Tag Archives: healing

Protect The Soft Ones

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I thought I was already done with an article on mental health, but it looks like God is asking me to write more. The topic is no longer uncomfortable for me because the incident of attempted suicide happened a very long time ago.

And journaling about it helped me process the negative experience, which paved the way for my healing. The problems that I am going through now are also different compared to what I went through before. And being a born-again Christian now, I think, mattered greatly in how I view and deal with mental health issues as they come.

In fact, I no longer cry every time I recount the turning point of my becoming a born-again Christian. Um, no, I think I shed a tear or 2. Or maybe 4? Wait, I think, it’s 7. But it’s definitely less than 10 tears. lol 😀

Seriously though, I do take note of my crying sessions as part of my emotion regulation strategies. If the crying sessions don’t stop after 15 minutes, that means I need to do something productive that doesn’t involve too many emotions.

It has to be something that will keep my mind preoccupied. Let’s say solving a puzzle or playing an online game. Anything that taps the logical part of my brain.

I do agree with what some people say that your professional job can be a way for you to temporarily shift your focus from your sorrow or pain. Well, given that it’s not the source of your sorrow and pain. 😀

Kidding aside, we have to love our jobs because God gave them to us as a means to provide for us and our families’ needs. God often uses our jobs as a channel of blessings to other people, too. ❤

Being In Tune With Your Emotions

Emotion regulation is a challenging skill to learn. It will take a lot of time and requires discipline, self-control, patience, and different coping mechanisms to master it, especially in some cases where childhood verbal abuse was present.

Let’s say you are in the middle of a conversation, and you want to snap because somebody said something harsh to you, and in your head, you’re like, “That was rude. That comment was uncalled for. Where did that sarcastic insult come from?”

So then you start feeling irritable and angry, but emotion regulation will say, “Switch those two buttons off, pause, take a deep breath, excuse yourself from the conversation quickly, come back when you’re calmer, or just let it slide. God heard it, anyway.”

If you hear these sarcastic and rude comments often, my suggestion is to lessen your interaction with that person. Avoid situations you know will lead to a heated verbal exchange. There is always a polite way of saying “no.”

And actually, people can’t force you to stay if you leave. Their behavior is always beyond your control, and your peace of mind matters more. It is my prayer that you will be able to discern when a relationship is becoming abusive.

If these instances should persist for months to years and nothing seems to change, please seek God’s guidance if the best resort is to leave for the time being. Then, have faith and leave the changing to God. That is how we set boundaries. Although yes, this is always easier said than done.

The Bible also has something to say about emotion regulation:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” – James 1:19-20

“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” – James 1:26

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” – Proverbs 22:24-25

There are actually a lot more Bible verses about controlling the tongue and managing anger, which I also mentioned in the article before this. While it is God’s mandate to love our enemies, God also taught us to be discerning enough to know when a situation becomes too destructive for us that it will tempt us to commit a sin.

This is why prayer is very important. Because when we are in spiritual warfare, we need to pray and ask God through Jesus’ Name to equip us with everything that we need to win the war.

And no, fighting head-on with the enemy (confronting) won’t give you a good ending. It rarely does. In fact, it’s the other way around, and I have learned this the hard way.

But I have learned to forgive myself and forgive others. And day by day, I continue to seek God’s help to mold me, change me, and teach me what I need to learn so that when I encounter a similar situation in the future, I will respond better.

Sharing A Testimony And Being A Witness For Christ

Going back to dealing with mental health issues, the challenge really is not about remembering a bad memory. But being vulnerable enough to share my weaknesses here for the entire world to see, holding on to Scripture:

[Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”] – 2 Corinthians 12:9

And I also want to allow fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to test the spirit from which my articles are coming. Please rebuke me if necessary because, as I’ve mentioned in my previous articles, I am no theologian, and I do not have the proper training. All I was tasked to do was to share my testimony and my personal spiritual journey, and how I view God as a believer.

As it is written,

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this, you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. 

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for He who is in you is greater than He who is in the world. They are from the world; therefore, they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this, we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.” – 1 John 4:1-6

I Call On God’s Mercy And Protection Over The Soft Ones

After another incident yesterday of the suicide of yet another young person (and another report, as of writing, of a student from a university in Manila who allegedly fell), I felt like I had to continue writing this article. This has been sitting in my drafts since last year. And it looked like it was meant to be written and posted this year.

I would like to cover the family with prayers of comfort and peace in this time of extreme sadness and grief…May God’s saving grace be upon them as they heal from this heartbreaking moment…My heart grieves with them…I pray that no spirit of condemnation be upon the family of the bereaved, and I am praying for the eternal rest of their child’s soul…<3

I don’t want to go into details about how I failed in my two suicide attempts before I became a born-again Christian. But there was one instance that I remembered, trying to think about how my parents would react. They were not perfect, and I can also list a couple of things where they failed as parents. I just felt they don’t deserve to experience something as tragic as this.

I read this statement in one article written by a pastor (not verbatim) to put it lightly: “If you are desperately longing to be with God, this is not a good way to meet Him.”

And yet I was also reminded that we don’t see the struggles of every person on this planet. Depression, for one, is a silent killer. It really doesn’t have a face. Some people are so good at masking it that you won’t notice the depth of heaviness they carry every single day. And nobody is exempt from it; even pastors and priests fall victim to it.

Because the enemy chooses NO ONE in particular, it chooses ANY ONE.

And this is the war that I have talked about in my previous articles. This is the battle that we are going to face now, and some people are already fighting it, me included. And this is why I entitled this article, “Protect The Soft Ones.”

I chose to use the word “soft” instead of “weak.” I think those who took their own lives were actually not weak. Because taking a life is murder, no matter who did it or to whom, even if it’s your own.

You may be emotionally soft, but you will need physical strength to be able take your own life. Otherwise, you will fail. Just like what happened to me. Because I am emotionally soft, but I am also physically weak, that is why I failed. And yet it is in my weakness that God met me. ❤

I Chose Life Through Jesus Christ

Whew, Lord, February pa lang, ang bibigat na ng pinapasulat mo sa akin. Pwede bang magsulat tungkol naman sa kung paano naiinlab ang mga langgam? Kasi lagi sila dinadamay sa mga sweet memes, Balentayms pa man din bukas.

Ah yes, “Laughter is the best medicine,” as they say. In fact, the Bible said, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” – Proverbs 17:22

If you’re wondering why I get to talk about death and dying in a somewhat casual manner, it is not because I am taking it lightly, because I shouldn’t. But it’s because I came close to death that I am now no longer afraid of it, PLUS (and a very big plus), combined with Jesus, the Cross, salvation, and life in eternity, no, I think we don’t have to be afraid of death.

AND YET, I still firmly believe in promoting life – CHOOSE LIFE, LOVE LIFE.

Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10

God has given us life for a very good purpose. If I succumbed to suicide 13 years ago, then most likely I wouldn’t be able to meet my spiritual family, I wouldn’t be able to write my testimony and the saving grace of God, this blog wouldn’t have existed, and I wouldn’t have met the beautiful community of WordPress. ❤

God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.

I always hold on to this phrase when things don’t work out the way I expected them to, not because God answered all my prayers and solved all my problems before. But there’s always His assurance that it is only a season.

Before I continue to the mental health part, I would like to offer a short prayer first. Words have the power to start a war or calm a crowd. It either heals or it wounds. I am praying mine will be able to uplift spirits and not condemn.

Please pray with me:

Dear Lord,

We ask for your divine leading on how we are going to discuss this topic. May it not lead to desperation but instead offer a renewed sense of hope. May it bring assurances as much as it brings tears of freedom because all burdens were lifted.

Please open our minds, hearts, souls, and spirits as we receive Your wisdom in Jesus’ Mighty Name, AMEN.

Why Mental Health Matters

I was recently doing a little bit of research on mental health because of something that my family and I just went through that brought back sad memories. And after 30 minutes of research, I was prompted to stop because I already got what I needed. It looks like the Spirit reminded me about not allowing the negative energy from what I read become the portal for whatever evil that almost was successful in making me do the unthinkable.

My search brought me though to ponder on thought-provoking questions such as:

“Where do people who died by suicide go?”

“Do believers go to heaven even if they commit suicide, such as the priests and pastors who took their own lives?”

“Do we go straight to heaven after we die?”

“Do we get new bodies in the Second Coming?”

“What kind of judgment happens during Judgment Day if, after dying, we are already judged as to who goes to heaven and who goes to hell?”

While I have found the answers to these questions, I felt like I was in no position to write them here. My recommendation would be to reach out to your church leaders, pastors, and priests to expound answers to these questions, as God equipped them in times like these. Most of our churches have emails and contact numbers, where you can send in your questions if you want to be anonymous.

Meanwhile, aside from connecting to a spiritual family and prayers, I would like to share a couple of practical tips on how to deal with mental health issues at home. There is no one-size-fits-all parenting style, yet the Bible offers some reminders on how to rear children. I pray that every parent will be guided by the Spirit in raising children because it is also a calling.

How To Win Your Child To Christ


“Fathers (and mothers), do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4

I know I am in no position to share about parenthood because I have never been a parent. Well, Paul shared about love and relationships when he was actually single. 😀

My parents have a different way of raising us, too. But as I grew up, I have also learned to adopt a new parenting style should it be God’s calling for me to raise kids. Here are some of them:

1. Have Those Hard and Difficult Conversations

As parents, it is always best to become the mediator during arguments and conflicts. And only saying “that is enough” and letting them boil their anger down, and giving space and time to forget the conflict has happened, will never make the problem go away.

