The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
Today is Sunday, but I watched last Sunday’s online service. Divergents will always be nonconformists, I guess. 😉
I was able to watch Pastor Patrick’s preaching entitled “How Do We Respond to Difficult Situations,” and the message just came in timely. The preaching made me ask myself: “Am I making the right responses?”
In light of the recent events, I thought about my response when my husband told me he’s leaving. Have I made the right decision to let my husband go back to Manila without me? The answer was crystal clear. It could be that I am the one who’s hindering my husband on his walk with God because of my own fears. I’m afraid to lose him, and I’m afraid I will lose him completely.
But what if I have to lose him so God can do His work of “finding” my husband and “bringing” my husband back to Him first? So this is my one and only prayer now. That my husband may be saved, whether he comes back to me or not. Because that is what truly matters and that is our purpose here in this world – to help people go back to God.
Life in this world as a believer is all about allowing God to use us as an instrument so His people will be saved, and how far we are willing to trust God that He’s got everything under control. Even if it means experiencing pain for a moment. Even if it means losing people believing that God has their best interests in mind.
We all have to go through seasons because that’s what Ecclesiastes 13 also said, “there is a time for everything under the heavens.” There is a time to part ways, there is also a time to meet. There is a time for sadness, there is a time for joy, and so on and so forth.
It is through these seasons that God molds us in His image because He is the potter and we are the clay. We can’t become what we are supposed to be without God intervening. It’s just that we don’t want to hold out our hand when God reaches out.
Because humans are just too prideful. The preaching last Sunday captured what my heart is denying. It is time I let down my pride. It is time I lose control. It is time I accept what God wanted all along. It is about time I level up my faith and trust God once more – but bolder and braver.
So my heart’s settled. And I guess it’s safe to assume that I’m not basing my decisions on feelings, but by obeying what God wanted. Even if I was reluctant to obey. Well, at first.
I can see myself in Pastor Patrick’s stubborn (but cute) lil’ girl who obeyed, but is still hesitant. So yes, maybe I deserve a little bit of that rod, too. A heavenly rod (if it comes from God) maybe? 😀
I’ve been contemplating this question even before December comes. Recent circumstances brought me to yet another crossroad, and they compelled me to think about the future.
“How will my 2024 turn out?”
It’s bleak. Just like how some of the previous years panned out. The future is and will never be certain, and I guess this is why people become fearful. We do not know what will happen, and it makes us anxious, doubtful, and worried. Because it all has something to do with control. We become fearful of things that we have no control over.
This is what God changed when I became a born-again Christian. He showed it to us yet again when my Mom died of stage 4 breast cancer last August. Money wasn’t able to save her. Not even the best doctors in town can save her. Because in God’s story, it’s already her time to go.
I may not know what the future holds, and yet I am certain about this one thing – I will have to deal with yet another heartbreak. That will be two major heartbreaks in a row – first, my Mom’s passing away, and second, losing my husband.
Separate Lives
No, my husband is not dying. But we are going to live separately, which has a high probability it will become legal. My husband wants to go back to Manila and work there again.
Sadly, Manila is no longer an option for me. I have a strong feeling I’ll die early there given that I have severe allergic rhinitis, and the air is just too polluted. I saw the news recently, and the haze has just gotten worse over the city. We also lived in my sister’s condo when we were there, and we happen to have neighbors who are chain smokers.
This aggravated my allergies to the point that I have frequent nosebleeds that get worse and worse every day. It has gotten so bad that my ENT doctor prescribed an antihistamine that I should take on a daily basis and other medications.
My husband was also tired at work given all the pressure brought about by the pandemic in the healthcare industry, he also needed a break. So we decided to come here to my hometown hoping to make a fresh start since I also work from home.
To make the story short, we came here to Bicol last year, but things didn’t turn out the way we had planned them to. Sad to say, this is one of the reasons why we have decided to separate ways.
The calling for me to stay here and serve the local community is far too strong to dismiss. I thought it was my husband’s calling, too, when we both witnessed this perfect rainbow in Albay going to Manila in January 2020.
The most memorable rainbow for me. ❤
The promises God gave me when I saw this perfect rainbow (my first perfect rainbow) were this:
“The rainbow that I have put in the sky will be my sign to you and to every living creature on earth. It will remind you that I will keep this promise forever.” – Genesis 9:12-13
“What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you.” – Genesis 28:15
Unfortunately, these promises were only intended for me. My husband never felt the same calling. It was the opposite for him actually. His coming here only made him realize how much he longed for the city life and the late night outs and “inuman” sessions with his friends and coworkers.
He felt like his social life came to an abrupt halt when he got here. From what I’m seeing, he’s not yet ready to leave his comfort zone. I understand him because he grew up in the city.
All About Marriages
However, I must also say that this was also my trauma for the past 8 years that we’ve been together. How can I forget those sleepless nights when I didn’t know where he was because he was too drunk to text or call me, and he’d arrive home the next day not remembering where he spent the night away?
Or that time when I asked him about a missing bracelet that I gave him, only to find out later on that he’s given it to a female intern at work who took a fancy to that bracelet and asked if she could have it as a remembrance from him (???). Or that female coworker who’d video call him on Facebook, and when I answered, she said she accidentally pressed the call button (???). And a whole lot more of married couple traumas that I chose not to divulge anymore.
Because my husband is not all that. 🙂
I’ve seen him grow from a fetus, I mean, a boy (😉) to a man for the last 8 years. I’ve witnessed how he became this responsible man who is willing to make sacrifices just to meet me halfway.
Although let’s be honest, there are some bad habits that are just hard to break. I know we all can relate to this. Holistic transformation seldom happens overnight.
I actually celebrate individuality in relationships because this is how we grow as a person and eventually as a couple once we’ve both learned to navigate through our differences. I also agree with what the church taught us that we never marry so we can change our spouse.
A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman and seeks to encourage a spouse to give to the significant other more than what she/he can get from him/her. And yet, it takes two to tango. Love must never be one-sided.
