The “Promise” Rings

Posted on July 13, 2015 by Christine Lailani

(Disclaimer: This is a very long post but definitely worth the read.) 🙂

I believe many are already familiar what promise rings are. But in case some of you still are unfamiliar with it, this is a definition I got from Wikipedia:

“A Promise ring symbolizes a commitment to a promise and is given to a person as a token or reminder of his/her decision…”

But I guess what we could highlight in this definition is this: commitment to a promise.

But before I get on to that, do allow me to share just a quick update regarding my current status. If you have been one of my avid readers, you would know by now that my fiance and I decided to take a two-week “cool off” period wherein we were back to being single and strangers? Definitely not. For God was faithful enough to have kept our communication going and again, not let our hearts be hardened by the negative circumstances that we went through.

We haven’t had the time to personally talk things out and just prayed to God to guide us through the week so we could re-align our plans and our thoughts with His. I shared in my previous articles that during the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting, I asked God for assurances if the decisions and the commitments I have made were indeed according to His will.

It was hard to let go of a person you love so much, but when God asks you to, you have no choice but to obey just like what Abraham did when he was ready to sacrifice his son’s (Isaac) life. You don’t know in that moment of decision-making why God asked you to. But if you are to ask me if indeed it was what God wanted, I can answer with “yes” for the decision came during our Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting.

And yet during those 3 days of Prayer and Fasting, I also asked God if I should let him go completely or was it something temporary, a “breather” so that the two of us could see His beautiful promise and not drown ourselves in the multitude of conflicts we are having – sort of a reminder where our relationship should be going and how we should be loving each other, God’s way.

Came the sign which I shared in my More Revelations (Part 2) article about my fiance’s name. All I had at that time were prayers and my faith and all that ever mattered to me was conversing with my God and nothing else. Yet, I have put my trust and hopes in God and God alone.

Two weeks passed.

In those two weeks, I was more in tune to the Spirit’s leading. Revelations upon revelations, tangible assurances, more Godly wisdom, more of God’s wonders working anywhere and anytime, everything was all about God. I was able to experience freedom by the end of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting, answers were given, Godly wisdom on generational curses, learning about what was plaguing me for the past years without me realizing it, until eventually this word popped out – fear.

Fast forward to last weekend, my fiance asked me for a chance to talk things out personally. I always declined saying we should wait upon God for His right time. I thought about seeking counsel from my first spiritual mentor, my brother, and this was his advice:

Brotherly advice from a brother in Christ and my brother for real. 😉

I listened to my brother and continued praying until came the time when my fiance asked me again if he could see me last Saturday, to which I said “yes.” We were able to talk some matters over the phone the past days but I know there are still more that were left unsaid, more that need to be said and more that are better said in person.

An out-pour of prayers came, we met and then came the moment of that big question: “Are you really ready in your heart for this commitment, this big commitment which is marriage?”

Both our answers were a “yes.” The agreement was then mutual. Apologies were said and accepted, love overruled. So there we were continuing on from where we ended. When I made this re-commitment, I felt that I was making a pledge that indeed, no matter what happens, like what my brother said, there’s no more backing out. Fight for faith, continue hoping and most especially fight for love.

I have always believed that God planned everything, and I mean everything from the smallest details and the mundane to the biggest and the marvelous. This includes dates and numbers.

For the date, I thought there must be something to the date when I felt I was ready to talk with my fiance or should I say, it was already God’s perfect time. I am aware that the enemy is also working full time to destroy what God’s plans are. And of course, we all know that the holy matrimony is one of God’s best creations. For in a holy marriage and through marriages future disciples and spiritual leaders are born. But I know for sure as well that God won’t allow a marriage to fall apart if He allowed the union to be part of His even greater plans.

So why Saturday, July 12, 2015?

Okay, I remembered. I was just this total amnesia girl that I forgot it was the day before our 18th monthsary as a couple. 😀

“Praise be to God” was all I could blurt out. What a beautiful way to reconcile. Indeed, there is always something to celebrate after God gave us some time away from our troubles so we could appreciate the beauty that God has created in our relationship. The first week that we had our “break time,” his engagement proposal happened. Yesterday was our 18th monthsary, July 12 – what an awesome, wonderful way to celebrate it. I need not ask for any gift or special way to celebrate it, except I could only offer in return a heart full of gratitude to my Father up above who wished for nothing else but a better life for His sons and daughters.

So the day ended with a smile. I slept with a peaceful heart.

Early Sunday morning, July 12, our monthsary day, I suddenly woke up. I felt the need to urinate. So down I went, drank a glass of water and headed upstairs. When I got back to bed, I was so wide awake as if I haven’t slept at all. I checked the clock, it’s 3:03am. Wow, that is the same time for the past months that I wake up every now and then and could not sleep for no apparent reason at all. The very recent prior to this was the night before I broke up with my fiance and thought I heard someone calling my name. It was during that moment that I contemplated and decided to let him go.

But this time it was different. Here I was in bed staring at the ceiling with a smile on my lips reminiscing the events that happened the day before. Yes, I thought maybe because I just cannot contain my happiness that my fiance and I were back together. Then a phrase just popped up in my head all of a sudden – “real love drives out fear.”

Okay, now where did that come from? It was not even connected to my current thought – recalling yesterday’s events. And the phrase sounded right but not really right to me. But I was sure I have heard or read it somewhere, somehow. So what I did, I grabbed my phone, turned my WiFi on and searched ever reliable Google with the phrase/sentence. And the search results centered on only one thought – a bible verse which says:

1 John 4:18 ESV

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

Okay, so that explained why it popped up – I definitely have read this before but my synapses could not just particularly locate that memory bank where I stored it. But thank God for technology, I can easily locate those lost memories by giving me something to remember them through more additional information and clues.

And I smiled even more when upon seeing the search results, the top 3 sources that came up were from the ministries that I highly look up to as a Christian: Joyce Meyer, Rick Warren and Desiring God. I don’t believe in coincidences and I believe God has a reason for waking me up at this hour. So I started reading all 3 articles by said authors and I found 3 words common in all 3 articles: perfect love, God’s love and fear.

Allow me to share some of the screenshots I took for documentation purposes and do take note of the time. For I will be sharing more revelations in the succeeding paragraphs.

Joyce Meyer

Rick Warren

Desiring God

But going back to the bible verse, I was having my dose of Godly wisdom when a question popped in my head again: “why does it have to be “real love”? Usually, for the bible verses, most of the time I get the phrases correct especially if they are the usual bible verses that I have been encountering during devotion time. 1 John 4:18 was not an exemption for I have read it quite a couple of times already. And yet what was with the phrase “real love?” Where did it come from? I am sure I have encountered it somewhere too, something that has quite that significance to me for me to be able to somehow store it in my long term memory but could not point out exactly where.

Then came the “Eureka!” moment and I almost laughed aloud. For this was where I have seen it and now I know why it was retained because it is that significant. The following is a photo of the “dummy” rings that my fiance and I bought a couple months back as during the Marriage Preparation seminar we attended in church, we were advised to use “dummy” rings in the actual wedding ceremony as the real thing might be misplaced and eventually lose them because of all the preparations and the hectic activities lined up for the said event. It was the first thing that we bought and we really don’t know why back then. 😀

I was actually the one who suggested we buy the rings when I browsed online for wedding rings. And I know it was not a coincidence that I felt the urge though I do not know why. But I acted upon it and I believe it was not also a coincidence when came the time that my fiance and I were choosing what ring design would best fit us and this particular design came into our hands. My first choice was a glittery ring but when my fiance tried it, his feminine, slim hands, looked REALLY feminine. So, it was a no-no for us.

The second choice was a plain silver band but then again there’s no available size for my fiance. Then this was the point that the shop owner suggested another pair. I didn’t like it at first. Because I wanted the rings to just have a clean and simple finish since it’s just going to be a “dummy” ring. I mean, it wouldn’t really matter for what matters would be our actual wedding rings. But then again, this pair was the only pair wherein the wedding ring for the groom fitted my fiance’s ring finger just right. And one more thing, I don’t like rings with inscriptions at the outer side of the ring. Well, let’s say I am still a bit old fashioned when it comes to these things. 😀

But in the end, I conceded that we buy this design with an inscription engraved at the outer side of the ring and an engraving of one half of a heart for each ring between the inscription. If you combine the rings, it’ll form into the shape of a heart.

