The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
The beauty in scars is that they leave you memories not only of the bad ones but of those that are priceless, too.
This article is my tribute to families who have very young kids and whose parent died or is suffering from terminal cancer. I was compelled to write this article after watching a video tonight. It just popped up in my YouTube newsfeed and came in timely.
Because yesterday, another young wife shared with me her husband’s battle with cancer after a recurrence (same as my Mom), and their youngest child is only 4 years old. She broke into tears as she shared their ordeal.
I couldn’t find the right words to comfort her, and this is what I would actually like to pray to God now. May God give me the wisdom to know the right words to say to people who are battling with cancer or dealing with loss due to cancer while I, myself, am dealing with my own loss. May the hope that I was given thru Christ be the same hope that I get to share with them. 🙏
Although I’ve read in an article that sometimes a “silent presence” is the best response just by listening to what they share. In one of the Breast Cancer Support Groups that I recently joined, another young mother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, and she has just given birth. When Mom died, I wrestled with the question “Why does she have to die this soon?” for quite some time.
And God probably saw how I struggled with this question in my heart, thus, He brought me to these people who reminded me I have no right to complain and ask that question because I got to spend almost 4 decades of my life with Mom before cancer took her away from us. Some kids never got the chance to know their parents while growing up.
Yes, we’re all broken, and sometimes life has a cruel way of reminding us every now and then of this brokenness. And yet by His stripes, we were healed. Jesus made us whole. He makes me whole again and again and again.
As I am writing this now, tears just rolled down my cheeks. I just have such admiration for these young Moms and Dads for being so strong for their kids. I don’t know if I can do the same if I am in their shoes.
Maybe this is why I never got pregnant. I thought it was a curse from God. But now, I realize that God may be protecting me knowing that I might also have the cancer genes, I might die early and leave my young kids behind, and I will be passing these cancer genes to my kids, too.
Maddy was a beautiful reminder to me how well we ought to live each moment of our lives knowing the future is so uncertain. The priceless memories she left behind will forever be engraved in the hearts of those who love her – families, friends, and strangers. ❤️
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26
How healthy is healthy? I wasn’t sure so I did my homework and here’s what I found – polyphenols.
Maybe by next year, I can also work as a Research Assistant with the extensive research I am doing now. 😉 So what are polyphenols and their role in fighting against cancer?
Lovely blooms.
Polyphenols On The Spot
“Polyphenols are a class of compounds found in many plant foods that includes flavonoids, phenolic acids, lignans, and stilbenes. There are more than 8,000 different types of polyphenols that have been identified so far. Some polyphenols that have gained popularity are epigallocatechin gallate (EGCG) in green tea and resveratrol in grapes and wine.
“Most polyphenols work as antioxidants in the body, meaning they can combat environmental harm such as UV damage and pollution. Click here to learn more about antioxidants. In addition to their antioxidant activity, polyphenols have many other health benefits. Some studies strongly suggest that diets rich in polyphenols may offer protection against development of certain cancers, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, and neurodegenerative diseases.” – CSU, Kendall Reagan Nutrition Center
Here are other helpful links to articles and scientific journals that contain comprehensive information regarding polyphenols:
Meanwhile, I’d like to share with you some of the edible plants I started growing when I came to Bicol last year. I had no idea each of them contained large quantities of cancer-fighting components. They are very prolific growers, too.
I actually bought these seeds without knowing their full benefits. Indeed, God’s ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
I wasn’t able to replant some of them this year though because of what happened to Mom. But I plan to resume growing them and increase the yield next year, God willing. Because “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”(Proverbs 19:21)
1. Blue Butterfly Pea
This is my favorite because the deep blue-violet color of the flowers just never fails to captivate me. And the funny thing about it is that I got these Blue Butterfly Pea seeds as a freebie (thank you, dear online seller) when I bought the seeds of some flowering trees I intend to propagate on our farm (do watch out for my next article on this). It’s also not just the regular variety of Blue Butterfly Pea, but she gave me the one that has double petals (yay!).
Blue Butterfly Pea Pod
Blue Butterfly Pea Vine
Double petal variety of the Blue Butterfly Pea.
To make the Blue Butterfly Pea tea, just add boiling water to 4 flowers and let it steep for 5-10 minutes.
You may read the articles below to learn more about this plant and its anti-cancer properties.
