Relationships and marriages always have one key component – settling down. I don’t know of anyone who got into a relationship without plans of getting married. Do take note though that I refer to marriage here as the legal union between a man and a woman. I am not, in any way, in agreement with cohabiting. If you can’t have a church wedding first (like me and my Mom by choice), then by all means, have a civil wedding. 🙂

A Church Wedding vs A Civil Wedding

My husband and I would still love to have a church wedding someday. We are targeting to have it on our 25th wedding anniversary. I can already imagine how emotional it will be. Why? This church wedding will be our gift to God for keeping us together until we reach our 25th year and the years to come.

Though we believe in a God who provides anything especially when it comes to finances, we felt it in our hearts to have the church wedding a bit later. We attended the marriage preparation seminar conducted by our local church, though. I highly encourage engaged couples to do this. It is such a big help to prepare you for the married life in a God-centered way.

Keep in mind that a civil wedding doesn’t make your marriage less holy. My parents’ marriage is a testimony of this and how they brought us up. We all grew up as God-fearing children who knew God well enough beyond all the religious rituals and practices. I believe a good marriage goes beyond lavish weddings but most of all, it should be about honoring God by honoring your marriage and your vows until death does both of you part no matter what. 🙂

In 5 years’ time, my parents will be celebrating their Golden (50th) Wedding Anniversary. I can only thank God for the grace and for my parents’ efforts to stay committed to their wedding vows regardless if they had a civil or a church wedding.

Marrying By Faith is More Important

When I got married, I knew what I was getting into. It is a covenant that you cannot get out of whenever you feel like it. I asked God for guidance if this is a season that He wanted for me. I never had doubts about whether I should marry my husband or not. When I received God’s wisdom over my decision to marry, I had no regrets even when months later after the wedding, hubby and I got into stormy and rough seas. But because I have faith, because of God’s grace, and because I married my husband for the right reasons, here we are close to our 3rd year wedding anniversary (that’s next month!). Still a young couple, though. 😀

So ladies (I chose you just because I am also a daughter of Christ), here are the wrong reasons for wanting to settle down:

5 Wrong Reasons Why You Should Settle Down

1. Never settle for comfort and convenience.

It’s a temptation for single ladies to get into the season of married life thinking they now have a partner in life who can help them with everything and be their best friend. Yes, it is true but it also means doing your part of the deal and making sacrifices, too, if needed. There is sometimes this misconception or “the fairytale complex” that after the prince married the princess, it’s all happily ever after between the two.

The truth is, a marriage will bring you so much discomfort as much as it brings you so much comfort. It’s not always a happily ever after. It could be a sober ever after every now and then or an exciting ever after or a boring ever after. We can never confine marriage with just one emotion because just like life, it’s a mix of everything. Forget that fairytale, it’s ideal but not real.

2. Never settle out of peer pressure or for validation.

Ah, yes. This is one of the most pressing (but wrong) reasons when settling down. I’m sure you’ve heard statements such as:

“This is my 5th time to be a bridesmaid, when will I become the bride?”

“All my girlfriends in our batch are married except for me.”

“My best friend got married already, I think I should do the same.”

“I think nobody loves me enough that’s why I am still single.”

“Nobody asked me out on a date, I think I’m the ugliest girl in the world.”

Whooosh! Wave them all away! They are all deceptions and lies that the enemy is planting in your heart. Do not fall for that trap. You are as lovely as you are now. You are worthy to be loved. You deserve to have the right man in God’s perfect time. The solution? Be still and wait. God might still be busy preparing you for this season.

3. Never settle for the sake of “leveling up” or “singlehood” is starting to become a bore.

This is common with women who always ask, “What’s next?” 😀 The very root problem of this goes back to discontentment. When you are not satisfied with what you have, you’re always hungry for more. Believe me, it can be a vicious cycle (used to be my stronghold). What you need is to enjoy the “now.” Ask God for leading where He will take you. Always be in tune with what He wants you to do. Be in step with God in all of your plans.

When you do this, you’ll be amazed by the different seasons that God can usher you in that are both exciting and frightening and yet fulfilling in the end. And you were only vying for one? Nah, God wanted you to have the best experiences in this life! Why? It is through these experiences that God will test your faith so you can build your character and be ready and equipped with everything lacking nothing (James 1:4).

4. Never settle for money.

For arranged marriages, this is common. It is a sad fact to know that some marriages are based on preserving business partnerships. If you’re reading this and you’re going through the same dilemma, ask God what He wants you to do. Remember, life is not over for you. This season might be where you’ll have the greatest learning yet. Seek His will all the more why He put you in this season. Then, see things from His perspective.

God knows you’re going to go through it and He knows that you can handle the situation. He won’t give you this situation if you can’t carry it on your own. But even if you can’t, know that God is on your side to help you out each and every step of the way. And lastly, money can’t buy you happiness. It never does and it never will no matter how wealthy you are. It’s always a weak foundation of any marriage, it will and it will crumble.

5. Never settle because looks captivated you.

The rule of thumb is to let your heart be captured by another heart, too, and not with the looks. 😉 This adage is always true to the core no wonder it became an adage: “Looks can be deceiving.” Go for attitude always before looks. But here’s what you must remember, too. In your courting days, both you and your partner will be putting your best foot forward so it might be an all show of positive attitudes. And yet, even if you’ve become best friends now and you’ve grown quite comfortable with each other, you still can’t show him your underwear and point out they’re “baconized” already you need to buy a new one, right? 😀

Seriously, the “getting to know” stage will only get deeper once you get married. I can attest to this because my husband and I weren’t really best friends when we met and became a couple. So, the first 3 years of our married life became the “getting to know” stage for us. It can be a rollercoaster for the first few years but I can assure you it will get better in time. You’ll soon learn to love each other better including those things that used to tick you off. And you’ll only notice how handsome your husband is once married because you get to stare at him most of the time. 😀

My last piece of advice when it comes to relationships and marriages is this: if you plan on settling down, marry for the right reason – because of love. And yet, always keep in mind too that love is not purely about feelings and emotions. It is a mixture of decisions, sacrifices, disappointments, failures, triumphs, accomplishments, forgiveness…every act and emotion (good ones) you can think of, that is love (1 Corinthians 13). No wonder it is the greatest of all. 🙂

“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Still feeling unsure where God is taking you next when it comes to relationships and marriages? Do drop me a comment or a message, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Thankfully married,