Tag Archives: strength

T.R.A.U.M.A.

Posted on by

Tuwing

Raragasa

Ang

Umaapaw

Mong

Anger.

😃

If only I was wiser, but wisdom came a bit late. Or maybe this is all part of God’s plans, too. But at least I got all the answers that I needed – there’s clarity and so, there’s closure. *big sigh of relief*

My heart is still Yours, Lord. ♥️ And I know Your love for me will never change because You’re the only One who remained faithful in every season. 🙏

P.S. Hay Lord, bakit kasi binigyan Mo pa ako ng pusong mamon. Sana ‘yung kasing tigas na lang ng turo-talinga. 😆

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14

Si Ulysses At Ang Mini Greenhouse: Foundation

Posted on by

Disclaimer: I wrote this article to ask for prayers and any kind of help you could give after the onslaught of Super Typhoon Rolly and Typhoon Ulysses in the Philippines.

Kindly visit this link for more details: https://victory.org.ph/TyphoonPHRelief/?fbclid=IwAR3bmv5Ptv0DJAB3d9PdUXagG2RolDOvpqjZeyJiZAVFstH_x7peilO4WCI

Thank you, and may God continue to be with us all always. 🙏🏻

The Mini Greenhouse

Wala ito sa kalingkingan ng matinding pinagdaanan ng mga nasalanta ng bagyong Ulysses. Pero share ko lang din paano naka-survive itong mini green house dahil akala ko mahina lang ang bagyo kaya hindi ko siya niligpit at ipinasok sa loob ng condo.

It’s made from very light metal and plastic materials. Yaong kapag walang laman, kaya syang patumbahin ng isang tulak lang ng iyong daliri. May maximum weight din na pwede mong ipatong sa kanya.

Thank God, both the balustrade cover and the mini greenhouse survived the strong winds brought by Ulysses. 🙏🏻

Keeping It Safe

Dahil dati nang malakas ang hangin dito sa condo na para bang laging may bagyo, nakatulong ito para siguraduhin kong secure ang mga gamit at alagang pananim dito sa 10th floor terrace.

Naisipan kong dagdagan ng pabigat ang base ng mini greenhouse pero yaong kaya lang nyang dalhin. Ito ay para sya ay maging matibay at hindi agad liparin o matumba gaano man kalakas ng hangin.

Saved By Grace

It worked out, at sa awa na rin ng Dios, na-withstand ni mini greenhouse ang sobrang lakas na hanging dala ni Ulysses. Buong direction sya binayo at ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit madaling araw na akong nakatulog dahil nakikita kong nayayanig sya ng sobra.

Pero sabi nga ng asawa ko, “Hindi sila matitinag. They will be fine.” At nakatulog sya ng maaga, samantalang ako ay nagaalala pa rin at napapaisip kung ipapasok ko ang mga pananim o hindi sa gitna ng paghampas ni Ulysses.

Building The Foundation

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na tayo ay kahalintulad ni mini greenhouse at akong gardener ay parang si God. Alam ng Dios ang mga paparating na mabibigat na problema kaya binibigyan Nya tayo ng mga “pasanin” na oo, mabigat, pero kaya nating dalhin.

Pero dahil doon sa “pabigat,” nagagawa nating maging handa para sa mga susunod pang mas “mabigat” na pagdadaanan natin. At dahil din sa mga “pabigat” na ito kaya lumalim ang ating pananampalataya na syang nagsisilbi ngayon bilang ating matibay na pundasyon.

God Is A Firm Foundation

Kaya naman anumang unos ang dumating, yanigin man sa kaliwa at sa kanan, mananatili pa ring nakatayo. And the Bible has the same sentiments about it:

Jesus said, “As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock.

When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation.

The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” – Luke 6:47-49

May we all build our foundation securely – not on something temporary, but on something that is firm. It may be a rock, and it can be God.

Praying for strength always,

P.S. Next bagyo (apat or lima pa daw ang papasok bago matapos ang 2020 sabi ng PAGASA) ipapasok ko na silang lahat para makatulog ako ng matiwasay.

Which reminds me, too, na it looks like I still have such little faith. Kaya kailangan pa siguro ng marami pang “pabigat” para maging solid ang foundation. 👍

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

Posted on by

I have always been a life-lover. This is probably one reason why I became passionate about everything. Even when I was in my darkest days, I still chose life. And life lived in this world can only get interesting and awesome when lived according to the Truth.

I usually am a multitasker. My brain can accommodate finishing at least ten tasks in a day – big or small. But lately, I can only do so far as my body can accommodate. I had to stop in-between tasks as nausea would begin to creep in and if I don’t stop, there goes the splitting migraine. I really planned on having the medical check up next week so I can monitor the condition of my health for the remaining days of this week and by that time, maybe I will have sufficient information to share with my doctor.

