Beyond Labels: Securing My Identity In Jesus Christ

This is a topic I have long wanted to include on my blog. But due to its sensitivity, I thought I’d wait for the right time instead. It looks like this is now the right time to post it. With everything that is happening around us lately, it wouldn’t be a surprise if there is a growing anxiety among the general public, even among those who seem to keep it all together.

Questions such as whether the economy will take a complete downturn in the coming years, or whether climate change effects can be abated or not, are taking center stage in almost every news outlet. Death tolls continue to rise in every part of the world, and not to mention the geopolitical tensions that never seem to end.

We don’t have to be reminded about the ongoing political clamor, religious persecution, inflation, and employment layoffs, which add up to the instability that the world is going through now. It’s no wonder mental health issues also increased in every age group – labels that now seem to define who we are.

Depression, for one, has had a significant increase over the last decade or two, according to a study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research. In the US, for example, research showed mental health issues are prevalent among young adults. While some of the causes include environmental factors, we also cannot dismiss those who are genetically predisposed to have these mental illnesses, such as Bipolar Disorder.

A Testimony of Grace In The Midst of Depression

This article will be coming from the perspective of an undiagnosed individual. I have experienced depression, but I just can’t say if it’s Single Episode Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, or Situational Depression. By the way, just for context, and I don’t share this often, but since this article will be a testimony of some sort, I’ll mention briefly how I’ve had two suicide attempts (both failed) before I became a born-again Christian.

I won’t delve into details because, as I have learned in the past seminars I attended in church, when you share a testimony, keep the bad part short and the salvation part longer – God has to take the spotlight and not the enemy. 🙂

The second attempt was what pivoted me to be born again in 2012, and why this blog was born (October 2012). After that, I still had some suicidal thoughts, but they’re all just passing thoughts. In the succeeding paragraphs, I’ll be sharing the importance of salvation, being born again, conducting research on mental illnesses, looking for support, and seeking professional help.

I did not seek any professional help (I also kept it a secret from my family), though I am willing to do so if worse comes to worst. Some people are not aware that they are suffering from a mental illness, some are aware but choose not to seek medical intervention (like me), and some badly need all the support that they could get.

The last ones are mostly severe cases. And I was able to witness one, and the experience allowed me to see what goes on inside a psychiatric facility. It is heart-wrenching. That is the only word I will use to describe it. I am praying God will provide more opportunities to help those who are afflicted by severe mental health problems, from more psychiatrists, more support for the family, to more accessible and affordable health care benefits.

Going back to what I experienced, I will describe the season as if you were in a dark pit. It is as if the darkness around you is drowning you, you can’t breathe, and you just can’t see any way out. There is this deep heaviness inside you that doesn’t seem to go away, no matter how positive you try to be. And there are just so many extreme emotions going on inside of you.

My Journey To Becoming Born-Again

When I was just a newbie born-again Christian, every time I looked back on that experience, I would cry uncontrollably. I guess it is the overwhelming feeling of being saved when you thought all hopes were lost. ‘Yung feeling na hindi pa pala katapusan ng lahat, meron pa palang paraan. And I found that hope when I got to know who Jesus Christ is. It was like all the burden I carried was lifted, and I just started looking at things from a different perspective.

This last one is the ultimate game changer. Because when you start to see yourself as part of a bigger picture, you realize that your problems aren’t really as big as they seem. They are just part of a master plan necessary to mold you into becoming more like Jesus Christ. While knowing Jesus Christ as my Savior didn’t diminish all my problems, and I still have problems 13 years after being saved, I now seem to have this boldness of spirit to move forward, which I know did not come from my own strength.

So where did it come from? I’ll tell you a bit of the process of being born again, but this will be from the church that helped me with my spiritual journey. I’m not sure if the process is different or the same for other churches. I’ve had my water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit at Victory Katipunan. It isn’t a one-day event; that is why your patience will be tested throughout the process, but it will make you realize how badly you need a personal relationship with the Lord.

(You may read more about my experience here: “Lordship: The Life After.”)

During the baptism of the Holy Spirit, one pastor laid his hands on me during the intercession. And I think that’s the time that my spiritual gift was awakened, which gave birth to this blog. I have always been passionate about writing. There is something about written words that I absolutely love.

Putting My Spiritual Gift To Good Use

I was gifted with the ability to see connections and patterns, most especially in words. As a professional, I use this skill to organize, analyze, set up systems, create written content, and perform tasks that require deep mental focus. I think my love for words is one of the main reasons why I passed UPCAT and got in at UP Diliman, because I got very high scores in the English tests (around 96%), even if I failed horribly in Math (like 70% or lower :-D), and got average scores in Science, Filipino, and History. Thank you, UP Diliman, for giving me a chance to be an Iskolar ng Bayan.

