Tag Archives: peace

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

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I have always been a life-lover. This is probably one reason why I became passionate about everything. Even when I was in my darkest days, I still chose life. And life lived in this world can only get interesting and awesome when lived according to the Truth.

I usually am a multitasker. My brain can accommodate finishing at least ten tasks in a day – big or small. But lately, I can only do so far as my body can accommodate. I had to stop in-between tasks as nausea would begin to creep in and if I don’t stop, there goes the splitting migraine. I really planned on having the medical check up next week so I can monitor the condition of my health for the remaining days of this week and by that time, maybe I will have sufficient information to share with my doctor.

I guess my condition is the opportunity God gave me to really enjoy life, like enjoy every minute of it, not worrying about anything. Savor it in other words. Being busy with a lot of things can sometimes put you in that moment wherein you live life according to your daily routine and you get drowned by all the things that you need to accomplish for the short term or long term without being able to really appreciate all of them by the end of the day. I believe God has a reason why I had to write the first article for this year as “An Appreciative 2016.” I felt like the overall mood for this year is “darker,” and yet God wanted to tell us to appreciate it all and see the “Light.”

Indeed, when you have learned to trust God with everything, all that you do will follow the course of His plans and not of your actions. Life, for me, was put in a standstill. I oftentimes ask God why circumstances brought me in a way that pursuing my master’s degree would require I become jobless. And I was supposed to finish it last semester but I overlooked the deadline for filing for my extension in my residency at the university which means I wasn’t able to enroll this semester. In other words, I was forced to take a leave of absence in graduate school. But it kind of came in timely, why? Because I have planned on taking the licensure examination this March thus, most of my time is now spent on reviewing for said exam. Originally though, I planned to do my master’s thesis and review for the exam at the same time.

So what happened was that I was given a break from thesis work which is something that requires A LOT in all aspects. I was able to concentrate on just one task which is to review for the exam and entertain an opportunity wherein I was scheduled to attend a training for the Senior Writer post in the online magazine I have been contributing for in the past years. The job responsibilities are not as taxing as compared if you are working full time in an office and yet it would still require quite an amount of input, effort and time. BUT the good thing with this is that I don’t have to report for work at certain times every day and deal with all the stress of traveling/commuting, etc. Technically I am a freelance writer, but I am not really pursuing my writing as a means to get compensated. I just love to write for the love of writing. 🙂

Then it all dawned on me that indeed, God has a reason for everything and everything happens perfectly in His time. God knows when I reach this age, my body will start to regress. I am grateful that my master’s thesis didn’t allow work for doing both work and thesis will be STRESS at the maximum level. Even work alone is already a big STRESS right there. God knows my body won’t be able to take in all the stress that I’ll be getting from work and graduate study. He gave me a break.

Because pursuing both even if it is against His will would mean any illness that I have could progress to an even faster rate which is synonymous to me dying at a really young age. Maybe it is not yet my time to die that early. So God prolonged my health by giving me tasks that He knows I can handle for now until I have a final assessment of my health and be given the proper treatment.

In my current condition, I really have plenty of time to contemplate about a lot of things. I only stay at home before while I do my thesis work at my own pace because I do not have a job. I still get to do a lot of things though even if I do not have work – opportunities to explore and try a lot of things which are endless and they just keep on coming. But now, I really can’t do much. Again, everything at a standstill. It is only this blog that gives me the opportunity to do something while at home and resting which still gives me an opportunity to do something that I love. 🙂

So now my husband asked me, “Honey, what are your priorities again? You are not getting any younger. What is it that you want to do in life?”  If I am my usual stubborn, defiant self, I normally would reply with a sarcastic remark like “Yeah, I know that already. You don’t have to remind me what I should be doing in this life.”

But, I found myself thinking about 3 bible verses right at that moment. The first one is my life verse and the two that followed are my next favorites.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

So that’s how I replied to him. I am planning on explaining/adding something to that but I thought, try to keep it that way, Tin. Let the bible verses speak for themselves. As the Scripture goes,

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,..” – 2 Timothy 3:16

THUS,

“And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear Him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14

“And if anyone removes any of the words from this book of prophecy, God will remove that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city that are described in this book.” – Revelation 22:19

Faith has taught me that if you want to get your message across, do not just explain and state opinions or experiences, but most importantly, share them in light of the Scripture. And even better is when you share the bible verses at the right time and the right place with any people just as they are – no explanation/interpretation needed. I believe it is God who will touch accordingly the hearts, the minds and the spirits of the people whom you have shared these verses with.

We cannot always assume that a particular verse has the same meaning or that it can be applied in all situations at all times with everyone. God still dictates how these bible verses from the Scripture will come to life according to His plans and purposes. All it takes? LISTEN intently when the Spirit tells you to act on or say about something. It is in Ecclesiastes 3 that everything I write and say is rooted in.

