The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
I am writing something short for today’s post. It’s more like a prayer actually for my brothers in Christ – single and married.
I pray that in every relationship you wish to pursue, may you outgrow your craving for limerence and eventually mature to real love because the latter is what will sustain your relationship until death parts you both.
❤️ Image Credit: WordPress ❤️
Meanwhile, here are some great reads on limerence and true love. May the Spirit guide you as go through them. 🙏🙂
“Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9
Here’s an acrostic poem I wrote to start our week right. 📝 I pray that the Lord will free us from anything that hinders us from our walk with God. May we not be weighed down by the chains that bind us, but instead, be given the power, courage, and strength to set ourselves free in Jesus’ Name, Amen. 🙏
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1
The beauty in scars is that they leave you memories not only of the bad ones but of those that are priceless, too.
This article is my tribute to families who have very young kids and whose parent died or is suffering from terminal cancer. I was compelled to write this article after watching a video tonight. It just popped up in my YouTube newsfeed and came in timely.
Because yesterday, another young wife shared with me her husband’s battle with cancer after a recurrence (same as my Mom), and their youngest child is only 4 years old. She broke into tears as she shared their ordeal.
I couldn’t find the right words to comfort her, and this is what I would actually like to pray to God now. May God give me the wisdom to know the right words to say to people who are battling with cancer or dealing with loss due to cancer while I, myself, am dealing with my own loss. May the hope that I was given thru Christ be the same hope that I get to share with them. 🙏
Although I’ve read in an article that sometimes a “silent presence” is the best response just by listening to what they share. In one of the Breast Cancer Support Groups that I recently joined, another young mother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, and she has just given birth. When Mom died, I wrestled with the question “Why does she have to die this soon?” for quite some time.
And God probably saw how I struggled with this question in my heart, thus, He brought me to these people who reminded me I have no right to complain and ask that question because I got to spend almost 4 decades of my life with Mom before cancer took her away from us. Some kids never got the chance to know their parents while growing up.
Yes, we’re all broken, and sometimes life has a cruel way of reminding us every now and then of this brokenness. And yet by His stripes, we were healed. Jesus made us whole. He makes me whole again and again and again.
As I am writing this now, tears just rolled down my cheeks. I just have such admiration for these young Moms and Dads for being so strong for their kids. I don’t know if I can do the same if I am in their shoes.
Maybe this is why I never got pregnant. I thought it was a curse from God. But now, I realize that God may be protecting me knowing that I might also have the cancer genes, I might die early and leave my young kids behind, and I will be passing these cancer genes to my kids, too.
Maddy was a beautiful reminder to me how well we ought to live each moment of our lives knowing the future is so uncertain. The priceless memories she left behind will forever be engraved in the hearts of those who love her – families, friends, and strangers. ❤️
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26
There’s a lot of tension and anxiety going on as Israel prepares for urban warfare against the militant group Hamas in Gaza. Yes, every day we see death. And yet, seeing them increase by the thousands every passing week can be too much to bear.
I’ve been keeping myself busy trying to avoid the news as I see photos and videos of the tragedy that has fallen upon the men, women, children, and elderly in the Middle East. I do not want to take any sides, so let me just instead offer a prayer to families who are grieving and those who are trying to survive. As we wait for the Lord, we pray. 🙏
Lord, please deliver us from the woes of war.
May God turn His face towards His people. May He give us the peace that we seek every day from the battles inside and around us. May His ears not be deaf to our pleas and our cries for help. May He end this suffering once and for all. And yet not our will, but His will be done in Jesus’ Name. Amen.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” – Revelation 21:4
I woke up today feeling all nostalgic when I saw a notification here on WordPress. It’s another achievement unlocked – today’s my blog’s anniversary.
And I can’t help but smile and thank God for the 11 years of being a storyteller, sharing the Good News, and just being me. 😉
Thank you to my WordPress community for making my blogging experience so worthwhile. This is where my purpose as a writer started, and hopefully will not end here, either.
As long as I’m breathing, I will keep on writing. Thanks be to God for this wonderful gift. 🙏
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
“Why flowering trees and why not fruit trees? You can’t eat those flowers.”
Mom asked me this question last year when she saw the labels on the polybags where I’m growing the seeds of the flowering trees. Well, Mom had a point. So, I just smiled.
