I often wondered what is it with death that we are so afraid of. Maybe we’re not really afraid about dying per se, but more of how we are going to die. The topic of death has always been considered morbid and taboo. And yet all the more that we should talk about it because acceptance is always the pathway to peace.

When God placed a desire in my heart about hospices after my Mom passed away last year due to stage 4 breast cancer and the possibility of providing hospice care on our farm in the future, I asked Him to give me the means to make it happen. And it looks like I got my confirmation because He sent me a whole lot of resources and instructions to prepare for it. Or maybe this was the work of Facebook’s algorithm since I’ve been doing research on hospice care which is why I was getting similar recommendations on my newsfeed. 😀

By the way, I don’t have a personal Facebook account because I deactivated it. I have 1 dummy account though where I only have 1 friend and she’s my spiritual Mom/coach/mentor. I mainly use Facebook to stay updated with news and current events.

Here are some of the organizations I found if you need information on hospice care:

The Philippine Society of Hospice and Palliative Medicine – https://www.pshpm.org/

Asia Pacific Hospice Palliative Care Network – https://aphn.org/

The European Association for Palliative Care is also conducting a free webinar on February 21, 2024 at 5pm (Manila Time) entitled “Public Health Approaches to Bereavement Support.” Here’s the link to register: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/9717054994060/WN_A7NsLepPSIO2sn28NnZx9Q?fbclid=IwAR1KbkSVq0tRwg3MVTQXfmXUrVVvXab0TXiicyzBcL2F6NZzY8jvdd4qMyU#/registration.

I also chanced upon the website of the National Institute on Aging, which is one of the institutes of the National Institutes of Health in the U.S. It’s a privilege to be able to subscribe to their weekly newsletters and receive free caregiving tips and resources, which are all very informative.

I cannot tell though if the fulfillment of these plans will happen in my lifetime, but this might inspire others to follow suit if they also receive the same calling. But first, let’s define hospice care.

What Is Hospice Care?

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defined it as “a program designed to provide palliative care and emotional support to the terminally ill in a home or homelike setting so that quality of life is maintained and family members may be active participants in care. It is also a facility that provides such a program.”

What To Do During The Terminal Stage Of An Illness?

It is part of my preparations to always assume the worst-case scenario. This helps me prepare holistically. However, I would suggest limiting these worst-case assumptions to a minimum because they can trigger anxiety, and we don’t want that. So let’s say I am diagnosed with a terminal illness, how am I going to take it?

1. Seek For Expert Opinion Re Treatments

I’ll ask my doctor how long I have like if I opt to go through all the treatments, will I have a couple of years and if I don’t, do I have a couple of months only to live? I will also ask what is my quality of life after receiving the treatments. Will I be able to live a normal life again?

If the answer will depend on how my body will respond to the treatments, then it’s a “go.” If my body won’t be able to survive the treatments, then I’m choosing palliative care and pain management instead.

2. Plan My Next Move

I did ask God what more can I do if I only had a couple of months or years to live. Because I felt like I could only do so much in just a short span of time. And yet God’s answer was that what we might consider as small efforts now may actually have a lasting and significant impact later on.

One example is meeting another patient who is already on the verge of ending his/her life, but by talking to him/her, hope in God is restored and this person is now helping others as a result. Or it could be a student who will be inspired by my testimony, and decades from now, that kid will become the President of this country who fears God and will genuinely serve his people. It’s like God was saying that there are plenty of opportunities to touch other people’s lives that don’t really require that much effort and too much time.

3. Prepare For The Actual Battle

We never go to a battle unprepared. And we don’t prepare ourselves only, but those around us, too. It is also important to be surrounded by people who can pray for you and encourage you to keep on fighting. The church is the right community for this.

Breast cancer support groups, in a way, provide emotional and psychological help and other information based on every patient’s journey. But, we can’t totally rely on them because most of the people in these groups are going through treatments or have a family member who is ill. When one member dies, it can pull the morale of the rest of the members down.

Because when this happens, I know the next questions that will pop into their minds are these, “Lord, am I next? When will my time come?” Questions like these, if they are what occupy the patient’s mind often, will result in depression. And in the webinars I attended, when depression hits, it affects every treatment plan, especially if the patient doesn’t want to eat and take their medications or continue the treatments.

So I actually came up with this mantra to combat depression – we do not mourn the living, we mourn the dead. We can’t be sad all the time and cry over how difficult life is as a sick person. We don’t lose heart, but we keep moving forward. As long as we still breathe, we move forward. We call this in UP as “Padayon.” ✊

4. Pray And Let God Take Control

Once I start with my treatments, I will leave the results to God. Whether I get healed or my condition worsens, I will accept what God’s will is for me. If ever I decide to push through with palliative care, then I will let nature run its own course just like the stance of Ezekiel Emanuel, an oncologist, to refuse all treatments after the age of 75. You may read more about it in the following articles:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/doctors-argument-living-longer

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-11619519/amp/White-House-oncologist-Obamacare-architect-wants-die-75.html

Can We Ever Get Used To Seeing People Die?

I once asked my second sister who works as a nurse in a nursing home in Norway how she ever got used to seeing patients die. How do you care for someone without getting emotionally attached and not be sad when he/she passes away?

My sister answered that you will never get used to it. You somehow just learn to accept it. I guess we can learn from doctors, too, and how they approach every patient’s case objectively. However, this isn’t always the case like what our pastor shared in church about how one doctor cried because the patient, a member of the congregation, was all good to undergo surgery but suddenly died the next day. And they weren’t expecting it at all.

This is why I have so much respect for doctors. What they do is really not easy. Also, not all patients are the same. There are those who will use 15 minutes of the doctor’s time venting out his/her sob story but still fail to answer directly the doctor’s question of what their concern is. 😁✌️ Then there are those who are sometimes too stubborn to obey doctor’s orders (is that you, Christine? lol). And there are those who blame the doctors when results turn out differently than what they’re expecting (this is definitely not me). But, we all love and care for these patients just the same.

That is why I keep on praying to God that doctors will be given the best support system that they could ever have may it be in the form of trusted friends, a spiritual family, loving parents and siblings, a supportive partner, or awesome kids (even if they can get too rowdy sometimes). And this is also what I was hoping the hospice facility would be able to provide – whatever the dying patient wishes, it will be granted (as long as it is reasonable).

Look To Jesus For Salvation Amid Suffering

Each one of us will go through different ways of dying. Each of these deaths will have its own struggles and pain – except for those who died instantly. We will all go through these struggles before our last breath. And yet we should not be afraid.

Instead, we look up to Jesus and how He conquered death. And yet even His death did not happen in His own timeline. Only God knows when we leave this world. What really matters is what we do with this one life that we have here on Earth.

If we’ve been born again, then we only have one purpose and that is to use our lives for God’s plans and His glory. We are a living testimony of God’s grace through every pain, every sorrow, and every suffering that we encounter in this life. The book of Revelation already gave us a glimpse of what those who endured suffering will get in the end – the promise of eternal life. This is a wonderful place to look forward to because in it there will be no more pain, no more sickness, and no more death. ❤️

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“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

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“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelation 21:1-4

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P.S. Here are some videos that I felt like God wanted me to watch as part of our preparation for the hospice project. Again, providing hospice care may or may not materialize in our lifetime, but maybe those who get to read this article might benefit from watching these videos. These videos can be emotionally heavy for some so I suggest being ready with your comfort food, favorite hobby, or a trip someplace else after watching these videos to release all the negative emotions. And don’t forget your rolls of tissue. *sniff*

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