Monthly Archives: May 2018

8 Signs You’re A Literature Major

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Not everyone loves books nor enjoyed reading. There are those, however, who love books as if they are the only things that matter in this world. If you’re a Literature lover and a Literature major (like me), read on. 😉

A Literature Major: It Takes One to Know One

1. If you’re a Literature major, your syntax is different.

2. If you’re a Literature major, the way you write your sentences is patterned after academic journals and scholastic readings.

3. If you’re a Literature major, you write in the passive voice excessively.

4. If you’re a Literature major, you have a hard time meeting the grade 6 and below reading level in Hemingway.

5. If you’re a Literature major, you have studied prominent literary works in all eras starting from the medieval ages to the contemporary period.

6. If you’re a Literature major, you have no favorite book – you’ve read an enormous compilation of awesome books selecting one favorite is EXTREMELY difficult.

7. If you’re a Literature major, you have the perfect balance of literary theories, English language usage (not 100% perfect though), and different writing styles.

8. Last but not the least, if you’re a Literature major, you have read no less than 50 books in your major classes alone.

Being a Literature major is like choosing a course which you can never, ever take lightly. However, it can also be fun especially when your favorite hobby is LEARNING.

I became a Literature major by choice back in 2002 but I believe God made it to be that way – His gift for a certain and greater purpose. 🙂

Even if you’re not a literature major, what are your all-time favorites when it comes to books or novels? I’d love to know what they are. ❤

Always learning from the heart first and the mind second,

P.S.

I am writing/typing this on my mobile phone because this week’s a bit hectic. My parents are here for a medical checkup and my Mom’s cataract surgery. I am the one assigned to accompany them (with pleasure though). I thought I’d just whip up something short (I only have about 10 minutes). Yes, short but still interesting for my #everyFridayblogpost. I hope this article got you interested. 😀

If you’re reading this as a student, you can include this as your option for the course you plan to take in college. If you already graduated, you might, one day, opt to pursue a graduate study in this course.

Here are some links which can help you decide whether to be a Literature major or not in the future. 🙂

Featured image copyright: siue.edu

Unflinching: Of Flaring Nostrils And Conflict Resolution Tips

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This conflict resolution article is based on the experiences that my husband and I went through as a married couple. I haven’t been sharing much from our experiences as a married couple lately but this one particularly got a “tugging.” If you and your spouse are struggling in this area, do continue reading. You might find something helpful which you can apply in your own marriage as well. 🙂

If you’re reading this and you’re married, I am sure you’ll agree with the majority of the points I’ll share here. If you’re still single, you can take this as a preparation for your next season. Most are true for this though – all couples go through disagreements. It all just differs on the number of instances a certain couple fights over disagreements.

Let me share with you a bit about our marriage just in case this is your first time to read my articles. Our 1st year ( 3 years ago) as a married couple was the “craziest.” How? Let’s just say I was the fiercest cat and he was the meanest dog – we were the worst of enemies. We’ve torn each other apart so much that I was so sure in those moments the marriage will come to a ruin 100%.

Well, it almost did back in 2016. But to make the story short, we came out alive with the help of our biological families and prayers from our spiritual family.

What I learned from that gut-wrenching experience is that if you are given the entitlement to claim something (i.e. holy matrimony), you have every power to fight for it whatever the odds and whatever the cost. If you believe in your heart that God will fight on your behalf, let your faith be unflinching.

Yes, unflinching in your faith and never in anger. Since this 2016 incident, so much have changed. But only because I held my ground as a wife – I claimed what is rightfully mine in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of God. That is my husband and my marriage.

How did I exactly do that? I looked straight at the enemy (dark spirits of this world who will tempt you, use your weaknesses, and make you sin) with my game face on and dared him this – you have messed with the wrong wife this time. Send me all your powerful warriors and launch to me all attacks you can think of from temptations to sickness and death, my God will face you in each of those and you will be defeated.

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7

Am I really brave? No, honestly I am very insecure but if God prepares you for a battle, He will equip you with full armor having this as your best shield – LOVE. God is love, anyway. You’ve got the best defense you need not be afraid even if you think you’re too frail to defeat anyone.

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” – Ephesians 6:11

Honestly, we really are too frail to fight it out on our own that is why we needed God in the first place. If you fight the battle on your own, chances are, you will lose.