Fire Tree
Golden Shower
Palawan Cherry Blossom
But in my head, the answer was simple: the pollinators. It is because of these pollinators that’s why I am planting the flowering trees. No pollinators, no fruits, no food. These small creatures typically go unnoticed, but they actually play a vital role in our environment.
Sad truth.
But if you’re going to ask me, why not choose flowering plants instead? I had climate change in mind when I thought about what type of plants to propagate on our farm. The probability of delicate flowering plants surviving the effects of climate change as it worsens year after year will be very low.
Flowering trees, on the one hand, have deep root systems and will have better chances of surviving periods of extended drought and strong typhoons. They will also provide sufficient shade when intercropping and will serve as a home to other species in the ecosystem. Not to mention that their beautiful flowers are such a lovely sight to behold, especially if there are plenty of them.
Let The Flowers Bloom
Last year, I bought 8 kinds of seeds of different flowering trees before coming to Bicol. Out of the 8 flowering trees I planted, I was able to successfully propagate only 3 of them. They are the Palawan Cherry Blossoms, Fire Tree (a favorite home of fireflies), and Golden Shower.
Praying the seeds of other flowering trees have a high germination rate, too.
Only 11 of the 15 seeds germinated, and we transplanted them last week on the farm. As much as I would like to plant a thousand of these trees now, I really don’t have much of an option. Because we need to take into consideration first where we will plant them inside the farm for future landscaping purposes.
These are tall and huge trees that should be planted 1-2 meters apart. I intend to grow only a few for each kind so it will be easier to get seeds once we propagate them later on.
God Makes Them Grow
Upon checking them yesterday, so far all of them were doing well except for the Golden Showers. I am praying the Golden Showers will survive. If not, that means I have to try propagating them again and again.
In every project of mine, I make sure I follow it through from start to finish even if I fail somewhere along the process. This way, I get to maximize my assessment on where I made a mistake and what areas I need to improve on to get my desired results next time.
By the way, the province of Sorsogon here in Bicol currently has a “1 Million Trees Challenge,” which is part of the LGU’s 7k Program. It is my prayer that the local government will not just target planting 1 million trees, but will also make sure that all 1 million trees will grow, survive, and thrive so generations after generations will benefit from them.
Back to the farm, I got a little bored during the latter part of the day yesterday so I decided to drive our old Innova around and started circling our Mango trees. When Dad saw me, he suggested I drive to the bushy part to flatten the tall weeds (I don’t see the importance of this prior to mowing, sorry Dad 😃) because he was planning on having them mowed later that afternoon.
Unfortunately, heavy rains poured so Dad had to postpone mowing the lawn. The good thing though was that somehow a huge portion of the weeds were flattened.
If I know how to drift, I would have drifted the Innova to make sure all the weeds really flattened out. But well, drifting an automatic car is quite a challenge, and I know Dad will make me walk home should I decide to do it. lol Just a little trivia about me, I have a need for speed that’s why I don’t drive. 😀
I’m a very impatient driver, and if you see a car that’s parked diagonally and all the rest of the cars are parked vertically, that’s probably mine. lol I think I was born to drive main battle tanks so I can easily ram it anywhere should the need arise. 😂
A Flowery Road
But thank God, there were no scratches and dents in any of our cars while I was the driver. That means I’m still a good driver, right? If my Mom’s still here though and saw me driving around in circles at a fast speed, I would’ve gotten about an hour long of her reminders and “whatnots” (love you, Mom).
So, let’s try to connect driving and the 1 million trees, shall we? lol Just try to envision driving down a winding road lined up with flowering trees. Ah yes, that would be such a splendid and a pretty romantic sight, don’t you think? I would love to see this as a reality one day, God willing, one tree at a time. ❤
This is the filtered expectation when you’re on a farm.
This is the unfiltered, no makeup reality with all the sweat, sunspots, and freckles. lol I took this photo trying to identify how this tree got 2 trunks.Twins, maybe?
“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26
How healthy is healthy? I wasn’t sure so I did my homework and here’s what I found – polyphenols.
Maybe by next year, I can also work as a Research Assistant with the extensive research I am doing now. 😉 So what are polyphenols and their role in fighting against cancer?
Lovely blooms.