Never ever trust your human emotions. Believe me, I have done that and it has failed me countless of times. It never will give you the solution and the end product that you are hoping to achieve.

Back to our text messages, I believe the message went through to my husband as he came home not bringing up the topic again and is now more attentive to my needs. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not mean to be selfish but I just noticed how much he has changed right now with me – more caring, more helpful, more understanding, a little more patient and he listens well when we converse.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in me too. *wink*  When we just got married, we were like cats and dogs trying to live in one territory knowing ALL our differences. I have promised myself before I got into a relationship that I will never ever nag as it is one of the “relationship killers”  but I found myself becoming exactly like that. If not for my husband telling me how hurtful I can become when I would correct him with this and that did I realize that oh no, Tin, you’ve been entangled in the dreaded web of nagging.

So I prayed to God how could I possibly let my thoughts out without hurting my husband. Or in other words, how can I speak the truth in love? 🙂

Praise God for post it sticky notes. Came the idea that when there’s this particular spot inside the house wherein my hubby usually does a bad habit that I wanted to correct, I would write a note with so much affection and words of endearment reminding him to do the opposite – the good one. It worked. BUT I know I cannot do that all the time so I settled with writing just ONE note for that one bad habit that affects greatly how we do things around the house. Yes, just one note. And as for the rest of our differences, for some I have to let them be, and for some I have to wait for God to do all the changing.

This resulted in BETTER days for me and my hubby. Which means we both get to sleep well and at peace at night. BUT that was what I thought. Because my brains won’t allow me. *big smiles*

Last night was supposed to be a peaceful rest and deep sleep. But because I have a very active brain, sensations can send nerve impulses that make my muscles move involuntarily. Like when I sleep talk or sleep walk.

Whap! There’s a very huge wasp biting my neck! So I hit it with the back of my hand. But I suddenly woke up – the wasp was a dream. But it was so real, for sure it wasn’t just a dream. So did I just hit someone with my hand?!?!

Uh oh…

Yes, my bad, it is dear hubby of mine whom I smacked across the face with the back of my hand thinking he was the wasp because of his mustache pressed onto my neck. lol 😀

I hugged my hubby and apologized but he just groaned in his deep sleep. *wink*  Okay that wasn’t a peaceful night but I can’t help not sharing this to my husband when we woke up the next day. We both laughed our lungs out because we have agreed that the next time we sleep together, he has to bind my hands or bind me along with the bed.

On a serious note, something is happening in my brains that I can’t explain as my dreams are becoming more and more real. But, I have next week to find out. So please pray with me my dear brothers and sisters. 🙂

But for now, I should continue doing what I always would do and what I love to do. I plan on eating really healthy so I am now back to cooking our food full time which I really love to do especially since I only get to do light tasks now. And I plan on doing more creative stuff like this photo collage which I printed out and pasted in my husband’s tumbler so he’d remember every best experience that we have shared together every now and then when he’s at work.

PicMonkey Collage

Happy memories! ❤ ❤ ❤

What I realized is that this life at a standstill is more about appreciating the life that God has given me now instead on brooding over my past and my future and appreciating what really matters – not wealth, not titles, not possessions, not your ambitions, and other worldly things. There really are so many things that I should appreciate and be grateful for. For one, simple things just make your days good, better even.

And I just want to end this by saying that life just never stops for a life-lover and a Jesus-lover. 🙂

Cheers to LIFE my dear friends! ❤

Day 1: STRENGTH

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Today is June 30.

Today marks the first day of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting 2015 in church.

Today is the day I ended a current relationship and reconciled with a former relationship.

Today is all about STRENGTH.

Last Sunday, I was with my fiance and his family to celebrate his brother’s birthday. In case you have been reading my previous posts, a devoted believer put in the midst of non believers is a really tough case. Values wise, any differences could have been resolved if God was the priority and at the center.

But that was not the case. And yet, I am not writing this to complain but to share my faith. 

Having a non believer as a partner is indeed being yoked unequally. It is difficult to agree on certain matters for two perspectives are at hand – worldly (his) and Godly (mine). And yet, God is so faithful He gave me the strength, patience and the means to endure it all.

I can only accept our differences: good moral values, upright conduct, beliefs in faith, etc. BUT there is a time for everything as God puts it in the bible.

A saturation point so to speak.

This time calls for things to come into a final halt. I don’t mean to judge but I meant to enlighten by sharing in some unfavorable experiences I have had. It is not for us to judge though and condemn but God’s.

Last Sunday I was with my fiance’s family. I was a guest, I do not make the call what time we go to church, what time we leave the house, etc. As a Victory group leader, we were advised by our spiritual leaders to arrive early during a Sunday service. But we arrived late for so many reasons being able to hear only the last few stanzas of the last worship song. I felt broken. I was there in church feeling guilty not being able to live up to my responsibilities as a group leader. And yet it was not my choice to make. I tried to fight against the feeling of guilt, a little bit of anger and sadness within me and just be thankful we still ended up in church.