I usually steam this and eat it plain without any seasoning. Growing them is easy, but you would need at least 10 Okra plants to gather a decent harvest. It’s also best to harvest them young.
I love this fruit though it stinks quite a bit. When it comes to growing papaya, well, it just grows anywhere in the garden through bird droppings. Fascinating how nature finds a way to grow on its own, isn’t it?
This is my paternal grandmother’s (Maria’s her name) legacy that my Aunt is now continuing – tablea making. Tablea is unrefined chocolate made of sugar and ground, roasted cacao seeds. Tableas are always my favorite when making hot choco drinks because they’re perfect during the cold weather.
I started planting Mulberries at the farm last year as part of our poultry project there. But it might take a couple of years before we can harvest a lot of these berries. I’m so glad though that some of the cuttings started fruiting already. Unfortunately, I had to pluck them out to encourage root growth.
Newly transplanted Mulberry.
First Mulberry fruits came out only just a couple of months after we planted the cuttings.
The leaves were so huge. All thanks to my Mom for the extra TLC. 😉
Spinach Leaves
Spinach Plants
Ilocano Eggplant
If you are a believer of the “biophilia” concept, then the more you plant, the better it is for your entire well-being. And yes, I can totally relate to this meme I stumbled upon my social media newsfeed a couple of days ago. The world is getting cray cray every day, let’s just do all that we can to get by.
CTTO
We have to remember though that these edible, cancer-fighting plants may lower our risk of getting cancer, but I still highly recommend a regular checkup with your doctor. This reminder applies to me, too. 😉
P.S. I forgot to mention in this article of mine to include seeds in your Go Bag so you can plant in your Bug Out Location if food is already scarce. That means you may have to start practicing how to plant seeds now for higher chances of growing plants successfully later on.
P.P.S. Since today’s the last “Friday the 13th” of the year, I’m going to end this article with something upbeat to celebrate God’s goodness in our lives. 🙏 Try to see though how the two ideas in the sentence before this are connected. 😀
Ever wondered why breast cancer is represented by the color pink? And did you know that every type of cancer has a corresponding color? Yep, I only found out just now after doing a lot of research regarding breast cancer.
Pink Power
When Mom passed away last August, I felt the need to spread awareness about breast cancer. Me and my siblings never took breast cancer seriously believing that Mom’s breast cancer will not come back. And that is because there are a lot of things that we don’t know about breast cancer.
I already made the draft of this article last September only to find out during my research that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Indeed, there is no coincidence in God’s plans. And if you’re wondering where I got the pink cap and the pink ribbon pin, I had them already during then Vice President Leni Robredo’s campaign, who’s also an advocate of breast cancer. A coworker of my husband gave the cap and pin to him, but I only wore them just now.
I have to thank my chubby cheeks for making me look like a teen (plus 20 years). 😀
Btw, just a little bit of trivia, Leni Robredo was born and grew up in my hometown, Bulan, here in Sorsogon. I am a very big fan of hers, and I never got the chance to meet her in person during the 2022 Philippine presidential election campaign period. Because you guessed that right, I was stuck at home because of my allergic rhinitis.
Challenges And Breakthroughs
During my research, I discovered a whole lot of information about breast cancer that I didn’t know before. It was like a plethora of facts and data that are readily available any time you need them. For one, CRISPR technology and AI innovations being used for treatments are getting more nods from investors. And it won’t be long now before scientists and researchers make a breakthrough that will allow safer use of the technologies to treat a wide range of medical conditions like brain diseases, cancer, and Autism.
I also encountered the term “holistic medicine” for the first time though I’m a bit familiar with holistic approaches because we use the same techniques when dealing with a special child in Special Education. All these data brought me to a realization that the country’s health care system really needs all the help it can get.
For breast cancer here in the Philippines, I agree with what was stated in this scientific journal regarding the need for the medical industry to amp cancer screening and early detection opportunities most especially in underserved communities. In my Mom’s case, for example, it was already too late when we found out her breast cancer had come back.
A Breast Cancer Patient’s Journey
Out of my need to learn more about a breast cancer patient’s treatment journey, I joined several breast cancer support groups on social media. l wanted to know how each patient differs from the other in terms of the severity of their health condition, how each patient manages the pain, what are their challenges, and how their families cope with the patient’s situation.
I know you will ask me, too. “Tin, how did you take it all in knowing one day you might go through the same situation as what they went through?“
My answer is simple: I take one breast cancer info at a time and gather as many as I can. So this means not just settling with what I can gather online, but more importantly, listening to what other breast cancer patients have to say.
