The “Promise” Rings

Posted on July 13, 2015 by Christine Lailani

(Disclaimer: This is a very long post but definitely worth the read.) 🙂

I believe many are already familiar what promise rings are. But in case some of you still are unfamiliar with it, this is a definition I got from Wikipedia:

“A Promise ring symbolizes a commitment to a promise and is given to a person as a token or reminder of his/her decision…”

But I guess what we could highlight in this definition is this: commitment to a promise.

But before I get on to that, do allow me to share just a quick update regarding my current status. If you have been one of my avid readers, you would know by now that my fiance and I decided to take a two-week “cool off” period wherein we were back to being single and strangers? Definitely not. For God was faithful enough to have kept our communication going and again, not let our hearts be hardened by the negative circumstances that we went through.

We haven’t had the time to personally talk things out and just prayed to God to guide us through the week so we could re-align our plans and our thoughts with His. I shared in my previous articles that during the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting, I asked God for assurances if the decisions and the commitments I have made were indeed according to His will.

It was hard to let go of a person you love so much, but when God asks you to, you have no choice but to obey just like what Abraham did when he was ready to sacrifice his son’s (Isaac) life. You don’t know in that moment of decision-making why God asked you to. But if you are to ask me if indeed it was what God wanted, I can answer with “yes” for the decision came during our Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting.

And yet during those 3 days of Prayer and Fasting, I also asked God if I should let him go completely or was it something temporary, a “breather” so that the two of us could see His beautiful promise and not drown ourselves in the multitude of conflicts we are having – sort of a reminder where our relationship should be going and how we should be loving each other, God’s way.

Came the sign which I shared in my More Revelations (Part 2) article about my fiance’s name. All I had at that time were prayers and my faith and all that ever mattered to me was conversing with my God and nothing else. Yet, I have put my trust and hopes in God and God alone.

Two weeks passed.

In those two weeks, I was more in tune to the Spirit’s leading. Revelations upon revelations, tangible assurances, more Godly wisdom, more of God’s wonders working anywhere and anytime, everything was all about God. I was able to experience freedom by the end of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting, answers were given, Godly wisdom on generational curses, learning about what was plaguing me for the past years without me realizing it, until eventually this word popped out – fear.

Fast forward to last weekend, my fiance asked me for a chance to talk things out personally. I always declined saying we should wait upon God for His right time. I thought about seeking counsel from my first spiritual mentor, my brother, and this was his advice:

Brotherly advice from a brother in Christ and my brother for real. 😉

I listened to my brother and continued praying until came the time when my fiance asked me again if he could see me last Saturday, to which I said “yes.” We were able to talk some matters over the phone the past days but I know there are still more that were left unsaid, more that need to be said and more that are better said in person.

An out-pour of prayers came, we met and then came the moment of that big question: “Are you really ready in your heart for this commitment, this big commitment which is marriage?”

Both our answers were a “yes.” The agreement was then mutual. Apologies were said and accepted, love overruled. So there we were continuing on from where we ended. When I made this re-commitment, I felt that I was making a pledge that indeed, no matter what happens, like what my brother said, there’s no more backing out. Fight for faith, continue hoping and most especially fight for love.

I have always believed that God planned everything, and I mean everything from the smallest details and the mundane to the biggest and the marvelous. This includes dates and numbers.

For the date, I thought there must be something to the date when I felt I was ready to talk with my fiance or should I say, it was already God’s perfect time. I am aware that the enemy is also working full time to destroy what God’s plans are. And of course, we all know that the holy matrimony is one of God’s best creations. For in a holy marriage and through marriages future disciples and spiritual leaders are born. But I know for sure as well that God won’t allow a marriage to fall apart if He allowed the union to be part of His even greater plans.

So why Saturday, July 12, 2015?

Okay, I remembered. I was just this total amnesia girl that I forgot it was the day before our 18th monthsary as a couple. 😀

“Praise be to God” was all I could blurt out. What a beautiful way to reconcile. Indeed, there is always something to celebrate after God gave us some time away from our troubles so we could appreciate the beauty that God has created in our relationship. The first week that we had our “break time,” his engagement proposal happened. Yesterday was our 18th monthsary, July 12 – what an awesome, wonderful way to celebrate it. I need not ask for any gift or special way to celebrate it, except I could only offer in return a heart full of gratitude to my Father up above who wished for nothing else but a better life for His sons and daughters.

So the day ended with a smile. I slept with a peaceful heart.

Early Sunday morning, July 12, our monthsary day, I suddenly woke up. I felt the need to urinate. So down I went, drank a glass of water and headed upstairs. When I got back to bed, I was so wide awake as if I haven’t slept at all. I checked the clock, it’s 3:03am. Wow, that is the same time for the past months that I wake up every now and then and could not sleep for no apparent reason at all. The very recent prior to this was the night before I broke up with my fiance and thought I heard someone calling my name. It was during that moment that I contemplated and decided to let him go.

But this time it was different. Here I was in bed staring at the ceiling with a smile on my lips reminiscing the events that happened the day before. Yes, I thought maybe because I just cannot contain my happiness that my fiance and I were back together. Then a phrase just popped up in my head all of a sudden – “real love drives out fear.”

Okay, now where did that come from? It was not even connected to my current thought – recalling yesterday’s events. And the phrase sounded right but not really right to me. But I was sure I have heard or read it somewhere, somehow. So what I did, I grabbed my phone, turned my WiFi on and searched ever reliable Google with the phrase/sentence. And the search results centered on only one thought – a bible verse which says:

1 John 4:18 ESV

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

Okay, so that explained why it popped up – I definitely have read this before but my synapses could not just particularly locate that memory bank where I stored it. But thank God for technology, I can easily locate those lost memories by giving me something to remember them through more additional information and clues.

And I smiled even more when upon seeing the search results, the top 3 sources that came up were from the ministries that I highly look up to as a Christian: Joyce Meyer, Rick Warren and Desiring God. I don’t believe in coincidences and I believe God has a reason for waking me up at this hour. So I started reading all 3 articles by said authors and I found 3 words common in all 3 articles: perfect love, God’s love and fear.

Allow me to share some of the screenshots I took for documentation purposes and do take note of the time. For I will be sharing more revelations in the succeeding paragraphs.

Joyce Meyer

Rick Warren

Desiring God

But going back to the bible verse, I was having my dose of Godly wisdom when a question popped in my head again: “why does it have to be “real love”? Usually, for the bible verses, most of the time I get the phrases correct especially if they are the usual bible verses that I have been encountering during devotion time. 1 John 4:18 was not an exemption for I have read it quite a couple of times already. And yet what was with the phrase “real love?” Where did it come from? I am sure I have encountered it somewhere too, something that has quite that significance to me for me to be able to somehow store it in my long term memory but could not point out exactly where.

