Tag Archives: life

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

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I have always been a life-lover. This is probably one reason why I became passionate about everything. Even when I was in my darkest days, I still chose life. And life lived in this world can only get interesting and awesome when lived according to the Truth.

I usually am a multitasker. My brain can accommodate finishing at least ten tasks in a day – big or small. But lately, I can only do so far as my body can accommodate. I had to stop in-between tasks as nausea would begin to creep in and if I don’t stop, there goes the splitting migraine. I really planned on having the medical check up next week so I can monitor the condition of my health for the remaining days of this week and by that time, maybe I will have sufficient information to share with my doctor.

I guess my condition is the opportunity God gave me to really enjoy life, like enjoy every minute of it, not worrying about anything. Savor it in other words. Being busy with a lot of things can sometimes put you in that moment wherein you live life according to your daily routine and you get drowned by all the things that you need to accomplish for the short term or long term without being able to really appreciate all of them by the end of the day. I believe God has a reason why I had to write the first article for this year as “An Appreciative 2016.” I felt like the overall mood for this year is “darker,” and yet God wanted to tell us to appreciate it all and see the “Light.”

Indeed, when you have learned to trust God with everything, all that you do will follow the course of His plans and not of your actions. Life, for me, was put in a standstill. I oftentimes ask God why circumstances brought me in a way that pursuing my master’s degree would require I become jobless. And I was supposed to finish it last semester but I overlooked the deadline for filing for my extension in my residency at the university which means I wasn’t able to enroll this semester. In other words, I was forced to take a leave of absence in graduate school. But it kind of came in timely, why? Because I have planned on taking the licensure examination this March thus, most of my time is now spent on reviewing for said exam. Originally though, I planned to do my master’s thesis and review for the exam at the same time.

So what happened was that I was given a break from thesis work which is something that requires A LOT in all aspects. I was able to concentrate on just one task which is to review for the exam and entertain an opportunity wherein I was scheduled to attend a training for the Senior Writer post in the online magazine I have been contributing for in the past years. The job responsibilities are not as taxing as compared if you are working full time in an office and yet it would still require quite an amount of input, effort and time. BUT the good thing with this is that I don’t have to report for work at certain times every day and deal with all the stress of traveling/commuting, etc. Technically I am a freelance writer, but I am not really pursuing my writing as a means to get compensated. I just love to write for the love of writing. 🙂

Then it all dawned on me that indeed, God has a reason for everything and everything happens perfectly in His time. God knows when I reach this age, my body will start to regress. I am grateful that my master’s thesis didn’t allow work for doing both work and thesis will be STRESS at the maximum level. Even work alone is already a big STRESS right there. God knows my body won’t be able to take in all the stress that I’ll be getting from work and graduate study. He gave me a break.

Because pursuing both even if it is against His will would mean any illness that I have could progress to an even faster rate which is synonymous to me dying at a really young age. Maybe it is not yet my time to die that early. So God prolonged my health by giving me tasks that He knows I can handle for now until I have a final assessment of my health and be given the proper treatment.

In my current condition, I really have plenty of time to contemplate about a lot of things. I only stay at home before while I do my thesis work at my own pace because I do not have a job. I still get to do a lot of things though even if I do not have work – opportunities to explore and try a lot of things which are endless and they just keep on coming. But now, I really can’t do much. Again, everything at a standstill. It is only this blog that gives me the opportunity to do something while at home and resting which still gives me an opportunity to do something that I love. 🙂

So now my husband asked me, “Honey, what are your priorities again? You are not getting any younger. What is it that you want to do in life?”  If I am my usual stubborn, defiant self, I normally would reply with a sarcastic remark like “Yeah, I know that already. You don’t have to remind me what I should be doing in this life.”

But, I found myself thinking about 3 bible verses right at that moment. The first one is my life verse and the two that followed are my next favorites.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

So that’s how I replied to him. I am planning on explaining/adding something to that but I thought, try to keep it that way, Tin. Let the bible verses speak for themselves. As the Scripture goes,

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,..” – 2 Timothy 3:16

THUS,

“And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear Him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14

“And if anyone removes any of the words from this book of prophecy, God will remove that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city that are described in this book.” – Revelation 22:19

Faith has taught me that if you want to get your message across, do not just explain and state opinions or experiences, but most importantly, share them in light of the Scripture. And even better is when you share the bible verses at the right time and the right place with any people just as they are – no explanation/interpretation needed. I believe it is God who will touch accordingly the hearts, the minds and the spirits of the people whom you have shared these verses with.

