The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
Just one more article before I hibernate here. I thought I should write this in case my recent blog posts gave you the impression that I was born rich. 😀 I’d like to change that assumption by saying that it’s actually the opposite. I grew up in a family that emphasizes frugality and the wise use of money above everything else. Next to it is generosity, which is actually the family legacy started by my great-grandparents. I am writing this post to honor them. ❤️
Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen | Sketch: Rev. Julian BertumenMy late grandma’s accounting of farm expenses back in the 1980s, which is what I’m doing now. But Dad will be the last generation who will be doing this because our generation will be using Microsoft Excel. It’s way easier. 😅
My great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents possessed properties by inheritance and purchased some but shared a decent portion of the harvest from everything that grows there with neighbors and friends. I am praying my siblings and I will be able to pass this legacy to the next generation because this, I believe, is the main purpose that God has given us these lands.
My great grandfather, Reverend Julian Bertumen, or Lolo Daddy as we call him, was born in Bacacay, Albay. He was a Freemason or a member of the Freemasonry before he became a Reverend of the Protestant church. His involvement in the church started in Albay before he transferred to Bulan, my hometown.
Together with my great-grandmother, Eugenia Bertumen or Mamay Gurang, they were able to possess properties not because they earned so much money from their work, but because they lived frugal lives. This was passed on to my grandmother and then to my Mom. I remembered how our late grandma had this set of clothes that she always wore going to church.
Left Photo: Eugenia Bertumen & Rev. Julian Bertumen
Both she and my grandpa only had the basic things needed at home. They lived in a small but very homey nipa hut at the farm. I spent a lot of time with them when I was a toddler every time my parents couldn’t find a babysitter.
A page from my grandma’s journal.I believe my grandma also prayed the way I am praying now that future generations will rekindle that deep connection with nature.A family that is called to be farmers and caretakers of the land one generation after the other. 🙏
My grandma had a very warm personality. She greeted people with her beautiful smile. I think I got most of my grandma’s genes because I discovered from her old belongings that she and I are alike in a lot of things. Like this old Gospel song that I found along with old letters written by her. So now I know where my fascination for Worship songs that speak to the soul came from. 😍
I also found this old photo taken during a church event in Albay in 1940. I think our ancestral roots are closely attached to this place, and I have a strong feeling God wanted each generation of our family to be connected to Albay in one way or the other.
My Mom lived there for quite some time and so did my grandparents and great-grandparents. This must explain why I feel certain emotions when I see Mt. Mayon. Am I an old soul from Albay? 😀 Maybe I’m a reincarnation of Magayon from the folklore. 🤔 Hmm, this means I’ll be dealing with Pangaronon and Pagtuga, too? lol Ugh, enough of the romantic tragedy already. 😩
I’m definitely keeping this very precious and priceless box of memories. ❤️
Does this mean though that I am going to live in Albay, too? Or maybe one of my siblings. Now, I cannot answer because it is only God who leads me where I should go. But the perfect rainbow I saw was in Albay, too. And along with it was God’s promise that He would bring me back to this land (Genesis 28:15). There are just no coincidences in Christianity. 😉
I also have this desire to look for the relatives of my grandma’s best friend who lived in Daraga. I want to know more about her, too. Our Mama must have loved her so much because she gave her best friend the old house where my grandma and grandpa used to live before they relocated to Bulan. Ah yes, that’s how generous my grandparents were. 🥰
“The Parable of the Sower” in Bikol dialect.1973 PBS Pamphlet
I believe my siblings and I are in this season where God is aligning us to the family’s calling, which spans from generation to generation. This also includes the people that we meet who will also play a role in what He will ask us to do in the coming years.
Found this in my grandma’s old stuff, too. It looks like I will be updating this also.
I am sensing that God is asking us to allow Him to realign us with His calling and purpose for our lives. This might involve drastic changes and sacrifices, but we must take comfort in the fact that the things that we can no longer control and what God allows to happen are for our own good.
I believe that this year will be all about renewed purposes for most of us. This year is about seeking His will more than anything. Thus, it is my prayer that more brave souls will surrender to and accept Jesus as their Savior, so they can also see the glory that God is about to bring to His kingdom. 🙏
“Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.