I guess my condition is the opportunity God gave me to really enjoy life, like enjoy every minute of it, not worrying about anything. Savor it in other words. Being busy with a lot of things can sometimes put you in that moment wherein you live life according to your daily routine and you get drowned by all the things that you need to accomplish for the short term or long term without being able to really appreciate all of them by the end of the day. I believe God has a reason why I had to write the first article for this year as “An Appreciative 2016.” I felt like the overall mood for this year is “darker,” and yet God wanted to tell us to appreciate it all and see the “Light.”

Indeed, when you have learned to trust God with everything, all that you do will follow the course of His plans and not of your actions. Life, for me, was put in a standstill. I oftentimes ask God why circumstances brought me in a way that pursuing my master’s degree would require I become jobless. And I was supposed to finish it last semester but I overlooked the deadline for filing for my extension in my residency at the university which means I wasn’t able to enroll this semester. In other words, I was forced to take a leave of absence in graduate school. But it kind of came in timely, why? Because I have planned on taking the licensure examination this March thus, most of my time is now spent on reviewing for said exam. Originally though, I planned to do my master’s thesis and review for the exam at the same time.

So what happened was that I was given a break from thesis work which is something that requires A LOT in all aspects. I was able to concentrate on just one task which is to review for the exam and entertain an opportunity wherein I was scheduled to attend a training for the Senior Writer post in the online magazine I have been contributing for in the past years. The job responsibilities are not as taxing as compared if you are working full time in an office and yet it would still require quite an amount of input, effort and time. BUT the good thing with this is that I don’t have to report for work at certain times every day and deal with all the stress of traveling/commuting, etc. Technically I am a freelance writer, but I am not really pursuing my writing as a means to get compensated. I just love to write for the love of writing. 🙂

Then it all dawned on me that indeed, God has a reason for everything and everything happens perfectly in His time. God knows when I reach this age, my body will start to regress. I am grateful that my master’s thesis didn’t allow work for doing both work and thesis will be STRESS at the maximum level. Even work alone is already a big STRESS right there. God knows my body won’t be able to take in all the stress that I’ll be getting from work and graduate study. He gave me a break.

Because pursuing both even if it is against His will would mean any illness that I have could progress to an even faster rate which is synonymous to me dying at a really young age. Maybe it is not yet my time to die that early. So God prolonged my health by giving me tasks that He knows I can handle for now until I have a final assessment of my health and be given the proper treatment.

In my current condition, I really have plenty of time to contemplate about a lot of things. I only stay at home before while I do my thesis work at my own pace because I do not have a job. I still get to do a lot of things though even if I do not have work – opportunities to explore and try a lot of things which are endless and they just keep on coming. But now, I really can’t do much. Again, everything at a standstill. It is only this blog that gives me the opportunity to do something while at home and resting which still gives me an opportunity to do something that I love. 🙂

So now my husband asked me, “Honey, what are your priorities again? You are not getting any younger. What is it that you want to do in life?”  If I am my usual stubborn, defiant self, I normally would reply with a sarcastic remark like “Yeah, I know that already. You don’t have to remind me what I should be doing in this life.”

But, I found myself thinking about 3 bible verses right at that moment. The first one is my life verse and the two that followed are my next favorites.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

So that’s how I replied to him. I am planning on explaining/adding something to that but I thought, try to keep it that way, Tin. Let the bible verses speak for themselves. As the Scripture goes,

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,..” – 2 Timothy 3:16

THUS,

“And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear Him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14

“And if anyone removes any of the words from this book of prophecy, God will remove that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city that are described in this book.” – Revelation 22:19

Faith has taught me that if you want to get your message across, do not just explain and state opinions or experiences, but most importantly, share them in light of the Scripture. And even better is when you share the bible verses at the right time and the right place with any people just as they are – no explanation/interpretation needed. I believe it is God who will touch accordingly the hearts, the minds and the spirits of the people whom you have shared these verses with.

We cannot always assume that a particular verse has the same meaning or that it can be applied in all situations at all times with everyone. God still dictates how these bible verses from the Scripture will come to life according to His plans and purposes. All it takes? LISTEN intently when the Spirit tells you to act on or say about something. It is in Ecclesiastes 3 that everything I write and say is rooted in.

Never ever trust your human emotions. Believe me, I have done that and it has failed me countless of times. It never will give you the solution and the end product that you are hoping to achieve.

Back to our text messages, I believe the message went through to my husband as he came home not bringing up the topic again and is now more attentive to my needs. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not mean to be selfish but I just noticed how much he has changed right now with me – more caring, more helpful, more understanding, a little more patient and he listens well when we converse.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in me too. *wink*  When we just got married, we were like cats and dogs trying to live in one territory knowing ALL our differences. I have promised myself before I got into a relationship that I will never ever nag as it is one of the “relationship killers”  but I found myself becoming exactly like that. If not for my husband telling me how hurtful I can become when I would correct him with this and that did I realize that oh no, Tin, you’ve been entangled in the dreaded web of nagging.

