A Safe Place To Heal

The first day of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting this year hits different. I just went through a rollercoaster of ups and downs for the past several months starting last year and for the most part, they were all very grueling. These challenges tested my endurance and refined my character (please refer to my previous posts) revealing who I really am as a person and most importantly as a daughter of Christ.

This blog is supposed to be a diary for my eyes only. It is my safe place when life gets too overwhelming, and a safe place where I can be myself. When I am sad, I write. When I am happy, I write. And yet God urged me to share it to the world.

I believe God wants this blog to be a safe place for everyone, too, regardless of race, gender, and religion. A place where readers will feel calm, at peace, grateful, joyful, and hopeful. Because we are all trying to heal from something.

And the kind of healing that God provides is something that the world cannot give. This is what I am hoping and praying my blog will be able to achieve – it will not just be a place where you get to learn a lot of things and be inspired. But it will be a place of solace that will bring peace and healing to our tired and weary souls.

Part of my journey towards healing are the questions I’ve been asking God for some time now such as why did He bring me to Sorsogon City? Why the city where Mom passed away? Why does Mom have to die there and not in the comforts of our home just like all our loved ones who have passed on before her? And why call me to this place that brings me pain and sorrow?

And the answer came. “Christine, my child, I called and brought you to this place to heal, in all aspects, because you’ve been through a lot. You will only heal when you confront your pain and not run away from it. I will use your pain so you can bring healing and comfort to those who are grieving as well. I will use your pain to bring hope to those who have lost hope. And I will use your pain to show them that though you go through the fiery furnace, you will come out unscathed and unharmed – as long as you remain in me.”

And Pastor Jojo Henson had a similar exhortation tonight during the 7pm Prayer Meeting at Victory BGC using the illustration of the burning bush that God revealed to Moses as an example.

“And the angel of the LORD appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed. And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt.” – Exodus 3:2-5

Today is just the first day of prayer and fasting. But God already answered a prayer of mine – one that I’ve been praying for in the last couple of months, one that has something to do with Sorsogon City, the place where God called me to be at right now.

When we do respond to the calling, God will prepare us, provide for us, and bring us people who will be our partners in the mission field. Yes, that’s how powerful our God is. This article (and the entire blog) will testify to this and how God orchestrates everything beautifully in His own time when we do things according to His will.

I’d like to end this article by continuing to believe for more of God’s miracles unfolding one by one as I enter yet another season. Because God can be our refuge, and He is the only safe place to heal where we can truly heal. ♥️🙂

What is God asking you to heal from now? It doesn’t have to be a place in particular. I pray that you get to listen to His voice when He calls you and pray that you will respond in faith and complete obedience. 🙏



“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” – John 10:27-30


God’s Message In A Bottle

Yes, in a bottle – bottles of my shampoo and conditioner. 😃 I was supposed to write this yesterday, but I felt it best to post it today, Monday. The 14-day community quarantine imposed by the government also started yesterday. 

Prior to the implementation, panic buyers were already hoarding supplies in case of a total lockdown. Grocery stores were running out of supplies. I told my husband that we will refrain from going to the supermarkets since we still have groceries at home good enough for 2 or 3 days.

Aside from the fact that all the items we need were no longer available, there were long queues everywhere. The crowd was enormous, and yes, hilarious. The moment I saw online posts of people flocking the supermarkets, I just can’t understand what they were panicking about. 

Please Stop Panic Buying

The Department of Agriculture already mentioned in a press release that we have enough food supply that can even last up to 9 months. Panic buying will only lead to long lines and big crowds.

When this happens, shoppers will all be susceptible to acquiring the virus because of a lowered immune system due to stress. The chances of being exposed to possible infected persons who are asymptomatic will also be very high. 

Praying For God’s Will

As of writing, there are 11 deaths listed and about 140 confirmed cases of COVID-19 in the Philippines. I told my husband that the 14-day quarantine is not enough as this is only the onset of the epidemic and community transmission. And sadly, our government can only do so much in containing it given the country’s population of 109,140,500.

I told my husband we will wait out for the panic buying to wane and buy our food supplies this Sunday when supermarkets replenish their stocks and the partial lockdown begins. By then, most people have already bought their supplies and the number of buyers has already dissipated. It’s the perfect time to go out since everything we need is already available.

Shopping Was A Breeze

And it was indeed true. There were very few shoppers present last Sunday, and the grocery store already restocked most of the items. We decided to go out during lunchtime under the striking heat of the sun. It only took us less than 15 minutes to buy everything that we need (just the basics, we are against hoarding).

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I teased him that most people won’t be in panic buying mode every day because it’s very expensive. If supplies at the physical stores will still be out of stock, and the government implements a total lockdown, I already found alternatives to buy our groceries and medical supplies online. 

I shared with my husband that we really have nothing to worry for as long as we do our part in protecting ourselves and other people around us. Then God will do the rest for us. 

Surviving Trials Left And Right

My husband and I have been through severe testing and difficult trials in the past. There were times when we’re absolutely sure there’s no way we’re going to survive a trial.

But each time, God has ushered us through in unexpected ways that so often surprised us. I know that this is only one of the many trials we have to go through now where God will once again fight for us on our behalf. 

And this is where the story of God’s message in my shampoo and conditioner bottles will come in. 🙂

God’s Message In A Bottle

Nope, I didn’t hoard shampoos and conditioners. lol And neither am I promoting these products. I just want to share the wonderful story behind them. 

Last year, I had my hair rebonded because I was born with curly hair. My hair specialist advised I use a shampoo and a conditioner that are paraben-free. This will protect my hair from breakage and any further damage. She offered one which they sell in the salon but, unfortunately, it’s a bit pricey. 

So I told her I’m not buying it since I’m also using a hair treatment at home. It’s my first time hearing about a paraben-free shampoo, so I did my own research out of curiosity. And I found out that paraben-free and sulfate-free shampoos are best to use on chemically-treated hair. 

