Tag Archives: shift

What Is Painful In Every Battle?

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Do you know what is painful when you’re fighting battles? It’s when both you and your husband cry your hearts out while hugging each other because you are in this season where you both feel trapped and are just too tired but have no choice but to stay strong for one other.

And this was after we failed to be kind and gentle with one another – and all that we know we should avoid during arguments (Kraken V. 10 activated). Those kind of moments when our worst comes out after suppressing it for a very long time.

Indeed, the pastor during our pre-wedding seminar some years ago was right when he said that marriage is all about the word “give” because it requires giving and not getting and forgiving each other and ourselves always. Because we will be offending and failing one another often.

My husband never cries, but he does now. So I know that the weight on him of what we are going through is too much. We are both going through transitions that give us little time to process everything. I am also processing grief over the loss of my Mom who, next to God, is the first person I share my problems with when it comes to my marriage.

It is this kind of feeling wherein you both don’t want to let go because you got used to being with each other all the time and yet you are questioning whether what you both have was real love or not. Or if this marriage is still worth fighting for.

Was it just platonic love? We do have great chemistry but the connection isn’t there. And yet we both know that love isn’t all about electrifying sparks and emotions – love is a decision. It is a decision to love your spouse every single day no matter what happens. Because this is what God taught me about love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 4:7

It is a love who seeks to understand rather than condemn. That kind of love that chooses to forgive and be forgiven. It is a love that chooses to fight for what is good over and over again. But also that kind of love who lets go so the other can be happier.

My husband and I still need each other now and be the best friends that we are to each other who console and support one another when we’re going through tough times. And I am praying we both can sum up the courage to bravely face life alone as we pursue different paths. Because only God knows how our story as a couple ends.

I know my husband is torn between leaving me alone here and pursuing the calling that God has for him abroad. My promise to him remains though. Even if we get separated by distance or by choice, for as long as I am married to him by law, I will honor this marriage until such time that he decides to end it legally.

We made a mistake in the past, a sin that we covered up with another sin. Until our sins caught up with us. My husband wasn’t ready to marry. Though it was a decision we made together, I felt like I was at fault because I somehow forced him in a way. We were both victims of our own selfishness.

Unfortunately, both of us can no longer change the past. But I am praying, I am praying hard that God will forgive me and my husband and release us from the bondage of sin. We have forgiven each other, we suffered for our sins, and I pray that God will give us both peace and a second chance to make up for our mistakes and live a better tomorrow whether together or alone.

I assured my husband that if we can no longer carry the burden of everything we are going through now, we call out to God. Always. It is only God who can help us go through every rough season in our lives and deal with the saddest emotions that we have including those that we don’t reveal to others. God is really the only one who can understand when no one else can.

May God help me and my husband end this year at peace with the pains of our past and the uncertainties of the future. I pray that He will grant us the courage to move on and to move forward not forgetting the lessons we learned. And lastly, I pray for strength to be able to let go of one another believing that God’s plans for us are always for our own good. 🙏

P.S. Lord, enough of the drama already. Mabibigyan po ba ako nito ng award sa Metro Manila Film Festival? Hanubey, awat na. Puh-lease langs. huhuhu 😭 Seriously though, I really want to erase 2023 in my memory. But I know I cannot. I can only remember it as it is. No matter how painful. Because there are good things, too, that happened this year. And they are also worth remembering. ❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” – James 5:16

How To Know When A Season Is About To End

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How do you know when a season in your life is about to end? Though it might seem like the answer has something to do with emotions alone, it should never be the case always. Why? Emotions can be very tricky sometimes. And the enemy can use it to his advantage. What we need, on the one hand, is discernment – both ruled by the heart and the mind.

How Do I Know the Season Will Change?

1. PRAY

There is no better way to ask God where He wants you to go and what He wants you to do but to ask Him outright. And the best way to communicate with Him is through a prayer.

2. Contemplate on Your Situation

Assessing how current things are going will give you clues. Begin from how you started. Think about how things have progressed or the opposite. But don’t try to come up with solutions yet. Not yet.

3. A Door Closing, A New One Opens

In my previous experiences, God ends a season because He is leading me to a new one. I used to be very stubborn when it comes to this. Even though God continues to close a particular door, I keep on bangin’ it so I could get in.

But when God says you’re knockin’ at the wrong door, He seriously means it. I only get extremely frustrated and exhausted trying to open it with zero positive results. All because I want to insist my way and not His way. In this case, the best thing to do is to wait for Him to open the door He chose as the one specifically reserved for you.

So What Do I Do Now?

After doing all those things above, these are the next steps you must do:

1. Wait

The spiritual journey of any Christian has a lot to do with waiting. Why? Because waiting is all about letting God take control of everything and allowing things to fall into place according to His plans.

2. Stay Focused

Distractions are one of the enemy’s ways to derail us from our main purpose. Distractions can come in the form of temptations. Keeping them at bay will help you stay on track.

