Category Archives: Inspirational

All about success stories, overcoming difficulties and inspiring others.

When Feelings Are Valid But Unreliable

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Today is Sunday, but I watched last Sunday’s online service. Divergents will always be nonconformists, I guess. 😉

I was able to watch Pastor Patrick’s preaching entitled “How Do We Respond to Difficult Situations,” and the message just came in timely. The preaching made me ask myself: “Am I making the right responses?”

In light of the recent events, I thought about my response when my husband told me he’s leaving. Have I made the right decision to let my husband go back to Manila without me? The answer was crystal clear. It could be that I am the one who’s hindering my husband on his walk with God because of my own fears. I’m afraid to lose him, and I’m afraid I will lose him completely.

But what if I have to lose him so God can do His work of “finding” my husband and “bringing” my husband back to Him first? So this is my one and only prayer now. That my husband may be saved, whether he comes back to me or not. Because that is what truly matters and that is our purpose here in this world – to help people go back to God.

Life in this world as a believer is all about allowing God to use us as an instrument so His people will be saved, and how far we are willing to trust God that He’s got everything under control. Even if it means experiencing pain for a moment. Even if it means losing people believing that God has their best interests in mind.

We all have to go through seasons because that’s what Ecclesiastes 13 also said, “there is a time for everything under the heavens.” There is a time to part ways, there is also a time to meet. There is a time for sadness, there is a time for joy, and so on and so forth.

It is through these seasons that God molds us in His image because He is the potter and we are the clay. We can’t become what we are supposed to be without God intervening. It’s just that we don’t want to hold out our hand when God reaches out.

Because humans are just too prideful. The preaching last Sunday captured what my heart is denying. It is time I let down my pride. It is time I lose control. It is time I accept what God wanted all along. It is about time I level up my faith and trust God once more – but bolder and braver.

So my heart’s settled. And I guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not basing my decisions on feelings, but by obeying what God wanted. Even if I was reluctant to obey. Well, at first.

I can see myself in Pastor Patrick’s stubborn (but cute) lil’ girl who obeyed, but is still hesitant. So yes, maybe I deserve a little bit of that rod, too. A heavenly rod (if it comes from God) maybe? 😀

How Will My 2024 Turn Out?

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I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.

“How will my 2024 turn out?” 

It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.

This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.

I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.

Separate Lives

No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.

Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.

This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.

My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.

To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.

The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.

The most memorable rainbow for me. ❤

The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:

“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13

“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15

Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.

He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.

All About Marriages

However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?

Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.

Because my husband is not all that. 🙂

I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.

Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.

I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.

A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.

I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.

This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.

So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.

Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.

“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15

So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂

I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.

Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.

Where Is Home?

Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.

These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6

“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.

I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.

My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.

I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.

So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀

This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).

Trusting God Always

I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.

I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.

Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.

One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️

It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.

Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.

Where God Leads, I Follow

About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.

But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”

It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉

To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.

Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.

I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28

Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm. I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.

And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏

See You In Heaven, Mommy Moo

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She would’ve turned 77 today, September 7, 2023. It’s been a week since my Mom passed away last August 27, 2023, just a day after I wrote the article before this. It was a peaceful death because she slipped away in her sleep. She’s finally in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.

It was painful for us, though. But then again, this is life. Death is inevitable. We will all face death one way or the other, sooner or later.

This is the first death in my family, and God has prepared us quite well for it. Though I must say it wasn’t a smooth and easy process. Because there is just no easy way to cope with grief, sadness, and loss.

God prepared our hearts in a way that we were able to face these emotions head-on without breaking apart. He gave us everything that we need, showed us the way we should go, and gave us wisdom on things that truly matter.

I am just grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mom, even though it was very difficult. We couldn’t get another regular Private Duty Nurse (PDN) though we already got one, all thanks to Tita Len. We needed 2 PDNs who will be taking turns watching over Mom every 12 hours. So I took the challenge to learn everything when it comes to providing care to Mom who’s bedridden and had several contraptions attached to her.

Thank You, Ma’am Leah

This is the part where I get to give special thanks to a nurse assistant at the hospital where Mom stayed. Ma’am Leah offered to be Mom’s PDN during the days when she’s able. She taught me a lot of things when it comes to patient care from changing diapers, sterilizing everything, positioning under pads, turning and bathing a bedridden patient, changing wound dressings, changing the NGT tube, and a whole lot more.

I also enjoyed talking to her, and Mom would “shush” us now and then for talking too loud (so sorry, Mom). And every time Ma’am Leah gets carried away by our convo, she would start talking in the vernacular and I just keep on smiling even though I can’t understand most of what she’s saying. lol

We’re both Bicolanas, but she’s from Bacon, Sorsogon. Their language is like Bikol Albay. I came from Bulan and our dialect is already a combination of Bikol Sorsogon and Bisaya or what we call “Bisakol.”

