Tag Archives: salvation

How Will My 2024 Turn Out?

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I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.

“How will my 2024 turn out?” 

It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.

This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.

I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.

Separate Lives

No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.

Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.

This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.

My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.

To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.

The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.

The most memorable rainbow for me. ❤

The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:

“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13

“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15

Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.

He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.

All About Marriages

However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?

Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.

Because my husband is not all that. 🙂

I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.

Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.

I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.

A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.

I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.

This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.

So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.

Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.

“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15

So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂

I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.

Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.

Where Is Home?

Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.

These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.

I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.

My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.

I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.

So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀

This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).

Trusting God Always

I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.

I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.

Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.

One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️

It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.

Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.

Where God Leads, I Follow

About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.

But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”

It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉

To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.

Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.

I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm. I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.

And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏

See You In Heaven, Mommy Moo

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She would’ve turned 77 today, September 7, 2023. It’s been a week since my Mom passed away last August 27, 2023, just a day after I wrote the article before this. It was a peaceful death because she slipped away in her sleep. She’s finally in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.

It was painful for us, though. But then again, this is life. Death is inevitable. We will all face death one way or the other, sooner or later.

This is the first death in my family, and God has prepared us quite well for it. Though I must say it wasn’t a smooth and easy process. Because there is just no easy way to cope with grief, sadness, and loss.

God prepared our hearts in a way that we were able to face these emotions head-on without breaking apart. He gave us everything that we need, showed us the way we should go, and gave us wisdom on things that truly matter.

I am just grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mom, even though it was very difficult. We couldn’t get another regular Private Duty Nurse (PDN) though we already got one, all thanks to Tita Len. We needed 2 PDNs who will be taking turns watching over Mom every 12 hours. So I took the challenge to learn everything when it comes to providing care to Mom who’s bedridden and had several contraptions attached to her.

Thank You, Ma’am Leah

This is the part where I get to give special thanks to a nurse assistant at the hospital where Mom stayed. Ma’am Leah offered to be Mom’s PDN during the days when she’s able. She taught me a lot of things when it comes to patient care from changing diapers, sterilizing everything, positioning under pads, turning and bathing a bedridden patient, changing wound dressings, changing the NGT tube, and a whole lot more.

I also enjoyed talking to her, and Mom would “shush” us now and then for talking too loud (so sorry, Mom). And every time Ma’am Leah gets carried away by our convo, she would start talking in the vernacular and I just keep on smiling even though I can’t understand most of what she’s saying. lol

We’re both Bicolanas, but she’s from Bacon, Sorsogon. Their language is like Bikol Albay. I came from Bulan and our dialect is already a combination of Bikol Sorsogon and Bisaya or what we call “Bisakol.”

There was one time she said something like “badush” and I was like, “Was she trying to tell me that she’s gay?” Because “badush” is a colloquial term in Manila that means gay. Only to find out later that she meant “badus,” a Bikol Albay word that means “pregnant.” 😀

Second Bicol Home – Daraga, Albay

My Mom’s the only one in the family who’s very fluent in Bikol Albay since my maternal grandparents used to live there for a couple of years when they were young. My Mom also studied in Daraga, Albay during high school (United Institute, Inc.) and college (Bicol University).

My maternal grandparents used to have a house in Daraga, Albay but my grandma decided to give the house and lot to her best friend before relocating here in Bulan, Sorsogon. Yes, my grandma was one of the most generous people I know. Miss you, Mama.

I really would’ve wanted Mom to breathe her last here at home, but it was no longer an option for us. She needed lots of intensive care after going in and out of the ICU twice (1 week for each stay) during the entire 2 months she was at the hospital. She also had a “white coat syndrome,” and this is one of the reasons why she delayed her yearly medical checkup. Seeing her with 5 contraptions attached to her was also just too painful to bear.

Back To My Second Love, Volunteering

So, what to do now with all the intensive caregiving skills I’ve learned from Ma’am Leah? My Dad’s 83 years old already, but he’s still ambulatory. The next thing that popped into my head was my second love – volunteer work. I’ve been volunteering since my college days at UP Diliman as a relief operations volunteer, and then as a family support volunteer in our church. I also joined Minkah Ministries Inc. about 8 years ago because of the volunteering opportunities they offer.

While I was with the organization, I was privileged enough to do volunteer work for the street children and the elderly. I was looking forward to doing volunteer work for cancer patients at the UP PGH’s pediatric ward since it’s also part of Minka’s missionary work. Unfortunately, my schedule didn’t allow it since it fell on a weekday, and I have work.

Fast forward to now, I realized that God intended it to be. I really felt the “tugging” to do volunteer work for cancer patients 8 years ago, but I just didn’t have the opportunity or maybe it was just not the right time.

God gave me a glimpse this year of how caregiving to critically ill patients is done through my Mom. God knew I wasn’t equipped 8 years ago. Though I must say I still have a lot to learn now if I am going to be a regular volunteer for cancer patients here in Bicol.

This was how we communicated with Mom since she’s intubated. And I’m glad that she approved (Mom had high standards) of my caregiving skills all thanks to Ma’am Leah. Konting swabe pa daw. 👍👍😃

Next Faith Goal: Philippine Cancer Society Inc., Bicol Chapter

I did my research and tried searching for organizations that offer seminars and trainings on doing volunteer work for cancer patients. I did find the Philippine Cancer Society Inc., but unfortunately, they do not have a local chapter here in Legazpi City or Sorsogon City.

These are the cities closest to our hometown, and I don’t mind the long travel time as long as the schedule for volunteering falls on a weekend because I am oftentimes a 100% multitasker during the weekdays, I barely have time to breathe. Seriously serious.

But then again, what happened to Mom was a reminder to me and my siblings to pause when the body says it needs rest. I did mention in my previous articles that cancer genes are dominant on my Mom’s side. Only time will tell who among me and my siblings carry the “dreaded” genes.