So I prayed to God how could I possibly let my thoughts out without hurting my husband. Or in other words, how can I speak the truth in love? 🙂

Praise God for post it sticky notes. Came the idea that when there’s this particular spot inside the house wherein my hubby usually does a bad habit that I wanted to correct, I would write a note with so much affection and words of endearment reminding him to do the opposite – the good one. It worked. BUT I know I cannot do that all the time so I settled with writing just ONE note for that one bad habit that affects greatly how we do things around the house. Yes, just one note. And as for the rest of our differences, for some I have to let them be, and for some I have to wait for God to do all the changing.

This resulted in BETTER days for me and my hubby. Which means we both get to sleep well and at peace at night. BUT that was what I thought. Because my brains won’t allow me. *big smiles*

Last night was supposed to be a peaceful rest and deep sleep. But because I have a very active brain, sensations can send nerve impulses that make my muscles move involuntarily. Like when I sleep talk or sleep walk.

Whap! There’s a very huge wasp biting my neck! So I hit it with the back of my hand. But I suddenly woke up – the wasp was a dream. But it was so real, for sure it wasn’t just a dream. So did I just hit someone with my hand?!?!

Uh oh…

Yes, my bad, it is dear hubby of mine whom I smacked across the face with the back of my hand thinking he was the wasp because of his mustache pressed onto my neck. lol 😀

I hugged my hubby and apologized but he just groaned in his deep sleep. *wink*  Okay that wasn’t a peaceful night but I can’t help not sharing this to my husband when we woke up the next day. We both laughed our lungs out because we have agreed that the next time we sleep together, he has to bind my hands or bind me along with the bed.

On a serious note, something is happening in my brains that I can’t explain as my dreams are becoming more and more real. But, I have next week to find out. So please pray with me my dear brothers and sisters. 🙂

But for now, I should continue doing what I always would do and what I love to do. I plan on eating really healthy so I am now back to cooking our food full time which I really love to do especially since I only get to do light tasks now. And I plan on doing more creative stuff like this photo collage which I printed out and pasted in my husband’s tumbler so he’d remember every best experience that we have shared together every now and then when he’s at work.

PicMonkey Collage

Happy memories! ❤ ❤ ❤

What I realized is that this life at a standstill is more about appreciating the life that God has given me now instead on brooding over my past and my future and appreciating what really matters – not wealth, not titles, not possessions, not your ambitions, and other worldly things. There really are so many things that I should appreciate and be grateful for. For one, simple things just make your days good, better even.

And I just want to end this by saying that life just never stops for a life-lover and a Jesus-lover. 🙂

Cheers to LIFE my dear friends! ❤

Day 1: STRENGTH

Posted on by

Today is June 30.

Today marks the first day of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting 2015 in church.

Today is the day I ended a current relationship and reconciled with a former relationship.

Today is all about STRENGTH.

Last Sunday, I was with my fiance and his family to celebrate his brother’s birthday. In case you have been reading my previous posts, a devoted believer put in the midst of non believers is a really tough case. Values wise, any differences could have been resolved if God was the priority and at the center.

But that was not the case. And yet, I am not writing this to complain but to share my faith. 

Having a non believer as a partner is indeed being yoked unequally. It is difficult to agree on certain matters for two perspectives are at hand – worldly (his) and Godly (mine). And yet, God is so faithful He gave me the strength, patience and the means to endure it all.

I can only accept our differences: good moral values, upright conduct, beliefs in faith, etc. BUT there is a time for everything as God puts it in the bible.

A saturation point so to speak.

This time calls for things to come into a final halt. I don’t mean to judge but I meant to enlighten by sharing in some unfavorable experiences I have had. It is not for us to judge though and condemn but God’s.

Last Sunday I was with my fiance’s family. I was a guest, I do not make the call what time we go to church, what time we leave the house, etc. As a Victory group leader, we were advised by our spiritual leaders to arrive early during a Sunday service. But we arrived late for so many reasons being able to hear only the last few stanzas of the last worship song. I felt broken. I was there in church feeling guilty not being able to live up to my responsibilities as a group leader. And yet it was not my choice to make. I tried to fight against the feeling of guilt, a little bit of anger and sadness within me and just be thankful we still ended up in church.

Then it was time for the lecture to be delivered and Pastor Jonathan of Victory Alabang led the discussion. Word after word, my heart was slowly being torn apart – the message was for me. I was fighting back those tears. Those tears of how many months of trying to fight for faith against the worldly, of keeping quiet and enduring it all and those moments of pain from conflicts. My heart was so heavy I knew it was the Spirit asking me to do something. Pastor Jonathan just nailed it when he preached regarding “darkness” and what it means to us. Especially when he talked about marriage, that maybe the conflicts did not come from the enemy anymore but from myself – a reluctant and stubborn heart to pursue my desires, my plans and my lack of strength to let go and let God. I was on the verge of raising my hand for that second altar call, but I know there is no such thing. Or if there is, then God knows I already made it at that moment. The wounds have been exposed now in the open and they hurt even more. I can no longer bear it and yet I know I needed to move on and pray even more.

