Tag Archives: Jesus

How To Know When A Season Is About To End

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How do you know when a season in your life is about to end? Though it might seem like the answer has something to do with emotions alone, it should never be the case always. Why? Emotions can be very tricky sometimes. And the enemy can use it to his advantage. What we need, on the one hand, is discernment – both ruled by the heart and the mind.

How Do I Know the Season Will Change?

1. PRAY

There is no better way to ask God where He wants you to go and what He wants you to do but to ask Him outright. And the best way to communicate with Him is through a prayer.

2. Contemplate on Your Situation

Assessing how current things are going will give you clues. Begin from how you started. Think about how things have progressed or the opposite. But don’t try to come up with solutions yet. Not yet.

3. A Door Closing, A New One Opens

In my previous experiences, God ends a season because He is leading me to a new one. I used to be very stubborn when it comes to this. Even though God continues to close a particular door, I keep on bangin’ it so I could get in.

But when God says you’re knockin’ at the wrong door, He seriously means it. I only get extremely frustrated and exhausted trying to open it with zero positive results. All because I want to insist my way and not His way. In this case, the best thing to do is to wait for Him to open the door He chose as the one specifically reserved for you.

So What Do I Do Now?

After doing all those things above, these are the next steps you must do:

1. Wait

The spiritual journey of any Christian has a lot to do with waiting. Why? Because waiting is all about letting God take control of everything and allowing things to fall into place according to His plans.

2. Stay Focused

Distractions are one of the enemy’s ways to derail us from our main purpose. Distractions can come in the form of temptations. Keeping them at bay will help you stay on track.

3. Act When God Says So

You will know when God says it is the right time to act. It is not all about God doing everything, anyway. As the bible says, “Faith without deeds is dead.”

Why the Article Title?

This is a bit irrelevant to the topic but still about changing seasons on a personal note. If you will notice, I don’t normally follow rules when it comes to writing. In fact, I break a lot of them. 😀

Why? For me, too much technicality will kill creativity. Writers are artists. Artists perform best and flourish when they are given the freedom to explore to the best of their abilities without excessive constraints.

Anyway, going back to changing seasons, the moment finally came wherein God asked I focus on doing fewer tasks but are greater priorities.

Tabula Rasa

I had to let go of my writing career in an advertising agency after working with them for a year. My entire working experience with them was all worthwhile though. This was my first professional job as a writer after the career shift from being a teacher.

This year was the “tabula rasa” in my writing career so to speak. I have learned so much about digital marketing either from work or the extra research I do on my own to better understand how the entire process works.

It may feel like a loss to me as I’ve grown quite comfortable with the environment. But God never intended that I stay there for long. He opened another opportunity just recently. This time, with a different community and audience – a faith-based website. So I thought, maybe God just put me in digital marketing so I can “market” faith.

Well, if you’ll look at it in another way, digital marketing is all about increasing your audience through marketing using digital technology. God wanted a bigger audience who will learn about the gospel, too.

Daily PS

The latter is the new season for me as I was accepted to contribute for Daily PS. (Thank you, Alex and team, for this opportunity!) This is a not-for-profit stint for me but I just love to write anything about faith. And oh, please do watch out for my first article. It’s scheduled to go live on July 3rd! 😀 I also plan to contribute articles for them on a regular basis.

Family Obligations

Another season prior to this have already started but it’s not yet on full throttle. It’s a family project where I felt deeply that God wanted me to be in our hometown. I did mention this in my previous articles. The only thing I’m concerned about is leaving hubby here or bringing him with me but both of us will be jobless. But, I put my complete trust in the Lord. Because I know this is what He wanted me to do.

Hubby dear is tentatively up for another promotion and he’ll start training on July to find out if he is fit for the role. If ever he gets promoted, we plan to use the savings to help my siblings in funding the project. The thing is, I need to be one of the “executionists” a.k.a. executives. 😀 Dad is almost 80 years old and old age is starting to take its toll on him. He needs an assistant. I am more than willing to become his apprentice though. 😉

A Journeyman

Speaking of apprentice, this is what the title of my blog is all about. It will contain stories of a journeyman/apprentice who learns along the way wherever his master takes him and whatever his master teaches him.

Ah yes. This is all part of God’s bigger plan. Everything seems to fit perfectly when you try to look at things from a wider perspective. But it took careful decisions and a lot of sacrifices on my part.

I believe God just doesn’t want me to settle on something yet. Every time I am about to get comfortable about something, the tides will begin to turn. Then, I would find myself embarking on a new season yet again. I just take these experiences as essential for my growth in this spiritual journey. 🙂

Finally

So, how do you really know a season will end? It really is between you and God. He’ll tell you and you will find out. Ask for His leading if you need to make sacrifices. Ask Him to help you make a tough decision.

Just always remember that it is not what is in store for you in the next season you’re going into that is why you wanted to obey Him. But think of it as a privilege. The privilege to be used by God and be a part of His masterplan.

Will you let Him end the season and usher you towards the door of a new season? Or will you choose to remain in your comfort zone? 🙂

Always a faithful follower of Christ,

It’s 2018!

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Fiery 2018 New Year date with sparkling trails

Photo credit: Christmas Stock Images

Hello, everyone! I am back and I am sooooo excited to be back! I have so many things to post (all saved as drafts on my phone) and yet so little time! 😉

I am actually on bed rest because I caught the flu bug and I’ve been sick for almost two weeks now. I easily get sick but I prefer not to take meds and train my body to boost its own immune system. Anyway, I still want to make good use of my idle time while I still have the free time. Thus, the post. 😀

So, if you’ve been following my blog for quite some time now, I usually don’t have a blog entry in the month of December for 2 reasons – it is my birth month and busy holidays. I also take this time off from social media as my own year-ender fasting in deep retrospect.

Speaking of fasting, I think you all know we also have a week-long fasting in our church at the beginning of every year. So the January blog entry is, for me, VERY spiritual and personal. 🙂

No, I won’t cry a river in this post like I did the past years. But if I do shed a tear, that tear is precious. It speaks volume of the countless blessings and answered prayers I had back in 2017.

Ah yes, the Lord is GOOD! Freedom from the stronghold of the enemy, freedom at its finest, indeed. 🙂

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2018 is FREEDOM. 🙂

Yes, the year 2017 fared fairly well for me and my hubby and our families. We did have some setbacks but the year ended with such a pretty awesome bang. What I meant by a “bang” is one major prayer request being answered – restoration of broken relationships through sincere forgiveness. Not mine though, God answered it at the beginning of the year 2017. But this is for people we’ve been praying for.

Thus, I just smiled my widest ever smile when on the first day of our prayer and fasting in church, I randomly saw this after accompanying my sister and bro-in-law at the airport:

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God is good all the time, all the time God is good. 🙂

The tangible assurance is there. God is always with us – Emmanuel. This is the reason for the season as they say. Personally though, I celebrate Jesus’ birth every single day. I thank Him every day for the greatest gift I have received from the Father which is salvation. December 25 for me is just a widespread, massive, collaborative celebration of the Savior’s birth worldwide.

Since I got saved back in 2013, I have seen the works of the Lord not just in me but through the people around me and even with the nations. I have learned since that year until now the very essence of Ecclesiastes 3, the joy of patiently waiting on the Lord, the complete trust, and the faith that we have such a great God though what we see around is the complete opposite.

