The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
How do you make opposite ends meet? A positive and a negative always repel. Same as good and evil. As with everything else that are opposites in this world.
Let’s say two persons coming from exactly two different backgrounds met and fell in love, how do you keep them together?
The only answer is this: only God can.
But what if God revolves at the core existence of one person and God is “just there” for the other?
Now this is where things get complicated. I have been with my spiritual family via the church for only about a couple of years. And I have seen how faith can bridge distances and cultural differences regardless if you are rich or poor, pretty or not, intelligent or not, educated or uneducated, etc.
And yet, as I go through my devotion and bible reading everyday along with the Spirit’s guidance, the thought that faith and hope indeed only come after love is always reiterated. It is love that makes every relationship work.
Yes, passe.
But I guess this is the part where I would stress out that the love I am talking about here is not the kind of love that everybody is familiar with. Nor is it even the ones that we see on romantic movies or we read in romance novels. This kind of love, as most Christians know, is love that directly points to God. The kind of love that is so hard to achieve.
This was the kind of love that God has been teaching me for this season. Not only for my partner but for his family and the other people I met through him. I do not want to judge. But for the sake of understanding where my point is coming from, I’d have to describe some characteristics that I have observed.
Being a Christian is not a name that you flaunt around. In fact, being a Christian entails deeper, bigger and heavier responsibilities. An unbelieving spouse, for one, can cause conflict in the relationship when persecution becomes present in the relationship because of differences in religious beliefs and practices even though both of you are Christians but only one is a believer.
Values, manners, upbringing, lifestyle – they all become factors affecting how a couple will run the relationship if God is not present. They become a baggage that both couple had to carry and only then can you realize that without God, you will lose hope in enduring the sacrifices you make, the consequences you had to face of a mistake that you did not commit, restoring relationships and facing persecution.
For example, how would you feel if on a Good Friday, you were invited by his family to go to a bar and grill such as Pier One instead of staying at home, praying and pondering on the sacrifices made by Jesus Christ on the Cross? I would’ve chosen the latter if I have the choice, but at that time, I unfortunately do not have that privilege. My heart screamed. I wanted to rebel, to cry out and say my “NO.” But I know all I can ever do is to pray for the Spirit’s leading instead of complaining.
I did not drink any alcohol though they tried to offer me some. I ate, I tried to listen to the band performing until came the moment I could not bear it all I contacted the first spiritual mentor I have – my brother. And his suggestion was for me to stand firm in my faith and endure it all. He told me that maybe that is the reason why God put me there in the first place. To let them see what it is to be a Christian not only by name but in action, in words and in faith.
And then the situation reminded me exactly of what Jesus did on the Cross – He endured everything not uttering a single word complaining or a word expressing His discomfort. Except only when He asked God why He had forsaken Him. Now a lot of verses filled my head such as this one:
“For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in His steps.” – 1 Peter 2:21 NLT
And then you thought that is the only conflict you had to go through. Come familial attachments and values that are a barrier too high and too solid to break. I was on the verge of persecuting and judging others. Yes, I was beginning to feel hopeless and yet God never failed to remind me how it is to REALLY love despite the differences, the persecution, the suffering and the pain. I was led to verses and biblical quotations day after day supplying me the Godly wisdom that I needed. And sometimes the effort does not come from my own anymore but God supplied even the strength and the courage that I needed to muster.
This was one of the quotations that I felt God was talking to me directly at the time that I needed it most:
“Be as patient with others as God has been with you.” – Our Daily Bread
I know God will fight this battle for me. I was only a soldier and He is my commander. On my end, He requires me to be patient, to endure and to follow where He leads me. It is not for me to decide whether I win or lose. But I have the assurance that fighting a battle with God will surely end in eternal glory – something that this world can never define. God will never give something that will break you and your faith apart. For it was His plan to send His son on Earth and it is Jesus’ role to come before us and carry our sins, the barrier between man and God, so we can receive the gift of salvation and have a personal relationship with Him.
It is just amazing how God uses people, circumstances and resources to fulfill the mission He has set out for you. Indeed, they are all part of His much bigger plans that our mere mortal minds can never comprehend.
Looking back and pondering now, the only question that I remembered asking God so many times was this:
“Father, why is it so difficult to love people the way that You have loved us?”
And my constant prayer in this season was this:
“Father, teach me to have eyes that see the good in people and the heart that loves them the way You have loved them.”