Agritourism Project As A Retreat Place

This is one of the reasons why I’ve been experimenting with several farm-to-table projects at home that we can incorporate later on into our farm (I’ll share more about this in another article).

I want to make sure I am eating healthy, and the best way to do that is to grow my food. My siblings and I also have plans to pursue an agritourism project, and one of its objectives is to support the local food movement.

This is very timely given our current dilemma on inflation and the increasing prices of basic commodities including vegetables, rice, and meat products. Another objective of our farm project is to become a retreat place for holistic wellness.

Building A Hospice Facility

Then an idea popped into my mind. Since part of our mission and vision for the farm is to be a retreat place, why not include a hospice facility in it? This is what I would’ve wanted for Mom and I know, too, that this is what Mom would’ve wanted knowing how much she enjoyed gardening and being surrounded by nature. It’s not a coincidence that she’s named Eden. 🙂

We lacked the knowledge, training, and manpower to provide Mom what she needed most during her final moments. We weren’t beside her when she passed away, and she was in a hospital room surrounded by strangers, all of whom she barely knew.

We weren’t able to give Mom the ideal final moments I was praying for. But I know God doesn’t want it to end here. I want to make up for these “lost moments” with Mom by helping other families who are going through what we went through.

And the hospice care can be the answer to this. My initial plan is to come up with a 5-bedroom-capacity hospice facility situated inside our farm. We are targeting a farm resort concept, so this will be an ideal setup for terminally ill patients. The rooms must also be big enough for loved ones to stay over and be with the patient until his/her last moments.

Praying for the Completion of Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center

Who knows, the Philippine Cancer Society (Sorsogon Chapter) might also be founded alongside the hospice facility if God wills it. 😉 I am also very much looking forward to the Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center that is currently being constructed in Sorsogon City.

I am just grateful for all of these endless opportunities that God has opened because of what happened to Mom. Because these are exactly the opportunities that my siblings and I will be needing in the future.

May God’s Will Be Done Always

These are all huge undertakings (if my Dad and siblings approve), and if Mom’s still alive and I told her about these plans, she’s probably going to tell me that I have very grand and ambitious plans.

To which I would’ve most likely replied with one of my favorite quotations by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will.”

And I’ll also include my life verse which is “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).” These are all my plans, and yet again “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).”

If these plans are all God’s plans as well, then I still have how many decades to make them happen. They can happen in our farm or somewhere else, only God knows. 🙂

We weren’t able to give Mom what she wanted, but God intended it for the greater good of more families and not just one. May God give me the wisdom, the right people, and the provisions to be able to pursue all of these endeavors in honor of my Mom.

I thought it best to share everything here in my blog so her memory lives on just in case I suffer from memory loss in the future. lol I can only pray though that the IoT (Internet of Things) is here to stay, but either way, she will always be within us.

Happy Birthday, Mom

We miss you terribly, Mommy Moo. Thank you for all the love, and you will always be in our hearts. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy! ❤

P.S. In case you’re wondering, “Mommy Moo (pronounced with a British accent)” is my term of endearment to my Mom. I replaced “Maggie” with “Mommy” in the Netflix movie “The Princess Switch.” 🙂

Juxtaposed – A Bargain I Never Asked For

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I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.

Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂

So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).

And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.

I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤

My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.

So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?

I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.

In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.

I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.

I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.

God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.

And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.

No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.

It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?

My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.

I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.

My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?

“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/

This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.

The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.

So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀

I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.

It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.

A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.

And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.

My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.

I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.

In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26

P.S.

We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).

And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤

Bearer Of Good News: Why Do Doves Signify Peace?

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Ever wondered why doves were chosen to symbolize peace and hope? It’s one of the questions that sparked my curiosity ever since I was a kid. Thank God for technology and Google, all of the answers are on the internet (credible ones).

A Winged Visitor?

Yesterday (Sunday), I found this feather on our condo’s terrace. I thought an angel visited us. When I looked up, I saw several doves hovering and some were perched on the ledges of the other building. Oh, and by the way, I found some bird poop, too, along with the feather.

So yes, there was no angel, but only birds who visited our terrace either as a friend who brings “good news” or as a foe who destroys my plants. The latter, I would still have to find out. 😀

Was It Really Just A Bird?

This incident brought me back to my curiosity about doves as symbols of peace. The logo of our Protestant church in my home province also bears the figure of a dove with a branch on its beak.

I did my research, and here’s what I found out. There are several passages that mentioned the dove in the Bible. For one, it symbolizes the end of a long wait after the flood in the story of Noah’s ark.

The dove also represents the Holy Spirit as mentioned in the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. When John baptized Jesus, the Holy Spirit came down in the form of a dove.

[and the Holy Spirit descended on Him in a bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are My beloved Son; in You I am well pleased.”] – Matthew 3:16

You may find more cross-references in the Bible through this link by Bible Hub: https://biblehub.com/matthew/3-16.htm.

Why The Visit?

We are all having financial challenges right now. There are also looming threats of acquiring COVID-19 since my husband is also a front liner although not in a COVID-19 facility. There are also issues in our community that we are currently dealing with. Our country also has so many political and social conflicts.

I guess I might have silently prayed to God to give me the courage, the strength, the wisdom, and the peace to withstand all of these trials and the trials to come.

What Are The Trials In The Future?

What are these possible dangers? There is the possibility of another Martial Law being declared in the Philippines as more people oppose the Anti-Terrorism Bill. Some of them have already been arrested.

The economic recession is just starting, and some businesses might not even be able to recover from it. There are so many unemployed Filipinos, and the number will continue to rise in the following months.

Positive cases of COVID-19 also increase each day. There were many discrepancies in the data provided, and there’s no way to find out what info is reliable and what is not.

Across the globe, US-China tension is continuing to build up, and others assume that World War III is not impossible. All the looting and violence in America caused by racism have reopened a wound that’s supposed to be a scar already.