Because I also felt this urge to help them in any way I can, may it be through info dissemination or finding opportunities to get financial support for their medications and hospitalization bills. There are a lot of gaps in the medical industry that need to be filled in, but I am very grateful that we have organizations and institutions that are determined to remove these roadblocks in order to provide better healthcare services.
More Opportunities To Get Tested
It’s a lot of work, but I have faith that God will continue to open more opportunities for the benefit of every patient. I actually am very grateful when I found out there is a way to detect if you are at high risk for breast cancer without waiting for a lump to appear on the breast. It’s called the BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test.
“BRCA 1/2 Germline Mutation Analysis Test
Identifies germline mutations in the BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 genes alongside other key mutations involved in hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. It is useful for prognosis, treatment guidance, and screening in high-risk family members for the purposes of cancer prevention and early detection.
The test is also available at St. Luke’s Hospital and Hi-Precision Diagnostic Center. It requires a doctor’s referral, so it’s best to consult with your doctor first.
Time To Prepare
I haven’t had mine yet since my 2019 2D and 3D breast ultrasound results came out negative, but I know I am already due for my next checkup. I just need to sort a lot of things at the moment and I am in the process of making plans. This will include making financial preparations, hiring a stay-in house help, adjusting my work schedule and farm tasks, convincing my 3 older sisters and brother to get the test with me, etc.
I make a lot of plans to avoid any hassle in the future, and eventually minimize stress. Some of these plans will change, depending on what God’s plans are. But it’s better to have a plan than to have none at all. Situations only become too difficult to manage and can be very stressful when you’re unprepared. I plan on having the checkup possibly in 1st quarter of next year after the holidays if God wills it.
Because if ever my test results come out with positive findings, I don’t want to ruin the holiday spirit. I also need to prepare my husband and my family emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and financially.
This is also one of the reasons why I am not going back to Manila with my husband this October even if he wants me to because I don’t want him to see me in pain if ever I am diagnosed (now or later) with breast cancer. I saw how devastated my Dad was when he found out Mom’s cancer came back. It was too painful for our Dad to see my Mom suffer, and I don’t want my husband to go through the same thing.
A Fallen Soldier, A Hard-Fought Battle
Though I really would like to thank my Mom’s doctors, especially her oncologist (thank you so much, Doc Leones!), for the very effective pain management. There was even a time when she told us that she didn’t expect chemo to be that good. I was like to my siblings, “Is Mom trying to cajole us into getting her transferred from the ICU to the private room that’s why she’s telling us that chemo feels good? Because if not, then she would really make a very good chemo ambassadress.” 😀
Unfortunately, Mom still lost the fight because it’s time for her to go. My Mom’s battle with breast cancer might be over, but mine has only begun. And it starts with breast cancer awareness. I know I am not alone in this journey though and so are you. ❤
A Prayer For Breast Cancer Warriors
If you are currently battling with breast cancer or know someone who is, here are some of the links I found over the internet that might help you and your family in dealing with breast cancer. I am also covering everyone who is going through their breast cancer treatments with prayers for healing, provisions, comfort, and peace. May God be with us always, and may His grace be sufficient enough as we go through this trial of breaking this generational curse. 🙏
“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her.” – Luke 1:45
“I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life.” – Deuteronomy 30:19
P.S. Here are some links to online stores (not my sponsors) where you can buy pretty wigs. Pls. do share in the comment section below if you know other online stores that sell wigs. I might buy one for myself because who says you have to wait to be bald to wear one. If it looks good on you, wear it. 😉
Do you think Oyster Mushrooms can prevent the growth of breast cancer cells? This question just popped into my head now that I’m starting to be conscious of what I eat because I’m already at a high risk for breast cancer.
All we ever know about mushrooms is that they are a great alternative to meat, especially if you’re watching your cholesterol levels. I did my research and I found a study on Oyster Mushrooms and their role in preventing breast cancer and colon cancer.
This wasn’t my original purpose actually why I started growing Oyster Mushrooms here at home. I wanted to learn how to grow them as part of the basic survival training I am doing in preparation for any massive disaster.
Oh so white, so pure. ❤
If ever I see this type of mushroom while foraging, then I would know that it’s edible. And if my survival tools are still complete, I’ll try growing the mycelium.