It was funny though I remembered walking out of the worship hall with a smile of relief. Then for the first time, we went out the exit door where books on faith and devotionals were being sold. I felt a tug in my heart to browse through them. And I believe these books were picked by the Spirit for me for the season I am in right now. And I bought a baller too – my first about faith. And I remembered telling my fiance jokingly that I will buy a memorabilia as this might be the last time I’ll be attending Victory Alabang. And it looks like the joke really was on me. 😀

Tin Ginete

Faith memorabilia.

Touchpoints for Women: God’s Answers for Your Every Need is the perfect devotional book for women dealing with specific issues. And I did not read the first page yet, I was waiting for the right time. And the other book I bought was the only book available there on relationships, marriage and faith – The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love. This, too, I have read the first page but decided not to continue as I am no longer in this season. I just thought that this is all God’s way of preparing me for something in the future.

Tin Ginete

Touchpoints for Women

Tin Ginete

The Act of Marriage

I was keeping my calm when at a buffet restaurant, all the rest of the family including my fiance and his Mom, agreed to sneak out some sweets to give to a niece back home. I gently reminded my fiance that it is a Sunday and we just finished attending church and we are all aware that it is against the restaurant’s policies to take out any food. I was grateful my fiance listened when I told him if ever you get caught, consider that we are both professionals – I am a teacher, you are a nurse. We both were given licenses to nurse and to teach under the oath that we will behave appropriately in public. They were drinking too and it was not a big deal for me and yet when my fiance was advised that a vice is more important than work which made him decide to file for a sick leave the next day, I was broken again. Another heavy heart for me and yet ended with a smile of relief.

I stayed at their place which is one of the things I am totally against as it gives room for temptation to enter in, and yet by God’s grace, temptation failed to get in. Next day, I accompanied my fiance to the bank to deposit money and we had another conflict and this was the first time I experienced how far his rage could go. He pushed me out of his anger and when we were having the heated discussion I saw his trembling hands while rummaging on his things. Yes, it was an accident that he did it – out of his anger. So I thought it best I leave him alone for the meantime and let him cool down his temper. And yet it made me think too that it was a red flag. A guy who easily gets angry and could not control it will lead to physical violence. Domestic violence is not the kind of home I wished for my kids to grow up in. He did apologize after and I have forgiven him. I was broken and yet there is that smile of relief.

In the afternoon, we were on our way to Starbucks to celebrate the wedding anniversary of their parents as his dad is not here. Came the moment that his mom inquired regarding our business venture and our plans. His mom lent us some money to be able to start the business and indeed, the borrower is a servant to the lender. For during the discussion, I felt that his mom was suggesting things about the business and asking me why are you planning this if you want this and that and at that time, I was also talking through text with a business partner regarding a business meeting that I wasn’t able to attend because I prioritized my fiance and his family and it didn’t turn out as planned. There were a lot of things going on in my head, I was not in the right mood to talk about serious things and it was too late for me to realize that I was already answering in a very aggressive and offensive tone. I was provoked and yet my fiance did not support me and our plans but instead blamed me why we are in complicated situations right now.

My heart was broken. His Mom went on to “advice” on what to do, what we should do in front of my fiance and his sister. Some were very insulting and I am already aware that she doesn’t notice too how offensive her words could get as I was told by the girlfriend of my fiance’s brother who was also in conflict with my fiance’s Mom for the very same reasons which ended in broken relationships with the future in laws. My body was trembling out of anger that I was suppressing. I was controlling not to let tempers loose and holding back my tongue not to say words that are even worse. I was able to listen and they were able to laugh and talk about things although they sensed I was not in my happy mood. And his Mom was affected by my inability to join in the fun. I tried but it was not that easy to let go as if nothing happened. And yet a smile of relief came through – I need to respect her.

No shouting, no curses and temper outbursts came through from me, I was able to hold it all back and just listened when she made the final statements. I stayed silent and talked with them when I can and smiled when I have to all the way home. My fiance gave me a cold shoulder not talking to me while eating and when he was driving us home and I was seated beside him. I stayed silent and broken for I know now how Jesus felt when everyone around Him abandoned Him and was persecuting and condemning Him, but I was able to smile with relief – I was able to pour out all my concerns and my side to his mom, although my mistake was, emotions took hold mostly of the discussion.

