Tag Archives: hope

When Loving Becomes Extraordinaire

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Here’s something short but sweet to start February, which is the month when everybody is smitten. 😉 You are deeply loved and cherished, my dear – with or without a special someone. ❤️

When Loving Becomes Extraordinaire

by Christine Lailani

You’re the only one who captured my heart in a way that nobody else could.

I hear your thoughts, you hear mine – a language that only we know.

Know that I will love every version of you: your young, your old, your calm, your furious, your happy, and your sad.

Because loving you is like loving an extraordinary person – my love extraordinaire.

🌹

“Can You Feel The Love Tonight”

“We love because God first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

Embarking On A Solo Journey

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I find it a little unusual that I am about to embark on a new journey with a new set of challenges and yet I have reached that point where I am at peace with everything. In fact, I’m very much looking forward to this new journey I already listed out so many plans though I know that God can change them any minute according to His will. And yet I am not a bit worried. I believe there’s only one explanation for this – God’s grace. 🙏🙂

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

My husband and I have agreed that whether he decides to work abroad or work here in Manila, I will go back to Bicol and live there. In other words, our decision to live separately whether he’s working here or abroad still remains. I told him I just can’t see my purpose here in Manila, and God is calling me to serve there in Bicol. God gave us the opportunity to stay in my hometown during the last quarter of 2022 until 2023 to find out if the provincial life is for him or not, see the situation at the farm, assess what needs to be done, and to also take care of Mom.

What 2022 And 2023 Were All About

The good thing about going back home in 2022 was that we got to see for ourselves that the farm indeed requires a lot of work and our initial plan to have a poultry farm project might have to wait. Our current challenge is the electricity installation which takes quite a long time before the application can be approved since the area is far from the town proper. Without electricity, it’ll be hard to find a farm caretaker who will live on the farm. And without a farm caretaker, we can’t start farm projects that have high-value products.

So, while waiting for the electricity to be installed, I told my husband that I would help him invest his earnings from his work abroad should he decide later on to retire early. And also, he will have a fallback because the future is very unpredictable. We don’t know if the next day there will be a WWIII and economic recession, which will most likely result in retrenchment, repatriation of overseas workers, migration issues, etc.

I’m currently studying recession-proof investment opportunities that won’t incur huge financial losses should the market demand decline given the country’s economic outlook for this year onwards. If God wills it that the investment commences according to the projected timeline, the profit will be added to his savings so he can use it to reinvest for business expansion or to try other investment vehicles. I told him this was my way of returning all the favors he did to help me when we were taking care of Mom at the hospital i.e. driving me to the hospital and back home, buying the meds while I stayed in the hospital room with Mom, massaging Mom because she chose him over me (😀), etc.

What Is It About Bicol As My Favorite Earthly Home

Why go back to Bicol if the farm projects were put on hold? God actually made me realize there are plenty of opportunities that I can explore in our community. I also have this urge to serve and give back to the community since this is our indoctrination in UP as an “Iskolar ng Bayan.” I also have plans to pursue a master’s degree again, but in agribusiness this time if God wills it. I was eyeing Bicol University Graduate School and already inquired back in 2021 if they held online classes for their MS Agribusiness course since face-to-face classes weren’t allowed back then.

Unfortunately, I still have to attend a couple of in-person classes if ever I get in and the campus is in Guinobatan, Albay. I did find another option offered by Bicol University Open University which is their Master in Management course. But, I still prefer a degree that is related to agribusiness. I just thought my siblings and I would benefit from this once we take over our family’s agribusiness. The transition has already started and my siblings and I need to learn everything double time because we don’t have any formal training/basic education in farming and agriculture. It was easy for Dad to manage farm duties because his work as a Civil Engineer at the National Irrigation Administration somehow made it possible for him to hit 2 birds with 1 stone.