It’s best to follow it through by allowing both parties to talk about their grievances, and remind each child if one is shouting or the other is blaming. Come up with a list of solutions that are favorable for both sides. Make them agree with it and commit to it. List down the consequences if they won’t be able to stay consistent in keeping their promise. This is to establish accountability.

And when your child finally opens up, do not dismiss what they feel nor downplay their emotions. They need to be seen and heard, and this is very important. Let’s practice the attitude of listening with the intent of understanding, and when I say “understanding,” it should be less about our standpoint and more about where our child is coming from.

If the issue is affecting them big time, you might have to break some of the previous rules you have in place and approach from a place of love and understanding instead. I have seen families who went through the most heartbreaking tragedies, but they remained intact. I know love is a main driver of it.

2. Keep Dinner Table Conversations Light

Do you want to be grilled while you are eating your favorite pasta? I think the cheese will love it. But a person won’t. 😀 I believe we should digress from asking the usual questions, such as “How was school or work today?” and replace them instead with “Hey, what are your plans for the weekend? My ears are open for suggestions.”

Try to notice your child’s behavior if something is off, and you can attempt having a conversation with them in private, like, “Sweetheart, I noticed something is bothering you. If you want to talk about it, I want to let you know that I am here to listen, okay?” When your child is going through something, be a friend first, a parent second.

I know some parents don’t want to do this because they are afraid their children will not respect their authority afterward. But I believe that this is when your child will need you most, so it is critical to create a safe environment where they will not be criticized and reprimanded for being honest.

3. Establish Boundaries

Each of your child will have their own personalities. There are the confident ones. Then there are the shy ones. You have the joker. You have the genius. Each of them will have their own temperament. And each one will develop their own interests and influences. They will also have their own group of friends.

Boundaries will make sure that the family respects each member’s individuality. And yet, parents have the responsibility to teach their children about their identity in Jesus Christ and raise them according to Scripture.

Please, please, please avoid comparing them and avoid pitting them against one another. That is the easiest way to destroy your family. We do not destroy our families; we build them carefully and lovingly.

When a family member needs space, give it. If one family member prefers to be away from home for some time (if they are above 18 AND if they can support themselves by working part-time or being a scholar), give them that request if, after praying, God instructs you that it is really necessary.

But make sure to still check up on them every now and then. Leave it to God to do the protecting when anxiety tells you what if something bad happens to my kid while he/she is away.

4. Pray Heartfelt Prayers (Not Generic Ones)

We’ve all had those prayers when we were kids. Pretty understandable. But as kids grow older, we can slowly teach them about the art of praying. Most likely, they would want to know how to start a prayer, how to end it, what to include in their prayers, or how long or short it has to be.

If we want to amp their praying habit a little higher, or when they become young adults, we can show them how to pray for others, too. This way, it’ll be natural for them when one of their siblings needs prayers as they enter adulthood and have their own families already.

5. Offer Apologies

I really admire parents when I see them stopping a fight between their two children, wherein the parent will ask one child what his problem was, and then switch to asking the other child what is it that angered him, come up with a quick solution, and then ask them to apologize and hug after.

This scene always warms my heart. And at the same time, I also pray that when these kids grow up, they’ll still apply the same conflict resolution strategy even if their parents are no longer around. By the way, the Bible has a lot to say about apologies and forgiveness. Here are some of them:

“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

“…to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.” – Titus 3:2

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” – Mark 11:25

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9

Bottomline, it will always be a case-by-case basis. I pray that God will give every parent the wisdom to do His will as far as raising children is concerned.

How To Win Your Parents To Christ

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” – Exodus 20:12

I know the feeling of being a rebellious teen. I was one. I know the feeling of doing bad things just to offend my parents. It was a painful learning experience, but by God’s grace, it brought me to where I am now.

It taught me that no matter how bad you felt, you only have one biological family. If you are still under your parents’ care, meaning you still live with them and they provide all your needs, it is only honorable that you obey them.

No family is perfect. However, if they are the reason for your brokenness; forgive because they, too, need God’s saving grace. God is also working in them. If you need to be away from them because that is the best way for you to heal, you can still love them from a distance.

From my experience, I actually couldn’t remember exactly how my Mom talked to me again after not speaking with me for 2 years. I would come here at home, and she would give me the silent treatment as if I did not exist. I did not force her to talk to me; I just waited. Until an opportunity came wherein we were on speaking terms again.

By the way, just for context, it was my Mom who provided the funds for my graduate study, which is why her anger was valid. Though we had an agreement that once I get a job again, I will pay her back. I wasn’t able to pay her back, but I made it my responsibility to help take care of her when she was hospitalized for 2 months due to stage 4 breast cancer.

Mom wanted me to finish my graduate study asap. Unfortunately, after talking to my thesis adviser, I would have to forego getting married, getting a job, and attending to my husband’s needs if I want to finish it, as it will require I put my 100% focus on my graduate study.

I also had a realization that Special Education is not for me, so I pursued a writing career instead. By the way, only 3 graduated from our batch (there were 15 of us, if I remember it right) – it wasn’t easy. You had to make a lot of sacrifices, especially during the thesis part (individual and not group work), sacrifices that I couldn’t make at that time.

And I am very grateful for that experience, no matter how difficult. Why? It deepened the bond that I had with my Mom. We are not the type who share our personal problems with our parents. Most especially when it comes to relationships. But after the incident, I felt like the barrier was broken down, and I could share anything with my Mom.

And the timing was perfect because when I went through very rough seasons in my marriage, it was my Mom who became my number one confidante. I would call her and text her very long messages explaining what happened, and she always gives me answers and advice that give me peace and strength to move forward.

And during one incident, I was able to hear my Mom mention her having a personal relationship with Jesus, and acknowledge her need for prayers. That, to me, was the best Earthly reward for persevering even when I felt like ending my relationship with my Mom once and for all. Hearing her say that she has Jesus in her life is everything to me, and that is the only thing that matters, actually.

That’s why when my Mom passed away in 2023, even though it was very painful as it was the first death in my family, my heart was at peace because I know where she is now. To all the children out there, love your parents, and never cease praying for them.

Nothing is too broken for God. When He says that He will fix it, He will fix it. God is always working. ❤

A Prayer of Deliverance

My family and I may have our own rifts now, and I know we will go through a lot more in the future, but I have faith in God that we will overcome every single one of them by God’s grace. We always do as long as we keep God at the center of our relationships.

In the same way that God loved the church so much, I have the same love for my loved ones, and nothing can change that. I hope you cling to this hope, too, that every pain shall pass.

And even if they don’t go away right away, those many years that you have waited without seeing any results or receiving answers from your prayers, know and believe that God has already worked on so many things that it’s a definite that you won’t stay in the same situation for the rest of your life.

Again, God is good all the time. He is always in control. He is always working. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). And He is never late nor early, He will give you what you need at the right time.

So, press on and move forward. Keep moving forward, even if you have to drag yourself to get to the finish line. God is with you always. Seek professional help when necessary, and as they say, surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, not the worst.

Don’t forget the story about the footprints in the sand. When you are too weak to walk, God will lift you up and carry you, so you don’t have to walk alone. Even if you don’t know how to pray because you are just too overwhelmed, just cry out loud, “Lord, please help me.”

That is all that I ever said, that is why I am still alive now, and that is all that I will ever say, every time I am in deep waters. God rescues those who call out His name, He never fails.

For “Everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved.” – Romans 10:13

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” – Romans 8:38

“We love because God first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

To end this article, please join me in covering our families with this prayer:

Dear Father,

You are the only One who knows the condition of our hearts. You see everything, You hear everything, nothing is ever hidden from You. We lift up to You every single member of our family. May You watch over each and every one of us as we go through different seasons in our lives.

Please send Your angels to guard over our homes, and even in places that we have to be. May every family stay united in defeating every enemy who will attempt to steal, kill, and destroy every beautiful promise that You have for us.

I cast out any demonic spirits that are attacking every home right now. Please shield our homes with Your mighty power as we continue to remain steadfast in our fight against evil.

I declare healing. I declare deliverance from the stronghold of the enemy. I declare peace. I declare hope. I declare joy. And most importantly, I declare love to be upon Your precious children.

May Your light shine in and through us, that we may continue to do the work that You have set for us to do. Help us, Lord, to finish this race victoriously, carrying our own crosses and Your banner high, loud and proud.

This we pray in Jesus’ Name, AMEN.

P.S. The name Amos keeps on popping up everywhere lately, I think the Spirit is leading us to read the book of Amos. 🙂

“Ngisog” & God’s Powerful Reminder

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I have been praying to God for 3 days on how to write this, because just like the article before this, I will be touching on a very personal and sensitive topic. It is not my intent to ask for sympathy or validation as to why I am writing this. In fact, I waited for how many days to make sure that I am writing this not out of anger or retaliation.

The answer came – testify, but do it through the Spirit’s leading, so other families may also be ministered to, especially those who are going through and those who will go through the same ordeal. 

I will be writing this article in 3 languages – Bikol (the rant), Filipino (the processing), and English (the reminder). You may skip to “The Processing” and not read the first part because it’s a very long portion.

During “angry writing,” I use the vernacular (Bikol) because I need to focus on writing it out, helping me to process my anger before it goes out. Whereas, if I use English, I know there’s a high chance my writing will be offensive. 😀

Compared to “angry speaking,” I use English because I am not a fluent speaker. Using English gives me control and self-restraint when I am angry because I need to find the right words. And it’s the same when I use the vernacular when I am angry, they will be hurtful words because it is the language that I use often. 

That is why I think it is better to learn another language, because when you are angry, you can use that foreign language. And you won’t offend people because they won’t understand what you’re saying. lol There is also a high chance that, out of your anger, you use a different phrase because you can’t remember its exact translation. So, instead of “I hate you,” you might say “Je t’aime.” 

