Category Archives: Christianity

The Truth vs. The Lie

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Photo credit: meada.net

After overcoming a tough situation with my husband, I am just grateful that God protected our marriage. Praise God for this. 🙂

Through the course of events, there was one instance wherein I told my husband this,

“Honey, when there comes a point that you did something wrong, people found out and asked me about it, I will not deny and lie but I will tell them the truth. I ask you to do the same because I am not perfect either and I will be committing mistakes too.

I know we should protect each other and this marriage but I value the truth more than committing a sin such as lying because I know the truth will set both of us free. I know it is only God who can and will protect this marriage as long as we choose to stick together and always obey Him and His commands.”

TRUTH.

The truth is something that is heavy to bear especially if we are not yet ready to say it or hear it. Most of the time it causes us to feel guilt, to be ashamed, to deny it and to cover it up with excuses or lies. Let’s consider the fact that a lie is still a lie regardless if you did it out of a good or a bad intention.

Yet for cases such as what I have mentioned above, part of telling the truth is taking the risk of getting hurt and hurting the people you love. But consider the idea that taking that risk will never fall for nothing. God will reward you for telling the truth and upholding it. It has been written in the bible that “Then you will know the Truth and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32)  and it does.

The truth will set you free from all the guilt, all the shame and all the condemnation. It is the truth that will combat the enemy’s weapons of deception and lies. These are the lies and deception that you are filthy, you are most sinful, unworthy of forgiveness, that people will regard you lowly as a person when they found out who you were and what you have done and that you have no hope and chances in becoming better.

It has been said in the bible that “For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God” (Romans 3:23)  and yet this is exactly the reason why we have the Cross and why God sent His Son to suffer, pay for our sins and die for us so we could be saved. It is the Truth that prevailed on the Cross when everybody and the enemies believed He will die and that He is not the Son of God.

In the same way, telling the truth will relinquish us from any emotional burden or stronghold that ties us to the enemy through acceptance of the mistake committed, repentance and finally receiving God’s forgiveness through His Son.

God’s gift is FREE for all. Jesus Christ was that gift being the Way towards salvation, the Truth that He is the Son of God and the Life towards eternity. He was the ultimate sacrifice meaning He didn’t just die for the sins committed by the people of the past generation, our ancestors, but He died once and for all for all of us and for all our sins committed in the past, present and future. This is God’s forgiveness, His free gift, but it should not be taken for granted.

For though we have been forgiven of our future sins which God already knew beforehand that we will commit, we still have made a covenant with the Lord to say “no”  to sin and live a righteous life when we surrendered our lives to Him. As it is written, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19).

This is not so we could earn and work our own way towards salvation for it has already been done by Jesus’ sacrifice, but out of our love and honor to God who gave us the way to receive His gift of experiencing a life without pain and trouble. This is the free gift of eternal salvation or eternity in heaven EVEN THOUGH we do not deserve it.

As a loved one, it hurts to see your loved one get hurt because of sin. But as a Christian, we know that experiencing pain because of doing the right thing never gets away from God’s attention. Everything that you do in God’s way, you are doing for the honor and the glory of God. As a believer and as a Christian, that is all that God has called us to do – everybody’s mission.

I took the risk to feel pain. I took the risk to hurt people. I took the risk to let the Truth be known. For this is the will of God.

But if you are to ask me how should we believe this Truth, then my answer is through faith. For it has been said:

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see…” (Hebrews 11:1)  and “Blessed are those who believe without seeing me” (John 20:29).

Are we believing a lie or a truth? Are we going to tell the lie or the truth? Are we ready for the Truth? 🙂

Changes: April It Is

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Changes

Once again, my planner never fell short in conveying messages and character traits that I need to learn or will about to take place. For the month of April, it is about CHANGES.

How timely, how accurate and how helpful – same phrase as what I wrote in my previous article regarding COURAGE. If not for courage though, I wouldn’t be able to defend my faith when the need arises. This need came in the form of a conflict at my husband’s work place wherein worldly suggestions as well as worldly interpretations of things were given to him – I expected the worst. Yet I believe God intended it to be and I believe too that God has already prepared us beforehand.

With this kind of scenario, I would have felt fear and indignation at the maximum and yet, I found myself correcting how I should react and take everything in a Godly perspective right away. I am grateful to God as well and this is the reason why I can attest that God knew this will all happen, because contrary to what I was expecting as my spouse’s response to this kind of situation in the past, which is also worldly, he handled the matter this time according to what we talked about as the right way – God’s way. This gratitude extends even further because by doing so, by obeying God, my fear that I will lose my husband if he favors his workmates over me thus resulting to a broken marriage didn’t happen.

Our marriage was intact, God protected it from those who wanted to ruin it. In fact, I know God is with His people and He is with us for He showed to my spouse the mistakes of his coworkers that involved gossiping, meddling with the husband and wife affairs and broken confidentiality with a “trusted”  coworker. My husband and I chose to pray for them instead. We know that these are also trials of faith to them as it is to us. It is not for a born-again Christian to quarrel but choose rather to do things peacefully.

This situation proved to my husband that indeed, it is the wife and the husband who should work as a team against the attacks of the enemy. It is only this team work of the husband and the wife that will save the covenant and the Holy Matrimony. My husband and I got to talk things out last night regarding this and afterwards when he got up, I told him something: “Honey, God loves you.”  He answered back with an “I know, Hon.”  A tight hug culminated it. Okay, I am not supposed to include this. 😀

Yes, I have nothing to fear, we have nothing to fear. It is God who will always fight the battle for us. Problems might be too big and too overwhelming that it could cloud our vision of God beside us, and yet faithful as He is, He will make His presence felt. For all the rest of the day that my husband is at work, I was at home doing a lot of things and praying that God would give him strength to get through the challenges, the attacks and temptations of the enemy that he will be facing at work. God knows those are my only worries as a wife because I am not physically with my husband and he is facing these temptations on his own. I always pray to God that my husband’s spirit will be strengthened deeply in all of these trials. I know that it is only by prayers and in spirit that I can be with him whenever he is not with me.

But through all these worries, once again God assured me so many times through His word that He will never leave our side. The Spirit prodded me to read chapters and verses in the bible that are enough to give me the courage to face the enemy with boldness and support my husband in his ordeals. But I also prayed for discernment still for the enemy could use the Scripture against me.

And yet, I choose to have faith. I told my husband to keep the faith even when the enemy will use any of us against each other. I have to remind ourselves that we have to look at the end goal, our destiny, which is to claim victory over all challenges by upholding to the covenant that we made with each other as a husband and a wife in front of the Lord and emerge victorious, as a couple, until death do us part.

All these pain and suffering and the rebuke I share to him, I know I have to explain to my husband so he’d be encouraged through the Scripture and know the Light:

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening – it’s painful! But afterward, there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” – Hebrews 12:11

“As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as His own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its Father?” – Hebrews 12:7

“Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good.” – Deuteronomy 8:5

“I know, O Lord, that your regulations are fair; You disciplined me because I needed it.” – Psalm 119:75

As much as I want to keep quiet and just show my husband how a Christ-like living and attitude go, I know I still need to answer and remind him when he asks me directly certain questions pertaining to faith. I have to thank God though for allowing these changes and I can only pray that more changes, for the better, will take place not just between me and my husband but with all the people around us.

