Relationships & Marriages: Don’t Settle Just Because | 5 Wrong Reasons

Relationships and marriages always have one key component – settling down. I don’t know of anyone who got into a relationship without plans of getting married. Do take note though that I refer to marriage here as the legal union between a man and a woman. I am not, in any way, in agreement with cohabiting. If you can’t have a church wedding first (like me and my Mom by choice), then by all means, have a civil wedding. 🙂

A Church Wedding vs A Civil Wedding

My husband and I would still love to have a church wedding someday. We are targeting to have it on our 25th wedding anniversary. I can already imagine how emotional it will be. Why? This church wedding will be our gift to God for keeping us together until we reach our 25th year and the years to come.

Though we believe in a God who provides anything especially when it comes to finances, we felt it in our hearts to have the church wedding a bit later. We attended the marriage preparation seminar conducted by our local church, though. I highly encourage engaged couples to do this. It is such a big help to prepare you for the married life in a God-centered way.

Keep in mind that a civil wedding doesn’t make your marriage less holy. My parents’ marriage is a testimony of this and how they brought us up. We all grew up as God-fearing children who knew God well enough beyond all the religious rituals and practices. I believe a good marriage goes beyond lavish weddings but most of all, it should be about honoring God by honoring your marriage and your vows until death does both of you part no matter what. 🙂

In 5 years’ time, my parents will be celebrating their Golden (50th) Wedding Anniversary. I can only thank God for the grace and for my parents’ efforts to stay committed to their wedding vows regardless if they had a civil or a church wedding.

Marrying By Faith is More Important

When I got married, I knew what I was getting into. It is a covenant that you cannot get out of whenever you feel like it. I asked God for guidance if this is a season that He wanted for me. I never had doubts about whether I should marry my husband or not. When I received God’s wisdom over my decision to marry, I had no regrets even when months later after the wedding, hubby and I got into stormy and rough seas. But because I have faith, because of God’s grace, and because I married my husband for the right reasons, here we are close to our 3rd year wedding anniversary (that’s next month!). Still a young couple, though. 😀

So ladies (I chose you just because I am also a daughter of Christ), here are the wrong reasons for wanting to settle down:

5 Wrong Reasons Why You Should Settle Down

bride

1. Never settle for comfort and convenience.

It’s a temptation for single ladies to get into the season of married life thinking they now have a partner in life who can help them with everything and be their best friend. Yes, it is true but it also means doing your part of the deal and making sacrifices, too, if needed. There is sometimes this misconception or “the fairytale complex” that after the prince married the princess, it’s all happily ever after between the two.

The truth is, a marriage will bring you so much discomfort as much as it brings you so much comfort. It’s not always a happily ever after. It could be a sober ever after every now and then or an exciting ever after or a boring ever after. We can never confine marriage with just one emotion because just like life, it’s a mix of everything. Forget that fairytale, it’s ideal but not real.

2. Never settle out of peer pressure or for validation.

Ah, yes. This is one of the most pressing (but wrong) reasons when settling down. I’m sure you’ve heard statements such as:

“This is my 5th time to be a bridesmaid, when will I become the bride?”

“All my girlfriends in our batch are married except for me.”

“My best friend got married already, I think I should do the same.”

“I think nobody loves me enough that’s why I am still single.”

“Nobody asked me out on a date, I think I’m the ugliest girl in the world.”

Whooosh! Wave them all away! They are all deceptions and lies that the enemy is planting in your heart. Do not fall for that trap. You are as lovely as you are now. You are worthy to be loved. You deserve to have the right man in God’s perfect time. The solution? Be still and wait. God might still be busy preparing you for this season.

3. Never settle for the sake of “leveling up” or “singlehood” is starting to become a bore.

This is common with women who always ask, “What’s next?” 😀 The very root problem of this goes back to discontentment. When you are not satisfied with what you have, you’re always hungry for more. Believe me, it can be a vicious cycle (used to be my stronghold). What you need is to enjoy the “now.” Ask God for leading where He will take you. Always be in tune with what He wants you to do. Be in step with God in all of your plans.

When you do this, you’ll be amazed by the different seasons that God can usher you in that are both exciting and frightening and yet fulfilling in the end. And you were only vying for one? Nah, God wanted you to have the best experiences in this life! Why? It is through these experiences that God will test your faith so you can build your character and be ready and equipped with everything lacking nothing (James 1:4).

4. Never settle for money.

For arranged marriages, this is common. It is a sad fact to know that some marriages are based on preserving business partnerships. If you’re reading this and you’re going through the same dilemma, ask God what He wants you to do. Remember, life is not over for you. This season might be where you’ll have the greatest learning yet. Seek His will all the more why He put you in this season. Then, see things from His perspective.

