Polyphenols In Edible Plants And Their Role In Fighting Against Cancer

Posted on October 13, 2023 by Christine Lailani

How healthy is healthy? I wasn’t sure so I did my homework and here’s what I found – polyphenols.

Maybe by next year, I can also work as a Research Assistant with the extensive research I am doing now. 😉 So what are polyphenols and their role in fighting against cancer?

Polyphenols On The Spot

“Polyphenols are a class of compounds found in many plant foods that includes flavonoids, phenolic acids, lignans, and stilbenes. There are more than 8,000 different types of polyphenols that have been identified so far. Some polyphenols that have gained popularity are epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) in green tea and resveratrol in grapes and wine.

“Most polyphenols work as antioxidants in the body, meaning they can combat environmental harm such as UV damage and pollution. Click here to learn more about antioxidants. In addition to their antioxidant activity, polyphenols have many other health benefits. Some studies strongly suggest that diets rich in polyphenols may offer protection against development of certain cancers, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, and neurodegenerative diseases.” – CSU, Kendall Reagan Nutrition Center

Here are other helpful links to articles and scientific journals that contain comprehensive information regarding polyphenols:

What Are Polyphenols? Types, Benefits, and Food Sources

The role of polyphenols in overcoming cancer drug resistance: a comprehensive review

Advanced Delivery System of Polyphenols for Effective Cancer Prevention and Therapy

A Garden of Polyphenols

Meanwhile, I’d like to share with you some of the edible plants I started growing when I came to Bicol last year. I had no idea each of them contained large quantities of cancer-fighting components. They are very prolific growers, too.

I actually bought these seeds without knowing their full benefits. Indeed, God’s ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

I wasn’t able to replant some of them this year though because of what happened to Mom. But I plan to resume growing them and increase the yield next year, God willing. Because “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)

1. Blue Butterfly Pea

This is my favorite because the deep blue-violet color of the flowers just never fails to captivate me. And the funny thing about it is that I got these Blue Butterfly Pea seeds as a freebie (thank you, dear online seller) when I bought the seeds of some flowering trees I intend to propagate on our farm (do watch out for my next article on this). It’s also not just the regular variety of Blue Butterfly Pea, but she gave me the one that has double petals (yay!).

*Double petal variety of the Blue Butterfly Pea.*

*To make the Blue Butterfly Pea tea, just add boiling water to 4 flowers and let it steep for 5-10 minutes.*

You may read the articles below to learn more about this plant and its anti-cancer properties.

Chemosensitizing activities of cyclotides from Clitoria ternatea in paclitaxel-resistant lung cancer cells

Butterfly pea (<italic>Clitoria ternatea</italic> Linn.) flower extract prevents MCF-7 HER2-positive breast cancer cell metastasis in-vitro

2. Okra

I usually steam this and eat it plain without any seasoning. Growing them is easy, but you would need at least 10 Okra plants to gather a decent harvest. It’s also best to harvest them young.

Read: Lectin of Abelmoschus esculentus (okra) promotes selective antitumor effects in human breast cancer cells

3. Oyster Mushroom

This is my very recent planting project, and I’m amazed by the outcome. You may read more about my Oyster Mushroom growing experience here.

Read: Promising anticancer activity of polysaccharides and other macromolecules derived from oyster mushroom (Pleurotus sp.): An updated review

4. Papaya

I love this fruit though it stinks quite a bit. When it comes to growing papaya, well, it just grows anywhere in the garden through bird droppings. Fascinating how nature finds a way to grow on its own, isn’t it?

Read: Anti-proliferation and Apoptosis Induction of Aqueous Leaf Extract of Carica papaya L. on Human Breast Cancer Cells MCF-7

5. Cacao

This is my paternal grandmother’s (Maria’s her name) legacy that my Aunt is now continuing – tablea making. Tablea is unrefined chocolate made of sugar and ground, roasted cacao seeds. Tableas are always my favorite when making hot choco drinks because they’re perfect during the cold weather.

Read: Is Chocolate Good For You?

6. Mulberries

I started planting Mulberries at the farm last year as part of our poultry project there. But it might take a couple of years before we can harvest a lot of these berries. I’m so glad though that some of the cuttings started fruiting already. Unfortunately, I had to pluck them out to encourage root growth.

*First Mulberry fruits came out only just a couple of months after we planted the cuttings.*

Read: Purified mulberry leaf lectin (MLL) induces apoptosis and cell cycle arrest in human breast cancer and colon cancer cells

7. Other Veggies in the Polyphenol-Rich Garden

*The leaves were so huge. All thanks to my Mom for the extra TLC.* 😉

If you are a believer of the “biophilia” concept, then the more you plant, the better it is for your entire well-being. And yes, I can totally relate to this meme I stumbled upon my social media newsfeed a couple of days ago. The world is getting cray cray every day, let’s just do all that we can to get by.

We have to remember though that these edible, cancer-fighting plants may lower our risk of getting cancer, but I still highly recommend a regular checkup with your doctor. This reminder applies to me, too. 😉

P.S. I forgot to mention in this article of mine to include seeds in your Go Bag so you can plant in your Bug Out Location if food is already scarce. That means you may have to start practicing how to plant seeds now for higher chances of growing plants successfully later on.

P.P.S. Since today’s the last “Friday the 13th” of the year, I’m going to end this article with something upbeat to celebrate God’s goodness in our lives. 🙏 Try to see though how the two ideas in the sentence before this are connected. 😀

October Is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Posted on October 8, 2023 by Christine Lailani

Ever wondered why breast cancer is represented by the color pink? And did you know that every type of cancer has a corresponding color? Yep, I only found out just now after doing a lot of research regarding breast cancer.

When Mom passed away last August, I felt the need to spread awareness about breast cancer. Me and my siblings never took breast cancer seriously believing that Mom’s breast cancer will not come back. And that is because there are a lot of things that we don’t know about breast cancer.

I already made the draft of this article last September only to find out during my research that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Indeed, there is no coincidence in God’s plans. And if you’re wondering where I got the pink cap and the pink ribbon pin, I had them already during then Vice President Leni Robredo’s campaign, who’s also an advocate of breast cancer. A coworker of my husband gave the cap and pin to him, but I only wore them just now.