We cannot always assume that a particular verse has the same meaning or that it can be applied in all situations at all times with everyone. God still dictates how these bible verses from the Scripture will come to life according to His plans and purposes. All it takes? LISTEN intently when the Spirit tells you to act on or say about something. It is in Ecclesiastes 3 that everything I write and say is rooted in.

Never ever trust your human emotions. Believe me, I have done that and it has failed me countless of times. It never will give you the solution and the end product that you are hoping to achieve.

Back to our text messages, I believe the message went through to my husband as he came home not bringing up the topic again and is now more attentive to my needs. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not mean to be selfish but I just noticed how much he has changed right now with me – more caring, more helpful, more understanding, a little more patient and he listens well when we converse.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in me too. *wink*  When we just got married, we were like cats and dogs trying to live in one territory knowing ALL our differences. I have promised myself before I got into a relationship that I will never ever nag as it is one of the “relationship killers”  but I found myself becoming exactly like that. If not for my husband telling me how hurtful I can become when I would correct him with this and that did I realize that oh no, Tin, you’ve been entangled in the dreaded web of nagging.

So I prayed to God how could I possibly let my thoughts out without hurting my husband. Or in other words, how can I speak the truth in love? 🙂

Praise God for post it sticky notes. Came the idea that when there’s this particular spot inside the house wherein my hubby usually does a bad habit that I wanted to correct, I would write a note with so much affection and words of endearment reminding him to do the opposite – the good one. It worked. BUT I know I cannot do that all the time so I settled with writing just ONE note for that one bad habit that affects greatly how we do things around the house. Yes, just one note. And as for the rest of our differences, for some I have to let them be, and for some I have to wait for God to do all the changing.

This resulted in BETTER days for me and my hubby. Which means we both get to sleep well and at peace at night. BUT that was what I thought. Because my brains won’t allow me. *big smiles*

Last night was supposed to be a peaceful rest and deep sleep. But because I have a very active brain, sensations can send nerve impulses that make my muscles move involuntarily. Like when I sleep talk or sleep walk.

Whap! There’s a very huge wasp biting my neck! So I hit it with the back of my hand. But I suddenly woke up – the wasp was a dream. But it was so real, for sure it wasn’t just a dream. So did I just hit someone with my hand?!?!

Uh oh…

Yes, my bad, it is dear hubby of mine whom I smacked across the face with the back of my hand thinking he was the wasp because of his mustache pressed onto my neck. lol 😀

I hugged my hubby and apologized but he just groaned in his deep sleep. *wink*  Okay that wasn’t a peaceful night but I can’t help not sharing this to my husband when we woke up the next day. We both laughed our lungs out because we have agreed that the next time we sleep together, he has to bind my hands or bind me along with the bed.

On a serious note, something is happening in my brains that I can’t explain as my dreams are becoming more and more real. But, I have next week to find out. So please pray with me my dear brothers and sisters. 🙂

But for now, I should continue doing what I always would do and what I love to do. I plan on eating really healthy so I am now back to cooking our food full time which I really love to do especially since I only get to do light tasks now. And I plan on doing more creative stuff like this photo collage which I printed out and pasted in my husband’s tumbler so he’d remember every best experience that we have shared together every now and then when he’s at work.

PicMonkey Collage

Happy memories! ❤ ❤ ❤

What I realized is that this life at a standstill is more about appreciating the life that God has given me now instead on brooding over my past and my future and appreciating what really matters – not wealth, not titles, not possessions, not your ambitions, and other worldly things. There really are so many things that I should appreciate and be grateful for. For one, simple things just make your days good, better even.

And I just want to end this by saying that life just never stops for a life-lover and a Jesus-lover. 🙂

Cheers to LIFE my dear friends! ❤

The Borrowed Life

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I am supposed to be bed resting. But when my body is at rest, my mind is at its best working double time. That’s why I sleep talk, because the brains just don’t want to stop working. Tsk, workaholic brains. *wink* It’s kind of creepy though if it is your first time to hear me sleep talk. I sometimes laugh out loud all of a sudden or sit down as if talking to someone invisible while asleep. My husband is always amused with this though. Because that means he has something to tease me in the morning. 🙂

Truth is, I am a little bit down under the weather for the past days. Actually a little bit is an understatement because I’ve been having migraines for the past days already – splitting ones. There is a striking pain in my lower back, too, and I have a painful jaw line or it’s my wisdom tooth still trying to come out (at my age, it seems weird). I really can’t tell but this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this. Prior to this, a splitting headache that went on for about a week bothered me last Christmas and New Year’s Day celebration along with mouth sores, a painful tooth/gum/jaw, and fatigue though I haven’t been doing much physically.

