Tag Archives: hope

KonsultaMD + Singlife & Sun Life: Are They Worth It?

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This year, God is telling me to prioritize my health above anything else. And once again, God never fails to provide when you ask.

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

My KonsultaMD activation came just in time for the celebration of International Women’s Day yesterday. Ah yes, thank You, Lord, for this wonderful gift. 🙏

And yes, it’s really a blessing because I got 3 months’ worth of free access including 1 video and unlimited voice consultations with a general practitioner/specialist. Super awesome, right? I can’t wait to ask the doctor every question I could think of like, “Doc, as a man of Science, do you think the air there in Nibiru is toxic to humans?” Or how salty is salty? Or why is cancer called “cancer”? Can’t we call it “Scorpio” or “Capricorn”? Or how about “Taurus”? 😂

Most likely the doctor will red-tag me as the worst patient ever in human history. lol And the next time I consult with the doctor, he/she is going to tell me to stop pestering him/her with all this nonsense. But I already prepared an answer for that, too: “Oh I am terribly sorry, Doc. I thought you’re an AI Doctor.” 😆

Okay now, let’s skip the jokes lest the doctors who get to read this block me on the app forever. Going back to KonsultaMD, if you’re wondering how I got the free access, it’s included in the new Singlife health insurance I purchased through the GCash app. For the past weeks, I’ve been researching and comparing the differences between HMOs (Health Maintenance Organizations), health insurance, and VUL (Variable Universal Life) insurance. We all know that getting sick can be quite expensive, and we don’t want to spend all our life savings on hospital bills and medications.

I was doing my research on insurance the past weeks, thus, the WordPress hibernation. Another reason for my absence is that I have to limit my digital footprint as part of my preparations for yet another task. So this means I’ll be setting the visibility of this blog to “private” after a few weeks. But I’ll change it to “public” again when the time is right (because I just love my WordPress community). I was also busy “scrounging” the internet for any free medical services that I could find so I can share them with the breast cancer support groups on Facebook.

The number of breast cancer warriors who do not have the means to get their medical checkups is still increasing. My heart bleeds for these women. Sometimes I can’t help but cry because some of them are too sick and have been suffering from severe pain for a long time already because they don’t even have enough money for their basic needs.

But how do I help them? I feel like I only have 5 barley loaves and fishes and there are thousands to feed (Matthew 14:17-19). Day and night, every time I see a post asking for help where to get free medical consultations, lab tests, medicines, etc., I would pray to God to give me the resources to help them.

And God answered – I came across these free events and lectures (thanks, Doc Emmeline!) on social media. I am also praying for opportunities to accompany some of the women in the group especially those who are alone, are too weak to go to nearby hospitals, are too scared, are at a total loss for what to do and where to start, or don’t have enough money to pay for transportation expenses.

Unfortunately, this will have to wait because I’m currently busy helping my husband prepare for his exam this coming Monday. I am praying he will pass the exam so he can achieve his dream of working abroad. I am so happy to see how God is working in my husband’s life right now. It also motivates me to trust God even more. After sending him off, I hope I can devote some of my time doing volunteer work for breast cancer warriors back home.

Why Singlife?

I discovered Singlife through Globe’s GCash app back in 2020 when the Covid-19 pandemic started. I wasn’t able to activate the free health insurance though which covered illnesses like Covid-19 and dengue because I didn’t need it at that time. But after what happened to Mom, I thought that now was the perfect time to explore what Singlife has to offer.

I chose Singlife because it’s a low-risk investment, and yet offers higher coverage compared to HMOs (up to 100-120k only). But it is best to use the HMOs during medical emergencies. A lot of my friends tried to convince me to get a Sun Life insurance a few years ago (and until now), but I told them I’ll hold off getting one for now.

I guess these are the advantages of delayed gratification – you get to wait for a service or product to improve after some time, maximize the benefits later on, and get your money’s worth because there are now better options. My other reason for not getting Sun Life insurance is that my husband and I do not have kids. We don’t have beneficiaries in other words.

I am also apprehensive about getting one after what happened to previous insurance companies that went bankrupt, and policyholders weren’t able to get their invested funds back. Now that the US is heading toward another economic recession, I am unsure how these insurance companies will protect their policyholders’ funds that were invested in stocks and other volatile investments given the global economic outlook in the coming years.

Sun Life’s VUL insurances are a bit of a high-risk investment for me. Though I am considering getting their Business Owner Insurance Package later on God willing. I’m assuming this is one of their new insurance plans so this means conducting due diligence on my end and assessing how our family’s business could benefit from this insurance package. I’m considering it as another option that will add an extra layer of protection (buffer funds) to help sustain the business and recover in case of an economic collapse. Agripreneurs, by the way, can insure their businesses through the Philippine Crop Insurance Corporation under the Department of Agriculture.