I always tell him that our life story as a couple and our marriage will be our testimony of God’s grace, His love and faithfulness through the good, the best, the bad and the worst times. We just have to TRUST and OBEY Him at ALL times.

True it is when they say,

“The only thing that is constant in this world is CHANGE.”

And yet true it is also that,

“Change is a lifetime process.”

 

The Battle Cry

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There was once a moment when he asked me:

“Why am I experiencing all these failures and disappointments?”

“If there is a God, then He should not allow me to suffer but how come He won’t listen to my prayers?”

 And my answer was simple:

“There is a God, He listens to you and He answers. BUT you just don’t hear it because you don’t believe.”

And I continued:

“Didn’t you know that this world that we live in now is the devil’s domain?

Didn’t you know that most of the problems that we encounter are all fueled by the dark forces and the evil nature that reside in this world?

Didn’t you know that this world is condemned, it is temporary and this was cursed because of our fallen nature, that moment when Adam and Eve (our ancestors) were banished from the garden of Eden because of sin?

BUT…

Didn’t you know too that God has made peace with us by sending His Son as the ultimate sacrifice so we can choose to have life?

Didn’t you know that that life is not the life lived in this world, but lived in a world where everything is pleasing, good and perfect and everything evil, the ones that we are experiencing now, will forever be eradicated including death?

Didn’t you know that this other world is called heaven, a place of eternity and eternal salvation in contrast to hell which is eternal condemnation?

Didn’t you know that what God only wanted for us is to accept His gift to us which is eternal salvation through His Son Jesus Christ?

Didn’t you know that this salvation means God wants to save us from the dark forces of evil in this world by giving us a chance to claim victory towards life in eternity?

Didn’t you know that God wanted to prove to you that He is more powerful than anything in this world and that He is the only one who can save you from the perils of this world just by simply surrendering to the Way towards salvation, surrendering to the Truth that death has no power over the Son of God, and surrendering to the Life that is eternal and infinite – Jesus Christ?

Didn’t you know that it only takes three ways to believe in God, our ticket towards heaven – to repent, to surrender and to proclaim you need a Savior?”

And so I continued:

“If you don’t really know all these things, then I humbly dare you to ask God to come into your life, reveal Himself to you and prove that He is indeed God of all.”

This was how I ended the battle for I believe God will finish it for me. All I have to do is believe then proclaim – this is my battle cry. 

Courage: The Brighter Side

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If there is one thing that faith, the church, our family and the spiritual family all point to, that would be to look at the brighter side of things. 🙂

The first few months of this year have been a struggle for me and my husband which includes everything about life in general i.e. careers, aspirations, adjustments, financial breakthroughs, settling differences, goals, etc. More trials turned up for the month of March which drove me to devote full time to gospel reading, bible study devotion and quiet times.

There were a lot of times that I asked God for guidance, courage and strength to withstand them all as there are times more often too that I felt like everything is a mess, in chaos, uncertain of what the future holds, and all I ever did/was doing was a mistake. Little did I know that God has everything planned out for me already – all I have to do is to be still.

In times of extreme trials, it is the Word that I turn to and it is prayers that held me through. I tried to find snippets of things that would give me hope and I just smiled when I realized how could I be so blind or how could I let my problems blind me from the Truth.

How could I not trust God at all? How could I speak so much about my faith when I can’t even rely on God’s power and greatness which rule this world and beyond?

Yes, as I have said in my previous articles, when it comes to faith you really have to make an affirmation each and every single day. Life is all about God, faith, and nothing else. As my brother would always tell me, “Life has always been a battle of faith.”

Speaking of my brother, God used him as the instrument for me to know what faith is all about, introduced me to a spiritual family which then helped me get out of the pit I was in and finally led me to my salvation. As our church leaders would instruct us, salvation is just the start of your spiritual journey. As much as you have been renewed, being a born again Christian does not exempt you from the perils and sorrows of this world – faith has only made you and your life storm-proof.

It was all God’s plans. As you begin to understand that every single day of your life comprises the millions of routes in God’s blueprints will you realize that it was God who brought you where you are now. But because most of the time our human selves do not have the capacity to explain our circumstances, we rely on them as what they seem to be.

Yet being the all-knowing God, He knows that too. This is probably the reason why He has already prepared us and what we will be needing through the next course of our lives here in this world. Going back to my brother, he and my sister-in-law have been the constant givers of my Paulo Coehlo planner since 2013, the year I got saved, as a Christmas gift – something that I am always grateful for.

Not that I am advertising but I believe God has aligned it to be this way – why I should get hold of this certain planner. This planner, aside from this blog, holds my day-to-day scribbling in my spiritual walk. It contains the verses of the day, my bible study devotion, my Our Daily Bread quotation, my prayer requests, my gratitude note, my problems and my breakthroughs.

What I love about this planner is that each month there is a value/character trait assigned to it and it just fascinates me that these character traits as well as the quotations in the pages depict so much of what I  have been going through.

There is no coincidence in God, something which I have learned since I got saved. I see this character trait as the one trait that I know God wanted me to have at that particular month/time of the year. It is just that I have to wait at what particular day of the month will I be needing this particular character trait.

For the month of March, this is the character trait: SURRENDER. 🙂

 

SurrenderPC

How timely, how accurate, how helpful – amazing our God is, isn’t He? He knows everything. The general quotation for this month also reveals much of what I needed in my marriage.

The first blog post I wrote for this year was entitled “An Appreciative 2016” simply because I felt that this year will be full of trials and yet we needed to see the beauty of them all. One of my experiences that helped me see things in the Light was after completing a crucial life-changing event which was a test of patience and endurance. After the event, this was what I received from my Mom using my Dad’s number (my Dad always replies in the vernacular):

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My Mom is the authoritative type of parent. We don’t have the warm and cuddly mother and daughter relationship. YET, I have so many things that I should be thankful for when it comes to my Mom. For though we are so far away from each other and all my other siblings have their own priorities too in life and I used to live alone, my Mom just nailed it when she stressed out what I should be appreciating – the gift that God has given me which is a partner in life through a husband.

I smiled when I read it and of course, I can’t help but cry. Yes, I seldom receive text messages from my Mom because they are busy managing our house in the province and our farm, but when she does text, it is always something special – meaningful. Just that single text jolted me back to not see the negative things in my marriage but look at the brighter side of it.

I know I am not alone because I have learned to rely on God completely for the first two years of my life since I became a born-again Christian and I was living alone. I have devoted those two years in establishing a deeper and more personal relationship with God. God knows I needed that so when great trouble comes in the later years of my life, I know how to go back to Him.

Because I already know the Way, the Truth and the Life.

It is just that God reminded me that He gave me a husband for a reason and that once again, when troubles become overwhelming, SURRENDER. Just like how I surrendered 3 years ago. And after my “dark moments”  post on Facebook, I received a text message from an unidentified number. I am guessing the person is one of my sisters or brothers in Christ who have been touched by God to fulfill the role of being part of those “reminders.”  My extreme gratitude for this person whose heart belongs indeed to God. Praise God for your life my dear brother/sister.

