Reassessing Self

Posted on March 12, 2016 by Christine Lailani

Nope, please do not get me wrong. I am not self-centered but I decided to share my own experiences in order to not judge anyone’s character but if I did share something that is not from my own character, please do understand that it is in the hopes of making us understand better that we are all a work in progress. What I do hope to share with my readers is a bunch of experiences and lessons I have learned which they could learn from as well.

Experience is the best teacher, as they say. It is application that measures how much of the theories you have learned have you applied AND have applied successfully through a test. If you have never gone through any form of trial or test in life, then there’s no way that you can assess how far of the theories you have indeed learned. So take heart my dear friends when trials of all sort come to you. For it is the final assessment in molding your character and in preparing us for the final journey with our Savior, Jesus Christ. 🙂

So why the title for this post?

I would like to highlight yesterday’s event. My Facebook profile right now seems like I am going through the darkest moments and friends have been asking why and been praying for me. It all started when I browsed my news feed and status updates that contain “dark moments” came popping up one by one. And I thought, all these dark moments that my friends are going through, you piece them all together, that is what I am going through now – career, marriage and health.

When you are in darkness, yes, one emotion that you will feel is anxiety. And I praise God I have in my list of Facebook Friends Christian friends, devoted ones, who never fail each and every single day to post a bible verse/spiritual quotation which will remind you of who you are in Christ – an overcomer saved by the blood of Christ. Indeed, God planned it well that we are to uplift one another in times of peril through faith and Jesus. 🙂

This is what I read from one friend’s post:

Prayer Over Anxiety

“Heavenly Father, we pray for all those suffering from anxiety. In the midst of their fear, give them your peace. When they feel alone, surround them with your presence. Strengthen them and give them grace to get through today and every day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” – Circle of Prayer

Indeed, when you start to worry, you start to trust less and then it makes you hopeless. Enemy’s schemes, right? Yes, they are. For that is what the enemy is very good at – deception and lies. Making you believe that you are weak and you have no capability in overcoming a situation. And yet, if you have been born again, you know that that is not true. Self pity will only make you feel more worthless.

God, on the other hand, is the one who counterbalances that. God is always fighting for us. We may not realize it but He is. The fact that you wake up each day, unharmed, alive, forgetful of the past, that is what we call the Grace of God.

In my previous posts I have shared about the condition of my health and I am sure everyone is asking, “How was the check up?” Unfortunately, circumstances came that I wasn’t able to have a medical checkup in the week that I have planned to have it – I take it as not yet God’s time and will have to wait for the right one. I stopped taking birth control pills though and so far it alleviated my migraines. When I completely read the prescription of the pills, it is indeed one of the most common side effects. Good for me, I stopped taking them.

And yet, I was “unsafe.” Now my husband and I are contemplating about the possibility that I might be pregnant. Something that we are not yet prepared for considering that I do not have a job, though I could get one any time I want but because I need to concentrate on my exam and my masteral thesis, I had to accept the idea of being jobless for now. I jokingly told my husband, “Honey, if indeed I am pregnant, the baby will be born in my birth month too, December. And yes, he/she will be like Jesus, born in a manger, the modern counterpart would be at home via a midwife or maybe in a taxi or somewhere else except for the hospital for we are not financially ready.” But, no need to worry if it is God’s will. For if it is, then God has already prepared everything beforehand. I always trust Him that He will not give you something that you cannot handle. 🙂

Regarding my exam, I have short term memory retention. Thus reviewing a couple of months before will be useless because a week after, I sure have forgotten everything I have reviewed. I am starting to review just a couple of days ago and many may call it as “cramming” but that is just the way I review in every exam. The exam is in a matter of 8 days. Prayers, review materials, more prayers and letting God take control of it are what is occupying my mindset now. Again, no need to worry. For if I did my part well and if it is God’s will, then I will pass the exam. 🙂

Yes, it is easy for me to trust God in those areas of my life. But then again, if we haven’t loved yet as how God has loved us, then we haven’t experienced the optimum when it comes to faith. And the best way to experience and express God’s love at its best and learn it first is being in a Holy Matrimony – loving someone who is completely a different individual than yourself and living with that person under one roof every single day.

“If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” – 1 Corinthians 13:2

Relationships are my waterloo. I have failed miserably in the past when it comes to that. And these are relationships in general, not just between a couple. But right now, as I am in a season of being married, this is where my faith is being tested the most for now.

I do trust God in my exams, in my health, etc. and yet focusing on them would mean balancing my time between being a wife, a housewife and being a teacher and a student. All these roles carry with them very big responsibilities and duties. Sometimes they can be overwhelmingly burdensome.

I may have not oftentimes showed my distress but it does reflect in my words and sometimes in my actions towards my spouse. And the very recent was when he decided by himself to drive for his mom and relatives during a family reunion. He texted that it doesn’t matter if I choose to go or not for he will still go. We are experiencing “tight” moments at home and him texting me that just made me thought like, “Whatever happened to your promise that whatever happens, you will always be with me.” I thought I needed him most now and why didn’t it cross his mind.

I started thinking about my needs, myself and I thought how could my husband be so selfish and think about having a good time when he will be leaving his wife doing all the household chores, tired and stressed from reviewing then had to make all the necessary planning for what is to come, etc. He explained that he needed a relaxation. Indeed, when selfishness and pride creep in, it is easier to get bitter and angry than be patient and understanding and the next thing I knew my husband and I were furious about one another and having another argument. And this now made me realize something about myself: “Tin, the Spirit is not in you yet.” For it is said that the fruits of the Spirit is joy, love, peace, gentleness, selflessness, etc. I obviously do not have those. And this made me cry.

I had to battle with my inner self that I am already a new creation when I got saved through the Name of Jesus and through the Cross. I should understand better. If I want to be gentle, patient and understanding, etc., then all I have to do is think about the Cross and what God did for me even though I was in my most sinful self – He wholeheartedly accepted me for who I was, not furious, not impatient, not insisting His way and yet lovingly gave me a chance to change. This is now my opportunity so I need not waste it away just because the enemy is using my emotions. Indeed, heavy were the emotions of anger, rage and bitterness. Every emotional burden I am carrying came all loose. I was crying most of the time yesterday and I thought hopefully this will not trigger another depression which almost took my life before I got saved 3 years ago.

I was crying when once again, I was reminded by the prayer regarding anxiety. I had to combat the enemy making me feel that I am alone, that I am hopeless, and that there is no solution for every burden I am carrying. In between sobs I can only utter one word, “Father…Father…” All the rest that I wanted to pray and say, they were all drowned by tears. And then positive thoughts started pouring in. My husband needed that break. He has been having a stressful week at work, he deserves to have a time of relaxation and enjoyment. If I love him, then I have to sacrifice my needs for his needs. That is what love is all about. That is what God did and what Jesus did on the Cross – sacrificing.

But of course I thought, what about his promise that he will never leave me whatever happens. And I thought this is yet another of the enemy’s schemes to make me hate my husband more for not fulfilling his promise. And this is what the Lord has for that, “put your hopes not in the things around you but in God and God alone. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.” Lesson? I should never put my hopes in my husband. Why? Because my husband is only human and he is not perfect like me. He will make mistakes and he will not meet what I have expected. He might even be doing things now that are contrary to what we have agreed upon or be even committing the same mistakes/sins he did before.

There was one time that out of anger my husband told me that he doesn’t want to go to church and he is only accompanying me just to please me. I almost uttered that he doesn’t have to go to church with me. But then I thought that that was the goal in the first place of discipleship – to bring those who doesn’t know God closer to Him through the spiritual family. I did tell him gently that it is okay if he doesn’t feel like going to church.