There was one time she said something like “badush” and I was like, “Was she trying to tell me that she’s gay?” Because “badush” is a colloquial term in Manila that means gay. Only to find out later that she meant “badus,” a Bikol Albay word that means “pregnant.” 😀

Second Bicol Home – Daraga, Albay

My Mom’s the only one in the family who’s very fluent in Bikol Albay since my maternal grandparents used to live there for a couple of years when they were young. My Mom also studied in Daraga, Albay during high school (United Institute, Inc.) and college (Bicol University).

My maternal grandparents used to have a house in Daraga, Albay but my grandma decided to give the house and lot to her best friend before relocating here in Bulan, Sorsogon. Yes, my grandma was one of the most generous people I know. Miss you, Mama.

I really would’ve wanted Mom to breathe her last here at home, but it was no longer an option for us. She needed lots of intensive care after going in and out of the ICU twice (1 week for each stay) during the entire 2 months she was at the hospital. She also had a “white coat syndrome,” and this is one of the reasons why she delayed her yearly medical checkup. Seeing her with 5 contraptions attached to her was also just too painful to bear.

Back To My Second Love, Volunteering

So, what to do now with all the intensive caregiving skills I’ve learned from Ma’am Leah? My Dad’s 83 years old already, but he’s still ambulatory. The next thing that popped into my head was my second love – volunteer work. I’ve been volunteering since my college days at UP Diliman as a relief operations volunteer, and then as a family support volunteer in our church. I also joined Minkah Ministries Inc. about 8 years ago because of the volunteering opportunities they offer.

While I was with the organization, I was privileged enough to do volunteer work for the street children and the elderly. I was looking forward to doing volunteer work for cancer patients at the UP PGH’s pediatric ward since it’s also part of Minka’s missionary work. Unfortunately, my schedule didn’t allow it since it fell on a weekday, and I have work.

Fast forward to now, I realized that God intended it to be. I really felt the “tugging” to do volunteer work for cancer patients 8 years ago, but I just didn’t have the opportunity or maybe it was just not the right time.

God gave me a glimpse this year of how caregiving to critically ill patients is done through my Mom. God knew I wasn’t equipped 8 years ago. Though I must say I still have a lot to learn now if I am going to be a regular volunteer for cancer patients here in Bicol.

This was how we communicated with Mom since she’s intubated. And I’m glad that she approved (Mom had high standards) of my caregiving skills all thanks to Ma’am Leah. Konting swabe pa daw. 👍👍😃

Next Faith Goal: Philippine Cancer Society Inc., Bicol Chapter

I did my research and tried searching for organizations that offer seminars and trainings on doing volunteer work for cancer patients. I did find the Philippine Cancer Society Inc., but unfortunately, they do not have a local chapter here in Legazpi City or Sorsogon City.

These are the cities closest to our hometown, and I don’t mind the long travel time as long as the schedule for volunteering falls on a weekend because I am oftentimes a 100% multitasker during the weekdays, I barely have time to breathe. Seriously serious.

But then again, what happened to Mom was a reminder to me and my siblings to pause when the body says it needs rest. I did mention in my previous articles that cancer genes are dominant on my Mom’s side. Only time will tell who among me and my siblings carry the “dreaded” genes.

Agritourism Project As A Retreat Place

This is one of the reasons why I’ve been experimenting with several farm-to-table projects at home that we can incorporate later on into our farm (I’ll share more about this in another article).

I want to make sure I am eating healthy, and the best way to do that is to grow my food. My siblings and I also have plans to pursue an agritourism project, and one of its objectives is to support the local food movement.

This is very timely given our current dilemma on inflation and the increasing prices of basic commodities including vegetables, rice, and meat products. Another objective of our farm project is to become a retreat place for holistic wellness.

Building A Hospice Facility

Then an idea popped into my mind. Since part of our mission and vision for the farm is to be a retreat place, why not include a hospice facility in it? This is what I would’ve wanted for Mom and I know, too, that this is what Mom would’ve wanted knowing how much she enjoyed gardening and being surrounded by nature. It’s not a coincidence that she’s named Eden. 🙂

We lacked the knowledge, training, and manpower to provide Mom what she needed most during her final moments. We weren’t beside her when she passed away, and she was in a hospital room surrounded by strangers, all of whom she barely knew.

We weren’t able to give Mom the ideal final moments I was praying for. But I know God doesn’t want it to end here. I want to make up for these “lost moments” with Mom by helping other families who are going through what we went through.

And the hospice care can be the answer to this. My initial plan is to come up with a 5-bedroom-capacity hospice facility situated inside our farm. We are targeting a farm resort concept, so this will be an ideal setup for terminally ill patients. The rooms must also be big enough for loved ones to stay over and be with the patient until his/her last moments.