Then it was time for the lecture to be delivered and Pastor Jonathan of Victory Alabang led the discussion. Word after word, my heart was slowly being torn apart – the message was for me. I was fighting back those tears. Those tears of how many months of trying to fight for faith against the worldly, of keeping quiet and enduring it all and those moments of pain from conflicts. My heart was so heavy I knew it was the Spirit asking me to do something. Pastor Jonathan just nailed it when he preached regarding “darkness” and what it means to us. Especially when he talked about marriage, that maybe the conflicts did not come from the enemy anymore but from myself – a reluctant and stubborn heart to pursue my desires, my plans and my lack of strength to let go and let God. I was on the verge of raising my hand for that second altar call, but I know there is no such thing. Or if there is, then God knows I already made it at that moment. The wounds have been exposed now in the open and they hurt even more. I can no longer bear it and yet I know I needed to move on and pray even more.

It was funny though I remembered walking out of the worship hall with a smile of relief. Then for the first time, we went out the exit door where books on faith and devotionals were being sold. I felt a tug in my heart to browse through them. And I believe these books were picked by the Spirit for me for the season I am in right now. And I bought a baller too – my first about faith. And I remembered telling my fiance jokingly that I will buy a memorabilia as this might be the last time I’ll be attending Victory Alabang. And it looks like the joke really was on me. 😀

Tin Ginete

Faith memorabilia.

Touchpoints for Women: God’s Answers for Your Every Need is the perfect devotional book for women dealing with specific issues. And I did not read the first page yet, I was waiting for the right time. And the other book I bought was the only book available there on relationships, marriage and faith – The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love. This, too, I have read the first page but decided not to continue as I am no longer in this season. I just thought that this is all God’s way of preparing me for something in the future.

Tin Ginete

Touchpoints for Women

Tin Ginete

The Act of Marriage

I was keeping my calm when at a buffet restaurant, all the rest of the family including my fiance and his Mom, agreed to sneak out some sweets to give to a niece back home. I gently reminded my fiance that it is a Sunday and we just finished attending church and we are all aware that it is against the restaurant’s policies to take out any food. I was grateful my fiance listened when I told him if ever you get caught, consider that we are both professionals – I am a teacher, you are a nurse. We both were given licenses to nurse and to teach under the oath that we will behave appropriately in public. They were drinking too and it was not a big deal for me and yet when my fiance was advised that a vice is more important than work which made him decide to file for a sick leave the next day, I was broken again. Another heavy heart for me and yet ended with a smile of relief.

I stayed at their place which is one of the things I am totally against as it gives room for temptation to enter in, and yet by God’s grace, temptation failed to get in. Next day, I accompanied my fiance to the bank to deposit money and we had another conflict and this was the first time I experienced how far his rage could go. He pushed me out of his anger and when we were having the heated discussion I saw his trembling hands while rummaging on his things. Yes, it was an accident that he did it – out of his anger. So I thought it best I leave him alone for the meantime and let him cool down his temper. And yet it made me think too that it was a red flag. A guy who easily gets angry and could not control it will lead to physical violence. Domestic violence is not the kind of home I wished for my kids to grow up in. He did apologize after and I have forgiven him. I was broken and yet there is that smile of relief.

In the afternoon, we were on our way to Starbucks to celebrate the wedding anniversary of their parents as his dad is not here. Came the moment that his mom inquired regarding our business venture and our plans. His mom lent us some money to be able to start the business and indeed, the borrower is a servant to the lender. For during the discussion, I felt that his mom was suggesting things about the business and asking me why are you planning this if you want this and that and at that time, I was also talking through text with a business partner regarding a business meeting that I wasn’t able to attend because I prioritized my fiance and his family and it didn’t turn out as planned. There were a lot of things going on in my head, I was not in the right mood to talk about serious things and it was too late for me to realize that I was already answering in a very aggressive and offensive tone. I was provoked and yet my fiance did not support me and our plans but instead blamed me why we are in complicated situations right now.

My heart was broken. His Mom went on to “advice” on what to do, what we should do in front of my fiance and his sister. Some were very insulting and I am already aware that she doesn’t notice too how offensive her words could get as I was told by the girlfriend of my fiance’s brother who was also in conflict with my fiance’s Mom for the very same reasons which ended in broken relationships with the future in laws. My body was trembling out of anger that I was suppressing. I was controlling not to let tempers loose and holding back my tongue not to say words that are even worse. I was able to listen and they were able to laugh and talk about things although they sensed I was not in my happy mood. And his Mom was affected by my inability to join in the fun. I tried but it was not that easy to let go as if nothing happened. And yet a smile of relief came through – I need to respect her.

