“Blanket of Love”

Together

(Just another poem by yours truly for you. 🙂 )

Joy it was to know you,

Oh sweet you are it is true.

Such a thing of beauty,

Entranced by you so deeply.

Praise to Him for this Grace,

He has shown me steps to trace.

Back to an old feeling,

Racing heartbeats, never ceasing.

I wished it to be real,

A love to hold and to feel.

Now I’d have to believe,

Good things we are to receive.

Romance just has its thrall,

On you and me after all.

Made it right through that call,

Enough…enough to make me fall.

A Seasoned Life: My Past vs My Present

@ Dads (Kamayan)

@ Dads (Kamayan)

Life is like a drink.

Sometimes it is too sweet, but sometimes it becomes too sour. Sometimes it is bland and sometimes it just has the perfect blend.

I grew up with a lot of fears. I grew up knowing too well what my weaknesses are. I grew up with a lot of insecurities.

I got out of that world. A hunger crept within me. I explored, soared – I am enjoying every single bit of it. That was my notion of “freedom.”

Danger was lurking the moment I stepped out and spread my wings. I soared high unwary of failures. I held on to what this world offers. I made a lot of mistakes, far too many I lost track of what is good and what is right.

Then I fell.

I felt an excruciating pain. A pain from a wound that is nowhere visible. I sobbed, sprawled in the bathroom floor, on my bed, in a corner. Endless gruelling fits of flowing tears that continued for days, weeks, months and years.

Then I surrendered.

I surrendered to His love. It was because of His love that I was saved. I repented and I accepted – my faith as my fate. That I am His daughter and that He is my Father and my Master. Obedience and service to Him who made what I have now and where I am now possible.

Did I ever think that I would be where I am now? No. I had no idea. But I had felt it. It was far too strong to dismiss. To heed to the calling of being where I truly belong – in His refuge.

My drink now? I must say it’s the four seasons fruit drink – a combination of different flavors. Not too sweet nor too sour, just the right flavor. I am just happy I am ending this year with just the right attitude, the right faith and the right spirit.

Now, let’s drink to that and be merry, shall we? 😉

You Just Have To Learn How To Say “NO”

Red, Hot Chili

Red, Hot Chili

This red, hot chili reminded me of this word – NO. Some people like it, some don’t. And for most people whom I have offered this to who really, really hate chili, they just stood their ground and firmly said “NO” no matter how many times I have asked them to try it. (Well, I can really be VERY persuasive sometimes.) 😉

[You just have to learn how to say “NO.”]

My eldest sister used to tell me this way, way back when I was younger – my teenage years. Now, I found myself saying this to myself again and again.

Say “NO” to a job that does not make you any better anymore – forced to work beyond what you can handle, compassion is absent, profit is the main target and offering minimum wages.

Know when your rights are violated. We tend to reason and equate this to how Christ has suffered for us – that we, too, should suffer the same.  Yes and no. Yes, we should be brave enough to withstand any challenge.  But no, learn to know when it is not healthy for you anymore. You have to think more of yourself at this point and look after your own welfare. Not because you are selfish but because you cannot give your best if you are not at your best. Quality versus quantity. How can you help others when you are struggling to even help yourself?

Say “NO” to a relationship wherein the other half requires you to meet his/her demands that are not supposed to be given at the point of your relationship (not yet married).

When a relationship brings you nothing but heartache, tears, doubts, lies, rage, contempt and more sins, it is time to let go. Mishaps in relationships are a given. Pain in love is inevitable. Yet with all things, they should always be in a state of balance. Never is there a thing such as pure and absolute happiness and just that. Neither should there be anything such as pain and sadness all the time.

Say “NO” to an addiction/craving that brings you nothing but wasted money, effort, time and a cursing heart.

It is time to give it up if it makes you feel bad as a person, if it makes you feel less of a person, if it makes you pose more questions of self-doubt than self-fulfilment and satisfaction.  Idolatry is one of the worst sins ever committed. You are not aware you are doing more harm than good to yourself with your decision to stick through it, making excuses for it.

Easy for me to say, that is what you are going to say. 🙂

I do get you.

