Tag Archives: marriage

My Heart Was Overwhelmed

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This will be a very short post (shorter than my usual 1,000-word articles). I felt it timely amidst all the negative things that have been going on around us lately. But to give you a heads up, this is an appreciation post.

Being Married To A Roman, His Surname Is Rome

Most of my topics here on my blog are all about God, my faith, and my marriage. My husband is one of the things I truly appreciate in my life right now as one of the greatest blessings I received.

If you’ve read my previous articles, you would probably know by now that it was never easy peasy between me and hubby. This is most especially true during the first 2 years of our marriage. It was pretty rough and crazy.

But by God’s grace, here we are nearing our 5th year together as a married couple. And by God’s grace, too, I am claiming we will surpass even our golden wedding anniversary.

When Love Just Makes You Swoon All Over Again

Ah yes, I love my husband so much it sometimes makes me cry every time I realize how blessed I am to have him. Yes, there sure came a time when I doubted God for choosing Bri as my husband. And yet as time went on, God’s answers became clearer.

They were even made clearer when the pandemic happened. Ever since it started up to now, I was amazed by how my husband dealt with all the issues we encountered. It made me admire and respect him even more as the head of our household and the leader in our marriage.

For one, I am grateful that he doesn’t smoke and is just as concerned as I am when it comes to second-hand smoking. Oh yes, that was my number 1 requirement back when he asked me out on a date. Just imagine how miserable my life would’ve been if he is a smoker given that I have allergic rhinitis and the COVID-19 now.

When You See God In Others

He displays so much of God’s character, too, that oftentimes leaves me a bit guilty knowing I am a ‘more devoted’ Christian than him. He is very patient, I am not. He has self-control, I don’t. He is a man of action, I am all talk. He serves without complaining, I sometimes whine.

I see him looking more like Jesus, too, with his now bushy beard and mustache. *wink* That means Jesus was handsome, too. But seriously, how did Jesus really look like? 😁

More than the looks though, I love my husband because of who he is. I couldn’t ask for more. He and God are all I need during these very difficult times. I know every trial we face whether it’s a neighbor who incessantly smokes or me losing my clients/job, God and him are more than enough.

God Is My Savior, My Husband My Protector

They should be. Why? I have a dashing knight in shining armor and a mighty King who leads every battle and avenges His people, victory is a sure prize. And I claim that over every single enemy (seen or unseen) who comes in our paths.

I felt very exhausted in the past days. And yet, when I look at my husband each day, he reminds me of all the beautiful promises God has given me and will bless me with. That, alone, is enough to put a smile on my face.

My husband though, just like the rest of the world, is only here temporarily. I know there will come a time when we will have to part our ways.

And yet I am extremely grateful I have these wonderful memories with him (some painful but mostly happy) that I can cherish for as long as I am breathing in this world. I am looking forward to seeing him in the new Heaven and the new Earth. 🙏❤️

Cheers to all awesome husbands out there,

Love In The Time Of COVID-19: A Wife’s Tale

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I initially thought about writing this article as a parody, but given the intensity of the pandemic’s impact on our emotional and psychological well-being, I decided to share my experiences as a wife during the community quarantine instead.

A lot of people have been sharing the positive outcome of this lockdown. They said it gave Mother Nature the time to heal. Some said it also gave opportunities for sharing, helping, and praying for others. Another benefit is we now have more time to strengthen family ties.

Learning All About The Complexity Of The Human Behavior

This last one is good, but I know some of you will agree it’s not as easy as it sounds. We all know that one of the complex concepts in this world is the human relationship. We were all created uniquely with varying personalities and characteristics.

Combine a group of different people in one room and one way or the other, there will be a clash of personalities. And also, let’s not forget domestic violence and how it can be aggravated during these times. This last one though is a serious case that requires professional intervention and assistance.

Some people felt awful they had to spend community quarantine alone, and yet some really wish this would end because they’re getting on each other’s nerves. The latter cannot be avoided. It is actually beneficial to get to know each other better and adjust accordingly regardless if this is a roommate, a sibling, a spouse, a relative, a parent, or a neighbor.

A Tale Of Two Lovers

That’s the case between me and my husband. This is, by far, the longest time we’ve spent together 24/7 since we got married back in 2015. And yet I appreciate the fact that my husband and I can spend even more quality time together now. I wouldn’t want any person to spend quarantine with other than him but next to God, of course. 🙂

Every single day, I discover something new about my husband. But since we’re the total opposite of each other, just imagine how hard it was for us to maneuver through this quarantine like gliding on smooth waters. On the contrary, it was like being back to the first few months of us being married. 😀

Seeing God In Others

Don’t get me wrong though. Most of our days together were spent meaningfully, peacefully, and happily. But as days turned to weeks and then now nearing to months, there were days when we would easily get irritated over something trivial because there were only the two of us in the house. And yet this setup reminded me how things are going to be when we grow old together.

I believe other families, parents, or married couples can relate to our experience. An example is when kids start to fight over who gets to use the iPad next or who will throw the trash out. Or when a parent gets irritated because all the kids are hooked on their gadgets all day long. Another instance would be sharing a room with a sibling you just don’t get along with very well.

God’s Eyes Are On Every Household

My husband and I would have some disagreements every now and then, and we’d both sulk and give each other a cold and silent treatment afterward. But since we live in a condo, it just doesn’t work very long given the very small space. 😅

I’d have to interact with him one way or the other and whether I like it or not because we’re just too close to one another, and yes, we only have each other. In fact, this was the case last week when we had our first huge fight during the quarantine.

Dealing With Differences

I told hubby to try cooking a new dish, and he’s also willing but he wanted me to teach him the step-by-step process. I’m a teacher, but given the heavy demands lately at home, I quipped a remark that offended him.

I told him to research how it’s done and to not get used to me spoon feeding him with how everything works here at home. Hubby explained he doesn’t learn new things that way, and I insisted that I learned new things that way and he should give it a try.

When Opposites Repel

Since hubby and I have such totally different backgrounds and upbringing, we somehow clash with how we do things at home. My mistake here was that I could’ve been more patient. But no, I guess the enemy took advantage of this sensitive situation to bring us back to our old fights.

Hubby retaliated with harsher words that made me do the same. And in the heated discussion, I just broke down and cried. I guess all those heavy emotions I’ve been keeping these past months just all welled up on me.

Trying To Play God

And my last retort to my hubby was, “you couldn’t see my pain and understand how I feel because God is not in you.” Then hubby retaliated by saying he’d leave once this quarantine is over.

I told him that he can do it now if he wants to because he just doesn’t care about me knowing we can get the virus anytime, and I’d be alone here if ever I get sick. Then, after saying that, I went inside the bedroom sobbing.

When Pride Gets In The Way

Hubby followed me and apologized saying he couldn’t just leave me here, especially not this time. But I guess the enemy just took hold of my pride, so I didn’t accept his apology and told him to leave me and I wouldn’t want to talk to him for the rest of the day. This happened around lunchtime.