A Prayer For All

We don’t have answers why they are all happening, and yet all I know is that they will never go away and we all just have to get through them. I think all of us, at one time during this year, have shed tears praying for deliverance from all that is happening around us.

We all have groaned. I sometimes ask God how long will His people have to endure this suffering. Is this the “fasting, weeping, and mourning” He is talking about as we give our hearts to Him?

That is why the LORD says, “Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.” – Joel 2:12

And I was reminded of my late maternal grandmother who passed away last year. She’s the first woman I know who’s a devout Christian and a Bible woman. Tears would always accompany her prayers every time she prays during family gatherings or even during the Sunday service as a church elder.

Every time my grandma prays this way, my cousins and I would glance at each other with that question mark look on our faces. It was only when I was born again and a bit older that I found out the reason behind her tears.

God Listens To Heartfelt Prayers

As a survivor of World War II, both my grandparents in my mother and father’s side went through extreme trauma losing not just possessions, livelihoods, and homes, but also loved ones. My grandma’s two brothers were drafted to serve the military during the Japanese occupation. We don’t know what happened to them after the war. My paternal grandma also lost a child (my Dad’s sister) during the war.

Meanwhile, my parents’ generation experienced the unfolding of Martial Law under the Marcos regime. Both generations of my parents and grandparents witnessed the horrors of crime, violence, death, fear, hunger, and loss at their peak.

Thus, it was with tears that my grandma prayed for her kids, grandkids, and the coming generations that may we all be guided and protected by the Lord. Because after how many decades, it is now our turn to experience them again. Only this time, the enemy has sent some of his most powerful warfares.

If my grandma’s still alive, I know these will be the Bible verses that she would share to us as part of her heartfelt prayers:

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.

But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you.

All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

– 2 Corinthians 4:8‭-‬18

You Promised, Lord

And because God always keeps His promises, He will always find ways to remind us to hold on to what He has already given to us – salvation. The present is in chaos, the future may be dim, and yet the light of God’s offering of peace and life in eternity remains.

I’ve mentioned several times here in my blog how Paulo Coehlo’s planner (my brother and sister-in-law’s consistent birthday gift every year) has played a huge part in delivering God’s messages. I know it is not a coincidence that the quote for this week is this:

And accompanied by the dove’s feather, all I can say is that God is really everywhere. You just have to be in tune with the Spirit to know when He comes.

Feeling God’s presence everywhere,

My Heart Was Overwhelmed

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This will be a very short post (shorter than my usual 1,000-word articles). I felt it timely amidst all the negative things that have been going on around us lately. But to give you a heads up, this is an appreciation post.

Being Married To A Roman, His Surname Is Rome

Most of my topics here on my blog are all about God, my faith, and my marriage. My husband is one of the things I truly appreciate in my life right now as one of the greatest blessings I received.

If you’ve read my previous articles, you would probably know by now that it was never easy peasy between me and hubby. This is most especially true during the first 2 years of our marriage. It was pretty rough and crazy.

But by God’s grace, here we are nearing our 5th year together as a married couple. And by God’s grace, too, I am claiming we will surpass even our golden wedding anniversary.

When Love Just Makes You Swoon All Over Again

Ah yes, I love my husband so much it sometimes makes me cry every time I realize how blessed I am to have him. Yes, there sure came a time when I doubted God for choosing Bri as my husband. And yet as time went on, God’s answers became clearer.

They were even made clearer when the pandemic happened. Ever since it started up to now, I was amazed by how my husband dealt with all the issues we encountered. It made me admire and respect him even more as the head of our household and the leader in our marriage.

For one, I am grateful that he doesn’t smoke and is just as concerned as I am when it comes to second-hand smoking. Oh yes, that was my number 1 requirement back when he asked me out on a date. Just imagine how miserable my life would’ve been if he is a smoker given that I have allergic rhinitis and the COVID-19 now.

When You See God In Others

He displays so much of God’s character, too, that oftentimes leaves me a bit guilty knowing I am a ‘more devoted’ Christian than him. He is very patient, I am not. He has self-control, I don’t. He is a man of action, I am all talk. He serves without complaining, I sometimes whine.

I see him looking more like Jesus, too, with his now bushy beard and mustache. *wink* That means Jesus was handsome, too. But seriously, how did Jesus really look like? 😁

More than the looks though, I love my husband because of who he is. I couldn’t ask for more. He and God are all I need during these very difficult times. I know every trial we face whether it’s a neighbor who incessantly smokes or me losing my clients/job, God and him are more than enough.

God Is My Savior, My Husband My Protector

They should be. Why? I have a dashing knight in shining armor and a mighty King who leads every battle and avenges His people, victory is a sure prize. And I claim that over every single enemy (seen or unseen) who comes in our paths.

I felt very exhausted in the past days. And yet, when I look at my husband each day, he reminds me of all the beautiful promises God has given me and will bless me with. That, alone, is enough to put a smile on my face.

My husband though, just like the rest of the world, is only here temporarily. I know there will come a time when we will have to part our ways.

And yet I am extremely grateful I have these wonderful memories with him (some painful but mostly happy) that I can cherish for as long as I am breathing in this world. I am looking forward to seeing him in the new Heaven and the new Earth. 🙏❤️

Cheers to all awesome husbands out there,

And So The Rebuke Came

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I just logged back in on Fb today. Naisipan ko mag-social media fasting buong araw kahapon after sharing about the issue with our neighbor to clear my head (the previous article). And yet nakita siguro ni God na my heart is still in turmoil kaya ito ang nangyari kahapon.

A Random Message But Just The Right One

I received a message sa LinkedIn. It’s from someone na hindi ko ka-connection and the message was about the last days here in this world before judgment day. It’s a random message from someone I barely know. Naisip ko baka nabasa nya ang blog ko at dito sya nag-message. Pero mukhang hindi.