The answer is always a personal encounter, a conviction or an instruction. One answer came through my hobby in sketching – my very first sketch on faith, Jesus and the crown of thorns accompanied by the following verses:
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.And because you belong to Him, the powerof the life-giving Spirit has freed youfrom the power of sin that leads to death.” – Romans 8: 1-2 NLT
Let me share to you a little secret. It is a secret because there are only 2 people, me and a closest friend, who knows his real name.
Yes, him. Not my fiance though but a guy I met in church before I met my fiance.
I was going through a tough time 3 years back. I just got out of a terrible relationship then faith was introduced to me.
They say that a gaze, a penetrating gaze, can send multiple messages without even speaking. That is how I got to know him. He was single, I was on a period of recovery and enjoying my single life again and there was this Singles’ getaway.
I blamed that gaze we had with each other. That single look that sent something down to my soul – a look that I could not forget. But, at that time I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I wanted God to mend my heart first and listen to Him when He says that that guy is the one for you. Besides, I cannot base my emotions solely on a meaningful gaze whatever the message may be.
I felt it, he was interested. I can tell by his actions that he is. But I acted as if I didn’t notice him, that I am not interested. Because I am not yet ready to be in a relationship.
A year passed. I would see him in church every now and then. I waited. I was patiently waiting for him to make the move. What I felt for him didn’t change. I wanted to know him more but it is not appropriate for me to pursue him. It’s not a woman’s role.
I prayed. I included him even in my faith goals. I would check his profile every now and then because he is my friend on Facebook. Well, there’s nothing much to see in his profile but I still would check it. Stalker mode on, yes. 😉
2 years passed. I was becoming impatient. I asked God to give me a sign if I should hold on to that special gaze he and I shared. I asked God if I should hold on to that certain feeling I have for him. Though I can’t say it is love but I can tell it is something special.
Then the sign came.
I checked his Facebook profile, I saw a picture. He already has a girlfriend.
Ouch. I got the answer. It hurt me a lot. All those two years of waiting ended up in vain. I was so broken again that the urge to delete him was so tempting but I know it was not right. I just unfollowed him so I would not see his updates in my news feed.
I cried a lot, it was another heartbreak. I asked God a lot of questions. Why do I have to feel those emotions with him if we will not end up together? Would things be different if I somehow showed him a sign that I am interested with him too? Would it have made a difference if I made a way to get to know him? Why didn’t he pursue me?
I had no answers, I was in pain. But God slowly healed me again. Way faster this time because the Spirit is already within me. I just learned to accept things the way they are. Then better opportunities came along and I started to think of him less. But he was the only Christian guy in church that I had a crush on. 🙂
A couple of months later, I was back to my lively self not worrying about anything and moving on from the past. I met my fiance. He is a Christian but not as devoted as my crush. But the attraction was also there.
He pursued me, we went out on dates and I got to know him more. I included him in my faith goals too. I asked God to give me a sign and to prevent me from making a decision that I will regret later on. He laid down his intentions and I said yes to be his girlfriend.
Our relationship didn’t start as smooth sailing as I expected and I had a hard time inviting my boyfriend at that time to join a bible study group in our church. He declined but he does go to church with me. Every time we have a conflict I would always point the reason why to the idea that he is not so devoted when it comes to faith.
Then I would ask, was it a mistake that I chose him? Am I now suffering the consequences of making that mistake? But God would always assure me I am where I should be. If it was a mistake, God can still turn it into something beautiful so long as He sees we are honoring Him in the relationship.
But I am starting to lose hope and yet when he proposed, I said yes. I felt it right at that time. And I believe God was asking me to stay. But I was so disillusioned by the thought that I was unequally yoked. I would even pray to God if it will really work out. But God told me to trust Him.
Came an opportunity wherein I asked my fiance over the phone just last night with this, “Honey, if ever you get rich, what would be the first thing you’re gonna do with your money?”
The answer that came made me smile with gladness:
“Ever since I was in high school, it was my dream to donate to our mother church so we can have it air-conditioned and add a second floor because I owe it to them the faith I have now.”
It was an answer that I wasn’t prepared to hear. I couldn’t reply for a moment and when I did speak, it was only a “wow” that I could blurt out followed by another pause. And more smiling. 😀
I need not think anymore that he wanted to please me that is why he said it nor his sincerity for saying it. He said it with his own words without me giving a hint what kind of answer is good for that question.
I was tongue-tied at that moment because God taught me to never underestimate His power and grace. I know it is God who touched my fiance’s heart. It was so different to hear him say such things. And I know that everything that happened in the past was all part of His plans. Nothing is ever a mistake when you rely on God and not on yourself or anybody.