Polyphenols On The Spot
“Polyphenols are a class of compounds found in many plant foods that includes flavonoids, phenolic acids, lignans, and stilbenes. There are more than 8,000 different types of polyphenols that have been identified so far. Some polyphenols that have gained popularity are epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) in green tea and resveratrol in grapes and wine.
“Most polyphenols work as antioxidants in the body, meaning they can combat environmental harm such as UV damage and pollution. Click here to learn more about antioxidants. In addition to their antioxidant activity, polyphenols have many other health benefits. Some studies strongly suggest that diets rich in polyphenols may offer protection against development of certain cancers, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, and neurodegenerative diseases.” – CSU, Kendall Reagan Nutrition Center
Here are other helpful links to articles and scientific journals that contain comprehensive information regarding polyphenols:
Meanwhile, I’d like to share with you some of the edible plants I started growing when I came to Bicol last year. I had no idea each of them contained large quantities of cancer-fighting components. They are very prolific growers, too.
I actually bought these seeds without knowing their full benefits. Indeed, God’s ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
I wasn’t able to replant some of them this year though because of what happened to Mom. But I plan to resume growing them and increase the yield next year, God willing. Because “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”(Proverbs 19:21)
1. Blue Butterfly Pea
This is my favorite because the deep blue-violet color of the flowers just never fails to captivate me. And the funny thing about it is that I got these Blue Butterfly Pea seeds as a freebie (thank you, dear online seller) when I bought the seeds of some flowering trees I intend to propagate on our farm (do watch out for my next article on this). It’s also not just the regular variety of Blue Butterfly Pea, but she gave me the one that has double petals (yay!).
Blue Butterfly Pea Pod
Blue Butterfly Pea Vine
Double petal variety of the Blue Butterfly Pea.
To make the Blue Butterfly Pea tea, just add boiling water to 4 flowers and let it steep for 5-10 minutes.
You may read the articles below to learn more about this plant and its anti-cancer properties.
I usually steam this and eat it plain without any seasoning. Growing them is easy, but you would need at least 10 Okra plants to gather a decent harvest. It’s also best to harvest them young.
I love this fruit though it stinks quite a bit. When it comes to growing papaya, well, it just grows anywhere in the garden through bird droppings. Fascinating how nature finds a way to grow on its own, isn’t it?
This is my paternal grandmother’s (Maria’s her name) legacy that my Aunt is now continuing – tablea making. Tablea is unrefined chocolate made of sugar and ground, roasted cacao seeds. Tableas are always my favorite when making hot choco drinks because they’re perfect during the cold weather.
I started planting Mulberries at the farm last year as part of our poultry project there. But it might take a couple of years before we can harvest a lot of these berries. I’m so glad though that some of the cuttings started fruiting already. Unfortunately, I had to pluck them out to encourage root growth.
Newly transplanted Mulberry.
First Mulberry fruits came out only just a couple of months after we planted the cuttings.
The leaves were so huge. All thanks to my Mom for the extra TLC. 😉
Spinach Leaves
Spinach Plants
Ilocano Eggplant
If you are a believer of the “biophilia” concept, then the more you plant, the better it is for your entire well-being. And yes, I can totally relate to this meme I stumbled upon my social media newsfeed a couple of days ago. The world is getting cray cray every day, let’s just do all that we can to get by.
CTTO
We have to remember though that these edible, cancer-fighting plants may lower our risk of getting cancer, but I still highly recommend a regular checkup with your doctor. This reminder applies to me, too. 😉
P.S. I forgot to mention in this article of mine to include seeds in your Go Bag so you can plant in your Bug Out Location if food is already scarce. That means you may have to start practicing how to plant seeds now for higher chances of growing plants successfully later on.
P.P.S. Since today’s the last “Friday the 13th” of the year, I’m going to end this article with something upbeat to celebrate God’s goodness in our lives. 🙏 Try to see though how the two ideas in the sentence before this are connected. 😀
Ever wondered why breast cancer is represented by the color pink? And did you know that every type of cancer has a corresponding color? Yep, I only found out just now after doing a lot of research regarding breast cancer.
Pink Power
When Mom passed away last August, I felt the need to spread awareness about breast cancer. Me and my siblings never took breast cancer seriously believing that Mom’s breast cancer will not come back. And that is because there are a lot of things that we don’t know about breast cancer.
