The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
In season. Tropical fruits are all in season ready for harvest during the month of May. As a month-ender, I decided to write this article for they reminded me of only one thing: the altar call. What is an altar call? Contrary to popular belief, it is not just reserved for pastors or priests. Oftentimes it is referred in the most common term which is “a calling.”
As I was reading my devotion, came the idea that not all are called to do certain missions based on our spiritual gifts but all were called to bring God glory by sharing the Gospel. Sharing the Gospel always follows after a public declaration of your acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Savior and a commitment to obey the Word. Sharing your testimony, so to speak.
For it was written:
2 Timothy 1:7 NLT
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
This happens after being born again through the water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. But this only follows after the altar call. I do not really consider myself as part of any religious organization or fellowship but just to give honor to the spiritual family who made my salvation possible, I’d be discussing my own experience how I got saved in our church. I have already shared in my previous articles how I got saved but not in particular the first step I did towards that salvation.
Speaking from my own experience, one reason why an unbeliever goes to church is because you are seeking for answers. Probably you are in a very low situation in your life and problems simply just took its toll and gained full control of your life – a state of chaos and confusion. Emotionally you are hopeless, helpless, depressed and in a lot of pain. That was what I am before the altar call.
The altar call is yes, a calling. It is that time during church service and everyone is worshipping that you will feel the tugging in your heart of the Spirit. It is something that is unexplainable for it can only be felt. During the worship while everyone was singing, I had this strong urge to let all my sorrows out and pass on the burden to someone. Later did I realize that that someone was the Spirit who lifted them for me, made me walk towards the altar when asked who wanted to surrender their life to Christ, crying my heart out and feeling every single word in the worship song that we were singing at that time along with fellow believers.
The worship song that we were singing was Unending Love and it was the right song at the right moment. A swarm of fellow believers followed suit and only a few remained in their tables. We were all there crying and it was not because we were all emotionally unstable but because the Spirit led us there and all of us were feeling burdened at that time and at the point of losing all hope – a state of sincere repentance and absolute surrender. We were blessed at that moment right in front of the altar and the church leaders prayed for us.
Bit by bit, the load begun to get lighter and lighter until almost after the praying was done, I felt as if my heart was already whole, complete, light and burden-free – complete freedom, a renewed self. I was having my One to One Discipleship with my bible study group leader at that time which is a more focused approach in preparing you for your water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. The last two will culminate your salvation and your transformation. It is more like counseling and therapy. Except that you are discussing everything spiritually and the transformation comes from the person’s own free will to change guided by the Spirit’s leading.
Salvation is always an act of surrender. Repentance is the key followed by acceptance of a Savior in your life. No one else can lift your burden for you; otherwise, you wouldn’t be in church in the first place if you have found the solution to your problems and the answers to your questions someplace else. But then, God will not give you right away the answers you have been needing nor the solution to your problems but He will give you PEACE.
It is only through peace that you will be able to hear His instructions well which contain the answers you are looking for and the solution to your problems. Sometimes it comes through trust, patience, discipline and a whole lot of values and character traits that He wanted us to acquire first. One thing that an altar call makes possible is opening a door to establishing a firm and personal relationship with our God, the Father, through His Son Jesus Christ. Achieving peace during the altar call though you felt you have been burdened to death will give you the peace in every burden that you will carry in the future.
Because you now know that there is a God who hears, who loves and who saves. With Him, nothing is impossible. That is the assurance that an altar call, that God and what Jesus did for us on the Cross represent – HOPE.
And only when you are in season will you know the real essence of an altar call. For it is only then that the Lord will call you to make a lasting commitment with Him by accepting the gift of salvation – this is a personal encounter with the Lord.
The right time will come to make the harvest – when it is in season, ripe and ready to be caught when it falls. 🙂
Have you ever wondered why we have pebbles and not just big rocks?
Pebbles
How about flowers made from all sorts of sizes, shapes and colors and not just one?