I’d always tell my husband to only change what needed to be changed for the marriage to survive and thrive. I give him the freedom to do what he wants given that it is within the boundaries of this marriage. If what he is about to do will compromise our marriage, and it’s not healthy for both of us as a couple, then he has to be accountable for his actions and address the consequences.
This is why long-distance relationships never work for me. A marriage requires a lot of hard work. Add to it being apart from each other, the probability of a marriage surviving is very, very low.
So, here’s my proposal to my husband if I should decide by the end of the year that I’m staying here in my hometown or somewhere else other than Manila. If he meets another woman, and between me and her he chooses her, then he must file an annulment case first before cohabiting with that woman.
Infidelity is the only reason permitted as grounds for divorce in the Bible (Matthew 19:9). Also, if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, he or she can leave any time.
“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.” – 1 Corinthians 7:15
So you might probably ask, “Aren’t you going to fight for your marriage, Tin?” Well, I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years. 🙂
I also got to talk to my Mom a couple of months before she passed away and I did ask for her advice regarding this (I’m missing our convos), and she told me that if my husband is not happy here, then I should let him go.
Her suggestion was that if my husband loved me enough, then he should be able to look for other employment opportunities here and adjust just so we could still be together. And yet, I also understand where my husband is coming from.
Where Is Home?
Manila is not my home. It is for him. Bicol is my home. It is not for him. This is the part where I get to go back to what I mentioned in my previous paragraphs about God being in control.
These are matters that are already out of my control. What I’ve learned in my marriage is that I do not have control over how my husband feels, how he reacts, how he thinks, how he decides, and how he behaves. I can only take these matters to God, and tackle issues as they come one day at a time. As Scripture goes,
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” – Philippians 4:6
“And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” – Matthew 6:27
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34
But a more pressing concern is the basis of my decision to stay. I need to take care of my health. I am already at a high risk of getting breast cancer. What happened to Mom is a constant reminder to me to stay as healthy as possible.
I was born with a weak immune system, and I have always been the sickest kid in the family. Out of Mom’s 4 watchers when she was at the hospital, I was the only one who contracted Covid.
My sister, Tita Len, and my spouse all turned out negative in their antigen tests and never even had symptoms. I, on the other hand, still have long Covid rashes every now and then.
I tried not to take antihistamines every day, but I can only go on for a couple of days and the congestion will come back, especially at night. These are all minor health conditions though and are easily manageable.
So yes, I know you’re bored already, so let’s cut this short. 😀
This photo might encourage you to keep reading if you want to find out where this was taken. 😉 Photo courtesy of my husband the day before my 36th birthday (12/21/2021).
Trusting God Always
I may not know what will happen next year. Or where I will be. Because I don’t want to be in Manila, and yet I also don’t want to be in my hometown because Mom’s memories here at home make me miss her a lot.
I want to heal someplace else and live somewhere halfway between Manila and Sorsogon. That would be Camarines Sur, but I prefer somewhere close enough so I can visit Dad regularly during weekends.
Albay, maybe? I really don’t know. But before you assume that I am running away from Manila and my hometown, actually I go where God will ask me to go. It can be in Albay or for all I know, it could be somewhere in Batanes or Tawi-Tawi. Or abroad.
One of my sweet escapes – the ocean. ❤️
It’s a good thing that I am a remote worker so I can work from anywhere. Thank God for remote work because it is just fitting for a nomadic lifestyle. If I were also to be asked what are the 3 things that I can’t live without, that would be my laptop, my phone, and my “Go Bag.” Then, you can bring me anywhere.
Yes, a Go Bag will count as one thing, right? lol Nah, it’ll be an unfair answer knowing that everything we need to survive is in the Go Bag. On a serious note, I’ll be sharing more about emergency preparedness in my upcoming articles since we are already in a climate emergency. And no, I’m not a doomsday prepper. I’m just a regular civilian trying to get by in a chaotic society.
Where God Leads, I Follow
About my plan to go someplace else, I’m still trying to ask God for a clearer picture after I saw that perfect rainbow in Albay and received the assurance of a promise. Albay is actually my Mom’s second home (more about it here). My Mom also stayed at my Tita’s place in Daraga and tagged along 2 of my siblings who were still toddlers back then. That was when Mom and Dad had a huge fight, and Mom decided to leave him for good.
But well, as we all know it, love brought them back together. Dad changed his bad habits, pursued Mom, and Mom loved him enough to forgive him, and they actually just celebrated their 50th Golden Wedding Anniversary last June 1, 2023. Speaking of love, you might want to watch a movie on Netflix entitled “Love At First Sight.”
It’s a new release, and according to the movie, it’s not a love story but it’s a story about fate and chances. And what do you do with both. I think it really is not your typical love story though the movie title was too cliche, but I must admit it was one of the best chick flicks I’ve watched. I plan on writing a movie review about it, so better watch it now before I spoil it. 😉
To end this long article, I only have one concrete plan in mind for next year. That is, to move forward. Because that is the only way to go and that has always been the case for me ever since I became a born-again Christian.
Is it toxic positivity? I don’t know, but it works for me and I owe it all to God’s grace. It is this undeserving grace that got me to where I am now even if there were numerous times I felt like I wouldn’t make it. I do not plan on wallowing in sadness, grief, and sorrow for a long period of time because that is not living.
I hope this article will also encourage those who are going through very difficult situations to continue to soar. Nothing is ever too broken for God that He can never make whole again. God is not done with you and with me yet. We still have a lot more to do for His people and for His kingdom. We’re still breathing, right? So, LIVE. ❤
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28
Here’s a video of a Brahminy Kite I spotted back on our farm. I love to see them soar up high with wings all spread out, gliding up and down. They belong to the family of eagles and they are not yet endangered but sadly, their numbers are declining. I am praying God will give us the guidance and wisdom to protect them in the Wildlife Sanctuary that we plan to establish inside the farm.I am hoping to partner with DENR/MENRO for this.