Then came the “Eureka!” moment and I almost laughed aloud. For this was where I have seen it and now I know why it was retained because it is that significant. The following is a photo of the “dummy” rings that my fiance and I bought a couple months back as during the Marriage Preparation seminar we attended in church, we were advised to use “dummy” rings in the actual wedding ceremony as the real thing might be misplaced and eventually lose them because of all the preparations and the hectic activities lined up for the said event. It was the first thing that we bought and we really don’t know why back then. 😀

I was actually the one who suggested we buy the rings when I browsed online for wedding rings. And I know it was not a coincidence that I felt the urge though I do not know why. But I acted upon it and I believe it was not also a coincidence when came the time that my fiance and I were choosing what ring design would best fit us and this particular design came into our hands. My first choice was a glittery ring but when my fiance tried it, his feminine, slim hands, looked REALLY feminine. So, it was a no-no for us.

The second choice was a plain silver band but then again there’s no available size for my fiance. Then this was the point that the shop owner suggested another pair. I didn’t like it at first. Because I wanted the rings to just have a clean and simple finish since it’s just going to be a “dummy” ring. I mean, it wouldn’t really matter for what matters would be our actual wedding rings. But then again, this pair was the only pair wherein the wedding ring for the groom fitted my fiance’s ring finger just right. And one more thing, I don’t like rings with inscriptions at the outer side of the ring. Well, let’s say I am still a bit old fashioned when it comes to these things. 😀

But in the end, I conceded that we buy this design with an inscription engraved at the outer side of the ring and an engraving of one half of a heart for each ring between the inscription. If you combine the rings, it’ll form into the shape of a heart.

“Real Love”

The rings weren’t significant to me for they are just “dummies.” BUT I was wrong – totally wrong. For now, I felt like they are the most important rings we will ever wear. Why?

Going back to the “real love” phrase, I was just amazed when I remembered that this was the inscription engraved on the “dummy” rings. And what was even more amazing was that the revelation with the verse and my interchanging “perfect love” with “real love” was God’s way of reminding me of His promise to me and Brian – marriage. He wanted me to realize that this is real/perfect love – it drives out fear.

Fear.

Now it dawned on me. This was not about fears in my past, fears in my childhood days but fears that I was unaware I have been bringing in the relationship with my fiance. It was out of fear that we had the conflicts. It was out of fear of the punishments from the past mistakes. It was out of fear of so many things that eventually came to me fearing the worst that could happen in our relationship. It was fear that ruled the relationship.

And this was a portion of the article that made me see the clarity of it all:

God pulled us out of the relationship to protect us from our own fears and gave us hope instead. God wanted to teach us that that was not how He intended our relationship to be. Because fear did not come from Him. Reading the articles further just brought me once again in that state of utmost humility – being humbled by God’s presence through the revelations.

God’s presence.

This made me think about once again the idea of me waking up at around 3am and why the number 3 proved to be very significant to me like the day of my salvation which was 3/3/13 (which I shared in my previous articles) and was always included in His bigger revelations. Was it God? Did it come from an angel? I was still baffled and yet I know there’s an explanation somehow behind it. So I typed at Google search once again and checked out if there is somehow a biblical significance with the number 3 and the time. The following were the search results that turned up:

The 3 is always there – even my bookmarks came down to 3.

The Prophetic News

The Prophetic News

The Prophetic News

There really is something about names. Mine is Christine. 🙂

Spirit Daily

Spirit Daily

This was another big revelation. Although the moment I read that 3am is also the time where Satan is at work, came the terrifying fear that I might be possessed by a demon or vulnerable of being possessed. Because I admit I do experience some waking up moments at around 3am feeling a heavy feeling in my heart. But for the recent events, they were mostly uplifting and enlightening.

BUT I think my God went before me, for He knows I will seek for answers and He already assured me through the bible verse I have mentioned above. As the article mentioned, the Spirit commanded him to stand on His Word. Fear does not come from God. So most likely, Satan was also trying to butt in. But sorry, not sorry that I am already protected by my loving God. 🙂

I just felt the need to browse a little more and stumbled across a forum regarding the biblical significance of 3am. And one comment just struck me the most:

Yes, I believe it was and is all for a greater calling. A calling that involves a greater harvest. A calling that calls for a preparation towards a significant event. Our God is calling out.

And I believe in my church, our spiritual leaders have already prophesied this. For yesterday’s prayer, led by a sister in Christ who is also a spiritual leader, was all about fear. I really don’t believe in coincidence. 😉

So with that I rest my case, and I am just smiling even more as I type this. For it was one of my prayers to God to give me a bible verse during my wedding that is not the usual bible verse I encounter during Christian weddings such as:

1 John 4:19 ESV

“We love because He first loved us.”

So He gave me a different verse instead – a verse that will have a personal significance and impact not just to me, but a verse that will seal the commitment of what “real love” should be for both me and my fiance along with a symbol of that commitment – the “promise” rings.

It was not just a promise/reminder/covenant between me and my fiance to commit to each other until death do us part but most importantly, it symbolizes God’s beautiful promise for us both – God’s advance wedding gift to us. And this reminds me of The God Triangle:

Photo credit: thewerners.org

Now this is perfect/real love: love is God and God is love. So yes, basically, I just can’t help but thank my God every single day for literally E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. ❤

P.S.

My chosen bible verse for the wedding was not because I chose it but God chose it for me and it was the verse that came just before 1 John 4:19. So I believe it still is in the context of bible verses perfect for Christian weddings. 😉

Here’s a video about God restoring what was lost if we seek Him FIRST.

And here’s a text from him tonight, nothing can ever make me smile the sweetest except when I see the word “pray.” 😀

Our God is indeed a God who restores and redeems. 🙂

For The Love of Social Media and Technology

Posted on July 9, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I praise God that everything is easily accessible via technology and over the internet. Personally, it is a big help for me to have an e-diary where I can store my thoughts and not worry of them getting lost if ever my laptop bugs down. Thoughts in my head go as fast as they come. My family would even tell me I suffer from short term amnesia in some cases. *seriously*

I believe in photography we can see such a big leap when it comes to advancements from films to dark rooms to now instant everything. Like this photo I have taken and edited using different apps in my android phone:

Original photo of Flicka my guitar.

Edited photo to b & w using vsco cam app.

Edited the photo via Instagram.

But my phone comes really handy every time I am in the middle of doing something and that action spurred an idea, a question or a thought in mind which is always related to my faith. I stop in the middle of my task, open my phone and type the words down before my mind goes blank after a couple of seconds. Sometimes thoughts pour in in bulk connecting one thought with the other and bible verses start popping up too – yes, my head will be a chaos if I don’t have a phone to help me sort those thoughts out.

But I see one problem with it – technology is an arena wherein the battle of the good and evil is being showcased. Evil means porn, scam, hate posts, prostitution, violence, fraud, etc. Good means informative, advancements, convenience, accessibility, etc.