Bromiliad
Why is it that a tiny creature such as a bug, has such a beautiful, golden green color as its shell?
Golden Bug
Colossians 1:16 NLT
“…for through Him, God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see–such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through Him and for Him.”
“He works in mysterious ways.”
How often do we hear this phrase? Very often to most of us and maybe to some this will be the first time you will read about this. In this article, allow me to let you delve deeper how God works and the amazing things that He has done not just to me but to the people around me. As much as I want to keep all things private in my personal life, I believe God wanted me to share some of them as a testimony of His Grace and His Love.
If you are to read my previous articles, it’ll give you an idea what are the current struggles that I am going through. And yes, I was on the point of hopelessly giving up. I am engaged and my fiance and I were planning to tie the knot next year. The quicker the time passes by, the more conflicts arise, the more challenging the trials become.
One of them is saving for the wedding. We both wanted a simple and intimate wedding for two reasons – it wouldn’t be costly and we wanted to share it with those who know us really well. But I am in this situation wherein I could not contribute anything to the expenses with the meager allowance I am getting out of my sister’s generosity to help me finish my graduate study in UP. I am in my last part of my graduate study finishing my thesis and I was advised by my thesis adviser that finishing it will require me to go full time in my master’s degree meaning I cannot get married this year or get a job.
I can only hope for my fiance’s savings at work which are not enough. We attended the Marriage Preparation seminar and it was discussed there that leaving your spouse to work abroad and earn enough to provide for your family is not the solution. You have to be with your spouse always because that is the commitment you have made when you got married – only death can do both of you part. My fiance considered about this option of working abroad. It became one of the conflicts we had to deal with. He was determined, I tried talking him out of it but to no avail. Until I came up with the decision that we would have to cancel the engagement for the meantime then pursue me again when we are both financially ready.
He doesn’t want to sacrifice the relationship over a career abroad. And yet both of us have no clues how to get married without having to borrow any single cent from anyone. We both agreed to just take things just as they are, leave them be and trust God for provisions. But sometimes it doesn’t come as easy as it sounds – pressure from friends and families asking about the wedding can sometimes be the cause of again facing that conflict wherein temper gets loose, impatience creeps in and negativity overtakes our thoughts.
Every night I would pray and I can’t help but cry out my pleas for help to the Lord. I waited but no answer came, we are still both in the same situation. But it was during those times that I did nothing but pray every morning and every night, devote more time to bible reading and gathering all devotion I could get. I know it is only through His Word that I will get my strength and courage and not give up. I always keep in mind that this relationship is different than my previous relationship because God gave me this when I was already a Christian – this was not a mistake. I will use my free will to honor God by honoring the commitment and by holding on to the beautiful promise that He wanted for both me and my fiance – to fulfill the Holy Matrimony.
Then came more conflicts which involves the families, attitudes, habits, relations with other people, priorities, the past mistakes, temptations, goals – every weakness we both have, God brought them all out into the open. The relationship was like a battle ship attacked from all sides by canyons, tossed to and fro in the sea.
But there is a God.
And I was grateful I was saved. One time when we broke up, someone from my past (an ex boyfriend), contacted me after 2 years of no communication. 4 years ago, we broke up violently to the point that I attempted to commit suicide, never had the chance to apologize to each other and yet I thank him for he is the reason why I got saved and I am where I am now. Exactly the time that my fiance and I decided to call things off, my ex boyfriend called me past midnight and told me he was dared by his best friend. I can tell that he was a bit drunk and this is what he told me,
“Tin, I am leaving for Australia for good. I just want to tell you that if you haven’t been too possessive on me, I would’ve married you.”
His best friend, in the background, shouted this, “You rocked his world!”
Well, I don’t know if I should be happy with what I heard but I took it as our formal closure. I could not remember if I got the chance to apologize because I was tongue-tied – he was telling the truth. Because exactly at that moment when my fiance and I broke up, it was for that very same reason, AGAIN. After he said his goodbyes, I can’t help but cry.