God knows you’re going to go through it and He knows that you can handle the situation. He won’t give you this situation if you can’t carry it on your own. But even if you can’t, know that God is on your side to help you out each and every step of the way. And lastly, money can’t buy you happiness. It never does and it never will no matter how wealthy you are. It’s always a weak foundation of any marriage, it will and it will crumble.

5. Never settle because looks captivated you.

The rule of thumb is to let your heart be captured by another heart, too, and not with the looks. 😉 This adage is always true to the core no wonder it became an adage: “Looks can be deceiving.” Go for attitude always before looks. But here’s what you must remember, too. In your courting days, both you and your partner will be putting your best foot forward so it might be an all show of positive attitudes. And yet, even if you’ve become best friends now and you’ve grown quite comfortable with each other, you still can’t show him your underwear and point out they’re “baconized” already you need to buy a new one, right? 😀

Seriously, the “getting to know” stage will only get deeper once you get married. I can attest to this because my husband and I weren’t really best friends when we met and became a couple. So, the first 3 years of our married life became the “getting to know” stage for us. It can be a rollercoaster for the first few years but I can assure you it will get better in time. You’ll soon learn to love each other better including those things that used to tick you off. And you’ll only notice how handsome your husband is once married because you get to stare at him most of the time. 😀

 

My last piece of advice when it comes to relationships and marriages is this: if you plan on settling down, marry for the right reason – because of love. And yet, always keep in mind too that love is not purely about feelings and emotions. It is a mixture of decisions, sacrifices, disappointments, failures, triumphs, accomplishments, forgiveness…every act and emotion (good ones) you can think of, that is love (1 Corinthians 13). No wonder it is the greatest of all. 🙂

“But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

Still feeling unsure where God is taking you next when it comes to relationships and marriages? Do drop me a comment or a message, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Thankfully married,

Blog Signature

How I Made A Deal With The Lord

Before you get the impression that I had a bargaining moment with the Lord, it is not what you think it is. But do read ahead and find out. 😀

A Bargain, Not

Before anything else, let’s settle this thought – God can never be bargained. How He decides things to happen in our lives requires only a small percentage of our free will. That is, if we are more of His follower and would like to obey His will more than following our plans.

Action-Based But More on Faith

It’s been written in the Scriptures that “faith without deeds is dead” (James 2:14-26). Yes, this is true but it can also be tricky depending on how we will receive it. If you are more of a solution-based or output-based planner (like me), the danger here is knowing when to stop doing what you’re doing and allowing God to take control.

Overdoing things by sheer free will can lead to self-sufficiency which, as we all know, is not what faith is all about. It is actually the opposite – God-dependency. Our pastors have stressed this idea well enough in their lectures and messages that depending on our own strength and capabilities can lead us further away from God. It might even lead us to totally forget God thinking where and what do we need Him for.

181296_3211311012417_659676454_n

What the Deal is All About

Now, let’s go back to the deal. The deal I was referring to is more of an agreement – me agreeing to God’s terms and me laying down specific terms for His approval (discerning whether they are part of His instructions or not).

If you’ve been constantly reading through my blog posts for some time now, I did mention about shifting seasons again and again. They all started right when I became a Christian. Maybe next time I’ll make a sort of a timeline in table form to better showcase the highlights of each year. They will prove that a Christian’s journey starting from the day he was born again until today is never like a plateau but a series of valleys.

I cannot tell if this is God’s way of making sure my faith will never remain lukewarm (considered a sin, btw). But I can tell that these seasons requested my full dependency on Him. I’m just amazed when I look back from everything that happened and where I am now. They were mere surprises that I never even imagined.

I have never felt so fulfilled, so content, and so assured of doing things for God as I do now. I guess this is the by-product of constantly seeking God’s purpose in my life and obeying Him completely. And spiritually, I can attest that I have grown so much since 2013. 🙂

Here are more examples of personal experiences that will showcase how I made a deal with the Lord:

1. Be Ready to Make Sacrifices

This is all about God slowly removing anything that is worldly in you and around you. I sacrificed a lot of things that I know would’ve made me “great” in the eyes of the world satisfying its demands and standards. It was difficult to “not conform to the patterns of this world” (Romans 12:12) but believe me, once you have made your stand, saying “no” to ALL worldly desires and temptations is now waaaaay easier.

What sacrifices can God be calling you out to do? Is it worldly success? Is it worldly achievement? Is it acquiring great wealth? Are they material possessions? Is it addiction or idolatry? Are they extramarital affairs? Is it workaholism?

