Tag Archives: God

Counting The Days

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Have you ever had those moments when you’re counting the days towards that one dreaded moment? It’s as if each day after the other doesn’t get any better. And you just want to fast-forward everything so you can get it over and done with. How do you make these days more tolerable?

I was thinking of these questions while walking on one of the streets of the condominium compound. The street is beside a school and when I passed by, I heard some students singing “I love Math, I love Math.” And I thought, “Well, good for you because I hate it.” 😅

And if my grade-schooler me is in that class, I’d most probably be singing that song with a poker face. lol I really don’t hate Math. Let’s just say I never got the proper training, thus, learning it was a negative experience for me while growing up. But given the right mentor and ample time to relearn every mathematical formula out there, I’d be happy to do it. Any patient Math teacher out there? Don’t worry, my “Platypus pose” days are over so you’ll be dealing with a 100% mature adult. No tantrums – that I can assure you. 😃

But yes, sometimes I wish I didn’t know how to count so I wouldn’t notice how the days are passing by up to that dreaded moment. So what is that one dreaded moment I’m talking about? It’s none other than my husband’s departure going to abroad.

It is this season wherein I have a lot of “why” questions. Like why is God taking away my husband during a season when I needed him most and I need him beside me. Why take him away from me when I just lost my Mom? Why take him away when the world is going crazy and the effects of climate change, the Big One, wars, and new pandemics such as Disease X can break out any minute in all parts of the world?

There came a point when I asked God if I could go and live with my husband in the Middle East this year or wherever in the world that God would call my husband to serve after his job contract ends. Because I want to insist that I have to be beside him always. And yet, the answer was “no.” The calling for me to stay here is greater.

If I push through with what I want using willpower, I know I can find a way to make it happen. But it will be met with unfavorable circumstances and attaining the goal will be very difficult. It’s like me going against the grain because it is not what God wanted for me.

And then there are the “what if” questions that are always included in these moments of contemplation/bargaining with God. One example is what if he got into an accident while he was there and died without me beside him. Or what if I was the one who got so sick and died while he was gone? Also, what will happen to our romantic life as a married couple? What if this is goodbye forever? And what if we can’t resolve our marital issues while being in a long-distance relationship? And a whole lot more of “what ifs.”

I know only God can answer these questions. But His assurance is always available through His Word such as the ones I listed below.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

Indeed, who am I to question God’s plans? And instead of thinking that this agony from waiting is unbearable, I have to convince myself over and over again that this is for our own good. Instead of thinking about the “why” and “what if,” I’m thinking about the good opportunities being offered through this experience such as what we could possibly gain from this and how we can possibly grow as an individual and a couple during this season.

I think man’s instincts automatically shift by default to survival mode during a separation. It is part of our defense mechanism maybe as far as self-preservation is concerned. And yet no amount of survival instincts can prepare even those who profess as self-made individuals and do not feel the need to have God in their lives.

When God wills it to happen, it’ll happen and nobody can stop it. Our best response in times like this is to let go and always let God take control. It’s as if God was telling me “Tin, why are you so worried about the future? Instead of counting the days, make the remaining days count by creating good memories with your husband while he is still here. Because these are the memories that you get to cherish forever whatever happens in the future.”

P.S. I am not afraid of being alone, by the way. Because as an introvert, I actually love solitude. Being independent comes naturally to me and it sometimes becomes my weakness. I am just the type of person who doesn’t head towards the fire exit when what you and I have built together is being engulfed by flames. I will stand in the fire with you and beside you. ❤️

Frugality And A Legacy Of Generosity

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Just one more article before I hibernate here. I thought I should write this in case my recent blog posts gave you the impression that I was born rich. 😀 I’d like to change that assumption by saying that it’s actually the opposite. I grew up in a family that emphasizes frugality and the wise use of money above everything else. Next to it is generosity, which is actually the family legacy started by my great-grandparents. I am writing this post to honor them. ❤️

Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen | Sketch: Rev. Julian Bertumen
My late grandma’s accounting of farm expenses back in the 1980s, which is what I’m doing now. But Dad will be the last generation who will be doing this because our generation will be using Microsoft Excel. It’s way easier. 😅

My great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents possessed properties by inheritance and purchased some but shared a decent portion of the harvest from everything that grows there with neighbors and friends. I am praying my siblings and I will be able to pass this legacy to the next generation because this, I believe, is the main purpose that God has given us these lands.

