Tag Archives: Christianity

Reassessing Self

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Nope, please do not get me wrong. I am not self-centered but I decided to share my own experiences in order to not judge anyone’s character but if I did share something that is not from my own character, please do understand that it is in the hopes of making us understand better that we are all a work in progress. What I do hope to share with my readers is a bunch of experiences and lessons I have learned which they could learn from as well.

Experience is the best teacher, as they say. It is application that measures how much of the theories you have learned have you applied AND have applied successfully through a test. If you have never gone through any form of trial or test in life, then there’s no way that you can assess how far of the theories you have indeed learned. So take heart my dear friends when trials of all sort come to you. For it is the final assessment in molding your character and in preparing us for the final journey with our Savior, Jesus Christ. 🙂

So why the title for this post?

I would like to highlight yesterday’s event. My Facebook profile right now seems like I am going through the darkest moments and friends have been asking why and been praying for me. It all started when I browsed my news feed and status updates that contain “dark moments” came popping up one by one. And I thought, all these dark moments that my friends are going through, you piece them all together, that is what I am going through now – career, marriage and health.

When you are in darkness, yes, one emotion that you will feel is anxiety. And I praise God I have in my list of Facebook Friends Christian friends, devoted ones, who never fail each and every single day to post a bible verse/spiritual quotation which will remind you of who you are in Christ – an overcomer saved by the blood of Christ. Indeed, God planned it well that we are to uplift one another in times of peril through faith and Jesus. 🙂

This is what I read from one friend’s post:

Prayer Over Anxiety

“Heavenly Father, we pray for all those suffering from anxiety. In the midst of their fear, give them your peace. When they feel alone, surround them with your presence. Strengthen them and give them grace to get through today and every day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” – Circle of Prayer

Indeed, when you start to worry, you start to trust less and then it makes you hopeless. Enemy’s schemes, right? Yes, they are. For that is what the enemy is very good at – deception and lies. Making you believe that you are weak and you have no capability in overcoming a situation. And yet, if you have been born again, you know that that is not true. Self pity will only make you feel more worthless.

God, on the other hand, is the one who counterbalances that. God is always fighting for us. We may not realize it but He is. The fact that you wake up each day, unharmed, alive, forgetful of the past, that is what we call the Grace of God.

In my previous posts I have shared about the condition of my health and I am sure everyone is asking, “How was the check up?”  Unfortunately, circumstances came that I wasn’t able to have a medical checkup in the week that I have planned to have it – I take it as not yet God’s time and will have to wait for the right one. I stopped taking birth control pills though and so far it alleviated my migraines. When I completely read the prescription of the pills, it is indeed one of the most common side effects. Good for me, I stopped taking them.

And yet, I was “unsafe.”  Now my husband and I are contemplating about the possibility that I might be pregnant. Something that we are not yet prepared for considering that I do not have a job, though I could get one any time I want but because I need to concentrate on my exam and my masteral thesis, I had to accept the idea of being jobless for now. I jokingly told my husband, “Honey, if indeed I am pregnant, the baby will be born in my birth month too, December. And yes, he/she will be like Jesus, born in a manger, the modern counterpart would be at home via a midwife or maybe in a taxi or somewhere else except for the hospital for we are not financially ready.”  But, no need to worry if it is God’s will. For if it is, then God has already prepared everything beforehand. I always trust Him that He will not give you something that you cannot handle. 🙂

Regarding my exam, I have short term memory retention. Thus reviewing a couple of months before will be useless because a week after, I sure have forgotten everything I have reviewed. I am starting to review just a couple of days ago and many may call it as “cramming”  but that is just the way I review in every exam. The exam is in a matter of 8 days. Prayers, review materials, more prayers and letting God take control of it are what is occupying my mindset now. Again, no need to worry. For if I did my part well and if it is God’s will, then I will pass the exam. 🙂

Yes, it is easy for me to trust God in those areas of my life. But then again, if we haven’t loved yet as how God has loved us, then we haven’t experienced the optimum when it comes to faith. And the best way to experience and express God’s love at its best and learn it first is being in a Holy Matrimony – loving someone who is completely a different individual than yourself and living with that person under one roof every single day.

“If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” – 1 Corinthians 13:2

Relationships are my waterloo. I have failed miserably in the past when it comes to that. And these are relationships in general, not just between a couple. But right now, as I am in a season of being married, this is where my faith is being tested the most for now.

I do trust God in my exams, in my health, etc. and yet focusing on them would mean balancing my time between being a wife, a housewife and being a teacher and a student. All these roles carry with them very big responsibilities and duties. Sometimes they can be overwhelmingly burdensome.

I may have not oftentimes showed my distress but it does reflect in my words and sometimes in my actions towards my spouse. And the very recent was when he decided by himself to drive for his mom and relatives during a family reunion. He texted that it doesn’t matter if I choose to go or not for he will still go. We are experiencing “tight” moments at home and him texting me that just made me thought like, “Whatever happened to your promise that whatever happens, you will always be with me.”  I thought I needed him most now and why didn’t it cross his mind.

I started thinking about my needs, myself and I thought how could my husband be so selfish and think about having a good time when he will be leaving his wife doing all the household chores, tired and stressed from reviewing then had to make all the necessary planning for what is to come, etc. He explained that he needed a relaxation. Indeed, when selfishness and pride creep in, it is easier to get bitter and angry than be patient and understanding and the next thing I knew my husband and I were furious about one another and having another argument. And this now made me realize something about myself: “Tin, the Spirit is not in you yet.”  For it is said that the fruits of the Spirit is joy, love, peace, gentleness, selflessness, etc. I obviously do not have those. And this made me cry.

I had to battle with my inner self that I am already a new creation when I got saved through the Name of Jesus and through the Cross. I should understand better. If I want to be gentle, patient and understanding, etc., then all I have to do is think about the Cross and what God did for me even though I was in my most sinful self – He wholeheartedly accepted me for who I was, not furious, not impatient, not insisting His way and yet lovingly gave me a chance to change. This is now my opportunity so I need not waste it away just because the enemy is using my emotions. Indeed, heavy were the emotions of anger, rage and bitterness. Every emotional burden I am carrying came all loose. I was crying most of the time yesterday and I thought hopefully this will not trigger another depression which almost took my life before I got saved 3 years ago.

I was crying when once again, I was reminded by the prayer regarding anxiety. I had to combat the enemy making me feel that I am alone, that I am hopeless, and that there is no solution for every burden I am carrying. In between sobs I can only utter one word, “Father…Father…” All the rest that I wanted to pray and say, they were all drowned by tears. And then positive thoughts started pouring in. My husband needed that break. He has been having a stressful week at work, he deserves to have a time of relaxation and enjoyment. If I love him, then I have to sacrifice my needs for his needs. That is what love is all about.  That is what God did and what Jesus did on the Cross – sacrificing.

But of course I thought, what about his promise that he will never leave me whatever happens. And I thought this is yet another of the enemy’s schemes to make me hate my husband more for not fulfilling his promise. And this is what the Lord has for that, “put your hopes not in the things around you but in God and God alone. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.”  Lesson? I should never put my hopes in my husband. Why? Because my husband is only human and he is not perfect like me. He will make mistakes and he will not meet what I have expected. He might even be doing things now that are contrary to what we have agreed upon or be even committing the same mistakes/sins he did before.

There was one time that out of anger my husband told me that he doesn’t want to go to church and he is only accompanying me just to please me. I almost uttered that he doesn’t have to go to church with me. But then I thought that that was the goal in the first place of discipleship – to bring those who doesn’t know God closer to Him through the spiritual family. I did tell him gently that it is okay if he doesn’t feel like going to church.

But came the unexpected because in the Sundays that followed, he still includes going to church as part of his itinerary and would constantly remind me while I am preparing if we are about to be late for church. He still would lead in praying before he leaves for work. But there also came a point wherein he blamed God for every conflict that we are going through as a couple and how much he hated Him followed by curses. That was one of our bigger fights. Yes, the enemy is always lurking in the corner waiting for the right opportunity to act on his plans. Indeed, anger will only lead us to committing more sins and suppressing it will help us in so many ways and will defeat the enemy’s purpose to destroy and kill. In this case, acceptance of mistakes and forgiveness are the best solutions to fight the enemy.

