Tag Archives: acceptance

Being Unapologetically Me

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In a world where criticisms are casually thrown around without any regard for how they could affect a person, I learned that you don’t owe the world an apology for being you – crazy, broke, dumb, weird, or ugly. How did I manage to live in a society that constantly puts us in a box based on stereotypes? It’s my introverted personality that helped me survive the harsh realities of this world because I have learned how to detach.

Here In This World, But Not Really Here

I create my own world. This blog is part of it. When I first put up this blog in October 2012, I was aware that putting myself out there will invite both supporters and detractors. And there is a high chance that I’ll have more of the latter than the former. It then became my mantra when posting on social media to allow the audience to “take it or leave it.” If the engagement is negative, do not entertain it. They are entitled to their own opinions, and we only tap the mindsets of those who are open to different perspectives.

Social media has its advantages. But we all know how notorious it can be for setting trends that become the norm. Sadly, some of these trends are detrimental to this generation’s mental health. Self-image then became the most common victim.

For one, who set the standards that “white” and “skinny” are beautiful? Or that a “glass skin” is better than having coarse skin? To be really honest, a majority of these trends are all centered on commercialism. It’s like creating a computer virus every year so people would upgrade their antivirus software every year, too. 😃✌️

Saludo Sa Hindi Nakikiuso

I am not against commercialism or technology. Though as we all know, too much of everything is harmful. So how do you know when is too much too much? We will know when we see a pattern, a habit. A pattern is like an addiction. And a habit becomes bad when it becomes disruptive. This habit can include placing too much emphasis on something that we have convinced our minds that we can’t live without even though in reality, we can live without it.

We then become insecure if we don’t have this something. Insecurities are always associated with self-image. And self-image, nowadays, is centered on the idea that once we don’t live up to society’s standards, then we are worthless. Thus, we become an outcast. But, here’s my challenge. Why is everyone afraid of being an outcast and being set apart from this world?

Outcasts See Better Behind The Brokenness

Because I am not. I am a nerd, an antisocial, a hypocrite, a lunatic, a good-for-nothing woman – believe me, I’ve been called all the worst names you can imagine. Some people just really have a knack for emphasizing what you lack, but forgive them – this is their flaw, too. And yet here I am, loving myself even more. I’m still living a normal life – at peace and content.

This is also the reason why I prefer Bible study groups and fellowships to reunions. Because what we usually talk about during reunions is all about bragging, accomplishments, and other people’s lives. But seldom will we talk about how we’re helping one family member who is a drug addict, or how a rebellious student left the family and what we can do to bring him/her back, or how we should pray over one friend who is abusive behind closed doors.

Social media crafted this image that people must be accomplished in their professions, have the latest collection of designer bags, and post picture-perfect family portraits from their latest out-of-the-country trips. There is nothing wrong with all of these. But is that all there is to life?

While fellowships in the church are also not perfect, shared experiences are usually a combination of accomplishments (praise reports) and failures (prayer requests). You see people for who they truly are – in their highs and in their lows. It is, thus, the intention of the church to build people up (through God’s way) and not tear them down.

Fellowships are primarily grounded on creating a safe environment where you can be yourself and share your struggles without being judged. Though we have to keep in mind that our Bible study group leaders, pastors, and the entire congregation are flawed individuals, too. And yet this is how we grow spiritually together – through our flaws.

The Church Is Not Perfect

Because this is what the church is for – it is a place for broken individuals. And it is this brokenness that we all have in common that leads us to our ultimate goal – receive God’s gift of salvation so He can make us whole. It is not the temporary things and people in our lives that will complete us. They will only satisfy us for a moment. But the void in our hearts can only be filled by God. And this is why the church exists.

Actually the more that I get older, the more that I become like King Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes. It’s that moment of realization where having less is better and the simpler, the happier. Our lack of something actually opens our minds to have a better appreciation and understanding of everything and to value what we have and not take it for granted.

For example, there were times when I would count the few coins remaining in my purse just to make sure I still had enough for fare to be able to get home. And this is the only money I have left. But I will still share it here. Why?

Because the experience taught me humility. Did it make me less of a person? No, but in God’s sight, I earned His favor. Should I be ashamed if I overhaul clothes every 10 years or if I eat “tuyo” every week because that is all that I can afford to eat?

No, because this season of lack means I need to rely on God, which then means my faith in Him is being stretched to the limits and I am taught to endure. Endurance refines our character so we can be ready for whatever bigger hurdle we might go through in life later on. This is actually how we should train a generation to be resilient – in lack and not in comfort.