No shouting, no curses and temper outbursts came through from me, I was able to hold it all back and just listened when she made the final statements. I stayed silent and talked with them when I can and smiled when I have to all the way home. My fiance gave me a cold shoulder not talking to me while eating and when he was driving us home and I was seated beside him. I stayed silent and broken for I know now how Jesus felt when everyone around Him abandoned Him and was persecuting and condemning Him, but I was able to smile with relief – I was able to pour out all my concerns and my side to his mom, although my mistake was, emotions took hold mostly of the discussion.

When we got home, the Spirit convicted me to do the right thing – apologize. I wanted to talk to his Mom personally but couldn’t find the right moment to talk privately so I chose Facebook instead to send her a letter of apology for how I behaved and if I have offended her. I also apologized to her personally when I said my “goodbyes” when we left the next day. In the letter, I thanked her for her suggestions keeping in my mind that she only wanted what is best for me and my fiance. I also apologized to my fiance but it came to another heated discussion – my fiance blamed me for ruining his parents’ wedding anniversary celebration. Aggression and blaming were there. Until he blurted out that I am not worthy of his respect at all. Yes, I was broken again and yet came a smile of relief afterwards – I cried to him explaining my side that as my future spouse, he should support me and our plans at all times because the spouse should always come next to God. I tried to understand him knowing how my fiance is so dependent and attached with his Mom that he could not even let go of that attachment even now that we were about to be married – one of our ongoing conflicts.

At this point, allow me to share some very important points during the Marriage Preparation seminar we attended in church. I highly recommend you attend one as it will answer the question if both of you are REALLY ready to commit:

Tin Ginete

Putting GOD at the center.

Tin Ginete

“Leaving”

Tin Ginete

“Cleaving”

We were able to end the conversation peacefully and decided to learn from the experience and move on although we did contemplate on breaking up and he wanted to end things already. I reminded him about the lecture service we just heard last Sunday and quoted bible verses. I can only hope and pray they all got through to him.

We said our “goodnights” but I suddenly woke up at 3:30am. And I thought I heard someone called me. I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore and was contemplating on telling my fiance the next morning to end the relationship formally as I believe it is what God was asking at the moment. We have ended the relationship so many times and yet neither of us have the courage and the strength to be firm with our decision considering a lot of factors, i.e. love is not an emotion but a decision; we will dishonor God if we break the commitment; etc.

I was praying all along for God to save me from this “darkness.” I no longer feel safe, I am not happy and my faith was always tested. And yet, God assured me and prepared me for this – for I know these are all His plans. I took a cab the day before I went to their place and I know it is not a coincidence that this is the name of the cab I was riding:

Tin Ginete

God Driven Jankei (I interpreted it as God-Driven Junkie). 😉

And when we were driving home from Starbucks and even going to church, incoming trucks from the opposite lane mostly have a “God Promised” sign board on top. I didn’t know what they meant at that time and even now. And I thought, I must be dreaming or I must be in another dimension, or am I already in Heaven? 😀 Yep, I was broken, but I can smile with relief knowing that God is with me anywhere and I need not fear.

I was sleepless last night silently praying to God to give me peace and to continue seeking for His forgiveness and having a forgiving heart letting go of the past. And when my fiance and I boarded the bus going back to Manila this morning, I just let the peace that God gave me to fill me in. And yet that peace came out of a decision – the decision to finally let go of the relationship and let God take control.

Yes, letting go of my worldly relationship with my fiance and reconcile with my spiritual relationship with my God.

My fiance and his family are not perfect in the same way that me and my family and all the people in this world are not perfect and will be making mistakes one way or the other. It is all a matter of seeking God’s forgiveness and obedience to God’s instructions. I can only pray for their salvation in the same way I am praying for my transformation every day. I texted my fiance this morning that I would have opted to end things personally and yet I know the situation calls we end it now. God is asking us to do it and He is asking us to trust Him what His plans are for both of us in the following days, weeks, months or years even. It has been said that during the Prayer and Fasting, the Spirit works at its best because it is most powerful during this moment. When I got off the bus, it is just strange that the ticketing personnel of the bus assisted me down as if I am a debutante walking down the stairs although I am only carrying two little bags. And it is also strange how the tricycle driver said “I love you” to me after paying my fare when I took the tricycle going to our apartment.

They are very strange but I got an answer: God was telling me I am still worthy of respect despite my fiance telling me last night I am not worthy of his respect and despite my failures and I even thought that could it be that God was in that tricycle driver as if telling me and comforting me,

“My child, I love you and you have nothing to worry nor to fear for I am with you always, anywhere, anytime. Let go of the things that you have no control over so I can take control of them. Leave them all up to me. I am ALL THAT YOU NEED.”

Which now made me realize why I chose or the Spirit chose my baller for me that says this: Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING.