It is not for me to judge my husband’s faith and personal relationship with God. It is only God who knows the deepest intentions and conditions of our hearts. My husband knows how much my faith means to me and when we are having a fight or a disagreement, he would mock my faith to offend me more and to retaliate whenever I would commit a simple mistake. He would accuse God of wrong decisions made, that if there is a God then he wouldn’t be experiencing all of the trials in the past and the trials now – the enemy is in him, is in us. That is what is making both of us sin and anger is what the enemy is using to control us. But they say, hate the sin but love the person for this is what God’s love means and this is His second greatest commandment – love others as I have loved you. God’s love was through His one and only Son, Jesus Christ.

I can only pray though that God will live in his heart and lead it. I can only pray and look forward to that change. And I pray the same for myself, that I will not go back to who I was even if the enemy will use my husband against me. So that my husband can see the works of Christ in me, how to rightfully respond in situations that are seemingly offensive to the self and to the faith and with persecutions and he’ll be inspired to follow suit and surrender himself to God’s Grace.

Being a perfectionist, I have this knack for the good, the perfect and the pleasing and that includes good manners, speech and behavior because that was the values system that my parents and my family have brought me up with. As much as I want to correct my husband’s behavior, it is not for me to change him – I, too, have my own flaws. As the bible says, “why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye and not notice the log in your own.”  I can only show him what is right through my actions, something that is so hard to do though. For it was also written in the bible, “do not associate yourself with hot-tempered people for you will become like them and endanger your soul.”  But I am here in this situation now and maybe this is also the test that I have to go through to become the person that God wanted me to be through tests of self-control, discipline, patience and endurance.

I felt during these moments that I am being surrounded by so many powerful demons. My heart was very heavy with all sort of negativity – pure thoughts were nowhere to be found in my head. I began to worry, I began to doubt, I began to lose trust, to lose hope even on my faith. Yes, there was a battle and I wrestled and I thought I can only seek for God’s help. And I only needed to cry out His name and He will save me from these. For He is the only one who sees and knows everything. Prayer is my only weapon to defend my faith.

THEN there was peace, there was calm. I slept yesterday afternoon and took a time off from my review and I opted not to text my husband and have him enjoy his relaxation time with his family even if it would mean that the enemy could possibly once again use his family to tempt him or be the avenue for him to get tempted to do what he should not ought to do i.e. drunkenness, lust, etc. or be in a bar somewhere in the wee hours of the morning or checking in at a massage spa that is unusually open from midnight ’til dawn, etc. and etc.

I can only pray for them as well and let God change their hearts too. Yes, demons are indeed real as Pastor Joey, one of our pastors in church, said in one of his blog posts. But as my Dad says, God can never allow for a sin or a bad agenda by a demon to continue on and on and on. God will expose it and will do the necessary actions if a reprimand is needed. My Mom once told me, “I have no worries when your Dad will not be with me for how many days or weeks to attend a seminar or even if it is just hanging out with his peers because I trust him and I know that he will never do anything to compromise our marriage.”  I asked her, “But Mommy, what if you got married to someone who has a bad past and still continues to commit some bad things every now and then, what would you do?”  She was silent for a moment. Then told me this answer, “Then you should’ve married a pastor. But you chose him then you should love all of him even at his worst. Because that is him.”  Okay, now I don’t have an answer/follow up question for that. I actually know the answer, it’s just that I have to keep myself reminded of it. 🙂

That as a couple we should give an allowance to each other for mistakes even if those mistakes were repeatedly made because nobody is perfect. And that change and adjustment do not happen overnight. Be ready to forgive and forgive if apologies take place. Yes, I had the option to choose what my Mom formerly said but I chose differently. Circumstances didn’t end up for me that way. My brother told me that if I prayed for that decision, which I did, and God gave me the answer to push through with my decision, then it is God’s will.

I was exhausted yesterday and yet I was relieved. Though there was no visible assurances of a solution, I felt at peace. It is a good thing my phone’s wallpaper was the Lord’s Prayer. I have had it for a long time already and I am not planning on changing it. For I know there is a reason why it had to be my phone’s wallpaper.

I prayed to God last night for protection, for healing, for guidance, for purity and strength to withstand every battle, every attack, every assault on my faith. And lastly, I prayed for courage to face the enemy. The next thing I did was I looked at the Lord’s Prayer then I started mumbling it. It came first as a whisper and then I am uttering it out loud over and over again. Then a thought came into me, I have in my possession an anointing oil from Jerusalem which was a gift last year from my parents-in-law. You can read more about it here: https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2015/09/24/the-anointing-oil-and-more-memories/.

I went down to get it and started making Cross signs all over the house with the anointing oil and over my forehead and my heart while uttering the Lord’s Prayer. I really have no idea how the anointing oil should be used as I believe a prayer sincerely prayed and your faith are enough to cast out a demon. But if this anointing oil has been blessed and prayed over by spiritual leaders from the Promise Land or from any parts of the world, then my faith and theirs combined will be powerful enough to cast an also powerful demon/demons out along with the prayers. Because demons are real and if they are invading this house, my marriage, my thoughts and my heart, then I need to cast them out and seek for protection through a prayer and the sign of the Cross. And the best prayer for it is the Lord’s Prayer. For if there is one person who was tested by the devil the most, that would be Jesus. And yet if there is one person who was able to resist all of the enemy’s temptations, that is also Jesus. He was the only one who conquered death.

This happened around midnight and because I couldn’t sleep, I was restless and I keep on getting up. I have been experiencing severe back pains in my shoulder too which makes my breathing difficult. But praise God, for the moment I laid down in bed after the Lord’s Prayer and the signs of the Cross with the anointing oil and closed my eyes, I was off to heaven. Nah, I am kidding. I was just off to sweet dreamland. *wide smile*  It was a very restful night that was granted to me. I woke up greeted by the warm sun through the window curtains and I automatically sat down and prayed a prayer of gratitude.

Last night though, after I finished my last Lord’s Prayer before sleeping, I felt my throat so dry I had to cough it out and our neighbor’s dog yelped suddenly as if someone kicked him and I heard nobody i.e. footsteps, etc. Hmmm, must be them. But, it doesn’t matter for the sound sleep is what mattered and a heart realigned with the Lord’s. If they do come back then I should better be prepared. 🙂

Today was very different from yesterday’s. I am still alone for my husband is staying for 3 days with his family and yet I am at peace with that, there is security. I was able to do all the tasks I had to finish, although some are still ongoing. Today is bliss. And if I will reassess myself, I may have failed miserably in behaving with a Christlike attitude in some situations, I am still glad that I was given by God the opportunity to still learn from these experiences, repent and improve myself. I can say that yes, I have withstood yet another battle defending my faith – still alive, still breathing, faith still intact. And yes, when it comes to defending your faith, it is a day-to-day lifetime walk of constant reaffirmation, a decision that you can never ever turn your back on once made – crucial and yet beneficial. 🙂

To end this, let me share one quotation by Og Mandino that I came across my reviewer (God planned I come across it in His perfect time)  which will summarize this article:

I-will-love-the-light-for-it-shows-me-the-way-yet-I-will-endure-the-darkness-because-it-shows-me-the-stars.

Darkness makes you see the small tinges of light such as the stars making you want to seek that light even more and appreciate any single tiny bit of light you see. Light is all about hope and darkness just makes the light seem even brighter. ❤

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

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I have always been a life-lover. This is probably one reason why I became passionate about everything. Even when I was in my darkest days, I still chose life. And life lived in this world can only get interesting and awesome when lived according to the Truth.

I usually am a multitasker. My brain can accommodate finishing at least ten tasks in a day – big or small. But lately, I can only do so far as my body can accommodate. I had to stop in-between tasks as nausea would begin to creep in and if I don’t stop, there goes the splitting migraine. I really planned on having the medical check up next week so I can monitor the condition of my health for the remaining days of this week and by that time, maybe I will have sufficient information to share with my doctor.

I guess my condition is the opportunity God gave me to really enjoy life, like enjoy every minute of it, not worrying about anything. Savor it in other words. Being busy with a lot of things can sometimes put you in that moment wherein you live life according to your daily routine and you get drowned by all the things that you need to accomplish for the short term or long term without being able to really appreciate all of them by the end of the day. I believe God has a reason why I had to write the first article for this year as “An Appreciative 2016.” I felt like the overall mood for this year is “darker,” and yet God wanted to tell us to appreciate it all and see the “Light.”

