Tag Archives: love

On Bo Sanchez’s “Happy Poverty”

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This book was lying around in our old apartment for how many decades already since I was in college until now. It was only when we recently transferred homes did it capture my attention. I didn’t know who Bro. Bo Sanchez was back then. But last year I followed him on Instagram because of a quote I loved.

I finished reading this book for 20 minutes. That is how I am when I am immersed in what I am reading – time just passes. 😀 This is a short book which is a compilation of different stories but the stories were all wonderfully and beautifully written.

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I totally adored this book from the beginning until the end. I felt like the book was speaking to me or rather, my life’s events are speaking in themselves through the book. In other words, I can 100% relate to everything that Bro. Bo was sharing – ideals, circumstances, take on a lot of things, etc.

The most interesting segment in the book that got me captivated and I found myself smiling and then laughing because I can totally relate to him is the idea of “happy poverty.”

My Version of “Happy Poverty”

If you are to read these articles, it’ll give you a glimpse of what my husband and I went through in the first 2 years of our married life: “Minimalist: What It Taught Me In Life” and “Dressing The Part.” It was not easy but we were able to live by because we have made decisions that we know will forge something deeper in our marriage – trust in God.

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A Commitment As A Married Couple

One of our agreements when we finally decided to look for our own place to stay meant that we will be living in conditions that both of us weren’t used to. We both grew up in comfortable homes where we need not worry about everything we need. And this new season that God brought us in was the opposite – a new and unfamiliar territory. We knew we are up to something very challenging and this meant turbulent and rough seas for us.

To make it short, we decided to enter this “happy poverty” season. For the first part, it was very uncomfortable but we were glad and grateful we went through that season because it was a time of so many changes and growth in all areas of our lives. Because we both agreed to enter it, we were contented with our decision and never had any regrets.

You can imagine the major adjustments in everything throughout this season and we were well aware that we needed to keep our emotions in check because our predicament demanded all sort of negative reactions.

That is, if we allowed them to. Though we failed in some instances, I can still say my husband and I were successful in overcoming all the negativity for the most part. This is most likely because we clung on to a steady Rock who’s never washed ashore no matter how mighty the waves are. And also, because we have the following reminders to lead us. Some of these we were able to learn during the Marriage Preparation seminar we attended in church.

Trust-worthy reminders to live by:

  1. Hold on to the commitment made as a husband and a wife and the act of cleaving.
  2. Consider ourselves totally cut-off from anyone who could help us.
  3. We can’t expect our parents to bail us out or go back home to our parents’ arms whimpering.
  4. It’s not about pride but about trusting God and God alone.
  5. How far will you trust God even if it comes to the point of dying for Him?

Deepened Trust

Looking back now, I can say that that particular season was beautiful. Although during those times there were moments of tears and sadness; disappointments and failures; helplessness and hopelessness – but only for the time being.

We allowed God to work on our lives and rescue us from anything that will be our pitfall. We did experience everything that the word “poverty” can encompass. And yet, if I will be asked to relive the experience, I’d still say “yes.”

Why? Because Bro. Bo Sanchez is right:

“That seasons of famine are permitted by God to give us deepened trust.”

And this verse will support that statement:

“Give your burdens to the LORD, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” – Psalm 55:2

But are there times that I still doubted the Lord? Yes, I honestly admit there are times that I still question God’s will and His ability to make things work according to His plans. This, I must say, I am ashamed in admitting but it also gave God more opportunity to reveal more of Himself to me including His never-ending faithfulness.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

God is Never an Impatient God

Just like this article, developments in the family endeavor, the career opportunities I receive – they were all delayed. Because God revealed September is, once again, a season of waiting.

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“Don’t be impatient. Eat when it is time to eat. And walk when it is time to walk.” – The Alchemist

Why must I or we wait? Because when God asks us to wait, it means He has a big plan that He is currently working on that requires a much-needed preparation and is due to happen in His timetable if we want it to be perfect.

God is a god of perfection and as His sons and daughters, He wants nothing else but for us to have the best. That is, if we have the patience to wait for them to unfold either in this lifetime or the life beyond. 🙂

“Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” – James 1:17

“…in order that in the coming ages He might display the surpassing riches of His grace, demonstrated by His kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves; it is the gift of God,…” – Ephesians 2:8

Rich in God’s love always,

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More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History And Agenda | Part 1

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Disclaimer: This is about the history and it’s a long read but still worth reading. 😉

Oyango is read as /oh-YAh-ngo/. It is where my grandparents spent most of their lives. You only need to travel for 10 minutes from our place to get to the farm. This is the community where my grandparents have built a legacy with their children, with us, and with the neighbors.

The Legacy Behind Oyango Ridge

My grandpa was popularly known as a selfless giver. He shared most of what he could harvest from wild fruit-bearing trees with his friends and neighbors and sold some of the high-value crops. My parents do the same now with whatever we can harvest in our garden. I also intend to do the same.

How Did It Start?

This piece of land was owned by my great-grandfather, Julian Bertumen. He was my Mom’s granddad. It was passed on to my grandparents, then to our parents. We’ve known this place as a special farm back when we were kids.

I can still remember how our grandpa would recount stories during the Japanese occupation and why there were Japanese tunnels inside. I was around 6 years old at that time and I can only recall snippets of the entire experience.

Who is Beato Gerolao?

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CIRCA 1980s in Oyango: (Front L-R): Mom, Grandma, our late Grandpa, Mom’s sister | (Back L-R): Mom’s youngest brother, our late Grandpa’s brother, Mom’s 3rd brother, and his late wife

My grandpa was a good storyteller. This is probably because he loved reading history books. I believe this is why as kids, we developed this attachment towards the place. It’s always a happy moment for us every time my Mom will say, “Okay, tomorrow we are going to the farm.”

To us, it speaks of so many great stories that we can only retell to the younger generations. And yet, I know, no one can share those stories like how our grandpa did. But one thing is for sure: that’s the legacy he passed on to us.

Our love for the farm was rekindled when our 94-year-old grandma reminded us about it during our Christmas vacation last December 2017. She told us that the property that our late grandpa acquired and utilized through his own efforts is all for us, the younger generations.

World War II

I admire my grandparents in so many ways. My grandma is a housewife, and my grandpa was a true-blue farmer. But they were able to send all 4 of their kids to school with the help of some relatives, and yet were also able to acquire other land possessions in other parts of the town during their time. They are now the properties that my parents, my aunts, uncles, and cousins are utilizing.

It was during the generation of my grandparents when World War II broke out. My grandparents didn’t have any formal education back then and they were a part of history where struggles were everywhere. I can imagine how harsh life must have been back then – all the post-war trauma and the economic, social, and political instability. But I believe those events forged something deeper in the early generations – resiliency.

Oyango Ridge History

The land is surrounded by mountain ridges. That’s why the Japanese chose it as their perfect hideout, thus, the tunnels. Some of these tunnels are short, and some were carved deep into the mountains, having entry and exit points at each side of the mountain. There were some that our grandpa said were used to hide an aircraft. There’s also one part of the farm where there’s a crater for another aircraft hideout. He assured us that there’s no need to worry if there might still be bombs dug deep in any part of the land. But honestly, we really can’t be too sure if it is free from land mines.

After World War II ended, scavengers scourged the land for scraps of metal to sell. Some were gold diggers (literally) who were looking for hidden treasures a la “Yamashita Treasure.” The Japanese were in a hurry to leave the country when they lost the war, so some were hoping they might have left anything valuable during the commotion.

Some asked permission to search our property. Since it’s already private property, my grandpa declined and warned them that they would be trespassing if they pushed through. Besides, my grandpa said it’s impossible they’ll find a treasure there because the land was basically used as a military artillery and as an air raid shelter.