Tin Ginete

Jesus + Nothing = Everything

Tin Ginete

John 1:3

God is more than enough, Jesus is worth the sacrifice.

I remembered one instance I shared to my brother about the conflicts that my fiance and I had, and he told me to just endure it all. He said that they might be a test of faith and if I get used to giving up easily, it will also reflect in other decisions I make in life. Or maybe the reason why I am going through the same things I did in the past was because I keep on making a mistake – that of choosing a man who is not after God’s heart. He said that they just differ in names and background but personality wise, they are the same because they are not yet believers. He told me we cannot judge for even Christian guys and Pastors make mistakes but let’s just wait what God’s plans are. For the meantime, he asked me to be assured always and to pray and the question I asked back at him was this,

“I can trust him even if he makes mistakes repeatedly and no matter how dark his past was if and only if I know that he was already born again, now a devoted Christian and was already saved. For I know every time he makes a mistake, he will experience Godly sorrow and will go back to God. But he was not saved yet – no sincere and genuine repentance took place in his past, how would he know how to search for God and go back to Him when conflicts arise and things fall apart?”

My brother was silent for a moment and just simply said, “Now that is the thing we cannot control anymore.”

As of writing, I just finished my Day 1 Prayer and Fasting devotion and getting ready for the prayer meeting tonight to know more of the Spirit’s revelations. I have decided to not log in on Facebook and Twitter for the entire duration of the prayer and fasting week and turn off my phone by day and turn it on by 6pm onwards as part of controlling addictions. I committed to a once-a-day-meal type of fast and yet unbelievably, I do not feel any hunger at all. All I ever wanted to do is immerse myself on “spiritual food” and share via my megaphone regarding my faith – this blog. But since I committed to a once-a-day meal fast, I will uphold to that commitment. 🙂

I am smiling – with relief, contentment and peace. I am praying, still, for healing, for guidance, discernment on God’s will and that my plans will be more in tune with His this time, more strength, more courage, more patience and restoration of things that were broken. But I am now assured that I can only put my hopes in God alone. Indeed, true love and security can only be found in Him. And I can only be grateful to Him for this hope, this second salvation, this peace and this love that now gives me joy for I can now serve my Lord wholly in truth and in purity.

Thank God for the STRENGTH. 🙂

P.S.

There really is something about number 3 – my water baptism was 3/3/13 (the day I was reborn), I always wake up around 3:30am not knowing why and I receive my daily bible verse notification from my bible app every 3:00pm though I set it to appear every 9am.

So…I don’t want to go ahead of God’s plans but I am believing in His promises (if these are His promises) –  that I’ll give it 3 days to let things heal during this prayer and fasting, seek for forgiveness from people I have hurt, apply the 3-month-no-dating rule, pray to God how to tell our families, move on with a new and Godly perspective, maybe get married by age 31 as I am claiming I am done with my grad study by that time (I am now 29 turning 30 this December), spend a year with my future husband as a married couple to get to know each other better living under one roof and have my first baby when I am 33. 😀

Still, “many are the plans of man but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail.”  I can only praise God for giving me this now – HOPE, may it be in numbers, in signs, in words, in other people, in the Scripture or even in that tricycle driver. 😉

I Was Convicted

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Yes, I was convicted by the Spirit. Yet again, for the nth time. 😉

I woke up today and remembered it is our 14th monthsary with my fiance. I greeted him and he did the same. But I was vying more on how the world defines celebrations – gifts, dates, cards and flowers. Those were my expectations.

The question is: what if my fiance did not meet my expectations?

That exactly happened. For it is human frailty to set worldly expectations and I am guilty of that. But does that mean that he loves me less? Should I feel bad that it appears I am unappreciated? My initial human emotional reaction was to feel exactly all that. But when I opened my devotion for today, that was when the rebuke happened:

“Contentment springs from trusting God as our supplier and gratefully accepting what He provides.” – ODB

And the Spirit guided me to the following bible verses:

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6: 31-33

“I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.” – Philippians 4:12

What God wanted me to learn is to be content in everything so I won’t become selfish and greedy. For it is in discontentment that the selfish nature of humans arise – the need to have more and more and more. Be patient and be grateful in anything and in everything that the Lord gives us.

I have to look at the things that are far more valuable that my fiance was able to give me and continues to give me. I have to look deeper into their intrinsic values and remember that my worth and his love for me can never be measured by the material things I receive from him for only God defines both.

Unconditional love, time, patience, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, sacrifices…I began counting all the other things that he did for me and I realized he has given me so much more than I deserve, more than I needed and yet I barely even appreciated them until now. They were these kind of things that my fiance continues to give me each and every single day which keeps our relationship going that are far more valuable than material gifts, lavish dates and “romantic” stuff.

These are things that I should be extremely grateful for. Because they are the things that exemplify what matters to God most. It is not about my fiance pleasing me, nor me pleasing him but it is about pleasing God.