As for Singlife, it offers more flexibility when it comes to monthly premiums. I tried the 100-in-1 Medical Plan, and I am looking into buying another plan (Cash for Medical Costs), which offers a higher monthly premium to increase my insurance coverage. But I’ll wait until the free KonsultaMD subscription of my first Singlife plan ends so it won’t overlap with the new plan.

My only prayer now is to find a way to share these unlimited consultations with some of the women in the BC support groups. How I wish I was allowed to schedule a doctor’s appointment on their behalf using my account. So my next task is to explore these opportunities and continue to look for more of them. As they say, when a door won’t open after you knocked, break it down. I’m kidding. We just keep on looking for more doors to open.

I am planning to share all about Singlife on social media because I believe this will help reduce the number of patients trying to avail the free medical services offered by public hospitals. Those who can afford to pay the monthly premiums offered by Singlife can choose a plan that fits their budget. The benefit of having one is that policyholders get to skip long lines and long waiting times to schedule laboratory tests and initial medical consultations (thru KonsultaMD) aside from the cash benefit that they can claim upon diagnosis of an illness and during hospitalization.

I am praying though that more doctors will sign up at KonsultaMD. We can expect more inquiries coming in and possibly more health insurance applications and medical consultations once I share this on social media. I also noticed there is 0-1 doctor only listed under some specializations. I hope there are still more doctors who can accommodate consultations via KonsultaMD in their schedules. Don’t worry Docs, we will try to ask (nonsensical) questions sparingly. ✌️

When it comes to the KonsultaMD app’s overall interface, it is very user-friendly. It is also easy to access and switch from one app feature to the other. And I love the portion of the app where they have a list of comprehensive medical checkup packages (prices included) classified according to gender, age, and illness. I find this very helpful because I plan to have my executive checkup soon though I am feeling well right now, and it’s next on my to-do list after I send off ze hubby. In summary, our best option to safeguard our assets, investments, and life savings when we get sick is to maximize what we can benefit from our HMO, health insurance, and PhilHealth.

And yes, we also never stop looking for opportunities to offer help in any way we can, especially to those who are in dire need of medical assistance. I agree with Prof. Samar Aoun, one of the speakers at the recently held webinar hosted by the European Association for Palliative Care, when she emphasized the need for reflective practice by addressing social needs (identifying the circumstances surrounding the need) and not just look into the pathological lens when it comes to understanding and dealing with patients.

To end this article, here’s my favorite quotation by Edward Everett Hale that hopefully will encourage us all to keep on doing what is good and what is best for everyone:

“I am only one, but I am one; I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do I ought to do, and what I ought to do, by God’s grace, I will do.”

P.S. God’s surprises never end here. Stay tuned for my next post. 🙂

The Name I Love

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Here’s a special poem for Valentine’s Day to warm the heart wherever you may be. Happy Valentine’s Day! 🌹❤️🥰

THE NAME I LOVE

by Christine Lailani

I may not have it all,
But there’s one thing I’m grateful for.
At first I find it hard to trust,
And just difficult to believe.
It is irresistibly sweet
And reminds me whose I really am.
It’s the way You made me feel,
Which will always hold true.
And that it will never end in vain
For I am truly and only Yours.
There’s just no other way to put it nicely.
So when I responded to the call,
It was revealed for me to see.
The name that I truly love
Was heaven sent through an angel.
An encounter that made me eager
To love You like I always should.

❤️❤️❤️

“To Make You Feel My Love”

“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Hospice Care 101 | Making Peace With Death

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I often wondered what is it with death that we are so afraid of. Maybe we’re not really afraid about dying per se, but more of how we are going to die. The topic of death has always been considered morbid and taboo. And yet all the more that we should talk about it because acceptance is always the pathway to peace.

When God placed a desire in my heart about hospices after my Mom passed away last year due to stage 4 breast cancer and the possibility of providing hospice care on our farm in the future, I asked Him to give me the means to make it happen. And it looks like I got my confirmation because He sent me a whole lot of resources and instructions to prepare for it. Or maybe this was the work of Facebook’s algorithm since I’ve been doing research on hospice care which is why I was getting similar recommendations on my newsfeed. 😀

By the way, I don’t have a personal Facebook account because I deactivated it. I have 1 dummy account though where I only have 1 friend and she’s my spiritual Mom/coach/mentor. I mainly use Facebook to stay updated with news and current events.

Here are some of the organizations I found if you need information on hospice care:

The Philippine Society of Hospice and Palliative Medicine – https://www.pshpm.org/

Asia Pacific Hospice Palliative Care Network – https://aphn.org/

The European Association for Palliative Care is also conducting a free webinar on February 21, 2024 at 5pm (Manila Time) entitled “Public Health Approaches to Bereavement Support.” Here’s the link to register: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/9717054994060/WN_A7NsLepPSIO2sn28NnZx9Q?fbclid=IwAR1KbkSVq0tRwg3MVTQXfmXUrVVvXab0TXiicyzBcL2F6NZzY8jvdd4qMyU#/registration.