God, at that moment, was telling me that I need to learn from my mistake or I will end up losing another person I love and a precious relationship that could have been lived out beautifully. It was a sign to save the current relationship I have before it is too late – a reminder. It was my being possessive to the point that I was jealous of everyone around him that ruined the relationship and I could not enjoy my moments with him anymore. God does not want me to go through the same mistake because He has saved me from that already.
Ephesians 2:10 NLT
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
I know I am being put to a test right now – to prove that indeed I am new in Christ and the old has gone. It is through my fiance that God was finishing the work that He began in me – how to learn to trust someone who has a past as dark as mine and yet is not yet devoted in his faith. But I know too that through the tests, God will always be with me to make sure that I overcome the greatest weakness I have – my insecurities. I was just amazed that God reminded me of what I wrote in the placard during my Foundations for Victory class’ last day presentation.
Foundations for Victory is a month-long class after your water and holy baptism which we call in church, the Victory Weekend. Its purpose is to equip you in your spiritual journey by establishing your faith with the biblical foundations. And last night, I took a photo of what I wrote in the placard which was the old me before salvation versus the new me after salvation:
Only God can make you feel secure. 🙂
Philippians 1:6 NLT
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
I can tell for certain that this relationship was given to me not to see me fail again but God wanted to help me overcome them consequences now that I am already saved. But my question was always this, “Father, my fiance is not a devoted Christian, how can we make our relationship work if You are not the center of his life?”
Again, I was basing everything on what I see and hear, not trusting God and His plans. I always rely on my own understanding and yet again, I was reminded:
Proverbs 3:5 NLT
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”
During the Marriage Preparation seminar, we had a workshop wherein the couples have to answer a set of questions and these are the questions.
1. Is it God’s plan for me to marry? Why? How do I know this?
2. Is it God’s plan for me to marry the person I am with? Why? How did God reveal this to you?
After answering, I told my fiance that I am not going to read his answers at that moment, I’ll just read them during our wedding. But after the several conflicts we have had and on the verge of losing hope for the relationship, I re-read our Marriage Preparation booklet and I stumbled upon our answers – I read my fiance’s. I got another confirmation from the Lord – we both have similar answers. And his was even more beautiful:
1. “Yes. God wanted me to experience His blessings (having children and a happy family) because I am His child.”
I cried, I was humbled. I was so wrong. How could I even doubt his faith when faith is a personal relationship with the Lord? It is between you and Him. How could I be so doubtful, so assuming, not trusting the Lord and His plans? How could I judge him so wrongly?
But then, there came the enemy filling me again with doubts: Are you sure your fiance wrote it sincerely? Or he was just playing along with the questions and he knows what answer he is expected to write to please you?
Doubts. Enough with the doubts. Enough with the deception that the enemy has been trying to lure me ever since. Enough with my insecurities. I know my God. My God is the greatest God and He will do anything to keep me and my faith. I may have fallen at times but right now He requires me to stand and fight for Him until my last breath – put into practice what He has taught and trust in the Spirit’s leading. It is not for me to know what happens in the future, He just wants me to trust and obey.
And God stayed faithful and just. For His wonders never stopped there. It was at this point that my fiance and I had the biggest miracle we could ever imagine. I was on the point of sacrificing my master’s degree so I could follow him when he works abroad just so we would not sacrifice the relationship, or he works abroad, I stay here and finish my master’s degree but sacrifice the relationship. Tough decisions to make they are, and yet God gave the answer – better opportunities at his workplace. It was our only hope.
My fiance was reluctant at first if he will get it, but I told him to take the chance. Told him God will give it to you if it His will for you and if you sincerely pray in your heart that you want it because we both need it – not for ourselves but for Him because we wanted to honor the commitment, we are willing to make sacrifices to uphold that commitment. I told him that prayers are so powerful if you believe in every single word that you have uttered in that prayer and believe in God. So there we were praying for each other, encouraging one another when making choices prove to become so difficult.