Indeed, when you have learned to trust God with everything, all that you do will follow the course of His plans and not of your actions. Life, for me, was put in a standstill. I oftentimes ask God why circumstances brought me in a way that pursuing my master’s degree would require I become jobless. And I was supposed to finish it last semester but I overlooked the deadline for filing for my extension in my residency at the university which means I wasn’t able to enroll this semester. In other words, I was forced to take a leave of absence in graduate school. But it kind of came in timely, why? Because I have planned on taking the licensure examination this March thus, most of my time is now spent on reviewing for said exam. Originally though, I planned to do my master’s thesis and review for the exam at the same time.

So what happened was that I was given a break from thesis work which is something that requires A LOT in all aspects. I was able to concentrate on just one task which is to review for the exam and entertain an opportunity wherein I was scheduled to attend a training for the Senior Writer post in the online magazine I have been contributing for in the past years. The job responsibilities are not as taxing as compared if you are working full time in an office and yet it would still require quite an amount of input, effort and time. BUT the good thing with this is that I don’t have to report for work at certain times every day and deal with all the stress of traveling/commuting, etc. Technically I am a freelance writer, but I am not really pursuing my writing as a means to get compensated. I just love to write for the love of writing. 🙂

Then it all dawned on me that indeed, God has a reason for everything and everything happens perfectly in His time. God knows when I reach this age, my body will start to regress. I am grateful that my master’s thesis didn’t allow work for doing both work and thesis will be STRESS at the maximum level. Even work alone is already a big STRESS right there. God knows my body won’t be able to take in all the stress that I’ll be getting from work and graduate study. He gave me a break.

Because pursuing both even if it is against His will would mean any illness that I have could progress to an even faster rate which is synonymous to me dying at a really young age. Maybe it is not yet my time to die that early. So God prolonged my health by giving me tasks that He knows I can handle for now until I have a final assessment of my health and be given the proper treatment.

In my current condition, I really have plenty of time to contemplate about a lot of things. I only stay at home before while I do my thesis work at my own pace because I do not have a job. I still get to do a lot of things though even if I do not have work – opportunities to explore and try a lot of things which are endless and they just keep on coming. But now, I really can’t do much. Again, everything at a standstill. It is only this blog that gives me the opportunity to do something while at home and resting which still gives me an opportunity to do something that I love. 🙂

So now my husband asked me, “Honey, what are your priorities again? You are not getting any younger. What is it that you want to do in life?”  If I am my usual stubborn, defiant self, I normally would reply with a sarcastic remark like “Yeah, I know that already. You don’t have to remind me what I should be doing in this life.”

But, I found myself thinking about 3 bible verses right at that moment. The first one is my life verse and the two that followed are my next favorites.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

So that’s how I replied to him. I am planning on explaining/adding something to that but I thought, try to keep it that way, Tin. Let the bible verses speak for themselves. As the Scripture goes,

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,..” – 2 Timothy 3:16

THUS,

“And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear Him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14

“And if anyone removes any of the words from this book of prophecy, God will remove that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city that are described in this book.” – Revelation 22:19

Faith has taught me that if you want to get your message across, do not just explain and state opinions or experiences, but most importantly, share them in light of the Scripture. And even better is when you share the bible verses at the right time and the right place with any people just as they are – no explanation/interpretation needed. I believe it is God who will touch accordingly the hearts, the minds and the spirits of the people whom you have shared these verses with.

We cannot always assume that a particular verse has the same meaning or that it can be applied in all situations at all times with everyone. God still dictates how these bible verses from the Scripture will come to life according to His plans and purposes. All it takes? LISTEN intently when the Spirit tells you to act on or say about something. It is in Ecclesiastes 3 that everything I write and say is rooted in.

Never ever trust your human emotions. Believe me, I have done that and it has failed me countless of times. It never will give you the solution and the end product that you are hoping to achieve.

Back to our text messages, I believe the message went through to my husband as he came home not bringing up the topic again and is now more attentive to my needs. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not mean to be selfish but I just noticed how much he has changed right now with me – more caring, more helpful, more understanding, a little more patient and he listens well when we converse.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in me too. *wink*  When we just got married, we were like cats and dogs trying to live in one territory knowing ALL our differences. I have promised myself before I got into a relationship that I will never ever nag as it is one of the “relationship killers”  but I found myself becoming exactly like that. If not for my husband telling me how hurtful I can become when I would correct him with this and that did I realize that oh no, Tin, you’ve been entangled in the dreaded web of nagging.

So I prayed to God how could I possibly let my thoughts out without hurting my husband. Or in other words, how can I speak the truth in love? 🙂

Praise God for post it sticky notes. Came the idea that when there’s this particular spot inside the house wherein my hubby usually does a bad habit that I wanted to correct, I would write a note with so much affection and words of endearment reminding him to do the opposite – the good one. It worked. BUT I know I cannot do that all the time so I settled with writing just ONE note for that one bad habit that affects greatly how we do things around the house. Yes, just one note. And as for the rest of our differences, for some I have to let them be, and for some I have to wait for God to do all the changing.

This resulted in BETTER days for me and my hubby. Which means we both get to sleep well and at peace at night. BUT that was what I thought. Because my brains won’t allow me. *big smiles*

Last night was supposed to be a peaceful rest and deep sleep. But because I have a very active brain, sensations can send nerve impulses that make my muscles move involuntarily. Like when I sleep talk or sleep walk.

Whap! There’s a very huge wasp biting my neck! So I hit it with the back of my hand. But I suddenly woke up – the wasp was a dream. But it was so real, for sure it wasn’t just a dream. So did I just hit someone with my hand?!?!

Uh oh…

Yes, my bad, it is dear hubby of mine whom I smacked across the face with the back of my hand thinking he was the wasp because of his mustache pressed onto my neck. lol 😀

I hugged my hubby and apologized but he just groaned in his deep sleep. *wink*  Okay that wasn’t a peaceful night but I can’t help not sharing this to my husband when we woke up the next day. We both laughed our lungs out because we have agreed that the next time we sleep together, he has to bind my hands or bind me along with the bed.

On a serious note, something is happening in my brains that I can’t explain as my dreams are becoming more and more real. But, I have next week to find out. So please pray with me my dear brothers and sisters. 🙂

But for now, I should continue doing what I always would do and what I love to do. I plan on eating really healthy so I am now back to cooking our food full time which I really love to do especially since I only get to do light tasks now. And I plan on doing more creative stuff like this photo collage which I printed out and pasted in my husband’s tumbler so he’d remember every best experience that we have shared together every now and then when he’s at work.

PicMonkey Collage

Happy memories! ❤ ❤ ❤

What I realized is that this life at a standstill is more about appreciating the life that God has given me now instead on brooding over my past and my future and appreciating what really matters – not wealth, not titles, not possessions, not your ambitions, and other worldly things. There really are so many things that I should appreciate and be grateful for. For one, simple things just make your days good, better even.

And I just want to end this by saying that life just never stops for a life-lover and a Jesus-lover. 🙂

Cheers to LIFE my dear friends! ❤

The Borrowed Life

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I am supposed to be bed resting. But when my body is at rest, my mind is at its best working double time. That’s why I sleep talk, because the brains just don’t want to stop working. Tsk, workaholic brains. *wink* It’s kind of creepy though if it is your first time to hear me sleep talk. I sometimes laugh out loud all of a sudden or sit down as if talking to someone invisible while asleep. My husband is always amused with this though. Because that means he has something to tease me in the morning. 🙂

Truth is, I am a little bit down under the weather for the past days. Actually a little bit is an understatement because I’ve been having migraines for the past days already – splitting ones. There is a striking pain in my lower back, too, and I have a painful jaw line or it’s my wisdom tooth still trying to come out (at my age, it seems weird). I really can’t tell but this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this. Prior to this, a splitting headache that went on for about a week bothered me last Christmas and New Year’s Day celebration along with mouth sores, a painful tooth/gum/jaw, and fatigue though I haven’t been doing much physically.

My assessment was that when my immune system is down, I experience these symptoms. During the holidays, there was a lot of stress preparing holiday stuff, then there’s heavy traffic and long queue everywhere. Now, it was the February “fever” as I only got about an hour of sleep, had to be on the road for about 2 hours and been awake for almost 24 hours to attend the hot air balloon festival as part of our Valentine’s Day celebration. The event was not too tiring and it was so much fun especially since it’s my husband’s first time to attend this event. But standing for very long hours under the very, very hot sun the whole day will no doubt drain you out.

I guess my immune system is down again so here comes the same symptoms. Most of them normally go away after some time, but somehow I’m a little bothered because they could be symptoms of an even severe illness. I did mention in my previous articles that my great grandmother, my grandmother, and my Mom are all breast cancer survivors.