We value our jobs because we need money to survive. But here is what I have to say too. There are a lot of better opportunities out there. You have better chances of letting God make you to who He wants you to be out there than where you are now. Who am I to say this? Let’s say I just learned it from experience and from the habit that I will let go rather than complain how I hate my job, how it is making me unhappy, unfulfilled, and let the world know about it. If you don’t want to let it go, learn to love it and be professional.

It’s hard to let go of someone you have learned to love and shared so many memories with, sad and happy. It is hard to let go of a companion whom you were used to spending most of your time with. It is hard to move on. Yes, maybe that is the reason why you don’t want to let go. It is the fear of facing the pain, the loss and the burden of carrying bittersweet memories. I know because I went through the same. But you were crying everyday, you are always in a state of doubt, in a state of unsettling situations, complicated compromises – if you still insist on keeping the relationship, ask yourself these questions:

1. How secure is my future with my significant other going to be like?

2. What future will my children and grandchildren have if I opted to stay?

3. How long until I reach my breaking point? And when that happens, is it already too late to change my mind?

4. What consequences do I have to go through and bear?

Addiction is a bad habit magnified to a thousand. When it strikes, it kills, it destructs. It developed because it nurtures the gratification it gives us – a sense of temporary high. But the question is, in every addiction, what else did it give you aside from that temporary high? None. Because again, as I have said earlier, when it strikes, it kills, it destructs until you are left sapped out. Empty – inside and out.

I am leaving you with not so many choices, am I not? Yes, because that is my intent in writing this piece – you just have to say “NO” to anything and everything that takes the GOOD out of you.

I am not a preacher, I hate public speaking nor am I good at it. I am no counselor – I am just a concerned individual. I am not perfect – I have made more mistakes and sins in my past than most of you ever did. And lastly, I am no God – I do not know everything.

I just intend to share. Because I have learned to say “NO.” You still have a choice. You still have your free will.

Which should go second or be in accordance to God’s will. Seek Him first and obey. He knows better than any of us, anyway. In fact, He knows what is best for us. Pray earnestly, pray hardest. Then, you’ll have the courage to say “NO” when the right time comes for you to say it. 🙂

That Dragon Who Flies

Dragonfly

Dragonfly

A dragonfly. 😉

Sinister-looking, definitely not. But folklore and culture have it that dragonflies signify danger. I haven’t seen one in a while and neither am I superstitious so please allow me to just marvel at this little beauty right here.

Next to butterflies, I am fascinated by dragonflies. They are one of the most delicate creatures to ever glide this planet. Look closely at their wings. I can’t help but think that they look like women’s stockings that will easily tear with just an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny tiny scratch.

I must admit though that I am guilty of keeping them as captives when I was way too young to value each and every creation on Earth. Now, I am even more guilty when back home, all I could see now is but just 1/3 of their population years back.

Tsk, that must be the danger that they signify – extinction of their breed come the future generations of the human race. What do we have to marvel at next?

Just like the dragons, our kids will only have their imagination of them flying around, spurting fire, evil most of the time – of which none of them can be proven true unless they came from a generation when to me all dragonflies are real, dainty, fragile and yes, precious.

Typhoon Yolanda Reminder: As A Filipino, I Will Always Be A Christian Bicolana

In light of the recent calamity that killed thousands of people in the Visayas and Mindanao regions affecting several  neighboring provinces including my hometown in Bicol here in the Philippines and as a Filipino, I would like to ask for your support, in any way that you possibly can, for the victims of the super typhoon Yolanda.

Please visit this link for a list of legitimate organizations/relief centers where you could send in your donations: http://www.wheninmanila.com/verified-legit-ways-to-help-super-typhoon-haiyan-yolanda-victims-how-to-donate-or-volunteer-with-legitimate-organizations/.

Or if you cannot, please join us in praying for our fellow countrymen. We, the Filipinos, will be extremely grateful for any help and support that you could offer.

To my dear fellow Filipinos, though we may have severely suffered, rest in the fact that we are never alone in this. We will rise and rise we will with the help of our fellow brothers and sisters from all around this world. Despite the adversities that have brought us down to our knees, our kindred spirits will remain to be strong and steadfast. Our cries for plea, our tears for our losses, our battered and tired bodies – it is our strong spirits that will never falter.

I pray that through these all, may the Lord God Almighty continue to shower us with His love, protection, guidance and provisions.

Continue to hope, continue to pray, continue to strive in finding the good in what was left – again, we are never alone.