My assessment was that when my immune system is down, I experience these symptoms. During the holidays, there was a lot of stress preparing holiday stuff, then there’s heavy traffic and long queue everywhere. Now, it was the February “fever” as I only got about an hour of sleep, had to be on the road for about 2 hours and been awake for almost 24 hours to attend the hot air balloon festival as part of our Valentine’s Day celebration. The event was not too tiring and it was so much fun especially since it’s my husband’s first time to attend this event. But standing for very long hours under the very, very hot sun the whole day will no doubt drain you out.

I guess my immune system is down again so here comes the same symptoms. Most of them normally go away after some time, but somehow I’m a little bothered because they could be symptoms of an even severe illness. I did mention in my previous articles that my great grandmother, my grandmother, and my Mom are all breast cancer survivors.

My Mom was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer when she was 45 years old. She has been feeling chest pain for a couple of years already, but I guess my Mom just have this phobia with hospitals and doctors (white coat syndrome). It took my Aunties and my Dad a couple of years trying to convince her to have a medical check up.

By the way, all five of us, kids, were born with the help of a midwife only – yes, brave mom my Mom. She gave birth inside the comforts of our home with no anesthesia and medical staff to help her.

Being cancer survivors though, I guess this will be the reason why my Mom and my grandma are now called as the matriarchs of the family – an epitome of courage, strength and faith. And I believe my Dad’s prayers have something to do with it, too.

My Dad loves to go to church but because my Mom doesn’t want to, he decided to be with my Mom and chose to stay at home with her on Sundays. When I was a kid, I would go to my parents’ bedroom and I’d find my Dad sitting on the bed, with knees propped up, head bent down and hands clasped together – he was praying.

I was too young back then and I did not understand what it meant. I would sometimes play inside the room trying to get his attention and yes, distract him. But I ended up being ushered out of the room and reprimanded to never disturb him when he prays. So I asked him what he was doing, he answered simply with one word, “praying.”

It was this one word that healed my Mom and I believe this held my parents together as a couple during difficult and trying times. So now, I was beginning to wonder, “Is it my time now, Lord, to be in this situation too?” I am the only one among my siblings who didn’t undergo a mammogram. I am 30 years old and these are the years when hormones start to change and yes, cancer cells are getting more aggressive. I don’t want to have a check up for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to hear that dreaded line that “You have cancer.” and 2) I have faith that God would heal me I wouldn’t be needing doctors and medications.

Reason number 2 is somehow void. Why? There was one lecture in church wherein our pastor told us that faith healing is really possible but there is also a purpose why God created doctors and why technology made medicines possible. Jesus, our Healer, is not present with us to perform healing miracles. And yet I believe that along with our faith, it is also through the doctors that He passed on this responsibility to heal on His behalf. So yes, I might have a medical check up next week. I also just found out that the pills I am taking can enhance the growth of cancer cells and are not prescribed to those who have a history of cancer. So, this definitely requires a consultation with my ob gynecologist.

I am not afraid to die. I am, in fact, very much looking forward to the day that I will die regardless on how I will die. Why? Nothing is ever more beautiful and rewarding than meeting your Creator yourself. I have so many questions to ask God regarding His awesome wonders that not even Science or any branch of study can ever explain. Just imagine how awesome it would be to hear the answers straight from the Master, Himself, face to face. Oh, that would be such a wonderful privilege. It is wisdom that comes with no price for it is priceless. And yet it is not my intent to know everything that God knows for no one can ever be like God – He is the Alpha and the Omega, no one and nothing compares.

I am ready but my loved ones are not – my husband most especially. I prayed to God about this that if time comes all my assumptions are right, I pray that He would prepare me and most especially my loved ones for the truth. The truth hurts, it always does. But the good thing is that it sets all of you free. Nothing is ever more painful to me than seeing my loved ones hurt. Being the overly empathetic person that I am, I feel every pain they feel and their emotional burden is my burden too. And sometimes I ask God why He created me that way.

For there were times like during last Sunday’s service wherein my husband and I were seated behind a young lady and a middle-aged woman. During praise and worship, I saw the young lady bowed down with her hair covering her face but her hand is up her cheek – I know what she is doing even if I don’t see it because I feel it – she is wiping tears from her eyes. The pain is there. The middle-aged woman also sat down during worship, stayed silent as if praying a prayer and then took a hankie from her bag and wiped her eyes.