I was unflinching during that ordeal. I guess it’s the good part of being unflinching that was retained here. Before I became a born-again Christian, I can be the worst enemy you have met. I am not proud of this though, I suffered the consequences of it. So much that it was so difficult for me to piece the broken pieces together. But God made it all whole. Not in a snap but a painful and yet transformative process for the better.

Before, every time I am in a disagreement with someone, I never give up my ground. I make sure that by the end of the heated and verbal outbursts, I get the upper hand and I get to have the last say. In other words, I use the most destructive weapon of all to achieve that – the tongue. There are lots of moments that because of my words, I “killed” these people. Some broke down in front of me, some cursed me with their whole life, and for most, I ruined their lives. For me at that time, it was a victory – the wrong way.

I was a born-again Christian already when I got married. I thought that I was over with all the unflinching anger and lashing outs. But little did I know that it is through my marriage that God will polish me out. God cut the sharp edges when I got saved, but the refining happened when I became a wife.

This is most likely because it is in a marriage that you get to play out the greatest of all – love. How can you love others better when you can’t even love your better half (spouse) the way God asks of you?

I think you now have an idea how disagreements between me and hubby went on during the first year of our marriage – destructive. When nostrils flare, that will basically describe us – no one wants to step down. We both used the foulest language we can think of until it escalated to flying plates and anything the hand could reach. It even went so bad that I can’t share it anymore here due to its sensitivity.

This was the time our families intervened to protect us both. I also sought help because God instructed we badly needed our families’ help already – we needed a mediator.

I never thought hubby and I will get out of that ordeal. But true enough in Ecclesiastes 13, there is a time for everything. It was only a season. We learned so much from it. I learned so much from it. It was a time for war and yet came also the time for peace. It was a time when we were deeply wounded and yet we were also healed.

If you are married, you’re going through tough times and the worst in your marriage, do continue reading. I know it will give you hope and strength. 🙂

The seasons changed, the tides have turned. This is only because we both made the choice to make things right with God’s help and with the help of the people around us.

My husband and I changed tremendously since then – there really is hope. We have learned one very valuable lesson being a son and daughter of God:

“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22-23

Of course, the enemy won’t give up without a fight that is why the bible warned us to “be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

Hubby and I are both a work in progress, we are still flawed. Though the enemy can use our weaknesses to wage war against one another, the Spirit will not allow it anymore.

8 Practical Tips to Apply During Conflict Resolution

Aside from the fruits of the Spirit, here are practical tips I’ll share to avoid those moments when nostrils flare:

1. Treat every disagreement as a landmine.

Veer away from saying a word that will make your discussion explode. Apply MAXIMUM RESTRAINT and EXTRA GRACE. In other words, guard your tongue. Know what is the right thing to say. If you will ask me how? Avoid saying things that you know will offend your spouse.

2. Keep the discussion to a maximum of 1 hour.

This is personally a lesson for me because I tend to speak lengthy explanations just like this lengthy article. 😉 Know when to stop and stop means the end of the conversation. Period. The 3rd step is related to this.

3. To make sure you will resolve the conflict in an hour, discuss only the issue at hand.

Never ever bring up past issues. Believe me, it will only make things worse making your discussion waaaaay longer.

4. For you to discuss things means it has to be a two-way convo.

My hubby used to have this habit of tinkering his phone or anything with his hand while not looking at me when we’re discussing. This irritates me to the point that the conversation gets derailed already because of this. Now I’ve learned to remind him to give his 100% attention to the discussion. But this time, more gently. It works. 🙂

5. Do not interrupt when your spouse is explaining.

Take turns in answering and asking questions. When your spouse talks, listen carefully.

6. Refrain from making sarcastic remarks and most especially, curses.

Always remember the power of your tongue and the extent of damage it can cause if you will use it the wrong way.

7. Focus on resolving the issue at hand.

Most of the time you can resolve it right away. But there are some instances wherein you need to leave it hanging for the moment. Still, it is not reason enough to end the conversation abruptly or open-ended which is what #8 is all about.

8. After discussing, don’t leave the conversation abruptly.

In fact, never leave a conversation if none of these things took place during the entire period of your discussion – apologies, forgiveness, and last but definitely not the least, a PRAYER.