*I have to thank my chubby cheeks for making me look like a teen (plus 20 years). 😀*

Btw, just a little bit of trivia, Leni Robredo was born and grew up in my hometown, Bulan, here in Sorsogon. I am a very big fan of hers, and I never got the chance to meet her in person during the 2022 Philippine presidential election campaign period. Because you guessed that right, I was stuck at home because of my allergic rhinitis.

Challenges And Breakthroughs

During my research, I discovered a whole lot of information about breast cancer that I didn’t know before. It was like a plethora of facts and data that are readily available any time you need them. For one, CRISPR technology and AI innovations being used for treatments are getting more nods from investors. And it won’t be long now before scientists and researchers make a breakthrough that will allow safer use of the technologies to treat a wide range of medical conditions like brain diseases, cancer, and Autism.

I also encountered the term “holistic medicine” for the first time though I’m a bit familiar with holistic approaches because we use the same techniques when dealing with a special child in Special Education. All these data brought me to a realization that the country’s health care system really needs all the help it can get.

For breast cancer here in the Philippines, I agree with what was stated in this scientific journal regarding the need for the medical industry to amp cancer screening and early detection opportunities most especially in underserved communities. In my Mom’s case, for example, it was already too late when we found out her breast cancer had come back.

A Breast Cancer Patient’s Journey

Out of my need to learn more about a breast cancer patient’s treatment journey, I joined several breast cancer support groups on social media. l wanted to know how each patient differs from the other in terms of the severity of their health condition, how each patient manages the pain, what are their challenges, and how their families cope with the patient’s situation.

I know you will ask me, too. “Tin, how did you take it all in knowing one day you might go through the same situation as what they went through?“

My answer is simple: I take one breast cancer info at a time and gather as many as I can. So this means not just settling with what I can gather online, but more importantly, listening to what other breast cancer patients have to say.

Because I also felt this urge to help them in any way I can, may it be through info dissemination or finding opportunities to get financial support for their medications and hospitalization bills. There are a lot of gaps in the medical industry that need to be filled in, but I am very grateful that we have organizations and institutions that are determined to remove these roadblocks in order to provide better healthcare services.

More Opportunities To Get Tested

It’s a lot of work, but I have faith that God will continue to open more opportunities for the benefit of every patient. I actually am very grateful when I found out there is a way to detect if you are at high risk for breast cancer without waiting for a lump to appear on the breast. It’s called the BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test.

“BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test

Identifies germline mutations in the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 genes alongside other key mutations involved in hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. It is useful for prognosis, treatment guidance, and screening in high-risk family members for the purposes of cancer prevention and early detection.

(Sample type: blood)” – Philippine Genome Laboratory

The test is also available at St. Luke’s Hospital and Hi-Precision Diagnostic Center. It requires a doctor’s referral, so it’s best to consult with your doctor first.

Time To Prepare

I haven’t had mine yet since my 2019 2D and 3D breast ultrasound results came out negative, but I know I am already due for my next checkup. I just need to sort a lot of things at the moment and I am in the process of making plans. This will include making financial preparations, hiring a stay-in house help, adjusting my work schedule and farm tasks, convincing my 3 older sisters and brother to get the test with me, etc.

I make a lot of plans to avoid any hassle in the future, and eventually minimize stress. Some of these plans will change, depending on what God’s plans are. But it’s better to have a plan than to have none at all. Situations only become too difficult to manage and can be very stressful when you’re unprepared. I plan on having the checkup possibly in 1st quarter of next year after the holidays if God wills it.

Because if ever my test results come out with positive findings, I don’t want to ruin the holiday spirit. I also need to prepare my husband and my family emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.

This is also one of the reasons why I am not going back to Manila with my husband this October even if he wants me to because I don’t want him to see me in pain if ever I am diagnosed (now or later) with breast cancer. I saw how devastated my Dad was when he found out Mom’s cancer came back. It was too painful for our Dad to see my Mom suffer, and I don’t want my husband to go through the same thing.

A Fallen Soldier, A Hard-Fought Battle

Though I really would like to thank my Mom’s doctors, especially her oncologist (thank you so much, Doc Leones!), for the very effective pain management. There was even a time when she told us that she didn’t expect chemo to be that good. I was like to my siblings, “Is Mom trying to cajole us into getting her transferred from the ICU to the private room that’s why she’s telling us that chemo feels good? Because if not, then she would really make a very good chemo ambassadress.” 😀

Unfortunately, Mom still lost the fight because it’s time for her to go. My Mom’s battle with breast cancer might be over, but mine has only begun. And it starts with breast cancer awareness. I know I am not alone in this journey though and so are you. ❤

A Prayer For Breast Cancer Warriors

If you are currently battling with breast cancer or know someone who is, here are some of the links I found over the internet that might help you and your family in dealing with breast cancer. I am also covering everyone who is going through their breast cancer treatments with prayers for healing, provisions, comfort, and peace. May God be with us always, and may His grace be sufficient enough as we go through this trial of breaking this generational curse. 🙏

Cancer Assistance Fund

https://www.philstar.com/lifestyle/health-and-family/2023/03/28/2255071/national-integrated-cancer-control-act-how-access-cancer-assistance-fund-and-malasakit-center-part-2

DBM Sets Aside Funds For Cancer

https://mb.com.ph/2023/8/21/dbm-commits-support-for-filipino-cancer-patients

Medical Assistance

https://www.philcancer.org.ph/index.php/services/medical-assistance

How Can I Reduce My Risk of BC

https://www.cdc.gov/cancer/breast/basic_info/prevention.htm

Mammogram Test Price – Philippines

https://medicalpinas.com/mammogram-test-price-in-philippine-hospitals-and-clinics/

FACEBOOK BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUPS

Breast Cancer Warriors and Survivors Philippines

https://m.facebook.com/groups/800733357455756/?ref=share&mibextid=GNKG2g

Cancer-Free Philippines

https://m.facebook.com/groups/341428935940642/?ref=share&mibextid=GNKG2g

Philippine Cancer Patients Group

https://m.facebook.com/groups/468435910580076/?ref=share&mibextid=GNKG2g

Breast Cancer Warriors 2

https://m.facebook.com/groups/544049840834038/?ref=share&mibextid=GNKG2g

Breast Cancer Awareness Month 2023 (US)

https://m.facebook.com/groups/breastcancerawarenessmonth/?ref=share&mibextid=GNKG2g

“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” – Luke 1:45

“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.” – Deuteronomy 30:19

P.S. Here are some links to online stores (not my sponsors) where you can buy pretty wigs. Pls. do share in the comment section below if you know other online stores that sell wigs. I might buy one for myself because who says you have to wait to be bald to wear one. If it looks good on you, wear it. 😉

Chloe Bean – Wig (US)

https://www.facebook.co m/reel/855448396207915/

Wigs (Philippines)

https://www.lynellehair.com/synthetic-wigs

https://www.mermaidmanilahair.com/

When Feelings Are Valid But Unreliable

Posted on September 24, 2023 by Christine Lailani

Today is Sunday, but I watched last Sunday’s online service. Divergents will always be nonconformists, I guess. 😉

I was able to watch Pastor Patrick’s preaching entitled “How Do We Respond to Difficult Situations,” and the message just came in timely. The preaching made me ask myself: “Am I making the right responses?”