I took a pitcher of water and crackers because I planned on fasting for the day. I was crying so much that the only thing I could do was grab my devotion notebook, read my daily devotion, and pray, all at the same time.

A Cold Heart Has No Room For God

I can hear my husband cooking in the kitchen and watching a cooking video. I felt awful that I didn’t help him out. But then again, pride just got in the way and I told myself that I won’t forgive him because he just hurt me a lot with his awful words. But no, he didn’t curse nor shout.

I finished my devotion and yet there was still hatred in my heart. I was somehow expecting him to come back and apologize again, which I know he wouldn’t do because I already turned him down the first time he did it.

Don’t Let The Sun Go Down Angry

Then, the entire afternoon passed by until came midnight. I can hear him scuffling in the living room and washing the cooking utensils so I assumed he has already eaten.

My heart was so heavy and I kept on praying like how Jesus prayed to God while He was on the Cross. That may He take this cup of suffering from me and yet not my will but let His will be done.

Thorn In A Flesh

I guess at this point the enemy came close to blinding me with lies. He almost succeeded but I guess God heard my prayer. I thought so negatively about my husband that I saw him as the “thorn in my flesh” who tempts me to sin.

Thorn in my flesh. I looked up that phrase on the internet and I found one article from Desiring God. There was my rebuke. John Piper said in the article that a thorn in the flesh is a beautiful gift but it comes with so much pain.

God’s Power Works Best In Weakness

And yet this is the pain where God reveals our weakness because it is in our weakness that His power works best. His Grace will be displayed in our weakness. But no, my heart remained stubborn. I don’t want to talk to him and make amends.

But I guess the Spirit just won’t allow it I let the sun go down angry and with bitterness against my husband. Then, a chapter in the Bible came into my mind (Matthew 24) on how Jesus speaks about the future – how loved ones and friends will betray believers.

Jesus Speaks About The Future

I wanted to reread it just to know if it’s already happening now between me and my husband. I read the NLT version of the entire chapter, and yet betrayal of loved ones and friends in particular wasn’t mentioned.

So I read the entire chapter again and again until the last couple of verses resonated with me deeply. I guess this time Scripture was able to break down the wall of lies that the enemy has placed in my heart.

“Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.

But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

– Matthew 24:45-51

Am I A Good Servant?

These verses are all about being a faithful and sensible servant and how God appointed him to look after other servants in the household and feed them. And that those who wouldn’t do what God has instructed will be torn into pieces and thrown into a pit where there will be gnashing of teeth.

I really felt like it was literally God’s message for me during this misunderstanding with my husband. Yes, I didn’t feed him and serve him, literally with food and figuratively of God’s love. God’s messages during this pandemic that kept on popping up in my devotion or in my heart are to serve one another in love and love one another as He has loved us.

How God Teaches Humility

Sadly, I failed God and yet He was so graceful to remind me once again of this calling. So I summed up the courage to go out of the room and talk to my husband. But there’s still a little bit of pride in me so I did go out but only to refill my pitcher with water.

Then this was where I was first struck down with humility. The rice that my husband cooked was untouched. So I checked out the dish rack and searched for eating utensils.

I found none. This only meant one thing – he didn’t eat the entire day (oh my dear Lord, what have I done 😭😭😭). So this slowly destroyed the enemy’s weapon. I went to my husband who’s seated in the dining table pretending not to notice me.

Be Ready To Forgive Always

I hugged him tight and kissed him in the forehead. I did that for a couple of minutes without saying anything because I was too convicted. Then it was my husband who apologized first and I followed it with my apology.

What pierced my heart even harder was when I asked him why he didn’t eat. He answered that he didn’t eat because I didn’t come out to eat, too. Oh my, more heart-wrenching moments there. I hugged him even tighter and apologized many times.

Being Unselflish Is A Way To God’s Heart

You see, hubby isn’t used to intermittent fasting. I told him he shouldn’t do that because it will shock his body. I, on the one hand, is used to it since we do it in church every now and then. He said it’s okay because we also need to lose weight since we did nothing but eat during the quarantine.

My consience though just won’t let him sleep through the night with an empty stomach. So I rummaged in our food shelves. Then I asked him to eat something even just a little to lessen the acid in his stomach, and we ate a couple of cupcakes together. The guilt and humility just all went through me.

God Shows Grace When We Least Deserve It

And it didn’t stop there. My husband who’s not used to not eating the entire day and fasted with me, came up to me while I was washing in the kitchen, hugged me, and said, “I really missed you today.”

Gaaaah, Lord, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. 😦 I get it now. I’ve been doing this love thing wrong all this time. So, I looked at my husband and joked that we needed some “me” time and “me” space, too, since we live in a condo and we literally just rub elbows with each other often. I went on that we also need to apply social distancing even at home. This one made him laugh. 😉

A Beautiful Reminder

God used my husband – who may be or may not be my beautiful flesh in the thorn – to bring me pain that will make me a better servant. And I believe God knew this will happen. The night before this incident happened, we just started watching a series on Apple TV. And I know it’s not a coincidence that it’s entitled “Servant.”

And then just like how God sees everything, He reminded us gently about reality. This reality that we might actually die tomorrow, next week, or next month because of the pandemic. It’s as if He was asking us both why we’re wasting precious time on grudges and selfishness.

Letting Go Of Unforgiveness And Hatred

I did tell myself that I’d like to die at peace with everyone including him. This means there should be no room for bitterness, hatred, and unforgiveness. It’s just not the time for all of these.

All the more when this pandemic requires we die alone without any loved one beside us. We can never hug and kiss our loved ones or even hold their hands before we take our final breaths.

I know we wouldn’t want our last moments in this world full of regrets and not being able to make amends with people whom we have hurt or those who have hurt us. We no longer have the opportunity to do so. So yes, this is no longer the time for hate, but a time for love.

No matter how much we’re offended or how bitter we are by a lot of things, we can no longer let hatred linger in our hearts. Not in a time like this.

It Is Just All About Love

And I guess this is what God is trying to tell us. To “love others just like how I loved you.” To forgive others like how He has forgiven us. And to ask for forgiveness from Him and from others.

This is how God shifts our mindsets from seeing only what lies in front of us to realizing the bigger picture that lies ahead. It is about appreciating relationships more than ever. It is about being grateful and being accountable for the people He’s blessed you with. It is about celebrating what love is in the truest essence of the word. And lastly, it is about the simple things that we normally take for granted, but are actually more precious than money, silver, and gold.

Right now, I appreciate having my husband around. It made the quarantine more bearable, and it made me fully understand how it is to love my husband as a wife according to the standards of God’s Words. There are a lot of things that my husband does now, which made me realize I should be proud God married me to him.

Basically, that is all that God is asking from us now. Just. Plain. Love.