My Mom was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer when she was 45 years old. She has been feeling chest pain for a couple of years already, but I guess my Mom just have this phobia with hospitals and doctors (white coat syndrome). It took my Aunties and my Dad a couple of years trying to convince her to have a medical check up.

By the way, all five of us, kids, were born with the help of a midwife only – yes, brave mom my Mom. She gave birth inside the comforts of our home with no anesthesia and medical staff to help her.

Being cancer survivors though, I guess this will be the reason why my Mom and my grandma are now called as the matriarchs of the family – an epitome of courage, strength and faith. And I believe my Dad’s prayers have something to do with it, too.

My Dad loves to go to church but because my Mom doesn’t want to, he decided to be with my Mom and chose to stay at home with her on Sundays. When I was a kid, I would go to my parents’ bedroom and I’d find my Dad sitting on the bed, with knees propped up, head bent down and hands clasped together – he was praying.

I was too young back then and I did not understand what it meant. I would sometimes play inside the room trying to get his attention and yes, distract him. But I ended up being ushered out of the room and reprimanded to never disturb him when he prays. So I asked him what he was doing, he answered simply with one word, “praying.”

It was this one word that healed my Mom and I believe this held my parents together as a couple during difficult and trying times. So now, I was beginning to wonder, “Is it my time now, Lord, to be in this situation too?” I am the only one among my siblings who didn’t undergo a mammogram. I am 30 years old and these are the years when hormones start to change and yes, cancer cells are getting more aggressive. I don’t want to have a check up for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to hear that dreaded line that “You have cancer.” and 2) I have faith that God would heal me I wouldn’t be needing doctors and medications.

Reason number 2 is somehow void. Why? There was one lecture in church wherein our pastor told us that faith healing is really possible but there is also a purpose why God created doctors and why technology made medicines possible. Jesus, our Healer, is not present with us to perform healing miracles. And yet I believe that along with our faith, it is also through the doctors that He passed on this responsibility to heal on His behalf. So yes, I might have a medical check up next week. I also just found out that the pills I am taking can enhance the growth of cancer cells and are not prescribed to those who have a history of cancer. So, this definitely requires a consultation with my ob gynecologist.

I am not afraid to die. I am, in fact, very much looking forward to the day that I will die regardless on how I will die. Why? Nothing is ever more beautiful and rewarding than meeting your Creator yourself. I have so many questions to ask God regarding His awesome wonders that not even Science or any branch of study can ever explain. Just imagine how awesome it would be to hear the answers straight from the Master, Himself, face to face. Oh, that would be such a wonderful privilege. It is wisdom that comes with no price for it is priceless. And yet it is not my intent to know everything that God knows for no one can ever be like God – He is the Alpha and the Omega, no one and nothing compares.

I am ready but my loved ones are not – my husband most especially. I prayed to God about this that if time comes all my assumptions are right, I pray that He would prepare me and most especially my loved ones for the truth. The truth hurts, it always does. But the good thing is that it sets all of you free. Nothing is ever more painful to me than seeing my loved ones hurt. Being the overly empathetic person that I am, I feel every pain they feel and their emotional burden is my burden too. And sometimes I ask God why He created me that way.

For there were times like during last Sunday’s service wherein my husband and I were seated behind a young lady and a middle-aged woman. During praise and worship, I saw the young lady bowed down with her hair covering her face but her hand is up her cheek – I know what she is doing even if I don’t see it because I feel it – she is wiping tears from her eyes. The pain is there. The middle-aged woman also sat down during worship, stayed silent as if praying a prayer and then took a hankie from her bag and wiped her eyes.

Sometimes seeing them that way makes me want to hug them because I can feel their pain and when they cry, I want to cry with them too. The only times I cried in church though were during my altar call and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. When I saw these two women, I knew I had to do something at that point. So I laid my hands out in their direction during praise and worship and uttered a prayer of healing. I felt like I wanted to tell them silently in my head that “My dear sister, though you are in so much pain now, the Lord will heal you. The fact that you are in front of me and worshiping the Lord in this church means that He has chosen you to be among His people – the ones that He has saved. Be brave for you may not realize it now, but you are more than a conqueror. And this is just the beginning of your journey with the Lord. Be glad and take heart, what you are going through is only temporary.”

It would be really nice to approach and talk to them after the church service, but I am a stranger to them so that might be awkward. I am still praying though that even after the end of the church service, this silent encounter of mine with them will never end there. This wasn’t the first time this have happened. In fact, it happens all the time during church service.

And sometimes I really am baffled because knowing the emotional being that I am, being close to these people seems like me being a sponge and I absorb anything that is around me – and the emotions are all heavy. Ah yes, a call for more prayers on my part. I am more than glad and willing though to be of service by being a prayer warrior. Anything for God and His people – nothing is ever more honorable than that. 🙂

Now, back to the cancer cells, I started talking to my husband about it as my way of preparing him for what could possibly happen. I told him that when I am diagnosed with cancer, I want him to live with his Mom because I don’t want him to see me in pain and suffering. And yet he would just shrug it off and will not welcome the idea that he will lose me early on in our lives together. He would tell me that it will never happen. I would just smile at him and told him that there is a 99.9% chance it will happen. It is only a matter of “when.”

I just want him to be prepared when that happens so he wouldn’t blame God as to why it is happening to me or to us. I told him that God has a good reason for allowing things to happen to those whom He has called according to His purpose. I could die early, but we are all going to die anyway. It’s all just a matter of who gets to die first and who gets to die last.

To be honest, it really doesn’t matter if I live in this world for 99 years or for 30 years. For we all know that this life is only temporary. It is only a preparation for the real world wherein everything is good, there is no death, and life is infinite – eternal life in heaven. For all those who believe in God and proclaimed Jesus as their Savior will all meet and gather one day in that one special place along with our Creator. So I continued telling my husband that if I die early, he should be a good man and continue living a Godly life so he’d be with me, too, when he dies and we’d still end up together. There was silence.

Oh my dear husband of mine, must you always sleep on me while I am still talking? lol *wink* But do understand that these lengthy speeches of mine and weird questions happen quite late in the evening and he’s so tired from work. He is lukewarm about everything while I am so passionate about everything especially with my faith and yet by the end of the day, he ends up believing me. 😀

No credit to me but credit to God for making the impossible possible – even melting the coldest of hearts to become warm. Though I must admit that there are days when my husband and I seem like the worst of enemies. Nothing is sweeter though than him hugging you tight and showering you with kisses even though you look terrible with puffed eyes because of the pain you’re experiencing. And along with the hugs came a remark that says, “Honey, no matter how difficult it is what we are going through now, I will never leave you.” Ahhh yes, these are the moments I so appreciate having a husband – a lovely gift from God. Never mind the “dark days.” They weren’t meant to be remembered. 😉

I should be asleep by now, but I thought I need to finish this first. Being stubborn is what I inherited from my Mom but God is changing that, too. So tonight, as I stare at the ceiling lying in bed, I will raise my hand to worship God. My hand belongs to Him as with all parts of my body. They will all be wrinkled or they will become ashes and yet I can only rejoice when that happens. For it signifies the time to be nearer and closer to my God, my Father and my Creator, and be with my Savior, Jesus Christ, from whom this body originally and rightfully belongs to.

Indeed, this life that I have is only a borrowed life. 🙂

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

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My Heart Mourns

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mJe-PoFu

Photo credit: @oneJesusloves

My heart mourns….

For what was, what is and what will be. Of fears not for myself but for the future of my children, my family and the future generations. I fear the kind of environment my children would grow up if they are exposed early on in their childhood in pubs, bars and clubs with smoking and drinking all around and scantily clad women grazing the stage dancing provocatively among other worldly influences…

My heart mourns…

For I know that my husband and I do not share the same level of faith. He doesn’t know God the way I know Him. He doesn’t see things the way I see them. I know he is yet to know God more on a deeper level in this marriage but for now, I have to endure the test of patiently waiting…

My heart mourns…

With the questions I have if it is God’s will that I lead my family given that my grandmother and Mom are considered the great matriarchs of their families. I know it is not God’s mandate for women to lead for wives were given the roles of supporters only and to submit to their husbands, who are the leaders. But if I am to lead, do I have the courage, the strength and the boldness of the spirit to lead my family well towards God?…

My heart mourns…

For the differences in the way that my husband and I were brought up. For the differences in the way we react, the way we talk, the choice of words, our differences in our intentions, our goals, our dreams, even in choosing our spiritual mentors as he doesn’t trust pastors with the personal matters of his life…

My heart mourns…

Knowing how far is your heart willing to endure seeing more sins being committed by the people you love because they still live with the world? For there are times that striving to influence other people to do good seems like a very challenging feat and you are going against the many….