To love is to be selfless, and to demand is to be selfish. Be content, be appreciative and be happy in God and His blessings. It is always about giving your most valuable assets that are far beyond incomparable to material possessions and yet the hardest to give and never all about receiving that we learn to love others.

And I believe that is all that matters. 🙂

Not Your Ordinary Day

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Today I experienced 3 somewhat peculiar scenarios:

1. I heard a sudden, shrill buzzing tone in my left ear during my Discipleship training in church this morning when one of our Pastors was praying. It went on for just a couple of seconds then stopped. I heard the same buzzing sound twice when I got home while resting. I did not experience it anymore for the rest of the night though.

The first time I heard it was during the last prayer meeting of Prayer and Fasting 2013 which was the first prayer meeting I attended.

2. While I was on my way to meet my fiance later this afternoon inside the cab, everything we passed by were all blue – the same color as my shirt: people walking, cars and buses.

3. When my fiance and I were on the bus, I was seated near the window and in the opposite lane, most of the cars I saw were white L300 vans, like 50 of them within just the how many seconds that we were traveling along Edsa. And the one near me I was able to catch a glimpse of the company logo and underneath it was the word “casket.” They make caskets, I presume? 😀

As of writing, I am here at my fiance’s house with his family in Laguna. In just 2hrs, we will be heading off north to Baguio City along with his childhood friend and his gf for a road trip.

If this is my last post that I will be writing, the interpretation of my dream 2 nights ago (please refer to the article I posted before this) and the signs today are all correct.

My dream could be a premonition, a prophecy – there will be an accident. I talked to my fiance’s Mom earlier tonight and she advised me we should pray before leaving as she is not feeling too sure re our safety. The buzzing sound I heard could be the Spirit telling me something. Blue is my favorite color because it makes me calm, it gives me peace. All the “blue” I saw today could be angels actually guiding and preparing me. And the L300 vans I saw will be the type of vehicle that we’re gonna have a collision with causing my death thus the word “casket.”

Yes, it could be representing my death. The familiar faces of women I saw in my dream who boarded with me on the bus headed to Baguio City are actually the angels and I can see their faces in my dream that is why they somehow look familiar to me, but here on Earth they are the ones in “blue.”

And Baguio City, the “heaven here on Earth” as I call it, actually represents heaven for real. 🙂

This could be a product of my wild imagination as a writer or it could be all true or maybe they all signify a different meaning. I guess one way to find out is to PRAY and enjoy the exciting journey ahead, here or up there. *wink*

I just never felt more at peace in my life than what I have felt today. So yes, today was not my ordinary kind of day. And I praise God for that. Because peace is the one thing that is hardest to attain in everything nowadays. I know you will agree with me. 😀

Keep the faith, do the mission and glorify God always my dear friends. 🙂

The Solitary Confinement

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princess

(Photo credit: princesswarrior.bravejournal.com)

Out of desolation, out of despair,
A want to escape the devil’s snare.

A heart that bleeds, a heart that weeps,
Wishing a love that is for keeps.

You searched, you groped.
Now hoping you have coped.

Tried to give in and tried to give up,
Half empty, half full – like in a cup.

Now you wonder, now you question.
I need my Savior, He can’t abandon.

For that is my comfort, He is my wisdom,
Overflowing peace, that is His Kingdom.

To love is to feel, to bleed is to heal.
To die is to live, to know what is real.

The Cross bears it, in our every call.
He died for us, to live and have it all.

His Kingdom’s riches, beyond silver and gold,
For everyone’s keeping, may you be young and old.

The everlasting hope, now in your hand,
Are we to take it or let it slip like the sand?

So I remembered, so I’m comforted.
A loving Father, dearly and beloved.

For in my desolation, I can only savor that moment,
To be in His arms, my solitary confinement.

***This is my very first poem that I wrote summarizing my faith and my spiritual journey since I got saved last 3/13/13. Praise be to God for the gift of words. If you have the gift of words too, may this inspire you to make more literature that will honor and glorify His Name. 🙂

The Spirit Lives

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Today is Friday, the end of the work week to most and the last day for the Prayer and Fasting 2015. This post is also my first entry for this year. Looks like what I have to write here will be something memorable. I hope. 😉

It’s been awhile since I wrote my last entry about my faith, if a few months back can be regarded as such. But I was prompted. Not just by anyone but by the One who lives in each and everyone of us who have been saved – the Spirit.

Thus, I begin my post.

I normally do not wake up at 5am. But I have been waking up at that time for how many consecutive days already. The tossing, turning and failed attempts to get back on hibernation mode can, I must say, add to the plentiful running thoughts in your head. I checked Instagram because I remembered I need to edit my profile. I saw something I did not like on the Newsfeed, I was tempted to judge – the mind can form in an instant the weapons of destruction. Not to them being criticized but to yourself who criticize, for a complete negative thought is nothing but already a crime.