“We love each other because he loved us first.” – 1 John 4:19

Staying in love until the worst,

 

 

Movie Review: Same Kind Of Different As Me

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I’m having a severe rhinitis attack today. As much as I’d like to use a nasal saline spray, my nurse hubby advised me to go natural on remedies. He explained that using too much of it can result in a thinner mucus lining.

The mucus lining protects our respiratory system from viruses that could enter our body through nasal passages. So, here I am trying to make myself feel as comfortable as I can by writing a blog post. 😀

Same Kind Of Different As Me: A Movie Based On A True Story

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Photo credit: imdb.com

For this article, I’ll be doing a review of the movie “Same Kind of Different As Me.” It is an adaptation of the New York Times’ Best-Selling novel based on a true story about faith, hope, love, and friendship.

I don’t want to divulge too many details about the movie just in case you haven’t seen it yet. So, I’ll keep this review short to limit the spoilers. It is already available on Netflix, by the way, since it was released in cinemas back in 2017.

The Characters

The main characters were played by actors Renee Zellwegger (Deborah Hall) and Greg Kinnear (Ron Hall). Greg and Deborah portrayed the typical couple who started out with relational rifts, which became the starting point of the turnaround of events.

Deborah is a wife, mother, and philanthropist, while her husband Greg is a writer and a wealthy international art dealer in Texas. Djimoun Hounsou played the role of Denver who is an ex-con living in a community for the homeless where Deborah volunteers. He is the person whom Deborah would always see in her dreams.

A Special Friendship, A Beautiful Marriage

What I loved about the movie is how the different experiences of each character have intertwined and changed their lives forever. They all have different personalities and yet were all used by God to fulfill a great plan that will benefit not just these 3 characters, but an entire community.

It’s Denver who mostly shared about his faith to the couple and my favorite quotation of his in the movie is this, “Debbie is getting precious in the eyes of God, she also becomes important to Satan.”

Debbie died of cancer at the end of the movie. She left a legacy, however, that changed lives and resulted in a beautiful friendship particularly between her husband and Denver.

She found out she has cancer in its terminal stage already. This sometimes baffles me how a crippling, incurable illness can be diagnosed without the patient even noticing he/she has it.

I believe this has something to do with Denver’s statement I quoted above, and it can also be that God’s purpose for Debbie was already fulfilled. Indeed, it kind of makes you think that our lives are really shorter than we expected.

Do What You Can Do, The Things That God Asked You To Do

Just like Debbie, I don’t intend to wait until the doctor tells me that I have a terminal illness before I start doing things that mattered to me and to God. I won’t wait for that moment before I do the things that I can do now, and the things that God asked me to do now.

So that when it’s time for us to cross the finish line, we have no regrets, and we die fulfilled. I’ve seen testimonies of dying persons over the internet whose last words were filled with the usual regretful “I should have done this and I should have done that.”

Why Wait if the Time is Now

By learning from these final words, we can also avoid these feelings of regret from taking place in our lives. Let’s use them instead to change how we run our lives now. How?

We can start by asking God what exactly are His plans for us. Even if it means going outside of our comfort zones, we have to obey Him. Debbie, for sure, wasn’t comfortable going to a community that is entirely the opposite of where she lives.

As her husband would remind her at first, the place was dangerous, full of criminals, and dirty. This didn’t stop Debbie though and she still followed what she saw in her dream. I believe her dream was a vision shown to her by God – a prophecy. It is what God was asking her to do.

God Makes Everything Beautiful in His Time

The day before she passed away, Debbie told her husband how things have turned out beautifully. She even got to appreciate the infidelity that her husband committed a few years back.

She said that if it wasn’t for it, then they wouldn’t have been given the chance to reclaim the love they used to have for one another and save their marriage from completely falling apart. I’d personally love to die saying these as my last words.

These are words spoken out of gratitude, peace, and contentment. And I believe it is because of my obedience to God when He asked me to do something that I can proclaim these words and say I was able to live a fulfilled life – a life with purpose and a life with meaning.

A Movie Worth Watching

I believe it is not a coincidence that I was able to watch it yesterday out of the countless movies on Netflix. It could probably be God’s leading that I get to see it so I can share it here on my blog. Because this blog is also the legacy that I will be leaving behind if the time comes for me to go.

Are you also living out the purpose that God has called you out? If yes, are you confident that when the right time has come for you to join Him, you can say with a free spirit that you’re ready?

If not yet, don’t waste any more time. I encourage you to have the courage to pursue what God has called you to do. Just like what Denver said in this movie, “We are all homeless just trying to find our way back home.”

Here are the Bible verses the Spirit has prompted me to share with you and help you discern God’s calling for your life:

“Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.

While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief.

You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober.

For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.

For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you.

Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.

Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.

May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.”

– 1 Thessalonians 5:1‭-‬24 NIV

Living life according to God’s plan,

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P.S. I’ll just be watching the service in church via live stream. I just can’t disrupt it with my constant sneezing every hour when I’m there, can I? 😀

Learning From The Marriage Of Hosea | A 4th Year Wedding Anniversary Special

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Hello, everyone! This has long been overdue because August, for me, was the busiest month. I had to juggle several responsibilities at the same time. I thank the Lord, though, because when September ushered in, I was able to “breathe a little.” Thus, this article. 😉

I am writing this blog post to commemorate our 4th year wedding anniversary last month. Hubby and I celebrated it with a simple dinner and some well-deserved pampering.

I guess that’s what really happens when you’re getting older. Any free time you get, you would rather choose to spend it by resting. 😀 We do hang out, though, with our families and friends every now and then just to maintain balance.

Why Hosea?

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I encountered the story of Hosea in the Love Dare book lent to me by my Victory group leader last year when I was going through tough times in my marriage. I diligently followed every dare in the book, and there were times a dare would move me to tears because I was so convicted.

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How could I not know the right way to respond as a Christian wife in the relational conflicts between me and my husband?

The book just laid bare everything vulnerable, crooked, and imperfect inside me. With them all exposed, however, I was able to deal with the real issues behind some of the conflicts I had with my husband.

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One of them is fear. I was so driven by it that little did I know the enemy is already using it against me and my husband to his advantage and to destroy God’s beautiful promises for us. It’s just timely that this year’s wedding anniversary reminded me once again of our Bible verse during our wedding back in 2015:

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.” – 1 John 4:18

Next, it was lack of faith. While doing the dare, there were instances where I felt a part of me was wrestling against doing it.

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What I discovered is that I wasn’t humble enough as I claim to be, and there is still pride lurking deep down. I still relied on my own efforts when dealing with tough relational issues instead of trusting God, for one.

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The Love Dare book didn’t just reveal parts of me that I needed to work on, but it also showed me how to better appreciate my spouse and his efforts to make our marriage work. I am sure you are curious by now to find out if it indeed resulted in a more positive and healthy relationship between me and my husband.

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I can say that it did, for the most part, and yet for the majority of the changes, they did not happen overnight. They all required a great deal of discipline in order to see satisfying results. I am just grateful that both my husband and I are willing to work on our marriage regardless of the amount of effort and sacrifice it requires. Yes, we are still a work in progress, and God is definitely not done with us yet.