I also chanced upon the website of the National Institute on Aging, which is one of the institutes of the National Institutes of Health in the U.S. It’s a privilege to be able to subscribe to their weekly newsletters and receive free caregiving tips and resources, which are all very informative.

I cannot tell though if the fulfillment of these plans will happen in my lifetime, but this might inspire others to follow suit if they also receive the same calling. But first, let’s define hospice care.

What Is Hospice Care?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defined it as “a program designed to provide palliative care and emotional support to the terminally ill in a home or homelike setting so that quality of life is maintained and family members may be active participants in care. It is also a facility that provides such a program.”

The hospice project proposal and draft for another project are currently at 30% and 20% progress rates, respectively. I still have a lot of work to do. But, all in God’s perfect time. And I cannot work on a project without listening to worship songs. It’s a must. 😉

What To Do During The Terminal Stage Of An Illness?

It is part of my preparations to always assume the worst-case scenario. This helps me prepare holistically. However, I would suggest limiting these worst-case assumptions to a minimum because they can trigger anxiety, and we don’t want that. So let’s say I am diagnosed with a terminal illness, how am I going to take it?

1. Seek For Expert Opinion Re Treatments

I’ll ask my doctor how long I have like if I opt to go through all the treatments, will I have a couple of years and if I don’t, do I have a couple of months only to live? I will also ask what is my quality of life after receiving the treatments. Will I be able to live a normal life again?

If the answer will depend on how my body will respond to the treatments, then it’s a “go.” If my body won’t be able to survive the treatments, then I’m choosing palliative care and pain management instead.

2. Plan My Next Move

I did ask God what more can I do if I only had a couple of months or years to live. Because I felt like I could only do so much in just a short span of time. And yet God’s answer was that what we might consider as small efforts now may actually have a lasting and significant impact later on.

One example is meeting another patient who is already on the verge of ending his/her life, but by talking to him/her, hope in God is restored and this person is now helping others as a result. Or it could be a student who will be inspired by my testimony, and decades from now, that kid will become the President of this country who fears God and will genuinely serve his people. It’s like God was saying that there are plenty of opportunities to touch other people’s lives that don’t really require that much effort and too much time.

3. Prepare For The Actual Battle

We never go to a battle unprepared. And we don’t prepare ourselves only, but those around us, too. It is also important to be surrounded by people who can pray for you and encourage you to keep on fighting. The church is the right community for this.

Equipping warriors with the Armor of God in every battle (Ephesians 6:11-13). JEHOVAH NISSI. 🗡️🛡️

Breast cancer support groups, in a way, provide emotional and psychological help and other information based on every patient’s journey. But, we can’t totally rely on them because most of the people in these groups are going through treatments or have a family member who is ill. When one member dies, it can pull the morale of the rest of the members down.

Because when this happens, I know the next questions that will pop into their minds are these, “Lord, am I next? When will my time come?” Questions like these, if they are what occupy the patient’s mind often, will result in depression. And in the webinars I attended, when depression hits, it affects every treatment plan, especially if the patient doesn’t want to eat and take their medications or continue the treatments.

So I actually came up with this mantra to combat depression – we do not mourn the living, we mourn the dead. We can’t be sad all the time and cry over how difficult life is as a sick person. We don’t lose heart, but we keep moving forward. As long as we still breathe, we move forward. We call this in UP as “Padayon.” ✊

4. Pray And Let God Take Control

Once I start with my treatments, I will leave the results to God. Whether I get healed or my condition worsens, I will accept what God’s will is for me. If ever I decide to push through with palliative care, then I will let nature run its own course just like the stance of Ezekiel Emanuel, an oncologist, to refuse all treatments after the age of 75. You may read more about it in the following articles:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/doctors-argument-living-longer

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11619519/amp/White-House-oncologist-Obamacare-architect-wants-die-75.html

Can We Ever Get Used To Seeing People Die?

I once asked my second sister who works as a nurse in a nursing home in Norway how she ever got used to seeing patients die. How do you care for someone without getting emotionally attached and not be sad when he/she passes away?

My sister answered that you will never get used to it. You somehow just learn to accept it. I guess we can learn from doctors, too, and how they approach every patient’s case objectively. However, this isn’t always the case like what our pastor shared in church about how one doctor cried because the patient, a member of the congregation, was all good to undergo surgery but suddenly died the next day. And they weren’t expecting it at all.