So how would you know if both of you have changed your manner of resolving conflicts? The answer is this – a change of heart. You will see it in the way you RESPOND.

Personally, when I am very angry now, I find myself not being able to finish a rebuttal without bursting into tears. Ah yes, it’s now a softened heart. Tears make me more gentle. It stops my tongue from speaking more of those destructive words.

I used to speak from a hardened heart that made me unflinching. But now, it’s the opposite – I quiver. It is as if the Spirit is teaching me to take a good grip of the reins, take good control, so my tongue won’t slip. It’s my soul battling for what is right telling me, “Tin, stand down.” Then, I get to breathe. When I breathe, I pause. When I pause, I get to clear my mind – a sound mind. Then, I respond BETTER.

As for your spouse, pray for him/her. If you, yourself, are going through a tough time controlling yourself, keep in mind that your spouse is also going through the same struggles. Help each other. Tell your spouse that, too. Encourage your spouse to work with you and NOT against you and that you are also willing to do the same.

Apologize even if you think you have nothing to be sorry for. Why? Most likely there is something you need to apologize for – your anger and pride may have covered it up that is why you can’t recognize it.

So how did a recent conflict resolution of ours end, you might be wondering. It ended

  • exactly in an hour;
  • no curses with 1 sarcastic phrase that slipped through;
  • sincere apologies and sincere forgiveness from both ends;
  • a reassurance from each side that we are both a work in progress, still flawed but doing a great job, we appreciate one another, we are grateful for what we have, and we are both proud of each other’s efforts to change;
  • a tight and warm hug;
  • a prayer of gratitude to God, our mediator;
  • and lastly, sealed with a goodnight kiss plus a snore after. 😀

Yup, that’s hubby’s snoring which used to annoy me big time but after 3 years of being married, it’s now music to my ears. Oh, c’mon, Tin. Yup, I know you won’t believe me. lol

It gets on my nerves sometimes but when I call out his name softly, he stops. It always works. This was an experiment I did and I’d love to study how the subconscious can still interact with the events presently happening while the body is already in the state of deep slumber.

Ah yes, in love, you get to slowly love the differences until everything becomes neutral. 🙂

“Three things will last forever–faith, hope, and love–and the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” – 1 John 4:8

“We love because He (God) first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!”

– 1 Corinthians 13:1‭-‬8 NLT

If you are going through tough times in your marriage and in dire need of prayers on conflict resolution, please don’t hesitate to reach out, I’ll pray for you. ❤

Always in love with love,

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Minimalist: What It Taught Me In Life

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Will I go back to acquiring more? Personally, not anymore. I guess all it took to made me answer that is the assurance that we all can survive even if we live having only the basic essentials.

How?

Well, to be perfectly honest with you all, my husband and I made it a habit to keep only 4 sets for each kind of dining utensils which consist of a spoon, teaspoon, fork, and steak knife. For the plates, we only have two pieces for each size. I’d like to keep my wardrobe a one-week set only for each occasion if I can. No kidding. 😀

When I had my first job back in 2008, I was a compulsive shopper and I always buy a new outfit every payday. New outfit means a new pair of shoes, new top, and new pants, skirt, or shorts with a matching bag.

Then at one point, my Mom asked me a life-threatening question. lol She asked me, “Is that what you plan on doing for the rest of your life? Collect and collect stuff?” When she asked me that, I also thought that she’s right. It made me ponder about life and what really is our purpose here. What really is it that matters? Are we only working and living to acquire more possessions and that’s just it? We all know that money can’t bring you happiness even if you buy every item you see and you like that’s up for sale.

Less clutter, more joy. Keeping only what you can accommodate and needed.

When my husband and I transferred to our second home back in 2017, our place was so small. You guessed it right, the new place is not going to be the home of my enormous stuff left in our other apartment. I had no other choice but to leave them all behind and bring with us what our new and tiny apartment can only accommodate. See how God teaches how to let go of possessions if He knew it’s your waterloo?

God will provide you all that you need knowing full well how much is how much and how enough is enough.

I guess God pinpointed a particular weakness in me and brought it out in the open. I grew up in a secure home surrounded with everything I needed and wanted. It was even magnified when I started working and earning a lot because I have the freedom and more means to buy anything I wish.