Why Human Nature

I chose the Human Nature brand based on customer reviews, which were mostly positive. I started using it last December, and so far, the results are satisfying.

A few weeks ago, the situation on the COVID-19 outbreak here in the Philippines escalated with the rising number of confirmed cases. It led me to contemplate everything I’ve been reading on the news.

This deep contemplation continued even while I was taking a shower. 😀 I stared at the shampoo and conditioner bottles in front of me while washing my hair and then, something caught my eye. 

Just below the expiration date and product code, I saw a familiar word. I read it aloud. Surprisingly, it’s a Bible verse. 😀

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Bible Verses Printed On Bottles

I was so amused that I immediately checked out the bottle of my conditioner and see if it also has one. Yes, there’s also a Bible verse printed out along with the product code and expiration date. 

 

Then it dawned on me that God must have seen what’s in my heart – the possibility of anxiety, worry, and fear to overcome my faith. I used to be a worrier before I became a born-again Christian and now a prayer warrior. 😉

I may be bold in sharing Bible verses in my social media profiles, but that’s because I have so little faith. Every time I share the gospel online, it’s actually my way of reminding myself about God’s calling for me the moment I feel like shrinking back. 

Here are the Bible verses in the bottles: 

“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.” – Galatians 5:13

“And she will have a son, and you are to name Him Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through His prophet:

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call Him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’” – Matthew 1:21-23

 

We Need God Even More Now And He Knows

God knows I needed reassurance, a reminder – all of us do. That is why He called us to serve one another in love and take heart that “God is always with us.” The body of Christ will all work together to defeat this enemy by doing their assigned parts. 

How? Through the Spiritual gifts. I’ll share in the latter part of this article how being in tune with the Spirit is very important in discerning God’s messages, and eventually His answers to what we were praying for. 

A Coincidence Or A Sign?

I know some people would think this was just purely coincidence. In my case though, I have long given up the notion of coincidences when I became a born-again Christian. In fact, this was not the first time a sign or a miracle happened. And I believe more of these revelations will take place in the coming days, months, and years. 

As I continued to devote more time reading the Word, I thought it best to share it in any way possible to encourage other people during a time of crisis. I have also observed that sharing the Bible verse as is doesn’t get as many impressions from your audience as you want it to have.

One Way To Share The Gospel

However, there’s a way to get around that. Posting a photo that you know will get so many likes and placing the Bible verses as a caption might do the trick. Here’s the photo I chose and the Bible verses I included along with the post. Was I successful? I would like to believe that the first few Bible verses somehow came across (planting the ‘seed’) to anyone who saw that photo. 

 

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This photo was taken 6 years ago (2014) during a short modeling stint – my first and probably my last.

It doesn’t always have to be a picture of yourself because your Facebook friends might have the wrong impression of you being a narcissist. And that’s the least trait that we want them to think about us. 😀 A landscape photo or a photo of nature would do. It can actually be any photo. If you’re undecided, ask God for leading and discernment to know what to post and how to share it on social media.

His Leading Is Very Important

I always ask for God’s leading and discernment when it comes to sharing Bible verses that will best fit a specific situation. I discovered, though, that we can only hear His voice clearly when we’re not distracted by a lot of things around us. 

If I haven’t been sensitive enough and I was distracted enough, I sure wouldn’t notice the Bible verses in my shampoo and conditioner bottles. Nothing has changed in the way I pray at night before I sleep. The only thing that changed was my prayer points.

And one of them is sensitivity to the presence of the Holy Spirit. God never fails to answer us when He sees we are ready. And we can only be ready when we allow ourselves to be used by God completely according to His purpose. 

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A Calling For Believers To Take The Task Assigned

Devotion to the Word, a peaceful countenance, and more quiet time with the Lord – these are what every believer should do now. And it is the Spirit who will act on our behalf when we feel overwhelmed by everything around us. 

For the past weeks, I had a difficult time praying for “HEALING” as the numbers of confirmed COVID-19 cases and deaths continue to rise in the Philippines. God knows unbelief and doubt can overcome our faith when driven by worry and fear. And once again, God moved ahead of me. 

Fight The Good Fight Of Faith

This is what I’m holding on to now, and this is how I will end this article as well. I pray that this article may bring every believer out there an assurance that in all the verses He has revealed in the past days and weeks, only one thing stood out – God will remain by our side no matter what happens. 

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Please join me as I continue to pray for healing, comfort, peace, grace, courage, boldness, and strength to be upon each and every believer in this world. The enemy won’t stop now or anytime soon, and neither should we. 

Always believing in God’s miracles as we fight the good fight of faith,

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P.S. I told my husband that for as long as I’m breathing, I will continue worshiping the Lord. I prefer it that way than to cower in fear. Whatever may happen, let the will of the Lord be done always. 🙂

P.S. 2 I’ve been using Paulo Coehlo journals for my daily devotion, and there were some instances where I found God’s instructions through it. The artwork for March 12, which was also the start of the rapid increase of COVID-19 cases in the country, looked like the virus strain, for one.

Coincidence? I bet it’s all part of God’s plans. 🙂

 

 

 

Resting in His Saving and Amazing Grace

“Do one thing: Live the life you always wanted to live. Avoid criticizing others and concentrate on fulfilling your dreams. This may not seem very important to you, but God, who sees all, knows that the example you give is helping Him to improve the world. And each day, He will bestow more blessings upon it.”

– Manuscript of Accra, Paulo Coehlo

I can see the cursor blinking in and out like an ellipsis….

So many words and yet so many ways to tell, undecided…

….how do I begin? 🙂

Yes, how do I begin testifying to a series of events that piled up already and yet I couldn’t find the “tugging” to post them until just now? *wink* Honestly, I still don’t have the slightest idea how to arrange the thoughts which have been sitting as a draft since February here in WordPress and share them. Yet I can only trust the Spirit’s leading on how the wordplay will come about in this post.

