The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.
How often do we hear this statement after our surrender and moment of salvation?
Yes, it always is a victorious feat upon an encounter with the Lord, Jesus Christ. A turning point but in actuality, a never ending battle. A believer’s journey never ends in the water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit.
In fact, allow me to provide a brief run-down why every spiritual journey is like a horse shoe.
1. Life is not storm-free.
God intended for us to be prepared by making our lives a storm-proof life by giving us His armor and shield – the hope that we cling to through the Cross.
2. The enemy is always at work too.
Salvation is breaking free from the stronghold of the dark forces, our evil self, the common nature of our past.
3. Not everyone will believe what you say.
This is the moment of persecution and rejection that every believer must face when sharing his testimony and being bold about faith.
4. Prayers do go unanswered.
Blessings may come but they may not be in the form of how you expected them to be. There is sometimes a deafening silence from God every time you pray.
But….
There is one gift that we all could use in keeping balance with what I have mentioned above and that is free will. But free will never go unrestrained, for that is not how God meant it to be used. It only means that we have a choice in doing the right thing that is pleasing in the eyes of the Lord within the limits of faith and Christianity and in accordance to God’s will still. God wanted us to choose Him, to seek Him and that we will use the gift He has given us in doing exactly that.
It is a spiritual warfare that we, Christians and believers, deal with every single day. And I believe it is in this warfare that we have to use our free will to choose positivity by hoping on the message of the Cross. Day by day, it is a struggle. Without a positive outlook, all hopes are gone. Neither can we withstand the trials of faith and none will survive the warfare without it.
There is a time to be low but there is such a thing as resiliency. Bounce back if you must and higher this time around. It doesn’t matter how many times you have bounced, just make you sure you bounce back higher every time until you finally reach your goal – mission accomplished.
Now that is the positive spirit – breaking one barrier at a time, every time. 🙂
(I have learned all about the song since I was a kid but I never got to read the entire poem by John Newton where the lyrics of the song were lifted from. The acapella version of LeAnn Rimes never fails to stir my soul. I hope this will help you reminisce how it feels to be saved by Grace.) 🙂
Amazing grace! How sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures; He will my Shield and Portion be, As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease, I shall possess, within the veil, A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow, The sun forbear to shine; But God, who called me here below, Will be forever mine.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise Than when we’d first begun.
That was what my surgeon, Dr. Ang, would tell me when I had my femtosecond lasik surgery on both eyes as a study patient at Asian Eye Institute last November 2013. I was overjoyed upon hearing I passed the initial screening considering I am a myopic with a 7.50 grade on both eyes, a .25 astigmatism on my right eye and my test results confirmed I have a thin cornea. This proposed as a problem among the research team as any miscalculation during the surgery will be considered fatal. Yes, I am what eye experts would call as legally blind. It was my very first surgery and I was extremely nervous. It is actually very ironic because I have never been confined in a hospital, never loved the idea, and yet there I was having my eye surgery – 100% conscious. 🙂
My brother accompanied me to AEI and stayed there until the time came that I was ushered into the clean room 30 minutes prior to prepare for the procedure. Drops were placed on my eyes and I cannot give you the specifics as to what kind of drops they were. (Sorry, I am not a medical professional.) 😉
While waiting, I saw nothing except for a blur because I am not wearing my eyeglasses anymore. I was sitting pretty and comfy then my name was called. A nurse guided me inside the operating room and I could not even see where the procedure will take place. Oh poor eyesight, poor me indeed.
I just sat and lied down where they instructed me and I sort of relied on my other senses for most of the session – sense of touch most definitely and my sense of hearing. Then I heard my doctor’s voice explaining what we are about to go through and I just nodded staring at the ceiling. Or something else? I am not so sure as I really could not tell because everything was really a blur.
Then came the squishy water poured over my eyes and I could see a bright light, probably the ones used during surgical procedures. A machine hovered over my eyes and I felt pressure. They did this for each eye then I saw a thin piece of metal being inserted to clip my eyelids which would prevent my eyes from closing during the operation. Then more liquid came gushing into my eyes and what I remembered next was a very thin and tiny piece of rod used to scrape my cornea and to lift it up.