There’s actually one incident wherein I wasn’t hired for a job position that I applied for, and the friend who referred me and actually worked in that company wasn’t promoted because I aced the English exam during my pre-employment assessment. They thought my friend gave me a cheat sheet, which wasn’t true.

I just have this fascination with written words, and my brain seems to remember highfalutin words even if I read them only once. Though the downside is that I don’t often remember the context where they were used, so my common error back then (before there was Google) was misused words in a sentence. I still commit that mistake until now, when I am feeling too lazy to search for the meaning of the word on the internet. 😀

This blog did not just pave the way for my spiritual gift, but it also helped me manage my depression. It became my online journal, and I get to process my emotions and give all my experiences an afterthought here. I think this is very important when it comes to self-regulation.

8 Practical Tips To Improve Your Mood

I have found the following tips very helpful if you want to boost your mood. The internet has a lot of them, actually, but these are what work for me, and I am praying they will help you, too, one way or another.

1. Read Your Bible And Pray Every Day

For an introvert like me, I love isolation, and being in a room all day long is normal for me. But this is also where danger comes in. The moment I am alone with my thoughts, the enemy will start to infiltrate them with all sorts of negative thoughts. My defense for this is the Word of God.

It is best if you set aside time reading the Scripture upon waking up and before going to bed. I prefer the bedtime Bible reading because everything is quiet. In the morning, I read daily devotionals like Our Daily Bread and YouVersion Daily Devotional, and watch the Morning Worship and Prayer of Victory Philippines on YouTube.

And don’t forget to make praying a daily habit. In fact, prayer must be your number one weapon during spiritual warfare. My favorite line is this: “No weapon formed against me by the enemy shall prosper, by the name and by the blood of Jesus Christ.” Say it again and again and again when you are having self-destructive thoughts.

2. Connect With Nature

You just have to love Mr. Sun for that much-needed Vitamin D. Go out and spend a lot of time outdoors surrounded by nature, and marvel at God’s wonderful creations. Walking also has a lot of benefits according to medical experts. It increases your dopamine, it helps you burn calories, it slows down aging, and the list just goes on and on.

3. The More Hobbies, The Better

Introverts and empaths are prone to depression because of isolation. They are also more likely to see things in retrospect and internalize everything. Having a lot of hobbies will help refocus from inward to outward. Plus, you get to learn a new skill, which might come in handy for future tasks that God will ask you to do. I have a very wide range of hobbies because I love learning, so I am always trying new experiences, good ones.

4. Listen To Worship Songs And Sing Along

Even if you don’t know how to sing, I suggest memorizing a couple of worship songs by heart. I find them very helpful when I am in a difficult situation, and I can’t seem to get out of it asap. I hum silently, and if it is okay to sing, I sing aloud. It really does change my mood, especially when I am feeling angry, nervous, fearful, or anxious.

5. Eat Healthy

I admit I don’t eat healthy sometimes. If I am seeing a doctor regularly, I’d definitely get a good spanking, I mean, a long lecture on the importance of eating healthy. 😀 I do try to be intentional in eating healthy foods, that’s why I have been experimenting with growing my own vegetables in our garden, and also for sustainability purposes.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t maximize the harvests because most of them died during the onslaught of several typhoons last year. I also found out that the soil in our garden is not suitable for growing vegetables since its composition is more clay than loam. I plan to adopt new planting methods and strategies for the new batch (hopefully this summer) to keep them alive, God willing, until harvest time.

6. Learn Your Triggers

Take note of what triggers you to have a meltdown or be in a depressive state. There are so many triggers around you, and most of them are out of your control, so try to avoid them if you can. If you can’t, then try coming up with a plan such as setting boundaries, learning to say “no,” doing social media fasting, or learning techniques to relax and destress while you are in a difficult situation.

Try to keep your mind off what triggers you by shifting your focus to what you will learn from the experience. As our church leaders would say, the best question to ask during difficult moments is this: “What is God trying to teach me in this season?”

7. Identify The Right Support Group

I know I will be biased if I say that you have to choose the people with whom you share your problems. For me, being part of a Bible study group connected me to spiritual mentors and coaches who can pray for me and, at the same time, I get to learn from their experiences and study the word of God, too, in a safe setting.

Although every Bible study group will be different, and all the members are flawed individuals, healing and seeking God’s grace, too. In my opinion, the best way to cope with depression is a combination of spiritual support and medical help, especially for severe cases. Try to make a self-assessment of whether your depression will go away or not, just by doing the tips I have mentioned above, or if you need more support or extra help professionally.

