Decisions.

Adulting is hard not because we are not up to the responsibilities that accompany it. Rather, the decisions that we have to make can weigh us down, especially if these decisions can alter how we live our lives and all other decisions that we will be making in the future.

Circumstances brought me here to Manila to do a lot of contemplating on what to do next. And one of them is about breast cancer. Yes, I plan to have an executive checkup here in Manila after my husband leaves for abroad. I already inquired in one of the hospitals in our province, unfortunately, they don’t offer executive checkups yet.

If my breast ultrasound (included in the executive checkup) comes out clear, I still plan on consulting with Mom’s oncologist when I get back to Bicol to ask if I should still have a mammogram since I’m only 38 years old. The recommended age for having a mammogram is 40 years old and above.

But given our family’s history of breast cancer, I would like to know what my options are. To be honest though, I feel awkward consulting with male doctors. 😁 I don’t know why in my previous consultations and even when I was hospitalized because of dengue, all the doctors who attended to me were all females though I never requested it.

Please don’t get me wrong because I am no sexist. It’s just that I feel like I can’t bare my heart out to a male doctor. lol Now, that gives you an idea already that I don’t have guy friends. To all the male doctors out there, I send you greetings of peace. ✌️😁 With female doctors, I tend to be very talkative especially when I’m nervous.

But it looks like my Mom’s oncologist will be an exception because of 2 things. First, I trust him because I already witnessed how he and the other doctors helped Mom manage her illness even though she’s in a very critical condition already. And second, I read this article on why credentials matter when choosing a doctor. He’s got strong credentials, so I’m assuming he’s the best of the best. Or maybe I’m just biased. lol Nah, he is the best in town – there’s no need for second-guessing here. 👍 These two factors are very important because basically, my life will depend on him.

I have a lot of questions that I’ve been meaning to ask him once we meet. One of them is if it’s a better alternative to have a double mastectomy just like what Angelina Jolie did to minimize the possibility of having breast cancer later on. But here’s my problem. What if I still want to have kids?

A double/bilateral mastectomy would mean I will no longer be able to breastfeed. After seeing the testimonies of other patients in the breast cancer support groups, I have decided not to push through with breast reconstruction surgery (skin grafting/implant), if ever, to lessen the chances of a recurrence or getting an infection. Although I read one case wherein after a bilateral mastectomy, the patient still had a recurrence on her chest wall this time.

I guess breast cancer cases really vary depending on whether the type of breast cancer is aggressive or not. I am hoping Dad’s genes are more dominant than my Mom’s, and my siblings and I will be spared from having breast cancer later on. Then I suddenly remembered that my Dad’s aunt (the sister of his dad) passed away because of breast cancer, too.

Yes, it will be a miracle if I die later on because of old age or any other sickness. But nothing is impossible with God. And if we also do our part to live a healthy lifestyle and have our regular checkups, then I believe dying of old age is still achievable.

Right now, all my siblings (1 brother and 3 sisters) are doing okay, by God’s grace, and they are between the ages of 40-50 already. But the thing is, we all haven’t had any breast cancer screenings lately.

I’m on a mission now to convince them to accompany me when we visit the doctor so they can have their checkups, too. I don’t know if my siblings are up to it because on my end, I am not afraid of whatever the findings are. Because when I do trust the doctor, even if I’m about to die, I will be at peace. My only request is to make my dying as painless as possible. Oh, and also, I want to die pretty.

I’m sure the doctor will tell me, “Tin, maybe what you need is a makeup artist and not a doctor.” 😅 Seriously though, nothing is more difficult than making decisions wherein your life is at stake. It’s as if you are given choices that will still eventually lead to you dying. What you’re actually given are options to die sooner or later.

So, how do I take this? It really depends on what God’s will is. Because right now, I am ready to go any time. I am at peace with everything because I already achieved some of my dreams, I did what I’ve always wanted to do in life, my siblings are doing okay, Dad has lived in full circle, and my husband has a bright future ahead of him – I am already content.

