Author Archives: Christine Lailani

Yes You Can: How To Cultivate Your Talents And Skills

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We have all been gifted with different spiritual gifts which make us all unique and special. As they say, there are no two people in this world who are ever alike. Not even twins.

Discovering what are the talents that we have been gifted with will lead us to our passion. What is it that we love doing and we love to do regardless of whether we’ll be compensated for it or not?

Once we have discovered what we’re passionate about, the next step is to cultivate it. We have to hone all the skills needed to support our passion, so to speak. It will be a waste to never use any special skills we have probably just waiting to be discovered.

For the next few paragraphs, I want to share some key points when it comes to learning a new skill or improving current skills. In my case, it is writing, but the points below are all applicable in any field or area of specialization.

Using Talents and Skills to Fuel Your Passion

1. Render Services

This will come naturally. When we love what we do, we do things on our own accord. Sometimes, there’s even no need for a motivation. It’s always the self who will dictate how the entire process will flow until we accomplish the kind of finished output we desire.

Try to look for platforms where you can share your talents. In my case, for example, God gave me the opportunity to write for a faith-based website (Daily PS) and I get to read what other Christian writers are writing, too.

2. Collaborate with a Community (Same Interests)

The social media is the best network to look for like-minded individuals. LinkedIn Learning, for one, has the “Career Advice” feature where you can ask other people their viewpoints and who have the same interests as you.

It also offers so many courses on a wide range of specializations (you may try it free for 1 week). I was able to finish the course on content marketing and I was surprised that they also provide a certificate upon course completion. Public forums also offer fresh and new insights to add to your learning experience.

3. Explore All Learning Platforms

Speaking of learning, there are so many platforms to learn from out there. It is not just limited to the world wide web. It extends to the streets, your home, your workplace, your friend’s house, and anywhere actually. Coming up with a newer and better output because we learned something new is too much of a good opportunity to pass up.

In some cases, you will need to pay for learning some new concepts. But in my experience, you’ll always get your money’s worth. Currently, I am exploring all about learning business processes, marketing, and management in preparation for a new season (daunting but having faith in Him) that God is slowly ushering me and my siblings in.

LinkedIn Company Profile

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I was able to learn about making a professional logo this time, too. It’s a bit challenging but very much achievable. I am also developing a new website for the family project to build our online presence but I will be needing help with the graphic designing. For the latter, I’ll just ask my 3rd sister. She’s the Creative Director because she’s the most creative in the family – awesome artistic ideas. 😉

All 5 of us, siblings, are members of the board and ze parents are the CEOs. Our beloved Momma CEO has quite a benchmark when it comes to standards so we need intensive planning for the business model.

The progress is slow and there have been delays in our proposed timeline for developments due to weather conditions. But it’s fine since we are still in the process of finalizing all the paperwork. We’ll wait for God’s timing since it’s always perfect, anyway. 😉

On a different note, I can already see why God brought all 5 of us in our respective passions and careers for future roles – Managing Director, Finance Director, Operations Director, Creative Director, and Marketing Director (I presume this is me – uhm, scarrryyy. lol).

I’m also now in complete agreement with this article from Harvard Business Review entitled “How Family Business Owners Should Bring The Next Generation Into The Company.”

And the Bible asserts the same idea:

“An inheritance obtained too early in life is not a blessing in the end.” – Proverbs 20:21

With all these things I am doing including my other freelance jobs, I need to make sure my writing (my primary passion) won’t be compromised so I created my personal editorial calendar and a log sheet for tasks in preparation for the new website. I didn’t know I have already saved enough drafted articles for my blog and Daily PS good until the 1st quarter of the year 2019. 😀

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*Trivia:

Every time you have a sudden thought/s in mind whether you’re doing something, somewhere, write it down either on a piece of paper or type it on your phone. I write the title first then the gist of the thoughts in bullet form after. You’ll never run out of topics to write about, I promise. 😉

By the way, I’ll be sharing a series of articles how to do all that I have mentioned above (a la workshop) but it’s scheduled for next year. I have to make sure I am providing you nothing but the best info out there so it needs extensive preparation. 😀

4. Create an “Areas to Improve On” List

When we subject ourselves to constant rediscovery, it will be easier to pinpoint where are our weak spots. Our biological composition reserves that room for improvement. Because it is in our nature to be flawed.

So perfectionism isn’t our goal but expressionism. We improve ourselves to express ourselves better. And not because we want to be validated and recognized. You just have to own your work and be proud that you’ve helped others one way or the other. 😉

To end this short (my idea of short) post, the best part about cultivating our talents and skills is actually that 3-in-1 package of fun, an attitude of servitude, and fulfillment we experience while doing a certain project. We don’t see it as a task, a duty, an obligation, or anything else. We see it as a product of something we love.

In fact, the by-product speaks so much of love as much as it speaks of our identity and individuality. In my case, my identity lies in being a Christian, in loving God, and in writing my love for God. So my audience (that’s you, love!) gets to feel that kind of love that I have, too.

Hmmm, let’s be honest here though, do you really feel the love? 😃 Don’t worry if you don’t, but I hope this will suffice:

“I love you so much for reading this and I pray you get to share the love, too.” ❤

“God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” – 1 Peter 4:10

Writing to you with love,

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For more related articles, you may read:

“Good Stewards Of God’s Gift”

“In Season: What Is An Altar Call?”

“9 Things You Need To Know If You Want To Be A Writer”

Relationships & Marriages: Don’t Settle Just Because | 5 Wrong Reasons

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Relationships and marriages always have one key component – settling down. I don’t know of anyone who got into a relationship without plans of getting married. Do take note though that I refer to marriage here as the legal union between a man and a woman. I am not, in any way, in agreement with cohabiting. If you can’t have a church wedding first (like me and my Mom by choice), then by all means, have a civil wedding. 🙂

A Church Wedding vs A Civil Wedding

My husband and I would still love to have a church wedding someday. We are targeting to have it on our 25th wedding anniversary. I can already imagine how emotional it will be. Why? This church wedding will be our gift to God for keeping us together until we reach our 25th year and the years to come.

Though we believe in a God who provides anything especially when it comes to finances, we felt it in our hearts to have the church wedding a bit later. We attended the marriage preparation seminar conducted by our local church, though. I highly encourage engaged couples to do this. It is such a big help to prepare you for the married life in a God-centered way.

Keep in mind that a civil wedding doesn’t make your marriage less holy. My parents’ marriage is a testimony of this and how they brought us up. We all grew up as God-fearing children who knew God well enough beyond all the religious rituals and practices. I believe a good marriage goes beyond lavish weddings but most of all, it should be about honoring God by honoring your marriage and your vows until death does both of you part no matter what. 🙂

In 5 years’ time, my parents will be celebrating their Golden (50th) Wedding Anniversary. I can only thank God for the grace and for my parents’ efforts to stay committed to their wedding vows regardless if they had a civil or a church wedding.