3. Act When God Says So

You will know when God says it is the right time to act. It is not all about God doing everything, anyway. As the bible says, “Faith without deeds is dead.”

Why the Article Title?

This is a bit irrelevant to the topic but still about changing seasons on a personal note. If you will notice, I don’t normally follow rules when it comes to writing. In fact, I break a lot of them. 😀

Why? For me, too much technicality will kill creativity. Writers are artists. Artists perform best and flourish when they are given the freedom to explore to the best of their abilities without excessive constraints.

Anyway, going back to changing seasons, the moment finally came wherein God asked I focus on doing fewer tasks but are greater priorities.

Tabula Rasa

I had to let go of my writing career in an advertising agency after working with them for a year. My entire working experience with them was all worthwhile though. This was my first professional job as a writer after the career shift from being a teacher.

This year was the “tabula rasa” in my writing career so to speak. I have learned so much about digital marketing either from work or the extra research I do on my own to better understand how the entire process works.

It may feel like a loss to me as I’ve grown quite comfortable with the environment. But God never intended that I stay there for long. He opened another opportunity just recently. This time, with a different community and audience – a faith-based website. So I thought, maybe God just put me in digital marketing so I can “market” faith.

Well, if you’ll look at it in another way, digital marketing is all about increasing your audience through marketing using digital technology. God wanted a bigger audience who will learn about the gospel, too.

Daily PS

The latter is the new season for me as I was accepted to contribute for Daily PS. (Thank you, Alex and team, for this opportunity!) This is a not-for-profit stint for me but I just love to write anything about faith. And oh, please do watch out for my first article. It’s scheduled to go live on July 3rd! 😀 I also plan to contribute articles for them on a regular basis.

Family Obligations

Another season prior to this have already started but it’s not yet on full throttle. It’s a family project where I felt deeply that God wanted me to be in our hometown. I did mention this in my previous articles. The only thing I’m concerned about is leaving hubby here or bringing him with me but both of us will be jobless. But, I put my complete trust in the Lord. Because I know this is what He wanted me to do.

Hubby dear is tentatively up for another promotion and he’ll start training on July to find out if he is fit for the role. If ever he gets promoted, we plan to use the savings to help my siblings in funding the project. The thing is, I need to be one of the “executionists” a.k.a. executives. 😀 Dad is almost 80 years old and old age is starting to take its toll on him. He needs an assistant. I am more than willing to become his apprentice though. 😉

A Journeyman

Speaking of apprentice, this is what the title of my blog is all about. It will contain stories of a journeyman/apprentice who learns along the way wherever his master takes him and whatever his master teaches him.

Ah yes. This is all part of God’s bigger plan. Everything seems to fit perfectly when you try to look at things from a wider perspective. But it took careful decisions and a lot of sacrifices on my part.

I believe God just doesn’t want me to settle on something yet. Every time I am about to get comfortable about something, the tides will begin to turn. Then, I would find myself embarking on a new season yet again. I just take these experiences as essential for my growth in this spiritual journey. 🙂

Finally

So, how do you really know a season will end? It really is between you and God. He’ll tell you and you will find out. Ask for His leading if you need to make sacrifices. Ask Him to help you make a tough decision.

Just always remember that it is not what is in store for you in the next season you’re going into that is why you wanted to obey Him. But think of it as a privilege. The privilege to be used by God and be a part of His masterplan.

Will you let Him end the season and usher you towards the door of a new season? Or will you choose to remain in your comfort zone? 🙂

Always a faithful follower of Christ,

The Grey Thoughts

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Tin Ginete

Grey Areas

I cannot, for certain reasons, make myself read about “Mr. Grey.” No offense to those who take fancy and a general liking on the book. But I am afraid if its theme is to devalue women by means of female subordination and male chauvinism through eroticism, then I guess I am one with the thousands who are against it. I know for certain I will be coming up with a review regarding my disapproval on its general content criticizing how it primarily identifies women as sexual objects.

Would I be considered bias and a sexist if I’d rather choose to empower women in knowing their self-worth, boost their self-esteem and have that self-respect through Christ, their skills, God-given talents and capabilities and through them and them alone? And would it be wrong to go against the norms and assert my rights as a woman in a patriarchal system? Is it possible then to have a paradigm shift? They say that for a paradigm shift to take place, there has to be a change in mentality first. And for the latter, I believe culture has a huge role in it.

Back in college, majority of the classes I took are literary pieces that centered on feminism and women empowerment. And I’d like to give credit to some of the major novels we have discussed that made a great impact on me in terms of philosophical influences – possibly the main reason why I am rationalizing the way I do now.

I suggest the all-time classical movies – Jane Eyre; Little Women; Mona Lisa Smile and the more contemporary Eat, Pray, Love for good selections on what it means to be a woman. Great novels, they are.

Or better yet, read Proverbs 31. This last one, I highly recommend. 🙂