May God bless us all!

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Wherever God would take me, whatever God would give me, I will bring with me two identities: first, I am a Christian and second, I am a Bicolana.

The majestic Mt. Mayon and I.

The majestic Mt. Mayon and I.

I can never be more proud of anything I have and whoever I have become other than those two I have mentioned.

Why a Christian? I am nothing and nobody without my God, first and foremost. My identity is in Him. I need not say more as it is what it already is.

Why a Bicolana then? Ahh, this is most likely where I’ll be explaining more.

I grew up in the province. I spent more than half of my life there. As of writing, that is. There’s no other place that I could ever call ‘home’ except Bulan. Yes, that is my hometown, specifically located in the south of Luzon island, Sorsogon City, Philippines.

Bulan, Sorsogon

Bulan, Sorsogon

It has a distance of 667 kilometres (414 mi) from Manila, 63 kilometres (39 mi) from the province’s capital Sorsogon City, 20 kilometres (12 mi) from the town of Irosin and 30 kilometres (19 mi) from the town of Matnog. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulan,_Sorsogon)

Sorsogon City is a coastal area, surrounded by beaches of all sand color. From white, to pink, to black –  you name it, we have it. Rich of natural resources, fishing and farming have been the sources of livelihood of almost all the Bulanons (that’s how we generally call ourselves).

Fishing

Fishing

If there is one value that being a Bicolana has taught me, it would be this – knowing your roots. In other words, learn to look back from your humble beginnings. Bulan is the one thing that has taught me how it is to be humble and to be grateful. Humility bespeaks when the heart is in awe of the mediocre. I know you are going to agree with me right there.

I came from a family of farmers. My parents, my grandparents and the parents before them all came from humble beginnings. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. Gratitude is what I could offer to my ancestors, for the sacrifices and hard work that they have invested in providing the best for their families.

I came from a generation wherein I don’t have to go to the fields and do the farming myself and go home with sweaty clothes covered in mud just to pay for all of my expenses and supply my needs. An experience I never had to go through and yet something that I would want to go through.

CIRCA 1980s: My mom, aunts, uncles along with my grandparents.

CIRCA 1980s: My mom, aunts, uncles along with my grandparents.

They say that for someone to appreciate the value of something less than its market value and more of its sentimental value, you have to work for it and have it like how it is usually done and achieved. You have to sweat it out, so to speak.

I was listening to the podcast of Pastor Christian Flores regarding Victory’s new series entitled “It’s Not About The Money” two Sundays ago and he mentioned about the story of a farmer and how this farmer has invested his earnings in acquiring an even bigger barn where he could store more which actually resulted to his own destruction.

That made me thought about our farm, our farmers and what do we really get from it. For starters, our farm house did not change though how many years and decades have passed, we are earning just enough, we are still living frugal lives though we have acquired some possessions through time – still, I think it is not about the money. Money, for us, is something that has to do with survival but never to accumulate great wealth and live grandiose, rich lives.

I might be speaking out of righteousness here but if you will personally ask me, that is how I think it should be. I do not wish to dwell on this matter then and will just leave all the explaining to our Pastors as they lead us on with the series – a reason for you to stay tuned for our upcoming podcasts or better yet visit a nearby Victory church: http://victory.org.ph/. (Sorry for the shameless plugging, but I felt you would understand it better if the explaining would come from our church leaders).

victoryqc.org

victoryqc.org

This is the season of harvesting and when I went home during the holidays last November 1 and 2, I chanced upon the last harvest in our farm. I have skin asthma and as much as I should be staying away from hay, I know it would not stop me from going along with my Dad. I suffered the consequences later on – cough got worse and itchy rashes came out that last for usually a week leaving black spots on your skin that last for about how many months.

Anyway, the last time I have been with my Dad during harvesting was when I was around 6 or 7 years old. I could still remember how our parents would ask us (not really me as I was way too young, but my sisters and brother) to help in drying the “palay” we have harvested so they would be sold to the millers for a good price before they sell it to the market.

And yes, how could I forget all the scurrying here and there, to and fro when dark clouds come and heavy rains start to pour. It only means sweeping the grains, piling and covering them up as FAST as you can to prevent them from getting wet, thus lowering the chances of getting a low price as “palay” buyers measure the moisture content of the rice grains. The drier the grain is, the higher its market value.