If I am right, every modern innovation gives way to something new and yet it also gives way to foster something bad. There are so many things we could learn from the internet and modern technology paves way to those discoveries. But it also requires us this kind of discipline – knowing which ones are beneficial to us and which ones are harmful. I have been lingering so much on social media sites nowadays and discovered that sharing enhances creativity and learning – you learn new ideas from what other people share by introducing yourself to a whole lot of different perspectives. Given that, we now have these questions which, I am sure, all of us are asking:

1. Is it possible to introduce something new with the possibility of maintaining its good objective and only that?

2. The negative effects are getting rampant – is there a way to stop it?

3. If a total shutdown of the world wide web affecting thousands of technologies associated with it happened just like in the movie Transcendence, how will things end up?

4. Can man function well without all the modernization now?

5. Which is better – the modern times or the primitive days?

And having these questions in mind, verses from Ecclesiastes 3 came gushing in – there is a time for everything. It has always been like this here in this world even in the earlier times in the bible – always a battle of good and evil.

For I believe it is in this arena that God trains His people to be able to join His ranks. Now which side are you on – God’s army or the enemy’s?

I choose LIFE not in this world but in eternity that is why I am more than willing to be trained as His warrior. 🙂

A Recollection

Posted on July 7, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Now I understand. 🙂

I could still remember the week prior to his engagement proposal.

Everything around us was chaos, conflict upon conflict, sin upon sin, piling up higher and higher. Then came the snapping point – our mediator, God, stood between us. He called for a time out before things get really rough and things get worse.

5 days. For 5 days we were friends. For 5 days we broke our routine as a couple. For 5 days there was peace. For 5 days it was all just God and me, God and him.

I thought of it as being in a detention room, only me and God and He was clearing the issues out personally, one by one – a reprimand, a rebuke, a renewal.

And yet God showed mercy by keeping His promise – an open communication between me and him. We obeyed His instructions, we valued what would honor Him. We met after a week and it was love all over.

The engagement proposal happened.

Things were doing well. Then planning came here and there. Preparations are everywhere, aligning of priorities were highlighted. Emotions started to build up, conflicts came again, sins erupted yet again, higher and higher once again.

Then came the saturation point – God once again stood at the middle as the mediator. God is again calling for a time out before things get worse, before ruining completely anything beautiful in the relationship.

5 days. For 5 days we were friends. For 5 days we broke the routine as a couple. For 5 days there was peace. For 5 days there was just me and God, him and God.

Once again, God has showed His mercy by keeping His promise – the communication was there, no one burned bridges.

On the night of the 5th day which was last Sunday, I reached out to him regarding a pressing concern in our business venture that I know he can only relate. He called, I answered. It was love all over again.

He wanted to see me but I can only suggest that we pray to God regarding that.

He said, “I love you so much…You do know how much I love you…”

I said, “Yes, I do love you so much too. But let’s take things one at a time for now – we need not rush anything. We need to trust God and put Him at the center. First.”

Now I understand. 🙂

God is faithful in His promises. The reason why He gives us a time out is because when conflicts seem to cloud almost the entire relationship and we become absorbed with the problems right in front of us, He would pull us out of the situation, away from further harm, so we could see the bigger picture.

He wanted us to see the good in the relationship even when things get really tough – by realigning our thoughts with His. He wanted to make things right and it can only happen when we surrender everything to His will. When things happen prematurely, God knows there will be pitfalls and storms and yet by His love and mercy, He gives the grace for us to bear it all and come out intact and whole.

My ex fiance once told me, “You cannot judge me and my faith because faith is a personal relationship with God – it is only between me and Him.”

Silence.

He was right.

For now I see that yes, God sees the intentions and conditions of our hearts and it is because of that that’s why He didn’t allow our circumstances to harden our hearts and protected us from destroying one another because of pride, bitterness and anger. He made us see the power of prayer, forgiveness and most especially, love. He allowed us to communicate still.

God kept His promise, the ongoing communication was our hope. It is now in our choice if we will claim that promise.

And yet I believe God does not just intend a week this time for us to master that peace, have complete healing and set things right through a Godly perspective. He will restore things when the perfect time has come and when we are both ready. Something that can only be achieved by trusting in Him completely day by day. 🙂

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7 NLT

Day 1: STRENGTH

Posted on June 30, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Today is June 30.

Today marks the first day of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting 2015 in church.

Today is the day I ended a current relationship and reconciled with a former relationship.

Today is all about STRENGTH.

Last Sunday, I was with my fiance and his family to celebrate his brother’s birthday. In case you have been reading my previous posts, a devoted believer put in the midst of non believers is a really tough case. Values wise, any differences could have been resolved if God was the priority and at the center.

But that was not the case. And yet, I am not writing this to complain but to share my faith.

Having a non believer as a partner is indeed being yoked unequally. It is difficult to agree on certain matters for two perspectives are at hand – worldly (his) and Godly (mine). And yet, God is so faithful He gave me the strength, patience and the means to endure it all.

I can only accept our differences: good moral values, upright conduct, beliefs in faith, etc. BUT there is a time for everything as God puts it in the bible.

A saturation point so to speak.

This time calls for things to come into a final halt. I don’t mean to judge but I meant to enlighten by sharing in some unfavorable experiences I have had. It is not for us to judge though and condemn but God’s.

Last Sunday I was with my fiance’s family. I was a guest, I do not make the call what time we go to church, what time we leave the house, etc. As a Victory group leader, we were advised by our spiritual leaders to arrive early during a Sunday service. But we arrived late for so many reasons being able to hear only the last few stanzas of the last worship song. I felt broken. I was there in church feeling guilty not being able to live up to my responsibilities as a group leader. And yet it was not my choice to make. I tried to fight against the feeling of guilt, a little bit of anger and sadness within me and just be thankful we still ended up in church.

Then it was time for the lecture to be delivered and Pastor Jonathan of Victory Alabang led the discussion. Word after word, my heart was slowly being torn apart – the message was for me. I was fighting back those tears. Those tears of how many months of trying to fight for faith against the worldly, of keeping quiet and enduring it all and those moments of pain from conflicts. My heart was so heavy I knew it was the Spirit asking me to do something. Pastor Jonathan just nailed it when he preached regarding “darkness” and what it means to us. Especially when he talked about marriage, that maybe the conflicts did not come from the enemy anymore but from myself – a reluctant and stubborn heart to pursue my desires, my plans and my lack of strength to let go and let God. I was on the verge of raising my hand for that second altar call, but I know there is no such thing. Or if there is, then God knows I already made it at that moment. The wounds have been exposed now in the open and they hurt even more. I can no longer bear it and yet I know I needed to move on and pray even more.

It was funny though I remembered walking out of the worship hall with a smile of relief. Then for the first time, we went out the exit door where books on faith and devotionals were being sold. I felt a tug in my heart to browse through them. And I believe these books were picked by the Spirit for me for the season I am in right now. And I bought a baller too – my first about faith. And I remembered telling my fiance jokingly that I will buy a memorabilia as this might be the last time I’ll be attending Victory Alabang. And it looks like the joke really was on me. 😀

Faith memorabilia.