“Real Love”

The rings weren’t significant to me for they are just “dummies.” BUT I was wrong – totally wrong. For now, I felt like they are the most important rings we will ever wear. Why?

Going back to the “real love” phrase, I was just amazed when I remembered that this was the inscription engraved on the “dummy” rings. And what was even more amazing was that the revelation with the verse and my interchanging “perfect love” with “real love” was God’s way of reminding me of His promise to me and Brian – marriage. He wanted me to realize that this is real/perfect love – it drives out fear.

Fear.

Now it dawned on me. This was not about fears in my past, fears in my childhood days but fears that I was unaware I have been bringing in the relationship with my fiance. It was out of fear that we had the conflicts. It was out of fear of the punishments from the past mistakes. It was out of fear of so many things that eventually came to me fearing the worst that could happen in our relationship. It was fear that ruled the relationship.

And this was a portion of the article that made me see the clarity of it all:

God pulled us out of the relationship to protect us from our own fears and gave us hope instead. God wanted to teach us that that was not how He intended our relationship to be. Because fear did not come from Him. Reading the articles further just brought me once again in that state of utmost humility – being humbled by God’s presence through the revelations.

God’s presence.

This made me think about once again the idea of me waking up at around 3am and why the number 3 proved to be very significant to me like the day of my salvation which was 3/3/13 (which I shared in my previous articles) and was always included in His bigger revelations. Was it God? Did it come from an angel? I was still baffled and yet I know there’s an explanation somehow behind it. So I typed at Google search once again and checked out if there is somehow a biblical significance with the number 3 and the time. The following were the search results that turned up:

The 3 is always there – even my bookmarks came down to 3.

The Prophetic News

The Prophetic News

The Prophetic News

There really is something about names. Mine is Christine. 🙂

Spirit Daily

Spirit Daily

This was another big revelation. Although the moment I read that 3am is also the time where Satan is at work, came the terrifying fear that I might be possessed by a demon or vulnerable of being possessed. Because I admit I do experience some waking up moments at around 3am feeling a heavy feeling in my heart. But for the recent events, they were mostly uplifting and enlightening.

BUT I think my God went before me, for He knows I will seek for answers and He already assured me through the bible verse I have mentioned above. As the article mentioned, the Spirit commanded him to stand on His Word. Fear does not come from God. So most likely, Satan was also trying to butt in. But sorry, not sorry that I am already protected by my loving God. 🙂

I just felt the need to browse a little more and stumbled across a forum regarding the biblical significance of 3am. And one comment just struck me the most:

Yes, I believe it was and is all for a greater calling. A calling that involves a greater harvest. A calling that calls for a preparation towards a significant event. Our God is calling out.

And I believe in my church, our spiritual leaders have already prophesied this. For yesterday’s prayer, led by a sister in Christ who is also a spiritual leader, was all about fear. I really don’t believe in coincidence. 😉

So with that I rest my case, and I am just smiling even more as I type this. For it was one of my prayers to God to give me a bible verse during my wedding that is not the usual bible verse I encounter during Christian weddings such as:

1 John 4:19 ESV

“We love because He first loved us.”

So He gave me a different verse instead – a verse that will have a personal significance and impact not just to me, but a verse that will seal the commitment of what “real love” should be for both me and my fiance along with a symbol of that commitment – the “promise” rings.

It was not just a promise/reminder/covenant between me and my fiance to commit to each other until death do us part but most importantly, it symbolizes God’s beautiful promise for us both – God’s advance wedding gift to us. And this reminds me of The God Triangle:

Photo credit: thewerners.org

Now this is perfect/real love: love is God and God is love. So yes, basically, I just can’t help but thank my God every single day for literally E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. ❤

P.S.

My chosen bible verse for the wedding was not because I chose it but God chose it for me and it was the verse that came just before 1 John 4:19. So I believe it still is in the context of bible verses perfect for Christian weddings. 😉

Here’s a video about God restoring what was lost if we seek Him FIRST.

And here’s a text from him tonight, nothing can ever make me smile the sweetest except when I see the word “pray.” 😀

Our God is indeed a God who restores and redeems. 🙂

What Is A Generational Curse?

Posted on July 8, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Breaking free from generational curses. (Photo credit: http://www.youtube.com)

Most of the time it is during church service or a prayer meeting that I receive a revelation and most often, it is in my quiet time that I get to have a fuller understanding of that revelation. It could be a word, a song, a testimony or even a whole message which God wanted me to act on now.

During the prayer and fasting and even prior to it, I have heard one phrase which struck a cord in me, in my spiritual senses – a generational curse.

I must admit my knowledge and Godly wisdom on this topic is very limited. I believe God wanted to expound that knowledge by urging me to research about generational curses and be enlightened on what it really entails through articles and the Scripture. These are the articles I have stumbled across and I do encourage you to read them:

http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/generational_curses.php

http://www.gotquestions.org/generational-curses.html

http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2004/may/beth-moore-breaking-free-generational-curse-sin.html

http://www.ministeringdeliverance.com/generational_curses.php

I do have an idea what it meant – it means a sin committed by ancestors that is now plaguing the current generation and maybe some of the generations to come. But I never really considered the gravity and the effect it could make if indeed a person is afflicted with a generational curse.

Not until I realized that I am one of those persons. It was during the prayer and fasting that I proclaimed I am free from the stronghold of the enemy. I just felt freedom at its best through the Cross. Something I felt when I had my altar call and when I went through the baptism of the Holy Spirit and my water baptism. It was only when I was reading all these articles on generational curses that I begin to understand why I had to attend all 3 prayer meetings during the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting and be able to completely stick to my plan to control addictions i.e. Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc. and follow consistently the once-a-day meal type of fast. The Spirit has to be greater within me to pull me out from the stronghold of the enemy – which I may define now as a generational curse.

I didn’t realize I am under a generational curse of depression, paranoia, insecurities, anger, anxiety, fears and doubts. Yes, it runs in the family. There is a medical term for it and I already admitted it in my previous articles except that this time, I do not wish to name it as I consider myself free and cured from the curse now that I have been saved and received prayers from our spiritual leaders in casting out demonic Spirits that may have possessed us through the generational curses.

I believe a generational curse is what is plaguing most families especially those who do not claim Jesus to be their Savior. For it has been said in the articles that it is only by the blood of Jesus that you will be freed from the generational curses that have been handed down to you by your father, mother, grandmother, grandfather and forefathers. It is only Jesus who can clean your name and give you a new slate to start living a life free from this curse and alive in Christ.

Some of the generational curses could be vices, murder, rape, adultery, lying, robbery, basically any sin committed by an ancestor or it could be an illness, they can become a generational curse. I shared this revelation to my brother, one of my spiritual mentors, and he said, “Yes, we may be under a generational curse for how many generations now and yet our forefathers have prayed for us, the future generations, to be successful in not just dealing with them but in overcoming them through the Cross, through Jesus Christ, through repentance and salvation. Then there will also come generational blessings.” 🙂

Yes, I believe the mission that I was given wasn’t that easy. A conflict I had with a past relationship drove me to researching about the oedipal complex and this article just made me realize a lot of things about myself – http://www.energeticsinstitute.com.au/page/childhood_oedipal_narcissistic_development_affects_later_adult_intimacy_and_relationships.html.

I believe both me and him are dealing with generational curses that have been handed down to us which now are the cause of some conflicts we are having in our relationship. We both have generational curses to overcome through Jesus and I pray that in his salvation, he will declare himself free from the bondage of this generational curse through Jesus Christ.

I wouldn’t be this receptive though to learning all about generational curses and I wouldn’t be able to identify what is the generational curse that I was under if it wasn’t for the personal relationships around me. It is a difficult task which requires extreme patience, endurance, great character and perseverance to fight for faith at all costs. But I know my GOD is greater than anything in this world and I am claiming it through the mighty name of Jesus.