It’s a wide but secluded place where they can perfectly and secretly hide any bulky military equipment, such as an aircraft, in case of an air surveillance or an air raid. Even before my great-grandpa bought the farm, and some gold diggers were successful enough to scour the place, they found no treasure.

The barracks of the Japanese are actually located miles away from the farm situated inside the grounds of my grade school alma mater. That is why our place is popularly called “Barracks”, if you plan to go there, and not by the street name itself.

There is one historic landmark inside the school grounds, which is also another air raid shelter or Japanese shelter made from stone and concrete. But nobody knows where it leads to since eroded soil blocked some parts of the tunnel already. Treasure hunters also tried their luck on this tunnel, but to no avail.

Also, to be able to dig on a piece of property, one must secure a treasure hunting permit from the National Museum of the Philippines. Otherwise, it will be considered an illegal activity. What bothered us really is the idea that there could still be land mines on the property since our grandpa said it’s used as a military artillery range.

You must be wondering why the Japanese chose our town during their brief occupation. If you’re going to look at the map, it is a strategic location for military operations. We are a coastal area so there are several options when it comes to escape routes – by land, by sea, and by air. Near the Oyango Ridge, there is now an auxiliary airport but I believe this was built after the war already. However, it never became operational.

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Bulan Auxiliary Airport

Objectives: Mission and Vision

Why utilize the property? My siblings and I have already discussed the project’s mission and vision:

MISSION: “Greenery Towards Greater Sustainability”

VISION:

We are a privately-held company and a not-for-profit organization. Our goals include the promotion of sustainable agriculture through organic farming and supporting the local food movement. With this advocacy, we hope to provide more livelihood opportunities locally and increase agricultural appreciation.

As a social enterprise, we are targeting the inclusion of a training camp for the students and the young generation who will venture into the agribusiness industry. We are also looking into expanding our agribusiness projects to agritourism. This will enable us to promote local tourism by building a recreation and leisure community through the farm resort, vacation home, campsite, hospice, and retreat center for holistic wellness.

It is a not-for-profit organization because a majority of the profits will be used to fund the project’s operations. We are targeting the project to be self-sustaining. Self-sustaining means the initial invested capital will remain intact, and the ROI generated will be entirely used to fund the operations of the project. The higher the ROI, the more opportunities to expand the project’s objectives – the campsite, the retreat area, training facilities for young entrepreneurs/interns, etc.

So if we are to picture it in a graph, it can’t be a succession of extreme highs and lows similar to stock investments, which are volatile by nature. It cannot be a flat line, because a flat line means your business is dead. 😀

Instead, there has to be a steady increase in the ROI or, at the very least, consistently earn. The challenge now lies in how we can make this happen – insert marketing strategies. This is the point where I find it daunting and a bit overwhelming. But I have observed lately that when business start-ups are too focused on generating money asap and how much they will profit, it sometimes derails the company’s mission, objectives, and its values along the way. I believe it is best to leave the “money” part to God. Besides, He is the sole provider. I know He will supply according to our needs.

Creating a business model is far more complicated and way more intricate than we imagined, even after studying all the theories. How to keep the business running is where some businesses get stuck, and I am praying God will give us the grace and wisdom so it won’t happen to us. Because this is not for us, but helping others have better lives. And also, I would like God to be the center of it, a.k.a. our “chiefest” CEO. 😉

Sources of Livelihood

There are limited livelihood options in our town because it is a “sleepy” town. I call it that way because it has a small population, and the town’s revenues only come from small-scale businesses. There is only an influx in the population(revenues, too) during the holidays, i.e., Christmas vacation, Holy Week, town fiesta, etc., where relatives from abroad or from the city visit the town. During this season, businesses are flourishing. But when vacationers leave, the businesses go back to catering to the town’s small clientele.

This is the sad part: there is a lack of business opportunities, which also means a scarcity when it comes to livelihood options or jobs. Fishing and farming are the town’s primary sources of livelihood. However, due to climate change, there are now fewer and fewer catches every year, making it even harder for a regular fisherman to earn a living and feed his family. When it comes to palay production, it is also seasonal. Climate change also had drastic effects on the farming calendar.

In one of my freelance jobs, I encountered this documentary by Kara David entitled “Paraisong Salat.” Some families in our town experience the same struggles. My Mom had so many of these stories of former students back when she was a grade school teacher. They were the ones who were consistently absent in class because, at the tender age of 10 years old, they were already helping their dads fish at night. Some fell asleep during class hours because they hadn’t slept all night. Some weren’t responding well during class interactions because they hadn’t had breakfast yet – their dads came home without a catch.

More Opportunities, A Better Community

Imagine the expanse of the opportunities we can provide to these families. When we utilize the farm on a wider scale, we will need lots of farm workers and more people to help us manage the farm. We also plan to help small-time farmers by selling seedlings to them and educating them on how to grow selected crops properly and maximize their yield.

The farm will be running on a regular basis, which means they will have regular jobs, and they need not worry about getting a consistent income to feed and raise their families. Children won’t have to help their parents earn a living, but instead, focus on school. They will go to school well-fed, well-slept, and well-clothed. And that foundation I’ve been dreaming of putting up someday, I can see it happening here.

There is one bit of a challenge that I am looking into, though. When we utilize the property on a wider scale, we will need bigger farming equipment. This will trim down our production expenses. But it can also mean fewer farm workers because the farming equipment will do most of their tasks. And yet, looking at it again, it isn’t much of a big problem. We can always delegate other farm tasks to them since there’s a need to up the manpower to make the property fully operational.

To be honest, I have never regarded this piece of property as our own because I believe it belongs to God and will always belong to God. He only entrusted this land to us because it is attached to His plans that involve us. I believe, too, that this land will fulfill a greater purpose later on, where many will benefit.

It’s just like the Garden of Eden. It was never Adam and Eve’s in the first place. They were only placed there by God to cultivate it. The same goes for each and every one of us here. We are all tenants, even if the title of a property bears our name. For this organization, I have felt that this verse will speak its purpose:

“Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.” – Genesis 2:15

I can only pray that I’ll live long enough to witness that promise being fulfilled in this land. 😀

Read more: “More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History And Agenda | Part 2”

More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History And Agenda | Part 2

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Before I share this, I’d like to say that oftentimes God makes me cry in awe. Seriously. 🙂 You may find out why below. (This will be a long post, but a very interesting one.)

More Updates from Oyango Ridge

If you have been following my blog posts as of late, you’ll notice they are all about the current season that God brought my family in – developing a piece of property. You may read these articles to know the full story:

“Business Plans: Still Tilling And Waiting On God’s Ways”

“An Ode To My Grandpa”

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Daddybels in action. 😉

In my recent article about the property, I did mention that what I needed as of the moment is a mentor who will guide us not just when it comes to the business aspect of the project, but someone whose values and goals are aligned with us – God-centered. I did mention I found one in the likes of Bro. Bo Sanchez. I only found one, but God said you need more.

Isn’t it amazing how God leads us to the right people when we clearly ask Him with all our hearts what we need because we want to fulfill His will more than anything?

It takes such great faith to ask God, though. Why? Because it involves waiting on God and trusting Him completely, where He will lead you. And yes, you’re in this blind spot where you just can’t see what is about to unfold. But even with the blindfold, you still trust your guide completely.

Just Like Abraham

I’ll be honest here, though. I haven’t been much of a very faithful follower. And last Sunday’s preaching by Pastor Will Murrell about Abraham and his somewhat wavering faith just made me realize how similar Abraham and I are when God called him out to go to the promised land.

I admit I also came to the point wherein, like Abraham, seeing there’s a famine in the promised land, resorted to doing things his way, or like what he did to Sarah. I also came to that point wherein I got tired and became too impatient with waiting for God’s instructions that my faith slowly waned, and I’m back to doing things my way.

