I requested a copy of Mom’s death certificate online today and once again, tears just started streaming down my face as I wrote her death day. It’s been 7 months since Mom passed away, and yet grief still lingers – the pain lingers. Indeed, what they say is true. The pain will never go away. You just learn to move on with your life, but the pain of losing a loved one will always be there. And yes, things will just never be the same.

For today’s blog post, I wanted to write a letter to my Mom just to lessen the pain a little bit. ❤️

“Dear Mommy,

I miss you terribly. I miss your text messages and our long conversations over the phone (not less than 2 hours) just talking about anything. I miss watching movies with you and how we would analyze and make a movie critique even when the movie was not yet finished and make assumptions about how it will end.

I ate pistachios today – your favorite. They were supposed to be a “pasalubong” for you from a relative abroad. Your favorite imported soaps are also still in your cabinet, and I don’t know if I will use them because their scent reminds me of you and makes me miss you even more.

Do you still remember when I was still sleeping with you and Dad until I was 6 years old and how I’d tuck my hand under your armpit and I’d fall asleep right after? I still do that now, but with my husband. lol You probably must’ve thought how weird is this kind of behavior from your youngest child. And yet, you still let me do it.

I hope you were at peace when God took you from us – it was my only prayer while you were at the hospital. Losing you is a tragedy that doesn’t seem to have an ending. We may not agree on certain things, but I want you to know that I am deeply sorry if there were times when I hurt your feelings.

It was never my intention to hurt you, and all I ever wanted was to love you like how you wanted to be loved. You will always be the best Mom for me. And it is because of you that’s why I am who I am today.

Oh Mom, how do you make this pain more tolerable? I wish I had your wit and your wisdom. You seem to have an answer and a solution to everything. Everyone in the family confided with you when it came to their problems and sought your advice.

I was also hoping you’d still get to see your grandkids, my future children (if God wills it I still bear a child). But, I guess that will no longer happen. Losing you is very painful, and I am not sure when will I be grieving. The only consolation I have now is that you’re no longer suffering from pain.

Help me to be brave like you, Mom. And yet I know you will tell me to trust God because He is the only one who sees everything and that He is always in control.

Thank you for everything, Mommy. I will cherish all the memories we’ve had with you – the good and the bad. I may sometimes wish that I’d be with you sooner, and yet I know I still have to look forward to what lies ahead if God will tell me to stay a little longer.

I love you always, and no one can ever replace you in my heart because there is only one person who carried me in her womb and brought me into this world – you.

Always your youngest child,

Nen”

“God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, no crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”- Revelation 21:4