Dare To Dream, Care To Serve

I was also considering going back to teaching as a faculty in college and teaching English Literature though I will be more effective in handling Writing classes. I could use my work experience since 2017 as a content writer in the digital marketing/e-commerce industry, which is one of the in-demand jobs right now. Another great opportunity that I am looking into is conducting summer writing workshops for high school and college students. I can also explore teaching opportunities in SpEd (Special Education). If God wills it, I also plan to pursue a doctorate degree much later on in life if it is still necessary.

It is also my dream to work in the public office and be part of the marketing/public relations division. I am also contemplating if it’ll be better if I become a public school teacher instead and help train young minds to create a resilient future. I studied in public schools my entire student life from grade school until grad school, and I observed that there is still more that can be done with our current educational systems. But if I will be a teacher in high school or grade school, I will need to renew my professional license and take CPD units for teachers.

Always Searching For God’s Will In Everything

Yes, the opportunities are endless. And yet it all boils down to knowing what we really want, and if what we want is also aligned to what God wants for us. Choosing for me is difficult because I have to carefully weigh the options considering other priorities and obligations, which will include farm duties. I am forever grateful to God though for these opportunities and yet I know these career goals and plans to pursue graduate studies can only happen given that I am 100% healthy. If not, working from home is the only choice I have.

So, I decided it would be best to rent a place in Sorsogon City and stay there from Friday until Monday because I will be attending Sunday church services in Victory Sorsogon. I already inquired about their Victory group/Bible study group, but unfortunately, they only meet during weekdays. So I’m praying I’ll find one that meets on Friday or Monday because from Tuesday to Thursday, I plan to be in my hometown, which is a 2-hour trip from Sorsogon City. I also plan on doing volunteer work in the church, so I have to be in the city during weekends.

Looking for a safe place to stay in Sorsogon City will be my first task when I get back to Bicol. I see it as the top priority, especially if I will need regular medical consultations, checkups, and treatments. Traveling back and forth from Bulan to Sorsogon City on a regular basis won’t be advisable. And I also don’t want to be a burden to my husband or my family because I know how emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting it is to take care of a sick loved one.

Health Is Always Wealth, As They Say

The result of my repeated urinalysis last December actually showed that my RBC is still high even after a week of taking antibiotics, and it is still above the normal range. My second sister who’s a nurse in Norway told me I still have an infection and she’s suspecting it’s from dislodged kidney stones, and I might be asymptomatic for now. I actually have not met up yet with an internist at St. Luke’s Hospital because I don’t want to distract my husband since he is currently preparing for his exam. If I will be required to undergo further tests, it will definitely disrupt his plans. I am going back to Bicol anyway, and the doctors there might require that all of my tests should be repeated. So I thought I might as well do the tests when I’m already there.

The only other symptoms I have now are the rashes on my cheeks triggered by prolonged sun exposure when my husband and I started planting the forage plants last year. These skin flare-ups subside every time I take Coaltria, and I take this medicine daily. Coaltria was prescribed by my ENT doctor in 2022 for my severe allergic rhinitis.

I did a little bit of research and my rashes looked like a butterfly rash. I also have trigger fingers or it could be early signs of arthritis. And this led me to think that maybe I have lupus just like Kris Aquino. By the way, one thing you need to know about me is that if my Mom had white coat syndrome, I’m the opposite because I’m a hypochondriac. lol

So I did my research on lupus and found this ongoing study by Yale School of Medicine on how the lupus antibody can be used to treat breast cancer and ovarian cancer. Speaking of breast cancer, I am hoping Mom’s oncologist there in Bicol will be my doctor, too (Hello, Doc Leones! 😊). I hope he still has a Saturday schedule at the hospital in Sorsogon City where Mom was confined. He already knows our breast cancer history so maybe it might help in studying my case. I also would like to ask him about BRCA 1/2 gene mutation testing and know what my options are to reduce the risks of getting breast cancer if I don’t have it yet. My doctor will most probably say, “Christine, we have a lot of work to do because you’ve been delaying your medical checkup for a long time.” Well Doc, I guess Science can never come up with a cure for stubbornness. lol But of course, my answer will be something like this: “I’ve been preparing for it, Doc. Let’s get started, it’s about time.“

Seeing Problems Differently

I actually have a different approach when looking at problems. This is maybe the result of training myself over the years to always look at things from a different perspective and to go beyond what exactly is presented in front of you more like looking for the good in every bad situation. Or person even. So let’s say my doctor tells me I need to go through chemotherapy. Instead of looking negatively at the side effects of chemo, I’m going to see going bald, for instance, as an opportunity to try different hairstyles through wigs. I also get to try new hair colors because my hair is resistant to any type of hair dye.