In light of the recent events, I thought about my response when my husband told me he’s leaving. Have I made the right decision to let my husband go back to Manila without me? The answer was crystal clear. It could be that I am the one who’s hindering my husband on his walk with God because of my own fears. I’m afraid to lose him, and I’m afraid I will lose him completely.

But what if I have to lose him so God can do His work of “finding” my husband and “bringing” my husband back to Him first? So this is my one and only prayer now. That my husband may be saved, whether he comes back to me or not. Because that is what truly matters and that is our purpose here in this world – to help people go back to God.

Life in this world as a believer is all about allowing God to use us as an instrument so His people will be saved, and how far we are willing to trust God that He’s got everything under control. Even if it means experiencing pain for a moment. Even if it means losing people believing that God has their best interests in mind.

We all have to go through seasons because that’s what Ecclesiastes 13 also said, “there is a time for everything under the heavens.” There is a time to part ways, there is also a time to meet. There is a time for sadness, there is a time for joy, and so on and so forth.

It is through these seasons that God molds us in His image because He is the potter and we are the clay. We can’t become what we are supposed to be without God intervening. It’s just that we don’t want to hold out our hand when God reaches out.

Because humans are just too prideful. The preaching last Sunday captured what my heart is denying. It is time I let down my pride. It is time I lose control. It is time I accept what God wanted all along. It is about time I level up my faith and trust God once more – but bolder and braver.

So my heart’s settled. And I guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not basing my decisions on feelings, but by obeying what God wanted. Even if I was reluctant to obey. Well, at first.

I can see myself in Pastor Patrick’s stubborn (but cute) lil’ girl who obeyed, but is still hesitant. So yes, maybe I deserve a little bit of that rod, too. A heavenly rod (if it comes from God) maybe? 😀

How Will My 2024 Turn Out?

Posted on September 17, 2023 by Christine Lailani

I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.

“How will my 2024 turn out?”

It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.

This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.

I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.

Separate Lives

No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.

Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.

This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.

My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.

To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.

The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.

The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:

“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13

“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15

Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.

He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.

All About Marriages

However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?

Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.

Because my husband is not all that. 🙂

I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.

Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.

I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.

A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.

I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.

This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.

So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.

Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.

“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15

So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂

I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.

Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.

Where Is Home?

Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.

These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.

I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.

My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.

I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.

So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀

*This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).*

Trusting God Always

I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.

I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.

Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.

One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️

It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.

Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.

Where God Leads, I Follow

About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.

But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”

It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉

To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.

Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.

I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm. I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.

And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏

See You In Heaven, Mommy Moo

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Christine Lailani

She would’ve turned 77 today, September 7, 2023. It’s been a week since my Mom passed away last August 27, 2023, just a day after I wrote the article before this. It was a peaceful death because she slipped away in her sleep. She’s finally in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.

It was painful for us, though. But then again, this is life. Death is inevitable. We will all face death one way or the other, sooner or later.

This is the first death in my family, and God has prepared us quite well for it. Though I must say it wasn’t a smooth and easy process. Because there is just no easy way to cope with grief, sadness, and loss.

God prepared our hearts in a way that we were able to face these emotions head-on without breaking apart. He gave us everything that we need, showed us the way we should go, and gave us wisdom on things that truly matter.

I am just grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mom, even though it was very difficult. We couldn’t get another regular Private Duty Nurse (PDN) though we already got one, all thanks to Tita Len. We needed 2 PDNs who will be taking turns watching over Mom every 12 hours. So I took the challenge to learn everything when it comes to providing care to Mom who’s bedridden and had several contraptions attached to her.

Thank You, Ma’am Leah

This is the part where I get to give special thanks to a nurse assistant at the hospital where Mom stayed. Ma’am Leah offered to be Mom’s PDN during the days when she’s able. She taught me a lot of things when it comes to patient care from changing diapers, sterilizing everything, positioning under pads, turning and bathing a bedridden patient, changing wound dressings, changing the NGT tube, and a whole lot more.

I also enjoyed talking to her, and Mom would “shush” us now and then for talking too loud (so sorry, Mom). And every time Ma’am Leah gets carried away by our convo, she would start talking in the vernacular and I just keep on smiling even though I can’t understand most of what she’s saying. lol

We’re both Bicolanas, but she’s from Bacon, Sorsogon. Their language is like Bikol Albay. I came from Bulan and our dialect is already a combination of Bikol Sorsogon and Bisaya or what we call “Bisakol.”

There was one time she said something like “badush” and I was like, “Was she trying to tell me that she’s gay?” Because “badush” is a colloquial term in Manila that means gay. Only to find out later that she meant “badus,” a Bikol Albay word that means “pregnant.” 😀

Second Bicol Home – Daraga, Albay

My Mom’s the only one in the family who’s very fluent in Bikol Albay since my maternal grandparents used to live there for a couple of years when they were young. My Mom also studied in Daraga, Albay during high school (United Institute, Inc.) and college (Bicol University).

My maternal grandparents used to have a house in Daraga, Albay but my grandma decided to give the house and lot to her best friend before relocating here in Bulan, Sorsogon. Yes, my grandma was one of the most generous people I know. Miss you, Mama.

I really would’ve wanted Mom to breathe her last here at home, but it was no longer an option for us. She needed lots of intensive care after going in and out of the ICU twice (1 week for each stay) during the entire 2 months she was at the hospital. She also had a “white coat syndrome,” and this is one of the reasons why she delayed her yearly medical checkup. Seeing her with 5 contraptions attached to her was also just too painful to bear.