But came the unexpected because in the Sundays that followed, he still includes going to church as part of his itinerary and would constantly remind me while I am preparing if we are about to be late for church. He still would lead in praying before he leaves for work. But there also came a point wherein he blamed God for every conflict that we are going through as a couple and how much he hated Him followed by curses. That was one of our bigger fights. Yes, the enemy is always lurking in the corner waiting for the right opportunity to act on his plans. Indeed, anger will only lead us to committing more sins and suppressing it will help us in so many ways and will defeat the enemy’s purpose to destroy and kill. In this case, acceptance of mistakes and forgiveness are the best solutions to fight the enemy.

It is not for me to judge my husband’s faith and personal relationship with God. It is only God who knows the deepest intentions and conditions of our hearts. My husband knows how much my faith means to me and when we are having a fight or a disagreement, he would mock my faith to offend me more and to retaliate whenever I would commit a simple mistake. He would accuse God of wrong decisions made, that if there is a God then he wouldn’t be experiencing all of the trials in the past and the trials now – the enemy is in him, is in us. That is what is making both of us sin and anger is what the enemy is using to control us. But they say, hate the sin but love the person for this is what God’s love means and this is His second greatest commandment – love others as I have loved you. God’s love was through His one and only Son, Jesus Christ.

I can only pray though that God will live in his heart and lead it. I can only pray and look forward to that change. And I pray the same for myself, that I will not go back to who I was even if the enemy will use my husband against me. So that my husband can see the works of Christ in me, how to rightfully respond in situations that are seemingly offensive to the self and to the faith and with persecutions and he’ll be inspired to follow suit and surrender himself to God’s Grace.

Being a perfectionist, I have this knack for the good, the perfect and the pleasing and that includes good manners, speech and behavior because that was the values system that my parents and my family have brought me up with. As much as I want to correct my husband’s behavior, it is not for me to change him – I, too, have my own flaws. As the bible says, “why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye and not notice the log in your own.” I can only show him what is right through my actions, something that is so hard to do though. For it was also written in the bible, “do not associate yourself with hot-tempered people for you will become like them and endanger your soul.” But I am here in this situation now and maybe this is also the test that I have to go through to become the person that God wanted me to be through tests of self-control, discipline, patience and endurance.

I felt during these moments that I am being surrounded by so many powerful demons. My heart was very heavy with all sort of negativity – pure thoughts were nowhere to be found in my head. I began to worry, I began to doubt, I began to lose trust, to lose hope even on my faith. Yes, there was a battle and I wrestled and I thought I can only seek for God’s help. And I only needed to cry out His name and He will save me from these. For He is the only one who sees and knows everything. Prayer is my only weapon to defend my faith.

THEN there was peace, there was calm. I slept yesterday afternoon and took a time off from my review and I opted not to text my husband and have him enjoy his relaxation time with his family even if it would mean that the enemy could possibly once again use his family to tempt him or be the avenue for him to get tempted to do what he should not ought to do i.e. drunkenness, lust, etc. or be in a bar somewhere in the wee hours of the morning or checking in at a massage spa that is unusually open from midnight ’til dawn, etc. and etc.

I can only pray for them as well and let God change their hearts too. Yes, demons are indeed real as Pastor Joey, one of our pastors in church, said in one of his blog posts. But as my Dad says, God can never allow for a sin or a bad agenda by a demon to continue on and on and on. God will expose it and will do the necessary actions if a reprimand is needed. My Mom once told me, “I have no worries when your Dad will not be with me for how many days or weeks to attend a seminar or even if it is just hanging out with his peers because I trust him and I know that he will never do anything to compromise our marriage.” I asked her, “But Mommy, what if you got married to someone who has a bad past and still continues to commit some bad things every now and then, what would you do?” She was silent for a moment. Then told me this answer, “Then you should’ve married a pastor. But you chose him then you should love all of him even at his worst. Because that is him.” Okay, now I don’t have an answer/follow up question for that. I actually know the answer, it’s just that I have to keep myself reminded of it. 🙂

That as a couple we should give an allowance to each other for mistakes even if those mistakes were repeatedly made because nobody is perfect. And that change and adjustment do not happen overnight. Be ready to forgive and forgive if apologies take place. Yes, I had the option to choose what my Mom formerly said but I chose differently. Circumstances didn’t end up for me that way. My brother told me that if I prayed for that decision, which I did, and God gave me the answer to push through with my decision, then it is God’s will.

I was exhausted yesterday and yet I was relieved. Though there was no visible assurances of a solution, I felt at peace. It is a good thing my phone’s wallpaper was the Lord’s Prayer. I have had it for a long time already and I am not planning on changing it. For I know there is a reason why it had to be my phone’s wallpaper.

I prayed to God last night for protection, for healing, for guidance, for purity and strength to withstand every battle, every attack, every assault on my faith. And lastly, I prayed for courage to face the enemy. The next thing I did was I looked at the Lord’s Prayer then I started mumbling it. It came first as a whisper and then I am uttering it out loud over and over again. Then a thought came into me, I have in my possession an anointing oil from Jerusalem which was a gift last year from my parents-in-law. You can read more about it here: https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2015/09/24/the-anointing-oil-and-more-memories/.

I went down to get it and started making Cross signs all over the house with the anointing oil and over my forehead and my heart while uttering the Lord’s Prayer. I really have no idea how the anointing oil should be used as I believe a prayer sincerely prayed and your faith are enough to cast out a demon. But if this anointing oil has been blessed and prayed over by spiritual leaders from the Promise Land or from any parts of the world, then my faith and theirs combined will be powerful enough to cast an also powerful demon/demons out along with the prayers. Because demons are real and if they are invading this house, my marriage, my thoughts and my heart, then I need to cast them out and seek for protection through a prayer and the sign of the Cross. And the best prayer for it is the Lord’s Prayer. For if there is one person who was tested by the devil the most, that would be Jesus. And yet if there is one person who was able to resist all of the enemy’s temptations, that is also Jesus. He was the only one who conquered death.

This happened around midnight and because I couldn’t sleep, I was restless and I keep on getting up. I have been experiencing severe back pains in my shoulder too which makes my breathing difficult. But praise God, for the moment I laid down in bed after the Lord’s Prayer and the signs of the Cross with the anointing oil and closed my eyes, I was off to heaven. Nah, I am kidding. I was just off to sweet dreamland. *wide smile* It was a very restful night that was granted to me. I woke up greeted by the warm sun through the window curtains and I automatically sat down and prayed a prayer of gratitude.

Last night though, after I finished my last Lord’s Prayer before sleeping, I felt my throat so dry I had to cough it out and our neighbor’s dog yelped suddenly as if someone kicked him and I heard nobody i.e. footsteps, etc. Hmmm, must be them. But, it doesn’t matter for the sound sleep is what mattered and a heart realigned with the Lord’s. If they do come back then I should better be prepared. 🙂

Today was very different from yesterday’s. I am still alone for my husband is staying for 3 days with his family and yet I am at peace with that, there is security. I was able to do all the tasks I had to finish, although some are still ongoing. Today is bliss. And if I will reassess myself, I may have failed miserably in behaving with a Christlike attitude in some situations, I am still glad that I was given by God the opportunity to still learn from these experiences, repent and improve myself. I can say that yes, I have withstood yet another battle defending my faith – still alive, still breathing, faith still intact. And yes, when it comes to defending your faith, it is a day-to-day lifetime walk of constant reaffirmation, a decision that you can never ever turn your back on once made – crucial and yet beneficial. 🙂

To end this, let me share one quotation by Og Mandino that I came across my reviewer (God planned I come across it in His perfect time) which will summarize this article:

Darkness makes you see the small tinges of light such as the stars making you want to seek that light even more and appreciate any single tiny bit of light you see. Light is all about hope and darkness just makes the light seem even brighter. ❤

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

Posted on February 20, 2016 by Christine Lailani

I have always been a life-lover. This is probably one reason why I became passionate about everything. Even when I was in my darkest days, I still chose life. And life lived in this world can only get interesting and awesome when lived according to the Truth.