If you believe that you or someone you know may be under a generational curse, please pray with me the following prayer I have found in one of the articles I have read regarding generational curses:

“In the name of Jesus, I confess the sins and iniquities of my parents (name specific sins if known), grandparents (name specific sins if known), and all other ancestors. I declare that by the blood of Jesus, these sins have been forgiven and Satan and his demons can no longer use these sins as legal grounds in my life!

In the name of Jesus, and by the power of His blood, I now declare that all generational curses have been renounced, broken and severed, and that I am no longer under their bondage!

In the name of Jesus, I declare myself and my future generations loosed from any bondages passed down to me from my ancestors. AMEN!”

We also have spiritual mentors in church who are more than willing to help you in what you are going through. You may check out the websites in my advocacy and affiliation sections (left side) to know more about their contact details or you can contact me in my social media sites so I could connect you to a spiritual family.

Always keep the FAITH my dear brothers and sisters! ❤

“You have to remember when depression knocks at your door that you are among some of God’s choicest servants, like Elijah in the Old Testament and no less than the Apostle Paul in the New, who met depression on the field of battle and found an answer. They did and so can you. Yes, there is a solution to depression, whether it is discouragement, despondency or despair.” – Dr. Harold J. Sala

A Recollection

Posted on July 7, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Now I understand. 🙂

I could still remember the week prior to his engagement proposal.

Everything around us was chaos, conflict upon conflict, sin upon sin, piling up higher and higher. Then came the snapping point – our mediator, God, stood between us. He called for a time out before things get really rough and things get worse.

5 days. For 5 days we were friends. For 5 days we broke our routine as a couple. For 5 days there was peace. For 5 days it was all just God and me, God and him.

I thought of it as being in a detention room, only me and God and He was clearing the issues out personally, one by one – a reprimand, a rebuke, a renewal.

And yet God showed mercy by keeping His promise – an open communication between me and him. We obeyed His instructions, we valued what would honor Him. We met after a week and it was love all over.

The engagement proposal happened.

Things were doing well. Then planning came here and there. Preparations are everywhere, aligning of priorities were highlighted. Emotions started to build up, conflicts came again, sins erupted yet again, higher and higher once again.

Then came the saturation point – God once again stood at the middle as the mediator. God is again calling for a time out before things get worse, before ruining completely anything beautiful in the relationship.

5 days. For 5 days we were friends. For 5 days we broke the routine as a couple. For 5 days there was peace. For 5 days there was just me and God, him and God.

Once again, God has showed His mercy by keeping His promise – the communication was there, no one burned bridges.

On the night of the 5th day which was last Sunday, I reached out to him regarding a pressing concern in our business venture that I know he can only relate. He called, I answered. It was love all over again.

He wanted to see me but I can only suggest that we pray to God regarding that.

He said, “I love you so much…You do know how much I love you…”

I said, “Yes, I do love you so much too. But let’s take things one at a time for now – we need not rush anything. We need to trust God and put Him at the center. First.”

Now I understand. 🙂

God is faithful in His promises. The reason why He gives us a time out is because when conflicts seem to cloud almost the entire relationship and we become absorbed with the problems right in front of us, He would pull us out of the situation, away from further harm, so we could see the bigger picture.

He wanted us to see the good in the relationship even when things get really tough – by realigning our thoughts with His. He wanted to make things right and it can only happen when we surrender everything to His will. When things happen prematurely, God knows there will be pitfalls and storms and yet by His love and mercy, He gives the grace for us to bear it all and come out intact and whole.

My ex fiance once told me, “You cannot judge me and my faith because faith is a personal relationship with God – it is only between me and Him.”

Silence.

He was right.

For now I see that yes, God sees the intentions and conditions of our hearts and it is because of that that’s why He didn’t allow our circumstances to harden our hearts and protected us from destroying one another because of pride, bitterness and anger. He made us see the power of prayer, forgiveness and most especially, love. He allowed us to communicate still.

God kept His promise, the ongoing communication was our hope. It is now in our choice if we will claim that promise.

And yet I believe God does not just intend a week this time for us to master that peace, have complete healing and set things right through a Godly perspective. He will restore things when the perfect time has come and when we are both ready. Something that can only be achieved by trusting in Him completely day by day. 🙂

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7 NLT

Day 2: MORE REVELATIONS (Part 2)

Posted on July 1, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I knew that I cannot sleep this day off without sharing what happened tonight. For I believe they are all part of God’s revelations.

But first, I’d like to praise God for blessing us with spiritual leaders who took the responsibility of making sure we were all led “home” – in spiritual victory. 🙂

Last night’s prayer meeting at Victory QC in Regis Katipunan, Bishop Manny Carlos said that there will be tangible assurances from the Lord of His presence during this Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting. And this article will be a testimony of that prophecy. For I claimed it and believed in it. 🙂

6pm is the time I lift my “cellphone off” ban and I prepare for our 7pm prayer meeting. Last night, hailing a cab going to church and my travel time were easy. But tonight, it was a challenge. I got out of the house and saw that heavy traffic started to build up in front of our house. I waited for 15 minutes but no cab was available. I haven’t eaten for the rest of the day and I thought, this might be the enemy trying to prevent me from attending the prayer meeting.

Unfortunately I am not just a warrior but a conqueror. For God trained us to be that, right? 😉

So I walked one block to get to an intersection hoping I will have more chances of hailing an empty cab but then again to no avail until I have decided to ride a tricycle going to a nearby mall. Taxi stands are everywhere there. When I got to the mall, oh boy, one taxi stand has a long line of passengers waiting. So I went to the other side of the mall where there are lesser passengers waiting. A lot of empty cabs stopped in front of me but when I told them where I am headed to, they declined.

I am on the verge of quitting out of desperation. But no, I am determined. For I would always keep in mind that the only time I will not be in church is when I am dying and I am physically incapable to move. Yes, never say never. And sometimes, just like in the movie God’s Not Dead wherein the two ministers are having a hard time finding the right car for their vacation, faith is all that God was asking.

So yes, I thought why should I worry, God is in control now. Let things be and keep calm. If it is His will for you to be there in church, He will take you there in His perfect time.

Finally, a cab passed by, passengers got off and one passenger waited until I got in before closing the door. I thanked him and I thought, “Father, this must be it.” I mean let’s admit it, there are only a few gentlemen who are willing to open doors for the ladies now. But I am praying God will change that. 😀

Anyway, I got inside the cab, told the driver I am headed to Katipunan, he said yes and finally I felt relieved. But then it was cut short – Xavierville Ave was in such heavy traffic I thought I will arrive when the prayer meeting is already over. But c’mon Tin, never say never. Never ever give up on God, keep your hopes up.

So there I was at the back seat trying to keep myself mentally afloat and physically present yet spiritually in control. Then came the first of the revelations. Something caught my eye from the passenger’s seat door near where I am seated. Wow, Father. Is this you? 😉

Brian Joseph Taxi

Of all names, of all taxis, of all times, of all dates, must I ride a cab that has a name exactly like that of my ex fiance except that you just have to interchange it – his full name is Joseph Brian Rome.

Now I sure did laugh. I am not sure if the taxi driver heard it but I took a photo of it for documentation purposes. Well, all I ever said was a prayer in my head that “Father, if this came from you, I already am relying on You COMPLETELY.”

I am letting go of the things that You wanted me to let go and yet if this is the assurance You are giving me that losing someone to God is never really a loss then again I can only and will only HOPE in YOU.

Okay, so there went my conversation with God. But then, came this music from the taxi’s radio. And guess what that song was? It’s our love theme song – All of You Loves All of Me by John Legend. So below is a short video clip I took with the cab’s name. I cannot capture it long enough lest the driver might be distracted by my phone’s camera flash.

And so I laughed again and silently said, “Oh c’mon now Father God, you know that I love you and I can ONLY love you for you are my EVERYTHING.” And seriously though I thought, if the enemy is playing with my thoughts then I’ll show him who God really is.