After they did this, I totally saw nothing. It was all white, not even silhouettes or shadows. Then came Dr. Ang’s words reminding me to look at the red light. That was the time they started using the laser to correct the shape of my cornea and enhance my visual acuity. I could smell burning flesh. It is a good thing though I didn’t throw up but I am so close to panic mode with a heartbeat racing faster than the normal. Now this is probably the reason why Dr. Ang would always remind me to look at the red light. My eyes are trying to look for something. That was my first feeling on how it is to be completely blind. Almost complete darkness but I can see no lines, no movement, no anything except for a very faint red light from a distance which I so tried to search and focus on.
Just like the Truth and the Light.
Imagine yourself in a dark, deep pit. You see nothing around you, tried to grope around you but the darkness is too overwhelming it suffocates your entire being. It clings on to you as if of a cloak that you cannot just take off every time you want to. Then you see a very, very tiny light from afar. So tiny you would find it difficult to focus on.
BUT then again, you are too scared to let that light pass you by so you stared at it far too long. You reached out your hand to take hold of it so it wouldn’t escape you. Then just as sudden as you have reached out your hand, the light started to become bigger and bigger. Until you felt yourself being lifted slowly, bit by bit, out of that dark, deep pit.
Alas, you saw the light. You now see everything more clearly. And it was a wonderful feeling. Until now, it still is.
No longer will you settle to be surrounded by darkness but you will try harder to search for that light. Every time the claws of darkness will take hold of you, you try every effort and every ounce of strength in you to escape it. Because you know that “at the end of every tunnel there comes light.”
A guiding force will lead you out of the struggle – out of the pit, out of the darkness. A force that is more powerful than anything in this world. The force came in the form of a man. The man who, though was brought to pain and suffering, became the light that shone all through mankind. The light that can never be extinguished, that stood shining above all peril in all its darkness.
Jesus Christ was and is that Light.
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” – John 14:6
He came to be with us, because He loved us first. As I savor in this light, I know my love for Him will be my passage to reclaiming that light in moments that it becomes dim. But I know for certain, it will never diminish and for as long as I see that light, there is hope. And I will cling on to that until the Lord’s work in me is done.
I live for only one thing – to glorify my God, the living Father. He lives in you and me. Do not depart from the light, seek it with all your heart. Then, you will know how it really feels to be saved and to be loved. 🙂
There is a body of Christ, a family, the church. I want to be a part. I want to do my part. But I want more. I want to give up. I want not less of me, I want none of me. None of me and all of him.
Jesus, be my vision. Take away my eyes. I see this world and I want it. I see and I judge, I lust after beautiful things, I strive for things MY eyes want. Take my eyes and be my vision. Let me see the ugly people that the world ignores. I want to focus on those in need, not in beauty. I want to see the bad attitude as someone hurt, I want to see the addict as someone struggling, and and the weak as those rejected. I want to see evil for what it is: sex trafficking are bodies you…
I cannot, for certain reasons, make myself read about “Mr. Grey.” No offense to those who take fancy and a general liking on the book. But I am afraid if its theme is to devalue women by means of female subordination and male chauvinism through eroticism, then I guess I am one with the thousands who are against it. I know for certain I will be coming up with a review regarding my disapproval on its general content criticizing how it primarily identifies women as sexual objects.
Would I be considered bias and a sexist if I’d rather choose to empower women in knowing their self-worth, boost their self-esteem and have that self-respect through Christ, their skills, God-given talents and capabilities and through them and them alone? And would it be wrong to go against the norms and assert my rights as a woman in a patriarchal system? Is it possible then to have a paradigm shift? They say that for a paradigm shift to take place, there has to be a change in mentality first. And for the latter, I believe culture has a huge role in it.
Back in college, majority of the classes I took are literary pieces that centered on feminism and women empowerment. And I’d like to give credit to some of the major novels we have discussed that made a great impact on me in terms of philosophical influences – possibly the main reason why I am rationalizing the way I do now.
I suggest the all-time classical movies – Jane Eyre; Little Women; Mona Lisa Smile and the more contemporary Eat, Pray, Love for good selections on what it means to be a woman. Great novels, they are.
Or better yet, read Proverbs 31. This last one, I highly recommend. 🙂
But then again, the adventure seeker in me said, “Try it out, Tin. What are you afraid of?”