Sometimes seeing them that way makes me want to hug them because I can feel their pain and when they cry, I want to cry with them too. The only times I cried in church though were during my altar call and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. When I saw these two women, I knew I had to do something at that point. So I laid my hands out in their direction during praise and worship and uttered a prayer of healing. I felt like I wanted to tell them silently in my head that “My dear sister, though you are in so much pain now, the Lord will heal you. The fact that you are in front of me and worshiping the Lord in this church means that He has chosen you to be among His people – the ones that He has saved. Be brave for you may not realize it now, but you are more than a conqueror. And this is just the beginning of your journey with the Lord. Be glad and take heart, what you are going through is only temporary.”

It would be really nice to approach and talk to them after the church service, but I am a stranger to them so that might be awkward. I am still praying though that even after the end of the church service, this silent encounter of mine with them will never end there. This wasn’t the first time this have happened. In fact, it happens all the time during church service.

And sometimes I really am baffled because knowing the emotional being that I am, being close to these people seems like me being a sponge and I absorb anything that is around me – and the emotions are all heavy. Ah yes, a call for more prayers on my part. I am more than glad and willing though to be of service by being a prayer warrior. Anything for God and His people – nothing is ever more honorable than that. 🙂

Now, back to the cancer cells, I started talking to my husband about it as my way of preparing him for what could possibly happen. I told him that when I am diagnosed with cancer, I want him to live with his Mom because I don’t want him to see me in pain and suffering. And yet he would just shrug it off and will not welcome the idea that he will lose me early on in our lives together. He would tell me that it will never happen. I would just smile at him and told him that there is a 99.9% chance it will happen. It is only a matter of “when.”

I just want him to be prepared when that happens so he wouldn’t blame God as to why it is happening to me or to us. I told him that God has a good reason for allowing things to happen to those whom He has called according to His purpose. I could die early, but we are all going to die anyway. It’s all just a matter of who gets to die first and who gets to die last.

To be honest, it really doesn’t matter if I live in this world for 99 years or for 30 years. For we all know that this life is only temporary. It is only a preparation for the real world wherein everything is good, there is no death, and life is infinite – eternal life in heaven. For all those who believe in God and proclaimed Jesus as their Savior will all meet and gather one day in that one special place along with our Creator. So I continued telling my husband that if I die early, he should be a good man and continue living a Godly life so he’d be with me, too, when he dies and we’d still end up together. There was silence.

Oh my dear husband of mine, must you always sleep on me while I am still talking? lol *wink* But do understand that these lengthy speeches of mine and weird questions happen quite late in the evening and he’s so tired from work. He is lukewarm about everything while I am so passionate about everything especially with my faith and yet by the end of the day, he ends up believing me. 😀

No credit to me but credit to God for making the impossible possible – even melting the coldest of hearts to become warm. Though I must admit that there are days when my husband and I seem like the worst of enemies. Nothing is sweeter though than him hugging you tight and showering you with kisses even though you look terrible with puffed eyes because of the pain you’re experiencing. And along with the hugs came a remark that says, “Honey, no matter how difficult it is what we are going through now, I will never leave you.” Ahhh yes, these are the moments I so appreciate having a husband – a lovely gift from God. Never mind the “dark days.” They weren’t meant to be remembered. 😉

I should be asleep by now, but I thought I need to finish this first. Being stubborn is what I inherited from my Mom but God is changing that, too. So tonight, as I stare at the ceiling lying in bed, I will raise my hand to worship God. My hand belongs to Him as with all parts of my body. They will all be wrinkled or they will become ashes and yet I can only rejoice when that happens. For it signifies the time to be nearer and closer to my God, my Father and my Creator, and be with my Savior, Jesus Christ, from whom this body originally and rightfully belongs to.

Indeed, this life that I have is only a borrowed life. 🙂

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

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Going Vegan @ Little India Healthy Cuisine

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It’s been a while since I had my last gastronomic adventure. Yes, lest I might fall into acquiring gluttony. So yes, I had to say “no” to eating lots and lots of food through all the multitude of opportunities to do so lying around, healthy or not.

But of course, depriving ourselves completely is never a part of God’s plans. For He wanted us to enjoy the best that life has to offer – that is, with the right kind of discipline and attitude. 🙂

Discipline, you say? If you are like me who now have this conscious effort to stay healthy through my food intake (I am getting older), then this article is the perfect article to read. Going a bit vegan for me is eating more vegetables than meat.

Do read along what Little India Healthy Cuisine has to offer. 🙂

Little India: Superb All Vegan Indian Cuisine

Tin Ginete

Little India Healthy Cuisine

Living Without Fear

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Everyday we are constantly bombarded with worries that already became natural of us – a bad habit actually.

I grew up with a lot of fears. I was brought up shielded in the comforts of our own home as a child knowing so little of the world outside. When I grew older, I brought it with me and it reflected in the decisions I make and have made.