And this was the text:

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Our spiritual leaders in church, at home or anywhere else in our society have been called by God to receive the gift of prophecy. My Mom is not a devoted Christian but she believes in God and the bible and if there is one trait that I would like to learn from her, that is having a foresight. As a kid, she would always refer it to us as ESP (Extrasensory Perception)  or being able to determine what a person will do next or knowing what will happen next. It is “sixth sense”  to some and foresight to many. As a born-again Christian now, I see it as having the gift of prophecy. She told us that we should learn it and cultivate it for it will become very handy in our future plans and how we do things. Yup, practical my Mom really is. *wink*

My brother’s foresight is now almost similar to my Mom and we sometimes tell him that maybe he is the one who got it all from Mom. I am guessing it is this foresight that made him give the Paulo Coehlo planner to me in the first place and the significance it’ll bring in my spiritual journey. If I am to compare my Mom and my brother, they have one thing in common – they see things differently than all the rest of us. To me, I see all darkness and blur and yet to them, they see the beauty of it all, the goodness of the darkness and the events that will follow after.

Now if I am to compare it with faith, it says the same thing – train ourselves to see the Light. You can only see the Light when you see things in a Godly perspective. That is, allowing God to take over in driving the path of your life. Again, SURRENDER.

During the bad times, I oftentimes try to take control in solving things out. During the bad times, I see my spouse so differently and very much in the dark. But my Mom, the text message, and the monthly character traits, they all point towards the Light.

I have maintained my calm even if I do not understand all things. I have accepted things for how they should be. I have to be content in patiently waiting for the beautiful promises of the Lord. I know the Lord remains faithful to those who surrender to Him and walk in obedience to His ways.

As I end this article, I just want to share that indeed, God has mysterious ways in changing your mindset about a lot of things. Negative things can really replace the good memories, the good times, the good qualities you have if you will allow them to. God cannot allow it even if you persist to think things that way. The way that He gave me hope is the assurance that things right now are never final, they are only temporary in contrast to what is to come.

I woke up today feeling still very sleepy. My husband asked me if we are ready to pray and I just nodded half awake, half asleep. Through the sleepiness in me, there was one word, just one word that woke up my spirit in full blast through his prayer – REFLECT. I never prayed about the coming Lenten Season. Here is my husband though praying about it and how we should spend it together – REFLECT.

This is the perfect word on how we all should commemorate what Jesus did on the Cross for us -an act of SURRENDER, to surrender out of His Father’s and His love for us. It is this love that is keeping this marriage together, it is this love that is changing me and my spouse as a person, and it is this love that is changing our lives every single day.

It is by God’s love that I have been saved, that my husband will be saved including our families and loving another person through a marriage is where God wants us to learn the basics of what love is. When God’s love is in our hearts completely, we can say with utmost boldness that nothing can ever compare to God’s love and who God really is.

“We love because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

God knows that 2016 will be full of trials that’s why God reminded me of that at the start of the year. The character trait for this year in my planner and what I will be needing most is this: COURAGE.

This is the courage to be bold in defying the challenges, courage to seek the Light amid the darkness, courage to stand true to my faith whatever the odds and the courage to proclaim my faith all the more despite my imperfections and setbacks. 🙂

CouragePC

I Had To

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I have to protect my rights as a wife and my children’s rights from being  verbally and physically abused…

I have to defend myself, my faith and my rights as a woman from persecution…

I have to ensure me and my children will have a life of peace…

I have to remember I also have a life outside being a wife…

I HAVE TO…

But I HAD TO…

I had to remember these verses:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly. The eyes of the LORD are in every place, watching the evil and the good.” Proverbs 15: 1-3

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” 1 Peter 3:1-2

“However, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them. For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will.” John 6:37

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Yes, I had to. I had to accept, repent and turn back from my selfish ways and I had to accept trials and challenges for it is how I will carry my own cross.

Because I had to do the will of God, not mine, if indeed I consider myself a follower of Christ – Christine.

Reassessing Self

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Nope, please do not get me wrong. I am not self-centered but I decided to share my own experiences in order to not judge anyone’s character but if I did share something that is not from my own character, please do understand that it is in the hopes of making us understand better that we are all a work in progress. What I do hope to share with my readers is a bunch of experiences and lessons I have learned which they could learn from as well.

Experience is the best teacher, as they say. It is application that measures how much of the theories you have learned have you applied AND have applied successfully through a test. If you have never gone through any form of trial or test in life, then there’s no way that you can assess how far of the theories you have indeed learned. So take heart my dear friends when trials of all sort come to you. For it is the final assessment in molding your character and in preparing us for the final journey with our Savior, Jesus Christ. 🙂

So why the title for this post?

I would like to highlight yesterday’s event. My Facebook profile right now seems like I am going through the darkest moments and friends have been asking why and been praying for me. It all started when I browsed my news feed and status updates that contain “dark moments” came popping up one by one. And I thought, all these dark moments that my friends are going through, you piece them all together, that is what I am going through now – career, marriage and health.

When you are in darkness, yes, one emotion that you will feel is anxiety. And I praise God I have in my list of Facebook Friends Christian friends, devoted ones, who never fail each and every single day to post a bible verse/spiritual quotation which will remind you of who you are in Christ – an overcomer saved by the blood of Christ. Indeed, God planned it well that we are to uplift one another in times of peril through faith and Jesus. 🙂

This is what I read from one friend’s post:

Prayer Over Anxiety

“Heavenly Father, we pray for all those suffering from anxiety. In the midst of their fear, give them your peace. When they feel alone, surround them with your presence. Strengthen them and give them grace to get through today and every day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” – Circle of Prayer

Indeed, when you start to worry, you start to trust less and then it makes you hopeless. Enemy’s schemes, right? Yes, they are. For that is what the enemy is very good at – deception and lies. Making you believe that you are weak and you have no capability in overcoming a situation. And yet, if you have been born again, you know that that is not true. Self pity will only make you feel more worthless.

God, on the other hand, is the one who counterbalances that. God is always fighting for us. We may not realize it but He is. The fact that you wake up each day, unharmed, alive, forgetful of the past, that is what we call the Grace of God.

In my previous posts I have shared about the condition of my health and I am sure everyone is asking, “How was the check up?”  Unfortunately, circumstances came that I wasn’t able to have a medical checkup in the week that I have planned to have it – I take it as not yet God’s time and will have to wait for the right one. I stopped taking birth control pills though and so far it alleviated my migraines. When I completely read the prescription of the pills, it is indeed one of the most common side effects. Good for me, I stopped taking them.

And yet, I was “unsafe.”  Now my husband and I are contemplating about the possibility that I might be pregnant. Something that we are not yet prepared for considering that I do not have a job, though I could get one any time I want but because I need to concentrate on my exam and my masteral thesis, I had to accept the idea of being jobless for now. I jokingly told my husband, “Honey, if indeed I am pregnant, the baby will be born in my birth month too, December. And yes, he/she will be like Jesus, born in a manger, the modern counterpart would be at home via a midwife or maybe in a taxi or somewhere else except for the hospital for we are not financially ready.”  But, no need to worry if it is God’s will. For if it is, then God has already prepared everything beforehand. I always trust Him that He will not give you something that you cannot handle. 🙂

Regarding my exam, I have short term memory retention. Thus reviewing a couple of months before will be useless because a week after, I sure have forgotten everything I have reviewed. I am starting to review just a couple of days ago and many may call it as “cramming”  but that is just the way I review in every exam. The exam is in a matter of 8 days. Prayers, review materials, more prayers and letting God take control of it are what is occupying my mindset now. Again, no need to worry. For if I did my part well and if it is God’s will, then I will pass the exam. 🙂

Yes, it is easy for me to trust God in those areas of my life. But then again, if we haven’t loved yet as how God has loved us, then we haven’t experienced the optimum when it comes to faith. And the best way to experience and express God’s love at its best and learn it first is being in a Holy Matrimony – loving someone who is completely a different individual than yourself and living with that person under one roof every single day.