The by-product? I just became frustrated to the point that I would ask my husband why can’t God give me what I want and what I need when I’ve done my best and everything that I could. It is only now that I realized I wasn’t doing things God’s way. And God would consistently pull me back towards the right path because He knows I am being led astray. He knows that my heart is not in its right place.

When God Leads

I understand why I had to pass up career opportunities that I would’ve loved to pursue on full throttle now. But I also saw how God gave me career opportunities that will allow me to fulfill the tasks I need to do. And now I know why the Spirit would give me this desire and when to act on it, like selecting dates that I have no idea why I selected that particular month or day.

I did mention in my previous article that I felt this need to be in our hometown and help our parents start with the family project. The Spirit led me to the month of September because it is my Mom and maternal grandmother’s birth month. So I previously selected their birth week – September 7-14.

But then an opportunity came where I needed to move the dates much later. I already had an inclination to change it even before the opportunity came, but I just have no valid reason why. So this opportunity sealed my decision to go home on September 16 instead.

When God Intervenes

Here’s what really happened. My brother knows we’re going home, but doesn’t exactly know when. When he called last Tuesday, he asked me what our targeted date was to go to our hometown. After telling him, he just said that it is perfect because there is a seminar on farming that we can attend about making it profitable, but guided by biblical principles.

When I heard this, you just can’t imagine the hearts in my eyes. Literally, I felt my heart go out to my eyes. lol But what is even more fascinating? It was scheduled the day before we leave for our 1-week visit to our hometown. I know now why God delayed all the site developments in our proposed timeline. Because God is not yet done preparing my siblings for this season. The opportunities to acquire knowledge and resources are all here, which my parents currently don’t have access to.

I also found other free e-learning courses offered by accredited organizations that award a certificate upon completion. Yes, this is what we will be doing at this stage – equipping, as my brother told me.

I only prayed for one mentor, and yet He gave us more than what we needed. Why? When I looked at the link that my brother shared with me, our goals are similar, even with our chosen Bible verse. But do take note that I already chose our running verse for the business even before I saw their site. 😀

“Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.” – Genesis 2:15

Mission, Vision, and Values

I know it is not a coincidence because I don’t believe in luck or coincidences. There are no such things in the Bible except for God’s plans and His will. When I was developing the website on 8/8/2018, I already laid out specifics on the content that we plan to incorporate on our website. I told my siblings that the website can serve as our concrete guide for the project’s goals.

When I was piecing the website together, I told myself (or God?) that these are very ambitious plans. From the training camp to the retreat center to the foundation, and even the wildlife sanctuary. I changed it to a wildlife sanctuary from a wildlife park because I’d like to make it a safe haven for all the animals who seek shelter there ever since. I have been an animal lover since birth. I even cry when I see chickens or pigs being slaughtered because we have to eat them. 😀

For the social enterprise part, Semilya Sa Kinabuhi and Oyango Ridge share the same goals – helping the new generation appreciate agricultural awareness. I believe with all the man-made structures being built everywhere, God is already calling out to us to preserve what is God-made.

Faith and Fate Intertwined

I am hopeful there will be a fruitful partnership between Semilya sa Kinabuhi and Oyango Ridge – they cater to Mindanao and us, the Southern Luzon. And I know this will expand to greater lengths. Why? There is now an ongoing construction of the international airport in Legazpi, a 3-hour ride from our place. Also, we heard that a new subdivision will be developed near Oyango Ridge.

We can envision how the entire community will benefit from agribusiness and farming. We plan to sell seedlings to small-time farmers so they can also contribute to the local food movement and lower the market price of the goods. The more the supply, the lower the prices, but the product quality is better.

And also, when there is an abundance of supply, we can share it with neighboring communities. We will never know, time will come, it won’t be impossible to ship these products abroad through the international airport in Legazpi City. My target? Send them to drought and war-afflicted countries where food is scarce. Some of the countries that came to my mind are Africa and Iraq.

You’ll probably say, “Tin, your products are perishable goods, they won’t last long, and might not even reach their destination.” That’s not a problem. In my previous work, I was able to research homesteading, and this includes canning. Canning is a way of preserving vegetables to extend their shelf life.

You can even do it by using a pressure cooker if you plan to can foods for personal consumption. But you will most likely say, “How easy will it be to transport these goods without being held by militants or any groups who are causing the uprising in those countries?”

The solution is to send these goodies along with neutral entities who are conducting humanitarian services. Who are they? Red Cross, UN, WHO, and I know there are a lot more of them. Or better yet, through our very own missionaries. Partner with them and you’ll be assured your products will be used according to your intended purpose – feed and help people.

Counterattack Lies with Hope and Prayers (Lots of Them)

Oftentimes, this is where the enemy usually comes in. You have this great plan for you and a lot of people, and the enemy will counterattack it with lies. Lies that say you can’t do it because of this and that and so on and so forth. And the only way to silence him is this – “with God, nothing is impossible, so go back to wherever you came from.” 😀

This is what I sometimes encounter. Those little voices in your head that say you’re incapable of such things. You lack a lot of things. You cannot achieve that. And a whole lot more of restraining lies. Well, I must admit that at some point it even came close to convincing me to totally forget about everything and turn my back on my destiny, if ever it is my destiny or purpose.

But then, God is forever faithful. He knows I am weak and prone to these enemies’ lies, and He gave me enough reasons to pursue what He tasked me to do. I am also stubborn by nature, and sometimes I tell God directly that I don’t want to do things His way because I don’t want to, and I just can’t make what He asks from me happen.

But here’s what God will answer me back with, “Is there anything too big and too difficult for me? You are not alone because I am with you. Emmanuel.” This is the very reason why He sent Jesus into this world in the first place – to be with us. And assure us that God is with us, He is even willing to sacrifice His Son to suffer on our behalf, just to prove that His presence is watching over us. Obedience is what He requires, and trust.

Trust With No Limits

Amazing is our God, isn’t it? I don’t see the bigger picture, but God allowed me to take a sneak peek at it because most probably He knows I oftentimes doubt myself and Him. And I am too fearful, much too fearful. I needed lots of convincing and assurances just to break through my stubbornness and unwillingness to accept and do my part.

I know you have a part, too, that is why you got to read this. It may not be a farm, and it could be something else, but I know for sure He has plans for you, too. A big one, and yes, say “yes” too. His even bigger plans won’t happen if the body of Christ lacks the leg or the arm or the head. We may be the arm, but we need the head or the leg, so together we can do what He wants us to do as the body of Christ. Yes, we would like to partner with you in this endeavor once it becomes operational in whatever form it may be – prayers, volunteering, or paid work, business affiliates, etc.

I am just extremely glad and grateful when, just at the time I was about to feel unmotivated, lower my expectations, and start losing hope, here He is with so many surprises that will prove the Lord is faithful with all His promises. And He’s never early nor late but always right on time. 🙂

P.S.

We know now why this is a family calling – all of us in the family loves gardening as a hobby. This is my second sister and bro-in-law’s harvest from their garden in Norway. 😀

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Because urban living deprives me of a spacious lawn, I have grown mine in pots. I propagated these ivys which my brother gave me. 🙂

He and my sis-in-law have their own set of potted plants, too. My eldest sister also has hers in their place. And my 3rd sister was able to successfully grow some vegetables in our hometown, too. I also believe it isn’t a coincidence that my Mom’s name is Eden. Yes, the Garden of Eden, indeed. 😉

If you’re curious what’s in my Mom’s garden when it comes to flowering plants, you may check out these links:

“MAY The Flowers Be With You”

“Flora And Fauna – Explored”

Read More: “More About Oyango Ridge: A Story Of Family History and Agenda | Part 1”

Love In The Eyes Of An Empath| 3rd Year Wedding Anniversary Special

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As the title goes, this post is in line with our celebration for our 3rd year wedding anniversary. I can only praise God for taking good care of our marriage and for our happy union now – we owe it all to Him. 🙂 ❤

For a change though, I’ve decided to make this a creative write-up. Here it goes. ❤ 😉

Dear love,

It was a beautiful friendship. Now, it is a thriving marriage.