Indeed, what am I afraid of? I really don’t know why but let’s just say I grew up overflowing with protection from my family. Yes, to put it lightly and mildly. 😉
I never experienced riding the bike on a highway and just nestled within the comforts of our own front yard. As a kid back then, it never mattered to me. All I’m after was to spend my endless energy biking around back and forth mindless of anything except the freedom of chasing speed, of defying gravity and the joy of balance. I am proud to say I learned how to ride the bike without any scratch. A very careful driver, you say? Yes, I am!
So, maybe that explains why I have this fear of biking outside the precious protection of our yard and into that long, winding lane where the “kings of the road” converge – the busy highway. I am afraid I might get a scratch this time.
Oh, Tin. What kind of reasoning is that. 😀
I know, you’re probably laughing out loud now. But let’s just put it this way, I admit I am afraid of getting hurt – that kind of hurt that is bigger than a scratch. I am more concerned about a broken neck, a protruding bone from a broken leg, or a dislocated shoulder perhaps. I mean, name any form of accident-related injury, it is enough to make me worried sick.
But, but, but….how will I ever experience a higher level of biking experience if I won’t step out of my comfort zone? How can I always let fear interfere with fulfilling my dreams? (This is more difficult to attain.)
So now, the dream came true. I happened to have been given by God a fiance who enjoys communing with nature and has that adventure-seeking attitude as well. That is, seeking adventure in a healthy and sporty way – TRAIL BIKING.
Whoa! Can I start with biking on a highway first before that? He said yes, and so this was how the fun began.
Sweating, panting, breathing heavily, and having a thumping heart. That was how my first bike ride on the highway felt. Not bad for my first try, Brian assured me. Well, I was actually the one more worried for him as he would constantly look back to check how I’m doing and he might get hit by a fast-moving vehicle from the other lane. But by God’s grace and protection, the first try was an achievement.
I got a sore butt and aching muscles especially in my arms and legs but I was smiling. Gone is the fear and here is the fun.
Brian saw how much I enjoyed it. So what we did was spend quality time together by biking around their neighborhood with just our slippers, regular T-shirts, and shorts. Indeed, practice makes something perfect.
Then the moment came.
He invited me to go biking on the highway of Nuvali in Tagaytay. I said well, that is fine with me. Although I still have this little fear of biking on a highway but not as much during my first attempt. So we loaded the bikes in the car and off we went to our biking venue. When we got there, the weather was just so perfect for biking – a bit chilly and not too sunny.
Pre-Nuvali ride selfie shot with my fiance and my biking partner.
We readied the bikes and ourselves (of course) and off we went. But after hitting about a few road stretches, I was getting bored and when Brian caught up with me, he asked, “Hon, I know you are getting bored. Do you want to try going in the trail that me and my fellow trail bikers would usually take during our rides? It is not far from here.”
Highway mode on.
I was a bit hesitant because I have seen his trail biking photos and I know it is going to take so much preparation from me either when it comes to biking gear and equipment or even just mentally, before going in. But, I cannot let fear interfere again, right?
The answer was, “Yes, let’s try it.” And I trusted him that he knows his craft so well. So we took the diversion off the main road leading to the trail and oh boy, it was indeed wilderness with bushes along the trail, potholes, and zigzag paths with steep slopes that welcomed me.
Before stopping over.
But, here’s the fun part. I found myself laughing while biking. I was riding the bike with too much precaution that Brian would remind me to just enjoy the ride and just release that tension off the grip. Yes, because I was gripping the bike handles too tight lest I might not be able to hold the brakes when the need arises. LOL
The happy kid in me. *all smiles*
I was feeling every motion of the bike and I can feel myself one with it. It was such a fantastic feeling of having this total control over the bike and be able to maneuver it in such a way that you get through going up and going down every steep slope and keep the bike steady with that every bump and every sharp turn.
Bushes all around, nothing else but lush greens.