Nagtaka din ako dahil professional profile ang account ko sa LinkedIn and wala akong kahit isang post doon about faith or Bible verses. Kaya naisip ko na baka inudyok din sya ng Panginoon to send that message randomly or on purpose.

How To Decipher God’s Message

Sa message ni Sir Joe, marami syang verses na pinapabasa as references. Naging habit ko na simula noong bagong born-again Christian pa lang ako na kapag may Bible verse na itinuro si God, I read the verses before it at ang mga susunod pang verses.

Sometimes buong chapter binabasa ko or several chapters. Pakiramdam ko kasi ang gusto ni God is malaman natin ang entirety ng Kanyang message hindi lang sa isang verse kundi sa buong konteksto ng Scripture.

How God Reveals Himself

Isa sa mga references na ibinigay ni Sir Joe ay Psalms 37:10. When I read the previous verses, doon ko nakita ang sagot ni God sa aking panalangin lately. Pero sino nga ba talaga si Sir Joe? Bakit nya ako pinadalhan ng message out of the blue but exactly at the right time – and exactly the answer that I was asking from God? Coincidence?

I guess paulit-ulit kong babanggitin na there is no such thing as coincidence sa faith. It is all part of God’s plans. When we seek Him with all our hearts and humble ourselves before Him, He always reveals Himself sa atin. At kadalasan sa mga paraan na ‘di kayang i-grasp ng ating human comprehension. Mahirap intindihin paano nangyari pero ang mahalaga, His message got through:

“Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper— it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the LORD will possess the land.” – Psalms 37:8-9

Nothing Is Ever Hidden From God

I guess patunay ito na God sees everything. Nakikita Nya anong laman ng mga puso natin. In my case, God knows how stubborn I can be and very determined when I want to do something. He knows all our plans, thus, He will rebuke when He knows our plans will do us more harm than good.

Regarding doon sa ibang Bible verses ni Sir Joe, curious ba kayo sa difference ng Earth and this world? Meron daw pagkakaiba. Share ko din dito anong idi-discuss ni Sir Joe na sobrang pinasalamatan ko for being used by God to deliver His message. 🙂 Pero patuloy pa rin ako sa pag-pray for God’s leading, wisdom, and discernment. We all badly need them ngayon. 🙏

Stubborn but still obeys when God says so,

A Letter To Our Neighbors: Mahabang Reklamo Na May Magandang Punto

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I lost it yesterday. Ang dalawang taon na pagtitimpi namin ni Brian, I just lost it. Oo, dalawang taon na namin ni Brian pinagtatyagaan ang kapitbahay naming mga smokers.

Sa bawat pasok ng usok ng sigarilyo sa aming condo, nagagalit kami pero we let it go. Hindi namin sila inaway, sinita, o sinigawan sa terrace. Kahit pa araw-araw ako inaatake ng allergic rhinitis, tinitiis ko ang pasakit na dala ng paninigarilyo nila.

Allergic Rhinitis On My End

Gaano ba kahirap mabuhay ng may allergic rhinitis? Napakahirap. Masakit. Sa bawat bahing ko pakiramdam ko buong lungs ko ay luluwa. At hindi lang sya nangyayari ng isang beses sa isang araw. Maraming beses syang mangyari dahil nati-trigger ng cigarette smoke. At may kasama syang runny nose.

Kaya may panahon na minsan wala na akong panlasa dahil sa sipon. Minsan naman lasang dugo ang lalamunan ko dahil nara-rupture ang mga veins sa sinus ko. Maga sila. May sugat.

Meron bang gamot? Meron, antihistamine. Pero hindi pwedeng everyday ako uminom. Dahil kapag nasanay ang katawan ko sa gamot, pataas ng pataas ang dosage dahil hindi na sya ganun ka-epekto. Bakit ba ako may allergic rhinitis? May family history kami ng asthma.

When Too Much Is Too Much

Kahapon bumigay na ako. Hindi ko na kinaya. Ang poot at galit sa puso ko na pilit kong i-contain, nagu-umapaw. Gusto ko lumabas ng terrace at sumigaw. Gusto ko silang sugurin. Pero ang problema ay hindi ko sila kilala. Wala akong proof sino sa kanila ang talagang nagso-smoke. Isa pa, pinagsabihan ako ng Mommy ko na ‘wag silang patulan.

Last year, nag-complain ang bro-in-law ko na ang lakas nga daw ng usok ng sigarilyo at pumapasok sa kwarto nila. Sila ng ate ko may-ari ng condo. Nag-suggest sya na ireklamo na namin. Kaso ang rason ko ay yaong wala nga kaming proof para madiin sino sa kanila ang salarin.

Pero ito lang ang bagay na hindi naisip ng aming kapitbahay ngayon. Hindi ito ang tamang panahon para patuloy na mang-agrabyado ng tao. Why?

A Deadly Bio Warfare

Dahil meron tayong deadly at powerful biological warfare out there ngayon na for free at pwedeng gamitin anytime for suicide attacks – COVID 19. It can technically be used as a weapon by anyone who has grievances against someone, an organization, a community, or the government.

Umabot na ako sa punto na sa sobrang galit ko hindi ko na inisip what could possibly be the repercussion of what I will do. Nabalot na ng poot ang ability ko to think rationally at gusto ko i-unleash lahat ng sama ng loob na inipon ko sa ilang taon na andito kami dahil sa kanila.

A Righteous Anger But The Wrong Approach

Since I am sure compromised na din ang health ko dahil sa second-hand smoke, mabilis akong kakapitan ng virus. Lalo na sila kung matagal na silang naninigarilyo at mga kasama nila sa bahay.

Sabi ko kay Brian, gagawin kong intentional na magka-COVID 19 ako. Lalabas ako without a mask at pupunta ako sa mga lugar malapit sa amin na may maraming cases. Sisiguraduhin kong I will get the virus.