John 16: 24
“You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.”
And then….YES, it was given. At that moment, I cried with joy. How faithful indeed is the Lord! My fiance gets to stay with me, I get to finish my master’s degree, we both can be secure with our future. He indeed deserves all the honor and glory and I will forever be thankful to my Lord, my Savior.
Doubts may creep in that it is not meant to be but I will continue hoping and I will continue praying. I always pray that God would protect both of us from the attacks of the enemy for I know there are forces in this world that contest that which is good and pleasing which came from the Lord. As it is written:
1 Peter 5:8 NLT
“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”
The kind of salvation that I am praying for my fiance may not be what is happening now. But it is only for God to know what happens in the future. All I know is that both of us are being transformed every single day to become the persons that He wanted us to be teaching us the essence of what it really means to be a Christian – to have patience, to have peace, to be faithful, to love selflessly, to sacrifice, to endure, to forgive, to be prayerful and most of all to know God personally and deeply through our Lord, Jesus Christ.
I could still remember the early times in our relationship and after the first few conflicts, I shared to my sister in Christ whom I admire deeply on how she handled her relationship and is now happily married, that my fiance is not yet devoted in his faith. And her answer was, “Be patient, Tin and pray.” After all this and what is to come, I can only be so very grateful that I have a God who is this:
Revelation 1:8 NLT
“I am the Alpha and the Omega—the beginning and the end,” says the Lord God. “I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come—the Almighty One.”
I do not intend to tell the world about the second coming of Jesus in a way that most people know i. e. placards with those words written on it, preaching about how sinful men are, that our time is short, etc. for back when I was still a non believer, I used to treat them all nonchalantly with a little bit of contempt, cynicism and scorn. I may have received it that way but I didn’t know that the seed was already being implanted.
I believe those who preached the Good News this way in the past were God’s disciples called to do exactly that at that time. Now, I believe, God has a different set of tasks to the newly saved believers to continue the mission that those before us have left in our charge now. There was no social media at that time. 🙂
I don’t need to tell people anymore of what they already know – Jesus’ second coming is near. What I intend to do, on the other hand, is to share to people how it is to prepare for that second coming and the things that most people clearly do not understand. These are the things that are far too basic, far too common and yet most commonly misunderstood and oftentimes disregarded.
Which leads me to the concept of this very simple word: LOVE.
Love is the overused word in the dictionary that permeates with everything. It goes on with a lot of definitions, given in a whole lot of different contexts and manifested in a whole lot of different actions.
So why this word?
I may not understand how everything is interrelated in the following series of events that I will discuss but all I know is that they all centered on one common theme which is LOVE and I have to share them all because the Spirit has prodded me to.
Scenario 1
I lead a small bible study group in church of young, single, female professionals.
Scenario 2
I am in a relationship now and engaged to a fellow Christian.
Scenario 3
Dreams, signs and wonders.
For Scenario 1, it started through my coaching group when our coaching leader assigned chapters of The Purpose Driven Life to each one of us to discuss. It was my first time to read the book. I believe God intended I read it just now. It is this book that spearheaded my passion in fulfilling the mission that Christ has left for us to do. I used the chapters on missions as our discussion platform for my small group. Which led me to buying my own copy of the book but I ended up buying a different but somehow similar book also by Pastor Rick Warren called “Better Together: What on Earth Are We Here For?“.
Better Together by Ptr. Rick Warren
And it was also through this book especially with the first few chapters that led me to the concept of LOVE and what it means in God’s eyes which I am now discussing with my bible study group. To quote some passages:
“Life is all about love and developing relationships – with God and with other people. You may succeed in many areas, but if you fail to love God and love others, you’ll have missed the reason God created you and placed you in this planet.”