So before my chemo session starts, I will already shave my head and start using a wig. I won’t wait until my hair starts falling off one by one because it will only trigger anxiety and depression. I already witnessed it with Mom. I just did not tell her because she loved it every time I combed her hair. I told her instead that the “Donya” hair bun I made for her looked really good on her. 😊 I also want to test if it’s uncomfortable to wear a wig for a long time, especially during hot and humid days.

If my doctor also tells me that it is best if I undergo a double mastectomy/lumpectomy like what my grandmother had (she lived up to 93 years old and Mom had a unilateral mastectomy in the 1990s before her breast cancer recurred), I am also going to look at it as an opportunity to maybe have my “dream breasts” should I opt to have breast reconstruction surgery later on. I call them “dream breasts” because they look like the ones that some actresses have which don’t move to the sides when lying down. 😁✌️

If I still have extra funds and my health is back to normal, I would like to use these funds to sponsor a child battling cancer who lacks the finances to get all the treatments.

God Does Things His Way Though We Can Also Have Prayer Requests

Right now, I’m actually in the process of bargaining with God that I’ll do anything He asks even if I sacrifice a lot of things but in return, He keeps me healthy because I still have a lot of things that I want to do and accomplish not only for me but for other people, too, such as the hospice facility.

The plan actually was originally intended for me and my siblings when we grow old because my eldest sister is the only one among us who has kids. I am targeting that the hospice facility will be completed once we’re in our late 60s if God wills it we reach this age. That will be 30 to 40 years from now. Maybe by then, a hospice facility will be feasible enough. If not, then my proposition is that we will use the project site for our retirement homes instead.

We are a family of planners. However, we are also well aware that plans change. I also look like I have already planned out everything and yet believe me when I say that these are the times when I just don’t have everything figured out.

I actually shared with one of my spiritual moms in church (Hi, Tita Lulu! 🥰) last year that I plan to use the remaining months of 2023 and the first few months of 2024 to sort out my life. She answered me with the best response, “Anak, hindi ikaw ang magaayos ng life mo kundi ang Dios. Hayaan mo Sya. Let go of the need to control everything, and let God take control.”

What Are We Leaving Behind That Will Not Be Forgotten

So why share all of these with the world? I know the world has this rule to not share your plans, but share the accomplishments and what you have achieved so far. We live in a result-oriented world where success is measured by achievements and accolades. The Bible also has a similar reminder to not say that you plan to put up a business in a particular place and make a profit from it. But the Bible also mentioned that we can actually say so but in a way that God will still have the final say on how our plans will turn out (James 4:13-17).

I just want to add that our intentions for sharing are what we should actually look into because I believe not everything we share is about boasting. Personally, I intend to share my life’s journey whether I fail or succeed in my endeavors. I’m a divergent and I don’t conform to the patterns of this world so my definition of success is different from the world’s definition of it. It is also not my purpose to make this blog a bragging wall. I believe that the process itself is as important as the result. My readers can learn from my experience and avoid making the same mistakes I did.

This is why I called my blog “The Journeyman’s Moments.” I am an apprentice, a student of life. The journey matters to me more. This blog is the legacy I want to leave behind as long as the IoT is here to stay. Because I don’t know if I will still be here tomorrow, next week, next month, or in the years to come. I hope that all the experiences I shared here will offer ideas and insights to whoever will stumble upon this blog in the future.