And of course, sharing with you my fave song for this week. ❤ May God’s favors be upon you this coming week, dear brothers and sisters. 🙏
She would’ve turned 77 today, September 7, 2023. It’s been a week since my Mom passed away last August 27, 2023, just a day after I wrote the article before this. It was a peaceful death because she slipped away in her sleep. She’s finally in a place where there is no more pain and suffering.
It was painful for us, though. But then again, this is life. Death is inevitable. We will all face death one way or the other, sooner or later.
This is the first death in my family, and God has prepared us quite well for it. Though I must say it wasn’t a smooth and easy process. Because there is just no easy way to cope with grief, sadness, and loss.
God prepared our hearts in a way that we were able to face these emotions head-on without breaking apart. He gave us everything that we need, showed us the way we should go, and gave us wisdom on things that truly matter.
I am just grateful for the opportunity to take care of Mom, even though it was very difficult. We couldn’t get another regular Private Duty Nurse (PDN) though we already got one, all thanks to Tita Len. We needed 2 PDNs who will be taking turns watching over Mom every 12 hours. So I took the challenge to learn everything when it comes to providing care to Mom who’s bedridden and had several contraptions attached to her.
Thank You, Ma’am Leah
This is the part where I get to give special thanks to a nurse assistant at the hospital where Mom stayed. Ma’am Leah offered to be Mom’s PDN during the days when she’s able. She taught me a lot of things when it comes to patient care from changing diapers, sterilizing everything, positioning under pads, turning and bathing a bedridden patient, changing wound dressings, changing the NGT tube, and a whole lot more.
I also enjoyed talking to her, and Mom would “shush” us now and then for talking too loud (so sorry, Mom). And every time Ma’am Leah gets carried away by our convo, she would start talking in the vernacular and I just keep on smiling even though I can’t understand most of what she’s saying. lol
We’re both Bicolanas, but she’s from Bacon, Sorsogon. Their language is like Bikol Albay. I came from Bulan and our dialect is already a combination of Bikol Sorsogon and Bisaya or what we call “Bisakol.”
There was one time she said something like “badush” and I was like, “Was she trying to tell me that she’s gay?” Because “badush” is a colloquial term in Manila that means gay. Only to find out later that she meant “badus,” a Bikol Albay word that means “pregnant.” 😀
Second Bicol Home – Daraga, Albay
My Mom’s the only one in the family who’s very fluent in Bikol Albay since my maternal grandparents used to live there for a couple of years when they were young. My Mom also studied in Daraga, Albay during high school (United Institute, Inc.) and college (Bicol University).
My maternal grandparents used to have a house in Daraga, Albay but my grandma decided to give the house and lot to her best friend before relocating here in Bulan, Sorsogon. Yes, my grandma was one of the most generous people I know. Miss you, Mama.
I really would’ve wanted Mom to breathe her last here at home, but it was no longer an option for us. She needed lots of intensive care after going in and out of the ICU twice (1 week for each stay) during the entire 2 months she was at the hospital. She also had a “white coat syndrome,” and this is one of the reasons why she delayed her yearly medical checkup. Seeing her with 5 contraptions attached to her was also just too painful to bear.
Back To My Second Love, Volunteering
So, what to do now with all the intensive caregiving skills I’ve learned from Ma’am Leah? My Dad’s 83 years old already, but he’s still ambulatory. The next thing that popped into my head was my second love – volunteer work. I’ve been volunteering since my college days at UP Diliman as a relief operations volunteer, and then as a family support volunteer in our church. I also joined Minkah Ministries Inc. about 8 years ago because of the volunteering opportunities they offer.
While I was with the organization, I was privileged enough to do volunteer work for the street children and the elderly. I was looking forward to doing volunteer work for cancer patients at the UP PGH’s pediatric ward since it’s also part of Minka’s missionary work. Unfortunately, my schedule didn’t allow it since it fell on a weekday, and I have work.
Fast forward to now, I realized that God intended it to be. I really felt the “tugging” to do volunteer work for cancer patients 8 years ago, but I just didn’t have the opportunity or maybe it was just not the right time.
God gave me a glimpse this year of how caregiving to critically ill patients is done through my Mom. God knew I wasn’t equipped 8 years ago. Though I must say I still have a lot to learn now if I am going to be a regular volunteer for cancer patients here in Bicol.
This was how we communicated with Mom since she’s intubated. And I’m glad that she approved (Mom had high standards) of my caregiving skills all thanks to Ma’am Leah. Konting swabe pa daw. 👍👍😃
Next Faith Goal: Philippine Cancer Society Inc., Bicol Chapter
I did my research and tried searching for organizations that offer seminars and trainings on doing volunteer work for cancer patients. I did find the Philippine Cancer Society Inc., but unfortunately, they do not have a local chapter here in Legazpi City or Sorsogon City.
These are the cities closest to our hometown, and I don’t mind the long travel time as long as the schedule for volunteering falls on a weekend because I am oftentimes a 100% multitasker during the weekdays, I barely have time to breathe. Seriously serious.
But then again, what happened to Mom was a reminder to me and my siblings to pause when the body says it needs rest. I did mention in my previous articles that cancer genes are dominant on my Mom’s side. Only time will tell who among me and my siblings carry the “dreaded” genes.
Agritourism Project As A Retreat Place
This is one of the reasons why I’ve been experimenting with several farm-to-table projects at home that we can incorporate later on into our farm (I’ll share more about this in another article).
I want to make sure I am eating healthy, and the best way to do that is to grow my food. My siblings and I also have plans to pursue an agritourism project, and one of its objectives is to support the local food movement.
This is very timely given our current dilemma on inflation and the increasing prices of basic commodities including vegetables, rice, and meat products. Another objective of our farm project is to become a retreat place for holistic wellness.
Building A HospiceFacility
Then an idea popped into my mind. Since part of our mission and vision for the farm is to be a retreat place, why not include a hospice facility in it? This is what I would’ve wanted for Mom and I know, too, that this is what Mom would’ve wanted knowing how much she enjoyed gardening and being surrounded by nature. It’s not a coincidence that she’s named Eden. 🙂
We lacked the knowledge, training, and manpower to provide Mom what she needed most during her final moments. We weren’t beside her when she passed away, and she was in a hospital room surrounded by strangers, all of whom she barely knew.