Harvesting and threshing of palay.

Harvesting and threshing of palay.

My Dad is not a farmer per se. He is a civil engineer who juggled two occupations at the same time – that of a farmer and a superintendent at the National Irrigation Administration in the Bicol region (officially at San Ramon, OIC in Masbate and Sorsogon City). He is now 74 years old, retired from his engineering career and yet a continuing farmer. I have always admired my Dad, how at his age, still manages to do what he would always do at the farm despite his arthritis, gout attacks, hypertension, cataract and other illnesses of the aged. Although we don’t dry the harvested rice grains anymore to lessen the stress level of all the scurrying and hurrying, tending the farm is still a busy work to do.

I went to the farm with my Dad not to harvest the grains myself and have them threshed out but witness how it is usually done. I have to get into the particulars as to how to do this and that. Well, I might consider farming as my job someday. Yes, “Tin” the farm girl. *wink* I think I heard my Kuya’s sarcastic chuckle back there again. Haha Yeah, right. And yes, I wanted to observe how our farmers do it – our trusted and loyal workers. I admired them more than I have admired an office employee (no offense to office workers). But hard labor is no easy job. Exposed in the heat of the sun, bending over for hours either planting rice seedlings or harvesting them, soaked in mud or inhaling the itchy hay dust when threshing are, for me, among the most challenging tasks.

I closely looked at all of them. I saw Tio Digoy and Tio Kadog – they are the oldest among all of them. They have been working for my Dad since I was a kid. Now, their sons are working for us as well. I have learned to love them for all that they have put up for me and my family. I am praying that someday, through us, their sons, daughters and grandchildren will have a better future because of their parents and grandparents’ hard work. Though that means we might lose workers in our farms, it would also be equivalent to giving everyone the chance to have better lives than what they have now.

I am praying too that someday, there will no longer be a need for manual labor and everything will be run by machines, operated in a clean office from planting to harvesting rice. And that goes as well for harvesting coconuts and converting them into copra. The team of Tio Digoy also does them for us. Skilled, they really are. My family and I will always be grateful to them. We will always be grateful to Him for any blessing that He has bestowed as well as for His guidance and protection not just to me and my family but to our workers and their families as well.

Coconuts being made into copra.

Coconuts being made into copra.

So if you think this is what I do in Bicol:

Think again, because this is what I usually do:

"Tin, The Farm Girl"

“Tin, The Farm Girl”

Well, aside from washing the dishes, cleaning the house, feeding the pets, etc. and having a little vacation time. We have no helpers/”yayas” back home and here in Manila, by the way.

Now, that is who I really am. Look back, give back  and be grateful.

I See Everything But A Blur

“Like a bokeh!”

Yes, that is exactly what I blurted out during our 15-hour long drive from Bicol to Manila yesterday along with other November 1 and 2 holiday takers. A long trail of red tail lights was all I could see around night time and out of boredom, I removed my eyeglasses to rest my tired eyes – my first, while traveling at night.

With a 20/750 vision on both eyes (normal is 20/20) and a .25 astigmatism on my right eye, my world is a blur when I am not using my eyeglasses or my contact lenses. In other words, I am blind. Well, not really. Let’s just say I only see light and silhouettes. Exactly like a bokeh.

Just in case you are not familiar what a bokeh is, here is a definition I lifted from Wikipedia:

In photographybokeh (Originally /ˈbkɛ/,[1] /ˈbk/ boh-kay — also sometimes heard as /ˈbkə/ boh-kə,[2] Japanese: [boke]) is the blur,[3][4] or the aesthetic quality of the blur,[5][6][7] in out-of-focus areas of an image.

If you want to know more, you can read the entire article here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bokeh.

I have always wanted to achieve this kind of photo effect/filter with my Holga camera as lomography cameras are the best when it comes to achieving natural light leaks in your photographs. Unfortunately, I ran out of films already (expensive, they are). So I resorted to the practical ways of photography hoping to achieve the same effect of lomo cameras in dslr cameras and stumbled upon this website on doing bokeh for beginners using Nikon:

http://www.nikonusa.com/en/Learn-And-Explore/Article/h0ndz86v/bokeh-for-beginners.html.