My great grandfather, Reverend Julian Bertumen, or Lolo Daddy as we call him, was born in Bacacay, Albay. He was a Freemason or a member of the Freemasonry before he became a Reverend of the Protestant church. His involvement in the church started in Albay before he transferred to Bulan, my hometown.

Rev. Julian Bertumen

More about Freemasonry:

1. 7 Things You May Not Know About Freemasons

2. Secret society? Meet the Freemasons, men excommunicated by Catholic popes

Together with my great-grandmother, Eugenia Bertumen or Mamay Gurang, they were able to possess properties not because they earned so much money from their work, but because they lived frugal lives. This was passed on to my grandmother and then to my Mom. I remembered how our late grandma had this set of clothes that she always wore going to church.

Left Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen

Both she and my grandpa only had the basic things needed at home. They lived in a small but very homey nipa hut at the farm. I spent a lot of time with them when I was a toddler every time my parents couldn’t find a babysitter.

A page from my grandma’s journal.
I believe my grandma also prayed the way I am praying now that future generations will rekindle that deep connection with nature.
A family that is called to be farmers and caretakers of the land one generation after the other. 🙏

My grandma had a very warm personality. She greeted people with her beautiful smile. I think I got most of my grandma’s genes because I discovered from her old belongings that she and I are alike in a lot of things. Like this old Gospel song that I found along with old letters written by her. So now I know where my fascination for Worship songs that speak to the soul came from. 😍

I also found this old photo taken during a church event in Albay in 1940. I think our ancestral roots are closely attached to this place, and I have a strong feeling God wanted each generation of our family to be connected to Albay in one way or the other.

My Mom lived there for quite some time and so did my grandparents and great-grandparents. This must explain why I feel certain emotions when I see Mt. Mayon. Am I an old soul from Albay? 😀 Maybe I’m a reincarnation of Magayon from the folklore. 🤔 Hmm, this means I’ll be dealing with Pangaronon and Pagtuga, too? lol Ugh, enough of the romantic tragedy already. 😩

I’m definitely keeping this very precious and priceless box of memories. ❤️

Does this mean though that I am going to live in Albay, too? Or maybe one of my siblings. Now, I cannot answer because it is only God who leads me where I should go. But the perfect rainbow I saw was in Albay, too. And along with it was God’s promise that He would bring me back to this land (Genesis 28:15). There are just no coincidences in Christianity. 😉

I also have this desire to look for the relatives of my grandma’s best friend who lived in Daraga. I want to know more about her, too. Our Mama must have loved her so much because she gave her best friend the old house where my grandma and grandpa used to live before they relocated to Bulan. Ah yes, that’s how generous my grandparents were. 🥰

“The Parable of the Sower” in Bikol dialect.
1973 PBS Pamphlet

I believe my siblings and I are in this season where God is aligning us to the family’s calling, which spans from generation to generation. This also includes the people that we meet who will also play a role in what He will ask us to do in the coming years.

Found this in my grandma’s old stuff, too. It looks like I will be updating this also.

I am sensing that God is asking us to allow Him to realign us with His calling and purpose for our lives. This might involve drastic changes and sacrifices, but we must take comfort in the fact that the things that we can no longer control and what God allows to happen are for our own good.

I believe that this year will be all about renewed purposes for most of us. This year is about seeking His will more than anything. Thus, it is my prayer that more brave souls will surrender to and accept Jesus as their Savior, so they can also see the glory that God is about to bring to His kingdom. 🙏

“Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.

But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” – 1 Timothy 6:6-10

“Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good.

They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life.” – 1 Timothy 6:17-19

Love By Chance

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Found this movie by chance, too, over YouTube the day before yesterday. 🙂 And I am not going to make any spoilers (if you haven’t seen it yet), but just wait for the scene that if you can caption it, it’ll go like this:

“Time stopped when our eyes locked, the world suddenly became smaller and only the two of us are in the room…”

Enjoy watching! 🥰

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

NYE 123123 Countdown @ 5th Avenue BGC 🎆

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New Year’s Eve 123123 was by far the most “chill” celebration I’ve had. No stressful planning, no hassle, and everything just went smoothly. Though we terribly miss being with our families during the holidays.