I was about to record another video but when I looked up, I happen to stare at one of the food cart franchises by The Filipino Dream (formerly Filtrepreneur Franchise, Inc.) that my ex bf and I ventured on – Kambal Pandesal from San Miguel Mills Incorporated. And I thought, okay, now this is getting serious. Because I really thought the business was going to fail and it is not God’s will for us but I still prayed for it. This was a sign that God is giving me hope and to just wait a little more. So I took a photo of it while we were on standby mode.

Kambal Pandesal by San Miguel Mills Incorporated

But then, here came another surprise. The song that followed John Legend’s song was One of Us by Joan Osborne. Are you familiar with the lyrics? If not, here is a sample and of course I took a video of it.

“If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with Him in all His glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
And yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Tryin’ to make his way home?”

Whew! I am all smiles before I even get to the prayer meeting. Yes, I was 20 minutes late but I believe God intended I get stuck in traffic so I’d have time to observe things around me and appreciate that really, IT IS ALL ABOUT GOD. 🙂

So came the prayer meeting, we prayed for our campus missionaries and ministries and it was not a coincidence my prayer group that I randomly joined in happen to be ALL educators who are taking up their graduate study. Yes, exactly just like me. And we were praying for the students in the campuses. Yes, sometimes smiling because of these wonders around you is all that you can do. 😀

After the prayer meeting I waited and hailed a cab and when I got in, I checked my phone. 2 missed calls from my ex bf and a txt msg. I read the txt msg first and wow, this was what I read:

Praying for this business venture.

The business deal was successful, we were able to help a future business partner put up their own food cart business and I was blessed too on the other hand. Praise be to God! Now this, I must say, I am already proclaiming with my utmost entity that my God is indeed the everlasting, magnificent God who saves, protects, loves and provides. I still will continue praying though that by God’s leading and grace, this will be successful. I am committing to the Lord’s plans in this venture.

Oh Father, I want to shout your name aloud right now to praise and honor You for Your Glory. But it is a full moon, I won’t do it lest I might be accused of being a lunatic. In Your perfect time and place though. 😛

So I texted my ex fiance as he is my business partner – a reason for us to talk in a casual, friendly manner. But in case he asks me to take him back and start again, I am afraid my heart is not yet ready for it. I have forgiven him but the time is not yet right to re-commit with him. I am not closing my doors though. I am just happy things were going well this time now that I have decided to give my all to God and to Him alone. 🙂

When I was about to get off the cab, I looked at the cab’s fare counter and it was 78.90. I have no smaller bills so I thought I’d just give my 500-peso bill and ask for a 400-peso change. Yup, I usually round it off (sometimes a little too high) when I pay my fare. Sort of helping them too from the extra.

But this time, the cab driver told me he doesn’t have enough money for my change as he only has 300 pesos at the moment for he just started taking passengers tonight.

So there goes me rummaging my bag for smaller bills to pay the exact amount and was glad to find 70 pesos. But I am still 8.90 short. I told the driver, “Manong 70 pesos lang po ang barya ko. Okay lang po ba?”

He didn’t hesitate and just easily answered with an “Ay okay lang po ‘yan Ma’am.” And I just thanked Him and thanked God for meeting a good soul back there. 😉

Oh what a night of my second day of prayer and fasting. I will eat my first and last meal of the day and pray to God for more of Him tomorrow, last day of the prayer and fasting, before I hit the hay.

But one thing I can promise, if these were distractions (for tonight’s prayer meeting focused on discerning distractions), then definitely the enemy failed. For I have already made a re-commitment to my Lord and my Savior – way solid this time. I will continue praying that God will unveil my eyes from any deception and lies placed before me by the enemy and lead me towards the Truth.

Goodnight for now my sisters and brothers! 🙂

Day 2: MORE REVELATIONS

Posted on July 1, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Today is July 1.

Today marks the second day of the Mid-Year Prayer and Fasting.

Today is the day of resistance but more revelations from the Spirit.

The second day of the prayer and fasting usually is the hardest, for it is the middle ground of fighting for your spiritual hunger over your physical hunger and the testing point if you will make it to the 3rd and last day without giving in to temptations. Temptations are very hard to control at this point for our physical bodies are already going through bouts of hunger, weakness is affecting the mind, and self-control is hardest to attain. And yet, this is the point that your spirit is strengthened for you rely more on spiritual strength which is equivalent to letting God take control of your entire well-being through prayers of strength, deliverance, guidance and sustenance.

Any food that you see will be a temptation; missed calls from him last night will tempt you to call him back today and chances of reconciling are high; and the temptation to turn on your phone and logging in on Facebook may seem inescapable. And yet the Spirit asks to wait for God – it is not yet the right time. Endure if you must. Let the Spirit control your heart, which controls your mind and then your mind controls your body. If I may describe the feeling, it is breathing not for this world but for God.

After attending the prayer meeting last night, our Pastors and spiritual leaders prophesied that there will be tangible revelations and assurances from God for making the harvest. And today’s prayer and fasting devotion is about honoring parents which is exactly the incident that happened with my fiance’s Mom last weekend. It was one of the things I prayed for last night and I woke up today browsing my Our Daily Bread booklet which is just one of the devotional books I read consistently for my daily devotion aside from my daily bible app via You Version.

And I must say that our spiritual leaders are right. For when I opened the page where I stopped yesterday, I was surprised that what was written there was not the regular daily devotion I usually see with the current date and the corresponding bible verse. What I saw instead was a “special article” regarding this – THE FORGIVENESS OF GOD.

Special devotion: God’s Forgiveness

I continued to read the article and indeed, today is a big revelation. For now I know that guilt and shame have been leading my life just like David’s all because of my failures and it has been affecting all aspects of my life. I didn’t notice it until I have read this special write up. And it also cleared a misconception when it comes to forgiveness. Which made me remember about a bible verse I posted about Jesus saying to Peter to forgive not just 7 times but 77 times. A close friend of mine who is also a sister in Christ asked/commented on that bible verse saying, “Sis, what if no asking of forgiveness took place?”

I was struck with that question and made me thought that just forgive and forgive just as God has forgiven us. So I told her, just pray to God just like how Jesus prayed saying, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

That was the answer that I thought was right at that moment. And yet while reading this article on God’s forgiveness, it was reiterated here that there is no such thing as “unconditional forgiveness.” For even God required that we must first proclaim our sins before God and repent before we get baptized or receive salvation which is God’s way of forgiving us and cleansing us from our sins.

Forgiving unconditionally is not right.

Now this is a huge enlightenment on my part for it answers so many questions I have regarding my past relationship. I have always forgiven even if there was no acknowledgement that happened from the wrongs committed. Thus, a change of heart was not there. And yet only God can touch the hearts of those who needed His light – only God can awaken those feelings of guilt, despair and hopelessness which will result to acts of surrender, repentance and asking of forgiveness. As believers, it is our part to wait until those who hurt us come to a point of repentance then forgive when they ask us for it.

Prayers. What we need are more prayers for more people to come into the Light, be healed and saved.

For it was also shared last night that prayers are very powerful. I can attest to that. A prayer sincerely said will surely give answers that may or may not answer your questions or requests but it is through prayers that God gives His instructions for a task that He wanted us done.

I went on to read my devotion for the day and there was that smile of relief again. It is about “Bouncing Back.” I am indeed on the right track and this assures me more that what I did was what God wanted me to do and these are all His plans.

July 1 Devotion via Our Daily Bread

I just love how the “last-liner” of today’s devotion appealed to my spirit right now:

“Instead of living in the shadows of yesterday, walk in the light of today and the hope of tomorrow.”

I often wondered, this truly is not a coincidence. For how can this special article on God’s Forgiveness happens to be of great importance at just the right time, the situations I’ve been in, the decisions I have made and falling in the middle of the 3-day prayer and fasting in church. The developers of Our Daily Bread are not affiliated with our church and yet all are unified on what points call for prayers at this time of the year.

And I believe these revelations not only satisfy today’s prayer requests but this is part of God’s grand plan in the coming days, weeks, months and years. It just amazes me that when God calls out to His people, may you be from another part of this world with a different cultural and social background, all tasks were delegated in serving one common mission and goal.

Many were hurt because of the past turn out of events for the last couple of days, months and years – may it be global, national or personal. The issues need not be complicated nor dissected – they all are one and the same. God is asking we forgive where forgiveness is due. For in doing so, we honor Him.