My heart mourns…

When practical solutions are of no use and letting things be would mean having to see your loved one get hurt, letting them fall, lives ruined and bad choices were made because you have to accept the fact that God may be in the process of transforming them too…

MY HEART MOURNS, Father…

And yet I wake up with JOY. I gently weep but only for a while. Every moment is made with PEACE. For all these, I have asked You why and yet there was silence. Still, I was given HOPE.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

“For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; ‘He will lead them to springs of living water.’ ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.'” – Revelations 7:17

Is Sharing The Gospel Free Nowadays?

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Photo credit: mcdonaldroad.org

YES. Sharing has never been easier nowadays with all the modern technology that we have – may it be through the internet, sending stuff, etc. I must say today’s generation has that to brag about – a life made more convenient by modernization.

And yet the question we should ask ourselves is are we making the most out of it according to God’s plans?

FREE blog hosting is one of the game changers over the world wide web through the recent years. It served A LOT of purposes. Mine started out of my hobby to write and share my thoughts whether people read it or not. Another thing is that I love to tinker what is new out there. I was still in college when I came across geocities or geosites (I already forgot the exact name) which enables one to make his/her own website using html. I was a huge fan of this Korean actress that somehow motivated me in making a fan website for her.

I was able to make one and successfully integrated an html which disallows visitors from copying the pictures via “right click.”  That was pretty challenging for me as I don’t want to be the reason for copyrighted images being spread everywhere over the internet without the right permission from the owners. I have my own disclaimer for the photos of her that I posted in that website. So, I was a literature major back then but out of the need to protect my favorite actress, I had to learn the nitty gritty details of using html and scripts in websites – I became an IT student for quite some time. lol

Yes, it was all made possible by tutorials online. Everything is really there in the internet, just name it and you will get it. Unfortunately, that site closed down. So ended my website-making too. My second option was Friendster as I can edit the layout of the background but sadly, it closed down too. I actually chose it over Facebook as that time Facebook was too stiff for me wherein you cannot edit any of their site’s sections. You just input information and that’s just it.

But again, expansions and discoveries are limitless when it comes to technology. So now I am loving Facebook. All the more when I got to learn Facebook’s founder Mark Zuckerberg’s greater intent in putting up the site – free internet access to everyone all over the world and their consistent drive with this advocacy until now with other countries. And along with it came all other social media options – Instagram, Twitter, WordPress, Tumblr, etc. I actually didn’t do my research yet as to which of which started first before the other. But bottom line is that it was now WordPress that gave me back my thrill in website-making. AND it is for FREE. So now what does it have to do with faith?

As I would always mention in my previous articles – it was this blog that became the “megaphone”  for my faith because I absolutely am not good in public speaking so I find it easier to share my thoughts through writing. I started sharing the first few instances of my experiences about life in general which gathered quite a few followers then started sharing my hobbies/interests i.e. photography, art, etc. until I started sharing a lot about faith. I didn’t quite expect there will be people reading my blog. But that wasn’t my goal in the first place. For I believe that if you want to write and you have a passion to share your thoughts, share them by all means regardless on who gets to read it. 🙂

I came across fellow writers/bloggers who share about their faith through blogs too and this is actually the gospel being shared for FREE. Unfortunately, I also came across some write ups that I’d love to read and yet it comes with a price. *insert sad face here*

I raised this concern of mine with my brother and told him that books on faith should be free because your intent is to help as many people as you can to know God. He answered that that is the way things should go because in every business, you should have enough money to fund your project which is in this case, your writing. I answered back that faith is not about money or business because Jesus did not ask His listeners to pay Him for the wisdom/message/knowledge that He shares/teaches to the people. Like the bible, resources on faith should be readily available. Because it is through these that the Gospel is also shared via quotations on bible verses.

Personally I intended my blog to be ads-free. You might see some which is part of WordPress’s TOA (Terms of Agreement) when you decide to use their FREE account plan. I do not want to take credit, literally and figuratively, from everything that I post here as I started here at WordPress paying not a single cent and all knowledge came not from me BUT was shared also to me which I am now also sharing to others (I have my Acknowledgment page for that). I believe it is just a win-win situation between me and WordPress that I get to share my stuff for free and they get to be advertised along with my articles when I share it anywhere. I also think that if God has called you to serve Him in whatever medium it may be, He will prepare all the resources that you need to sustain it, or even to make it better whether it is on a smaller or wider scale.

I have nothing against those whose blog sites have attracted the attention of investors for it could be God’s way of sustaining your blog and your advocacy to share faith above everything else. BUT there is this danger there of probably infusing your faith-driven blog with something else that this world tries to promote – materialism, wealth, gluttony, etc. Thus, your audience/viewers will now have distractions that could lead them away from faith that is the opposite of what you have originally intended. I believe keeping these ads to a minimum or better yet, ads free, will help you promote your site to its original intent – faith-driven.

I have this great admiration to those who have kept their blogs “market free” and yet continued to have gained audiences especially when it comes to faith. For I know that they are doing us, the readers, more favor in sharing faith and the Gospel without expecting any compensation for it.

NEVER ask a reader to pay for what they are about to read. Again, Jesus never asked for anything in exchange for the Gospel that He shared. I know God is the only one who will give you all the resources you need to keep your blog running in whatever way it may be. 🙂

It was thus one of my constant prayers that when the need arises for me to search for resources that will fuel my faith or help me in understanding the Scripture further, it will be FREELY and READILY available. I know it will not just benefit me but it will benefit a lot of people too. But of course, it has to come from a reliable source.

God answered my prayers now. I came across an article by one of our Senior Pastors in church in his website (www.joeybonifacio.com) when I saw it pop up in my Facebook news feed. It also happened that I am going through rough times in my marriage so it was such a relief on my part that I found his latest e-book on relationships and marriages AND downloadable for FREE. All you have to do is subscribe which I am more than glad to do as I constantly check out his website.

Praise God indeed for this. You might want to check out his website too and you might find what you are looking for there. I am sure you would. 🙂

Finding Your Niche: What Does God Want You To Do?

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I have often asked myself that question before I got saved. Like a thousand times over. And they soon lessened bit by bit when I devoted much of my time reading the bible and in praying. Soon after, answers were given, not all at the same time. Some were shown right away, some remained as silent as they are. But one thing is clear – there is a mission.

As I was reading more of the bible every single day, I realized that there is one common mission for all – to spread the Word. Same way as Jesus did when He was sent in this world. It is just a matter of choosing in what manner did God call you to spread the Word.

What I will be writing, as with everything I have put here in this blog, are all personal opinions. Anyone is free to contest or agree. But I am hoping it’ll strike somehow a new perspective in each and everyone of us.

As of right now, we all have certain roles that we are currently fulfilling – a daughter, student, employee, boss, etc. Those that were preset so to speak – roles that do not come from our own choices. We didn’t choose to be born a daughter or a son, nor when we got hired, nor was it our choice to go to nursery school as soon as we learn how to read or when we got promoted, etc. But there are those that require a major decision making, a point of seeking. And that includes our mission, our purpose – one that deals with a lot of contemplating before finally making a choice. I am sure more or less we wonder or there is that moment in your life you asked yourself, “What am I living for?” 

How do you find out what and where does God want you to share His Word?

In my case, it is in my interests. Tapping the things that I find joy doing is where I found God’s mission for me. We cannot say however that that is where everyone will find their mission too. There are those who found it in their line of work, in school, at home or overseas. It could be anything and anywhere actually. But one thing’s for sure, it is from somewhere and something that your heart is closely attached to, something that gives you fire and passion. For it is the heart that God is after in us, not our background, what we have or have accomplished.

Contemplating usually leads to knowing your deeper sense of self. It gives you that moment of looking and searching the very depths of your soul, of who you are. But a word of caution should be taken here – our selves can be one avenue where the enemy can trap us with deception and lies such as making us feel worthless, brooding on self pity, feeling inadequate, insecure, and a whole lot of negative perceptions that can hamper the good image that God wanted us to have with ourselves.

When I got saved, it wasn’t just a spiritual reawakening for me but more about rediscovering myself in the light. Something that I am unaware all these years – of things that have lain dormant. Only when the Spirit’s tapped your inner being can you claim that God has magnificently and uniquely created you not just as an individual but as His daughter/son.