Hubby and I never had any plans on how to celebrate New Year’s Eve except that we will watch the fireworks display in BGC. Our day yesterday started with good news because the result of my repeated urinalysis looked like nothing was off the charts this time.

The doctors are on a holiday break though so I will schedule my consultation with an Internal Medicine doctor possibly on the second week of January.

Lovely piano music courtesy of a patient @ St. Luke’s BGC. 🥰

Then after lunch, hubby and I decided to attend the 5PM service at Victory Fort. I was surprised (but so happy) that I was able to book a Grab ride right away, so we arrived a couple of minutes early.

Victory Fort 5PM Service

Then after the service, we decided to walk just a couple of blocks from Victory Fort to an Indian restaurant called “New Bombay.”

Cozy and very colorful interiors. 👍
I love their huge plates. 😍

When we got to the restaurant, we were the only customers there so it’s like an exclusive dining experience for me and hubby at first. But a couple of minutes later, other guests started arriving.

The menu is about 5 pages long. This means more options and, thus, more reasons to come back to try them all. 😁

I will give this restaurant 5 stars for its great-tasting food, affordability, store accessibility, and excellent customer service. If you’re looking for authentic Indian cuisine in BGC, this is the place to be.

We love Indian food!

They also offer generous servings, and the strawberry yogurt is the perfect drink to pair with the meals. My husband and I tried Mutton Biryani, and I highly recommend this dish. The mutton is so tender, and I like how the spices aren’t too overpowering.

Chola Chat – Samosa
Mutton Biryani (good for 2 pax)

They have a lot of dishes to choose from, and there are also options for vegetarians. We ordered dishes that were somewhat heavy on carbs, so we were just too full to finish everything. lol

Chola Pesawari
Seafood Soup

Then we headed to the concert venue and when we got there, the place was literally jampacked. Hubby and I decided to go to the designated Family Zone instead to avoid the crowd because I’m actually claustrophobic.

On our way to the Family Zone, we ordered Starbucks drinks and oh boy, it took my hubby about an hour to get our order. Long lines were everywhere inside the Family Zone. All the tables were occupied, too, and I was fortunate enough to find a spot on a ledge under the tree. But I think it’s the perfect spot because I got to observe a lot of people. 😃

❤️❤️❤️

Then at around 11:30PM, we started walking towards the Fireworks Viewing Area just a couple of blocks away from the concert grounds.

This BGC cat casually sat down beside me while waiting for the fireworks display. 😃

There were fewer people here, but it’s the perfect spot to watch the fireworks display, which lasted for 10 minutes.

After the concert ended at around 12:50AM, hubby and I chose to stay a little longer while waiting to book a Grab ride going home. We were unsuccessful, so we thought we’ll just walk a couple more blocks and check out what other transportation options we had.

By the way, I prefer walking around because I get to familiarize myself with the neighborhood and observe a lot of scenarios for my next stories. If we brought a car, I also don’t want my husband driving during times like this when heavy traffic’s unpredictable because it’ll get on his nerves and ruin his mood, and he’ll be too tired. I think all guys can relate. 😃

All the beautiful colors and textures are in one frame.

We also passed by a high-end club in BGC and a couple was having an argument. Then another guy looked like he’s already drunk and was about to jump off the second-floor balcony. I was like, “Oh please no, Lord. I don’t want to start my 2024 witnessing a horrible incident.” His friends grabbed him though, so yes, always bring your friends with you if you plan to really get drunk at a party.

Then when we got to the main thoroughfare, my husband was able to hail a cab and by 3AM, we’re already home. My sister’s condo in Pasig is near BGC, so going home isn’t a problem because you’ll have lots of options to choose from.

It was a calm ending for 2023 – simple and yet at peace. I felt God’s assurance reminding me that when He is in control, we have nothing to worry in 2024. I am forever grateful for everything God has blessed me and my family with last year. I pray you are, too. A blessed 2024, everyone! 🥰 🎆❤️🙏

Thank You so much, Lord, for guiding me and my husband always despite our flaws and imperfections. 🙏

“Behold, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness and streams in the desert.” – Isaiah 43:19

What Is Painful In Every Battle?

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Do you know what is painful when you’re fighting battles? It’s when both you and your husband cry your hearts out while hugging each other because you are in this season where you both feel trapped and are just too tired but have no choice but to stay strong for one other.