But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” – 1 Timothy 6:6-10
“Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good.
They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life.” – 1 Timothy 6:17-19
Do you know what is painful when you’re fighting battles? It’s when both you and your husband cry your hearts out while hugging each other because you are in this season where you both feel trapped and are just too tired but have no choice but to stay strong for one other.
And this was after we failed to be kind and gentle with one another – and all that we know we should avoid during arguments (Kraken V. 10 activated). Those kind of moments when our worst comes out after suppressing it for a very long time.
Indeed, the pastor during our pre-wedding seminar some years ago was right when he said that marriage is all about the word “give” because it requires giving and not getting and forgiving each other and ourselves always. Because we will be offending and failing one another often.
My husband never cries, but he does now. So I know that the weight on him of what we are going through is too much. We are both going through transitions that give us little time to process everything. I am also processing grief over the loss of my Mom who, next to God, is the first person I share my problems with when it comes to my marriage.
It is this kind of feeling wherein you both don’t want to let go because you got used to being with each other all the time and yet you are questioning whether what you both have was real love or not. Or if this marriage is still worth fighting for.
Was it just platonic love? We do have great chemistry but the connection isn’t there. And yet we both know that love isn’t all about electrifying sparks and emotions – love is a decision. It is a decision to love your spouse every single day no matter what happens. Because this is what God taught me about love.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 4:7
It is a love who seeks to understand rather than condemn. That kind of love that chooses to forgive and be forgiven. It is a love that chooses to fight for what is good over and over again. But also that kind of love who lets go so the other can be happier.
My husband and I still need each other now and be the best friends that we are to each other who console and support one another when we’re going through tough times. And I am praying we both can sum up the courage to bravely face life alone as we pursue different paths. Because only God knows how our story as a couple ends.
I know my husband is torn between leaving me alone here and pursuing the calling that God has for him abroad. My promise to him remains though. Even if we get separated by distance or by choice, for as long as I am married to him by law, I will honor this marriage until such time that he decides to end it legally.
We made a mistake in the past, a sin that we covered up with another sin. Until our sins caught up with us. My husband wasn’t ready to marry. Though it was a decision we made together, I felt like I was at fault because I somehow forced him in a way. We were both victims of our own selfishness.
Unfortunately, both of us can no longer change the past. But I am praying, I am praying hard that God will forgive me and my husband and release us from the bondage of sin. We have forgiven each other, we suffered for our sins, and I pray that God will give us both peace and a second chance to make up for our mistakes and live a better tomorrow whether together or alone.
I assured my husband that if we can no longer carry the burden of everything we are going through now, we call out to God. Always. It is only God who can help us go through every rough season in our lives and deal with the saddest emotions that we have including those that we don’t reveal to others. God is really the only one who can understand when no one else can.
May God help me and my husband end this year at peace with the pains of our past and the uncertainties of the future. I pray that He will grant us the courage to move on and to move forward not forgetting the lessons we learned. And lastly, I pray for strength to be able to let go of one another believing that God’s plans for us are always for our own good. 🙏
P.S. Lord, enough of the drama already. Mabibigyan po ba ako nito ng award sa Metro Manila Film Festival? Hanubey, awat na. Puh-lease langs. huhuhu 😭 Seriously though, I really want to erase 2023 in my memory. But I know I cannot. I can only remember it as it is. No matter how painful. Because there are good things, too, that happened this year. And they are also worth remembering. ❤️
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” – James 5:16
When it comes to self-control, there’s only one person that comes to my mind who makes me wish that every guy in this world is like him – my Dad. If only his soul can be cloned and injected in every male fetus now, the whole world will be a better place to live in. 😃
And no, when Dad was young, he used to have all the vices that a few men weren’t able to escape from – gambling, chain smoking, and excessive drinking. But by the grace of God and because of love, he changed.