At kapag nakaranas ako ng sintomas, sisiguraduhin kong hindi ako magpapa-ospital at sisiguraduhin kong maikalat ang virus dito sa amin. If mamatay kami at mangamoy ang condo dahil sa nabubulok naming bangkay at magtaka mga kakilala namin why we are unresponsive sa mga texts and calls, then so be it.

Sa tanong na paano ang mga bata at ibang residents na walang sala? They will be part of the collateral damage. And the admin of this property is also to blame sa paggawa ng house rules na bawal ang paninigarilyo pero hindi naman nila pinapatupad ng maayos.

Who Are They?

May mga anak sila. Maiingay sila kaya naririnig namin. May mga bata rin doon sa dulo ng hallway namin. Noong isang araw may baby din na umiiyak.

Napaiyak ako. Napahagulgol. Lord, free me from this suffering. Ang bigat ng loob ko dahil sa poot. And yet mas lalo pang bumigat because my soul wrestles sa plano kong maghasik ng virus dito sa community. It is a heinous crime. It is murder. IT IS WRONG.

That makes me a murderer at bawat buhay ng bawat taong mahahawa dito ay dala-dala ng konsensya ko. Napaiyak ako. Ngayon mas malakas. Hindi ko na na-control ang mga luha sa patuloy na pagbuhos.

When My Soul Wrestles For What Is Right

Lord, hindi ko kayang sundin ang utos mo na I should love my neighbor as I love myself. Napakahirap lalo na kung walang naidulot kundi sama ng loob. Hindi ko rin kayang sundin ang sabi mo na kung ang pasakit na ito ay meant to be na mangyari sa akin at ito ang krus na kailangan kong pasanin bawat araw, suko na ako. Napakabigat, Lord.

Ngunit kaya ako naiyak hindi dahil sa galit. Kundi dahil hindi ko kayang kumitil ng tao sa kahit anong dahilan o sa kahit paanong paraan. And even if sobrang na-agrabyado o nagalit ako, hindi ‘yun ang solusyon na itinuro ng Dios. Hindi ito ang mga dapat na salita at pag-iisip ng isang Kristyanong nagpapakilala na isang alagad ng Dios.

My soul is wrestling between what is good and what is bad. The mere fact na nag-isip ako ng ganitong bagay, I have already committed a crime sa mata ng Dios. Hindi ako karapatdapat na tawaging anak ng Dios sa aking mga inisip at isinambit. And I know that is something I need to settle with God alone.

God-Given Husband

My husband heard it all, too. Sa kanya ko inilabas ang mga masama kong plano. Humanap ng paraan asawa ko. Ni-try nya ulit kausapin ang guard sa baba ng building. Dahil ‘yung first time naming reklamo ay walang nangyari. He came back at ni-assure ako na oras may mag-smoke ulit, patuloy syang tatawag sa guard house hanggang sa mapatigil itong mga naninigarilyo.

Naiyak ako lalo. My husband felt my anger, too. Pero iba naging solusyon nya. He tried to find a way to solve it sa tamang paraan na alam nya kahit pa the same ito ng mga nauna. He knows how agitated I am but he remained patient enough. He tried to console me as much as he could.

The Purpose Of God Still Stands

It rained.

Bigla kong naalala ang isang notification sa aking blog na nakita ko ngayong umaga. Someone gave me an award yesterday din pala sa WordPress (next article). Isa rin syang writer who chose me among the other bloggers to get the award (thank you, Mrs. T!).

It is an award given to a blog which, “through its writing, presentation and objectives, fosters human values; promoting intellectual, emotional and moral growth of peers.”

These awards on WordPress are basically all about community appreciation and how to support one another in the blogosphere. Nakakatuwa lang when one blogger puts in all the effort sa pag-recognize ng mga naisulat mo as something worth reading.

A Testimony Of My Spiritual Journey

Ang The Journeyman’s Moments kong blog ay isa sa mga bagay na ibinigay sa akin ng Panginoon noong na-born again ako noong 2014. Isa ito sa mga saksi ng aking pagbabagong buhay at sa paglilinis ng aking pangalan galing sa isang masalimuot na nakaraan.

Ito ang naging platform ko where I share everything about my spiritual journey. Naglalaman ito ng mga triumphs and struggles ko as a Christian. Pero hindi ko ito sineryoso masyado noon. May mga panahon na nakakaligtaan kong magsulat dito pero lagi akong nire-remind ng Dios ng calling ko why He saved me.

Kahit ilang months na akong inactive, halimbawa, at hindi nakakapagsulat, meron at meron pa rin akong new followers at mga bagong nagla-like ng mga dati ko pang articles.

His Plans Will Remain

In a way, God is the one who is keeping my blog alive at nagdadala Sya ng mga readers to view what I posted kahit wala akong gawin. Kaya doon ko rin nalaman na ito ang purpose ko why I was saved. To testify about God despite the chaos, the pain, and the suffering all around us.

I love to write. I consider it a gift galing sa Panginoon. Isang therapy sa akin ang pagsusulat. Alam ko din na itong experience recently with the neighbors was meant to happen. He has a good purpose for it, too, even if it means suffering for the time being.

Kasama na dito ang mai-share ko itong karanasan sa inyo and the struggles I go through each day as a Christian. Napakahirap maging Kristyano sa mga ganitong panahon. Ang tindi ng disiplinang hinihingi sa atin.

Severe Trials For What Is To Come

Pakiramdam ko mas matindi pa dito ang tests of faith na mararanasan natin in preparation for the second coming. I know minsan umaabot tayo sa punto na pinanghihinaan na tayo ng loob. Sumusuko na sa laban gaya ng nangyari sa akin.

Pero alam ko na hindi tayo tinawag ng Panginoon para sumuko lang din sa huli. It is not our calling. In fact, it is our calling to fight for faith at all costs. Yes, we will falter along the way. And yet ang importante is we keep on going back to God.

