agribusiness. I just thought my siblings and I would benefit from this once we take over our family’s agribusiness. The transition has already started and my siblings and I need to learn everything double time because we don’t have any formal training/basic education in farming and agriculture. It was easy for Dad to manage farm duties because his work as a Civil Engineer at the National Irrigation Administration somehow made it possible for him to hit 2 birds with 1 stone.

Dare To Dream, Care To Serve

I was also considering going back to teaching as a faculty in college and teaching English Literature though I will be more effective in handling Writing classes. I could use my work experience since 2017 as a content writer in the digital marketing/e-commerce industry, which is one of the in-demand jobs right now. Another great opportunity that I am looking into is conducting summer writing workshops for high school and college students. I can also explore teaching opportunities in SpEd (Special Education). If God wills it, I also plan to pursue a doctorate degree much later on in life if it is still necessary.

It is also my dream to work in the public office and be part of the marketing/public relations division. I am also contemplating if it’ll be better if I become a public school teacher instead and help train young minds to create a resilient future. I studied in public schools my entire student life from grade school until grad school, and I observed that there is still more that can be done with our current educational systems. But if I will be a teacher in high school or grade school, I will need to renew my professional license and take CPD units for teachers.

Always Searching For God’s Will In Everything

Yes, the opportunities are endless. And yet it all boils down to knowing what we really want, and if what we want is also aligned to what God wants for us. Choosing for me is difficult because I have to carefully weigh the options considering other priorities and obligations, which will include farm duties. I am forever grateful to God though for these opportunities and yet I know these career goals and plans to pursue graduate studies can only happen given that I am 100% healthy. If not, working from home is the only choice I have.

So, I decided it would be best to rent a place in Sorsogon City and stay there from Friday until Monday because I will be attending Sunday church services in Victory Sorsogon. I already inquired about their Victory group/Bible study group, but unfortunately, they only meet during weekdays. So I’m praying I’ll find one that meets on Friday or Monday because from Tuesday to Thursday, I plan to be in my hometown, which is a 2-hour trip from Sorsogon City. I also plan on doing volunteer work in the church, so I have to be in the city during weekends.

Looking for a safe place to stay in Sorsogon City will be my first task when I get back to Bicol. I see it as the top priority, especially if I will need regular medical consultations, checkups, and treatments. Traveling back and forth from Bulan to Sorsogon City on a regular basis won’t be advisable. And I also don’t want to be a burden to my husband or my family because I know how emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting it is to take care of a sick loved one.

Health Is Always Wealth, As They Say

The result of my repeated urinalysis last December actually showed that my RBC is still high even after a week of taking antibiotics, and it is still above the normal range. My second sister who’s a nurse in Norway told me I still have an infection and she’s suspecting it’s from dislodged kidney stones, and I might be asymptomatic for now. I actually have not met up yet with an internist at St. Luke’s Hospital because I don’t want to distract my husband since he is currently preparing for his exam. If I will be required to undergo further tests, it will definitely disrupt his plans. I am going back to Bicol anyway, and the doctors there might require that all of my tests should be repeated. So I thought I might as well do the tests when I’m already there.

The only other symptoms I have now are the rashes on my cheeks triggered by prolonged sun exposure when my husband and I started planting the forage plants last year. These skin flare-ups subside every time I take Coaltria, and I take this medicine daily. Coaltria was prescribed by my ENT doctor in 2022 for my severe allergic rhinitis.

I did a little bit of research and my rashes looked like a butterfly rash. I also have trigger fingers or it could be early signs of arthritis. And this led me to think that maybe I have lupus just like Kris Aquino. By the way, one thing you need to know about me is that if my Mom had white coat syndrome, I’m the opposite because I’m a hypochondriac. lol

So I did my research on lupus and found this ongoing study by Yale School of Medicine on how the lupus antibody can be used to treat breast cancer and ovarian cancer. Speaking of breast cancer, I am hoping Mom’s oncologist there in Bicol will be my doctor, too (Hello, Doc Leones! 😊). I hope he still has a Saturday schedule at the hospital in Sorsogon City where Mom was confined. He already knows our breast cancer history so maybe it might help in studying my case. I also would like to ask him about BRCA 1/2 gene mutation testing and know what my options are to reduce the risks of getting breast cancer if I don’t have it yet. My doctor will most probably say, “Christine, we have a lot of work to do because you’ve been delaying your medical checkup for a long time.” Well Doc, I guess Science can never come up with a cure for stubbornness. lol But of course, my answer will be something like this: “I’ve been preparing for it, Doc. Let’s get started, it’s about time.“