We weren’t able to give Mom the ideal final moments I was praying for. But I know God doesn’t want it to end here. I want to make up for these “lost moments” with Mom by helping other families who are going through what we went through.
And the hospice care can be the answer to this. My initial plan is to come up with a 5-bedroom-capacity hospice facility situated inside our farm. We are targeting a farm resort concept, so this will be an ideal setup for terminally ill patients. The rooms must also be big enough for loved ones to stay over and be with the patient until his/her last moments.
Praying for the Completion of Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center
Who knows, the Philippine Cancer Society (Sorsogon Chapter) might also be founded alongside the hospice facility if God wills it. 😉 I am also very much looking forward to the Sorsogon Cancer Treatment Center that is currently being constructed in Sorsogon City.
I am just grateful for all of these endless opportunities that God has opened because of what happened to Mom. Because these are exactly the opportunities that my siblings and I will be needing in the future.
May God’s Will Be Done Always
These are all huge undertakings (if my Dad and siblings approve), and if Mom’s still alive and I told her about these plans, she’s probably going to tell me that I have very grand and ambitious plans.
To which I would’ve most likely replied with one of my favorite quotations by Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one but I am one. I cannot do everything but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will.”
And I’ll also include my life verse which is “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).” These are all my plans, and yet again “many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21).”
If these plans are all God’s plans as well, then I still have how many decades to make them happen. They can happen in our farm or somewhere else, only God knows. 🙂
We weren’t able to give Mom what she wanted, but God intended it for the greater good of more families and not just one. May God give me the wisdom, the right people, and the provisions to be able to pursue all of these endeavors in honor of my Mom.
I thought it best to share everything here in my blog so her memory lives on just in case I suffer from memory loss in the future. lol I can only pray though that the IoT (Internet of Things) is here to stay, but either way, she will always be within us.
Happy Birthday, Mom
We miss you terribly, Mommy Moo. Thank you for all the love, and you will always be in our hearts. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy! ❤
P.S. In case you’re wondering, “Mommy Moo (pronounced with a British accent)” is my term of endearment to my Mom. I replaced “Maggie” with “Mommy” in the Netflix movie “The Princess Switch.” 🙂
I saw it coming. I was more than ready. But it wasn’t what I hoped for. I never thought my Mom’s breast cancer would come back, a relapse. I mentioned in my previous articles how she survived her first ordeal with breast cancer. This time though, it was more serious. It was worse. Much worse.
Praying for healing over my Mom. ❤ Stolen shot c/o my husband, and I saw it on my phone just in time for this article. 🙂
So I asked. What are her chances of surviving Stage 4 breast cancer with only 20% of her lungs still working? Her condition is critical. She used to have 5 contraptions attached to her – a ventilator tube, ngt, central IV, catheter, and CTT tube (this was already removed as of writing, TYL).
And yet through this seemingly very hopeless situation, I remained hopeful. Why? First, I believe in Jehovah Rapha. Second, my Mom is a fighter. And last but not least, she has the best team of doctors.
I’d like to thank these awesome “superheroes” who are doing their best to give Mom more months or years to live (77 years old is still young IMO) – Dr. Bolinao, Dr. Mortel, Dr. Donor, Dr. Manzano, Dr. Llacer, and Dr. Leones of SMMGH. I was actually thinking about which of the Avengers characters will best represent each one of them. 😀 Seriously, thank you so much, super Doctors. ❤
My family and I would also like to thank everyone at the hospital who has been helping us take care of Mom. Thanks as well to some of our relatives and family friends who took the time to visit my Mom at the hospital and extend their help. We wouldn’t be able to get through this without all of their support and prayers. At the moment, though, we were advised to limit the visitors coming in and out of her room as she is immunocompromised.
So why juxtaposed? Why a bargain?
I wasn’t expecting Mom to have it again, but me. As I have mentioned in my previous articles, breast cancer did not skip a single generation on my mother’s side starting from my great-grandmother, grandmother, and now my Mom. They all had a mastectomy.
In short, cancer genes are dominant in our family. The next generation who’s expected to have it is the generation of my siblings and me. Among the 5 of us, who could be the one carrying it? We are also at the right age when breast cancer is usually detected – around the late 30s to early 40s.
I am fully aware of what future I could have if it’s me who got it. Thus, it was my prayer that my generation would be the last generation to carry this generational curse. This is how I bargained with God.
I am willing to do anything and everything to stop these cancer genes from being passed on to the next generations. I prayed fervently that my siblings and I would be the last generation to experience the haunting trauma of battling cancer.
God took the bargain. BUT it was not the bargain I was hoping for. Mom got diagnosed with breast cancer the second time around. The second time was more painful and more grueling, and it’ll take her a long time to overcome it if, by God’s will, she overcomes it.
And I thought, maybe this is why she got it twice in her lifetime. So that our generation won’t get it anymore. Though looking at my Mom now, I somehow wished that it should be me. It should’ve been me.
No child would ever want to see their parent suffering. If only I could share in her suffering and take on some of the pain she is going through now, I would gladly take it. Every single bit of all the pain.
It was a juxtaposition. The opposite of what I prayed and bargained for. And yet, I think, it is for the better. How?
My generation now offers plenty of opportunities to treat and prevent cancer. It all started with this curiosity of mine which urged me to do my research about ways to prevent cancer genes from being transferred to a fetus while it’s still in its early stages of development.
I wondered if it is possible to remove cancer genes through gene editing. It was a farfetched thought. But well, God does make some things impossible to possible through Science. Because voila, the farfetched thought did not seem farfetched at all – it is now a reality.
My research brought me to CRISPR-Cas9. What is CRISPR-Cas9?