2. Be Guided in Your Endeavors

This will come in the form of a family project that is not-for-profit. When Pastor Patrick shared last Sunday about us not being able to see some of the promises of the Lord come to fruition, I felt as if the message just hit something straight in my heart. He went on by mentioning about the generations before Joseph (Abraham-Isaac-Jacob) and how God used each generation until Joseph to complete the promise (the promised land) which none of them ever witnessed in their lifetime.

So this family project is about utilizing a land that’s been passed on to us from our ancestors. It was acquired first by my great grandpa who was also one of the pioneers and first pastor of the Protestant church in our town. Next, it was inherited by my grandfather who exemplified nothing but a man who’s all fired up in faith. The land has now been handed to our parents, then, we are next in line.

In all 3 generations, only a teeny weeny tiny portion of the land was being utilized for productive use. But now, all 5 of us siblings have this desire in our hearts to utilize it on a wider scale. I know that this desire did not come out of our own selfish ambitions to earn great wealth. We don’t need it, but we’re not rich. Having God, alone, is enough to satisfy us.

Instead, it is something that our forefathers have passed on to us that ties us to this land. It may not be similar to the Bible’s promised land, but then again, only God knows how He intended to use it to fulfill His plans.

All we know is we need to work on this. BUT here’s the part where I can relate to Pastor’s preaching – we may not be able to see how God’s promise over this land come to fruition. It is only in our generation wherein we have decided to utilize it on full throttle. We don’t even know what will happen to it after my siblings and I die or will our (future) kids or nieces and nephews and grandkids will have the same desire as we and our forefathers have.

BUT then again, as Pastor Patrick continued, all the generations before Joseph including himself claimed God’s promise BY FAITH even if they don’t know what is that promise and what will exactly happen. Yes, on behalf of my siblings, I am claiming BY FAITH that God did not place this desire in our hearts to work on this project out of nothing. We believe it will serve God’s purpose in the end whether it’s next year, after a decade, or after a century – only God knows when.

3. Be Specific with Career Choices

Now, this brings us to my career choices. This is the part where I became specific with my prayers to the Lord. Why? Let’s admit it. When you are planning projects, it will require time. Also, a career for me is not just about earning money. But more importantly, it’s about using my abilities, skills, and talents to serve and help others. Thus, I became specific with the Lord in my prayer over career opportunities. It went on like this:

“Lord, I want to have a career that will support me and my husband’s basic needs. And yet, with this desire to do all these things in my heart, I can only pray that I will be able to fulfill them all through Your guidance and Your grace. I am seeking for Your will in all the tasks I am set out to do, discernment on how I should do all of them, until when I should do them, or if these tasks are part of Your will.

I pray for opportunities that will help me accomplish all of the following:

  • maximize my gift in writing (either as a career or as a ministry)
  • use my license as an English teacher (I still love to help students in whatever way it may be)
  • how to plan the project so it will materialize
  • show me ways how can this project help others
  • my priorities will not be compromised (hubby time, family time, quiet time, etc.)”

4. Be Constant in Realigning Priorities

Speaking of priorities, I made a conscious effort to keep the top 3 in my list of priorities as constant – God, spouse, and family. They cannot be interchanged no matter what. All three should be in that order in everything. Why God should be on top? Let’s just say God is our CEO. He decides on everything and He instructs what should be done. Without a CEO in the company, the company won’t run. Or it may run, but it will be in complete chaos. Accomplishing tasks will be impossible in this state. In fact, we won’t accomplish anything at all.

5. Be Available 24/7 in Connecting with God

Connecting with God, therefore, is IMPORTANT – this is how we deal with Him and find out if our terms are aligned with His. How would we know what God requires of us if we’re so busy and don’t have the time to listen to what He says? Connecting with Him every single moment of our every day lives is the key. Always be in tune with the Spirit as we do day-to-day activities. Watch out for the signs but always carry a discerning heart. As much as we would like to take the enemy out of the picture, he’s always lurking around in the form of temptations and weaknesses.

 

Getting into a deal with God is never about the word “me” but the word “Him.” We don’t get to choose what’s in it for us but more about what God can get out of it. But do not be dismayed, God is a loving God. He will not put us through a task or a mission, how difficult or easy it may be, without preparing us. May we rest ourselves in His assurance that:

“…in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

And also this,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” – John 15:5

Are you also in the habit of making a deal with the Lord always? If you are, I’d love to hear how it turned out.