Only to find out later on most especially when I became a born-again Christian that there is a fine line between having what you need and having what you want. So now, acquiring possessions became a personal conviction for me. I let go of stuff yearly and I don’t choose who I will give them to. Let fate run its course, as they say. Whoever gets hold of the item, he or she is the one who’s meant to receive it. A friend of mine encouraged me to do a garage sale and earn from it. Unfortunately, I felt it in my heart that it’s best to give them away for free.

To date, I have about 20 bags, around 15 pairs of shoes, 30 pieces of clothing, and 30 items of accessories (excluding the ones I need and frequently use) for disposal – all worn just once or thrice. By the way, I stopped buying stuff that I don’t need when I got married – the time when my priorities shifted. So this stuff I am going to give away are the remnants of the hoarding stint from 2008 until 2015. I actually gave half of the entire stuff already and just imagine the extent of the clutter that accumulated in just a span of 6 years.

This was the season that God taught me I don’t need that much if I am secure in Him who provides me everything I need. Whether I have less or plenty, God taught me how to be content. The good thing about this, too, is that once you have learned how to let go of the idea that your possessions give you security, sharing becomes easier. You now know that there are other people who might need it more than you do. To me, one bag is for fashion styling purposes only. But to someone, it can be the only bag she’s got.

So this is also how I treated my compulsive shopping tendencies if I really can’t control it – buy things for other people as gifts i.e. birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc. 😀 But wait, God is still not yet done with me when it comes to handling my finances. You may find this very ironic but in my job now, I was assigned to research and write articles for our finance sites even if I don’t have any background in finance. How did I end up there? I also have no idea. 😀

Ah yes, God knew removing possessions is not enough. If my spending habits are already deeply-rooted, it means a total change of the heart. Take as an example what happens during a rehabilitation. You have to have constant therapy sessions that will help you overcome withdrawal symptoms to make sure you won’t relapse and go back to your old habits. Since I love to learn, God brought me to a whole lot of articles how to manage finances wisely using my job as the instrument to learn them.

I actually have so many experiences to share that are related to money management and all but I think this article is too long already. I might brush up on it again in my future articles.

If I am to make an assessment now how I fared back in 2008 and 10 years after, I’d say a whole lot has changed. It was a gradual (grueling at some point) but a faith-challenging season in terms of using God-given resources (money and possessions) wisely.

I just find it funny sometimes when I look back and contemplate that in everything when God makes lasting changes on you, it is always a 180-degree turn. From bad girl to good girl, from a hoarder to a minimalist, from greedy to a giver – it’s always the opposite but for the better. 😉

Before I end this article, here are a couple of bible verses to help you align your heart with what matters to God in the same way they have aligned mine:

Matthew 6:19-21 ESV

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

—-

Luke 12:33-34 ESV

Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

—-

Luke 12:15 ESV

And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

—-

1 Timothy 6:17-19 ESV

As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.

—-

Matthew 16:26 ESV

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

—-

1 Timothy 6:10 ESV

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

—-

1 Timothy 6:9 ESV

But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

—-

1 John 3:17 ESV

But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?

—-

Matthew 6:24 ESV

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

—-

Matthew 6:33 ESV

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

—-

1 John 2:16 ESV

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.

—-

Acts 4:32-35 ESV

Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. And with great power the apostles were giving their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need.

—-

Psalm 37:7-9 ESV

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

—-

1 Timothy 6:7 ESV

For we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world.

—-

2 Corinthians 9:7 ESV

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

In what areas financially do you currently struggle with? I’d like to know as well how you overcame them. 🙂

From a minimalist by heart and forever will be,

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P.S.

There are still more bible verses related to money and possessions and you may find them here at this link: https://www.openbible.info/topics/material_possessions.

Dressing The Part

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Galaxy Wooden Dressing Up Station

Image copyright: Early Learning Furniture

I made it a habit to share a testimony every time we are in a different season. I have noticed every year God takes us to different places around the metro and mingle with different people. Through these instances, I have learned how to be grateful in any and every given situation though honestly, I used to have this fear of getting out of my comfort zone. I guess when God calls you out, He will also give you the courage and prepare you for what’s in store for you in every season. 🙂

“I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances.” – Philippians 4:11

The season before this, we got to appreciate how it is to live simply, minimalist style. We both got comfortable with it and had an idea how it felt to live life with God being the primary source of everything – total reliance on Him. You may read more about this in my next article.