Praying for the Completion of Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center

Who knows, the Philippine Cancer Society (Sorsogon Chapter) might also be founded alongside the hospice facility if God wills it. 😉 I am also very much looking forward to the Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center that is currently being constructed in Sorsogon City.

I am just grateful for all of these endless opportunities that God has opened because of what happened to Mom. Because these are exactly the opportunities that my siblings and I will be needing in the future.

May God’s Will Be Done Always

These are all huge undertakings (if my Dad and siblings approve), and if Mom’s still alive and I told her about these plans, she’s probably going to tell me that I have very grand and ambitious plans.

To which I would’ve most likely replied with one of my favorite quotations by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will.”

And I’ll also include my life verse which is “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).” These are all my plans, and yet again “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).”

If these plans are all God’s plans as well, then I still have how many decades to make them happen. They can happen in our farm or somewhere else, only God knows. 🙂

We weren’t able to give Mom what she wanted, but God intended it for the greater good of more families and not just one. May God give me the wisdom, the right people, and the provisions to be able to pursue all of these endeavors in honor of my Mom.

I thought it best to share everything here in my blog so her memory lives on just in case I suffer from memory loss in the future. lol I can only pray though that the IoT (Internet of Things) is here to stay, but either way, she will always be within us.

Happy Birthday, Mom

We miss you terribly, Mommy Moo. Thank you for all the love, and you will always be in our hearts. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy! ❤

P.S. In case you’re wondering, “Mommy Moo (pronounced with a British accent)” is my term of endearment to my Mom. I replaced “Maggie” with “Mommy” in the Netflix movie “The Princess Switch.” 🙂

Juxtaposed – A Bargain I Never Asked For

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I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.

Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂

So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).

And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.

I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤

My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.

So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?

I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.

In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.

I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.

I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.

God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.

And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.

No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.

It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?

My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.

I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.

My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?

“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/

This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.

The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.

So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀

I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.

It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.

A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.

And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.

My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.

I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.

In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26

P.S.

We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).

And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤

WE Rice & Agri: My Vision of a Social Enterprise

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Hello, my dearest readers! After a year of hibernation and very busy months, I’m finally posting here on my WordPress blog. This is not a regular blog post, however, as it’s actually one of our requirements in the Social Entrepreneurship online class I’m currently enrolled in at the University of the Philippines Open University. By reading my concept paper, I hope you will be encouraged to take the online course as well and be part of the catalysts for social change.

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My Vision of a Social Enterprise: WE Rice & Agri

by: Christine Lailani Ginete-Rome, LPT

BACKGROUND & RATIONALE

The social enterprise that my family and I have envisioned to organize one day, God willing, will be called “WE Rice & Agri.” It is derived from the statement, “We rise and agree.” When I was choosing the name for our social enterprise, I thought about what will highlight the main agricultural produce of our family’s agribusiness (rice) in the Bicol region with a subtle note on women empowerment. WE Rice & Agri stands for “Women Empowerment thru Rice and other Agricultural products.” 

Why use women’s empowerment for this social enterprise? When the pandemic started in 2020, researchers have identified an alarming increase in the statistics of domestic abuse and violence on women and children. According to an article by Business Mirror,

[In the report titled, “Covid-19 and Violence against Women: The Evidence Behind the Talk,” UN Women partnered with the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) and analytics company Quilt.AI and determined that these online searches surged 63 percent in the Philippines. These online searchers included specific references to “men hitting women,” “spouse abuse,” “boyfriend hit me,” and “controlling men” or “controlling husband.”

There are several studies that can confirm that women in abusive relationships oftentimes do not seek protection or report the incidences of abuse because of several factors. One of them is economic security especially in the case of couples who already have children. 

According to an article by the National Network To End Domestic Violence,

“Financial abuse is often cited by victims of abuse as the main reason that they stayed with or returned to an abusive partner…Research indicated that financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases. Surveys of survivors reflect that concerns over their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children were one of the top reasons for staying in or returning to an abusive partner. As with all forms of abuse, financial abuse occurs across all socio-economic, educational, and racial and ethnic groups.”

VALUE PROPOSITION

WE Rice & Agri hopes to empower women in the Bicol region to rise up against domestic violence and abuse, provide economic security through livelihood opportunities, and assist in their recovery from the trauma through spiritual mentoring and counseling. The business initiative can also extend to widows and female senior citizens who are still capable of performing light tasks.

The organization seeks to partner with the DSWD and/or international agencies that are advocates of women’s and children’s rights. To aid in the empowerment, counseling, and therapy sessions guided by Biblical principles that will be held once a week, the organization will reach out to churches for volunteers who will be working under the Women’s Outreach Ministry of the organization. 

Our agribusiness currently employs around 20-30 farmworkers, but they are comprised of men and mostly the heads of the families. Through our social enterprise, we also hope to provide an alternative source of income to full-time house moms by allowing them to work in the company as part-time workers. We are looking into setting up a daycare center where our women workers can leave their young children while working inside our farm. 