So for now, allow me to categorize my fears according to my past, present and future:

Past

1. How will I be able to relinquish from it?
2. How can I keep it from affecting my present and future?
3. What if my past mistakes will be made known?
4. What if they continue to haunt me?

Present

1. What if one of these days I found out my partner cheated on me for the last couple of years that we were together?
2. What if I didn’t accomplish much before I get old?
3. What if I don’t bear children?
4. Am I credible enough to share the Gospel knowing that I am not perfect?

Future

1. What if I could not protect my children from the evil forces of this world and the negative influences?
2. What if I lose everything I have?
3. Will I be admitted in heaven when I die?

Those questions posit an image of me cowering in fear. If I am to illustrate it, it would look like this:

It is a bubble thought that is too huge it makes you feel smaller and smaller every minute that you think of it. And then when the weight becomes too unbearable, you now ask this:

“What can I do?”

Honestly, there is so little that we can do when it comes to our fears. For rereading those questions, you will realize that they don’t and cannot give us certain answers. That is, if what you mean by acting on it is finding a practical solution for it that you could apply.

As a born again Christian now, I still feel those nagging fears creeping inside me every now and then. I have mentioned before that worrying is a bad habit to break. And yet the only difference before and now when it comes to handling my fears is that I have a more grounded source of hope every time they start to get the best part of me by connecting with God through a prayer and the Scripture.

Allowing your fears to take control of you will only get you that far in life. It limits you, it takes the life out of you. Thus, in my social media accounts and even in my phone, this photo will sum up how it feels to live without fear and what you need to live that way. When I see it everyday, it assures me, it secures me and it gives me hope.

Nothing in this world is ever in our control – not even our own life. And it will stay that way for as long as we live. We are the ship, God is the captain who will steer us across waves of doubt and storms of fear and bring us to a place of peace. 🙂

And this verse will sum this all up:

John 1:5 NLT

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.”

In Limbo

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I have been warned. I was educated. I was trained.

Yet I found myself in an unfavorable situation that could have erupted from the missed warnings. Or it was meant to be.

I question. Would love to question. Yet I can only accept. But do what I have now meant to be mine in the first place? Or again, it was the outcome of my deaf ears and a stubborn heart?

I have been hearing it. I have been seeing it. I have been feeling it. Everywhere I go. The signs are there. I know people have been praying for me, they wanted to protect me.

Protect me from what?

From falling into that state of oblivion, of being in limbo – the battle between good and evil.

Devoted but unequally yoked – this, I know, could be my sweetest downfall. Those who have met me may have prophesied it already. They are the ones who keep me on the right track. They will pray until I will be brought out of the pit. They pray for a sacrifice of letting go.

And yet there are those who pray that I stay. For God never gives us more than what we can handle. They believe it is yet a period in my spiritual journey where God is in the process of changing me so He could complete me. They pray for endurance, love and courage that I may overcome it.

A crossroad is never a good spot to be in. It is prone to collisions. It sets you in a state of confusion. It either gives life or death. Just like being in limbo.

In faith, a wrong decision could lead to spiritual death or it leads to the dawn of a new you. But one thing’s for sure, it will change you.

For this season, I am basically learning a lot about love and relationships in general. I get to apply what I learned and it is only now that I can say that our spiritual journey indeed never starts and ends in reading the bible, going to church and having fellowship with your sisters in Christ.

In this season, God is teaching me how to love the most unlovable; to understand and to have self – control when you wanted to have your way; to be calm when all you wanted was to flare up; to forgive always though you have been hurt countless of times; to ask for forgiveness because you have sinned again and was tested to the limit; to force yourself to trust despite of the dark past; to believe though your mind tells you otherwise; to be patient when all you wanted was to leave; to accept things when all you wanted was to change them; to sacrifice and give without expecting anything in return.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Matthew 5: 1-8 NIV

Yes, what we all need in this world is love. A love like how our God loved us.

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love -and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT

It was through my devotion that the Spirit convicts me every time I am on the verge of quitting and setting aside things once and for all. I wanted to go back to who I was – not distracted in serving the Lord. And yet, it is also the Spirit who would pacify me that I am where I am supposed to be. I needed to get through this in order to continue on in my spiritual journey. God placed them all in my hands not to see me fail but to see me triumph over them. I remembered my brother advising me that what I should focus on is not the tip of the iceberg but what’s at the bottom which is bigger than what I am seeing for now. He would always tell me to look at the bigger picture, do not focus on the problem but focus more on the goal, the mission which is honoring God.

Obedience by action is by far the hardest. Easier said than done as the saying goes. But it is how God wanted us to be sanctified each and every single day – forming a deeper relationship by becoming more and more like Him every single day in our thoughts, our words and our actions.