And I now have the answers re my crush. I wasn’t really prepared to be in a relationship back then because it was only in this relationship now that God is preparing me. I cannot be a best partner if I am not at my best and be complete in God. And I only get to appreciate what it means to be a Christian and how it is to be a Christian in a relationship just now.
I told God that after a violent breakup with my ex boyfriend I don’t and I cannot see myself able to love again as my heart will grow numb because of the pain. But what I felt for my crush was God telling me that I still am capable of loving a man. And that it is not my fate to be forever single. He prepared my heart at that time so to speak.
The future is so full of beautiful promises. I can see that. God, I know, lets things happen amazingly and surprisingly. But what I am expecting and hoping now might not be what God has planned. And that is why He wants me to trust, obey and hope in Him – completely, come what may.
Who knows, one day I get to say this again: I was so wrong all along. 🙂
Discipleship is a lot like social networking in modern times except that the former is Christ-centered and the latter talks about anything under the sun. In social networking, topics could range from anything to anywhere whereas with discipleship, the topics could be about anything too except that the conversations all have one common major theme and everything is being related to God.
But what is most common between the two is that you establish a relationship with different people. This brings me to my current situation now. I used to wonder or let’s say I far too often wonder why circumstances have brought me to a position wherein I am not in a cubicle or a room doing an office work or I am not following a certain routine though I am and I consider myself a young professional.
Priorities and circumstances never went as clear and as smooth as they can be. There always are conflicts, heavy decision making and a lot of pondering. But then again, through all those myriad of swimming thoughts came the answer that I never considered before: God wanted me to do something at this point which would require me to be flexible in terms of time and commitments.
It was clear to me what my mission was: to share. If I am tied with an 8-hour job, I’d have no time to share all of these. And in my case now, I can only maximize social media. But then again, it was social media that brought me opportunities wherein the possibilities of networking is endless. It is like there is no stopping it once you get started. And I see those opportunities as a wonderful avenue to connect with people online and offline using my faith and introduce them to it.
Step 1: Choosing the subject/finding your mission.
Right now my water loo is in the area of relationships. It is the cross I am carrying daily and yet I know I cannot let it hamper the mission set out for me. I cannot let it occupy my thoughts 24/7 because I need to focus on my mission and get it done.
But I know too that my water loo was given to me for a purpose and this purpose is exactly this mission I am set out to complete in His perfect time. I want to give God the glory because if it is not because of Him, I will still be the Tin who is so generous in giving curses, the Tin who is so full of sarcasm, who speaks nothing else but mostly of insults, the Tin who is quick-tempered and the Tin who is nothing but a cynic.
My fiance knows this kind of person. And I know why God gave a person like him to me. My fiance would remind me that I am a completely different person when my old self would come back at times that there is a conflict. It jolts me back to reality, the Spirit convicts me using my fiance and it sets me back on the right track again. I repent, pledges a re-commitment to change by His help and I would tell my fiance that if it wasn’t for God, the person he witnessed is the kind of person he gets to deal with every single day.
Because I cannot change on my own. That is why I surrendered my life to Christ because I needed a Savior who will take me out of the darkness. I’ve tried it on my own but I failed. I needed someone who is powerful enough to overcome anything, even death and there is only one person who can do that: Jesus Christ.
Step 2: Do the actual sketch after putting the basic lines/in the process of doing the mission refining what needs to be refined.
I am just grateful I was already saved, my past no longer has a bearing and I am no longer stuck in it. I may slide back every now and then but the conviction is already there. And it is this conviction that made me seek for forgiveness instead of letting pride win. God uses people to change you and apply what you learned from Him. Without these people around you, there is no basis if indeed you have changed or not. It is only through God that the flames of the darkness within you can be extinguished.
Putting out that fire is the drive that you will now use to continue your mission and you now know that there is no stopping you from getting it done. And that is because of God’s love and your love for Him. You cannot go out in the world if you don’t have it in you.
I took the risk, I accepted the challenge, I signed up for the mission not knowing what will transpire nor having the assurances I’ll be successful. All I know is that God will prepare me along the way.
I just have to and I should always keep in mind the task laid out ahead of me and consider getting it done by all means. I challenge you too as my beloved readers to seek God’s mission for you and stand up for it, pursuing it by all means.
I have been warned. I was educated. I was trained.
Yet I found myself in an unfavorable situation that could have erupted from the missed warnings. Or it was meant to be.