This is why I have so much respect for doctors. What they do is really not easy. Also, not all patients are the same. There are those who will use 15 minutes of the doctor’s time venting out his/her sob story but still fail to answer directly the doctor’s question of what their concern is. 😁✌️ Then there are those who are sometimes too stubborn to obey doctor’s orders (is that you, Christine? lol). And there are those who blame the doctors when results turn out differently than what they’re expecting (this is definitely not me). But, we all love and care for these patients just the same.

That is why I keep on praying to God that doctors will be given the best support system that they could ever have may it be in the form of trusted friends, a spiritual family, loving parents and siblings, a supportive partner, or awesome kids (even if they can get too rowdy sometimes). And this is also what I was hoping the hospice facility would be able to provide – whatever the dying patient wishes, it will be granted (as long as it is reasonable).

Look To Jesus For Salvation Amid Suffering

Each one of us will go through different ways of dying. Each of these deaths will have its own struggles and pain – except for those who died instantly. We will all go through these struggles before our last breath. And yet we should not be afraid.

Instead, we look up to Jesus and how He conquered death. And yet even His death did not happen in His own timeline. Only God knows when we leave this world. What really matters is what we do with this one life that we have here on Earth.

If we’ve been born again, then we only have one purpose and that is to use our lives for God’s plans and His glory. We are a living testimony of God’s grace through every pain, every sorrow, and every suffering that we encounter in this life. The book of Revelation already gave us a glimpse of what those who endured suffering will get in the end – the promise of eternal life. This is a wonderful place to look forward to because in it there will be no more pain, no more sickness, and no more death. ❤️

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:1-4

P.S. Here are some videos that I felt like God wanted me to watch as part of our preparation for the hospice project. Again, providing hospice care may or may not materialize in our lifetime, but maybe those who get to read this article might benefit from watching these videos. These videos can be emotionally heavy for some so I suggest being ready with your comfort food, favorite hobby, or a trip someplace else after watching these videos to release all the negative emotions. And don’t forget your rolls of tissue. *sniff*

“5 Things You Should Know When Someone Is Actively Dying”
“How Doctors Tell Patients They’re Dying | Being Mortal | Frontline”
“Before I Die: A Day With Terminally Ill Patients | Death Land #2”
“Inside The Children’s ICU | Episode 4: Facing Death”
“The Last Hours With Our Daughter”
“Brain Cancer: Dying To Live, Living To Die In 4:42 Minutes”

When Loving Becomes Extraordinaire

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Here’s something short but sweet to start February, which is the month when everybody is smitten. 😉 You are deeply loved and cherished, my dear – with or without a special someone. ❤️

When Loving Becomes Extraordinaire

by Christine Lailani

You’re the only one who captured my heart in a way that nobody else could.

I hear your thoughts, you hear mine – a language that only we know.

Know that I will love every version of you: your young, your old, your calm, your furious, your happy, and your sad.

Because loving you is like loving an extraordinary person – my love extraordinaire.

🌹

“Can You Feel The Love Tonight”

“We love because God first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

Embarking On A Solo Journey

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I find it a little unusual that I am about to embark on a new journey with a new set of challenges and yet I have reached that point where I am at peace with everything. In fact, I’m very much looking forward to this new journey I already listed out so many plans though I know that God can change them any minute according to His will. And yet I am not a bit worried. I believe there’s only one explanation for this – God’s grace. 🙏🙂

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

My husband and I have agreed that whether he decides to work abroad or work here in Manila, I will go back to Bicol and live there. In other words, our decision to live separately whether he’s working here or abroad still remains. I told him I just can’t see my purpose here in Manila, and God is calling me to serve there in Bicol. God gave us the opportunity to stay in my hometown during the last quarter of 2022 until 2023 to find out if the provincial life is for him or not, see the situation at the farm, assess what needs to be done, and to also take care of Mom.

What 2022 And 2023 Were All About

The good thing about going back home in 2022 was that we got to see for ourselves that the farm indeed requires a lot of work and our initial plan to have a poultry farm project might have to wait. Our current challenge is the electricity installation which takes quite a long time before the application can be approved since the area is far from the town proper. Without electricity, it’ll be hard to find a farm caretaker who will live on the farm. And without a farm caretaker, we can’t start farm projects that have high-value products.

So, while waiting for the electricity to be installed, I told my husband that I would help him invest his earnings from his work abroad should he decide later on to retire early. And also, he will have a fallback because the future is very unpredictable. We don’t know if the next day there will be a WWIII and economic recession, which will most likely result in retrenchment, repatriation of overseas workers, migration issues, etc.

I’m currently studying recession-proof investment opportunities that won’t incur huge financial losses should the market demand decline given the country’s economic outlook for this year onwards. If God wills it that the investment commences according to the projected timeline, the profit will be added to his savings so he can use it to reinvest for business expansion or to try other investment vehicles. I told him this was my way of returning all the favors he did to help me when we were taking care of Mom at the hospital i.e. driving me to the hospital and back home, buying the meds while I stayed in the hospital room with Mom, massaging Mom because she chose him over me (😀), etc.