When we got home, the Spirit convicted me to do the right thing – apologize. I wanted to talk to his Mom personally but couldn’t find the right moment to talk privately so I chose Facebook instead to send her a letter of apology for how I behaved and if I have offended her. I also apologized to her personally when I said my “goodbyes” when we left the next day. In the letter, I thanked her for her suggestions keeping in my mind that she only wanted what is best for me and my fiance. I also apologized to my fiance but it came to another heated discussion – my fiance blamed me for ruining his parents’ wedding anniversary celebration. Aggression and blaming were there. Until he blurted out that I am not worthy of his respect at all. Yes, I was broken again and yet came a smile of relief afterwards – I cried to him explaining my side that as my future spouse, he should support me and our plans at all times because the spouse should always come next to God. I tried to understand him knowing how my fiance is so dependent and attached with his Mom that he could not even let go of that attachment even now that we were about to be married – one of our ongoing conflicts.

At this point, allow me to share some very important points during the Marriage Preparation seminar we attended in church. I highly recommend you attend one as it will answer the question if both of you are REALLY ready to commit:

Tin Ginete

Putting GOD at the center.

Tin Ginete

“Leaving”

Tin Ginete

“Cleaving”

We were able to end the conversation peacefully and decided to learn from the experience and move on although we did contemplate on breaking up and he wanted to end things already. I reminded him about the lecture service we just heard last Sunday and quoted bible verses. I can only hope and pray they all got through to him.

We said our “goodnights” but I suddenly woke up at 3:30am. And I thought I heard someone called me. I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore and was contemplating on telling my fiance the next morning to end the relationship formally as I believe it is what God was asking at the moment. We have ended the relationship so many times and yet neither of us have the courage and the strength to be firm with our decision considering a lot of factors, i.e. love is not an emotion but a decision; we will dishonor God if we break the commitment; etc.

I was praying all along for God to save me from this “darkness.” I no longer feel safe, I am not happy and my faith was always tested. And yet, God assured me and prepared me for this – for I know these are all His plans. I took a cab the day before I went to their place and I know it is not a coincidence that this is the name of the cab I was riding:

Tin Ginete

God Driven Jankei (I interpreted it as God-Driven Junkie). 😉

And when we were driving home from Starbucks and even going to church, incoming trucks from the opposite lane mostly have a “God Promised” sign board on top. I didn’t know what they meant at that time and even now. And I thought, I must be dreaming or I must be in another dimension, or am I already in Heaven? 😀 Yep, I was broken, but I can smile with relief knowing that God is with me anywhere and I need not fear.

I was sleepless last night silently praying to God to give me peace and to continue seeking for His forgiveness and having a forgiving heart letting go of the past. And when my fiance and I boarded the bus going back to Manila this morning, I just let the peace that God gave me to fill me in. And yet that peace came out of a decision – the decision to finally let go of the relationship and let God take control.

Yes, letting go of my worldly relationship with my fiance and reconcile with my spiritual relationship with my God.

My fiance and his family are not perfect in the same way that me and my family and all the people in this world are not perfect and will be making mistakes one way or the other. It is all a matter of seeking God’s forgiveness and obedience to God’s instructions. I can only pray for their salvation in the same way I am praying for my transformation every day. I texted my fiance this morning that I would have opted to end things personally and yet I know the situation calls we end it now. God is asking us to do it and He is asking us to trust Him what His plans are for both of us in the following days, weeks, months or years even. It has been said that during the Prayer and Fasting, the Spirit works at its best because it is most powerful during this moment. When I got off the bus, it is just strange that the ticketing personnel of the bus assisted me down as if I am a debutante walking down the stairs although I am only carrying two little bags. And it is also strange how the tricycle driver said “I love you” to me after paying my fare when I took the tricycle going to our apartment.

They are very strange but I got an answer: God was telling me I am still worthy of respect despite my fiance telling me last night I am not worthy of his respect and despite my failures and I even thought that could it be that God was in that tricycle driver as if telling me and comforting me,

“My child, I love you and you have nothing to worry nor to fear for I am with you always, anywhere, anytime. Let go of the things that you have no control over so I can take control of them. Leave them all up to me. I am ALL THAT YOU NEED.”

Which now made me realize why I chose or the Spirit chose my baller for me that says this: Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING.

Tin Ginete

Jesus + Nothing = Everything

Tin Ginete

John 1:3

God is more than enough, Jesus is worth the sacrifice.

I remembered one instance I shared to my brother about the conflicts that my fiance and I had, and he told me to just endure it all. He said that they might be a test of faith and if I get used to giving up easily, it will also reflect in other decisions I make in life. Or maybe the reason why I am going through the same things I did in the past was because I keep on making a mistake – that of choosing a man who is not after God’s heart. He said that they just differ in names and background but personality wise, they are the same because they are not yet believers. He told me we cannot judge for even Christian guys and Pastors make mistakes but let’s just wait what God’s plans are. For the meantime, he asked me to be assured always and to pray and the question I asked back at him was this,

“I can trust him even if he makes mistakes repeatedly and no matter how dark his past was if and only if I know that he was already born again, now a devoted Christian and was already saved. For I know every time he makes a mistake, he will experience Godly sorrow and will go back to God. But he was not saved yet – no sincere and genuine repentance took place in his past, how would he know how to search for God and go back to Him when conflicts arise and things fall apart?”