I question. Would love to question. Yet I can only accept. But do what I have now meant to be mine in the first place? Or again, it was the outcome of my deaf ears and a stubborn heart?
I have been hearing it. I have been seeing it. I have been feeling it. Everywhere I go. The signs are there. I know people have been praying for me, they wanted to protect me.
Protect me from what?
From falling into that state of oblivion, of being in limbo – the battle between good and evil.
Devoted but unequally yoked – this, I know, could be my sweetest downfall. Those who have met me may have prophesied it already. They are the ones who keep me on the right track. They will pray until I will be brought out of the pit. They pray for a sacrifice of letting go.
And yet there are those who pray that I stay. For God never gives us more than what we can handle. They believe it is yet a period in my spiritual journey where God is in the process of changing me so He could complete me. They pray for endurance, love and courage that I may overcome it.
A crossroad is never a good spot to be in. It is prone to collisions. It sets you in a state of confusion. It either gives life or death. Just like being in limbo.
In faith, a wrong decision could lead to spiritual death or it leads to the dawn of a new you. But one thing’s for sure, it will change you.
For this season, I am basically learning a lot about love and relationships in general. I get to apply what I learned and it is only now that I can say that our spiritual journey indeed never starts and ends in reading the bible, going to church and having fellowship with your sisters in Christ.
In this season, God is teaching me how to love the most unlovable; to understand and to have self – control when you wanted to have your way; to be calm when all you wanted was to flare up; to forgive always though you have been hurt countless of times; to ask for forgiveness because you have sinned again and was tested to the limit; to force yourself to trust despite of the dark past; to believe though your mind tells you otherwise; to be patient when all you wanted was to leave; to accept things when all you wanted was to change them; to sacrifice and give without expecting anything in return.
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, wehave peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And weboast in the hope of the glory of God.Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;perseverance, character; and character, hope.And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Matthew 5: 1-8 NIV
Yes, what we all need in this world is love. A love like how our God loved us.
“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8
“Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love -and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT
It was through my devotion that the Spirit convicts me every time I am on the verge of quitting and setting aside things once and for all. I wanted to go back to who I was – not distracted in serving the Lord. And yet, it is also the Spirit who would pacify me that I am where I am supposed to be. I needed to get through this in order to continue on in my spiritual journey. God placed them all in my hands not to see me fail but to see me triumph over them. I remembered my brother advising me that what I should focus on is not the tip of the iceberg but what’s at the bottom which is bigger than what I am seeing for now. He would always tell me to look at the bigger picture, do not focus on the problem but focus more on the goal, the mission which is honoring God.
Obedience by action is by far the hardest. Easier said than done as the saying goes. But it is how God wanted us to be sanctified each and every single day – forming a deeper relationship by becoming more and more like Him every single day in our thoughts, our words and our actions.
To be Christ-like is to slowly die to your old self every single day which means carrying your own “cross” and lift it until time comes that is finished, the mission is accomplished and you are completely changed.
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
– PAULO COEHLO, The Devil and Miss Prym
God is telling me to obey and trust Him while waiting for His plans to unfold in His perfect time though at times I may fail. And this is what keeps me for now:
“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalms 73:26 NLT
Yes, I was convicted by the Spirit. Yet again, for the nth time. 😉
I woke up today and remembered it is our 14th monthsary with my fiance. I greeted him and he did the same. But I was vying more on how the world defines celebrations – gifts, dates, cards and flowers. Those were my expectations.
The question is: what if my fiance did not meet my expectations?
That exactly happened. For it is human frailty to set worldly expectations and I am guilty of that. But does that mean that he loves me less? Should I feel bad that it appears I am unappreciated? My initial human emotional reaction was to feel exactly all that. But when I opened my devotion for today, that was when the rebuke happened:
“Contentment springs from trusting God as our supplier and gratefully accepting what He provides.” – ODB
And the Spirit guided me to the following bible verses:
“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.Seek the Kingdom of Godabove all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6: 31-33
“I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.” – Philippians 4:12
What God wanted me to learn is to be content in everything so I won’t become selfish and greedy. For it is in discontentment that the selfish nature of humans arise – the need to have more and more and more. Be patient and be grateful in anything and in everything that the Lord gives us.
I have to look at the things that are far more valuable that my fiance was able to give me and continues to give me. I have to look deeper into their intrinsic values and remember that my worth and his love for me can never be measured by the material things I receive from him for only God defines both.