I usually am a multitasker. My brain can accommodate finishing at least ten tasks in a day – big or small. But lately, I can only do so far as my body can accommodate. I had to stop in-between tasks as nausea would begin to creep in and if I don’t stop, there goes the splitting migraine. I really planned on having the medical check up next week so I can monitor the condition of my health for the remaining days of this week and by that time, maybe I will have sufficient information to share with my doctor.

I guess my condition is the opportunity God gave me to really enjoy life, like enjoy every minute of it, not worrying about anything. Savor it in other words. Being busy with a lot of things can sometimes put you in that moment wherein you live life according to your daily routine and you get drowned by all the things that you need to accomplish for the short term or long term without being able to really appreciate all of them by the end of the day. I believe God has a reason why I had to write the first article for this year as “An Appreciative 2016.” I felt like the overall mood for this year is “darker,” and yet God wanted to tell us to appreciate it all and see the “Light.”

Indeed, when you have learned to trust God with everything, all that you do will follow the course of His plans and not of your actions. Life, for me, was put in a standstill. I oftentimes ask God why circumstances brought me in a way that pursuing my master’s degree would require I become jobless. And I was supposed to finish it last semester but I overlooked the deadline for filing for my extension in my residency at the university which means I wasn’t able to enroll this semester. In other words, I was forced to take a leave of absence in graduate school. But it kind of came in timely, why? Because I have planned on taking the licensure examination this March thus, most of my time is now spent on reviewing for said exam. Originally though, I planned to do my master’s thesis and review for the exam at the same time.

So what happened was that I was given a break from thesis work which is something that requires A LOT in all aspects. I was able to concentrate on just one task which is to review for the exam and entertain an opportunity wherein I was scheduled to attend a training for the Senior Writer post in the online magazine I have been contributing for in the past years. The job responsibilities are not as taxing as compared if you are working full time in an office and yet it would still require quite an amount of input, effort and time. BUT the good thing with this is that I don’t have to report for work at certain times every day and deal with all the stress of traveling/commuting, etc. Technically I am a freelance writer, but I am not really pursuing my writing as a means to get compensated. I just love to write for the love of writing. 🙂

Then it all dawned on me that indeed, God has a reason for everything and everything happens perfectly in His time. God knows when I reach this age, my body will start to regress. I am grateful that my master’s thesis didn’t allow work for doing both work and thesis will be STRESS at the maximum level. Even work alone is already a big STRESS right there. God knows my body won’t be able to take in all the stress that I’ll be getting from work and graduate study. He gave me a break.

Because pursuing both even if it is against His will would mean any illness that I have could progress to an even faster rate which is synonymous to me dying at a really young age. Maybe it is not yet my time to die that early. So God prolonged my health by giving me tasks that He knows I can handle for now until I have a final assessment of my health and be given the proper treatment.

In my current condition, I really have plenty of time to contemplate about a lot of things. I only stay at home before while I do my thesis work at my own pace because I do not have a job. I still get to do a lot of things though even if I do not have work – opportunities to explore and try a lot of things which are endless and they just keep on coming. But now, I really can’t do much. Again, everything at a standstill. It is only this blog that gives me the opportunity to do something while at home and resting which still gives me an opportunity to do something that I love. 🙂

So now my husband asked me, “Honey, what are your priorities again? You are not getting any younger. What is it that you want to do in life?” If I am my usual stubborn, defiant self, I normally would reply with a sarcastic remark like “Yeah, I know that already. You don’t have to remind me what I should be doing in this life.”

But, I found myself thinking about 3 bible verses right at that moment. The first one is my life verse and the two that followed are my next favorites.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

So that’s how I replied to him. I am planning on explaining/adding something to that but I thought, try to keep it that way, Tin. Let the bible verses speak for themselves. As the Scripture goes,

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,..” – 2 Timothy 3:16

THUS,

“And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear Him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14

“And if anyone removes any of the words from this book of prophecy, God will remove that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city that are described in this book.” – Revelation 22:19

Faith has taught me that if you want to get your message across, do not just explain and state opinions or experiences, but most importantly, share them in light of the Scripture. And even better is when you share the bible verses at the right time and the right place with any people just as they are – no explanation/interpretation needed. I believe it is God who will touch accordingly the hearts, the minds and the spirits of the people whom you have shared these verses with.

We cannot always assume that a particular verse has the same meaning or that it can be applied in all situations at all times with everyone. God still dictates how these bible verses from the Scripture will come to life according to His plans and purposes. All it takes? LISTEN intently when the Spirit tells you to act on or say about something. It is in Ecclesiastes 3 that everything I write and say is rooted in.

Never ever trust your human emotions. Believe me, I have done that and it has failed me countless of times. It never will give you the solution and the end product that you are hoping to achieve.

Back to our text messages, I believe the message went through to my husband as he came home not bringing up the topic again and is now more attentive to my needs. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not mean to be selfish but I just noticed how much he has changed right now with me – more caring, more helpful, more understanding, a little more patient and he listens well when we converse.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in me too. *wink* When we just got married, we were like cats and dogs trying to live in one territory knowing ALL our differences. I have promised myself before I got into a relationship that I will never ever nag as it is one of the “relationship killers” but I found myself becoming exactly like that. If not for my husband telling me how hurtful I can become when I would correct him with this and that did I realize that oh no, Tin, you’ve been entangled in the dreaded web of nagging.

So I prayed to God how could I possibly let my thoughts out without hurting my husband. Or in other words, how can I speak the truth in love? 🙂

Praise God for post it sticky notes. Came the idea that when there’s this particular spot inside the house wherein my hubby usually does a bad habit that I wanted to correct, I would write a note with so much affection and words of endearment reminding him to do the opposite – the good one. It worked. BUT I know I cannot do that all the time so I settled with writing just ONE note for that one bad habit that affects greatly how we do things around the house. Yes, just one note. And as for the rest of our differences, for some I have to let them be, and for some I have to wait for God to do all the changing.

This resulted in BETTER days for me and my hubby. Which means we both get to sleep well and at peace at night. BUT that was what I thought. Because my brains won’t allow me. *big smiles*

Last night was supposed to be a peaceful rest and deep sleep. But because I have a very active brain, sensations can send nerve impulses that make my muscles move involuntarily. Like when I sleep talk or sleep walk.

Whap! There’s a very huge wasp biting my neck! So I hit it with the back of my hand. But I suddenly woke up – the wasp was a dream. But it was so real, for sure it wasn’t just a dream. So did I just hit someone with my hand?!?!

Uh oh…

Yes, my bad, it is dear hubby of mine whom I smacked across the face with the back of my hand thinking he was the wasp because of his mustache pressed onto my neck. lol 😀

I hugged my hubby and apologized but he just groaned in his deep sleep. *wink* Okay that wasn’t a peaceful night but I can’t help not sharing this to my husband when we woke up the next day. We both laughed our lungs out because we have agreed that the next time we sleep together, he has to bind my hands or bind me along with the bed.

On a serious note, something is happening in my brains that I can’t explain as my dreams are becoming more and more real. But, I have next week to find out. So please pray with me my dear brothers and sisters. 🙂

But for now, I should continue doing what I always would do and what I love to do. I plan on eating really healthy so I am now back to cooking our food full time which I really love to do especially since I only get to do light tasks now. And I plan on doing more creative stuff like this photo collage which I printed out and pasted in my husband’s tumbler so he’d remember every best experience that we have shared together every now and then when he’s at work.