BUT before negativity overcame me, I suddenly remembered a verse. My thoughts shifted – what book was it, what chapter, what verse, who said it, etc. I took my phone, typed the words I could remember from that verse on Google search and found myself reading verses upon verses until I stumbled upon this:

1 Corinthians 4:5 NIV

“Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”

The verse was more of an answer to my beleaguered thoughts the past days than it is to the IG post I saw and my reaction to it. It just struck me how God can use simple things and simple ways as His means to provide you the answer you have been needing thus giving you the peace that you deserve.

And this was not the first time that happened. For every time I ask questions, every time I am unsure of something, every time I crave for an explanation, I was always reverted back to the Scriptures. And what I read are the only things that pacified me. I was supposed to write there ‘satisfied’ than ‘pacified’ but to me, satisfaction can be achieved without the feeling of being pacified. Satisfaction is for the time being while to be pacified is for the long run. Satisfaction is for that immediate craving while being pacified is for that deep longing.

Sure, some writings satisfy but their ideas never last. Maybe because if they are human wisdom, they change. What the Scriptures offer is Godly wisdom written in consistency through the changing times. And something grounded is more believable than something unstable, right?

1 Corinthians 1:19 NIV

[For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”]

Indeed, there is so much a changed life can do. You thought for a moment you have it all from wisdom to riches, love in its worldly definition and power. Until came the time that you were stripped bare – you have nothing. Except now, the only thing you see is your Creator. And the only thing you have and you can be proud of is the Cross. Then you can only be happier, for you have been stripped FREE. The Spirit lives. 🙂

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( Photo credit: https://www.pinterest.com/wildbill666/for-me/)

Instrument

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When I was saved, the next thing I prayed to God was  for Him to use me as an instrument to reach out to the people who are “lost” and let them know about Jesus Christ. Little did I know and neither did I really understand what being an “instrument” meant back then. Until came that time when I was given the actualities on what it really feels and what is it really like to be used as an instrument.

I have learned two things when God used me: sacrifices and humility. Exactly how God sent Jesus Christ as the way for us to be saved. To follow Christ is to accept Him first as your Savior and be Christlike. It meant going through sacrifices and having humility. I didn’t understand at that time why I had to go through the same things I went through before when I am already a Christian now, pure and devoted. Trials after trials came. Setback after setback. I got corrupted again but I held on to my faith. I noticed that the more I become bolder with my faith and in my devotion, the enemy strikes even harder and more painful this time.

But, what the enemy didn’t know that for every hardest blow I take, I come out unscathed. For every failure, I come back up twice as high as I fell. I have wounds, but I am made whole again. For I have a God who heals, who restores and redeems. 🙂

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.” – Psalm 55:22

Sacrifices played a crucial role being an instrument in spreading the Word of God. It meant persecution, corruption at one point and eventually reaffirmation of faith. To sacrifice is to bleed, to lay open your wounds, to submit every part of your being for the good of one or many.

To be able to endure sacrifices is humility at its best. You are subdued to the lowest point of your weaknesses leaving them raw and open and yet this is what gives you the opportunity to trust God and have faith in Him wholly, with no reservations and with utmost sincerity.

Indeed, when you reach out to the “lost,” how would you help them when you don’t know what they really are going through? How can you sympathize with them when you don’t know the pain they feel, the sorrow they go through, and the struggles they face in every aspect of their lives? I had to experience them too. And when I went through all that, I already know how to deal with them, I know what to do when I make this mistake, I already know who and where to turn to. And that is what they needed to hear, that is what they needed to learn and that is why God gave me the task.

Testimonies are always the best examples of salvation and ultimately, of God’s love through the Cross. They are the best motivators for a changed life, so to speak. I was subverted back to who I was because God is assured that I can never be led astray this time. Though I have to make the sacrifices, He knows I will be going back to Him, seeking and reaching Him out all the more. Then, share the Word and the meaning of the Cross.

Yes, being an instrument is a two-way learning process. I, too, was learning. I, too, feel the pain. I, too, feel the struggle – with them who are “lost.” But the only difference, I had a steadfast faith and I know the meaning of the Cross. I always go back to God, I always think about the Grace. I “report” what I did, I repent if I made mistakes along the way, I submit to His will and then I accept what needs to be done  next through prayers for continued guidance from our Father.

“For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.” – Galatians 5:6

At the end of it all, I ask myself: “Why do that, Tin? Why ask God to give you the task of being an instrument in letting people know about Him? Why let yourself go through all the pain and the sacrifices?”

At first, I don’t know the answer. But God gave the answer: it was LOVE. He loves us so much that is why He sent His son Jesus Christ to save us from our sins. I love my God and Jesus Christ so much for this GRACE, I love the people around me too much I want them to be saved too. It was all for LOVE that I will endure the sacrifices, that I will accept humility. For I know too that this LOVE that saved me will be the LOVE that will save them all too.