And this was after we failed to be kind and gentle with one another – and all that we know we should avoid during arguments (Kraken V. 10 activated). Those kind of moments when our worst comes out after suppressing it for a very long time.

Indeed, the pastor during our pre-wedding seminar some years ago was right when he said that marriage is all about the word “give” because it requires giving and not getting and forgiving each other and ourselves always. Because we will be offending and failing one another often.

My husband never cries, but he does now. So I know that the weight on him of what we are going through is too much. We are both going through transitions that give us little time to process everything. I am also processing grief over the loss of my Mom who, next to God, is the first person I share my problems with when it comes to my marriage.

It is this kind of feeling wherein you both don’t want to let go because you got used to being with each other all the time and yet you are questioning whether what you both have was real love or not. Or if this marriage is still worth fighting for.

Was it just platonic love? We do have great chemistry but the connection isn’t there. And yet we both know that love isn’t all about electrifying sparks and emotions – love is a decision. It is a decision to love your spouse every single day no matter what happens. Because this is what God taught me about love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 4:7

It is a love who seeks to understand rather than condemn. That kind of love that chooses to forgive and be forgiven. It is a love that chooses to fight for what is good over and over again. But also that kind of love who lets go so the other can be happier.

My husband and I still need each other now and be the best friends that we are to each other who console and support one another when we’re going through tough times. And I am praying we both can sum up the courage to bravely face life alone as we pursue different paths. Because only God knows how our story as a couple ends.

I know my husband is torn between leaving me alone here and pursuing the calling that God has for him abroad. My promise to him remains though. Even if we get separated by distance or by choice, for as long as I am married to him by law, I will honor this marriage until such time that he decides to end it legally.

We made a mistake in the past, a sin that we covered up with another sin. Until our sins caught up with us. My husband wasn’t ready to marry. Though it was a decision we made together, I felt like I was at fault because I somehow forced him in a way. We were both victims of our own selfishness.

Unfortunately, both of us can no longer change the past. But I am praying, I am praying hard that God will forgive me and my husband and release us from the bondage of sin. We have forgiven each other, we suffered for our sins, and I pray that God will give us both peace and a second chance to make up for our mistakes and live a better tomorrow whether together or alone.

I assured my husband that if we can no longer carry the burden of everything we are going through now, we call out to God. Always. It is only God who can help us go through every rough season in our lives and deal with the saddest emotions that we have including those that we don’t reveal to others. God is really the only one who can understand when no one else can.

May God help me and my husband end this year at peace with the pains of our past and the uncertainties of the future. I pray that He will grant us the courage to move on and to move forward not forgetting the lessons we learned. And lastly, I pray for strength to be able to let go of one another believing that God’s plans for us are always for our own good. 🙏

P.S. Lord, enough of the drama already. Mabibigyan po ba ako nito ng award sa Metro Manila Film Festival? Hanubey, awat na. Puh-lease langs. huhuhu 😭 Seriously though, I really want to erase 2023 in my memory. But I know I cannot. I can only remember it as it is. No matter how painful. Because there are good things, too, that happened this year. And they are also worth remembering. ❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” – James 5:16

Not Just An Advocacy, But A Higher Calling

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“How do I know if God is asking me to do a particular task?”

If you have asked this question a couple of times now in your life, then you’re not alone. I did, too. And here are some of my answers to this question based on my experience:

1. Clarity

There are no doubts about whether you should do it or not. Even if you don’t know the outcome or how you’re going to do it at first, there’s just this courage and boldness to pursue the task given to you.

2. Instructions

Everything is provided to you once you have set your heart on doing it. You have all the answers to your WH questions, and there simply is no reason now for you to not do it. Resources were made available and connections with people who can help you with your plans were established.

3. Peace

There is contentment and fulfillment when you think of this task. Even though it hasn’t been completed yet or hasn’t even started, there’s already a sense of accomplishment just by obeying God and committing to do what He asked you to do.