Unconditional love, time, patience, forgiveness, acceptance, understanding, sacrifices…I began counting all the other things that he did for me and I realized he has given me so much more than I deserve, more than I needed and yet I barely even appreciated them until now. They were these kind of things that my fiance continues to give me each and every single day which keeps our relationship going that are far more valuable than material gifts, lavish dates and “romantic” stuff.
These are things that I should be extremely grateful for. Because they are the things that exemplify what matters to God most. It is not about my fiance pleasing me, nor me pleasing him but it is about pleasing God.
To love is to be selfless, and to demand is to be selfish. Be content, be appreciative and be happy in God and His blessings. It is always about giving your most valuable assets that are far beyond incomparable to material possessions and yet the hardest to give and never all about receiving that we learn to love others.
I do not intend to tell the world about the second coming of Jesus in a way that most people know i. e. placards with those words written on it, preaching about how sinful men are, that our time is short, etc. for back when I was still a non believer, I used to treat them all nonchalantly with a little bit of contempt, cynicism and scorn. I may have received it that way but I didn’t know that the seed was already being implanted.
I believe those who preached the Good News this way in the past were God’s disciples called to do exactly that at that time. Now, I believe, God has a different set of tasks to the newly saved believers to continue the mission that those before us have left in our charge now. There was no social media at that time. 🙂
I don’t need to tell people anymore of what they already know – Jesus’ second coming is near. What I intend to do, on the other hand, is to share to people how it is to prepare for that second coming and the things that most people clearly do not understand. These are the things that are far too basic, far too common and yet most commonly misunderstood and oftentimes disregarded.
Which leads me to the concept of this very simple word: LOVE.
Love is the overused word in the dictionary that permeates with everything. It goes on with a lot of definitions, given in a whole lot of different contexts and manifested in a whole lot of different actions.
So why this word?
I may not understand how everything is interrelated in the following series of events that I will discuss but all I know is that they all centered on one common theme which is LOVE and I have to share them all because the Spirit has prodded me to.
Scenario 1
I lead a small bible study group in church of young, single, female professionals.
Scenario 2
I am in a relationship now and engaged to a fellow Christian.
Scenario 3
Dreams, signs and wonders.
For Scenario 1, it started through my coaching group when our coaching leader assigned chapters of The Purpose Driven Life to each one of us to discuss. It was my first time to read the book. I believe God intended I read it just now. It is this book that spearheaded my passion in fulfilling the mission that Christ has left for us to do. I used the chapters on missions as our discussion platform for my small group. Which led me to buying my own copy of the book but I ended up buying a different but somehow similar book also by Pastor Rick Warren called “Better Together: What on Earth Are We Here For?“.
Better Together by Ptr. Rick Warren
And it was also through this book especially with the first few chapters that led me to the concept of LOVE and what it means in God’s eyes which I am now discussing with my bible study group. To quote some passages:
“Life is all about love and developing relationships – with God and with other people. You may succeed in many areas, but if you fail to love God and love others, you’ll have missed the reason God created you and placed you in this planet.”
“Real love is placing the needs of others before your own. It is making your problem, my problem…It is giving to another without any guarantee of getting anything back. It is giving others what they need, not what they deserve. Although love can create feelings, love is not a feeling. It is a choice, an action, a way of behaving, a commitment. Love is sacrificing for others.”
I remembered a few days back, I saw one status update on my Facebook news feed that really touched me. I wanted to share it at that time but something held me back so I just saved the link. I didn’t know that I would be needing it now to emphasize more of the passages I have written above. It is a short film entitled “Blind Devotion.”
And this will lead us to my Scenario 2, my relationship with my fiance. He is not as devoted as I am, but I can feel that the seed is already there. God gave him to me at a time that both of us did not expect. I was a patient due for eye surgery and he was the nurse. Our love story started there and the rest was history. But as times passed by, we went through what every couple would go through – conflicts, happiness, rage, patience, forgiveness, hurt, pain, joy, laughter…every emotion, every situation – we went through them as a couple. We have been together as a couple for only a year but we have learned so much about each other, how to value a relationship and having God in it except for this: LOVE as how God would define it.
Then came a point I wanted to give him up, he wanted to give up too. We talked but still ended up together. Then he asked me this question, “What is it that makes you stay with me though I have hurt you so many times, you have suffered so much for me, I have made so many mistakes, I keep on failing you and yet you always forgive me? I want to know why.”
I was silent for a time and this thought came to me and I explained why I am like that to him is because of God and my love for Him. God loved us so much He gave us His only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins though we do not deserve it. I told him I want to honor my God that is why I want to honor the commitment and honor him by learning the art of God’s love expounded in 1 Corinthians 13.