But as always, not our will but let God’s will be done always. We only do what is required of us, then we let God do the rest. Right now, I am contemplating whether having a child will still be my priority or if living cancer-free will take center stage from here onwards.

I still would want a child though even if I have it through IUI (as suggested by our ob-gyn 6 years ago but hubby was not yet ready). The thing is, my pregnancy will increase the estrogen levels in my body, and estrogen is what cancer cells feed on. However, if having a kid is not meant to be, then just like what Heart Evangelista said, “maybe we’re really not meant to have it all.”

When it comes to living a life with a flat chest because of bilateral mastectomy, the matriarchs in our family survived breast cancer and still got to live meaningful lives until they became seniors. For our generation, only God knows our fate. 🙂

Decisions, decisions. Make them wise, make them count. This I claim, and this I pray. 🙏


Let’s backtrack to a ’90s song (I’m a ’90s kid) that became a dance hit because I am feeling sentimental this Saturday. 😌


“Teach us (Lord) to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12


More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History And Agenda | Part 1

Disclaimer: This is about the history and it’s a long read but still worth reading. 😉

Oyango is read as /oh-YAh-ngo/. It is where my grandparents spent most of their lives. You only need to travel for 10 minutes from our place to get to the farm. This is the community where my grandparents have built a legacy with their children, with us, and with the neighbors.

The Legacy Behind Oyango Ridge

My grandpa was popularly known as a selfless giver. He shared most of what he could harvest from wild fruit-bearing trees with his friends and neighbors and sold some of the high-value crops. My parents do the same now with whatever we can harvest in our garden. I also intend to do the same.

How Did It Start?

This piece of land was owned by my great-grandfather, Julian Bertumen. He was my Mom’s granddad. It was passed on to my grandparents, then to our parents. We’ve known this place as a special farm back when we were kids.

I can still remember how our grandpa would recount stories during the Japanese occupation and why there were Japanese tunnels inside. I was around 6 years old at that time and I can only recall snippets of the entire experience.

Who is Beato Gerolao?

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CIRCA 1980s in Oyango: (Front L-R): Mom, Grandma, our late Grandpa, Mom’s sister | (Back L-R): Mom’s youngest brother, our late Grandpa’s brother, Mom’s 3rd brother, and his late wife

My grandpa was a good storyteller. This is probably because he loved reading history books. I believe this is why as kids, we developed this attachment towards the place. It’s always a happy moment for us every time my Mom will say, “Okay, tomorrow we are going to the farm.”

To us, it speaks of so many great stories that we can only retell to the younger generations. And yet, I know, no one can share those stories like how our grandpa did. But one thing is for sure: that’s the legacy he passed on to us.

Our love for the farm was rekindled when our 94-year-old grandma reminded us about it during our Christmas vacation last December 2017. She told us that the property that our late grandpa acquired and utilized through his own efforts is all for us, the younger generations.

World War II

I admire my grandparents in so many ways. My grandma is a housewife, and my grandpa was a true-blue farmer. But they were able to send all 4 of their kids to school with the help of some relatives, and yet were also able to acquire other land possessions in other parts of the town during their time. They are now the properties that my parents, my aunts, uncles, and cousins are utilizing.

It was during the generation of my grandparents when World War II broke out. My grandparents didn’t have any formal education back then and they were a part of history where struggles were everywhere. I can imagine how harsh life must have been back then – all the post-war trauma and the economic, social, and political instability. But I believe those events forged something deeper in the early generations – resiliency.

Oyango Ridge History

The land is surrounded by mountain ridges. That’s why the Japanese chose it as their perfect hideout, thus, the tunnels. Some of these tunnels are short, and some were carved deep into the mountains, having entry and exit points at each side of the mountain. There were some that our grandpa said were used to hide an aircraft. There’s also one part of the farm where there’s a crater for another aircraft hideout. He assured us that there’s no need to worry if there might still be bombs dug deep in any part of the land. But honestly, we really can’t be too sure if it is free from land mines.