WE HAVE WORK TO DO

When you have all three going smoothly together, then you know you are set to start a God-ordained mission. 🙂 The doors that God has opened for me or let’s say the God-given possibilities that can turn into great opportunities starting next year are the following:

– more agribusiness opportunities

– connect with a spiritual family that supports the same vision for the mission at hand

– volunteer in church activities particularly those that involve the youth of the church because they will be the next spiritual leaders of their generation

– encourage the spirit of volunteerism among the youth by empowering them through mentoring sessions

– equip the youth to do volunteer work outside the church but guided by Biblical principles

– create or look for partnership opportunities between the schools and the church for the students’ Community Service projects

– volunteer in medical missions particularly for breast cancer

– connect the school, church, and hospital for Community Service initiatives led by the youth of the church (high school and college students will be assigned into groups mentored by spiritual coaches and will undergo a volunteering workshop conducted by the church)

– invite healthworkers to conduct a separate workshop and train youth volunteers on first aid and basic caregiving skills to terminally ill patients and help assist nurses (they can use these skills later on when they need to take care of a sick loved one at home or during a global emergency i.e. war, pandemic, etc. thus, help reduce the workload of healthcare professionals in public and private hospitals)

– targeted age of youth volunteers: high school and college

– considerations to include grade school volunteers by integrating volunteering opportunities with Girl/Boy Scout Camping (the proposed location is the hospice facility at the farm where they can have their camping activities, too, as this is less risky for the kids health-wise compared if they will be volunteering inside the hospitals – menial tasks will be assigned such as bringing the patient’s meals, putting fresh flowers on bedside vases, opening the window/glass door curtains, helping push the wheelchair, etc.)

– Church volunteers from other age groups are also welcome as long as they can commit to a regular volunteering schedule (options to choose from are once a week, twice a month, and once a month)

– conduct a feasibility study for the hospice facility (5-year and 10-year growth trajectory including possibilities for expansion i.e. bed capacity, supporting facilities, health personnel’s quarters, etc.) to be included in current site planning

– praying for a “praying doctor” (like a doctor who is also a pastor – yes, my prayers are always specific lol) who can be our hospice management advisor and at the same time can pray for patients who are about to pass away

This last objective/goal is actually the main mission in which all of these goals revolve around. It is the salvation of the souls by means of repentance and accepting the Lord Jesus as the Savior that will delight the heavens more than the good works that we did to help others in this world. 🙂

Why volunteering? It is the ministry that God has called me to serve even before I became a born-again Christian. I do not volunteer to seek validation or to please people. It’s because I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of other people’s time, mercy, generosity, and care. I am just paying it forward. ❤️

Here are some of the volunteering projects I joined in the past years:

Victory QC Community Outreach Ministry

Isko Operations 2013 (Typhoon Maring)

The Old: Loved But Never Forgotten

“I Volunteer!”

The goals I listed above are a lot of work that will involve a lot of people working together. I know God will provide the specific details on how to reach these goals. Some of these goals will happen simultaneously. Some or all of them might not happen at all. And some of them might happen probably a couple of decades from now. Only God knows. But I am very much looking forward to witnessing how God will work out these plans (and any deviations) for His glory and His kingdom. 🙏

Rough sketch/draft I made for the Hospice Project Proposal that I am praying my siblings will approve. 🙏🙂

“In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away.” – Luke 15:7

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ – Matthew 25:40

P.S. Btw, I am happy for this answered prayer – the recently constructed Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center. Thank you so much, Lord! 🙏 It just came right on time for the goals I mentioned above. ❤️

Maraming salamat po, Senator!

P.P.S. If you have read this far, I believe it is not a coincidence and maybe God is also asking you to do something for your community – may it be in your church or in the neighborhood. I hope the goals I listed here might give you ideas on how you can serve God’s kingdom, too, starting next year. 🙂

About Yesterday’s Holi-date

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This might be our last, only God knows, our last Christmas together as a married couple. Every goodbye is painful, and it would’ve been really easy to just walk away and leave everything behind.

But that is not what God is calling me to do. He’s asking me to wait a little longer because He still has some tasks for me to do here in Manila.

When I came here, I was asking God for an answer whether to fight for my marriage or not. An incident that took place on my birthday (sadly) prompted me to let go.

I was hurt. Deeply hurt. All the trauma of the past came back – lies, broken trust, and unfulfilled promises. I believe this is also why my infection got worse, my body was going through excessive emotional stress.

I was hoping for a change. But as they say, if people do not want to change, no amount of convincing is enough for them to do it. Unless they, themselves, decide that they want to change.