I do not intend to make this post a very long one like my previous January posts. But that is only because I intend to write short posts once a week. The prayer and fasting at the beginning of this year imprinted on me these verses:

“Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received through the prophecy spoken over you when the elders of the church laid their hands on you.” – 1 Timothy 4:14

“Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress.” – 1 Timothy 4: 15

This blog came alive right after I got saved. A very trying circumstance prompted me to make one. I made this first out of a need then, later on, I realized God used that circumstance and turned it around to serve His purpose. This blog now serves as the “megaphone” for my faith.

No, I dare not turn my back from my calling – sharing of faith-based testimonials through this blog. God knows there is a possibility I will because of other priorities. But God demands He remains the #1. Thus, the reminders. 🙂

From me, my hubby and our families, let’s all claim for a fruitful 2018 come what may and cheers to more upcoming posts that will glorify His Name!

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” – Joshua 24:15

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The Ginete Family (missing Ate Ayn and her hubby) with our 94-year old maternal grandma. 🙂

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The Ginete Family, now reunited with Ate Ayn and her hubby but still missing another sibling and our parents. 😀

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The Rome Family missing my Dad-in-law. 🙂

Always remember, our God is ALWAYS WITH US. Seek Him and you will find Him. ❤

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5

P.S.

My future posts will be written through a mash-up of my native language (Filipino) and English. We have a very rich language and the Spirit also imprinted I use it often. I am sure Google Translator will do a fantastic job of translating them for you all. Or better yet, you can try learning our language too. I say, “yes” to the latter. 😉

We Survived Dengue!

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But first, praise be to God for the healing and restoration of good health for me and hubby! ❤

Of course, a huge note of gratitude goes out to our families (biological and spiritual) and friends too who were there to offer us with all kinds of support in this tough ordeal. Ah yes, when the love of God transcends, it is hard to not love people back. So this article is a “WE LOVE YOU ALL”  sort of post. *wink*

So I thought all along especially in the first few days of my fever that I have something really serious going on since prior to it, I was having a very severe headache that I once again cried myself out for relief. Paracetamol won’t even work! Oh dear, I have such a high tolerance for pain that I can live for days doing my tasks even with a migraine and even without any pain reliever. But this one is worst.

My fever went on for about 3 days and with a body temperature of 39.4. Hubby was alarmed so he told me we’d better see the doctor. I agreed and out we went to see a doctor. I was advised that it was some sort of infection since platelet count is okay and no alarming changes in my cbc (complete blood checkup). So on the 4th day, I was feeling okay. I did take medications until the 5th day. Hubby had commitments on the 6th day with his family and asked me if I would choose that he’d rather stay to monitor if ever my fever comes back. I told him 2 days have passed without the fever so it’s okay if he leaves me at home and have his 2-day get-together with his family for his sister’s birthday celebration. I had to stay at home as doctor advised a 2-3 days of bed rest.

Unfortunately, little did we know that my platelet count by this time started spiraling down already. The fever recurred. I had chills early in the morning and I felt a numbing and tingling sensation in the fingers of my right hand then followed by the fingers in my left hand. So I texted hubby that my fever’s back and I felt too weak and too nauseous to drag myself to the ER. He didn’t go to work the next day and headed straight home and off we went to the ER at my university’s infirmary. Upon having my cbc, platelet count dropped from 304 to 115. The doctor advised that if fever persists and my platelet count the next day showed to less than a hundred, I should get myself admitted to the hospital.

By this time hubby was feeling weak as well and experiencing body malaise. He assured me maybe it’s just from the weekend’s events and he incurred a flu strain on his way home. When we both got home I was hydrating myself big time although my fever subsided. Unfortunately for hubby he had a fever that went up to 40 degrees! I gave him the medications that was also prescribed to me and though it alleviated the muscle pain, his body temperature just won’t go down.

So it was now me who urged hubby to have a medical checkup the next day. He was feeling too weak when we got to the ER of the hospital nearby and the nurse said that he was already dehydrated and needed an IV therapy. He was given medications for his fever and we waited for a couple of hours. Now this was also the day I was scheduled to have a follow up check up for my updated cbc. My hubby’s doctor said that his platelet count’s still in the normal range however his cbc showed that he’s positive with dengue. She asked Brian if he’d want to be confined in the hospital for hydration via IV therapy or go home instead but hydrate big time. He opted for the latter as he’d still want to accompany me going back to the infirmary for my cbc result. I wasn’t feeling very well myself either although I have no more fever but my severe headache was still there.

@ World Citi Medical Center

But upon checking my husband’s body temperature, it was still up to 39 degrees – burning hot. I assured him to rest at home and drink lots of water and I can manage going to the infirmary to get my cbc result. When I got my result, I was dismayed – my platelet count dropped from 115 to now 85. I was very alarmed because it only meant one thing – confinement. A very low platelet count will result to severe hemorrhage/bleeding.

I went home and told hubby the sad news. He’s still got fever but his body temperature already subsided as well as the body malaise. We decided it best I’d be confined at the hospital as per doctor’s advise. This was around late in the afternoon so I started packing what we will be needing at the hospital. We also told the news to our families and they advised us everything that we will be needing at the hospital. This was my first time to be confined in a hospital for several days by the way so I was really nervous. I have no white coat syndrome though. 😀

By the time we got to the hospital, it was already late in the evening. There were so many patients at the ER that it took me and hubby almost 2 hours at the waiting area and almost 3 hours at the ER before we got our room accommodation. Then, they took another cbc to double check my platelet count. It went up to around 90 but it turned out positive for dengue. By this time mild rashes appeared in my legs already – very tiny red dots like freckles.

@ St. Luke’s Medical Center

Hubby dear, on the other hand, was still feeling weak. I urged him that he should get himself admitted too and we will just get a room for us both. But he insisted there’s no need as his platelet count was still okay although it was also dropping but not as drastic compared to mine. He also explained that I needed someone who will take care of me as it’d be difficult moving around with a dextrose.

Doctor asked: “So who’s the patient now?” lol 😀

I just totally felt so much love for my husband at this point. He sacrificed his own comfort over mine and every day he would go up and down in separate buildings to have his cbc done, brave the long queue, get the results, consult a doctor, buy his food, monitor his fluids intake, take his medications, buy my needs at the hospital and take good care of me. Now this is something that money can’t buy nor is equivalent to any prized possession – makes my heart melt every time. ❤

Or probably it is because I am more sentimental and practical than materialistic. 😉

My eldest sister visited us also and brought us lots of food and fruits just to make sure we were doing well but I couldn’t entertain her for long because of my severe headache and I was feeling really weak. I assured her that we’ll go along just fine and thanked her heartily for the visits despite her busy sched at work (she is running an entire school. *wink*).

Brother bear and sis-in-law visited us at home when I was discharged at the hospital too. I was sleeping most of the time that I was there and I do prefer being alone when I am not feeling well. The introvert in me, eh? 😉 I discouraged friends from visiting too because I don’t want them to go thru all the hassle of traveling after work just to visit me. They’d probably be dead tired and have families to take care as well AND I don’t want them to get bitten by a mosquito who bit us there at the hospital if there ever is one.