The posts in this blog for the past 2-3 years have been about nothing else but faith. This was how God intended it to be. Though for the first year of this blog I was grappling on what to write about, now, it is the other way around – I am battling with time for the numerous pending posts that I needed to write and post.

For March, it’ll summarize what went on from February until March. My January post summarized what transpired in the months of December and January. The month of March was about marching forward and yes, the character trait for March is CLARITY. As for February, it was AFFECTION  (do read January post for this one.) 🙂

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February: AFFECTION

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March: CLARITY

This might explain why I was missing in the blogosphere for the month of February and why this post is super long (sorry about that, friends). February was the month of settling things – again, not a coincidence, but I have learned to rely on God’s plans all along even though some are hard to accept, some are hard to understand, and some are impossible to achieve. But then, that is one tough responsibility of a Christian and that is everyone’s calling too – live by faith and not by sight.

Last December, everything was unraveled. It was a moment of choosing among a multitude of choices and tough decisions. Every flaw, every need and every concern were brought out in the open. I have thought for that moment it might seem such an endless feat of emotional roller coaster and yet God had been faithful enough.

Fast forward to January, the start of 2017 was also the start of the turnaround of events. When seasons change and the comfort zone is no longer part of the next plans, it could be daunting. But as it was written, For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

February was a month jam-packed of events. When you are caught in a whirlwind of events, oftentimes a “soul check” may come as the least of your priorities. But in faith, it is the other way around – a “soul check” is necessary and should be the top priority before everything else. That was what happened in the last few months, a question of am I doing it God’s way or not. I’ll just mention a few and most of them actually were answered prayers – prayers that I never thought I have prayed and yet silently in my heart, I did. Only God sees our hearts, anyway.

Maybe that is the reason why fulfillment in those answered prayers never really came from receiving the actual answer to the prayer per se but more about how God listens and how great He is to provide even the most impossible. It was all about God in the end, never about our desires but a satisfied desire on both our end and God’s that thru this fulfillment, we have established a kindred spirit and a deeper and personal relationship with our Creator. It is all a matter of communicating between Him and you alone – the ONLY thing that He asks from us.

So let’s begin the long journey of disclosing in this online journal what traversed in my moment of hibernation in the blogosphere starting February.

The incident:

A convo between my husband and I took place wherein I asked him what is it that he wants best in this life. His answer made me smile and speechless at the same time making me wonder where he could possibly be generating all these answers. My best guess – the heart. Who really am I to judge, indeed? I don’t see the heart, God does. 😉

“I don’t want material things but eternal rest.” 

We came to that point wherein we had that (serious) husband and wife contemplation about priorities, the future and life in general. I can say that throughout the moments since I got saved, I did not regret any decision I have made which included my decision to marry. It is only through the entire duration of our years together as a married couple did I get to see why God gave me my husband in particular – I had so many answered prayers through my husband. It is either an answered prayer to that change I have been rooting to do internally but don’t have the guts to discipline myself or the big and small things that I have been wanting in my heart but never expressed them openly.

But God, once again, proved Himself faithful all throughout.

I have always wondered what if I married another man. Will he be patient, understanding and forgiving enough as my husband is right now to me and my circumstances? I oftentimes ask my husband how he feels regarding our situation and ask him to be patient with me as well and what I am going through. His answer was always a gentle, “I understand.” Though he would always say that, I know that he is sacrificing so much for both of us and as his partner, I have felt this inadequacy when it comes to fulfilling my role and my duties as a wife.

Starting the month of January until now, this was personally, for me, a season of instability. Firstly, every married couple gets to deal with financial difficulties and this season, my husband and I are going through with our own fair share. We have decided to finally move out from the apartment that my sisters and I have been living in for the past 20 years though it was only me who lived in the place for the last 7 years. We have decided to relocate near his workplace as it is more convenient for him and he gets to rest right away after work.

But this posed as a problem since I have no work when we both decided to move out and we are relying on my husband’s income alone for our daily expenses. If you’ll do the numbers from bills to necessities plus all the home stuff that we have to buy, the total suggested more funds. I did get a job. It was a convenient one but, unfortunately, it was not from my field of expertise and ironically, my water loo too – finance. Yes, it has something to do with numbers and money.

If you are wondering how I ended up in that job, I don’t know too. 😀 But I know God has a reason why because I got that job just 3 days after we moved in our new apartment. We were able to buy some of the basic stuff that we need at home. But as you all know it, I had to let the job go. I will not be able to give my best if it is something that I am not familiar with or is not my cup of tea. Numbers make me cringe and the fear of committing a mistake when it comes to computing plus the fact that it deals with money just proved that I might regret it later if I stayed longer.  Another thing too, the worry of it all just took the better part of me and stress replaced what used to be a hopeful and positive attitude – I first thought I should give it a try. Employment equates to stress but when I started having stomach problems, difficulty sleeping at night and puking for no reason at all, I know I have to make a decision.

I wanted to go back to teaching. It was actually the very reason I stated when I resigned. The calling of being a teacher is greater. But then again, we all know that a teaching job is even more challenging when it comes to classroom management, multitasking, time management, etc. Again, no employment is ever easy and stress-free. But then again, I did want to try it out. Here came the opportunity – I had everything carefully and perfectly planned out so I’d get the job. But here came unprecedented circumstances which for the first few, I was able to gain control over but it required my husband and me to stay up until past midnight. I was able to pull it off. The next day I woke up with my estimated schedule. Everything should be smooth sailing until news came that the MRT 3 broke down and became operational only at 8am. I didn’t give up. If commuting was not an option then I’d go for the GRAB car – I was wrong. Since majority of the stranded commuters chose other alternatives of commuting, traffic was inevitable and it was worse than the usual. I decided by then that I had to let the opportunity go because it only means that it wasn’t intended for me. If I still pursued it then most likely I’ll be going against the grain of fate and will meet more unfortunate events along the way.

