The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
There’s a lot of tension and anxiety going on as Israel prepares for urban warfare against the militant group Hamas in Gaza. Yes, every day we see death. And yet, seeing them increase by the thousands every passing week can be too much to bear.
I’ve been keeping myself busy trying to avoid the news as I see photos and videos of the tragedy that has fallen upon the men, women, children, and elderly in the Middle East. I do not want to take any sides, so let me just instead offer a prayer to families who are grieving and those who are trying to survive. As we wait for the Lord, we pray. 🙏
Lord, please deliver us from the woes of war.
May God turn His face towards His people. May He give us the peace that we seek every day from the battles inside and around us. May His ears not be deaf to our pleas and our cries for help. May He end this suffering once and for all. And yet not our will, but His will be done in Jesus’ Name. Amen.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” – Revelation 21:4
I woke up today feeling all nostalgic when I saw a notification here on WordPress. It’s another achievement unlocked – today’s my blog’s anniversary.
And I can’t help but smile and thank God for the 11 years of being a storyteller, sharing the Good News, and just being me. 😉
Thank you to my WordPress community for making my blogging experience so worthwhile. This is where my purpose as a writer started, and hopefully will not end here, either.
As long as I’m breathing, I will keep on writing. Thanks be to God for this wonderful gift. 🙏
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
God is truly amazing. He knows how tiring (but very productive) this day was for me, and He knows exactly what will make my heart flutter.
When I was about to pick some Blue Butterfly Pea flowers for tonight’s tea, this was the spectacular view that greeted me – a beautiful butterfly perched just beside the flower. ❤️
Blue Butterfly Pea Flower & A Real Butterfly
And because I’m physically exhausted, my brain can no longer come up with enough words to describe the following random thoughts that popped up in my head in the last couple of days. You might want to search them on Google instead. 😉
– Armageddon(not the movie)
– Revelation 16:16
– woman, child, and dragon
– Caden
For Caden, I just had this sudden thought last week of having a baby boy for my firstborn (if I can choose 😀). And I saw the name Caden while browsing on the internet, and I felt like I also wanted that name as one of my choices for my baby’s name if ever.
My other choice for my future (if God wills it) child’s name is Zaphen, which is short for Zaphenath, Joseph “The Dream Interpreter’s” Egyptian name. When I search for Caden on the internet, it means “warrior,” “fighter,” “Spirit of Battle,” or “Spirit of War.”
That’s all for today. A blessed night, everyone! 🙏❤️
How healthy is healthy? I wasn’t sure so I did my homework and here’s what I found – polyphenols.
Maybe by next year, I can also work as a Research Assistant with the extensive research I am doing now. 😉 So what are polyphenols and their role in fighting against cancer?
Lovely blooms.
Polyphenols On The Spot
“Polyphenols are a class of compounds found in many plant foods that includes flavonoids, phenolic acids, lignans, and stilbenes. There are more than 8,000 different types of polyphenols that have been identified so far. Some polyphenols that have gained popularity are epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) in green tea and resveratrol in grapes and wine.
“Most polyphenols work as antioxidants in the body, meaning they can combat environmental harm such as UV damage and pollution. Click here to learn more about antioxidants. In addition to their antioxidant activity, polyphenols have many other health benefits. Some studies strongly suggest that diets rich in polyphenols may offer protection against development of certain cancers, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, and neurodegenerative diseases.” – CSU, Kendall Reagan Nutrition Center
Here are other helpful links to articles and scientific journals that contain comprehensive information regarding polyphenols:
Meanwhile, I’d like to share with you some of the edible plants I started growing when I came to Bicol last year. I had no idea each of them contained large quantities of cancer-fighting components. They are very prolific growers, too.
I actually bought these seeds without knowing their full benefits. Indeed, God’s ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
I wasn’t able to replant some of them this year though because of what happened to Mom. But I plan to resume growing them and increase the yield next year, God willing. Because “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”(Proverbs 19:21)
1. Blue Butterfly Pea
This is my favorite because the deep blue-violet color of the flowers just never fails to captivate me. And the funny thing about it is that I got these Blue Butterfly Pea seeds as a freebie (thank you, dear online seller) when I bought the seeds of some flowering trees I intend to propagate on our farm (do watch out for my next article on this). It’s also not just the regular variety of Blue Butterfly Pea, but she gave me the one that has double petals (yay!).