My brother was silent for a moment and just simply said, “Now that is the thing we cannot control anymore.”

As of writing, I just finished my Day 1 Prayer and Fasting devotion and getting ready for the prayer meeting tonight to know more of the Spirit’s revelations. I have decided to not log in on Facebook and Twitter for the entire duration of the prayer and fasting week and turn off my phone by day and turn it on by 6pm onwards as part of controlling addictions. I committed to a once-a-day-meal type of fast and yet unbelievably, I do not feel any hunger at all. All I ever wanted to do is immerse myself on “spiritual food” and share via my megaphone regarding my faith – this blog. But since I committed to a once-a-day meal fast, I will uphold to that commitment. 🙂

I am smiling – with relief, contentment and peace. I am praying, still, for healing, for guidance, discernment on God’s will and that my plans will be more in tune with His this time, more strength, more courage, more patience and restoration of things that were broken. But I am now assured that I can only put my hopes in God alone. Indeed, true love and security can only be found in Him. And I can only be grateful to Him for this hope, this second salvation, this peace and this love that now gives me joy for I can now serve my Lord wholly in truth and in purity.

Thank God for the STRENGTH. 🙂

P.S.

There really is something about number 3 – my water baptism was 3/3/13 (the day I was reborn), I always wake up around 3:30am not knowing why and I receive my daily bible verse notification from my bible app every 3:00pm though I set it to appear every 9am.

So…I don’t want to go ahead of God’s plans but I am believing in His promises (if these are His promises) –  that I’ll give it 3 days to let things heal during this prayer and fasting, seek for forgiveness from people I have hurt, apply the 3-month-no-dating rule, pray to God how to tell our families, move on with a new and Godly perspective, maybe get married by age 31 as I am claiming I am done with my grad study by that time (I am now 29 turning 30 this December), spend a year with my future husband as a married couple to get to know each other better living under one roof and have my first baby when I am 33. 😀

Still, “many are the plans of man but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail.”  I can only praise God for giving me this now – HOPE, may it be in numbers, in signs, in words, in other people, in the Scripture or even in that tricycle driver. 😉

Instrument

Posted on by

When I was saved, the next thing I prayed to God was  for Him to use me as an instrument to reach out to the people who are “lost” and let them know about Jesus Christ. Little did I know and neither did I really understand what being an “instrument” meant back then. Until came that time when I was given the actualities on what it really feels and what is it really like to be used as an instrument.

I have learned two things when God used me: sacrifices and humility. Exactly how God sent Jesus Christ as the way for us to be saved. To follow Christ is to accept Him first as your Savior and be Christlike. It meant going through sacrifices and having humility. I didn’t understand at that time why I had to go through the same things I went through before when I am already a Christian now, pure and devoted. Trials after trials came. Setback after setback. I got corrupted again but I held on to my faith. I noticed that the more I become bolder with my faith and in my devotion, the enemy strikes even harder and more painful this time.

But, what the enemy didn’t know that for every hardest blow I take, I come out unscathed. For every failure, I come back up twice as high as I fell. I have wounds, but I am made whole again. For I have a God who heals, who restores and redeems. 🙂

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.” – Psalm 55:22

Sacrifices played a crucial role being an instrument in spreading the Word of God. It meant persecution, corruption at one point and eventually reaffirmation of faith. To sacrifice is to bleed, to lay open your wounds, to submit every part of your being for the good of one or many.

To be able to endure sacrifices is humility at its best. You are subdued to the lowest point of your weaknesses leaving them raw and open and yet this is what gives you the opportunity to trust God and have faith in Him wholly, with no reservations and with utmost sincerity.

Indeed, when you reach out to the “lost,” how would you help them when you don’t know what they really are going through? How can you sympathize with them when you don’t know the pain they feel, the sorrow they go through, and the struggles they face in every aspect of their lives? I had to experience them too. And when I went through all that, I already know how to deal with them, I know what to do when I make this mistake, I already know who and where to turn to. And that is what they needed to hear, that is what they needed to learn and that is why God gave me the task.

Testimonies are always the best examples of salvation and ultimately, of God’s love through the Cross. They are the best motivators for a changed life, so to speak. I was subverted back to who I was because God is assured that I can never be led astray this time. Though I have to make the sacrifices, He knows I will be going back to Him, seeking and reaching Him out all the more. Then, share the Word and the meaning of the Cross.

Yes, being an instrument is a two-way learning process. I, too, was learning. I, too, feel the pain. I, too, feel the struggle – with them who are “lost.” But the only difference, I had a steadfast faith and I know the meaning of the Cross. I always go back to God, I always think about the Grace. I “report” what I did, I repent if I made mistakes along the way, I submit to His will and then I accept what needs to be done  next through prayers for continued guidance from our Father.