So when this new season presented the opposite, I asked my hubby, “Should we dress the part?” 🙂

I meant that in a figurative and literal sense. I can dress the part but is it really what my heart wants?

I remembered this one incident at the mall and I was going through different shades of my ever favorite Wacoal brassiere design. Yep, I invest in it. No explanation needed for this one but basically, I love the support it gives.

So while I was checking out this bra and then another one, I noticed a saleslady hovering around. Because I don’t like that awkward feeling of someone following me around, I tried to engage her in a conversation. I went on by asking the bra size, color, other designs, etc.

The first thing that she did was scrutinized me (quickly) from head to foot with a smirk and questioning look. Ah yes, I know that look well enough of sales clerks. That look which says, “By your looks, you don’t have money to pay for it.” 😀

I’ve read this one article about it (What To Do When People Mistake You For Being Poor When You’re Truly Rich) and I couldn’t help but agree although not much with how the article ended. I won’t waste millions just because my ego was blasted right out front but that’s because I just don’t have millions to waste away. lol But seriously, the id is one of the causes of some of the unwise things humans do, unfortunately. 😀

This article though from Forbes Magazine might give you a different perspective altogether: Why You Should Stop Trying to ‘Fake It Till You Make It.’

Anyway, going back to that brassiere sales clerk, she did entertain my queries but half-heartedly. The best part is when I did tell her I’m going to buy it, she asked again (just to make sure perhaps?) if I will buy it. I just held my tongue from making a crisp retort that goes like, “Of course I am going to buy it because I NEED it.” Yep, with the emphasis on NEED. lol I’ve been buying and wearing Wacoal bras since I was in college (2002) even if they cost 2k each. Being the practical me, you may find this unusual of me. But it’s never about the price nor the brand but the quality I’m after. I have to have all the support I needed. 🙂

But no, I see her as a darling salesclerk who is made in the likeness of God even if she treated me (harassed rather. lol) that way. I just simply said “yes” with a smile but no, I am not killing her in my thoughts. I already “killed” that initial response right away before it can even creep deeper into my heart – how to kill temptation, the temptation to be irritated or angry.

So can you guess what I was wearing that day? Well, your guess may be right – my usual “pambahay” (house clothes) look with matching “madungis” (soiled) slippers. Yep, going to the mall. lol I look no more than a beggar without the stains on the clothes though and with the “artistahin” skin as some would call it.

Just to inform you all, I have that skin not because of glutathione or any whitening products but because I am a homebody and a remote worker so I don’t get much sunlight. Also, my dad is one-fourth Japanese he doesn’t even have hair on his legs. Pretty flawless for a man, eh? 😀

So again I asked, should I be really dressing the part? Must I succumb to man’s stereotyping that when you are rich, you should dress with all the bling bling? Or that when you have a big house, you should only eat good food a la banquet or a feast? Or that when you have money, dress up in tags?

“Don’t judge the book by its cover.”

This is an adage which I have come to know since I was a kid but I cannot assume everyone knows it. If only I can educate people that it is not always the looks that define who you are and where you’ve come from. It’s been a social stigma that’s been ongoing for centuries and sadly, it has now become the norm and the reason why a lot of people are faking it.

So I was thinking of an experiment. I’ll dress up like a house help like I always would and if they stop me at the gate, I’ll just say, “I’m a helper, a different kind of helper.” 😀 On second thoughts though, I really don’t like to embarass these people when they find out who I am. It kind of gets awkward when they are like bowing to you now and greeting you with the “Maam” and all because they found out who you are and it’s their way of apologizing. 😀

One of the things I hate is this – entitlement. You can read more of my sentiments about it here: The Silent Millionaire. As much as I’d like for everyone to be treated fairly and with equality, I know there is no way to bridge that social barrier except through God, Himself.

Should I still dress the part? No, I’ll stick to what I already got used to because that is me and that is who God wants me to be. ❤

Have you ever been in situations where you felt like you should also be dressing the part? I’d like to know your experience too. 🙂

A journeyman by God’s will,

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P.S.

As for my husband, hmmm, he can wear what he likes. But he is even worse than I am. lol He wears shirts even with holes in it, wears them inside out, and doesn’t give a care. Or mismatched socks! Oh my geez whiz. No wonder we matched. Haha 😀