Our Dad In Our Eyes
When my brother graduated from the Philippine Military Academy in 2005, his article about Dad entitled “The Unsung Hero,” was one of the articles recited and featured during the graduation ceremony. We all broke down to tears after hearing it. Oh, brother dear, must you also have the flair for the dramatic like me. lol My blog, on the one hand, intends to make our Dad “The Celebrated Hero.” 😃
My Dad is not perfect. He juggled farming on weekends and office work during weekdays and yet still finds the time to pick coconuts so my siblings and I can enjoy fresh coconut meat and coconut juice during summer. He still does that now with our other fruits in the garden at the age of 83, but now complains of sore muscles afterward. And he would still do it again even if we tell him that he doesn’t have to. 😅
I can list down a whole lot more of other childhood experiences with Dad that are now precious memories that I can happily recall every time nostalgia hits. That’s why I wish to celebrate all the Dads out there who are like my Dad though it is not Father’s Day.
Praise God For Godly Men And Fathers
I hope after reading this, it will bring joy to your hearts knowing that your children will remember you not for the material gifts you have given them, but the memories and sacrifices you have made with and for them. Fly kites with your kids, watch the stars together, go fishing and camping, hike the mountains together, ride that bike around the neighborhood – these are the joys of a kid that stay with them until they are old. Sadly, I do not have the opportunity to do these things.
That’s why for those who do, don’t let the chance pass by because you can never get it back once your children grows old or when you grow old. This is the kind of love that our Great Father has for us, His children, that’s why a sacrifice has been made through His one and only Son on our behalf. And this is also the reason why we are celebrating the holiday season.
Love You, Dad
Yes, my Dad isn’t perfect, but he tried his very best to be the perfect Dad to us and a perfect husband to my Mom – even when Mom was at her worst, and we were at our naughtiest. And I mean, naughtiest. He gets angry, but it’s always controlled anger – that kind of anger that disciplines, but teaches children about honor and respect. He is a man of few words, thus, showed his love through his actions and his (oftentimes corny 😅✌️) sense of humor.
I love my Dad so much, and I wish this blog can do more than just memorialize his life so his memory lives on and on even when he is gone. Because I believe his kind is getting rarer as each generation passes by. This is a sad reality, but it is the truth.
What Is Self-Control
Self-control in a Christian’s life is very important. For me, it is an all-encompassing word wherein all other moral values (fruits of the Holy Spirit) such as patience, peace, discipline, gentleness, kindness, humility, love, faithfulness, and goodness will fall under.
Self-control is the only thing that will help a born-again Christian to not fall into temptation and go back to who he/she was before being saved. This is why the Bible is intentional when it comes to fasting. Fasting teaches believers to take control of the mind, body, and emotions and not the other way around.
Fasting And Self-Control
This is why I prefer to have my own pre-holiday/birthday fasting so I can control my mind, body, and emotions and not be tempted during this holiday season by excessive drinking, overeating, careless partying, splurging on gifts, irritability due to the holiday rush, etc. Without self control, we are prone to making mistakes, to being tempted, and eventually to sinning.
The lack of self-control destroys boundaries, dishonors people you love, and breaks trust that takes years to build. And no, an apology from an unchanged heart is only made of empty words that do not have meaning and only speak of broken promises and chances that are wasted again and again and again.
Until the time comes that God says, “ENOUGH.” If promises get broken, then plans can change, too.
A Lesson That Is Hard To Forget
I thank God for giving me the courage to do what He is asking me to do – let go of things that I have been trying to hold onto because I am afraid of a lot of things. Because I used to have this limited perception of my purpose in this world.
But God showed me that in order for me to pursue a higher calling, I have to let go of some things, especially if they will hinder the tasks that He will ask me to do. God has bigger plans, and all I need is to trust Him that He is leading me towards them. That will be my next article because I now have lots of time to write though I still have articles to do at work.
Yes, thank God indeed for this talent that He has bestowed upon me so I can share my testimony of His saving grace in every season and help others who might be going through the same thing. 🙏🙂
P.S. By the way, it is my lack of self control that got me into this messiest mess I’m in right now because of the poor choices I made when I was young. I am living the repercussions and consequences now. And yet I am wholeheartedly accepting God’s discipline and I promised Him that I will show Him my loyalty and faithfulness by obeying even if it means enduring this season of painful discipline my entire life. I will endure and even if I ask God to take this suffering away now, like what Jesus said, “not my will but let God’s will be done.” 🙏
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
I oftentimes wonder why life sometimes has a funny way of mocking us. Just when hubby decided to go back to the city and I was left here in the province, Chick (our rogue hen) found herself a dashing young rooster owned by my nephew. They’re so smitten with one another, and they just seem inseparable. I was jealous, of course.