DESCRIPTION OF PRODUCTS OR SERVICES 

Our family’s agribusiness is a micro-enterprise but we plan to expand our business operations in the future focusing on Climate-Smart Agriculture (CSA) in support of the climate change mitigation efforts being conducted worldwide. We are into copra-making and rice farming for how many generations already starting from my great grandparents, which can be dated back to pre-World War II. Fast forward to 2021, we are now transitioning to innovative approaches in sustainable farming. Our 6.5-hectare farmland is located in Bulan, Sorsogon, wherein 1 hectare is allotted for rice farming and a small portion is used to grow coconut trees for copra. 

We are also currently cultivating other rice fields with lot sizes ranging between .8 to 1 hectare located in different areas of the town. Another idle property is located in the town proper, which measures 264 square meters. We are still in the business planning stage on how to utilize it and one of our options is to set up a small store where we will be displaying all the agricultural products for sale. This will help us minimize our operating costs since we no longer need to rent a stall at the public market. The property is also located just a few blocks away from the commercial hub of our town.

There are some portions in one of our properties where we grow bamboos and cacaos but they were only used for personal consumption. We are planning to add organic vegetables and corn to the agricultural products that we would like to sell to the market. The following is the complete list of crops that we have and would like to grow in the future and the possible processed products that will be prepared by our women workers.

  1. Rice – rice-based pastries or kakanin, rice wine, rice noodles, etc. 
  2. Coconuts – vinegar, tuba, walis tingting, buko juice, coconut husks for gardening compost, uling, etc. 
  3. Bamboo – weaved baskets, bags, mats, hats, other home decors
  4. Cacao – tablea, other chocolate-based products
  5. Organic Vegetables – lettuce and other high-value crops through hydroponics/greenhouse farming/mushroom farming
  6. Corn – sold as raw and/or processed via mini food carts (popped corn, steamed corn, cheese corn, etc.); prepare the husks that can be utilized for industrial purposes i.e. fiber, cattle feeds, etc. 

BENEFITS TO STAKEHOLDERS

Gender inequality is included in the 17 Sustainable Development Goals of the United Nations. Stakeholders will not only be supporting a local cause but should the project becomes a success, it will add up to the communities all around the world that address and eliminate gender inequality. The percentage of locally expanding the network for this type of social enterprise is also high since there is only a small number of social enterprises operating using this business model in our region. We hope to encourage more local business owners to follow suit and also become catalysts for social change. 

We are also exploring other viable projects for our 6.5-hectare farmland such as developing a portion of it as a sustainable agritourism site. This will provide other means of income and will also serve as a buffer during the typhoon and drought seasons wherein it will be difficult to grow some of the crops needed for the production of the agricultural products listed above. By diversifying our project portfolio, we hope to achieve sustainability in our social enterprise so our women workers will have a consistent income stream. 

Consumers will benefit from more affordable prices as raw materials don’t need to be outsourced since our farm will be supplying them. For local buyers, they will now have a wider range of agricultural products to choose from in the market that can be purchased without spending on costly shipping fees.

We are targeting to cater to nearby communities and cities in the region by considering options such as contract farming and as a model farm through the Department of Agriculture’s Agribusiness and Marketing Assistance and by exploring other marketing channels provided by private organizations. The local community will also benefit from environment-friendly farming practices such as agroforestry that will enable the preservation and conservation of local biodiversity and ecosystems.

WE Rice & Agri will act as our company’s forerunner in enriching the lives of the local community in a holistic sense starting from the “ilaw ng mga tahanan” – the beloved mothers.

Photo by Christine Lailani Ginete-Rome (Bulan, Sorsogon): Some of the women farmworkers would gather excess palay grains in our rice fields during threshing. They no longer do this now since we’re already using a harvester.
“Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.” - Proverbs 16:3

Padayon by God’s grace,

tin ginete rome

The Journeyman’s Moments’ Grace-Filled 8 Years: A Sweet Anniversary

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Nothing is sweeter than logging in on your blog and finding this among your notifications. Indeed,

“This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24

It’s such a great blessing to know so many wonderful people and read their amazing stories through this blog. It was God who made all these things possible so all glory belongs to Him always.

The journey continues, my dear friends, sisters, and brothers in Christ, and I am looking forward to more grace-filled blogging years through the WordPress community. ❤️

Always a journeyman who’s out on a spiritual adventure to complete the task set by the Master,

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Bearer Of Good News: Why Do Doves Signify Peace?

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Ever wondered why doves were chosen to symbolize peace and hope? It’s one of the questions that sparked my curiosity ever since I was a kid. Thank God for technology and Google, all of the answers are on the internet (credible ones).

A Winged Visitor?

Yesterday (Sunday), I found this feather on our condo’s terrace. I thought an angel visited us. When I looked up, I saw several doves hovering and some were perched on the ledges of the other building. Oh, and by the way, I found some bird poop, too, along with the feather.