Touchpoints for Women: God’s Answers for Your Every Need is the perfect devotional book for women dealing with specific issues. And I did not read the first page yet, I was waiting for the right time. And the other book I bought was the only book available there on relationships, marriage and faith – The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love. This, too, I have read the first page but decided not to continue as I am no longer in this season. I just thought that this is all God’s way of preparing me for something in the future.

Touchpoints for Women

The Act of Marriage

I was keeping my calm when at a buffet restaurant, all the rest of the family including my fiance and his Mom, agreed to sneak out some sweets to give to a niece back home. I gently reminded my fiance that it is a Sunday and we just finished attending church and we are all aware that it is against the restaurant’s policies to take out any food. I was grateful my fiance listened when I told him if ever you get caught, consider that we are both professionals – I am a teacher, you are a nurse. We both were given licenses to nurse and to teach under the oath that we will behave appropriately in public. They were drinking too and it was not a big deal for me and yet when my fiance was advised that a vice is more important than work which made him decide to file for a sick leave the next day, I was broken again. Another heavy heart for me and yet ended with a smile of relief.

I stayed at their place which is one of the things I am totally against as it gives room for temptation to enter in, and yet by God’s grace, temptation failed to get in. Next day, I accompanied my fiance to the bank to deposit money and we had another conflict and this was the first time I experienced how far his rage could go. He pushed me out of his anger and when we were having the heated discussion I saw his trembling hands while rummaging on his things. Yes, it was an accident that he did it – out of his anger. So I thought it best I leave him alone for the meantime and let him cool down his temper. And yet it made me think too that it was a red flag. A guy who easily gets angry and could not control it will lead to physical violence. Domestic violence is not the kind of home I wished for my kids to grow up in. He did apologize after and I have forgiven him. I was broken and yet there is that smile of relief.

In the afternoon, we were on our way to Starbucks to celebrate the wedding anniversary of their parents as his dad is not here. Came the moment that his mom inquired regarding our business venture and our plans. His mom lent us some money to be able to start the business and indeed, the borrower is a servant to the lender. For during the discussion, I felt that his mom was suggesting things about the business and asking me why are you planning this if you want this and that and at that time, I was also talking through text with a business partner regarding a business meeting that I wasn’t able to attend because I prioritized my fiance and his family and it didn’t turn out as planned. There were a lot of things going on in my head, I was not in the right mood to talk about serious things and it was too late for me to realize that I was already answering in a very aggressive and offensive tone. I was provoked and yet my fiance did not support me and our plans but instead blamed me why we are in complicated situations right now.

My heart was broken. His Mom went on to “advice” on what to do, what we should do in front of my fiance and his sister. Some were very insulting and I am already aware that she doesn’t notice too how offensive her words could get as I was told by the girlfriend of my fiance’s brother who was also in conflict with my fiance’s Mom for the very same reasons which ended in broken relationships with the future in laws. My body was trembling out of anger that I was suppressing. I was controlling not to let tempers loose and holding back my tongue not to say words that are even worse. I was able to listen and they were able to laugh and talk about things although they sensed I was not in my happy mood. And his Mom was affected by my inability to join in the fun. I tried but it was not that easy to let go as if nothing happened. And yet a smile of relief came through – I need to respect her.

No shouting, no curses and temper outbursts came through from me, I was able to hold it all back and just listened when she made the final statements. I stayed silent and talked with them when I can and smiled when I have to all the way home. My fiance gave me a cold shoulder not talking to me while eating and when he was driving us home and I was seated beside him. I stayed silent and broken for I know now how Jesus felt when everyone around Him abandoned Him and was persecuting and condemning Him, but I was able to smile with relief – I was able to pour out all my concerns and my side to his mom, although my mistake was, emotions took hold mostly of the discussion.

When we got home, the Spirit convicted me to do the right thing – apologize. I wanted to talk to his Mom personally but couldn’t find the right moment to talk privately so I chose Facebook instead to send her a letter of apology for how I behaved and if I have offended her. I also apologized to her personally when I said my “goodbyes” when we left the next day. In the letter, I thanked her for her suggestions keeping in my mind that she only wanted what is best for me and my fiance. I also apologized to my fiance but it came to another heated discussion – my fiance blamed me for ruining his parents’ wedding anniversary celebration. Aggression and blaming were there. Until he blurted out that I am not worthy of his respect at all. Yes, I was broken again and yet came a smile of relief afterwards – I cried to him explaining my side that as my future spouse, he should support me and our plans at all times because the spouse should always come next to God. I tried to understand him knowing how my fiance is so dependent and attached with his Mom that he could not even let go of that attachment even now that we were about to be married – one of our ongoing conflicts.

At this point, allow me to share some very important points during the Marriage Preparation seminar we attended in church. I highly recommend you attend one as it will answer the question if both of you are REALLY ready to commit:

Putting GOD at the center.

“Leaving”

“Cleaving”

We were able to end the conversation peacefully and decided to learn from the experience and move on although we did contemplate on breaking up and he wanted to end things already. I reminded him about the lecture service we just heard last Sunday and quoted bible verses. I can only hope and pray they all got through to him.

We said our “goodnights” but I suddenly woke up at 3:30am. And I thought I heard someone called me. I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore and was contemplating on telling my fiance the next morning to end the relationship formally as I believe it is what God was asking at the moment. We have ended the relationship so many times and yet neither of us have the courage and the strength to be firm with our decision considering a lot of factors, i.e. love is not an emotion but a decision; we will dishonor God if we break the commitment; etc.

I was praying all along for God to save me from this “darkness.” I no longer feel safe, I am not happy and my faith was always tested. And yet, God assured me and prepared me for this – for I know these are all His plans. I took a cab the day before I went to their place and I know it is not a coincidence that this is the name of the cab I was riding:

God Driven Jankei (I interpreted it as God-Driven Junkie). 😉

And when we were driving home from Starbucks and even going to church, incoming trucks from the opposite lane mostly have a “God Promised” sign board on top. I didn’t know what they meant at that time and even now. And I thought, I must be dreaming or I must be in another dimension, or am I already in Heaven? 😀 Yep, I was broken, but I can smile with relief knowing that God is with me anywhere and I need not fear.

I was sleepless last night silently praying to God to give me peace and to continue seeking for His forgiveness and having a forgiving heart letting go of the past. And when my fiance and I boarded the bus going back to Manila this morning, I just let the peace that God gave me to fill me in. And yet that peace came out of a decision – the decision to finally let go of the relationship and let God take control.

Yes, letting go of my worldly relationship with my fiance and reconcile with my spiritual relationship with my God.