A Better Approach Towards Life

I am not promoting a poverty mentality but I am also not supporting prosperity gospel in case you’ve heard of it. Live just right. Dream big. But, let us not lose ourselves trying to compete and attain worldly success and accumulate possessions to impress people who will get on with their lives and will soon forget us once we’re in our graves. And more importantly, may we never sell our souls to the world.

How sure are we that the wealth we’ve amassed will be put to good use by those who will take over once we’re gone? What if they will become one-day millionaires only because they’ve squandered every cent you’ve painstakingly worked hard for on worthless things? Leaving a legacy behind is not just about leaving a tangible inheritance. It’s more about imparting the best moral values that will mold the next generation’s character. Because it is a good character that overlooks flaws and celebrates what is real – an asset that never gets old through time. And which makes us pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.

Embrace Your Flaws, They Make You Unique

Speaking of physical flaws, I actually grew up being teased for having a flat and fat nose. It became a favorite joke during family reunions because most of our relatives have this very special nose, too. My aunts and uncles said we got it from our maternal grandpa. But we do love him for it and for a whole lot of other things. And I remembered how my Mom would defend us by saying that it doesn’t matter because all her kids are intelligent, anyway. haha Way to go, Mom! 💪 But really, how intelligent is intelligent? My IQ is only 120, am I included? lol Nakay polpolon man gihapon sa Math. 🤣

Yes, I am well aware of my flaws since I was young. But even until now, I never felt the urge to change a single part of myself. The beauty and skincare products I use now are just part of my skincare routine and also to look and dress the part during special occasions or meetings wherein I need to wear makeup. My only goal is to take care of what I already have and stay healthy.

The reason why I chose portrait sketching and I felt drawn to this kind of art is because I get to see all the intricate details of a person’s face. That’s why I require high-resolution photos of people I sketch because I zoom in on the details making sure I copy every single one of them from warts, pimples, wrinkles, dimples to freckles.

A Divergent And Always Will Be

I admire people who are very comfortable in their own skin and despite having flaws, still have this sense of confidence that radiates through them. These are the people who don’t care what other people think and say. Thus, they are the ones who are truly carefree. They embrace their imperfections and change only that part of themselves that does not honor God, and this is why they stand out from the rest.

They are the ones who are actually “more visible” to me than those who I always see on social media. Because they’ve invested in their character more than their physical attributes in such a way that their personalities made them a people magnet for just being authentic, humble, and real. And no, they don’t apologize for being genuinely them.

We weren’t created to please people or impress them. We were created to marvel at God’s beautiful creation and that is ourselves – appreciate what we’ve been given because God already gave us everything that we need. And God gave us these things to bring Him glory and not to please the world. ♥️

“I praise You (Lord) because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” – Psalm 139:14

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30

[But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’] – 1 Samuel 16:7

“Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important. It promises a reward in both this life and the next.” – 1 Timothy 4:8

In Season: What Is An Altar Call

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Apple Mangoes

In season. Tropical fruits are all in season ready for harvest during the month of May. As a month-ender, I decided to write this article for they reminded me of only one thing: the altar call. What is an altar call? Contrary to popular belief, it is not just reserved for pastors or priests. Oftentimes it is referred in the most common term which is “a calling.”

As I was reading my devotion, came the idea that not all are called to do certain missions based on our spiritual gifts but all were called to bring God glory by sharing the Gospel. Sharing the Gospel always follows after a public declaration of your acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Savior and a commitment to obey the Word. Sharing your testimony, so to speak.

For it was written:

2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

This happens after being born again through the water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. But this only follows after the altar call. I do not really consider myself as part of any religious organization or fellowship but just to give honor to the spiritual family who made my salvation possible, I’d be discussing my own experience how I got saved in our church. I have already shared in my previous articles how I got saved but not in particular the first step I did towards that salvation.

Speaking from my own experience, one reason why an unbeliever goes to church is because you are seeking for answers. Probably you are in a very low situation in your life and problems simply just took its toll and gained full control of your life – a state of chaos and confusion. Emotionally you are hopeless, helpless, depressed and in a lot of pain. That was what I am before the altar call.

The altar call is yes, a calling. It is that time during church service and everyone is worshipping that you will feel the tugging in your heart of the Spirit. It is something that is unexplainable for it can only be felt. During the worship while everyone was singing, I had this strong urge to let all my sorrows out and pass on the burden to someone. Later did I realize that that someone was the Spirit who lifted them for me, made me walk towards the altar when asked who wanted to surrender their life to Christ, crying my heart out and feeling every single word in the worship song that we were singing at that time along with fellow believers.