I think you’d get a hug and a kiss after. If that’s the case, I would love to be angry every day. lol I’m kidding. If my corny jokes make you laugh uncontrollably, that means you are my person. 😀 

Going back to why I wrote this article, I entitled it with one local word, “ngisog.” It’s a local term that means “angry.” And this will be the central theme that I’ll be working on based on these Bible verses:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” – James 1:19-20

Before we continue, I pray that the Holy Spirit will guard your heart after reading because no family is perfect, no marriage is perfect, and no relationship is perfect, because no person is perfect. I am not perfect, I still sin, and I still have a great need to repent and seek God’s mercy and forgiveness.

“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” – Philippians 3:12-14

“For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.” – Romans 3:23

I am not sharing this, too, to shame anyone or bring embarrassment to my family. But to share God’s reminder that we must work together peacefully.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:18

The Rant (Minsan Lang Naman)

Kun kilala na niyo ako sin awat, dire talaga ako madali mangisog…Halaba an ako pasensya pero dahil dire man kita perpekto nan maski sin-o na tawo, pag nasasagad, nangarangas…Saro man saako personalidad na dire ako mainistorya pag may mga tiripon…Pero dire man ako an tipo san tawo na pag may naimod na dire dianis pareho sin pagabuso o may-on sin nakukulugan an boot, saro ako sa mga masita suon…Dire sa nakiaram ako pero kay inpapanghawakan ko ini na Bible verse:

“Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute.” – Psalm 82:3

Pareho na lang kun may kadanon ka, dire ko kaya maimod na an kadanon inmumuslak…Kay maski nano na mali san tawo, may tama na paagi sin pagsuhito para mahimo na niya sa otro an tama…Sabi ngani nira, minsan dire an mismo na pangisog an nakakulog san boot kundi an tono san imo pagsurumaton…

“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.” – James 1:26

Dire man ako pabor san papatrabahuon mo an kadanon na papakuskuson mo an pavement maski naguuran nyan an pandong sa ulo an plastic lang, huluson, tapos may-on sin sip-on…Dire rason dapat na di kaya bantayan an kadanon didi sa sulod kay kaipuhan sin halaba na pasensya nyan pagputitok…Kaya dire ako nangalas kun nakay sige an absent kay malain an pamati altho aram ko daghan pa iba niya na rason…Para saako, para mahimo sin saro na tawo sin mayad an kaniya trabahuon, ihatag mo kaniya an mga pangaipuhan para mahimo niya sin mayad an trabaho niya…

Saro pa, maski sin-o na tawo masusumo kun an snack mo pirmi biscuit… 😀 Kay heavy labor baga, pira man lang na gastos kun an ipamirindal mo pan para may kusog san lawas…Para saako, atamanon ta man an mga tawo na nag-aataman saato…Dire nato pag-isugan an mga tawo na nagdadanon saato sa mga bagay na dire na nato kaya mahimo…Dire dahil kay inseswelduhan, magtrabaho, bayadan, tapos na…

Maski an dire paghatag sin salary increase (nagtugot na an financier) kada taon is a form of oppression lalo pa na sige man an taas san barakalon dahil sa inflation…Dire ngani ini oppression sa mata san batas, pero sa mata san Dios oo…Lalo na kun naiimod man an gub-at nyan kadaghan san intatrabaho niya kada adlaw…Nyan inhihimo man niya intero na insusugo mo kaniya na dire siya nagdadabog o nagsisimbag saimo…

Importante man gihapon na makaigwa sin relasyon that goes beyond a leader and a subordinate sa mga inkakaputan na tawo dire dahil friendly kita, kundi para maintindihan nato sin mayad an personalidad nira, an paagi san pagtrabaho nira, nyan problema sa balay na intero ini makaapekto san kaniya performance sa trabaho…Dire lang talaga ako nakiaram kay sabi ngani sa simbahan, there can never be 2 queens in 1 kingdom…Nyan aram ko kun gaano kapagal an people management…

Wara ako sin kontrol sa mga bagay na ini nyan posible sa iba trivial lang ini na mga bagay…Pwede palagpason kumbaga…Pwede ko ngani talaga dire ini pag-intindihon kay dahil dire man ako an nagpapasweldo nyan dire ako an nagkakapot san kwarta pangpa-sweldo…Limitado an kaya ko na danon na mahatag sa kadanon para madanunan siya kaupod na doon an mga libre na bulong kay kun maski nahapdos, inkakaya niya magsulod…

O mahatagan sin diyo na kwarta lalo na kun nagipit kay dahil single mom siya, pero dire pirmi kay para may-on pa gihapon sin boundaries na dire abusuhon an imo pagdanon…Nyan kun nano na mga pagkaon na mahatag ko, intatagan ko…Dire ako nagi-expect na magpasalamat saako…Kay an ako lang na tuyo, an makadanon kay dahil naiimod ko an pangaipo maski dire saako sabihon…

Nag-uli ako didi sa sadire ko na kagustuhan…An asawa ko yadto sa Pasig kay may naimod ako na mga bagay na kaipuhan sin danon didi sa niyan pareho sin kaso sa ingod na kaupod ako sa mga akusado…Dire ako nasanay mag-ayo sin danon kay dahil may mga tawo na pag maayo ka sin danon, maski saday-saday na bagay, magub-at sa boot nira an pagkooperar saimo…

Kaso naabot sa punto na kaipuhan ko talaga sin danon lalo na sa mga bagay bagay na kaipuhan at least 2 an tawo an mahimo…Niyan kun pagalon ka na, susurumatunan ka pa sin dire dianis, bulyawan ka, o kun dire, dire ka simbagon, nyan murusutan ka maski matanos man an pakisuyo mo, kaso urgent an concern, masasagad ka talaga na makasabi ka sin dire man dianis dahil napuno ka na…An sala mo lang kay nag-ayo ka sin danon na kun tutuuson saday man lang ngani na pabor…

Sin-o an dapat na mag-call out sin irog sadi na behavior kay dahil Kristyano kami intero, intero kilala an Dios, intero nagsisimba, and hopefully intero nagbabasa san Bible?…Nyan makakamundo lang na bagan gustuhon na pirmi may kahiran na an goal pirmi may kalatigaran, bagan mao an nakahatag sin energy baga…Kay ‘pag peaceful an environment, bagan nade-depress…Dapat ada nag-abogado na lang kuta ha… 😀 Kaya dire ka talaga lugod gaganahan magdanon kay mapagal na kun ikaw na nagdanon, ikaw pa an maparaot…

Mapagalon sa totoo lang i-work out an teamwork kun irog sadi an pagurupudan niye..Intero man kamo napapagal, nano kay kaipuhan pa mag-sungit…Kun dire kaya an iba na tasks, pagiristoryahan an pagbarahin san mga himuon…Madali man lang ako kaistorya kun i-assign saako an iba na tasks kay kun dire ko kaya, sasabihon ko man…Mas gusto ko ngani na insasabihan ako kun nano dapat talaga an himuon ko, kay basta aram ko siya himuon, willing ako to do it…Pero wara na kuta mabati na malain na mga surumaton…

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.” – Proverbs 22:24-25

Sa luwas dianison an paimod, mao man kunta pag kaupod an pamilya, kay di man an mga sa luwas an maakudihir saimo pag nangaipuhan ka sin danon kundi an mga kapamilya nimo… Love your own, protect your own ika ngani nira….

An mga irog sadi na simple na mga dire pagkauruyon kaya ko ini palagpason…Pero an pinakamakulog saako an nangyari kan Mommy san 2023…Na imbes na magkasararo alang alang sa nag-aagaw buhay na siya, makakamundo na kami san asawa ko na nag-volunteer lang magdanon, mao pa an nasahutan na nangupit san kwarta na panggastos sa mga pangaipo ni Mommy na dire namo yuon hihimuon in the first place kay dire yuon saamo importante na kwarta kay an Dios an naghahatag suon nyan may sadire kami na ipon…

Insahutan ka na tulos dahil lang dire nag-tally an computation kay syempre pagalon ka na kaasikaso sa Mommy niyo sa pag-alaga kaniya sa ospital, minsan nakakalimutan mo diin mo nabutang an iba na resibo kay dahil nagkakaradali nan daghanon ka inhihimo at the same time…Kami san asawa ko an imod namo sa kwarta na conduits lang san blessing kami para ihatag man sa iba as danon kun may sobra…

Nyan nagi-effort ka na makiistorya kuta sin mahinahon para maayos an mga dire pagkauruyunan, naghapot ka sin mayad kun nano an update, inupudan mo san due si Mommy niyo na operahan…Pero an hinimo, binayaan ka sa OR na di mo aram kun nano an next na mangyayari after san procedure kay dire man ikaw an nakaistorya san doktor, nyan kun pwede na kamo mag-uli sin asawa mo…Kay dahil nagkadali kamo paghatod san kwarta kay an rason na dire maaram kun diin ma-cash out sin GCash o ma-withdraw…

Maski są kasagsagan san bagyo, an asawa ko an naghinguha na mag-drive na muntik na kami maaksidente kay zero visibility kay makusugon an uran…Pero dahil kaipuhan, hinimo namo maski bayaan namo didi an mga alaga nyan maski sa butnga kami sin kun nano namo na inhihimo…Makulugon sa boot na pag-abot mo sa hospital, ikaw pa an may sala kay awaton mo dinara an kwarta…Naghuhulat ka sin update man lang nano an mangyayari, an insabi san doktor, inkakaistorya mo, dire ka intitingugan…Nano an choice ko sa sitwasyon na yadto? 