I already made the draft of this article last September only to find out during my research that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Indeed, there is no coincidence in God’s plans. And if you’re wondering where I got the pink cap and the pink ribbon pin, I had them already during then Vice President Leni Robredo’s campaign, who’s also an advocate of breast cancer. A coworker of my husband gave the cap and pin to him, but I only wore them just now.
I have to thank my chubby cheeks for making me look like a teen (plus 20 years). 😀
Btw, just a little bit of trivia, Leni Robredo was born and grew up in my hometown, Bulan, here in Sorsogon. I am a very big fan of hers, and I never got the chance to meet her in person during the 2022 Philippine presidential election campaign period. Because you guessed that right, I was stuck at home because of my allergic rhinitis.
Challenges And Breakthroughs
During my research, I discovered a whole lot of information about breast cancer that I didn’t know before. It was like a plethora of facts and data that are readily available any time you need them. For one, CRISPR technology and AI innovations being used for treatments are getting more nods from investors. And it won’t be long now before scientists and researchers make a breakthrough that will allow safer use of the technologies to treat a wide range of medical conditions like brain diseases, cancer, and Autism.
I also encountered the term “holistic medicine” for the first time though I’m a bit familiar with holistic approaches because we use the same techniques when dealing with a special child in Special Education. All these data brought me to a realization that the country’s health care system really needs all the help it can get.
For breast cancer here in the Philippines, I agree with what was stated in this scientific journal regarding the need for the medical industry to amp cancer screening and early detection opportunities most especially in underserved communities. In my Mom’s case, for example, it was already too late when we found out her breast cancer had come back.
A Breast Cancer Patient’s Journey
Out of my need to learn more about a breast cancer patient’s treatment journey, I joined several breast cancer support groups on social media. l wanted to know how each patient differs from the other in terms of the severity of their health condition, how each patient manages the pain, what are their challenges, and how their families cope with the patient’s situation.
I know you will ask me, too. “Tin, how did you take it all in knowing one day you might go through the same situation as what they went through?“
My answer is simple: I take one breast cancer info at a time and gather as many as I can. So this means not just settling with what I can gather online, but more importantly, listening to what other breast cancer patients have to say.
Because I also felt this urge to help them in any way I can, may it be through info dissemination or finding opportunities to get financial support for their medications and hospitalization bills. There are a lot of gaps in the medical industry that need to be filled in, but I am very grateful that we have organizations and institutions that are determined to remove these roadblocks in order to provide better healthcare services.
More Opportunities To Get Tested
It’s a lot of work, but I have faith that God will continue to open more opportunities for the benefit of every patient. I actually am very grateful when I found out there is a way to detect if you are at high risk for breast cancer without waiting for a lump to appear on the breast. It’s called the BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test.
“BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test
Identifies germline mutations in the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 genes alongside other key mutations involved in hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. It is useful for prognosis, treatment guidance, and screening in high-risk family members for the purposes of cancer prevention and early detection.
The test is also available at St. Luke’s Hospital and Hi-Precision Diagnostic Center. It requires a doctor’s referral, so it’s best to consult with your doctor first.
Time To Prepare
I haven’t had mine yet since my 2019 2D and 3D breast ultrasound results came out negative, but I know I am already due for my next checkup. I just need to sort a lot of things at the moment and I am in the process of making plans. This will include making financial preparations, hiring a stay-in house help, adjusting my work schedule and farm tasks, convincing my 3 older sisters and brother to get the test with me, etc.
I make a lot of plans to avoid any hassle in the future, and eventually minimize stress. Some of these plans will change, depending on what God’s plans are. But it’s better to have a plan than to have none at all. Situations only become too difficult to manage and can be very stressful when you’re unprepared. I plan on having the checkup possibly in 1st quarter of next year after the holidays if God wills it.
Because if ever my test results come out with positive findings, I don’t want to ruin the holiday spirit. I also need to prepare my husband and my family emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
This is also one of the reasons why I am not going back to Manila with my husband this October even if he wants me to because I don’t want him to see me in pain if ever I am diagnosed (now or later) with breast cancer. I saw how devastated my Dad was when he found out Mom’s cancer came back. It was too painful for our Dad to see my Mom suffer, and I don’t want my husband to go through the same thing.