When we seek God’s purpose and mission for our lives, He will give us everything that we need to prepare us for that mission. Opportunities will be given and circumstances will work in a way that we know only God can do and is capable of.

But my greatest advice is this:

Never compare yourself to others, what others do and what they have accomplished. You will never get the chance to know yourself more if you are busy knowing the lives of others and trying to live the lives they live. Do not say “I want to be like that too.” Instead pray and say, “God, how do you want to use me?”

Keep in mind that God has something unique in store just for each and everyone of us. Same way that He has chosen a special partner in life just for you if it is His will you be married. We should always keep in our hearts that popularity and achievements are not included for it is not in God’s purpose for each and everyone of us to rely on them especially if it is not His name that is glorified in the process. As what the bible states,

But He gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but favors the humble.” – James 4:6

In all that we do, what we should foster is that of having a humble servitude. Do not think about what you will get in return from the service you have rendered but what good did others get from your service. Exactly like how Jesus Christ was able to complete His mission – serving the Lord God and the people of this world in HUMILITY.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up with honor.” – James 4:10

God knows we are weak. He knows we will be needing Him. What it takes to know God’s mission for us is to acknowledge boldly and courageously the fact that we are weak but will only be made strong through Him. When we are ready, there will be no stopping us, faith will have its voice in whatever medium it may be.

Do not fear failure, criticism, condemnation and suffering because of upholding to the mission appointed to us – the Cross will be our hope, peace and will be our guide. God never forsakes those who stood up to their faith until time will come to say our work is finished.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Lastly, this is what “niche” means:

NICHE .noun.
         – a shallow recess, especially one in a wall to display a statue or other ornament
 
Who are we displaying in our niches? 🙂

A Silent Salutation To My Moms

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A silent salutation.

Because I know that the endless “Thank yous” and “I love yous”  won’t be enough to completely express how much my appreciation goes for such an amazing job they did on motherhood.

I will become a mother someday. But if it isn’t God’s will, I’d still be grateful I was blessed with the opportunity to marry and be with the man God has appointed me to be with. But for now, it is such a great opportunity that God has given me my birth mother and my mother-in-law – two completely opposite and flawed individuals yet amazing in their own ways. Oftentimes I find myself thinking how far will my faith be tested. That is, being a woman of God. My Mom and my mother-in-law are women tested through time becoming who they are now.

They say elders are to be examples to the younger generations. For they were made wiser by time and experiences – something that the youth do not possess yet. It is by wisdom that men grow as an individual as far as individuality is concerned. And yet the irony is that not all elders possess the right kind of wisdom – Godly knowledge. Through which I found myself praying for utmost discernment. For how can someone younger correct someone older out of the youth’s reverence to the elderly?

It was written in the bible:

“Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed,..” – Titus 3:1

“You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble.” – 1 Peter 5:5

“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.” – Colossians 3:20

It takes such great effort to summon the Spirit for leading when it comes to what matters most – obedience to the one who holds the authority even if it means the outcome will be a wrong decision because it wasn’t God-centered or doing the right thing, that which is pleasing to God and yet disobeying the elders.

My adoration for my mothers did not come as instant as they can be. I disliked a couple of things about my Mom and the same goes for my mother-in-law. I do not agree in some of what they do and say and yet I found myself looking past their weaknesses and appreciating the good in each of them. Appreciation is never that easy, for accepting one person for who he/she is means accepting even the worst in him/her.

My relationship with my Mom is never the warm, friendly type. She is a Mom and I am her daughter and nothing should cross that boundary. She brought us up in a very independent manner, allowing us to make our own decisions, letting us fall if we made the wrong decisions, letting us look for solutions to our problems and yet she never fails to be there at the moment when you needed her the most. Communication does not happen everyday for us even when I was in college. I admire the way she disciplines us, the values most especially. For it is in those values that I have learned about how to deal with the circumstances and people around me the right way – that which is acceptable not just to society but to God most especially.

My mother-in-law is the opposite. She likes to foster warm and affectionate mother-daughter/mother-son relationships. She likes it that she is updated with what is happening in our daily lives. Oftentimes she makes most of the decisions and provides solutions to problems right away. She provides everything that is needed, making way for everything to be smooth sailing. She is very lenient with a lot of things and you truly will feel her care and concern. Although some of these complicate some things too.

Both my mothers are so different in upbringing, values system they uphold to, life experiences and lifestyle. Yet they have one thing in common – they are both mothers, one which greatly symbolizes womanhood. A responsibility that is never easy to handle as everyone knows. Being married gave me the opportunity to know them really well when circumstances and conflicts posit I seek for their counsel and when the Spirit urges me as well to do so.

It was only in this season of my marriage that I got to talk to my Mom regarding relational issues as freely as I can be. We never talked about it in a casual manner even in my previous relationships but now I am amazed by all the wisdom she has to offer when it comes to being a woman, a wife and a mother.

As for my mother-in-law, I have to be grateful for her generosity although we always assure her we can completely handle things on our own. I used to view both my moms with contempt and hesitation and yet amazing it is that God has indeed proven He is greater than any barrier known – that of changing hearts and minds, one of the most difficult to do among men.

I cannot say if it was my heart and mindset that have been changed, my Mom’s or that of my mother-in-law’s but I can’t help but be extremely grateful and blessed for these two important women that God has appointed in my life. I believe most of us just make this one common mistake, one way or the other, of asking this question:

“Why do I have to have him/her in my life?”

For it was never a question of “why”  but a question of “what” – that of knowing in God’s perfect time what are the good purposes and roles that God has for placing them in our lives.

Some say it is the hypothalamus that is responsible in allowing us to feel love. Although common to all is that it is the heart that makes us love and feel loved. I say though, it is neither the heart nor the hypothalamus that is capable of eliciting love but none other than the author of love Himself, God.

For when a change of hearts and a change of mindsets happen, we know that God has already begun His work in you, in us – as evidenced by the love you give and the love you receive. And what better way to start reciprocating love than to people who matter to you most. 🙂

Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines’ Bible Conference 2015

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Bible Conference 2015

Bible Conference 2015

Because the Our Daily Bread booklet was the first devotional in faith that I happen to browse through out of curiosity as a kid when I saw it lying in my grandma’s desk and I happen to receive an email today regarding it, I thought it would be best to give back to the ministry which contributed so much in strengthening my grandma’s faith and now mine by sharing this event sponsored by the Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines with speaker Rev. Bill Crowder.

Do check out the details for the Bible Conference 2015 event:

“Constant and rapid change is a cultural hallmark of this postmodern age in which we live. Living in a secular culture tests our convictions and standard of life. How do we live a life pleasing to God when facing cultural pressures? The Old Testament character Daniel provides an example of a lifestyle that honors our God through trying circumstances and uncertain times. It is our joy to announce that Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines will host a Bible Conference that will examine the life of Daniel and discover how he lived for God in the midst of life’s pressures.” – David Harvey, Country Director, Philippines

Date: October 20 & 21, 2015 Time: 6:30 to 9:00 PM
Venue: Greenhills Christian Fellowship (GCF)
(Corner of Ruby and Garnet Roads, Ortigas Center, Pasig City)

Theme: DANIEL—Living For God In Your Culture
Session 1: The Pressure to Conform
Session 2: The Pressure to Perform
Session 3: The Power to Confront
Session 4: The Pressure to Pray

Admission is without charge; so don’t come alone!
Invite your family and friends. Please come early since seating is limited.

Free copies of Rev. Bill Crowder’s booklet from the Discovery Series entitled Daniel: Spiritual Living In A Secular Culture will also be given away. 

Hope to see you there my brothers and sisters in Christ! 🙂

How It Feels To Be A Rome

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Most definitely you are wondering how can a person be a place at the same time. Or maybe thought that I made a grammatical error there putting the word “Rome” instead of “Roman.” Or mistakenly put the article “a”  instead of “in.”

Well, I guess this is part of the perks of being married to a man whose surname is spelled similarly to that of the capital of Italy. The only difference is that the surname is usually pronounced as /roh-me/ or ro:me.

This article though is not about my new surname per se but more of being a Mrs. Rome – the real deal. And of course, to commemorate our first monthsary as a married couple. Just a glimpse on how we fared as a newlywed couple since a lot are asking how it is so far with us. 🙂

Two different personalities living in one roof. Yes, basically any married couple will agree to this. We completely have opposite personalities and backgrounds. And funny it is that all the married couple I know who have been married for quite some time now also possess the same opposite personalities. My Mom and Dad’s relationship is the closest example I have.