After World War II ended, scavengers scourged the land for scraps of metal to sell. Some were gold diggers (literally) who were looking for hidden treasures a la “Yamashita Treasure.” The Japanese were in a hurry to leave the country when they lost the war, so some were hoping they might have left anything valuable during the commotion.

Some asked permission to search our property. Since it’s already private property, my grandpa declined and warned them that they would be trespassing if they pushed through. Besides, my grandpa said it’s impossible they’ll find a treasure there because the land was basically used as a military artillery and as an air raid shelter.

It’s a wide but secluded place where they can perfectly and secretly hide any bulky military equipment, such as an aircraft, in case of an air surveillance or an air raid. Even before my great-grandpa bought the farm, and some gold diggers were successful enough to scour the place, they found no treasure.

The barracks of the Japanese are actually located miles away from the farm situated inside the grounds of my grade school alma mater. That is why our place is popularly called “Barracks”, if you plan to go there, and not by the street name itself.

There is one historic landmark inside the school grounds, which is also another air raid shelter or Japanese shelter made from stone and concrete. But nobody knows where it leads to since eroded soil blocked some parts of the tunnel already. Treasure hunters also tried their luck on this tunnel, but to no avail.

Also, to be able to dig on a piece of property, one must secure a treasure hunting permit from the National Museum of the Philippines. Otherwise, it will be considered an illegal activity. What bothered us really is the idea that there could still be land mines on the property since our grandpa said it’s used as a military artillery range.

You must be wondering why the Japanese chose our town during their brief occupation. If you’re going to look at the map, it is a strategic location for military operations. We are a coastal area so there are several options when it comes to escape routes – by land, by sea, and by air. Near the Oyango Ridge, there is now an auxiliary airport but I believe this was built after the war already. However, it never became operational.

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Bulan Auxiliary Airport

Objectives: Mission and Vision

Why utilize the property? My siblings and I have already discussed the project’s mission and vision:

MISSION: “Greenery Towards Greater Sustainability”

VISION:

We are a privately-held company and a not-for-profit organization. Our goals include the promotion of sustainable agriculture through organic farming and supporting the local food movement. With this advocacy, we hope to provide more livelihood opportunities locally and increase agricultural appreciation.

As a social enterprise, we are targeting the inclusion of a training camp for the students and the young generation who will venture into the agribusiness industry. We are also looking into expanding our agribusiness projects to agritourism. This will enable us to promote local tourism by building a recreation and leisure community through the farm resort, vacation home, campsite, hospice, and retreat center for holistic wellness.

It is a not-for-profit organization because a majority of the profits will be used to fund the project’s operations. We are targeting the project to be self-sustaining. Self-sustaining means the initial invested capital will remain intact, and the ROI generated will be entirely used to fund the operations of the project. The higher the ROI, the more opportunities to expand the project’s objectives – the campsite, the retreat area, training facilities for young entrepreneurs/interns, etc.

So if we are to picture it in a graph, it can’t be a succession of extreme highs and lows similar to stock investments, which are volatile by nature. It cannot be a flat line, because a flat line means your business is dead. 😀

Instead, there has to be a steady increase in the ROI or, at the very least, consistently earn. The challenge now lies in how we can make this happen – insert marketing strategies. This is the point where I find it daunting and a bit overwhelming. But I have observed lately that when business start-ups are too focused on generating money asap and how much they will profit, it sometimes derails the company’s mission, objectives, and its values along the way. I believe it is best to leave the “money” part to God. Besides, He is the sole provider. I know He will supply according to our needs.

Creating a business model is far more complicated and way more intricate than we imagined, even after studying all the theories. How to keep the business running is where some businesses get stuck, and I am praying God will give us the grace and wisdom so it won’t happen to us. Because this is not for us, but helping others have better lives. And also, I would like God to be the center of it, a.k.a. our “chiefest” CEO. 😉

Sources of Livelihood

There are limited livelihood options in our town because it is a “sleepy” town. I call it that way because it has a small population, and the town’s revenues only come from small-scale businesses. There is only an influx in the population(revenues, too) during the holidays, i.e., Christmas vacation, Holy Week, town fiesta, etc., where relatives from abroad or from the city visit the town. During this season, businesses are flourishing. But when vacationers leave, the businesses go back to catering to the town’s small clientele.