Happy memories! ❤ ❤ ❤

What I realized is that this life at a standstill is more about appreciating the life that God has given me now instead on brooding over my past and my future and appreciating what really matters – not wealth, not titles, not possessions, not your ambitions, and other worldly things. There really are so many things that I should appreciate and be grateful for. For one, simple things just make your days good, better even.

And I just want to end this by saying that life just never stops for a life-lover and a Jesus-lover. 🙂

Cheers to LIFE my dear friends! ❤

The Borrowed Life

Posted on February 17, 2016 by Christine Lailani

I am supposed to be bed resting. But when my body is at rest, my mind is at its best working double time. That’s why I sleep talk, because the brains just don’t want to stop working. Tsk, workaholic brains. *wink* It’s kind of creepy though if it is your first time to hear me sleep talk. I sometimes laugh out loud all of a sudden or sit down as if talking to someone invisible while asleep. My husband is always amused with this though. Because that means he has something to tease me in the morning. 🙂

Truth is, I am a little bit down under the weather for the past days. Actually a little bit is an understatement because I’ve been having migraines for the past days already – splitting ones. There is a striking pain in my lower back, too, and I have a painful jaw line or it’s my wisdom tooth still trying to come out (at my age, it seems weird). I really can’t tell but this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this. Prior to this, a splitting headache that went on for about a week bothered me last Christmas and New Year’s Day celebration along with mouth sores, a painful tooth/gum/jaw, and fatigue though I haven’t been doing much physically.

My assessment was that when my immune system is down, I experience these symptoms. During the holidays, there was a lot of stress preparing holiday stuff, then there’s heavy traffic and long queue everywhere. Now, it was the February “fever” as I only got about an hour of sleep, had to be on the road for about 2 hours and been awake for almost 24 hours to attend the hot air balloon festival as part of our Valentine’s Day celebration. The event was not too tiring and it was so much fun especially since it’s my husband’s first time to attend this event. But standing for very long hours under the very, very hot sun the whole day will no doubt drain you out.

I guess my immune system is down again so here comes the same symptoms. Most of them normally go away after some time, but somehow I’m a little bothered because they could be symptoms of an even severe illness. I did mention in my previous articles that my great grandmother, my grandmother, and my Mom are all breast cancer survivors.

My Mom was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer when she was 45 years old. She has been feeling chest pain for a couple of years already, but I guess my Mom just have this phobia with hospitals and doctors (white coat syndrome). It took my Aunties and my Dad a couple of years trying to convince her to have a medical check up.

By the way, all five of us, kids, were born with the help of a midwife only – yes, brave mom my Mom. She gave birth inside the comforts of our home with no anesthesia and medical staff to help her.

Being cancer survivors though, I guess this will be the reason why my Mom and my grandma are now called as the matriarchs of the family – an epitome of courage, strength and faith. And I believe my Dad’s prayers have something to do with it, too.

My Dad loves to go to church but because my Mom doesn’t want to, he decided to be with my Mom and chose to stay at home with her on Sundays. When I was a kid, I would go to my parents’ bedroom and I’d find my Dad sitting on the bed, with knees propped up, head bent down and hands clasped together – he was praying.

I was too young back then and I did not understand what it meant. I would sometimes play inside the room trying to get his attention and yes, distract him. But I ended up being ushered out of the room and reprimanded to never disturb him when he prays. So I asked him what he was doing, he answered simply with one word, “praying.”

It was this one word that healed my Mom and I believe this held my parents together as a couple during difficult and trying times. So now, I was beginning to wonder, “Is it my time now, Lord, to be in this situation too?” I am the only one among my siblings who didn’t undergo a mammogram. I am 30 years old and these are the years when hormones start to change and yes, cancer cells are getting more aggressive. I don’t want to have a check up for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to hear that dreaded line that “You have cancer.” and 2) I have faith that God would heal me I wouldn’t be needing doctors and medications.

Reason number 2 is somehow void. Why? There was one lecture in church wherein our pastor told us that faith healing is really possible but there is also a purpose why God created doctors and why technology made medicines possible. Jesus, our Healer, is not present with us to perform healing miracles. And yet I believe that along with our faith, it is also through the doctors that He passed on this responsibility to heal on His behalf. So yes, I might have a medical check up next week. I also just found out that the pills I am taking can enhance the growth of cancer cells and are not prescribed to those who have a history of cancer. So, this definitely requires a consultation with my ob gynecologist.

I am not afraid to die. I am, in fact, very much looking forward to the day that I will die regardless on how I will die. Why? Nothing is ever more beautiful and rewarding than meeting your Creator yourself. I have so many questions to ask God regarding His awesome wonders that not even Science or any branch of study can ever explain. Just imagine how awesome it would be to hear the answers straight from the Master, Himself, face to face. Oh, that would be such a wonderful privilege. It is wisdom that comes with no price for it is priceless. And yet it is not my intent to know everything that God knows for no one can ever be like God – He is the Alpha and the Omega, no one and nothing compares.

I am ready but my loved ones are not – my husband most especially. I prayed to God about this that if time comes all my assumptions are right, I pray that He would prepare me and most especially my loved ones for the truth. The truth hurts, it always does. But the good thing is that it sets all of you free. Nothing is ever more painful to me than seeing my loved ones hurt. Being the overly empathetic person that I am, I feel every pain they feel and their emotional burden is my burden too. And sometimes I ask God why He created me that way.

For there were times like during last Sunday’s service wherein my husband and I were seated behind a young lady and a middle-aged woman. During praise and worship, I saw the young lady bowed down with her hair covering her face but her hand is up her cheek – I know what she is doing even if I don’t see it because I feel it – she is wiping tears from her eyes. The pain is there. The middle-aged woman also sat down during worship, stayed silent as if praying a prayer and then took a hankie from her bag and wiped her eyes.

Sometimes seeing them that way makes me want to hug them because I can feel their pain and when they cry, I want to cry with them too. The only times I cried in church though were during my altar call and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. When I saw these two women, I knew I had to do something at that point. So I laid my hands out in their direction during praise and worship and uttered a prayer of healing. I felt like I wanted to tell them silently in my head that “My dear sister, though you are in so much pain now, the Lord will heal you. The fact that you are in front of me and worshiping the Lord in this church means that He has chosen you to be among His people – the ones that He has saved. Be brave for you may not realize it now, but you are more than a conqueror. And this is just the beginning of your journey with the Lord. Be glad and take heart, what you are going through is only temporary.”

It would be really nice to approach and talk to them after the church service, but I am a stranger to them so that might be awkward. I am still praying though that even after the end of the church service, this silent encounter of mine with them will never end there. This wasn’t the first time this have happened. In fact, it happens all the time during church service.

And sometimes I really am baffled because knowing the emotional being that I am, being close to these people seems like me being a sponge and I absorb anything that is around me – and the emotions are all heavy. Ah yes, a call for more prayers on my part. I am more than glad and willing though to be of service by being a prayer warrior. Anything for God and His people – nothing is ever more honorable than that. 🙂

Now, back to the cancer cells, I started talking to my husband about it as my way of preparing him for what could possibly happen. I told him that when I am diagnosed with cancer, I want him to live with his Mom because I don’t want him to see me in pain and suffering. And yet he would just shrug it off and will not welcome the idea that he will lose me early on in our lives together. He would tell me that it will never happen. I would just smile at him and told him that there is a 99.9% chance it will happen. It is only a matter of “when.”

I just want him to be prepared when that happens so he wouldn’t blame God as to why it is happening to me or to us. I told him that God has a good reason for allowing things to happen to those whom He has called according to His purpose. I could die early, but we are all going to die anyway. It’s all just a matter of who gets to die first and who gets to die last.