I am well aware of the idea to keep on swimming ahead even if the vision before you is hazy or the waters seem to be too deep and troubled or the shore is nowhere to be seen, figuratively speaking. But I am also well aware that from what I have experienced so far, if everything seems to be failing even if you have tried all possible attempts in getting things right, it only means it is beyond your control and God has intended a different plan for you. It could be God’s way of preventing you from any future loss/failure, future pain, even more hassle and inconvenience than intended.

So I asked God why I can’t have a regular office job. That moment of quietude with Him and me asking all these sort of questions trying to make sense of what has happened and what is happening came to a final halt – a matter of life and death.

I have already mentioned this a couple of times in my previous blog posts and health wise, I know I have nothing to fear. In the recent medical checkup I came clear but if I am not cautious enough i.e. check my lifestyle, sleeping patterns, food intake, physical activity, etc., and all these accumulated through the years could mean my ending up in a hospital bed earlier than expected.

I have to be cautious with everything.

I am not claiming it but I know it as a fact that I am a carrier of cancer genes. It was a generational curse – it didn’t skip a generation starting from my great grandmother (we don’t know if it started even way before her generation) to my grandmother then to my Mom. They were all breast cancer survivors. Most likely you’ll tell me I will survive too. 🙂

Yes, by faith and by God’s saving grace I know I will. But then it should not be reason enough for me to be complacent. My great grandmother, grandmother and Mom spent most of their lives in the province – a laid back lifestyle, pure simplicity, a fresh and clean environment and less complicated than city life. I spent half of my life in the metro starting college which was the opposite.

Again. I have to be more cautious.

If you will notice, I referred to breast cancer in the past tense because I am declaring that starting from my generation, not one among my 3 sisters and I will have breast cancer how many years from now and that the future generations of our family will be free of this generational curse.

There’s another generational curse too that I am declaring for my family and relatives and the future generations in our blood line to be free from starting with our generation but due to its sensitivity, I chose to keep it confidential.

These generational curses have no cure – ONLY God can deliver us from these curses. Not even the fields of medicine and science have the capacity to provide a lasting treatment/solution.

But,

“We can face the reality of our own mortality because we trust in God.” – Our Daily Bread

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12

Another thing too, my husband and I have been trying to have a child but time declared we can’t have one as of yet. We did talk about it and he told me that whatever God’s will is, he is happy and content either way.

That, I absolutely and unquestioningly agree upon. I did tell him though that as much as I’d want to have a child, I wouldn’t want to raise a child and let him suffer in this world or be punished for the mistakes that his parents did or bear the generational curse passed on to him. If part of the sacrifice that we have to make in order to break the generational curse is to be childless, then we have to honor it.

But then again, it entirely depends on what God’s will is and what His plans are. Indeed,

“As you do not know the way the Spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.” – Ecclesiastes 11:5

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:9

The generational curses and the current situation my husband and I are going through both have one thing in common – stress as the triggering factor.

Looking back to what I had to give up, they were standards that this world dictated as what should be accomplished and yet it all equated to stress. When I gave up my graduate study, I asked myself if it is worth it especially when my eczema attacks started showing up again, I had to deal with black spots in my legs which lasted for how many months and I experienced tension headaches/migraines which lasted for 3 days twice a month. I also had to give up the liberty and privilege of working in the corporate world or in my field of expertise.

Do I have regrets? Certainly not. My decision to not conform to the terms of this world won’t rob me of my dignity and make me less of a woman, will it? My identity no longer is attached to those titles that this world offer but to the title that God has given me – His princess and His loving daughter.

“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

My situation now? God showed me other alternatives. I know God did not give me skills just to see them all go to waste until I die and not be able to contribute to this world and help humanity in any way – it’ll make Him unhappy. 😀 I told my husband he need not worry because there are a lot of home-based jobs available for me in the fields of teaching and writing, my two best fortes, if I really need to get a professional job as a means to get an income. There are so many of them actually in different fields of expertise and if I will be “takaw tingin,” I’d prefer having at least 2 since their schedules are usually flexible. BUT, God will definitely say “No.” 😀

In addition, I have witnessed a lot of female friends who shifted from being corporate employees to staying at home, being a full-time Mom and housewife with a home-based job, stressed also but FULFILLED receiving the same salary that she gets if she works in the office spending energy and time commuting, coming home extremely exhausted and has no time for her family.

Yes, fulfillment makes all the difference, right? Even if you are paid triple of what a regular wage earner gets if the fulfillment isn’t there, work will just be equated to work per se in all technical aspect of the term. Aside from that, “whatever it is that our hearts value, there our treasure will be also.” The bad thing about this is if we’re putting our hope on treasures that are temporary and will eventually fade away. Building relationships with people I love are important to me – quality time is my love language. I want to invest more in it – being with my family.

What else?

As of the late, my husband asked me if I could do commissioned work for my sketching hobby after I posted the sketch (next blog article) I did of him during his birthday last May 4. He told me that one of his Mom’s friends asked if I could do their family portrait and his Mom and brother also requested the same along with a few of my relatives and friends ever since I posted some of my previous sketches. My answer was an unsure “let’s see.” 😀

If God gives us a talent as a gift, He has a very good purpose behind it all and honestly, I am not yet confident enough to take my sketching hobby to a higher level. 😀 It’s been 15 years since I started this hobby out of my need to have an outlet when things and times get rough. I am not confident as well to tag a price in each of my art work. I intended to give them for free actually and make the recipient of the art work happy – my ultimate goal as an artist. But if God instructs I have them paid, then I believe I should. Now this, I need to really pray hard as I don’t want to disappoint those who have requested to have their sketches done and there are a lot of them pending requests already. I just need more time to pray to God about it and wait for His answers. *insert wide smile here*

Another opportunity also came about my putting up a restaurant/café after hubby and I made this special burger recipe and his brother insisted we make it as a business as he knows someone who can be our supplier.  I told him we talked about this option but we have chosen my hometown in Bicol as our business location – yup, you guessed that right, too far. My 3rd sister and I have actually planned about this already and came up with the concept for the café and went through the basics of business analytics and management and the only thing she said was that it won’t materialize if I am not there with her to get things started and to keep them running. One of my hobbies is cooking and experimenting with different recipes but eating the food I cooked is not part of them. lol I believe I am to blame if hubby gained a lot of weight after we got married. Ooops, not my real intention there though. 😀 I just want to cook for other people and it makes me happy when they are happy with the dishes I serve them. Again, this is another prayer for my prayer line when it comes to wisdom, guidance and instruction.