Seeing Problems Differently

I actually have a different approach when looking at problems. This is maybe the result of training myself over the years to always look at things from a different perspective and to go beyond what exactly is presented in front of you more like looking for the good in every bad situation. Or person even. So let’s say my doctor tells me I need to go through chemotherapy. Instead of looking negatively at the side effects of chemo, I’m going to see going bald, for instance, as an opportunity to try different hairstyles through wigs. I also get to try new hair colors because my hair is resistant to any type of hair dye.

So before my chemo session starts, I will already shave my head and start using a wig. I won’t wait until my hair starts falling off one by one because it will only trigger anxiety and depression. I already witnessed it with Mom. I just did not tell her because she loved it every time I combed her hair. I told her instead that the “Donya” hair bun I made for her looked really good on her. 😊 I also want to test if it’s uncomfortable to wear a wig for a long time, especially during hot and humid days.

If my doctor also tells me that it is best if I undergo a double mastectomy/lumpectomy like what my grandmother had (she lived up to 93 years old and Mom had a unilateral mastectomy in the 1990s before her breast cancer recurred), I am also going to look at it as an opportunity to maybe have my “dream breasts” should I opt to have breast reconstruction surgery later on. I call them “dream breasts” because they look like the ones that some actresses have which don’t move to the sides when lying down. 😁✌️

If I still have extra funds and my health is back to normal, I would like to use these funds to sponsor a child battling cancer who lacks the finances to get all the treatments.

God Does Things His Way Though We Can Also Have Prayer Requests

Right now, I’m actually in the process of bargaining with God that I’ll do anything He asks even if I sacrifice a lot of things but in return, He keeps me healthy because I still have a lot of things that I want to do and accomplish not only for me but for other people, too, such as the hospice facility.

The plan actually was originally intended for me and my siblings when we grow old because my eldest sister is the only one among us who has kids. I am targeting that the hospice facility will be completed once we’re in our late 60s if God wills it we reach this age. That will be 30 to 40 years from now. Maybe by then, a hospice facility will be feasible enough. If not, then my proposition is that we will use the project site for our retirement homes instead.

We are a family of planners. However, we are also well aware that plans change. I also look like I have already planned out everything and yet believe me when I say that these are the times when I just don’t have everything figured out.

I actually shared with one of my spiritual moms in church (Hi, Tita Lulu! 🥰) last year that I plan to use the remaining months of 2023 and the first few months of 2024 to sort out my life. She answered me with the best response, “Anak, hindi ikaw ang magaayos ng life mo kundi ang Dios. Hayaan mo Sya. Let go of the need to control everything, and let God take control.”

What Are We Leaving Behind That Will Not Be Forgotten

So why share all of these with the world? I know the world has this rule to not share your plans, but share the accomplishments and what you have achieved so far. We live in a result-oriented world where success is measured by achievements and accolades. The Bible also has a similar reminder to not say that you plan to put up a business in a particular place and make a profit from it. But the Bible also mentioned that we can actually say so but in a way that God will still have the final say on how our plans will turn out (James 4:13-17).

I just want to add that our intentions for sharing are what we should actually look into because I believe not everything we share is about boasting. Personally, I intend to share my life’s journey whether I fail or succeed in my endeavors. I’m a divergent and I don’t conform to the patterns of this world so my definition of success is different from the world’s definition of it. It is also not my purpose to make this blog a bragging wall. I believe that the process itself is as important as the result. My readers can learn from my experience and avoid making the same mistakes I did.

This is why I called my blog “The Journeyman’s Moments.” I am an apprentice, a student of life. The journey matters to me more. This blog is the legacy I want to leave behind as long as the IoT is here to stay. Because I don’t know if I will still be here tomorrow, next week, next month, or in the years to come. I hope that all the experiences I shared here will offer ideas and insights to whoever will stumble upon this blog in the future.