To be Christ-like is to slowly die to your old self every single day which means carrying your own “cross” and lift it until time comes that is finished, the mission is accomplished and you are completely changed.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

– PAULO COEHLO, The Devil and Miss Prym

God is telling me to obey and trust Him while waiting for His plans to unfold in His perfect time though at times I may fail. And this is what keeps me for now:

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalms 73:26 NLT

I Was Convicted

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Yes, I was convicted by the Spirit. Yet again, for the nth time. 😉

I woke up today and remembered it is our 14th monthsary with my fiance. I greeted him and he did the same. But I was vying more on how the world defines celebrations – gifts, dates, cards and flowers. Those were my expectations.

The question is: what if my fiance did not meet my expectations?

That exactly happened. For it is human frailty to set worldly expectations and I am guilty of that. But does that mean that he loves me less? Should I feel bad that it appears I am unappreciated? My initial human emotional reaction was to feel exactly all that. But when I opened my devotion for today, that was when the rebuke happened:

“Contentment springs from trusting God as our supplier and gratefully accepting what He provides.” – ODB

And the Spirit guided me to the following bible verses:

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6: 31-33

“I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.” – Philippians 4:12

What God wanted me to learn is to be content in everything so I won’t become selfish and greedy. For it is in discontentment that the selfish nature of humans arise – the need to have more and more and more. Be patient and be grateful in anything and in everything that the Lord gives us.

I have to look at the things that are far more valuable that my fiance was able to give me and continues to give me. I have to look deeper into their intrinsic values and remember that my worth and his love for me can never be measured by the material things I receive from him for only God defines both.

Unconditional love, time, patience, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, sacrifices…I began counting all the other things that he did for me and I realized he has given me so much more than I deserve, more than I needed and yet I barely even appreciated them until now. They were these kind of things that my fiance continues to give me each and every single day which keeps our relationship going that are far more valuable than material gifts, lavish dates and “romantic” stuff.

These are things that I should be extremely grateful for. Because they are the things that exemplify what matters to God most. It is not about my fiance pleasing me, nor me pleasing him but it is about pleasing God.

To love is to be selfless, and to demand is to be selfish. Be content, be appreciative and be happy in God and His blessings. It is always about giving your most valuable assets that are far beyond incomparable to material possessions and yet the hardest to give and never all about receiving that we learn to love others.

And I believe that is all that matters. 🙂

Not Your Ordinary Day

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Today I experienced 3 somewhat peculiar scenarios:

1. I heard a sudden, shrill buzzing tone in my left ear during my Discipleship training in church this morning when one of our Pastors was praying. It went on for just a couple of seconds then stopped. I heard the same buzzing sound twice when I got home while resting. I did not experience it anymore for the rest of the night though.

The first time I heard it was during the last prayer meeting of Prayer and Fasting 2013 which was the first prayer meeting I attended.

2. While I was on my way to meet my fiance later this afternoon inside the cab, everything we passed by were all blue – the same color as my shirt: people walking, cars and buses.

3. When my fiance and I were on the bus, I was seated near the window and in the opposite lane, most of the cars I saw were white L300 vans, like 50 of them within just the how many seconds that we were traveling along Edsa. And the one near me I was able to catch a glimpse of the company logo and underneath it was the word “casket.” They make caskets, I presume? 😀

As of writing, I am here at my fiance’s house with his family in Laguna. In just 2hrs, we will be heading off north to Baguio City along with his childhood friend and his gf for a road trip.

If this is my last post that I will be writing, the interpretation of my dream 2 nights ago (please refer to the article I posted before this) and the signs today are all correct.

My dream could be a premonition, a prophecy – there will be an accident. I talked to my fiance’s Mom earlier tonight and she advised me we should pray before leaving as she is not feeling too sure re our safety. The buzzing sound I heard could be the Spirit telling me something. Blue is my favorite color because it makes me calm, it gives me peace. All the “blue” I saw today could be angels actually guiding and preparing me. And the L300 vans I saw will be the type of vehicle that we’re gonna have a collision with causing my death thus the word “casket.”

Yes, it could be representing my death. The familiar faces of women I saw in my dream who boarded with me on the bus headed to Baguio City are actually the angels and I can see their faces in my dream that is why they somehow look familiar to me, but here on Earth they are the ones in “blue.”