Honestly, I was never after the money nor the recognition – getting compensated for the things I love to do and the things that God has gifted me with in terms of talents and skills. I’d like to contribute and share them to society and be able to make every individual happy and fulfilled or if what I contributed could help them in any other way regardless if I’d get anything in return or not (awards, recognition, money, etc.). I only needed money for survival and for now, that is what my hubby and I needed – for our daily needs but never to satisfy our wants and live in excess.

Moreover, I told my husband that if time comes God blessed us with more than we needed, I will retain the kind of lifestyle I have now and would still prefer the same living conditions – not a lavish nor grand lifestyle but a simple, minimalist one. Again, by having only the things that I need and never the things that I want.

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Mark 10:21

But as we all know it, I can plan so many things, have so many choices and wonderful opportunities to choose from and small and big decisions to make and yet, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” – Proverbs 19:21

Thus, I rest my case. 😀

For all the generational curses, the lifestyle check, the shift in opportunities, the continued pursuit of God’s will in my life – they were not because I live in fear but because I have fear in the Lord and if obedience is what He requires of me in this season so He can usher me towards what He desires for my life, then I should, by all means comply, stop figuring out this life on my own and rest in His saving grace.

Solution? Pray harder and trust God and His plans even harder.

[In prayer we call on God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.”] – Ephesians 3:20

Oh and I think I forgot to mention that in my Paulo Coehlo planner-turned-spiritual journal, April’s character trait is COOPERATION and May is FAITH.

2017-05-19-13-27-38

April: COOPERATION

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May: FAITH

Did God say, “Tin, you must cooperate with me and have faith?” I think He just did that’s why I wrote this. *insert wide smile here again* 😀

“Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.” – 2 Corinthians 7:1

P.S.

For the first quarter of year 2017, my life/planner went from having TOLERANCE (January), giving AFFECTION (February), to achieving CLARITY (March), giving COOPERATION (April) and last but not the least, having FAITH (May). 🙂

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm for God can be trusted to keep His promises.” – Hebrews 10:23

“God can be trusted to guide us.” – Our Daily Bread

“…the challenge is to trust (in) God’s ability to lead rather than in our ability to follow.” – Genesis 12:1

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

Sentimental: Who Am I?

I am down with my usual migraine attack (on its 5th day now), but this time accompanied by a high fever and eczema too. Whew! It’s kind of difficult to manage everything when every illness you have bolted in altogether. Though I took medicines yesterday, my husband (a nurse) and the doctor at the university infirmary advised me to take 3-5 days of bed rest for my follow-up check-up on Monday, and limit physical activity. While in bed, I thought about writing something.

Speaking of my husband, though, I appreciate him for his nonchalance. That is one thing I wanted to learn from him – how to maintain a worry-free attitude despite the disarray or when things have gone awry. I am, on the other hand, the exact opposite – I worry about everything! 😀 But through time, I have learned to control my worries, and I’ll share how in the succeeding paragraphs.

Dealing With Life’s Atrocities

I know there came in your life wherein you have never felt good enough – as a spouse, as a child, as a parent, as a student, as an employee, as a friend, as a relative, and ultimately as a person.

As a Christian teacher, I have learned that it is even more important to speak life than to criticize students. We might never know; we are already crushing the dreams of a young spirit because of the negativity. Though trials produce resiliency, positive reinforcement is still best. The world is already complicated enough, mainly because we, humans, made it that way.

Every person is different. It’s the same as how every seed grows to be a different plant. Every plant has its own tender and loving care requirements. Yet all plants need sunshine; they all need light.

The Breaking And The Making

When I was a grade school student, I had my first taste of disappointment when I didn’t win as president of the student council, and I was reprimanded during the campaign period along with the rest of my running mates. The offense? We were late in Math class for just a few minutes, and we weren’t allowed to enter the classroom. I took it as my responsibility to take the blame, being the running President, and seeing your peers crying out of shame was enough to break your heart to pieces.

When I was in high school, I had another major disappointment when I only graduated as “special mention” in class after consistently being on the top 3 honors list from 1st year until 3rd year, but failed to meet the criteria for the extracurricular activities, which comprised a huge percentage of the final grades. One of my high school best friends suffered the same fate. We were advised by our parents to never receive the award during the graduation ceremony, though our names were called because they said that we do not deserve it, but we were present during said ceremony.

When I was in college, I wasn’t able to finish my thesis on time because the adviser from our concentration was on sabbatical leave. We were assigned instead to another adviser from another concentration. After submitting my first draft, I got it back only to see red marks written everywhere, and the one thing that was retained in me was this comment: “How did you reach this far if you don’t know how to make a research paper? This is not the work of a UP student!”

I thought, maybe I should also ask my former professors why they passed me in all my other subjects if I am undeserving to be in UP. 😀 Little did I know that there were several of us who got the same remarks. Yep, in our university, you’ll encounter all sorts of professors, but when it comes to critical feedback, I understood it all as part of doing their jobs as teachers.

Then I worked, a dream job it was. But disappointment once again came. The mission and vision of the workplace weren’t met because one of the figures of authority behaved otherwise. I was the recipient of that very unprofessional behavior, and many have seen it. It happened a couple of times, too. I stayed and chose to keep quiet. But after praying about it, I had to let the job go.

God’s Path Towards Salvation

So these were all hang-ups of the past, which I am sure most of us have experienced one way or the other. Others may have gone through even worse than all these, and if given the chance, they are very much entitled to unleash their grievances as much as they want. But unfortunately, as much as we would like to shake them off, they are already embedded in who we are.