“For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” – Galatians 5:6

At the end of it all, I ask myself: “Why do that, Tin? Why ask God to give you the task of being an instrument in letting people know about Him? Why let yourself go through all the pain and the sacrifices?”

At first, I don’t know the answer. But God gave the answer: it was LOVE. He loves us so much that is why He sent His son Jesus Christ to save us from our sins. I love my God and Jesus Christ so much for this GRACE, I love the people around me too much I want them to be saved too. It was all for LOVE that I will endure the sacrifices, that I will accept humility. For I know too that this LOVE that saved me will be the LOVE that will save them all too.

This was the love that I used to sarcastically joke about. The love that I used to amusingly take for granted. The love that I have no regard at all. And yet, it was because of this LOVE that I survived in this world.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his LOVE into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

– Romans 5: 1-5

Before I end this article, I would like to share this verse as a reminder so as to not fall into the trap that the enemy has set out for us in order to cut in on our RACE towards GRACE:

“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

– Galatians 5: 19-21

Forgive yourself, no one is condemning you. But continue to do what is good, what is right and what is pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. So my dear brothers and sisters, I pray that may we all work together towards having this through Jesus Christ our Savior – LIFE IN ETERNITY and continue the good fight of faith, no matter what it takes. 🙂

 

Typhoon Yolanda Reminder: As A Filipino, I Will Always Be A Christian Bicolana

Posted on by

© Biboi Hilotin (https://www.facebook.com/BiboiHilotin)

In light of the recent calamity that killed thousands of people in the Visayas and Mindanao regions affecting several  neighboring provinces including my hometown in Bicol here in the Philippines and as a Filipino, I would like to ask for your support, in any way that you possibly can, for the victims of the super typhoon Yolanda.

Please visit this link for a list of legitimate organizations/relief centers where you could send in your donations: http://www.wheninmanila.com/verified-legit-ways-to-help-super-typhoon-haiyan-yolanda-victims-how-to-donate-or-volunteer-with-legitimate-organizations/.

Or if you cannot, please join us in praying for our fellow countrymen. We, the Filipinos, will be extremely grateful for any help and support that you could offer.

To my dear fellow Filipinos, though we may have severely suffered, rest in the fact that we are never alone in this. We will rise and rise we will with the help of our fellow brothers and sisters from all around this world. Despite the adversities that have brought us down to our knees, our kindred spirits will remain to be strong and steadfast. Our cries for plea, our tears for our losses, our battered and tired bodies – it is our strong spirits that will never falter.

I pray that through these all, may the Lord God Almighty continue to shower us with His love, protection, guidance and provisions.

Continue to hope, continue to pray, continue to strive in finding the good in what was left – again, we are never alone.

May God bless us all!

———————————————————————————————————————————————-

Wherever God would take me, whatever God would give me, I will bring with me two identities: first, I am a Christian and second, I am a Bicolana.

The majestic Mt. Mayon and I.

The majestic Mt. Mayon and I.

I can never be more proud of anything I have and whoever I have become other than those two I have mentioned.

Why a Christian? I am nothing and nobody without my God, first and foremost. My identity is in Him. I need not say more as it is what it already is.

Why a Bicolana then? Ahh, this is most likely where I’ll be explaining more.

I grew up in the province. I spent more than half of my life there. As of writing, that is. There’s no other place that I could ever call ‘home’ except Bulan. Yes, that is my hometown, specifically located in the south of Luzon island, Sorsogon City, Philippines.

Bulan, Sorsogon

Bulan, Sorsogon

It has a distance of 667 kilometres (414 mi) from Manila, 63 kilometres (39 mi) from the province’s capital Sorsogon City, 20 kilometres (12 mi) from the town of Irosin and 30 kilometres (19 mi) from the town of Matnog. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulan,_Sorsogon)

Sorsogon City is a coastal area, surrounded by beaches of all sand color. From white, to pink, to black –  you name it, we have it. Rich of natural resources, fishing and farming have been the sources of livelihood of almost all the Bulanons (that’s how we generally call ourselves).

Fishing

Fishing

If there is one value that being a Bicolana has taught me, it would be this – knowing your roots. In other words, learn to look back from your humble beginnings. Bulan is the one thing that has taught me how it is to be humble and to be grateful. Humility bespeaks when the heart is in awe of the mediocre. I know you are going to agree with me right there.

I came from a family of farmers. My parents, my grandparents and the parents before them all came from humble beginnings. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. Gratitude is what I could offer to my ancestors, for the sacrifices and hard work that they have invested in providing the best for their families.

I came from a generation wherein I don’t have to go to the fields and do the farming myself and go home with sweaty clothes covered in mud just to pay for all of my expenses and supply my needs. An experience I never had to go through and yet something that I would want to go through.

CIRCA 1980s: My mom, aunts, uncles along with my grandparents.