So this scenario between me and hubby went on for about 4 days and whew, by God’s grace, hubby had no more fever and I was already cleared. Although I got discharged from the hospital, hubby’s platelet count was still dropping until it came close to 109. So I teased him that maybe it’s now his turn to be admitted and I’ll be the one taking care of him this time. Rashes all over his body started appearing too and they’re more visible than mine. But the good thing about my husband was that he’s even a more consistent and determined fighter/warrior than I am. 😀

With these rashes all over him, his skin got darker and redder I teased him that he looked like a native American Indian. *wink*

He “drowned”  himself in liters of water every day, slept all day long, took medications consistently and after 2 more days, he was also cleared. I asked him how he did it and prevented himself from being confined at the hospital. He just nodded and smiled. He my not be verbal about it too often but I guess he really has more faith than I am. Possibly because he has a nonchalant attitude and I don’t – the key to having complete trust in God.

While I was in the hospital, I also requested to have my recurring headaches checked and after some series of tests, the fellows of my neurologist concluded that my brain’s still functioning normally but that the pain may be muscular. I am still due though for a check up with the neurologist for the final diagnosis if I will be needing a ct scan or x-ray.

Ah yes, in my moments of lethargy, weakness and numbness, I couldn’t find the strength to even finish reading my daily devotion. So my journal entries weren’t updated for more than a week. But God knows there never passed a day that I never said a prayer in my heart to all those who went through and are going through similar challenges like what my hubby and I went through. We are now back to our regular prayer routine and indeed, a day and night without a spoken and shared prayer between me and my husband make a day incomplete. I just find it amusing though that hubby stayed true to his commitment as a husband, “in sickness and in health, ’til death do us part”…..we both got sick. lol

The aftermath of 9x of blood extractions for the cbc. *ouch*

Seriously, when it comes to prayers, God already knows them even before we say them. We always have to keep in mind that God sees our hearts and our thoughts day in and day out in every millisecond. It is a must, therefore, that we stay connected with Him too 24/7. 🙂

“A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”- Proverbs 17:22

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” – Philippians 4:8

P.S.

This was the moment that I was scheduled for job interviews and I already turned them all down due to my illness. So I take it that God has other plans for me. And so I wait. 🙂

It was also my second time to have a dengue fever. The first one was back in year 2012. Doctors informed us there are about 4 recognized strains of it. Whew! 😀

Here are some websites for more information about dengue:

https://www.cdc.gov/dengue/

http://www.who.int/topics/dengue/en/

Living For Christ

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I am no saint, I am a sinner. Yet sinners are the recipients of the blood shed on the Cross. It is with so much gratitude and honor to have this humbling experience of being forgiven though not worthy of a life sacrificed for all the sins made.

Yet God is a God like no other – the only God who can love and forgive always. Thus, I carry a new name – forgiven.  This is the reason why we can always proclaim that He is faithful even when we are not faithful even to ourselves and our promises. God is different because He fulfills His every promise. This is how He teaches humility and gratitude which makes us appreciate what we have in this life and who we are and should be living for – Him.

If we are to become Christ-like then we have to relinquish all that ties us to this world and live a life worthy to be called as followers of Christ. I often ask myself everyday if I am giving God justice with how I live now. Am I obedient to what He has instructed on what I should relinquish and how I should live my life according to His teachings in the bible?

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” – Matthew 19:21

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.” – Matthew 6:19

“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” – Matthew 6:20

How did Jesus Christ lived His life in this world?

“For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give His life as a ransom for many.” – Matthew 20:28

How can we serve inside the comforts of our air-conditioned homes, in our BMWs or Cadillacs or in our OOTDs, or the famous cuisines we have tried or the places around we have visited? What do we know about what the rest of our brothers and sisters are going through if we are so focused on ourselves and strapped in our comfort zones and our selfish desires?

Mother Teresa. She made God proud because she lived what it is to be Christ-like – serving the poor or those who do not have any means to help themselves. How many of us are willing to become like her?

My struggle now which has been ongoing for years is something that I do not see anymore as a matter of accomplishing something. Finishing my masteral thesis made me realize that God brought me in it not to finish and accomplish something that this world dictates as a standard – a degree/title. But I see it all now as a journey of faith just like everything else. God is testing my faith and teaching me something along the way. My only question to God is, “Lord, how can I be of service to You and to these children with disabilities if you have placed me in this certain field of education?”

The season of waiting for answers never mattered anymore. I know God will give His answer in His perfect time. The Spirit was there to guide me all along each and every single day which, I know, is God’s way of preparing me when it is time for Him to deliver the instruction.

We all  have something that ties us to this world – possessions, careers, lifestyle, etc. It is so hard to let go of them if all our lives we have learned to live this way. But as this bible verse says,

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Are we really a new creation? Are we really living what it is that God has commanded us to do?

Instagram, for me, is a community of worldly stuff from OOTDs, bling blings, gadgets, etc. – it is the world that is full of temptations. I do not hate Instagram per se. I love it actually because it is now serving as one of my mediums to share the gospel everyday and to set an example to the community how to appreciate the things that are God-made and not those that are man-made and avoid temptation.

I am hoping to infiltrate Instagram with faith and a lifestyle that is Christ-like through my interests which are nothing more but serving my husband through my passion for cooking; photos of flora and fauna being a nature lover; a simple, controlled way of living; and not too much selfies (because I am not self-absorbed and I look the same everyday). 😀

When it comes to faith, most of the time we have to be bold enough to break cultural barriers set forth by traditions and break away from worldly standards. What does this bible verse mean?

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2

Patterns/customs – they are what we call the worldly standards. What are they specifically in this modern age? Vanity (selfies and make ups); greed (materialism from gadgets, OOTDs, accessories, cars, houses, etc.); pride (promotions, certificates, titles, licenses, awards, etc.); lust (pictures of men and women scantily clad); envy (desiring what others have, sharing for the sake of “likes”  and the “follows” ); and a whole lot more of worldly standards that we have to break.

Self control is hard. I am honestly having difficulty in this area. It is like having a withdrawal syndrome wherein your one self that says go have/do it battles with the other self that says no don’t do/have it. Like one instance, I was grateful to be a recipient of a gift, a material one and my old worldly instinct came rushing in to post it on social media.

But the Spirit says, “No Tin, that is boasting and that is being materialistic and we know you will be promoting greed, pride, envy and the wrong mentality when it comes to appreciating gifts given by God. Do not post it. God knows how grateful you are with it. You need not seek the approval of others but seek His approval.”

So I wanted to post a selfie because of this new Snapchat trend. I tried it once and I found myself itching to post all filters I have tried. Okay, the Spirit once again said, “No Tin, you are being vain. Appreciate yourself for who you are and how you look like without those filters. Breakaway from being self-absorbed. Rest in the fact that you are already precious and beautiful to God filtered or not filtered. This is a worldly temptation, resist.”

Yes, every day I have to battle with those worldly temptations. To be able to do that, I need patience and I need to be content. Patience is self control and vice versa. Without those two hand in hand, being content is impossible to achieve. I am just grateful the Spirit is there to rebuke me all the time. You know that “tug”  when you felt that something is not quite right and you are having second thoughts most especially when you are weighing the pros and cons. I suggest go for the pros always – follow the Spirit.

So who is the Spirit? Well, in the bible it says that,

“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” – John 14:26

My parents are the first persons I know who made a breakaway from a cultural tradition – baptism of newborn babies. When my husband and I went to visit my parents in my hometown last summer, my Mom was able to explain fully why they chose not to have all 5 of us kids be baptized when we were born – my Dad and his family are a devout Catholic (my Dad’s brother is a priest serving in Rome) and my Mom and her family are a devout Protestant (my great grandfather was a minister and one of the founders of the church).