And I believe what God was asking is that through forgiveness we can all worship Him together and in perfect UNITY – a call to be ready when the perfect time comes to make the harvest. Many will bow down just like what Joseph, the dreamer, has dreamed of.

And only One ruler will rule and one Kingdom will reign – God and His Kingdom. 🙂

A Letter To My Father

Posted on June 25, 2015 by Christine Lailani

This is my biological Dad. Happy Father’s Day, Daddy! 🙂

This post may be a tad late for the Father’s Day celebration, but I was led by the Spirit to write this now. And I believe this will testify to yet another living testimony of God’s grace and love that run throughout all the generations of this world and the generations to come.

I am confident that downloading the movie The Shawshank Redemption (1994) from my brother’s hard drive two days ago where I got this inspiring quote from is not a choice by chance.

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice.” – Red, The Shawshank Redemption

This was followed by a leading to one article I read while browsing in my Facebook news feed entries yesterday entitled 10 Songs To Strengthen Your Marriage which was a breather after going through quite some rough challenges lately when it comes to relational issues. It then finally led me to reading about the author of the article and her favorite Christian movies, one of them is Letters To God (2010).

I was prodded to watch it as I haven’t seen it and after crying buckets of tears and silently praying to God in my heart since I totally can relate to every scene in the movie, I was prompted to write this article. This will be my first and most important Father’s Day greeting I have written in my 30 years of existence to our one and only beloved and Greatest Father of all, GOD.

They are all not a coincidence. God has a plan for everything and for each and every one of us. That, I am sure of. So here goes my simple letter.

Dear Father God,

You have seen my struggles and yet you have opened my eyes to see the struggles of others too. It is hard to love others through their imperfections while dealing with my own and yet You teach me how to love like how You loved us every single day. I can only express my utmost gratitude in this short letter of mine because despite of the pain, the tears and the heartbreaks, You made me see the beauty behind it all.

You have made me see the truth, the “whys” and the “hows” of the existence of this and that from the tangible to the not so tangible. Most importantly, You have showed me that living life without You is empty, pointless and meaningless. Through it all, it is only the Cross that You have taught me to see, to look up to and then have a different perspective of this world and the things around me.

As much as I pray for the salvation of those around me, I actually pray for the salvation of everyone in this world. The world needs Your healing, Father. It needs more of Your love which never falters day in and day out for as long as there is a single form of life in this world. The Heavens and the Earth are all Yours. You have showered us with this magnificence to reveal to us that indeed, no other person could ever bridge those two together except through Your Son Jesus Christ whom You have risen from the dead who then became our way towards eternity.

You can see each and every heart in this Earth, Father, and I pray that You would continue to open them hearts and shine Your light upon them. There is nothing I could pray far too deeply right now than to let it be known to Your people how much they are loved by You for we are your precious children. I will continue to sing praises and worship You, my Father, as Your daughter. And I will love you as my Father who is always there for me and always will be until the end of time.

All these I pray in the Mighty Name of Jesus,

Amen.

2 Corinthians 3:3

^“Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.”

Free and Forgiven

Posted on June 10, 2015 by Christine Lailani

“God breaks us apart so we can be whole in Him.”

Far too often read and said in any faith-motivating speech or article. And yet I only got to take in the gist of it all now in this season.

God breaks our hearts open so we could become vulnerable. It is through our vulnerability that we become aware of our weaknesses. In our weaknesses we then become aware that we need a God who will help us overcome them weaknesses.

In this moment of vulnerability we are put in a crucial spot of choosing whether to let the enemy deceive us and win or choose God and be guided.

Oftentimes the enemy’s powerful weapon is deception and his perfect tool to accomplish it is your past. Sometimes your past will come again just before your eyes. And you have two things in your hand:

1. You let it destroy your present by feeling guilty and shameful once again.

OR.

2. You can choose to dismiss it because you are now free and forgiven – if you have been saved already.

I must say I was bordering number 1 to the point that my faith began to slacken. Fear overtook and then it just dawned on me that I haven’t attended church for a while now due to commitments, a busy schedule and a lot of intervening factors that I didn’t see them coming including the conflicts in my personal relationships that aggravated the disconnect in faith.

But God is faithful. He doesn’t give you something wherein that something will be of no good use to you. He sometimes uses them in circumstances that you least likely expect. I shared to my fiance the feeling of disconnection I have lately and that I feel I am not entitled to be in church anymore because my old self is coming back and he was also a witness of that. He has seen the kind of rage I used to have and the old bad habits overtaking me for the most part.

Yet it was him that I least expect to say that “the more that we have to go to church.” And I was shocked to hear it coming from him. Definitely not him whom I am urging to join a bible study group and a one to one discipleship so he would be born again but he declined saying it is not yet the perfect time. Not him whom I consider as not yet a devoted believer based on my own standards.

And yet again, God made me realize at that moment that my fiance is also my brother in Christ because he is His precious child too. It is not for me to judge why he has been given to me or whether he is the 1 or from the 99.

We went to church and once again I felt refreshed and renewed. But came more pressing issues, the wedding. Ideally, the engagement period should last for 6 months utmost according to the Marriage Preparation Seminar we attended in church. And this month is our 6th month as a couple. The temptation is getting strong but we cannot pull off a church wedding this year. Came another option – have a civil wedding.

But my constant question came out of fear – “Will I forever be unequally yoked?” There is no more turning back after the wedding – it is the real deal. They say that a husband/wife can make or break you. He wasn’t able to join a group in church whom he can consider as his spiritual family through his fellow brothers in Christ before we get married.

I was beginning to lose hope in connecting him with a spiritual family who would help him foster a deeper relationship with the Lord. Because I know I can never change Him and all God can through a spiritual family. It will never be enough that we attend church.

And while I was brooding over the options we have, asking God, praying to God, came a thought that never ever crossed my mind until now. When we get married, I will no longer be attending my bible study group with fellow single sisters in Christ but will be joining a couples’ bible study group. Chances are high that he will be attending it with me. Because he knows how vital it is for me to attend a bible study group and I plan to have it before our usual church service. And that answers my question.

There is still hope that he will be saved.

And having this in mind, I can only shout praises of honor and glory to Him. Indeed, my little, human mind will never ever grasp God’s bigger plans and what is to come. I can only wait when He instructs and reveals all in His perfect time. I asked him a couple days ago if he is interested to join a couple’s bible study group and he said, “yes.” And for now, what I can only do is continue praying that God will keep His beautiful promises for us both as a couple and that we may grow spiritually together along and through other fellow couples in Christ. 🙂

Indeed, the way that every person is saved is very different from the other. I was so clueless before and so focused on the problem that I never noticed God is showing me there is ALWAYS hope through Jesus Christ who is the way, the truth and the light. And now I understand too why when I had my bible study group for fellow single sisters in Christ, I have a co leader. She will be taking in charge of the group when the right time comes for me to leave the group. It will be heartbreaking but I am also praying I get to keep my fellowship with them even if I’m in a new season already.

I was in utmost humility as I suddenly remembered this verse all through this:

Matthew 8:26

” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then He got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm.”

Indeed, I have so little faith and yet I am always and forever will be grateful God is faithful, He gives me PEACE, He provides me EVERYTHING and never fails in keeping His promises. His LOVE endures forever though I do not deserve it. It is time I grow my faith bigger in this season. I have read in Rick Warren’s book that we have to set aside our own personal agenda and focus on loving other people more not looking on who they were and who they are now but rather on who they can be.

I cannot tell for certain what I know is what will happen. For I cannot see the plans of God. And yet it is just comforting to know that God is and will be with me along the way. He just not give me signs and verses from the Scripture but importantly, I can feel that the Spirit is leading the way. I know that like how Jesus completed His mission, so too are we going to carry our own “cross.” And what I have shared may be what I have to carry for now. The following verses reminded me that:

Matthew 16:24 NLT

“Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.”

Matthew 7:14 NLT

“But the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.”

And an even GREATER reminder – OBEDIENCE:

1 Samuel 15:22 NLT

“But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the Lord : your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to His voice?

Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”

I believe this is what God meant to be really free and forgiven. And I can only pray that I’d be successful in completing the mission of glorifying Him, making Him known until the time comes I can also say that “it is finished.” 🙂

In Season: What Is An Altar Call

Posted on June 2, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Apple Mangoes

In season. Tropical fruits are all in season ready for harvest during the month of May. As a month-ender, I decided to write this article for they reminded me of only one thing: the altar call. What is an altar call? Contrary to popular belief, it is not just reserved for pastors or priests. Oftentimes it is referred in the most common term which is “a calling.”

As I was reading my devotion, came the idea that not all are called to do certain missions based on our spiritual gifts but all were called to bring God glory by sharing the Gospel. Sharing the Gospel always follows after a public declaration of your acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Savior and a commitment to obey the Word. Sharing your testimony, so to speak.

For it was written:

2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

This happens after being born again through the water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. But this only follows after the altar call. I do not really consider myself as part of any religious organization or fellowship but just to give honor to the spiritual family who made my salvation possible, I’d be discussing my own experience how I got saved in our church. I have already shared in my previous articles how I got saved but not in particular the first step I did towards that salvation.

Speaking from my own experience, one reason why an unbeliever goes to church is because you are seeking for answers. Probably you are in a very low situation in your life and problems simply just took its toll and gained full control of your life – a state of chaos and confusion. Emotionally you are hopeless, helpless, depressed and in a lot of pain. That was what I am before the altar call.

The altar call is yes, a calling. It is that time during church service and everyone is worshipping that you will feel the tugging in your heart of the Spirit. It is something that is unexplainable for it can only be felt. During the worship while everyone was singing, I had this strong urge to let all my sorrows out and pass on the burden to someone. Later did I realize that that someone was the Spirit who lifted them for me, made me walk towards the altar when asked who wanted to surrender their life to Christ, crying my heart out and feeling every single word in the worship song that we were singing at that time along with fellow believers.

The worship song that we were singing was Unending Love and it was the right song at the right moment. A swarm of fellow believers followed suit and only a few remained in their tables. We were all there crying and it was not because we were all emotionally unstable but because the Spirit led us there and all of us were feeling burdened at that time and at the point of losing all hope – a state of sincere repentance and absolute surrender. We were blessed at that moment right in front of the altar and the church leaders prayed for us.

Bit by bit, the load begun to get lighter and lighter until almost after the praying was done, I felt as if my heart was already whole, complete, light and burden-free – complete freedom, a renewed self. I was having my One to One Discipleship with my bible study group leader at that time which is a more focused approach in preparing you for your water baptism and baptism of the Holy Spirit. The last two will culminate your salvation and your transformation. It is more like counseling and therapy. Except that you are discussing everything spiritually and the transformation comes from the person’s own free will to change guided by the Spirit’s leading.

Salvation is always an act of surrender. Repentance is the key followed by acceptance of a Savior in your life. No one else can lift your burden for you; otherwise, you wouldn’t be in church in the first place if you have found the solution to your problems and the answers to your questions someplace else. But then, God will not give you right away the answers you have been needing nor the solution to your problems but He will give you PEACE.

It is only through peace that you will be able to hear His instructions well which contain the answers you are looking for and the solution to your problems. Sometimes it comes through trust, patience, discipline and a whole lot of values and character traits that He wanted us to acquire first. One thing that an altar call makes possible is opening a door to establishing a firm and personal relationship with our God, the Father, through His Son Jesus Christ. Achieving peace during the altar call though you felt you have been burdened to death will give you the peace in every burden that you will carry in the future.

Because you now know that there is a God who hears, who loves and who saves. With Him, nothing is impossible. That is the assurance that an altar call, that God and what Jesus did for us on the Cross represent – HOPE.

And only when you are in season will you know the real essence of an altar call. For it is only then that the Lord will call you to make a lasting commitment with Him by accepting the gift of salvation – this is a personal encounter with the Lord.

The right time will come to make the harvest – when it is in season, ripe and ready to be caught when it falls. 🙂

Tropical Fruits

God of Wonders

Posted on May 13, 2015 by Christine Lailani

Have you ever wondered why we have pebbles and not just big rocks?

Pebbles

How about flowers made from all sorts of sizes, shapes and colors and not just one?

Bromiliad

Why is it that a tiny creature such as a bug, has such a beautiful, golden green color as its shell?

Golden Bug

Colossians 1:16 NLT

“…for through Him, God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see–such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through Him and for Him.”

“He works in mysterious ways.”

How often do we hear this phrase? Very often to most of us and maybe to some this will be the first time you will read about this. In this article, allow me to let you delve deeper how God works and the amazing things that He has done not just to me but to the people around me. As much as I want to keep all things private in my personal life, I believe God wanted me to share some of them as a testimony of His Grace and His Love.

If you are to read my previous articles, it’ll give you an idea what are the current struggles that I am going through. And yes, I was on the point of hopelessly giving up. I am engaged and my fiance and I were planning to tie the knot next year. The quicker the time passes by, the more conflicts arise, the more challenging the trials become.

One of them is saving for the wedding. We both wanted a simple and intimate wedding for two reasons – it wouldn’t be costly and we wanted to share it with those who know us really well. But I am in this situation wherein I could not contribute anything to the expenses with the meager allowance I am getting out of my sister’s generosity to help me finish my graduate study in UP. I am in my last part of my graduate study finishing my thesis and I was advised by my thesis adviser that finishing it will require me to go full time in my master’s degree meaning I cannot get married this year or get a job.

I can only hope for my fiance’s savings at work which are not enough. We attended the Marriage Preparation seminar and it was discussed there that leaving your spouse to work abroad and earn enough to provide for your family is not the solution. You have to be with your spouse always because that is the commitment you have made when you got married – only death can do both of you part. My fiance considered about this option of working abroad. It became one of the conflicts we had to deal with. He was determined, I tried talking him out of it but to no avail. Until I came up with the decision that we would have to cancel the engagement for the meantime then pursue me again when we are both financially ready.

He doesn’t want to sacrifice the relationship over a career abroad. And yet both of us have no clues how to get married without having to borrow any single cent from anyone. We both agreed to just take things just as they are, leave them be and trust God for provisions. But sometimes it doesn’t come as easy as it sounds – pressure from friends and families asking about the wedding can sometimes be the cause of again facing that conflict wherein temper gets loose, impatience creeps in and negativity overtakes our thoughts.

Every night I would pray and I can’t help but cry out my pleas for help to the Lord. I waited but no answer came, we are still both in the same situation. But it was during those times that I did nothing but pray every morning and every night, devote more time to bible reading and gathering all devotion I could get. I know it is only through His Word that I will get my strength and courage and not give up. I always keep in mind that this relationship is different than my previous relationship because God gave me this when I was already a Christian – this was not a mistake. I will use my free will to honor God by honoring the commitment and by holding on to the beautiful promise that He wanted for both me and my fiance – to fulfill the Holy Matrimony.

Then came more conflicts which involves the families, attitudes, habits, relations with other people, priorities, the past mistakes, temptations, goals – every weakness we both have, God brought them all out into the open. The relationship was like a battle ship attacked from all sides by canyons, tossed to and fro in the sea.

But there is a God.

And I was grateful I was saved. One time when we broke up, someone from my past (an ex boyfriend), contacted me after 2 years of no communication. 4 years ago, we broke up violently to the point that I attempted to commit suicide, never had the chance to apologize to each other and yet I thank him for he is the reason why I got saved and I am where I am now. Exactly the time that my fiance and I decided to call things off, my ex boyfriend called me past midnight and told me he was dared by his best friend. I can tell that he was a bit drunk and this is what he told me,

“Tin, I am leaving for Australia for good. I just want to tell you that if you haven’t been too possessive on me, I would’ve married you.”

His best friend, in the background, shouted this, “You rocked his world!”

Well, I don’t know if I should be happy with what I heard but I took it as our formal closure. I could not remember if I got the chance to apologize because I was tongue-tied – he was telling the truth. Because exactly at that moment when my fiance and I broke up, it was for that very same reason, AGAIN. After he said his goodbyes, I can’t help but cry.