All those years, I have struggled with the need to impress, to seriously meet expectations, to be perfect, to excel always, and to prove myself to people. I suffered from anger and resentment boiling in me, and the need to take revenge and retaliate was so strong. I blamed life for bringing me people who did nothing but criticize me for my weaknesses, and only that, and went beyond in criticizing who I am personally, without even the slightest hint of who I really am and what I can do. This resentment and anger included some issues in other areas of my life, too, which I will not share due to their sensitivity. I really thought I was the unluckiest person alive back then.

For 27 years, I have battled with insecurity, the by-product of low self-esteem, poor self-image, and self-worth – the mentality that “I am never good enough.” Failures, wrong decisions, and disappointments became the stronghold that corrupted my entire being until it led me to a major depression – the breaking point, as they say.

Depression robs you of the beauty of life. It makes life look bleak, bland, and distorted. It affects your every decision, and it just kills life itself. Before I was born again in 2013, I committed suicide twice – both were failed attempts.

No, I do not easily give up. I did arrive at that breaking point on the verge of quitting everything, but I still fought hard against it.

I had two options: let the darkness corrupt me and become those people who plagued others or themselves with it OR choose to search for the light, the hope.

Knowing The Savior

The opportunity came for the latter – I was given HOPE.

The greatest moment of my life was when I was born again through my faith. Why? It’s because when I found out who I was in Christ, that was the greatest and the best thing that I have heard about myself for 27 years.

It was on that day when I surrendered myself to Christ that ALL chains got loose – I was set FREE.

The moment has already come for me to look at things from a very different perspective – a total paradigm shift. It wasn’t everything I hoped for, BUT it’s exactly what I NEEDED which no one else could give me except God.

This HOPE taught me even more than what I have learned in the academe or even from life itself. It taught me how to patiently wait for the right opportunities and how to patiently endure every setback. It taught me that there is a time for everything. It taught me to decline job offers and business opportunities that could’ve made me rich in wealth and possessions. It taught me to pass up on chances of earning titles that would’ve given me some sort of self-entitlement and self-fulfillment. It taught me to weigh options, sacrifice if I must. All of these, if they will, in the end, forfeit my soul.

It taught me to choose God’s will over mine. It taught me to rely on God’s plans rather than rely on my own understanding of the circumstances around me. It taught me to relinquish control and allow God to take over. It taught me that GRACE is a gift freely given, even if undeserving. It taught me how to love others even when they do not deserve it. It taught me to find joy, peace, and contentment even when darkness, chaos, and bitterness are all around. It taught me how to let go of the past and forgive.

It taught me what true humility is all about. It taught me to be grateful always. It taught me that simplicity matters most in life. It taught me to look outwardly and consider what others are going through as well. It taught me that if there is a void that the atrocities of life have caused in me, either by wrong choices or by fate, no one and nothing else can fill it up except God.

I found this hope in Christ alone, and I find strength in the Word every day, which is my guide in this life – not any textbook, novel, or company brochure.

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” – Hebrews 11:1

Faith Anchored To Our Souls

Faith did not make my life free from criticism, condemnation, trials, and suffering. Yet it gave me a way to view life beyond that – salvation in eternity.

I still find myself in situations I have stated in the first part of this article. But this time, I have learned to see these instances from a different standpoint. I have learned to understand first where some people are coming from and why they are that way. I have learned to understand that maybe they are still in the darkness, too, driven perhaps by the need to compete, to be the best, and to meet expectations, dealing with their own insecurities and personal struggles, too. Or they have this false motive to instill in those who are next in line exactly what they went through, because in this “dog-eat-dog” world, repaying evil with evil is normal. Only God knows everything. What I observed, though, is that when people prick each other to bleed, it’s better to choose to be the rose among the thorns – the salt and light. 🙂

There are times the past comes all rushing back; it haunts. Another disappointment will ruffle your feathers. The need to lash out and punish calls. But I choose LIFE. I will speak LIFE.

Because Christ has given me LIFE. He, alone, gave me LIGHT. It is my duty as His follower to use that light so others can walk in and with Him, too, despite the darkness around them.

Ah, yes. Them.

One day, they will be brought out in the light, too. They will break standards, cultural traditions, and not conform to this world wherever they may be and whatever they may be doing. They will choose to fight for faith and spread light when hope seems dim. That was the reason I was smiling because I was praying for them silently, and I am claiming it all in the Mighty Name of Jesus, who made it possible for me, too. 🙂

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

P.S.

It’s been 3 years now since I got saved, and when things don’t go the way I’ve expected them to be, I have this bookmark to remind me of who I am. I thank the sister in Christ who gave this when she facilitated a talk during my baptism of the Holy Spirit. I have carried it with me since then. The last verse listed is my life verse. 🙂


What matters is who I am in Christ. 🙂

Oh, and yes, one new thing I have learned too from our couples’ bible study Vgroup 2 Sundays ago (thanks Tito Tony and Tita Len for the wisdom) – the boiling water concept. If you put eggs in boiling water, they become hard. But if you put the potato in it, it becomes soft. I choose to be a potato – a couch potato. Kidding. *wink*

Seriously, it only means that when life and circumstances knock you down, don’t bear any grudge and don’t be hard on yourself and on others. Instead, let it soften you, let it refine you, and let it make you better. Be a better potato, I mean, a better man/woman. 😉

Last but not least, reach out to God, and then God will send His people (spiritual family) to help usher you out of the ordeal. I am praying for your struggles, too, my dear reader and brother/sister in Christ. If you also need to share a tough ordeal and are in need of a prayer intercession, you may always pop me an email. ❤

The Tugging

Hands tugging at a rope

(photo credit to owner)

Yes, this is an article related to the article before this: https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2016/04/25/the-judgement-at-christs-coming/.

I was on with my routine of reading my daily devotion when a particular reference verse struck a chord in me – “a tugging.”  It wasn’t new to me since these “tuggings” that I call started when I got saved 3 years back.