This is the sad part: there is a lack of business opportunities, which also means a scarcity when it comes to livelihood options or jobs. Fishing and farming are the town’s primary sources of livelihood. However, due to climate change, there are now fewer and fewer catches every year, making it even harder for a regular fisherman to earn a living and feed his family. When it comes to palay production, it is also seasonal. Climate change also had drastic effects on the farming calendar.

In one of my freelance jobs, I encountered this documentary by Kara David entitled “Paraisong Salat. Some families in our town experience the same struggles. My Mom had so many of these stories of former students back when she was a grade school teacher. They were the ones who were consistently absent in class because, at the tender age of 10 years old, they were already helping their dads fish at night. Some fell asleep during class hours because they hadn’t slept all night. Some weren’t responding well during class interactions because they hadn’t had breakfast yet – their dads came home without a catch.

More Opportunities, A Better Community

Imagine the expanse of the opportunities we can provide to these families. When we utilize the farm on a wider scale, we will need lots of farm workers and more people to help us manage the farm. We also plan to help small-time farmers by selling seedlings to them and educating them on how to grow selected crops properly and maximize their yield.

The farm will be running on a regular basis, which means they will have regular jobs, and they need not worry about getting a consistent income to feed and raise their families. Children won’t have to help their parents earn a living, but instead, focus on school. They will go to school well-fed, well-slept, and well-clothed. And that foundation I’ve been dreaming of putting up someday, I can see it happening here.

There is one bit of a challenge that I am looking into, though. When we utilize the property on a wider scale, we will need bigger farming equipment. This will trim down our production expenses. But it can also mean fewer farm workers because the farming equipment will do most of their tasks. And yet, looking at it again, it isn’t much of a big problem. We can always delegate other farm tasks to them since there’s a need to up the manpower to make the property fully operational.

To be honest, I have never regarded this piece of property as our own because I believe it belongs to God and will always belong to God. He only entrusted this land to us because it is attached to His plans that involve us. I believe, too, that this land will fulfill a greater purpose later on, where many will benefit.

It’s just like the Garden of Eden. It was never Adam and Eve’s in the first place. They were only placed there by God to cultivate it. The same goes for each and every one of us here. We are all tenants, even if the title of a property bears our name. For this organization, I have felt that this verse will speak its purpose:

“Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.” – Genesis 2:15

I can only pray that I’ll live long enough to witness that promise being fulfilled in this land. 😀

Read more: “More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History And Agenda | Part 2”

More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History And Agenda | Part 2

Before I share this, I’d like to say that oftentimes God makes me cry in awe. Seriously. 🙂 You may find out why below. (This will be a long post, but a very interesting one.)

More Updates from Oyango Ridge

If you have been following my blog posts as of late, you’ll notice they are all about the current season that God brought my family in – developing a piece of property. You may read these articles to know the full story:

“Business Plans: Still Tilling And Waiting On God’s Ways”

“An Ode To My Grandpa”

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Daddybels in action. 😉

In my recent article about the property, I did mention that what I needed as of the moment is a mentor who will guide us not just when it comes to the business aspect of the project, but someone whose values and goals are aligned with us – God-centered. I did mention I found one in the likes of Bro. Bo Sanchez. I only found one, but God said you need more.

Isn’t it amazing how God leads us to the right people when we clearly ask Him with all our hearts what we need because we want to fulfill His will more than anything?

It takes such great faith to ask God, though. Why? Because it involves waiting on God and trusting Him completely, where He will lead you. And yes, you’re in this blind spot where you just can’t see what is about to unfold. But even with the blindfold, you still trust your guide completely.

Just Like Abraham

I’ll be honest here, though. I haven’t been much of a very faithful follower. And last Sunday’s preaching by Pastor Will Murrell about Abraham and his somewhat wavering faith just made me realize how similar Abraham and I are when God called him out to go to the promised land.