Marrying By Faith is More Important

When I got married, I knew what I was getting into. It is a covenant that you cannot get out of whenever you feel like it. I asked God for guidance if this is a season that He wanted for me. I never had doubts about whether I should marry my husband or not. When I received God’s wisdom over my decision to marry, I had no regrets even when months later after the wedding, hubby and I got into stormy and rough seas. But because I have faith, because of God’s grace, and because I married my husband for the right reasons, here we are close to our 3rd year wedding anniversary (that’s next month!). Still a young couple, though. 😀

So ladies (I chose you just because I am also a daughter of Christ), here are the wrong reasons for wanting to settle down:

5 Wrong Reasons Why You Should Settle Down

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1. Never settle for comfort and convenience.

It’s a temptation for single ladies to get into the season of married life thinking they now have a partner in life who can help them with everything and be their best friend. Yes, it is true but it also means doing your part of the deal and making sacrifices, too, if needed. There is sometimes this misconception or “the fairytale complex” that after the prince married the princess, it’s all happily ever after between the two.

The truth is, a marriage will bring you so much discomfort as much as it brings you so much comfort. It’s not always a happily ever after. It could be a sober ever after every now and then or an exciting ever after or a boring ever after. We can never confine marriage with just one emotion because just like life, it’s a mix of everything. Forget that fairytale, it’s ideal but not real.

2. Never settle out of peer pressure or for validation.

Ah, yes. This is one of the most pressing (but wrong) reasons when settling down. I’m sure you’ve heard statements such as:

“This is my 5th time to be a bridesmaid, when will I become the bride?”

“All my girlfriends in our batch are married except for me.”

“My best friend got married already, I think I should do the same.”

“I think nobody loves me enough that’s why I am still single.”

“Nobody asked me out on a date, I think I’m the ugliest girl in the world.”

Whooosh! Wave them all away! They are all deceptions and lies that the enemy is planting in your heart. Do not fall for that trap. You are as lovely as you are now. You are worthy to be loved. You deserve to have the right man in God’s perfect time. The solution? Be still and wait. God might still be busy preparing you for this season.

3. Never settle for the sake of “leveling up” or “singlehood” is starting to become a bore.

This is common with women who always ask, “What’s next?” 😀 The very root problem of this goes back to discontentment. When you are not satisfied with what you have, you’re always hungry for more. Believe me, it can be a vicious cycle (used to be my stronghold). What you need is to enjoy the “now.” Ask God for leading where He will take you. Always be in tune with what He wants you to do. Be in step with God in all of your plans.

When you do this, you’ll be amazed by the different seasons that God can usher you in that are both exciting and frightening and yet fulfilling in the end. And you were only vying for one? Nah, God wanted you to have the best experiences in this life! Why? It is through these experiences that God will test your faith so you can build your character and be ready and equipped with everything lacking nothing (James 1:4).

4. Never settle for money.

For arranged marriages, this is common. It is a sad fact to know that some marriages are based on preserving business partnerships. If you’re reading this and you’re going through the same dilemma, ask God what He wants you to do. Remember, life is not over for you. This season might be where you’ll have the greatest learning yet. Seek His will all the more why He put you in this season. Then, see things from His perspective.

God knows you’re going to go through it and He knows that you can handle the situation. He won’t give you this situation if you can’t carry it on your own. But even if you can’t, know that God is on your side to help you out each and every step of the way. And lastly, money can’t buy you happiness. It never does and it never will no matter how wealthy you are. It’s always a weak foundation of any marriage, it will and it will crumble.

5. Never settle because looks captivated you.

The rule of thumb is to let your heart be captured by another heart, too, and not with the looks. 😉 This adage is always true to the core no wonder it became an adage: “Looks can be deceiving.” Go for attitude always before looks. But here’s what you must remember, too. In your courting days, both you and your partner will be putting your best foot forward so it might be an all show of positive attitudes. And yet, even if you’ve become best friends now and you’ve grown quite comfortable with each other, you still can’t show him your underwear and point out they’re “baconized” already you need to buy a new one, right? 😀

Seriously, the “getting to know” stage will only get deeper once you get married. I can attest to this because my husband and I weren’t really best friends when we met and became a couple. So, the first 3 years of our married life became the “getting to know” stage for us. It can be a rollercoaster for the first few years but I can assure you it will get better in time. You’ll soon learn to love each other better including those things that used to tick you off. And you’ll only notice how handsome your husband is once married because you get to stare at him most of the time. 😀

 

My last piece of advice when it comes to relationships and marriages is this: if you plan on settling down, marry for the right reason – because of love. And yet, always keep in mind too that love is not purely about feelings and emotions. It is a mixture of decisions, sacrifices, disappointments, failures, triumphs, accomplishments, forgiveness…every act and emotion (good ones) you can think of, that is love (1 Corinthians 13). No wonder it is the greatest of all. 🙂

“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Still feeling unsure where God is taking you next when it comes to relationships and marriages? Do drop me a comment or a message, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Thankfully married,

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How I Made A Deal With The Lord

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Before you get the impression that I had a bargaining moment with the Lord, it is not what you think it is. But do read ahead and find out. 😀

A Bargain, Not

Before anything else, let’s settle this thought – God can never be bargained. How He decides things to happen in our lives requires only a small percentage of our free will. That is, if we are more of His follower and would like to obey His will more than following our plans.

Action-Based But More on Faith

It’s been written in the Scriptures that “faith without deeds is dead” (James 2:14-26). Yes, this is true but it can also be tricky depending on how we will receive it. If you are more of a solution-based or output-based planner (like me), the danger here is knowing when to stop doing what you’re doing and allowing God to take control.

Overdoing things by sheer free will can lead to self-sufficiency which, as we all know, is not what faith is all about. It is actually the opposite – God-dependency. Our pastors have stressed this idea well enough in their lectures and messages that depending on our own strength and capabilities can lead us further away from God. It might even lead us to totally forget God thinking where and what do we need Him for.

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What the Deal is All About

Now, let’s go back to the deal. The deal I was referring to is more of an agreement – me agreeing to God’s terms and me laying down specific terms for His approval (discerning whether they are part of His instructions or not).

If you’ve been constantly reading through my blog posts for some time now, I did mention about shifting seasons again and again. They all started right when I became a Christian. Maybe next time I’ll make a sort of a timeline in table form to better showcase the highlights of each year. They will prove that a Christian’s journey starting from the day he was born again until today is never like a plateau but a series of valleys.

I cannot tell if this is God’s way of making sure my faith will never remain lukewarm (considered a sin, btw). But I can tell that these seasons requested my full dependency on Him. I’m just amazed when I look back from everything that happened and where I am now. They were mere surprises that I never even imagined.

I have never felt so fulfilled, so content, and so assured of doing things for God as I do now. I guess this is the by-product of constantly seeking God’s purpose in my life and obeying Him completely. And spiritually, I can attest that I have grown so much since 2013. 🙂

Here are more examples of personal experiences that will showcase how I made a deal with the Lord:

1. Be Ready to Make Sacrifices

This is all about God slowly removing anything that is worldly in you and around you. I sacrificed a lot of things that I know would’ve made me “great” in the eyes of the world satisfying its demands and standards. It was difficult to “not conform to the patterns of this world” (Romans 12:12) but believe me, once you have made your stand, saying “no” to ALL worldly desires and temptations is now waaaaay easier.