My fiance and his family are not perfect in the same way that me and my family and all the people in this world are not perfect and will be making mistakes one way or the other. It is all a matter of seeking God’s forgiveness and obedience to God’s instructions. I can only pray for their salvation in the same way I am praying for my transformation every day. I texted my fiance this morning that I would have opted to end things personally and yet I know the situation calls we end it now. God is asking us to do it and He is asking us to trust Him what His plans are for both of us in the following days, weeks, months or years even. It has been said that during the Prayer and Fasting, the Spirit works at its best because it is most powerful during this moment. When I got off the bus, it is just strange that the ticketing personnel of the bus assisted me down as if I am a debutante walking down the stairs although I am only carrying two little bags. And it is also strange how the tricycle driver said “I love you” to me after paying my fare when I took the tricycle going to our apartment.

They are very strange but I got an answer: God was telling me I am still worthy of respect despite my fiance telling me last night I am not worthy of his respect and despite my failures and I even thought that could it be that God was in that tricycle driver as if telling me and comforting me,

“My child, I love you and you have nothing to worry nor to fear for I am with you always, anywhere, anytime. Let go of the things that you have no control over so I can take control of them. Leave them all up to me. I am ALL THAT YOU NEED.”

Which now made me realize why I chose or the Spirit chose my baller for me that says this: Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING.

Jesus + Nothing = Everything

John 1:3

God is more than enough, Jesus is worth the sacrifice.

I remembered one instance I shared to my brother about the conflicts that my fiance and I had, and he told me to just endure it all. He said that they might be a test of faith and if I get used to giving up easily, it will also reflect in other decisions I make in life. Or maybe the reason why I am going through the same things I did in the past was because I keep on making a mistake – that of choosing a man who is not after God’s heart. He said that they just differ in names and background but personality wise, they are the same because they are not yet believers. He told me we cannot judge for even Christian guys and Pastors make mistakes but let’s just wait what God’s plans are. For the meantime, he asked me to be assured always and to pray and the question I asked back at him was this,

“I can trust him even if he makes mistakes repeatedly and no matter how dark his past was if and only if I know that he was already born again, now a devoted Christian and was already saved. For I know every time he makes a mistake, he will experience Godly sorrow and will go back to God. But he was not saved yet – no sincere and genuine repentance took place in his past, how would he know how to search for God and go back to Him when conflicts arise and things fall apart?”

My brother was silent for a moment and just simply said, “Now that is the thing we cannot control anymore.”

As of writing, I just finished my Day 1 Prayer and Fasting devotion and getting ready for the prayer meeting tonight to know more of the Spirit’s revelations. I have decided to not log in on Facebook and Twitter for the entire duration of the prayer and fasting week and turn off my phone by day and turn it on by 6pm onwards as part of controlling addictions. I committed to a once-a-day-meal type of fast and yet unbelievably, I do not feel any hunger at all. All I ever wanted to do is immerse myself on “spiritual food” and share via my megaphone regarding my faith – this blog. But since I committed to a once-a-day meal fast, I will uphold to that commitment. 🙂

I am smiling – with relief, contentment and peace. I am praying, still, for healing, for guidance, discernment on God’s will and that my plans will be more in tune with His this time, more strength, more courage, more patience and restoration of things that were broken. But I am now assured that I can only put my hopes in God alone. Indeed, true love and security can only be found in Him. And I can only be grateful to Him for this hope, this second salvation, this peace and this love that now gives me joy for I can now serve my Lord wholly in truth and in purity.

Thank God for the STRENGTH. 🙂

P.S.

There really is something about number 3 – my water baptism was 3/3/13 (the day I was reborn), I always wake up around 3:30am not knowing why and I receive my daily bible verse notification from my bible app every 3:00pm though I set it to appear every 9am.

So…I don’t want to go ahead of God’s plans but I am believing in His promises (if these are His promises) – that I’ll give it 3 days to let things heal during this prayer and fasting, seek for forgiveness from people I have hurt, apply the 3-month-no-dating rule, pray to God how to tell our families, move on with a new and Godly perspective, maybe get married by age 31 as I am claiming I am done with my grad study by that time (I am now 29 turning 30 this December), spend a year with my future husband as a married couple to get to know each other better living under one roof and have my first baby when I am 33. 😀

Still, “many are the plans of man but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail.” I can only praise God for giving me this now – HOPE, may it be in numbers, in signs, in words, in other people, in the Scripture or even in that tricycle driver. 😉

10 Songs To Strengthen Your Marriage

Posted on June 24, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Photo credit: https://weddingids.com

I stumbled across this article in my Facebook news feed and I thought it best to share it here as it is a compilation of some of the uplifting videos I have watched regarding Christian marriages. May it also uplift you one way or the other, married or not. 🙂

Here is the link to the article: http://www.hearitfirst.com/news/10-songs-to-strengthen-your-marriage

I Love BICOL (Part 2): Siama Hotel

Posted on June 19, 2015 by Christine Lailani

(Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored post.)

My family and I visited the city of Sorsogon due to an urgent matter last June 2, 2015. Having read about Siama Hotel in the Philippine Daily Inquirer, my sister, my Dad and I thought it best if we could drop by the hotel and check it out since we will pass it by going home.

When we’re done, we headed off towards Brgy. Bibincahan which is just a few miles away from the city proper along the diversion road. Thank God for Google maps, we need not ask around for specific directions, and we found ourselves looking at the gates of the Siama Hotel.

If you are in need of a breather away from city life and looking into enjoying the bounty that nature has to offer, this might just be the best escape you’ve been needing. The hotel is situated in a secluded estate, which is also being cultivated as a coconut plantation. We already had an idea how the place looks like seeing the pictures in the local newspaper, but as they say, to see is to believe.

We arrived after lunch time, and my first impression when I saw the minimalist exteriors of the hotel lobby is that they wanted to enhance the interior decorations and furniture which were designed by one of the owners, Mr. Milo Naval, a well-acclaimed interior designer.

Indeed, the interiors of the hotel lobby from the chairs, tables, lamps, to the cabinets are all an exquisite display of creative art and truly a masterpiece. What is interesting about it is that Mr. Naval came up with the idea of using indigenous raw materials, such as rattan, bamboos, native coconut products as well as wood from local trees representing Bicol region’s indigenous products.

Their very modern pool is the highlight of the hotel. It is a striking fusion of this beautiful modern pool nestled at the center and surrounded by giant ferns and tall coconut trees in contrast to the minimalist, native design of the hotel’s exteriors.

They also have a hall for events, which is the perfect venue for wedding receptions, conferences, birthdays, and other special occasions. Once again, the interiors, as well as the exteriors of the hall, did not fall short in evoking that subtle and yet sophisticated style – definitely no grandeur, shining, and shimmering designs everywhere. But if you will ask me about elegance, Siama Hotel nailed it.

They are currently constructing an outdoor spa which is one of the things I am looking forward to when they are done with it. I must say it is going to be a one-of-a-kind outdoor spa uniquely designed using local materials such as bamboo.

The outdoor massage cabanas are the cluster of bamboos behind the coconut trees, and there are 3 of them being constructed as of writing.