“If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.” – 1 Corinthians 13:2

Relationships are my waterloo. I have failed miserably in the past when it comes to that. And these are relationships in general, not just between a couple. But right now, as I am in a season of being married, this is where my faith is being tested the most for now.

I do trust God in my exams, in my health, etc. and yet focusing on them would mean balancing my time between being a wife, a housewife and being a teacher and a student. All these roles carry with them very big responsibilities and duties. Sometimes they can be overwhelmingly burdensome.

I may have not oftentimes showed my distress but it does reflect in my words and sometimes in my actions towards my spouse. And the very recent was when he decided by himself to drive for his mom and relatives during a family reunion. He texted that it doesn’t matter if I choose to go or not for he will still go. We are experiencing “tight” moments at home and him texting me that just made me thought like, “Whatever happened to your promise that whatever happens, you will always be with me.”  I thought I needed him most now and why didn’t it cross his mind.

I started thinking about my needs, myself and I thought how could my husband be so selfish and think about having a good time when he will be leaving his wife doing all the household chores, tired and stressed from reviewing then had to make all the necessary planning for what is to come, etc. He explained that he needed a relaxation. Indeed, when selfishness and pride creep in, it is easier to get bitter and angry than be patient and understanding and the next thing I knew my husband and I were furious about one another and having another argument. And this now made me realize something about myself: “Tin, the Spirit is not in you yet.”  For it is said that the fruits of the Spirit is joy, love, peace, gentleness, selflessness, etc. I obviously do not have those. And this made me cry.

I had to battle with my inner self that I am already a new creation when I got saved through the Name of Jesus and through the Cross. I should understand better. If I want to be gentle, patient and understanding, etc., then all I have to do is think about the Cross and what God did for me even though I was in my most sinful self – He wholeheartedly accepted me for who I was, not furious, not impatient, not insisting His way and yet lovingly gave me a chance to change. This is now my opportunity so I need not waste it away just because the enemy is using my emotions. Indeed, heavy were the emotions of anger, rage and bitterness. Every emotional burden I am carrying came all loose. I was crying most of the time yesterday and I thought hopefully this will not trigger another depression which almost took my life before I got saved 3 years ago.

I was crying when once again, I was reminded by the prayer regarding anxiety. I had to combat the enemy making me feel that I am alone, that I am hopeless, and that there is no solution for every burden I am carrying. In between sobs I can only utter one word, “Father…Father…” All the rest that I wanted to pray and say, they were all drowned by tears. And then positive thoughts started pouring in. My husband needed that break. He has been having a stressful week at work, he deserves to have a time of relaxation and enjoyment. If I love him, then I have to sacrifice my needs for his needs. That is what love is all about.  That is what God did and what Jesus did on the Cross – sacrificing.

But of course I thought, what about his promise that he will never leave me whatever happens. And I thought this is yet another of the enemy’s schemes to make me hate my husband more for not fulfilling his promise. And this is what the Lord has for that, “put your hopes not in the things around you but in God and God alone. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.”  Lesson? I should never put my hopes in my husband. Why? Because my husband is only human and he is not perfect like me. He will make mistakes and he will not meet what I have expected. He might even be doing things now that are contrary to what we have agreed upon or be even committing the same mistakes/sins he did before.

There was one time that out of anger my husband told me that he doesn’t want to go to church and he is only accompanying me just to please me. I almost uttered that he doesn’t have to go to church with me. But then I thought that that was the goal in the first place of discipleship – to bring those who doesn’t know God closer to Him through the spiritual family. I did tell him gently that it is okay if he doesn’t feel like going to church.

But came the unexpected because in the Sundays that followed, he still includes going to church as part of his itinerary and would constantly remind me while I am preparing if we are about to be late for church. He still would lead in praying before he leaves for work. But there also came a point wherein he blamed God for every conflict that we are going through as a couple and how much he hated Him followed by curses. That was one of our bigger fights. Yes, the enemy is always lurking in the corner waiting for the right opportunity to act on his plans. Indeed, anger will only lead us to committing more sins and suppressing it will help us in so many ways and will defeat the enemy’s purpose to destroy and kill. In this case, acceptance of mistakes and forgiveness are the best solutions to fight the enemy.

It is not for me to judge my husband’s faith and personal relationship with God. It is only God who knows the deepest intentions and conditions of our hearts. My husband knows how much my faith means to me and when we are having a fight or a disagreement, he would mock my faith to offend me more and to retaliate whenever I would commit a simple mistake. He would accuse God of wrong decisions made, that if there is a God then he wouldn’t be experiencing all of the trials in the past and the trials now – the enemy is in him, is in us. That is what is making both of us sin and anger is what the enemy is using to control us. But they say, hate the sin but love the person for this is what God’s love means and this is His second greatest commandment – love others as I have loved you. God’s love was through His one and only Son, Jesus Christ.

I can only pray though that God will live in his heart and lead it. I can only pray and look forward to that change. And I pray the same for myself, that I will not go back to who I was even if the enemy will use my husband against me. So that my husband can see the works of Christ in me, how to rightfully respond in situations that are seemingly offensive to the self and to the faith and with persecutions and he’ll be inspired to follow suit and surrender himself to God’s Grace.

Being a perfectionist, I have this knack for the good, the perfect and the pleasing and that includes good manners, speech and behavior because that was the values system that my parents and my family have brought me up with. As much as I want to correct my husband’s behavior, it is not for me to change him – I, too, have my own flaws. As the bible says, “why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye and not notice the log in your own.”  I can only show him what is right through my actions, something that is so hard to do though. For it was also written in the bible, “do not associate yourself with hot-tempered people for you will become like them and endanger your soul.”  But I am here in this situation now and maybe this is also the test that I have to go through to become the person that God wanted me to be through tests of self-control, discipline, patience and endurance.

I felt during these moments that I am being surrounded by so many powerful demons. My heart was very heavy with all sort of negativity – pure thoughts were nowhere to be found in my head. I began to worry, I began to doubt, I began to lose trust, to lose hope even on my faith. Yes, there was a battle and I wrestled and I thought I can only seek for God’s help. And I only needed to cry out His name and He will save me from these. For He is the only one who sees and knows everything. Prayer is my only weapon to defend my faith.

THEN there was peace, there was calm. I slept yesterday afternoon and took a time off from my review and I opted not to text my husband and have him enjoy his relaxation time with his family even if it would mean that the enemy could possibly once again use his family to tempt him or be the avenue for him to get tempted to do what he should not ought to do i.e. drunkenness, lust, etc. or be in a bar somewhere in the wee hours of the morning or checking in at a massage spa that is unusually open from midnight ’til dawn, etc. and etc.