Blue Butterfly Pea Pod
Blue Butterfly Pea Vine
Double petal variety of the Blue Butterfly Pea.
To make the Blue Butterfly Pea tea, just add boiling water to 4 flowers and let it steep for 5-10 minutes.
You may read the articles below to learn more about this plant and its anti-cancer properties.
I usually steam this and eat it plain without any seasoning. Growing them is easy, but you would need at least 10 Okra plants to gather a decent harvest. It’s also best to harvest them young.
I love this fruit though it stinks quite a bit. When it comes to growing papaya, well, it just grows anywhere in the garden through bird droppings. Fascinating how nature finds a way to grow on its own, isn’t it?
This is my paternal grandmother’s (Maria’s her name) legacy that my Aunt is now continuing – tablea making. Tablea is unrefined chocolate made of sugar and ground, roasted cacao seeds. Tableas are always my favorite when making hot choco drinks because they’re perfect during the cold weather.
I started planting Mulberries at the farm last year as part of our poultry project there. But it might take a couple of years before we can harvest a lot of these berries. I’m so glad though that some of the cuttings started fruiting already. Unfortunately, I had to pluck them out to encourage root growth.
Newly transplanted Mulberry.
First Mulberry fruits came out only just a couple of months after we planted the cuttings.
The leaves were so huge. All thanks to my Mom for the extra TLC. 😉
Spinach Leaves
Spinach Plants
Ilocano Eggplant
If you are a believer of the “biophilia” concept, then the more you plant, the better it is for your entire well-being. And yes, I can totally relate to this meme I stumbled upon my social media newsfeed a couple of days ago. The world is getting cray cray every day, let’s just do all that we can to get by.
CTTO
We have to remember though that these edible, cancer-fighting plants may lower our risk of getting cancer, but I still highly recommend a regular checkup with your doctor. This reminder applies to me, too. 😉
P.S. I forgot to mention in this article of mine to include seeds in your Go Bag so you can plant in your Bug Out Location if food is already scarce. That means you may have to start practicing how to plant seeds now for higher chances of growing plants successfully later on.
P.P.S. Since today’s the last “Friday the 13th” of the year, I’m going to end this article with something upbeat to celebrate God’s goodness in our lives. 🙏 Try to see though how the two ideas in the sentence before this are connected. 😀
Ever wondered why breast cancer is represented by the color pink? And did you know that every type of cancer has a corresponding color? Yep, I only found out just now after doing a lot of research regarding breast cancer.
Pink Power
When Mom passed away last August, I felt the need to spread awareness about breast cancer. Me and my siblings never took breast cancer seriously believing that Mom’s breast cancer will not come back. And that is because there are a lot of things that we don’t know about breast cancer.
I already made the draft of this article last September only to find out during my research that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Indeed, there is no coincidence in God’s plans. And if you’re wondering where I got the pink cap and the pink ribbon pin, I had them already during then Vice President Leni Robredo’s campaign, who’s also an advocate of breast cancer. A coworker of my husband gave the cap and pin to him, but I only wore them just now.
I have to thank my chubby cheeks for making me look like a teen (plus 20 years). 😀
Btw, just a little bit of trivia, Leni Robredo was born and grew up in my hometown, Bulan, here in Sorsogon. I am a very big fan of hers, and I never got the chance to meet her in person during the 2022 Philippine presidential election campaign period. Because you guessed that right, I was stuck at home because of my allergic rhinitis.
Challenges And Breakthroughs
During my research, I discovered a whole lot of information about breast cancer that I didn’t know before. It was like a plethora of facts and data that are readily available any time you need them. For one, CRISPR technology and AI innovations being used for treatments are getting more nods from investors. And it won’t be long now before scientists and researchers make a breakthrough that will allow safer use of the technologies to treat a wide range of medical conditions like brain diseases, cancer, and Autism.