What sacrifices can God be calling you out to do? Is it worldly success? Is it worldly achievement? Is it acquiring great wealth? Are they material possessions? Is it addiction or idolatry? Are they extramarital affairs? Is it workaholism?

2. Be Guided in Your Endeavors

This will come in the form of a family project that is not-for-profit. When Pastor Patrick shared last Sunday about us not being able to see some of the promises of the Lord come to fruition, I felt as if the message just hit something straight in my heart. He went on by mentioning about the generations before Joseph (Abraham-Isaac-Jacob) and how God used each generation until Joseph to complete the promise (the promised land) which none of them ever witnessed in their lifetime.

So this family project is about utilizing a land that’s been passed on to us from our ancestors. It was acquired first by my great grandpa who was also one of the pioneers and first pastor of the Protestant church in our town. Next, it was inherited by my grandfather who exemplified nothing but a man who’s all fired up in faith. The land has now been handed to our parents, then, we are next in line.

In all 3 generations, only a teeny weeny tiny portion of the land was being utilized for productive use. But now, all 5 of us siblings have this desire in our hearts to utilize it on a wider scale. I know that this desire did not come out of our own selfish ambitions to earn great wealth. We don’t need it, but we’re not rich. Having God, alone, is enough to satisfy us.

Instead, it is something that our forefathers have passed on to us that ties us to this land. It may not be similar to the Bible’s promised land, but then again, only God knows how He intended to use it to fulfill His plans.

All we know is we need to work on this. BUT here’s the part where I can relate to Pastor’s preaching – we may not be able to see how God’s promise over this land come to fruition. It is only in our generation wherein we have decided to utilize it on full throttle. We don’t even know what will happen to it after my siblings and I die or will our (future) kids or nieces and nephews and grandkids will have the same desire as we and our forefathers have.

BUT then again, as Pastor Patrick continued, all the generations before Joseph including himself claimed God’s promise BY FAITH even if they don’t know what is that promise and what will exactly happen. Yes, on behalf of my siblings, I am claiming BY FAITH that God did not place this desire in our hearts to work on this project out of nothing. We believe it will serve God’s purpose in the end whether it’s next year, after a decade, or after a century – only God knows when.

3. Be Specific with Career Choices

Now, this brings us to my career choices. This is the part where I became specific with my prayers to the Lord. Why? Let’s admit it. When you are planning projects, it will require time. Also, a career for me is not just about earning money. But more importantly, it’s about using my abilities, skills, and talents to serve and help others. Thus, I became specific with the Lord in my prayer over career opportunities. It went on like this:

“Lord, I want to have a career that will support me and my husband’s basic needs. And yet, with this desire to do all these things in my heart, I can only pray that I will be able to fulfill them all through Your guidance and Your grace. I am seeking for Your will in all the tasks I am set out to do, discernment on how I should do all of them, until when I should do them, or if these tasks are part of Your will.

I pray for opportunities that will help me accomplish all of the following:

  • maximize my gift in writing (either as a career or as a ministry)
  • use my license as an English teacher (I still love to help students in whatever way it may be)
  • how to plan the project so it will materialize
  • show me ways how can this project help others
  • my priorities will not be compromised (hubby time, family time, quiet time, etc.)”

4. Be Constant in Realigning Priorities

Speaking of priorities, I made a conscious effort to keep the top 3 in my list of priorities as constant – God, spouse, and family. They cannot be interchanged no matter what. All three should be in that order in everything. Why God should be on top? Let’s just say God is our CEO. He decides on everything and He instructs what should be done. Without a CEO in the company, the company won’t run. Or it may run, but it will be in complete chaos. Accomplishing tasks will be impossible in this state. In fact, we won’t accomplish anything at all.

5. Be Available 24/7 in Connecting with God

Connecting with God, therefore, is IMPORTANT – this is how we deal with Him and find out if our terms are aligned with His. How would we know what God requires of us if we’re so busy and don’t have the time to listen to what He says? Connecting with Him every single moment of our every day lives is the key. Always be in tune with the Spirit as we do day-to-day activities. Watch out for the signs but always carry a discerning heart. As much as we would like to take the enemy out of the picture, he’s always lurking around in the form of temptations and weaknesses.

 

Getting into a deal with God is never about the word “me” but the word “Him.” We don’t get to choose what’s in it for us but more about what God can get out of it. But do not be dismayed, God is a loving God. He will not put us through a task or a mission, how difficult or easy it may be, without preparing us. May we rest ourselves in His assurance that:

“…in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

And also this,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5

Are you also in the habit of making a deal with the Lord always? If you are, I’d love to hear how it turned out.

Always in agreement with the Lord,

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P.S. (I’d rather call this a “Praise Script”) 😀

I now am convinced that the tasks that God had set in my heart came from Him and Him alone. He answered almost all of my prayers! 😀

So, here I am writing this, submitted an article for Daily PS (community of Christian writers), helped junior and senior high school students with their school work, did my workout (God requires we have not just a healthy soul but a healthy body, too), cooked a sumptuous dinner for hubby, did other chores, watched a movie together, then researched more for the project. As for the project, all the pertinent info needed is ready. We are only waiting for God’s perfect time when to execute them.

Ah, yes. God is the only One who can give me the GRACE to do all of these, fueled by my life verse, and of course, strict adherence to the schedule a.k.a. DISCIPLINE (holistically). 😉

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13

7 Good Reasons Why You Should Write Often | Writing Tips

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When it comes to writing tips, you’ll encounter a lot of them on the web. The more results you can gather online through your research, the better. They will help you become more rounded as a writer. Here are some writing hacks I’d like to share with you which you can add to your roster.

7 Writing Tips: Why Writing Often is Better

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1. Writing often builds your vocabulary.

Have you ever had that moment when you were trying to grasp that particular word and you can tell that it’s already at the tip of your tongue? But unfortunately, it just seems to be stuck in there. Ugh. I know that feeling. I oftentimes have that moment and it’s not comforting in any way most especially when you have the best ideas but you can’t put them into words. Tragic, isn’t it?

I have discovered that the remedy to that is to write and write and write so you’ll build your vocabulary. Maximize the use of your Merriam Webster dictionary, Google search, your synonyms, antonyms, anything that can be building blocks for your vocabulary. In no time, you’ll find it easier to share your thoughts because words just come as fluid as they can be.

2. Writing often will help you build a decent portfolio.

This is one of the writing tips I have gathered from my own experience. Did you know that employers also take a look at your blogs when you apply to them as a writer? Your blog articles don’t just come handy when it comes to writing careers, you can also use it to jumpstart your web or graphic designing career. Or why not have both?

The more skilled you are, the higher the chances an employer will hire you. In some cases, your employer might request you create a new sample of your writing but having your blog around can be a good backup.

3. Writing often helps you research more.

When you write, you need ideas. Though writers are very much capable of coming up with their own creative and brilliant ideas, those ideas can be ignited by another idea you read or saw somewhere on the internet. I believe this is what the world wide web and social networking are all about. You learn from what other people post out there.