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When I did the dares in the book, I decided not to wait for my husband to change first before I follow suit. If he does or doesn’t change, that is between him and God. But God’s calling for me is that I change now.

Will I recommend the book?

Definitely.

I am sure any husband or wife out there can relate with every dare in the book 100%, and if you’re going through rough seasons in your marriage, I highly recommend it. It’s also included in the Fireproof movie hubby and I watched a couple of years ago. I already have an idea of what the book was all about, but doing the dares, yourself, is an entirely different case.

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Who is Hosea?

Hosea, in the Bible, is a prophet who was called by God to marry a prostitute. The story revolves around the prophet’s obedience to God in the midst of adultery, which was prevalent in God’s people during those times.

After getting married and having children, Hosea’s wife left him and unfortunately went back to prostitution. This was a very heart-wrenching experience to the prophet. It extremely tore him apart and yet, God asked him to do the most difficult task – ask her to return to him as his wife.

After leaving Hosea and going back to prostitution, Gomer (Hosea’s wife), got herself into undesirable circumstances and was sold as a slave. Hosea, though, still loves her. So, when God instructed Hosea to buy his wife back, he obeyed. He dismissed his own pain as seeing her would probably mean bringing back all the hurt of her leaving him and her sexual promiscuity with different men.

Gomer was full of remorse when Hosea bought her, but he did it on one condition – that she will completely let go of her past sins as a prostitute and repent.

What can we learn from Hosea?

God used the marriage of Hosea to Gomer as a representation of His unending love for His people despite their sinfulness and disobedience. God will continue to make all efforts to bring His people back to Him because that is what He is, He is love.

And there’s just no greater avenue to display the love of God than in a marriage. 1 Corinthians 13 portrays who God is as love, but there are other passages in the Bible that also describe what love ought to be such as loving your enemies and your neighbors as yourself.

The Lesson Of Hosea In A Marriage

When we love our enemies whom we don’t have a close relationship with, we sure can deal with it easily. But in a marriage, it is a tad more difficult and requires greater faith and more grace. To share one roof and sleep beside your enemy is already challenging enough. What more to love whom you disdain every single day?

Yes, there will be times in your marriage wherein you’ll feel you married your worst enemy. Your spouse can be your worst enemy because he/she knows so much about your weaknesses that nobody else does. And yet it doesn’t have to be that way if you choose to see your spouse in a different light.

This is where we can apply the lesson of Hosea’s love story. Just as God will choose to give chances to His people no matter how grave their sins are, then we, too, should do the same. When we were called to be married, God called us to love our spouses just like what Hosea did.

Every Marriage Was Orchestrated By God

I don’t believe in coincidences nor the idea that God does things based on trial and error just like in marriages. I believe that every marriage was orchestrated by God for us to fulfill a certain task. We are the only ones who can determine what these tasks are when we ask God sincerely and devote ourselves to obeying Him and His instructions completely.

Whether our marriages are failing, surviving, or thriving, God has a purpose for it, and this purpose will vary depending on each and every couple. My purpose in my marriage might be different than Hosea’s or any married couple out there. But they all have one goal – to display God’s unending love because that is who He is and that is who He wants us to know and follow.

This is why I don’t judge married couples whether they have God-centered marriages or not for now. Through the story of Hosea, I have surmised that we are not in the position to judge whether a marriage will last or not or decide for a person who he/she must marry. Because every marriage will go through seasons and in these seasons, God will use circumstances to fulfill His greater plans.

It Is A Calling

A marriage is a calling. The choice to marry a person doesn’t merely happen by chance, and it isn’t based on our own free will alone. God also has a hand in it. When I was single, I would read articles on who to marry or what is the type of guy/girl who will fit your personality. And yet reading the story of Hosea changed my perspective on relationships and marriages. It called for an understanding beyond legalism and pre-set doctrines that the world has dictated.

The Bible did state to never be yoked with an unbeliever. My interpretation, however, is that it should be taken with a grain of salt, and it depends on a case-to-case basis. What if the same calling similar to Hosea’s happens now in our generation? As a church, we can only respond to it with prayers. We can never judge because we don’t know what God has planned for a certain couple.

All we know is that it is in a marriage that God calls us to exhibit the greatest of them all – LOVE. We should always remember, too, that no marriage is ever a failure in God’s eyes as long as we seek His counsel on how to run our marriages. 🙂

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Always the goofy husband, when he’s in the mood. lol 😉

Called by God to be a Christian wife in every circumstance,

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Bleeding Love: Why Women?

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This post is related to my previous post about my Facebook status update on concubinage and adultery. I posted it last March 19 and a month after it is still being shared on the newsfeed.

If I will be given the luxury of time to conduct academic research on the topic, I would gladly do so. But unfortunately, time is gold for me right now. In fact, I will be discussing my observations briefly in this article.

When I posted the status update, I must say it was more of a Spirit’s leading rather than a testimonial because my husband and I never went through the same predicament as the people who shared their experiences in the status comments. And looking at the comments, the statistics came up with 22 females and 1 male who have been victims of concubinage and adultery.

One question came up: Why women?

I cannot make an assumption or generalization that infidelity is an issue committed only by most men based on the results of that one single Facebook post. There are a lot of factors that come into play such as the idea that maybe women are more vocal about it than men. Or maybe men can move on easily than women.

Another question: Should you meddle with other people’s affairs?

There is a huge difference between meddling and providing information for someone’s benefit. I believe I have been successful with the latter and yet there is one thing that I believe is actually the exact reason why I was prompted to post it.

There are so many hearts that are bleeding because of love in what supposed to be holy matrimony – God sees it. The 22 women who have commented and those who have sent me private messages are in need of healing.

And no, I believe this is not the kind of healing where you get to hear their stories, suggest the legal actions they can undertake, and then expect them to get on with their lives. I am feeling there is something deeper than that – the kind of healing that only One person can provide.

Third question: Who will be the instrument towards that healing?

I am 33 years old with only 4 years of experience when it comes to being married. I am neither a professional counselor who went through proper training. And yet I am seeing a harvest, a huge number of it and I think the church can provide the support that these women need i.e. spiritual mentors backed by decades of experience in a marriage – a Godly one.

More specifically, mentors who are married women. A spiritual group, perhaps, where women who went through and are going through the aftermaths of infidelity will feel safe, assured, and last but not the least, loved. A group where they won’t feel left out because they’re no longer with their husbands and yet help them find themselves again through the loving grace of God.

As A Seed of Hope, An Instrument of Change

We are all being used by God every single day in school, at work, at home, and in our community as an instrument to lead people towards Christ and salvation. Just like the metaphor used in the Bible about a Christian and faith. Before a seed becomes a plant, it will go through several phases in several mediums before it will start to blossom or bear fruit. And yet God is the one who will keep it alive.