At first, nothing could go wrong, you thought. Because “love” is all in the air. And yet, you saw visions of them – hatred, bitterness, hurt, and anger. Then, it became a reality. Ah, they brought you pain. So much pain. So you asked, “God, where do I go?” His answer was simple, “Me. Come to me.”

Then, everything vanished. You were carried in His arms. You knew you will walk out that dreary stretch with all your might. Could it be that you have fallen along the way? Yes, but He picked you up. Amazing, isn’t it? The footprints always remain a single pair. It must be true. It is, in fact, true.

Now, you saw that familiar face, again. You can see his gaze, perturbing. That look, yes, that look. You saw the pain. It emanates from the windows of his soul, the eyes. You felt the pain. So this is how it is to love. To love with all your soul – all bare, all naked, all vulnerable.

Can things change? You hoped it in your heart. No, you prayed it with all your heart. There might still be a chance. But that’s the thing with love. It always gives chances. Even if you thought the opposite is true.

I’m glad he’s back. And so we’re back. Here we are fighting together and not against each other. But something really has changed. No, it’s not something. A lot of things have changed. You counted the days that turned into weeks and then months. And now? 2 years of changed lives and changed hearts.

You are more than glad you called out to Him for help. You knew you cannot do it on your own. That familiar gaze would’ve come from a stranger. A stranger who knew so much about you. A stranger made by circumstances.

He finally arrives home, you look at him. There he is with his tired look. He smiled faintly, greeted you with a kiss. But his usual banter is nowhere to be seen. You decide to tell him then later. Give him a tight hug, a sweet kiss, then prepare dinner.

He is trying the best that he could to be the best man. Don’t forget the little and big things which he knows you’ll love even if it’s too much of a hassle for him. When all is at rest, he’s back to his usual self. Ah yes, the perfect time to lie beside him, tease him, tell him what you wanted to tell him, stare at his face, and wonder if the circles under his eyes are getting bigger.

So you smiled at him which was returned right away and then more teasing. A few words are enough. That is not so hard to do. To focus more on someone is to focus less on the self. You read the emotions, you read the actions. It’s not hard to tell. You know what to do, you know what to say, and when to do all of them.

Funny how a pause is so important in everything. You look at him, you pause. He says something, you pause. He does something, you pause. Those pauses are so much more than just mere pauses. They speak volume to you who feels everything.

If there is but one thing that marriage teaches you about life, it is this – take a pause. When you pause, you loosen up. You detach from your emotions. Then, everything comes to a standstill.

It’s just like a time machine. It allows you to reorganize everything and make sure you’ll do everything right this time. Except in our world, you don’t need a time machine. Why? Because your choices will allow you to control time.

Time. You must love time and for what it does whether it’s to heal, to be free, to fight, or to reunite. See time as your best friend, not your enemy. It is only when you pause that you stop the time. You pause because you want to cherish the moments you want and can keep.

Love and time. They make a relationship grow. Yes, so much have changed. But only because we chose to allow time in letting things grow. And only because we have love to keep things growing.

About love, it’s not so hard to find actually. All you need to do is just look up and say, “God, I am ready for You.”

Make sure though that you really are ready. Because it is only love that will keep you together when everything seems falling apart. And when you do finally have love, whatever comes in your relationship, be assured that it will always have a happy ending. 🙂

A loving empath always,

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If you love poetry reading, you can try watching my version of this lyric poem below. Enjoy! ☺❤

P.S.

I am currently finishing drafts one by one and once done, I plan to set the date when each article will go live. A thought came in though. What if one of these days I’ll find out my days here in this world are numbered? Will it be okay if my social media accounts still be “active” because of my scheduled posts on WordPress even if I’ve long been gone? I have drafted a whole year worth of articles. I hope you guys won’t find it creepy. 😀

Anyway, speaking of those numbered days, I randomly shot a question to hubby dear last week. I asked him what he will do if there’s an emergency here at home i.e. I slipped on the bathroom floor and was knocked unconscious, there was a fire, etc. and he needs to rush me to the hospital. He just answered that he’ll decide when it’s already happening. So I told him that sometimes a little preparation will help align your emotions to what can possibly happen (the dreaded events) and prevent a lot of hassle.

I continued by telling him that if he finds me unconscious on the floor, he must check my pulse, then get 3 important things: keys, wallet, and cellphone. He must also lock the door after carrying me out. Then once downstairs, ask for help from the guard then book a Grab car or taxi if the ambulance from a nearby hospital will take too long to fetch me.

My husband finds this absurd. Haha Yup, I know you will find this absurd, too. 😀 And I realized I am beginning to sound a lot like my Mom these days. (Love you, Mom!) But I know these “absurd” thoughts never popped up for no reason. They will also serve their purpose in God’s time. Well, it’s just an afterthought, anyway. A long one. 😉

Yes You Can: How To Cultivate Your Talents And Skills

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We have all been gifted with different spiritual gifts which make us all unique and special. As they say, there are no two people in this world who are ever alike. Not even twins.

Discovering what are the talents that we have been gifted with will lead us to our passion. What is it that we love doing and we love to do regardless of whether we’ll be compensated for it or not?

Once we have discovered what we’re passionate about, the next step is to cultivate it. We have to hone all the skills needed to support our passion, so to speak. It will be a waste to never use any special skills we have probably just waiting to be discovered.

For the next few paragraphs, I want to share some key points when it comes to learning a new skill or improving current skills. In my case, it is writing, but the points below are all applicable in any field or area of specialization.

Using Talents and Skills to Fuel Your Passion

1. Render Services

This will come naturally. When we love what we do, we do things on our own accord. Sometimes, there’s even no need for a motivation. It’s always the self who will dictate how the entire process will flow until we accomplish the kind of finished output we desire.

Try to look for platforms where you can share your talents. In my case, for example, God gave me the opportunity to write for a faith-based website (Daily PS) and I get to read what other Christian writers are writing, too.

2. Collaborate with a Community (Same Interests)

The social media is the best network to look for like-minded individuals. LinkedIn Learning, for one, has the “Career Advice” feature where you can ask other people their viewpoints and who have the same interests as you.

It also offers so many courses on a wide range of specializations (you may try it free for 1 week). I was able to finish the course on content marketing and I was surprised that they also provide a certificate upon course completion. Public forums also offer fresh and new insights to add to your learning experience.

3. Explore All Learning Platforms

Speaking of learning, there are so many platforms to learn from out there. It is not just limited to the world wide web. It extends to the streets, your home, your workplace, your friend’s house, and anywhere actually. Coming up with a newer and better output because we learned something new is too much of a good opportunity to pass up.

In some cases, you will need to pay for learning some new concepts. But in my experience, you’ll always get your money’s worth. Currently, I am exploring all about learning business processes, marketing, and management in preparation for a new season (daunting but having faith in Him) that God is slowly ushering me and my siblings in.

LinkedIn Company Profile

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I was able to learn about making a professional logo this time, too. It’s a bit challenging but very much achievable. I am also developing a new website for the family project to build our online presence but I will be needing help with the graphic designing. For the latter, I’ll just ask my 3rd sister. She’s the Creative Director because she’s the most creative in the family – awesome artistic ideas. 😉

All 5 of us, siblings, are members of the board and ze parents are the CEOs. Our beloved Momma CEO has quite a benchmark when it comes to standards so we need intensive planning for the business model.

The progress is slow and there have been delays in our proposed timeline for developments due to weather conditions. But it’s fine since we are still in the process of finalizing all the paperwork. We’ll wait for God’s timing since it’s always perfect, anyway. 😉

On a different note, I can already see why God brought all 5 of us in our respective passions and careers for future roles – Managing Director, Finance Director, Operations Director, Creative Director, and Marketing Director (I presume this is me – uhm, scarrryyy. lol).