But take this as a word of caution: not all of what’s on the internet can be classified as true, factual, and reliable. Conducting due diligence accompanied with discernment will help you come up with reliable information.

4. Writing often makes you explore different writing styles.

If you are a budding writer, this will be a common scenario for you. You’re still in the period of testing the waters so to speak. But always remember that another writer’s writing style might not be the same as your own. The best way to find out which style fits you is through your interests and your personality. I’ll delve deeper into this in my future articles.

Ever since I was a kid, I have always loved persuasive writing. It just comes naturally for me and I am more at home with this kind of write-up. But you can always try other writing styles and incorporate them into what you already knew. This is how you learn. And learning is always essential to your growth as a writer.

5. Writing often exercises your critical thinking skills.

Writing requires deep analytics. It is not just about putting words into “paper” but more about how beautifully can you craft a story that after reading your text, a reader ends up refreshed and informed.

In writing, there is a sequence that you need to follow from choosing your topic, writing it, composing the entire piece, to ending the story (with a bang if you can). What separates a good write up from not-so-good ones is delivery. After writing your article, ask yourself with this question: does your article have a solid thought from beginning to end?

6. Writing often means better connectivity with fellow writers.

With all the writing platforms available freely nowadays such as WordPress, connecting with a community of writers isn’t impossible. In fact, it is the best platform to connect with other writers. The good part about this is that you get to learn from what others are posting online, too. You can collaborate with them also, share ideas, or relate with one another.

The past generations predicted that writers will no longer have jobs come year 2000s. Technology made this prediction false, unfortunately. With the rise of everything becoming digital come endless possibilities for the writing industry, too.

7. Writing often helps you advance in your craft.

This last part is more like “practice makes perfect.” The more you enhance what you’re good at and passionate about, you’ll see that the results are getting better, too. Your writing will never be perfect the first time around. It will have a lot of flaws. You’ll need to edit and re-edit your work a hundred times until it’s polished free of errors.

If you want to improve your work, it is a rule of thumb to always compare your previous write-ups with the current ones you wrote. Then from your review, analyze which area you need to improve on. Is it grammar? Is it creativity? Is it delivery?

I can come up with a long list of writing tips but I’ll just share the salient points for now. I hope you picked a nugget or nuggets of wisdom from this piece. But if you have more ideas to share or you need to ask for clarifications, you’re most welcome to do so. Just always remember that if you feel it in your heart that writing is what you’re passionate about, follow your heart. Then, use your mind to come up with masterpieces. 😉

With all these writing tips I’ve shared, are you now ready to advance your way up as a writer? If you’re still hesitant to use your gift in writing, then this bible verse might help boost your confidence:

“Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.” – Proverbs 16:3

Believing in you as a fellow writer,

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***Photo by Neven Krcmarek on Unsplash

Mid-Year Prayer And Fasting 2018

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In our church, we have a yearly mid-year prayer and fasting where we consecrate to God the things that are done in the early part of the year and the things to be done through the latter part of the year. For this year, the schedule came in timely – July 3-5. I have so many things to be grateful for including answered prayers and realizations I encounter daily. I also have a lot to pray for because I will be going through a lot of seasons again.

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What Transpired

Day 1

It is not a coincidence that July 3rd was the schedule for my first article to go live at Daily PS, a community of Christian writers on WordPress. Here’s the link to the article and I hope this will recharge your spirits:

7 Highly Effective Ways To Avoid Burnout (The Christian Way)

Hubby dear was also scheduled to have his first day of training on this day for a tentative promotion (his 2nd). I am also in the process of seeking for topics to contribute as guest posts for some of my fellow Christian writers here on WordPress such as The Christian Blog Ghana. Do visit their site, their posts are such an insightful read. 🙂

Day 2

After checking out the published article in Daily PS, I opened a new document over Microsoft Word for my next article submission. I was only targeting one topic. But God’s grace allowed I come up not only with 1 but 6! Ah yes, when God calls you for a task, He really will prepare you.

I had to blur it because I can’t spill all the beans just yet. 😉

I also decided to come up with a new blog logo since my old logo, the one with a bible verse in it, is perfect as a site header. For the logo design, I wanted it to be very simple. I chose a laurel wreath as it symbolizes victory. I plan to update my Facebook page’s profile picture to this new one but I am on social media hibernation (part of my prayer and fasting). I also plan to use this logo on all of my blog’s social handles instead of my photo. This blog is about God and not me. 😉

If you also want to learn how to create one, I can help you. You can find more details about this below.

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I am feeling the inclination (tugging of the Spirit yet again) to conduct a free writing and website designing workshop for fellow Christian bloggers and writers who are just starting out or needing to revamp their sites. I am asking for God’s leading that either I host the workshop and invite other Christian writers to share their expertise or I join one. I already shared tips online with one sister in Christ (Hi, Mean! :-D) but I know meeting in person is better. 😉

I have been designing and managing this blog alone through tutorials (I learn from others, too) and it is quite challenging. But nothing is hard when God equips you to do a task. I believe I must thank the Lord for giving me the wisdom in making this website according to how He wishes it to be.

For the writing and web designing workshop, I am targeting an audience starting from teens and up. Yet another workshop I plan to conduct is a free art workshop but this time, for kids. I have always loved art back when I was a kid and I only got to explore so much of it now that I am an adult. 😀

Day 3

I have been conducting research for the past weeks about entrepreneurship and marketing for a not-for-profit project. It’s only during the mid-year prayer and fasting that I finally had a break from all the info overload. Ah yes, the “burnout” article really just came out timely, it’s even perfect for me as a reminder. 😉

Thank God for the grace, I got everything I needed and now ready to consolidate all the data for a better presentation. I still have so much to learn, though. My eldest sister suggested I make a storyboard. I am now working on how to integrate it with Microsoft Powerpoint. The current challenge I have is trimming down all the information and making it into one coherent output.

Today, I’ve also decided to come up with topics to share on my personal blog that are a little off the ordinary. These topics will be presented in a series to better categorize them and they will be technical with a little bit of faith on the side. This blog is meant to be informative. So any knowledge I can share with you all, it’ll definitely be posted. 🙂

The quotation for this week in my planner also came in timely:

The warrior of light has no “certainties,” he just has a path to follow, a path to which he tries to adapt depending on the season.

– Manual of the Warrior of Light (Paulo Coehlo)

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I have high hopes that all I have mentioned above are plans that will materialize in God’s perfect time. Let’s just say this season is all about planning and preparing.

God is a god of perfect timing, anyway. 😀

Are you a Christian blogger? I would like to ask for your help by sharing your expertise with aspiring Christians writers here on WordPress. Any idea you have how we can share these tips will be highly appreciated. Thank you! ❤

Always waiting on God’s perfect time,

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*Featured image copyright: Free 4K Wallpaper

How To Know When A Season Is About To End

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How do you know when a season in your life is about to end? Though it might seem like the answer has something to do with emotions alone, it should never be the case always. Why? Emotions can be very tricky sometimes. And the enemy can use it to his advantage. What we need, on the one hand, is discernment – both ruled by the heart and the mind.