So yes, there was no angel, but only birds who visited our terrace either as a friend who brings “good news” or as a foe who destroys my plants. The latter, I would still have to find out. 😀

Was It Really Just A Bird?

This incident brought me back to my curiosity about doves as symbols of peace. The logo of our Protestant church in my home province also bears the figure of a dove with a branch on its beak.

I did my research, and here’s what I found out. There are several passages that mentioned the dove in the Bible. For one, it symbolizes the end of a long wait after the flood in the story of Noah’s ark.

The dove also represents the Holy Spirit as mentioned in the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. When John baptized Jesus, the Holy Spirit came down in the form of a dove.

[and the Holy Spirit descended on Him in a bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are My beloved Son; in You I am well pleased.”] – Matthew 3:16

You may find more cross-references in the Bible through this link by Bible Hub: https://biblehub.com/matthew/3-16.htm.

Why The Visit?

We are all having financial challenges right now. There are also looming threats of acquiring COVID-19 since my husband is also a front liner although not in a COVID-19 facility. There are also issues in our community that we are currently dealing with. Our country also has so many political and social conflicts.

I guess I might have silently prayed to God to give me the courage, the strength, the wisdom, and the peace to withstand all of these trials and the trials to come.

What Are The Trials In The Future?

What are these possible dangers? There is the possibility of another Martial Law being declared in the Philippines as more people oppose the Anti-Terrorism Bill. Some of them have already been arrested.

The economic recession is just starting, and some businesses might not even be able to recover from it. There are so many unemployed Filipinos, and the number will continue to rise in the following months.

Positive cases of COVID-19 also increase each day. There were many discrepancies in the data provided, and there’s no way to find out what info is reliable and what is not.

Across the globe, US-China tension is continuing to build up, and others assume that World War III is not impossible. All the looting and violence in America caused by racism have reopened a wound that’s supposed to be a scar already.

A Prayer For All

We don’t have answers why they are all happening, and yet all I know is that they will never go away and we all just have to get through them. I think all of us, at one time during this year, have shed tears praying for deliverance from all that is happening around us.

We all have groaned. I sometimes ask God how long will His people have to endure this suffering. Is this the “fasting, weeping, and mourning” He is talking about as we give our hearts to Him?

That is why the LORD says, “Turn to me now, while there is time. Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.” – Joel 2:12

And I was reminded of my late maternal grandmother who passed away last year. She’s the first woman I know who’s a devout Christian and a Bible woman. Tears would always accompany her prayers every time she prays during family gatherings or even during the Sunday service as a church elder.

Every time my grandma prays this way, my cousins and I would glance at each other with that question mark look on our faces. It was only when I was born again and a bit older that I found out the reason behind her tears.

God Listens To Heartfelt Prayers

As a survivor of World War II, both my grandparents in my mother and father’s side went through extreme trauma losing not just possessions, livelihoods, and homes, but also loved ones. My grandma’s two brothers were drafted to serve the military during the Japanese occupation. We don’t know what happened to them after the war. My paternal grandma also lost a child (my Dad’s sister) during the war.

Meanwhile, my parents’ generation experienced the unfolding of Martial Law under the Marcos regime. Both generations of my parents and grandparents witnessed the horrors of crime, violence, death, fear, hunger, and loss at their peak.

Thus, it was with tears that my grandma prayed for her kids, grandkids, and the coming generations that may we all be guided and protected by the Lord. Because after how many decades, it is now our turn to experience them again. Only this time, the enemy has sent some of his most powerful warfares.

If my grandma’s still alive, I know these will be the Bible verses that she would share to us as part of her heartfelt prayers:

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.

But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you.

All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

– 2 Corinthians 4:8‭-‬18

You Promised, Lord

And because God always keeps His promises, He will always find ways to remind us to hold on to what He has already given to us – salvation. The present is in chaos, the future may be dim, and yet the light of God’s offering of peace and life in eternity remains.

I’ve mentioned several times here in my blog how Paulo Coehlo’s planner (my brother and sister-in-law’s consistent birthday gift every year) has played a huge part in delivering God’s messages. I know it is not a coincidence that the quote for this week is this:

And accompanied by the dove’s feather, all I can say is that God is really everywhere. You just have to be in tune with the Spirit to know when He comes.

Feeling God’s presence everywhere,

Container Gardening 101: A Drive Towards Local Food Movement

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It’s just funny how a tiny sign of life no matter how minute it is can be enough to give you the hope that you need. Much like humanity these days. Every single sign of life, we get to appreciate more and more with each passing day.

These are the roots of the mustard greens I planted. I didn’t do my research on how to propagate mustard greens so I ended up cutting the entire plant and leaving just a one-inch stub above the roots. When I searched the net, all the propagation info I found suggested cutting all the leaves but leaving the center as is since it’s a rosette.