She continued that both my Dad and her wanted to give honor in their respective religions thus, they left it all to God where all 5 of us will grow in our faith. I believe God was pleased with it for it was an example of setting aside their personal agenda and selfishness and chose to honor God instead by honoring in us this one great gift that God has bestowed us all – free will. Just like when Abraham sacrificed his son not knowing what will happen after, so did my parents by sacrificing us though there is a possibility we will all be led astray without a firm foundation in faith.

But God can never let that happen, God will never betray the trust that my parents have on Him. I believe it is part of God’s plan that circumstances will align and make good use of the free will that we have and will mold us into choosing faith that is beyond religion per se – something deeper, something personal and something that lasts – eternal.

This next one might be off topic but since we are talking about breaking away from traditions, I just want to share what I told my husband the other day. I was having these migraine attacks again for the last couple of days and I do not want to take any medications as it impedes my period. But two nights ago I had the worst migraine that I can’t help but cry the pain out. I am grateful that my husband was there to pacify and comfort me and insisted I take the meds, which I did. So I thought about death.

I told him, “Honey, when I die I don’t want people to be mourning over my death. I also want to be cremated and 3 days are enough for close friends and relatives to pay their respect. But I just want all to rejoice over my death. Be glad that I am already with our Father in Heaven. There is nothing else that will make me happiest but to inherit a place in the Kingdom of Heaven. Rejoice that I am already free from pain, suffering, heartaches and all corruption of this world. Be glad and also look forward to the time when all of you will be joining me there.”

Nobody said that it is wrong to rejoice over the death of someone you love. Yet it is also a standard that grieving and mourning should take place over a loss. If I am to physically leave this world then I have to let the people I love have peace in their hearts which will also grant them passage to claiming what awaits when our mortal bodies turn to ashes.

Yes, break away from the tradition of feeling fear and the sadness that cripple most of us when it comes to death. There should be no mourning. Have peace and be glad that those who will leave this world and who believed in life in eternity and have claimed it are now in the safe haven of our Father and have been snatched free from the stronghold of the enemy forever.

Jesus had that kind of faith until death that is why death has no power over Him. To live in Christ is to have the same attitude and faith as He has,

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16

Live as what Christ has asked us even if it means fighting for faith every second, every minute and every hour of the day every day. Do join me in the revolution of breaking worldly standards through the best weapon that God has in this world, the Spirit of Christ living inside the army of believers – us. 🙂

(Copyright to the owner.)

The Christian From Bicol

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(This is an excerpt from this post I wrote back in November 2013 during Typhoon Yolanda. I thought this particular content deserves to have its own separate article with a different title this time.)

Wherever God would take me, whatever God would give me, I will bring with me two identities: first, I am a Christian, and second, I am a Bicolana.

I can never be prouder of anything I have and whoever I have become other than those two I have mentioned above.

Why a Christian? I am nothing and nobody without my God, first and foremost. My identity is in Him, and I believe I need not say more as it is what it already is. 🙂

Why a Bicolana then? Ahh, this is most likely where I’ll be explaining more.

I grew up in the province. I spent more than half of my life there. As of writing, that is. There’s no other place that I could ever call ‘home’ except Bulan. Yes, that is my hometown, a small town in the province of Sorsogon somewhere in the southernmost part of Luzon.

Sorsogon consists mostly of coastal areas surrounded by beaches of all sand colors from white, pink, to black –  you name it, we have it. Rich in natural resources, fishing and farming have been the sources of livelihood with almost all the Bulanons (that’s how we generally call ourselves).

Fishing

Fishing

If there is one value that being a Bicolana has taught me, it would be this – knowing your roots. In other words, learn to look back from your humble beginnings. Bulan is the one thing that has taught me how it is to be humble and to be grateful. Humility bespeaks when the heart is in awe of the mediocre. I know you are going to agree with me right there.

I came from a family of farmers. My parents, my grandparents, and the parents before them all came from humble beginnings. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. Gratitude is what I could offer to my ancestors for the sacrifices and hard work that they have invested in providing the best for their families.

I came from a generation wherein I didn’t have to go to the fields and do the farming myself, and go home with sweaty clothes covered in mud just to pay for all of my expenses and supply my needs. An experience I never had to go through, and yet something that I would want to go through.

CIRCA 1980s: My mom, aunts, uncles along with my grandparents.

CIRCA 1980s: My mom, aunts, uncles, and my grandparents.

They say that for someone to appreciate the value of something less than its market value and more of its sentimental value, you have to work hard for it and have it like how it is usually done and achieved. You have to sweat it out, so to speak.

I was listening to the podcast of Pastor Christian Flores regarding Victory’s new series entitled “It’s Not About The Money” two Sundays ago, and he mentioned the story of a farmer and how this farmer had invested his earnings in acquiring an even bigger barn where he could store more, which actually resulted in his own destruction.

That made me think about our farm, our farmers, and what we really get from it. For starters, our farmhouse did not change, though many years and decades have passed. We are earning just enough, and we are still living frugal lives, though we have acquired some possessions through time – still, I think it is not about the money. Money, for us, is something that has to do with survival, but never to accumulate great wealth and live grandiose, rich lives.

I might be speaking out of righteousness here, but if you will personally ask me, that is how I think it should be. I do not wish to dwell on this matter then and will just leave all the explaining to our Pastors as they lead us on with the series – a reason for you to stay tuned for our upcoming podcasts or better yet visit a nearby Victory church: http://victory.org.ph/. (Sorry for the shameless plugging, but I felt you would understand it better if the explaining would come from our church leaders).

victoryqc.org

victoryqc.org

This is the season of harvesting, and when I went home during the holidays last November 1 and 2, I chanced upon the last harvest in our farm. I have skin asthma, and as much as I should be staying away from hay, I know it would not stop me from going along with my Dad. I suffered the consequences later on – my cough got worse, and itchy rashes came out that lasted for about a week, leaving black spots on my skin, which then stayed on for about how many months.

The last time I was with my Dad during harvesting was when I was around 6 or 7 years old. I could still remember how our parents would ask us (not really me, as I was way too young, but my sisters and brother) to help in drying the “palay”  we had harvested so they could be sold to the millers for a good price before they then sell it to the market.

Yes, how could I really forget all the scurrying here and there, to and fro, when dark clouds come, and heavy rains start to pour. It only means sweeping the grains, piling and covering them up as FAST as you can to prevent them from getting wet, thus lowering the chances of getting a low price as “palay”  buyers measure the moisture content of the rice grains. The drier the grain is, the higher its market value.

Palay

Threshing of palay.

My Dad is not a farmer per se. He is a civil engineer who juggled two occupations at the same time – that of a farmer and a superintendent at the National Irrigation Administration in the Bicol region (officially at San Ramon, OIC in Masbate and Sorsogon City). He is now 74 years old, retired from his engineering career, and yet a continuing farmer. I have always admired my Dad, who, at his age, still manages to do what he would always do at the farm despite his arthritis, gout attacks, hypertension, cataract, and other illnesses of the aged. Although we don’t dry the harvested rice grains anymore to lessen the stress level of all the scurrying and hurrying, tending the farm is still a lot of busy work to do.