What Is It About Bicol As My Favorite Earthly Home

Why go back to Bicol if the farm projects were put on hold? God actually made me realize there are plenty of opportunities that I can explore in our community. I also have this urge to serve and give back to the community since this is our indoctrination in UP as an “Iskolar ng Bayan.” I also have plans to pursue a master’s degree again, but in agribusiness this time if God wills it. I was eyeing Bicol University Graduate School and already inquired back in 2021 if they held online classes for their MS Agribusiness course since face-to-face classes weren’t allowed back then.

Unfortunately, I still have to attend a couple of in-person classes if ever I get in and the campus is in Guinobatan, Albay. I did find another option offered by Bicol University Open University which is their Master in Management course. But, I still prefer a degree that is related to agribusiness. I just thought my siblings and I would benefit from this once we take over our family’s agribusiness. The transition has already started and my siblings and I need to learn everything double time because we don’t have any formal training/basic education in farming and agriculture. It was easy for Dad to manage farm duties because his work as a Civil Engineer at the National Irrigation Administration somehow made it possible for him to hit 2 birds with 1 stone.

Dare To Dream, Care To Serve

I was also considering going back to teaching as a faculty in college and teaching English Literature though I will be more effective in handling Writing classes. I could use my work experience since 2017 as a content writer in the digital marketing/e-commerce industry, which is one of the in-demand jobs right now. Another great opportunity that I am looking into is conducting summer writing workshops for high school and college students. I can also explore teaching opportunities in SpEd (Special Education). If God wills it, I also plan to pursue a doctorate degree much later on in life if it is still necessary.

It is also my dream to work in the public office and be part of the marketing/public relations division. I am also contemplating if it’ll be better if I become a public school teacher instead and help train young minds to create a resilient future. I studied in public schools my entire student life from grade school until grad school, and I observed that there is still more that can be done with our current educational systems. But if I will be a teacher in high school or grade school, I will need to renew my professional license and take CPD units for teachers.

Always Searching For God’s Will In Everything

Yes, the opportunities are endless. And yet it all boils down to knowing what we really want, and if what we want is also aligned to what God wants for us. Choosing for me is difficult because I have to carefully weigh the options considering other priorities and obligations, which will include farm duties. I am forever grateful to God though for these opportunities and yet I know these career goals and plans to pursue graduate studies can only happen given that I am 100% healthy. If not, working from home is the only choice I have.

So, I decided it would be best to rent a place in Sorsogon City and stay there from Friday until Monday because I will be attending Sunday church services in Victory Sorsogon. I already inquired about their Victory group/Bible study group, but unfortunately, they only meet during weekdays. So I’m praying I’ll find one that meets on Friday or Monday because from Tuesday to Thursday, I plan to be in my hometown, which is a 2-hour trip from Sorsogon City. I also plan on doing volunteer work in the church, so I have to be in the city during weekends.

Looking for a safe place to stay in Sorsogon City will be my first task when I get back to Bicol. I see it as the top priority, especially if I will need regular medical consultations, checkups, and treatments. Traveling back and forth from Bulan to Sorsogon City on a regular basis won’t be advisable. And I also don’t want to be a burden to my husband or my family because I know how emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting it is to take care of a sick loved one.

Health Is Always Wealth, As They Say

The result of my repeated urinalysis last December actually showed that my RBC is still high even after a week of taking antibiotics, and it is still above the normal range. My second sister who’s a nurse in Norway told me I still have an infection and she’s suspecting it’s from dislodged kidney stones, and I might be asymptomatic for now. I actually have not met up yet with an internist at St. Luke’s Hospital because I don’t want to distract my husband since he is currently preparing for his exam. If I will be required to undergo further tests, it will definitely disrupt his plans. I am going back to Bicol anyway, and the doctors there might require that all of my tests should be repeated. So I thought I might as well do the tests when I’m already there.

The only other symptoms I have now are the rashes on my cheeks triggered by prolonged sun exposure when my husband and I started planting the forage plants last year. These skin flare-ups subside every time I take Coaltria, and I take this medicine daily. Coaltria was prescribed by my ENT doctor in 2022 for my severe allergic rhinitis.