I also encountered the term “holistic medicine” for the first time though I’m a bit familiar with holistic approaches because we use the same techniques when dealing with a special child in Special Education. All these data brought me to a realization that the country’s health care system really needs all the help it can get.
For breast cancer here in the Philippines, I agree with what was stated in this scientific journal regarding the need for the medical industry to amp cancer screening and early detection opportunities most especially in underserved communities. In my Mom’s case, for example, it was already too late when we found out her breast cancer had come back.
A Breast Cancer Patient’s Journey
Out of my need to learn more about a breast cancer patient’s treatment journey, I joined several breast cancer support groups on social media. l wanted to know how each patient differs from the other in terms of the severity of their health condition, how each patient manages the pain, what are their challenges, and how their families cope with the patient’s situation.
I know you will ask me, too. “Tin, how did you take it all in knowing one day you might go through the same situation as what they went through?“
My answer is simple: I take one breast cancer info at a time and gather as many as I can. So this means not just settling with what I can gather online, but more importantly, listening to what other breast cancer patients have to say.
Because I also felt this urge to help them in any way I can, may it be through info dissemination or finding opportunities to get financial support for their medications and hospitalization bills. There are a lot of gaps in the medical industry that need to be filled in, but I am very grateful that we have organizations and institutions that are determined to remove these roadblocks in order to provide better healthcare services.
More Opportunities To Get Tested
It’s a lot of work, but I have faith that God will continue to open more opportunities for the benefit of every patient. I actually am very grateful when I found out there is a way to detect if you are at high risk for breast cancer without waiting for a lump to appear on the breast. It’s called the BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test.
“BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test
Identifies germline mutations in the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 genes alongside other key mutations involved in hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. It is useful for prognosis, treatment guidance, and screening in high-risk family members for the purposes of cancer prevention and early detection.
The test is also available at St. Luke’s Hospital and Hi-Precision Diagnostic Center. It requires a doctor’s referral, so it’s best to consult with your doctor first.
Time To Prepare
I haven’t had mine yet since my 2019 2D and 3D breast ultrasound results came out negative, but I know I am already due for my next checkup. I just need to sort a lot of things at the moment and I am in the process of making plans. This will include making financial preparations, hiring a stay-in house help, adjusting my work schedule and farm tasks, convincing my 3 older sisters and brother to get the test with me, etc.
I make a lot of plans to avoid any hassle in the future, and eventually minimize stress. Some of these plans will change, depending on what God’s plans are. But it’s better to have a plan than to have none at all. Situations only become too difficult to manage and can be very stressful when you’re unprepared. I plan on having the checkup possibly in 1st quarter of next year after the holidays if God wills it.
Because if ever my test results come out with positive findings, I don’t want to ruin the holiday spirit. I also need to prepare my husband and my family emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
This is also one of the reasons why I am not going back to Manila with my husband this October even if he wants me to because I don’t want him to see me in pain if ever I am diagnosed (now or later) with breast cancer. I saw how devastated my Dad was when he found out Mom’s cancer came back. It was too painful for our Dad to see my Mom suffer, and I don’t want my husband to go through the same thing.
A Fallen Soldier, A Hard-Fought Battle
Though I really would like to thank my Mom’s doctors, especially her oncologist (thank you so much, Doc Leones!), for the very effective pain management. There was even a time when she told us that she didn’t expect chemo to be that good. I was like to my siblings, “Is Mom trying to cajole us into getting her transferred from the ICU to the private room that’s why she’s telling us that chemo feels good? Because if not, then she would really make a very good chemo ambassadress.” 😀
Unfortunately, Mom still lost the fight because it’s time for her to go. My Mom’s battle with breast cancer might be over, but mine has only begun. And it starts with breast cancer awareness. I know I am not alone in this journey though and so are you. ❤
A Prayer For Breast Cancer Warriors
If you are currently battling with breast cancer or know someone who is, here are some of the links I found over the internet that might help you and your family in dealing with breast cancer. I am also covering everyone who is going through their breast cancer treatments with prayers for healing, provisions, comfort, and peace. May God be with us always, and may His grace be sufficient enough as we go through this trial of breaking this generational curse. 🙏
“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” – Luke 1:45
“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.” – Deuteronomy 30:19
P.S. Here are some links to online stores (not my sponsors) where you can buy pretty wigs. Pls. do share in the comment section below if you know other online stores that sell wigs. I might buy one for myself because who says you have to wait to be bald to wear one. If it looks good on you, wear it. 😉
I did promise to keep this blog as “light” as possible. But since it’s also my intent to inform and share my day-to-day experiences, I would like to raise a topic that some might find a little offensive and controversial – doomsday survival.