How Do I Know the Season Will Change?

1. PRAY

There is no better way to ask God where He wants you to go and what He wants you to do but to ask Him outright. And the best way to communicate with Him is through a prayer.

2. Contemplate on Your Situation

Assessing how current things are going will give you clues. Begin from how you started. Think about how things have progressed or the opposite. But don’t try to come up with solutions yet. Not yet.

3. A Door Closing, A New One Opens

In my previous experiences, God ends a season because He is leading me to a new one. I used to be very stubborn when it comes to this. Even though God continues to close a particular door, I keep on bangin’ it so I could get in.

But when God says you’re knockin’ at the wrong door, He seriously means it. I only get extremely frustrated and exhausted trying to open it with zero positive results. All because I want to insist my way and not His way. In this case, the best thing to do is to wait for Him to open the door He chose as the one specifically reserved for you.

So What Do I Do Now?

After doing all those things above, these are the next steps you must do:

1. Wait

The spiritual journey of any Christian has a lot to do with waiting. Why? Because waiting is all about letting God take control of everything and allowing things to fall into place according to His plans.

2. Stay Focused

Distractions are one of the enemy’s ways to derail us from our main purpose. Distractions can come in the form of temptations. Keeping them at bay will help you stay on track.

3. Act When God Says So

You will know when God says it is the right time to act. It is not all about God doing everything, anyway. As the bible says, “Faith without deeds is dead.”

Why the Article Title?

This is a bit irrelevant to the topic but still about changing seasons on a personal note. If you will notice, I don’t normally follow rules when it comes to writing. In fact, I break a lot of them. 😀

Why? For me, too much technicality will kill creativity. Writers are artists. Artists perform best and flourish when they are given the freedom to explore to the best of their abilities without excessive constraints.

Anyway, going back to changing seasons, the moment finally came wherein God asked I focus on doing fewer tasks but are greater priorities.

Tabula Rasa

I had to let go of my writing career in an advertising agency after working with them for a year. My entire working experience with them was all worthwhile though. This was my first professional job as a writer after the career shift from being a teacher.

This year was the “tabula rasa” in my writing career so to speak. I have learned so much about digital marketing either from work or the extra research I do on my own to better understand how the entire process works.

It may feel like a loss to me as I’ve grown quite comfortable with the environment. But God never intended that I stay there for long. He opened another opportunity just recently. This time, with a different community and audience – a faith-based website. So I thought, maybe God just put me in digital marketing so I can “market” faith.

Well, if you’ll look at it in another way, digital marketing is all about increasing your audience through marketing using digital technology. God wanted a bigger audience who will learn about the gospel, too.

Daily PS

The latter is the new season for me as I was accepted to contribute for Daily PS. (Thank you, Alex and team, for this opportunity!) This is a not-for-profit stint for me but I just love to write anything about faith. And oh, please do watch out for my first article. It’s scheduled to go live on July 3rd! 😀 I also plan to contribute articles for them on a regular basis.

Family Obligations

Another season prior to this have already started but it’s not yet on full throttle. It’s a family project where I felt deeply that God wanted me to be in our hometown. I did mention this in my previous articles. The only thing I’m concerned about is leaving hubby here or bringing him with me but both of us will be jobless. But, I put my complete trust in the Lord. Because I know this is what He wanted me to do.

Hubby dear is tentatively up for another promotion and he’ll start training on July to find out if he is fit for the role. If ever he gets promoted, we plan to use the savings to help my siblings in funding the project. The thing is, I need to be one of the “executionists” a.k.a. executives. 😀 Dad is almost 80 years old and old age is starting to take its toll on him. He needs an assistant. I am more than willing to become his apprentice though. 😉

A Journeyman

Speaking of apprentice, this is what the title of my blog is all about. It will contain stories of a journeyman/apprentice who learns along the way wherever his master takes him and whatever his master teaches him.

Ah yes. This is all part of God’s bigger plan. Everything seems to fit perfectly when you try to look at things from a wider perspective. But it took careful decisions and a lot of sacrifices on my part.

I believe God just doesn’t want me to settle on something yet. Every time I am about to get comfortable about something, the tides will begin to turn. Then, I would find myself embarking on a new season yet again. I just take these experiences as essential for my growth in this spiritual journey. 🙂

Finally

So, how do you really know a season will end? It really is between you and God. He’ll tell you and you will find out. Ask for His leading if you need to make sacrifices. Ask Him to help you make a tough decision.

Just always remember that it is not what is in store for you in the next season you’re going into that is why you wanted to obey Him. But think of it as a privilege. The privilege to be used by God and be a part of His masterplan.

Will you let Him end the season and usher you towards the door of a new season? Or will you choose to remain in your comfort zone? 🙂

Always a faithful follower of Christ,

9 Close Encounters With God: Are They For Real?

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Close encounters are not just limited to unidentified flying objects but unseen objects, too. Have you heard about miracles? How about divine intervention? Does the word “premonition” sound familiar? If we are to look closely at all three questions, they all have one common denominator –a powerful force behind them. For all we know, the unseen object may not be a matter of “what” but “who.” Read along and find out through some of the close encounters I’ve had as a Christian.

9 Close Encounters with God in Our Daily Lives

1. The Slip

Have you ever been in an accident or close to getting into one? I may not be in a serious accident but I experienced slipping my foot while walking on a very steep trail. The trail traverses along the cliff of a mountain and I estimated the deep fall to be about a hundred feet.

How did I escape that fall? It was our local tour guide who instantly grabbed my hand exactly at the moment when I slipped. I was barely holding on to a patch of tall grass to keep me from falling.

What are the chances of her not being able to catch me on time? Most likely it’s 100%. She’s in front of me and she could’ve failed to notice I made the wrong jump and slipped. Every time I remember that moment, I always wonder how that saving moment could be so timely. And yet, all I can think of was a divine intervention.

2. On Top

Being in an elevated spot always reveals the skyline. The skyline is always the best demarcation between the heaven and the earth. It also reveals everything about what is God-made and what is man-made. If you want to have a close encounter with God, try communing with nature.

You’ll get to see God’s wonderful creations in their purest forms. May it be a seascape, a landscape, the mountains, a river, lake, the forest, or even just in your own garden, you can have a close encounter with God.

Have you ever wondered why rainforests are bursting with all forms of life from plant life to animal life? And yet, no one takes care of them. How about in your garden? Did it make you wonder why a seed ever grows to become a plant? Do take a look at some of the stunning photos I took of my nature escapades below. Yes, they are all for real.

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3. In Sickness

Serious illnesses most often take lives. If not, they cripple. How many of us have prayed for ourselves, for our loved ones, and for people we know who are battling with an illness? There are countless instances wherein these prayers were answered in the form of recovery.

But there are also those moments wherein these prayers were unanswered and grief took over because of loss. It’s hard to cope with the idea of losing someone you’ve known all your life and yet miraculously, God heals us too despite all the memories.