I can only pray for them as well and let God change their hearts too. Yes, demons are indeed real as Pastor Joey, one of our pastors in church, said in one of his blog posts. But as my Dad says, God can never allow for a sin or a bad agenda by a demon to continue on and on and on. God will expose it and will do the necessary actions if a reprimand is needed. My Mom once told me, “I have no worries when your Dad will not be with me for how many days or weeks to attend a seminar or even if it is just hanging out with his peers because I trust him and I know that he will never do anything to compromise our marriage.”  I asked her, “But Mommy, what if you got married to someone who has a bad past and still continues to commit some bad things every now and then, what would you do?”  She was silent for a moment. Then told me this answer, “Then you should’ve married a pastor. But you chose him then you should love all of him even at his worst. Because that is him.”  Okay, now I don’t have an answer/follow up question for that. I actually know the answer, it’s just that I have to keep myself reminded of it. 🙂

That as a couple we should give an allowance to each other for mistakes even if those mistakes were repeatedly made because nobody is perfect. And that change and adjustment do not happen overnight. Be ready to forgive and forgive if apologies take place. Yes, I had the option to choose what my Mom formerly said but I chose differently. Circumstances didn’t end up for me that way. My brother told me that if I prayed for that decision, which I did, and God gave me the answer to push through with my decision, then it is God’s will.

I was exhausted yesterday and yet I was relieved. Though there was no visible assurances of a solution, I felt at peace. It is a good thing my phone’s wallpaper was the Lord’s Prayer. I have had it for a long time already and I am not planning on changing it. For I know there is a reason why it had to be my phone’s wallpaper.

I prayed to God last night for protection, for healing, for guidance, for purity and strength to withstand every battle, every attack, every assault on my faith. And lastly, I prayed for courage to face the enemy. The next thing I did was I looked at the Lord’s Prayer then I started mumbling it. It came first as a whisper and then I am uttering it out loud over and over again. Then a thought came into me, I have in my possession an anointing oil from Jerusalem which was a gift last year from my parents-in-law. You can read more about it here: https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2015/09/24/the-anointing-oil-and-more-memories/.

I went down to get it and started making Cross signs all over the house with the anointing oil and over my forehead and my heart while uttering the Lord’s Prayer. I really have no idea how the anointing oil should be used as I believe a prayer sincerely prayed and your faith are enough to cast out a demon. But if this anointing oil has been blessed and prayed over by spiritual leaders from the Promise Land or from any parts of the world, then my faith and theirs combined will be powerful enough to cast an also powerful demon/demons out along with the prayers. Because demons are real and if they are invading this house, my marriage, my thoughts and my heart, then I need to cast them out and seek for protection through a prayer and the sign of the Cross. And the best prayer for it is the Lord’s Prayer. For if there is one person who was tested by the devil the most, that would be Jesus. And yet if there is one person who was able to resist all of the enemy’s temptations, that is also Jesus. He was the only one who conquered death.

This happened around midnight and because I couldn’t sleep, I was restless and I keep on getting up. I have been experiencing severe back pains in my shoulder too which makes my breathing difficult. But praise God, for the moment I laid down in bed after the Lord’s Prayer and the signs of the Cross with the anointing oil and closed my eyes, I was off to heaven. Nah, I am kidding. I was just off to sweet dreamland. *wide smile*  It was a very restful night that was granted to me. I woke up greeted by the warm sun through the window curtains and I automatically sat down and prayed a prayer of gratitude.

Last night though, after I finished my last Lord’s Prayer before sleeping, I felt my throat so dry I had to cough it out and our neighbor’s dog yelped suddenly as if someone kicked him and I heard nobody i.e. footsteps, etc. Hmmm, must be them. But, it doesn’t matter for the sound sleep is what mattered and a heart realigned with the Lord’s. If they do come back then I should better be prepared. 🙂

Today was very different from yesterday’s. I am still alone for my husband is staying for 3 days with his family and yet I am at peace with that, there is security. I was able to do all the tasks I had to finish, although some are still ongoing. Today is bliss. And if I will reassess myself, I may have failed miserably in behaving with a Christlike attitude in some situations, I am still glad that I was given by God the opportunity to still learn from these experiences, repent and improve myself. I can say that yes, I have withstood yet another battle defending my faith – still alive, still breathing, faith still intact. And yes, when it comes to defending your faith, it is a day-to-day lifetime walk of constant reaffirmation, a decision that you can never ever turn your back on once made – crucial and yet beneficial. 🙂

To end this, let me share one quotation by Og Mandino that I came across my reviewer (God planned I come across it in His perfect time)  which will summarize this article:

I-will-love-the-light-for-it-shows-me-the-way-yet-I-will-endure-the-darkness-because-it-shows-me-the-stars.

Darkness makes you see the small tinges of light such as the stars making you want to seek that light even more and appreciate any single tiny bit of light you see. Light is all about hope and darkness just makes the light seem even brighter. ❤

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Celebrating The Good Days In Our Mediocre Lives

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I have always been a life-lover. This is probably one reason why I became passionate about everything. Even when I was in my darkest days, I still chose life. And life lived in this world can only get interesting and awesome when lived according to the Truth.

I usually am a multitasker. My brain can accommodate finishing at least ten tasks in a day – big or small. But lately, I can only do so far as my body can accommodate. I had to stop in-between tasks as nausea would begin to creep in and if I don’t stop, there goes the splitting migraine. I really planned on having the medical check up next week so I can monitor the condition of my health for the remaining days of this week and by that time, maybe I will have sufficient information to share with my doctor.

I guess my condition is the opportunity God gave me to really enjoy life, like enjoy every minute of it, not worrying about anything. Savor it in other words. Being busy with a lot of things can sometimes put you in that moment wherein you live life according to your daily routine and you get drowned by all the things that you need to accomplish for the short term or long term without being able to really appreciate all of them by the end of the day. I believe God has a reason why I had to write the first article for this year as “An Appreciative 2016.” I felt like the overall mood for this year is “darker,” and yet God wanted to tell us to appreciate it all and see the “Light.”

Indeed, when you have learned to trust God with everything, all that you do will follow the course of His plans and not of your actions. Life, for me, was put in a standstill. I oftentimes ask God why circumstances brought me in a way that pursuing my master’s degree would require I become jobless. And I was supposed to finish it last semester but I overlooked the deadline for filing for my extension in my residency at the university which means I wasn’t able to enroll this semester. In other words, I was forced to take a leave of absence in graduate school. But it kind of came in timely, why? Because I have planned on taking the licensure examination this March thus, most of my time is now spent on reviewing for said exam. Originally though, I planned to do my master’s thesis and review for the exam at the same time.

So what happened was that I was given a break from thesis work which is something that requires A LOT in all aspects. I was able to concentrate on just one task which is to review for the exam and entertain an opportunity wherein I was scheduled to attend a training for the Senior Writer post in the online magazine I have been contributing for in the past years. The job responsibilities are not as taxing as compared if you are working full time in an office and yet it would still require quite an amount of input, effort and time. BUT the good thing with this is that I don’t have to report for work at certain times every day and deal with all the stress of traveling/commuting, etc. Technically I am a freelance writer, but I am not really pursuing my writing as a means to get compensated. I just love to write for the love of writing. 🙂

Then it all dawned on me that indeed, God has a reason for everything and everything happens perfectly in His time. God knows when I reach this age, my body will start to regress. I am grateful that my master’s thesis didn’t allow work for doing both work and thesis will be STRESS at the maximum level. Even work alone is already a big STRESS right there. God knows my body won’t be able to take in all the stress that I’ll be getting from work and graduate study. He gave me a break.