I admit I also came to the point wherein, like Abraham, seeing there’s a famine in the promised land, resorted to doing things his way, or like what he did to Sarah. I also came to that point wherein I got tired and became too impatient with waiting for God’s instructions that my faith slowly waned, and I’m back to doing things my way.

The by-product? I just became frustrated to the point that I would ask my husband why can’t God give me what I want and what I need when I’ve done my best and everything that I could. It is only now that I realized I wasn’t doing things God’s way. And God would consistently pull me back towards the right path because He knows I am being led astray. He knows that my heart is not in its right place.

When God Leads

I understand why I had to pass up career opportunities that I would’ve loved to pursue on full throttle now. But I also saw how God gave me career opportunities that will allow me to fulfill the tasks I need to do. And now I know why the Spirit would give me this desire and when to act on it, like selecting dates that I have no idea why I selected that particular month or day.

I did mention in my previous article that I felt this need to be in our hometown and help our parents start with the family project. The Spirit led me to the month of September because it is my Mom and maternal grandmother’s birth month. So I previously selected their birth week – September 7-14.

But then an opportunity came where I needed to move the dates much later. I already had an inclination to change it even before the opportunity came, but I just have no valid reason why. So this opportunity sealed my decision to go home on September 16 instead.

When God Intervenes

Here’s what really happened. My brother knows we’re going home, but doesn’t exactly know when. When he called last Tuesday, he asked me what our targeted date was to go to our hometown. After telling him, he just said that it is perfect because there is a seminar on farming that we can attend about making it profitable, but guided by biblical principles.

When I heard this, you just can’t imagine the hearts in my eyes. Literally, I felt my heart go out to my eyes. lol But what is even more fascinating? It was scheduled the day before we leave for our 1-week visit to our hometown. I know now why God delayed all the site developments in our proposed timeline. Because God is not yet done preparing my siblings for this season. The opportunities to acquire knowledge and resources are all here, which my parents currently don’t have access to.

I also found other free e-learning courses offered by accredited organizations that award a certificate upon completion. Yes, this is what we will be doing at this stage – equipping, as my brother told me.

I only prayed for one mentor, and yet He gave us more than what we needed. Why? When I looked at the link that my brother shared with me, our goals are similar, even with our chosen Bible verse. But do take note that I already chose our running verse for the business even before I saw their site. 😀

“Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.” – Genesis 2:15

Mission, Vision, and Values

I know it is not a coincidence because I don’t believe in luck or coincidences. There are no such things in the Bible except for God’s plans and His will. When I was developing the website on 8/8/2018, I already laid out specifics on the content that we plan to incorporate on our website. I told my siblings that the website can serve as our concrete guide for the project’s goals.

When I was piecing the website together, I told myself (or God?) that these are very ambitious plans. From the training camp to the retreat center to the foundation, and even the wildlife sanctuary. I changed it to a wildlife sanctuary from a wildlife park because I’d like to make it a safe haven for all the animals who seek shelter there ever since. I have been an animal lover since birth. I even cry when I see chickens or pigs being slaughtered because we have to eat them. 😀

For the social enterprise part, Semilya Sa Kinabuhi and Oyango Ridge share the same goals – helping the new generation appreciate agricultural awareness. I believe with all the man-made structures being built everywhere, God is already calling out to us to preserve what is God-made.

Faith and Fate Intertwined

I am hopeful there will be a fruitful partnership between Semilya sa Kinabuhi and Oyango Ridge – they cater to Mindanao and us, the Southern Luzon. And I know this will expand to greater lengths. Why? There is now an ongoing construction of the international airport in Legazpi, a 3-hour ride from our place. Also, we heard that a new subdivision will be developed near Oyango Ridge.

We can envision how the entire community will benefit from agribusiness and farming. We plan to sell seedlings to small-time farmers so they can also contribute to the local food movement and lower the market price of the goods. The more the supply, the lower the prices, but the product quality is better.