Always in agreement with the Lord,

Blog Signature

 

P.S. (I’d rather call this a “Praise Script”) 😀

I now am convinced that the tasks that God had set in my heart came from Him and Him alone. He answered almost all of my prayers! 😀

So, here I am writing this, submitted an article for Daily PS (community of Christian writers), helped junior and senior high school students with their school work, did my workout (God requires we have not just a healthy soul but a healthy body, too), cooked a sumptuous dinner for hubby, did other chores, watched a movie together, then researched more for the project. As for the project, all the pertinent info needed is ready. We are only waiting for God’s perfect time when to execute them.

Ah, yes. God is the only One who can give me the GRACE to do all of these, fueled by my life verse, and of course, strict adherence to the schedule a.k.a. DISCIPLINE (holistically). 😉

“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13

7 Good Reasons Why You Should Write Often | Writing Tips

When it comes to writing tips, you’ll encounter a lot of them on the web. The more results you can gather online through your research, the better. They will help you become more rounded as a writer. Here are some writing hacks I’d like to share with you which you can add to your roster.

7 Writing Tips: Why Writing Often is Better

neven-krcmarek-246988-unsplash

1. Writing often builds your vocabulary.

Have you ever had that moment when you were trying to grasp that particular word and you can tell that it’s already at the tip of your tongue? But unfortunately, it just seems to be stuck in there. Ugh. I know that feeling. I oftentimes have that moment and it’s not comforting in any way most especially when you have the best ideas but you can’t put them into words. Tragic, isn’t it?

I have discovered that the remedy to that is to write and write and write so you’ll build your vocabulary. Maximize the use of your Merriam Webster dictionary, Google search, your synonyms, antonyms, anything that can be building blocks for your vocabulary. In no time, you’ll find it easier to share your thoughts because words just come as fluid as they can be.

2. Writing often will help you build a decent portfolio.

This is one of the writing tips I have gathered from my own experience. Did you know that employers also take a look at your blogs when you apply to them as a writer? Your blog articles don’t just come handy when it comes to writing careers, you can also use it to jumpstart your web or graphic designing career. Or why not have both?

The more skilled you are, the higher the chances an employer will hire you. In some cases, your employer might request you create a new sample of your writing but having your blog around can be a good backup.

3. Writing often helps you research more.

When you write, you need ideas. Though writers are very much capable of coming up with their own creative and brilliant ideas, those ideas can be ignited by another idea you read or saw somewhere on the internet. I believe this is what the world wide web and social networking are all about. You learn from what other people post out there.

But take this as a word of caution: not all of what’s on the internet can be classified as true, factual, and reliable. Conducting due diligence accompanied with discernment will help you come up with reliable information.

4. Writing often makes you explore different writing styles.

If you are a budding writer, this will be a common scenario for you. You’re still in the period of testing the waters so to speak. But always remember that another writer’s writing style might not be the same as your own. The best way to find out which style fits you is through your interests and your personality. I’ll delve deeper into this in my future articles.

Ever since I was a kid, I have always loved persuasive writing. It just comes naturally for me and I am more at home with this kind of write-up. But you can always try other writing styles and incorporate them into what you already knew. This is how you learn. And learning is always essential to your growth as a writer.

5. Writing often exercises your critical thinking skills.

Writing requires deep analytics. It is not just about putting words into “paper” but more about how beautifully can you craft a story that after reading your text, a reader ends up refreshed and informed.

In writing, there is a sequence that you need to follow from choosing your topic, writing it, composing the entire piece, to ending the story (with a bang if you can). What separates a good write up from not-so-good ones is delivery. After writing your article, ask yourself with this question: does your article have a solid thought from beginning to end?

6. Writing often means better connectivity with fellow writers.

With all the writing platforms available freely nowadays such as WordPress, connecting with a community of writers isn’t impossible. In fact, it is the best platform to connect with other writers. The good part about this is that you get to learn from what others are posting online, too. You can collaborate with them also, share ideas, or relate with one another.

The past generations predicted that writers will no longer have jobs come year 2000s. Technology made this prediction false, unfortunately. With the rise of everything becoming digital come endless possibilities for the writing industry, too.

7. Writing often helps you advance in your craft.

This last part is more like “practice makes perfect.” The more you enhance what you’re good at and passionate about, you’ll see that the results are getting better, too. Your writing will never be perfect the first time around. It will have a lot of flaws. You’ll need to edit and re-edit your work a hundred times until it’s polished free of errors.

If you want to improve your work, it is a rule of thumb to always compare your previous write-ups with the current ones you wrote. Then from your review, analyze which area you need to improve on. Is it grammar? Is it creativity? Is it delivery?