I do not intend to share this post to instill fear, but our reality now is that governments are scrambling to find ways to address climate emergency. Once again, it is my intent to inform and hopefully help people prepare as the world combats climate change.
Climate Emergency Now
As climate change drastically affects biodiversity and ecosystems, it will trigger migration of every species including humans. Food chains will be disrupted. New disease outbreaks will be on the rise. There will be an imbalance in the law of demand and supply. Job losses will peak at their highest. Riots will increase. Money will have no value. Food shortages will be rampant, and nations will be fighting over resources.
(2021)Completed UP Open University’s Non-Formal Course “Responding to Climate Risk in Agriculture and Natural Resources Management,” which is part of their Continuing Education Program.
To God be the glory. 🙏
Earth Is Dying
Unfortunately, this is the part where I will say that we only have a very small chance of averting the damages inflicted on our environment. It’s already too late. Yes, climate scientists are already feeling desperate. But they are trying their best to mitigate the risks and protect what is still left of the earth. You might want to watch “Don’t Look Up” on Netflix if you haven’t watched it yet. I have a hunch the movie is a 100% portrayal of our current situation.
Earth’s deterioration is already inevitable, and mankind’s survival is already at stake. It is now up to us how we deal with the effects of climate change and survive. There are those of us who say that we don’t have to resist what is already bound to happen.
They say that if it’s our time to die, then we die. I want to believe this. That dying is this easy. But what if it is not yet your time to die according to God’s timeline, and you did not prepare when God asked you to, you can imagine the extent of pain, suffering, and struggle you will go through just to survive.
And no, suicide is not an option. Because if inaction is a sin when God asks you to do something and you don’t do it, suicide is an even greater sin. So we choose neither – WE ACT.
Preparation Is Key
Think of Noah and other disciples in the Bible who were called by God to prepare for upcoming tragedies that will affect the human population on a wider scale. Have you watched the Netflix series “The 100?” It is by far the best sci-fi series for me because it speaks volumes about mankind’s survival amidst the proliferation of advanced technology such as AI (artificial intelligence).
When I asked ChatGPT out of curiosity if it can come up with a survival rate for mankind against climate change and if science and technology can prevent climate change, AI answered that sadly, nothing can stop the earth from deteriorating.
Learning To Adapt
Yes, I wanted to unleash my anger on AI. lol To be honest, that was my initial reaction when I read its answer. Because I was like, what’s the use of all of these scientific discoveries and innovative technologies that were all designed and created to make man’s life more convenient if they can’t do anything to protect the earth and make it more habitable for future generations?
Am I a climate activist? No, I do not want to protest. I have already resigned to the fact that all we can do now is not blame anyone – we all have contributed to the destruction of earth one way or the other. But we should learn how to cope with our changing environment, adapt as much as we can, and survive when extreme weather events of all sorts come.
7 Things You Need To Know To Survive A Changing World
So, let’s get to the basic survival skills that I believe each one of us should know whether you are a doomsday prepper or not. 👊
1. Have a BOL, BOV, and BOB.
BOL (Bug Out Location), BOV (Bug Out Vehicle), and BOB (Bug Out Bag) are the 3 important things on your survival list. However, the BOB is the most important because your BOL can be overrun, and your BOV can be destroyed. But your BOB is your lifeline. You can still live without a BOL or BOV, but without a BOB, it’s extremely difficult to survive. Here’s what should be in your BOL, BOV, and BOB.