Back To My Second Love, Volunteering

So, what to do now with all the intensive caregiving skills I’ve learned from Ma’am Leah? My Dad’s 83 years old already, but he’s still ambulatory. The next thing that popped into my head was my second love – volunteer work. I’ve been volunteering since my college days at UP Diliman as a relief operations volunteer, and then as a family support volunteer in our church. I also joined Minkah Ministries Inc. about 8 years ago because of the volunteering opportunities they offer.

While I was with the organization, I was privileged enough to do volunteer work for the street children and the elderly. I was looking forward to doing volunteer work for cancer patients at the UP PGH’s pediatric ward since it’s also part of Minka’s missionary work. Unfortunately, my schedule didn’t allow it since it fell on a weekday, and I have work.

Fast forward to now, I realized that God intended it to be. I really felt the “tugging” to do volunteer work for cancer patients 8 years ago, but I just didn’t have the opportunity or maybe it was just not the right time.

God gave me a glimpse this year of how caregiving to critically ill patients is done through my Mom. God knew I wasn’t equipped 8 years ago. Though I must say I still have a lot to learn now if I am going to be a regular volunteer for cancer patients here in Bicol.

*This was how we communicated with Mom since she’s intubated. And I’m glad that she approved (Mom had high standards) of my caregiving skills all thanks to Ma’am Leah. Konting swabe pa daw.* 👍👍😃

Next Faith Goal: Philippine Cancer Society Inc., Bicol Chapter

I did my research and tried searching for organizations that offer seminars and trainings on doing volunteer work for cancer patients. I did find the Philippine Cancer Society Inc., but unfortunately, they do not have a local chapter here in Legazpi City or Sorsogon City.

These are the cities closest to our hometown, and I don’t mind the long travel time as long as the schedule for volunteering falls on a weekend because I am oftentimes a 100% multitasker during the weekdays, I barely have time to breathe. Seriously serious.

But then again, what happened to Mom was a reminder to me and my siblings to pause when the body says it needs rest. I did mention in my previous articles that cancer genes are dominant on my Mom’s side. Only time will tell who among me and my siblings carry the “dreaded” genes.

Agritourism Project As A Retreat Place

This is one of the reasons why I’ve been experimenting with several farm-to-table projects at home that we can incorporate later on into our farm (I’ll share more about this in another article).

I want to make sure I am eating healthy, and the best way to do that is to grow my food. My siblings and I also have plans to pursue an agritourism project, and one of its objectives is to support the local food movement.

This is very timely given our current dilemma on inflation and the increasing prices of basic commodities including vegetables, rice, and meat products. Another objective of our farm project is to become a retreat place for holistic wellness.

Building A Hospice Facility

Then an idea popped into my mind. Since part of our mission and vision for the farm is to be a retreat place, why not include a hospice facility in it? This is what I would’ve wanted for Mom and I know, too, that this is what Mom would’ve wanted knowing how much she enjoyed gardening and being surrounded by nature. It’s not a coincidence that she’s named Eden. 🙂

We lacked the knowledge, training, and manpower to provide Mom what she needed most during her final moments. We weren’t beside her when she passed away, and she was in a hospital room surrounded by strangers, all of whom she barely knew.

We weren’t able to give Mom the ideal final moments I was praying for. But I know God doesn’t want it to end here. I want to make up for these “lost moments” with Mom by helping other families who are going through what we went through.

And the hospice care can be the answer to this. My initial plan is to come up with a 5-bedroom-capacity hospice facility situated inside our farm. We are targeting a farm resort concept, so this will be an ideal setup for terminally ill patients. The rooms must also be big enough for loved ones to stay over and be with the patient until his/her last moments.

Praying for the Completion of Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center

Who knows, the Philippine Cancer Society (Sorsogon Chapter) might also be founded alongside the hospice facility if God wills it. 😉 I am also very much looking forward to the Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center that is currently being constructed in Sorsogon City.

I am just grateful for all of these endless opportunities that God has opened because of what happened to Mom. Because these are exactly the opportunities that my siblings and I will be needing in the future.

May God’s Will Be Done Always

These are all huge undertakings (if my Dad and siblings approve), and if Mom’s still alive and I told her about these plans, she’s probably going to tell me that I have very grand and ambitious plans.

To which I would’ve most likely replied with one of my favorite quotations by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will.”

And I’ll also include my life verse which is “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).” These are all my plans, and yet again “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).”

If these plans are all God’s plans as well, then I still have how many decades to make them happen. They can happen in our farm or somewhere else, only God knows. 🙂

We weren’t able to give Mom what she wanted, but God intended it for the greater good of more families and not just one. May God give me the wisdom, the right people, and the provisions to be able to pursue all of these endeavors in honor of my Mom.

I thought it best to share everything here in my blog so her memory lives on just in case I suffer from memory loss in the future. lol I can only pray though that the IoT (Internet of Things) is here to stay, but either way, she will always be within us.

Happy Birthday, Mom

We miss you terribly, Mommy Moo. Thank you for all the love, and you will always be in our hearts. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy! ❤

P.S. In case you’re wondering, “Mommy Moo (pronounced with a British accent)” is my term of endearment to my Mom. I replaced “Maggie” with “Mommy” in the Netflix movie “The Princess Switch.” 🙂

Juxtaposed – A Bargain I Never Asked For

Posted on August 26, 2023 by Christine Lailani

I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.

Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂

So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).

And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.

I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤

My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.

So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?

I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.

In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.

I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.

I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.

God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.

And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.

No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.

It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?

My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.

I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.

My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?

“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/

This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.

The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.

So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀

I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.

It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.

A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.

And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.

My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.

I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.

In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26

P.S.

We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).

And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤

Imagine God’s Paradise Where Food Is Unlimited, But We Never Gain Weight

Posted on April 24, 2020 by Christine Lailani

I’m sure most of us will agree one way or the other that this lockdown and being at home have somehow placed our attention on food. Before the quarantine was implemented, most of us had very busy lives we just never had the time to appreciate good homecooked meals.

Yes, we all got used to “instant” everything because it was convenient given our busy schedules. Now, I believe every household smelled of the aroma of garlic and onions being sauteed and freshly baked goodies. We just have no choice if we don’t want to eat canned goods every day. 😀

Best Meal I’ve Ever Had

The movie “The Shack” resonated deeply with me and gave me hope in these moments of crisis and uncertainty. There’s this one scene where God played the role of a woman named Papa (Octavia Spencer) who lives in a very lovely shack (my dream home) in the woods surrounded by a beautiful garden. It’s basically the type that we’re all craving for here in this world.