I’m also now in complete agreement with this article from Harvard Business Review entitled “How Family Business Owners Should Bring The Next Generation Into The Company.”

And the Bible asserts the same idea:

“An inheritance obtained too early in life is not a blessing in the end.” – Proverbs 20:21

With all these things I am doing including my other freelance jobs, I need to make sure my writing (my primary passion) won’t be compromised so I created my personal editorial calendar and a log sheet for tasks in preparation for the new website. I didn’t know I have already saved enough drafted articles for my blog and Daily PS good until the 1st quarter of the year 2019. 😀

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*Trivia:

Every time you have a sudden thought/s in mind whether you’re doing something, somewhere, write it down either on a piece of paper or type it on your phone. I write the title first then the gist of the thoughts in bullet form after. You’ll never run out of topics to write about, I promise. 😉

By the way, I’ll be sharing a series of articles how to do all that I have mentioned above (a la workshop) but it’s scheduled for next year. I have to make sure I am providing you nothing but the best info out there so it needs extensive preparation. 😀

4. Create an “Areas to Improve On” List

When we subject ourselves to constant rediscovery, it will be easier to pinpoint where are our weak spots. Our biological composition reserves that room for improvement. Because it is in our nature to be flawed.

So perfectionism isn’t our goal but expressionism. We improve ourselves to express ourselves better. And not because we want to be validated and recognized. You just have to own your work and be proud that you’ve helped others one way or the other. 😉

To end this short (my idea of short) post, the best part about cultivating our talents and skills is actually that 3-in-1 package of fun, an attitude of servitude, and fulfillment we experience while doing a certain project. We don’t see it as a task, a duty, an obligation, or anything else. We see it as a product of something we love.

In fact, the by-product speaks so much of love as much as it speaks of our identity and individuality. In my case, my identity lies in being a Christian, in loving God, and in writing my love for God. So my audience (that’s you, love!) gets to feel that kind of love that I have, too.

Hmmm, let’s be honest here though, do you really feel the love? 😃 Don’t worry if you don’t, but I hope this will suffice:

“I love you so much for reading this and I pray you get to share the love, too.” ❤

“God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” – 1 Peter 4:10

Writing to you with love,

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For more related articles, you may read:

“Good Stewards Of God’s Gift”

“In Season: What Is An Altar Call?”

“9 Things You Need To Know If You Want To Be A Writer”

Relationships & Marriages: Don’t Settle Just Because | 5 Wrong Reasons

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Relationships and marriages always have one key component – settling down. I don’t know of anyone who got into a relationship without plans of getting married. Do take note though that I refer to marriage here as the legal union between a man and a woman. I am not, in any way, in agreement with cohabiting. If you can’t have a church wedding first (like me and my Mom by choice), then by all means, have a civil wedding. 🙂

A Church Wedding vs A Civil Wedding

My husband and I would still love to have a church wedding someday. We are targeting to have it on our 25th wedding anniversary. I can already imagine how emotional it will be. Why? This church wedding will be our gift to God for keeping us together until we reach our 25th year and the years to come.

Though we believe in a God who provides anything especially when it comes to finances, we felt it in our hearts to have the church wedding a bit later. We attended the marriage preparation seminar conducted by our local church, though. I highly encourage engaged couples to do this. It is such a big help to prepare you for the married life in a God-centered way.

Keep in mind that a civil wedding doesn’t make your marriage less holy. My parents’ marriage is a testimony of this and how they brought us up. We all grew up as God-fearing children who knew God well enough beyond all the religious rituals and practices. I believe a good marriage goes beyond lavish weddings but most of all, it should be about honoring God by honoring your marriage and your vows until death does both of you part no matter what. 🙂

In 5 years’ time, my parents will be celebrating their Golden (50th) Wedding Anniversary. I can only thank God for the grace and for my parents’ efforts to stay committed to their wedding vows regardless if they had a civil or a church wedding.

Marrying By Faith is More Important

When I got married, I knew what I was getting into. It is a covenant that you cannot get out of whenever you feel like it. I asked God for guidance if this is a season that He wanted for me. I never had doubts about whether I should marry my husband or not. When I received God’s wisdom over my decision to marry, I had no regrets even when months later after the wedding, hubby and I got into stormy and rough seas. But because I have faith, because of God’s grace, and because I married my husband for the right reasons, here we are close to our 3rd year wedding anniversary (that’s next month!). Still a young couple, though. 😀

So ladies (I chose you just because I am also a daughter of Christ), here are the wrong reasons for wanting to settle down:

5 Wrong Reasons Why You Should Settle Down

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1. Never settle for comfort and convenience.

It’s a temptation for single ladies to get into the season of married life thinking they now have a partner in life who can help them with everything and be their best friend. Yes, it is true but it also means doing your part of the deal and making sacrifices, too, if needed. There is sometimes this misconception or “the fairytale complex” that after the prince married the princess, it’s all happily ever after between the two.

The truth is, a marriage will bring you so much discomfort as much as it brings you so much comfort. It’s not always a happily ever after. It could be a sober ever after every now and then or an exciting ever after or a boring ever after. We can never confine marriage with just one emotion because just like life, it’s a mix of everything. Forget that fairytale, it’s ideal but not real.

2. Never settle out of peer pressure or for validation.

Ah, yes. This is one of the most pressing (but wrong) reasons when settling down. I’m sure you’ve heard statements such as:

“This is my 5th time to be a bridesmaid, when will I become the bride?”

“All my girlfriends in our batch are married except for me.”

“My best friend got married already, I think I should do the same.”

“I think nobody loves me enough that’s why I am still single.”

“Nobody asked me out on a date, I think I’m the ugliest girl in the world.”

Whooosh! Wave them all away! They are all deceptions and lies that the enemy is planting in your heart. Do not fall for that trap. You are as lovely as you are now. You are worthy to be loved. You deserve to have the right man in God’s perfect time. The solution? Be still and wait. God might still be busy preparing you for this season.

3. Never settle for the sake of “leveling up” or “singlehood” is starting to become a bore.

This is common with women who always ask, “What’s next?” 😀 The very root problem of this goes back to discontentment. When you are not satisfied with what you have, you’re always hungry for more. Believe me, it can be a vicious cycle (used to be my stronghold). What you need is to enjoy the “now.” Ask God for leading where He will take you. Always be in tune with what He wants you to do. Be in step with God in all of your plans.

When you do this, you’ll be amazed by the different seasons that God can usher you in that are both exciting and frightening and yet fulfilling in the end. And you were only vying for one? Nah, God wanted you to have the best experiences in this life! Why? It is through these experiences that God will test your faith so you can build your character and be ready and equipped with everything lacking nothing (James 1:4).

4. Never settle for money.

For arranged marriages, this is common. It is a sad fact to know that some marriages are based on preserving business partnerships. If you’re reading this and you’re going through the same dilemma, ask God what He wants you to do. Remember, life is not over for you. This season might be where you’ll have the greatest learning yet. Seek His will all the more why He put you in this season. Then, see things from His perspective.

God knows you’re going to go through it and He knows that you can handle the situation. He won’t give you this situation if you can’t carry it on your own. But even if you can’t, know that God is on your side to help you out each and every step of the way. And lastly, money can’t buy you happiness. It never does and it never will no matter how wealthy you are. It’s always a weak foundation of any marriage, it will and it will crumble.

