Tag Archives: survivor

The Beauty In Scars

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The beauty in scars is that they leave you memories not only of the bad ones but of those that are priceless, too.

This article is my tribute to families who have very young kids and whose parent died or is suffering from terminal cancer. I was compelled to write this article after watching a video tonight. It just popped up in my YouTube newsfeed and came in timely.

Because yesterday, another young wife shared with me her husband’s battle with cancer after a recurrence (same as my Mom), and their youngest child is only 4 years old. She broke into tears as she shared their ordeal.

I couldn’t find the right words to comfort her, and this is what I would actually like to pray to God now. May God give me the wisdom to know the right words to say to people who are battling with cancer or dealing with loss due to cancer while I, myself, am dealing with my own loss. May the hope that I was given thru Christ be the same hope that I get to share with them. 🙏

Although I’ve read in an article that sometimes a “silent presence” is the best response just by listening to what they share. In one of the Breast Cancer Support Groups that I recently joined, another young mother was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, and she has just given birth. When Mom died, I wrestled with the question “Why does she have to die this soon?” for quite some time.

And God probably saw how I struggled with this question in my heart, thus, He brought me to these people who reminded me I have no right to complain and ask that question because I got to spend almost 4 decades of my life with Mom before cancer took her away from us. Some kids never got the chance to know their parents while growing up.

Yes, we’re all broken, and sometimes life has a cruel way of reminding us every now and then of this brokenness. And yet by His stripes, we were healed. Jesus made us whole. He makes me whole again and again and again.

As I am writing this now, tears just rolled down my cheeks. I just have such admiration for these young Moms and Dads for being so strong for their kids. I don’t know if I can do the same if I am in their shoes.

Maybe this is why I never got pregnant. I thought it was a curse from God. But now, I realize that God may be protecting me knowing that I might also have the cancer genes, I might die early and leave my young kids behind, and I will be passing these cancer genes to my kids, too.

Maddy was a beautiful reminder to me how well we ought to live each moment of our lives knowing the future is so uncertain. The priceless memories she left behind will forever be engraved in the hearts of those who love her – families, friends, and strangers. ❤️

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

What I Love About Being Sick

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I have always been a sickly kid and even until now. And no, it has nothing to do with my sedentary lifestyle because I eat properly, I take multivitamins, I make sure I get at least 8 hours of sleep, and I have an occassional physical activity.

I can remember how my first week in an office job last year started with an energy-sapping flu that lasted for more than a week. Also, when my husband and I were both diagnosed with dengue in 2016, I was confined for a week. He, on the one hand, wasn’t confined because his body was able to recover the lost fluids through the help of an IV in one hospital and managed to be an out patient.

Every time I have a cough and flu it lasts for about a month without the meds and not less than 2 weeks even with the meds. I believe this has something to do with the weak genes. But I cannot say for certain if it has something to do specifically with the cancer genes that runs in the family.

My Mom’s a breast cancer survivor and breast cancer has been consistent for every generation starting from my great grandmother. So the next generation is us. The question is, who among my sisters and me will be the next title holder? 😀

This is also probably the reason why God never intended I work in an office. All the stress of traveling and dealing with the traffic everyday will send me to the grave earlier than His intended timeline.

That is why remote working, too, is very suitable for me. I get to do everything that I needed to do because I don’t have to spend hours being stuck in traffic. And yet I can still do these tasks at ease because I get to plan them ahead of time and never in a hurry.

What I love about being sick though is that it gives me time to pause and contemplate about everything. Though I contemplate most of the time, I do it while multitasking. I am not used to just sitting and staring at the wall for hours or just being idle most of the time. It’s going to make me insane.

In fact, even if I’m sick and I know I still can move around, I will still do something. Like this article perhaps. 🙂

I have this mindset that being sick and not doing something will only make my sickness worse. I actually just got home because I went out and bought stuff. I would’ve walked 2 blocks to get to the grocery store but I was scared I’d pass out on my way there.

Not doing anything when sick means being able to feel the pain and that your body is getting weaker. I have a very high tolerance for pain and very strong-willed too, so unless I am dying, you’d still see me walking around even when sick.

I could still remember when both hubby and I were diagnosed with dengue. I was confined at the hospital because of it. And yet before hubby brought me in, I was the one taking good care of him the day before because even though I am starting to feel weak already, will power just got me going. He was rehydrated through an IV and given antibiotics because his blood platelets were going down.

I didn’t notice that mine was spiraling down way faster that after the blood test the next day, the lab tests showed that my platelet count was waaaaaay too low that the doctor insisted I be confined at a hospital. Otherwise, I will experience internal bleeding and hemorrhaging.

It was only when I was at the hospital lying on the bed that I felt the fever, the muscle pain, etc. Meds won’t work sometimes because I am allergic to painkillers so I had to bear all the pain. It’s a good thing my husband recovered quickly, he was the one who took care of my needs while I was at the hospital. And this included being by my side when I just sobbed the pain away.

Yes, I guess when your body said it had enough, no high pain threshold can ever keep you from not feeling the pain at all. So I learned, too, that getting sick is the body’s way to rest. Rest and do nothing even if it means staring at the ceiling the rest of the day. Just like what I will do after I write this. 😀

I am planning to sketch so I can rest my brain but the meds are making me drowsy. I just thought about finishing the new sketch I am making for Dad because I made such a mess of my first sketch of him.

Applied an expired fixative – spots are everywhere. 😭

Getting ready for the new sketch on Dad.

I’d better get the new sketch done with minimal errors because I’m on to the last page of my sketch pad. 😀

Do you have any ideas how I can turn it into a beautiful mess? 😉

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26

Always writing in sickness and in health,