This happened just yesterday and when I woke up today, I read my devotion of the day in Our Daily Bread and I broke into tears, because it was an affirmation that I said the right thing to my fiance. This was the bible verse:
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” – Matthew 18: 21-22
March 6 Devotion: ODB
God has forgiven us. So we, too, should forgive those who sinned against us. To quote yet again passages from “Better Together”:
“Jesus says we are to be to one another what He is to us. The love of Christ is self-less, sacrificial, and submitted to the Father’s will. His standard of love is personal – reaching out to the undeserving, looking past their faults and into the desperate needs of their hearts.”
This kind of love now leads us to Scenario 3 – dreams, signs and wonders. I have been having dreams about me and my fiance the past several days which are bad dreams that dealt with my fears of him doing what he is not supposed to do and yet I felt they were all too real in those dreams. I always wake up with a heavy feeling until this morning.
My dream was about my fiance and I and we were supposed to board a bus headed for Baguio City but we got separated because of the huge crowd of commuters. I hopped in on a van instead and was surprised to see my ex boyfriend inside. We chatted for a while but then I noticed the destination name plate of the van and it was headed for Laguna (both my ex and my fiance now reside there). I asked the driver to stop then hurriedly went down the van and waited beside the road for a bus to come along headed towards Baguio City.
Then came a group of women who looked familiar walking towards me but I haven’t seen them yet in real life. Found out they were also headed for Baguio City so we waited for a bus then when one came, we boarded the bus, which was like a 12-seater, and there were only a few of us inside. Then that’s the time I woke up.
The night before, one of the verses in my devotion was Matthew 13:36. I read it but was too sleepy I didn’t understand it clearly. When I woke up today, I felt the urge to reread the verse but I forgot the verse so I randomly chose Matthew 13:3 which led me to the parables. It was all about the harvest and almost the entire chapter are highlighted in red which I don’t normally see in the bible app that I am using. So it means, the chapter I am reading is very significant.
The Parable of the Farmer
It is not a coincidence that my Discipleship 2015 training in church tomorrow has a key verse which is all about the harvest and the ministry that I volunteer in, which is a community outreach ministry, has a training on Urban Farming come this Sunday.
Neither it is a coincidence that after my devotion when I woke up today and checked my phone, I got a notification from a friend of mine regarding a video that she shared with me on Twitter. Here it is:
I cried after watching it. Because I now know the significance of it all. Everything is now crystal clear to me. It is indeed near. And what God was telling me the past days about love is that it is this kind of love that we need to exert to bring more people closer to Him despite of the conflicts and the differences.
“God says we must DECIDE to love one another. We’re to love other believers regardless of how we feel about them or how unlovable they may appear. No matter how difficult it may seem, we’re to actively, consistently, and deeply love the believers God brings into our lives, our congregations – and our small group.” – Better Together
“As members of God’s family, we must choose to love, not who to love.” – Better Together
And I believe this is the message that God wanted for us to understand now. The second coming is near, the more that we have to exemplify what Jesus did extending His love not just to His disciples but to those who are least likely to be loved. Just like the way that God is using my relationship with my fiance to master having that kind of love that is of God’s and not our worldly definition of it. I have been stumbling upon random verses from different books in the bible that have his name in it since last week, which is Joseph. I even joked my fiance our first baby boy will be named Zaphen derived from Zaphenath – Paneah which is the Egyptian name that the Pharaoh gave to Joseph when he appointed him as leader of his officials. This was one of the bible stories I read just a couple of days ago.
The story of Joseph, the dream interpreter.
I now understand why God gave him to me – I am being prepared for a mission and as my mate, he too is being prepared by God because the time is near for the harvesters to harvest this land. My interpretation of my dream today was very overwhelming, I wept. I wept because I know what it means – the message is very clear.
My fiance and I are due for a road trip with his childhood friend and his girlfriend to Baguio City over the weekend. I have visited the place countless of times and it was during one of my hikes at La Trinidad in Benguet, a province in Baguio City, that I was completely amazed by God’s bountiful and beautiful creations at its best. I was on top of a very high mountain after a treacherous hike and what I saw in front me was what I called in my previous article as “heaven here on Earth” because you see nothing else but a sea of clouds. And for me, it was very symbolic of my faith. The treacherous hike, wherein I almost fell off a cliff, was a matter of pain, suffering, life and death. But if you were able to overcome it all, the Kingdom of Heaven is waiting for you above, on top of it and no amount of words could describe how it feels to be there.