Para tayong nasa tug-of-war na laro na may times na mahahatak tayo ng enemy pero hahatakin din ulit tayo ni God pabalik sa Kanya. Basta pilit din tayong nagpapakatatag para sa Dios.

What We Are Fighting Against

Kailangan nating alalahanin na hindi lang COVID 19 ang kalaban natin ngayon. Marami nang atake ang ipinadala ng enemy to destroy us and what God has built in and around us. Nasa atin kung hahayaan nating wasakin nya tayo or kakapit tayo sa Dios and believe na Sya pa din ang mananalo.

I refuse to take the enemy’s bait. I may have thought the most murderous things, of which I ask for God’s forgiveness and take accountability for them when judgment day comes.

Fixing Our Eyes On Jesus

It is the work of the enemy, and I know he won’t stop. I pray for everyone na bigyan tayo ng Panginoon ng lakas, tapang, wisdom, and discernment para makita ang mga lies ng enemy. Ito lang ang tanging paraan na malalabanan natin ito at para hindi sya mag-succeed.

The struggle is real. Pero I rest in the fact na nakikita ito lahat ng Panginoon. At gaya ng blog ko, kahit wala tayong gawin kahit pa sobrang nahihirapan na tayo, Dios pa rin ang kikilos on our behalf. 🙏

Still fighting as God’s warrior,

Bible Verse Of The Day: 4/23/2020

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Let us claim this promise each and every single day. 🙏❤️😊

Love In The Time Of COVID-19: A Wife’s Tale

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I initially thought about writing this article as a parody, but given the intensity of the pandemic’s impact on our emotional and psychological well-being, I decided to share my experiences as a wife during the community quarantine instead.

A lot of people have been sharing the positive outcome of this lockdown. They said it gave Mother Nature the time to heal. Some said it also gave opportunities for sharing, helping, and praying for others. Another benefit is we now have more time to strengthen family ties.

Learning All About The Complexity Of The Human Behavior

This last one is good, but I know some of you will agree it’s not as easy as it sounds. We all know that one of the complex concepts in this world is the human relationship. We were all created uniquely with varying personalities and characteristics.

Combine a group of different people in one room and one way or the other, there will be a clash of personalities. And also, let’s not forget domestic violence and how it can be aggravated during these times. This last one though is a serious case that requires professional intervention and assistance.

Some people felt awful they had to spend community quarantine alone, and yet some really wish this would end because they’re getting on each other’s nerves. The latter cannot be avoided. It is actually beneficial to get to know each other better and adjust accordingly regardless if this is a roommate, a sibling, a spouse, a relative, a parent, or a neighbor.

A Tale Of Two Lovers

That’s the case between me and my husband. This is, by far, the longest time we’ve spent together 24/7 since we got married back in 2015. And yet I appreciate the fact that my husband and I can spend even more quality time together now. I wouldn’t want any person to spend quarantine with other than him but next to God, of course. 🙂

Every single day, I discover something new about my husband. But since we’re the total opposite of each other, just imagine how hard it was for us to maneuver through this quarantine like gliding on smooth waters. On the contrary, it was like being back to the first few months of us being married. 😀

Seeing God In Others

Don’t get me wrong though. Most of our days together were spent meaningfully, peacefully, and happily. But as days turned to weeks and then now nearing to months, there were days when we would easily get irritated over something trivial because there were only the two of us in the house. And yet this setup reminded me how things are going to be when we grow old together.

I believe other families, parents, or married couples can relate to our experience. An example is when kids start to fight over who gets to use the iPad next or who will throw the trash out. Or when a parent gets irritated because all the kids are hooked on their gadgets all day long. Another instance would be sharing a room with a sibling you just don’t get along with very well.

God’s Eyes Are On Every Household

My husband and I would have some disagreements every now and then, and we’d both sulk and give each other a cold and silent treatment afterward. But since we live in a condo, it just doesn’t work very long given the very small space. 😅

I’d have to interact with him one way or the other and whether I like it or not because we’re just too close to one another, and yes, we only have each other. In fact, this was the case last week when we had our first huge fight during the quarantine.

Dealing With Differences

I told hubby to try cooking a new dish, and he’s also willing but he wanted me to teach him the step-by-step process. I’m a teacher, but given the heavy demands lately at home, I quipped a remark that offended him.

I told him to research how it’s done and to not get used to me spoon feeding him with how everything works here at home. Hubby explained he doesn’t learn new things that way, and I insisted that I learned new things that way and he should give it a try.

When Opposites Repel

Since hubby and I have such totally different backgrounds and upbringing, we somehow clash with how we do things at home. My mistake here was that I could’ve been more patient. But no, I guess the enemy took advantage of this sensitive situation to bring us back to our old fights.

Hubby retaliated with harsher words that made me do the same. And in the heated discussion, I just broke down and cried. I guess all those heavy emotions I’ve been keeping these past months just all welled up on me.

Trying To Play God

And my last retort to my hubby was, “you couldn’t see my pain and understand how I feel because God is not in you.” Then hubby retaliated by saying he’d leave once this quarantine is over.

I told him that he can do it now if he wants to because he just doesn’t care about me knowing we can get the virus anytime, and I’d be alone here if ever I get sick. Then, after saying that, I went inside the bedroom sobbing.

When Pride Gets In The Way

Hubby followed me and apologized saying he couldn’t just leave me here, especially not this time. But I guess the enemy just took hold of my pride, so I didn’t accept his apology and told him to leave me and I wouldn’t want to talk to him for the rest of the day. This happened around lunchtime.

I took a pitcher of water and crackers because I planned on fasting for the day. I was crying so much that the only thing I could do was grab my devotion notebook, read my daily devotion, and pray, all at the same time.

A Cold Heart Has No Room For God

I can hear my husband cooking in the kitchen and watching a cooking video. I felt awful that I didn’t help him out. But then again, pride just got in the way and I told myself that I won’t forgive him because he just hurt me a lot with his awful words. But no, he didn’t curse nor shout.