Nag-decide na lang ako na mag-uli kami san asawa ko…Pag-uli namo san asawa ko, nagtawag na si Mommy nagbabaon an bp during san procedure and may possibility na mag-cardiac arrest…Katapusan na san biyahe namo inpapabalik kami sa Sor Ci…1 hour sobra an biyahe, may bagyo…

Diyo lang ini na mga halimbawa na sasabihon ko didi, daghan pa an mga irog sadi na pangyayari…Pero sabi san Dios, Siya na lang an dapat makaaram tutal naiimod man Niya intero…Kaipuhan ko lang ma-share an iba para lang sa konteksto sadi na article ko…

Nagsabi ako san ako suhestyon kun pano ini maresolba na mga challenges niyan didi pareho na lang sin pag-assign sin mga trabahuon sa kada adlaw sa kada tawo didi sa balay para intero may ambag sa mga responsibilidad nyan dire naguguguan an saro lang na tawo…Kay pag irog sadi na paragalon na, kadiyo lang na problema, nasarabog na nyan kun manlain-lain na na mga maraot na surumaton an naruluwas…Importantehon saako an open communication because it paves the way for transparency, accountability, and eventually reconciliation na fair para sa intero…

I told the truth, and I apologized because I know I also fell short in some instances, but I never got an apology in return. And it would’ve been okay. But sadly, I was the one who was pointed out as wrong; I am the one who is always wrong because I am expected to always adjust to other people’s tantrums and mood swings. And I was told that I am the one who needs therapy, without even getting to know the root cause of it all. My prayer to God is that I really would be proven wrong, because who am I to judge, anyway? I am also a sinner.

The Processing

Siguro kailangan ko nga talaga ng therapy dahil masyado akong soft, masyadong sensitive, at masyadong mahina. At alam ng Dios ‘yun. Kaya matapos pumanaw si Mommy, kinailangan ko lumayo muna sa lahat. Dumating din ang tamang pagkakataon dahil nabigyan ng opportunity ang asawa ko na mag-trabaho abroad. Hindi ako sang-ayon dito sa totoo lang dahil flawed din ang asawa ko, kaya ipinasa-Dios ko na lang ang lahat sakaling mauwi ito sa tuluyang hiwalayan namin bilang mag-asawa. 

Ito ‘yung panahon na nanirahan ako sa isang apartment sa Sorsogon City ng 2024. Ginawa ko ito para pahilumin ang mga sugat at hindi ako tuluyang kainin ng galit. Ilang buwan lang akong nanirahan doon. By mid 2024, kinailangan ko bumalik ulit dito sa Bulan dahil si Daddy ay na-diagnose ng CKD at 15% na lang ng kidneys nya ang gumagana at hindi conducive ‘yung apartment para sa bago kong online work dahil maingay kapag umaga. 

Umaasa ako na sana may nagbago…Pero wala din, ganun pa din…Masakit makita ang Daddy mo na nangangailangan na ng tutok na pag-aalaga sa edad na 85 years old…Na ‘di ko basta-basta maibigay dahil kailangan ko na ulit maghanap ng trabaho at hindi ako ang humahawak ng pension nya at ako pa sumasalo ng ibang gawain dito sa pag-alaga ng mga manok, pagong, mga pusa, at iba pang tasks kapag absent ang yaya…Ang masaklap kasi binilangan ka ng contribution mo dito sa bahay, na in the first place, wala dapat ako dito at nandoon ako sa Maynila para pagsilbihan ang asawa ko…

Pero sa gitna ng pagdadalamhati, sinabihan na naman ako ni God na, “Tin, hindi mo trabaho ang baguhin ang ibang tao at ang mga sitwasyon. Trabaho ko ‘yun. Kaso timeline ko ang masusunod, hindi yung sayo.” 😀 At ngayon, may konting idea ako kung saan nanggaling ang resentment ni Mommy and her depression, too. Na umabot sa punto na sinabihan nya ako ng “Tatanda din kayo. Ikaw na ang umunawa kasi ikaw ang mas nakakaintindi.” 

Ni-try ko Mommy pero napagod ako ng husto. Hindi ako tatagal ng ganito ng ilang taon dahil magiging tulad mo ako na pinanghawakan ang galit sa puso hanggang sa kahuli-hulihang sandali. I am so sorry, Mom. Pero may tamang panahon na sarili ko din naman isipin ko, at ito na ‘yun. At ‘yun din ang message na nakuha ko – don’t sit at a table where you are not wanted.

Asawa ko ang nagpapadala sa akin ng allowance ngayon, kahit pa mag-isa lang siya sa Maynila, kumakayod para sa aming dalawa dahil hindi na siya bumalik abroad. Hindi ako makahanap ng trabaho ulit dahil sa dami ng kailangan asikasuhin dito sa bahay, kaya madalas din ako sa kwarto para magpahinga. Kaya ngayon magpapatuloy na ulit ako sa paghanap ng trabaho dahil dasurv naman siguro ng sarili ko na sya naman pagtuunan ko ng pansin ngayon. 

Ako ang tipo ng tao na hindi nagtatanim ng galit. Kausapin mo ako pagkatapos ng away, papansinin kita. Kapag hindi, hindi rin. Napagod na rin siguro ako na ako lagi nagi-initiate kahit pareho naman may kasalanan. Kung nag-attempt ako na kausapin ka, at nilunok ko ang pride ko, at hindi ka kumibo, isa lang pahiwatig nun sa akin, hindi na ako makikipagusap saiyo at hindi ko pipilitin ang mga taong ayaw akong kausapin. 

Hindi ako actually pabor sa silent treatment dahil dinanas ko yun kay Mommy ng dalawang taon dahil hindi ko tinapos ang master’s degree ko at ikinagalit nya ‘yun ng sobra. Alam ko epekto nito bilang recipient of that attitude. Pero inintindi ko si Mommy noon na her anger was valid as a parent. Hinayaan ko na panahon ang maghilom ng sugat. At kahit masakit na hindi ka kinikibo ng mahal mo sa buhay, umuuwi pa din ako dito sa bahay tuwing bakasyon and endured it all para lang hindi maputol ang relational ties ko sa kanila.

The Reminder

All the previous trauma and unhealed parts of me came back, and I was feeling very low over the past few days. After the heated argument (where I sinned again because I cursed and said extremely hurtful words out of anger), I thought I’d go out of town just to take a breather from everything. I decided to go to SM City Sorsogon because I also have errands to do there.

When the Bulan Trans Co shuttle was about to leave, one guy at the front stood up, and he did what I wasn’t totally expecting to happen. This never happened for the entire duration that I stayed in Sorsogon City in 2024, though I took the Bulan Trans Co shuttle often.

He started preaching.

At that moment, I felt like I was about to burst into tears. Lord, Your conviction really does hit the core. You know exactly what I need at exactly the right time. And it has to be a pastor – I cannot question the authority. 

God knows there is a possibility anger, bitterness, resentment, and retaliation will get the best of me. He knows I might go through a major depression again, and this time I might not get out of it anymore. 

The pastor talked about everything that I needed to hear, and at the end of his preaching, he introduced himself as Pastor Raul from the Pentecostal Church. He and his wife are missionaries from Negros, and were sent to build a church here in Bulan. They were able to buy a property in Brgy. Somagongsong, and there’s an old house there, which they are using now as their temporary church.

The second part included the offering. I know, some of you might think, what if he is a scammer using the Word of God to get money from people? That’s how I would think of them before I was a born-again Christian. 

But this time, the conviction is different. It doesn’t matter – I got to hear the rebuke, the reminder, and God’s saving grace. I prayed that my offering would help them spread God’s Word because what they are doing is not easy, and it is very risky. 

Every Nation (the mother church of Victory Philippines) is also a missionary-sending church. The church sends missionaries abroad, although Victory is also planting churches locally. I am very glad that other local churches also never stop building churches all over the Philippines.

And the denomination doesn’t matter. What is important is that Jesus Christ is the center of the church, and they are helping more people come to know who God is through the Cross. 

After this encounter with God through Pastor Raul during my trip to Sorsogon City, I felt like the Holy Spirit convicted me with the following Bible verses. 

“And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32

“And whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea.” – Mark 9:42

“Therefore, just as the tares are gathered up and burned with fire, so shall it be at the end of the age. “The Son of Man will send forth His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all stumbling blocks, and those who commit lawlessness, and will cast them into the furnace of fire; in that place there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” – Matthew 13:40-42

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” – Proverbs 18:21

“A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” – Proverbs 15:4

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” – Psalm 141:3

“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” – Deuteronomy 30:19

“Correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth.” – 2 Timothy 2:25

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” – Galatians 6:1

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

“…to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.” – Titus 3:2

To end this article, here’s my prayer that I believe will help us all navigate through complicated relationships, making sure we are aligned with what God wanted us to do through the midst of it all, because everyone is a work in progress. ❤

Dear Lord,

I humbly come before You to seek repentance for all of my sins. Please help me to forgive others the way You have forgiven me. I may be like weeping Jeremiah now, but I beg You, Lord, to spare Your people from moral decay.

May our hearts not be calloused and devoid of love because of the work of evil around and in us. Spare us from the corruption of this world. Please continue to mold us to be the salt and light of the world always.

And yet, please remind me, too, if my self-righteousness has gone too far. Help me, Lord, to defeat the attacks of the enemy, removing all lies and deception that blind us from the Truth.

May we not fail to keep on being kind to people. Even if the world dictates that kindness is a weakness because it forces us to relinquish control and risk our authority being taken for granted.

Remind us, Father, that before we are bosses, managers, supervisors, and leaders, we are human first. I pray, Father, that we may grow fearful, not of what we will face in the future, but as a sign of our reverence for You.