8. Self-Awareness Is Key

Depression doesn’t have a face. Sometimes the smiling person who seems to be so carefree is actually the one who is 90% convinced that suicide is the only way out, compared to a person with a glum look, but still manages to do regular tasks like a normal person. There is such a thing as high-functioning depression, by the way, although it is not a clinical diagnosis (officially). After being born again, I became pro-life – every life now matters to me. Regardless if it’s as small as an ant or as huge as a century-old tree.

Salvation made me appreciate life more.

I guess this is what it means to be empowered by the Holy Spirit – a total paradigm shift devoid of any labels. While the world defines empowerment as confidence and loud, I believe there is also such a thing as quiet empowerment. This, I think, is how the Holy Spirit works in us and what empowerment looks like under a spiritual lens.

It is not loud, but it is bold. It may not be fluent, but it is intentional. It may have hesitations, but it still moves forward. It isn’t all-knowing, but carries Godly wisdom. And this is how we secure our identities in Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior.

I am closing this article with a video from yesterday’s Morning Worship and Prayer led by one of the pastors (Pastor Christian Flores) from Victory Katipunan, where I had my “baby steps” as a born-again Christian. This church will always hold a very special place in my heart.

It’s not just a memorable place for me, but every person that I encountered in that church when I was attending services there played a major role in my transformation to become the person that I am now, starting from the pastors, small group leaders, spiritual mentors, co-volunteers, to other sisters and brothers in Christ. I had my altar call at the Victory Katipunan’s Singles’ Getaway in 2012, by the way.

Who knows, you might be next, too. 😉



P.S. Nami-miss ko na ang UP Diliman, kailan kaya makadalaw ulit at makasimba sa mga Victory churches doon? 😀 Also, I am not a theologian or a medical professional; please feel free to correct me if there is any misinformation in some of the details I have posted above. I will very much appreciate it. 🙂

P.P.S. After being born-again, there will be people who will test your faith, and if indeed you are now practicing what you preach. You will fail in some instances, but I pray it may not be the reason to turn your back on faith. Keep moving forward, we are all suffering the same kind of persecution. Let’s all carry our own crosses because we are all one in this suffering as we are the body of Christ. Don’t forget that Christians all over the world are praying with you in spirit. ❤


“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” – John 1:5

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” – John 8:12

“This is the message we have heard from Him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.” – 1 John 1: 5

“For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” – Ephesians 5:8

“You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.” – Psalm 18:28

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

“I praise You (Lord), for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” – Psalm 139:14

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6


Sociopaths: Understanding Them Better

In view of the plagiarism issue that was going on around the local news, I came across this word in one of the comments – sociopath.

I never knew really what it meant except that it is a mental problem. I did my research on the internet and I must say that it is a serious case of psychiatric illness.

A sociopath is defined as a person with a psychopathic personality whose behavior is antisocial, often criminal, and who lacks a sense of moral responsibility or social conscience. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sociopath)

Here’s what you need to know about sociopaths:

Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

  • Glibness and Superficial Charm
  • Manipulative and Conning
    They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
  • Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
  • Pathological Lying
    Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
  • Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
    A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
  • Shallow Emotions
    When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
  • Incapacity for Love
  • Need for Stimulation
    Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
  • Callousness/Lack of Empathy
    Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
  • Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
    Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
  • Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
    Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet “gets by” by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
  • Irresponsibility/Unreliability
    Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
  • Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
    Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
  • Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
    Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
  • Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
    Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

  1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
  2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
  3. Authoritarian
  4. Secretive
  5. Paranoid
  6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
  7. Conventional appearance
  8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
  9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim’s life
  10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim’s affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
  11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
  12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
  13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
  14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
  15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)


NOTE: In the 1830’s this disorder was called “moral insanity.” By 1900 it was changed to “psychopathic personality.” More recently it has been termed “antisocial personality disorder” in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on ‘objective’ criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.


DSM-IV Definition

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.

Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)

1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right’s of others, those right’s considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
D. Repeated assaults on others.
E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.

2. At least eighteen years in age.

3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.

4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.


Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview (Written by Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate)

Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.

People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.

They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.

They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.


THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR (Source: http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html)

Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they’re the bottom of the barrel — most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren’t murderers. They’re our friends, lovers and co-workers. They’re outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren’t even aware they’ve taken you for a ride — until it’s too late.

Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. “They play a part so they can get what they want,” says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers’ trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims — at work, through friendships or relationships — and not one of us can say, “a psychopath could never fool me.”

Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren’t the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath’s personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book ‘Without Conscience’, a sociopath’s criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment.

Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. “Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people,” adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it’s just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.