I did exactly that with my dslr camera set to an f4 aperture, manual focus, an oil burner and some candles we have at home under a very dim light and this is what I got:

Bokeh

Bokeh

I told my brother that maybe the one who discovered bokeh has the same visual impairment like mine and saw the beauty in blurred lights, thus, used the concept in photography.

I am having my eye surgery in a few days to have my vision corrected and I am afraid I only have last night as my first and last experience to witness bokeh with my own eyes and without any photography paraphernalia.

Ahh, the beauty of patiently waiting during long travels and appreciating the aesthetics through low vision – no matter how weird it sounds. Well, discoveries were made because of our inquisitive minds, right? Yes, no matter how weird they may sound – at first. 😉

P.S.

I thank God for the safe travel, for the beauty of eyesight and the awesome wonders of this world, tangible or not though I see everything but a blur.

You just gotta love life.  🙂

Timeless Beauty, Grace and Wit

Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman

Of course, it is none other than my favorite Hollywood actress – the very beautiful, glamorous, intelligent and talented Natalie Portman. I can’t help but show my love for her by doing a portrait sketch using pencil and charcoal. 🙂

Together, Forever

Couple Butterflies

Couple Butterflies

I am always a big fan of anything extraordinaire. Though a male and female pair in the Kingdom Animalia is far too common, I find it extraordinary to see butterflies that are a “couple.”

Yes, I found this pair of butterflies wandering and roaming together all the time around our garden in Bicol. As it is difficult and challenging to capture them when they are in motion especially during daylight, I took advantage of the opportunity to “hunt” them down one night so I could capture a photo of them. Lucky me, I found them perched on this particular plant “side by side.”

Aren’t they the sweetest and prettiest pair? 😉

“Bio Dude”

9″ x 12″ Pencil Sketch

Never let your skill get rusty. Stay creative by always practicing, as they say. This is another birthday gift to a friend. As usual, I am not that confident with all my art works.

But it is enough gratification to hear him comment about it: “Sobresaliente!” 😉

Heart to Heart

"Bible Heart"

“Bible Heart”

And I said:

“So he is a flirt. And you fell for his charms. Are you willing to sacrifice your happiness when he flirts with other girls even when you are already a couple? How long are you willing to take it further when you two got married and you found out his mistress is having his baby – and she is not the only one?

Complicated, it is. Is this the kind of life you wanted for yourself and your future children?”

SILENCE.

So I continued:

“When an inner voice tells you that something is not quite right and when you ask yourself where did you go wrong, that inner voice is the Holy Spirit telling you to REPENT for your sins.

You just cannot go on sinning and then keep on asking God to forgive you. That is not the way things go. That is not what the CROSS meant and why Jesus died for us.

Believe me. I went through the same thing.”

So what now?

“SURRENDER it all to God. Cut him loose. Pray for him. Pray for yourself. Talk to God.”

What if he asks for another chance? Should I give in?

“NO. It is not your battle anymore but God’s. His chances are with God and not with you. You cannot change him. Let God change him for who and how He wants him to be.”

I don’t think I can let him go just like that. I love him.

“Ask God if that is the kind of love that He wants you to have. If you don’t feel right about it, when you are constantly hurt, then ask God to lead you. God would never want to see us crying, to see us broken. He would not send His son, Jesus Christ, to this world and let Him die on the cross if He doesn’t love us.

On the other hand, God wants to protect us from anything evil, from anything that would break us apart, from anything that is unholy. He knows you can get out of that situation. He gave us CHOICES. And as cliché as this may sound, our choices define our destiny in life.

You need not ask yourself if you are going to choose him or Him. It should ALWAYS be Him. Above everything else.”

What are the promises I will feel better afterwards, that I can move on from this and that my life will change for good?

“That is why God taught us things such as FAITH and TRUST. They are the only two things that we can offer to Him in return. Seek Him more.

Life as a Christian, no matter how devoted you are, will never be that smooth sailing. Never forget that there is that other side of the coin, always – the good, the evil; the strong, the weak; etc.

But then again, you have your CHOICES, your FAITH and your TRUST in Him. You should never worry.”

So I thought to myself:

“We may have our battered hearts but never should our souls be tormented. They were meant to be pure, to be holy – untainted.”

So the reader said:

“But we are never perfect. Even the Christians.”

Then I guess you need to read the article again. 😉