To be honest, it really doesn’t matter if I live in this world for 99 years or for 30 years. For we all know that this life is only temporary. It is only a preparation for the real world wherein everything is good, there is no death, and life is infinite – eternal life in heaven. For all those who believe in God and proclaimed Jesus as their Savior will all meet and gather one day in that one special place along with our Creator. So I continued telling my husband that if I die early, he should be a good man and continue living a Godly life so he’d be with me, too, when he dies and we’d still end up together. There was silence.

Oh my dear husband of mine, must you always sleep on me while I am still talking? lol *wink* But do understand that these lengthy speeches of mine and weird questions happen quite late in the evening and he’s so tired from work. He is lukewarm about everything while I am so passionate about everything especially with my faith and yet by the end of the day, he ends up believing me. 😀

No credit to me but credit to God for making the impossible possible – even melting the coldest of hearts to become warm. Though I must admit that there are days when my husband and I seem like the worst of enemies. Nothing is sweeter though than him hugging you tight and showering you with kisses even though you look terrible with puffed eyes because of the pain you’re experiencing. And along with the hugs came a remark that says, “Honey, no matter how difficult it is what we are going through now, I will never leave you.” Ahhh yes, these are the moments I so appreciate having a husband – a lovely gift from God. Never mind the “dark days.” They weren’t meant to be remembered. 😉

I should be asleep by now, but I thought I need to finish this first. Being stubborn is what I inherited from my Mom but God is changing that, too. So tonight, as I stare at the ceiling lying in bed, I will raise my hand to worship God. My hand belongs to Him as with all parts of my body. They will all be wrinkled or they will become ashes and yet I can only rejoice when that happens. For it signifies the time to be nearer and closer to my God, my Father and my Creator, and be with my Savior, Jesus Christ, from whom this body originally and rightfully belongs to.

Indeed, this life that I have is only a borrowed life. 🙂

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

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Is Sharing The Gospel Free Nowadays?

Posted on February 15, 2016 by Christine Lailani

Photo credit: mcdonaldroad.org

YES. Sharing has never been easier nowadays with all the modern technology that we have – may it be through the internet, sending stuff, etc. I must say today’s generation has that to brag about – a life made more convenient by modernization.

And yet the question we should ask ourselves is are we making the most out of it according to God’s plans?

FREE blog hosting is one of the game changers over the world wide web through the recent years. It served A LOT of purposes. Mine started out of my hobby to write and share my thoughts whether people read it or not. Another thing is that I love to tinker what is new out there. I was still in college when I came across geocities or geosites (I already forgot the exact name) which enables one to make his/her own website using html. I was a huge fan of this Korean actress that somehow motivated me in making a fan website for her.

I was able to make one and successfully integrated an html which disallows visitors from copying the pictures via “right click.” That was pretty challenging for me as I don’t want to be the reason for copyrighted images being spread everywhere over the internet without the right permission from the owners. I have my own disclaimer for the photos of her that I posted in that website. So, I was a literature major back then but out of the need to protect my favorite actress, I had to learn the nitty gritty details of using html and scripts in websites – I became an IT student for quite some time. lol

Yes, it was all made possible by tutorials online. Everything is really there in the internet, just name it and you will get it. Unfortunately, that site closed down. So ended my website-making too. My second option was Friendster as I can edit the layout of the background but sadly, it closed down too. I actually chose it over Facebook as that time Facebook was too stiff for me wherein you cannot edit any of their site’s sections. You just input information and that’s just it.

But again, expansions and discoveries are limitless when it comes to technology. So now I am loving Facebook. All the more when I got to learn Facebook’s founder Mark Zuckerberg’s greater intent in putting up the site – free internet access to everyone all over the world and their consistent drive with this advocacy until now with other countries. And along with it came all other social media options – Instagram, Twitter, WordPress, Tumblr, etc. I actually didn’t do my research yet as to which of which started first before the other. But bottom line is that it was now WordPress that gave me back my thrill in website-making. AND it is for FREE. So now what does it have to do with faith?

As I would always mention in my previous articles – it was this blog that became the “megaphone” for my faith because I absolutely am not good in public speaking so I find it easier to share my thoughts through writing. I started sharing the first few instances of my experiences about life in general which gathered quite a few followers then started sharing my hobbies/interests i.e. photography, art, etc. until I started sharing a lot about faith. I didn’t quite expect there will be people reading my blog. But that wasn’t my goal in the first place. For I believe that if you want to write and you have a passion to share your thoughts, share them by all means regardless on who gets to read it. 🙂

I came across fellow writers/bloggers who share about their faith through blogs too and this is actually the gospel being shared for FREE. Unfortunately, I also came across some write ups that I’d love to read and yet it comes with a price. *insert sad face here*

I raised this concern of mine with my brother and told him that books on faith should be free because your intent is to help as many people as you can to know God. He answered that that is the way things should go because in every business, you should have enough money to fund your project which is in this case, your writing. I answered back that faith is not about money or business because Jesus did not ask His listeners to pay Him for the wisdom/message/knowledge that He shares/teaches to the people. Like the bible, resources on faith should be readily available. Because it is through these that the Gospel is also shared via quotations on bible verses.

Personally I intended my blog to be ads-free. You might see some which is part of WordPress’s TOA (Terms of Agreement) when you decide to use their FREE account plan. I do not want to take credit, literally and figuratively, from everything that I post here as I started here at WordPress paying not a single cent and all knowledge came not from me BUT was shared also to me which I am now also sharing to others (I have my Acknowledgment page for that). I believe it is just a win-win situation between me and WordPress that I get to share my stuff for free and they get to be advertised along with my articles when I share it anywhere. I also think that if God has called you to serve Him in whatever medium it may be, He will prepare all the resources that you need to sustain it, or even to make it better whether it is on a smaller or wider scale.

I have nothing against those whose blog sites have attracted the attention of investors for it could be God’s way of sustaining your blog and your advocacy to share faith above everything else. BUT there is this danger there of probably infusing your faith-driven blog with something else that this world tries to promote – materialism, wealth, gluttony, etc. Thus, your audience/viewers will now have distractions that could lead them away from faith that is the opposite of what you have originally intended. I believe keeping these ads to a minimum or better yet, ads free, will help you promote your site to its original intent – faith-driven.

I have this great admiration to those who have kept their blogs “market free” and yet continued to have gained audiences especially when it comes to faith. For I know that they are doing us, the readers, more favor in sharing faith and the Gospel without expecting any compensation for it.

NEVER ask a reader to pay for what they are about to read. Again, Jesus never asked for anything in exchange for the Gospel that He shared. I know God is the only one who will give you all the resources you need to keep your blog running in whatever way it may be. 🙂

It was thus one of my constant prayers that when the need arises for me to search for resources that will fuel my faith or help me in understanding the Scripture further, it will be FREELY and READILY available. I know it will not just benefit me but it will benefit a lot of people too. But of course, it has to come from a reliable source.

God answered my prayers now. I came across an article by one of our Senior Pastors in church in his website (www.joeybonifacio.com) when I saw it pop up in my Facebook news feed. It also happened that I am going through rough times in my marriage so it was such a relief on my part that I found his latest e-book on relationships and marriages AND downloadable for FREE. All you have to do is subscribe which I am more than glad to do as I constantly check out his website.

Praise God indeed for this. You might want to check out his website too and you might find what you are looking for there. I am sure you would. 🙂

A More Appreciative 2016

Posted on January 21, 2016 by Christine Lailani

Ahhh, yes. FINALLY. 🙂

It feels good to be back posting my thoughts in this special place I call “blog.” It’s been a month since I last posted as I’ve promised myself to keep the holidays as solemn as possible – an opportunity to spend quality time with me and my husband’s families and loved ones which equates to less social media interaction and doing the actual interaction with people. Yes, I still believe forging stronger relationships can only be done through meaningful conversations, moments of laughter, of just sitting there, reminiscing and just being with people you love.

