When The Pain Lingers

I requested a copy of Mom’s death certificate online today and once again, tears just started streaming down my face as I wrote her death day. It’s been 7 months since Mom passed away, and yet grief still lingers – the pain lingers. Indeed, what they say is true. The pain will never go away. You just learn to move on with your life, but the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. And yes, things will just never be the same.

For today’s blog post, I wanted to write a letter to my Mom just to lessen the pain a little bit. ❤️

“Dear Mommy,

I miss you terribly. I miss your text messages and our long conversations over the phone (not less than 2 hours) just talking about anything. I miss watching movies with you and how we would analyze and make a movie critique even when the movie was not yet finished and make assumptions about how it will end.

I ate pistachios today – your favorite. They were supposed to be a “pasalubong” for you from a relative abroad. Your favorite imported soaps are also still in your cabinet, and I don’t know if I will use them because their scent reminds me of you and makes me miss you even more.

Do you still remember when I was still sleeping with you and Dad until I was 6 years old and how I’d tuck my hand under your armpit and I’d fall asleep right after? I still do that now, but with my husband. lol You probably must’ve thought how weird is this kind of behavior from your youngest child. And yet, you still let me do it.

I hope you were at peace when God took you from us – it was my only prayer while you were at the hospital. Losing you is a tragedy that doesn’t seem to have an ending. We may not agree on certain things, but I want you to know that I am deeply sorry if there were times when I hurt your feelings.

It was never my intention to hurt you, and all I ever wanted was to love you like how you wanted to be loved. You will always be the best Mom for me. And it is because of you that’s why I am who I am today.

Oh Mom, how do you make this pain more tolerable? I wish I had your wit and your wisdom. You seem to have an answer and a solution to everything. Everyone in the family confided with you when it came to their problems and sought your advice.

I was also hoping you’d still get to see your grandkids, my future children (if God wills it I still bear a child). But, I guess that will no longer happen. Losing you is very painful, and I am not sure when will I be grieving. The only consolation I have now is that you’re no longer suffering from pain.

Help me to be brave like you, Mom. And yet I know you will tell me to trust God because He is the only one who sees everything and that He is always in control.

Thank you for everything, Mommy. I will cherish all the memories we’ve had with you – the good and the bad. I may sometimes wish that I’d be with you sooner, and yet I know I still have to look forward to what lies ahead if God will tell me to stay a little longer.

I love you always, and no one can ever replace you in my heart because there is only one person who carried me in her womb and brought me into this world – you.

Always your youngest child,

Nen”


“God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, no crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”- Revelation 21:4


To The Only Mother I’ll Ever Have

That’s no other than my Mom. 🙂

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I wrote this article to honor our Mom on her 72nd birthday today, September 7, 2018. I know the text, call or Skype greeting won’t be enough to show her how much we love her especially since we are miles away from her. Thus, here’s a little something for the social media.

Her Name is Teacher Eden

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BNCS-A Teachers: Mom is second from the left.

She’s a retired grade school teacher. She’s also one of my former teachers and though she’s my Mom, she never treated me any different from my classmates. I could remember one moment when I was still the talkative girl seated at the front because of near-sightedness. My Mom, who’s my Science teacher back then, called me out by my name and said, “Christine, pay attention!” 😀 Haha

Mom in her younger days.

Yes, no biases for Mom as a teacher inside the classroom. And that is why when asked during a job interview who’s the first person to me who exemplified professionalism, I wrote none other than my Mom. Here’s my answer:

“I have worked in several industries from the BPO, the advertising agency, to the academe but I only found one professional whom I look up to when it comes to the right work ethics and dedication – my Mom. I may be biased but she is the first professional I know who exemplifies what it is to not just be good but to excel in your craft as far as professionalism is concerned.

She is now a retired grade school teacher and has been teaching for 45 years. She was assigned to handle Section 4 in a public elementary school which was stereotyped back then as a class composed of students who were rowdy, often absent, and cognitively challenged. But despite that, my Mom invested in her students through discipline and provided encouragement to always be in class.

Some of them were absent in school because they accompany their parents in earning a living. Some attend school without having breakfast. Some couldn’t cope with the lesson discussed. And yet my Mom made sure they are getting the best quality of education she could offer.

It is through this that I have learned that professionalism isn’t about being employed and receiving a salary but more about what you can contribute to the betterment of the organization you are with may it be in the academe or the corporate world.”

As A Mother

My Mom, and in all goodness of the word, is a “tiger mom” in a way that she instilled discipline above everything else. She has a lot of rules at home but she’s the one who taught us what it meant about taking responsibilities and being accountable for them at an early age.

I can remember how I made a “deal” with Mom about having my first cat when I was around 7 or 8 years old. I asked her if I can keep the kittens. This was what she said, “Yes, you can keep them but you are responsible for feeding them and making sure they are well taken care of.” And yes, we have to take out our cats’ poop when we’re already a bit older. My siblings and I usually try to “evade” this task and you can tell why. lol

Every Saturday, we also had this family thing called “doing household chores together.” 😀 When I was younger (and anyone can relate), this is the part where I don’t enjoy much. But now that I am older, I appreciated my Mom training us to do these chores as part of our weekly tasks.

And no, don’t ever think about cleaning everything in one fast sweep. You have to make sure the place where you’re assigned to clean is 100% spot-free. Why? She will ask you to clean it again if she still sees dirt in them. 😉

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The young Ginetes circa 1980s.

During summertime, kids may have this idea of 100% vacation in their heads. But with us, it is 90% play time but 10% summer lessons. She would ask us to do advance lessons of books that will be used for next year.

No problem for me if it’s English because it’s my favorite (even if I have faulty grammar.lol). But no, it has to be your most hated subject – mine’s Math. 😀 Mom knew the subjects where we’re performing poorly and to avoid the chances of us flanking, she will ask us to do review lessons.

There are actually a lot more that I can share here about how Mom brought us up and made us who we are now. But looking back, I can only be grateful she brought us up that way.

I appreciated every single effort that she and my Dad made to teach us everything from right values, good manners, to the skills that we needed to survive in the real world. It molded the character that now defines each and every one of us, 5 siblings.

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Year 2010: Back when my eldest sister’s the only one among 5 of us, siblings, who is married. 😀

There are times that out of my frustration I would text my Mom about certain people and how different they are from us. And yet what she will always tell me is to stand down. To show to people how to do things right but do it by being flexible enough to understand where they came from. By being able to listen, to never demand, but to adjust if and when necessary.

If God wills it I become a mom, I am going to raise my children like how Mom did with a little combination from what I learned from others and in the academe. My Mom epitomizes a woman of great character, strength, and wisdom. And I can only thank God I was given a Mom like her. With this, I can say that my siblings and I are truly blessed. ❤

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Circa 1960s: My mom (in blue dress) along with my uncles and aunt, grandparents (center), and great-grandmother (center, seated).

To end this article, I’d like to offer a prayer for my Mom and I’d like to invite you to join me pray for her:

“Dear Father,

Thank You for the life of my Mom. May You always shower her with your protection, Your love, Your comfort, and Your grace. Strengthen her always in the times that she is weak and deliver her from any kind of struggle.

May You bind us together as one family through her in the midst of trials and challenges. Thank You because You have been faithful to her all throughout these years. May You shine upon her and give her the wisdom always that will lead not just us, her children, but others as well.

In Jesus’ Mighty Name I pray, Amen.”

“Honor your Father and your Mother” — which is the first commandment with a promise…” – Ephesians 6:2

Always proud to be my Mom’s daughter,

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P.S.

If you want to know more about my Mom, you may read this article: “How My Passion For Art and Fashion Came To Be.”