Maybe God is recreating Noah’s Ark here at home by giving us a pair (male and female) of every creature.
We named the rooster Chuck, and though he’s quite very young for Chick, he’s very protective of her and provides her with whatever bit of food he can scour in the garden. Of course, as with most love stories, theirs resulted in Chick getting pregnant.
The firstborn that will end up in the pan. Sorry, Chick. Don’t worry, we will leave your last 2 eggs to hatch so they can keep you company.
Picked the pineapple from the garden, it didn’t come out of the hen along with the eggs (I just want to be crystal clear on this). Hmmm, pwede na pala gumawa ng Pininyahang Manok. Unfortunately, Chick is already a beloved pet. So, she’s safe from the cooking pot.
Unfortunately, their ending wasn’t a fairytale, but a tragedy. When Chick started laying eggs, Chuck’s nowhere to be found. I’m not sure if he’s deserted her, my nephew put him in a cage, he’s found a new hen, or he’s been sold already (and eaten?). Chick’s back to her solitary self again. *sigh*
What’s The Moral Lesson Of The Story, Tin?
So the mockery was, am I seeing my very own love story being played out by Chick and Chuck? Although my husband leaving me here is not an abandonment, and there are also a lot of married couples who were successful in their marriages despite having a long distance relationship.
My separation anxiety just couldn’t accept him being far away though his leaving has a valid reason. I felt like this was God’s way of reminding me that being alone is okay, and love is not about insisting on one’s way. It always, always endures and perseveres.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
No, I wasn’t letting go as a wife. Love is at the very core of Christianity, and if I love my husband enough, then I should not let go. If I did let go, it was to be free from my own fears and to let God reign over them. As of late, I am always reminded by the Bible verses that in the end times, people will be lovers of self. If we are entering the end times as some prophets are saying, then we have to watch out for how the world would tempt us to conform when it comes to self-preservation.
“You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money.” 2 Timothy 3:1-3
Self-preservation is loving and putting oneself above others, and the world places such emphasis on this in light of mental health advocacies (domestic violence is a different case). And yet love in Christianity teaches the opposite – it is dying to ourselves every single day so we can share in the suffering of Christ on the Cross. Only when we become selfless do we have the love that is from the Father, a love that puts others above their own.
A Love Like God Because God Is Love
Is it possible to love like God? My answer is “yes.” If we are truly sons and daughters of God, then the love of the Father should be in us, which now enables us to love like how God loves us. Besides, to love others as He loved us is the second commandment of God. And December is the season that commemorates this great love. I believe it is no coincidence that I am writing about this topic the day before the month of December starts.
Thus, as a flawed human being born in December and yet have been born again through the blood of Christ, I have decided to spend the holidays and my birthday in Manila with my husband as a display of my love for God and to honor my commitment as a wife. Ever since my husband left, we never failed to communicate daily – he pursued me still just like how God continues to pursue us every single day. And yet I am not going to Manila to stay there, but only so we can both be at peace with our decision to go wherever God will call us to serve even if it means being apart for a while.
More so because God is calling my husband to work abroad for how many years on a contract. A great opportunity opened for him to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming an overseas worker, and I can’t help but be overjoyed for him. It’s his answered prayer. Should everything go smoothly in the processing of his application because he’s already halfway through, I told him that his working abroad has God’s anointing and that God is calling him to that country.
Answering God’s Calling
As for me, however, the calling still remains – stay here in my province. I prayed to God if I am where He wanted me to be, and the answer was a clear “yes.” Once my husband works abroad, I am coming back here to my hometown. But I am coming back at peace with my heart whole. ❤️
A lot could happen to me and my husband while we’re apart. The brevity of life teaches us to number our days as the Bible puts it. I have a lot of fears and worries because nobody knows except for God what the future holds for us both. But I also have faith that God is with us, and He is asking me and my husband once again to step out in even greater faith and welcome a new season that we have yet to conquer.