I finished my devotion and yet there was still hatred in my heart. I was somehow expecting him to come back and apologize again, which I know he wouldn’t do because I already turned him down the first time he did it.

Don’t Let The Sun Go Down Angry

Then, the entire afternoon passed by until came midnight. I can hear him scuffling in the living room and washing the cooking utensils so I assumed he has already eaten.

My heart was so heavy and I kept on praying like how Jesus prayed to God while He was on the Cross. That may He take this cup of suffering from me and yet not my will but let His will be done.

Thorn In A Flesh

I guess at this point the enemy came close to blinding me with lies. He almost succeeded but I guess God heard my prayer. I thought so negatively about my husband that I saw him as the “thorn in my flesh” who tempts me to sin.

Thorn in my flesh. I looked up that phrase on the internet and I found one article from Desiring God. There was my rebuke. John Piper said in the article that a thorn in the flesh is a beautiful gift but it comes with so much pain.

God’s Power Works Best In Weakness

And yet this is the pain where God reveals our weakness because it is in our weakness that His power works best. His Grace will be displayed in our weakness. But no, my heart remained stubborn. I don’t want to talk to him and make amends.

But I guess the Spirit just won’t allow it I let the sun go down angry and with bitterness against my husband. Then, a chapter in the Bible came into my mind (Matthew 24) on how Jesus speaks about the future – how loved ones and friends will betray believers.

Jesus Speaks About The Future

I wanted to reread it just to know if it’s already happening now between me and my husband. I read the NLT version of the entire chapter, and yet betrayal of loved ones and friends in particular wasn’t mentioned.

So I read the entire chapter again and again until the last couple of verses resonated with me deeply. I guess this time Scripture was able to break down the wall of lies that the enemy has placed in my heart.

“Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.

But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

– Matthew 24:45-51

Am I A Good Servant?

These verses are all about being a faithful and sensible servant and how God appointed him to look after other servants in the household and feed them. And that those who wouldn’t do what God has instructed will be torn into pieces and thrown into a pit where there will be gnashing of teeth.

I really felt like it was literally God’s message for me during this misunderstanding with my husband. Yes, I didn’t feed him and serve him, literally with food and figuratively of God’s love. God’s messages during this pandemic that kept on popping up in my devotion or in my heart are to serve one another in love and love one another as He has loved us.

How God Teaches Humility

Sadly, I failed God and yet He was so graceful to remind me once again of this calling. So I summed up the courage to go out of the room and talk to my husband. But there’s still a little bit of pride in me so I did go out but only to refill my pitcher with water.

Then this was where I was first struck down with humility. The rice that my husband cooked was untouched. So I checked out the dish rack and searched for eating utensils.

I found none. This only meant one thing – he didn’t eat the entire day (oh my dear Lord, what have I done 😭😭😭). So this slowly destroyed the enemy’s weapon. I went to my husband who’s seated in the dining table pretending not to notice me.

Be Ready To Forgive Always

I hugged him tight and kissed him in the forehead. I did that for a couple of minutes without saying anything because I was too convicted. Then it was my husband who apologized first and I followed it with my apology.

What pierced my heart even harder was when I asked him why he didn’t eat. He answered that he didn’t eat because I didn’t come out to eat, too. Oh my, more heart-wrenching moments there. I hugged him even tighter and apologized many times.

Being Unselflish Is A Way To God’s Heart

You see, hubby isn’t used to intermittent fasting. I told him he shouldn’t do that because it will shock his body. I, on the one hand, is used to it since we do it in church every now and then. He said it’s okay because we also need to lose weight since we did nothing but eat during the quarantine.

My consience though just won’t let him sleep through the night with an empty stomach. So I rummaged in our food shelves. Then I asked him to eat something even just a little to lessen the acid in his stomach, and we ate a couple of cupcakes together. The guilt and humility just all went through me.

God Shows Grace When We Least Deserve It

And it didn’t stop there. My husband who’s not used to not eating the entire day and fasted with me, came up to me while I was washing in the kitchen, hugged me, and said, “I really missed you today.”

Gaaaah, Lord, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. 😦 I get it now. I’ve been doing this love thing wrong all this time. So, I looked at my husband and joked that we needed some “me” time and “me” space, too, since we live in a condo and we literally just rub elbows with each other often. I went on that we also need to apply social distancing even at home. This one made him laugh. 😉

A Beautiful Reminder

God used my husband – who may be or may not be my beautiful flesh in the thorn – to bring me pain that will make me a better servant. And I believe God knew this will happen. The night before this incident happened, we just started watching a series on Apple TV. And I know it’s not a coincidence that it’s entitled “Servant.”

And then just like how God sees everything, He reminded us gently about reality. This reality that we might actually die tomorrow, next week, or next month because of the pandemic. It’s as if He was asking us both why we’re wasting precious time on grudges and selfishness.

Letting Go Of Unforgiveness And Hatred

I did tell myself that I’d like to die at peace with everyone including him. This means there should be no room for bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness. It’s just not the time for all of these.

All the more when this pandemic requires we die alone without any loved one beside us. We can never hug and kiss our loved ones or even hold their hands before we take our final breaths.

I know we wouldn’t want our last moments in this world full of regrets and not being able to make amends with people whom we have hurt or those who have hurt us. We no longer have the opportunity to do so. So yes, this is no longer the time for hate, but a time for love.

No matter how much we’re offended or how bitter we are by a lot of things, we can no longer let hatred linger in our hearts. Not in a time like this.

It Is Just All About Love

And I guess this is what God is trying to tell us. To “love others just like how I loved you.” To forgive others like how He has forgiven us. And to ask for forgiveness from Him and from others.

This is how God shifts our mindsets from seeing only what lies in front of us to realizing the bigger picture that lies ahead. It is about appreciating relationships more than ever. It is about being grateful and being accountable for the people He’s blessed you with. It is about celebrating what love is in the truest essence of the word. And lastly, it is about the simple things that we normally take for granted, but are actually more precious than money, silver, and gold.