Last 3/3 marked my 3rd year since I got saved as a Christian last 3/3/13. The movie Son of God was released on that date too. And this coming 3/13, which falls on a Friday, I have a great feeling it is going to be a significant date as well. The verse regarding the parables can be found in Matthew 13:3 too. Most of my daily verses that I encounter came from the Gospel of Matthew. I did my research and the Gospel of Matthew is considered by scholars as the summary of Jesus’ ministry. It tells of Jesus sending His disciples to preach His Gospel to the whole world. It is also one of the four canonical gospels and it connects the old and the new testament. (wikipedia.org) I know for a non believer you will say it is all coincidence. But I say, as a believer, they are all signs from the Spirit.
Which led me to wonder on these passages written in that chapter:
“That is why I use these parables,
For they look, but they don’t really see. They hear but they don’t really listen or understand.” – Matthew 13:13
After these revelations, I only wept. And in between sobs, this was all I could utter in prayer:
“Lord help me to make them understand. Teach me to love them like how You have loved us.”
My brother is one of my spiritual mentors. He was the one who introduced me to the church and eventually to my faith. I know God appointed him to be that and I can attest through the role that my brother is playing in my life right now. He gave me a planner last year by Paulo Coehlo which contains quotations on life and faith. Each month has a designated character trait and last Christmas, he gave me the same planner. And now I know why. For this month, the character trait is this: COURAGE.
March: COURAGE
And this is the quotation for today:
“The only sin is a lack of LOVE. Be brave, be capable of LOVE, even if LOVE seems a treacherous, terrible thing. Take pleasure in LOVE. Take pleasure in VICTORY.”
The Valkyries by Paulo Coehlo
This may be the longest post I have written here on WordPress but I know every word here is all God’s plan because the mission for us all is starting to get clearer and He requires us to act on that mission. 🙂
Paulo Coehlo Planner 2015, The Holy Bible, Our Daily Bread, Better Together – my daily meal. 🙂
(I have learned all about the song since I was a kid but I never got to read the entire poem by John Newton where the lyrics of the song were lifted from. The acapella version of LeAnn Rimes never fails to stir my soul. I hope this will help you reminisce how it feels to be saved by Grace.) 🙂
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures; He will my Shield and Portion be, As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease, I shall possess, within the veil, A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, The sun forbear to shine; But God, who called me here below, Will be forever mine.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise Than when we’d first begun.
That was what my surgeon, Dr. Ang, would tell me when I had my femtosecond lasik surgery on both eyes as a study patient at Asian Eye Institute last November 2013. I was overjoyed upon hearing I passed the initial screening considering I am a myopic with a 7.50 grade on both eyes, a .25 astigmatism on my right eye and my test results confirmed I have a thin cornea. This proposed as a problem among the research team as any miscalculation during the surgery will be considered fatal. Yes, I am what eye experts would call as legally blind. It was my very first surgery and I was extremely nervous. It is actually very ironic because I have never been confined in a hospital, never loved the idea, and yet there I was having my eye surgery – 100% conscious. 🙂
My brother accompanied me to AEI and stayed there until the time came that I was ushered into the clean room 30 minutes prior to prepare for the procedure. Drops were placed on my eyes and I cannot give you the specifics as to what kind of drops they were. (Sorry, I am not a medical professional.) 😉
While waiting, I saw nothing except for a blur because I am not wearing my eyeglasses anymore. I was sitting pretty and comfy then my name was called. A nurse guided me inside the operating room and I could not even see where the procedure will take place. Oh poor eyesight, poor me indeed.
I just sat and lied down where they instructed me and I sort of relied on my other senses for most of the session – sense of touch most definitely and my sense of hearing. Then I heard my doctor’s voice explaining what we are about to go through and I just nodded staring at the ceiling. Or something else? I am not so sure as I really could not tell because everything was really a blur.
Then came the squishy water poured over my eyes and I could see a bright light, probably the ones used during surgical procedures. A machine hovered over my eyes and I felt pressure. They did this for each eye then I saw a thin piece of metal being inserted to clip my eyelids which would prevent my eyes from closing during the operation. Then more liquid came gushing into my eyes and what I remembered next was a very thin and tiny piece of rod used to scrape my cornea and to lift it up.