Because pursuing both even if it is against His will would mean any illness that I have could progress to an even faster rate which is synonymous to me dying at a really young age. Maybe it is not yet my time to die that early. So God prolonged my health by giving me tasks that He knows I can handle for now until I have a final assessment of my health and be given the proper treatment.

In my current condition, I really have plenty of time to contemplate about a lot of things. I only stay at home before while I do my thesis work at my own pace because I do not have a job. I still get to do a lot of things though even if I do not have work – opportunities to explore and try a lot of things which are endless and they just keep on coming. But now, I really can’t do much. Again, everything at a standstill. It is only this blog that gives me the opportunity to do something while at home and resting which still gives me an opportunity to do something that I love. 🙂

So now my husband asked me, “Honey, what are your priorities again? You are not getting any younger. What is it that you want to do in life?”  If I am my usual stubborn, defiant self, I normally would reply with a sarcastic remark like “Yeah, I know that already. You don’t have to remind me what I should be doing in this life.”

But, I found myself thinking about 3 bible verses right at that moment. The first one is my life verse and the two that followed are my next favorites.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” – Proverbs 16:3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

So that’s how I replied to him. I am planning on explaining/adding something to that but I thought, try to keep it that way, Tin. Let the bible verses speak for themselves. As the Scripture goes,

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,..” – 2 Timothy 3:16

THUS,

“And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear Him.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14

“And if anyone removes any of the words from this book of prophecy, God will remove that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city that are described in this book.” – Revelation 22:19

Faith has taught me that if you want to get your message across, do not just explain and state opinions or experiences, but most importantly, share them in light of the Scripture. And even better is when you share the bible verses at the right time and the right place with any people just as they are – no explanation/interpretation needed. I believe it is God who will touch accordingly the hearts, the minds and the spirits of the people whom you have shared these verses with.

We cannot always assume that a particular verse has the same meaning or that it can be applied in all situations at all times with everyone. God still dictates how these bible verses from the Scripture will come to life according to His plans and purposes. All it takes? LISTEN intently when the Spirit tells you to act on or say about something. It is in Ecclesiastes 3 that everything I write and say is rooted in.

Never ever trust your human emotions. Believe me, I have done that and it has failed me countless of times. It never will give you the solution and the end product that you are hoping to achieve.

Back to our text messages, I believe the message went through to my husband as he came home not bringing up the topic again and is now more attentive to my needs. Don’t get me wrong though, I do not mean to be selfish but I just noticed how much he has changed right now with me – more caring, more helpful, more understanding, a little more patient and he listens well when we converse.

Maybe it has something to do with the change in me too. *wink*  When we just got married, we were like cats and dogs trying to live in one territory knowing ALL our differences. I have promised myself before I got into a relationship that I will never ever nag as it is one of the “relationship killers”  but I found myself becoming exactly like that. If not for my husband telling me how hurtful I can become when I would correct him with this and that did I realize that oh no, Tin, you’ve been entangled in the dreaded web of nagging.

So I prayed to God how could I possibly let my thoughts out without hurting my husband. Or in other words, how can I speak the truth in love? 🙂

Praise God for post it sticky notes. Came the idea that when there’s this particular spot inside the house wherein my hubby usually does a bad habit that I wanted to correct, I would write a note with so much affection and words of endearment reminding him to do the opposite – the good one. It worked. BUT I know I cannot do that all the time so I settled with writing just ONE note for that one bad habit that affects greatly how we do things around the house. Yes, just one note. And as for the rest of our differences, for some I have to let them be, and for some I have to wait for God to do all the changing.

This resulted in BETTER days for me and my hubby. Which means we both get to sleep well and at peace at night. BUT that was what I thought. Because my brains won’t allow me. *big smiles*

Last night was supposed to be a peaceful rest and deep sleep. But because I have a very active brain, sensations can send nerve impulses that make my muscles move involuntarily. Like when I sleep talk or sleep walk.

Whap! There’s a very huge wasp biting my neck! So I hit it with the back of my hand. But I suddenly woke up – the wasp was a dream. But it was so real, for sure it wasn’t just a dream. So did I just hit someone with my hand?!?!

Uh oh…

Yes, my bad, it is dear hubby of mine whom I smacked across the face with the back of my hand thinking he was the wasp because of his mustache pressed onto my neck. lol 😀

I hugged my hubby and apologized but he just groaned in his deep sleep. *wink*  Okay that wasn’t a peaceful night but I can’t help not sharing this to my husband when we woke up the next day. We both laughed our lungs out because we have agreed that the next time we sleep together, he has to bind my hands or bind me along with the bed.

On a serious note, something is happening in my brains that I can’t explain as my dreams are becoming more and more real. But, I have next week to find out. So please pray with me my dear brothers and sisters. 🙂

But for now, I should continue doing what I always would do and what I love to do. I plan on eating really healthy so I am now back to cooking our food full time which I really love to do especially since I only get to do light tasks now. And I plan on doing more creative stuff like this photo collage which I printed out and pasted in my husband’s tumbler so he’d remember every best experience that we have shared together every now and then when he’s at work.

PicMonkey Collage

Happy memories! ❤ ❤ ❤

What I realized is that this life at a standstill is more about appreciating the life that God has given me now instead on brooding over my past and my future and appreciating what really matters – not wealth, not titles, not possessions, not your ambitions, and other worldly things. There really are so many things that I should appreciate and be grateful for. For one, simple things just make your days good, better even.

And I just want to end this by saying that life just never stops for a life-lover and a Jesus-lover. 🙂

Cheers to LIFE my dear friends! ❤

The Borrowed Life

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I am supposed to be bed resting. But when my body is at rest, my mind is at its best working double time. That’s why I sleep talk, because the brains just don’t want to stop working. Tsk, workaholic brains. *wink* It’s kind of creepy though if it is your first time to hear me sleep talk. I sometimes laugh out loud all of a sudden or sit down as if talking to someone invisible while asleep. My husband is always amused with this though. Because that means he has something to tease me in the morning. 🙂

Truth is, I am a little bit down under the weather for the past days. Actually a little bit is an understatement because I’ve been having migraines for the past days already – splitting ones. There is a striking pain in my lower back, too, and I have a painful jaw line or it’s my wisdom tooth still trying to come out (at my age, it seems weird). I really can’t tell but this wasn’t the first time I’ve experienced this. Prior to this, a splitting headache that went on for about a week bothered me last Christmas and New Year’s Day celebration along with mouth sores, a painful tooth/gum/jaw, and fatigue though I haven’t been doing much physically.

My assessment was that when my immune system is down, I experience these symptoms. During the holidays, there was a lot of stress preparing holiday stuff, then there’s heavy traffic and long queue everywhere. Now, it was the February “fever” as I only got about an hour of sleep, had to be on the road for about 2 hours and been awake for almost 24 hours to attend the hot air balloon festival as part of our Valentine’s Day celebration. The event was not too tiring and it was so much fun especially since it’s my husband’s first time to attend this event. But standing for very long hours under the very, very hot sun the whole day will no doubt drain you out.

I guess my immune system is down again so here comes the same symptoms. Most of them normally go away after some time, but somehow I’m a little bothered because they could be symptoms of an even severe illness. I did mention in my previous articles that my great grandmother, my grandmother, and my Mom are all breast cancer survivors.