This particular reference verse made me stare at it for a while but blankly at first. Yet it made its strike because for the days that followed, there it was, still stuck in the recesses of my brain. Until came the day to give in to the urge of reading the devotion again. It happens that the reference verse is not really a verse alone, but verses – 2 Thessalonians 1:5-12.

I read it, the entire chapter actually. Then there was another tugging, another strike – this message is just too powerful for me, I have to SHARE it.

I decided to share it and yet while composing, I had another “tugging”  – share them as it is, do not include anything and write the title as it was written in the bible. Then I searched Google for the right image, felt the “tugging”  with a particular one, composed the post and when I looked at the overall product everything was perfect so there went the share.

And yet the “tugging”  never ended there. For this article was composed exactly the night I posted the verses and yet the “tugging”  came which was posting this a little later, probably a couple of days, I really can’t tell except that I’ll also feel the “tugging”  by then. So here it is.

Another “tugging”  crossed my heart with the verses. Paul was one of the disciples who sent those greetings. And as we all know, he was imprisoned and yet continued to preach the gospel even behind bars.

Kind of like my situation now. A sickness every now and then is, for me, like a prison. It impedes, it restricts. It limits me from attending church physically, have fellowship and spread the Good News. And like Paul, here I am too, writing “letters”  to spread the Good News even from “behind bars.”  We all know that the frailty of our bodies and eventually physical death is the power of sin in this world.

Back to “letters,”  I am not even sure if these are read and yet if they are, I hope they will find my readers well. But unlike Paul, I need not for messengers. My generation and modern technology made possible for these “letters”  to be delivered via WordPress through this blog which you are reading now. 🙂

I used to ask God why He keeps me awake at the middle of the night until the wee hours of the morning with these thoughts. Until I heard my husband’s snoring and gritting that I realized, ahhhh yes Lord, Your instructions become clearer and more audible when everything is QUIET. Except for my husband’s gritting that is. lol Which, by the way, I have somehow learned to love after 8 months now of being married to him. Yes, living beside a busy street makes you appreciate your husband’s gritting when it is the ONLY sound you hear.

I do not encourage you to be a late sleeper like me though just to find peace and quietude because my schedule now allows that I can rise late in the morning as well which means I still get to complete at least 8 hours of sleep every day. Still on my routine and strict discipline to a healthier lifestyle. Maybe what you need is a “War Room” – my next article after this, so stay tuned. 🙂

Alas, I need to bid thee farewell my beloved readers for the night is no longer young and the “tugging” is now there to finally take my deep slumber. *yawn*

Good mornight, everyone!

P.S.

When you feel the “tugging”  deep down in your heart too, I advise don’t play tug-of-war. Just let yourself be “tugged”  where you feel the most power especially if it has something to do with the Scripture. Most likely this is the Spirit giving you special instructions to act on.

And ALWAYS, never start and end your day and your reading of the bible without a PRAYER. The prayer realigns your thoughts even the most clouded ones so you’ll be more in tune with the Spirit when you read the Scripture. The prayer will protect you, it’ll be your shield from anything or anyone that will and will try to disrupt your moment of silent solitude.

And I thought this was a post script and yet it is still in two paragraphs. LOL

Okay now, good mornight! Seriously. 😀

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” – 2 Corinthians 3:17

Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines’ Bible Conference 2015

Bible Conference 2015

Bible Conference 2015

Because the Our Daily Bread booklet was the first devotional in faith that I happen to browse through out of curiosity as a kid when I saw it lying in my grandma’s desk and I happen to receive an email today regarding it, I thought it would be best to give back to the ministry which contributed so much in strengthening my grandma’s faith and now mine by sharing this event sponsored by the Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines with speaker Rev. Bill Crowder.

Do check out the details for the Bible Conference 2015 event:


“Constant and rapid change is a cultural hallmark of this postmodern age in which we live. Living in a secular culture tests our convictions and standard of life. How do we live a life pleasing to God when facing cultural pressures? The Old Testament character Daniel provides an example of a lifestyle that honors our God through trying circumstances and uncertain times. It is our joy to announce that Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines will host a Bible Conference that will examine the life of Daniel and discover how he lived for God in the midst of life’s pressures.” – David Harvey, Country Director, Philippines

Date: October 20 & 21, 2015 Time: 6:30 to 9:00 PM
Venue: Greenhills Christian Fellowship (GCF)
(Corner of Ruby and Garnet Roads, Ortigas Center, Pasig City)

Theme: DANIEL—Living For God In Your Culture
Session 1: The Pressure to Conform
Session 2: The Pressure to Perform
Session 3: The Power to Confront
Session 4: The Pressure to Pray

Admission is without charge; so don’t come alone!
Invite your family and friends. Please come early since seating is limited.

Free copies of Rev. Bill Crowder’s booklet from the Discovery Series entitled Daniel: Spiritual Living In A Secular Culture will also be given away. 


Hope to see you there my brothers and sisters in Christ! 🙂

In Season: What Is An Altar Call

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Apple Mangoes

In season. Tropical fruits are all in season ready for harvest during the month of May. As a month-ender, I decided to write this article for they reminded me of only one thing: the altar call. What is an altar call? Contrary to popular belief, it is not just reserved for pastors or priests. Oftentimes it is referred in the most common term which is “a calling.”

As I was reading my devotion, came the idea that not all are called to do certain missions based on our spiritual gifts but all were called to bring God glory by sharing the Gospel. Sharing the Gospel always follows after a public declaration of your acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Savior and a commitment to obey the Word. Sharing your testimony, so to speak.

For it was written:

2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

This happens after being born again through the water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. But this only follows after the altar call. I do not really consider myself as part of any religious organization or fellowship but just to give honor to the spiritual family who made my salvation possible, I’d be discussing my own experience how I got saved in our church. I have already shared in my previous articles how I got saved but not in particular the first step I did towards that salvation.