This is going to be one of the best and state-of-the-art hotels in Bicol, especially if you are in the city of Sorsogon. Don’t forget to include this in your itinerary if you plan to spend your vacation in the province in class and in style. At Siama Hotel, you can be sure that your vacation not only brings you closer to nature, but even closer to the heart of Sorsoganons. 🙂

If you want to know more about the place, you can check out their website at http://www.siamahotel.com/.

P.S.

Don’t forget to take a photo of this “eco-padyak” where you’ll see ingenuity and creativity combined to create an extraordinary form of art.

Enter a caption

It Was His Birthday

Posted on May 14, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I only had the opportunity to share this special moment here just now and my reason for sharing is that this blog of mine might be the only e-memory I have of moments I make and will be making. I might have amnesia, short term memory loss or I might get into a car accident and lose all memories I have, etc….. well, we can never tell. 🙂

His birthday was last May 4th and last year, I made a pencil sketch of him as a birthday gift.

“Mi Amor” (9″ x 12″ Pencil Sketch)

May 4, 2014

And for this year, I thought about doing something different. I just used the poem I made for him and gave him when we first met.

Blanket of Love by Tin Ginete

This is the link of the poem which is the acronym of his name:

https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/blanket-of-love/

And here’s the finished output for his birthday surprise this year and biblical quotations about love from 1 Corinthians 13. Let the love begin…. 😉

Love Is the Greatest

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. ³If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

⁴Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

⁸Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! ⁹Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! ¹⁰But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

¹¹When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. ¹²Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

¹³Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”

I Was All Wrong

Posted on March 25, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Seeing the red despite the grey all around.

Let me share to you a little secret. It is a secret because there are only 2 people, me and a closest friend, who knows his real name.

Yes, him. Not my fiance though but a guy I met in church before I met my fiance.

I was going through a tough time 3 years back. I just got out of a terrible relationship then faith was introduced to me.

They say that a gaze, a penetrating gaze, can send multiple messages without even speaking. That is how I got to know him. He was single, I was on a period of recovery and enjoying my single life again and there was this Singles’ getaway.

I blamed that gaze we had with each other. That single look that sent something down to my soul – a look that I could not forget. But, at that time I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I wanted God to mend my heart first and listen to Him when He says that that guy is the one for you. Besides, I cannot base my emotions solely on a meaningful gaze whatever the message may be.

I felt it, he was interested. I can tell by his actions that he is. But I acted as if I didn’t notice him, that I am not interested. Because I am not yet ready to be in a relationship.

A year passed. I would see him in church every now and then. I waited. I was patiently waiting for him to make the move. What I felt for him didn’t change. I wanted to know him more but it is not appropriate for me to pursue him. It’s not a woman’s role.

I prayed. I included him even in my faith goals. I would check his profile every now and then because he is my friend on Facebook. Well, there’s nothing much to see in his profile but I still would check it. Stalker mode on, yes. 😉

2 years passed. I was becoming impatient. I asked God to give me a sign if I should hold on to that special gaze he and I shared. I asked God if I should hold on to that certain feeling I have for him. Though I can’t say it is love but I can tell it is something special.

Then the sign came.

I checked his Facebook profile, I saw a picture. He already has a girlfriend.

Ouch. I got the answer. It hurt me a lot. All those two years of waiting ended up in vain. I was so broken again that the urge to delete him was so tempting but I know it was not right. I just unfollowed him so I would not see his updates in my news feed.

I cried a lot, it was another heartbreak. I asked God a lot of questions. Why do I have to feel those emotions with him if we will not end up together? Would things be different if I somehow showed him a sign that I am interested with him too? Would it have made a difference if I made a way to get to know him? Why didn’t he pursue me?

I had no answers, I was in pain. But God slowly healed me again. Way faster this time because the Spirit is already within me. I just learned to accept things the way they are. Then better opportunities came along and I started to think of him less. But he was the only Christian guy in church that I had a crush on. 🙂

A couple of months later, I was back to my lively self not worrying about anything and moving on from the past. I met my fiance. He is a Christian but not as devoted as my crush. But the attraction was also there.

He pursued me, we went out on dates and I got to know him more. I included him in my faith goals too. I asked God to give me a sign and to prevent me from making a decision that I will regret later on. He laid down his intentions and I said yes to be his girlfriend.

Our relationship didn’t start as smooth sailing as I expected and I had a hard time inviting my boyfriend at that time to join a bible study group in our church. He declined but he does go to church with me. Every time we have a conflict I would always point the reason why to the idea that he is not so devoted when it comes to faith.

Then I would ask, was it a mistake that I chose him? Am I now suffering the consequences of making that mistake? But God would always assure me I am where I should be. If it was a mistake, God can still turn it into something beautiful so long as He sees we are honoring Him in the relationship.

But I am starting to lose hope and yet when he proposed, I said yes. I felt it right at that time. And I believe God was asking me to stay. But I was so disillusioned by the thought that I was unequally yoked. I would even pray to God if it will really work out. But God told me to trust Him.

Came an opportunity wherein I asked my fiance over the phone just last night with this, “Honey, if ever you get rich, what would be the first thing you’re gonna do with your money?”

The answer that came made me smile with gladness:

“Ever since I was in high school, it was my dream to donate to our mother church so we can have it air-conditioned and add a second floor because I owe it to them the faith I have now.”

It was an answer that I wasn’t prepared to hear. I couldn’t reply for a moment and when I did speak, it was only a “wow” that I could blurt out followed by another pause. And more smiling. 😀

I need not think anymore that he wanted to please me that is why he said it nor his sincerity for saying it. He said it with his own words without me giving a hint what kind of answer is good for that question.

I was tongue-tied at that moment because God taught me to never underestimate His power and grace. I know it is God who touched my fiance’s heart. It was so different to hear him say such things. And I know that everything that happened in the past was all part of His plans. Nothing is ever a mistake when you rely on God and not on yourself or anybody.

And I now have the answers re my crush. I wasn’t really prepared to be in a relationship back then because it was only in this relationship now that God is preparing me. I cannot be a best partner if I am not at my best and be complete in God. And I only get to appreciate what it means to be a Christian and how it is to be a Christian in a relationship just now.

I told God that after a violent breakup with my ex boyfriend I don’t and I cannot see myself able to love again as my heart will grow numb because of the pain. But what I felt for my crush was God telling me that I still am capable of loving a man. And that it is not my fate to be forever single. He prepared my heart at that time so to speak.

The future is so full of beautiful promises. I can see that. God, I know, lets things happen amazingly and surprisingly. But what I am expecting and hoping now might not be what God has planned. And that is why He wants me to trust, obey and hope in Him – completely, come what may.

Who knows, one day I get to say this again: I was so wrong all along. 🙂

In Limbo

Posted on March 23, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I have been warned. I was educated. I was trained.

Yet I found myself in an unfavorable situation that could have erupted from the missed warnings. Or it was meant to be.