CIRCA 1980s: My mom, aunts, uncles along with my grandparents.

They say that for someone to appreciate the value of something less than its market value and more of its sentimental value, you have to work for it and have it like how it is usually done and achieved. You have to sweat it out, so to speak.

I was listening to the podcast of Pastor Christian Flores regarding Victory’s new series entitled “It’s Not About The Money” two Sundays ago and he mentioned about the story of a farmer and how this farmer has invested his earnings in acquiring an even bigger barn where he could store more which actually resulted to his own destruction.

That made me thought about our farm, our farmers and what do we really get from it. For starters, our farm house did not change though how many years and decades have passed, we are earning just enough, we are still living frugal lives though we have acquired some possessions through time – still, I think it is not about the money. Money, for us, is something that has to do with survival but never to accumulate great wealth and live grandiose, rich lives.

I might be speaking out of righteousness here but if you will personally ask me, that is how I think it should be. I do not wish to dwell on this matter then and will just leave all the explaining to our Pastors as they lead us on with the series – a reason for you to stay tuned for our upcoming podcasts or better yet visit a nearby Victory church: http://victory.org.ph/. (Sorry for the shameless plugging, but I felt you would understand it better if the explaining would come from our church leaders).

victoryqc.org

victoryqc.org

This is the season of harvesting and when I went home during the holidays last November 1 and 2, I chanced upon the last harvest in our farm. I have skin asthma and as much as I should be staying away from hay, I know it would not stop me from going along with my Dad. I suffered the consequences later on – cough got worse and itchy rashes came out that last for usually a week leaving black spots on your skin that last for about how many months.

Anyway, the last time I have been with my Dad during harvesting was when I was around 6 or 7 years old. I could still remember how our parents would ask us (not really me as I was way too young, but my sisters and brother) to help in drying the “palay” we have harvested so they would be sold to the millers for a good price before they sell it to the market.

And yes, how could I forget all the scurrying here and there, to and fro when dark clouds come and heavy rains start to pour. It only means sweeping the grains, piling and covering them up as FAST as you can to prevent them from getting wet, thus lowering the chances of getting a low price as “palay” buyers measure the moisture content of the rice grains. The drier the grain is, the higher its market value.

Harvesting and threshing of palay.

Harvesting and threshing of palay.

My Dad is not a farmer per se. He is a civil engineer who juggled two occupations at the same time – that of a farmer and a superintendent at the National Irrigation Administration in the Bicol region (officially at San Ramon, OIC in Masbate and Sorsogon City). He is now 74 years old, retired from his engineering career and yet a continuing farmer. I have always admired my Dad, how at his age, still manages to do what he would always do at the farm despite his arthritis, gout attacks, hypertension, cataract and other illnesses of the aged. Although we don’t dry the harvested rice grains anymore to lessen the stress level of all the scurrying and hurrying, tending the farm is still a busy work to do.

I went to the farm with my Dad not to harvest the grains myself and have them threshed out but witness how it is usually done. I have to get into the particulars as to how to do this and that. Well, I might consider farming as my job someday. Yes, “Tin” the farm girl. *wink* I think I heard my Kuya’s sarcastic chuckle back there again. Haha Yeah, right. And yes, I wanted to observe how our farmers do it – our trusted and loyal workers. I admired them more than I have admired an office employee (no offense to office workers). But hard labor is no easy job. Exposed in the heat of the sun, bending over for hours either planting rice seedlings or harvesting them, soaked in mud or inhaling the itchy hay dust when threshing are, for me, among the most challenging tasks.

I closely looked at all of them. I saw Tio Digoy and Tio Kadog – they are the oldest among all of them. They have been working for my Dad since I was a kid. Now, their sons are working for us as well. I have learned to love them for all that they have put up for me and my family. I am praying that someday, through us, their sons, daughters and grandchildren will have a better future because of their parents and grandparents’ hard work. Though that means we might lose workers in our farms, it would also be equivalent to giving everyone the chance to have better lives than what they have now.

I am praying too that someday, there will no longer be a need for manual labor and everything will be run by machines, operated in a clean office from planting to harvesting rice. And that goes as well for harvesting coconuts and converting them into copra. The team of Tio Digoy also does them for us. Skilled, they really are. My family and I will always be grateful to them. We will always be grateful to Him for any blessing that He has bestowed as well as for His guidance and protection not just to me and my family but to our workers and their families as well.

Coconuts being made into copra.

Coconuts being made into copra.

So if you think this is what I do in Bicol:

http://us.123rf.com

http://us.123rf.com

Think again, because this is what I usually do:

"Tin, The Farm Girl"

“Tin, The Farm Girl”

Well, aside from washing the dishes, cleaning the house, feeding the pets, etc. and having a little vacation time. We have no helpers/”yayas” back home and here in Manila, by the way.

Now, that is who I really am. Look back, give back  and be grateful.