It’s this kind of paradise that offers a perfect ambiance of peace and quiet, and yes, that part where she (God) whips up the most delicious meals ever. I believe God is showing us right now a glimpse of what heaven will be like after we overcome the trials and sufferings of this world.

What It Means To Be Truly Living

It portrays the ideal moment of living life without so many distractions, and yet we all know isn’t just possible to attain in this world (yet). What if God allowed this pandemic to happen so we can have a taste of what it really means to be truly living?

Besides, this world wasn’t made to last. And yet we can all look forward to an everlasting home that serves good food (literally and figuratively) all the time that not only nourishes our body, but also our souls.

Home With God

Ah yes, I can’t wait to be in that home and cook/bake like God. Well maybe not as good as Him, but just try to get to know who God really is aside from what we may believe of Him now.

Since that home is still part of what we’re looking forward to now, here are some of the homecooked meals I prepared for my husband and I the past couple of weeks. I know this lockdown meant appreciating homecooked meals. However, there also lingers the fact that we can all gain that unwanted pounds (uh-oh, here comes the bad part).

It’s a good thing I’m married to a man who’s used to hitting the gym consistently before this lockdown began. So, he gets to motivate me in a way when I see him do some crunches here at home. 😉

Ah, yes, Lord. I just can’t wait to live in Your very extraordinary home. How I longed for nothing else except that every single day. It will come soon, but for now, I’ll try to cook as well as I can possibly be and make other people happy. 😀

And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.” – Luke 23:43

“Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what He is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious, I will give fruit from the tree of life in the paradise of God.” – Revelation 2:7

Dreaming of being in God’s home soon,

P.S. I’m just grateful to God for providing for all of our needs in His usual unexpected ways and to my husband who helps not only in the kitchen, but in cooking as well. So far, I must say that he has the potential to become an outstanding chef. *wink*

P.S. 2 I am praying for our brothers and sisters in Christ who lack food and other necessities. May God provide for them, too, in the same way that He has provided for me and my family. 🙏

Love In The Time Of COVID-19: A Wife’s Tale

Posted on April 22, 2020 by Christine Lailani

I initially thought about writing this article as a parody, but given the intensity of the pandemic’s impact on our emotional and psychological well-being, I decided to share my experiences as a wife during the community quarantine instead.

A lot of people have been sharing the positive outcome of this lockdown. They said it gave Mother Nature the time to heal. Some said it also gave opportunities for sharing, helping, and praying for others. Another benefit is we now have more time to strengthen family ties.

Learning All About The Complexity Of The Human Behavior

This last one is good, but I know some of you will agree it’s not as easy as it sounds. We all know that one of the complex concepts in this world is the human relationship. We were all created uniquely with varying personalities and characteristics.

Combine a group of different people in one room and one way or the other, there will be a clash of personalities. And also, let’s not forget domestic violence and how it can be aggravated during these times. This last one though is a serious case that requires professional intervention and assistance.

Some people felt awful they had to spend community quarantine alone, and yet some really wish this would end because they’re getting on each other’s nerves. The latter cannot be avoided. It is actually beneficial to get to know each other better and adjust accordingly regardless if this is a roommate, a sibling, a spouse, a relative, a parent, or a neighbor.

A Tale Of Two Lovers

That’s the case between me and my husband. This is, by far, the longest time we’ve spent together 24/7 since we got married back in 2015. And yet I appreciate the fact that my husband and I can spend even more quality time together now. I wouldn’t want any person to spend quarantine with other than him but next to God, of course. 🙂

Every single day, I discover something new about my husband. But since we’re the total opposite of each other, just imagine how hard it was for us to maneuver through this quarantine like gliding on smooth waters. On the contrary, it was like being back to the first few months of us being married. 😀

Seeing God In Others

Don’t get me wrong though. Most of our days together were spent meaningfully, peacefully, and happily. But as days turned to weeks and then now nearing to months, there were days when we would easily get irritated over something trivial because there were only the two of us in the house. And yet this setup reminded me how things are going to be when we grow old together.

I believe other families, parents, or married couples can relate to our experience. An example is when kids start to fight over who gets to use the iPad next or who will throw the trash out. Or when a parent gets irritated because all the kids are hooked on their gadgets all day long. Another instance would be sharing a room with a sibling you just don’t get along with very well.

God’s Eyes Are On Every Household

My husband and I would have some disagreements every now and then, and we’d both sulk and give each other a cold and silent treatment afterward. But since we live in a condo, it just doesn’t work very long given the very small space. 😅

I’d have to interact with him one way or the other and whether I like it or not because we’re just too close to one another, and yes, we only have each other. In fact, this was the case last week when we had our first huge fight during the quarantine.

Dealing With Differences

I told hubby to try cooking a new dish, and he’s also willing but he wanted me to teach him the step-by-step process. I’m a teacher, but given the heavy demands lately at home, I quipped a remark that offended him.

I told him to research how it’s done and to not get used to me spoon feeding him with how everything works here at home. Hubby explained he doesn’t learn new things that way, and I insisted that I learned new things that way and he should give it a try.

When Opposites Repel

Since hubby and I have such totally different backgrounds and upbringing, we somehow clash with how we do things at home. My mistake here was that I could’ve been more patient. But no, I guess the enemy took advantage of this sensitive situation to bring us back to our old fights.

Hubby retaliated with harsher words that made me do the same. And in the heated discussion, I just broke down and cried. I guess all those heavy emotions I’ve been keeping these past months just all welled up on me.

Trying To Play God

And my last retort to my hubby was, “you couldn’t see my pain and understand how I feel because God is not in you.” Then hubby retaliated by saying he’d leave once this quarantine is over.

I told him that he can do it now if he wants to because he just doesn’t care about me knowing we can get the virus anytime, and I’d be alone here if ever I get sick. Then, after saying that, I went inside the bedroom sobbing.

When Pride Gets In The Way

Hubby followed me and apologized saying he couldn’t just leave me here, especially not this time. But I guess the enemy just took hold of my pride, so I didn’t accept his apology and told him to leave me and I wouldn’t want to talk to him for the rest of the day. This happened around lunchtime.

I took a pitcher of water and crackers because I planned on fasting for the day. I was crying so much that the only thing I could do was grab my devotion notebook, read my daily devotion, and pray, all at the same time.