The worship song that we were singing was Unending Love and it was the right song at the right moment. A swarm of fellow believers followed suit and only a few remained in their tables. We were all there crying and it was not because we were all emotionally unstable but because the Spirit led us there and all of us were feeling burdened at that time and at the point of losing all hope – a state of sincere repentance and absolute surrender. We were blessed at that moment right in front of the altar and the church leaders prayed for us.

Bit by bit, the load begun to get lighter and lighter until almost after the praying was done, I felt as if my heart was already whole, complete, light and burden-free – complete freedom, a renewed self. I was having my One to One Discipleship with my bible study group leader at that time which is a more focused approach in preparing you for your water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. The last two will culminate your salvation and your transformation. It is more like counseling and therapy. Except that you are discussing everything spiritually and the transformation comes from the person’s own free will to change guided by the Spirit’s leading.

Salvation is always an act of surrender. Repentance is the key followed by acceptance of a Savior in your life. No one else can lift your burden for you; otherwise, you wouldn’t be in church in the first place if you have found the solution to your problems and the answers to your questions someplace else. But then, God will not give you right away the answers you have been needing nor the solution to your problems but He will give you PEACE.

It is only through peace that you will be able to hear His instructions well which contain the answers you are looking for and the solution to your problems. Sometimes it comes through trust, patience, discipline and a whole lot of values and character traits that He wanted us to acquire first. One thing that an altar call makes possible is opening a door to establishing a firm and personal relationship with our God, the Father, through His Son Jesus Christ. Achieving peace during the altar call though you felt you have been burdened to death will give you the peace in every burden that you will carry in the future.

Because you now know that there is a God who hears, who loves and who saves. With Him, nothing is impossible. That is the assurance that an altar call, that God and what Jesus did for us on the Cross represent – HOPE.

And only when you are in season will you know the real essence of an altar call. For it is only then that the Lord will call you to make a lasting commitment with Him by accepting the gift of salvation – this is a personal encounter with the Lord.

The right time will come to make the harvest – when it is in season, ripe and ready to be caught when it falls. 🙂

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Tropical Fruits

Flowers and Hearts – Love is Enough

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Sonya's Garden

Sonya’s Garden

This pot of flowers is not your ordinary pot. Why? Because what makes these flowers fascinating to me and special is the idea that they have stayed fresh though they have been picked out from their stems and now floating in what I call a temporary life support system – the pool of water. 🙂

Which made me think of love.

“How can you love if you are afraid to fall?” 

Nah, I am not going to talk about the sweet moments just like how love articles are all about. I am going to talk about the other side of love – when you fall. That is, the pain in loving caused by none other than the conflicts.

Conflicts are experienced by all who is in a relationship. Even married Christian couples go through conflicts. I, for one, experienced a conflict at the onset of our relationship. Well, the enemy does not choose a particular timeline nor a particular couple to attack. Everyone gets their own dose.

But I will not be talking of conflicts here in a manner wherein I regard them as a failure. In fact, I just want to share how these conflicts helped me and my boyfriend build my faith in God and establish trust in our relationship.

Now, TRUST is my biggest waterloo. I feared it. I have no courage to have it. Most especially in relationships. Doubts are my greatest enemy.

I almost came close to giving up because of constantly having doubts and not having trust. The reason why I came close to giving up is because I did not trust God fully that He will always be there to guide us in the relationship.

Until I came to a realization whether I should let the conflicts ruin or build my faith. God has a reason why He gave you that person to love. It is up to you if you are to accept it as something good or bad. Differences will always be present because no two persons are ever the same. There will be personal struggles in keeping the purity and holiness intact inside the premises of the relationship. Temptations will be on the rise.

But then, we all love happy endings and yet we know too that love stories are never complete without the trials and suffering. In fact, they are what makes the ending happy, when you come out victorious over them by constantly asking God for guidance and protection.

But the question still remains: Will you let the enemy win?

I cannot. I cannot let my doubts, the conflicts and personal struggles ruin the beautiful promises that God has for our relationship. I have to trust God so I can gain trust in the relationship. Believe that it is not you or your boyfriend/husband who will run the relationship but it is God who will be the center of it. Continue to grow and learn from mistakes and strive to be at the right path.

Most of all, choose God and choose love. If you love the person who is willing to do everything for you, you know what to do with that love as how God would want you to.  Cherish it. It is God’s love that saved us all through His son Jesus Christ freeing us from the chains of our sins.

I am extremely grateful to God for having this relationship. It is God’s blessing that I was given a man who has an open mind and a willing, teachable heart patient enough to understand. Who chose to encourage than condemn, who chose to be gentle than to offend, who chose to be relenting than be stern, who chose to accept than judge. But most importantly, a man who chose to love and follow God than give up.