I did a little bit of research and my rashes looked like a butterfly rash. I also have trigger fingers or it could be early signs of arthritis. And this led me to think that maybe I have lupus just like Kris Aquino. By the way, one thing you need to know about me is that if my Mom had white coat syndrome, I’m the opposite because I’m a hypochondriac. lol

So I did my research on lupus and found this ongoing study by Yale School of Medicine on how the lupus antibody can be used to treat breast cancer and ovarian cancer. Speaking of breast cancer, I am hoping Mom’s oncologist there in Bicol will be my doctor, too (Hello, Doc Leones! 😊). I hope he still has a Saturday schedule at the hospital in Sorsogon City where Mom was confined. He already knows our breast cancer history so maybe it might help in studying my case. I also would like to ask him about BRCA 1/2 gene mutation testing and know what my options are to reduce the risks of getting breast cancer if I don’t have it yet. My doctor will most probably say, “Christine, we have a lot of work to do because you’ve been delaying your medical checkup for a long time.” Well Doc, I guess Science can never come up with a cure for stubbornness. lol But of course, my answer will be something like this: “I’ve been preparing for it, Doc. Let’s get started, it’s about time.“

Seeing Problems Differently

I actually have a different approach when looking at problems. This is maybe the result of training myself over the years to always look at things from a different perspective and to go beyond what exactly is presented in front of you more like looking for the good in every bad situation. Or person even. So let’s say my doctor tells me I need to go through chemotherapy. Instead of looking negatively at the side effects of chemo, I’m going to see going bald, for instance, as an opportunity to try different hairstyles through wigs. I also get to try new hair colors because my hair is resistant to any type of hair dye.

So before my chemo session starts, I will already shave my head and start using a wig. I won’t wait until my hair starts falling off one by one because it will only trigger anxiety and depression. I already witnessed it with Mom. I just did not tell her because she loved it every time I combed her hair. I told her instead that the “Donya” hair bun I made for her looked really good on her. 😊 I also want to test if it’s uncomfortable to wear a wig for a long time, especially during hot and humid days.

If my doctor also tells me that it is best if I undergo a double mastectomy/lumpectomy like what my grandmother had (she lived up to 93 years old and Mom had a unilateral mastectomy in the 1990s before her breast cancer recurred), I am also going to look at it as an opportunity to maybe have my “dream breasts” should I opt to have breast reconstruction surgery later on. I call them “dream breasts” because they look like the ones that some actresses have which don’t move to the sides when lying down. 😁✌️

If I still have extra funds and my health is back to normal, I would like to use these funds to sponsor a child battling cancer who lacks the finances to get all the treatments.

God Does Things His Way Though We Can Also Have Prayer Requests

Right now, I’m actually in the process of bargaining with God that I’ll do anything He asks even if I sacrifice a lot of things but in return, He keeps me healthy because I still have a lot of things that I want to do and accomplish not only for me but for other people, too, such as the hospice facility.

The plan actually was originally intended for me and my siblings when we grow old because my eldest sister is the only one among us who has kids. I am targeting that the hospice facility will be completed once we’re in our late 60s if God wills it we reach this age. That will be 30 to 40 years from now. Maybe by then, a hospice facility will be feasible enough. If not, then my proposition is that we will use the project site for our retirement homes instead.

We are a family of planners. However, we are also well aware that plans change. I also look like I have already planned out everything and yet believe me when I say that these are the times when I just don’t have everything figured out.

I actually shared with one of my spiritual moms in church (Hi, Tita Lulu! 🥰) last year that I plan to use the remaining months of 2023 and the first few months of 2024 to sort out my life. She answered me with the best response, “Anak, hindi ikaw ang magaayos ng life mo kundi ang Dios. Hayaan mo Sya. Let go of the need to control everything, and let God take control.”

What Are We Leaving Behind That Will Not Be Forgotten

So why share all of these with the world? I know the world has this rule to not share your plans, but share the accomplishments and what you have achieved so far. We live in a result-oriented world where success is measured by achievements and accolades. The Bible also has a similar reminder to not say that you plan to put up a business in a particular place and make a profit from it. But the Bible also mentioned that we can actually say so but in a way that God will still have the final say on how our plans will turn out (James 4:13-17).

I just want to add that our intentions for sharing are what we should actually look into because I believe not everything we share is about boasting. Personally, I intend to share my life’s journey whether I fail or succeed in my endeavors. I’m a divergent and I don’t conform to the patterns of this world so my definition of success is different from the world’s definition of it. It is also not my purpose to make this blog a bragging wall. I believe that the process itself is as important as the result. My readers can learn from my experience and avoid making the same mistakes I did.

This is why I called my blog “The Journeyman’s Moments.” I am an apprentice, a student of life. The journey matters to me more. This blog is the legacy I want to leave behind as long as the IoT is here to stay. Because I don’t know if I will still be here tomorrow, next week, next month, or in the years to come. I hope that all the experiences I shared here will offer ideas and insights to whoever will stumble upon this blog in the future.