“Real love is placing the needs of others before your own. It is making your problem, my problem…It is giving to another without any guarantee of getting anything back. It is giving others what they need, not what they deserve. Although love can create feelings, love is not a feeling. It is a choice, an action, a way of behaving, a commitment. Love is sacrificing for others.”
I remembered a few days back, I saw one status update on my Facebook news feed that really touched me. I wanted to share it at that time but something held me back so I just saved the link. I didn’t know that I would be needing it now to emphasize more of the passages I have written above. It is a short film entitled “Blind Devotion.”
And this will lead us to my Scenario 2, my relationship with my fiance. He is not as devoted as I am, but I can feel that the seed is already there. God gave him to me at a time that both of us did not expect. I was a patient due for eye surgery and he was the nurse. Our love story started there and the rest was history. But as times passed by, we went through what every couple would go through – conflicts, happiness, rage, patience, forgiveness, hurt, pain, joy, laughter…every emotion, every situation – we went through them as a couple. We have been together as a couple for only a year but we have learned so much about each other, how to value a relationship and having God in it except for this: LOVE as how God would define it.
Then came a point I wanted to give him up, he wanted to give up too. We talked but still ended up together. Then he asked me this question, “What is it that makes you stay with me though I have hurt you so many times, you have suffered so much for me, I have made so many mistakes, I keep on failing you and yet you always forgive me? I want to know why.”
I was silent for a time and this thought came to me and I explained why I am like that to him is because of God and my love for Him. God loved us so much He gave us His only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins though we do not deserve it. I told him I want to honor my God that is why I want to honor the commitment and honor him by learning the art of God’s love expounded in 1 Corinthians 13.
This happened just yesterday and when I woke up today, I read my devotion of the day in Our Daily Bread and I broke into tears, because it was an affirmation that I said the right thing to my fiance. This was the bible verse:
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” – Matthew 18: 21-22
March 6 Devotion: ODB
God has forgiven us. So we, too, should forgive those who sinned against us. To quote yet again passages from “Better Together”:
“Jesus says we are to be to one another what He is to us. The love of Christ is self-less, sacrificial, and submitted to the Father’s will. His standard of love is personal – reaching out to the undeserving, looking past their faults and into the desperate needs of their hearts.”
This kind of love now leads us to Scenario 3 – dreams, signs and wonders. I have been having dreams about me and my fiance the past several days which are bad dreams that dealt with my fears of him doing what he is not supposed to do and yet I felt they were all too real in those dreams. I always wake up with a heavy feeling until this morning.
My dream was about my fiance and I and we were supposed to board a bus headed for Baguio City but we got separated because of the huge crowd of commuters. I hopped in on a van instead and was surprised to see my ex boyfriend inside. We chatted for a while but then I noticed the destination name plate of the van and it was headed for Laguna (both my ex and my fiance now reside there). I asked the driver to stop then hurriedly went down the van and waited beside the road for a bus to come along headed towards Baguio City.
Then came a group of women who looked familiar walking towards me but I haven’t seen them yet in real life. Found out they were also headed for Baguio City so we waited for a bus then when one came, we boarded the bus, which was like a 12-seater, and there were only a few of us inside. Then that’s the time I woke up.
The night before, one of the verses in my devotion was Matthew 13:36. I read it but was too sleepy I didn’t understand it clearly. When I woke up today, I felt the urge to reread the verse but I forgot the verse so I randomly chose Matthew 13:3 which led me to the parables. It was all about the harvest and almost the entire chapter are highlighted in red which I don’t normally see in the bible app that I am using. So it means, the chapter I am reading is very significant.
The Parable of the Farmer
It is not a coincidence that my Discipleship 2015 training in church tomorrow has a key verse which is all about the harvest and the ministry that I volunteer in, which is a community outreach ministry, has a training on Urban Farming come this Sunday.