Chick’s love story isn’t over yet, too, whether Chuck is with her or not. I am very much looking forward to the continuation of her life story and also with mine. 🙏
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:18
“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8
“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16
“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:18
On to yet a new journey. ❤
P. S. Speaking of eggs, I just want to share these salted duck eggs from our regular supplier who lives near one of our rice fields. We got this for 12php apiece, cheaper than the ones sold at the market which costs 15php per piece. Maybe it’s because Dad allows their ducks to graze in our rice fields every after the palay harvest. 😉
It is the family’s 10-year-old son who markets these salted duck eggs to Dad when he sees Dad visiting the rice fields. What I love about these eggs is that they’re not too salty, and yet are perfectly preserved. If ever you know of any local farmers in your area, I’d like to encourage you to buy directly from them to help sell off their products fast. You can also be assured that the products you buy from them are fresh and of good quality but sold for an affordable price. ❤
The boy was selling 40 salted duck eggs. Dad bought 20 pieces, and another farmer bought the last 20 pieces. They’re all sold in just a few minutes after he got out of their house. 😀We eat this with tomatoes and onions doused with a little bit of calamansi juice, and you now have a perfect side dish to pair with the other viands for your breakfast. Yummers! 😋
Here’s an acrostic poem I wrote to start our week right. 📝 I pray that the Lord will free us from anything that hinders us from our walk with God. May we not be weighed down by the chains that bind us, but instead, be given the power, courage, and strength to set ourselves free in Jesus’ Name, Amen. 🙏
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” – Galatians 5:1
I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.
“How will my 2024 turn out?”
It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.
This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.
I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.
Separate Lives
No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.
Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.
This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.
My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.
To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.
The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.
The most memorable rainbow for me. ❤
The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:
“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13
“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15
Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.
He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.
All About Marriages
However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?
Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.
Because my husband is not all that. 🙂
I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.
Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.
I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.
A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.
I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.
This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.
So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.
Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.
“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15
So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂
I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.
Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.
Where Is Home?
Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.
These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6
“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34
But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.
I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.
My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.
I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.
So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀
This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).
Trusting God Always
I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.
I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.
Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.
One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️
It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.
Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.
Where God Leads, I Follow
About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.
But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”
It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉
To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.
Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.
I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28
Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm.I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.
And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏
I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.
Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂
So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).
And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.
I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤
My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.
So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?
I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.
In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.
I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.
I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.
God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.
And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.
No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.
It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?
My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.
I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.
My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?
“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/
This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.
The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.
So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀
I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.
It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.
A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.
And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.
My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.
I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.
In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26
P.S.
We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).
And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤
I was having late lunch one early Saturday afternoon when these “nuggets of wisdom” crossed my mind. These ideas are no longer new, and yet I was briefly reminded how they are in stark contrast to one another.
Without wasting a single minute, I grabbed my phone, opened WordPress, and “scribbled” a few of the salient points. This, my friends, is what I love about WordPress.
You don’t have to log in on the internet to be able to write articles. You can write thoughts down the moment they come in, and they are automatically uploaded the next time you go online.
Sadly, gone are the days of a writer’s most famous companions – the pen and the notebook. But personally, I still prefer to keep a journal where I write Bible verses and prayer points during my daily quiet time. Let’s just say I’m a bit old-fashioned.
Going back to the “nuggets of wisdom” I mentioned earlier, what are they exactly? They are none other than the worldly claims debunked by Godly truths as explained further below.
How Godly Truths Can Debunk Worldly Claims
1. The world claims to have no place for the weak; Scripture glorifies human frailty and vulnerability.
“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” – Isaiah 40:29
“That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:10
2. The world sees arrogance as confidence, power, and authority; Scripture encourages humility, gentleness, and meekness.
And He gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6
“God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth.” – Matthew 5:5
3. The world celebrates the rich; Scripture exalts the poor as coheirs of God’s Kingdom.
“Those who want to be rich, however, fall into temptation and become ensnared by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction.
For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. By craving it, some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” – 1 Timothy 6:9-11
“The lowly will possess the land and will live in peace and prosperity.” – Psalm 37:11
4. The world satisfies the eyes and the flesh; Scripture feeds the heart and the soul.
“For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.” – 1 John 2:16
Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.” – John 6:35
5. The world repays evil for evil; Scripture dictates repaying evil with good.
“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and He will grant you His blessing.” – 1 Peter 3:9
“But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” – Matthew 5:39
6. The world idolizes many gods; Scripture reiterates serving only one true God.
“You shall have no other gods before me. You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea.