I went to the farm with my Dad not to harvest the grains myself and have them threshed out but witness how it is usually done. I have to get into the particulars as to how to do this and that. Well, I might consider farming as my job someday. Yes, “Tin”  the farm girl. *wink*  I think I heard my Kuya’s sarcastic chuckle back there again. Haha Yeah, right. And yes, I wanted to observe how our farmers do it – our trusted and loyal workers. I admired them more than I have admired an office employee (no offense to office-based workers). But hard labor is no easy job. Exposed in the heat of the sun, bending over for hours either planting rice seedlings or harvesting them, soaked in mud or inhaling the itchy hay dust when threshing are, for me, among the most challenging tasks.

I closely looked at all of them. I saw Tio Digoy and Tio Kadog – they are the oldest among all of them. They have been working for my Dad since I was a kid. Now, their sons are working for us as well. I have learned to love them for all that they have put up for me and my family. I am praying that through us, their sons, daughters and grandchildren will one day have a better future because of their parents and grandparents’ hard work. Though that means we might lose workers in our farms, it would also be equivalent to giving everyone the chance to have better lives than what they have now.

I am praying too that someday there will no longer be a need for manual labor and everything will be run by machines operated in a clean office from planting to harvesting rice. That goes as well for harvesting coconuts and converting them into copra. The team of Tio Digoy also does them for us. Skilled, they really are. My family and I will always be grateful to them. We will always be grateful to Him for any blessing that He has bestowed as well as for His guidance and protection not just to me and my family but to our skilled workers and their families as well.

Copra

Coconuts being made into copra.

So if most think this is what I do in Bicol:

http://us.123rf.com

http://us.123rf.com

Nope, that’s not it because this is what I usually do:

"Tin, The Farm Girl"

“Tin, The Farm Girl”

Quite the opposite, right? Well, aside from washing the dishes, cleaning the house, feeding the pets, etc. and having a little vacation time actually. We have no helpers or house maids back home and here in Manila, by the way. As it is written in the bible:

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” – Matthew 10:45

Let’s all live a life of servitude, shall we my dear brothers and sisters? 🙂

God’s Daughter Forever

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image

What other people think and say about you are not important. What’s important is who you are in the eyes of God.

Tough situations and experiences teach us to be resilient and yet they also teach us to be tough. This becomes a danger when being tough has developed in us an attitude of insensitivity, self-centeredness, and callousness a.k.a. cold hearted, selfish and prideful.

They say, do not let circumstances change you.

I say, let God define you to the world. 🙂

 

“I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” – Psalm 139:14

 

Courage: The Brighter Side

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If there is one thing that faith, the church, our family and the spiritual family all point to, that would be to look at the brighter side of things. 🙂

The first few months of this year have been a struggle for me and my husband which includes everything about life in general i.e. careers, aspirations, adjustments, financial breakthroughs, settling differences, goals, etc. More trials turned up for the month of March which drove me to devote full time to gospel reading, bible study devotion and quiet times.

There were a lot of times that I asked God for guidance, courage and strength to withstand them all as there are times more often too that I felt like everything is a mess, in chaos, uncertain of what the future holds, and all I ever did/was doing was a mistake. Little did I know that God has everything planned out for me already – all I have to do is to be still.

In times of extreme trials, it is the Word that I turn to and it is prayers that held me through. I tried to find snippets of things that would give me hope and I just smiled when I realized how could I be so blind or how could I let my problems blind me from the Truth.

How could I not trust God at all? How could I speak so much about my faith when I can’t even rely on God’s power and greatness which rule this world and beyond?

Yes, as I have said in my previous articles, when it comes to faith you really have to make an affirmation each and every single day. Life is all about God, faith, and nothing else. As my brother would always tell me, “Life has always been a battle of faith.”

Speaking of my brother, God used him as the instrument for me to know what faith is all about, introduced me to a spiritual family which then helped me get out of the pit I was in and finally led me to my salvation. As our church leaders would instruct us, salvation is just the start of your spiritual journey. As much as you have been renewed, being a born again Christian does not exempt you from the perils and sorrows of this world – faith has only made you and your life storm-proof.

It was all God’s plans. As you begin to understand that every single day of your life comprises the millions of routes in God’s blueprints will you realize that it was God who brought you where you are now. But because most of the time our human selves do not have the capacity to explain our circumstances, we rely on them as what they seem to be.

Yet being the all-knowing God, He knows that too. This is probably the reason why He has already prepared us and what we will be needing through the next course of our lives here in this world. Going back to my brother, he and my sister-in-law have been the constant givers of my Paulo Coehlo planner since 2013, the year I got saved, as a Christmas gift – something that I am always grateful for.

Not that I am advertising but I believe God has aligned it to be this way – why I should get hold of this certain planner. This planner, aside from this blog, holds my day-to-day scribbling in my spiritual walk. It contains the verses of the day, my bible study devotion, my Our Daily Bread quotation, my prayer requests, my gratitude note, my problems and my breakthroughs.

What I love about this planner is that each month there is a value/character trait assigned to it and it just fascinates me that these character traits as well as the quotations in the pages depict so much of what I  have been going through.

There is no coincidence in God, something which I have learned since I got saved. I see this character trait as the one trait that I know God wanted me to have at that particular month/time of the year. It is just that I have to wait at what particular day of the month will I be needing this particular character trait.

For the month of March, this is the character trait: SURRENDER. 🙂

 

SurrenderPC

How timely, how accurate, how helpful – amazing our God is, isn’t He? He knows everything. The general quotation for this month also reveals much of what I needed in my marriage.

The first blog post I wrote for this year was entitled “An Appreciative 2016” simply because I felt that this year will be full of trials and yet we needed to see the beauty of them all. One of my experiences that helped me see things in the Light was after completing a crucial life-changing event which was a test of patience and endurance. After the event, this was what I received from my Mom using my Dad’s number (my Dad always replies in the vernacular):

PhotoGrid_1458616805656

My Mom is the authoritative type of parent. We don’t have the warm and cuddly mother and daughter relationship. YET, I have so many things that I should be thankful for when it comes to my Mom. For though we are so far away from each other and all my other siblings have their own priorities too in life and I used to live alone, my Mom just nailed it when she stressed out what I should be appreciating – the gift that God has given me which is a partner in life through a husband.

I smiled when I read it and of course, I can’t help but cry. Yes, I seldom receive text messages from my Mom because they are busy managing our house in the province and our farm, but when she does text, it is always something special – meaningful. Just that single text jolted me back to not see the negative things in my marriage but look at the brighter side of it.

I know I am not alone because I have learned to rely on God completely for the first two years of my life since I became a born-again Christian and I was living alone. I have devoted those two years in establishing a deeper and more personal relationship with God. God knows I needed that so when great trouble comes in the later years of my life, I know how to go back to Him.

Because I already know the Way, the Truth and the Life.

It is just that God reminded me that He gave me a husband for a reason and that once again, when troubles become overwhelming, SURRENDER. Just like how I surrendered 3 years ago. And after my “dark moments”  post on Facebook, I received a text message from an unidentified number. I am guessing the person is one of my sisters or brothers in Christ who have been touched by God to fulfill the role of being part of those “reminders.”  My extreme gratitude for this person whose heart belongs indeed to God. Praise God for your life my dear brother/sister.