Thus, I am embracing and once again sharing this new journey with an open mind, a brave heart, and a grateful soul. And yet more importantly, I ask, “What else do You have in store for me in this new season, Lord, that You want me to share with the world?” 🙏

P.S. This is a very long read because I might not be able to share some updates once these plans start rolling, and I become extremely busy. But, I promise to find the time to share every twist and turn of my life’s journey. I also want to write a poem or two for you all because well, “love month” is here. Share the love, as they say. But I say, share it every day. ❤️😉

P.P.S. Stay tuned if the plans I listed above panned out as expected or if God has a different plan like 100% totally different. 😀

When God Answers Differently

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I saw this photo on Facebook, and I felt like it is worth sharing here. It reminded me how often God answers our requests and prayers differently. But always, He gives an answer. 🙏🙂

Ctto

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“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” – James‬ ‭5:7‭-‬8‬ ‭ESV‬

Counting The Days

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Have you ever had those moments when you’re counting the days towards that one dreaded moment? It’s as if each day after the other doesn’t get any better. And you just want to fast-forward everything so you can get it over and done with. How do you make these days more tolerable?

I was thinking of these questions while walking on one of the streets of the condominium compound. The street is beside a school and when I passed by, I heard some students singing “I love Math, I love Math.” And I thought, “Well, good for you because I hate it.” 😅

And if my grade-schooler me is in that class, I’d most probably be singing that song with a poker face. lol I really don’t hate Math. Let’s just say I never got the proper training, thus, learning it was a negative experience for me while growing up. But given the right mentor and ample time to relearn every mathematical formula out there, I’d be happy to do it. Any patient Math teacher out there? Don’t worry, my “Platypus pose” days are over so you’ll be dealing with a 100% mature adult. No tantrums – that I can assure you. 😃

But yes, sometimes I wish I didn’t know how to count so I wouldn’t notice how the days are passing by up to that dreaded moment. So what is that one dreaded moment I’m talking about? It’s none other than my husband’s departure going to abroad.

It is this season wherein I have a lot of “why” questions. Like why is God taking away my husband during a season when I needed him most and I need him beside me. Why take him away from me when I just lost my Mom? Why take him away when the world is going crazy and the effects of climate change, the Big One, wars, and new pandemics such as Disease X can break out any minute in all parts of the world?

There came a point when I asked God if I could go and live with my husband in the Middle East this year or wherever in the world that God would call my husband to serve after his job contract ends. Because I want to insist that I have to be beside him always. And yet, the answer was “no.” The calling for me to stay here is greater.

If I push through with what I want using willpower, I know I can find a way to make it happen. But it will be met with unfavorable circumstances and attaining the goal will be very difficult. It’s like me going against the grain because it is not what God wanted for me.

And then there are the “what if” questions that are always included in these moments of contemplation/bargaining with God. One example is what if he got into an accident while he was there and died without me beside him. Or what if I was the one who got so sick and died while he was gone? Also, what will happen to our romantic life as a married couple? What if this is goodbye forever? And what if we can’t resolve our marital issues while being in a long-distance relationship? And a whole lot more of “what ifs.”

I know only God can answer these questions. But His assurance is always available through His Word such as the ones I listed below.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

Indeed, who am I to question God’s plans? And instead of thinking that this agony from waiting is unbearable, I have to convince myself over and over again that this is for our own good. Instead of thinking about the “why” and “what if,” I’m thinking about the good opportunities being offered through this experience such as what we could possibly gain from this and how we can possibly grow as an individual and a couple during this season.

I think man’s instincts automatically shift by default to survival mode during a separation. It is part of our defense mechanism maybe as far as self-preservation is concerned. And yet no amount of survival instincts can prepare even those who profess as self-made individuals and do not feel the need to have God in their lives.

When God wills it to happen, it’ll happen and nobody can stop it. Our best response in times like this is to let go and always let God take control. It’s as if God was telling me “Tin, why are you so worried about the future? Instead of counting the days, make the remaining days count by creating good memories with your husband while he is still here. Because these are the memories that you get to cherish forever whatever happens in the future.”

P.S. I am not afraid of being alone, by the way. Because as an introvert, I actually love solitude. Being independent comes naturally to me and it sometimes becomes my weakness. I am just the type of person who doesn’t head towards the fire exit when what you and I have built together is being engulfed by flames. I will stand in the fire with you and beside you. ❤️

I Miss You, Bicol

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One month down and I’m feeling extremely homesick already though I also love it here in our Manila home. Let me share with you some simple design inspo for condo living. 🙂

That rare moment when you have the sight of the empty pool all to yourself. 😀
Write or take a dip? Hmm, sleep. 😁
Flashback to the days when the chairs still have cushions. ✌️☺️
Quarantine Christmas 2020
I was able to pull off the entire setup under 1k only – all thanks to Lazada. 😃
I find this very romantic and cozy. 😍
The minimalist condo interior style before my husband converted it into a man cave. Tsk, men. 😑🙃

I think I’m just never gonna be a metro girl. The need to commune with nature every day is too strong, and my heart just craves for country life. I also miss decorating our home in Bicol during Christmas.