I was close to giving this plant up after not seeing any progress for 5 days. But hubby told me to give it a couple more days. The next day, new leaves came out. Yay! Indeed, it is one resilient plant, and yet I am still praying God will let them grow well.

This is my first time to grow this plant along with other vegetables i. e. tomatoes, spinach, garlic, and green onions. So we’ll see in the next couple of days if my own style of “cut-and-come” method is successful. I almost killed it. 😂

We also have other challenges in growing these vegetables such as minimal sun exposure and very strong winds during the day. I guess in this case, I’ll just ask the Great Gardener, Himself, to watch over them for me. 🙏❤️😊

Tending God’s garden in my own little way,

#sustainableagriculture #localfoodmovement

Imagine God’s Paradise Where Food Is Unlimited, But We Never Gain Weight

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I’m sure most of us will agree one way or the other that this lockdown and being at home have somehow placed our attention on food. Before the quarantine was implemented, most of us had very busy lives we just never had the time to appreciate good homecooked meals.

Yes, we all got used to “instant” everything because it was convenient given our busy schedules. Now, I believe every household smelled of the aroma of garlic and onions being sauteed and freshly baked goodies. We just have no choice if we don’t want to eat canned goods every day. 😀

Best Meal I’ve Ever Had

The movie “The Shack” resonated deeply with me and gave me hope in these moments of crisis and uncertainty. There’s this one scene where God played the role of a woman named Papa (Octavia Spencer) who lives in a very lovely shack (my dream home) in the woods surrounded by a beautiful garden. It’s basically the type that we’re all craving for here in this world.

It’s this kind of paradise that offers a perfect ambiance of peace and quiet, and yes, that part where she (God) whips up the most delicious meals ever. I believe God is showing us right now a glimpse of what heaven will be like after we overcome the trials and sufferings of this world.

What It Means To Be Truly Living

It portrays the ideal moment of living life without so many distractions, and yet we all know isn’t just possible to attain in this world (yet). What if God allowed this pandemic to happen so we can have a taste of what it really means to be truly living?

Besides, this world wasn’t made to last. And yet we can all look forward to an everlasting home that serves good food (literally and figuratively) all the time that not only nourishes our body, but also our souls.

Home With God

Ah yes, I can’t wait to be in that home and cook/bake like God. Well maybe not as good as Him, but just try to get to know who God really is aside from what we may believe of Him now.

Since that home is still part of what we’re looking forward to now, here are some of the homecooked meals I prepared for my husband and I the past couple of weeks. I know this lockdown meant appreciating homecooked meals. However, there also lingers the fact that we can all gain that unwanted pounds (uh-oh, here comes the bad part).

It’s a good thing I’m married to a man who’s used to hitting the gym consistently before this lockdown began. So, he gets to motivate me in a way when I see him do some crunches here at home. 😉

Ah, yes, Lord. I just can’t wait to live in Your very extraordinary home. How I longed for nothing else except that every single day. It will come soon, but for now, I’ll try to cook as well as I can possibly be and make other people happy. 😀

And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.” – Luke 23:43

“Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what He is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious, I will give fruit from the tree of life in the paradise of God.” – Revelation 2:7

Dreaming of being in God’s home soon,

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P.S. I’m just grateful to God for providing for all of our needs in His usual unexpected ways and to my husband who helps not only in the kitchen, but in cooking as well. So far, I must say that he has the potential to become an outstanding chef. *wink*

P.S. 2 I am praying for our brothers and sisters in Christ who lack food and other necessities. May God provide for them, too, in the same way that He has provided for me and my family. 🙏

Love In The Time Of COVID-19: A Wife’s Tale

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I initially thought about writing this article as a parody, but given the intensity of the pandemic’s impact on our emotional and psychological well-being, I decided to share my experiences as a wife during the community quarantine instead.

A lot of people have been sharing the positive outcome of this lockdown. They said it gave Mother Nature the time to heal. Some said it also gave opportunities for sharing, helping, and praying for others. Another benefit is we now have more time to strengthen family ties.

Learning All About The Complexity Of The Human Behavior

This last one is good, but I know some of you will agree it’s not as easy as it sounds. We all know that one of the complex concepts in this world is the human relationship. We were all created uniquely with varying personalities and characteristics.

Combine a group of different people in one room and one way or the other, there will be a clash of personalities. And also, let’s not forget domestic violence and how it can be aggravated during these times. This last one though is a serious case that requires professional intervention and assistance.

Some people felt awful they had to spend community quarantine alone, and yet some really wish this would end because they’re getting on each other’s nerves. The latter cannot be avoided. It is actually beneficial to get to know each other better and adjust accordingly regardless if this is a roommate, a sibling, a spouse, a relative, a parent, or a neighbor.