This is what I want to try now, but the process requires sterilizing the tools and equipment constantly while collecting mushroom spores and putting them in the fruiting bags. Btw, I got the mushroom fruiting bags from Pinong Farm.
The fruiting bags are about 1 foot long each, quite bigger than the ones commonly sold in other online stores. I have been able to harvest thrice already, and I am expecting more harvests since the mycelium is still forming out of the fruiting bag.
How To Grow A Mushroom In A Fruiting Bag
A lot of people who’ve tried mushroom farming say that growing mushrooms is very easy. You won’t need soil, pesticides, and fertilizers to grow them. In my experience, however, it’s not really that easy. Here are some reasons why.
1. Room Temperature
Fruiting bags need the right amount of moisture to encourage mycelium growth. Too much moisture in the environment will trigger mold growth, and if the environment is too dry, there will be no mushroom growth at all.
2. Constant Misting
We live in a coastal area, so there are days when the weather is too dry. When this happens, I would notice that the mycelium grows very slowly. Whereas if the fruiting bags are always moist, tiny fruits grow really fast.
3. Avoid Contamination
Everything that you use for growing mushrooms always has to be sterilized. Make sure to wash your hands when harvesting fully grown mushrooms. And also remove any remaining stem parts to give way to new mushrooms.
4. Pest Control
Rats love to take a bite at them. For safety purposes, discard the rest of the mushroom that has a rat bite. It is also best to keep the environment clean to avoid contamination.
5. Patience Is Key
The first fruits take some time to come out, around 25 days. So it will really test your patience. But when you do see the first fruits, it will be love at first sight. 😍
You can then start harvesting your mushrooms 3-5 days after they come out. I’ve tried cooking them as adobo mushrooms, but fried mushrooms that are coated with Crispy Fry are my favorite.
First mushroom harvests. ❤
Fried Mushroom / Mushroom Chicharon
Even my Dad was astonished after trying the Mushroom Chicharon for the first time. He said that the fried mushrooms do taste like real chicharon or pork cracklings. 😃
Meanwhile, here’s a video of my little mushrooms. Do watch it on full-screen mode for a more up close look. Aren’t they lovely? ❤️
Have you also tried growing mushrooms? I’d love to know your experience in the comments box below. 👇
She would’ve turned 77 today, September 7, 2023. It’s been a week since my Mom passed away on August 27, 2023, just a day after I wrote the article before this. It was a peaceful death because she slipped away in her sleep. She’s finally in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.
It was painful for us, though. But then again, this is life. Death is inevitable. We will all face death one way or the other, sooner or later.
This is the first death in my family, and God has prepared us quite well for it. Though I must say it wasn’t a smooth and easy process. Because there is just no easy way to cope with grief, sadness, and loss.
God prepared our hearts in a way that we were able to face these emotions head-on without breaking apart. He gave us everything that we need, showed us the way we should go, and gave us wisdom on things that truly matter.
I am just grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mom, even though it was very difficult. We couldn’t get another regular Private Duty Nurse (PDN), though we already got one, all thanks to Tita Len. We needed 2 PDNs who would be taking turns watching over Mom every 12 hours. So I took the challenge to learn everything when it comes to providing care to Mom, who’s bedridden and has several contraptions attached to her.
Thank You, Ma’am Leah
This is the part where I get to give special thanks to a nurse assistant at the hospital where Mom stayed. Ma’am Leah offered to be Mom’s PDN during the days when she’s able. She taught me a lot of things when it comes to patient care, from changing diapers, sterilizing everything, positioning under pads, turning and bathing a bedridden patient, changing wound dressings, changing the NGT tube, and a whole lot more.
I also enjoyed talking to her, and Mom would “shush” us now and then for talking too loudly (so sorry, Mom). And every time Ma’am Leah gets carried away by our convo, she would start talking in the vernacular, and I just keep on smiling even though I can’t understand most of what she’s saying. lol
We’re both Bicolanas, but she’s from Bacon, Sorsogon. Their language is like Bikol Albay. I came from Bulan, and our dialect is already a combination of Bikol Sorsogon and Bisaya, or what we call “Bisakol.”