Neither it is a coincidence that after my devotion when I woke up today and checked my phone, I got a notification from a friend of mine regarding a video that she shared with me on Twitter. Here it is:
I cried after watching it. Because I now know the significance of it all. Everything is now crystal clear to me. It is indeed near. And what God was telling me the past days about love is that it is this kind of love that we need to exert to bring more people closer to Him despite of the conflicts and the differences.
“God says we must DECIDE to love one another. We’re to love other believers regardless of how we feel about them or how unlovable they may appear. No matter how difficult it may seem, we’re to actively, consistently, and deeply love the believers God brings into our lives, our congregations – and our small group.” – Better Together
“As members of God’s family, we must choose to love, not who to love.” – Better Together
And I believe this is the message that God wanted for us to understand now. The second coming is near, the more that we have to exemplify what Jesus did extending His love not just to His disciples but to those who are least likely to be loved. Just like the way that God is using my relationship with my fiance to master having that kind of love that is of God’s and not our worldly definition of it. I have been stumbling upon random verses from different books in the bible that have his name in it since last week, which is Joseph. I even joked my fiance our first baby boy will be named Zaphen derived from Zaphenath – Paneah which is the Egyptian name that the Pharaoh gave to Joseph when he appointed him as leader of his officials. This was one of the bible stories I read just a couple of days ago.
The story of Joseph, the dream interpreter.
I now understand why God gave him to me – I am being prepared for a mission and as my mate, he too is being prepared by God because the time is near for the harvesters to harvest this land. My interpretation of my dream today was very overwhelming, I wept. I wept because I know what it means – the message is very clear.
My fiance and I are due for a road trip with his childhood friend and his girlfriend to Baguio City over the weekend. I have visited the place countless of times and it was during one of my hikes at La Trinidad in Benguet, a province in Baguio City, that I was completely amazed by God’s bountiful and beautiful creations at its best. I was on top of a very high mountain after a treacherous hike and what I saw in front me was what I called in my previous article as “heaven here on Earth” because you see nothing else but a sea of clouds. And for me, it was very symbolic of my faith. The treacherous hike, wherein I almost fell off a cliff, was a matter of pain, suffering, life and death. But if you were able to overcome it all, the Kingdom of Heaven is waiting for you above, on top of it and no amount of words could describe how it feels to be there.
Last 3/3 marked my 3rd year since I got saved as a Christian last 3/3/13. The movie Son of God was released on that date too. And this coming 3/13, which falls on a Friday, I have a great feeling it is going to be a significant date as well. The verse regarding the parables can be found in Matthew 13:3 too. Most of my daily verses that I encounter came from the Gospel of Matthew. I did my research and the Gospel of Matthew is considered by scholars as the summary of Jesus’ ministry. It tells of Jesus sending His disciples to preach His Gospel to the whole world. It is also one of the four canonical gospels and it connects the old and the new testament. (wikipedia.org) I know for a non believer you will say it is all coincidence. But I say, as a believer, they are all signs from the Spirit.
Which led me to wonder on these passages written in that chapter:
“That is why I use these parables,
For they look, but they don’t really see. They hear but they don’t really listen or understand.” – Matthew 13:13
After these revelations, I only wept. And in between sobs, this was all I could utter in prayer:
“Lord help me to make them understand. Teach me to love them like how You have loved us.”
My brother is one of my spiritual mentors. He was the one who introduced me to the church and eventually to my faith. I know God appointed him to be that and I can attest through the role that my brother is playing in my life right now. He gave me a planner last year by Paulo Coehlo which contains quotations on life and faith. Each month has a designated character trait and last Christmas, he gave me the same planner. And now I know why. For this month, the character trait is this: COURAGE.
March: COURAGE
And this is the quotation for today:
“The only sin is a lack of LOVE. Be brave, be capable of LOVE, even if LOVE seems a treacherous, terrible thing. Take pleasure in LOVE. Take pleasure in VICTORY.”