5. Never settle because looks captivated you.

The rule of thumb is to let your heart be captured by another heart, too, and not with the looks. 😉 This adage is always true to the core no wonder it became an adage: “Looks can be deceiving.” Go for attitude always before looks. But here’s what you must remember, too. In your courting days, both you and your partner will be putting your best foot forward so it might be an all show of positive attitudes. And yet, even if you’ve become best friends now and you’ve grown quite comfortable with each other, you still can’t show him your underwear and point out they’re “baconized” already you need to buy a new one, right? 😀

Seriously, the “getting to know” stage will only get deeper once you get married. I can attest to this because my husband and I weren’t really best friends when we met and became a couple. So, the first 3 years of our married life became the “getting to know” stage for us. It can be a rollercoaster for the first few years but I can assure you it will get better in time. You’ll soon learn to love each other better including those things that used to tick you off. And you’ll only notice how handsome your husband is once married because you get to stare at him most of the time. 😀

 

My last piece of advice when it comes to relationships and marriages is this: if you plan on settling down, marry for the right reason – because of love. And yet, always keep in mind too that love is not purely about feelings and emotions. It is a mixture of decisions, sacrifices, disappointments, failures, triumphs, accomplishments, forgiveness…every act and emotion (good ones) you can think of, that is love (1 Corinthians 13). No wonder it is the greatest of all. 🙂

“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Still feeling unsure where God is taking you next when it comes to relationships and marriages? Do drop me a comment or a message, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Thankfully married,

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Mid-Year Prayer And Fasting 2018

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In our church, we have a yearly mid-year prayer and fasting where we consecrate to God the things that are done in the early part of the year and the things to be done through the latter part of the year. For this year, the schedule came in timely – July 3-5. I have so many things to be grateful for including answered prayers and realizations I encounter daily. I also have a lot to pray for because I will be going through a lot of seasons again.

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What Transpired

Day 1

It is not a coincidence that July 3rd was the schedule for my first article to go live at Daily PS, a community of Christian writers on WordPress. Here’s the link to the article and I hope this will recharge your spirits:

7 Highly Effective Ways To Avoid Burnout (The Christian Way)

Hubby dear was also scheduled to have his first day of training on this day for a tentative promotion (his 2nd). I am also in the process of seeking for topics to contribute as guest posts for some of my fellow Christian writers here on WordPress such as The Christian Blog Ghana. Do visit their site, their posts are such an insightful read. 🙂

Day 2

After checking out the published article in Daily PS, I opened a new document over Microsoft Word for my next article submission. I was only targeting one topic. But God’s grace allowed I come up not only with 1 but 6! Ah yes, when God calls you for a task, He really will prepare you.

I had to blur it because I can’t spill all the beans just yet. 😉

I also decided to come up with a new blog logo since my old logo, the one with a bible verse in it, is perfect as a site header. For the logo design, I wanted it to be very simple. I chose a laurel wreath as it symbolizes victory. I plan to update my Facebook page’s profile picture to this new one but I am on social media hibernation (part of my prayer and fasting). I also plan to use this logo on all of my blog’s social handles instead of my photo. This blog is about God and not me. 😉

If you also want to learn how to create one, I can help you. You can find more details about this below.

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I am feeling the inclination (tugging of the Spirit yet again) to conduct a free writing and website designing workshop for fellow Christian bloggers and writers who are just starting out or needing to revamp their sites. I am asking for God’s leading that either I host the workshop and invite other Christian writers to share their expertise or I join one. I already shared tips online with one sister in Christ (Hi, Mean! :-D) but I know meeting in person is better. 😉

I have been designing and managing this blog alone through tutorials (I learn from others, too) and it is quite challenging. But nothing is hard when God equips you to do a task. I believe I must thank the Lord for giving me the wisdom in making this website according to how He wishes it to be.

For the writing and web designing workshop, I am targeting an audience starting from teens and up. Yet another workshop I plan to conduct is a free art workshop but this time, for kids. I have always loved art back when I was a kid and I only got to explore so much of it now that I am an adult. 😀

Day 3

I have been conducting research for the past weeks about entrepreneurship and marketing for a not-for-profit project. It’s only during the mid-year prayer and fasting that I finally had a break from all the info overload. Ah yes, the “burnout” article really just came out timely, it’s even perfect for me as a reminder. 😉

Thank God for the grace, I got everything I needed and now ready to consolidate all the data for a better presentation. I still have so much to learn, though. My eldest sister suggested I make a storyboard. I am now working on how to integrate it with Microsoft Powerpoint. The current challenge I have is trimming down all the information and making it into one coherent output.

Today, I’ve also decided to come up with topics to share on my personal blog that are a little off the ordinary. These topics will be presented in a series to better categorize them and they will be technical with a little bit of faith on the side. This blog is meant to be informative. So any knowledge I can share with you all, it’ll definitely be posted. 🙂

The quotation for this week in my planner also came in timely:

The warrior of light has no “certainties,” he just has a path to follow, a path to which he tries to adapt depending on the season.

– Manual of the Warrior of Light (Paulo Coehlo)

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I have high hopes that all I have mentioned above are plans that will materialize in God’s perfect time. Let’s just say this season is all about planning and preparing.

God is a god of perfect timing, anyway. 😀

Are you a Christian blogger? I would like to ask for your help by sharing your expertise with aspiring Christians writers here on WordPress. Any idea you have how we can share these tips will be highly appreciated. Thank you! ❤

Always waiting on God’s perfect time,

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*Featured image copyright: Free 4K Wallpaper

How To Know When A Season Is About To End

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How do you know when a season in your life is about to end? Though it might seem like the answer has something to do with emotions alone, it should never be the case always. Why? Emotions can be very tricky sometimes. And the enemy can use it to his advantage. What we need, on the one hand, is discernment – both ruled by the heart and the mind.

How Do I Know the Season Will Change?

1. PRAY

There is no better way to ask God where He wants you to go and what He wants you to do but to ask Him outright. And the best way to communicate with Him is through a prayer.

2. Contemplate on Your Situation

Assessing how current things are going will give you clues. Begin from how you started. Think about how things have progressed or the opposite. But don’t try to come up with solutions yet. Not yet.

3. A Door Closing, A New One Opens

In my previous experiences, God ends a season because He is leading me to a new one. I used to be very stubborn when it comes to this. Even though God continues to close a particular door, I keep on bangin’ it so I could get in.

But when God says you’re knockin’ at the wrong door, He seriously means it. I only get extremely frustrated and exhausted trying to open it with zero positive results. All because I want to insist my way and not His way. In this case, the best thing to do is to wait for Him to open the door He chose as the one specifically reserved for you.

So What Do I Do Now?

After doing all those things above, these are the next steps you must do:

1. Wait

The spiritual journey of any Christian has a lot to do with waiting. Why? Because waiting is all about letting God take control of everything and allowing things to fall into place according to His plans.

2. Stay Focused

Distractions are one of the enemy’s ways to derail us from our main purpose. Distractions can come in the form of temptations. Keeping them at bay will help you stay on track.

3. Act When God Says So

You will know when God says it is the right time to act. It is not all about God doing everything, anyway. As the bible says, “Faith without deeds is dead.”

Why the Article Title?

This is a bit irrelevant to the topic but still about changing seasons on a personal note. If you will notice, I don’t normally follow rules when it comes to writing. In fact, I break a lot of them. 😀

Why? For me, too much technicality will kill creativity. Writers are artists. Artists perform best and flourish when they are given the freedom to explore to the best of their abilities without excessive constraints.

Anyway, going back to changing seasons, the moment finally came wherein God asked I focus on doing fewer tasks but are greater priorities.

Tabula Rasa

I had to let go of my writing career in an advertising agency after working with them for a year. My entire working experience with them was all worthwhile though. This was my first professional job as a writer after the career shift from being a teacher.

This year was the “tabula rasa” in my writing career so to speak. I have learned so much about digital marketing either from work or the extra research I do on my own to better understand how the entire process works.

It may feel like a loss to me as I’ve grown quite comfortable with the environment. But God never intended that I stay there for long. He opened another opportunity just recently. This time, with a different community and audience – a faith-based website. So I thought, maybe God just put me in digital marketing so I can “market” faith.