Finally, the right movie tickets this time. No need to change. 🙂

For the past 8 years, I have chosen to forgive even without the promise of change and at times the absence of apologies. It never mattered to me if I was disrespected or if boundaries had been violated.

Because the Bible says that if a brother sins against you and asks for forgiveness, forgive him every time. I was willing to endure. Though there were times when I asked God when will this suffering end.

A change in perspective. God, what else am I missing?

God’s answer to me was to endure until last December 22. I did cry a little bit, but a decision has been made. It was made in peace – a sign for me that God’s discipline is over. I endured, and God is releasing me from the bondage of sin and being unequally yoked.

I would’ve fought this decision over by being stubborn and by using my free will to fight for our marriage. But the day after, my infection got worse and God’s final words came:

“Your willpower is strong, Tin, but your body can no longer take it. I am giving you rest from everything, give you time to recharge, a time to heal so your body can recover, because I have more tasks for you to do. And the mission I am about to ask you to do requires that you are at your best self – healthy, at peace, and joyful. This mission requires helping others and you cannot help them if you, yourself, are dying on the inside and on the outside.”

I am claiming God’s beautiful promise that I will live long and die of old age though there are far too many times that I felt like maybe I would only make it this year or next year because all I ever did for the past years was to survive. So it does make sense if His first instruction to me for next year is to HEAL.

I will stay here in the city for now to help my husband because he needs a place to stay here in Manila while processing all the paperwork. This is the task that God is asking me to do while I am here. My husband is still my brother in Christ, and I will provide any help that I can give because that is the right thing to do in return for all the favors that he did for me and my family.

When awkward silences become unbearable, just take a photo. lol When you’re married, your best friend can also be your worst enemy. 😅

We all have our demons. We all have sinned. And yet, it is only God who can save us from these demons that haunt us every now and then and compel us to do things that we never want to do. And yet, this requires that we work with God, too. God can never save us if we feel like we don’t need any saving.

The acts of salvation and redemption always start with surrendering everything that is dark within us so God can eventually usher us out into the light. God is giving my husband another chance to change but without me this time, thus, God called my husband to work abroad.

My husband working abroad means it will be extremely difficult for us to navigate through every conflict that may arise in our marriage because of the distance especially if he still hasn’t learned from his past mistakes. Temptations will be even greater. If he comes back a changed man (for the better), then this marriage might still stand a chance until death parts us both.

But for now, we will pursue our dreams apart from each other because God wills it – his dream to work abroad and my dream to pursue agribusiness projects in Bicol. I may not see and understand the plans of God, but this separation is a divine calling, and God is asking me to obey.

The processing of my husband’s paperwork for his work abroad has also been smooth with very minimal hassle. I see this as a sign that this is what God is asking him to do for our own good. If my husband finds another woman to love while he’s abroad, then I will accept (though heartbreaking) the fact that I was never God’s intended true love for him.

And yet that will be another problem at another time. But for now, I will keep holding on to God’s promise for me when I saw my first perfect rainbow in Albay back in 2020 accompanied by the first Bible verse below. 🙏

“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day, I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15

“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!” – Luke 1:45

Not My Usual Holiday Celebration

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This year is a year of many “firsts” for me. Holiday plans changed because I had to go to the ER yesterday because of lower abdominal pain though this is the only symptom I have for now. Only to find out it’s another UTI, which is becoming a recurring infection lately.

I did mention in a previous article that we plan to travel to Bicol on the 26th to celebrate New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day with my family. Unfortunately, I was advised by Dr. Jacqueline last night to follow up with an Internal Medicine doctor a week from now after I’m done taking the antibiotics. So, plans are canceled.

She explained to me that a recurring infection means my body might not be responding to the prescribed antibiotics so they will need to conduct a culture test to see what is causing the infection and change the treatment plan.

So, while waiting for my lab test results, we decided to walk around BGC. I actually love taking a stroll in the area. The crowd here is a mix of people from all walks of life.

It’s an ideal place for couples and families to hang out because of the great ambiance with plenty of shops and dining options to choose from and comfy places to just sit and relax.