At night my husband easily gets cold, I prefer it colder. So we don’t share a blankie. Though when it gets really cold and I am sure I am about to freeze to death, there goes my “human fireplace.” 😉

I am a night owl and wakes up late, he is an early riser and sleeps early. Now, this is really amusing. Because you can imagine me in bed at 9pm, which is the start of my “creative hour,” so there I am lying beside him tinkering with none other than the most handy gadget of everyone, the cellphone – writing a blog post, editing a photo on IG, reading articles and new recipes to try, listing down my things-to-do, and a whole lot of other things. Yes, that is how a phone is essential to me lately. He doesn’t like it sleeping alone so that’s where I come in to keep him company.

But here’s the bad part. I don’t like it waking up early because well, I slept late. 😀 But he wakes up early because he sleeps early. He is all “clownish” and kiddie-like in the early hours of the morning, hyperactive, energetic and all and there’s me grumpy and grunting every time he would disturb my sleep. But I had to cook him breakfast and well, I love him being the happy him, so I just make up all the lost sleep I had when he leaves for work.

One very obvious opposite though that we had a hard time dealing with, as it really is far too obvious to dismiss, is my being obsessive compulsive and him being laid back. I am always on the go doing anything that I can while he loves to take such great time in doing everything. I loved everything spic and span while he loves to just put things wherever he wishes to. And the long list goes on and on. 😀 I’ll be sharing more about how we dealt with this in the latter part of this article.

Another is managing our quirkiness like he removes the skin of a fried eggplant whereas I ate everything; I drink half a cup of any vinegar sauce/dip while he watches me with mouth agape. And we let it stayed that way. I mean, it doesn’t harm any of us when we do it. But I really wonder what is the difference of removing the skin of a fried eggplant when he eats the skin of an eggplant in a soup? Probably the same way he is wondering what joy/health benefits can I derive from drinking vinegar sauce. The best thing to do really is to let those quirky stuff about one another stay as they are. They are what makes us unique. 😉

We have opposite interests too that seem to complement like he plays the drums, I play the guitar. He wants to learn how to play the guitar, I want to learn how to play the drums, we want each other to teach one another – we don’t have the time. So yup, we kind of complement each other there having no time at all. 😀

We do have our common interests too like we were so engrossed watching the previous episodes of The Walking Dead at night that we suddenly realized it’s been more than a week since we had our cuddling and romance time. Yes, forsaking romance over a TV show. We just laughed at the idea for we both know cuddling and romance time will always be there. Well, as it is written in the bible, everything has its own perfect time. 🙂

Those were some of our personality differences and commonalities. Here comes the adjustment period or what we commonly know as “compromises” or meeting halfway. And just a heads up, it really is not as easy and as simple as it sounds. This is where the true test of character and faith in God enters in.

We grew up in different family backgrounds, system of values and upbringing which includes personal relationships with our parents and our siblings. Mine was sort of the traditional, reserved and independent kind while they are more of the intimate, really close and dependent with one another kind. This became a big struggle for us both especially on his part as the time has come he has to let go of those attachments and I know it will never be easy. I already made this letting go of attachments when I came here in Manila to study in college and left my parents in Bicol after the first 16 years of my life growing up with them. It was also a tough decision to make but I had to do it, my parents had to do it. It was painful, it wasn’t easy. There will be tears, there will be heartaches and my husband had to deal with it just now.

It took me a while to understand that, like how my siblings were patient with me when I dealt with my homesickness. I, too, should offer the same kind of sympathy, understanding and patience to him. Sometimes conflicts would arise because of this – but God’s grace always intervene enabling us both to consider what really matters at the moment. He helped both me and my husband understand what needs to be understood, what needs to be accepted and what needs to go. Slowly, the changes happened bit by bit and will continue to happen. It is all a question of who should we honor in this relationship – you, me, them or God?

Adjusting to one’s personality is difficult. That is why I would always explain to my husband that it is true what was shared in the Marriage Preparation seminar in church that it is best for newlywed couples to have their own “kingdom” because if it is already difficult for two different personalities to live in one roof, imagine if you are staying with your families, that will be multiple personalities in one roof – it will call for a major clash and chaos.

Sometimes there will come a time wherein adjustments, changes, and compromises do not come as you wish them to be. You have to prepare yourself for deviations, unfulfilled tasks or obligations and unmet expectations – a lot of those will happen which will fuel heated arguments, sleepless nights, crying spells and sadness. BUT take note that they should only happen for a certain duration of time. My brother and Mom told me that both you and your spouse have the choice to make the marriage work at ALL costs and it is only through your joint efforts that you can change the course of your marriage from something bad to something good. Well, it always has been a rocky start for any newlyweds. That is why my husband and I resorted to one best weapon to protect our marriage – PRAYERS.

We have both decided to make it part of our daily tasks to pray during the night before sleeping and in the morning when we wake up. I get to pray at night since he is already tired from work, and he gets to pray in the morning because I am still sleepyhead at that time. 😉

Indeed, I can say that prayers are really so powerful that it never ever, ever failed to lift us up each and every single day. We would notice that when we skip even just one night or morning without a prayer, things don’t go as well as they should be. The attacks of the enemy are greater. So we made a promise that even if it is so tempting to just lie down and not pray or just skip praying and hurry going to work, CHOOSE TO PRAY.

And there really is something about praying that moves the Spirit within us. It always leaves you amazed. For example when we pray, we don’t usually talk what we would pray about, we just leave all of the praying to the person in charge. This way, we let the Spirit lead the prayer. And sometimes when it is my husband praying, I just want to cry at the middle of it. Because he would pray EXACTLY about the things that my heart wanted to pray for. They were not things about the marriage per se so I wonder how could he possibly know that that was what I wanted to pray too. So yes, after the prayer, there I was with a huge smile ready to greet him when he looks up. And when you say “Thank You,” you know that you are not only thanking the person in front of you who prayed for you both, but you are also saying your gratitude to the Spirit within him who made him utter that prayer.

And I have also proven the fact why men were appointed by God to be spiritual leaders. My husband prays very concise prayers while I, being the multitasker woman, with neurons simultaneously working with one another, I forget what I am praying in the middle of my prayer. UGH.

Ugh indeed. 😀 It is a good thing my husband has been listening attentively to what I am praying, so when I asked him what was I praying about with all the giggling and the laughing, he would tell me where I stopped – with all the serious look on his face. 😀

This makes me stop giggling, say my apologies and resume praying. I admit that it is very embarrassing. But how can I help it – me being the amnesia girl always and a lot of things going on in my mind always. Indeed, it is a matter of male and female brains – the male brain was created to focus and be good at one task while the female brain was made to be good with a lot of tasks but not so good in each of them. Men know how to decompartmentalize, while with us, women, well it is all chaos. 😉

Here’s an example. I asked him to chop the ingredients we need for a meal I am cooking. And when I saw it, he got to finish it half the time I usually spend to finish it and he does it with the perfect cuts. I, on the other hand, I get to cook in one stove, prepare the table, wash the rice but with some mistakes here and there.

This is where he becomes my superhero/knight-in-shining-armor Adonis. He does some of the tasks that I can no longer accommodate with the heaps that I am currently doing or about to do. Like after cooking, he does the washing of the dishes. Or if I wash the laundry, he irons the clothes. Like there is one time that though I have listed all the ingredients I needed for a meal, I still missed one important ingredient. So there he went out the door buying that one ingredient. Good thing there is a nearby market from where we live. 😀

This wasn’t all too easy for him, the chores I mean. Since they grew up wherein everything was done for them even until now – from cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. But that was how they were raised so I needed to respect that and yet as my partner, I would need him to help me out with the chores too. I grew up the opposite wherein I learned things quite early in my teens and doing them now is just a piece of cake for me. So the adjustment there was me, handling a bit of an extra work load, as there will now be two persons living in the house instead of only me while he gets to slowly learn how to do things here at home. It required both of us to really exert all the patience, understanding and endurance that we could muster.