Right now, I appreciate having my husband around. It made the quarantine more bearable, and it made me fully understand how it is to love my husband as a wife according to the standards of God’s Words. There are a lot of things that my husband does now, which made me realize I should be proud God married me to him.

Basically, that is all that God is asking from us now. Just. Plain. Love.

“We love each other because he loved us first.” – 1 John 4:19

Staying in love until the worst,

 

 

An Offer Of Comfort To Those Who Suffer Financially

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This pandemic has made countless of people jobless. It is never easy to lose your only source of income, most especially in a time like this. And yet, I would like to offer an assurance that God’s eyes are on us now.

How God Teaches Humility

Yes, I also included myself because this scenario isn’t new to me anymore. As a freelancer, there were times wherein every month I would send out job applications and proposals to get projects and earn. There were plenty of times, too, that my proposals were rejected or there were no projects available for me to do.

This was how it was for me in the last 3 years. So I know how hard it is to be constantly looking for ways to earn a living. I am already quite too familiar with situations where you had to rely on one source of income only to make ends meet at home.

What God Wants vs What I Want

I had this calling to pursue a remote career. It wasn’t an easy decision on my end, and I did share in my previous articles the reasons why. When doubt overcomes me, however, I’d once again apply to an office job only to be rebuked by God later on. Then, I would have to let go of the opportunity. I spent countless days and months asking the Lord “why” and what was His purpose for placing me in this predicament.

Little did I know that these were the times that God was asking me to rely on Him COMPLETELY for provisions. It is these moments of being so uncertain if you will have food on the table the next day or none the following week that made me view God as to who He really is as a provider.

His Love Never Fails, Always

Did God fail me?

NO. Not even once. And I would like to emphasize that because He was there for me and my husband when we needed Him most. God knows my former worrisome nature will always clash with my faith. It is what the enemy will use to attack me, make me defenseless, and eventually fall into his trap.

But take heart when I say that God always rescues those who seek Him with all their hearts in moments of need. He blesses those who call out to Him FIRST and rewards them accordingly. These rewards are even more than what we initially asked from Him.

When Rivers Run Dry, Turn To God

Yes, I understand how it can be unsettling to lose a job that literally allows you to survive in this world. And yet, when we see God as the one who provided that job in the first place, we can be assured that He will provide us with another one or another avenue where our needs will be met.

Here’s a fascinating testimony that I haven’t shared yet because we experienced it just this week. I lost some clients at the beginning of this year until now, which led me and my husband to once again rely on his income alone.

Keep The Good Fight Of Faith

Last year, there was a bounty of financial breakthroughs. And if my memory serves me right, it was my husband who asked me to set aside some cash on top of our usual savings. I placed it in a white envelope and put it inside a drawer.

Since we don’t need the money at that time, we somehow forgot that we have it. So when we were making financial adjustments a couple of months later, it wasn’t included in the accounting.

God’s Grace Is More Than Enough

Then, the pandemic happened. We had to consolidate all our resources and make do with what’s available. By God’s grace, there’s more than enough for all our needs. Yes, all that we have now is more than enough.

While I do believe in saving for the future, I have such great faith in God that He is our ULTIMATE provider. Thus, we have nothing to worry about our future when it comes to all our needs.

Elijah’s God Is The Same God We Have Today

This is somehow similar to the story of Elijah in the Bible and how God sent ravens and the widow to feed him (book of Kings). The woman’s jug of oil and jar of flour never ran empty allowing Elijah, the woman, and her family to have enough food to eat and survive.

But since God can still sense a little bit of worry and doubt in me, He knew I needed an assurance that would once again prove that He is who He is when He says that nothing is impossible with Him.

God’s Surprises Just Never End

Fewer clients mean lesser work hours for me. I had plenty of time to contemplate, search for new opportunities, and do my hobbies. So I decided to pick up the pencil and do some sketches again.

The only available pad for me to work on, however, is a big one so I decided to divide a page into half. This means I’d have to place the new sketch paper on a different pad. And I would need something to keep it in place.

The paper clips came as a solution, and I rummaged through our office supplies but found none. Then I remembered that I used paper clips for the white envelopes we allotted for budgeting.

A Need Fulfilled At Just The Right Time

So I went to the drawer, searched for one white envelope, took it out, and I think you already guessed what I saw. Voila, there neatly tucked inside were 3 paper bills – safely forgotten.

I just couldn’t contain the surprising discovery to myself so I shared it with my husband who teased me that I’ve been secretly stashing money away. I think it’s his way of saying that he also forgot. 😁

God knows we would need it at exactly the right time. The money will still remain as emergency funds though, and yet I already have a plan where half of it will go. Ah yes, indeed, the five barley loaves and fishes are more than enough to feed thousands of people.

As this verse says,

“And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.” – Philippians 4:19

So to all unemployed brothers and sisters out there right now, I pray that you will hold on to this promise:

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8

God will provide for you, too. Believe in this. ❤

I think I can hear God saying,

“My child, why are you still pursuing the demands of this world? Have I not shown you enough the past few months what really matters?

Why are you still worried about your needs? Have I not provided you with more than enough ever since you became My child?”

God would like to hear our answer, and let it be a good one. 😉

Always relies on God for provisions before and now,

P.S. This article is part of the 80 drafts that I am currently preparing as scheduled posts. I am targeting (by God’s grace) to reach the mark of 500 published articles here on my blog.

We just don’t know what could happen in the next few days, weeks, and years. But as long as there are technology and WordPress, these testimonies will live on. 😀

Methinks it is also best to wait it out until this worldwide crisis is over, and start looking for new career opportunities. Businesses will be flourishing by then. And yet, this entirely depends on God’s plans and His timing. In the meantime, have faith that God will cover all of your needs. 🙂