Thus, I am embracing and once again sharing this new journey with an open mind, a brave heart, and a grateful soul. And yet more importantly, I ask, “What else do You have in store for me in this new season, Lord, that You want me to share with the world?” 🙏

P.S. This is a very long read because I might not be able to share some updates once these plans start rolling, and I become extremely busy. But, I promise to find the time to share every twist and turn of my life’s journey. I also want to write a poem or two for you all because well, “love month” is here. Share the love, as they say. But I say, share it every day. ❤️😉

P.P.S. Stay tuned if the plans I listed above panned out as expected or if God has a different plan like 100% totally different. 😀

When God Answers Differently

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I saw this photo on Facebook, and I felt like it is worth sharing here. It reminded me how often God answers our requests and prayers differently. But always, He gives an answer. 🙏🙂

Ctto

‭
“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” – James‬ ‭5:7‭-‬8‬ ‭ESV‬

Counting The Days

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Have you ever had those moments when you’re counting the days towards that one dreaded moment? It’s as if each day after the other doesn’t get any better. And you just want to fast-forward everything so you can get it over and done with. How do you make these days more tolerable?

I was thinking of these questions while walking on one of the streets of the condominium compound. The street is beside a school and when I passed by, I heard some students singing “I love Math, I love Math.” And I thought, “Well, good for you because I hate it.” 😅

And if my grade-schooler me is in that class, I’d most probably be singing that song with a poker face. lol I really don’t hate Math. Let’s just say I never got the proper training, thus, learning it was a negative experience for me while growing up. But given the right mentor and ample time to relearn every mathematical formula out there, I’d be happy to do it. Any patient Math teacher out there? Don’t worry, my “Platypus pose” days are over so you’ll be dealing with a 100% mature adult. No tantrums – that I can assure you. 😃

But yes, sometimes I wish I didn’t know how to count so I wouldn’t notice how the days are passing by up to that dreaded moment. So what is that one dreaded moment I’m talking about? It’s none other than my husband’s departure going to abroad.

It is this season wherein I have a lot of “why” questions. Like why is God taking away my husband during a season when I needed him most and I need him beside me. Why take him away from me when I just lost my Mom? Why take him away when the world is going crazy and the effects of climate change, the Big One, wars, and new pandemics such as Disease X can break out any minute in all parts of the world?

There came a point when I asked God if I could go and live with my husband in the Middle East this year or wherever in the world that God would call my husband to serve after his job contract ends. Because I want to insist that I have to be beside him always. And yet, the answer was “no.” The calling for me to stay here is greater.

If I push through with what I want using willpower, I know I can find a way to make it happen. But it will be met with unfavorable circumstances and attaining the goal will be very difficult. It’s like me going against the grain because it is not what God wanted for me.

And then there are the “what if” questions that are always included in these moments of contemplation/bargaining with God. One example is what if he got into an accident while he was there and died without me beside him. Or what if I was the one who got so sick and died while he was gone? Also, what will happen to our romantic life as a married couple? What if this is goodbye forever? And what if we can’t resolve our marital issues while being in a long-distance relationship? And a whole lot more of “what ifs.”

I know only God can answer these questions. But His assurance is always available through His Word such as the ones I listed below.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

Indeed, who am I to question God’s plans? And instead of thinking that this agony from waiting is unbearable, I have to convince myself over and over again that this is for our own good. Instead of thinking about the “why” and “what if,” I’m thinking about the good opportunities being offered through this experience such as what we could possibly gain from this and how we can possibly grow as an individual and a couple during this season.

I think man’s instincts automatically shift by default to survival mode during a separation. It is part of our defense mechanism maybe as far as self-preservation is concerned. And yet no amount of survival instincts can prepare even those who profess as self-made individuals and do not feel the need to have God in their lives.

When God wills it to happen, it’ll happen and nobody can stop it. Our best response in times like this is to let go and always let God take control. It’s as if God was telling me “Tin, why are you so worried about the future? Instead of counting the days, make the remaining days count by creating good memories with your husband while he is still here. Because these are the memories that you get to cherish forever whatever happens in the future.”