It pains me to see Your people suffering, and even if I suffer, too, I will rejoice because I get to share the same kind of suffering with them. And because I am secure in the fact that we will also share in this profound joy, once You come back to reign heaven and earth for all eternity.

Please give us the courage to walk away when necessary, the peace to accept things as they are, and the strength to keep moving forward. Knowing all too well that You are always in control, and that You are working, always working.

I pray for parents that they will be given the wisdom to guide their children towards responsibly creating a safe atmosphere of open communication without raising voices or resorting to bickering. And that everyone will be given a voice.

Father, please heal our unhealed traumas because of generational curses. I pray, Lord, that as Brother Bo Sanchez said, may we not give an inheritance of these generational curses to the generations after us by being emblems of what God’s love is ourselves.

May we also not laugh at the misfortune of others, but instead weep with them and comfort them. May we refrain from having any form of pride, arrogance, and superiority complex just because we are blessed with a lot of things, sharing these blessings instead with those in need.

Teach us, oh Lord, that we should never be against one another, being able to see that these are all the enemy’s attacks to cause division within a family and even in spiritual families.

Because when you are cut off from the flock, you are isolated, an easy prey. I pray for unfailing unity in the body of Christ despite the trials and persecution. May we learn to work cooperatively and collectively despite our differences, putting others before ourselves.

May You guide our hearts to never be tempted to compete with other people, especially those who are in the body of Christ, keeping in mind that we have been blessed with different spiritual gifts. And may we also appreciate those who silently work behind the scenes, so that together we can give You the utmost glory.

And lastly, may this experience be a powerful testimony and a strong reminder to me, most especially, that You are greater, and that there is always hope through our brokeness no matter how shattered and no matter how pained.

This, I pray, in Jesus’ Mighty Name, AMEN. 

“But there is no peace for the wicked,” says the LORD.” – Isaiah 48:22

“Before a downfall, the heart is haughty.” – Proverbs 18:12

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God — having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” – 2 Timothy 3:1-5

P.S. I am planning to go back to Manila by April, though I have my apprehensions because Manila is not a place that I feel God is calling me to stay for good. I am also praying for the souls I will be leaving here, Dad’s and the little souls, that they would get the TLC that they deserve (na dire pagparapahulaton kuta bag-o asikasuhon) at hindi sila mapabayaan. God is in control, and I will rest in this fact. Feeling ko tuloy isa din ako sa mga Israelites na ni-exile at nagpa-wander wander sa iba’t ibang lupain dala ng mga unfavorable circumstances sa paligid nila. Saan ba ako lulugar, Lord? Where do you want me to go, where do you want me to stay? It looks like it will always just be me and my fair warrior, Finley, na magiging kasama ko madalas kung palipat-lipat ako kung saan saan. Start na ng training nya paglabas-labas ng bahay at pag-commute kasi mahilig si Meowmy nya mag-commute. 😀 And I think I left my heart in Mayon (sino ba hindi mabibighani kay Mayon) simula nang nag-ATV kami doon last May, kasi bakit ba ramdam na ramdam nya pinagdadaanan ko at nag-ashfall sya kanina nang malakas habang sinusulat ko itong article na ito. Always praying for every Albayano who will be affected. ❤

Naging Dora The Explorer by force para makapag-isip isip ng mag-isa. lol
Ang ganda na ng Sabang Park sa Bulan. The cottage is free, malinis ang paligid, at Php5.00 lang ang entrance fee. Thank you, LGU Bulan. ❤
Selfie with the boats.
Need namin makalanghap ng sariwang hanging dagat dahil pareho kami may allergic rhinitis ni Finley. 😀
Settled in comfortably during his quick, first gala with Meowmy. 🙂
My Finley Bear enjoying his new playpen at home, all thanks to his Dad. ❤

P.P.S. As an introvert, I fit the category of writers who are recluses. Though I do have a very warm personality during social interactions. I even talk to plants and animals, and I prefer talking to them because it’s less stressful. lol So when I am not outdoors, and I am in my room and not working, it is not because I am harboring anger, playing victim (we are victors in Christ Jesus), or being a drama queen. I am actually enjoying my solitude doing the things I love, which include writing, reading articles online (mostly about faith), playing with Finley, resting, and praying. I think I deserve to be who I am without having to explain myself as to why and how I do things. ❤

My thoughts exactly. lol

Officially A Teen: Happy 13th Birthday, The Journeyman’s Moments!

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This blog turned 13 last October 21 – it’s officially a “teen.” 😄 To celebrate this milestone, I thought about writing a letter instead because I need to write this quick.

We have had no internet connection for 2 weeks now, despite following up with Converge. I’m currently using my cellular network’s data just so I could post this – thank you, Globe. Still, God is good all the time. 🙏😊

To my dearly beloved The Journeyman’s Moments,

You were born in 2012 out of a need to clear my name from a painful past. I never thought that you would become an online journal for my spiritual journey.

I also wasn’t expecting that I’d be able to post here regularly. And yet, the weekly posts turned to monthly posts, and eventually, to posting every year.

You bear witness to my every rise and fall, to my every tear and laughter – a testament of God’s saving grace day in and day out, year in and year out.

As my experiences grew, you grew with it. When I became wiser, your words became better. I changed, you changed, too.

You are more than an online journal for me. Because you are my constant reminder of a life lived in full despite the changing seasons.

When I need a good laugh, I come back to the old memories here. When I need encouragement, your words give me renewed hope and comfort.

But I guess the most important reason as to why you’re one of God’s greatest gifts is that because of you, a deeper sense of accountability was instilled in me over every single word I post here.

You are my testimony on how living by faith does not happen by mere words alone, but by living it out and letting it be known through you for the whole world to see.

My dear, we still have so many stories to tell – I have more than a hundred drafts. lol You know what that means, we have a lot of work to do for as long as God is still working in us. 🥰

You are me, and I am you. Thanks be to WordPress – our memories will be preserved for future generations to laugh with, to cry with, and to be inspired by.

So, with internet or not, we will find a way to make our stories seen and heard – God will make a way. 😁

Always your creator made by another Creator,

Christine ❤️

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10

All My “Firsts” In Sorsogon City

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How do I begin this overwhelmingly beautiful and positive experience of my being here in Sorsogon City? I think when I made a joke that I left my heart in Sorsogon in this article, God meant it would be here in Sorsogon City. lol Nah, I love Bulan (my hometown) too and I love the entire province actually, which is Sorsogon. But I also love the entire Bicol Region. Sige na nga, I love the Philippines na. hahaha Bumigay din. 😆

I mentioned in my previous articles that I felt the Spirit’s leading and God’s calling for me to live here in Sorsogon City though my ancestral home is in Bulan, a coastal town 2 hours away from the city. When I told Dad, he disapproved at first because he was concerned about my safety, and I think this is a normal reaction from every parent no matter how old their children get. But I assured him I would still visit my hometown every week and stay there for a few days to spend time with him and my 3rd sister.

Brought something with me that reminds me of home – Aglaonema. This is the first plant that Mom told me to propagate back in Manila because it’s a prolific grower. Hopefully maparami ko sila dito sa apartment. 🙏

My husband, by the way, is working overseas, and I am very grateful and happy that he is adjusting quite well though he had some challenges and setbacks when he arrived last April. I had the same experience, and I must say that separation anxiety is the most difficult to overcome.

But by God’s grace, He provided everything that we needed. And when I say everything, I really mean ALL. My husband and I agreed I help him prepare holistically for his new life abroad by providing him with a home (not just a house) in Manila while he’s processing his work documents and visa, but he’ll also help me get established here in Sorsogon City. We missed each other a lot, but God has always been there to comfort and assure us both that we are on the right paths albeit heading towards opposite directions. 

God ushered me towards the right people.

By the way, I am sure you’re all wondering if there were times when I ever felt afraid of living in a foreign place surrounded by people that I barely knew. I guess I would have to thank my experience in the Anthropology classes I took as an elective during my undergraduate and graduate studies at UP Diliman. The general education curriculum of UP allows students to choose an elective course from any college or department. 

I chose Anthropology because some of my college friends told me na nagpapaulan daw kasi ng uno na grade ang mga prof. lol And it is actually true because the requirements aren’t easy. Aside from the regular quizzes, class recitations, exams, and research papers, the class is divided into several groups for community immersion/fieldwork, which is the final requirement to pass the course. Just in case you’re thinking that community immersions might be similar to field trips, well, they are field trips, but the entire experience goes a little deeper. 

They are not your regular educational tours where you do a lot of sightseeing and visit several places during the entire trip. For community immersion, social awareness is the main objective. You get to study the local community, its people, and the culture not as a foreigner or as a tourist, but you actually become part of the community. 

And I believe God has been preparing me for this transition without me realizing it because I remembered now that my undergraduate thesis is all about regionalism and the country life. When my thesis adviser and I were discussing what are the topics that interest me a lot, I told her that I would like to write something about where I came from. Not literally where I came from because we were studying literary theories used by American writers to depict the American society in their novels, essays, and short stories written during the Medieval Ages until the 20th Century. But more on the concept of grassroots and how it influences our lives and defines our roles and purpose in society. 

And speaking of community, I must say that I didn’t totally expect that I would blend in quite comfortably with the neighborhood – I love the people here. My landlords, for one, have been very accommodating in helping me get settled in and in patiently answering all of my queries (I had A LOT 😁). The neighbors are a composition of students, young (and old like me) professionals, and young families, and I am very grateful na walang pasaway sa kanila (sana). 😀 I always include each one of them in my prayers though I don’t know them well enough yet. 🙏

My first lugaw here in Sorsogon City at Vince Lugawan syempre kasi harap lang ng Victory Sorsogon.
Na-try ko din sa wakas ang Baluko. Delicioso. 😋🤌

God brought me to a place where everything I need is there. 