“Genome editing (also called gene editing) is a group of technologies that give scientists the ability to change an organism’s DNA. These technologies allow genetic material to be added, removed, or altered at particular locations in the genome. Several approaches to genome editing have been developed. A well-known one is called CRISPR-Cas9, which is short for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats and CRISPR-associated protein 9.” – https://medlineplus.gov/genetics/understanding/genomicresearch/genomeediting/
This discovery is quite new, and there were only a few studies performed on humans using this technology because of ethical concerns. A Chinese scientist was sentenced to 3 years in prison for conducting CRISPR on a human embryo.
The reason? If done wrong, it can cause serious side effects to the human embryo’s cells, thus, lose huge quantities of the genetic material. The child may come out with disabilities or as a “child with special needs (CSN)” as we call it in Special Education.
So this gave me an idea. Why not be a study patient for a gene-editing experiment? A very willing study patient. I might need to ask Dr. Leones, Mom’s oncologist, about this. 😀
I am already 37 years old, but I still would like to have kids. I am considering freezing my eggs so I can have the baby through IVF and/or surrogacy if the time comes that I’m already incapable of carrying the baby in my womb.
It’s a very big risk. And yet, I believe that if the CRISPR technology becomes a success when it comes to human embryos, then it is such an amazing breakthrough in the field of Science. Just imagine how many people will be able to live life cancer-free even though their original genetic composition has dominant cancer genes.
A lot of children will be freed from the generational curse of getting cancer genes from their parents and ancestors. As the adage goes, “Prevention is better than cure.” But for now, I wait.
And yet if breaking the generational curse does not happen in my generation, then I can only pray that the generations after us will get to be a part of this scientific breakthrough.
My bargain was juxtaposed. But it opened doors of unlimited opportunities to finally defeat breast cancer once and for all. May God help us, and may Science be the answer.
I also would like to take this opportunity to ask for your prayers for my Mom’s recovery. If it is not God’s will for her, then I am still grateful that we were given the time to make peace with her situation and accept whatever the outcome will be.
In everything, let God’s will be done always. And may His Name be glorified even as we go through this very difficult season of pain and sadness. Because well, I still have more reasons to rejoice knowing life doesn’t really end here, and there’s life after this world. 🙂
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalm 73:26
P.S.
We’ve been watching over Mom for about 2 months now at the hospital. Then, I tested positive of Covid after experiencing Covid symptoms (rashes, cold, flu, cough, and very itchy throat).
And yet I’m still grateful. Why? Because Mom did not contract the virus though I am one of her very close contacts, and she’s immunocompromised because she is currently going through chemo sessions. It was a miracle, and I am believing for more miracles in Jesus’ Name. ❤
We all have this picturesque dream of living on a farm someday – an escape from the chaos of the city. Yes, it is indeed a beautiful dream, but it can also be a nightmare if you are unprepared.
Farming is a calling. It is not for everybody, and it is not a walk in the park. It is also not just about growing crops, harvesting, and selling them. Or putting up a homestead as “bahay bakasyunan” and everything will go well.
To help you decide if a farm life will best suit your needs or not, here are some of the disadvantages of living on a farm based on my observations and the challenges we have encountered:
Security of the Area
I placed this as the top priority among the farm tasks. Now that inflation and global economic recession are likely to worsen in the coming years as experts predicted, anything on your farm is of value to anyone who does not have them. Trespassers and stealing will be a common challenge at the farm.
Just recently, may mga umakyat ng bakod namin dito sa main house in broad daylight to harvest our rambutan. To think na nasa poblacion ito at hindi sa bukid, we have 3 guard dogs pa, and andito lang din kami sa bahay. Pina-blotter namin sa barangay dahil may mga kapitbahay na nakakita sa kanila.
Sa bukid naman maraming constant na trespassers at paguwi ay may mga dalang ni-forage nila galing sa mga tanim sa loob ng farm. Nanakawan din ang farm house namin ng sink, mga pinto, etc. back when walang nakatira doon.
You might want to read articles re trespassing laws in the Philippines to get tips on what to do if ever you encounter a similar issue.
Barbed wire fences don’t offer much as deterrents, but are only useful as land markers to delineate boundaries. If you want to keep your farm secure, you have to invest in electric fences (quite expensive especially if you need to cover lots of ground area), CCTV cameras (lots of them), and other anti-theft devices.
Know the Surrounding Community
What type of community surrounds your property? If you plan on living at a farm after retirement, will your family move in there with you? Because if not, it might be too risky to live there alone or with just your spouse when both of you are senior citizens already.
Who else will you be living there with aside from your parents? Are your children willing to relocate and transfer homes, especially if they grew up in the city?
It’s best if you have neighbors whom you can call for help during emergencies. They are also the best persons to ask re the topography of the land especially if they lived there for quite some time already.
Assess the Area for Water Sources & Electricity Connections
A farm needs to have a reliable water source if the area is not yet covered by your local water provider. If the property is located near a river, make sure the river doesn’t dry up during the summer season. Also, is it near the main power lines? Kasi kung malayo pa, ang mahal mag-invest sa solar panels.
Determine Flood-Prone Areas
A river near your farm is a good water source, but rivers can also pose a serious threat during heavy rains and excessive flooding. You will incur more crop losses if the river near your farm is one of the major rivers in the area where all surface runoffs from the surrounding mountains converge.
Identify The Type of Soil
Identifying soil types is important if you plan to plant crops. Some soil types are not arable meaning you can’t plant anything. Also, if the farm is located on a mountain slope, it will be prone to landslides.
Accessibility to Farm-To-Market Roads
Ease of access to the town proper/city will lessen your transport expenses. The nearer your farm to a major thoroughfare, the better when transporting your products because you can save on fuel expenses.
If you need to cross how many streams and mountains to get to the farm, you will be cut off from civilization. In this case, seeking help during emergencies will be very difficult. If it’s also not accessible by any vehicle, all the more difficult when it comes to logistic planning.
Hiring Farmworkers
Hiring farmworkers to tend the farm so you don’t get overwhelmed by doing all the tasks yourself is an additional monthly expense. If you’re retired already, your pension might not be enough to hire a farmworker. On top of the regular upkeep and maintenance costs of the farm, you also need to consider expenses for your daily needs and maintenance medications.