P.S. I am not afraid of being alone, by the way. Because as an introvert, I actually love solitude. Being independent comes naturally to me and it sometimes becomes my weakness. I am just the type of person who doesn’t head towards the fire exit when what you and I have built together is being engulfed by flames. I will stand in the fire with you and beside you. ❤️

I Miss You, Bicol

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One month down and I’m feeling extremely homesick already though I also love it here in our Manila home. Let me share with you some simple design inspo for condo living. 🙂

That rare moment when you have the sight of the empty pool all to yourself. 😀
Write or take a dip? Hmm, sleep. 😁
Flashback to the days when the chairs still have cushions. ✌️☺️
Quarantine Christmas 2020
I was able to pull off the entire setup under 1k only – all thanks to Lazada. 😃
I find this very romantic and cozy. 😍
The minimalist condo interior style before my husband converted it into a man cave. Tsk, men. 😑🙃

I think I’m just never gonna be a metro girl. The need to commune with nature every day is too strong, and my heart just craves for country life. I also miss decorating our home in Bicol during Christmas.

Circa 1991: The Evolution of the Christmas Tree – Province Style 😊
This was taken in December 2022, and I’m pointing at the “destroyer of Christmas tree” hidden somewhere there. I think you already know who I’m referring to. Check out the video below. 😹
When your youngest fluffball tries everything to get your attention while you’re playing the guitar. 😻
Last year was the 2nd time (the 1st time was during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic) in about 3 decades that we didn’t put this tree up because we were all still grieving over Mom. I am claiming for a Christmas tree makeover this year. 🙏

I’m also missing Mom’s plants. I felt like she was with us every time I saw her plants. A few months before she passed away, she’s been devoting so much of her time to the garden. She was already feeling the symptoms of cancer at that time, and gardening has always been therapeutic for her.

Yellow Bells
Wild Orchid
Heart of Jesus / Caladium Variety 1
Heart of Jesus / Caladium Variety 2
Oliva
Fireball Lily
Alocasia
I still don’t know the name of this plant. I love the combination of yellow and red flowers in one plant.
Heart of Jesus / Caladium Variety 3 (pink plants).
Another plant that I still need to research on Google. It has a combination of white and purple flowers.

The plants must have sensed that Mom was very ill and reciprocated her love by giving out their best blooms. This Bromeliad bloomed its first ever flower since Mom planted it some decades ago.

And before I left for Manila last December, lilies started blooming. I felt like it was Mom wishing me a safe trip coming back here. She once told me that I am happier here in our hometown. Well, Mothers always know best. 😉

When Mom told me that she didn’t know that the Bromeliad plant has a huge flower and that she’s been waiting for ages for it to bloom, I somehow had this intuition that Mom might only have a year with us. So during our convo, I only asked her questions about the plants because if I insisted we bring her to the doctor, she would’ve given me her ever-famous “Platypus reaction” which is synonymous with “No.” 😅

Her recent garden project. ❤️

Ah yes, my Mom and I are alike in so many ways. But I use the “Platypus pose” now for my selfies only. I realized I looked cuter in the photos with that pose. lol The photo below was taken 3 years ago, by the way. So I have pretty much outgrown the “Platypus pose” already. Hmm, on second thoughts, I think not? 🤔😅

I’m feeling too lazy to transfer this to my other phone, so I just took a photo of the photo. 😀

I can’t wait to get back to Bicol and continue what God has called me to do. There are so many things to accomplish there and yet I only have one life to do all of them. I just hope and pray I get to live a lot longer. But if not, I hope I made God happy by obeying Him even if I don’t see the fulfillment of some of His plans. 🙂 🙏

Nope, I don’t go to the farm barefoot. But my late grandpa, who’s the true blue farmer in the family, did it every day. If not for the thorny weeds, I would love to do the same. Nothing beats the sensation of feeling the ground you’re walking on with your bare feet.
That no filter, no makeup, sweaty farm look. Nature doesn’t seem to mind. 😉

P.S. Speaking of life, I am praying our farm plants are still alive when I get back. 😩

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.” – Isaiah 46:4

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4

I Want To Know

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Here’s something I penned just yesterday for those who have been reading my posts. I think you weren’t brought here by chance. Thank you for journeying with me, and this is for you. Cheers to 2024! 🥂😊

I Want To Know

by Christine Lailani

I want to know your chaos. Because I want to see if mine will complement yours so we can find peace together.