Well, if you’ll look at it in another way, digital marketing is all about increasing your audience through marketing using digital technology. God wanted a bigger audience who will learn about the gospel, too.

Daily PS

The latter is the new season for me as I was accepted to contribute for Daily PS. (Thank you, Alex and team, for this opportunity!) This is a not-for-profit stint for me but I just love to write anything about faith. And oh, please do watch out for my first article. It’s scheduled to go live on July 3rd! 😀 I also plan to contribute articles for them on a regular basis.

Family Obligations

Another season prior to this have already started but it’s not yet on full throttle. It’s a family project where I felt deeply that God wanted me to be in our hometown. I did mention this in my previous articles. The only thing I’m concerned about is leaving hubby here or bringing him with me but both of us will be jobless. But, I put my complete trust in the Lord. Because I know this is what He wanted me to do.

Hubby dear is tentatively up for another promotion and he’ll start training on July to find out if he is fit for the role. If ever he gets promoted, we plan to use the savings to help my siblings in funding the project. The thing is, I need to be one of the “executionists” a.k.a. executives. 😀 Dad is almost 80 years old and old age is starting to take its toll on him. He needs an assistant. I am more than willing to become his apprentice though. 😉

A Journeyman

Speaking of apprentice, this is what the title of my blog is all about. It will contain stories of a journeyman/apprentice who learns along the way wherever his master takes him and whatever his master teaches him.

Ah yes. This is all part of God’s bigger plan. Everything seems to fit perfectly when you try to look at things from a wider perspective. But it took careful decisions and a lot of sacrifices on my part.

I believe God just doesn’t want me to settle on something yet. Every time I am about to get comfortable about something, the tides will begin to turn. Then, I would find myself embarking on a new season yet again. I just take these experiences as essential for my growth in this spiritual journey. 🙂

Finally

So, how do you really know a season will end? It really is between you and God. He’ll tell you and you will find out. Ask for His leading if you need to make sacrifices. Ask Him to help you make a tough decision.

Just always remember that it is not what is in store for you in the next season you’re going into that is why you wanted to obey Him. But think of it as a privilege. The privilege to be used by God and be a part of His masterplan.

Will you let Him end the season and usher you towards the door of a new season? Or will you choose to remain in your comfort zone? 🙂

Always a faithful follower of Christ,

Unflinching: Of Flaring Nostrils And Conflict Resolution Tips

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This conflict resolution article is based on the experiences that my husband and I went through as a married couple. I haven’t been sharing much from our experiences as a married couple lately but this one particularly got a “tugging.” If you and your spouse are struggling in this area, do continue reading. You might find something helpful which you can apply in your own marriage as well. 🙂

If you’re reading this and you’re married, I am sure you’ll agree with the majority of the points I’ll share here. If you’re still single, you can take this as a preparation for your next season. Most are true for this though – all couples go through disagreements. It all just differs on the number of instances a certain couple fights over disagreements.

Let me share with you a bit about our marriage just in case this is your first time to read my articles. Our 1st year ( 3 years ago) as a married couple was the “craziest.” How? Let’s just say I was the fiercest cat and he was the meanest dog – we were the worst of enemies. We’ve torn each other apart so much that I was so sure in those moments the marriage will come to a ruin 100%.

Well, it almost did back in 2016. But to make the story short, we came out alive with the help of our biological families and prayers from our spiritual family.

What I learned from that gut-wrenching experience is that if you are given the entitlement to claim something (i.e. holy matrimony), you have every power to fight for it whatever the odds and whatever the cost. If you believe in your heart that God will fight on your behalf, let your faith be unflinching.

Yes, unflinching in your faith and never in anger. Since this 2016 incident, so much have changed. But only because I held my ground as a wife – I claimed what is rightfully mine in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of God. That is my husband and my marriage.

How did I exactly do that? I looked straight at the enemy (dark spirits of this world who will tempt you, use your weaknesses, and make you sin) with my game face on and dared him this – you have messed with the wrong wife this time. Send me all your powerful warriors and launch to me all attacks you can think of from temptations to sickness and death, my God will face you in each of those and you will be defeated.

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Am I really brave? No, honestly I am very insecure but if God prepares you for a battle, He will equip you with full armor having this as your best shield – LOVE. God is love, anyway. You’ve got the best defense you need not be afraid even if you think you’re too frail to defeat anyone.

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” – Ephesians 6:11

Honestly, we really are too frail to fight it out on our own that is why we needed God in the first place. If you fight the battle on your own, chances are, you will lose.

I was unflinching during that ordeal. I guess it’s the good part of being unflinching that was retained here. Before I became a born-again Christian, I can be the worst enemy you have met. I am not proud of this though, I suffered the consequences of it. So much that it was so difficult for me to piece the broken pieces together. But God made it all whole. Not in a snap but a painful and yet transformative process for the better.

Before, every time I am in a disagreement with someone, I never give up my ground. I make sure that by the end of the heated and verbal outbursts, I get the upper hand and I get to have the last say. In other words, I use the most destructive weapon of all to achieve that – the tongue. There are lots of moments that because of my words, I “killed” these people. Some broke down in front of me, some cursed me with their whole life, and for most, I ruined their lives. For me at that time, it was a victory – the wrong way.

I was a born-again Christian already when I got married. I thought that I was over with all the unflinching anger and lashing outs. But little did I know that it is through my marriage that God will polish me out. God cut the sharp edges when I got saved, but the refining happened when I became a wife.

This is most likely because it is in a marriage that you get to play out the greatest of all – love. How can you love others better when you can’t even love your better half (spouse) the way God asks of you?

I think you now have an idea how disagreements between me and hubby went on during the first year of our marriage – destructive. When nostrils flare, that will basically describe us – no one wants to step down. We both used the foulest language we can think of until it escalated to flying plates and anything the hand could reach. It even went so bad that I can’t share it anymore here due to its sensitivity.

This was the time our families intervened to protect us both. I also sought help because God instructed we badly needed our families’ help already – we needed a mediator.

I never thought hubby and I will get out of that ordeal. But true enough in Ecclesiastes 13, there is a time for everything. It was only a season. We learned so much from it. I learned so much from it. It was a time for war and yet came also the time for peace. It was a time when we were deeply wounded and yet we were also healed.

If you are married, you’re going through tough times and the worst in your marriage, do continue reading. I know it will give you hope and strength. 🙂

The seasons changed, the tides have turned. This is only because we both made the choice to make things right with God’s help and with the help of the people around us.

My husband and I changed tremendously since then – there really is hope. We have learned one very valuable lesson being a son and daughter of God:

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22-23

Of course, the enemy won’t give up without a fight that is why the bible warned us to “be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

Hubby and I are both a work in progress, we are still flawed. Though the enemy can use our weaknesses to wage war against one another, the Spirit will not allow it anymore.

8 Practical Tips to Apply During Conflict Resolution

Aside from the fruits of the Spirit, here are practical tips I’ll share to avoid those moments when nostrils flare:

1. Treat every disagreement as a landmine.

Veer away from saying a word that will make your discussion explode. Apply MAXIMUM RESTRAINT and EXTRA GRACE. In other words, guard your tongue. Know what is the right thing to say. If you will ask me how? Avoid saying things that you know will offend your spouse.

2. Keep the discussion to a maximum of 1 hour.

This is personally a lesson for me because I tend to speak lengthy explanations just like this lengthy article. 😉 Know when to stop and stop means the end of the conversation. Period. The 3rd step is related to this.

3. To make sure you will resolve the conflict in an hour, discuss only the issue at hand.

Never ever bring up past issues. Believe me, it will only make things worse making your discussion waaaaay longer.