Even lovers get taken for a ride by psychopaths. For a psychopath, a romantic relationship is just another opportunity to find a trusting partner who will buy into the lies. It’s primarily why a psychopath rarely stays in a relationship for the long term, and often is involved with three or four partners at once, says Willson. To a psychopath, everything about a relationship is a game. Willson refers to the movie ‘Sliding Doors’ to illustrate her point. In the film, the main character comes home early after just having been fired from her job. Only moments ago, her boyfriend has let another woman out the front door. But in a matter of minutes he is the attentive and concerned boyfriend, taking her out to dinner and devoting the entire night to comforting her. All the while he’s planning to leave the next day on a trip with the other woman.

The boyfriend displays typical psychopathic characteristics because he falsely displays deep emotion toward the relationship, says Willson. In reality, he’s less concerned with his girlfriend’s depression than with making sure she’s clueless about the other woman’s existence. In the romance department, psychopaths have an ability to gain your affection quickly, disarming you with words, intriguing you with grandiose plans. If they cheat you’ll forgive them, and one day when they’ve gone too far, they’ll leave you with a broken heart (and an empty wallet). By then they’ll have a new player for their game.

The problem with their game is that we don’t often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath’s lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. “Psychopaths don’t discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat,” says Seto. “There’s no distinction between friend, family and sucker.”

No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It’s really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. “Psychopaths play on this fact,” he says. “However, I’m certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again.” What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won’t stop.

Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don’t have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren’t even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a patient who would get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn’t a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.

How do you make sure you don’t get fooled when you’re hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their ‘illness.’ But there’s no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today’s traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there’s a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, “Is they don’t see a problem with their behavior.”

Psychopaths don’t seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they’re pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her ‘rehabilitation.’

Even though we can’t treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn’t mean we can’t protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to “realize our own potential and maximize our strengths” so that our insecurities don’t overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes “an image of what you haven’t done for yourself.” Over time, she says, “their appearance of perfection will begin to crack,” but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there’s no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.

Taken in part from MW — By Caroline Konrad — September 1999

THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:

These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else’s fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

If you have come into conflict with such a person or persons, do the following immediately!

(1) Notify your friends and relatives of what has happened.

Do not be vague. Name names, and specify dates and circumstances. Identify witnesses if possible and provide supporting documentation if any is available.

(2) Inform the police. The police will do nothing with this information except to keep it on file, since they are powerless to act until a crime has been committed. Unfortunately, that often is usually too late for the victim. Nevertheless, place the information in their hands.

Obviously, if you are assaulted or threatened before witnesses, you can get a restraining order, but those are palliative at best.

(3) Local law enforcement agencies are usually under pressure if wealthy or politically powerful individuals are involved, so include state and federal agencies as well and tell the locals that you have. In my own experience, one agency that can help in a pinch is the Criminal Investigation Division of the Internal Revenue Service or (in Canada) Victims Services at your local police unit. It is not easy to think of the IRS as a potential friend, but a Swedish study showed that malignant types (the Swedes called them bullies) usually commit some felony or other by the age of twenty. If the family is wealthy, the fact may never come to light, but many felonies involve tax evasion, and in such cases, the IRS is interested indeed. If large amounts of money are involved, the IRS may solve all your problems for you. For obvious reasons the Drug Enforcement Agency may also be an appropriate agency to approach. The FBI is an important agency to contact, because although the FBI does not have jurisdiction over murder or assault, if informed, they do have an active interest in any other law enforcement agencies that do not follow through with an honest investigation and prosecution should a murder occur. Civil rights are involved at that point. No local crooked lawyer, judge, or corrupt police official wants to be within a country mile if that comes to light! It is in such cases that wealthy psychopaths discover just how firm the “friends” they count on to cover up for them really are! Even some of the drug cartel biggies will scuttle for cover if someone picks up the brick their thugs hide under. Exposure is bad for business.

(4) Make sure that several of your friends have the information in the event something happens to you. That way, an appropriate investigation will follow if you are harmed. Don’t tell other people who has the information, because then something bad could happen to them as well. Instruct friends to take such an incident to the newspapers and other media.

If you are dealing with someone who has considerable money, you must realize that they probably won’t try to harm you themselves, they will contract with someone to make the hit. The malignant type is a coward and will not expose himself or herself to personal danger if he or she can avoid it.


Update: A thorough article. You may also find more at http://sociopathworld.com/.

I, the creator of this site, am not a psychologist and have no special expertise in the subject. I created the site as a public service, because no similar site existed in 2003. I occasionally get sad calls and emails. I urge you to consult either a clinical psychologist or the police depending on the problem you face, and wish you good luck.

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(Published article can be found here: http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html)

Here are some tips in case you know one or has a friend who is one, although the best thing to do is to get that someone seek professional help:

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Sociopathic-Friend.