4. Through Poverty

I can never forget that moment when I only have about 50 bucks in my wallet and I allowed God to take control of the rest. Have you been in this predicament, too? It can be very challenging most especially since money runs this world.

But, it’s good to know that there is someone else greater who runs not just this world but all of the heavens and the earth. It’s all a matter of trusting Him who can provide you with eternal life, what more, your basic needs. I survived that week because God provided for all my needs.

How?

He can provide you through a lot of channels such as a decent amount of cash you stashed away somewhere and stumbled upon it out of the blue. Yes, at just the right time. Or, there’s this random person at work or through your family who gave you money because they just felt it.

Again, at just the right time. Another is a free meal courtesy of reward points you never knew you had until you checked through your phone and you’re entitled to it. Surprises? Yes, they truly are.

5. A Prophecy

This is a gift. Science can explain it as ESP (extra-sensory perception), the world can define it as premonition, and faith describes it as a prophecy. Though we do not have a mind like God’s, He definitely shared some of His wisdom to us. Is it a wild guess?

Certainly not. In our family, we don’t need text messages to inform one another about doing an errand or letting one another know what one thinks. In most cases, the receiver already got it even before the sender informed that person. How did this happen?

6. With An Advocacy

Having the heart to serve without expecting anything in return exemplifies a Christ-like heart. It is almost as similar to having goosebumps as what people say when you encounter a beggar on the street and you felt as if there’s something about him/her. “What if God was one of us?” as Joan Osborne sings in her song.

“Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses.” – Proverbs 28:27

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” – James 1:27

7. My Loved One

A personal relationship with God is more like your relationship with a loved one. You know all his crazy antics, you’ve seen the good and the bad traits, you’ve shared the best and the worst times, and your relationship is intimate. When situations arise between you and your beloved, you either see your loved one exemplifying how God would’ve acted or it could be you acting just like God. May it be that you or your loved one behaved through Spirit-filled actions?

8. As I Labor

Ever had that moment when you’re sure you will be fired from your career and yet what happened was the opposite? Or that moment when you’re seeing no progress at work but along came new opportunities just when you’re about to give up.

These moments surpass our human understanding because it is only God who sees the toil of man, who rewards the man for his labor, and who sees the hearts, minds, and intentions of every human being.

9. Altar Call

This is definitely not the least but the best way of having close encounters with God. Have you had that moment wherein you’re feeling too sure of yourself that this is what you’ve been wanting to do for the rest of your life? That is definitely God’s calling. When God set it in your heart what His mission is for you, you know there is nothing that can hinder you from doing it. This is how passion came alive.

After listing all these items down, these moments are unexplainable and yet something is at work behind them all – the Spirit. If your soul is in tune with the Spirit, the more aware you will be when these close encounters take place. The personal relationship you have with God is what binds you to the Spirit.

There is no such thing as “coincidence” in the Christian faith nor a word such as “luck.” There are, instead, forces of both good and evil that are at work in every single moment of our lives here on Earth. Thus, it takes a discerning heart, mind, and soul to hear the voice of God and it is only possible when we allow the Spirit to work within ourselves.

Have you had close encounters with God in your life? How can you be in tune with the Spirit always? Do let us know what you think in the comments box below and let’s grow spiritually together. ❤

***Featured image copyright: crosswalk.com

How to Manage Priorities: What Do We Value?

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“Kaibigan, kamusta ka?”

That is how we, Filipinos, greet one another in our native language especially with people whom we haven’t seen for a long time. I must admit it’s been awhile since my last blog post here, but I have a valid reason why this post never made it to my consistent #everyFridayblogpost for 3 consecutive Fridays now. Today, as of writing, it’s actually a Saturday and around 12 midnight to be exact. 😀

So hear ye, hear ye, my beloved readers. Thou shall not cover thy ears for my words will but gently pierce.

Alright, alright. Enough with the never-ending intros, Tin. lol Nope, I am not messing around with you but this is my way of setting up the mood for this article – personal, casual, light, and a journal.

So, let’s start, shall we?

If there is but one thing we all have a hard time managing in this ever-present and modern world aside from time, it is this – priorities. If there is also one of us here who never had a dilemma how to manage priorities, do shoot me an email. I’d really love to learn how you did it.

I have always been a “doer.” When I plan, I set goals. When I set goals, I make sure I am working on achieving these goals. These goals vary from short-term such as paying the bills on Thursday, etc., to long-term goals i.e. career planning, business ventures, and a whole lot of things in between. In other words, I am a multitasker.

Currently, I have so many things going on even though the past weeks were already the busiest. This includes adjusting to our new home since hubby and I recently transferred. If you can imagine all the packing and unpacking that went on and still going on, I’m sure you’ll understand. 😉 I got the hang of it, though. I believe this is the toil of man, to never fully rest until we all reach the end of our timelines in this world.

For the past two weeks, I spent it with my families – the last week of May with my biological family (Ginete family) and the 1st week of June with my in-laws (Rome family). Those weeks were hectic to the point that my Dad, who spent 78 years of his existence in the province, admitted that the city life is so fast-paced time just flies when they’re here. I can’t contest this, it’s quintessentially true. 🙂

This is, in fact, the very reason why I’d love to go back home in the province and stay there for good. This is pretty ironic to someone like me who loves doing a lot of things. I love the laidback atmosphere in the province not because I am lazy. It’s because I enjoy solitude as it calms and eases my mind.

Right now, my mind is a huge mess. I often wondered how I can manage to come up with an article while trying to balance everything. I am always prone to falling into this bad habit of workaholism. I have to constantly remind myself I won’t be able to achieve much when my body and my mind fail me.

Breathe. Take some time off. Pause.

The laidback lifestyle in the province gives us that opportunity. As a writer, there can be so many things in your head and writing them off seems like a never “good enough” solution. But praise God for the comfort of our sound-proof room now, even the drilling noise from a nearby construction site is lessened to just a whisper. *wink* I am grateful to God and my family for this great opportunity to live in a new home. 🙂

A deeper contemplation is what every writer needs. It is from the deepest recesses of our souls that the beauty of words is revealed. That is why I love midnights. I love staying awake in the wee hours of the morning. Everything is quiet. All I hear are my thoughts – loud and clear. It helps me to discern, to block distractions, and to fish those thoughts out one by one until they’re all carefully laid out.

Just like priorities.

You need to handpick them one by one so you can align them accordingly. Balance is achieved once you know what are the priorities that are particularly urgent and what are not.

So how did I manage the past week’s schedule? Maintaining balance is the key. But first, come up with what should be on top of your list and stick to it.

Here’s how mine looks:

  1. God
  2. Husband
  3. Family
  4. Career
  5. Ministry
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Image copyright: blogos.org

A word of caution here, though. Don’t confuse God and Ministry as something interchangeable. God being the top priority means your personal relationship with Him a.k.a. devotion and prayer time. The ministry is God’s calling for you how to serve His people. In my case, it is this blog.

So this, my friends, is the reason why I was hibernating from WordPress. I need to serve our families’ needs first. But I am just grateful how God orchestrated all the events that took place so beautifully and perfectly because I honored what matters to Him first.