My Mom was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer when she was 45 years old. She has been feeling chest pain for a couple of years already, but I guess my Mom just have this phobia with hospitals and doctors (white coat syndrome). It took my Aunties and my Dad a couple of years trying to convince her to have a medical check up.

By the way, all five of us, kids, were born with the help of a midwife only – yes, brave mom my Mom. She gave birth inside the comforts of our home with no anesthesia and medical staff to help her.

Being cancer survivors though, I guess this will be the reason why my Mom and my grandma are now called as the matriarchs of the family – an epitome of courage, strength and faith. And I believe my Dad’s prayers have something to do with it, too.

My Dad loves to go to church but because my Mom doesn’t want to, he decided to be with my Mom and chose to stay at home with her on Sundays. When I was a kid, I would go to my parents’ bedroom and I’d find my Dad sitting on the bed, with knees propped up, head bent down and hands clasped together – he was praying.

I was too young back then and I did not understand what it meant. I would sometimes play inside the room trying to get his attention and yes, distract him. But I ended up being ushered out of the room and reprimanded to never disturb him when he prays. So I asked him what he was doing, he answered simply with one word, “praying.”

It was this one word that healed my Mom and I believe this held my parents together as a couple during difficult and trying times. So now, I was beginning to wonder, “Is it my time now, Lord, to be in this situation too?” I am the only one among my siblings who didn’t undergo a mammogram. I am 30 years old and these are the years when hormones start to change and yes, cancer cells are getting more aggressive. I don’t want to have a check up for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to hear that dreaded line that “You have cancer.” and 2) I have faith that God would heal me I wouldn’t be needing doctors and medications.

Reason number 2 is somehow void. Why? There was one lecture in church wherein our pastor told us that faith healing is really possible but there is also a purpose why God created doctors and why technology made medicines possible. Jesus, our Healer, is not present with us to perform healing miracles. And yet I believe that along with our faith, it is also through the doctors that He passed on this responsibility to heal on His behalf. So yes, I might have a medical check up next week. I also just found out that the pills I am taking can enhance the growth of cancer cells and are not prescribed to those who have a history of cancer. So, this definitely requires a consultation with my ob gynecologist.

I am not afraid to die. I am, in fact, very much looking forward to the day that I will die regardless on how I will die. Why? Nothing is ever more beautiful and rewarding than meeting your Creator yourself. I have so many questions to ask God regarding His awesome wonders that not even Science or any branch of study can ever explain. Just imagine how awesome it would be to hear the answers straight from the Master, Himself, face to face. Oh, that would be such a wonderful privilege. It is wisdom that comes with no price for it is priceless. And yet it is not my intent to know everything that God knows for no one can ever be like God – He is the Alpha and the Omega, no one and nothing compares.

I am ready but my loved ones are not – my husband most especially. I prayed to God about this that if time comes all my assumptions are right, I pray that He would prepare me and most especially my loved ones for the truth. The truth hurts, it always does. But the good thing is that it sets all of you free. Nothing is ever more painful to me than seeing my loved ones hurt. Being the overly empathetic person that I am, I feel every pain they feel and their emotional burden is my burden too. And sometimes I ask God why He created me that way.

For there were times like during last Sunday’s service wherein my husband and I were seated behind a young lady and a middle-aged woman. During praise and worship, I saw the young lady bowed down with her hair covering her face but her hand is up her cheek – I know what she is doing even if I don’t see it because I feel it – she is wiping tears from her eyes. The pain is there. The middle-aged woman also sat down during worship, stayed silent as if praying a prayer and then took a hankie from her bag and wiped her eyes.

Sometimes seeing them that way makes me want to hug them because I can feel their pain and when they cry, I want to cry with them too. The only times I cried in church though were during my altar call and the baptism of the Holy Spirit. When I saw these two women, I knew I had to do something at that point. So I laid my hands out in their direction during praise and worship and uttered a prayer of healing. I felt like I wanted to tell them silently in my head that “My dear sister, though you are in so much pain now, the Lord will heal you. The fact that you are in front of me and worshiping the Lord in this church means that He has chosen you to be among His people – the ones that He has saved. Be brave for you may not realize it now, but you are more than a conqueror. And this is just the beginning of your journey with the Lord. Be glad and take heart, what you are going through is only temporary.”

It would be really nice to approach and talk to them after the church service, but I am a stranger to them so that might be awkward. I am still praying though that even after the end of the church service, this silent encounter of mine with them will never end there. This wasn’t the first time this have happened. In fact, it happens all the time during church service.

And sometimes I really am baffled because knowing the emotional being that I am, being close to these people seems like me being a sponge and I absorb anything that is around me – and the emotions are all heavy. Ah yes, a call for more prayers on my part. I am more than glad and willing though to be of service by being a prayer warrior. Anything for God and His people – nothing is ever more honorable than that. 🙂

Now, back to the cancer cells, I started talking to my husband about it as my way of preparing him for what could possibly happen. I told him that when I am diagnosed with cancer, I want him to live with his Mom because I don’t want him to see me in pain and suffering. And yet he would just shrug it off and will not welcome the idea that he will lose me early on in our lives together. He would tell me that it will never happen. I would just smile at him and told him that there is a 99.9% chance it will happen. It is only a matter of “when.”

I just want him to be prepared when that happens so he wouldn’t blame God as to why it is happening to me or to us. I told him that God has a good reason for allowing things to happen to those whom He has called according to His purpose. I could die early, but we are all going to die anyway. It’s all just a matter of who gets to die first and who gets to die last.

To be honest, it really doesn’t matter if I live in this world for 99 years or for 30 years. For we all know that this life is only temporary. It is only a preparation for the real world wherein everything is good, there is no death, and life is infinite – eternal life in heaven. For all those who believe in God and proclaimed Jesus as their Savior will all meet and gather one day in that one special place along with our Creator. So I continued telling my husband that if I die early, he should be a good man and continue living a Godly life so he’d be with me, too, when he dies and we’d still end up together. There was silence.

Oh my dear husband of mine, must you always sleep on me while I am still talking? lol *wink* But do understand that these lengthy speeches of mine and weird questions happen quite late in the evening and he’s so tired from work. He is lukewarm about everything while I am so passionate about everything especially with my faith and yet by the end of the day, he ends up believing me. 😀

No credit to me but credit to God for making the impossible possible – even melting the coldest of hearts to become warm. Though I must admit that there are days when my husband and I seem like the worst of enemies. Nothing is sweeter though than him hugging you tight and showering you with kisses even though you look terrible with puffed eyes because of the pain you’re experiencing. And along with the hugs came a remark that says, “Honey, no matter how difficult it is what we are going through now, I will never leave you.” Ahhh yes, these are the moments I so appreciate having a husband – a lovely gift from God. Never mind the “dark days.” They weren’t meant to be remembered. 😉

I should be asleep by now, but I thought I need to finish this first. Being stubborn is what I inherited from my Mom but God is changing that, too. So tonight, as I stare at the ceiling lying in bed, I will raise my hand to worship God. My hand belongs to Him as with all parts of my body. They will all be wrinkled or they will become ashes and yet I can only rejoice when that happens. For it signifies the time to be nearer and closer to my God, my Father and my Creator, and be with my Savior, Jesus Christ, from whom this body originally and rightfully belongs to.

Indeed, this life that I have is only a borrowed life. 🙂

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

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My Heart Mourns

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mJe-PoFu

Photo credit: @oneJesusloves

My heart mourns….