I want to know your darkness. Because I want to see how you’ve managed your way out towards the light. And should you find yourself stuck in another darkness, let’s search for the light hand in hand.

I want to know your demons. Because I want to see if you have tamed them and if not, let’s pray on how to defeat them.

I want to know your weakness. Because I want to see how and when should I be strong for you.

I want to know your failures. Because I want to see how can I be the wind beneath your wings.

I want to know who God is in your life. Because I want to see if you and I have kindred spirits. So we can light this world up together.

I hope this inspires you to be the hope that this world oftentimes deprives some of us. Keep on shining, my loves. Somebody’s got your back and praying for you always. ❤️🙏😘

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” – Romans 8:18

P.S. The video link below from “The Other Slide” is not related to this post, but it’s my current fascination. I hope you get mesmerized by it, too. That is if you’re also a Science lover like me. 😉 I never got to experience this when I was in high school, and I don’t know why we didn’t do this in my Bio class in college. I guess we didn’t have this on planet Nibiru. 🤔

The Other Slide: https://www.facebook.com/reel/649906430661448?s=yWDuG2&fs=e&mibextid=Nif5oz

Love By Chance

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Found this movie by chance, too, over YouTube the day before yesterday. 🙂 And I am not going to make any spoilers (if you haven’t seen it yet), but just wait for the scene that if you can caption it, it’ll go like this:

“Time stopped when our eyes locked, the world suddenly became smaller and only the two of us are in the room…”

Enjoy watching! 🥰

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

What Is Painful In Every Battle?

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Do you know what is painful when you’re fighting battles? It’s when both you and your husband cry your hearts out while hugging each other because you are in this season where you both feel trapped and are just too tired but have no choice but to stay strong for one other.

And this was after we failed to be kind and gentle with one another – and all that we know we should avoid during arguments (Kraken V. 10 activated). Those kind of moments when our worst comes out after suppressing it for a very long time.

Indeed, the pastor during our pre-wedding seminar some years ago was right when he said that marriage is all about the word “give” because it requires giving and not getting and forgiving each other and ourselves always. Because we will be offending and failing one another often.

My husband never cries, but he does now. So I know that the weight on him of what we are going through is too much. We are both going through transitions that give us little time to process everything. I am also processing grief over the loss of my Mom who, next to God, is the first person I share my problems with when it comes to my marriage.

It is this kind of feeling wherein you both don’t want to let go because you got used to being with each other all the time and yet you are questioning whether what you both have was real love or not. Or if this marriage is still worth fighting for.

Was it just platonic love? We do have great chemistry but the connection isn’t there. And yet we both know that love isn’t all about electrifying sparks and emotions – love is a decision. It is a decision to love your spouse every single day no matter what happens. Because this is what God taught me about love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 4:7

It is a love who seeks to understand rather than condemn. That kind of love that chooses to forgive and be forgiven. It is a love that chooses to fight for what is good over and over again. But also that kind of love who lets go so the other can be happier.

My husband and I still need each other now and be the best friends that we are to each other who console and support one another when we’re going through tough times. And I am praying we both can sum up the courage to bravely face life alone as we pursue different paths. Because only God knows how our story as a couple ends.

I know my husband is torn between leaving me alone here and pursuing the calling that God has for him abroad. My promise to him remains though. Even if we get separated by distance or by choice, for as long as I am married to him by law, I will honor this marriage until such time that he decides to end it legally.