After they did this, I totally saw nothing. It was all white, not even silhouettes or shadows. Then came Dr. Ang’s words reminding me to look at the red light. That was the time they started using the laser to correct the shape of my cornea and enhance my visual acuity. I could smell burning flesh. It is a good thing though I didn’t throw up but I am so close to panic mode with a heartbeat racing faster than the normal. Now this is probably the reason why Dr. Ang would always remind me to look at the red light. My eyes are trying to look for something. That was my first feeling on how it is to be completely blind. Almost complete darkness but I can see no lines, no movement, no anything except for a very faint red light from a distance which I so tried to search and focus on.
Just like the Truth and the Light.
Imagine yourself in a dark, deep pit. You see nothing around you, tried to grope around you but the darkness is too overwhelming it suffocates your entire being. It clings on to you as if of a cloak that you cannot just take off every time you want to. Then you see a very, very tiny light from afar. So tiny you would find it difficult to focus on.
BUT then again, you are too scared to let that light pass you by so you stared at it far too long. You reached out your hand to take hold of it so it wouldn’t escape you. Then just as sudden as you have reached out your hand, the light started to become bigger and bigger. Until you felt yourself being lifted slowly, bit by bit, out of that dark, deep pit.
Alas, you saw the light. You now see everything more clearly. And it was a wonderful feeling. Until now, it still is.
No longer will you settle to be surrounded by darkness but you will try harder to search for that light. Every time the claws of darkness will take hold of you, you try every effort and every ounce of strength in you to escape it. Because you know that “at the end of every tunnel there comes light.”
A guiding force will lead you out of the struggle – out of the pit, out of the darkness. A force that is more powerful than anything in this world. The force came in the form of a man. The man who, though was brought to pain and suffering, became the light that shone all through mankind. The light that can never be extinguished, that stood shining above all peril in all its darkness.
Jesus Christ was and is that Light.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6
He came to be with us, because He loved us first. As I savor in this light, I know my love for Him will be my passage to reclaiming that light in moments that it becomes dim. But I know for certain, it will never diminish and for as long as I see that light, there is hope. And I will cling on to that until the Lord’s work in me is done.
I live for only one thing – to glorify my God, the living Father. He lives in you and me. Do not depart from the light, seek it with all your heart. Then, you will know how it really feels to be saved and to be loved. 🙂
I cannot, for certain reasons, make myself read about “Mr. Grey.” No offense to those who take fancy and a general liking on the book. But I am afraid if its theme is to devalue women by means of female subordination and male chauvinism through eroticism, then I guess I am one with the thousands who are against it. I know for certain I will be coming up with a review regarding my disapproval on its general content criticizing how it primarily identifies women as sexual objects.
Would I be considered bias and a sexist if I’d rather choose to empower women in knowing their self-worth, boost their self-esteem and have that self-respect through Christ, their skills, God-given talents and capabilities and through them and them alone? And would it be wrong to go against the norms and assert my rights as a woman in a patriarchal system? Is it possible then to have a paradigm shift? They say that for a paradigm shift to take place, there has to be a change in mentality first. And for the latter, I believe culture has a huge role in it.
Back in college, majority of the classes I took are literary pieces that centered on feminism and women empowerment. And I’d like to give credit to some of the major novels we have discussed that made a great impact on me in terms of philosophical influences – possibly the main reason why I am rationalizing the way I do now.
I suggest the all-time classical movies – Jane Eyre; Little Women; Mona Lisa Smile and the more contemporary Eat, Pray, Love for good selections on what it means to be a woman. Great novels, they are.
Or better yet, read Proverbs 31. This last one, I highly recommend. 🙂
Out of desolation, out of despair, A want to escape the devil’s snare.
A heart that bleeds, a heart that weeps, Wishing a love that is for keeps.
You searched, you groped. Now hoping you have coped.
Tried to give in and tried to give up, Half empty, half full – like in a cup.
Now you wonder, now you question. I need my Savior, He can’t abandon.
For that is my comfort, He is my wisdom, Overflowing peace, that is His Kingdom.
To love is to feel, to bleed is to heal. To die is to live, to know what is real.
The Cross bears it, in our every call. He died for us, to live and have it all.
His Kingdom’s riches, beyond silver and gold, For everyone’s keeping, may you be young and old.
The everlasting hope, now in your hand, Are we to take it or let it slip like the sand?
So I remembered, so I’m comforted. A loving Father, dearly and beloved.
For in my desolation, I can only savor that moment, To be in His arms, my solitary confinement.
***This is my very first poem that I wrote summarizing my faith and my spiritual journey since I got saved last 3/13/13. Praise be to God for the gift of words. If you have the gift of words too, may this inspire you to make more literature that will honor and glorify His Name. 🙂
The Journeyman's Moments 