The Valkyries by Paulo Coehlo
This may be the longest post I have written here on WordPress but I know every word here is all God’s plan because the mission for us all is starting to get clearer and He requires us to act on that mission. 🙂
Paulo Coehlo Planner 2015, The Holy Bible, Our Daily Bread, Better Together – my daily meal. 🙂
(I have learned all about the song since I was a kid but I never got to read the entire poem by John Newton where the lyrics of the song were lifted from. The acapella version of LeAnn Rimes never fails to stir my soul. I hope this will help you reminisce how it feels to be saved by Grace.) 🙂
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures; He will my Shield and Portion be, As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease, I shall possess, within the veil, A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, The sun forbear to shine; But God, who called me here below, Will be forever mine.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise Than when we’d first begun.
That was what my surgeon, Dr. Ang, would tell me when I had my femtosecond lasik surgery on both eyes as a study patient at Asian Eye Institute last November 2013. I was overjoyed upon hearing I passed the initial screening considering I am a myopic with a 7.50 grade on both eyes, a .25 astigmatism on my right eye and my test results confirmed I have a thin cornea. This proposed as a problem among the research team as any miscalculation during the surgery will be considered fatal. Yes, I am what eye experts would call as legally blind. It was my very first surgery and I was extremely nervous. It is actually very ironic because I have never been confined in a hospital, never loved the idea, and yet there I was having my eye surgery – 100% conscious. 🙂
My brother accompanied me to AEI and stayed there until the time came that I was ushered into the clean room 30 minutes prior to prepare for the procedure. Drops were placed on my eyes and I cannot give you the specifics as to what kind of drops they were. (Sorry, I am not a medical professional.) 😉
While waiting, I saw nothing except for a blur because I am not wearing my eyeglasses anymore. I was sitting pretty and comfy then my name was called. A nurse guided me inside the operating room and I could not even see where the procedure will take place. Oh poor eyesight, poor me indeed.
I just sat and lied down where they instructed me and I sort of relied on my other senses for most of the session – sense of touch most definitely and my sense of hearing. Then I heard my doctor’s voice explaining what we are about to go through and I just nodded staring at the ceiling. Or something else? I am not so sure as I really could not tell because everything was really a blur.
Then came the squishy water poured over my eyes and I could see a bright light, probably the ones used during surgical procedures. A machine hovered over my eyes and I felt pressure. They did this for each eye then I saw a thin piece of metal being inserted to clip my eyelids which would prevent my eyes from closing during the operation. Then more liquid came gushing into my eyes and what I remembered next was a very thin and tiny piece of rod used to scrape my cornea and to lift it up.
After they did this, I totally saw nothing. It was all white, not even silhouettes or shadows. Then came Dr. Ang’s words reminding me to look at the red light. That was the time they started using the laser to correct the shape of my cornea and enhance my visual acuity. I could smell burning flesh. It is a good thing though I didn’t throw up but I am so close to panic mode with a heartbeat racing faster than the normal. Now this is probably the reason why Dr. Ang would always remind me to look at the red light. My eyes are trying to look for something. That was my first feeling on how it is to be completely blind. Almost complete darkness but I can see no lines, no movement, no anything except for a very faint red light from a distance which I so tried to search and focus on.
Just like the Truth and the Light.
Imagine yourself in a dark, deep pit. You see nothing around you, tried to grope around you but the darkness is too overwhelming it suffocates your entire being. It clings on to you as if of a cloak that you cannot just take off every time you want to. Then you see a very, very tiny light from afar. So tiny you would find it difficult to focus on.
BUT then again, you are too scared to let that light pass you by so you stared at it far too long. You reached out your hand to take hold of it so it wouldn’t escape you. Then just as sudden as you have reached out your hand, the light started to become bigger and bigger. Until you felt yourself being lifted slowly, bit by bit, out of that dark, deep pit.
Alas, you saw the light. You now see everything more clearly. And it was a wonderful feeling. Until now, it still is.