BOL
a. Make sure you have a month’s worth of supplies (food and medical supplies).
b. Make it intruder-safe.
c. Set up alarm systems around the perimeter.
d. Choose a location outside the city.
e. Create emergency exits.
f. Limit entry points.
g. Have designated spots to hide your weapons.
h. Place your BOB nearby.
BOV
a. Make sure you have extra supplies.
b. The vehicle should be able to traverse any type of terrain.
c. Choose a less eye-catching vehicle.
d. Customize the vehicle if needed.
e. Don’t forget to put your BOB in your BOV.
BOB
a. Food supplies that are good for at least 3 days (MRE packs are a great choice, but you have to get used to the taste first).
There are mixed reactions to this survival tool kit. Some say they are of low quality, some say they are good enough, and some say they are the most compact, all-inclusive survival kit that won’t take so much space in your BOB, but will come in handy once needed. If you’re undecided about trying this, you may use this video as your guide for the list of survival tool must-haves and just purchase the items from stores of your choosing. 👍
d. Clothes good for at least 3 days.
e. Emergency blanket or thermal blanket.
f. Water that is good for at least 3 days.
g. Waterproof backpack (should not weigh more than your body weight).
h. Add extra supplies if with a baby or small children i.e. diapers, milk, meds for children, etc.
i. Two-way radios.
Thanks to my bro, who’s a military officer, for these. 👍👍
2. Learn martial arts.
I admire parents who have taken the initiative to enroll their kids, especially those who have young girls, in self-defense and martial arts classes like jiu-jitsu. In every disaster, women and children are the most afflicted and the most vulnerable.
We have already seen in history how the fate of the women and children became the collateral. When men can no longer protect, women and children must learn to protect themselves. I am actually willing to shave my head if needed, so I look like one of the guys. Tho better if I could act like Kenshin Himura of Rurouni Kenshin, my favorite anime. But sadly, I can only copy Kaoru.
Reliving my PE “arnis” days way back in college. If only looks could really kill, I wonder how many kills can I do with a stare like this? 🤔
3. Research, research, and research.
Always be on the lookout for new survival tips. Let’s keep in mind that climate change effects will be unpredictable but one thing’s for sure, they will worsen. So, we have to make sure our survival methods are well adapted to the ever changing climate.
Using these flints is easy, you just have to have lots of patience.
You can also play strategy games on Apple and Google Play Store to learn a few survival strategies. Survival movies and series like “The 100” also provide various survival scenarios that we can all learn from.
4. Join prepper groups.
I’ve learned such a great deal from prepper groups I have joined on Facebook and other social media sites. But then again, be very discerning and double-check the info being shared. Let’s not be a victim of disinformation and fake news. Always verify the credibility of the sources where you’re getting information from.
5. Prepare your family.
Your family will think you are a worrier, an overthinker, and downright crazy. 😀 Let them. But still, inform them and prepare them. They will thank you for that later on. At least, on your end, you did your part. Now, it’s up to them if they will do theirs.
You might say that learning survival tips in theory requires putting them into practice often. I will agree on that. What is important is that we have the basic knowledge which will come in handy once the need arises.
Try camping activities with your family first. This will give them a glimpse into how it is to survive in the wild. It’s a subtle way of conditioning, an educational psychology theory I learned from my graduate study. Fishing lessons will also be a great idea especially if they’re having fun. You and your family can also explore different foraging techniques.
1st Camping Lesson Learned: Never ever set camp on a slope. lolUnless you have no other choice like what happened here because the camping site, much to our dismay, was full.
I don’t know how to caption this. 😂
For self-defense, I think the body will have a natural reflex to defend itself during fight or flight mode. So it’s best that we know how to identify the critical areas in an assailant’s body where we can inflict much damage to disarm the attacker or escape successfully.
6. Get the best survival equipment and tools.
My advice is to do a lot of research before deciding to purchase. Look for items that have positive reviews and feedback. Also, choose according to your needs and your skills, and make sure you know how to use all of the survival tools you purchased.
Because it’s not enough to know how to point and shoot. Learn how to load them guns, too.
7. Seek for God’s wisdom, discernment, and guidance.
Pray and be actively still. I’ve read the phrase “actively still” from my Our Daily Bread devo, and I was very intrigued because it is an irony. You cannot be still and yet be active at the same time. But this is exactly what we should do once we’re all done with steps 1 to 6.