A Tale Of Two Lovers

That’s the case between me and my husband. This is, by far, the longest time we’ve spent together 24/7 since we got married back in 2015. And yet I appreciate the fact that my husband and I can spend even more quality time together now. I wouldn’t want any person to spend quarantine with other than him but next to God, of course. 🙂

Every single day, I discover something new about my husband. But since we’re the total opposite of each other, just imagine how hard it was for us to maneuver through this quarantine like gliding on smooth waters. On the contrary, it was like being back to the first few months of us being married. 😀

Seeing God In Others

Don’t get me wrong though. Most of our days together were spent meaningfully, peacefully, and happily. But as days turned to weeks and then now nearing to months, there were days when we would easily get irritated over something trivial because there were only the two of us in the house. And yet this setup reminded me how things are going to be when we grow old together.

I believe other families, parents, or married couples can relate to our experience. An example is when kids start to fight over who gets to use the iPad next or who will throw the trash out. Or when a parent gets irritated because all the kids are hooked on their gadgets all day long. Another instance would be sharing a room with a sibling you just don’t get along with very well.

God’s Eyes Are On Every Household

My husband and I would have some disagreements every now and then, and we’d both sulk and give each other a cold and silent treatment afterward. But since we live in a condo, it just doesn’t work very long given the very small space. 😅

I’d have to interact with him one way or the other and whether I like it or not because we’re just too close to one another, and yes, we only have each other. In fact, this was the case last week when we had our first huge fight during the quarantine.

Dealing With Differences

I told hubby to try cooking a new dish, and he’s also willing but he wanted me to teach him the step-by-step process. I’m a teacher, but given the heavy demands lately at home, I quipped a remark that offended him.

I told him to research how it’s done and to not get used to me spoon feeding him with how everything works here at home. Hubby explained he doesn’t learn new things that way, and I insisted that I learned new things that way and he should give it a try.

When Opposites Repel

Since hubby and I have such totally different backgrounds and upbringing, we somehow clash with how we do things at home. My mistake here was that I could’ve been more patient. But no, I guess the enemy took advantage of this sensitive situation to bring us back to our old fights.

Hubby retaliated with harsher words that made me do the same. And in the heated discussion, I just broke down and cried. I guess all those heavy emotions I’ve been keeping these past months just all welled up on me.

Trying To Play God

And my last retort to my hubby was, “you couldn’t see my pain and understand how I feel because God is not in you.” Then hubby retaliated by saying he’d leave once this quarantine is over.

I told him that he can do it now if he wants to because he just doesn’t care about me knowing we can get the virus anytime, and I’d be alone here if ever I get sick. Then, after saying that, I went inside the bedroom sobbing.

When Pride Gets In The Way

Hubby followed me and apologized saying he couldn’t just leave me here, especially not this time. But I guess the enemy just took hold of my pride, so I didn’t accept his apology and told him to leave me and I wouldn’t want to talk to him for the rest of the day. This happened around lunchtime.

I took a pitcher of water and crackers because I planned on fasting for the day. I was crying so much that the only thing I could do was grab my devotion notebook, read my daily devotion, and pray, all at the same time.

A Cold Heart Has No Room For God

I can hear my husband cooking in the kitchen and watching a cooking video. I felt awful that I didn’t help him out. But then again, pride just got in the way and I told myself that I won’t forgive him because he just hurt me a lot with his awful words. But no, he didn’t curse nor shout.

I finished my devotion and yet there was still hatred in my heart. I was somehow expecting him to come back and apologize again, which I know he wouldn’t do because I already turned him down the first time he did it.

Don’t Let The Sun Go Down Angry

Then, the entire afternoon passed by until came midnight. I can hear him scuffling in the living room and washing the cooking utensils so I assumed he has already eaten.

My heart was so heavy and I kept on praying like how Jesus prayed to God while He was on the Cross. That may He take this cup of suffering from me and yet not my will but let His will be done.

Thorn In A Flesh

I guess at this point the enemy came close to blinding me with lies. He almost succeeded but I guess God heard my prayer. I thought so negatively about my husband that I saw him as the “thorn in my flesh” who tempts me to sin.

Thorn in my flesh. I looked up that phrase on the internet and I found one article from Desiring God. There was my rebuke. John Piper said in the article that a thorn in the flesh is a beautiful gift but it comes with so much pain.

God’s Power Works Best In Weakness

And yet this is the pain where God reveals our weakness because it is in our weakness that His power works best. His Grace will be displayed in our weakness. But no, my heart remained stubborn. I don’t want to talk to him and make amends.

But I guess the Spirit just won’t allow it I let the sun go down angry and with bitterness against my husband. Then, a chapter in the Bible came into my mind (Matthew 24) on how Jesus speaks about the future – how loved ones and friends will betray believers.

Jesus Speaks About The Future

I wanted to reread it just to know if it’s already happening now between me and my husband. I read the NLT version of the entire chapter, and yet betrayal of loved ones and friends in particular wasn’t mentioned.