No longer will you settle to be surrounded by darkness but you will try harder to search for that light. Every time the claws of darkness will take hold of you, you try every effort and every ounce of strength in you to escape it. Because you know that “at the end of every tunnel there comes light.”
A guiding force will lead you out of the struggle – out of the pit, out of the darkness. A force that is more powerful than anything in this world. The force came in the form of a man. The man who, though was brought to pain and suffering, became the light that shone all through mankind. The light that can never be extinguished, that stood shining above all peril in all its darkness.
Jesus Christ was and is that Light.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6
He came to be with us, because He loved us first. As I savor in this light, I know my love for Him will be my passage to reclaiming that light in moments that it becomes dim. But I know for certain, it will never diminish and for as long as I see that light, there is hope. And I will cling on to that until the Lord’s work in me is done.
I live for only one thing – to glorify my God, the living Father. He lives in you and me. Do not depart from the light, seek it with all your heart. Then, you will know how it really feels to be saved and to be loved. 🙂
The news re Robin Williams’ death saddened me and reminded me of what I went through battling depression. The reason I took Special Education now is for me to understand myself more. Because the moment you realized you are different than others, you will seek for ways to help yourself and you want to help others too who may be going through the same thing.
Most of you think I am naturally gifted with those “talents.” The truth is that they are skills I acquired to help me combat depression without the medications. Doing art, playing the guitar, photography, dancing, writing and all my other hobbies all helped me take my mind off those depressive thoughts – they sidetrack all feelings of anxiety, paranoia, and fear.
I attempted to commit suicide twice. The one suicide incident wherein I was almost successful doing it was in 2012 after a very stressful and violent breakup.
BUT it was also on that same year when I got SAVED. I was introduced to the faith on January 2012 and made my altar call during the Singles’ Getaway last September 2012. I created this blog on October 2012, which now became my “megaphone” for my faith and my spiritual journey.
If I have been vocal about my faith in all social networking sites, it is not because I seek for attention nor for popularity but because I intend to share the FAITH that saved me from committing the greatest sin that one could ever do while alive. And I also hope to encourage those who are on the verge of losing hope as well to not give up.
Cry your heart out. Belt it out. Drop down on your knees, repent, pray aloud, cry His Name aloud, seek for His Grace BUT NEVER GIVE UP.
Because God did not give up on you and me. He sent His son Jesus Christ into this world to suffer the pain for us, to save us from our sins – to give us HOPE.
NO ONE and NOTHING else can save you from what you are going through EXCEPT our GOD. The moment you surrender your life to Him, you will feel His presence in your every breathing moment. You will feel the Holy Spirit in you. God will give you opportunities to create a new life and a chance to redeem yourself.
God used the skills I acquired and my circumstances to make me better and stronger so I can serve Him, serve others, and spread the Good News. God surrounded me with people who helped in bringing me closer to Him, and who will remind me of Him every now and then. Because of God, I don’t look back to my past with pain and regret. I see my past as God opening the doors to a new life – spiritually restored and healed.
Bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition. There is no cure. But there are ways to manage it if you don’t want to take any medications. Although this has to be decided upon the assessment of a medical professional. Seek help if it is too much to bear. I sought help from my spiritual family, and I always have this Bible verse to remind me every time I have those depressive episodes. This Bible verse is what gives my life purpose and meaning:
“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” – John 15:4
If it wasn’t for my faith, I’ve long been gone. This testimony will speak how it really means to be BORN AGAIN through the Cross and through God’s love. ❤️🙏
“For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” – Ephesians 2:8
This is an all-time favorite of mine. I have seen this movie for countless of times already and I’ve been crying over it for countless of times as well. 😀
It is not your typical romantic, fairy tale kind of movie. In fact, the movie is just too realistic to dismiss that you’ll find yourself relating to every single part of it.
But in general, this is a movie on relationships and how God makes all the difference when He is at the center of it.
The Journeyman's Moments 