There was one time she said something like “badush” and I was like, “Was she trying to tell me that she’s gay?” Because “badush” is a colloquial term in Manila that means gay. Only to find out later that she meant “badus,” a Bikol Albay word that means “pregnant.” 😀
Second Bicol Home – Daraga, Albay
My Mom’s the only one in the family who’s very fluent in Bikol Albay since my maternal grandparents used to live there for a couple of years when they were young. My Mom also studied in Daraga, Albay during high school (United Institute, Inc.) and college (Bicol University).
My maternal grandparents used to have a house in Daraga, Albay, but my grandma decided to give the house and lot to her best friend before relocating here in Bulan, Sorsogon. Yes, my grandma was one of the most generous people I know. Miss you, Mama.
I really would’ve wanted Mom to breathe her last here at home, but it was no longer an option for us. She needed lots of intensive care after going in and out of the ICU twice (1 week for each stay) during the entire 2 months she was at the hospital. She also had a “white coat syndrome,” and this is one of the reasons why she delayed her yearly medical checkup. Seeing her with 5 contraptions attached to her was also just too painful to bear.
Back To My Second Love, Volunteering
So, what to do now with all the intensive caregiving skills I’ve learned from Ma’am Leah? My Dad’s 83 years old already, but he’s still ambulatory. The next thing that popped into my head was my second love – volunteer work. I’ve been volunteering since my college days at UP Diliman as a relief operations volunteer, and then as a family support volunteer in our church. I also joined Minkah Ministries Inc. about 8 years ago because of the volunteering opportunities they offer.
While I was with the organization, I was privileged enough to do volunteer work for the street children and the elderly. I was looking forward to doing volunteer work for cancer patients at the UP PGH’s pediatric ward since it’s also part of Minka’s missionary work. Unfortunately, my schedule didn’t allow it since it fell on a weekday, and I have work.
Fast forward to now, and I realized that God intended it to be. I really felt the “tugging” to do volunteer work for cancer patients 8 years ago, but I just didn’t have the opportunity, or maybe it was just not the right time.
God gave me a glimpse this year of how caregiving to critically ill patients is done through my Mom. God knew I wasn’t equipped 8 years ago. Though I must say I still have a lot to learn now if I am going to be a regular volunteer for cancer patients here in Bicol.
This was how we communicated with Mom since she’s intubated. And I’m glad that she approved (Mom had high standards) of my caregiving skills all thanks to Ma’am Leah. Konting swabe pa daw. 👍👍😃
Next Faith Goal: Philippine Cancer Society Inc., Bicol Chapter
I did my research and tried searching for organizations that offer seminars and training on doing volunteer work for cancer patients. I did find the Philippine Cancer Society Inc., but unfortunately, they do not have a local chapter here in Legazpi City or Sorsogon City.
These are the cities closest to our hometown, and I don’t mind the long travel time as long as the schedule for volunteering falls on a weekend, because I am oftentimes a 100% multitasker during the weekdays, I barely have time to breathe. Seriously serious.
But then again, what happened to Mom was a reminder to my siblings and me to pause when the body says it needs rest. I did mention in my previous articles that cancer genes are dominant on my Mom’s side. Only time will tell who among me and my siblings carry the “dreaded” genes.
Agritourism Project As A Retreat Place
This is one of the reasons why I’ve been experimenting with several farm-to-table projects at home that we can incorporate later on into our farm (I’ll share more about this in another article).
I want to make sure I am eating healthy, and the best way to do that is to grow my food. My siblings and I also have plans to pursue an agritourism project, and one of its objectives is to support the local food movement.
This is very timely given our current dilemma on inflation and the increasing prices of basic commodities, including vegetables, rice, and meat products. Another objective of our farm project is to become a retreat place for holistic wellness.
Building A HospiceFacility
Then an idea popped into my mind. Since part of our mission and vision for the farm is to be a retreat place, why not include a hospice facility in it? This is what I would’ve wanted for Mom, and I know, too, that this is what Mom would’ve wanted, knowing how much she enjoyed gardening and being surrounded by nature. It’s not a coincidence that she’s named Eden. 🙂
We lacked the knowledge, training, and manpower to provide Mom what she needed most during her final moments. We weren’t beside her when she passed away, and she was in a hospital room surrounded by strangers, all of whom she barely knew.
We weren’t able to give Mom the ideal final moments I was praying for. But I know God doesn’t want it to end here. I want to make up for these “lost moments” with Mom by helping other families who are going through what we went through.