Farm May Or May Not Earn A Decent Profit
Depending on the crops you choose to grow at your farm, you might not earn that much. Climate change and unpredictable weather patterns make it difficult for farmers to adjust and recover from any losses.
If you will have your farm rented out, there’s a high chance the property will be misused and after the lease contract ends, you might have more problems in terms of land degradation, nutrient loss, and biodiversity imbalance which will take years to restore. If you plan to convert it to a resort, the same concept will apply.
You might consider looking for an additional source of income later on. This will serve as your buffer in case of severe losses and damages to your crops during calamities. Your options will vary depending on your need. If you prefer a passive income, you might want to explore lease opportunities. Online selling looks like it will be a mainstay in the marketing strategies of different businesses.
Tedious (And Costly) Processing of Paperwork (Land Title, Property Tax, Land Survey, etc.)
There is no easy process in legalizing a property whether you inherited the land or bought it. Oftentimes you would need to go back and forth to different government offices in the province or city where your farm is located. Some paperwork may take months to be processed and for some, it may take years.
Image Copyright: Christine Lailani Ginete-Rome
Farming Requires Grit and Passion
To those who are interested to transition from the corporate world to the agriculture industry, the work environment will be very different. In a corporate setting, you will be working with air conditioning. At the farm, you will be exposed to the heat of the sun while working.
Being hands-on in the management of your farm also means supervising farm tasks daily. I am not in favor of micromanaging so looking for skilled workers who can perform the tasks well is a must.
If the heat of the sun is something you’re not comfortable with, then expect your comfort levels to decrease even more when bugs and mosquitoes start to pester you anywhere you are on the farm. There are also some farm tasks that you have to learn to do yourself, especially the basics. Farmers, in a nutshell, have tanned skin (with blisters from insect bites) and callused hands, even if you’re a woman. 😉
But if you are passionate about farming, these challenges will be your stepping stones to achieve your goal of living sustainably on a farm. Your own set of problem-solving skills will also be very different as well as your system in managing your team of farmworkers. They are skilled laborers, but most of them weren’t able to graduate from college. You do have an option to mechanize all your farming inputs to lessen the number of workers needed at the farm.
But personally, farm mechanization is my last resort. It is still our priority and goal to offer as many jobs as possible and help farmworkers and their families achieve a better life. If the new generation of farmworkers has stable jobs, then I believe that will be the only time we will shift to farm mechanization.
And then of course there’s another set of challenges when it comes to employee management, which I will no longer discuss here in detail.
Consider buying a farm if you have extra money you do not need and wouldn’t mind if the farm earns a profit or not. If this is your only investment fund like a retirement fund, you might be better off with another type of investment that will give you a fixed and consistent income. Again, acquiring and maintaining a farm requires a huge capital and might offer limited ROI to keep your farm sustainable in the long run.
“We can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21
Disclaimer: I wrote this article to ask for prayers and any kind of help you could give after the onslaught of Super Typhoon Rolly and Typhoon Ulyssesin the Philippines.
Thank you, and may God continue to be with us all always. 🙏🏻
The Mini Greenhouse
Wala ito sa kalingkingan ng matinding pinagdaanan ng mga nasalanta ng bagyong Ulysses. Pero share ko lang din paano naka-survive itong mini green house dahil akala ko mahina lang ang bagyo kaya hindi ko siya niligpit at ipinasok sa loob ng condo.
It’s made from very light metal and plastic materials. Yaong kapag walang laman, kaya syang patumbahin ng isang tulak lang ng iyong daliri. May maximum weight din na pwede mong ipatong sa kanya.
Thank God, both the balustrade cover and the mini greenhouse survived the strong winds brought by Ulysses. 🙏🏻
Keeping It Safe
Dahil dati nang malakas ang hangin dito sa condo na para bang laging may bagyo, nakatulong ito para siguraduhin kong secure ang mga gamit at alagang pananim dito sa 10th floor terrace.
Naisipan kong dagdagan ng pabigat ang base ng mini greenhouse pero yaong kaya lang nyang dalhin. Ito ay para sya ay maging matibay at hindi agad liparin o matumba gaano man kalakas ng hangin.
Saved By Grace
It worked out, at sa awa na rin ng Dios, na-withstand ni mini greenhouse ang sobrang lakas na hanging dala ni Ulysses. Buong direction sya binayo at ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit madaling araw na akong nakatulog dahil nakikita kong nayayanig sya ng sobra.
Pero sabi nga ng asawa ko, “Hindi sila matitinag. They will be fine.” At nakatulog sya ng maaga, samantalang ako ay nagaalala pa rin at napapaisip kung ipapasok ko ang mga pananim o hindi sa gitna ng paghampas ni Ulysses.
Building The Foundation
Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na tayo ay kahalintulad ni mini greenhouse at akong gardener ay parang si God. Alam ng Dios ang mga paparating na mabibigat na problema kaya binibigyan Nya tayo ng mga “pasanin” na oo, mabigat, pero kaya nating dalhin.
Pero dahil doon sa “pabigat,” nagagawa nating maging handa para sa mga susunod pang mas “mabigat” na pagdadaanan natin. At dahil din sa mga “pabigat” na ito kaya lumalim ang ating pananampalataya na syang nagsisilbi ngayon bilang ating matibay na pundasyon.
God Is A Firm Foundation
Kaya naman anumang unos ang dumating, yanigin man sa kaliwa at sa kanan, mananatili pa ring nakatayo. And the Bible has the same sentiments about it:
Jesus said, “As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock.
When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation.
The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” – Luke 6:47-49
May we all build our foundation securely – not on something temporary, but on something that is firm. It may be a rock, and it can be God.
Praying for strengthalways,
P.S. Next bagyo (apat or lima pa daw ang papasok bago matapos ang 2020 sabi ng PAGASA) ipapasok ko na silang lahat para makatulog ako ng matiwasay.