And this was the text:

PhotoGrid_1458616842825

Our spiritual leaders in church, at home or anywhere else in our society have been called by God to receive the gift of prophecy. My Mom is not a devoted Christian but she believes in God and the bible and if there is one trait that I would like to learn from her, that is having a foresight. As a kid, she would always refer it to us as ESP (Extrasensory Perception)  or being able to determine what a person will do next or knowing what will happen next. It is “sixth sense”  to some and foresight to many. As a born-again Christian now, I see it as having the gift of prophecy. She told us that we should learn it and cultivate it for it will become very handy in our future plans and how we do things. Yup, practical my Mom really is. *wink*

My brother’s foresight is now almost similar to my Mom and we sometimes tell him that maybe he is the one who got it all from Mom. I am guessing it is this foresight that made him give the Paulo Coehlo planner to me in the first place and the significance it’ll bring in my spiritual journey. If I am to compare my Mom and my brother, they have one thing in common – they see things differently than all the rest of us. To me, I see all darkness and blur and yet to them, they see the beauty of it all, the goodness of the darkness and the events that will follow after.

Now if I am to compare it with faith, it says the same thing – train ourselves to see the Light. You can only see the Light when you see things in a Godly perspective. That is, allowing God to take over in driving the path of your life. Again, SURRENDER.

During the bad times, I oftentimes try to take control in solving things out. During the bad times, I see my spouse so differently and very much in the dark. But my Mom, the text message, and the monthly character traits, they all point towards the Light.

I have maintained my calm even if I do not understand all things. I have accepted things for how they should be. I have to be content in patiently waiting for the beautiful promises of the Lord. I know the Lord remains faithful to those who surrender to Him and walk in obedience to His ways.

As I end this article, I just want to share that indeed, God has mysterious ways in changing your mindset about a lot of things. Negative things can really replace the good memories, the good times, the good qualities you have if you will allow them to. God cannot allow it even if you persist to think things that way. The way that He gave me hope is the assurance that things right now are never final, they are only temporary in contrast to what is to come.

I woke up today feeling still very sleepy. My husband asked me if we are ready to pray and I just nodded half awake, half asleep. Through the sleepiness in me, there was one word, just one word that woke up my spirit in full blast through his prayer – REFLECT. I never prayed about the coming Lenten Season. Here is my husband though praying about it and how we should spend it together – REFLECT.

This is the perfect word on how we all should commemorate what Jesus did on the Cross for us -an act of SURRENDER, to surrender out of His Father’s and His love for us. It is this love that is keeping this marriage together, it is this love that is changing me and my spouse as a person, and it is this love that is changing our lives every single day.

It is by God’s love that I have been saved, that my husband will be saved including our families and loving another person through a marriage is where God wants us to learn the basics of what love is. When God’s love is in our hearts completely, we can say with utmost boldness that nothing can ever compare to God’s love and who God really is.

“We love because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

God knows that 2016 will be full of trials that’s why God reminded me of that at the start of the year. The character trait for this year in my planner and what I will be needing most is this: COURAGE.

This is the courage to be bold in defying the challenges, courage to seek the Light amid the darkness, courage to stand true to my faith whatever the odds and the courage to proclaim my faith all the more despite my imperfections and setbacks. 🙂

CouragePC

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

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I have always been a life-lover. This is probably one reason why I became passionate about everything. Even when I was in my darkest days, I still chose life. And life lived in this world can only get interesting and awesome when lived according to the Truth.

I usually am a multitasker. My brain can accommodate finishing at least ten tasks in a day – big or small. But lately, I can only do so far as my body can accommodate. I had to stop in-between tasks as nausea would begin to creep in and if I don’t stop, there goes the splitting migraine. I really planned on having the medical check up next week so I can monitor the condition of my health for the remaining days of this week and by that time, maybe I will have sufficient information to share with my doctor.

I guess my condition is the opportunity God gave me to really enjoy life, like enjoy every minute of it, not worrying about anything. Savor it in other words. Being busy with a lot of things can sometimes put you in that moment wherein you live life according to your daily routine and you get drowned by all the things that you need to accomplish for the short term or long term without being able to really appreciate all of them by the end of the day. I believe God has a reason why I had to write the first article for this year as “An Appreciative 2016.” I felt like the overall mood for this year is “darker,” and yet God wanted to tell us to appreciate it all and see the “Light.”

Indeed, when you have learned to trust God with everything, all that you do will follow the course of His plans and not of your actions. Life, for me, was put in a standstill. I oftentimes ask God why circumstances brought me in a way that pursuing my master’s degree would require I become jobless. And I was supposed to finish it last semester but I overlooked the deadline for filing for my extension in my residency at the university which means I wasn’t able to enroll this semester. In other words, I was forced to take a leave of absence in graduate school. But it kind of came in timely, why? Because I have planned on taking the licensure examination this March thus, most of my time is now spent on reviewing for said exam. Originally though, I planned to do my master’s thesis and review for the exam at the same time.

So what happened was that I was given a break from thesis work which is something that requires A LOT in all aspects. I was able to concentrate on just one task which is to review for the exam and entertain an opportunity wherein I was scheduled to attend a training for the Senior Writer post in the online magazine I have been contributing for in the past years. The job responsibilities are not as taxing as compared if you are working full time in an office and yet it would still require quite an amount of input, effort and time. BUT the good thing with this is that I don’t have to report for work at certain times every day and deal with all the stress of traveling/commuting, etc. Technically I am a freelance writer, but I am not really pursuing my writing as a means to get compensated. I just love to write for the love of writing. 🙂

Then it all dawned on me that indeed, God has a reason for everything and everything happens perfectly in His time. God knows when I reach this age, my body will start to regress. I am grateful that my master’s thesis didn’t allow work for doing both work and thesis will be STRESS at the maximum level. Even work alone is already a big STRESS right there. God knows my body won’t be able to take in all the stress that I’ll be getting from work and graduate study. He gave me a break.

Because pursuing both even if it is against His will would mean any illness that I have could progress to an even faster rate which is synonymous to me dying at a really young age. Maybe it is not yet my time to die that early. So God prolonged my health by giving me tasks that He knows I can handle for now until I have a final assessment of my health and be given the proper treatment.

In my current condition, I really have plenty of time to contemplate about a lot of things. I only stay at home before while I do my thesis work at my own pace because I do not have a job. I still get to do a lot of things though even if I do not have work – opportunities to explore and try a lot of things which are endless and they just keep on coming. But now, I really can’t do much. Again, everything at a standstill. It is only this blog that gives me the opportunity to do something while at home and resting which still gives me an opportunity to do something that I love. 🙂

So now my husband asked me, “Honey, what are your priorities again? You are not getting any younger. What is it that you want to do in life?”  If I am my usual stubborn, defiant self, I normally would reply with a sarcastic remark like “Yeah, I know that already. You don’t have to remind me what I should be doing in this life.”

But, I found myself thinking about 3 bible verses right at that moment. The first one is my life verse and the two that followed are my next favorites.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

So that’s how I replied to him. I am planning on explaining/adding something to that but I thought, try to keep it that way, Tin. Let the bible verses speak for themselves. As the Scripture goes,

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,..” – 2 Timothy 3:16

THUS,

“And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear Him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14

“And if anyone removes any of the words from this book of prophecy, God will remove that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city that are described in this book.” – Revelation 22:19

Faith has taught me that if you want to get your message across, do not just explain and state opinions or experiences, but most importantly, share them in light of the Scripture. And even better is when you share the bible verses at the right time and the right place with any people just as they are – no explanation/interpretation needed. I believe it is God who will touch accordingly the hearts, the minds and the spirits of the people whom you have shared these verses with.