And also, when there is an abundance of supply, we can share it with neighboring communities. We will never know, time will come, it won’t be impossible to ship these products abroad through the international airport in Legazpi City. My target? Send them to drought and war-afflicted countries where food is scarce. Some of the countries that came to my mind are Africa and Iraq.

You’ll probably say, “Tin, your products are perishable goods, they won’t last long, and might not even reach their destination.” That’s not a problem. In my previous work, I was able to research homesteading, and this includes canning. Canning is a way of preserving vegetables to extend their shelf life.

You can even do it by using a pressure cooker if you plan to can foods for personal consumption. But you will most likely say, “How easy will it be to transport these goods without being held by militants or any groups who are causing the uprising in those countries?”

The solution is to send these goodies along with neutral entities who are conducting humanitarian services. Who are they? Red Cross, UN, WHO, and I know there are a lot more of them. Or better yet, through our very own missionaries. Partner with them and you’ll be assured your products will be used according to your intended purpose – feed and help people.

Counterattack Lies with Hope and Prayers (Lots of Them)

Oftentimes, this is where the enemy usually comes in. You have this great plan for you and a lot of people, and the enemy will counterattack it with lies. Lies that say you can’t do it because of this and that and so on and so forth. And the only way to silence him is this – “with God, nothing is impossible, so go back to wherever you came from.” 😀

This is what I sometimes encounter. Those little voices in your head that say you’re incapable of such things. You lack a lot of things. You cannot achieve that. And a whole lot more of restraining lies. Well, I must admit that at some point it even came close to convincing me to totally forget about everything and turn my back on my destiny, if ever it is my destiny or purpose.

But then, God is forever faithful. He knows I am weak and prone to these enemies’ lies, and He gave me enough reasons to pursue what He tasked me to do. I am also stubborn by nature, and sometimes I tell God directly that I don’t want to do things His way because I don’t want to, and I just can’t make what He asks from me happen.

But here’s what God will answer me back with, “Is there anything too big and too difficult for me? You are not alone because I am with you. Emmanuel.” This is the very reason why He sent Jesus into this world in the first place – to be with us. And assure us that God is with us, He is even willing to sacrifice His Son to suffer on our behalf, just to prove that His presence is watching over us. Obedience is what He requires, and trust.

Trust With No Limits

Amazing is our God, isn’t it? I don’t see the bigger picture, but God allowed me to take a sneak peek at it because most probably He knows I oftentimes doubt myself and Him. And I am too fearful, much too fearful. I needed lots of convincing and assurances just to break through my stubbornness and unwillingness to accept and do my part.

I know you have a part, too, that is why you got to read this. It may not be a farm, and it could be something else, but I know for sure He has plans for you, too. A big one, and yes, say “yes” too. His even bigger plans won’t happen if the body of Christ lacks the leg or the arm or the head. We may be the arm, but we need the head or the leg, so together we can do what He wants us to do as the body of Christ. Yes, we would like to partner with you in this endeavor once it becomes operational in whatever form it may be – prayers, volunteering, or paid work, business affiliates, etc.

I am just extremely glad and grateful when, just at the time I was about to feel unmotivated, lower my expectations, and start losing hope, here He is with so many surprises that will prove the Lord is faithful with all His promises. And He’s never early nor late but always right on time. 🙂

P.S.

We know now why this is a family calling – all of us in the family loves gardening as a hobby. This is my second sister and bro-in-law’s harvest from their garden in Norway. 😀

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Because urban living deprives me of a spacious lawn, I have grown mine in pots. I propagated these ivys which my brother gave me. 🙂

He and my sis-in-law have their own set of potted plants, too. My eldest sister also has hers in their place. And my 3rd sister was able to successfully grow some vegetables in our hometown, too. I also believe it isn’t a coincidence that my Mom’s name is Eden. Yes, the Garden of Eden, indeed. 😉

If you’re curious what’s in my Mom’s garden when it comes to flowering plants, you may check out these links:

“MAY The Flowers Be With You”

“Flora And Fauna – Explored”

Read More: “More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History and Agenda | Part 1”