Praying requires action. And yet you can pray with a heart that is calm because you did what God asked you to do. Now, His peace transcends over your understanding of everything helping you to be still in all circumstances.
Moreover, having a calm attitude when emergencies come will help us think clearly. Another way to be proactive while waiting is to stay updated with environmental news.
I hope you were able to gain valuable insights from this article though this was short. I am thinking about making an expanded version of this, but for now, you may ask me questions, give suggestions, and make clarifications if you have any. Always keep in mind that the 3 basic needs – food, clothing, and shelter, are all that we need to survive in this world. And of course, lots of prayers. So, make that 4. 🙂
I’m praying for everyone’s safety and protection as we all move forward despite the looming dangers of climate change. God will never allow anything to happen to us more than what we can handle. If you can’t trust me, just trust God. 🙏
“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me.” – Psalm 23:4
Today is Sunday, but I watched last Sunday’s online service. Divergents will always be nonconformists, I guess. 😉
I was able to watch Pastor Patrick’s preaching entitled “How Do We Respond to Difficult Situations,” and the message just came in timely. The preaching made me ask myself: “Am I making the right responses?”
In light of the recent events, I thought about my response when my husband told me he’s leaving. Have I made the right decision to let my husband go back to Manila without me? The answer was crystal clear. It could be that I am the one who’s hindering my husband on his walk with God because of my own fears. I’m afraid to lose him, and I’m afraid I will lose him completely.
But what if I have to lose him so God can do His work of “finding” my husband and “bringing” my husband back to Him first? So this is my one and only prayer now. That my husband may be saved, whether he comes back to me or not. Because that is what truly matters and that is our purpose here in this world – to help people go back to God.
Life in this world as a believer is all about allowing God to use us as an instrument so His people will be saved, and how far we are willing to trust God that He’s got everything under control. Even if it means experiencing pain for a moment. Even if it means losing people believing that God has their best interests in mind.
We all have to go through seasons because that’s what Ecclesiastes 13 also said, “there is a time for everything under the heavens.” There is a time to part ways, there is also a time to meet. There is a time for sadness, there is a time for joy, and so on and so forth.
It is through these seasons that God molds us in His image because He is the potter and we are the clay. We can’t become what we are supposed to be without God intervening. It’s just that we don’t want to hold out our hand when God reaches out.
Because humans are just too prideful. The preaching last Sunday captured what my heart is denying. It is time I let down my pride. It is time I lose control. It is time I accept what God wanted all along. It is about time I level up my faith and trust God once more – but bolder and braver.
So my heart’s settled. And I guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not basing my decisions on feelings, but by obeying what God wanted. Even if I was reluctant to obey. Well, at first.
I can see myself in Pastor Patrick’s stubborn (but cute) lil’ girl who obeyed, but is still hesitant. So yes, maybe I deserve a little bit of that rod, too. A heavenly rod (if it comes from God) maybe? 😀
I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.
“How will my 2024 turn out?”
It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.
This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.
I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.
Separate Lives
No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.
Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.
This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.
My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.
To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.
The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.
The most memorable rainbow for me. ❤
The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:
“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13
“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15
Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.
He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.
All About Marriages
However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?
Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.
Because my husband is not all that. 🙂
I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.
Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.
I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.
A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.
I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.
This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.
So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.
Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.
“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15
So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂
I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.
Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.
Where Is Home?
Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.
These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6
“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34
But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.
I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.
My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.
I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.
So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀
This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).
Trusting God Always
I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.
I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.
Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.
One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️
It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.
Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.
Where God Leads, I Follow
About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.
But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”
It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉
To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.
Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.
I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28
Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm.I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.
And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏
She would’ve turned 77 today, September 7, 2023. It’s been a week since my Mom passed away last August 27, 2023, just a day after I wrote the article before this. It was a peaceful death because she slipped away in her sleep. She’s finally in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.
It was painful for us, though. But then again, this is life. Death is inevitable. We will all face death one way or the other, sooner or later.