(I will always be grateful to you, baby. Thank you and I love you so much!)

As I end this article, I would like to leave two quotations – first would be what I learned from the Love Series of Victory entitled It’s Not That Complicated and the other, a bible verse.

“Love will not be complicated if we understand that love is a decision and not just an emotion.”

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Like the flowers floating in a pool of water, loving requires the decision and the need to stay afloat though circumstances would posit you to be out of your comfort zone, out of your original life support system. The relationship is the flower and love is the water that feeds the relationship, that nourishes it.

Yes, decide that love is enough. That God is more than enough. 🙂

Broken Nigel: The Real Story Behind The Lens

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Broken Nigel

Broken Nigel

It happened a few hours before New Year. New Year’s Eve it is, a few hours before the clock struck 12 signifying the start of a new year – 2013. I never thought that it would happen. The camera has been with me for two years.

Yes, Nigel is my dslr camera. I have always loved photography and it was only recently that I have decided to start taking photos and make it as a full time hobby. Full time hobby would mean using the camera as often as I could at any given time. It served as an avenue for me to recover from a painful past.

Came our family outing wherein I was excited enough to capture the moments. It was a swimming event and everybody was busy carrying a lot of picnic stuff.

Then the unexpected happened.

We were on our way home, I was seated at the back beside my niece and I unintentionally placed the camera on top of the bags without tying the sling to the head rest of the back seat.

I didn’t hear nor feel “danger signals” at that moment and it was already too late to realize it when before I could go out of the car, “blag!” There goes my camera falling and rolling onto the pavement. My brother and Dad were both aghast when they picked up the camera. And yes, I am to blame. I was too confident that nothing will happen to my camera as I was always too cautious making sure that it is on the safe spot where it won’t get wet, where it won’t fall, etc. But you can never let your guard down, as they say.

So yes, that was the first “strike” on my camera. The LCD was broken. And I feared the worst – the camera will not be able to withstand the fall it won’t turn on anymore. But I was thankful though because the camera is inside the case and it cushioned the fall. It was the corner of the guard for the camera strap placed on top of the LCD that caused it to crack. It did turn on. And that was something I am so grateful for.

A week before I went home to Bicol, I bought an LCD cover for the camera. For almost 2 years I haven’t thought about purchasing one just until last year.  Little did I know that this gut feeling/inner voice that urged me to do so is actually God trying to tell me in preparation for something big that’s going to happen.

Then a week after that, a relationship with someone very dear to me was severed. Emotional ties were tested up to the limit. It got broken too. That was a week after the incident with my camera happened. So now I was dealing with two things: an intangible and tangible one. And there’s one thing that they both have in common – both are broken. My next question then was, “why?” What is the significance of the two events? Most especially, what was God’s purpose why He made them happen?

Then it came to me that yes, both were meant to be broken. Why? I grew up to be complacent, taking things as they are, letting things stay as they are, unaware and unsuspecting of any danger. I was taken off guard, so to speak. I wasn’t able to fix both before leaving Bicol. Then there came the annual Prayer Fasting in our church. It started exactly the day when I arrived from Bicol carrying with me the “broken” stuff. The Prayer and Fasting placed me in that moment of thinking things through, asking for forgiveness, and talking to God regarding these matters.

Yes, both incidents were meant to happen upon my leaving Bicol. God reminded me what are the things needed to be “fixed” which I have started to be complacent about and start praying for it during the Prayer and Fasting. Yes, that is how amazing our God is. He leads us to the path where we should rightfully head. He sees the “strains” and the “burden” that we will carry if we do not take action and just let things dwindle along.

I went through all the hassle of having my camera checked up and was thankful when I found out that I don’t have to pay thousands and thousands of pesos to have it fixed. It was only the external LCD that was broken. Whew! Thanks to the LCD protector that I bought a week before my camera fell. It was the one thing that prevented the shock from penetrating to the interiors of the camera. It also prevented the LCD glass from shattering and falling into pieces. It was the one thing that basically held everything together.

The same thing happened to the relationship. I prayed for healing during the Prayer and Fasting. I asked for forgiveness and have sworn to let go of my pride, accept my mistakes and apologize. Yes, I may not be able to fix the relationship totally but because of God, He prevented the relationship from shattering completely into pieces. Because when that happens, it would be beyond repair.

The camera was fixed; the relationship was also fixed.

I am more than grateful to God for giving me the guidance and the discernment to follow what He wants me to do. Moreover, I am more than glad I have made the move to obey and trust Him. God is the one thing that held everything together even until now.  He made it all possible so that things would be at the right track, almost perfect, and I may be at peace. More or less. 🙂