Honestly and personally, the beginning of this year didn’t start well for me and my family. An incident during the New Year’s eve wherein my niece had a bad fall while we were using sparklers and a disagreement with my hubby made me tell him that this was the first New Year’s eve that didn’t go right and as happy or perfect. I thought of it as a sign or a meaning that is not just what the circumstances obviously portray.

I was too fearful back then and it was this fear that held back my freedom to try enjoyable and good things. But since I got saved, I channeled these fears of mine through prayers and relied on to God for courage. And what I will share are more like God’s answers in a visible way – a way in which we, humans, can relate. Although faith is the assurance of something that we do not see, and yet God also makes us feel His presence in ways that we can relate.

The first of these was a very visible sign – a rainbow. I know as a kid what rainbows meant, they appear after a storm. When I was in high school, Science have taught me how rainbows were created, it’s called prism. But it is God who taught me now what they really are for – to give hope. When my husband and I went to my hometown in Bicol which was struck by the typhoon Nona, the worst that was listed in the history of the town, we saw the devastation it brought upon my townspeople.

As our bus was getting nearer our hometown, I struggled to hold back the tears as I felt a piercing in my heart from what I saw – every house that we passed by was destroyed, completely roofless or blown away, electricity lines were all down, and the once luscious greenery was now leafless, brown and lifeless. I so felt the heaviness inside my heart that if given a private moment at that time, I want to drop down on my knees and weep. I know I have every right to ask God “why?” but I know God has a good reason for everything and I just have to continue seeing the good in every situation. Thus, I prayed silently in my heart – that God would give us hope.

We arrived home and was glad that my parents and my sister were safe and was extremely grateful that not one of our properties near our home was destroyed – not even our tree house! Which really was, for me, a miracle. It also survived super typhoon Yolanda in 2013.

Though it lifted my spirits up, I cannot stop thinking about those who will celebrate the holidays without shelter, without clean clothes, without electricity, food and jobs.

It was still early in the morning so my husband and I took the opportunity to go out the balcony at the second floor of our house which faces the rice fields and some houses. Lo and behold, our arrival was greeted by a rainbow in its full spectrum – colors as complete and as bold as they are from one end to the other. This was the first rainbow appearance that I have gazed in my entire life that is so complete. Both my husband and I were amazed, so he decided to capture the moment.

Since that day, we often see rainbows, sometimes two rainbows at the same time even. And my husband and I would just gaze up with a smile. Until came the day for us to leave my hometown. It was my sister’s birthday and to our surprise, an electrician came up to our house and informed us that they are now reinstalling electricity. Wow! We weren’t expecting it to be that soon as reports said it will take about 4-6 months to put up electric posts and lines. We teased my sister that she got the best birthday gift ever from God – electricity. 😀

And on that same day, as my husband and I boarded the bus and we were slowly leaving the town, I saw yet another rainbow in its full spectrum. As close as before even though we were in a moving vehicle. I tugged my husband’s arm and pointed the rainbow to him, that’s when I realized what God meant by rainbows. The power lines and electricity being restored were just a few of the many promises that God will fulfill and the rainbow was His sign of that promise. 🙂

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The second was during the Prayer and Fasting. My hubby and I were having disagreements about future goals that it came to the point wherein emotions were escalating. I went ahead and grabbed a stick note that belonged to my sister to better illustrate my point and started flipping its pages to find a new one when out fell a very old piece of paper. I could tell by the corners of it turned yellow by old age. I was still explaining while picking up this paper until something caught my eyes. The paper was a very old calling card and the most interesting thing about it was the name printed on that calling card, the name of a clinic – God’s Way Diagnostic Center. It looked too old that I was not even sure if the clinic still exists. 🙂

I have long given up the notion that everything happens coincidentally. Nothing happens by chance, perhaps by choice and yet there is this idea of the Grand Plan – God’s will. So I stopped talking, my husband also followed suit. I looked closely at the calling card and scrutinized every detail in it. I laughed. I smiled. My mood changed and here I was just savoring everything that was there in the calling card. Take note of what I have discovered: “God’s Way,” “man,” “United Nations,” Noe Lordan,” and “Sure ka dito.”

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I interpreted God’s message as this, if my husband and I continue to insist what we both wanted which is different from one another, we will be disappointed, we will be furious, we will have a fight and there will be no peace. BUT if we choose God’s way, then man will be united through the Lord and we will be sure of it.

I shared this to my husband, and we both agreed – God will give us the wisdom and will guide us in making the right decision in His time and at the right place. We have decided then to just include what we were disagreeing about in our Prayer and Fasting, which are now among our faith goals and settled the matter in peace. 🙂

Last but not the least is the color “orange.” Yes, I am supposed to write this article 2nd week of January but I haven’t felt the urge to do so. And now I realized why. My sharing of testimony/revelations won’t be complete as some of them will take place just the 2nd week of January. Yes, everything in God’s time indeed. 🙂

So what about orange? Well, during the holidays I have received gifts from my loved ones and not that I am materialistic but because I am a keen observer, I was able to piece everything together. Or maybe God intended I find it out. I used to own a pen from my brother’s wedding, a green one. Somebody borrowed it and forgot to return it. I loved the pen so I asked my brother if he has spare ones. He said yes and circumstances aligned in a way that the only free time he can give it to me was over the holidays. So I got hold of the pen during the holidays and he asked me to choose from 3 colors – orange, green and blue. Blue is my favorite color, but this time, the orange pen attracted me in such a way that I chose it over the blue one. There were only two left of that color.

Then, when I opened my brother and sister-in-law’s gift to me, it was my favorite Paulo Coelho planner. Now this planner also has a very meaningful part in my spiritual journey as a Christian. And maybe that is the reason why for 3 consecutive Christmases now, I have been receiving this planner from my brother. To which I am very grateful. Nothing is ever meaningful than to write over something that God has meant for you to write on. And guess what the dominant color is in the abstract design of the cover? It is orange. 🙂

I still wasn’t amazed by the orange thing until I remembered our Prayer and Fasting manuals, the dominant color is orange amid the black and yellow. So now…..I am beginning to wonder. There is no coincidence with God, right? 🙂

I thought, there is something that God wanted me to find out with this orange thing. I shared this to my husband and told him, I still can’t decipher what this orange means but I know God wanted to tell me something or He wanted me to know something. This was 1st week of January. We finished the Prayer and Fasting already and yet no clear answers.

Then 2nd week of January came. My sister from Norway arrived and she brought with her gifts from her travel to Prague in Czech Republic. She made my husband and I choose between gold and bronze key chains with the engraved names of Praha and Ceska Republika. My husband chose the gold one and I happily settled with the bronze key chain. And while I was taking a macro shot of it, I noticed that bronze has a similar color to orange like tangerine. Except that it is darker. SO the orange thing was there again even from far, far away like Prague. 😉

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Now I believe God has intended I come to the conclusion of my findings. Something within me spurred the thought that I forgot to read all my devotion in Our Daily Bread since December 20 until December 31 so I did my backlogs. And voila, here’s the finding. In the December 25 devotion, the title is “Christingle.” It’s just like my name Christine, without the “g” and the “l.” Well, the reason why my Mom named me Christine was because I was born on December 22, Christmas time. 😉

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AND here’s what I found out about Christingle. Do read along the devotion in the picture and be amazed. 🙂

Here’s a definition of the color orange as well:

Orange is the colour between red and yellow on the spectrum of light, and in the traditional colour wheel used by painters. Its name is derived from the fruit orange.