A Cold Heart Has No Room For God

I can hear my husband cooking in the kitchen and watching a cooking video. I felt awful that I didn’t help him out. But then again, pride just got in the way and I told myself that I won’t forgive him because he just hurt me a lot with his awful words. But no, he didn’t curse nor shout.

I finished my devotion and yet there was still hatred in my heart. I was somehow expecting him to come back and apologize again, which I know he wouldn’t do because I already turned him down the first time he did it.

Don’t Let The Sun Go Down Angry

Then, the entire afternoon passed by until came midnight. I can hear him scuffling in the living room and washing the cooking utensils so I assumed he has already eaten.

My heart was so heavy and I kept on praying like how Jesus prayed to God while He was on the Cross. That may He take this cup of suffering from me and yet not my will but let His will be done.

Thorn In A Flesh

I guess at this point the enemy came close to blinding me with lies. He almost succeeded but I guess God heard my prayer. I thought so negatively about my husband that I saw him as the “thorn in my flesh” who tempts me to sin.

Thorn in my flesh. I looked up that phrase on the internet and I found one article from Desiring God. There was my rebuke. John Piper said in the article that a thorn in the flesh is a beautiful gift but it comes with so much pain.

God’s Power Works Best In Weakness

And yet this is the pain where God reveals our weakness because it is in our weakness that His power works best. His Grace will be displayed in our weakness. But no, my heart remained stubborn. I don’t want to talk to him and make amends.

But I guess the Spirit just won’t allow it I let the sun go down angry and with bitterness against my husband. Then, a chapter in the Bible came into my mind (Matthew 24) on how Jesus speaks about the future – how loved ones and friends will betray believers.

Jesus Speaks About The Future

I wanted to reread it just to know if it’s already happening now between me and my husband. I read the NLT version of the entire chapter, and yet betrayal of loved ones and friends in particular wasn’t mentioned.

So I read the entire chapter again and again until the last couple of verses resonated with me deeply. I guess this time Scripture was able to break down the wall of lies that the enemy has placed in my heart.

“Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.

But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

– Matthew 24:45-51

Am I A Good Servant?

These verses are all about being a faithful and sensible servant and how God appointed him to look after other servants in the household and feed them. And that those who wouldn’t do what God has instructed will be torn into pieces and thrown into a pit where there will be gnashing of teeth.

I really felt like it was literally God’s message for me during this misunderstanding with my husband. Yes, I didn’t feed him and serve him, literally with food and figuratively of God’s love. God’s messages during this pandemic that kept on popping up in my devotion or in my heart are to serve one another in love and love one another as He has loved us.

How God Teaches Humility

Sadly, I failed God and yet He was so graceful to remind me once again of this calling. So I summed up the courage to go out of the room and talk to my husband. But there’s still a little bit of pride in me so I did go out but only to refill my pitcher with water.

Then this was where I was first struck down with humility. The rice that my husband cooked was untouched. So I checked out the dish rack and searched for eating utensils.

I found none. This only meant one thing – he didn’t eat the entire day (oh my dear Lord, what have I done 😭😭😭). So this slowly destroyed the enemy’s weapon. I went to my husband who’s seated in the dining table pretending not to notice me.

Be Ready To Forgive Always

I hugged him tight and kissed him in the forehead. I did that for a couple of minutes without saying anything because I was too convicted. Then it was my husband who apologized first and I followed it with my apology.

What pierced my heart even harder was when I asked him why he didn’t eat. He answered that he didn’t eat because I didn’t come out to eat, too. Oh my, more heart-wrenching moments there. I hugged him even tighter and apologized many times.

Being Unselflish Is A Way To God’s Heart

You see, hubby isn’t used to intermittent fasting. I told him he shouldn’t do that because it will shock his body. I, on the one hand, is used to it since we do it in church every now and then. He said it’s okay because we also need to lose weight since we did nothing but eat during the quarantine.

My consience though just won’t let him sleep through the night with an empty stomach. So I rummaged in our food shelves. Then I asked him to eat something even just a little to lessen the acid in his stomach, and we ate a couple of cupcakes together. The guilt and humility just all went through me.

God Shows Grace When We Least Deserve It

And it didn’t stop there. My husband who’s not used to not eating the entire day and fasted with me, came up to me while I was washing in the kitchen, hugged me, and said, “I really missed you today.”

Gaaaah, Lord, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. 😦 I get it now. I’ve been doing this love thing wrong all this time. So, I looked at my husband and joked that we needed some “me” time and “me” space, too, since we live in a condo and we literally just rub elbows with each other often. I went on that we also need to apply social distancing even at home. This one made him laugh. 😉

A Beautiful Reminder

God used my husband – who may be or may not be my beautiful flesh in the thorn – to bring me pain that will make me a better servant. And I believe God knew this will happen. The night before this incident happened, we just started watching a series on Apple TV. And I know it’s not a coincidence that it’s entitled “Servant.”

And then just like how God sees everything, He reminded us gently about reality. This reality that we might actually die tomorrow, next week, or next month because of the pandemic. It’s as if He was asking us both why we’re wasting precious time on grudges and selfishness.

Letting Go Of Unforgiveness And Hatred

I did tell myself that I’d like to die at peace with everyone including him. This means there should be no room for bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness. It’s just not the time for all of these.

All the more when this pandemic requires we die alone without any loved one beside us. We can never hug and kiss our loved ones or even hold their hands before we take our final breaths.

I know we wouldn’t want our last moments in this world full of regrets and not being able to make amends with people whom we have hurt or those who have hurt us. We no longer have the opportunity to do so. So yes, this is no longer the time for hate, but a time for love.

No matter how much we’re offended or how bitter we are by a lot of things, we can no longer let hatred linger in our hearts. Not in a time like this.

It Is Just All About Love

And I guess this is what God is trying to tell us. To “love others just like how I loved you.” To forgive others like how He has forgiven us. And to ask for forgiveness from Him and from others.

This is how God shifts our mindsets from seeing only what lies in front of us to realizing the bigger picture that lies ahead. It is about appreciating relationships more than ever. It is about being grateful and being accountable for the people He’s blessed you with. It is about celebrating what love is in the truest essence of the word. And lastly, it is about the simple things that we normally take for granted, but are actually more precious than money, silver, and gold.