Which reminds me, too, na it looks like I still have such little faith. Kaya kailangan pa siguro ng marami pang “pabigat” para maging solid ang foundation. 👍
Dahil andito na naman ako sa moment na sabi ko kay Bri, susukuan ko na ulit si Kamatis. 😅 Dahil naabutan na sya ng rainy season, laging makulimlim at wala na silang sunlight na nakukuha.
Dahil wala ring araw, parang nagkaroon sila ng fungus at nanilaw at nalagas ang mga dahon nya. Natuyo rin ang ibang mga bulaklak.
Nagbabalak na akong palitan sila ng Poisoin Ivy at Aglaonema, mga proven na resilient kong plants, this week. Pero naisip ko na patagalin pa hanggang sa tuluyan nang matuyo ang mga kamatis. At hangga’t may green akong nakikita, patuloy ko silang didiligan.
When God’s Plans Prevail
Pag-check ko ngayon, nagulat ako na may bunga na pala ang kamatis. Sya ang kauna-unahang bunga at sana hindi rin sya ang huli. 😁
First fruit of Tomato and first blooms of Chili Pepper. 🙏❤️😊
Napa-smile lang ako at napasambit na, “Kakaiba ka talaga, Lord. Heto at gusto ko na i-give up ang plant na ito pero parang lagi na lang binibigyan mo ako ng reason to keep it kahit pa ang nakikita ko sa kanya ay wala na syang chance mabuhay pa.”
Parang tayo lang ngayon. Andaming adversities sa paligid natin. Pakiramdam natin ang hopeless ng mga nangyayari. Pero what if tulad kay kamatis, there is something good pala sa kabila ng mga ito na hindi natin nakikita sa ngayon?
The Start Of My Vegetable/Urban/Container Gardening Experience
Napaka-memorable sa akin itong first experience ko ng pagtatanim ng gulay dito sa condo. Dahil against all odds ang pagtatanim ko given na hindi ideal ang planting environment dito. Napipilitan ako to think outside the box palagi to keep my plants thriving.
When I got the first “tugging” na magtanim, alam ko na malabo kaya ‘di ko sinunod. And yet persistent din ang Dios at ang sabi lang Nya ay gawin mo what I asked you to do, all the rest ako na ang bahala. Aminado ako ang hirap magtiwala sa Dios lalo na kapag andaming problema na dumarating at wala kang solusyon na mahanap.
And yet, this is what faith is all about. Sabi nga sa Bible, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see“ (Hebrews 11:1).
Faith That Can Move Mountains
I believed, against all odds, na mamumunga si Kamatis. Although may konting doubts, but still, I held on to my faith. True enough, hindi naman ako binigo ng Panginoon which only shows na faith can indeed move mountains.
Kaya sa mga nangangamba ngayon, heto si Kamatis, una kong tanim, matagal kong inalagaan, nasa 30% ang survival rate as of writing. 2 months ago, muntik ko na rin syang i-give up. And yet she made it this far.
Ang aantayin na lang natin ngayon ay kung lalaki itong fruit at ma-harvest namin. If that happens, then ito lang ay patunay na God fulfills His promises whatever the circumstance that surrounds you. 😊
Kaya mga ka-urban gardener, stay tuned. Ia-update ko ulit kayo sa final phase ni Kam at kung mamamatay ba sya bago ko i-harvest o magagawa kong i-harvest ang bunga bago sya mamatay. 😃
In everything, let God’s will be done. 🙏
Afaithful gardener,
P.S.
Isa ding fighter itong si Labuyo. Kumulot at nanilaw ang dahon pero namulaklak pa din. Panibagong story din ito na aantabayanan natin. 😅👍🏼
I originally posted this as a caption of a photo on Facebook. It was supposed to be one paragraph long. But, as we all know it, writers often end up writing more than just a paragraph. Voila, it became an article. 😅
This is written in the vernacular, and once again, I am putting my hopes on Google to make a fine job in translating it for you, my dear readers.
Sa bawat bad news na natatanggap namin ni Bri, binabalanse ito ng Dios with good news. Na para bang sinasabi Nya an “patuloy kayong umasa sa Akin at huwag sa mga circumstances nyo sa paligid.”
Parang itong si Kam (kamatis). Umabot sa punto na nag-50/50 sya. Ilang araw nalanta, nanilaw, namatay ang ibang dahon, at natuyo ang ibang flower buds. Ni-try ko syang i-revive na may kasamang dasal sa Panginoon.
Pero sure ako sa nakikita ko na walang matutuloy na mga bulaklak at ‘di na rin sya mamumunga. Pakiramdam ko nga tuluyan na syang mamamatay at mauuwi sa wala ang halos 4 mos naming pag-aalaga sa kanya.
Pagasang Hirap Hagilapin
Ito ang aming “panganay” sa aming mga tanim sa pagsimula ng quarantine. May mga times na gusto ko syang palitan dati dahil wala naman akong makitang mga buds. Kasing tangkad ko na rin sya dahil indeterminate variety sya, ang hirap nya i-stake.
Gusto ko syang sukuan in other words. Pero mas pinili kong patuloy syang alagaan, hinanapan ng paraan ang stake nya, at habol ko na lang is dagdag sa clean air ang mga dahon nya kung sakali mang ‘di sya mamunga. At dahil nga sa nag-50/50 sya, parang mas gusto ko na talaga syang palitan ng iba ngayon.
Magandang Balita Sa Kabila Ng Lahat
Ngunit noong Sabado, biglang nagbago ang lahat. Ang asawa ko ang nakapansin na nag-open na iba nyang mga flower buds.
At ang kulay pala ng bulaklak ng kamatis ay dilaw (first-time tomato grower here 😃). The color YELLOW symbolizes HOPE.
Alam kong hindi coincidence itong lahat. Yaong sya ang una kong tanim, maraming hirap at sakripisyo ang binuno sa kanya, muntik ng mamatay, at nabuhay sya sa panahon kung saan napakagulo ng paligid.