In Europe and America orange is commonly associated with amusement, the unconventional, extroverts, warmth, fire, energy, activity, danger, taste and aroma, the autumn season, and Protestantism. In Asia it is an important symbolic colour of Buddhism andHinduism.^{[1] – Wikipedia}

In other sources, orange also means joy and creativity. I was just fascinated to find out one of the meanings of “orange” in the Wikipedia definition which is Protestantism – the religion I grew up with as a child through my grandmother, the daughter of one of the pioneers of the Protestant church in our hometown.

My grandmother is for me the epitome of a woman of faith. No other woman have I encountered who has as much devotion in faith as she has through the 91 years of her life. We were able to visit her during the holidays and when I saw her, tears came running down my cheeks as I hugged her. She was bedridden from a bad fall and yet we can feel that her spirit is strong. There came a moment when she told us that she is already tired and she does not want us to live as long as she did. But my eldest sister assured her that God still has a purpose why she has to live that long. My only prayer to God for my grandmother is that she will have the peace in her heart that her family will always be guided by God and that her prayers were never unanswered. 🙂

So now I would like to end this article with the question from the theme of our Prayer and Fasting this year:

“Would you dare to believe?” 🙂

And also with this official soundtrack from the movie Prince of Egypt which I know has something to do with me planning to name our first baby boy with Zaphen, from Joseph’s Egyptian name Zaphenath Paneah. 😉

Though Whitney Houston died a tragic death, this song will always remind me of my memory of her and what this song aims to instill in our hearts – how to believe and have faith even with the impossible.

And it has now become my tradition to include a prayer in the very first article that I will write for the new year here in my blog. Please pray this prayer with me my dear brothers and sisters:

“Dear Father,

Though we do not see the future and though fear may start to creep in our hearts for the many trials and challenges, the “giants” that will come our way, we pray that You give us the courage and the strength to overcome them all. Please guide and protect us as we continue to tread along the journey that you have set out for us to accomplish.

We are rest assured that You are and will be with us in all that we will go through. We claim that in the name of Your Son, Jesus, we will will not just be conquerors but we will be game-changers and leaders in spreading Your Word and Your Love.

Thank you for the many things and the many ways that You have assured us of the Grace, the Love and the Hope. We will continue to seek for Your Name and we will give You all the glory and honor that You deserve.

Please teach us how to be more appreciative of the things that we have through what You have given, to be joyful despite the storms and may You continue to be our source of Light despite the darkness around us.

We send this prayer from our hearts with all our love and through the mighty name of Your Son, Jesus,

Amen.”

Let’s have a more appreciative 2016, everyone! 🙂 ❤

The Perfect GIF

Posted on December 1, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Nope, it is not a wrong spelling. And yes, you are reading it right. GIF. Not GIFT. 🙂

Because what I will be sharing is not your usual GIF or Graphics Interchange Format file – something extraordinary. Well, because we have a God who is extraordinaire.

Since I just recently got married, I was researching online about the laws in our Philippine constitution regarding changing of surnames for the wives. And found out we have 3 options under Article 370 of RA 386 lifted from the website of the Philippine Commission on Women:

(1) Her maiden first name and surname and add her husband’s surname, or

(2) Her maiden first name and her husband’s surname or

(3) Her husband’s full name, but prefixing a word indicating that she is his wife, such as “Mrs.”

I was able to find this out in another blog (indeed, praise God for blogs because sharing became endless) wherein I also came across this animated graphic about none other than but faith.

This animated graphic is what believers commonly call as “The Bridge” illustration. It basically summarizes the Christian faith under the verse Romans 6: 23 –

“For the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

I was so grateful that out of the billions of blogs all over the world, I stumbled on this one blog, that also speaks much about faith though my original purpose is something that is not related to faith. Or maybe it is, I mean, my marriage is a blessing from God.

Unfortunately, I cannot trace the copyright of this file thus I just made this article not just to share about it but also as a disclaimer that the GIF file is not mine and a link to the blog where I originally copied it is posted in this article.

However, I believe that God did not intend I stumble upon it for nothing. Everything has a purpose, even the tiniest particle in this world. I just felt that this GIF needs to be shared – thanks to the maker/s of this animated graphic.

Thus, if you are a blogger or a site owner, you can attach this in your page like what I did. Or if you just want to share it on social media, just right-click the image and select “Save Image As” and you’re ready to share it as long as you attach a disclaimer that the image is not yours and origin is unknown or you can trace it back to the blog where I’ve taken it from.

This will be my first article for December, posted on the first day of December, the month when the world commemorates the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ – a symbol of God’s love towards humanity.

Share the ❤ my dearest folks!

Finding Your Niche: What Does God Want You To Do?

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Photo credit: www.survivingaftercollege.com

Photo credit: http://www.survivingaftercollege.com

I have often asked myself that question before I got saved. Like a thousand times over. And they soon lessened bit by bit when I devoted much of my time reading the bible and in praying. Soon after, answers were given, not all at the same time. Some were shown right away, some remained as silent as they are. But one thing is clear – there is a mission.

As I was reading more of the bible every single day, I realized that there is one common mission for all – to spread the Word. Same way as Jesus did when He was sent in this world. It is just a matter of choosing in what manner did God call you to spread the Word.

What I will be writing, as with everything I have put here in this blog, are all personal opinions. Anyone is free to contest or agree. But I am hoping it’ll strike somehow a new perspective in each and everyone of us.

As of right now, we all have certain roles that we are currently fulfilling – a daughter, student, employee, boss, etc. Those that were preset so to speak – roles that do not come from our own choices. We didn’t choose to be born a daughter or a son, nor when we got hired, nor was it our choice to go to nursery school as soon as we learn how to read or when we got promoted, etc. But there are those that require a major decision making, a point of seeking. And that includes our mission, our purpose – one that deals with a lot of contemplating before finally making a choice. I am sure more or less we wonder or there is that moment in your life you asked yourself, “What am I living for?”

How do you find out what and where does God want you to share His Word?

In my case, it is in my interests. Tapping the things that I find joy doing is where I found God’s mission for me. We cannot say however that that is where everyone will find their mission too. There are those who found it in their line of work, in school, at home or overseas. It could be anything and anywhere actually. But one thing’s for sure, it is from somewhere and something that your heart is closely attached to, something that gives you fire and passion. For it is the heart that God is after in us, not our background, what we have or have accomplished.

Contemplating usually leads to knowing your deeper sense of self. It gives you that moment of looking and searching the very depths of your soul, of who you are. But a word of caution should be taken here – our selves can be one avenue where the enemy can trap us with deception and lies such as making us feel worthless, brooding on self pity, feeling inadequate, insecure, and a whole lot of negative perceptions that can hamper the good image that God wanted us to have with ourselves.

When I got saved, it wasn’t just a spiritual reawakening for me but more about rediscovering myself in the light. Something that I am unaware all these years – of things that have lain dormant. Only when the Spirit’s tapped your inner being can you claim that God has magnificently and uniquely created you not just as an individual but as His daughter/son.

When we seek God’s purpose and mission for our lives, He will give us everything that we need to prepare us for that mission. Opportunities will be given and circumstances will work in a way that we know only God can do and is capable of.

But my greatest advice is this:

Never compare yourself to others, what others do and what they have accomplished. You will never get the chance to know yourself more if you are busy knowing the lives of others and trying to live the lives they live. Do not say “I want to be like that too.” Instead pray and say, “God, how do you want to use me?”