I felt like I haven’t done much of my part when I shared what are the legal actions to take in cases of concubinage or adultery. I feel that it has to be something deeper and something more than that. It is now my prayer to God to instruct me on how to lead these people towards salvation and eventually experience spiritual and inner healing without being obtrusive about faith. An opportunity where they will be the ones to seek Jesus as their Savior.

But for now, I believe we all need to be ready when the seed is due for planting. Any growing seed will need the TLC of a Gardener who will water and nourish it until it has grown its roots and been firmly planted on the ground. So no matter how harsh the elements around it are, it will and it will survive. 🙂

Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” – Matthew 4:19

“…Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” – Matthew 28:19-20

Always a mentee with God as the coach,

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P.S.

This post reminded me of a photo I took several weeks back. I needed to place all my herb plants inside our room (a la greenhouse vegetable farming) because the winds are just too strong in our balcony. My plants were having a hard time growing new leaves so here I am, the gardener, “nursing them back to good health.” 😉

Relationship Advice: Don’t Love The Looks!

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This is a 1 AM thought which is a by-product of too much caffeine in my system. Hello, insomnia! 😀

Just to share with you in light of the topic, I have had a series of failed relationships in my past before I became a born-again Christian and before I met my husband. It was a very “rocky” portion of my life but it’s also one of the seasons where I had the greatest learning when it comes to relationships.

Now that I am married, I am still not exempted from these “rocky” moments but the lessons now are way different. Here are some tips I can share from my previous experiences on relationships and dating.

2014 snapshot for a fashion feature article with When in Manila.

Advice # 1

My advice to the single ladies out there, never ever attract a man by showing too much skin. It does appeal to their carnal senses but in reality we all know a relationship based purely on physical attraction won’t last. Why? You will only look “young” and “sexy” for a short while. If he likes you because of this, expect that when a “younger-looking” woman comes along, he’ll trade you for her.

Advice # 2

Don’t go either for temporary, fleeting mutual attractions that are only good for as long as happy moments last. Nor go after a complicated, no-strings-attached relationship. Believe me, women are always on the losing end and lose more than what they have bargained for in this kind of relational setup. You are only young once – use your youth wisely by investing in a relationship that will last for the long term. This is in fact your only goal why you enter a relationship – marriage until death parts you both.

Advice # 3

Attract a man who loves you for who you are – your good and bad side. And love a man not because he is a smooth talker, but because you are ready to love him even if he is in his worst which you will only see when you share one home for a long period of time – marriage.

Never fall for the “best foot forward” appeal especially if you’ve known him for a couple of months only. A man’s true colors are only revealed when you have known him for years as a friend. Only then can you say that your relationship has a chance to grow and mature on a romantic level. Or if you two can make it “until death does us part.”

What Matters

If you have a choice, choose a man who loves God more than he loves you – this is priceless. Go for the authentic Christian and a man of God in spirit and not by word and by action alone. That is if you want a “less rocky” relationship.

Lastly, go for someone who will fight for you and someone you’re also willing to fight for whatever the odds. This as you both work together in putting God at the center of your relationship and as you both work your way in becoming Christlike with every shared moment as a couple. ❤

From a woman who learned love the hard way but who is now after God’s heart,

On Bo Sanchez’s “Happy Poverty”

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This book was lying around in our old apartment for how many decades already since I was in college until now. It was only when we recently transferred homes did it capture my attention. I didn’t know who Bro. Bo Sanchez was back then. But last year I followed him on Instagram because of a quote I loved.

I finished reading this book for 20 minutes. That is how I am when I am immersed in what I am reading – time just passes. 😀 This is a short book which is a compilation of different stories but the stories were all wonderfully and beautifully written.

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I totally adored this book from the beginning until the end. I felt like the book was speaking to me or rather, my life’s events are speaking in themselves through the book. In other words, I can 100% relate to everything that Bro. Bo was sharing – ideals, circumstances, take on a lot of things, etc.

The most interesting segment in the book that got me captivated and I found myself smiling and then laughing because I can totally relate to him is the idea of “happy poverty.”

My Version of “Happy Poverty”

If you are to read these articles, it’ll give you a glimpse of what my husband and I went through in the first 2 years of our married life: “Minimalist: What It Taught Me In Life” and “Dressing The Part.” It was not easy but we were able to live by because we have made decisions that we know will forge something deeper in our marriage – trust in God.

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A Commitment As A Married Couple

One of our agreements when we finally decided to look for our own place to stay meant that we will be living in conditions that both of us weren’t used to. We both grew up in comfortable homes where we need not worry about everything we need. And this new season that God brought us in was the opposite – a new and unfamiliar territory. We knew we are up to something very challenging and this meant turbulent and rough seas for us.

To make it short, we decided to enter this “happy poverty” season. For the first part, it was very uncomfortable but we were glad and grateful we went through that season because it was a time of so many changes and growth in all areas of our lives. Because we both agreed to enter it, we were contented with our decision and never had any regrets.

You can imagine the major adjustments in everything throughout this season and we were well aware that we needed to keep our emotions in check because our predicament demanded all sort of negative reactions.

That is, if we allowed them to. Though we failed in some instances, I can still say my husband and I were successful in overcoming all the negativity for the most part. This is most likely because we clung on to a steady Rock who’s never washed ashore no matter how mighty the waves are. And also, because we have the following reminders to lead us. Some of these we were able to learn during the Marriage Preparation seminar we attended in church.

Trust-worthy reminders to live by:

  1. Hold on to the commitment made as a husband and a wife and the act of cleaving.
  2. Consider ourselves totally cut-off from anyone who could help us.
  3. We can’t expect our parents to bail us out or go back home to our parents’ arms whimpering.
  4. It’s not about pride but about trusting God and God alone.
  5. How far will you trust God even if it comes to the point of dying for Him?

Deepened Trust

Looking back now, I can say that that particular season was beautiful. Although during those times there were moments of tears and sadness; disappointments and failures; helplessness and hopelessness – but only for the time being.

We allowed God to work on our lives and rescue us from anything that will be our pitfall. We did experience everything that the word “poverty” can encompass. And yet, if I will be asked to relive the experience, I’d still say “yes.”

Why? Because Bro. Bo Sanchez is right:

“That seasons of famine are permitted by God to give us deepened trust.”

And this verse will support that statement:

“Give your burdens to the LORD, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” – Psalm 55:2

But are there times that I still doubted the Lord? Yes, I honestly admit there are times that I still question God’s will and His ability to make things work according to His plans. This, I must say, I am ashamed in admitting but it also gave God more opportunity to reveal more of Himself to me including His never-ending faithfulness.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

God is Never an Impatient God

Just like this article, developments in the family endeavor, the career opportunities I receive – they were all delayed. Because God revealed September is, once again, a season of waiting.

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“Don’t be impatient. Eat when it is time to eat. And walk when it is time to walk.” – The Alchemist

Why must I or we wait? Because when God asks us to wait, it means He has a big plan that He is currently working on that requires a much-needed preparation and is due to happen in His timetable if we want it to be perfect.