Every time I am in a new place, the first thing I check is if it has all of the necessities i.e. has sufficient water supply; near the supermarket, banks, and restaurants; accessible via the main thoroughfare; located on elevated grounds; situated in a safe neighborhood; etc. At may pa-bonus pa si Lord. I did mention in my previous article that the apartment is located just a block away from Victory Sorsogon and just recently, I discovered that it’s also a couple of blocks away from Sorsogon City’s Rompeolas and the boulevard. 

Seascapes on one side.
Mountainscapes on the other side.
Fishing communities.
These are mangroves on my right. I would like to commend the LGU for their continued efforts in preserving mangroves in coastal communities.

And guess what, the pastor of Victory Sorsogon is a praying doctor. 😊 I first mentioned about the praying doctor in this article, and I believe it is not a coincidence that I am now attending church services led by a praying doctor. He is an EENT doctor, and Sunday services are held inside his clinic, which is converted into an assembly hall on Sundays. I was also grateful I got connected to a Bible study group led by Pastor Allan’s wife, Tita Jean, and comprised of women whom I admire considerably given the wisdom that they share since most of them are older than me. 

Victory Sorsogon is one of my neighbors. 😉 Church services are held every 9:00 AM & 11:00 AM during Sundays.
A doctor during weekdays, a pastor during weekends. 🙂
Pastor/Doctor Allan of Victory Sorsogon
Thank you, Tita Jean and Ate Mutya, for welcoming me to your Victory Group. 🙏♥️😊
Thank you, men’s VG, for sharing your food with us, ze ladies. 👍👍

One of our Bible study group members is also currently battling cancer at a very young age. And we are planning to visit her at the BRTTH this Saturday. While it grieves me to find out that she’s critically ill, I believe this is already the start of the task that God has called me to do here in Sorsogon City. My Victory Group leader, Tita Jean, also told me the same thing. Being a breast cancer or cancer advocate is actually one of the reasons why I decided to live here.

Should my cancer cells become aggressive and progressive later on no matter how healthy my lifestyle is, it will be easier for me to undergo several treatments if needed i.e. chemotherapy, radiation, etc. here in the city. After Mom passed away last year because of stage 4 breast cancer, I’ve been doing a lot of research and have been joining cancer support groups on Facebook to find out more about the plight of every cancer patient. 

I can then share everything I have learned from these groups to other cancer patients who are still not aware where and how to seek for help in terms of financial assistance, availing free medications, consultations, and laboratory tests, etc. while praying for them at the same time. And it looks like the Bible verse below will be my battlecry with the ultimate goal of helping more souls to be saved. 🙏

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” – Genesis 50:20

By the way, when it comes to knowing the community really well, I prefer to walk than drive around in the same way that I prefer to commute via public transportation than use a private car. I get to observe the places and the people more intimately this way. It’s like I get to share the space with them both as an observer and as a participant. Nasanay din ako sa UP Diliman na kapag nagmamadali ka at kulang na ang oras mo para antayin ang UP Ikot/Toki jeepney to get to the next class, which will be held in a building how many kilometers away from your previous class, you need to sprint so you won’t be late. lol Walking then became a habit albeit a good one.

God took me out of a season and welcomed me into a new season. 

I mentioned in yet another article that one of the reasons why I came here to live in Sorsogon City is to heal holistically. And nope, I haven’t forgotten at all that I am still due this August for a repeat blood test. I am obeying the doctor’s orders this time. lol It will be the second laboratory test that I’ll be having here in the city. The first lab test was when I got infected by COVID-19 while taking care of Mom at one of the hospitals here last year. 

But I got to know several cancer advocacies because of Mom’s battle against cancer, which I believe are all part of God’s plans. It was Him all along. I was just merely being used as a vessel that will take part in whatever it is that God is doing in the communities starting from the community of cancer patients. When I also reactivated my personal account on Facebook a couple of weeks ago to retrieve an old photo, the first story that popped up was a Facebook post of a former high school classmate whose hobby is knitting and crocheting. Again, this is not a coincidence. This is already God’s answer to another advocacy that I would like to join (or start) here in Sorsogon City, which, by God’s grace, will extend all throughout the province of Sorsogon and other nearby provinces, cities, and municipalities.

True enough, my eczema flareups subsided even though I am no longer taking Coaltria (a doctor-prescribed medication for my severe allergic rhinitis back in 2019) since I got here and even after prolonged sun exposure while strolling along Sorsogon City’s boulevard to get my regular dose of vitamin D and “vitamin sea.” If my repeat blood test comes out negative and my hematuria clears up, then there really is something about this place that miraculously healed me even without any medical intervention. 🙏

Definitely a memorable first stroll along the boulevard. ♥️
Meanwhile, this is me here in the apartment on most days.
Let’s try the Platypus pose again while waiting for the interview to start.
Oh shucks, online na pala interviewer ko. Nakita kaya nya ang Platypus pose ko? 🤔😬😩😂

And I think you’re also dying to know how old I really am though some of you already know my age. My answer is that I have the heart of an 8-year-old girl, the body of a 38-year-old lady, and the soul of an 80-year-old woman. Will this answer suffice? 😅

Stay tuned for more of my “firsts” here in the city as I continue my new season and a new journey here. ❤

P.S.

I took this shot when this sweet little girl started making lambing most likely wondering why one of her meowmies e palaging nawawala ng ilang araw tapos biglang babalik. lol Isama ko na lang daw sya kaso bawal ang pets dito. 😁

Gimme, gimme some belly lovin’ rub, Meowmy.

P.P.S.

Every time nagko-commute ako sakay ng tricycle, ilang beses na akong sinabihan ng mga tricycle drivers dito na may kakilala sila na kahawig ko daw. Inaantay ko na lang talaga na may magsabi sa akin na kamukha ko si Mayor Alice Guo (I am chinita and I have long hair, too). Kasi ang isasagot ko ay yes, dito po ako tumatago ngayon sa Sorsogon City. lol 😆

Give me a thumbs up if you still find me funny. lol Chubby cheeks now signing off. 😎

A Safe Place To Heal

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The first day of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting this year hits different. I just went through a rollercoaster of ups and downs for the past several months starting last year and for the most part, they were all very grueling. These challenges tested my endurance and refined my character (please refer to my previous posts) revealing who I really am as a person and most importantly as a daughter of Christ.

This blog is supposed to be a diary for my eyes only. It is my safe place when life gets too overwhelming, and a safe place where I can be myself. When I am sad, I write. When I am happy, I write. And yet God urged me to share it to the world.

I believe God wants this blog to be a safe place for everyone, too, regardless of race, gender, and religion. A place where readers will feel calm, at peace, grateful, joyful, and hopeful. Because we are all trying to heal from something.

And the kind of healing that God provides is something that the world cannot give. This is what I am hoping and praying my blog will be able to achieve – it will not just be a place where you get to learn a lot of things and be inspired. But it will be a place of solace that will bring peace and healing to our tired and weary souls.

Part of my journey towards healing are the questions I’ve been asking God for some time now such as why did He bring me to Sorsogon City? Why the city where Mom passed away? Why does Mom have to die there and not in the comforts of our home just like all our loved ones who have passed on before her? And why call me to this place that brings me pain and sorrow?

And the answer came. “Christine, my child, I called and brought you to this place to heal, in all aspects, because you’ve been through a lot. You will only heal when you confront your pain and not run away from it. I will use your pain so you can bring healing and comfort to those who are grieving as well. I will use your pain to bring hope to those who have lost hope. And I will use your pain to show them that though you go through the fiery furnace, you will come out unscathed and unharmed – as long as you remain in me.”

And Pastor Jojo Henson had a similar exhortation tonight during the 7pm Prayer Meeting at Victory BGC using the illustration of the burning bush that God revealed to Moses as an example.

“And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed. And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.” – Exodus 3:2-5

Today is just the first day of prayer and fasting. But God already answered a prayer of mine – one that I’ve been praying for in the last couple of months, one that has something to do with Sorsogon City, the place where God called me to be at right now.

When we do respond to the calling, God will prepare us, provide for us, and bring us people who will be our partners in the mission field. Yes, that’s how powerful our God is. This article (and the entire blog) will testify to this and how God orchestrates everything beautifully in His own time when we do things according to His will.

I’d like to end this article by continuing to believe for more of God’s miracles unfolding one by one as I enter yet another season. Because God can be our refuge, and He is the only safe place to heal where we can truly heal. ♥️🙂

What is God asking you to heal from now? It doesn’t have to be a place in particular. I pray that you get to listen to His voice when He calls you and pray that you will respond in faith and complete obedience. 🙏

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” – John 10:27-30

“Angel Companions”

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Indeed, God sent “angel companions.” Today’s Our Daily Bread devotional got me teary-eyed after adjusting quite well to living solo for 2 weeks. There are times when I still miss my Mom or my husband.

I also got the results of my Executive Checkup and while I was happy that my breast ultrasound result (my primary concern) came out clear, my blood test, pap smear, and urinalysis results showed I still have an infection in my body though I’m asymptomatic. It looks like the kind of bacteria from my UTI last December is resistant to the antibiotics previously prescribed to me.

I clearly and seriously need to do some diet modifications. Oh rice, I’m going to miss you big time.

So I thought it would be best to get a urine culture test tomorrow but at St. Luke’s BGC because they post lab results in their online portal for patients. I’m bound for Bicol on Tuesday, so I will no longer be able to claim the result in person. Once I get the urine culture test result, I’ll schedule a tele consultation appointment with an ob-gyn so she can interpret my pap smear and urine culture test results side-by-side.