I can come up with a long list of writing tips but I’ll just share the salient points for now. I hope you picked a nugget or nuggets of wisdom from this piece. But if you have more ideas to share or you need to ask for clarifications, you’re most welcome to do so. Just always remember that if you feel it in your heart that writing is what you’re passionate about, follow your heart. Then, use your mind to come up with masterpieces. 😉

With all these writing tips I’ve shared, are you now ready to advance your way up as a writer? If you’re still hesitant to use your gift in writing, then this bible verse might help boost your confidence:

“Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.” – Proverbs 16:3

Believing in you as a fellow writer,

Blog Signature

***Photo by Neven Krcmarek on Unsplash

Mid-Year Prayer And Fasting 2018

In our church, we have a yearly mid-year prayer and fasting where we consecrate to God the things that are done in the early part of the year and the things to be done through the latter part of the year. For this year, the schedule came in timely – July 3-5. I have so many things to be grateful for including answered prayers and realizations I encounter daily. I also have a lot to pray for because I will be going through a lot of seasons again.

2018-07-06-13-02-221997236017.jpg

What Transpired

Day 1

It is not a coincidence that July 3rd was the schedule for my first article to go live at Daily PS, a community of Christian writers on WordPress. Here’s the link to the article and I hope this will recharge your spirits:

7 Highly Effective Ways To Avoid Burnout (The Christian Way)

Hubby dear was also scheduled to have his first day of training on this day for a tentative promotion (his 2nd). I am also in the process of seeking for topics to contribute as guest posts for some of my fellow Christian writers here on WordPress such as The Christian Blog Ghana. Do visit their site, their posts are such an insightful read. 🙂

Day 2

After checking out the published article in Daily PS, I opened a new document over Microsoft Word for my next article submission. I was only targeting one topic. But God’s grace allowed I come up not only with 1 but 6! Ah yes, when God calls you for a task, He really will prepare you.

I had to blur it because I can’t spill all the beans just yet. 😉

I also decided to come up with a new blog logo since my old logo, the one with a bible verse in it, is perfect as a site header. For the logo design, I wanted it to be very simple. I chose a laurel wreath as it symbolizes victory. I plan to update my Facebook page’s profile picture to this new one but I am on social media hibernation (part of my prayer and fasting). I also plan to use this logo on all of my blog’s social handles instead of my photo. This blog is about God and not me. 😉

If you also want to learn how to create one, I can help you. You can find more details about this below.

20180704_131311118024871.png

I am feeling the inclination (tugging of the Spirit yet again) to conduct a free writing and website designing workshop for fellow Christian bloggers and writers who are just starting out or needing to revamp their sites. I am asking for God’s leading that either I host the workshop and invite other Christian writers to share their expertise or I join one. I already shared tips online with one sister in Christ (Hi, Mean! :-D) but I know meeting in person is better. 😉

I have been designing and managing this blog alone through tutorials (I learn from others, too) and it is quite challenging. But nothing is hard when God equips you to do a task. I believe I must thank the Lord for giving me the wisdom in making this website according to how He wishes it to be.

For the writing and web designing workshop, I am targeting an audience starting from teens and up. Yet another workshop I plan to conduct is a free art workshop but this time, for kids. I have always loved art back when I was a kid and I only got to explore so much of it now that I am an adult. 😀

Day 3

I have been conducting research for the past weeks about entrepreneurship and marketing for a not-for-profit project. It’s only during the mid-year prayer and fasting that I finally had a break from all the info overload. Ah yes, the “burnout” article really just came out timely, it’s even perfect for me as a reminder. 😉

Thank God for the grace, I got everything I needed and now ready to consolidate all the data for a better presentation. I still have so much to learn, though. My eldest sister suggested I make a storyboard. I am now working on how to integrate it with Microsoft Powerpoint. The current challenge I have is trimming down all the information and making it into one coherent output.

Today, I’ve also decided to come up with topics to share on my personal blog that are a little off the ordinary. These topics will be presented in a series to better categorize them and they will be technical with a little bit of faith on the side. This blog is meant to be informative. So any knowledge I can share with you all, it’ll definitely be posted. 🙂

The quotation for this week in my planner also came in timely:

The warrior of light has no “certainties,” he just has a path to follow, a path to which he tries to adapt depending on the season.

– Manual of the Warrior of Light (Paulo Coehlo)

2018-07-06-13-00-07979824432.jpg

I have high hopes that all I have mentioned above are plans that will materialize in God’s perfect time. Let’s just say this season is all about planning and preparing.

God is a god of perfect timing, anyway. 😀

Are you a Christian blogger? I would like to ask for your help by sharing your expertise with aspiring Christians writers here on WordPress. Any idea you have how we can share these tips will be highly appreciated. Thank you! 

Always waiting on God’s perfect time,

Blog Signature

 

 

 

*Featured image copyright: Free 4K Wallpaper