And yet God reminded us to do everything with love not as if you are doing it for men but for God. 🙂

I am just grateful though that even if the schedule now for me is pretty hectic balancing everything here at home from budgeting to chores, to reading articles, doing research for my thesis, plan meals, etc. my cooking did not suffer – this is what I dread the most. 😀 I admit I am no very good cook although I do know how to cook. But after getting married, I now was given this responsibility to serve good and delicious meals to my husband and my future family. And if I’d be too tired already, I know I wouldn’t be able to serve the best meals. But because everything should be done with love, the output contains love. 😉

It is enough compliment to see your husband munching and gobbling his food away, texting you after breakfast saying his gratitude for a hearty, delicious breakfast and for taking good care of him and this last one, which I really laughed out loud when he told me this:

“Honey, please don’t cook food that good so we won’t get fat as I don’t go to the gym anymore.” 

Now that really cracked me up. I was having hysterics when he told me that and even more when he said that he really was serious. I mean, how do I cook bad food?! 😀 I did not learn how to cook just so it would taste bad. LOL But oh well, that is my sweet husband back there – yup, my sweet, completely opposite partner in life. 🙂

So the question I asked was, do we have to be really completely the same to get along?

This is where God comes in. If God wanted us to be the same, He would have created us with the same personalities. But we all know that that was not part of God’s universal design. No single creature in this world is the same, not even identical twins. I guess we can settle in the fact that God intended it to be that way because He created each and every one of us unique and beautiful in its own way.

A marriage demands patience, understanding, endurance and most of all forgiveness. A marriage is not about yourself anymore, but more about the other person you married. It is all about giving and never about getting. The most important thing is respect to one another and the differences you have and the willingness to adjust to a routine, agreement or compromise that is comfortable to both of you. I just want to share what we have learned in the Marriage Preparation seminar for it really comes handy when the need arises.

“3. Being united to your spouse requires Christ-like attitudes:

  • When a habit irritates, choose MERCY.
  • When a hindrance frustrates, choose GRACE.
  • When a hurt grieves, choose FORGIVENESS.”

There will be heated arguments, disagreements, failures and mistakes because a marriage is about two imperfect and broken people being joined by God’s Grace. God’s Grace and protection thru prayers will lead the marriage. For God is love and love is God. Without God in the marriage, it is impossible to give our spouses the love that they deserve.

God intends to teach a married couple only two things: for the husband, leadership and for the wife, submission. 🙂

As a wife, I have a lot of questions, fears, doubts and worries. And yet God would always assure me to never worry about tomorrow but just listen intently to what God instructs you to do for today, for the moment.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:34

P.S.

You will never learn the nitty gritty details on how it is to build and protect your own family without the wisdom shared by the families you came from. I love my family and my husband’s family and I wish to honor them as one of God’s appointed blessings in ushering us in our married life. 🙂

The Holy Perfume: Spikenard Magdalena

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Tin Ginete
Spikenard Magdalena Perfume

This article has 2 advertising purposes:  product review and faith.

I seldom review a product unless it is for sales and marketing purposes, but let’s just say that this product requires a review to highlight its role in the early Christian faith.

Tin Ginete
Spikenard Magdalena

Spikenard Magdalena is a perfume that my fiancé’s Dad gave me as one of his presents from his travel to Jerusalem. Ah yes, it is one item in my bucket list that I would love to do someday – to go on a pilgrimage to the holy land, Jerusalem. 🙂

And yet if time comes I won’t be able to do it, I am just extremely grateful God used my fiance’s Dad to be a channel of blessing by giving a memorabilia from God’s chosen land and people.

Tin Ginete
Spikenard Magdalena packet.

The perfume comes with a small packet that has details about the origin of the perfume as well as biblical significances of it. And this got me really interested because I know God has a reason why I was given this gift. Thus, the research began.

I have found articles about Spikenard and its origin as well as when it was first used, and you can read some of them through the links below:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spikenard
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anointing_of_Jesus

http://www.impish.uwclub.net/spikenard.htm

But I will be sharing some details here in this article, and first among them is the reason for the name Magdalena. Biblical history has it that Mary Magdalene used it to anoint Jesus’ feet when He was eating at one of the Pharisees’ houses. Which will lead us to knowing who Mary Magdalene was in Jesus’ life. It was described that Mary Magdalene was possessed by 7 demons before Jesus cast them all out. And to quote from one of the articles,

“Saved from the terrible power of hell, she gave of her best to Him who had fully emancipated her from demonic possession. When Christ saved her, He liberated the highest virtues of sacrifice, fortitude and courage.”

There were at least 12 times that her name was mentioned in the bible. One of these can be found in Luke 7: 36-50.

Jesus Anointed By A Sinful Woman

One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat.[a] 37 When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. 38 Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!”

40 Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”

“Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied.

41 Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver[b] to one and 50 pieces to the other. 42 But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

43 Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”

“That’s right,” Jesus said. 44 Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon,“Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.

47 “I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” 48 Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”

49 The men at the table said among themselves, “Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?”

50 And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

And you can read more about Mary Magdalene here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Magdalene

http://www.biblestudy.org/question/woman-washing-jesus-feet-and-its-meaning.html

Tin Ginete
Spikenard and Mary Magdalene.

And another interesting find, Spikenard was used by the Catholic church to represent St. Joseph. So there goes my fiance’s name again. 😉

I was just surprised after using it for the first because it reminded me of my maternal grandmother’s favorite perfume. I can tell with utmost sureness it is the same perfume that she uses. Because every time my grandma would drop by our house and pick us up before going to my mother’s Protestant church (my Mom and Dad never went to church with us, btw, but I love them still. *wink*),  I could tell that she was already in our house because of the perfume.

The perfume is not musky nor too feminine, flowery, or sweet. It smells like classic perfumes. I don’t recommend putting too much of it, though, as it can be too overpowering. And it wouldn’t mix well either if you are using fabric conditioner or a detergent that already has a strong scent.

Just like God, you need not put anything alongside Him. He deserves to be the One and Only.  🙂

Going back to my grandma, just to give you a brief family background, she was born to a Protestant minister. Our great-grandfather was one of the pioneers of the Protestant church in our town. My grandfather and my grandmother are very active in their faith. It was from my grandma that I got to know about the Our Daily Bread devotion booklet when I was a child. She reads it every time she wakes up.

Little did I realize that I am now doing the same thing out of my passion for seeking Godly wisdom. I am grateful too that it was through my fiancé’s Mom that I got hold of my first ever copy of Our Daily Bread, which I am now reading daily. She gave me a pair of shoes from the Celine store as a Christmas present last year, and Celine gives away copies of Our Daily Bread during the holidays. There is no such thing as coincidence with God, is there? 😉

I really believe that it was one of my grandma’s prayers for us, the future generations, to come before God and worship Him as they did in the times to come. I know of no other person who prays as passionately as my grandma. The moment she utters the first word in her prayer, tears start to stream down her face. And that went on the moment I was a bit old to understand what was happening around me, until now, when she is 90 years old. Yes, she will be celebrating her 91st birthday this September 5, and my Mom on September 7.

And I can only be grateful to God for carrying her all throughout these years, despite the sacrifices of growing up during the Japanese occupation, losing two of her brothers who were enlisted in the military during the war, and not receiving any news regarding their whereabouts afterwards. I cannot tell what kind of emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual turmoil my grandma and her sister went through at that time, worrying every day if their brothers were killed in the war, taken as prisoners of war, tortured, and an endless wave of “what ifs.”

Now I understand why her prayers are so heartfelt. I know because that is how I pray too now – I cannot finish uttering my prayer and just find myself in tears – a combination of hope, gratitude, and humility amidst failures, setbacks, disappointments, successes, victories, and triumphs. But for the greater part of the prayer, I know it was just the overwhelming and amazing fact that our God is the most wonderful thing in this world. She became the “Great Matriarch”  of the clan when my grandpa passed away 13 years ago.

My grandpa was a historian, not by profession, for he was a farmer, but out of his hobby of being a wide reader. I could remember that during Sunday school, I would always witness how my grandpa would participate actively in discussions about biblical ideologies. And he delivers it with such vigor, straightforwardness, and passion that I honestly can say, other than being a farmer, he’d be good enough to be a courtroom lawyer. That is, a lawyer of faith, God‘s defender. 😉

When I go back to my hometown this holiday season, I just can’t wait to ask my grandma where she got her perfume. And if she is not using one anymore, I’d be glad to give mine to her as a birthday present. I know she will love it. I only used it once because I intend to preserve it.

And I will tell her this:

“Mama, your prayers were never unanswered. They may not be for the time being, but they will be in His time. For some, God has answered them already.”  

P.S.

I intentionally included the price tag in this photo if ever you are interested to go on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem and take home a Spikenard Magdalena as a memorabilia, you have an idea how much it costs. 🙂

Tin Ginete
Memorabilia from Bethlehem. 🙂