God is a god of perfection and as His sons and daughters, He wants nothing else but for us to have the best. That is, if we have the patience to wait for them to unfold either in this lifetime or the life beyond. 🙂

“Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” – James 1:17

“…in order that in the coming ages He might display the surpassing riches of His grace, demonstrated by His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves; it is the gift of God,…” – Ephesians 2:8

Rich in God’s love always,

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Love In The Eyes Of An Empath| 3rd Year Wedding Anniversary Special

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As the title goes, this post is in line with our celebration for our 3rd year wedding anniversary. I can only praise God for taking good care of our marriage and for our happy union now – we owe it all to Him. 🙂 ❤

For a change though, I’ve decided to make this a creative write-up. Here it goes. ❤ 😉

Dear love,

It was a beautiful friendship. Now, it is a thriving marriage.

At first, nothing could go wrong, you thought. Because “love” is all in the air. And yet, you saw visions of them – hatred, bitterness, hurt, and anger. Then, it became a reality. Ah, they brought you pain. So much pain. So you asked, “God, where do I go?” His answer was simple, “Me. Come to me.”

Then, everything vanished. You were carried in His arms. You knew you will walk out that dreary stretch with all your might. Could it be that you have fallen along the way? Yes, but He picked you up. Amazing, isn’t it? The footprints always remain a single pair. It must be true. It is, in fact, true.

Now, you saw that familiar face, again. You can see his gaze, perturbing. That look, yes, that look. You saw the pain. It emanates from the windows of his soul, the eyes. You felt the pain. So this is how it is to love. To love with all your soul – all bare, all naked, all vulnerable.

Can things change? You hoped it in your heart. No, you prayed it with all your heart. There might still be a chance. But that’s the thing with love. It always gives chances. Even if you thought the opposite is true.

I’m glad he’s back. And so we’re back. Here we are fighting together and not against each other. But something really has changed. No, it’s not something. A lot of things have changed. You counted the days that turned into weeks and then months. And now? 2 years of changed lives and changed hearts.

You are more than glad you called out to Him for help. You knew you cannot do it on your own. That familiar gaze would’ve come from a stranger. A stranger who knew so much about you. A stranger made by circumstances.

He finally arrives home, you look at him. There he is with his tired look. He smiled faintly, greeted you with a kiss. But his usual banter is nowhere to be seen. You decide to tell him then later. Give him a tight hug, a sweet kiss, then prepare dinner.

He is trying the best that he could to be the best man. Don’t forget the little and big things which he knows you’ll love even if it’s too much of a hassle for him. When all is at rest, he’s back to his usual self. Ah yes, the perfect time to lie beside him, tease him, tell him what you wanted to tell him, stare at his face, and wonder if the circles under his eyes are getting bigger.

So you smiled at him which was returned right away and then more teasing. A few words are enough. That is not so hard to do. To focus more on someone is to focus less on the self. You read the emotions, you read the actions. It’s not hard to tell. You know what to do, you know what to say, and when to do all of them.

Funny how a pause is so important in everything. You look at him, you pause. He says something, you pause. He does something, you pause. Those pauses are so much more than just mere pauses. They speak volume to you who feels everything.

If there is but one thing that marriage teaches you about life, it is this – take a pause. When you pause, you loosen up. You detach from your emotions. Then, everything comes to a standstill.

It’s just like a time machine. It allows you to reorganize everything and make sure you’ll do everything right this time. Except in our world, you don’t need a time machine. Why? Because your choices will allow you to control time.

Time. You must love time and for what it does whether it’s to heal, to be free, to fight, or to reunite. See time as your best friend, not your enemy. It is only when you pause that you stop the time. You pause because you want to cherish the moments you want and can keep.

Love and time. They make a relationship grow. Yes, so much have changed. But only because we chose to allow time in letting things grow. And only because we have love to keep things growing.

About love, it’s not so hard to find actually. All you need to do is just look up and say, “God, I am ready for You.”

Make sure though that you really are ready. Because it is only love that will keep you together when everything seems falling apart. And when you do finally have love, whatever comes in your relationship, be assured that it will always have a happy ending. 🙂

A loving empath always,

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If you love poetry reading, you can try watching my version of this lyric poem below. Enjoy! ☺❤

P.S.

I am currently finishing drafts one by one and once done, I plan to set the date when each article will go live. A thought came in though. What if one of these days I’ll find out my days here in this world are numbered? Will it be okay if my social media accounts still be “active” because of my scheduled posts on WordPress even if I’ve long been gone? I have drafted a whole year worth of articles. I hope you guys won’t find it creepy. 😀

Anyway, speaking of those numbered days, I randomly shot a question to hubby dear last week. I asked him what he will do if there’s an emergency here at home i.e. I slipped on the bathroom floor and was knocked unconscious, there was a fire, etc. and he needs to rush me to the hospital. He just answered that he’ll decide when it’s already happening. So I told him that sometimes a little preparation will help align your emotions to what can possibly happen (the dreaded events) and prevent a lot of hassle.

I continued by telling him that if he finds me unconscious on the floor, he must check my pulse, then get 3 important things: keys, wallet, and cellphone. He must also lock the door after carrying me out. Then once downstairs, ask for help from the guard then book a Grab car or taxi if the ambulance from a nearby hospital will take too long to fetch me.

My husband finds this absurd. Haha Yup, I know you will find this absurd, too. 😀 And I realized I am beginning to sound a lot like my Mom these days. (Love you, Mom!) But I know these “absurd” thoughts never popped up for no reason. They will also serve their purpose in God’s time. Well, it’s just an afterthought, anyway. A long one. 😉

Relationships & Marriages: Don’t Settle Just Because | 5 Wrong Reasons

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Relationships and marriages always have one key component – settling down. I don’t know of anyone who got into a relationship without plans of getting married. Do take note though that I refer to marriage here as the legal union between a man and a woman. I am not, in any way, in agreement with cohabiting. If you can’t have a church wedding first (like me and my Mom by choice), then by all means, have a civil wedding. 🙂

A Church Wedding vs A Civil Wedding

My husband and I would still love to have a church wedding someday. We are targeting to have it on our 25th wedding anniversary. I can already imagine how emotional it will be. Why? This church wedding will be our gift to God for keeping us together until we reach our 25th year and the years to come.

Though we believe in a God who provides anything especially when it comes to finances, we felt it in our hearts to have the church wedding a bit later. We attended the marriage preparation seminar conducted by our local church, though. I highly encourage engaged couples to do this. It is such a big help to prepare you for the married life in a God-centered way.

Keep in mind that a civil wedding doesn’t make your marriage less holy. My parents’ marriage is a testimony of this and how they brought us up. We all grew up as God-fearing children who knew God well enough beyond all the religious rituals and practices. I believe a good marriage goes beyond lavish weddings but most of all, it should be about honoring God by honoring your marriage and your vows until death does both of you part no matter what. 🙂

In 5 years’ time, my parents will be celebrating their Golden (50th) Wedding Anniversary. I can only thank God for the grace and for my parents’ efforts to stay committed to their wedding vows regardless if they had a civil or a church wedding.