By the way, I haven’t used my KonsultaMD free subscription yet, and it’s going to end in June. It looks like God intended it for this very purpose. Ain’t His timing just always perfect? 🙏😊 I plan to consult with a couple of ob gynecologists on the platform and compare their recommendations. If my infection still doesn’t clear up after taking a stronger dose of antibiotic, most likely something else is causing the inflammation or the bacteria is just extremely resistant.

I also would like to find out why is the bacteria resistant to the usual antibiotics prescribed for UTIs, and how I got the bacteria. It could be because I have a very weak immune system (my immune system is compromised), I have an autoimmune disease (lupus maybe), or I’m just overthinking. The last one is most definitely true. 😂

I am just grateful and glad that God already sent “angel companions” to guide me in this season of prioritizing my health before anything else. Some of them are the healthcare professionals who assisted me during my Executive Checkup. I was also surprised to find out that my ob-gyn at Healthway is also my age, and she is also from UP. Noong nakausap ko kasi sya re work, I mentioned na graduate ako ng Literature. She asked from what school. Sabi ko sa UP. Tanong nya ulit ay kung sa Diliman daw ba. Sabi ko, yes. And she said na sya naman ay from UPLB noong undergrad. And I think this explains why we share the same sense of humor – “UP” stands for “University of the Palatawa.” lol Hi, Dra.! 😊

Kailangan din mag-ayos paminsan para hindi masyadong halata ang pagiging otherworldly natin. Btw, my predictions are right – I gained weight while I’m here in Manila, and I’m now 2 kgs overweight according to the doctors. lol
Who among you here is 30-something years old like me, but doesn’t have flabby arms? Kindly raise your hand. So I can check if you’re lying. 😂

I highly recommend getting Healthway’s Executive Checkup package (especially if you’re approaching the great 4.0 milestone) because the entire process was a breeze. I finished most of the tests including the initial assessment of a primary physician in just 2 hours or so. And super extra thanks to Sir Jerold, the Patient Care Coordinator, for being the epitome of grace under pressure while assisting me. 👍👍😊

The Executive Lounge
Pinili ko talaga itong Executive Checkup package ng Healthway dahil sa free meal nila kasi PG ako. Kaya tayo nago-overweight.
My favorite BLT Sandwich. 😍

I was actually due for a repeat urinalysis during my checkup at St. Luke’s BGC last December. But I thought maybe it would be better to just have an executive checkup before I go home. It would be easier this way for the doctors to rule out what could possibly be wrong with my body and which part needs medical attention. I also got to save time, money, and energy by not having to go back and forth to the clinic just in case doctors request additional tests.

Mga 100 pages lang naman ang resulta na aaralin mo. lol I’m just kidding. It has a summary of all the tests you had, and if you need the individual reports, you can find them in the back part including the graphs and the photos.
Mga 1 liter ng dugo ni-extract sa akin and I was like, “Uhm Nurse, are you draining the life out of me?” 🤣 Okay, it’s also another joke, so don’t be scared. lol Don’t forget to put a cold compress afterwards so it wouldn’t turn out like this. I keep on forgetting, that’s why I’m black and blue…and green?

Right now, I’m still not dismissing the possibility of getting tested further as requested by other “angel companions” in Bicol. But just like the song by Jordin Sparks played over at the mall when I went to Healthway, “One step at a time, there’s no need to rush. It’s like learning to fly or falling in love. It’s gonna happen when it’s supposed to happen. Then we find the reasons why one step at a time.”

Alam ko kinanta mo rin sya. lol 😂 I am ending this article on a happy note. Because the mild inflammation is all I have to worry for now. And yet if ever it becomes serious, I believe God has already sent His “angel companions” ahead of time, so I can rest my worries.

Please still include me in your prayers for healing and a safe journey going home. 🙏 I’m sending hugs and lots of love to you and your loved ones as well. Be safe and stay healthy, my friends. And always have a grateful and joyful heart. ♥️😊

“God will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” – Psalm 91:11

When The Pain Lingers

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I requested a copy of Mom’s death certificate online today and once again, tears just started streaming down my face as I wrote her death day. It’s been 7 months since Mom passed away, and yet grief still lingers – the pain lingers. Indeed, what they say is true. The pain will never go away. You just learn to move on with your life, but the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. And yes, things will just never be the same.

For today’s blog post, I wanted to write a letter to my Mom just to lessen the pain a little bit. ❤️

“Dear Mommy,

I miss you terribly. I miss your text messages and our long conversations over the phone (not less than 2 hours) just talking about anything. I miss watching movies with you and how we would analyze and make a movie critique even when the movie was not yet finished and make assumptions about how it will end.

I ate pistachios today – your favorite. They were supposed to be a “pasalubong” for you from a relative abroad. Your favorite imported soaps are also still in your cabinet, and I don’t know if I will use them because their scent reminds me of you and makes me miss you even more.

Do you still remember when I was still sleeping with you and Dad until I was 6 years old and how I’d tuck my hand under your armpit and I’d fall asleep right after? I still do that now, but with my husband. lol You probably must’ve thought how weird is this kind of behavior from your youngest child. And yet, you still let me do it.

I hope you were at peace when God took you from us – it was my only prayer while you were at the hospital. Losing you is a tragedy that doesn’t seem to have an ending. We may not agree on certain things, but I want you to know that I am deeply sorry if there were times when I hurt your feelings.

It was never my intention to hurt you, and all I ever wanted was to love you like how you wanted to be loved. You will always be the best Mom for me. And it is because of you that’s why I am who I am today.

Oh Mom, how do you make this pain more tolerable? I wish I had your wit and your wisdom. You seem to have an answer and a solution to everything. Everyone in the family confided with you when it came to their problems and sought your advice.

I was also hoping you’d still get to see your grandkids, my future children (if God wills it I still bear a child). But, I guess that will no longer happen. Losing you is very painful, and I am not sure when will I be grieving. The only consolation I have now is that you’re no longer suffering from pain.

Help me to be brave like you, Mom. And yet I know you will tell me to trust God because He is the only one who sees everything and that He is always in control.

Thank you for everything, Mommy. I will cherish all the memories we’ve had with you – the good and the bad. I may sometimes wish that I’d be with you sooner, and yet I know I still have to look forward to what lies ahead if God will tell me to stay a little longer.

I love you always, and no one can ever replace you in my heart because there is only one person who carried me in her womb and brought me into this world – you.

Always your youngest child,

Nen”

“God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, no crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”- Revelation 21:4

Hospice Care 101 | Making Peace With Death

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I often wondered what is it with death that we are so afraid of. Maybe we’re not really afraid about dying per se, but more of how we are going to die. The topic of death has always been considered morbid and taboo. And yet all the more that we should talk about it because acceptance is always the pathway to peace.

When God placed a desire in my heart about hospices after my Mom passed away last year due to stage 4 breast cancer and the possibility of providing hospice care on our farm in the future, I asked Him to give me the means to make it happen. And it looks like I got my confirmation because He sent me a whole lot of resources and instructions to prepare for it. Or maybe this was the work of Facebook’s algorithm since I’ve been doing research on hospice care which is why I was getting similar recommendations on my newsfeed. 😀

By the way, I don’t have a personal Facebook account because I deactivated it. I have 1 dummy account though where I only have 1 friend and she’s my spiritual Mom/coach/mentor. I mainly use Facebook to stay updated with news and current events.

Here are some of the organizations I found if you need information on hospice care:

The Philippine Society of Hospice and Palliative Medicine – https://www.pshpm.org/

Asia Pacific Hospice Palliative Care Network – https://aphn.org/

The European Association for Palliative Care is also conducting a free webinar on February 21, 2024 at 5pm (Manila Time) entitled “Public Health Approaches to Bereavement Support.” Here’s the link to register: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/9717054994060/WN_A7NsLepPSIO2sn28NnZx9Q?fbclid=IwAR1KbkSVq0tRwg3MVTQXfmXUrVVvXab0TXiicyzBcL2F6NZzY8jvdd4qMyU#/registration.

I also chanced upon the website of the National Institute on Aging, which is one of the institutes of the National Institutes of Health in the U.S. It’s a privilege to be able to subscribe to their weekly newsletters and receive free caregiving tips and resources, which are all very informative.

I cannot tell though if the fulfillment of these plans will happen in my lifetime, but this might inspire others to follow suit if they also receive the same calling. But first, let’s define hospice care.

What Is Hospice Care?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defined it as “a program designed to provide palliative care and emotional support to the terminally ill in a home or homelike setting so that quality of life is maintained and family members may be active participants in care. It is also a facility that provides such a program.”

The hospice project proposal and draft for another project are currently at 30% and 20% progress rates, respectively. I still have a lot of work to do. But, all in God’s perfect time. And I cannot work on a project without listening to worship songs. It’s a must. 😉

What To Do During The Terminal Stage Of An Illness?

It is part of my preparations to always assume the worst-case scenario. This helps me prepare holistically. However, I would suggest limiting these worst-case assumptions to a minimum because they can trigger anxiety, and we don’t want that. So let’s say I am diagnosed with a terminal illness, how am I going to take it?

1. Seek For Expert Opinion Re Treatments

I’ll ask my doctor how long I have like if I opt to go through all the treatments, will I have a couple of years and if I don’t, do I have a couple of months only to live? I will also ask what is my quality of life after receiving the treatments. Will I be able to live a normal life again?

If the answer will depend on how my body will respond to the treatments, then it’s a “go.” If my body won’t be able to survive the treatments, then I’m choosing palliative care and pain management instead.

2. Plan My Next Move

I did ask God what more can I do if I only had a couple of months or years to live. Because I felt like I could only do so much in just a short span of time. And yet God’s answer was that what we might consider as small efforts now may actually have a lasting and significant impact later on.