We cannot always assume that a particular verse has the same meaning or that it can be applied in all situations at all times with everyone. God still dictates how these bible verses from the Scripture will come to life according to His plans and purposes. All it takes? LISTEN intently when the Spirit tells you to act on or say about something. It is in Ecclesiastes 3 that everything I write and say is rooted in.

Never ever trust your human emotions. Believe me, I have done that and it has failed me countless of times. It never will give you the solution and the end product that you are hoping to achieve.

Back to our text messages, I believe the message went through to my husband as he came home not bringing up the topic again and is now more attentive to my needs. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not mean to be selfish but I just noticed how much he has changed right now with me – more caring, more helpful, more understanding, a little more patient and he listens well when we converse.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in me too. *wink*  When we just got married, we were like cats and dogs trying to live in one territory knowing ALL our differences. I have promised myself before I got into a relationship that I will never ever nag as it is one of the “relationship killers”  but I found myself becoming exactly like that. If not for my husband telling me how hurtful I can become when I would correct him with this and that did I realize that oh no, Tin, you’ve been entangled in the dreaded web of nagging.

So I prayed to God how could I possibly let my thoughts out without hurting my husband. Or in other words, how can I speak the truth in love? 🙂

Praise God for post it sticky notes. Came the idea that when there’s this particular spot inside the house wherein my hubby usually does a bad habit that I wanted to correct, I would write a note with so much affection and words of endearment reminding him to do the opposite – the good one. It worked. BUT I know I cannot do that all the time so I settled with writing just ONE note for that one bad habit that affects greatly how we do things around the house. Yes, just one note. And as for the rest of our differences, for some I have to let them be, and for some I have to wait for God to do all the changing.

This resulted in BETTER days for me and my hubby. Which means we both get to sleep well and at peace at night. BUT that was what I thought. Because my brains won’t allow me. *big smiles*

Last night was supposed to be a peaceful rest and deep sleep. But because I have a very active brain, sensations can send nerve impulses that make my muscles move involuntarily. Like when I sleep talk or sleep walk.

Whap! There’s a very huge wasp biting my neck! So I hit it with the back of my hand. But I suddenly woke up – the wasp was a dream. But it was so real, for sure it wasn’t just a dream. So did I just hit someone with my hand?!?!

Uh oh…

Yes, my bad, it is dear hubby of mine whom I smacked across the face with the back of my hand thinking he was the wasp because of his mustache pressed onto my neck. lol 😀

I hugged my hubby and apologized but he just groaned in his deep sleep. *wink*  Okay that wasn’t a peaceful night but I can’t help not sharing this to my husband when we woke up the next day. We both laughed our lungs out because we have agreed that the next time we sleep together, he has to bind my hands or bind me along with the bed.

On a serious note, something is happening in my brains that I can’t explain as my dreams are becoming more and more real. But, I have next week to find out. So please pray with me my dear brothers and sisters. 🙂

But for now, I should continue doing what I always would do and what I love to do. I plan on eating really healthy so I am now back to cooking our food full time which I really love to do especially since I only get to do light tasks now. And I plan on doing more creative stuff like this photo collage which I printed out and pasted in my husband’s tumbler so he’d remember every best experience that we have shared together every now and then when he’s at work.

PicMonkey Collage

Happy memories! ❤ ❤ ❤

What I realized is that this life at a standstill is more about appreciating the life that God has given me now instead on brooding over my past and my future and appreciating what really matters – not wealth, not titles, not possessions, not your ambitions, and other worldly things. There really are so many things that I should appreciate and be grateful for. For one, simple things just make your days good, better even.

And I just want to end this by saying that life just never stops for a life-lover and a Jesus-lover. 🙂

Cheers to LIFE my dear friends! ❤

The Borrowed Life

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I am supposed to be bed resting. But when my body is at rest, my mind is at its best working double time. That’s why I sleep talk, because the brains just don’t want to stop working. Tsk, workaholic brains. *wink* It’s kind of creepy though if it is your first time to hear me sleep talk. I sometimes laugh out loud all of a sudden or sit down as if talking to someone invisible while asleep. My husband is always amused with this though. Because that means he has something to tease me in the morning. 🙂

Truth is, I am a little bit down under the weather for the past days. Actually a little bit is an understatement because I’ve been having migraines for the past days already – splitting ones. There is a striking pain in my lower back, too, and I have a painful jaw line or it’s my wisdom tooth still trying to come out (at my age, it seems weird). I really can’t tell but this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this. Prior to this, a splitting headache that went on for about a week bothered me last Christmas and New Year’s Day celebration along with mouth sores, a painful tooth/gum/jaw, and fatigue though I haven’t been doing much physically.

My assessment was that when my immune system is down, I experience these symptoms. During the holidays, there was a lot of stress preparing holiday stuff, then there’s heavy traffic and long queue everywhere. Now, it was the February “fever” as I only got about an hour of sleep, had to be on the road for about 2 hours and been awake for almost 24 hours to attend the hot air balloon festival as part of our Valentine’s Day celebration. The event was not too tiring and it was so much fun especially since it’s my husband’s first time to attend this event. But standing for very long hours under the very, very hot sun the whole day will no doubt drain you out.

I guess my immune system is down again so here comes the same symptoms. Most of them normally go away after some time, but somehow I’m a little bothered because they could be symptoms of an even severe illness. I did mention in my previous articles that my great grandmother, my grandmother, and my Mom are all breast cancer survivors.

My Mom was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer when she was 45 years old. She has been feeling chest pain for a couple of years already, but I guess my Mom just have this phobia with hospitals and doctors (white coat syndrome). It took my Aunties and my Dad a couple of years trying to convince her to have a medical check up.

By the way, all five of us, kids, were born with the help of a midwife only – yes, brave mom my Mom. She gave birth inside the comforts of our home with no anesthesia and medical staff to help her.

Being cancer survivors though, I guess this will be the reason why my Mom and my grandma are now called as the matriarchs of the family – an epitome of courage, strength and faith. And I believe my Dad’s prayers have something to do with it, too.

My Dad loves to go to church but because my Mom doesn’t want to, he decided to be with my Mom and chose to stay at home with her on Sundays. When I was a kid, I would go to my parents’ bedroom and I’d find my Dad sitting on the bed, with knees propped up, head bent down and hands clasped together – he was praying.

I was too young back then and I did not understand what it meant. I would sometimes play inside the room trying to get his attention and yes, distract him. But I ended up being ushered out of the room and reprimanded to never disturb him when he prays. So I asked him what he was doing, he answered simply with one word, “praying.”

It was this one word that healed my Mom and I believe this held my parents together as a couple during difficult and trying times. So now, I was beginning to wonder, “Is it my time now, Lord, to be in this situation too?” I am the only one among my siblings who didn’t undergo a mammogram. I am 30 years old and these are the years when hormones start to change and yes, cancer cells are getting more aggressive. I don’t want to have a check up for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to hear that dreaded line that “You have cancer.” and 2) I have faith that God would heal me I wouldn’t be needing doctors and medications.