I question. Would love to question. Yet I can only accept. But do what I have now meant to be mine in the first place? Or again, it was the outcome of my deaf ears and a stubborn heart?

I have been hearing it. I have been seeing it. I have been feeling it. Everywhere I go. The signs are there. I know people have been praying for me, they wanted to protect me.

Protect me from what?

From falling into that state of oblivion, of being in limbo – the battle between good and evil.

Devoted but unequally yoked – this, I know, could be my sweetest downfall. Those who have met me may have prophesied it already. They are the ones who keep me on the right track. They will pray until I will be brought out of the pit. They pray for a sacrifice of letting go.

And yet there are those who pray that I stay. For God never gives us more than what we can handle. They believe it is yet a period in my spiritual journey where God is in the process of changing me so He could complete me. They pray for endurance, love and courage that I may overcome it.

A crossroad is never a good spot to be in. It is prone to collisions. It sets you in a state of confusion. It either gives life or death. Just like being in limbo.

In faith, a wrong decision could lead to spiritual death or it leads to the dawn of a new you. But one thing’s for sure, it will change you.

For this season, I am basically learning a lot about love and relationships in general. I get to apply what I learned and it is only now that I can say that our spiritual journey indeed never starts and ends in reading the bible, going to church and having fellowship with your sisters in Christ.

In this season, God is teaching me how to love the most unlovable; to understand and to have self – control when you wanted to have your way; to be calm when all you wanted was to flare up; to forgive always though you have been hurt countless of times; to ask for forgiveness because you have sinned again and was tested to the limit; to force yourself to trust despite of the dark past; to believe though your mind tells you otherwise; to be patient when all you wanted was to leave; to accept things when all you wanted was to change them; to sacrifice and give without expecting anything in return.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Matthew 5: 1-8 NIV

Yes, what we all need in this world is love. A love like how our God loved us.

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love -and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 NLT

It was through my devotion that the Spirit convicts me every time I am on the verge of quitting and setting aside things once and for all. I wanted to go back to who I was – not distracted in serving the Lord. And yet, it is also the Spirit who would pacify me that I am where I am supposed to be. I needed to get through this in order to continue on in my spiritual journey. God placed them all in my hands not to see me fail but to see me triumph over them. I remembered my brother advising me that what I should focus on is not the tip of the iceberg but what’s at the bottom which is bigger than what I am seeing for now. He would always tell me to look at the bigger picture, do not focus on the problem but focus more on the goal, the mission which is honoring God.

Obedience by action is by far the hardest. Easier said than done as the saying goes. But it is how God wanted us to be sanctified each and every single day – forming a deeper relationship by becoming more and more like Him every single day in our thoughts, our words and our actions.

To be Christ-like is to slowly die to your old self every single day which means carrying your own “cross” and lift it until time comes that is finished, the mission is accomplished and you are completely changed.

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

– PAULO COEHLO, The Devil and Miss Prym

God is telling me to obey and trust Him while waiting for His plans to unfold in His perfect time though at times I may fail. And this is what keeps me for now:

“My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” – Psalms 73:26 NLT

How Do I Love Thee?

Posted on March 6, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I do not intend to tell the world about the second coming of Jesus in a way that most people know i. e. placards with those words written on it, preaching about how sinful men are, that our time is short, etc. for back when I was still a non believer, I used to treat them all nonchalantly with a little bit of contempt, cynicism and scorn. I may have received it that way but I didn’t know that the seed was already being implanted.

I believe those who preached the Good News this way in the past were God’s disciples called to do exactly that at that time. Now, I believe, God has a different set of tasks to the newly saved believers to continue the mission that those before us have left in our charge now. There was no social media at that time. 🙂

I don’t need to tell people anymore of what they already know – Jesus’ second coming is near. What I intend to do, on the other hand, is to share to people how it is to prepare for that second coming and the things that most people clearly do not understand. These are the things that are far too basic, far too common and yet most commonly misunderstood and oftentimes disregarded.

Which leads me to the concept of this very simple word: LOVE.

Love is the overused word in the dictionary that permeates with everything. It goes on with a lot of definitions, given in a whole lot of different contexts and manifested in a whole lot of different actions.

So why this word?

I may not understand how everything is interrelated in the following series of events that I will discuss but all I know is that they all centered on one common theme which is LOVE and I have to share them all because the Spirit has prodded me to.

Scenario 1

I lead a small bible study group in church of young, single, female professionals.

Scenario 2

I am in a relationship now and engaged to a fellow Christian.

Scenario 3

Dreams, signs and wonders.

For Scenario 1, it started through my coaching group when our coaching leader assigned chapters of The Purpose Driven Life to each one of us to discuss. It was my first time to read the book. I believe God intended I read it just now. It is this book that spearheaded my passion in fulfilling the mission that Christ has left for us to do. I used the chapters on missions as our discussion platform for my small group. Which led me to buying my own copy of the book but I ended up buying a different but somehow similar book also by Pastor Rick Warren called “Better Together: What on Earth Are We Here For?“.

Better Together by Ptr. Rick Warren

And it was also through this book especially with the first few chapters that led me to the concept of LOVE and what it means in God’s eyes which I am now discussing with my bible study group. To quote some passages:

“Life is all about love and developing relationships – with God and with other people. You may succeed in many areas, but if you fail to love God and love others, you’ll have missed the reason God created you and placed you in this planet.”

“Real love is placing the needs of others before your own. It is making your problem, my problem…It is giving to another without any guarantee of getting anything back. It is giving others what they need, not what they deserve. Although love can create feelings, love is not a feeling. It is a choice, an action, a way of behaving, a commitment. Love is sacrificing for others.”

I remembered a few days back, I saw one status update on my Facebook news feed that really touched me. I wanted to share it at that time but something held me back so I just saved the link. I didn’t know that I would be needing it now to emphasize more of the passages I have written above. It is a short film entitled “Blind Devotion.”

And this will lead us to my Scenario 2, my relationship with my fiance. He is not as devoted as I am, but I can feel that the seed is already there. God gave him to me at a time that both of us did not expect. I was a patient due for eye surgery and he was the nurse. Our love story started there and the rest was history. But as times passed by, we went through what every couple would go through – conflicts, happiness, rage, patience, forgiveness, hurt, pain, joy, laughter…every emotion, every situation – we went through them as a couple. We have been together as a couple for only a year but we have learned so much about each other, how to value a relationship and having God in it except for this: LOVE as how God would define it.

Then came a point I wanted to give him up, he wanted to give up too. We talked but still ended up together. Then he asked me this question, “What is it that makes you stay with me though I have hurt you so many times, you have suffered so much for me, I have made so many mistakes, I keep on failing you and yet you always forgive me? I want to know why.”

I was silent for a time and this thought came to me and I explained why I am like that to him is because of God and my love for Him. God loved us so much He gave us His only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins though we do not deserve it. I told him I want to honor my God that is why I want to honor the commitment and honor him by learning the art of God’s love expounded in 1 Corinthians 13.