We made a mistake in the past, a sin that we covered up with another sin. Until our sins caught up with us. My husband wasn’t ready to marry. Though it was a decision we made together, I felt like I was at fault because I somehow forced him in a way. We were both victims of our own selfishness.

Unfortunately, both of us can no longer change the past. But I am praying, I am praying hard that God will forgive me and my husband and release us from the bondage of sin. We have forgiven each other, we suffered for our sins, and I pray that God will give us both peace and a second chance to make up for our mistakes and live a better tomorrow whether together or alone.

I assured my husband that if we can no longer carry the burden of everything we are going through now, we call out to God. Always. It is only God who can help us go through every rough season in our lives and deal with the saddest emotions that we have including those that we don’t reveal to others. God is really the only one who can understand when no one else can.

May God help me and my husband end this year at peace with the pains of our past and the uncertainties of the future. I pray that He will grant us the courage to move on and to move forward not forgetting the lessons we learned. And lastly, I pray for strength to be able to let go of one another believing that God’s plans for us are always for our own good. 🙏

P.S. Lord, enough of the drama already. Mabibigyan po ba ako nito ng award sa Metro Manila Film Festival? Hanubey, awat na. Puh-lease langs. huhuhu 😭 Seriously though, I really want to erase 2023 in my memory. But I know I cannot. I can only remember it as it is. No matter how painful. Because there are good things, too, that happened this year. And they are also worth remembering. ❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” – James 5:16

Not Just An Advocacy, But A Higher Calling

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“How do I know if God is asking me to do a particular task?”

If you have asked this question a couple of times now in your life, then you’re not alone. I did, too. And here are some of my answers to this question based on my experience:

1. Clarity

There are no doubts about whether you should do it or not. Even if you don’t know the outcome or how you’re going to do it at first, there’s just this courage and boldness to pursue the task given to you.

2. Instructions

Everything is provided to you once you have set your heart on doing it. You have all the answers to your WH questions, and there simply is no reason now for you to not do it. Resources were made available and connections with people who can help you with your plans were established.

3. Peace

There is contentment and fulfillment when you think of this task. Even though it hasn’t been completed yet or hasn’t even started, there’s already a sense of accomplishment just by obeying God and committing to do what He asked you to do.

WE HAVE WORK TO DO

When you have all three going smoothly together, then you know you are set to start a God-ordained mission. 🙂 The doors that God has opened for me or let’s say the God-given possibilities that can turn into great opportunities starting next year are the following:

– more agribusiness opportunities

– connect with a spiritual family that supports the same vision for the mission at hand

– volunteer in church activities particularly those that involve the youth of the church because they will be the next spiritual leaders of their generation

– encourage the spirit of volunteerism among the youth by empowering them through mentoring sessions

– equip the youth to do volunteer work outside the church but guided by Biblical principles

– create or look for partnership opportunities between the schools and the church for the students’ Community Service projects

– volunteer in medical missions particularly for breast cancer

– connect the school, church, and hospital for Community Service initiatives led by the youth of the church (high school and college students will be assigned into groups mentored by spiritual coaches and will undergo a volunteering workshop conducted by the church)

– invite healthworkers to conduct a separate workshop and train youth volunteers on first aid and basic caregiving skills to terminally ill patients and help assist nurses (they can use these skills later on when they need to take care of a sick loved one at home or during a global emergency i.e. war, pandemic, etc. thus, help reduce the workload of healthcare professionals in public and private hospitals)

– targeted age of youth volunteers: high school and college

– considerations to include grade school volunteers by integrating volunteering opportunities with Girl/Boy Scout Camping (the proposed location is the hospice facility at the farm where they can have their camping activities, too, as this is less risky for the kids health-wise compared if they will be volunteering inside the hospitals – menial tasks will be assigned such as bringing the patient’s meals, putting fresh flowers on bedside vases, opening the window/glass door curtains, helping push the wheelchair, etc.)