Reason number 2 is somehow void. Why? There was one lecture in church wherein our pastor told us that faith healing is really possible but there is also a purpose why God created doctors and why technology made medicines possible. Jesus, our Healer, is not present with us to perform healing miracles. And yet I believe that along with our faith, it is also through the doctors that He passed on this responsibility to heal on His behalf. So yes, I might have a medical check up next week. I also just found out that the pills I am taking can enhance the growth of cancer cells and are not prescribed to those who have a history of cancer. So, this definitely requires a consultation with my ob gynecologist.

I am not afraid to die. I am, in fact, very much looking forward to the day that I will die regardless on how I will die. Why? Nothing is ever more beautiful and rewarding than meeting your Creator yourself. I have so many questions to ask God regarding His awesome wonders that not even Science or any branch of study can ever explain. Just imagine how awesome it would be to hear the answers straight from the Master, Himself, face to face. Oh, that would be such a wonderful privilege. It is wisdom that comes with no price for it is priceless. And yet it is not my intent to know everything that God knows for no one can ever be like God – He is the Alpha and the Omega, no one and nothing compares.

I am ready but my loved ones are not – my husband most especially. I prayed to God about this that if time comes all my assumptions are right, I pray that He would prepare me and most especially my loved ones for the truth. The truth hurts, it always does. But the good thing is that it sets all of you free. Nothing is ever more painful to me than seeing my loved ones hurt. Being the overly empathetic person that I am, I feel every pain they feel and their emotional burden is my burden too. And sometimes I ask God why He created me that way.

For there were times like during last Sunday’s service wherein my husband and I were seated behind a young lady and a middle-aged woman. During praise and worship, I saw the young lady bowed down with her hair covering her face but her hand is up her cheek – I know what she is doing even if I don’t see it because I feel it – she is wiping tears from her eyes. The pain is there. The middle-aged woman also sat down during worship, stayed silent as if praying a prayer and then took a hankie from her bag and wiped her eyes.

Sometimes seeing them that way makes me want to hug them because I can feel their pain and when they cry, I want to cry with them too. The only times I cried in church though were during my altar call and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. When I saw these two women, I knew I had to do something at that point. So I laid my hands out in their direction during praise and worship and uttered a prayer of healing. I felt like I wanted to tell them silently in my head that “My dear sister, though you are in so much pain now, the Lord will heal you. The fact that you are in front of me and worshiping the Lord in this church means that He has chosen you to be among His people – the ones that He has saved. Be brave for you may not realize it now, but you are more than a conqueror. And this is just the beginning of your journey with the Lord. Be glad and take heart, what you are going through is only temporary.”

It would be really nice to approach and talk to them after the church service, but I am a stranger to them so that might be awkward. I am still praying though that even after the end of the church service, this silent encounter of mine with them will never end there. This wasn’t the first time this have happened. In fact, it happens all the time during church service.

And sometimes I really am baffled because knowing the emotional being that I am, being close to these people seems like me being a sponge and I absorb anything that is around me – and the emotions are all heavy. Ah yes, a call for more prayers on my part. I am more than glad and willing though to be of service by being a prayer warrior. Anything for God and His people – nothing is ever more honorable than that. 🙂

Now, back to the cancer cells, I started talking to my husband about it as my way of preparing him for what could possibly happen. I told him that when I am diagnosed with cancer, I want him to live with his Mom because I don’t want him to see me in pain and suffering. And yet he would just shrug it off and will not welcome the idea that he will lose me early on in our lives together. He would tell me that it will never happen. I would just smile at him and told him that there is a 99.9% chance it will happen. It is only a matter of “when.”

I just want him to be prepared when that happens so he wouldn’t blame God as to why it is happening to me or to us. I told him that God has a good reason for allowing things to happen to those whom He has called according to His purpose. I could die early, but we are all going to die anyway. It’s all just a matter of who gets to die first and who gets to die last.

To be honest, it really doesn’t matter if I live in this world for 99 years or for 30 years. For we all know that this life is only temporary. It is only a preparation for the real world wherein everything is good, there is no death, and life is infinite – eternal life in heaven. For all those who believe in God and proclaimed Jesus as their Savior will all meet and gather one day in that one special place along with our Creator. So I continued telling my husband that if I die early, he should be a good man and continue living a Godly life so he’d be with me, too, when he dies and we’d still end up together. There was silence.

Oh my dear husband of mine, must you always sleep on me while I am still talking? lol *wink* But do understand that these lengthy speeches of mine and weird questions happen quite late in the evening and he’s so tired from work. He is lukewarm about everything while I am so passionate about everything especially with my faith and yet by the end of the day, he ends up believing me. 😀

No credit to me but credit to God for making the impossible possible – even melting the coldest of hearts to become warm. Though I must admit that there are days when my husband and I seem like the worst of enemies. Nothing is sweeter though than him hugging you tight and showering you with kisses even though you look terrible with puffed eyes because of the pain you’re experiencing. And along with the hugs came a remark that says, “Honey, no matter how difficult it is what we are going through now, I will never leave you.” Ahhh yes, these are the moments I so appreciate having a husband – a lovely gift from God. Never mind the “dark days.” They weren’t meant to be remembered. 😉

I should be asleep by now, but I thought I need to finish this first. Being stubborn is what I inherited from my Mom but God is changing that, too. So tonight, as I stare at the ceiling lying in bed, I will raise my hand to worship God. My hand belongs to Him as with all parts of my body. They will all be wrinkled or they will become ashes and yet I can only rejoice when that happens. For it signifies the time to be nearer and closer to my God, my Father and my Creator, and be with my Savior, Jesus Christ, from whom this body originally and rightfully belongs to.

Indeed, this life that I have is only a borrowed life. 🙂

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

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My Heart Mourns

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mJe-PoFu

Photo credit: @oneJesusloves

My heart mourns….

For what was, what is and what will be. Of fears not for myself but for the future of my children, my family and the future generations. I fear the kind of environment my children would grow up if they are exposed early on in their childhood in pubs, bars and clubs with smoking and drinking all around and scantily clad women grazing the stage dancing provocatively among other worldly influences…

My heart mourns…

For I know that my husband and I do not share the same level of faith. He doesn’t know God the way I know Him. He doesn’t see things the way I see them. I know he is yet to know God more on a deeper level in this marriage but for now, I have to endure the test of patiently waiting…

My heart mourns…

With the questions I have if it is God’s will that I lead my family given that my grandmother and Mom are considered the great matriarchs of their families. I know it is not God’s mandate for women to lead for wives were given the roles of supporters only and to submit to their husbands, who are the leaders. But if I am to lead, do I have the courage, the strength and the boldness of the spirit to lead my family well towards God?…

My heart mourns…

For the differences in the way that my husband and I were brought up. For the differences in the way we react, the way we talk, the choice of words, our differences in our intentions, our goals, our dreams, even in choosing our spiritual mentors as he doesn’t trust pastors with the personal matters of his life…

My heart mourns…

Knowing how far is your heart willing to endure seeing more sins being committed by the people you love because they still live with the world? For there are times that striving to influence other people to do good seems like a very challenging feat and you are going against the many….

My heart mourns…

When practical solutions are of no use and letting things be would mean having to see your loved one get hurt, letting them fall, lives ruined and bad choices were made because you have to accept the fact that God may be in the process of transforming them too…

MY HEART MOURNS, Father…

And yet I wake up with JOY. I gently weep but only for a while. Every moment is made with PEACE. For all these, I have asked You why and yet there was silence. Still, I was given HOPE.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

“For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; ‘He will lead them to springs of living water.’ ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.'” – Revelations 7:17