This happened just yesterday and when I woke up today, I read my devotion of the day in Our Daily Bread and I broke into tears, because it was an affirmation that I said the right thing to my fiance. This was the bible verse:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” – Matthew 18: 21-22

March 6 Devotion: ODB

God has forgiven us. So we, too, should forgive those who sinned against us. To quote yet again passages from “Better Together”:

“Jesus says we are to be to one another what He is to us. The love of Christ is self-less, sacrificial, and submitted to the Father’s will. His standard of love is personal – reaching out to the undeserving, looking past their faults and into the desperate needs of their hearts.”

This kind of love now leads us to Scenario 3 – dreams, signs and wonders. I have been having dreams about me and my fiance the past several days which are bad dreams that dealt with my fears of him doing what he is not supposed to do and yet I felt they were all too real in those dreams. I always wake up with a heavy feeling until this morning.

My dream was about my fiance and I and we were supposed to board a bus headed for Baguio City but we got separated because of the huge crowd of commuters. I hopped in on a van instead and was surprised to see my ex boyfriend inside. We chatted for a while but then I noticed the destination name plate of the van and it was headed for Laguna (both my ex and my fiance now reside there). I asked the driver to stop then hurriedly went down the van and waited beside the road for a bus to come along headed towards Baguio City.

Then came a group of women who looked familiar walking towards me but I haven’t seen them yet in real life. Found out they were also headed for Baguio City so we waited for a bus then when one came, we boarded the bus, which was like a 12-seater, and there were only a few of us inside. Then that’s the time I woke up.

The night before, one of the verses in my devotion was Matthew 13:36. I read it but was too sleepy I didn’t understand it clearly. When I woke up today, I felt the urge to reread the verse but I forgot the verse so I randomly chose Matthew 13:3 which led me to the parables. It was all about the harvest and almost the entire chapter are highlighted in red which I don’t normally see in the bible app that I am using. So it means, the chapter I am reading is very significant.

The Parable of the Farmer

It is not a coincidence that my Discipleship 2015 training in church tomorrow has a key verse which is all about the harvest and the ministry that I volunteer in, which is a community outreach ministry, has a training on Urban Farming come this Sunday.

Neither it is a coincidence that after my devotion when I woke up today and checked my phone, I got a notification from a friend of mine regarding a video that she shared with me on Twitter. Here it is:

I cried after watching it. Because I now know the significance of it all. Everything is now crystal clear to me. It is indeed near. And what God was telling me the past days about love is that it is this kind of love that we need to exert to bring more people closer to Him despite of the conflicts and the differences.

“God says we must DECIDE to love one another. We’re to love other believers regardless of how we feel about them or how unlovable they may appear. No matter how difficult it may seem, we’re to actively, consistently, and deeply love the believers God brings into our lives, our congregations – and our small group.” – Better Together

“As members of God’s family, we must choose to love, not who to love.” – Better Together

And I believe this is the message that God wanted for us to understand now. The second coming is near, the more that we have to exemplify what Jesus did extending His love not just to His disciples but to those who are least likely to be loved. Just like the way that God is using my relationship with my fiance to master having that kind of love that is of God’s and not our worldly definition of it. I have been stumbling upon random verses from different books in the bible that have his name in it since last week, which is Joseph. I even joked my fiance our first baby boy will be named Zaphen derived from Zaphenath – Paneah which is the Egyptian name that the Pharaoh gave to Joseph when he appointed him as leader of his officials. This was one of the bible stories I read just a couple of days ago.

The story of Joseph, the dream interpreter.

I now understand why God gave him to me – I am being prepared for a mission and as my mate, he too is being prepared by God because the time is near for the harvesters to harvest this land. My interpretation of my dream today was very overwhelming, I wept. I wept because I know what it means – the message is very clear.

My fiance and I are due for a road trip with his childhood friend and his girlfriend to Baguio City over the weekend. I have visited the place countless of times and it was during one of my hikes at La Trinidad in Benguet, a province in Baguio City, that I was completely amazed by God’s bountiful and beautiful creations at its best. I was on top of a very high mountain after a treacherous hike and what I saw in front me was what I called in my previous article as “heaven here on Earth” because you see nothing else but a sea of clouds. And for me, it was very symbolic of my faith. The treacherous hike, wherein I almost fell off a cliff, was a matter of pain, suffering, life and death. But if you were able to overcome it all, the Kingdom of Heaven is waiting for you above, on top of it and no amount of words could describe how it feels to be there.

You can refer to this article for my hiking experience: https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2012/11/23/benguet-the-trip-up-north/

Last 3/3 marked my 3rd year since I got saved as a Christian last 3/3/13. The movie Son of God was released on that date too. And this coming 3/13, which falls on a Friday, I have a great feeling it is going to be a significant date as well. The verse regarding the parables can be found in Matthew 13:3 too. Most of my daily verses that I encounter came from the Gospel of Matthew. I did my research and the Gospel of Matthew is considered by scholars as the summary of Jesus’ ministry. It tells of Jesus sending His disciples to preach His Gospel to the whole world. It is also one of the four canonical gospels and it connects the old and the new testament. (wikipedia.org) I know for a non believer you will say it is all coincidence. But I say, as a believer, they are all signs from the Spirit.

Which led me to wonder on these passages written in that chapter:

“That is why I use these parables,

For they look, but they don’t really see. They hear but they don’t really listen or understand.” – Matthew 13:13

After these revelations, I only wept. And in between sobs, this was all I could utter in prayer:

“Lord help me to make them understand. Teach me to love them like how You have loved us.”

My brother is one of my spiritual mentors. He was the one who introduced me to the church and eventually to my faith. I know God appointed him to be that and I can attest through the role that my brother is playing in my life right now. He gave me a planner last year by Paulo Coehlo which contains quotations on life and faith. Each month has a designated character trait and last Christmas, he gave me the same planner. And now I know why. For this month, the character trait is this: COURAGE.

March: COURAGE

And this is the quotation for today:

“The only sin is a lack of LOVE. Be brave, be capable of LOVE, even if LOVE seems a treacherous, terrible thing. Take pleasure in LOVE. Take pleasure in VICTORY.”

The Valkyries by Paulo Coehlo

This may be the longest post I have written here on WordPress but I know every word here is all God’s plan because the mission for us all is starting to get clearer and He requires us to act on that mission. 🙂

Paulo Coehlo Planner 2015, The Holy Bible, Our Daily Bread, Better Together – my daily meal. 🙂

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The Journeyman's Moments

The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.

Category Archives: Poetry

The “Promise” Rings

A Recollection

10 Songs To Strengthen Your Marriage

I Love BICOL (Part 2): Siama Hotel

It Was His Birthday

Love Is the Greatest

I Was All Wrong

In Limbo

How Do I Love Thee?

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Love Is the Greatest

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