You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me.” – Exodus 20:3-5
7. The world offers security in material possessions; Scripture offers salvation through Christ Jesus.
No one can serve two masters: Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?” – Matthew 6:24-25
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 6:23
Seeing The World Through His Eyes
These are my lingering thoughts for the past few months. The pandemic might or might not last forever. And yet it caused a massive paradigm shift, a complete turn, wherein the worldly ideals no longer provide the truth and the hope.
It removed the blindfold that has been covering the eyes of many of us and preventing them from seeing the true riches that God has prepared and is now offering to us. What people used to consider essential is now proven useless. And what was considered lowly was now elevated as a priority.
Money, Wealth, & Possessions
Money, though still a tool and a necessity to survive, cannot beat COVID-19. Regardless of the billions in our bank accounts, if we’re hit hard, this stash of money can’t save us.
Flashy clothes, cars, accessories, and some gadgets, are now seen for what they truly are – merely as wants satisfying our worldly cravings and fleeting desires. Now that everybody’s staying at home most of the time, they seem to have little use and of less value.
I, for one, am troubled by the fact that I have several cosmetic products (used and unused) that are expiring in less than a year. I stay at home all the time, and I don’t have Zoom meetings every day so I have no choice but to wear makeup while doing household chores (no kidding).
Essentials vs Non-Essentials
My wardrobe now has 60% of clothing that I won’t be able to wear since I no longer have any use for most of them – outfits for gatherings, social events, travels, etc. The same thing goes for shoes, accessories, and bags.
I’m still finding a way to make good use of my DSLR and capture something interesting here at home. But for the most part? It’s just lying in the corner of my work table eating dust and probably rusting away.
The typical city affairs at night where gambling, drunkenness, and immorality sometimes take place are also gone. The need for temporary pleasures dissipated. Things may resume slowly to how they were before the pandemic. But with the looming threat of COVID-19, which can still strike anytime and anywhere, the freedom to do things normally is never assured.
Now, everyone’s craving for the country lifestyle. Plants became the “Kings and Queens” of every household. From seemingly unnoticed wild grasses, they are now as precious as jewels. The farmer now becomes a celebrated profession, whereas, before COVID-19, it’s a non-glamorous career. The least in the list of professions, I must say.
For The Better
I just find it amazing and ironic at one point how God can really turn things around in an instant by using only one weapon although it’s a powerful one. It’s as if I can hear God saying, “Enough already. This world has had too much.”
People groaned and demanded that changes must take place. And this is it. It might not be exactly the change we’re looking for, just like how the Jewish people have anticipated a different Messiah, but it did create the change that we all need.
This is the change that we are actually not honest enough to admit that we badly need. Because once again, we were all blinded back then. Now that the Godly truths have been revealed, what transpired in the first three quarters of 2020 can debunk the worldly claims that have made us believe we are living life the right way.
This is the reset. This is a step back from what was to what should be. The truths are already out in the open. Will we believe them or will we remain behind the shadows of the blindfold?
I originally posted this as a caption of a photo on Facebook. It was supposed to be one paragraph long. But, as we all know it, writers often end up writing more than just a paragraph. Voila, it became an article. 😅
This is written in the vernacular, and once again, I am putting my hopes on Google to make a fine job in translating it for you, my dear readers.
Sa bawat bad news na natatanggap namin ni Bri, binabalanse ito ng Dios with good news. Na para bang sinasabi Nya an “patuloy kayong umasa sa Akin at huwag sa mga circumstances nyo sa paligid.”
Parang itong si Kam (kamatis). Umabot sa punto na nag-50/50 sya. Ilang araw nalanta, nanilaw, namatay ang ibang dahon, at natuyo ang ibang flower buds. Ni-try ko syang i-revive na may kasamang dasal sa Panginoon.
Pero sure ako sa nakikita ko na walang matutuloy na mga bulaklak at ‘di na rin sya mamumunga. Pakiramdam ko nga tuluyan na syang mamamatay at mauuwi sa wala ang halos 4 mos naming pag-aalaga sa kanya.