Well, I didn’t stumble and I didn’t fall though I almost did, but I came out the trail unscathed. We stopped for a couple of times so I could catch my breath as I don’t do gym work outs. So definitely I have no cardio exercise which is, by the way, very important before doing any extreme sport such as trail biking. Though we only finished 1/3 of the trail, Brian congratulated me that I made it that far and did it quite well for someone who has no experience whatsoever when it comes to trail biking. Yay! 😀
When we were out on the highway again, I can feel freedom at its best. I was savoring the wind touching my face, the scent of fresh air, the lush greens around me, and even the trucks behind me. I can even ride the bike with just one hand! Yes, along the highway. Just imagine how much I have learned, tried, experienced and accomplished by not giving in to fear and saying yes to fun.
Upon exiting the trail saying “peace” to a bumpy but joyful ride. 🙂
Whew! And it was indeed REALLY FUN. Now I am ALL SET for my next trail biking adventure. Next goal – reach midway of the trail in a faster biking pace. *keeping my fingers crossed*
These are the moments that I thank God for – the right recreation at the right moment with the right people. I am grateful too for my fiance and my biking partner who is such a patient guide and teacher.
Out of desolation, out of despair, A want to escape the devil’s snare.
A heart that bleeds, a heart that weeps, Wishing a love that is for keeps.
You searched, you groped. Now hoping you have coped.
Tried to give in and tried to give up, Half empty, half full – like in a cup.
Now you wonder, now you question. I need my Savior, He can’t abandon.
For that is my comfort, He is my wisdom, Overflowing peace, that is His Kingdom.
To love is to feel, to bleed is to heal. To die is to live, to know what is real.
The Cross bears it, in our every call. He died for us, to live and have it all.
His Kingdom’s riches, beyond silver and gold, For everyone’s keeping, may you be young and old.
The everlasting hope, now in your hand, Are we to take it or let it slip like the sand?
So I remembered, so I’m comforted. A loving Father, dearly and beloved.
For in my desolation, I can only savor that moment, To be in His arms, my solitary confinement.
***This is my very first poem that I wrote summarizing my faith and my spiritual journey since I got saved last 3/13/13. Praise be to God for the gift of words. If you have the gift of words too, may this inspire you to make more literature that will honor and glorify His Name. 🙂
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” – Romans 12:12
In every crusade, the knights engage in periods of time preparing for a victorious battle. In driving, you buckle up for safety. In school, you study so you will graduate. In almost every action, there is always a plan. But in life, how do you prepare?
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” – Proverbs 19:21
I bet this verse will remind us that not even us have the capability to completely prepare ourselves for what the future holds. As I enter this year, I realized I have so many in my hands right now that sometimes I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of opportunities, things to do and decisions. A swirling sea that seems endless with no beginning and yet no ending.
Decisions. Life can never be “life” without them. Each and every single day we decide, we choose. We choose what we will eat today, what we will wear tomorrow, what to ride today, etc. And yes, oftentimes we worry, we fret. Forgetting that God told us this:
“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?…“- Matthew 6:25-26
Ah yes, Father. I am a worrier, full of doubts. Would any of you be right then if you assumed that I have no trust at all? Could be. But by God’s Grace I am still here worshiping, because His love never fails. For all throughout the changing seasons, He was there to guide me and usher me towards where I should be heading. Slowly learning to surrender and build the trust bit by bit, letting go of the world and slowly embracing more of Him each and every single day.
But it wasn’t smooth sailing. Conflicts, rage, heartaches, headaches, pain, sorrow, regret…have I made the wrong decisions?
And yet I was pacified with this:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7
And also this:
“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” – James 1:6
I believe I can no longer give in to the shadow of doubts and affliction but believe in the power of prayers and surrendering to His mighty will. Yes, God’s will and His plans prevail. They always do. And that is the Good News. To hope is to trust. I guess that’s what it is to have faith. 🙂
Thus, I pray:
Oh Mighty Father, if we have acted upon our own free will in the past and failed, may You continue to guide us and make things right as we surrender to Your plans instead of ours. We pray that as plans shift, may You continue to touch and guard the hearts of those who will be affected. May You cover all the pain, remove all the hurt and bless us with forgiveness, acceptance, peace and love. And above it all, we will continue to hold on to the beautiful promises that You have for us until Your work in us is complete. Teach us to be patient, teach us to be calm. Considering that in all that we do and in all that we say, we will claim victory in Jesus’ Mighty Name. Amen.
“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
The Journeyman's Moments 