Thus, I am embracing and once again sharing this new journey with an open mind, a brave heart, and a grateful soul. And yet more importantly, I ask, “What else do You have in store for me in this new season, Lord, that You want me to share with the world?” 🙏

P.S. This is a very long read because I might not be able to share some updates once these plans start rolling, and I become extremely busy. But, I promise to find the time to share every twist and turn of my life’s journey. I also want to write a poem or two for you all because well, “love month” is here. Share the love, as they say. But I say, share it every day. ❤️😉

P.P.S. Stay tuned if the plans I listed above panned out as expected or if God has a different plan like 100% totally different. 😀

When God Answers Differently

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I saw this photo on Facebook, and I felt like it is worth sharing here. It reminded me how often God answers our requests and prayers differently. But always, He gives an answer. 🙏🙂

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“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” – James‬ ‭5:7‭-‬8‬ ‭ESV‬

Counting The Days

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Have you ever had those moments when you’re counting the days towards that one dreaded moment? It’s as if each day after the other doesn’t get any better. And you just want to fast-forward everything so you can get it over and done with. How do you make these days more tolerable?

I was thinking of these questions while walking on one of the streets of the condominium compound. The street is beside a school and when I passed by, I heard some students singing “I love Math, I love Math.” And I thought, “Well, good for you because I hate it.” 😅

And if my grade-schooler me is in that class, I’d most probably be singing that song with a poker face. lol I really don’t hate Math. Let’s just say I never got the proper training, thus, learning it was a negative experience for me while growing up. But given the right mentor and ample time to relearn every mathematical formula out there, I’d be happy to do it. Any patient Math teacher out there? Don’t worry, my “Platypus pose” days are over so you’ll be dealing with a 100% mature adult. No tantrums – that I can assure you. 😃

But yes, sometimes I wish I didn’t know how to count so I wouldn’t notice how the days are passing by up to that dreaded moment. So what is that one dreaded moment I’m talking about? It’s none other than my husband’s departure going to abroad.

It is this season wherein I have a lot of “why” questions. Like why is God taking away my husband during a season when I needed him most and I need him beside me. Why take him away from me when I just lost my Mom? Why take him away when the world is going crazy and the effects of climate change, the Big One, wars, and new pandemics such as Disease X can break out any minute in all parts of the world?

There came a point when I asked God if I could go and live with my husband in the Middle East this year or wherever in the world that God would call my husband to serve after his job contract ends. Because I want to insist that I have to be beside him always. And yet, the answer was “no.” The calling for me to stay here is greater.

If I push through with what I want using willpower, I know I can find a way to make it happen. But it will be met with unfavorable circumstances and attaining the goal will be very difficult. It’s like me going against the grain because it is not what God wanted for me.

And then there are the “what if” questions that are always included in these moments of contemplation/bargaining with God. One example is what if he got into an accident while he was there and died without me beside him. Or what if I was the one who got so sick and died while he was gone? Also, what will happen to our romantic life as a married couple? What if this is goodbye forever? And what if we can’t resolve our marital issues while being in a long-distance relationship? And a whole lot more of “what ifs.”

I know only God can answer these questions. But His assurance is always available through His Word such as the ones I listed below.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

Indeed, who am I to question God’s plans? And instead of thinking that this agony from waiting is unbearable, I have to convince myself over and over again that this is for our own good. Instead of thinking about the “why” and “what if,” I’m thinking about the good opportunities being offered through this experience such as what we could possibly gain from this and how we can possibly grow as an individual and a couple during this season.

I think man’s instincts automatically shift by default to survival mode during a separation. It is part of our defense mechanism maybe as far as self-preservation is concerned. And yet no amount of survival instincts can prepare even those who profess as self-made individuals and do not feel the need to have God in their lives.

When God wills it to happen, it’ll happen and nobody can stop it. Our best response in times like this is to let go and always let God take control. It’s as if God was telling me “Tin, why are you so worried about the future? Instead of counting the days, make the remaining days count by creating good memories with your husband while he is still here. Because these are the memories that you get to cherish forever whatever happens in the future.”