Circa 1991: The Evolution of the Christmas Tree – Province Style 😊
This was taken in December 2022, and I’m pointing at the “destroyer of Christmas tree” hidden somewhere there. I think you already know who I’m referring to. Check out the video below. 😹
When your youngest fluffball tries everything to get your attention while you’re playing the guitar. 😻
Last year was the 2nd time (the 1st time was during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic) in about 3 decades that we didn’t put this tree up because we were all still grieving over Mom. I am claiming for a Christmas tree makeover this year. 🙏

I’m also missing Mom’s plants. I felt like she was with us every time I saw her plants. A few months before she passed away, she’s been devoting so much of her time to the garden. She was already feeling the symptoms of cancer at that time, and gardening has always been therapeutic for her.

Yellow Bells
Wild Orchid
Heart of Jesus / Caladium Variety 1
Heart of Jesus / Caladium Variety 2
Oliva
Fireball Lily
Alocasia
I still don’t know the name of this plant. I love the combination of yellow and red flowers in one plant.
Heart of Jesus / Caladium Variety 3 (pink plants).
Another plant that I still need to research on Google. It has a combination of white and purple flowers.

The plants must have sensed that Mom was very ill and reciprocated her love by giving out their best blooms. This Bromeliad bloomed its first ever flower since Mom planted it some decades ago.

And before I left for Manila last December, lilies started blooming. I felt like it was Mom wishing me a safe trip coming back here. She once told me that I am happier here in our hometown. Well, Mothers always know best. 😉

When Mom told me that she didn’t know that the Bromeliad plant has a huge flower and that she’s been waiting for ages for it to bloom, I somehow had this intuition that Mom might only have a year with us. So during our convo, I only asked her questions about the plants because if I insisted we bring her to the doctor, she would’ve given me her ever-famous “Platypus reaction” which is synonymous with “No.” 😅

Her recent garden project. ❤️

Ah yes, my Mom and I are alike in so many ways. But I use the “Platypus pose” now for my selfies only. I realized I looked cuter in the photos with that pose. lol The photo below was taken 3 years ago, by the way. So I have pretty much outgrown the “Platypus pose” already. Hmm, on second thoughts, I think not? 🤔😅

I’m feeling too lazy to transfer this to my other phone, so I just took a photo of the photo. 😀

I can’t wait to get back to Bicol and continue what God has called me to do. There are so many things to accomplish there and yet I only have one life to do all of them. I just hope and pray I get to live a lot longer. But if not, I hope I made God happy by obeying Him even if I don’t see the fulfillment of some of His plans. 🙂 🙏

Nope, I don’t go to the farm barefoot. But my late grandpa, who’s the true blue farmer in the family, did it every day. If not for the thorny weeds, I would love to do the same. Nothing beats the sensation of feeling the ground you’re walking on with your bare feet.
That no filter, no makeup, sweaty farm look. Nature doesn’t seem to mind. 😉

P.S. Speaking of life, I am praying our farm plants are still alive when I get back. 😩

“I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.” – Isaiah 46:4

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4

I Want To Know

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Here’s something I penned just yesterday for those who have been reading my posts. I think you weren’t brought here by chance. Thank you for journeying with me, and this is for you. Cheers to 2024! 🥂😊

I Want To Know

by Christine Lailani

I want to know your chaos. Because I want to see if mine will complement yours so we can find peace together.

I want to know your darkness. Because I want to see how you’ve managed your way out towards the light. And should you find yourself stuck in another darkness, let’s search for the light hand in hand.

I want to know your demons. Because I want to see if you have tamed them and if not, let’s pray on how to defeat them.

I want to know your weakness. Because I want to see how and when should I be strong for you.

I want to know your failures. Because I want to see how can I be the wind beneath your wings.

I want to know who God is in your life. Because I want to see if you and I have kindred spirits. So we can light this world up together.

I hope this inspires you to be the hope that this world oftentimes deprives some of us. Keep on shining, my loves. Somebody’s got your back and praying for you always. ❤️🙏😘

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” – Romans 8:18

P.S. The video link below from “The Other Slide” is not related to this post, but it’s my current fascination. I hope you get mesmerized by it, too. That is if you’re also a Science lover like me. 😉 I never got to experience this when I was in high school, and I don’t know why we didn’t do this in my Bio class in college. I guess we didn’t have this on planet Nibiru. 🤔

The Other Slide: https://www.facebook.com/reel/649906430661448?s=yWDuG2&fs=e&mibextid=Nif5oz

Love By Chance

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Found this movie by chance, too, over YouTube the day before yesterday. 🙂 And I am not going to make any spoilers (if you haven’t seen it yet), but just wait for the scene that if you can caption it, it’ll go like this:

“Time stopped when our eyes locked, the world suddenly became smaller and only the two of us are in the room…”

Enjoy watching! 🥰

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26