4. For you to discuss things means it has to be a two-way convo.

My hubby used to have this habit of tinkering his phone or anything with his hand while not looking at me when we’re discussing. This irritates me to the point that the conversation gets derailed already because of this. Now I’ve learned to remind him to give his 100% attention to the discussion. But this time, more gently. It works. 🙂

5. Do not interrupt when your spouse is explaining.

Take turns in answering and asking questions. When your spouse talks, listen carefully.

6. Refrain from making sarcastic remarks and most especially, curses.

Always remember the power of your tongue and the extent of damage it can cause if you will use it the wrong way.

7. Focus on resolving the issue at hand.

Most of the time you can resolve it right away. But there are some instances wherein you need to leave it hanging for the moment. Still, it is not reason enough to end the conversation abruptly or open-ended which is what #8 is all about.

8. After discussing, don’t leave the conversation abruptly.

In fact, never leave a conversation if none of these things took place during the entire period of your discussion – apologies, forgiveness, and last but definitely not the least, a PRAYER.

So how would you know if both of you have changed your manner of resolving conflicts? The answer is this – a change of heart. You will see it in the way you RESPOND.

Personally, when I am very angry now, I find myself not being able to finish a rebuttal without bursting into tears. Ah yes, it’s now a softened heart. Tears make me more gentle. It stops my tongue from speaking more of those destructive words.

I used to speak from a hardened heart that made me unflinching. But now, it’s the opposite – I quiver. It is as if the Spirit is teaching me to take a good grip of the reins, take good control, so my tongue won’t slip. It’s my soul battling for what is right telling me, “Tin, stand down.” Then, I get to breathe. When I breathe, I pause. When I pause, I get to clear my mind – a sound mind. Then, I respond BETTER.

As for your spouse, pray for him/her. If you, yourself, are going through a tough time controlling yourself, keep in mind that your spouse is also going through the same struggles. Help each other. Tell your spouse that, too. Encourage your spouse to work with you and NOT against you and that you are also willing to do the same.

Apologize even if you think you have nothing to be sorry for. Why? Most likely there is something you need to apologize for – your anger and pride may have covered it up that is why you can’t recognize it.

So how did a recent conflict resolution of ours end, you might be wondering. It ended

  • exactly in an hour;
  • no curses with 1 sarcastic phrase that slipped through;
  • sincere apologies and sincere forgiveness from both ends;
  • a reassurance from each side that we are both a work in progress, still flawed but doing a great job, we appreciate one another, we are grateful for what we have, and we are both proud of each other’s efforts to change;
  • a tight and warm hug;
  • a prayer of gratitude to God, our mediator;
  • and lastly, sealed with a goodnight kiss plus a snore after. 😀

Yup, that’s hubby’s snoring which used to annoy me big time but after 3 years of being married, it’s now music to my ears. Oh, c’mon, Tin. Yup, I know you won’t believe me. lol

It gets on my nerves sometimes but when I call out his name softly, he stops. It always works. This was an experiment I did and I’d love to study how the subconscious can still interact with the events presently happening while the body is already in the state of deep slumber.

Ah yes, in love, you get to slowly love the differences until everything becomes neutral. 🙂

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“We love because He (God) first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

– 1 Corinthians 13:1‭-‬8 NLT

If you are going through tough times in your marriage and in dire need of prayers on conflict resolution, please don’t hesitate to reach out, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Always in love with love,

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When All We Can Ever Do Is Wait

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Image copyright: Global Medical Co.

I was invited to be a guest speaker for this year’s graduation in my grade school alma mater. Our batch is the host and as a former valedictorian of the school, I felt inclined to say “yes.” Unfortunately, this is also the time when we are scheduled to move out and move in to 3 houses. No kidding. 🙂

My other reason for being hesitant to accept even if it’s considered as a privilege and an honor, I need to reveal all my accomplishments. Nope, don’t get me wrong. It is not that I haven’t accomplished anything. If I can list them all down, I have a long list. But then again, as a born-again Christian, I have learned to never give light on your achievements if they will never shed light on God.

Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the LORD.”

– 1 Corinthians 1:31

I am not sure my alma mater will like it if my speech will be more of a faith-based testimonial pointing everything to God. 😀 Ah yes, I have learned to say “no” to a lot of things at this point including a promotion which are the standards of this world. But I also believe there will come a time wherein God will say “yes” and instruct me where I go, what to choose, and what to do.

“Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.”

– 1 John 2:15‭-‬16

Yes, God also appointed leaders through promotions and yet those leaders He appointed all have greater tasks assigned to them all for God’s glory and not ours. It is all between you and God and all about things happening in His perfect time if you’re tasked to lead. Just keep in your heart that it’s God as the motivation always and nothing else.

Another reason is that my parents requested that all 5 of us, siblings, keep a low profile. In fact, I am the only one in the family who is very active on social media. 😀 So I am sure my Mom will kill me now if she reads everything here. lol Love you, Mom. 😀

Anyway, when it comes to waiting, sometimes it can be grueling. I guess patience and endurance are indeed among the characters God would like us to develop aside from having this attitude to serve. While you wait, you serve God. But for the record, my husband and I can attest to this when it comes to God’s provisions: “God is always on time. Never late but always on time.” Delays are a part of this though and knowing when to act on something.

Right now I am waiting for His instructions because decision-wise, I have so many on my plate right now. Deciding is easier if I am in complete control of everything. Unfortunately, there is God whom we need to consult first and foremost. 🙂

One thing that I am constantly asking God is His wisdom and discernment whether my husband and I will stay in my hometown for good. I can see a lot of reasons now including taking care of my parents (ages 78 and 72) and my 94-year-old grandma. Another reason associated with their old age is that they need a helping hand in managing the farm. Dad manages all the farm work while my 3rd sister helps around at home together with my Mom.

My 4 other siblings, meanwhile, are all here in Manila. My eldest sister is the directress of a SpEd school, her husband is an international law professor in UP Diliman, and they have 2 kids. My second sister is in Norway working as a head nurse in a nursing home and her husband is also working as a head nurse of another department in the same facility. My brother is currently serving in the military as a pilot in the Philippine Naval Air Group and gets deployed every now and then to different places and the same goes with his wife who is a flight attendant team leader in Cebu Pacific. My husband also has supervisory roles at work which leaves the spotlight on me.

My siblings will also kill me, btw, for mentioning all that stuff about them. lol Love you all too, siblings. 😀 But I just need to share it for the sake of making my message go through and never about bragging their credentials. My work’s nature as a brand journalist is remote work meaning I can work anywhere. Though it entails heavy writing, extensive research, and editing tasks as well, I get to arrange my schedule depending on the priorities of my tasks. This is the very reason why I pursued a writing career.

My siblings here have greater responsibilities at work and with their families. But if I am the one who will go home for good, I have to make sure my husband can go with me. When I consulted with my husband, he is all good with it and said that wherever I am, there he will be. 😀 Ah yes, one of the things I thank God for is having a husband who just supports you all the way in everything you do. 😉

But we need to think of an alternative when it comes to hubby’s employment there. In the province, the opportunities are limited. But I know if this is part of God’s will and plans for me and hubby dear and for the rest of the family, I believe He will provide and equip us with everything we need lacking nothing along the way.

But for now, it is all just a matter of waiting and waiting what He wants us to do next while serving Him in other ways. And so we wait. Let the waiting game begins. 😉

In this season of waiting, here are my guiding verses:

Ecclesiastes 13: “A Time for Everything”

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

What do people really get for all their hard work?

I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.

He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him.

What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.”

– Ecclesiastes 3: 1-15

Always waiting on God,

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P.S.

When I texted Dad a few days back, he told me this and nostalgia hit me:

And when my 3rd sister sent us these photos of them harvesting mangoes, so much of my childhood memories came flooding in:

Ah, yes. If it is God’s will too, I’d like my future kids to experience the same thing I did back when I was a kid. But for now, I guess I’ll just wait what God’s plans are. 😉