And Baguio City, the “heaven here on Earth” as I call it, actually represents heaven for real. 🙂

This could be a product of my wild imagination as a writer or it could be all true or maybe they all signify a different meaning. I guess one way to find out is to PRAY and enjoy the exciting journey ahead, here or up there. *wink*

I just never felt more at peace in my life than what I have felt today. So yes, today was not my ordinary kind of day. And I praise God for that. Because peace is the one thing that is hardest to attain in everything nowadays. I know you will agree with me. 😀

Keep the faith, do the mission and glorify God always my dear friends. 🙂

Look At The Red Light

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“Look at the red light…”

That was what my surgeon, Dr. Ang, would tell me when I had my femtosecond lasik surgery on both eyes as a study patient at Asian Eye Institute last November 2013. I was overjoyed upon hearing I passed the initial screening considering I am a myopic with a 7.50 grade on both eyes, a .25 astigmatism on my right eye and my test results confirmed I have a thin cornea. This proposed as a problem among the research team as any miscalculation during the surgery will be considered fatal. Yes, I am what eye experts would call as legally blind. It was my very first surgery and I was extremely nervous. It is actually very ironic because I have never been confined in a hospital, never loved the idea, and yet there I was having my eye surgery – 100% conscious. 🙂

My brother accompanied me to AEI and stayed there until the time came that I was ushered into the clean room 30 minutes prior to prepare for the procedure. Drops were placed on my eyes and I cannot give you the specifics as to what kind of drops they were. (Sorry, I am not a medical professional.) 😉

While waiting, I saw nothing except for a blur because I am not wearing my eyeglasses anymore. I was sitting pretty and comfy then my name was called. A nurse guided me inside the operating room and I could not even see where the procedure will take place. Oh poor eyesight, poor me indeed.

I just sat and lied down where they instructed me and I sort of relied on my other senses for most of the session – sense of touch most definitely and my sense of hearing. Then I heard my doctor’s voice explaining what we are about to go through and I just nodded staring at the ceiling. Or something else? I am not so sure as I really could not tell because everything was really a blur.

Then came the squishy water poured over my eyes and I could see a bright light, probably the ones used during surgical procedures. A machine hovered over my eyes and I felt pressure. They did this for each eye then I saw a thin piece of metal being inserted to clip my eyelids which would prevent my eyes from closing during the operation. Then more liquid came gushing into my eyes and what I remembered next was a very thin and tiny piece of rod used to scrape my cornea and to lift it up.

After they did this, I totally saw nothing. It was all white, not even silhouettes or shadows. Then came Dr. Ang’s words reminding me to look at the red light. That was the time they started using the laser to correct the shape of my cornea and enhance my visual acuity. I could smell burning flesh. It is a good thing though I didn’t throw up but I am so close to panic mode with a heartbeat racing faster than the normal. Now this is probably the reason why Dr. Ang would always remind me to look at the red light. My eyes are trying to look for something. That was my first feeling on how it is to be completely blind. Almost complete darkness but I can see no lines, no movement, no anything except for a very faint red light from a distance which I so tried to search and focus on.

Just like the Truth and the Light.

Imagine yourself in a dark, deep pit. You see nothing around you, tried to grope around you but the darkness is too overwhelming it suffocates your entire being. It clings on to you as if of a cloak that you cannot just take off every time you want to. Then you see a very, very tiny light from afar. So tiny you would find it difficult to focus on.

BUT then again, you are too scared to let that light pass you by so you stared at it far too long. You reached out your hand to take hold of it so it wouldn’t escape you. Then just as sudden as you have reached out your hand, the light started to become bigger and bigger. Until you felt yourself being lifted slowly, bit by bit, out of that dark, deep pit.

Alas, you saw the light. You now see everything more clearly. And it was a wonderful feeling. Until now, it still is.

No longer will you settle to be surrounded by darkness but you will try harder to search for that light. Every time the claws of darkness will take hold of you, you try every effort and every ounce of strength in you to escape it. Because you know that “at the end of every tunnel there comes light.”

A guiding force will lead you out of the struggle – out of the pit, out of the darkness. A force that is more powerful than anything in this world. The force came in the form of a man. The man who, though was brought to pain and suffering, became the light that shone all through mankind. The light that can never be extinguished, that stood shining above all peril in all its darkness.

Jesus Christ was and is that Light.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6

He came to be with us, because He loved us first. As I savor in this light, I know my love for Him will be my passage to reclaiming that light in moments that it becomes dim. But I know for certain, it will never diminish and for as long as I see that light, there is hope. And I will cling on to that until the Lord’s work in me is done.

I live for only one thing – to glorify my God, the living Father. He lives in you and me. Do not depart from the light, seek it with all your heart. Then, you will know how it really feels to be saved and to be loved. 🙂

A Prayerful 2015

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“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” – Romans 12:12

In every crusade, the knights engage in periods of time preparing for a victorious battle. In driving, you buckle up for safety. In school, you study so you will graduate. In almost every action, there is always a plan. But in life, how do you prepare?