Right now, I appreciate having my husband around. It made the quarantine more bearable, and it made me fully understand how it is to love my husband as a wife according to the standards of God’s Words. There are a lot of things that my husband does now, which made me realize I should be proud God married me to him.

Basically, that is all that God is asking from us now. Just. Plain. Love.

“We love each other because he loved us first.” – 1 John 4:19

Staying in love until the worst,

An Offer Of Comfort To Those Who Suffer Financially

Posted on April 17, 2020 by Christine Lailani

This pandemic has made countless of people jobless. It is never easy to lose your only source of income, most especially in a time like this. And yet, I would like to offer an assurance that God’s eyes are on us now.

How God Teaches Humility

Yes, I also included myself because this scenario isn’t new to me anymore. As a freelancer, there were times wherein every month I would send out job applications and proposals to get projects and earn. There were plenty of times, too, that my proposals were rejected or there were no projects available for me to do.

This was how it was for me in the last 3 years. So I know how hard it is to be constantly looking for ways to earn a living. I am already quite too familiar with situations where you had to rely on one source of income only to make ends meet at home.

What God Wants vs What I Want

I had this calling to pursue a remote career. It wasn’t an easy decision on my end, and I did share in my previous articles the reasons why. When doubt overcomes me, however, I’d once again apply to an office job only to be rebuked by God later on. Then, I would have to let go of the opportunity. I spent countless days and months asking the Lord “why” and what was His purpose for placing me in this predicament.

Little did I know that these were the times that God was asking me to rely on Him COMPLETELY for provisions. It is these moments of being so uncertain if you will have food on the table the next day or none the following week that made me view God as to who He really is as a provider.

His Love Never Fails, Always

Did God fail me?

NO. Not even once. And I would like to emphasize that because He was there for me and my husband when we needed Him most. God knows my former worrisome nature will always clash with my faith. It is what the enemy will use to attack me, make me defenseless, and eventually fall into his trap.

But take heart when I say that God always rescues those who seek Him with all their hearts in moments of need. He blesses those who call out to Him FIRST and rewards them accordingly. These rewards are even more than what we initially asked from Him.

When Rivers Run Dry, Turn To God

Yes, I understand how it can be unsettling to lose a job that literally allows you to survive in this world. And yet, when we see God as the one who provided that job in the first place, we can be assured that He will provide us with another one or another avenue where our needs will be met.

Here’s a fascinating testimony that I haven’t shared yet because we experienced it just this week. I lost some clients at the beginning of this year until now, which led me and my husband to once again rely on his income alone.

Keep The Good Fight Of Faith

Last year, there was a bounty of financial breakthroughs. And if my memory serves me right, it was my husband who asked me to set aside some cash on top of our usual savings. I placed it in a white envelope and put it inside a drawer.

Since we don’t need the money at that time, we somehow forgot that we have it. So when we were making financial adjustments a couple of months later, it wasn’t included in the accounting.

God’s Grace Is More Than Enough

Then, the pandemic happened. We had to consolidate all our resources and make do with what’s available. By God’s grace, there’s more than enough for all our needs. Yes, all that we have now is more than enough.

While I do believe in saving for the future, I have such great faith in God that He is our ULTIMATE provider. Thus, we have nothing to worry about our future when it comes to all our needs.

Elijah’s God Is The Same God We Have Today

This is somehow similar to the story of Elijah in the Bible and how God sent ravens and the widow to feed him (book of Kings). The woman’s jug of oil and jar of flour never ran empty allowing Elijah, the woman, and her family to have enough food to eat and survive.

But since God can still sense a little bit of worry and doubt in me, He knew I needed an assurance that would once again prove that He is who He is when He says that nothing is impossible with Him.

God’s Surprises Just Never End

Fewer clients mean lesser work hours for me. I had plenty of time to contemplate, search for new opportunities, and do my hobbies. So I decided to pick up the pencil and do some sketches again.

The only available pad for me to work on, however, is a big one so I decided to divide a page into half. This means I’d have to place the new sketch paper on a different pad. And I would need something to keep it in place.

The paper clips came as a solution, and I rummaged through our office supplies but found none. Then I remembered that I used paper clips for the white envelopes we allotted for budgeting.

A Need Fulfilled At Just The Right Time

So I went to the drawer, searched for one white envelope, took it out, and I think you already guessed what I saw. Voila, there neatly tucked inside were 3 paper bills – safely forgotten.

I just couldn’t contain the surprising discovery to myself so I shared it with my husband who teased me that I’ve been secretly stashing money away. I think it’s his way of saying that he also forgot. 😁

God knows we would need it at exactly the right time. The money will still remain as emergency funds though, and yet I already have a plan where half of it will go. Ah yes, indeed, the five barley loaves and fishes are more than enough to feed thousands of people.

As this verse says,

“And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.” – Philippians 4:19

So to all unemployed brothers and sisters out there right now, I pray that you will hold on to this promise:

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8

God will provide for you, too. Believe in this. ❤

I think I can hear God saying,

“My child, why are you still pursuing the demands of this world? Have I not shown you enough the past few months what really matters?

Why are you still worried about your needs? Have I not provided you with more than enough ever since you became My child?”

God would like to hear our answer, and let it be a good one. 😉

Always relies on God for provisions before and now,

P.S. This article is part of the 80 drafts that I am currently preparing as scheduled posts. I am targeting (by God’s grace) to reach the mark of 500 published articles here on my blog.

We just don’t know what could happen in the next few days, weeks, and years. But as long as there are technology and WordPress, these testimonies will live on. 😀

Methinks it is also best to wait it out until this worldwide crisis is over, and start looking for new career opportunities. Businesses will be flourishing by then. And yet, this entirely depends on God’s plans and His timing. In the meantime, have faith that God will cover all of your needs. 🙂

Today, I Write With Sadness

Posted on April 10, 2020 by Christine Lailani

I had to break my silence. Because it breaks my heart into pieces. Now I know how Paul must’ve felt when he addressed the problems of the early church in Corinth. (Reference: 1 and 2 Corinthians)

It pains me to see fellow believers breaking away from their faith. A couple of days ago, my Facebook newsfeed was flooded with hate posts including some Christian friends calling out names on other people, deleting friends on their list, and cursing downright at the current government and certain government officials.

Sadly, it is not COVID-19 that is making me sick. It is seeing these situations unfold right before my eyes that make me cry my heart out to the Lord. When the people involved are believers and Christians most especially, all the more painful.