And the hospice care can be the answer to this. My initial plan is to come up with a 5-bedroom-capacity hospice facility situated inside our farm. We are targeting a farm resort concept, so this will be an ideal setup for terminally ill patients. The rooms must also be big enough for loved ones to stay over and be with the patient until his/her last moments.
Praying for the Completion of Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center
Who knows, the Philippine Cancer Society (Sorsogon Chapter) might also be founded alongside the hospice facility if God wills it. 😉 I am also very much looking forward to the Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center that is currently being constructed in Sorsogon City.
I am just grateful for all of these endless opportunities that God has opened because of what happened to Mom. Because these are exactly the opportunities that my siblings and I will be needing in the future.
May God’s Will Be Done Always
These are all huge undertakings (if my Dad and siblings approve), and if Mom’s still alive and I tell her about these plans, she’s probably going to tell me that I have very grand and ambitious plans.
To which I would’ve most likely replied with one of my favorite quotations by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will.”
And I’ll also include my life verse, which is “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). These are all my plans, and yet again, “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).
If these plans are all God’s plans as well, then I still have how many decades to make them happen. They can happen in our farm or somewhere else; only God knows. 🙂
We weren’t able to give Mom what she wanted, but God intended it for the greater good of more families and not just one. May God give me the wisdom, the right people, and the provisions to be able to pursue all of these endeavors in honor of my Mom.
I thought it best to share everything here in my blog so her memory lives on just in case I suffer from memory loss in the future. lol I can only pray though that the IoT (Internet of Things) is here to stay, but either way, she will always be within us.
Happy Birthday, Mom
We miss you terribly, Mommy Moo. Thank you for all the love, and you will always be in our hearts. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy! ❤
P.S. In case you’re wondering, “Mommy Moo (pronounced with a British accent)” is my term of endearment to my Mom. I replaced “Maggie” with “Mommy” in the Netflix movie “The Princess Switch.” 🙂
I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.
Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂
So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).
And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.
I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤
My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.
So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?
I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.
In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.
I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.
I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.
God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.
And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.
No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.
It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?
My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.
I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.
My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?
“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/
This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.
The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.
So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀
I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.
It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.
A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.
And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.
My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.
I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.
In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26
P.S.
We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).
And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤
Our bodies are like a rose. When it wilts, it loses its beauty and its essence. When our health fails, we lose vigor and vitality. I was prompted to write this article after feeling down under the weather the past days – a call for a healthy self-care.
To Rest is Not A Sin
I have this allergic rhinitis where I sneeze almost every hour accompanied by a runny nose. There’s a flu going around too and I think it triggered the attacks.
A few days back I experienced shortness of breath and chest pain and I asked my husband if it’s a panic attack or was it asthma. He told me to monitor the symptoms first. We have a history of asthma in the family and allergies and I used to have skin asthma or eczema. After a consultation with my derma, one of the triggering factors is stress and my first eczema outbreak happened back in college when I was trying to finish my undergrad thesis.
It’s been almost two years since the last time I had an outbreak. But now, I noticed that every time my immune system is low, my soles become very itchy especially when I eat something that contains allergens. It’s just so itchy you pretty much would like to crack your soles open and see where that itch is coming from. After the itch is gone, the soles of your feet will have dry, scaly skin – an indication that it went through a ‘rough’ battle. One of my sisters has this condition, by the way, that started back when she’s just a kid.
Only We Can Feel What Goes On in Our Bodies
I have a high threshold for pain. I can tolerate severe migraine attacks or very itchy feet without taking painkillers. But now, I am also allergic to some painkillers and I am close to believing I really have a weak immune system by genetic composition.
I told my husband I can sense that something is wrong with my body. I am also feeling pain in certain parts of my right breast and I don’t want to give myself a scare but it calls for one mandatory checkup in the family that I’ve been stalling for years now – mammogram. You may read this article about the history of breast cancer in my family.
Healing By Faith and Science
Succumb. Let Science play its role for now. Because for how many years I’ve been trying to leave it all to faith. ☺
Just like me and my husband’s attempts to have a child for 3 years now. He believes it is about time we seek for professional help and be at peace whatever the results may be.
We are scheduled to have a thorough checkup with an ob-gyn tomorrow and I plan to have a mammogram by the end of the month. I am stalling the PE too required at work because let’s just say I’ve been evasive of everything ‘medical’ the past years. Not because I am fearful of the results but I am believing that God will heal me by faith alone.