– Church volunteers from other age groups are also welcome as long as they can commit to a regular volunteering schedule (options to choose from are once a week, twice a month, and once a month)

– conduct a feasibility study for the hospice facility (5-year and 10-year growth trajectory including possibilities for expansion i.e. bed capacity, supporting facilities, health personnel’s quarters, etc.) to be included in current site planning

– praying for a “praying doctor” (like a doctor who is also a pastor – yes, my prayers are always specific lol) who can be our hospice management advisor and at the same time can pray for patients who are about to pass away

This last objective/goal is actually the main mission in which all of these goals revolve around. It is the salvation of the souls by means of repentance and accepting the Lord Jesus as the Savior that will delight the heavens more than the good works that we did to help others in this world. 🙂

Why volunteering? It is the ministry that God has called me to serve even before I became a born-again Christian. I do not volunteer to seek validation or to please people. It’s because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of other people’s time, mercy, generosity, and care. I am just paying it forward. ❤️

Here are some of the volunteering projects I joined in the past years:

Victory QC Community Outreach Ministry

Isko Operations 2013 (Typhoon Maring)

The Old: Loved But Never Forgotten

“I Volunteer!”

The goals I listed above are a lot of work that will involve a lot of people working together. I know God will provide the specific details on how to reach these goals. Some of these goals will happen simultaneously. Some or all of them might not happen at all. And some of them might happen probably a couple of decades from now. Only God knows. But I am very much looking forward to witnessing how God will work out these plans (and any deviations) for His glory and His kingdom. 🙏

Rough sketch/draft I made for the Hospice Project Proposal that I am praying my siblings will approve. 🙏🙂

“In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away.” – Luke 15:7

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ – Matthew 25:40

P.S. Btw, I am happy for this answered prayer – the recently constructed Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center. Thank you so much, Lord! 🙏 It just came right on time for the goals I mentioned above. ❤️

Maraming salamat po, Senator!

P.P.S. If you have read this far, I believe it is not a coincidence and maybe God is also asking you to do something for your community – may it be in your church or in the neighborhood. I hope the goals I listed here might give you ideas on how you can serve God’s kingdom, too, starting next year. 🙂

“The Story Of Us”

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Today’s mood led me to search for a good romantic movie on YouTube, and I stumbled upon this Hallmark movie entitled “The Story of Us.”

I highly recommend watching this feel-good movie. Well, aside from the fairytale ending (as expected 😉), I totally love the bookstore + cafe concept.

I’m thinking about integrating it later on at the farm, God willing, since my family and I love to read. Network signals are also intermittent there so book reading will become a necessity to ease boredom. lol We have lots of books at home in Bicol and in our homes here in Manila, which I plan on consolidating if my siblings and their families agree when we’re seniors already. I hope to include it as part of the family legacy. 🙂

Some of my favorites from my personal collection.
If you want a good marriage, invest in it, as they say. But the catch here is that both of you have to invest in it to make it work. 😃
Mini library at your service – the condo version. 😊

Nothing is more enjoyable than having that secluded nook to read where no one can disturb you and you’re surrounded by nature in all her splendor. This is one of the best views there at the farm and my Dad loves this view. This is also the reason why he loves to visit the rice fields when the palay is all lush and green.

I’ll come up with a better and longer video next time. 👍

The rice fields become all bare though after the harvest season. So I was thinking of planting and growing short-lived plants like sunflowers (I already have the seeds) by the end of the Dry Season as a crop alternative. The pollinators will love this, and it will also offer quite a scenic and lovely view to (future) guests.

Ah yes, so many plans, and yet it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail. But the mission remains – make the farm as a retreat place for holistic wellness, and this includes the hospice facility which will be the topic for my next article. 🙏❤️😊

Going back to the movie, I loved the concept of grassroots, going back to the hometown, preserving the history of a place while being open to possibilities in future improvements, soulmate union after being apart for some time, and true love.

Yes, that is the “Story of Us.” Go watch it now if you haven’t watched it yet. And the Bible verse below resonates with the movie’s theme. 🥰

“When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” – Isaiah 60:22