I know they are victims, too, by evil forces that we don’t see. That is why I just vented my sentiments here on my blog so I won’t offend anyone because I value every relationship I have in my social network. I intend on keeping it that way forever. But I just want to ask this:

Have we lost everything that is Christlike in us? Where are the fruits of the Spirit? Whatever happened to God’s greatest commandment of loving one another just like how He loved us?

This is the Bible verse in the new shampoo bottle that hubby bought just last week. It came in very timely. And I know it is God calling us out to be who we really are. He knows the church will go through this.

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” – John 13:34

I was hoping more from Christians to behave otherwise because we have a greater calling to be the salt and light of the world. We already have an idea of who God is and how Christianity works – discipleship, fellowship, personal relationship with God, etc.

Personally, I felt like I have failed in reminding those in my social network how to respond as a Christian in a time like this. It crushes my soul that they have forgotten all the wisdom found in the Bible – the very promise of God.

It hurts me even more knowing that I can only pray for them, and that if they won’t seek God’s forgiveness and instructions, we already have a picture what will happen next. The punishment is greater for those who already know Christ, and yet chose to disobey.

How could we forget so easily? How could we succumb to the temptations of the enemy and this world so easily?

I posted Bible verses on Facebook as a reminder to go back to God before it’s too late – to seek Him first before anything else. And yet, I, too, became a victim of this persecution and was called too complacent. That I don’t care at all for those who are most affected with this crisis (the weak and the poor) because they think I am rich, which I am not.

What’s worse is that I was blamed for being a Christian and that I was using Bible verses to make people hate God even more. I believe this is the part where we can see divisions in the church – when some of us choose to believe selected Bible verses only for a particular situation without taking the entirety of Scripture into consideration. And this is exactly what the enemy wants, to create dissensions among believers.

How come we were judged easily not knowing what my husband and I went through for the past years? My husband and I had to endure months to years of living from paycheck to paycheck.

We literally used coins to buy our daily meals making sure we won’t go out of the budget by spending 100 pesos a day only for 3 meals. We also lived in a tiny room that measures 12 feet x 6 feet and the kitchen, comfort room, dining area, and bedroom were all in there. We started out with no beds or mattresses except for sleeping bags, no dining table and chairs, and no refrigerator.

Our families may be well-off, but I told my husband that we need to learn to rely on God first when it comes to our needs and refrain from asking other people for help. So yes, when it comes to worldly poverty, we know how it felt. I know how it felt to be really in need owning nothing else but the clothes on my body because we experienced it firsthand.

And yet true enough, God helped us get through that ordeal. He blessed us in so many unexpected ways with more than what we have prayed for. Were there times that my husband and I cried (literally and figuratively) out to God? Yes, A LOT of times.

My husband once cried in the comfort room of his workplace while sharing to me about God’s favor over the phone. I cried, too, when my husband was asleep and while praying to God. And there were more of these times that we sure felt we’re undeserving and yet God provided still.

But instead of cursing God for putting us in that predicament, we praised Him even more and became closer to Him every single day. I believe this is the problem now. And this is the greatest test of faith that Christians need to endure.

To never lose sight of who God is when tough times become even tougher, when problems seem never-ending, when solutions just seem impossible, and when the future just seems 100% uncertain.

I once shared to my husband that even if it is a matter of life and death, we must not turn our backs on God and our calling as a Christian. That was how men of great faith in the Bible earned God’s favor. By staying true to their commitment even if it means giving up their lives for Him i. e. Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego; Daniel and the Lions; David and Goliath, etc.

When we are stretched to our limits and when we feel like being “burned” alive and we become impatient waiting for God’s answers, do we resort to solving things out on our own and depend once again on self-sufficiency instead on God?

I am praying this isn’t our mindset because it has already been written in the Bible that more of these problems will come – Luke 24 (Jesus Speaks About The Future). And I believe they will be more difficult, more heart-wrenching, and even more life-threatening.

We must not give in to this world. Not now, most especially for the Christians. The world needs us. This is the mission that God has set for each one of us to accomplish so we can be blameless when Jesus finally comes.

I encourage believers to share the Bible verses as is on social media instead of voicing out our sentiments. They are the exact words of God, thus, they have the authority to rebuke, remind, and encourage. What the world needs now is what God has to say and not really what each one of us has to say personally. “Less talk, fewer mistakes,” as they say.

If what we say is not in light of the Scripture, then, there is a higher chance of us saying the wrong things or being misinterpreted. If people still chose to persecute us for sharing Bible verses during a crisis, then they are going against the Word of God and not us per se. It is God, then, who has the authority to judge them and not us when the right time comes.

Help comes from God and God alone, and the government or other people are only instruments of those blessings. Help always comes. And yet this will all happen according to God’s will and according to God’s timeline.

The only problem is we don’t have enough faith to trust God completely that He will provide us with everything that we need may it be eternal salvation or material needs. Thus, we become desperate for answers and solutions.

How much of God do we really believe in when we call Him out as God, our Father? How much of what Jesus has done on the Cross will be enough for us to believe that He indeed came here to save this world and all the people in it?

I am currently on Facebook hibernation as part of my Holy Week fasting. My heart bleeds seeing this situation happen during Holy Week. My heart breaks that the Lord’s Name is being used in vain, exactly during the time when we’re supposed to be glorifying Him.

I am praying that during the Holy Week, God’s people will take it into their hearts what really happened on the Cross how many centuries ago. I pray that we will all have a moment of reflection and refresh the time when we were saved. I pray that after this week and in the coming months and years, believers will rise up to their calling as followers of Christ and bring victory to God’s name no matter the circumstance.

Being a Christian is hard, but that is part of our identity as Christ’s followers. And this is just one of the extreme tests of faith for all believers. I pray we all open our eyes and defeat the attempt of the enemy to deceive, which has already blinded some of our fellow sisters and brothers in Christ.

We are more than conquerors in Christ. His blood is in each one of us. Let’s listen to the Spirit. Let’s devote our time to the reading of Scripture more than ever. And lastly, let’s continue praying that the body of Christ will all be united in defeating all the attacks of the enemy.

Praying for God’s mercy to be upon us all,

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The Journeyman's Moments

The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.

Tag Archives: love

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Love In The Time Of COVID-19: A Wife’s Tale

An Offer Of Comfort To Those Who Suffer Financially

Today, I Write With Sadness

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