Marrying By Faith is More Important

When I got married, I knew what I was getting into. It is a covenant that you cannot get out of whenever you feel like it. I asked God for guidance if this is a season that He wanted for me. I never had doubts about whether I should marry my husband or not. When I received God’s wisdom over my decision to marry, I had no regrets even when months later after the wedding, hubby and I got into stormy and rough seas. But because I have faith, because of God’s grace, and because I married my husband for the right reasons, here we are close to our 3rd year wedding anniversary (that’s next month!). Still a young couple, though. 😀

So ladies (I chose you just because I am also a daughter of Christ), here are the wrong reasons for wanting to settle down:

5 Wrong Reasons Why You Should Settle Down

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1. Never settle for comfort and convenience.

It’s a temptation for single ladies to get into the season of married life thinking they now have a partner in life who can help them with everything and be their best friend. Yes, it is true but it also means doing your part of the deal and making sacrifices, too, if needed. There is sometimes this misconception or “the fairytale complex” that after the prince married the princess, it’s all happily ever after between the two.

The truth is, a marriage will bring you so much discomfort as much as it brings you so much comfort. It’s not always a happily ever after. It could be a sober ever after every now and then or an exciting ever after or a boring ever after. We can never confine marriage with just one emotion because just like life, it’s a mix of everything. Forget that fairytale, it’s ideal but not real.

2. Never settle out of peer pressure or for validation.

Ah, yes. This is one of the most pressing (but wrong) reasons when settling down. I’m sure you’ve heard statements such as:

“This is my 5th time to be a bridesmaid, when will I become the bride?”

“All my girlfriends in our batch are married except for me.”

“My best friend got married already, I think I should do the same.”

“I think nobody loves me enough that’s why I am still single.”

“Nobody asked me out on a date, I think I’m the ugliest girl in the world.”

Whooosh! Wave them all away! They are all deceptions and lies that the enemy is planting in your heart. Do not fall for that trap. You are as lovely as you are now. You are worthy to be loved. You deserve to have the right man in God’s perfect time. The solution? Be still and wait. God might still be busy preparing you for this season.

3. Never settle for the sake of “leveling up” or “singlehood” is starting to become a bore.

This is common with women who always ask, “What’s next?” 😀 The very root problem of this goes back to discontentment. When you are not satisfied with what you have, you’re always hungry for more. Believe me, it can be a vicious cycle (used to be my stronghold). What you need is to enjoy the “now.” Ask God for leading where He will take you. Always be in tune with what He wants you to do. Be in step with God in all of your plans.

When you do this, you’ll be amazed by the different seasons that God can usher you in that are both exciting and frightening and yet fulfilling in the end. And you were only vying for one? Nah, God wanted you to have the best experiences in this life! Why? It is through these experiences that God will test your faith so you can build your character and be ready and equipped with everything lacking nothing (James 1:4).

4. Never settle for money.

For arranged marriages, this is common. It is a sad fact to know that some marriages are based on preserving business partnerships. If you’re reading this and you’re going through the same dilemma, ask God what He wants you to do. Remember, life is not over for you. This season might be where you’ll have the greatest learning yet. Seek His will all the more why He put you in this season. Then, see things from His perspective.

God knows you’re going to go through it and He knows that you can handle the situation. He won’t give you this situation if you can’t carry it on your own. But even if you can’t, know that God is on your side to help you out each and every step of the way. And lastly, money can’t buy you happiness. It never does and it never will no matter how wealthy you are. It’s always a weak foundation of any marriage, it will and it will crumble.

5. Never settle because looks captivated you.

The rule of thumb is to let your heart be captured by another heart, too, and not with the looks. 😉 This adage is always true to the core no wonder it became an adage: “Looks can be deceiving.” Go for attitude always before looks. But here’s what you must remember, too. In your courting days, both you and your partner will be putting your best foot forward so it might be an all show of positive attitudes. And yet, even if you’ve become best friends now and you’ve grown quite comfortable with each other, you still can’t show him your underwear and point out they’re “baconized” already you need to buy a new one, right? 😀

Seriously, the “getting to know” stage will only get deeper once you get married. I can attest to this because my husband and I weren’t really best friends when we met and became a couple. So, the first 3 years of our married life became the “getting to know” stage for us. It can be a rollercoaster for the first few years but I can assure you it will get better in time. You’ll soon learn to love each other better including those things that used to tick you off. And you’ll only notice how handsome your husband is once married because you get to stare at him most of the time. 😀

 

My last piece of advice when it comes to relationships and marriages is this: if you plan on settling down, marry for the right reason – because of love. And yet, always keep in mind too that love is not purely about feelings and emotions. It is a mixture of decisions, sacrifices, disappointments, failures, triumphs, accomplishments, forgiveness…every act and emotion (good ones) you can think of, that is love (1 Corinthians 13). No wonder it is the greatest of all. 🙂

“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Still feeling unsure where God is taking you next when it comes to relationships and marriages? Do drop me a comment or a message, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Thankfully married,

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Unflinching: Of Flaring Nostrils And Conflict Resolution Tips

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This conflict resolution article is based on the experiences that my husband and I went through as a married couple. I haven’t been sharing much from our experiences as a married couple lately but this one particularly got a “tugging.” If you and your spouse are struggling in this area, do continue reading. You might find something helpful which you can apply in your own marriage as well. 🙂

If you’re reading this and you’re married, I am sure you’ll agree with the majority of the points I’ll share here. If you’re still single, you can take this as a preparation for your next season. Most are true for this though – all couples go through disagreements. It all just differs on the number of instances a certain couple fights over disagreements.

Let me share with you a bit about our marriage just in case this is your first time to read my articles. Our 1st year ( 3 years ago) as a married couple was the “craziest.” How? Let’s just say I was the fiercest cat and he was the meanest dog – we were the worst of enemies. We’ve torn each other apart so much that I was so sure in those moments the marriage will come to a ruin 100%.

Well, it almost did back in 2016. But to make the story short, we came out alive with the help of our biological families and prayers from our spiritual family.

What I learned from that gut-wrenching experience is that if you are given the entitlement to claim something (i.e. holy matrimony), you have every power to fight for it whatever the odds and whatever the cost. If you believe in your heart that God will fight on your behalf, let your faith be unflinching.

Yes, unflinching in your faith and never in anger. Since this 2016 incident, so much have changed. But only because I held my ground as a wife – I claimed what is rightfully mine in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of God. That is my husband and my marriage.

How did I exactly do that? I looked straight at the enemy (dark spirits of this world who will tempt you, use your weaknesses, and make you sin) with my game face on and dared him this – you have messed with the wrong wife this time. Send me all your powerful warriors and launch to me all attacks you can think of from temptations to sickness and death, my God will face you in each of those and you will be defeated.