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” – Proverbs 19:21

I bet this verse will remind us that not even us have the capability to completely prepare ourselves for what the future holds. As I enter this year, I realized I have so many in my hands right now that sometimes I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of opportunities, things to do and decisions. A swirling sea that seems endless with no beginning and yet no ending.

Decisions. Life can never be “life” without them. Each and every single day we decide, we choose. We choose what we will eat today, what we will wear tomorrow, what to ride today, etc. And yes, oftentimes we worry, we fret. Forgetting that God told us this:

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?…“- Matthew 6:25-26

Ah yes, Father. I am a worrier, full of doubts. Would any of you be right then if you assumed that I have no trust at all? Could be. But by God’s Grace I am still here worshiping, because His love never fails. For all throughout the changing seasons, He was there to guide me and usher me towards where I should be heading. Slowly learning to surrender and build the trust bit by bit, letting go of the world and slowly embracing more of Him each and every single day.

But it wasn’t smooth sailing. Conflicts, rage, heartaches, headaches, pain, sorrow, regret…have I made the wrong decisions?

And yet I was pacified with this:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

And also this:

“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” – James 1:6

I believe I can no longer give in to the shadow of doubts and affliction but believe in the power of prayers and surrendering to His mighty will. Yes, God’s will and His plans prevail. They always do. And that is the Good News. To hope is to trust. I guess that’s what it is to have faith. 🙂

Thus, I pray:

Oh Mighty Father, if we have acted upon our own free will in the past and failed, may You continue to guide us and make things right as we surrender to Your plans instead of ours. We pray that as plans shift, may You continue to touch and guard the hearts of those who will be affected. May You cover all the pain, remove all the hurt and bless us with forgiveness, acceptance, peace and love. And above it all, we will continue to hold on to the beautiful promises that You have for us until Your work in us is complete. Teach us to be patient, teach us to be calm. Considering that in all that we do and in all that we say, we will claim victory in Jesus’ Mighty Name. Amen.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Spirit Lives

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Today is Friday, the end of the work week to most and the last day for the Prayer and Fasting 2015. This post is also my first entry for this year. Looks like what I have to write here will be something memorable. I hope. 😉

It’s been awhile since I wrote my last entry about my faith, if a few months back can be regarded as such. But I was prompted. Not just by anyone but by the One who lives in each and everyone of us who have been saved – the Spirit.

Thus, I begin my post.

I normally do not wake up at 5am. But I have been waking up at that time for how many consecutive days already. The tossing, turning and failed attempts to get back on hibernation mode can, I must say, add to the plentiful running thoughts in your head. I checked Instagram because I remembered I need to edit my profile. I saw something I did not like on the Newsfeed, I was tempted to judge – the mind can form in an instant the weapons of destruction. Not to them being criticized but to yourself who criticize, for a complete negative thought is nothing but already a crime.

BUT before negativity overcame me, I suddenly remembered a verse. My thoughts shifted – what book was it, what chapter, what verse, who said it, etc. I took my phone, typed the words I could remember from that verse on Google search and found myself reading verses upon verses until I stumbled upon this:

1 Corinthians 4:5 NIV

“Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”

The verse was more of an answer to my beleaguered thoughts the past days than it is to the IG post I saw and my reaction to it. It just struck me how God can use simple things and simple ways as His means to provide you the answer you have been needing thus giving you the peace that you deserve.

And this was not the first time that happened. For every time I ask questions, every time I am unsure of something, every time I crave for an explanation, I was always reverted back to the Scriptures. And what I read are the only things that pacified me. I was supposed to write there ‘satisfied’ than ‘pacified’ but to me, satisfaction can be achieved without the feeling of being pacified. Satisfaction is for the time being while to be pacified is for the long run. Satisfaction is for that immediate craving while being pacified is for that deep longing.

Sure, some writings satisfy but their ideas never last. Maybe because if they are human wisdom, they change. What the Scriptures offer is Godly wisdom written in consistency through the changing times. And something grounded is more believable than something unstable, right?

1 Corinthians 1:19 NIV

[For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”]

Indeed, there is so much a changed life can do. You thought for a moment you have it all from wisdom to riches, love in its worldly definition and power. Until came the time that you were stripped bare – you have nothing. Except now, the only thing you see is your Creator. And the only thing you have and you can be proud of is the Cross. Then you can only be happier, for you have been stripped FREE. The Spirit lives. 🙂

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( Photo credit: https://www.pinterest.com/wildbill666/for-me/)