While seated on a bench, a young man approached me. I didn’t know why he didn’t approach the other people beside me. It’s either I look gullible or I look too kind. So that means I succeeded in deceiving him because I am neither of the two. lol I’m kidding. 😅

He started his sales pitch, and I wasn’t totally convinced but I bought one box of pastillas that costs Php250. I think it’s a bit expensive, but I admire his tenacity and boldness to approach strangers even though there’s a 99.9% probability he will be rejected. He is a true-blue entrepreneur, and I really want to imitate entrepreneurs like him.

I pray that the little amount I gave him will help him one way or the other. I didn’t want to pass up this chance, because what if that stranger was actually God testing my heart if I’d be Mrs. Scrooge this holiday season? 😉

I’m not used to spending the holidays away from our families. But I believe this is all part of God’s plans. I read in the FB profile of one of the doctors that I am following on social media to gift yourself an executive check-up on your birthday.

I was having second thoughts about doing this because my birthday happens to be just 2 days away from Christmas. If ever test results turned out bad, that would somehow ruin 2 special occasions – my birthday and Christmas. 😃

But here I am having myself checked and tested because God willed it. He taught me last night that it’s about how we take every bad news that matters. It’s up to us if we let it affect our mood and control our emotions or take it with a positive mindset and focus on what needs to be done and still choose to be joyful and grateful.

Now I understand why some of the breast cancer warriors shared their sentiments about the holidays that they don’t feel like celebrating because of their fight against cancer. Some of them were concerned about what they’re allowed to eat this holiday season, while some were worried about where to have their treatments done because clinics are closed during the holidays.

I somehow feel them in a way and I think God is teaching me that if I really desire to understand what every breast cancer warrior is going through, I have to go through the process myself. Only then can I truly understand their deepest needs and thus, offer them the emotional and spiritual support they need.

This, I believe, is connected to the desire that God planted in my heart to put up a hospice facility in His perfect time if it is really part of His plans. I’ll discuss this in my next article because I need to cut this short as we will be watching a Netflix movie in the comfort of the condo munching on our simple Noche Buena of pasta, pizza, and mojos. 😃

I would like to dedicate this article to those who don’t feel like celebrating the holidays because of grief and sadness – me included because this is our first Christmas without Mom. It is okay to feel these emotions, but still choose to be grateful and joyful. What matters to God most is the condition of our hearts because it displays the attitude of worship that we have for Him despite the gravity of unfavorable circumstances around us.

So, my beautiful sisters and brothers in Christ, I wish thee and your family a blessed Christmas whatever it is that we are all going through right now. God loves us, and He is with us always through Jesus Christ, our Savior – this is the Good News and what Christmas is all about. 🙏❤️😊

P.S. Hopefully health issues will be cleared before I go back to my hometown. But if not, then it’ll be a change of healing environment for me with the help of Bicolano medical practitioners. 🙂

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” – Romans 12:12

What Is Self-Control In A Christian’s Life?

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When it comes to self-control, there’s only one person that comes to my mind who makes me wish that every guy in this world is like him – my Dad. If only his soul can be cloned and injected in every male fetus now, the whole world will be a better place to live in. 😃

And no, when Dad was young, he used to have all the vices that a few men weren’t able to escape from – gambling, chain smoking, and excessive drinking. But by the grace of God and because of love, he changed.

Our Dad In Our Eyes

When my brother graduated from the Philippine Military Academy in 2005, his article about Dad entitled “The Unsung Hero,” was one of the articles recited and featured during the graduation ceremony. We all broke down to tears after hearing it. Oh, brother dear, must you also have the flair for the dramatic like me. lol My blog, on the one hand, intends to make our Dad “The Celebrated Hero.” 😃

My Dad is not perfect. He juggled farming on weekends and office work during weekdays and yet still finds the time to pick coconuts so my siblings and I can enjoy fresh coconut meat and coconut juice during summer. He still does that now with our other fruits in the garden at the age of 83, but now complains of sore muscles afterward. And he would still do it again even if we tell him that he doesn’t have to. 😅

I can list down a whole lot more of other childhood experiences with Dad that are now precious memories that I can happily recall every time nostalgia hits. That’s why I wish to celebrate all the Dads out there who are like my Dad though it is not Father’s Day.

Praise God For Godly Men And Fathers

I hope after reading this, it will bring joy to your hearts knowing that your children will remember you not for the material gifts you have given them, but the memories and sacrifices you have made with and for them. Fly kites with your kids, watch the stars together, go fishing and camping, hike the mountains together, ride that bike around the neighborhood – these are the joys of a kid that stay with them until they are old. Sadly, I do not have the opportunity to do these things.