God, at that moment, was telling me that I need to learn from my mistake or I will end up losing another person I love and a precious relationship that could have been lived out beautifully. It was a sign to save the current relationship I have before it is too late – a reminder. It was my being possessive to the point that I was jealous of everyone around him that ruined the relationship and I could not enjoy my moments with him anymore. God does not want me to go through the same mistake because He has saved me from that already.

Ephesians 2:10 NLT

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

I know I am being put to a test right now – to prove that indeed I am new in Christ and the old has gone. It is through my fiance that God was finishing the work that He began in me – how to learn to trust someone who has a past as dark as mine and yet is not yet devoted in his faith. But I know too that through the tests, God will always be with me to make sure that I overcome the greatest weakness I have – my insecurities. I was just amazed that God reminded me of what I wrote in the placard during my Foundations for Victory class’ last day presentation.

Foundations for Victory is a month-long class after your water and holy baptism which we call in church, the Victory Weekend. Its purpose is to equip you in your spiritual journey by establishing your faith with the biblical foundations. And last night, I took a photo of what I wrote in the placard which was the old me before salvation versus the new me after salvation:

Only God can make you feel secure. 🙂

Philippians 1:6 NLT

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

I can tell for certain that this relationship was given to me not to see me fail again but God wanted to help me overcome them consequences now that I am already saved. But my question was always this, “Father, my fiance is not a devoted Christian, how can we make our relationship work if You are not the center of his life?”

Again, I was basing everything on what I see and hear, not trusting God and His plans. I always rely on my own understanding and yet again, I was reminded:

Proverbs 3:5 NLT

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.”

During the Marriage Preparation seminar, we had a workshop wherein the couples have to answer a set of questions and these are the questions.

1. Is it God’s plan for me to marry? Why? How do I know this?

2. Is it God’s plan for me to marry the person I am with? Why? How did God reveal this to you?

After answering, I told my fiance that I am not going to read his answers at that moment, I’ll just read them during our wedding. But after the several conflicts we have had and on the verge of losing hope for the relationship, I re-read our Marriage Preparation booklet and I stumbled upon our answers – I read my fiance’s. I got another confirmation from the Lord – we both have similar answers. And his was even more beautiful:

1. “Yes. God wanted me to experience His blessings (having children and a happy family) because I am His child.”

I cried, I was humbled. I was so wrong. How could I even doubt his faith when faith is a personal relationship with the Lord? It is between you and Him. How could I be so doubtful, so assuming, not trusting the Lord and His plans? How could I judge him so wrongly?

But then, there came the enemy filling me again with doubts: Are you sure your fiance wrote it sincerely? Or he was just playing along with the questions and he knows what answer he is expected to write to please you?

Doubts. Enough with the doubts. Enough with the deception that the enemy has been trying to lure me ever since. Enough with my insecurities. I know my God. My God is the greatest God and He will do anything to keep me and my faith. I may have fallen at times but right now He requires me to stand and fight for Him until my last breath – put into practice what He has taught and trust in the Spirit’s leading. It is not for me to know what happens in the future, He just wants me to trust and obey.

And God stayed faithful and just. For His wonders never stopped there. It was at this point that my fiance and I had the biggest miracle we could ever imagine. I was on the point of sacrificing my master’s degree so I could follow him when he works abroad just so we would not sacrifice the relationship, or he works abroad, I stay here and finish my master’s degree but sacrifice the relationship. Tough decisions to make they are, and yet God gave the answer – better opportunities at his workplace. It was our only hope.

My fiance was reluctant at first if he will get it, but I told him to take the chance. Told him God will give it to you if it His will for you and if you sincerely pray in your heart that you want it because we both need it – not for ourselves but for Him because we wanted to honor the commitment, we are willing to make sacrifices to uphold that commitment. I told him that prayers are so powerful if you believe in every single word that you have uttered in that prayer and believe in God. So there we were praying for each other, encouraging one another when making choices prove to become so difficult.

John 16: 24

“You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.”

And then….YES, it was given. At that moment, I cried with joy. How faithful indeed is the Lord! My fiance gets to stay with me, I get to finish my master’s degree, we both can be secure with our future. He indeed deserves all the honor and glory and I will forever be thankful to my Lord, my Savior.

Doubts may creep in that it is not meant to be but I will continue hoping and I will continue praying. I always pray that God would protect both of us from the attacks of the enemy for I know there are forces in this world that contest that which is good and pleasing which came from the Lord. As it is written:

1 Peter 5:8 NLT

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

The kind of salvation that I am praying for my fiance may not be what is happening now. But it is only for God to know what happens in the future. All I know is that both of us are being transformed every single day to become the persons that He wanted us to be teaching us the essence of what it really means to be a Christian – to have patience, to have peace, to be faithful, to love selflessly, to sacrifice, to endure, to forgive, to be prayerful and most of all to know God personally and deeply through our Lord, Jesus Christ.

I could still remember the early times in our relationship and after the first few conflicts, I shared to my sister in Christ whom I admire deeply on how she handled her relationship and is now happily married, that my fiance is not yet devoted in his faith. And her answer was, “Be patient, Tin and pray.” After all this and what is to come, I can only be so very grateful that I have a God who is this:

Revelation 1:8 NLT

“I am the Alpha and the Omega—the beginning and the end,” says the Lord God. “I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come—the Almighty One.”

And with that, I know I am secure. 🙂

How Do I Love Thee?

Posted on March 6, 2015 by Christine Lailani

I do not intend to tell the world about the second coming of Jesus in a way that most people know i. e. placards with those words written on it, preaching about how sinful men are, that our time is short, etc. for back when I was still a non believer, I used to treat them all nonchalantly with a little bit of contempt, cynicism and scorn. I may have received it that way but I didn’t know that the seed was already being implanted.

I believe those who preached the Good News this way in the past were God’s disciples called to do exactly that at that time. Now, I believe, God has a different set of tasks to the newly saved believers to continue the mission that those before us have left in our charge now. There was no social media at that time. 🙂

I don’t need to tell people anymore of what they already know – Jesus’ second coming is near. What I intend to do, on the other hand, is to share to people how it is to prepare for that second coming and the things that most people clearly do not understand. These are the things that are far too basic, far too common and yet most commonly misunderstood and oftentimes disregarded.

Which leads me to the concept of this very simple word: LOVE.

Love is the overused word in the dictionary that permeates with everything. It goes on with a lot of definitions, given in a whole lot of different contexts and manifested in a whole lot of different actions.

So why this word?

I may not understand how everything is interrelated in the following series of events that I will discuss but all I know is that they all centered on one common theme which is LOVE and I have to share them all because the Spirit has prodded me to.

Scenario 1

I lead a small bible study group in church of young, single, female professionals.

Scenario 2

I am in a relationship now and engaged to a fellow Christian.

Scenario 3

Dreams, signs and wonders.

For Scenario 1, it started through my coaching group when our coaching leader assigned chapters of The Purpose Driven Life to each one of us to discuss. It was my first time to read the book. I believe God intended I read it just now. It is this book that spearheaded my passion in fulfilling the mission that Christ has left for us to do. I used the chapters on missions as our discussion platform for my small group. Which led me to buying my own copy of the book but I ended up buying a different but somehow similar book also by Pastor Rick Warren called “Better Together: What on Earth Are We Here For?“.

Better Together by Ptr. Rick Warren

And it was also through this book especially with the first few chapters that led me to the concept of LOVE and what it means in God’s eyes which I am now discussing with my bible study group. To quote some passages:

“Life is all about love and developing relationships – with God and with other people. You may succeed in many areas, but if you fail to love God and love others, you’ll have missed the reason God created you and placed you in this planet.”

“Real love is placing the needs of others before your own. It is making your problem, my problem…It is giving to another without any guarantee of getting anything back. It is giving others what they need, not what they deserve. Although love can create feelings, love is not a feeling. It is a choice, an action, a way of behaving, a commitment. Love is sacrificing for others.”

I remembered a few days back, I saw one status update on my Facebook news feed that really touched me. I wanted to share it at that time but something held me back so I just saved the link. I didn’t know that I would be needing it now to emphasize more of the passages I have written above. It is a short film entitled “Blind Devotion.”