But then again, I know sooner or later I just have to go through these medical checkups most especially when symptoms are too visible to disregard and they disrupt my daily routine. It can really become too much of a hassle and an inconvenience.
I actually told my husband that I have the will power to still do things despite my weak physical condition because I am very strong-willed. But when it’s your body that starts failing you, that’s where doing things become really hard.
Our bodies are a vessel. Without it, we can do nothing. Our sense of purpose in this world comes from our ability to do things physically and a deteriorating vessel will be of no use. Except perhaps to fulfill a purpose that only God knows and only God will reveal in His perfect time.
For now, God is asking for a healthy self-care. He’s been asking for years. And did I say that I am just too plain stubborn? 😀
Now obeying and resting when God says so,
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” – Proverbs 17:22
P.S.
The roses were given to me by hubby dear last Valentine’s Day and methinks they are too pretty to just let them wilt. So here goes my appreciation by including them here. 😊
I have always been a sickly kid and even until now. And no, it has nothing to do with my sedentary lifestyle because I eat properly, I take multivitamins, I make sure I get at least 8 hours of sleep, and I have an occassional physical activity.
I can remember how my first week in an office job last year started with an energy-sapping flu that lasted for more than a week. Also, when my husband and I were both diagnosed with dengue in 2016, I was confined for a week. He, on the one hand, wasn’t confined because his body was able to recover the lost fluids through the help of an IV in one hospital and managed to be an out patient.
Every time I have a cough and flu it lasts for about a month without the meds and not less than 2 weeks even with the meds. I believe this has something to do with the weak genes. But I cannot say for certain if it has something to do specifically with the cancer genes that runs in the family.
My Mom’s a breast cancer survivor and breast cancer has been consistent for every generation starting from my great grandmother. So the next generation is us. The question is, who among my sisters and me will be the next title holder? 😀
This is also probably the reason why God never intended I work in an office. All the stress of traveling and dealing with the traffic everyday will send me to the grave earlier than His intended timeline.
That is why remote working, too, is very suitable for me. I get to do everything that I needed to do because I don’t have to spend hours being stuck in traffic. And yet I can still do these tasks at ease because I get to plan them ahead of time and never in a hurry.
What I love about being sick though is that it gives me time to pause and contemplate about everything. Though I contemplate most of the time, I do it while multitasking. I am not used to just sitting and staring at the wall for hours or just being idle most of the time. It’s going to make me insane.
In fact, even if I’m sick and I know I still can move around, I will still do something. Like this article perhaps. 🙂
I have this mindset that being sick and not doing something will only make my sickness worse. I actually just got home because I went out and bought stuff. I would’ve walked 2 blocks to get to the grocery store but I was scared I’d pass out on my way there.
Not doing anything when sick means being able to feel the pain and that your body is getting weaker. I have a very high tolerance for pain and very strong-willed too, so unless I am dying, you’d still see me walking around even when sick.
I could still remember when both hubby and I were diagnosed with dengue. I was confined at the hospital because of it. And yet before hubby brought me in, I was the one taking good care of him the day before because even though I am starting to feel weak already, will power just got me going. He was rehydrated through an IV and given antibiotics because his blood platelets were going down.
I didn’t notice that mine was spiraling down way faster that after the blood test the next day, the lab tests showed that my platelet count was waaaaaay too low that the doctor insisted I be confined at a hospital. Otherwise, I will experience internal bleeding and hemorrhaging.
It was only when I was at the hospital lying on the bed that I felt the fever, the muscle pain, etc. Meds won’t work sometimes because I am allergic to painkillers so I had to bear all the pain. It’s a good thing my husband recovered quickly, he was the one who took care of my needs while I was at the hospital. And this included being by my side when I just sobbed the pain away.
Yes, I guess when your body said it had enough, no high pain threshold can ever keep you from not feeling the pain at all. So I learned, too, that getting sick is the body’s way to rest. Rest and do nothing even if it means staring at the ceiling the rest of the day. Just like what I will do after I write this. 😀
I am planning to sketch so I can rest my brain but the meds are making me drowsy. I just thought about finishing the new sketch I am making for Dad because I made such a mess of my first sketch of him.
Applied an expired fixative – spots are everywhere. 😭
Getting ready for the new sketch on Dad.
I’d better get the new sketch done with minimal errors because I’m on to the last page of my sketch pad. 😀
Do you have any ideas how I can turn it into a beautiful mess? 😉
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26
The Journeyman's Moments 