So I read the entire chapter again and again until the last couple of verses resonated with me deeply. I guess this time Scripture was able to break down the wall of lies that the enemy has placed in my heart.

“Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.

But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

– Matthew 24:45-51

Am I A Good Servant?

These verses are all about being a faithful and sensible servant and how God appointed him to look after other servants in the household and feed them. And that those who wouldn’t do what God has instructed will be torn into pieces and thrown into a pit where there will be gnashing of teeth.

I really felt like it was literally God’s message for me during this misunderstanding with my husband. Yes, I didn’t feed him and serve him, literally with food and figuratively of God’s love. God’s messages during this pandemic that kept on popping up in my devotion or in my heart are to serve one another in love and love one another as He has loved us.

How God Teaches Humility

Sadly, I failed God and yet He was so graceful to remind me once again of this calling. So I summed up the courage to go out of the room and talk to my husband. But there’s still a little bit of pride in me so I did go out but only to refill my pitcher with water.

Then this was where I was first struck down with humility. The rice that my husband cooked was untouched. So I checked out the dish rack and searched for eating utensils.

I found none. This only meant one thing – he didn’t eat the entire day (oh my dear Lord, what have I done 😭😭😭). So this slowly destroyed the enemy’s weapon. I went to my husband who’s seated in the dining table pretending not to notice me.

Be Ready To Forgive Always

I hugged him tight and kissed him in the forehead. I did that for a couple of minutes without saying anything because I was too convicted. Then it was my husband who apologized first and I followed it with my apology.

What pierced my heart even harder was when I asked him why he didn’t eat. He answered that he didn’t eat because I didn’t come out to eat, too. Oh my, more heart-wrenching moments there. I hugged him even tighter and apologized many times.

Being Unselflish Is A Way To God’s Heart

You see, hubby isn’t used to intermittent fasting. I told him he shouldn’t do that because it will shock his body. I, on the one hand, is used to it since we do it in church every now and then. He said it’s okay because we also need to lose weight since we did nothing but eat during the quarantine.

My consience though just won’t let him sleep through the night with an empty stomach. So I rummaged in our food shelves. Then I asked him to eat something even just a little to lessen the acid in his stomach, and we ate a couple of cupcakes together. The guilt and humility just all went through me.

God Shows Grace When We Least Deserve It

And it didn’t stop there. My husband who’s not used to not eating the entire day and fasted with me, came up to me while I was washing in the kitchen, hugged me, and said, “I really missed you today.”

Gaaaah, Lord, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. 😦 I get it now. I’ve been doing this love thing wrong all this time. So, I looked at my husband and joked that we needed some “me” time and “me” space, too, since we live in a condo and we literally just rub elbows with each other often. I went on that we also need to apply social distancing even at home. This one made him laugh. 😉

A Beautiful Reminder

God used my husband – who may be or may not be my beautiful flesh in the thorn – to bring me pain that will make me a better servant. And I believe God knew this will happen. The night before this incident happened, we just started watching a series on Apple TV. And I know it’s not a coincidence that it’s entitled “Servant.”

And then just like how God sees everything, He reminded us gently about reality. This reality that we might actually die tomorrow, next week, or next month because of the pandemic. It’s as if He was asking us both why we’re wasting precious time on grudges and selfishness.

Letting Go Of Unforgiveness And Hatred

I did tell myself that I’d like to die at peace with everyone including him. This means there should be no room for bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness. It’s just not the time for all of these.

All the more when this pandemic requires we die alone without any loved one beside us. We can never hug and kiss our loved ones or even hold their hands before we take our final breaths.

I know we wouldn’t want our last moments in this world full of regrets and not being able to make amends with people whom we have hurt or those who have hurt us. We no longer have the opportunity to do so. So yes, this is no longer the time for hate, but a time for love.

No matter how much we’re offended or how bitter we are by a lot of things, we can no longer let hatred linger in our hearts. Not in a time like this.

It Is Just All About Love

And I guess this is what God is trying to tell us. To “love others just like how I loved you.” To forgive others like how He has forgiven us. And to ask for forgiveness from Him and from others.

This is how God shifts our mindsets from seeing only what lies in front of us to realizing the bigger picture that lies ahead. It is about appreciating relationships more than ever. It is about being grateful and being accountable for the people He’s blessed you with. It is about celebrating what love is in the truest essence of the word. And lastly, it is about the simple things that we normally take for granted, but are actually more precious than money, silver, and gold.

Right now, I appreciate having my husband around. It made the quarantine more bearable, and it made me fully understand how it is to love my husband as a wife according to the standards of God’s Words. There are a lot of things that my husband does now, which made me realize I should be proud God married me to him.

Basically, that is all that God is asking from us now. Just. Plain. Love.

“We love each other because he loved us first.” – 1 John 4:19

Staying in love until the worst,