This is the first death in my family, and God has prepared us quite well for it. Though I must say it wasn’t a smooth and easy process. Because there is just no easy way to cope with grief, sadness, and loss.
God prepared our hearts in a way that we were able to face these emotions head-on without breaking apart. He gave us everything that we need, showed us the way we should go, and gave us wisdom on things that truly matter.
I am just grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mom, even though it was very difficult. We couldn’t get another regular Private Duty Nurse (PDN) though we already got one, all thanks to Tita Len. We needed 2 PDNs who will be taking turns watching over Mom every 12 hours. So I took the challenge to learn everything when it comes to providing care to Mom who’s bedridden and had several contraptions attached to her.
Thank You, Ma’am Leah
This is the part where I get to give special thanks to a nurse assistant at the hospital where Mom stayed. Ma’am Leah offered to be Mom’s PDN during the days when she’s able. She taught me a lot of things when it comes to patient care from changing diapers, sterilizing everything, positioning under pads, turning and bathing a bedridden patient, changing wound dressings, changing the NGT tube, and a whole lot more.
I also enjoyed talking to her, and Mom would “shush” us now and then for talking too loud (so sorry, Mom). And every time Ma’am Leah gets carried away by our convo, she would start talking in the vernacular and I just keep on smiling even though I can’t understand most of what she’s saying. lol
We’re both Bicolanas, but she’s from Bacon, Sorsogon. Their language is like Bikol Albay. I came from Bulan and our dialect is already a combination of Bikol Sorsogon and Bisaya or what we call “Bisakol.”
There was one time she said something like “badush” and I was like, “Was she trying to tell me that she’s gay?” Because “badush” is a colloquial term in Manila that means gay. Only to find out later that she meant “badus,” a Bikol Albay word that means “pregnant.” 😀
Second Bicol Home – Daraga, Albay
My Mom’s the only one in the family who’s very fluent in Bikol Albay since my maternal grandparents used to live there for a couple of years when they were young. My Mom also studied in Daraga, Albay during high school (United Institute, Inc.) and college (Bicol University).
My maternal grandparents used to have a house in Daraga, Albay but my grandma decided to give the house and lot to her best friend before relocating here in Bulan, Sorsogon. Yes, my grandma was one of the most generous people I know. Miss you, Mama.
I really would’ve wanted Mom to breathe her last here at home, but it was no longer an option for us. She needed lots of intensive care after going in and out of the ICU twice (1 week for each stay) during the entire 2 months she was at the hospital. She also had a “white coat syndrome,” and this is one of the reasons why she delayed her yearly medical checkup. Seeing her with 5 contraptions attached to her was also just too painful to bear.
Back To My Second Love, Volunteering
So, what to do now with all the intensive caregiving skills I’ve learned from Ma’am Leah? My Dad’s 83 years old already, but he’s still ambulatory. The next thing that popped into my head was my second love – volunteer work. I’ve been volunteering since my college days at UP Diliman as a relief operations volunteer, and then as a family support volunteer in our church. I also joined Minkah Ministries Inc. about 8 years ago because of the volunteering opportunities they offer.
While I was with the organization, I was privileged enough to do volunteer work for the street children and the elderly. I was looking forward to doing volunteer work for cancer patients at the UP PGH’s pediatric ward since it’s also part of Minka’s missionary work. Unfortunately, my schedule didn’t allow it since it fell on a weekday, and I have work.
Fast forward to now, I realized that God intended it to be. I really felt the “tugging” to do volunteer work for cancer patients 8 years ago, but I just didn’t have the opportunity or maybe it was just not the right time.
God gave me a glimpse this year of how caregiving to critically ill patients is done through my Mom. God knew I wasn’t equipped 8 years ago. Though I must say I still have a lot to learn now if I am going to be a regular volunteer for cancer patients here in Bicol.
This was how we communicated with Mom since she’s intubated. And I’m glad that she approved (Mom had high standards) of my caregiving skills all thanks to Ma’am Leah. Konting swabe pa daw. 👍👍😃
Next Faith Goal: Philippine Cancer Society Inc., Bicol Chapter
I did my research and tried searching for organizations that offer seminars and trainings on doing volunteer work for cancer patients. I did find the Philippine Cancer Society Inc., but unfortunately, they do not have a local chapter here in Legazpi City or Sorsogon City.