Keep in mind that God has something unique in store just for each and everyone of us. Same way that He has chosen a special partner in life just for you if it is His will you be married. We should always keep in our hearts that popularity and achievements are not included for it is not in God’s purpose for each and everyone of us to rely on them especially if it is not His name that is glorified in the process. As what the bible states,

But He gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but favors the humble.” – James 4:6

In all that we do, what we should foster is that of having a humble servitude. Do not think about what you will get in return from the service you have rendered but what good did others get from your service. Exactly like how Jesus Christ was able to complete His mission – serving the Lord God and the people of this world in HUMILITY.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up with honor.” – James 4:10

God knows we are weak. He knows we will be needing Him. What it takes to know God’s mission for us is to acknowledge boldly and courageously the fact that we are weak but will only be made strong through Him. When we are ready, there will be no stopping us, faith will have its voice in whatever medium it may be.

Do not fear failure, criticism, condemnation and suffering because of upholding to the mission appointed to us – the Cross will be our hope, peace and will be our guide. God never forsakes those who stood up to their faith until time will come to say our work is finished.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Lastly, this is what “niche” means:

NICHE .noun.

– a shallow recess, especially one in a wall to display a statue or other ornament

Who are we displaying in our niches? 🙂

Upgraded: 3rd Year Anniversary Special

Posted on October 24, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I am very much thrilled to announce that today marks my 3rd year here on WordPress as a blogger/writer. Hooray! And things only got better lately. Praise be to God for the provisions and wonderful opportunities. 🙂

My 5-year old laptop crashed a week ago bringing with it 5 years of memories too from photos to articles and a whole lot of other stuff. My laptop is the other half of my life – most of my daily activities are centered on it. Especially my masteral thesis. I was close to complete devastion after finding out that the backup copy of my thesis materials were not updated.

Grateful tho I was given a hubby who is very supportive and helped me retrieve my files back which we did after going through a lot of hassle. When the repairman told us that my laptop can’t be repaired anymore as there are more issues in the operating system that cannot be fixed, husband dear offered to buy me a new one.

I hesitated as I don’t want to spend that much cash as we plan to save it for our church wedding next year. But then again, he reasoned out that I needed the laptop. He is giving it to me as an early birthday gift, so I know I cannot refuse his offer. 🙂

We bought a new one and was very pleased that we were given a discount and not just that – a free mouse, a free headset and a free case cover were included in the package. Now this part I can’t help but praise God for the provisions.

Today, I opened my laptop and in came a notification stating that the operating system is now ready to be upgraded to Windows 10 from Windows 8.1. Oh my good Lord. What a way to celebrate my 3rd year doing what You asked me to do. 🙂

So here’s my short review on Windows 10 as compared to Windows 8.1.

Windows 10 has more control settings and options which include a more filtered Windows Defender that lessens risks from malware and virus attacks. It also has an easier way for user accessibility to programs, apps and navigation. All the key programs can be easily found in the Startup menu and the task bar. They say it is Windows 7 upgraded.

However, the designs of the windows are very stiff, sort of minimalist style as compared to Windows 8.1 which appeal more to my creative senses with its icon arrangements suitable for those frequently using a tablet or ipad. I guess I still can consider myself more of a cellphone person than a laptop person, still. (I am using my phone while doing this article.)

But I prefer Windows 10 as what I am after in an operating system is a software that’ll provide more uses technically. I haven’t browsed through all of the Windows 10 features but I am definitely keeping the upgrade.

And yes, it is free for original Windows 7, 8 & 8.1 users. 😉

I guess these upgrades bring my blogging experience to a whole new level – more convenient and more interesting ways to write and write even more. And most especially, this is one big help in accomplishing research work and other academic/business requirements.

There is only one theme tho that’s never gonna change all throughout – serving God through the mission He has appointed me alongside other responsibilities.

As you read this, I am guessing you are a blogger too – do choose to be with me in spreading the Word, God will be there to guide you same way He guided me all the way. 🙂

Cheers to more happy blogging years ahead!

P.S.

This article marks my 200th post too. Indeed, there is something awesome about the number “3.” 😉

Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines’ Bible Conference 2015

Posted on October 12, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Bible Conference 2015

Because the Our Daily Bread booklet was the first devotional in faith that I happen to browse through out of curiosity as a kid when I saw it lying in my grandma’s desk and I happen to receive an email today regarding it, I thought it would be best to give back to the ministry which contributed so much in strengthening my grandma’s faith and now mine by sharing this event sponsored by the Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines with speaker Rev. Bill Crowder.

Do check out the details for the Bible Conference 2015 event:

“Constant and rapid change is a cultural hallmark of this postmodern age in which we live. Living in a secular culture tests our convictions and standard of life. How do we live a life pleasing to God when facing cultural pressures? The Old Testament character Daniel provides an example of a lifestyle that honors our God through trying circumstances and uncertain times. It is our joy to announce that Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines will host a Bible Conference that will examine the life of Daniel and discover how he lived for God in the midst of life’s pressures.” – David Harvey, Country Director, Philippines

Date: October 20 & 21, 2015 Time: 6:30 to 9:00 PM
Venue: Greenhills Christian Fellowship (GCF)
(Corner of Ruby and Garnet Roads, Ortigas Center, Pasig City)

Theme: DANIEL—Living For God In Your Culture
Session 1: The Pressure to Conform
Session 2: The Pressure to Perform
Session 3: The Power to Confront
Session 4: The Pressure to Pray

Admission is without charge; so don’t come alone!
Invite your family and friends. Please come early since seating is limited.

Free copies of Rev. Bill Crowder’s booklet from the Discovery Series entitled Daniel: Spiritual Living In A Secular Culture will also be given away.

Hope to see you there my brothers and sisters in Christ! 🙂

What Are You Striving For?

Posted on October 10, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I have long given up this thing called “race in life” – to earn more in this world i.e. higher education, promotions, accumulation of possessions, bigger titles, etc. If it comes to a point that I acknowledge such achievement or honor, that is not for my glory but for God’s glory and to thank the people responsible in making that achievement happen.

Why give up the race in the worldly life and focus more in running the race towards the eternal life? They can become a “leech” to our souls – the worldly things. It spurs greed, envy, and discontentment leading to an unsatisfied, unhappy and tired soul.

If I have decided to pursue my graduate study, it is not for my glory but because it is a commitment I made to my family years ago even before I got saved – a way to honor them and a responsibility that I had to fulfill as a sister and a daughter. Honoring them will honor God too.

If I decide to work, that is because I need to earn money not to get rich but to survive and serve others including my future family.

I’d rather learn how to live righteously devoid of all these worldly things than to live with them but live a corrupted life. It isn’t easy though, this thing called living life righteously. For we are in a world with its double standards where sin and corruption of the soul are everywhere. They are a black hole which consumes us if we allow ourselves to even get near it.

God never called us to live a life of fame and fortune but He called us to live otherwise. As it was written:

“God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:7-8

We will never have a need for God if we are getting everything according to the worldly standards. Though we get everything that this world offers but not have God as the number 1 priority in this life, we’ll still end up unhappy, discontented and unsatisfied.

For we all know that though we may have everything except God, then we really have nothing. And yes we have all that we needed in this Earthly world, now what? What will we do with all the fame, with all our money, with all our possessions, with all our titles? Do you think it will please God when we have all those? 🙂

If we are all laboriously working in preparation for our future, who are we to say what our future holds? Did not God say this:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” – Matthew 6:25

Where is our faith?

Then Jesus told him, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” – John 20:29

As it is said, “Faith is not achieved by good deeds coming from our own efforts but by trusting God that He is completely in charge with everything.” It isn’t easy to have blind faith and yet God made it possible through the Cross. 🙂

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The Journeyman's Moments

The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.

Category Archives: Education

Reassessing Self

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

The Borrowed Life

A More Appreciative 2016

Finding Your Niche: What Does God Want You To Do?

Upgraded: 3rd Year Anniversary Special

Our Daily Bread Ministries Philippines’ Bible Conference 2015

What Are You Striving For?

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