A Fallen Soldier, A Hard-Fought Battle
Though I really would like to thank my Mom’s doctors, especially her oncologist (thank you so much, Doc Leones!), for the very effective pain management. There was even a time when she told us that she didn’t expect chemo to be that good. I was like to my siblings, “Is Mom trying to cajole us into getting her transferred from the ICU to the private room that’s why she’s telling us that chemo feels good? Because if not, then she would really make a very good chemo ambassadress.” 😀
Unfortunately, Mom still lost the fight because it’s time for her to go. My Mom’s battle with breast cancer might be over, but mine has only begun. And it starts with breast cancer awareness. I know I am not alone in this journey though and so are you. ❤
A Prayer For Breast Cancer Warriors
If you are currently battling with breast cancer or know someone who is, here are some of the links I found over the internet that might help you and your family in dealing with breast cancer. I am also covering everyone who is going through their breast cancer treatments with prayers for healing, provisions, comfort, and peace. May God be with us always, and may His grace be sufficient enough as we go through this trial of breaking this generational curse. 🙏
“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” – Luke 1:45
“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.” – Deuteronomy 30:19
P.S. Here are some links to online stores (not my sponsors) where you can buy pretty wigs. Pls. do share in the comment section below if you know other online stores that sell wigs. I might buy one for myself because who says you have to wait to be bald to wear one. If it looks good on you, wear it. 😉
Today is Sunday, but I watched last Sunday’s online service. Divergents will always be nonconformists, I guess. 😉
I was able to watch Pastor Patrick’s preaching entitled “How Do We Respond to Difficult Situations,” and the message just came in timely. The preaching made me ask myself: “Am I making the right responses?”
In light of the recent events, I thought about my response when my husband told me he’s leaving. Have I made the right decision to let my husband go back to Manila without me? The answer was crystal clear. It could be that I am the one who’s hindering my husband on his walk with God because of my own fears. I’m afraid to lose him, and I’m afraid I will lose him completely.
But what if I have to lose him so God can do His work of “finding” my husband and “bringing” my husband back to Him first? So this is my one and only prayer now. That my husband may be saved, whether he comes back to me or not. Because that is what truly matters and that is our purpose here in this world – to help people go back to God.
Life in this world as a believer is all about allowing God to use us as an instrument so His people will be saved, and how far we are willing to trust God that He’s got everything under control. Even if it means experiencing pain for a moment. Even if it means losing people believing that God has their best interests in mind.
We all have to go through seasons because that’s what Ecclesiastes 13 also said, “there is a time for everything under the heavens.” There is a time to part ways, there is also a time to meet. There is a time for sadness, there is a time for joy, and so on and so forth.
It is through these seasons that God molds us in His image because He is the potter and we are the clay. We can’t become what we are supposed to be without God intervening. It’s just that we don’t want to hold out our hand when God reaches out.
Because humans are just too prideful. The preaching last Sunday captured what my heart is denying. It is time I let down my pride. It is time I lose control. It is time I accept what God wanted all along. It is about time I level up my faith and trust God once more – but bolder and braver.
So my heart’s settled. And I guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not basing my decisions on feelings, but by obeying what God wanted. Even if I was reluctant to obey. Well, at first.
I can see myself in Pastor Patrick’s stubborn (but cute) lil’ girl who obeyed, but is still hesitant. So yes, maybe I deserve a little bit of that rod, too. A heavenly rod (if it comes from God) maybe? 😀
I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.
“How will my 2024 turn out?”
It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.
This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.
I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.
Separate Lives
No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.
Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.
This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.
My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.
To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.
The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.
The most memorable rainbow for me. ❤
The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:
“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13
“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15
Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.
He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.
All About Marriages
However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?
Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.
Because my husband is not all that. 🙂
I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.
Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.
I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.
A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.
I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.
This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.
So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.
Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.
“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15
So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂
I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.
Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.
Where Is Home?
Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.
These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6
“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34
But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.
I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.
My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.
I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.
So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀
This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).
Trusting God Always
I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.
I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.
Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.
One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️
It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.
Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.
Where God Leads, I Follow
About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.
But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”
It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉
To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.
Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.
I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28
Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm.I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.
And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏
The Journeyman's Moments 