Speaking from my own experience, one reason why an unbeliever goes to church is because you are seeking for answers. Probably you are in a very low situation in your life and problems simply just took its toll and gained full control of your life – a state of chaos and confusion. Emotionally you are hopeless, helpless, depressed and in a lot of pain. That was what I am before the altar call.

The altar call is yes, a calling. It is that time during church service and everyone is worshipping that you will feel the tugging in your heart of the Spirit. It is something that is unexplainable for it can only be felt. During the worship while everyone was singing, I had this strong urge to let all my sorrows out and pass on the burden to someone. Later did I realize that that someone was the Spirit who lifted them for me, made me walk towards the altar when asked who wanted to surrender their life to Christ, crying my heart out and feeling every single word in the worship song that we were singing at that time along with fellow believers.

The worship song that we were singing was Unending Love and it was the right song at the right moment. A swarm of fellow believers followed suit and only a few remained in their tables. We were all there crying and it was not because we were all emotionally unstable but because the Spirit led us there and all of us were feeling burdened at that time and at the point of losing all hope – a state of sincere repentance and absolute surrender. We were blessed at that moment right in front of the altar and the church leaders prayed for us.

Bit by bit, the load begun to get lighter and lighter until almost after the praying was done, I felt as if my heart was already whole, complete, light and burden-free – complete freedom, a renewed self. I was having my One to One Discipleship with my bible study group leader at that time which is a more focused approach in preparing you for your water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. The last two will culminate your salvation and your transformation. It is more like counseling and therapy. Except that you are discussing everything spiritually and the transformation comes from the person’s own free will to change guided by the Spirit’s leading.

Salvation is always an act of surrender. Repentance is the key followed by acceptance of a Savior in your life. No one else can lift your burden for you; otherwise, you wouldn’t be in church in the first place if you have found the solution to your problems and the answers to your questions someplace else. But then, God will not give you right away the answers you have been needing nor the solution to your problems but He will give you PEACE.

It is only through peace that you will be able to hear His instructions well which contain the answers you are looking for and the solution to your problems. Sometimes it comes through trust, patience, discipline and a whole lot of values and character traits that He wanted us to acquire first. One thing that an altar call makes possible is opening a door to establishing a firm and personal relationship with our God, the Father, through His Son Jesus Christ. Achieving peace during the altar call though you felt you have been burdened to death will give you the peace in every burden that you will carry in the future.

Because you now know that there is a God who hears, who loves and who saves. With Him, nothing is impossible. That is the assurance that an altar call, that God and what Jesus did for us on the Cross represent – HOPE.

And only when you are in season will you know the real essence of an altar call. For it is only then that the Lord will call you to make a lasting commitment with Him by accepting the gift of salvation – this is a personal encounter with the Lord.

The right time will come to make the harvest – when it is in season, ripe and ready to be caught when it falls. 🙂

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Tropical Fruits

In Limbo

I have been warned. I was educated. I was trained.

Yet I found myself in an unfavorable situation that could have erupted from the missed warnings. Or it was meant to be.

I question. Would love to question. Yet I can only accept. But do what I have now meant to be mine in the first place? Or again, it was the outcome of my deaf ears and a stubborn heart?

I have been hearing it. I have been seeing it. I have been feeling it. Everywhere I go. The signs are there. I know people have been praying for me, they wanted to protect me.

Protect me from what?

From falling into that state of oblivion, of being in limbo – the battle between good and evil.

Devoted but unequally yoked – this, I know, could be my sweetest downfall. Those who have met me may have prophesied it already. They are the ones who keep me on the right track. They will pray until I will be brought out of the pit. They pray for a sacrifice of letting go.

And yet there are those who pray that I stay. For God never gives us more than what we can handle. They believe it is yet a period in my spiritual journey where God is in the process of changing me so He could complete me. They pray for endurance, love and courage that I may overcome it.

A crossroad is never a good spot to be in. It is prone to collisions. It sets you in a state of confusion. It either gives life or death. Just like being in limbo.

In faith, a wrong decision could lead to spiritual death or it leads to the dawn of a new you. But one thing’s for sure, it will change you.

For this season, I am basically learning a lot about love and relationships in general. I get to apply what I learned and it is only now that I can say that our spiritual journey indeed never starts and ends in reading the bible, going to church and having fellowship with your sisters in Christ.

In this season, God is teaching me how to love the most unlovable; to understand and to have self – control when you wanted to have your way; to be calm when all you wanted was to flare up; to forgive always though you have been hurt countless of times; to ask for forgiveness because you have sinned again and was tested to the limit; to force yourself to trust despite of the dark past; to believe though your mind tells you otherwise; to be patient when all you wanted was to leave; to accept things when all you wanted was to change them; to sacrifice and give without expecting anything in return.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Matthew 5: 1-8 NIV

Yes, what we all need in this world is love. A love like how our God loved us.

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love -and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT

It was through my devotion that the Spirit convicts me every time I am on the verge of quitting and setting aside things once and for all. I wanted to go back to who I was – not distracted in serving the Lord. And yet, it is also the Spirit who would pacify me that I am where I am supposed to be. I needed to get through this in order to continue on in my spiritual journey. God placed them all in my hands not to see me fail but to see me triumph over them. I remembered my brother advising me that what I should focus on is not the tip of the iceberg but what’s at the bottom which is bigger than what I am seeing for now. He would always tell me to look at the bigger picture, do not focus on the problem but focus more on the goal, the mission which is honoring God.

Obedience by action is by far the hardest. Easier said than done as the saying goes. But it is how God wanted us to be sanctified each and every single day – forming a deeper relationship by becoming more and more like Him every single day in our thoughts, our words and our actions.

To be Christ-like is to slowly die to your old self every single day which means carrying your own “cross” and lift it until time comes that is finished, the mission is accomplished and you are completely changed.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

– PAULO COEHLO, The Devil and Miss Prym

God is telling me to obey and trust Him while waiting for His plans to unfold in His perfect time though at times I may fail. And this is what keeps me for now:

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalms 73:26 NLT