P.S. I am not afraid of being alone, by the way. Because as an introvert, I actually love solitude. Being independent comes naturally to me and it sometimes becomes my weakness. I am just the type of person who doesn’t head towards the fire exit when what you and I have built together is being engulfed by flames. I will stand in the fire with you and beside you. ❤️

Frugality And A Legacy Of Generosity

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Just one more article before I hibernate here. I thought I should write this in case my recent blog posts gave you the impression that I was born rich. 😀 I’d like to change that assumption by saying that it’s actually the opposite. I grew up in a family that emphasizes frugality and the wise use of money above everything else. Next to it is generosity, which is actually the family legacy started by my great-grandparents. I am writing this post to honor them. ❤️

Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen | Sketch: Rev. Julian Bertumen
My late grandma’s accounting of farm expenses back in the 1980s, which is what I’m doing now. But Dad will be the last generation who will be doing this because our generation will be using Microsoft Excel. It’s way easier. 😅

My great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents possessed properties by inheritance and purchased some but shared a decent portion of the harvest from everything that grows there with neighbors and friends. I am praying my siblings and I will be able to pass this legacy to the next generation because this, I believe, is the main purpose that God has given us these lands.

My great grandfather, Reverend Julian Bertumen, or Lolo Daddy as we call him, was born in Bacacay, Albay. He was a Freemason or a member of the Freemasonry before he became a Reverend of the Protestant church. His involvement in the church started in Albay before he transferred to Bulan, my hometown.

Rev. Julian Bertumen

More about Freemasonry:

1. 7 Things You May Not Know About Freemasons

2. Secret society? Meet the Freemasons, men excommunicated by Catholic popes

Together with my great-grandmother, Eugenia Bertumen or Mamay Gurang, they were able to possess properties not because they earned so much money from their work, but because they lived frugal lives. This was passed on to my grandmother and then to my Mom. I remembered how our late grandma had this set of clothes that she always wore going to church.

Left Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen

Both she and my grandpa only had the basic things needed at home. They lived in a small but very homey nipa hut at the farm. I spent a lot of time with them when I was a toddler every time my parents couldn’t find a babysitter.

A page from my grandma’s journal.
I believe my grandma also prayed the way I am praying now that future generations will rekindle that deep connection with nature.
A family that is called to be farmers and caretakers of the land one generation after the other. 🙏

My grandma had a very warm personality. She greeted people with her beautiful smile. I think I got most of my grandma’s genes because I discovered from her old belongings that she and I are alike in a lot of things. Like this old Gospel song that I found along with old letters written by her. So now I know where my fascination for Worship songs that speak to the soul came from. 😍

I also found this old photo taken during a church event in Albay in 1940. I think our ancestral roots are closely attached to this place, and I have a strong feeling God wanted each generation of our family to be connected to Albay in one way or the other.

My Mom lived there for quite some time and so did my grandparents and great-grandparents. This must explain why I feel certain emotions when I see Mt. Mayon. Am I an old soul from Albay? 😀 Maybe I’m a reincarnation of Magayon from the folklore. 🤔 Hmm, this means I’ll be dealing with Pangaronon and Pagtuga, too? lol Ugh, enough of the romantic tragedy already. 😩

I’m definitely keeping this very precious and priceless box of memories. ❤️

Does this mean though that I am going to live in Albay, too? Or maybe one of my siblings. Now, I cannot answer because it is only God who leads me where I should go. But the perfect rainbow I saw was in Albay, too. And along with it was God’s promise that He would bring me back to this land (Genesis 28:15). There are just no coincidences in Christianity. 😉

I also have this desire to look for the relatives of my grandma’s best friend who lived in Daraga. I want to know more about her, too. Our Mama must have loved her so much because she gave her best friend the old house where my grandma and grandpa used to live before they relocated to Bulan. Ah yes, that’s how generous my grandparents were. 🥰

“The Parable of the Sower” in Bikol dialect.
1973 PBS Pamphlet

I believe my siblings and I are in this season where God is aligning us to the family’s calling, which spans from generation to generation. This also includes the people that we meet who will also play a role in what He will ask us to do in the coming years.

Found this in my grandma’s old stuff, too. It looks like I will be updating this also.

I am sensing that God is asking us to allow Him to realign us with His calling and purpose for our lives. This might involve drastic changes and sacrifices, but we must take comfort in the fact that the things that we can no longer control and what God allows to happen are for our own good.

I believe that this year will be all about renewed purposes for most of us. This year is about seeking His will more than anything. Thus, it is my prayer that more brave souls will surrender to and accept Jesus as their Savior, so they can also see the glory that God is about to bring to His kingdom. 🙏

“Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.

But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” – 1 Timothy 6:6-10

“Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good.

They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life.” – 1 Timothy 6:17-19