If you are single, I have an advice: do not marry.

1. Do not marry if your heart is not in the right place.

And if you will ask me where the right place is, it’s with God. Your heart should be after God’s heart first. Only then will you know how to love your spouse the way that God would want you to love him or her. You cannot give the love that your significant other deserves if you haven’t experienced God’s love in your life, and your heart is not aligned with His.

2. Do not marry if your spouse is not your top priority next to God.

This is where cleaving comes in. You and your spouse were called to be married to build a family of your own – the two of you and your future kids. God will come first, your spouse next, then your biological family, your career, and lastly, your ministry. Do not marry if you cannot be with your spouse through thick and thin.

3. Do not marry if you wish to pursue only your goals.

Talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend about your plans for the future. Make sure that they are aligned with one another, and both of you are going towards the right direction or trying to pursue similar goals in life. AND also, talk it out what both of you plan to do in case one of you changed his or her plans when you’re already married. It is very important for couples to talk about this early on in the relationship. Some marriages fail because they were unable to prepare for this particular scenario.

4. Do not marry if you can’t let go of some of your habits as a single person.

Both of you have to adjust when you finally get married. And this includes letting go of habits such as confiding to your best friend who is from the opposite sex every time you and your spouse are having marital problems. This is to avoid emotional infidelity. Also, prioritize your spouse first before your friends or any other person. If you have only 1 day in a week as your rest day, choose to spend it with your spouse. If your spouse is understanding enough, he or she will allow you to meet with friends and relatives every now and then. Let go of any addiction before getting married, it will ruin your marriage.

5. Do not marry if you haven’t asked your significant other about having or not having kids.

This is very crucial. Sometimes plans when it comes to having kids change after getting married. Talk it out with your partner what both of you are going to do should 5 years after your wedding, one of you doesn’t want to have kids anymore.

6. And lastly, do not marry if you are not genuinely in love with your partner.

What is love? My answer is 1 Corinthians 13. And marry for the right reasons. What are these? Get married because you adore the person so much and can’t live without him or her. Marry the person if you love him or her enough that being with her or him is like being home. Don’t marry if you’re looking for a trophy wife or trophy husband. And don’t marry someone to move on from an old flame. Choose to marry because that is what God has called you to do and you want God to be the center of your marriage. Because when God is included in your marriage, even if it goes through the fiery furnace, it will withstand the burning flames because you both know how it is to love one another just as God has loved you. And it takes three to make a marriage work – God, you, and your spouse.

If you are not yet married, I hope these nuggets of wisdom will help you avoid the pitfalls that trapped so many couples and sadly, they weren’t able to save their marriages. If you are also struggling in your marriage, I pray that God will give you the wisdom, peace, and discernment to make the right decisions. And if your marriage already failed, I pray that you will heal, learn from the experience, and be able to make a new start this time aligned according to God’s will and plans for our lives.

And this is why I couldn’t emphasize enough how important item #1 is. Everything will go back and will have to start with God. This is the only way to make your relationship fireproof until death parts you both – God at the center between the husband and the wife. 🙏

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“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

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