God knows what we need at exactly the right time. He knows we need something/someone to encourage us to keep on hoping against hope.
Kahit pa sobrang labo at hirap ng sitwasyon natin ngayon. Pero ito ang hinihingi Nya sa atin – to wait and to trust Him completely. Nasa atin na lang kung gagawin natin ito o hindi. 👍🏼
A hopeful gardener who’s always willing to wait,
P.S.
Napakahalaga ang discernment kung kailan tayo mag-aantay at kailan tayo kikilos kapag nag-utos na ang Dios. Dahil kung tayo pa din ang gagawa ng solusyon sa lahat, we end up frustrated, disappointed, at nabe-burnout. Parang ako kay Kam.
Ngunit hindi rin pwedeng mag-antay na lang tayo forever at walang gagawin. Ika nga sa Bible, “faith without deeds is dead.” It is finding the right balance between faith and deeds that makes what we do a success and a fulfilment.
And always, kailangan nakabatay ang ating mga ginagawa sa mga plano ng Dios. Not our will, but let His will be done. 🙏
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “These are plans to PROSPER you and not to harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE.” – Jeremiah 29:11 ❤️
P.S.2
Do take note that “prosperity” in the Bible doesn’t always mean wealth and worldly possessions. Kasama ang mga ito. But it could also be prosperity o kasaganaan sa good health, sa peace, sa love, etc.
Our rice fields are located in different areas of the town and a bit far from the farm. This is the reason why I have such great admiration for my Dad for his strength, patience, and wisdom to manage all of them and several teams of farm workers.
I believe it was somehow easy for Dad because he used to work as a Civil Engineer and Chief Superintendent at the National Irrigation Administration in our town. It was part of his duties as an engineer to monitor the irrigation system in the rice fields.
Rice Farming Through The Years
Back when I was young, we used to cook food for our farm workers during the harvest season. But as our parents got older and my siblings and I came here to study and work in the city, they had to let go of some of our usual practices in farm management.
Not a single day passes by though that I don’t include them and our agribusiness in my prayers. I have this dire need to go to the province now, stay there, and give them a hand with what needs to be done at the farm and the ricefields.
When God Dictates Your Timeline
However, my husband is tied to his job here in the metro, and he remains my top priority. The calling to go back to the province may be too strong, but God is asking me to stay for now.
I had my worries, my questions, and also my fears. But God assured me He got everything under control.
A Year Of Blessed Harvest
True enough, for last year’s palay harvest, Dad reported an all-time high yield. My parents said it was a miracle given the extended drought. Our province was also hit several times by strong typhoons last year but Dad was able to harvest the palay grains at just the right time.
My Dad’s rice fields were also selected to be the demo farms for the hybrid rice grains provided by SL Agritech. He was given an allowance for the land preparation and fertilizers and in return, a certain percentage of the harvest will go to SL Agritech.
The Good News Means God Is Everywhere Anytime
These were all the good news that will testify that indeed, God hears our prayers. I still have a little bit of those fears as to what could happen in the future.
But I know God will be there in every step of the way to guide us, provide for us, and strengthen us. I am sure every business owner out there has the same qualms about the future of several industries in the country given the economic recession.
Our Business Outlook In The Future
And yet not every “low” will forever be a “low” in the same way that not every “high” will forever be a “high.” The only assurance that we can get is that in every season of our businesses, God is with us always. That should replace our fears with faith, our worries with peace, and our uncertainty with hope. 🙏
A small portion of the 13-hectare property owned by my Mom and Aunt is allotted for coconut and copra production. My Dad no longer pursued the latter due to very low market prices. He decided to sell the coconuts instead as is right after harvesting.
ChallengesThat Farmers Go Through
The very strong typhoons that hit our province in the past years and the pandemic greatly affected the yield and the profit of coconut farmers. This made me ask the Lord what to do with any idle land that we have now. If we can’t use them for agricultural purposes, how else can we utilize them?
My siblings and I originally came up with a plan to use the farm to provide more livelihood projects in our local community. Given the situation now, however, farmers generate low income from their products due to travel restrictions. In other words, farming cannot be a reliable source of livelihood for the time being.
Seeking For God’s Guidance And Wisdom
I still can’t decipher what we can do, but I have a “tugging” that the livelihood projects will still push through in God’s perfect time. This goal can help thousands of residents from the metro who will be going to the provinces under the “Balik-Probinsya Program” of the government.
For one, they need land where they will build their homes. Second, they need to learn how to plant crops for their food while looking for livelihood opportunities. And last but not the least, sustainable projects are a must to make sure every family will experience that promise for a better life.
God’s Plans Are Better Than Our Plans
I was thinking maybe God intended our property for this purpose. What if God wanted to use our idle land to build a community, but guided by Biblical principles?
If this is a faith-based community, then first, there must be a church. Second, there must be a school that will teach all agricultural practices. Third, a mini-market for the residents’ daily needs can be set up and so on.
When my siblings and I were discussing these plans, our target is for the company to be a nonprofit organization. We never felt that God’s calling for us to utilize this property is to become millionaires. It is for the sole purpose of changing lives to a better one.
I can never be a millionaire by this world’s standards. I am not comfortable with the idea of hoarding wealth purely for self-enjoyment.
Imagine the cost of an original Louis Vuitton bag. With that amount, how many students from poor communities can you send to college on a scholarship? That $300 spent on a 30-gram bottle of caviar is enough to feed a family of 5 for 2 months.
A Christ-Centered Community As A Church
Imagine giving these families a chance to live life with meaning, purpose, and renewed hope. This is the very promise of Christianity, and sadly the false hope that is given by some politicians too.
Through Christ, the promise was already fulfilled. This will be the truest essence of being born again – a new life centered on God in a new community where they can experience God’s goodness and greatness.
Back to our end though, I know it is a very big responsibility. These may be our plans, and yet I know in the end God’s plans will prevail. And so, let His will be done always. 🙏
Still waiting for God’s instructions and His plans to unfold,
The Journeyman's Moments 