These are the cities closest to our hometown, and I don’t mind the long travel time as long as the schedule for volunteering falls on a weekend because I am oftentimes a 100% multitasker during the weekdays, I barely have time to breathe. Seriously serious.
But then again, what happened to Mom was a reminder to me and my siblings to pause when the body says it needs rest. I did mention in my previous articles that cancer genes are dominant on my Mom’s side. Only time will tell who among me and my siblings carry the “dreaded” genes.
Agritourism Project As A Retreat Place
This is one of the reasons why I’ve been experimenting with several farm-to-table projects at home that we can incorporate later on into our farm (I’ll share more about this in another article).
I want to make sure I am eating healthy, and the best way to do that is to grow my food. My siblings and I also have plans to pursue an agritourism project, and one of its objectives is to support the local food movement.
This is very timely given our current dilemma on inflation and the increasing prices of basic commodities including vegetables, rice, and meat products. Another objective of our farm project is to become a retreat place for holistic wellness.
Building A HospiceFacility
Then an idea popped into my mind. Since part of our mission and vision for the farm is to be a retreat place, why not include a hospice facility in it? This is what I would’ve wanted for Mom and I know, too, that this is what Mom would’ve wanted knowing how much she enjoyed gardening and being surrounded by nature. It’s not a coincidence that she’s named Eden. 🙂
We lacked the knowledge, training, and manpower to provide Mom what she needed most during her final moments. We weren’t beside her when she passed away, and she was in a hospital room surrounded by strangers, all of whom she barely knew.
We weren’t able to give Mom the ideal final moments I was praying for. But I know God doesn’t want it to end here. I want to make up for these “lost moments” with Mom by helping other families who are going through what we went through.
And the hospice care can be the answer to this. My initial plan is to come up with a 5-bedroom-capacity hospice facility situated inside our farm. We are targeting a farm resort concept, so this will be an ideal setup for terminally ill patients. The rooms must also be big enough for loved ones to stay over and be with the patient until his/her last moments.
Praying for the Completion of Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center
Who knows, the Philippine Cancer Society (Sorsogon Chapter) might also be founded alongside the hospice facility if God wills it. 😉 I am also very much looking forward to the Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center that is currently being constructed in Sorsogon City.
I am just grateful for all of these endless opportunities that God has opened because of what happened to Mom. Because these are exactly the opportunities that my siblings and I will be needing in the future.
May God’s Will Be Done Always
These are all huge undertakings (if my Dad and siblings approve), and if Mom’s still alive and I told her about these plans, she’s probably going to tell me that I have very grand and ambitious plans.
To which I would’ve most likely replied with one of my favorite quotations by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will.”
And I’ll also include my life verse which is “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).” These are all my plans, and yet again “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).”
If these plans are all God’s plans as well, then I still have how many decades to make them happen. They can happen in our farm or somewhere else, only God knows. 🙂
We weren’t able to give Mom what she wanted, but God intended it for the greater good of more families and not just one. May God give me the wisdom, the right people, and the provisions to be able to pursue all of these endeavors in honor of my Mom.
I thought it best to share everything here in my blog so her memory lives on just in case I suffer from memory loss in the future. lol I can only pray though that the IoT (Internet of Things) is here to stay, but either way, she will always be within us.
Happy Birthday, Mom
We miss you terribly, Mommy Moo. Thank you for all the love, and you will always be in our hearts. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy! ❤
P.S. In case you’re wondering, “Mommy Moo (pronounced with a British accent)” is my term of endearment to my Mom. I replaced “Maggie” with “Mommy” in the Netflix movie “The Princess Switch.” 🙂
I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.
Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂
So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).
And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.
I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤
My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.
So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?
I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.
In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.
I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.
I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.
God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.
And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.
No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.
It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?
My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.
I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.
My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?
“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/
This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.
The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.
So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀
I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.
It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.
A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.
And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.
My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.
I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.
In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26
P.S.
We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).
And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤
The Journeyman's Moments 