One example is meeting another patient who is already on the verge of ending his/her life, but by talking to him/her, hope in God is restored and this person is now helping others as a result. Or it could be a student who will be inspired by my testimony, and decades from now, that kid will become the President of this country who fears God and will genuinely serve his people. It’s like God was saying that there are plenty of opportunities to touch other people’s lives that don’t really require that much effort and too much time.

3. Prepare For The Actual Battle

We never go to a battle unprepared. And we don’t prepare ourselves only, but those around us, too. It is also important to be surrounded by people who can pray for you and encourage you to keep on fighting. The church is the right community for this.

Equipping warriors with the Armor of God in every battle (Ephesians 6:11-13). JEHOVAH NISSI. 🗡️🛡️

Breast cancer support groups, in a way, provide emotional and psychological help and other information based on every patient’s journey. But, we can’t totally rely on them because most of the people in these groups are going through treatments or have a family member who is ill. When one member dies, it can pull the morale of the rest of the members down.

Because when this happens, I know the next questions that will pop into their minds are these, “Lord, am I next? When will my time come?” Questions like these, if they are what occupy the patient’s mind often, will result in depression. And in the webinars I attended, when depression hits, it affects every treatment plan, especially if the patient doesn’t want to eat and take their medications or continue the treatments.

So I actually came up with this mantra to combat depression – we do not mourn the living, we mourn the dead. We can’t be sad all the time and cry over how difficult life is as a sick person. We don’t lose heart, but we keep moving forward. As long as we still breathe, we move forward. We call this in UP as “Padayon.” ✊

4. Pray And Let God Take Control

Once I start with my treatments, I will leave the results to God. Whether I get healed or my condition worsens, I will accept what God’s will is for me. If ever I decide to push through with palliative care, then I will let nature run its own course just like the stance of Ezekiel Emanuel, an oncologist, to refuse all treatments after the age of 75. You may read more about it in the following articles:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/doctors-argument-living-longer

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11619519/amp/White-House-oncologist-Obamacare-architect-wants-die-75.html

Can We Ever Get Used To Seeing People Die?

I once asked my second sister who works as a nurse in a nursing home in Norway how she ever got used to seeing patients die. How do you care for someone without getting emotionally attached and not be sad when he/she passes away?

My sister answered that you will never get used to it. You somehow just learn to accept it. I guess we can learn from doctors, too, and how they approach every patient’s case objectively. However, this isn’t always the case like what our pastor shared in church about how one doctor cried because the patient, a member of the congregation, was all good to undergo surgery but suddenly died the next day. And they weren’t expecting it at all.

This is why I have so much respect for doctors. What they do is really not easy. Also, not all patients are the same. There are those who will use 15 minutes of the doctor’s time venting out his/her sob story but still fail to answer directly the doctor’s question of what their concern is. 😁✌️ Then there are those who are sometimes too stubborn to obey doctor’s orders (is that you, Christine? lol). And there are those who blame the doctors when results turn out differently than what they’re expecting (this is definitely not me). But, we all love and care for these patients just the same.

That is why I keep on praying to God that doctors will be given the best support system that they could ever have may it be in the form of trusted friends, a spiritual family, loving parents and siblings, a supportive partner, or awesome kids (even if they can get too rowdy sometimes). And this is also what I was hoping the hospice facility would be able to provide – whatever the dying patient wishes, it will be granted (as long as it is reasonable).

Look To Jesus For Salvation Amid Suffering

Each one of us will go through different ways of dying. Each of these deaths will have its own struggles and pain – except for those who died instantly. We will all go through these struggles before our last breath. And yet we should not be afraid.

Instead, we look up to Jesus and how He conquered death. And yet even His death did not happen in His own timeline. Only God knows when we leave this world. What really matters is what we do with this one life that we have here on Earth.

If we’ve been born again, then we only have one purpose and that is to use our lives for God’s plans and His glory. We are a living testimony of God’s grace through every pain, every sorrow, and every suffering that we encounter in this life. The book of Revelation already gave us a glimpse of what those who endured suffering will get in the end – the promise of eternal life. This is a wonderful place to look forward to because in it there will be no more pain, no more sickness, and no more death. ❤️

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:1-4

P.S. Here are some videos that I felt like God wanted me to watch as part of our preparation for the hospice project. Again, providing hospice care may or may not materialize in our lifetime, but maybe those who get to read this article might benefit from watching these videos. These videos can be emotionally heavy for some so I suggest being ready with your comfort food, favorite hobby, or a trip someplace else after watching these videos to release all the negative emotions. And don’t forget your rolls of tissue. *sniff*

“5 Things You Should Know When Someone Is Actively Dying”
“How Doctors Tell Patients They’re Dying | Being Mortal | Frontline”
“Before I Die: A Day With Terminally Ill Patients | Death Land #2”
“Inside The Children’s ICU | Episode 4: Facing Death”
“The Last Hours With Our Daughter”
“Brain Cancer: Dying To Live, Living To Die In 4:42 Minutes”

I Want To Know

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Here’s something I penned just yesterday for those who have been reading my posts. I think you weren’t brought here by chance. Thank you for journeying with me, and this is for you. Cheers to 2024! 🥂😊

I Want To Know

by Christine Lailani

I want to know your chaos. Because I want to see if mine will complement yours so we can find peace together.

I want to know your darkness. Because I want to see how you’ve managed your way out towards the light. And should you find yourself stuck in another darkness, let’s search for the light hand in hand.

I want to know your demons. Because I want to see if you have tamed them and if not, let’s pray on how to defeat them.

I want to know your weakness. Because I want to see how and when should I be strong for you.

I want to know your failures. Because I want to see how can I be the wind beneath your wings.

I want to know who God is in your life. Because I want to see if you and I have kindred spirits. So we can light this world up together.

I hope this inspires you to be the hope that this world oftentimes deprives some of us. Keep on shining, my loves. Somebody’s got your back and praying for you always. ❤️🙏😘

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” – Romans 8:18

P.S. The video link below from “The Other Slide” is not related to this post, but it’s my current fascination. I hope you get mesmerized by it, too. That is if you’re also a Science lover like me. 😉 I never got to experience this when I was in high school, and I don’t know why we didn’t do this in my Bio class in college. I guess we didn’t have this on planet Nibiru. 🤔

The Other Slide: https://www.facebook.com/reel/649906430661448?s=yWDuG2&fs=e&mibextid=Nif5oz

What Is Painful In Every Battle?

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Do you know what is painful when you’re fighting battles? It’s when both you and your husband cry your hearts out while hugging each other because you are in this season where you both feel trapped and are just too tired but have no choice but to stay strong for one other.

And this was after we failed to be kind and gentle with one another – and all that we know we should avoid during arguments (Kraken V. 10 activated). Those kind of moments when our worst comes out after suppressing it for a very long time.

Indeed, the pastor during our pre-wedding seminar some years ago was right when he said that marriage is all about the word “give” because it requires giving and not getting and forgiving each other and ourselves always. Because we will be offending and failing one another often.

My husband never cries, but he does now. So I know that the weight on him of what we are going through is too much. We are both going through transitions that give us little time to process everything. I am also processing grief over the loss of my Mom who, next to God, is the first person I share my problems with when it comes to my marriage.

It is this kind of feeling wherein you both don’t want to let go because you got used to being with each other all the time and yet you are questioning whether what you both have was real love or not. Or if this marriage is still worth fighting for.

Was it just platonic love? We do have great chemistry but the connection isn’t there. And yet we both know that love isn’t all about electrifying sparks and emotions – love is a decision. It is a decision to love your spouse every single day no matter what happens. Because this is what God taught me about love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 4:7

It is a love who seeks to understand rather than condemn. That kind of love that chooses to forgive and be forgiven. It is a love that chooses to fight for what is good over and over again. But also that kind of love who lets go so the other can be happier.

My husband and I still need each other now and be the best friends that we are to each other who console and support one another when we’re going through tough times. And I am praying we both can sum up the courage to bravely face life alone as we pursue different paths. Because only God knows how our story as a couple ends.

I know my husband is torn between leaving me alone here and pursuing the calling that God has for him abroad. My promise to him remains though. Even if we get separated by distance or by choice, for as long as I am married to him by law, I will honor this marriage until such time that he decides to end it legally.

We made a mistake in the past, a sin that we covered up with another sin. Until our sins caught up with us. My husband wasn’t ready to marry. Though it was a decision we made together, I felt like I was at fault because I somehow forced him in a way. We were both victims of our own selfishness.

Unfortunately, both of us can no longer change the past. But I am praying, I am praying hard that God will forgive me and my husband and release us from the bondage of sin. We have forgiven each other, we suffered for our sins, and I pray that God will give us both peace and a second chance to make up for our mistakes and live a better tomorrow whether together or alone.

I assured my husband that if we can no longer carry the burden of everything we are going through now, we call out to God. Always. It is only God who can help us go through every rough season in our lives and deal with the saddest emotions that we have including those that we don’t reveal to others. God is really the only one who can understand when no one else can.

May God help me and my husband end this year at peace with the pains of our past and the uncertainties of the future. I pray that He will grant us the courage to move on and to move forward not forgetting the lessons we learned. And lastly, I pray for strength to be able to let go of one another believing that God’s plans for us are always for our own good. 🙏

P.S. Lord, enough of the drama already. Mabibigyan po ba ako nito ng award sa Metro Manila Film Festival? Hanubey, awat na. Puh-lease langs. huhuhu 😭 Seriously though, I really want to erase 2023 in my memory. But I know I cannot. I can only remember it as it is. No matter how painful. Because there are good things, too, that happened this year. And they are also worth remembering. ❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” – James 5:16