Here’s how the events played out:

  • Nothing too fancy and as simple as air conditioning units installed right after my parents arrived (they won’t survive the summer heat in the metro).
  • Hubby and I also gave them a wedding anniversary gift in the form of Mom’s cataract surgery for a pretty discounted price (hubby’s work privileges). They are now both cataract-free and with 20/20 vision.
  • We were also able to spend a meaningful time with my father-in-law who’s a seafarer. Their ship passed by and stayed in the Philippines exactly the week when my sister-in-law will graduate in college.

Actually, a whole lot more of surprises took place and I can only attest that indeed, with God, nothing is impossible especially to those who believe. 🙂

Here are some of the photos with the fam bam:

(with the Ginete Family)

(with the Rome Family)

I prioritized our families over my career and yet God made a way for me to stay true to my commitment. As much as the workaholic in me would like to check emails and draft articles while on vacation, the place where my Dad-in-law’s ship was docked had no signal for mobile internet.

So, I prayed to God that if this is how He wishes things to be, may He prepare me once I get back and find out I was laid off from my job. 😀 Yes, I missed meeting the 2-article minimum for every week because I was able to write none for the entire week.

But as you all know, God is good all the time. I came back after the vacation and my employment contract is still intact and no memo came through the email. 😀 I am also grateful for my job now because I had the time to run errands for my family and attend to their needs especially with my aging parents.

Dad had one of his worst gout attacks while they’re here and seeing him crippled because of pain was too painful to watch too. It’s a good thing the practical side of me focused on what needs to be done and never focus on my emotions.

Ah yes, this is how empaths are. I believe most empaths are writers. Writers love seclusion every now and then and so are empaths. Being in a crowd often means absorbing so many emotions and it can completely bear us down. Writing helps unload those emotions when they become too heavy.

So, my family came third. God and my husband remained on the top 2. Right now, I am back to my daily grind writing articles for an ad agency. Another opportunity for a long-term project also came along plus an invitation to write articles for a faith-based website catering to an international audience. There are actually more pending collaborations with Christian writers up on the list from across the globe. These are opportunities that I am grateful for and I know God has a purpose behind them all. I believe 2018 is the year for fellowship with Christian writers from any part of the world.

Oh, and I believe this article falls in the long-form journalism category. 😀 The article runs through approximately 1,607 words. lol This can go on and on but sleep beckons, I must succumb. Hubby and I binge-watch movies yesterday since it’s a holiday. 😉

Regarding long-form writing, I was able to research a great deal about it last night out of curiosity. If you will ask me how I encountered the word, it just popped up out of the blue. I’m sure I’ve heard it somewhere and my brain recollected it just last night. I believe this is a “tugging” about a personal project I felt I needed to work on sometime in the future. Only God knows when but I already have hints.

This, I believe, can wait. The ministry requires more waiting time because it follows God’s timeline and not mine. Thus, it is the last in my priorities. God will take control of it first, I am just on the receiving end to act out when He instructed.

Personally, some events are stalled when it comes to ministry work because God is still in the process of orchestrating everything until it is completely perfect to be revealed and executed – the birth of testimonies. Just like how this blog came alive.

To end this article, when you manage your priorities, your 2nd, 3rd, or 4th priorities may differ from mine but please keep the top spot reserved consistently for only One – God. The following verse will answer your question “why.” 🙂

“But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33

How do you manage your priorities? I would like to hear your experiences too. ❤

Always putting God at the top,

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8 Signs You’re A Literature Major

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Not everyone loves books nor enjoyed reading. There are those, however, who love books as if they are the only things that matter in this world. If you’re a Literature lover and a Literature major (like me), read on. 😉

A Literature Major: It Takes One to Know One

1. If you’re a Literature major, your syntax is different.

2. If you’re a Literature major, the way you write your sentences is patterned after academic journals and scholastic readings.

3. If you’re a Literature major, you write in the passive voice excessively.

4. If you’re a Literature major, you have a hard time meeting the grade 6 and below reading level in Hemingway.

5. If you’re a Literature major, you have studied prominent literary works in all eras starting from the medieval ages to the contemporary period.

6. If you’re a Literature major, you have no favorite book – you’ve read an enormous compilation of awesome books selecting one favorite is EXTREMELY difficult.

7. If you’re a Literature major, you have the perfect balance of literary theories, English language usage (not 100% perfect though), and different writing styles.

8. Last but not the least, if you’re a Literature major, you have read no less than 50 books in your major classes alone.

Being a Literature major is like choosing a course which you can never, ever take lightly. However, it can also be fun especially when your favorite hobby is LEARNING.

I became a Literature major by choice back in 2002 but I believe God made it to be that way – His gift for a certain and greater purpose. 🙂

Even if you’re not a literature major, what are your all-time favorites when it comes to books or novels? I’d love to know what they are. ❤

Always learning from the heart first and the mind second,

P.S.

I am writing/typing this on my mobile phone because this week’s a bit hectic. My parents are here for a medical checkup and my Mom’s cataract surgery. I am the one assigned to accompany them (with pleasure though). I thought I’d just whip up something short (I only have about 10 minutes). Yes, short but still interesting for my #everyFridayblogpost. I hope this article got you interested. 😀

If you’re reading this as a student, you can include this as your option for the course you plan to take in college. If you already graduated, you might, one day, opt to pursue a graduate study in this course.

Here are some links which can help you decide whether to be a Literature major or not in the future. 🙂

Featured image copyright: siue.edu

Unflinching: Of Flaring Nostrils And Conflict Resolution Tips

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This conflict resolution article is based on the experiences that my husband and I went through as a married couple. I haven’t been sharing much from our experiences as a married couple lately but this one particularly got a “tugging.” If you and your spouse are struggling in this area, do continue reading. You might find something helpful which you can apply in your own marriage as well. 🙂

If you’re reading this and you’re married, I am sure you’ll agree with the majority of the points I’ll share here. If you’re still single, you can take this as a preparation for your next season. Most are true for this though – all couples go through disagreements. It all just differs on the number of instances a certain couple fights over disagreements.

Let me share with you a bit about our marriage just in case this is your first time to read my articles. Our 1st year ( 3 years ago) as a married couple was the “craziest.” How? Let’s just say I was the fiercest cat and he was the meanest dog – we were the worst of enemies. We’ve torn each other apart so much that I was so sure in those moments the marriage will come to a ruin 100%.

Well, it almost did back in 2016. But to make the story short, we came out alive with the help of our biological families and prayers from our spiritual family.

What I learned from that gut-wrenching experience is that if you are given the entitlement to claim something (i.e. holy matrimony), you have every power to fight for it whatever the odds and whatever the cost. If you believe in your heart that God will fight on your behalf, let your faith be unflinching.

Yes, unflinching in your faith and never in anger. Since this 2016 incident, so much have changed. But only because I held my ground as a wife – I claimed what is rightfully mine in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of God. That is my husband and my marriage.

How did I exactly do that? I looked straight at the enemy (dark spirits of this world who will tempt you, use your weaknesses, and make you sin) with my game face on and dared him this – you have messed with the wrong wife this time. Send me all your powerful warriors and launch to me all attacks you can think of from temptations to sickness and death, my God will face you in each of those and you will be defeated.