Pagasang Hirap Hagilapin
Ito ang aming “panganay” sa aming mga tanim sa pagsimula ng quarantine. May mga times na gusto ko syang palitan dati dahil wala naman akong makitang mga buds. Kasing tangkad ko na rin sya dahil indeterminate variety sya, ang hirap nya i-stake.
Gusto ko syang sukuan in other words. Pero mas pinili kong patuloy syang alagaan, hinanapan ng paraan ang stake nya, at habol ko na lang is dagdag sa clean air ang mga dahon nya kung sakali mang ‘di sya mamunga. At dahil nga sa nag-50/50 sya, parang mas gusto ko na talaga syang palitan ng iba ngayon.
Magandang Balita Sa Kabila Ng Lahat
Ngunit noong Sabado, biglang nagbago ang lahat. Ang asawa ko ang nakapansin na nag-open na iba nyang mga flower buds.
At ang kulay pala ng bulaklak ng kamatis ay dilaw (first-time tomato grower here 😃). The color YELLOW symbolizes HOPE.
Alam kong hindi coincidence itong lahat. Yaong sya ang una kong tanim, maraming hirap at sakripisyo ang binuno sa kanya, muntik ng mamatay, at nabuhay sya sa panahon kung saan napakagulo ng paligid.
God knows what we need at exactly the right time. He knows we need something/someone to encourage us to keep on hoping against hope.
Kahit pa sobrang labo at hirap ng sitwasyon natin ngayon. Pero ito ang hinihingi Nya sa atin – to wait and to trust Him completely. Nasa atin na lang kung gagawin natin ito o hindi. 👍🏼
A hopeful gardener who’s always willing to wait,
P.S.
Napakahalaga ang discernment kung kailan tayo mag-aantay at kailan tayo kikilos kapag nag-utos na ang Dios. Dahil kung tayo pa din ang gagawa ng solusyon sa lahat, we end up frustrated, disappointed, at nabe-burnout. Parang ako kay Kam.
Ngunit hindi rin pwedeng mag-antay na lang tayo forever at walang gagawin. Ika nga sa Bible, “faith without deeds is dead.” It is finding the right balance between faith and deeds that makes what we do a success and a fulfilment.
And always, kailangan nakabatay ang ating mga ginagawa sa mga plano ng Dios. Not our will, but let His will be done. 🙏
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “These are plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.” – Jeremiah 29:11 ❤️
P.S.2
Do take note that “prosperity” in the Bible doesn’t always mean wealth and worldly possessions. Kasama ang mga ito. But it could also be prosperity o kasaganaan sa good health, sa peace, sa love, etc.
I am writing this in the vernacular because of its local context. If I still have enough time today (I will do the laundry and clean the house 😀 ), I’ll write an English translation. 😊
What It Means To Live By Faith And Not By Sight
Ngayon ko lang lubusang naintindihan ang konsepto behind this mantra. Faith is about claiming the beautiful promises of God not when everything around us is doing well, but when everything else seems to go wrong.
What I am claiming now is that the life after this world is something to look forward to. And I am claiming it with excitement. ‘Yung tipong parang first time mong pumunta ng EK at wala kang idea anong meron doon. Pero maraming nagsasabi sa’yo na sobrang masaya daw doon at sobrang mage-enjoy ka.
Aside from that, hindi ka lang mag-isa ang mage-enjoy. May mga kasama ka. Na-imagine mo ba kayo ng mga barkada mo noong highschool? Magkakahawak-kamay. Magkaka-akbay. Nagtitilian at naglulundagan. Dahil punong-puno kayo ng excitement na malaman what is waiting for you doon sa pupuntahan nyo.
Imagine that scene. That is what it’s like to enter God’s EK. At itawag natin syang “Eternal Kingdom.” 😉👍
Always looking forward to entering God’s EK,
P.S.
Sa mga nangangamba na baka ‘di papasukin sa entrance, hindi pa naman huli ang lahat. Pwede pang pumila at bumili ng ticket.
Nakatatak sa ticket ay JESUS: Surrender/Salvation/Altar Call. Make-claim nyo sya sa hospital for sinners, the church. For FREE. 😊
The Journeyman's Moments 