This was the love that I used to sarcastically joke about. The love that I used to amusingly take for granted. The love that I have no regard at all. And yet, it was because of this LOVE that I survived in this world.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his LOVE into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

– Romans 5: 1-5

Before I end this article, I would like to share this verse as a reminder so as to not fall into the trap that the enemy has set out for us in order to cut in on our RACE towards GRACE:

“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

– Galatians 5: 19-21

Forgive yourself, no one is condemning you. But continue to do what is good, what is right and what is pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. So my dear brothers and sisters, I pray that may we all work together towards having this through Jesus Christ our Savior – LIFE IN ETERNITY and continue the good fight of faith, no matter what it takes. 🙂

 

Broken Nigel: The Real Story Behind The Lens

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Broken Nigel

Broken Nigel

It happened a few hours before New Year. New Year’s Eve it is, a few hours before the clock struck 12 signifying the start of a new year – 2013. I never thought that it would happen. The camera has been with me for two years.

Yes, Nigel is my dslr camera. I have always loved photography and it was only recently that I have decided to start taking photos and make it as a full time hobby. Full time hobby would mean using the camera as often as I could at any given time. It served as an avenue for me to recover from a painful past.

Came our family outing wherein I was excited enough to capture the moments. It was a swimming event and everybody was busy carrying a lot of picnic stuff.

Then the unexpected happened.

We were on our way home, I was seated at the back beside my niece and I unintentionally placed the camera on top of the bags without tying the sling to the head rest of the back seat.

I didn’t hear nor feel “danger signals” at that moment and it was already too late to realize it when before I could go out of the car, “blag!” There goes my camera falling and rolling onto the pavement. My brother and Dad were both aghast when they picked up the camera. And yes, I am to blame. I was too confident that nothing will happen to my camera as I was always too cautious making sure that it is on the safe spot where it won’t get wet, where it won’t fall, etc. But you can never let your guard down, as they say.

So yes, that was the first “strike” on my camera. The LCD was broken. And I feared the worst – the camera will not be able to withstand the fall it won’t turn on anymore. But I was thankful though because the camera is inside the case and it cushioned the fall. It was the corner of the guard for the camera strap placed on top of the LCD that caused it to crack. It did turn on. And that was something I am so grateful for.

A week before I went home to Bicol, I bought an LCD cover for the camera. For almost 2 years I haven’t thought about purchasing one just until last year.  Little did I know that this gut feeling/inner voice that urged me to do so is actually God trying to tell me in preparation for something big that’s going to happen.

Then a week after that, a relationship with someone very dear to me was severed. Emotional ties were tested up to the limit. It got broken too. That was a week after the incident with my camera happened. So now I was dealing with two things: an intangible and tangible one. And there’s one thing that they both have in common – both are broken. My next question then was, “why?” What is the significance of the two events? Most especially, what was God’s purpose why He made them happen?

Then it came to me that yes, both were meant to be broken. Why? I grew up to be complacent, taking things as they are, letting things stay as they are, unaware and unsuspecting of any danger. I was taken off guard, so to speak. I wasn’t able to fix both before leaving Bicol. Then there came the annual Prayer Fasting in our church. It started exactly the day when I arrived from Bicol carrying with me the “broken” stuff. The Prayer and Fasting placed me in that moment of thinking things through, asking for forgiveness, and talking to God regarding these matters.

Yes, both incidents were meant to happen upon my leaving Bicol. God reminded me what are the things needed to be “fixed” which I have started to be complacent about and start praying for it during the Prayer and Fasting. Yes, that is how amazing our God is. He leads us to the path where we should rightfully head. He sees the “strains” and the “burden” that we will carry if we do not take action and just let things dwindle along.

I went through all the hassle of having my camera checked up and was thankful when I found out that I don’t have to pay thousands and thousands of pesos to have it fixed. It was only the external LCD that was broken. Whew! Thanks to the LCD protector that I bought a week before my camera fell. It was the one thing that prevented the shock from penetrating to the interiors of the camera. It also prevented the LCD glass from shattering and falling into pieces. It was the one thing that basically held everything together.

The same thing happened to the relationship. I prayed for healing during the Prayer and Fasting. I asked for forgiveness and have sworn to let go of my pride, accept my mistakes and apologize. Yes, I may not be able to fix the relationship totally but because of God, He prevented the relationship from shattering completely into pieces. Because when that happens, it would be beyond repair.

The camera was fixed; the relationship was also fixed.

I am more than grateful to God for giving me the guidance and the discernment to follow what He wants me to do. Moreover, I am more than glad I have made the move to obey and trust Him. God is the one thing that held everything together even until now.  He made it all possible so that things would be at the right track, almost perfect, and I may be at peace. More or less. 🙂