That’s why for those who do, don’t let the chance pass by because you can never get it back once your children grows old or when you grow old. This is the kind of love that our Great Father has for us, His children, that’s why a sacrifice has been made through His one and only Son on our behalf. And this is also the reason why we are celebrating the holiday season.

Love You, Dad

Yes, my Dad isn’t perfect, but he tried his very best to be the perfect Dad to us and a perfect husband to my Mom – even when Mom was at her worst, and we were at our naughtiest. And I mean, naughtiest. He gets angry, but it’s always controlled anger – that kind of anger that disciplines, but teaches children about honor and respect. He is a man of few words, thus, showed his love through his actions and his (oftentimes corny 😅✌️) sense of humor.

I love my Dad so much, and I wish this blog can do more than just memorialize his life so his memory lives on and on even when he is gone. Because I believe his kind is getting rarer as each generation passes by. This is a sad reality, but it is the truth.

What Is Self-Control

Self-control in a Christian’s life is very important. For me, it is an all-encompassing word wherein all other moral values (fruits of the Holy Spirit) such as patience, peace, discipline, gentleness, kindness, humility, love, faithfulness, and goodness will fall under.

Self-control is the only thing that will help a born-again Christian to not fall into temptation and go back to who he/she was before being saved. This is why the Bible is intentional when it comes to fasting. Fasting teaches believers to take control of the mind, body, and emotions and not the other way around.

Fasting And Self-Control

This is why I prefer to have my own pre-holiday/birthday fasting so I can control my mind, body, and emotions and not be tempted during this holiday season by excessive drinking, overeating, careless partying, splurging on gifts, irritability due to the holiday rush, etc. Without self control, we are prone to making mistakes, to being tempted, and eventually to sinning.

The lack of self-control destroys boundaries, dishonors people you love, and breaks trust that takes years to build. And no, an apology from an unchanged heart is only made of empty words that do not have meaning and only speak of broken promises and chances that are wasted again and again and again.

Until the time comes that God says, “ENOUGH.” If promises get broken, then plans can change, too.

A Lesson That Is Hard To Forget

I thank God for giving me the courage to do what He is asking me to do – let go of things that I have been trying to hold onto because I am afraid of a lot of things. Because I used to have this limited perception of my purpose in this world.

But God showed me that in order for me to pursue a higher calling, I have to let go of some things, especially if they will hinder the tasks that He will ask me to do. God has bigger plans, and all I need is to trust Him that He is leading me towards them. That will be my next article because I now have lots of time to write though I still have articles to do at work.

Yes, thank God indeed for this talent that He has bestowed upon me so I can share my testimony of His saving grace in every season and help others who might be going through the same thing. 🙏🙂

P.S. By the way, it is my lack of self control that got me into this messiest mess I’m in right now because of the poor choices I made when I was young. I am living the repercussions and consequences now. And yet I am wholeheartedly accepting God’s discipline and I promised Him that I will show Him my loyalty and faithfulness by obeying even if it means enduring this season of painful discipline my entire life. I will endure and even if I ask God to take this suffering away now, like what Jesus said, “not my will but let God’s will be done.” 🙏

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

The Beauty Of Final Endings

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Something happened today that made me realize God is really closing a chapter in my life, a confirmation of something that I have been in denial for the longest time. Maybe now is the right time for it to take place.

Now I understand why the signs have been too many to not notice for the past months, and were getting clearer and clearer for the past days, especially the repeating numbers.

It’s as if God was telling me that I really have no control over how things will play out, especially if He’s the one controlling them. He brought me here in Manila for two reasons – closure and peace.

I may be talking in riddles, but one thing I am sure of is that He is taking me away from what is no longer serving His purpose for me. I am being called to pursue a new path even if it means pursuing this path alone (but with God).

Indeed, this will be my most painful year yet – this hasn’t changed. But I still chose to be grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to end chapters the right way, so I can move on in peace.

2024 is a new beginning, a fresh start. This is God’s promise to me, and I am claiming it now. I am ending 2023 by tying loose ends and setting boundaries, so I have no regrets and I can say that I did give it my all.

If this is how God intends it to be, then I have no fear of the future. I will obey, and I stand my ground. 🙏

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11