And this will lead us to my Scenario 2, my relationship with my fiance. He is not as devoted as I am, but I can feel that the seed is already there. God gave him to me at a time that both of us did not expect. I was a patient due for eye surgery and he was the nurse. Our love story started there and the rest was history. But as times passed by, we went through what every couple would go through – conflicts, happiness, rage, patience, forgiveness, hurt, pain, joy, laughter…every emotion, every situation – we went through them as a couple. We have been together as a couple for only a year but we have learned so much about each other, how to value a relationship and having God in it except for this: LOVE as how God would define it.

Then came a point I wanted to give him up, he wanted to give up too. We talked but still ended up together. Then he asked me this question, “What is it that makes you stay with me though I have hurt you so many times, you have suffered so much for me, I have made so many mistakes, I keep on failing you and yet you always forgive me? I want to know why.”

I was silent for a time and this thought came to me and I explained why I am like that to him is because of God and my love for Him. God loved us so much He gave us His only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins though we do not deserve it. I told him I want to honor my God that is why I want to honor the commitment and honor him by learning the art of God’s love expounded in 1 Corinthians 13.

This happened just yesterday and when I woke up today, I read my devotion of the day in Our Daily Bread and I broke into tears, because it was an affirmation that I said the right thing to my fiance. This was the bible verse:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” – Matthew 18: 21-22

March 6 Devotion: ODB

God has forgiven us. So we, too, should forgive those who sinned against us. To quote yet again passages from “Better Together”:

“Jesus says we are to be to one another what He is to us. The love of Christ is self-less, sacrificial, and submitted to the Father’s will. His standard of love is personal – reaching out to the undeserving, looking past their faults and into the desperate needs of their hearts.”

This kind of love now leads us to Scenario 3 – dreams, signs and wonders. I have been having dreams about me and my fiance the past several days which are bad dreams that dealt with my fears of him doing what he is not supposed to do and yet I felt they were all too real in those dreams. I always wake up with a heavy feeling until this morning.

My dream was about my fiance and I and we were supposed to board a bus headed for Baguio City but we got separated because of the huge crowd of commuters. I hopped in on a van instead and was surprised to see my ex boyfriend inside. We chatted for a while but then I noticed the destination name plate of the van and it was headed for Laguna (both my ex and my fiance now reside there). I asked the driver to stop then hurriedly went down the van and waited beside the road for a bus to come along headed towards Baguio City.

Then came a group of women who looked familiar walking towards me but I haven’t seen them yet in real life. Found out they were also headed for Baguio City so we waited for a bus then when one came, we boarded the bus, which was like a 12-seater, and there were only a few of us inside. Then that’s the time I woke up.

The night before, one of the verses in my devotion was Matthew 13:36. I read it but was too sleepy I didn’t understand it clearly. When I woke up today, I felt the urge to reread the verse but I forgot the verse so I randomly chose Matthew 13:3 which led me to the parables. It was all about the harvest and almost the entire chapter are highlighted in red which I don’t normally see in the bible app that I am using. So it means, the chapter I am reading is very significant.

The Parable of the Farmer

It is not a coincidence that my Discipleship 2015 training in church tomorrow has a key verse which is all about the harvest and the ministry that I volunteer in, which is a community outreach ministry, has a training on Urban Farming come this Sunday.

Neither it is a coincidence that after my devotion when I woke up today and checked my phone, I got a notification from a friend of mine regarding a video that she shared with me on Twitter. Here it is:

I cried after watching it. Because I now know the significance of it all. Everything is now crystal clear to me. It is indeed near. And what God was telling me the past days about love is that it is this kind of love that we need to exert to bring more people closer to Him despite of the conflicts and the differences.

“God says we must DECIDE to love one another. We’re to love other believers regardless of how we feel about them or how unlovable they may appear. No matter how difficult it may seem, we’re to actively, consistently, and deeply love the believers God brings into our lives, our congregations – and our small group.” – Better Together

“As members of God’s family, we must choose to love, not who to love.” – Better Together

And I believe this is the message that God wanted for us to understand now. The second coming is near, the more that we have to exemplify what Jesus did extending His love not just to His disciples but to those who are least likely to be loved. Just like the way that God is using my relationship with my fiance to master having that kind of love that is of God’s and not our worldly definition of it. I have been stumbling upon random verses from different books in the bible that have his name in it since last week, which is Joseph. I even joked my fiance our first baby boy will be named Zaphen derived from Zaphenath – Paneah which is the Egyptian name that the Pharaoh gave to Joseph when he appointed him as leader of his officials. This was one of the bible stories I read just a couple of days ago.

The story of Joseph, the dream interpreter.

I now understand why God gave him to me – I am being prepared for a mission and as my mate, he too is being prepared by God because the time is near for the harvesters to harvest this land. My interpretation of my dream today was very overwhelming, I wept. I wept because I know what it means – the message is very clear.

My fiance and I are due for a road trip with his childhood friend and his girlfriend to Baguio City over the weekend. I have visited the place countless of times and it was during one of my hikes at La Trinidad in Benguet, a province in Baguio City, that I was completely amazed by God’s bountiful and beautiful creations at its best. I was on top of a very high mountain after a treacherous hike and what I saw in front me was what I called in my previous article as “heaven here on Earth” because you see nothing else but a sea of clouds. And for me, it was very symbolic of my faith. The treacherous hike, wherein I almost fell off a cliff, was a matter of pain, suffering, life and death. But if you were able to overcome it all, the Kingdom of Heaven is waiting for you above, on top of it and no amount of words could describe how it feels to be there.

You can refer to this article for my hiking experience: https://thejourneymansmoments.wordpress.com/2012/11/23/benguet-the-trip-up-north/

Last 3/3 marked my 3rd year since I got saved as a Christian last 3/3/13. The movie Son of God was released on that date too. And this coming 3/13, which falls on a Friday, I have a great feeling it is going to be a significant date as well. The verse regarding the parables can be found in Matthew 13:3 too. Most of my daily verses that I encounter came from the Gospel of Matthew. I did my research and the Gospel of Matthew is considered by scholars as the summary of Jesus’ ministry. It tells of Jesus sending His disciples to preach His Gospel to the whole world. It is also one of the four canonical gospels and it connects the old and the new testament. (wikipedia.org) I know for a non believer you will say it is all coincidence. But I say, as a believer, they are all signs from the Spirit.

Which led me to wonder on these passages written in that chapter:

“That is why I use these parables,

For they look, but they don’t really see. They hear but they don’t really listen or understand.” – Matthew 13:13

After these revelations, I only wept. And in between sobs, this was all I could utter in prayer:

“Lord help me to make them understand. Teach me to love them like how You have loved us.”

My brother is one of my spiritual mentors. He was the one who introduced me to the church and eventually to my faith. I know God appointed him to be that and I can attest through the role that my brother is playing in my life right now. He gave me a planner last year by Paulo Coehlo which contains quotations on life and faith. Each month has a designated character trait and last Christmas, he gave me the same planner. And now I know why. For this month, the character trait is this: COURAGE.

March: COURAGE

And this is the quotation for today:

“The only sin is a lack of LOVE. Be brave, be capable of LOVE, even if LOVE seems a treacherous, terrible thing. Take pleasure in LOVE. Take pleasure in VICTORY.”

The Valkyries by Paulo Coehlo

This may be the longest post I have written here on WordPress but I know every word here is all God’s plan because the mission for us all is starting to get clearer and He requires us to act on that mission. 🙂

Paulo Coehlo Planner 2015, The Holy Bible, Our Daily Bread, Better Together – my daily meal. 🙂

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The Journeyman's Moments

The musings of a wandergeselle about faith, literature, music, dancing, culture, food, travels, art, fashion, photography, life experiences, and everything in-between from journée to journée.

Tag Archives: salvation

The “Promise” Rings

What Is A Generational Curse?

A Recollection

Day 2: MORE REVELATIONS (Part 2)

Day 2: MORE REVELATIONS

A Letter To My Father

In Season: What Is An Altar Call

God of Wonders

How Do I Love Thee?

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