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Am I really brave? No, honestly I am very insecure but if God prepares you for a battle, He will equip you with full armor having this as your best shield – LOVE. God is love, anyway. You’ve got the best defense you need not be afraid even if you think you’re too frail to defeat anyone.

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” – Ephesians 6:11

Honestly, we really are too frail to fight it out on our own that is why we needed God in the first place. If you fight the battle on your own, chances are, you will lose.

I was unflinching during that ordeal. I guess it’s the good part of being unflinching that was retained here. Before I became a born-again Christian, I can be the worst enemy you have met. I am not proud of this though, I suffered the consequences of it. So much that it was so difficult for me to piece the broken pieces together. But God made it all whole. Not in a snap but a painful and yet transformative process for the better.

Before, every time I am in a disagreement with someone, I never give up my ground. I make sure that by the end of the heated and verbal outbursts, I get the upper hand and I get to have the last say. In other words, I use the most destructive weapon of all to achieve that – the tongue. There are lots of moments that because of my words, I “killed” these people. Some broke down in front of me, some cursed me with their whole life, and for most, I ruined their lives. For me at that time, it was a victory – the wrong way.

I was a born-again Christian already when I got married. I thought that I was over with all the unflinching anger and lashing outs. But little did I know that it is through my marriage that God will polish me out. God cut the sharp edges when I got saved, but the refining happened when I became a wife.

This is most likely because it is in a marriage that you get to play out the greatest of all – love. How can you love others better when you can’t even love your better half (spouse) the way God asks of you?

I think you now have an idea how disagreements between me and hubby went on during the first year of our marriage – destructive. When nostrils flare, that will basically describe us – no one wants to step down. We both used the foulest language we can think of until it escalated to flying plates and anything the hand could reach. It even went so bad that I can’t share it anymore here due to its sensitivity.

This was the time our families intervened to protect us both. I also sought help because God instructed we badly needed our families’ help already – we needed a mediator.

I never thought hubby and I will get out of that ordeal. But true enough in Ecclesiastes 13, there is a time for everything. It was only a season. We learned so much from it. I learned so much from it. It was a time for war and yet came also the time for peace. It was a time when we were deeply wounded and yet we were also healed.

If you are married, you’re going through tough times and the worst in your marriage, do continue reading. I know it will give you hope and strength. 🙂

The seasons changed, the tides have turned. This is only because we both made the choice to make things right with God’s help and with the help of the people around us.

My husband and I changed tremendously since then – there really is hope. We have learned one very valuable lesson being a son and daughter of God:

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22-23

Of course, the enemy won’t give up without a fight that is why the bible warned us to “be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

Hubby and I are both a work in progress, we are still flawed. Though the enemy can use our weaknesses to wage war against one another, the Spirit will not allow it anymore.

8 Practical Tips to Apply During Conflict Resolution

Aside from the fruits of the Spirit, here are practical tips I’ll share to avoid those moments when nostrils flare:

1. Treat every disagreement as a landmine.

Veer away from saying a word that will make your discussion explode. Apply MAXIMUM RESTRAINT and EXTRA GRACE. In other words, guard your tongue. Know what is the right thing to say. If you will ask me how? Avoid saying things that you know will offend your spouse.

2. Keep the discussion to a maximum of 1 hour.

This is personally a lesson for me because I tend to speak lengthy explanations just like this lengthy article. 😉 Know when to stop and stop means the end of the conversation. Period. The 3rd step is related to this.

3. To make sure you will resolve the conflict in an hour, discuss only the issue at hand.

Never ever bring up past issues. Believe me, it will only make things worse making your discussion waaaaay longer.

4. For you to discuss things means it has to be a two-way convo.

My hubby used to have this habit of tinkering his phone or anything with his hand while not looking at me when we’re discussing. This irritates me to the point that the conversation gets derailed already because of this. Now I’ve learned to remind him to give his 100% attention to the discussion. But this time, more gently. It works. 🙂

5. Do not interrupt when your spouse is explaining.

Take turns in answering and asking questions. When your spouse talks, listen carefully.

6. Refrain from making sarcastic remarks and most especially, curses.

Always remember the power of your tongue and the extent of damage it can cause if you will use it the wrong way.

7. Focus on resolving the issue at hand.

Most of the time you can resolve it right away. But there are some instances wherein you need to leave it hanging for the moment. Still, it is not reason enough to end the conversation abruptly or open-ended which is what #8 is all about.

8. After discussing, don’t leave the conversation abruptly.

In fact, never leave a conversation if none of these things took place during the entire period of your discussion – apologies, forgiveness, and last but definitely not the least, a PRAYER.

So how would you know if both of you have changed your manner of resolving conflicts? The answer is this – a change of heart. You will see it in the way you RESPOND.

Personally, when I am very angry now, I find myself not being able to finish a rebuttal without bursting into tears. Ah yes, it’s now a softened heart. Tears make me more gentle. It stops my tongue from speaking more of those destructive words.

I used to speak from a hardened heart that made me unflinching. But now, it’s the opposite – I quiver. It is as if the Spirit is teaching me to take a good grip of the reins, take good control, so my tongue won’t slip. It’s my soul battling for what is right telling me, “Tin, stand down.” Then, I get to breathe. When I breathe, I pause. When I pause, I get to clear my mind – a sound mind. Then, I respond BETTER.

As for your spouse, pray for him/her. If you, yourself, are going through a tough time controlling yourself, keep in mind that your spouse is also going through the same struggles. Help each other. Tell your spouse that, too. Encourage your spouse to work with you and NOT against you and that you are also willing to do the same.

Apologize even if you think you have nothing to be sorry for. Why? Most likely there is something you need to apologize for – your anger and pride may have covered it up that is why you can’t recognize it.

So how did a recent conflict resolution of ours end, you might be wondering. It ended

  • exactly in an hour;
  • no curses with 1 sarcastic phrase that slipped through;
  • sincere apologies and sincere forgiveness from both ends;
  • a reassurance from each side that we are both a work in progress, still flawed but doing a great job, we appreciate one another, we are grateful for what we have, and we are both proud of each other’s efforts to change;
  • a tight and warm hug;
  • a prayer of gratitude to God, our mediator;
  • and lastly, sealed with a goodnight kiss plus a snore after. 😀

Yup, that’s hubby’s snoring which used to annoy me big time but after 3 years of being married, it’s now music to my ears. Oh, c’mon, Tin. Yup, I know you won’t believe me. lol

It gets on my nerves sometimes but when I call out his name softly, he stops. It always works. This was an experiment I did and I’d love to study how the subconscious can still interact with the events presently happening while the body is already in the state of deep slumber.

Ah yes, in love, you get to slowly love the differences until everything becomes neutral. 🙂

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“We love because He (God) first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

– 1 Corinthians 13:1‭-‬8 NLT

If you are going through tough times in your marriage and in dire need of prayers on conflict resolution, please don’t hesitate to reach out, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Always in love with love,

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