For what was, what is and what will be. Of fears not for myself but for the future of my children, my family and the future generations. I fear the kind of environment my children would grow up if they are exposed early on in their childhood in pubs, bars and clubs with smoking and drinking all around and scantily clad women grazing the stage dancing provocatively among other worldly influences…

My heart mourns…

For I know that my husband and I do not share the same level of faith. He doesn’t know God the way I know Him. He doesn’t see things the way I see them. I know he is yet to know God more on a deeper level in this marriage but for now, I have to endure the test of patiently waiting…

My heart mourns…

With the questions I have if it is God’s will that I lead my family given that my grandmother and Mom are considered the great matriarchs of their families. I know it is not God’s mandate for women to lead for wives were given the roles of supporters only and to submit to their husbands, who are the leaders. But if I am to lead, do I have the courage, the strength and the boldness of the spirit to lead my family well towards God?…

My heart mourns…

For the differences in the way that my husband and I were brought up. For the differences in the way we react, the way we talk, the choice of words, our differences in our intentions, our goals, our dreams, even in choosing our spiritual mentors as he doesn’t trust pastors with the personal matters of his life…

My heart mourns…

Knowing how far is your heart willing to endure seeing more sins being committed by the people you love because they still live with the world? For there are times that striving to influence other people to do good seems like a very challenging feat and you are going against the many….

My heart mourns…

When practical solutions are of no use and letting things be would mean having to see your loved one get hurt, letting them fall, lives ruined and bad choices were made because you have to accept the fact that God may be in the process of transforming them too…

MY HEART MOURNS, Father…

And yet I wake up with JOY. I gently weep but only for a while. Every moment is made with PEACE. For all these, I have asked You why and yet there was silence. Still, I was given HOPE.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

“For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; ‘He will lead them to springs of living water.’ ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.'” – Revelations 7:17

Is Sharing The Gospel Free Nowadays?

Posted on by
is

Photo credit: mcdonaldroad.org

YES. Sharing has never been easier nowadays with all the modern technology that we have – may it be through the internet, sending stuff, etc. I must say today’s generation has that to brag about – a life made more convenient by modernization.

And yet the question we should ask ourselves is are we making the most out of it according to God’s plans?

FREE blog hosting is one of the game changers over the world wide web through the recent years. It served A LOT of purposes. Mine started out of my hobby to write and share my thoughts whether people read it or not. Another thing is that I love to tinker what is new out there. I was still in college when I came across geocities or geosites (I already forgot the exact name) which enables one to make his/her own website using html. I was a huge fan of this Korean actress that somehow motivated me in making a fan website for her.

I was able to make one and successfully integrated an html which disallows visitors from copying the pictures via “right click.”  That was pretty challenging for me as I don’t want to be the reason for copyrighted images being spread everywhere over the internet without the right permission from the owners. I have my own disclaimer for the photos of her that I posted in that website. So, I was a literature major back then but out of the need to protect my favorite actress, I had to learn the nitty gritty details of using html and scripts in websites – I became an IT student for quite some time. lol

Yes, it was all made possible by tutorials online. Everything is really there in the internet, just name it and you will get it. Unfortunately, that site closed down. So ended my website-making too. My second option was Friendster as I can edit the layout of the background but sadly, it closed down too. I actually chose it over Facebook as that time Facebook was too stiff for me wherein you cannot edit any of their site’s sections. You just input information and that’s just it.

But again, expansions and discoveries are limitless when it comes to technology. So now I am loving Facebook. All the more when I got to learn Facebook’s founder Mark Zuckerberg’s greater intent in putting up the site – free internet access to everyone all over the world and their consistent drive with this advocacy until now with other countries. And along with it came all other social media options – Instagram, Twitter, WordPress, Tumblr, etc. I actually didn’t do my research yet as to which of which started first before the other. But bottom line is that it was now WordPress that gave me back my thrill in website-making. AND it is for FREE. So now what does it have to do with faith?

As I would always mention in my previous articles – it was this blog that became the “megaphone”  for my faith because I absolutely am not good in public speaking so I find it easier to share my thoughts through writing. I started sharing the first few instances of my experiences about life in general which gathered quite a few followers then started sharing my hobbies/interests i.e. photography, art, etc. until I started sharing a lot about faith. I didn’t quite expect there will be people reading my blog. But that wasn’t my goal in the first place. For I believe that if you want to write and you have a passion to share your thoughts, share them by all means regardless on who gets to read it. 🙂

I came across fellow writers/bloggers who share about their faith through blogs too and this is actually the gospel being shared for FREE. Unfortunately, I also came across some write ups that I’d love to read and yet it comes with a price. *insert sad face here*

I raised this concern of mine with my brother and told him that books on faith should be free because your intent is to help as many people as you can to know God. He answered that that is the way things should go because in every business, you should have enough money to fund your project which is in this case, your writing. I answered back that faith is not about money or business because Jesus did not ask His listeners to pay Him for the wisdom/message/knowledge that He shares/teaches to the people. Like the bible, resources on faith should be readily available. Because it is through these that the Gospel is also shared via quotations on bible verses.

Personally I intended my blog to be ads-free. You might see some which is part of WordPress’s TOA (Terms of Agreement) when you decide to use their FREE account plan. I do not want to take credit, literally and figuratively, from everything that I post here as I started here at WordPress paying not a single cent and all knowledge came not from me BUT was shared also to me which I am now also sharing to others (I have my Acknowledgment page for that). I believe it is just a win-win situation between me and WordPress that I get to share my stuff for free and they get to be advertised along with my articles when I share it anywhere. I also think that if God has called you to serve Him in whatever medium it may be, He will prepare all the resources that you need to sustain it, or even to make it better whether it is on a smaller or wider scale.

I have nothing against those whose blog sites have attracted the attention of investors for it could be God’s way of sustaining your blog and your advocacy to share faith above everything else. BUT there is this danger there of probably infusing your faith-driven blog with something else that this world tries to promote – materialism, wealth, gluttony, etc. Thus, your audience/viewers will now have distractions that could lead them away from faith that is the opposite of what you have originally intended. I believe keeping these ads to a minimum or better yet, ads free, will help you promote your site to its original intent – faith-driven.

I have this great admiration to those who have kept their blogs “market free” and yet continued to have gained audiences especially when it comes to faith. For I know that they are doing us, the readers, more favor in sharing faith and the Gospel without expecting any compensation for it.

NEVER ask a reader to pay for what they are about to read. Again, Jesus never asked for anything in exchange for the Gospel that He shared. I know God is the only one who will give you all the resources you need to keep your blog running in whatever way it may be. 🙂

It was thus one of my constant prayers that when the need arises for me to search for resources that will fuel my faith or help me in understanding the Scripture further, it will be FREELY and READILY available. I know it will not just benefit me but it will benefit a lot of people too. But of course, it has to come from a reliable source.

God answered my prayers now. I came across an article by one of our Senior Pastors in church in his website (www.joeybonifacio.com) when I saw it pop up in my Facebook news feed. It also happened that I am going through rough times in my marriage so it was such a relief on my part that I found his latest e-book on relationships and marriages AND downloadable for FREE. All you have to do is subscribe which I am more than glad to do as I constantly check out his website.

Praise God indeed for this. You might want to check out his website too and you might find what you are looking for there. I am sure you would. 🙂