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Am I really brave? No, honestly I am very insecure but if God prepares you for a battle, He will equip you with full armor having this as your best shield – LOVE. God is love, anyway. You’ve got the best defense you need not be afraid even if you think you’re too frail to defeat anyone.

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” – Ephesians 6:11

Honestly, we really are too frail to fight it out on our own that is why we needed God in the first place. If you fight the battle on your own, chances are, you will lose.

I was unflinching during that ordeal. I guess it’s the good part of being unflinching that was retained here. Before I became a born-again Christian, I can be the worst enemy you have met. I am not proud of this though, I suffered the consequences of it. So much that it was so difficult for me to piece the broken pieces together. But God made it all whole. Not in a snap but a painful and yet transformative process for the better.

Before, every time I am in a disagreement with someone, I never give up my ground. I make sure that by the end of the heated and verbal outbursts, I get the upper hand and I get to have the last say. In other words, I use the most destructive weapon of all to achieve that – the tongue. There are lots of moments that because of my words, I “killed” these people. Some broke down in front of me, some cursed me with their whole life, and for most, I ruined their lives. For me at that time, it was a victory – the wrong way.

I was a born-again Christian already when I got married. I thought that I was over with all the unflinching anger and lashing outs. But little did I know that it is through my marriage that God will polish me out. God cut the sharp edges when I got saved, but the refining happened when I became a wife.

This is most likely because it is in a marriage that you get to play out the greatest of all – love. How can you love others better when you can’t even love your better half (spouse) the way God asks of you?

I think you now have an idea how disagreements between me and hubby went on during the first year of our marriage – destructive. When nostrils flare, that will basically describe us – no one wants to step down. We both used the foulest language we can think of until it escalated to flying plates and anything the hand could reach. It even went so bad that I can’t share it anymore here due to its sensitivity.

This was the time our families intervened to protect us both. I also sought help because God instructed we badly needed our families’ help already – we needed a mediator.

I never thought hubby and I will get out of that ordeal. But true enough in Ecclesiastes 13, there is a time for everything. It was only a season. We learned so much from it. I learned so much from it. It was a time for war and yet came also the time for peace. It was a time when we were deeply wounded and yet we were also healed.

If you are married, you’re going through tough times and the worst in your marriage, do continue reading. I know it will give you hope and strength. 🙂

The seasons changed, the tides have turned. This is only because we both made the choice to make things right with God’s help and with the help of the people around us.

My husband and I changed tremendously since then – there really is hope. We have learned one very valuable lesson being a son and daughter of God:

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22-23

Of course, the enemy won’t give up without a fight that is why the bible warned us to “be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

Hubby and I are both a work in progress, we are still flawed. Though the enemy can use our weaknesses to wage war against one another, the Spirit will not allow it anymore.

8 Practical Tips to Apply During Conflict Resolution

Aside from the fruits of the Spirit, here are practical tips I’ll share to avoid those moments when nostrils flare:

1. Treat every disagreement as a landmine.

Veer away from saying a word that will make your discussion explode. Apply MAXIMUM RESTRAINT and EXTRA GRACE. In other words, guard your tongue. Know what is the right thing to say. If you will ask me how? Avoid saying things that you know will offend your spouse.

2. Keep the discussion to a maximum of 1 hour.

This is personally a lesson for me because I tend to speak lengthy explanations just like this lengthy article. 😉 Know when to stop and stop means the end of the conversation. Period. The 3rd step is related to this.

3. To make sure you will resolve the conflict in an hour, discuss only the issue at hand.

Never ever bring up past issues. Believe me, it will only make things worse making your discussion waaaaay longer.

4. For you to discuss things means it has to be a two-way convo.

My hubby used to have this habit of tinkering his phone or anything with his hand while not looking at me when we’re discussing. This irritates me to the point that the conversation gets derailed already because of this. Now I’ve learned to remind him to give his 100% attention to the discussion. But this time, more gently. It works. 🙂

5. Do not interrupt when your spouse is explaining.

Take turns in answering and asking questions. When your spouse talks, listen carefully.

6. Refrain from making sarcastic remarks and most especially, curses.

Always remember the power of your tongue and the extent of damage it can cause if you will use it the wrong way.

7. Focus on resolving the issue at hand.

Most of the time you can resolve it right away. But there are some instances wherein you need to leave it hanging for the moment. Still, it is not reason enough to end the conversation abruptly or open-ended which is what #8 is all about.

8. After discussing, don’t leave the conversation abruptly.

In fact, never leave a conversation if none of these things took place during the entire period of your discussion – apologies, forgiveness, and last but definitely not the least, a PRAYER.

So how would you know if both of you have changed your manner of resolving conflicts? The answer is this – a change of heart. You will see it in the way you RESPOND.

Personally, when I am very angry now, I find myself not being able to finish a rebuttal without bursting into tears. Ah yes, it’s now a softened heart. Tears make me more gentle. It stops my tongue from speaking more of those destructive words.

I used to speak from a hardened heart that made me unflinching. But now, it’s the opposite – I quiver. It is as if the Spirit is teaching me to take a good grip of the reins, take good control, so my tongue won’t slip. It’s my soul battling for what is right telling me, “Tin, stand down.” Then, I get to breathe. When I breathe, I pause. When I pause, I get to clear my mind – a sound mind. Then, I respond BETTER.

As for your spouse, pray for him/her. If you, yourself, are going through a tough time controlling yourself, keep in mind that your spouse is also going through the same struggles. Help each other. Tell your spouse that, too. Encourage your spouse to work with you and NOT against you and that you are also willing to do the same.

Apologize even if you think you have nothing to be sorry for. Why? Most likely there is something you need to apologize for – your anger and pride may have covered it up that is why you can’t recognize it.

So how did a recent conflict resolution of ours end, you might be wondering. It ended

  • exactly in an hour;
  • no curses with 1 sarcastic phrase that slipped through;
  • sincere apologies and sincere forgiveness from both ends;
  • a reassurance from each side that we are both a work in progress, still flawed but doing a great job, we appreciate one another, we are grateful for what we have, and we are both proud of each other’s efforts to change;
  • a tight and warm hug;
  • a prayer of gratitude to God, our mediator;
  • and lastly, sealed with a goodnight kiss plus a snore after. 😀

Yup, that’s hubby’s snoring which used to annoy me big time but after 3 years of being married, it’s now music to my ears. Oh, c’mon, Tin. Yup, I know you won’t believe me. lol

It gets on my nerves sometimes but when I call out his name softly, he stops. It always works. This was an experiment I did and I’d love to study how the subconscious can still interact with the events presently happening while the body is already in the state of deep slumber.

Ah yes, in love, you get to slowly love the differences until everything becomes neutral. 🙂

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“We love because He (God) first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

– 1 Corinthians 13:1‭-‬8 NLT

If you are going through tough times in your marriage and in dire need of prayers on conflict resolution, please don’t hesitate to reach out, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Always in love with love,

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